ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 มี.ค. 2024
- A odd couple of weeks that has took me down a path of asking questions to try and get to the roots of the mess in my mind, which has seen some confronting of people and situations
#personalgrowth
#lifeat30
#lifeat35
#adam
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It does sound like it’d really benefit you to get out of that house. Would living with housemates make it affordable? I was doing that for nearly 10 years. Might also be a way to meet some new people. I’d say do whatever you can to make it happen.
Hi Adam. Not only you are able to tell the situation eloquently but also you think clearly and straight، you can see things with regard to each other and their impact. I wish you the best.
You are an intelligent guy who can observe from different angles. I love that.
Thanks.
Left home at 16 a few months after starting sixth form and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. It would be nice to not have to pay rent or bills while working/studying until you reach your 30s or older, there are some really fortunate people out there who are set in great positions to LIVE because of this. If I ever had children, it would be my plan for them unless they decided against it, which I'd understand. They'd at least have a foundation of how to cook, clean, budget and things of that nature by 16.
Hey Adam 👋
Take it from me, I'd prefer my bills, my debts and my struggles living in a home independently. It sounds very much like your struggles are so similar to issues I've had to endure. It's very hard to feel and think in a whole different way than those that you live with or that are around you . Stay open minded and remember you are as important as anyone, you are below nobody.
Have a lovely break with your ex. The countryside and escape is so good for the soul. Enjoy your time with nature, you deserve it. You are very relatable and no matter if its positive or negative issues you discuss, just remember you are brave for sharing and the good people out here will respect you for your truth . Take care, Melissa ✨️
Happy Easter Adam. Hope you have a good one. Least you have worked out what the problem is in that you are being kept down by certain family members. It’s a good first step
Spot on mate, totally get how you feel. With the crazy housing crisis (especially in UK) what would be the most affordable options in order for you to have your own place? It’s hard to function in a dysfunctional household living with the very people that caused this shitshow. Unfortunately most dysfunctional parents are like a broken record and then try to make it look like you’re the problem. If they haven’t changed by now are they really going to change? Is it worth sacrificing your time and energy and future in case they do? I know how fucking hard it is to break out and spread your wings, but the definition of insanity is doing the same things again and again and expecting a difference. The solution has got to be somewhere just outside your comfort zone, right?
But to add onto that, I get the feeling that it’s easier said than done. And it’s just a possibility I don’t know exactly what you should do. So all I’m suggesting is ask your self what do you truly want? What are the possibilities, pros, cons etc. What are the mental, physical, financial obstacles?
for some reason your own reply to your own comment is in my 'held for review' pile, but it will not budge when I ok it to be published... youtube be youtubing :/
@@Add- no worries, might be because I used a swear word lol
You have a lovely voice, maybe you should apply to some radio station or become a voice actor of some sort. Just give it a shot once...
Nice haircut, Adam! I do relate to you a lot. I am also a sensitive soul and have issues with parents/sibling. I think you’re a great dude! I hope you can surround yourself with people who see the best in you eventually!
Hey Adam thank you for this video and for sharing. 🙂 If I can have a little of your time I would like to share my thoughts (and this may be lengthy so please bear with me). ❤❤
So firstly to me your situations screams "traumatic". We endure trauma when we are debilitated through being overwhelmed, unable to process and cope with situations at hand. Your situation is complex and has levels and layers to it, as such it's not one single approach fixes all, hence the cycling and unable to make progress (if that makes sense),
So I will try and break down your situation for you so that you can see the wood for the trees and able to "heal" each element in its correct context. ❤
So firstly is your immediate situation. We need to "protect" ourselves and "minimise" the effects toxic people and situations have on us. This is the drawing of lines of healthy boundaries for ourselves and respecting/upholding them. This might look like keeping toxic people at arms length, re-visiting our expectations and being civil not getting our hopes/expectations up in the process. This should allow some breathing space so other areas can be looked at and "healed" accordingly.
Now we see ourselves as "adults" and "adults" are expected to have all the answers right? Well actually wrong, it's like this mentality that all males are born super human, and as such shouldn't cry and should be able to conquer all life chucks at them including those who are more socially and physically apt than us. I personally would call that absurd, and hopefully many would agree with me. We can't run before we can walk. Now here's the thing, one toxic encounter can very much be the forming of a foundation to more of the same. And that foundation will very much be through the eyes of the "development age" that encountered such situation(s), one always building on the last (the snow ball effect). Unable to manage the situation first time round we take on burden after burden on top of another, but always trying to conquer those challenges with the same mind-set/approach/perception as before, but with a added burden on top that we are now senior in years and as such we "expect" ourselves to have the answers and on par with our peers. Just like with arrested development, we need to connect back with the space in time/age of that very first experience/encounter and re-connect the dots, and even then it's a process of putting one step in front of the other, filling the voids in development until we are where we are suppose to be. When our primary care givers etc. are at fault that could be deemed as abuse/neglect, but pointing of fingers unfortunately solves nothing, where as understanding why things happened, coupled with self-compassion, self-reassurance and self-understanding does "heal". ❤
As I understand it you endured many things you shouldn't have. All manner of "unjust" experiences would have resorted in a cocktail of "unprocessed emotions", and they are often unprocessed because our primary focus is on finding solutions to the unjust experiences, neglecting the impacts they have on us in turn, and yet it can very much be the case that it's the unprocessed emotions that prevent us finding solutions to the initial problem. One way to untangle that cocktail of emotions is to recall and write down one experience at a time and detail how those situations made you feel, from the injustice to the expectation(s) you placed on yourself. Now on paper imagine another child expressing that situation and the cocktail of emotions they felt in those moment(s), coupled with the knock-on effect of one situation building on the last. I would imagine you would help that child reach a place of "closure" on them. That would look like explaining to them that as a "dependent" their parents/care givers should be taking their slack and through nurturing and educating bringing them to a place of "independence", assured, proud and self-aware of their competences and where their unique strengths lie. Dependents are not slaves, and they are deemed "dependents" (up to 15 years old) for a reason. If parents/care givers think otherwise they have issues and in my opinion a need for re-educating what it is to be a child and how to nurture and educate them to be decent and responsible human beings... Now assured the fault doesn't lie with them, there is a need to identify that cocktail of each emotion for what it is and work through them using a process of understanding, compassion and re-assurance, calming and neutralising the toxic effects of the past. Adam do to yourself as you would that child and "heal" from the inside out. It's a crying shame when someone has to take a step back in time and be the parent(s) they didn't have in those moments, but sometimes it's the only way. Adam I hope this has been of some help to you. As always much love and respect to you. ❤❤
Read no more mr nice guy. Tell your dad to do the same.
I’m still watching your videos when I’ve got time mate.
Found myself getting divorced at close to 40 and now back living with my mum.
You’ve gotta laugh. All these people saying get your life together that’s exactly what I’ve done but I’ve had the rug pulled. Only have my daughter to keep me going.
I was in same boat relationship broke down, had to move out family home my dad passed away and I ended up turning to alcohol and drugs.
I made a decision to change had enough of being weak and fked over.... turned my life around 👍 stronger both mentally and physically now
Nice video, I get doing more work just to get away.... Haircut looks nice at least
Kudos to you for sharing your mental health journey 💟 It looks that you have made good progress with your counsellor, that is very positive 👍 People have suggested already trying to rent a room in a shared flat, for lowering the costs. I do not know where you live in the UK, but I am guessing it's like everywhere in Europe, housing (renting or buying) has become challenging, especially in the last 10 years or so. The solution that worked for me was to increase my income, so changing jobs 3 times, before I made it to a position where I got some 'elbow room' to improve my housing situation significantly. That took some time... I do not know in which field you are working. Could you possibly get a full time job in another area of UK, still in your field, but maybe a bit less expensive housing wise? I realise it's easier said than done: less expensive areas usually also have less interesting job opportunities... I send positive energy to you, and enjoy the UK countryside which is very nice indeed, take good care of yourself 😊
You remind me of Stephen Merchant! I wish you all the best with everything Adam.
Thanks, I think😅 but honestly thanks
Haircut looks sharp.
Brutal answer regarding renting, should have started earlier with a smaller cheaper crappy place and working your way up.
That's how the house/apartment market works. Start out in with small place in a crappy location, then trading up.. then do it all over again.
After that buy something small, then trade up.. then do it all over again.
On my.. hmm.. 5th home, not counting where I grew up. Moved to new area too.
Regarding less gloomy, do you play music?
I really suck at it.. but I'm actually sitting and toying around with it right now. It's fun!
Go on TRT man
Hairs looking good man, be your own man and move forward,ignore what your family want or think because you'll regret it if you keep being someone else for others
Narcissistic family issues you won't be able to make sense of it and they won't change much
If you moved out wouldn't you be looking at renting a room in a shared house, as opposed to renting the entire house to yourself ? You can normally get such a luxurious arrangement for around 5-600 quid a month, bills included if you look on Rightmove ? Apologies if I've missed something there. I dunno, when you're living with others there's always some bullshit interpersonal drama which has to be managed but in my experience it's way worse with family and partners. The problem is everything gets intensified when you're sharing close personal quarters and you're always having to compromise in terms of time and space. If you're renting with other tenants to whom you've no other attachment, if it turns to crap you can always leave - that's about the only advantage of renting. Well, that and the fact that you don't have to do DIY.
People's personality flaws get intensified in confined living spaces. Some people are toxic and, while fine in outside life, you just can't live with them. I got to a point with my ex where she would start an abusive row at 8 in the morning involving personally abusive insults and character assassination, all over me taking a biscuit out of packet without first getting a plate. You've always got to set boundaries and be prepared to quit if those are crossed. Narcissistic people can get vindictive and will always twist around arguments and try to pin the blame on you, they will also use things against you and undermine your goals and self-esteem in a subtle yet corrosive way - you've got to put up a mental wall against them and remove yourself from their orbit as soon as possible, otherwise they'll drag you down .
If you're financially enmeshed or dependent in some way - either because you can't afford to move out or because you've got a mortgage with them etc. - then you have to develop drama minimisation strategies and plan your exit, strategically. It's tough man but it all boils down to money at the end of the day. At least living at home if you've got an income coming in you can accumulate some capital while living under their roof ?
You said it yourself it's the environment... Things are not going to change you need to get out even if it's a room in a shared house or something.
That's what I did..
Secondly get on the weights and working out or take up boxing or something this will toughen you up both physically and mentally...
I work out 4x a week it's changed my life
Apply to the council for a flat, it might surprise you the availability for a 1 bedroom. At least your on the list. Or you can present as homeless.
Single, young male will be at the very bottom of the housing waiting list. Sad but true. And they won’t house you if they believe you intentionally made yourself homeless, ie by voluntarily moving out of your parents’ house.
(6 mintures) Why don't you just cook for them. It ain't being a slave but simply respect for them and the reason you get treated like a child is because you are practically one you have never passed the stage of a teenager maybe physically you have but you don't have the experience though proccess problem solving of an adult because you have never been into the world. But they as you older are setting an example of how you should treat people below you which can be harmful so valid point.
(7mintues) You have a entry level job live with your parents don't have any utility for the family and probly don't buy your own food and pay rent its sad. Your at the stage in your life that most teens have passed. But atleast your taking that step to improve. But you are basically a child as stated above
(11mintues) Wow your not the favourite son maybe you should try and win his approval by being better than assuming to be his equal. He is disappointed in you as you are a sad little boy who had oppurtunities and gave them up.
It ashames me knowing you will inherit that house when your parents pass away and you will live better than most of your freind who havee worked all there lives off the rent money alone. But maybe thats the world twist karma
I detect some envy in your comment. You don’t even know what he’s going to inherit. Maybe breaking out of his emotionally abusive household means he inherits nothing to try and punish him for breaking out of their toxic manipulation. Remember, it is his parents that created this environment his entire life. So yes he has to break out of that but all you’re doing is putting him down when he’s trying to pick himself up. Sometimes it takes anger at the abuse you’ve felt before you have the willpower to see it through.
Emperorpelican. You sound like a typical right-wing blowhard. Probably have a very blinkered view on life, no understanding for the complexities of others situations and a "get on yer bike" ignorance. You probably consider yourself a good Christian, but probably have a warped interpretation of the bible that fits your general embittered attitude to people.
Weirdo comment, guy says he can't speak to his dad without family members jumping at him not him being desperate to be favourite
No.
Save your negativity for someone else