1. Loud noises, angry voices 2. Getting your sleep disturbed 3. Being around people who are intoxicated. Voice, smell, specific pee smell 4. People doing sexual things in public 5. Speaking up 6. Not speaking up 7. Spontaneity 8. Being stood up 9. Feeling that someone is lying or manipulating you 10. being idle, it's stressful to not be busy 11. Arguing in public. Whether hearing or doing it 12. Being in the car with someone driving/using imaginary breakes 13. Special occasions 14. attracting attention 15. Asking for help
Everything you say resonates with me. The smell of their breath. The sound of cans cracking open. The feeling of "if I take care of myself in all ways, then I won't need to ask for anything from anyone." I am such a perfectionist, and its taxing. I feel like I'm always compensating for 30 years ago...
My trigger is yelling too. And bdays/holidays. The other is being ignored by a man I like. They never reciprocate the feelings. _Thank you, Anna. You are appreciated!_
When I heard that your mom left you in a Casino, I was shocked. It is amazing that you were not taken away or kidnapped! (So much could have gone wrong there) I really appreciate your content and your candor. You popped up in my feed about a month ago and I have been binge listening to you ever since. I have also recommended your content to many others. I grew up without parents and was raised by my maternal grandmother. I knew growing up that my life was different from many of my peers but I never thought of myself as having a tough upbringing but when you ticked off all the symptoms of CPTSD, I had most of them. I never thought of it as trauma. I attributed my feelings to just being a creative introvert. Your podcast is such a blessing to so many. I value and appreciate you Anna. Keep up the great work.
This is why Al-Anon, it's forms, and it's traditions are so important for me. I know what to expect. The opening is always the same - then the reading of the steps and tradition, the introductions using first names only, then going around the room and every person having the opportunity to talk about the topic or pass, no interruptions or comments on what is said by an individual, then the closing. It's predictable and calming.
@@dnk4559 and I love the fact that anywhere I travel to just about, there's an Al-Anon meeting with people who welcome me. I'm a little old to be travelling much now, but I've felt welcome in the past anywhere I travelled.
This is insane. I learned that I wasn't deserving of anything. Growing up, even if I was dying I wouldn't have expected anyone to call an ambulance because they probably shouldn't waste their time coming for me. Looking back, this was so fucked up and I felt this way for a long time.
I'll ask for or accept help from someone I trust when I need it. I, too, had to be alert, organized, and thinking ahead so that I could take care of myself as a kid. Now, it's a habit. Anna teaches how to recognize my triggers and how to get regulated. Now that I am confident in self-regulating, I can take small steps towards being more social, making friends, learning to change my behaviors that push others away, and most of all, get my needs for connecting with others met. Anna's videos and doing the daily practice are game changers for me. Thank you Anna!❤
Worry wart! I so relate to this. My childhood was not chaotic in the same way yours was, but not far off, and I recall predicting what seemed to be obvious flaws in expected outcomes, being told I was a worry wart, then being blamed for triggering the negative outcome because I verbalized bad vibes, or put it out into the universe. Bad things were all about vibes and luck, and never about lack of planning, or lack of prudence.
Speaking up is getting much easier in large part bc I have let unsafe people go from my circle. I totally relate to the feeling of pain when holding things back for fear of repercussions.
My biggest trigger is getting the feeling that I am being taken advantage of- I love so freely. I want to help and love everyone. And when someone does something that I see as a sign that they don't like me- I get irrationally hurt and obsessed with why I caused this issue. I also get accused of being too dramatic by my family. Gosh, I wish I could not be. It hurts to not be heard by my family. I also have issues with slowing down. Only within the last few years have I learned to rest and relax, instead of being so task oriented for every waking hour.
I was also regularly left standing outside the school for one or two hours waiting to be taken home, regardless of the weather, while everyone else got picked up or had a bus they could take. Mom didn't have a job to go to, there was no reason for this. Every single day I was left standing there, easy pickings for bullies, freezing, getting rained on. Now, I will not tolerate such things. A text of "sorry, stuck in traffic" is understandable, but if someone is over 30 minutes late when we have an appointment, that person is never going to see me again unless I find out that something truly drastic happened that was outside their control.
Your channel has helped me SO much! My mom and her husband were drug addicts. My mom was a stripper and slept all day didn’t help us get up and ready for our day and when my brother and I got home she’s be getting ready for work. Weekends especially were hell. She’s and my stepdad would be up all night arguing , having sex doing drugs all of it. My mom and her husband always slept in the living room and my brother and I were always terrified to wake her because she would just rage and make us feel horrible shame. I’m 29 and get extremely triggered when my husband takes naps on our couch… I’m working on it but god this video is TOO relatable
I especially loved when they left the doors unlocked and go to neighbors houses on the street. I would go and check all night until they came back and never slept...thanks guys! And then they would get mad that I was scared and worried. Now I have nightmares about doors and windows that won't lock. Several times my Dad would be drunk and forget to lock the door...so guess who would sneak down and check the door every night? And as the oldest I had to make sure, so in my nightmares my Sisters are young. They would never understand the pressure I felt and still have in other ways.
What rly helped for me about the food thing: intermittent fasting. When I realized I could go without food for hours (and be perfectly fine), later days, it got me over taking food everywhere for fear there wouldn’t be any. Maybe this could help someone. Pls be sure to research fasting before you jump into it though 💛
Oh wow, I was just living in the east bay for 15 years. I can only imagine a commune in Berkeley in the 70s. Your work here is so helpful to me. Thank you
Anna, you are amazing! Everything you have been through and yet you have turned your life around. You are helping so many people here. I sincerely thank you. 🥰
I was bombarded by noise and lights all night and not permitted to get a decent night's sleep. I cannot tune out annoying noises, and some people still seem to think it's unfair for me to expect quiet at night or during work hours! Nonetheless, I insist upon it.
😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪 this resonated also triggered me im in my bed tears soaking my pillow...bless you and. Congrats on your eternal healing. Healing is hard work you have to deal with the triggers when they come but you have to deal
Wow, it is amazing that u can relate to being brought up in a dysfunctional upbringing. So glad u have healed yourself. I have been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and ptsd. Medication has been my only saving grace.
My childhood was also like that. Parties, no bedtime, going to sleep in my clothes, no clean clothes even, also no hot water at times. unpredictable, shouting, hunger. It was really hard. Now as a parent, i do the opposite but when I have friends who put their needs before their children's for instance respecting their need to sleep I get really triggered. Even the idea of children's sleep overs in others houses triggers me. Its hard to explain to others.
I think you are god sent seriously, so blessed to find your channel 🙏 thanku for reminding us that we are not weird 😊 Anna please make a video where people misjudge us
Sleep disturbances. So difficult for me. I had an Alcohol and violence filled home which was bad enough, but I was also put in a cult for girls and they would come wake me up in the middle of the night to perform rituals. I won't go into detail but it was terrifying.
Thank you for this video! My goodness, I'm nodding along and taking notes! Yeesh, what a whammy, this cptsd stuff does. Your work gives me HOPE. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
I almost lost mind in the deli yesterday. The worker made the turkey slices way too thick. I made her redo the entire order. I was proud I stood up for myself.
OMG- I lived in San Francisco in the 1970’s and I feel for you being a little kid adrift in a commune! Communes, Hot Tubs and the Free Form/Chaotic Lifestyles were scary for me at that time (and even now) and I was in my 20’s!
My mother used to roll her eyes and call me a " crepe hanger " . This was a term used in Victorian times for a person who decorated for funerals . My childhood was so bad that I was molested and beaten by two different people in the fourth grade and I never told anyone at home because the same types of things were happening at home and there was nobody to tell . Still... I could have had some consideration for mom and been a little more cheerful . Seriously though , that little girl that I was ,clearly was clinically depressed and traumatized .
omg great one... I'm grateful! Thanks to all of you making it happen. p.s. my dysregulation is 3 days at least, last big one in a bank... haha sadly. CCF really connects, it helps a lot. I also found my best friend dead years ago. The triggers "stack" huh... I'm doing better thanks to you all. Best wishes!
I wish I had your steeliness as a kid - in the sense that it sounds like you didn’t get gaslighted. I joined in the chaos and thought that was normal. “Safety” was a foreign concept. I had to do a lot of work to understand safety.
Waiting for someone who I am supposed to rely on but does not show up and can not be reached will trigger me into a panic paralyzed mode. Another trigger is when I show my pain and ask for help, people think I am so strong and should not ask for help. It feels like not only my pain is ignored but also I am blamed for showing it. I know I probably should have more triggers, but it feels like I can not even feel my emotions for many common triggers of other people.
My dad called me “Scratchy” because I was always nervously itching my arms and legs worried at every moment that promises would be unkept, routines would be suspended, or I would feel unsafe and ridiculed for wanting something. He thought he was being hilarious when he called me that.
Yes, under the rage is fear. Fear that the truth of my unlovability is obvious and confirmed, instead of the other person is out of line. As if they deemed me worthy, they wouldn't treat me as insignificant and blow me off last minute. I am binging on these instead of sugar, flour and fat. As a kid, I couldn't figure out what was so wrong about me Mom couldn't love me. As she aged, the truth came out they had wanted a boy, after 3 girls. I showed up. It was the piece of the puzzle that confirmed why I always felt like a disappointment. Instead of collapsing within, it was a weird sense of validation. What I felt was right, but it wasn't even personal, had nothing to do with my unlovability as a kid, but her crappy childhood wounds. ❤
My alcoholic bio father referred to my nail biting as being a worry wort. Turns out it's OCD, which probably developed thanks to his chaos. My mom criticized my constant napping. Turns out it was narcolepsy. My bio dad who abandoned me when I was 13, still asks my grandma if she "spoils" me. I'm a 40 year old grown woman, no my grandma doesn't try to overcompensate conforting me through the trauma he put me through. I grew up poor, with a single mom who worked hard but we were still poor. I was never spoiled. I was abandoned.
yes! for me there was a song on a nappy ad that is actually a sweet song about love. And a song about love in a family show intro. Both sound so creepy to me as they were the incongruent background music to chaotic family life
Yes-I relate to a lot of these and have been made fun of for being supposedly uptight even though I’m a really fun person. We didn’t always have stability at either home and boundaries weren’t respected.
Noticing that you’re triggered is easy to say but much much harder to do. If we could all do this one step the problem would be solved! Cptsd can result in such a reflex type reaction that it seems to me like there is literally no space at all to consider pausing.
The Daily Practice is a tool which helps many of us to stay more regulated more of the time and which creates that space for pausing. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice -Cara@TeamFairy
My biggest triggers are when I dont seem heard /seen. I lived in a family with 5 kids. I was alone, mostly sat alone in my room. There was no help, I was alone. When people today dont seem to listen to me I stop talk /seeing them. 2, I never ask for help. Trying to ask for help today but its hard, Im alone, no relatives, my children have narcissistik personalitys, like my mother, brother, aunties mm mm . I have 2 s.c friends but they dont listen/understand me. Im working on it and I listen to you and learn Anna.
My daughter believes I have BPD but I have been in therapy and have had two therapist diagnose me with CPTSD it’s very frustrating because she my daughter doesn’t believe me,my daughter and I don’t have a relationship anymore … I do have a fear of abandonment.
Thank you share. I left alone but it was time that parents fight and mother told me just to goes and live flat. I went to my parents friend one women who was very kind to me. I went very late and it was dark but near her flat. My mother hit me so i was in unconsciouss state as child one time,
1 notice you are triggered 2 I am having an emotional Reaction 3 Be Safe Put the discussion on Hold in a Kind way,buy some time, I need to go to washroom, can I call you back? 4 stamp your feet, grounding 5 10 Deep Slow Breaths 6 Sit down 7 Eat something 8 wash your hands 9 reset your nervous system with a Cold shower 10 a good squeezing Hug
Wow. What an impressive, graphic description. Listening to your story, I tend to ask myself whether I am really entitled to see myself as a CPTSD person. But I guess there are many forma trauma can take. For example, being corporally punished is an obvious reason to be traumatized, but being psychologically manipulated and denigrated for extender períodos of time will do the job as well, though not so obviously. You will then have the addutional difficult y of getting recognition for what you survived. The other point I found interesting in comparing your Story and mine is that while your parents seem to have been destructive in similar ways most of the time (drugs, violence, yelling), my parents seem to have been jerky in two different directions most of the time. While my gather Was the more obvious out-of--control guy (choleric, on the brink of bankruptcy for decades), my mother on the other Hand acted out the opposite aspects. Pretending that everything was okay when it clearly wasn't, faking harmony when I felt like crying out "Wake up everybody!". I guess again there is noy way of "objectively" measuring causes of trauma, there are 50 ways of f*Ing up a child's childhood as there are 50 ways to leave a lover. Everything that outgrows a child's ability to cope is to be seen as traumatizing I guess. So thank you Anna for this (like always) insightful Video!
We must have lived in the same house with the same parenting styles. I still have difficulty dealing with drunks. Drunks are an instant trigger that brings out the worst in me, which brings about shame.
Mine wasn’t alcohol it was the stress of wondering if my father was going to come home from work in a bad mood and it would be physically taken out on me. When I am blamed for things that are not my fault out of the blue I get hugely triggered.
Working overtime to fit in…I get that! In my case, I had night terrors. My dad didn’t drink much, but he still acted like an alcoholic. We were afraid of him. He obsessively smoked cigarettes, slept all day, couldn’t hold down a job, and was, I believe, a sex addict. He had porn around the house. He relentlessly chased women, he spoke poorly about women…grumpy, selfish, mean, loved to embarrass us in front of people. He always drove a crappy car, and mooched off my grandma, who enabled him big time! I wondered then how hard my adult life was going to end up being
Oh MY GOSH! I thought I was the onky person with the nickname "Worry Wart" Mom loved to drive wild while drunk and smoking with the windows up. If i cried out of fear ahed sing terrible songs like, " This is Jacki's favorite bridge" to the tune of Lindon bridge. I breathe deeply when going over a scary Alaakan bridge. I also hate all those smells. She used to puke and poop when drunk too so ugh.and when it was over shed pass out with a burning cigarette and no panties and legs spread. So embarassing. If i said anything i got a new nickname. "Motormouth " and i was told to look on the positive and quir bwing a brat. You nailed it. 👏
I do the food thing. I don't like to be wasteful and there's not always healthy things around 🤷♀️I think my family members might think it's weird. I'm thinking they're going to be grateful one day 😜
Loud noises yep Sleep disturbance yep (& insomnia) Drinks & druggies - ☑️ Sexual in public ✔️ Sealing up & not ☑️✔️ Over planning ✔️ Stood up, future faking, I call that the betrayal trigger. ☑️ 9. Yep that’s my gaslighter 10. I’m ok there! 11. ☑️ 12. I always drive so ☑️ 13 is the worst because the forced family time, the obligations, expectations… 14. Yep 16. OMG YES
Hey Anna! I’ve been watching your videos over the past few years and I just wanna say that they’ve helped me so so much. I grew up with an alcoholic mum like you did and sadly she took her own life when I was 10 which was so chaotic for any kid to go through. I’m starting to become a better version of myself so thank you for that 🫶🏻✌🏻
I’m curious about the shock waves you described going down your arms. I get this when I sympathize with others physical pain. You are the first person to describe this but you say rage, I get it with thoughts of physical trauma. Like even if I see people getting vaccinated on tv. Does this happen to anyone else? I did break my arm pretty badly many years ago. But this feeling goes down both arms simultaneously as you described.
I get physical pain daily in my chest and throat...I have been checked out by doctors a few times and they can find nothing physically wrong...mental health professionals say it is part of the fear and anxiety that comes with cptsd....I am also an empath ...a trait I developed as a result of prolonged psychological abuse....
Yes, many of these are if not triggers, but unpleasant things; people blabbing, often yelling, over the phone in public transport or cafes, people staring, commenting nasty me and my dogs (those are usually some old grumpy women) that sort of things, but I don't find it too terrible. My problem is that I found friends who have a pile of triggers, so I tiptoe around them - I almost said sorry for some of the dislikes of one person that even didn't have anything to do with me. She would be so quickly agitated by the most unbelievable nonsense and it is not just one person. Whoever I think could be a good, interesting person to hang around with, somebody that was kind to me in some difficult moments is usually extremely nervous, it is always some "specialty" about them, their tastes, it is always some very high level of... Nothing is enough good for them, they are always unsatisfied with the level of services by waiters or others.... I don't know exactly, but I am thirsty for ordinary people who are not so "special" whom I can feel relaxed with.... Why there aren't any around me?
I hate sleepovers...being attacked/yelling at night in sleep is one of the most difficult things to rewire. Wanting your own space is not a bad thing if you need it to sleep properly. I would actually sleep under the bed!
Wow, watching this saying out loud over and over, “YES!! YES!!”. So healing to not feel alone. Thank you, thank you!
You are certainly not alone! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I feel the same!!!
1. Loud noises, angry voices
2. Getting your sleep disturbed
3. Being around people who are intoxicated. Voice, smell, specific pee smell
4. People doing sexual things in public
5. Speaking up
6. Not speaking up
7. Spontaneity
8. Being stood up
9. Feeling that someone is lying or manipulating you
10. being idle, it's stressful to not be busy
11. Arguing in public. Whether hearing or doing it
12. Being in the car with someone driving/using imaginary breakes
13. Special occasions
14. attracting attention
15. Asking for help
Gosh I resonated w/all of these!
About half for me
“I was told the problem wasn’t what made me upset but that I was upset”
Truest true!!
Everything you say resonates with me. The smell of their breath. The sound of cans cracking open. The feeling of "if I take care of myself in all ways, then I won't need to ask for anything from anyone." I am such a perfectionist, and its taxing. I feel like I'm always compensating for 30 years ago...
Yep
It took me forever to be not triggered by cans opening.
My trigger is yelling too. And bdays/holidays. The other is being ignored by a man I like. They never reciprocate the feelings.
_Thank you, Anna. You are appreciated!_
Thank you for you are not alone❤
When I heard that your mom left you in a Casino, I was shocked. It is amazing that you were not taken away or kidnapped! (So much could have gone wrong there) I really appreciate your content and your candor. You popped up in my feed about a month ago and I have been binge listening to you ever since. I have also recommended your content to many others.
I grew up without parents and was raised by my maternal grandmother. I knew growing up that my life was different from many of my peers but I never thought of myself as having a tough upbringing but when you ticked off all the symptoms of CPTSD, I had most of them. I never thought of it as trauma. I attributed my feelings to just being a creative introvert. Your podcast is such a blessing to so many. I value and appreciate you Anna. Keep up the great work.
I'm so glad it's been helpful! Thanks for sharing :) -Calista@TeamFairy
This is why Al-Anon, it's forms, and it's traditions are so important for me. I know what to expect. The opening is always the same - then the reading of the steps and tradition, the introductions using first names only, then going around the room and every person having the opportunity to talk about the topic or pass, no interruptions or comments on what is said by an individual, then the closing. It's predictable and calming.
Yes! Al-Anon has been such a meaningful part of my recovery!
@@dnk4559 and I love the fact that anywhere I travel to just about, there's an Al-Anon meeting with people who welcome me. I'm a little old to be travelling much now, but I've felt welcome in the past anywhere I travelled.
This is insane. I learned that I wasn't deserving of anything. Growing up, even if I was dying I wouldn't have expected anyone to call an ambulance because they probably shouldn't waste their time coming for me. Looking back, this was so fucked up and I felt this way for a long time.
Same. Doctors cost money, so I was not attended to.
I'll ask for or accept help from someone I trust when I need it.
I, too, had to be alert, organized, and thinking ahead so that I could take care of myself as a kid. Now, it's a habit. Anna teaches how to recognize my triggers and how to get regulated. Now that I am confident in self-regulating, I can take small steps towards being more social, making friends, learning to change my behaviors that push others away, and most of all, get my needs for connecting with others met. Anna's videos and doing the daily practice are game changers for me.
Thank you Anna!❤
Worry wart! I so relate to this. My childhood was not chaotic in the same way yours was, but not far off, and I recall predicting what seemed to be obvious flaws in expected outcomes, being told I was a worry wart, then being blamed for triggering the negative outcome because I verbalized bad vibes, or put it out into the universe. Bad things were all about vibes and luck, and never about lack of planning, or lack of prudence.
Thanks for sharing!
-Cara@TeamFairy
I cant believe how much shes been thru. And still such a lovely person. Im learning so much
Speaking up is getting much easier in large part bc I have let unsafe people go from my circle. I totally relate to the feeling of pain when holding things back for fear of repercussions.
My biggest trigger is getting the feeling that I am being taken advantage of- I love so freely. I want to help and love everyone. And when someone does something that I see as a sign that they don't like me- I get irrationally hurt and obsessed with why I caused this issue. I also get accused of being too dramatic by my family. Gosh, I wish I could not be. It hurts to not be heard by my family. I also have issues with slowing down. Only within the last few years have I learned to rest and relax, instead of being so task oriented for every waking hour.
I was also regularly left standing outside the school for one or two hours waiting to be taken home, regardless of the weather, while everyone else got picked up or had a bus they could take. Mom didn't have a job to go to, there was no reason for this. Every single day I was left standing there, easy pickings for bullies, freezing, getting rained on. Now, I will not tolerate such things. A text of "sorry, stuck in traffic" is understandable, but if someone is over 30 minutes late when we have an appointment, that person is never going to see me again unless I find out that something truly drastic happened that was outside their control.
Your channel has helped me SO much! My mom and her husband were drug addicts. My mom was a stripper and slept all day didn’t help us get up and ready for our day and when my brother and I got home she’s be getting ready for work. Weekends especially were hell. She’s and my stepdad would be up all night arguing , having sex doing drugs all of it. My mom and her husband always slept in the living room and my brother and I were always terrified to wake her because she would just rage and make us feel horrible shame. I’m 29 and get extremely triggered when my husband takes naps on our couch… I’m working on it but god this video is TOO relatable
It's a big deal to acknowledge this trigger, so glad you are here.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I learned before I was even 3......it wasn't safe to ask for anything or need anything. I'm 60 and I still feel I don't deserve anything.
❤
I feel you! Same hear.
I especially loved when they left the doors unlocked and go to neighbors houses on the street. I would go and check all night until they came back and never slept...thanks guys! And then they would get mad that I was scared and worried.
Now I have nightmares about doors and windows that won't lock.
Several times my Dad would be drunk and forget to lock the door...so guess who would sneak down and check the door every night?
And as the oldest I had to make sure, so in my nightmares my Sisters are young. They would never understand the pressure I felt and still have in other ways.
What rly helped for me about the food thing: intermittent fasting. When I realized I could go without food for hours (and be perfectly fine), later days, it got me over taking food everywhere for fear there wouldn’t be any. Maybe this could help someone. Pls be sure to research fasting before you jump into it though 💛
Oh wow, I was just living in the east bay for 15 years. I can only imagine a commune in Berkeley in the 70s. Your work here is so helpful to me. Thank you
So glad the videos are helpful! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Anna, you are amazing! Everything you have been through and yet you have turned your life around. You are helping so many people here. I sincerely thank you. 🥰
Thank you so much!!
This was my life as a kid. The state took us away when I was a teen. I still suffer from nightmares.
I'm so sorry you had to suffer through that. Glad you are here learning to heal from such a nightmare.
-Cara@TeamFairy
I was bombarded by noise and lights all night and not permitted to get a decent night's sleep. I cannot tune out annoying noises, and some people still seem to think it's unfair for me to expect quiet at night or during work hours! Nonetheless, I insist upon it.
100% me. This is weirdly comforting.
Ice clinking in a glass. The big cubes.
I always wondered why when my husband would shake me to wake me that I get startled and my anxiety kicks and felt scared.
Yep! Sharing my feelings is triggering and holding them in is triggering. Life is fun
😪😪😪😪😪😪😪😪 this resonated also triggered me im in my bed tears soaking my pillow...bless you and. Congrats on your eternal healing. Healing is hard work you have to deal with the triggers when they come but you have to deal
I’m reading From Surviving to Thriving….just. wow. I can’t thank you enough for doing what you do. I think I’m a fawn/flight
Wow, it is amazing that u can relate to being brought up in a dysfunctional upbringing. So glad u have healed yourself. I have been diagnosed with bipolar type 2 and ptsd. Medication has been my only saving grace.
Glad you're here!
-Cara@TeamFairy
This list of things about an hour in are so good and great to keep in mind. Thank you.
So glad! Thanks for watching :) -Calista@TeamFairy
Ahh such a helpful hour of direction and kind directions for how to reparent ourselves. Thank you for this gift you are offering. It is so accessible.
My childhood was also like that. Parties, no bedtime, going to sleep in my clothes, no clean clothes even, also no hot water at times. unpredictable, shouting, hunger. It was really hard. Now as a parent, i do the opposite but when I have friends who put their needs before their children's for instance respecting their need to sleep I get really triggered. Even the idea of children's sleep overs in others houses triggers me. Its hard to explain to others.
I think you are god sent seriously, so blessed to find your channel 🙏 thanku for reminding us that we are not weird 😊 Anna please make a video where people misjudge us
I have noted your request :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Sleep disturbances. So difficult for me. I had an Alcohol and violence filled home which was bad enough, but I was also put in a cult for girls and they would come wake me up in the middle of the night to perform rituals. I won't go into detail but it was terrifying.
Thank you for this video! My goodness, I'm nodding along and taking notes! Yeesh, what a whammy, this cptsd stuff does. Your work gives me HOPE. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️
So happy to hear that! Sending you encouragement :) -Calista@TeamFairy
I almost lost mind in the deli yesterday. The worker made the turkey slices way too thick. I made her redo the entire order. I was proud I stood up for myself.
OMG- I lived in San Francisco in the 1970’s and I feel for you being a little kid adrift in a commune! Communes, Hot Tubs and the Free Form/Chaotic Lifestyles were scary for me at that time (and even now) and I was in my 20’s!
My mother used to roll her eyes and call me a " crepe hanger " . This was a term used in Victorian times for a person who decorated for funerals .
My childhood was so bad that I was molested and beaten by two different people in the fourth grade and I never told anyone at home because the same types of things were happening at home and there was nobody to tell .
Still... I could have had some consideration for mom and been a little more cheerful .
Seriously though , that little girl that I was ,clearly was clinically depressed and traumatized .
Honestly Anna the godmother, you are such a good person. You help so many more than you'll ever know. 😘🙌
Thank you for your kind words! Glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
omg great one... I'm grateful! Thanks to all of you making it happen. p.s. my dysregulation is 3 days at least, last big one in a bank... haha sadly. CCF really connects, it helps a lot. I also found my best friend dead years ago. The triggers "stack" huh... I'm doing better thanks to you all. Best wishes!
I wish I had your steeliness as a kid - in the sense that it sounds like you didn’t get gaslighted. I joined in the chaos and thought that was normal. “Safety” was a foreign concept. I had to do a lot of work to understand safety.
Waiting for someone who I am supposed to rely on but does not show up and can not be reached will trigger me into a panic paralyzed mode. Another trigger is when I show my pain and ask for help, people think I am so strong and should not ask for help. It feels like not only my pain is ignored but also I am blamed for showing it. I know I probably should have more triggers, but it feels like I can not even feel my emotions for many common triggers of other people.
Some people get relief using weighted blankets
I definitely isolate. I don’t feel present or comfortable in social situations
My dad called me “Scratchy” because I was always nervously itching my arms and legs worried at every moment that promises would be unkept, routines would be suspended, or I would feel unsafe and ridiculed for wanting something. He thought he was being hilarious when he called me that.
He sounds like my mess...never the guy you saw in TV shows that loved his children.
Yes, under the rage is fear. Fear that the truth of my unlovability is obvious and confirmed, instead of the other person is out of line. As if they deemed me worthy, they wouldn't treat me as insignificant and blow me off last minute. I am binging on these instead of sugar, flour and fat. As a kid, I couldn't figure out what was so wrong about me Mom couldn't love me. As she aged, the truth came out they had wanted a boy, after 3 girls. I showed up. It was the piece of the puzzle that confirmed why I always felt like a disappointment. Instead of collapsing within, it was a weird sense of validation. What I felt was right, but it wasn't even personal, had nothing to do with my unlovability as a kid, but her crappy childhood wounds. ❤
My alcoholic bio father referred to my nail biting as being a worry wort. Turns out it's OCD, which probably developed thanks to his chaos. My mom criticized my constant napping. Turns out it was narcolepsy. My bio dad who abandoned me when I was 13, still asks my grandma if she "spoils" me. I'm a 40 year old grown woman, no my grandma doesn't try to overcompensate conforting me through the trauma he put me through. I grew up poor, with a single mom who worked hard but we were still poor. I was never spoiled. I was abandoned.
Great compilation of tools and info, thank you!!
You are so welcome! Thanks for watching. -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes, certain songs trigger me!
yes! for me there was a song on a nappy ad that is actually a sweet song about love. And a song about love in a family show intro. Both sound so creepy to me as they were the incongruent background music to chaotic family life
Yes ! That makes sense about the drinking trigger. I just thought I was a kill joy around my friends.
Amazing work! Thank you ❤️
Thanks for listening! -Calista@TeamFairy
Yes-I relate to a lot of these and have been made fun of for being supposedly uptight even though I’m a really fun person. We didn’t always have stability at either home and boundaries weren’t respected.
Thanks for watching!
-Cara@TeamFairy
Just like to say that I think you're great, your videos are insightful xx
So happy to hear that, thanks for listening! -Calista@TeamFairy
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!
Noticing that you’re triggered is easy to say but much much harder to do. If we could all do this one step the problem would be solved! Cptsd can result in such a reflex type reaction that it seems to me like there is literally no space at all to consider pausing.
The Daily Practice is a tool which helps many of us to stay more regulated more of the time and which creates that space for pausing. bit.ly/CCF_DailyPractice
-Cara@TeamFairy
Thank you😊
You're welcome 😊
-Cara@TeamFairy
I physically tremor when I have to stand up for myself, and it takes me months to build up the nerve to speak to the offending party.
I tend to go with flight.. I'm not a fighter ..
My biggest triggers are when I dont seem heard /seen. I lived in a family with 5 kids. I was alone, mostly sat alone in my room. There was no help, I was alone. When people today dont seem to listen to me I stop talk /seeing them. 2, I never ask for help. Trying to ask for help today but its hard, Im alone, no relatives, my children have narcissistik personalitys, like my mother, brother, aunties mm mm . I have 2 s.c friends but they dont listen/understand me. Im working on it and I listen to you and learn Anna.
Yayyy just in time for a lunch break!
~The sound cuts out for a few seconds every few minutes in this video?~
My daughter believes I have BPD but I have been in therapy and have had two therapist diagnose me with CPTSD it’s very frustrating because she my daughter doesn’t believe me,my daughter and I don’t have a relationship anymore … I do have a fear of abandonment.
Glad you are here, hope these techniques help you.
-Cara@TeamFairy
That's awful.
Slamming doors and cupboards have always caused a sick feeling 😕
17:50 oh yes! I hate asking! I'd get screamed at for inconveniencing some1 if I asked.
Yes
I would appreciate a copy of these questions to consider when wanting to react while disregulated.
Ha I now I understand your trigger over getting validated on your triggers. It makes me so sad that it was all real and has harmed me so.
Thank you share. I left alone but it was time that parents fight and mother told me just to goes and live flat. I went to my parents friend one women who was very kind to me. I went very late and it was dark but near her flat. My mother hit me so i was in unconsciouss state as child one time,
Oh, yes- hearing people yelling/fighting is a HUGE trigger. ugh. so hurtful and makes me feel crazy.
Hedgehog with rabies 😂😂😂🤔😂🤣.. Anna you are amazing thank you for sharing your experience and truths 🙏🏻💜✨
Thanks for listening! So glad you're here :) -Calista@TeamFairy
"DRIVING ERRATICALLY" - dear lord
Off topic: why is noone talking about how beautiful she is and what a soothing voice she has? Thank you for your work🙏
1 notice you are triggered
2 I am having an emotional Reaction
3 Be Safe Put the discussion on Hold in a Kind way,buy some time, I need to go to washroom, can I call you back?
4 stamp your feet, grounding
5 10 Deep Slow Breaths
6 Sit down
7 Eat something
8 wash your hands
9 reset your nervous system with a Cold shower
10 a good squeezing Hug
Things flying through the air. I couldn’t play volleyball because my natural reaction was to turn away from anything flying towards me
I have to wear ear defenders now if I go out
Wow. What an impressive, graphic description. Listening to your story, I tend to ask myself whether I am really entitled to see myself as a CPTSD person. But I guess there are many forma trauma can take. For example, being corporally punished is an obvious reason to be traumatized, but being psychologically manipulated and denigrated for extender períodos of time will do the job as well, though not so obviously. You will then have the addutional difficult y of getting recognition for what you survived. The other point I found interesting in comparing your Story and mine is that while your parents seem to have been destructive in similar ways most of the time (drugs, violence, yelling), my parents seem to have been jerky in two different directions most of the time. While my gather Was the more obvious out-of--control guy (choleric, on the brink of bankruptcy for decades), my mother on the other Hand acted out the opposite aspects. Pretending that everything was okay when it clearly wasn't, faking harmony when I felt like crying out "Wake up everybody!". I guess again there is noy way of "objectively" measuring causes of trauma, there are 50 ways of f*Ing up a child's childhood as there are 50 ways to leave a lover. Everything that outgrows a child's ability to cope is to be seen as traumatizing I guess. So thank you Anna for this (like always) insightful Video!
Oh my. I have always hated loud noises. Fireworks, slamming doors. So that's what it is!
We must have lived in the same house with the same parenting styles. I still have difficulty dealing with drunks. Drunks are an instant trigger that brings out the worst in me, which brings about shame.
I can’t drive with anyone in the car with me it was so bad I rode a motorcycle for years until I could finally get my car license in my mid twenties 😢
Mine wasn’t alcohol it was the stress of wondering if my father was going to come home from work in a bad mood and it would be physically taken out on me. When I am blamed for things that are not my fault out of the blue I get hugely triggered.
Just noticing also that you've had a haircut - it looks great
Working overtime to fit in…I get that! In my case, I had night terrors. My dad didn’t drink much, but he still acted like an alcoholic. We were afraid of him. He obsessively smoked cigarettes, slept all day, couldn’t hold down a job, and was, I believe, a sex addict. He had porn around the house. He relentlessly chased women, he spoke poorly about women…grumpy, selfish, mean, loved to embarrass us in front of people. He always drove a crappy car, and mooched off my grandma, who enabled him big time! I wondered then how hard my adult life was going to end up being
Oh MY GOSH! I thought I was the onky person with the nickname "Worry Wart"
Mom loved to drive wild while drunk and smoking with the windows up. If i cried out of fear ahed sing terrible songs like, " This is Jacki's favorite bridge" to the tune of Lindon bridge. I breathe deeply when going over a scary Alaakan bridge. I also hate all those smells. She used to puke and poop when drunk too so ugh.and when it was over shed pass out with a burning cigarette and no panties and legs spread. So embarassing. If i said anything i got a new nickname. "Motormouth " and i was told to look on the positive and quir bwing a brat. You nailed it. 👏
❤
I do the food thing. I don't like to be wasteful and there's not always healthy things around 🤷♀️I think my family members might think it's weird. I'm thinking they're going to be grateful one day 😜
I always take leftovers when eating out or even at a dinner party, because my child brain tells me there may not be enough food tomorrow.
I was called "nervous gervous" and laughed at.
Is cptsd and ptsd similar ??
CPTSD refers to long term abuse or neglect, usually this occurs with children and the ongoing stress can change the brain.
-Cara@TeamFairy
Hey guys, to know more about cptsd. Read the book by Pete walker called Complex PTSD: From Surviving To Thriving
Loud noises yep
Sleep disturbance yep (& insomnia)
Drinks & druggies - ☑️
Sexual in public ✔️
Sealing up & not ☑️✔️
Over planning ✔️
Stood up, future faking, I call that the betrayal trigger. ☑️
9. Yep that’s my gaslighter
10. I’m ok there!
11. ☑️
12. I always drive so ☑️
13 is the worst because the forced family time, the obligations, expectations…
14. Yep
16. OMG YES
Great video, but the sound is going in and out. :(
we will look into that
-Cara@TeamFairy
The video sound keeps cutting out from the middle to the end. It's like the video is deregulated and I can't understand it...🤔
Hey Anna! I’ve been watching your videos over the past few years and I just wanna say that they’ve helped me so so much. I grew up with an alcoholic mum like you did and sadly she took her own life when I was 10 which was so chaotic for any kid to go through. I’m starting to become a better version of myself so thank you for that 🫶🏻✌🏻
I'm so, so sorry that happened to you. I absolutely believe you can blossom despite this tragic loss, and you are proving it now!
I’m curious about the shock waves you described going down your arms. I get this when I sympathize with others physical pain. You are the first person to describe this but you say rage, I get it with thoughts of physical trauma. Like even if I see people getting vaccinated on tv. Does this happen to anyone else? I did break my arm pretty badly many years ago. But this feeling goes down both arms simultaneously as you described.
You could be an empath :)
Look up "different types of empaths" ... It's Somatic for you😉
I get this feeling in my legs, it is like a deep shock wave, seeing someone suffer physical trauma or pain.
I get physical pain daily in my chest and throat...I have been checked out by doctors a few times and they can find nothing physically wrong...mental health professionals say it is part of the fear and anxiety that comes with cptsd....I am also an empath ...a trait I developed as a result of prolonged psychological abuse....
@@TopSecretInformations Definitely!
Speaking up would get me beat up
Temperatures & seasons.. smells. Certain phrases & types of people. People. Uggggh
It's a lot :)
-Cara@TeamFairy
Yes, many of these are if not triggers, but unpleasant things; people blabbing, often yelling, over the phone in public transport or cafes, people staring, commenting nasty me and my dogs (those are usually some old grumpy women) that sort of things, but I don't find it too terrible. My problem is that I found friends who have a pile of triggers, so I tiptoe around them - I almost said sorry for some of the dislikes of one person that even didn't have anything to do with me. She would be so quickly agitated by the most unbelievable nonsense and it is not just one person. Whoever I think could be a good, interesting person to hang around with, somebody that was kind to me in some difficult moments is usually extremely nervous, it is always some "specialty" about them, their tastes, it is always some very high level of... Nothing is enough good for them, they are always unsatisfied with the level of services by waiters or others.... I don't know exactly, but I am thirsty for ordinary people who are not so "special" whom I can feel relaxed with.... Why there aren't any around me?
I hate sleepovers...being attacked/yelling at night in sleep is one of the most difficult things to rewire. Wanting your own space is not a bad thing if you need it to sleep properly. I would actually sleep under the bed!
Oh gosh, if we were little children in the same house, we would have huddled under the bed or in the closet together. ... Sending you healing vibes!
53:36 Disagreement