Since when does "he thinks he shouldn't be able to have kids" equal "YOU TRICKED HIM"? Also "you only sent those papers because you didn't want to share custody" uh yeah mate that's what signing away parental rights is for?????
Exactly she didn't force him or trick him into signing the papers, he jumped the gun and signed them before getting the results of the paternity test first and that's on him. Besides he ghosted her for 8 months after she found out she was pregnant and informed him, if she didn't seek to settle things legally he wouldn't even know the he is the twins' father to begin with 🤷♀️
That commenter was SO idiotic. Like yeah, she sent the papers because she didn't want to share custody, but he SIGNED them because he didn't want custody at all. EVERYBODY who gets a vasectomy knows they're not foolproof - no form of birth control is short of a hysterectomy.
Ya but what exactly was he supposed to think when his long distance girlfriend told him she was pregnant and he isn’t supposed to be able to impregnate her? The chances that it was medical error that somehow never got discovered and not cheating was not probable. Op wasn’t considering his perspective at all. Op knows if she was sleeping with someone else or not but he had no way to know because he is not her. From his point of view of course the pregnancy would be suspicious op didn’t have to get offended by it. That all said he is still an ahole with how he handled it.
@@tracim3080 Well, he can live with 'not probable' for the rest of his life. Sure, he has every right to be suspicious, but not waiting for the paternity test is all on him. He signed his rights away. It's done.
I hate when people make their next partner(s) pay the price of a cheater in the past. Get therapy and don’t pursue a relationship until you’ve got your baggage sorted out. It’s messed up for someone to feel they are always on trial and being judged when they’ve done nothing wrong.
for the people claiming that he had a right to accuse her of cheating. Men are told, when getting a vasectomy, that it is not fool proof and can fail, more often than people think. It is not 100 percent. Unless they have their testicles removed it can repair itself. That is why a lot of couples choose to do vasectomies, over tubal ligation, because it is easily reversed. She is not an asshole, he is. He deserves to lose his parental rights, he is a three time loser. Oh, and then he demands she moves closer to him, yeah right. I don't blame her, after the verbal abuse he hurled at her why would she want to expose her new babies to that.
When your trust is betrayed so badly to the core like that from someone you love, it makes sense to give you trauma and trust issues. Some people can't just turn that off. Emotional and logical sides of the brain don't communicate well and logically knowing something doesn't always change your fears. That's like being afraid of water and not going in the 2' kitty pool even tho you logically know you'll be safe. It happens with strong fears. I don't blame people for falling in love even though they are still hurting from past relationship trauma. But it's how they handle it during the relationship that matters. And in my eyes, if you love them back and want it to work you'll want to help them get over it and restore their trust to make things work. My bf had this issue. And when he was feeling scared about me betraying him, he'd call me and I'd give him the reassurance he was seeking. He never accused me, he justed wanted to quiet his suspicious side of his brain that wouldn't shut up. I understand. I gave him free access to my phone since I had nothing to hide. He never used that privilege because the offer itself comforted him. I had to help him for several months to tell him it was safe to put his trust in me. Since then he's never had issues again and it's been 3 years and we live together. I'm just saying you don't have to sort things out alone. Sometimes it helps more to have someone to help you through it. Not everyone wants to put in that effort, they want perfection immediately. But not all relationships are perfect in the beginning. A real relationship can work together to solve problems when things get a bit rough. A relationship grows together with time and commitment.
@@SillyRamen Your analogy is off fam. "Being afraid of water and not going in the kiddie pool" as if any part of love is a kiddie pool separated from the rest of the water park... Look, I'm a survivor of child abuse. Eldest of three girls, use your imagination what dad stole from me and mom betrayed, being kept home over visible bruising, guilted into letting the sisters eat, always having to be the helper but never a tattle tale, etc. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD at 13. At one point I couldn't be in a room with a man, and now in my 30s I still go into hypervigilance if I'm startled or someone bumps my shoulders from behind or other unpredictable occurances that others can brush off while my brain short circuits into fight or flight. Being relationshipless is not my emotional and logical brain having trouble communicating. It's me choosing to be responsible. Say I do get married and have kids, what could I realistically do to prevent them from experiencing what I did? Nothing. Because people change. Dad wasn't like _that_ that with me until I started developing at 10, though the physical abuse and word twisting was always there. So as a responsible human that does not want to be a hypocrite and put my own hypothetical children in danger, I simply should not have them because I cannot (nor should not attempt to) control a spouse. Some dangers aren't worth the risk once you know what lurks in the deep, and no amount of splashing in kiddie pools (like hand holding or late night texting) could compare to actual swimming (aka a relationship of any sort). Is there an emotional short circuit? Definitely. Have I had to rely on logic to dig me out of pits of despair? Too many times. Have I let emotions give logic a break? Yes, when it has been safe to do so, be it gaming or at work or other hobbies. But can I not be a hypocrite if I ever opened my life up to someone else and give them the chance to reopen every wound and endure what they choose? No. So I decline. I know I could be in a relationship. I know I would be a very good partner. But from past friendships I know people tend to abuse my generosity, and when I draw boundaries they freak out and blackmail and destroy what we had. I know where my limits are, what I can punch back on and where I crumple. I could never risk that with a lover, let alone when statistics show women instinctively pick mates like their fathers. Emotionally if I chose to be an animal in it for the thrills I could definitely throw everything out the window and be selfish, but I'm a human and responsibility has a place... especially when it's not just my broken life on the line but also potential children and whatever man felt bad enough about himself to get with me. Tl;dr Not quite and not happening, for reasons adjacent to what you suggested.
You hate it when past experiences influences future behaviors? Are you a masochistic or just silly? My wife actually says that sometimes she feels like she's being punished because of my past. Here's the thing though my past is full of everyone failing me. From abusive and cheating girlfriends, too abusive friends, to semi neglectful family also what family? Do not have therapy it's going to change the fact that humans suck and you deserve Extinction
How did she "trick him" exactly? They got a paternity test but he didn't wait for the results. How did she deceive him here? Does he make it a habit of signing documents without checking what they are? He thought they couldn't be his and signed assuming the results would confirm his suspicions and now he realizes what he did.
@@steffiphill I think that she would be wise not to take him back. I can understand him not expecting the twins to be his (although he might have been a little more gracious before the paternity test result), but his reaction after he found out that they were his children is downright weird.
Yeah, it's like, she got preggers, told him it was his, and he (probably) called her a wh*re and (definitely) ghosted her for 8 months. What else was she supposed to do when he clearly showed her who he was? Way to blame the victim, holy cow.
Also very confused by the "she tricked him" comments. "Cheating trauma" is NOT a thing. It sucks but is traumatic. All the thoughts of 'a man has no way of knowing a baby is his until DNA tests are done' Well guess what, a woman had no way of knowing if a man has actually had a vasectomy until a sperm count test is done. And it is far more common for men to lie about the abilitity to get someone pregnant because they want to be allowed to throw caution to the wind during sex. She had two breathing proofs that it is more likely he tricked her than he could ever have of her cheating.
Story 1: I mean if your girlfriend says she's pregnant after you had a vasectomy that may raise a few questions. That being said the way he handled was fast and off the rails.
Everyone understands his trauma from his cheating ex plus his vasectomy being a factor however that's still not reason enough for his behavior. His doctor informed him like all doctors do that a vasectomy isn't 100%. This man is in his 50's with adult children in their 30's. Either he never consulted an attorney before signing those papers or he ignored his lawyer's advice to wait for paternity test before doing so. Again he's in his 50's with adult children in their 30's. He's a grown ass man and these are the consequences of him acting like a fool.
Depending on when the vasectomy was done, not really. Men don't automatically stop producing sperm immediately and there's always the possibility that it will fail.
Men, you get a vasectomy you're supposed to get checked regularly to see if any sperm are getting through. The testicles are still there and capable of producing new sperm.
@@kwams26 op said A he has 4 kids, youngest is 12, and B he had it done after his youngest son was born. So he had it close to 12 years old. Sure "after" he was born is vague and technically can mean just before op got pregnant but then she would say he got it blank ago. The fact she used after his last son was born indicates soon after he was born so it should have been 10-12 years ago.
Men, FYI just because you have had a vasectomy doesn't mean you can't impregnated a woman. Many men don't go back for the 1 yr follow up to make sure. This happens more often than many realize. MAKE SURE YOU DO YOUR FOLLOW UP
Hell, men think because they are told they are infertile, they can't ever have kids. Well, I know several men who have kids and have the DNA tests to prove it. Unless the man loses BOTH TESTICLES, they still have a chance to father kids
Hey, fun fact. Vasectomies fail ALL THE TIME. Past trauma doesn't give you the right to treat someone like garbage. I'd understand an initial sucky reaction, if it's at least followed by, "I don't want to be around you right now, I want a prenatal paternity test." THAT'S reasonable. Wanting a pat test when a vasectomy is involved is reasonable. God, that man makes me so angry. Dude needs therapy to get over his past trauma. Does it suck what happened? Sure, but I don't blame OP for not wanting someone who reacted like that near her and her twins. Edit: For clarity, I was annoyed with the man in the story and exaggerated. Approximately 500,000 vasectomies occur in the US every year, and, on average, I think 500 of those fail. "All the time" was an exaggeration. That being said, I think it's relatively common enough that the man in the story is still very much in the wrong.
Yes fun fact there’s a failure rate which means it can happen especially if the man didn’t go to all his follow up appointments to ensure everything was on track. He was still irresponsible to not wear a condom because you can still get STDs even if you’re not worried about pregnancy.
@Rosie Touse failure or not he didn't ask for a paternity test, like any normal person who doubted paternity, he ghosted her for 8 months, and gave up his rights willing, she didn't have a gun pointed at his head for him to sign before the test was finished, He decided to give it up by himself
yup, i also know more then one guy who got one being told they could be easily reveresed only to endup spending new higher end car money to successfully reverse one... got a buddy who lived this story though, but didnt react this way, he did tell he he wanted a test, she got mad, but, her own parents told her that he wasnt wrong to want one with the state of the world, it wasnt a reflection on how he felt about her but, just how things are in this modern world, look at her sister who tricked several men into paying support on kids that are not theirs... that sort of woke her up a bit to the fact he wasnt trying to accuse her but... since he had been snipped... note: they are togather to this day, decades later, infact she paid to have a proper reversal done after they decided, having a couple more kids might not be so bad... their kids togather were far less traumatic and stressful for her and him then the kids they had with their ex's, not at all the kids fault and the kids know it quite well... my buddies ex wife is bpd+npd+bipolar... as is his wifes ex... they actually ended up doing what i suggested, and intoducing them... they have had a toxic relationship all these years thats on/off and its both of them being f-ed in the head and 100% sure they arent the problem everybody else is... their relationships saved the family alot of trouble though since it keeps them busy with eachother not bothering the kids/ex's.. and by saying the 2 are alike.. i mean you could body swap them and most people wouldnt notice... thats how alike they act... and most of what they do involving other humans has a toxic slant to it.
Birth control story: Punishing your kid by not letting them eat is abuse. Not letting them have medical care is abuse. OP' needs to confide in a teacher or counselor or call CPS themselves. The parents here are awful.
Don't forget the other lessons Op needs to remember. "Wash my car" - they treat you like a child, children wash cars with rocks. "Look after my child", code for "please contact my ex and tell her how I am neglecting my daughter". He can't retaliate either, as she should already have contacted her brother,a teacher and if possible her Dr, 2 of those 3 are mandatory reporters in cases of child abuse.
@@black1917 unfortunatly not. As OP is a minor, their parent gets to make all the decisions for them. Been an overly pushy/involved parent isn't illegal, neither is it illegal to deny your child medical care (it should be) for a non-life threatening condition. The Dr doesn't have knowledge of anything beyond this, thus they have nothing actionable they can report.
The first thing you do as a man with a vasectomy after someone you've had sex with tells you they're pregnant, before accusing them of cheating, before assuming the child is yours, is get your sperm count checked. If it's high, then you stick with the mom until the kid is born and you can get a paternity test,
Right?! I mean, it's pretty well known that vasectomies fail a decent amount, if they were fully effective in the first place. Heck, if they're full grown adults and make a decent amount, they might even be able to pull the money together for a pre-natal paternity test.
@@lizziefirkey6385 Fail a decent amount of time? why people keep bringing this "fact" with so much certainty, arount 1 pregnancy is found for about every 1000 vasectomies so how is .1% a decent amount?
story 1: NTA, i completely get his being weary especially with having already been cheated on and having had a vasectomy as well as his age all of which points to him not being the father. what he should have done was ask for a paternity test but instead he went nuclear of the bat and cut you out of his life, he has no one but himself to blame for the situation and for the fact that he will never have a relationship with his youngest kids.
Still idiotic. Why punish the child? A life without a f4ther is no life for a child. Or do I need to point out the stats. How single m0ther hood is responsible for 75% of highschool dropouts and 80% of the prison pop. There is no reason to destroy the child's future over a stupid reaction from the father.
@@aduckofsomesort when he was first told there wasn't, and that was apparently 8 months ago. Before ghosting her ans been generally unpleasant, he had the option of saying something to the effect of "I doubt this is my child because I had a vasectomy and I've been cheated on before, so would you mind getting a paternity test". Sure he could follow that up with "i know this sounds like I am saying you cheated cheated, but it's for my peace of mind", I don't expect that part, but it would have been nicer. Then I find him signing the paperwork amusing. He already had a court ordered paternity test, which if it comes back negative means he is free and clear and that's that as he never held a position in the childs life and they were never married. She then presents him paperwork to give up rights and responsibilities, which he would only have if the court ordered test came back positive, so him signing it is him accepting that "if it is proven these are my children, I want nothing to do with them", and now after signing that paperwork knowing its meaning, he is butthurt about it. She never deceived him, she gave him legal documents, what he does with them after been given them is his choice. Sign them, fold them into a rather nice hat, have a lawyer read them, upto him.
@@aduckofsomesort that's basically what I said. Seems tbh he was in major denial of the possibility however, and he never wanted one because he never even considered there was a chance he was the father. Kindof sad really, he got so screwed over in the past that he used it as a reason to screw her over, which in turn she used as a fair reason to screw him over. Really the victims here are the kids, everyone else was just acting selfish because of previous events (him because ex, her because of what he did).
@@aduckofsomesort not "they" did a paternity test, she asked for one, together with the papers to clear the custody rights. He did not care for a test or the kids or her.
Nope, he wasn't forced to signed. If wanted to he could have waited. Yes it's suspicious, but he is old enough to understand how vasectomy works or doesn't work.
The fact that commonsense didn't even occur to him. If he truly thought the kids weren't his, and they were already getting a DNA test done, why would he need to sign papers to relinquish rights to kids that supposedly won't be his.
I love the first story. Pregnant at 41 isn’t a surprise to me. My mom was pregnant with my at 45, didn’t find out until she was over 6 months along, and I was her first and only child. She thought she was going through menopause, gaining weight, or having bad gas 😂
My maternal grandma had my youngest uncle when she was a bit over 40. Mom had just left for college and there were still four kids living at home. He was quite the surprise.
@@tantelila7464 my dad wanted my initials to spell “PGE” to try and get a discount from the gas company, but our last name make that impossible. I like yours much better 😂
Controlling Mother Story: Call brother ASAP. It is a crime to deprive a child of food, or to force labor. Pack a bag, call the bro and tell stepdad the babysitting isn't happening.
From how the mom is sounds like she won’t just lay down and let it happen but put up a huge fight against op moving out and step douche will help her. I mean he can’t let his free labor leave. And if op does leave seems like she still wouldn’t give up and continue going after op to come back. Op needs to get out but should do it when they aren’t home or asleep! But they gotta stay strong and not give in to her manipulation, gas light, guilt trips, tantrums and etc. Op needs to get away and put some distance between them, go low contact and set firm rules & boundaries with her like with how she talks to and treats her. This mom is unbelievable, the step douche too. This mom is one of those parents who cry wondering why their kid doesn’t talk to them when they’re the reason why
Exactly! Not to mention that it's pretty clear she stole his phone and cancelled on OP. Instead of, you know, confronting her boyfriend about this supposed 'other woman' and letting him explain that OP's his *sister.* Oh, and *screaming* at OP in front of all those other people. She would've been embarrassed even *without* OP reading the messages.
@@brigidtheirish Sound's like brother needs a little "you don't have a sister now thank to her". Her response to the truth and being called out was to attack and incite others to do so for her INCLUDING THE BROTHER.
@@black1917 Considering he was willing to sling a racial slur at OP when she expressed her disappointment in him, I'm not sure that'll be enough. Heck, I wonder about the rest of the family, what with the trouble they're giving Mary for disowning the jerk.
Story 1: I understand that he would be skeptical about the twins after he had a vasectomy and the history of being cheated on. I sympathize with him but OP did not “trick” him. He signed away his rights BEFORE getting the results. Vasectomies are not always 100%.
This and I saw a case where a woman got pregnant from her husband after 20 years with his vasectomy. They had grown children. He thought she cheated and DNA test proved she didn't.
Na, she tricked him.. it was intentional when she sent the papers at that time because she played on his doubts and past. I agree he fucked up, but the punishment absolutely does not fit the crime. I hope he takes her to court and wins.
I got pregnant with a man who had a vasectomy. He asked me if I slept around, then I tore him a new one, because to me, he violated my trust, by not checking up on his surgery results. That baby is 19 years old now. And I’m almost 50. So yeah, it happens more than ppl think.
@@RSN2277 it was very irresponsible of him to not do check ups to make sure it was still effective. It is very common for them to not work 100% so he should have been on top of that.
@@RSN2277 Sounds like he didn't want to think it was anything BUT cheating even after she explained. And the fact that he failed to do his homework that vasectomies aren't always permanent is HIS fault.
@@RSN2277 I can see your point. It is hard to know a situation when we aren't there so I think we both imagined different thing happening with the information we had. I think the first thing to do would be to go to your doctor and get your sperm count tested.
The part that gets me in the first story is him trying to demand she moves closer to him. After the way he acted he excepts her to pick up her life like she doesn’t already have other children too? It’s entitled.
Story 1: He isnt TA for wanting a paternity test (imo that should be normalized) BUT he IS TA for the name calling and signing away rights before he got the results. His fault, not yours
he did not want a paternity test, she asked for one and how he wants to plan the parental rights....he simply didn´t care, he signed away his rights just like that
Misstress sister story: NTA Dude really make himself homeless all because he didn't wanted to clean his damn room and had the balls to call OP a witch when she is putting a roof over his head. Funny how he calls OP "that woman" when his dad cheated on his mom and he is okay with it, OP's sister is going to come back crying to her when the husband cheats on her and her stepson starts to insult her too, then OP should tell her that she "brought all of this on herself".
Legally, she's actually completely in the wrong. He, her sister and bil were legal tenets and therefore she had no rights to enter the room or have his things touched without consent by him. Nor did she have legal right to kick them out without proper notice, which is at the very least 30 days. If the sister's stepson wanted, he could have sued op for illegally entering his room, destruction of private property and an illegal eviction. As long as he's still within the statue of limitations, he still can sue and will most likely win as being messy isn't a valid excuse to break tenant rights.
@@jedimasters1462 I concede the "not giving them enough notice to vacate" point, but she could have evicted him on the grounds of "fostering an environment to promote vermin", and maybe even assault. There was a lady in San Francisco a few years back, who kept getting kicked out of govt. housing because she'd bring home and purposely breed stray rats until her apartment was bursting with them (shudder).
Fr how are some comments saying she "tricked" him? Him wanting a paternity test and being sus is 100% understandable considering the vasectomy and circumstance. But him calling her names and straight up ghosting her and refusing to do a paternity test until she basically forced him was all on him. How is it a "trick" for him to sign away all his rights and responsibilities before he even saw the results? Was a gun to his head with a timer set to "when the results return"? No.
Story 1: dude could have waited until after the paternity test, getting snipped is not 100%, and depending on when he got snipped, he could have had some swimmers left over. The doctor could/would/should have told him this. She didn't trick him, he jumped the gun and is pissed he can't back her into a corner to make her play house with him.
News flash for a bunch of DA know-it-all's, a vasectomy doesn't always take. A man has to periodically follow-up, especially with older procedures. I have a acquaintance who actually has cousins, siblings, who don't have anything to do with their dad because of a situation like this.
I have a friend who recently went through something extremely similar to o.p. with the over-controlling mother and stepfather. Ended up with them trying to physically restraine her because she was trying to run away. Mind you she is over 21. All they want is her money and free slave labor.
Here's some advice for everyone. READ WHATEVER IS HANDED TO YOU BEFORE SIGNING IT! You have no idea what you might be signing up for and people have been screwed over because of this. Please read whatever contract you might have to sign to see if you fully agree with them.
He did not care...just didn't want to be responsible, so he was quick to sign away his rights...it is totally on him...why would the mother want this flake in her childrens life...now, he is mad. Believes he was tricked? Could not wait for the testing? Avoided her during the pregnancy? This guy is a loser, as well as the commenters who stood up for him...
It said he signed it without hesitation. If he didn't read it he could have been put for child support for all he knows. Besides someone that already is a baby daddy to 2 set of kids from two different women doesn't sound like a good man.
Story 2: I love when we get little updates for stories that the OP is asking for advise to prevent them from being TA if they go through with something, where they thank everyone and let us know they didnt do the thing.
For those who think vasectomy is 100%, nope. In fact after getting a vasectomy you can still produce kids, thats because tubes are still backed up with fresh and alive fishes. Also i believe there are two types of vasectomies, one that is reversible and one that is permanent. Always consult with your doctor and have checkups to make sure that the vasectomy hasn't reversed itself. This is knowledge given to the person getting the vasectomy by the doctor, so it shouldn't have been too shocking to find out you got your partner pregnant again.
A failure rate of around 1%... yeah, he totally should expect it to fail, i mean, is a whole 1% so it's practically 100%, he is a moron for thinking a vasectomy means no more kids since obviously all of them fail (and yeah, this is sarcasm, i'm kinda sure you won't get it if i don't point it out)
Yeah, when my ex-husband got his vasectomy the doctor snipped, clipped on little metal clamps, and cauterized the ends of the tubes. He said there is still a chance that it could reverse itself in time. No vasectomy is 100%.
That yta comment make no sense all Op did was present the paperwork the ex-boyfriend didn't have to sign it right away he could have waited until the test results or get a lawyer involved she only protecting her kids because she doesn't know how he'll treat them
The story about the escort was class, she put them in their place. If she’s providing accommodations to a family then they should give her the due respect. Toxic people deserve to be ejected 💯
He is too fertile, I even lost count of the number of children he has. He probably should be using condoms otherwise he will be impregnating people everywhere 😄
YTA in the first story doesn’t make sense. All OP did was send the paperwork. There was no deadline or pressure for her ex to sign. If the kid wasn’t his, there was no need for the ex to sign the papers, they aren’t married and he didn’t sign the birth certificate (he avoided her for 8 months). She sued him for child support. So the best thing that the ex could have done was wait for the test results. But he didn’t. He didn’t check to see if his vasectomy was still working. The current situation is completely one of his own making. Yes, OP didn’t want to parent with him. The pregnancy show his true self and who wants to parent with that hot mess.
Also, she sued him for child support only to force him to take a paternity test after he ghosted her for 8 months. If he had 1. went to the doctors to check to make sure his sperm count was low, or nonexistent he would have known to wait before believing her a cheater. 2. Should have held off on signing anything until he had the test results and tried to come up with a way to co-parent after he screwed up with ghosting her for 8 months. 3. He needs therapy to deal with the trauma of his ex-wife's many infidelities before he gets back into the dating scene. For that matter, everyone who has been in a relationship with a cheater, especially a chronic cheater should get therapy before ever trying to get into a new relationship. Too many people don't and end up carrying that pain and mistrust into relationships and screwing them up at the slightest miscommunication. You also have people who fall prey to future partners who are cheaters cause they haven't learned how to spot and avoid folks like that.
Anyone being forced to babysit a child that is not theirs should take that child to the furthest hospital or police station they can reach and leave the kid there.
That YTA on the first story. She didn’t trick him. He did a paternity test BEFORE signing over his rights. It’s HIS fault for not waiting for the results.
Nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to sign. My guess is that if he hadn't signed away his rights and then learned that he is the father, he'd probably abandon the kids anyway, at least until he or another relative needs a kidney.
@@MrHelicx , I didn't say that. I'm just pointing out that he voluntarily signed away his parental rights. If she gave him the document, it's up to him to read it before signing it. Or at least waiting for the DNA results. File this one under "too bad, so sad."
So because the OP wanted to remove a man who denied he was the father to protect the kids, she's the monster. Women will always be damned if we do, damned if we don't
What utter rubbish are you babbling ? They live in different towns , they frequently don’t see each other for days or even wks at a time , his ex-wife had multiple affairs and he’s had a F***ING VASECTOMY ! so is it any surprise he didn’t believe her when she claims there his children ? But oh no he’s not allowed to doubt her he’s supposed to take it all on face value and play happy families with her , but because he didn’t she’s now ‘the victim’ and she’s just trying to protect her ‘poor innocent’ children from him ? Yea right .
@@druid799 he had reasonable fears but he did not have a reasonable reaction. it's his own fault and I hope he doesn't get custody back, he's an emotional ticking timebomb
@@druid799 It's his own fault for dating 1. before he was really ready, a.k.a get some therapy to deal with the trauma of a cheating ex. 2. Dating a woman who didn't live in the same town as him. 3. Not getting checked every once in a while to make sure his sperm count hadn't increased. 4. ghosting her for 8 months, instead of talking to her. 5. Not waiting to make sure he was the father, even if they didn't get back together. He's damn near 60, not 20 he needs to take responsibility for his actions. There was no time limit on him signing the papers, so that's on him.
@@druid799 someone’s triggered! 😂😂😂. People are faulting the man for signing his rights away before getting the results of the dna test (not for doubting her). Even the OP says she understands why he doubted. He’s also TA for *blaming the OP* because he chose to sign the papers before getting the dna test results. Like he’s not a fully grown adult who controls his own choices and actions. Also, expecting her to uproot her life and support system to move closer to him…? 😂😂😂 But go on with your triggered self!
Story 1: NTA. I get that he had been cheated on before but he acted beyond immature over something that wasn’t even true. He could have demanded a test beforehand but he was in a hurry to get the assumed cheater out of his life.
I disagree given the situation of a man previously being scarred by a woman because he was cheated on, and which led him to a vasectomy. A woman with her former husband with kids is telling him that she’s pregnant and he’s the father. given all of these things any man that would just openly believe a woman that says she’s pregnant given the circumstances would be an idiot. a paternity test is definitely needed in the situation. yes this man is an idiot for signing away his rights prematurely but I believe this woman is also an idiot for even proposing or even bringing up the fact that he even could sign the rights knowing how emotional and mentally charged he would be in this situation. She shouldn’t have engaged with any conversation after it was established that he didn’t believe her but agreed to the paternity test. this man clearly wasn’t thinking in his right mind and if this lady had good intentions then she should empathize with where this man is coming from. And allow him and his child to have a relationship. He an idiot that made a bad decision because he was mentally, and emotionally scared by a former lover. The post doesn’t says if all his kids are even his just that his wife cheated multiple times. She’s the idiots because she sees the damage on why he reacted the way he did and she’d rather feel justified in being hurt and excluding this man, than allowing her kid to know his father. For sure this man needs therapy, but Society has to stop looking at men bike they are perfect creatures who never take any mental or emotional tolls. Women talk about how men pray on women and how women can be vulnerable, but turn a complete blind eye to when men are vulnerable and can be taken advantage of. This man was and still is vulnerable in this situation.
@@Sixdawg06 hmm I think I can see both sides. The guy has recently been traumatized by his ex and this must have felt like a recurring nightmare. Then again, the woman is also recovering from a divorce and has had her views on men tarnished. His reactions may have triggered a self defensive 'will cut u out of my life completely' response. Both responses were too hasty. The guy should have asked for a paternity test and OP should not have immediately thrown up all walls so quickly and proceeded to legally ensure her ex would never be a part of her life. I think they both need counseling. As for the relationship that's done and gone and it didn't sound like either was ready to be in a relationship yet. OP and her ex need to hash out some sort of an agreement that they can live with for the child's sake.
@@livelovelife32 Op pushed for a paternity test and then sent him the paperwork to give up his rights. And no, they don't need to hash any sort of agreement out. He can try to challenge the paperwork he signed in court, but chances are good he'll have no rights to those kids. And if he has no rights, well, she can simply move away.
When are men going to believe their doctors when they tell them that a vasectomy isn't always 100% foolproof over time? It's rare, but it sometimes happens that a man can father a child even after undergoing that procedure. If you've had a vasectomy and want to be sure that you're still 100% unable to father children, see your doctor for regular checkups to be sure that you're still infertile.
When are women and other men going to understand that, instead of telling men who want to be child free to get one if they want to stay that way and not get a woman pregnant? ISN'T THAT THE ADVICE EVERYONE ALWAYS GIVES? ETA grammer
Vasectomy's FAIL. She didn't trick him into anything. He knew the results were pending and signed his rights away anyway. His trauma isn't her responsibility.
Vasectomies are NOT permanent sterilization. You hear stories all the time about a man having had a vasectomy and the woman he's with gets pregnant. Tubal ligation is not 100%. The only way to ensure no pregnancy is no uterus.
He signed over his rights BEFORE he found out if they were even his 🥴🤣 he knew that there was a possibility and you can’t sign over right to someone else kids. I’m unsure how she tricked him😬
Last story: OP didn't do anything wrong. What is wrong with that girl, you just text any woman you find in your boyfriend's phone, cancel plans and insult them. Then you confront them at his house without asking who they are. Josh is an idiot for not defending his sister and he should dump that insecure dramatic girl. Does he expect that one day she will get to meet Mary and their dad and OP will be in support of this relationship? If I were OP, I would forward all those texts to family and tell them this is who Josh is dating if she doesn't grovel and apologise. The lesson here is to not be a stupid drama queen and if your man is 'cheating' confront your man because he is the problem.
I thought it was a huge red flag (that apparently flew over Josh's head) that his girlfriend thought it was OK to impersonate him in a text to ruin his plans, then send nasty calls and texts to a complete stranger she has no idea of his affiliation with, then corner the stranger in HIS BEDROOM and SCREAM at her while he's in the living room with all his friends. But it's OP's fault to enlighten everyone as to this b*tch's shenanigans? Wow.
Don’t date crazy people. In a mutually respectful and mature relationship you talk with the other. This woman sounds immature; petty, vindictive. Why doesn’t josh think he deserves better than that crazy GF?
She wasn’t putting her nephew over her daughter. She was putting herself over her daughter. She wants to see her sister. She wants to see the new baby. She doesn’t want to wait. She wants her daughter to put her existence on hold until she’s done. All she did was talk about herself, what she wanted, how everyone needed her to be with them or ambiguous emergencies happen. I’m glad Reddit was able to wake her up.
Exactly it was her trip over her daughter’s trip! She can do it anytime but the daughter would be missing out. And she’s going with friends whose parents can help if they need anything. Ridiculous
So, he could've gone in to check to see if he was still sterile. Instead, he chose to freak out and sign the papers (out of spite?) Two facts everyone needs to be aware of: 1) Vasectomies fail all the time, you must get rechecked periodically 2) paternity tests, and prenups should just be a natural part of the relationship process. They're prophylactic, and necessary.
Technically aslong as a man has testicles that are even slightly functional, he is not sterile. Most men who are told they are sterile are been lied to. They aren't infertile, they have reduced fertility, not no fertility. A sperm count 1millionth the usual still means there are thousands of sperm in your ejeculate, and as biology 101 teaches, you only need 1. A vasectomy is essentially like trying a knot in a hosepipe, just because it stops 99.99% of the water is not 100%, even 1 atom of H²0 is some water.
Paternity tests should just be done by the hospital as a neutral party and be part of the procedure of adding dad to the birth certificate. Because there is no way its fine to ask the woman for one because it always implies cheating. If it's a neutral party and is mandatory, then there are no hurt feelings and potentially damaging situations for children with dads that walk away in that situation can be prevented.
@@tamarak.8800 Honestly i think it should go a step further with a genetic screening test. Knowing at a young age what if any genetic diseases a person may develop allows proactive medical intervention which can majorly limit the effects those conditions can have in later life. I can however see the reason why some people would be relucant to have this done as it is open to potential abuse, but the same can be said of almost anything these days.
@@cgi2002 sometimes there are communication issues between doctors and patients. Doctor says, you can’t get pregnant while on this, and the patient hears you are unable to get pregnant instead of do not get pregnant while on this
Last story: Op is a Saint. If someone screamed at me in front of my face I would have either slapped them on their face or I would stuff anything I found in their open screaming mouth.
Idk how they’re all making op the bad guy. Like that girl is unstable, she went in his phone to cancel. And harassed op then cornered her and started yelling again?! She has every right to call her out, maybe she wouldn’t feel stupid if she just asked the brother about op. And how can op’s brother and his friends think op should apologize?!
I have done this couple times. But I give warning “Watch what u say. I know u. People living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I’m fine w the world knowing my mistakes. Are u ? “ Most times there is silence. 🤷♀️
Please call your brother. Speak with him about contacting the police/cps. Document everything & keep copies (send them to your brother?). Ask the police if you’re old enough to be emancipated. See if you can move in with your brother.
1st story, Besides waiting on a paternity test he could have gone to his doctor that did the vasectomy and get a sperm count done. Vasectomies can fail down the road as the tube ends can grow back together.
That poor girl with the mother with no boundaries. She needs to get the hell out of there if she can. I am a mother of four and when they were young I started letting them have their own private time with their doctors during routine visits because I know that there are just some things that are easier to discuss without mom in the room. I have been encouraging them since elementary school to take control of their own bodies, education - their own lives because it's theirs after all. I continued to teach and guide them as they grew up but they knew that I would respect their privacy unless until they violated it and then guidelines would be put in place to redirect that behavior. Now i'd like to believe that there isn't much they don't feel like they can't share with me but they also understand that I believe in them and their own ability to judge if they need help or guidance. At some point no matter how painful it is, we have to let our kids step out and start becoming the people they were meant to be. We can mold and shape them to an extent. The rest will be up to them.
Don't know. You would think that if she saw family photos she would assume OP was family. Most sane people don't assume incest. Knows she is a step sister, and then decided that means no family relationship? I think the girl is total wack. And the brother is a jerk because getting laid is apparently more important than defending his sister.
@@ruthmeow4262 I think she is a new girl who is so self-absorbed she never bothered to ask. All in all, I think Josh is truly dumb for letting all this drama happen but maybe, he doesn't take this girl seriously and its probably a casual thing. He should dump her for her crazy behaviour.
Story 1: I can totally see why he had doubts, i mean he had a vasectomy and had trauma for being cheated on, but he acted completely wrong in this. Specially because he didn't wait until the results were done, i wouldn't want to go back to him either.
StepBrother's GF goes off on Stepsis- Wow. Alll that shade is coming from the girl ranting at that room full of guys. She manipulated all of them to protect her and not the girl 7 years younger than all of them! Tell your brother you are hurt by him defending what she did to you. She CATFISHED YOU. AND STALKED YOU. AND SAID MORE VILE THINGS ON THE PHONE. You truly thought he would stand up for you. You don't feel comfortable around her, anymore, because you have no clue what she'll do next. I won't make you chose between us, so I just won't see you except at home. Oh, I called the cops and got a Criminal Trespass against her. She is unhinged.
Growing up I had lots of doc appointments. Sometimes my grandma would take me to them. Now once I was old enough to talk to the doc myself she would still come in with me and would talk over me. I have a latex allergy. There are foods associated with it but because she listed them like they were a separate allergy they are now in my chart. I have been trying to get the taken out for years. I finally spoke up and started go back by myself.
You might have to file a complaint with whatever medical board oversees your GP to get that fixed. Your medical records are YOURS, medical staff often forget that. Cite the fact it was said by a third party who didn't actually understand the allergy.
I don’t get your point. You seem to be saying that you don’t like that your medical chart lists Latex allergy and also lists a few foods as allergies. Why? Is it harmful for your medical chart to list foods that are associated with your allergy? As long as it says “latex” as well as Listing the specific foods, there is no harm. You may not realize that a lot of people do not associate things like bananas and avocados as being potential problems for people with latex allergies. So it is not wrong to list these foods under allergies. From the ACAAI official allergy site: “If you have latex allergy you also can have food allergies. The foods most likely to cause this problem include: apple, avocado, banana, carrot, celery, chestnut, kiwi, melons, papaya, raw potato and tomato.” Not sure why you are so focused on taking the food allergies off of your medical chart. 🤷🏻♀️ That’s like saying “I’m allergies to penicillin class medications. But I don’t like that my chart lists my allergy to penicillin and also to amoxicillin and pipercillin!”
@@impishrebel5969 file a report that in addition to listing the latex allergy they correctly listed foods which are associated with the latex allergy and to which the person had A problem?
Is he not an adult?! Everyone saying that he was tricked: he never stopped to ask, "hmm if they're not mine, why is she so confident sending me a paternity test and legal docs." I feel no pity, he's a grown man. People have more sympathy for this man baby than any pregnant woman would ever get. Give me a break.
1) hope the papers stick. You don't need him having any legal holds on you. He can still get to know his kids. 2) don't you dare. newborn will be a few weeks older, wtf.
Jealous GF story: NTA! This girl went nuclear and attacked OP, so karma went nuclear and attacked her. Stepbro better wise up or scenes are gonna happen again and again and again.
He's not TAH for having his doubts, he's one for HOW he handled it. It's one thing to want confirmation and to be sure then it's a complete other thing to dump your partner, disrespect them and ghost them for 8 months. He did all of this to himself and now that he realized the mistake he made, he suddenly demands for everything to go back to normal as if there was not just a huge breach of trust and respect displayed. Maybe next time he'll learn to handle things in a different way instead of jumping the gun like that.
Your sister's adult stepson tried to blackmail you? This is how you need to call this. Use the word. Blackmail. Maybe toss in the fact that blackmail is usually a felony.
Sometimes vasectomies fail. It's rare but they do. If I was accused of cheating because I was pregnant and it "shouldn't be possible" I would also want to remove their parental rights if they didn't check with a doctor to confirm the vasectomy had not healed. The reason why I would is because if they are accusatory far too easily that means they could be abusive to a child. I know because my dad did that years ago. If I was looking for something and couldn't find it right away I would be accused of hiding the object. It sometimes escalated to him hitting me.
"I shouldn't be able to have kids" is, in fact, a perfectly valid reason to accuse you of cheating when you get pregnant. This scenario and your dad's shitty behavior are two different things. One is a medical procedure with a 99% success rate, yes 500 in 500,00 does put it that close, the other is an asshole. You sound like the person that help a cheater gaslight their partner.
If you don't want your Mom in the exam room, tell the doctor or the reception desk; they WILL enforce your rights. She has NO right to be in your private meetings with your doctor. Full stop. Most certainly by puberty, you should not be forced to have a witness for routine examinations. Seriously, mine haven't sat in with me since I was in the single digits.
Nta. He jumped the gun. Vasectomies don't always last. He can suck it. OP live life well with your babies. You did not trick him. He left you. Also make him pay up on child support.
Story One: OP is NTA but I can understand her ex’s POV up to a point. My husband had a vasectomy, one of the ones where part of the tubes got cut away and then the ends cauterised to ensure that they don’t heal, and he had a follow up to ensure that no sperm was getting through. If OP’s ex went through what my husband did, then it’s rather natural to assume that your long-distance girlfriend cheated on you, especially given he’s been cheated on before. However, he should have just asked for a DNA test straight away. The fact that he didn’t means everything else that happened is on him.
For the YTA comment how was he tricked. It’s not anyones fault he didn’t read what he was signing. First off he already had this idea that she was a cheater. Although she didn’t cheat why would you sign papers you haven’t read from someone you don’t trust. And who signs papers without reading them.
Story 1- to those who think the first thought he had should have been his partner cheated, no. His first thought should have been, "Fuck! I need to see my urologist to make sure the vasectomy is still working". But that's just me, lol.
Josh needs to drop her. She’s a mean and dangerously insecure. If your boyfriend is cheating on you, you get mad at HIM! He’s the one who owes you loyalty!
Birth control story: It’s alarming that a punishment is no eating and watching his daughter for 2 weeks? that’s so freaking wrong. OP isn’t the idiot, and if she can, she should plan to leave ASAP.
Anyone who get a vasectomy should be fully aware that they aren’t always 100% effective. Do we get any info on his follow up appointment to determine the success of the procedure? He brought this on himself.
Story 1: I wonder who's been in his ear telling him she's been cheating. I wonder who convinced him to leave and sign papers without waiting for the paternity test. I wonder if that is the same person pressuring him to get back with her. See, if I were him my first thought wouldn't have been my partner cheated. It would have been to call the dr for a sperm count. I know for sure a swimmer gets through sometimes. That's why there's counts done for a while afterwards. So yeah. The guy's a complete fool.
Helicopter parent. Let the girl go. If contact is so important consider star link to bridge the gap, expensive (especially for 1 month, c 650$ with dish) but if that's so important suck the cost and give to sister afterwards.
All doctors that give their patients a vasectomy let them know there's still a possibility they'll still have kids. The procedure doesn't kill the chance by 100%, and so doctors recommend if the Mrs. do get pregnant to have them DNA tested first to ensure if sperm cells did make it to the womb and egg. A vasectomy is like a kink on a water hose, water can still make it out regardless of the kink just not large amounts
My sister got pregnant after her husband has a vasectomy. He never questioned her fidelity. He went to the surgeon. 100% fertile. Seems it's common for men to have a third tube that carries the sperm. His bad for not returning for his final sperm count.
I don't have a problem with him insisting on a paternity test. He could have asked for one more maturely and not immediately gone to cheating, but that is not the route he chose. He gets no sympathy for signing over his parental rights to the twins. He knew he had taken a DNA test and that it wasn't back, he chose to sign those rights away. That is 100% on him.
Up to 2% of vasectomies don’t work. This is a fact. Doctors are required to pass on this small piece of info. My best friend fell pregnant with her fourth child mere months after her hubby had the snip. He didn’t question her at all as he knew sometimes “shit happens”. Their daughter looks just like him, so there’s never been any doubt.
I really hate when stepparents are allowed to do whatever to the children and the bioparents let it happen to "keep the peace", or worse they support the mistreatment. I hope OP can petition for ANYONE ELSE to have guardianship of her, or even emancipation, and NC her toxic mom. Ugh! (Seriously, who grounds a girl for taking BC for ANY REASON?!! At the minimum she's being responsible. And food deprivation is still a thing? Parentification of her stepsiblings? Is this a cult?)
Since when does "he thinks he shouldn't be able to have kids" equal "YOU TRICKED HIM"? Also "you only sent those papers because you didn't want to share custody" uh yeah mate that's what signing away parental rights is for?????
Exactly she didn't force him or trick him into signing the papers, he jumped the gun and signed them before getting the results of the paternity test first and that's on him. Besides he ghosted her for 8 months after she found out she was pregnant and informed him, if she didn't seek to settle things legally he wouldn't even know the he is the twins' father to begin with 🤷♀️
That commenter was SO idiotic. Like yeah, she sent the papers because she didn't want to share custody, but he SIGNED them because he didn't want custody at all. EVERYBODY who gets a vasectomy knows they're not foolproof - no form of birth control is short of a hysterectomy.
She kicked reddits incel hive.
Ya but what exactly was he supposed to think when his long distance girlfriend told him she was pregnant and he isn’t supposed to be able to impregnate her? The chances that it was medical error that somehow never got discovered and not cheating was not probable.
Op wasn’t considering his perspective at all. Op knows if she was sleeping with someone else or not but he had no way to know because he is not her. From his point of view of course the pregnancy would be suspicious op didn’t have to get offended by it.
That all said he is still an ahole with how he handled it.
@@tracim3080 Well, he can live with 'not probable' for the rest of his life. Sure, he has every right to be suspicious, but not waiting for the paternity test is all on him. He signed his rights away. It's done.
I hate when people make their next partner(s) pay the price of a cheater in the past. Get therapy and don’t pursue a relationship until you’ve got your baggage sorted out. It’s messed up for someone to feel they are always on trial and being judged when they’ve done nothing wrong.
for the people claiming that he had a right to accuse her of cheating. Men are told, when getting a vasectomy, that it is not fool proof and can fail, more often than people think. It is not 100 percent. Unless they have their testicles removed it can repair itself. That is why a lot of couples choose to do vasectomies, over tubal ligation, because it is easily reversed. She is not an asshole, he is. He deserves to lose his parental rights, he is a three time loser. Oh, and then he demands she moves closer to him, yeah right. I don't blame her, after the verbal abuse he hurled at her why would she want to expose her new babies to that.
Unfortunately, that makes too much sense for some people. It's the best way to handle disappointment but you must be committed to do that.
When your trust is betrayed so badly to the core like that from someone you love, it makes sense to give you trauma and trust issues. Some people can't just turn that off. Emotional and logical sides of the brain don't communicate well and logically knowing something doesn't always change your fears. That's like being afraid of water and not going in the 2' kitty pool even tho you logically know you'll be safe. It happens with strong fears.
I don't blame people for falling in love even though they are still hurting from past relationship trauma. But it's how they handle it during the relationship that matters. And in my eyes, if you love them back and want it to work you'll want to help them get over it and restore their trust to make things work.
My bf had this issue. And when he was feeling scared about me betraying him, he'd call me and I'd give him the reassurance he was seeking. He never accused me, he justed wanted to quiet his suspicious side of his brain that wouldn't shut up. I understand. I gave him free access to my phone since I had nothing to hide. He never used that privilege because the offer itself comforted him. I had to help him for several months to tell him it was safe to put his trust in me. Since then he's never had issues again and it's been 3 years and we live together.
I'm just saying you don't have to sort things out alone. Sometimes it helps more to have someone to help you through it. Not everyone wants to put in that effort, they want perfection immediately. But not all relationships are perfect in the beginning. A real relationship can work together to solve problems when things get a bit rough. A relationship grows together with time and commitment.
@@SillyRamen Your analogy is off fam. "Being afraid of water and not going in the kiddie pool" as if any part of love is a kiddie pool separated from the rest of the water park...
Look, I'm a survivor of child abuse. Eldest of three girls, use your imagination what dad stole from me and mom betrayed, being kept home over visible bruising, guilted into letting the sisters eat, always having to be the helper but never a tattle tale, etc. I was diagnosed with C-PTSD at 13. At one point I couldn't be in a room with a man, and now in my 30s I still go into hypervigilance if I'm startled or someone bumps my shoulders from behind or other unpredictable occurances that others can brush off while my brain short circuits into fight or flight.
Being relationshipless is not my emotional and logical brain having trouble communicating. It's me choosing to be responsible. Say I do get married and have kids, what could I realistically do to prevent them from experiencing what I did? Nothing. Because people change. Dad wasn't like _that_ that with me until I started developing at 10, though the physical abuse and word twisting was always there. So as a responsible human that does not want to be a hypocrite and put my own hypothetical children in danger, I simply should not have them because I cannot (nor should not attempt to) control a spouse. Some dangers aren't worth the risk once you know what lurks in the deep, and no amount of splashing in kiddie pools (like hand holding or late night texting) could compare to actual swimming (aka a relationship of any sort).
Is there an emotional short circuit? Definitely. Have I had to rely on logic to dig me out of pits of despair? Too many times. Have I let emotions give logic a break? Yes, when it has been safe to do so, be it gaming or at work or other hobbies. But can I not be a hypocrite if I ever opened my life up to someone else and give them the chance to reopen every wound and endure what they choose? No. So I decline.
I know I could be in a relationship. I know I would be a very good partner. But from past friendships I know people tend to abuse my generosity, and when I draw boundaries they freak out and blackmail and destroy what we had. I know where my limits are, what I can punch back on and where I crumple. I could never risk that with a lover, let alone when statistics show women instinctively pick mates like their fathers. Emotionally if I chose to be an animal in it for the thrills I could definitely throw everything out the window and be selfish, but I'm a human and responsibility has a place... especially when it's not just my broken life on the line but also potential children and whatever man felt bad enough about himself to get with me.
Tl;dr Not quite and not happening, for reasons adjacent to what you suggested.
You hate it when past experiences influences future behaviors? Are you a masochistic or just silly? My wife actually says that sometimes she feels like she's being punished because of my past.
Here's the thing though my past is full of everyone failing me. From abusive and cheating girlfriends, too abusive friends, to semi neglectful family also what family? Do not have therapy it's going to change the fact that humans suck and you deserve Extinction
How did she "trick him" exactly? They got a paternity test but he didn't wait for the results. How did she deceive him here? Does he make it a habit of signing documents without checking what they are? He thought they couldn't be his and signed assuming the results would confirm his suspicions and now he realizes what he did.
And then he wants to get back with OP.
@@steffiphill I think that she would be wise not to take him back. I can understand him not expecting the twins to be his (although he might have been a little more gracious before the paternity test result), but his reaction after he found out that they were his children is downright weird.
Yeah, it's like, she got preggers, told him it was his, and he (probably) called her a wh*re and (definitely) ghosted her for 8 months. What else was she supposed to do when he clearly showed her who he was? Way to blame the victim, holy cow.
@@steffiphill and op to move closer to him, even though the whole cheating trauma is legit it was his choice not to wait until the results were back
Also very confused by the "she tricked him" comments. "Cheating trauma" is NOT a thing. It sucks but is traumatic. All the thoughts of 'a man has no way of knowing a baby is his until DNA tests are done' Well guess what, a woman had no way of knowing if a man has actually had a vasectomy until a sperm count test is done. And it is far more common for men to lie about the abilitity to get someone pregnant because they want to be allowed to throw caution to the wind during sex. She had two breathing proofs that it is more likely he tricked her than he could ever have of her cheating.
Story 1: I mean if your girlfriend says she's pregnant after you had a vasectomy that may raise a few questions. That being said the way he handled was fast and off the rails.
Yeah thats ground for a paternity test right there, not ghosting then trying to force her back into a relationship after birth.
Everyone understands his trauma from his cheating ex plus his vasectomy being a factor however that's still not reason enough for his behavior. His doctor informed him like all doctors do that a vasectomy isn't 100%. This man is in his 50's with adult children in their 30's. Either he never consulted an attorney before signing those papers or he ignored his lawyer's advice to wait for paternity test before doing so. Again he's in his 50's with adult children in their 30's. He's a grown ass man and these are the consequences of him acting like a fool.
Depending on when the vasectomy was done, not really. Men don't automatically stop producing sperm immediately and there's always the possibility that it will fail.
Men, you get a vasectomy you're supposed to get checked regularly to see if any sperm are getting through. The testicles are still there and capable of producing new sperm.
@@kwams26 op said A he has 4 kids, youngest is 12, and B he had it done after his youngest son was born. So he had it close to 12 years old. Sure "after" he was born is vague and technically can mean just before op got pregnant but then she would say he got it blank ago. The fact she used after his last son was born indicates soon after he was born so it should have been 10-12 years ago.
Men, FYI just because you have had a vasectomy doesn't mean you can't impregnated a woman. Many men don't go back for the 1 yr follow up to make sure. This happens more often than many realize. MAKE SURE YOU DO YOUR FOLLOW UP
Hell, men think because they are told they are infertile, they can't ever have kids. Well, I know several men who have kids and have the DNA tests to prove it. Unless the man loses BOTH TESTICLES, they still have a chance to father kids
I'm really concerned by how many people think vasectomies are perfect...
If you get your shit snipped you can't have kids lol
The balls produce the sperm not the penis if you snip your balls off no babies lol
@@mamasass2229 you would think a competent doctor would have covered the likelihood of getting pregnant post-snip.
Hey, fun fact. Vasectomies fail ALL THE TIME. Past trauma doesn't give you the right to treat someone like garbage. I'd understand an initial sucky reaction, if it's at least followed by, "I don't want to be around you right now, I want a prenatal paternity test." THAT'S reasonable. Wanting a pat test when a vasectomy is involved is reasonable.
God, that man makes me so angry. Dude needs therapy to get over his past trauma. Does it suck what happened? Sure, but I don't blame OP for not wanting someone who reacted like that near her and her twins.
Edit: For clarity, I was annoyed with the man in the story and exaggerated. Approximately 500,000 vasectomies occur in the US every year, and, on average, I think 500 of those fail. "All the time" was an exaggeration. That being said, I think it's relatively common enough that the man in the story is still very much in the wrong.
When the twins are 18, Daddy will be 76-77 years old!
Yes fun fact there’s a failure rate which means it can happen especially if the man didn’t go to all his follow up appointments to ensure everything was on track. He was still irresponsible to not wear a condom because you can still get STDs even if you’re not worried about pregnancy.
@Rosie Touse failure or not he didn't ask for a paternity test, like any normal person who doubted paternity, he ghosted her for 8 months, and gave up his rights willing, she didn't have a gun pointed at his head for him to sign before the test was finished, He decided to give it up by himself
@Rosie Touse and 1% is greater than 0%
yup, i also know more then one guy who got one being told they could be easily reveresed only to endup spending new higher end car money to successfully reverse one...
got a buddy who lived this story though, but didnt react this way, he did tell he he wanted a test, she got mad, but, her own parents told her that he wasnt wrong to want one with the state of the world, it wasnt a reflection on how he felt about her but, just how things are in this modern world, look at her sister who tricked several men into paying support on kids that are not theirs... that sort of woke her up a bit to the fact he wasnt trying to accuse her but... since he had been snipped...
note: they are togather to this day, decades later, infact she paid to have a proper reversal done after they decided, having a couple more kids might not be so bad... their kids togather were far less traumatic and stressful for her and him then the kids they had with their ex's, not at all the kids fault and the kids know it quite well... my buddies ex wife is bpd+npd+bipolar... as is his wifes ex... they actually ended up doing what i suggested, and intoducing them... they have had a toxic relationship all these years thats on/off and its both of them being f-ed in the head and 100% sure they arent the problem everybody else is... their relationships saved the family alot of trouble though since it keeps them busy with eachother not bothering the kids/ex's.. and by saying the 2 are alike.. i mean you could body swap them and most people wouldnt notice... thats how alike they act... and most of what they do involving other humans has a toxic slant to it.
Birth control story: Punishing your kid by not letting them eat is abuse. Not letting them have medical care is abuse. OP' needs to confide in a teacher or counselor or call CPS themselves. The parents here are awful.
This was the worst story here. I am always enraged by stories featuring children of narcissistic parents. All the others are entertaining.
Don't forget the other lessons Op needs to remember. "Wash my car" - they treat you like a child, children wash cars with rocks.
"Look after my child", code for "please contact my ex and tell her how I am neglecting my daughter".
He can't retaliate either, as she should already have contacted her brother,a teacher and if possible her Dr, 2 of those 3 are mandatory reporters in cases of child abuse.
@@cgi2002 The doctor should already be on the phone with CPS if what is saying about how her acts at the doctor's office is true.
@@black1917 unfortunatly not. As OP is a minor, their parent gets to make all the decisions for them. Been an overly pushy/involved parent isn't illegal, neither is it illegal to deny your child medical care (it should be) for a non-life threatening condition.
The Dr doesn't have knowledge of anything beyond this, thus they have nothing actionable they can report.
@@cgi2002 it's true, my mother insisted on going with me too and I always lied to the doctor ugh
The first thing you do as a man with a vasectomy after someone you've had sex with tells you they're pregnant, before accusing them of cheating, before assuming the child is yours, is get your sperm count checked.
If it's high, then you stick with the mom until the kid is born and you can get a paternity test,
Yeah, whatever test is quickest and less expensive.
It doesn't matter on reddit. They will be automatically villianized just for asking because woman are innocent and never cheat on reddit
Right?! I mean, it's pretty well known that vasectomies fail a decent amount, if they were fully effective in the first place. Heck, if they're full grown adults and make a decent amount, they might even be able to pull the money together for a pre-natal paternity test.
You don't even have to wait until the baby is born for a paternity test these days.
@@lizziefirkey6385 Fail a decent amount of time? why people keep bringing this "fact" with so much certainty, arount 1 pregnancy is found for about every 1000 vasectomies so how is .1% a decent amount?
story 1: NTA, i completely get his being weary especially with having already been cheated on and having had a vasectomy as well as his age all of which points to him not being the father. what he should have done was ask for a paternity test but instead he went nuclear of the bat and cut you out of his life, he has no one but himself to blame for the situation and for the fact that he will never have a relationship with his youngest kids.
Still idiotic. Why punish the child? A life without a f4ther is no life for a child. Or do I need to point out the stats. How single m0ther hood is responsible for 75% of highschool dropouts and 80% of the prison pop. There is no reason to destroy the child's future over a stupid reaction from the father.
@@aduckofsomesort when he was first told there wasn't, and that was apparently 8 months ago. Before ghosting her ans been generally unpleasant, he had the option of saying something to the effect of "I doubt this is my child because I had a vasectomy and I've been cheated on before, so would you mind getting a paternity test".
Sure he could follow that up with "i know this sounds like I am saying you cheated cheated, but it's for my peace of mind", I don't expect that part, but it would have been nicer.
Then I find him signing the paperwork amusing. He already had a court ordered paternity test, which if it comes back negative means he is free and clear and that's that as he never held a position in the childs life and they were never married. She then presents him paperwork to give up rights and responsibilities, which he would only have if the court ordered test came back positive, so him signing it is him accepting that "if it is proven these are my children, I want nothing to do with them", and now after signing that paperwork knowing its meaning, he is butthurt about it. She never deceived him, she gave him legal documents, what he does with them after been given them is his choice. Sign them, fold them into a rather nice hat, have a lawyer read them, upto him.
@@aduckofsomesort that's basically what I said. Seems tbh he was in major denial of the possibility however, and he never wanted one because he never even considered there was a chance he was the father.
Kindof sad really, he got so screwed over in the past that he used it as a reason to screw her over, which in turn she used as a fair reason to screw him over.
Really the victims here are the kids, everyone else was just acting selfish because of previous events (him because ex, her because of what he did).
@@aduckofsomesort not "they" did a paternity test, she asked for one, together with the papers to clear the custody rights. He did not care for a test or the kids or her.
1st story: ah yes
The old tactic of insulting someone to get back together with them.
Classy guy
Nope, he wasn't forced to signed. If wanted to he could have waited. Yes it's suspicious, but he is old enough to understand how vasectomy works or doesn't work.
The fact that commonsense didn't even occur to him. If he truly thought the kids weren't his, and they were already getting a DNA test done, why would he need to sign papers to relinquish rights to kids that supposedly won't be his.
A guest in your home keeps his room nasty and threatens you in your home and then sister threatens you for kicking her son out ? Cut ties.
I love the first story. Pregnant at 41 isn’t a surprise to me. My mom was pregnant with my at 45, didn’t find out until she was over 6 months along, and I was her first and only child. She thought she was going through menopause, gaining weight, or having bad gas 😂
My maternal grandma had my youngest uncle when she was a bit over 40. Mom had just left for college and there were still four kids living at home. He was quite the surprise.
Definitely happens - I was 44, had been having some tummy pains so went to Dr - surprise 4 months pregnant
😂😂 that's adorable!!!!!!!
I'm happy your middle name is not "Badgas" 😂 Don't be mad at me, I couldn't resist this thought. 🙏
@@tantelila7464 my dad wanted my initials to spell “PGE” to try and get a discount from the gas company, but our last name make that impossible. I like yours much better 😂
Controlling Mother Story: Call brother ASAP. It is a crime to deprive a child of food, or to force labor. Pack a bag, call the bro and tell stepdad the babysitting isn't happening.
From how the mom is sounds like she won’t just lay down and let it happen but put up a huge fight against op moving out and step douche will help her. I mean he can’t let his free labor leave. And if op does leave seems like she still wouldn’t give up and continue going after op to come back.
Op needs to get out but should do it when they aren’t home or asleep! But they gotta stay strong and not give in to her manipulation, gas light, guilt trips, tantrums and etc.
Op needs to get away and put some distance between them, go low contact and set firm rules & boundaries with her like with how she talks to and treats her. This mom is unbelievable, the step douche too. This mom is one of those parents who cry wondering why their kid doesn’t talk to them when they’re the reason why
"I embarrassed her for no reason." Excuse me? The presence of such harassing messages is ample reason.
Exactly! Not to mention that it's pretty clear she stole his phone and cancelled on OP. Instead of, you know, confronting her boyfriend about this supposed 'other woman' and letting him explain that OP's his *sister.* Oh, and *screaming* at OP in front of all those other people. She would've been embarrassed even *without* OP reading the messages.
@@brigidtheirish Sound's like brother needs a little "you don't have a sister now thank to her". Her response to the truth and being called out was to attack and incite others to do so for her INCLUDING THE BROTHER.
@@black1917 Considering he was willing to sling a racial slur at OP when she expressed her disappointment in him, I'm not sure that'll be enough. Heck, I wonder about the rest of the family, what with the trouble they're giving Mary for disowning the jerk.
Story 1: I understand that he would be skeptical about the twins after he had a vasectomy and the history of being cheated on. I sympathize with him but OP did not “trick” him. He signed away his rights BEFORE getting the results. Vasectomies are not always 100%.
Amen!
This and I saw a case where a woman got pregnant from her husband after 20 years with his vasectomy. They had grown children. He thought she cheated and DNA test proved she didn't.
Exactly sometimes a vasectomy will reverse itself
Na, she tricked him.. it was intentional when she sent the papers at that time because she played on his doubts and past. I agree he fucked up, but the punishment absolutely does not fit the crime. I hope he takes her to court and wins.
I got pregnant with a man who had a vasectomy. He asked me if I slept around, then I tore him a new one, because to me, he violated my trust, by not checking up on his surgery results. That baby is 19 years old now. And I’m almost 50. So yeah, it happens more than ppl think.
More people need to learn that sometimes vasectomies can reverse themselves. I
Is he part of the baby’s life?
@@RSN2277 it was very irresponsible of him to not do check ups to make sure it was still effective. It is very common for them to not work 100% so he should have been on top of that.
@@RSN2277 Sounds like he didn't want to think it was anything BUT cheating even after she explained. And the fact that he failed to do his homework that vasectomies aren't always permanent is HIS fault.
@@RSN2277 I can see your point. It is hard to know a situation when we aren't there so I think we both imagined different thing happening with the information we had. I think the first thing to do would be to go to your doctor and get your sperm count tested.
The part that gets me in the first story is him trying to demand she moves closer to him. After the way he acted he excepts her to pick up her life like she doesn’t already have other children too? It’s entitled.
Story 1: He isnt TA for wanting a paternity test (imo that should be normalized) BUT he IS TA for the name calling and signing away rights before he got the results.
His fault, not yours
@@aduckofsomesort He didn't ask for the test, OP did.
he did not want a paternity test, she asked for one and how he wants to plan the parental rights....he simply didn´t care, he signed away his rights just like that
Misstress sister story: NTA Dude really make himself homeless all because he didn't wanted to clean his damn room and had the balls to call OP a witch when she is putting a roof over his head. Funny how he calls OP "that woman" when his dad cheated on his mom and he is okay with it, OP's sister is going to come back crying to her when the husband cheats on her and her stepson starts to insult her too, then OP should tell her that she "brought all of this on herself".
Legally, she's actually completely in the wrong. He, her sister and bil were legal tenets and therefore she had no rights to enter the room or have his things touched without consent by him. Nor did she have legal right to kick them out without proper notice, which is at the very least 30 days. If the sister's stepson wanted, he could have sued op for illegally entering his room, destruction of private property and an illegal eviction. As long as he's still within the statue of limitations, he still can sue and will most likely win as being messy isn't a valid excuse to break tenant rights.
I think this is what they call “slapping the gift horse in the mouth”, I just wish I could’ve seen the smug little sh*t’s face!
@@jedimasters1462 depends on where they live and the laws there.
@@jedimasters1462 I concede the "not giving them enough notice to vacate" point, but she could have evicted him on the grounds of "fostering an environment to promote vermin", and maybe even assault.
There was a lady in San Francisco a few years back, who kept getting kicked out of govt. housing because she'd bring home and purposely breed stray rats until her apartment was bursting with them (shudder).
@@jedimasters1462 Not if they leave they of their own volition, or are smart enough to understand the cost of having an eviction on their record.
Story 1: NTA. Vasectomies aren't perfect. Dude didn't wanna be a dad, and he doesn't get to unring that bell.
Fr how are some comments saying she "tricked" him? Him wanting a paternity test and being sus is 100% understandable considering the vasectomy and circumstance. But him calling her names and straight up ghosting her and refusing to do a paternity test until she basically forced him was all on him. How is it a "trick" for him to sign away all his rights and responsibilities before he even saw the results? Was a gun to his head with a timer set to "when the results return"? No.
He’s already a dad of four children ages 12-37. He didn’t want to be a dad to a new baby.
Story 1: dude could have waited until after the paternity test, getting snipped is not 100%, and depending on when he got snipped, he could have had some swimmers left over. The doctor could/would/should have told him this. She didn't trick him, he jumped the gun and is pissed he can't back her into a corner to make her play house with him.
News flash for a bunch of DA know-it-all's, a vasectomy doesn't always take. A man has to periodically follow-up, especially with older procedures. I have a acquaintance who actually has cousins, siblings, who don't have anything to do with their dad because of a situation like this.
I have a friend who recently went through something extremely similar to o.p. with the over-controlling mother and stepfather. Ended up with them trying to physically restraine her because she was trying to run away. Mind you she is over 21. All they want is her money and free slave labor.
I really hope your friend is ok and got away from these people.
That's illegal I hope she fights.
She's out now and finding her independence and financial stability. It's just sad when parents pull this kind of stunt.
Here's some advice for everyone. READ WHATEVER IS HANDED TO YOU BEFORE SIGNING IT! You have no idea what you might be signing up for and people have been screwed over because of this. Please read whatever contract you might have to sign to see if you fully agree with them.
It would be very charitable to assume he didn't know he was signing his parental rights away. He just was so very sure he was correct.
At least read the title of the page!
He did not care...just didn't want to be responsible, so he was quick to sign away his rights...it is totally on him...why would the mother want this flake in her childrens life...now, he is mad. Believes he was tricked? Could not wait for the testing? Avoided her during the pregnancy? This guy is a loser, as well as the commenters who stood up for him...
It said he signed it without hesitation. If he didn't read it he could have been put for child support for all he knows. Besides someone that already is a baby daddy to 2 set of kids from two different women doesn't sound like a good man.
He knew that he signed away the rights. He wasn't tricked. He decided not to even wait for the DNA results. He convinced himself she cheated.
Story 2: I love when we get little updates for stories that the OP is asking for advise to prevent them from being TA if they go through with something, where they thank everyone and let us know they didnt do the thing.
Ah, no. He chose to sign over his rights. So now he's lost any rights to his kids as well as his sanity.
For those who think vasectomy is 100%, nope. In fact after getting a vasectomy you can still produce kids, thats because tubes are still backed up with fresh and alive fishes. Also i believe there are two types of vasectomies, one that is reversible and one that is permanent. Always consult with your doctor and have checkups to make sure that the vasectomy hasn't reversed itself. This is knowledge given to the person getting the vasectomy by the doctor, so it shouldn't have been too shocking to find out you got your partner pregnant again.
A failure rate of around 1%... yeah, he totally should expect it to fail, i mean, is a whole 1% so it's practically 100%, he is a moron for thinking a vasectomy means no more kids since obviously all of them fail (and yeah, this is sarcasm, i'm kinda sure you won't get it if i don't point it out)
Sperm. Men have sperm not “fishes” It’s 2022, you can say Sperm lol
@@jenniferd264 LOL Sperm XD sorry
@@jenniferd264 its 2022 they can say fishes if they want..
it's cute, I like it
Yeah, when my ex-husband got his vasectomy the doctor snipped, clipped on little metal clamps, and cauterized the ends of the tubes. He said there is still a chance that it could reverse itself in time. No vasectomy is 100%.
That yta comment make no sense all Op did was present the paperwork the ex-boyfriend didn't have to sign it right away he could have waited until the test results or get a lawyer involved she only protecting her kids because she doesn't know how he'll treat them
The story about the escort was class, she put them in their place. If she’s providing accommodations to a family then they should give her the due respect. Toxic people deserve to be ejected 💯
I wonder how long it will take until the sister is in front of her door crying he cheated on her
If someone has that many ex spouses, it might be a reflection of them as a person 🤣
He is too fertile, I even lost count of the number of children he has. He probably should be using condoms otherwise he will be impregnating people everywhere 😄
So I've never gotten a vasectomy but I'm pretty sure the doctor tells you they aren't always effective and can be undone
It’s alarming the amount of people who don’t know that Vasectomies and getting your tubes tied can fail.
In my country the men are recommended to go back and get tested at certain intervals.
YTA in the first story doesn’t make sense. All OP did was send the paperwork. There was no deadline or pressure for her ex to sign. If the kid wasn’t his, there was no need for the ex to sign the papers, they aren’t married and he didn’t sign the birth certificate (he avoided her for 8 months). She sued him for child support. So the best thing that the ex could have done was wait for the test results.
But he didn’t. He didn’t check to see if his vasectomy was still working. The current situation is completely one of his own making. Yes, OP didn’t want to parent with him. The pregnancy show his true self and who wants to parent with that hot mess.
Also, she sued him for child support only to force him to take a paternity test after he ghosted her for 8 months. If he had 1. went to the doctors to check to make sure his sperm count was low, or nonexistent he would have known to wait before believing her a cheater. 2. Should have held off on signing anything until he had the test results and tried to come up with a way to co-parent after he screwed up with ghosting her for 8 months. 3. He needs therapy to deal with the trauma of his ex-wife's many infidelities before he gets back into the dating scene. For that matter, everyone who has been in a relationship with a cheater, especially a chronic cheater should get therapy before ever trying to get into a new relationship. Too many people don't and end up carrying that pain and mistrust into relationships and screwing them up at the slightest miscommunication. You also have people who fall prey to future partners who are cheaters cause they haven't learned how to spot and avoid folks like that.
Thats the thing that makes no sense, if he thought it wasn't his why would he sign?
@@justine8387 yeah. He was in such a rush to sign that he couldn’t wait for the dna test results. Yikes.
Story # 1: OP didn't trick him, he tricked himself.
Yeah he signed a legal document without reading it or waiting for the test results.
I applaud the OP in the trip story. I love it when parents ASK OTHERS for advice before deciding to fuck over their children.
Thank GOD for the update to story two. I was so worried we wouldn’t get a conclusion and that story was really getting to me 🤣
I wonder if the sister wanted her there so she could help around the house rather than meet the baby
Anyone being forced to babysit a child that is not theirs should take that child to the furthest hospital or police station they can reach and leave the kid there.
First story: Why would he “sign over his rights” if he thought the babies wasn’t his? NTA
Second ex-wife? Now there is a red flag straight off the bat.
That YTA on the first story. She didn’t trick him. He did a paternity test BEFORE signing over his rights. It’s HIS fault for not waiting for the results.
He was looking for a get out clause by
a) disputing paternity
b) as soon as paperwork said he could renounce all responsibility, he took it.
but she did y didn't she wait n let not act like the guy doesn't have a lawsuit on his hand
Nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to sign. My guess is that if he hadn't signed away his rights and then learned that he is the father, he'd probably abandon the kids anyway, at least until he or another relative needs a kidney.
@@ladyv5655 u can't say that he thought he couldn't have kids THE DOCTOR TOLDS HIM
@@MrHelicx , I didn't say that. I'm just pointing out that he voluntarily signed away his parental rights. If she gave him the document, it's up to him to read it before signing it. Or at least waiting for the DNA results. File this one under "too bad, so sad."
So because the OP wanted to remove a man who denied he was the father to protect the kids, she's the monster. Women will always be damned if we do, damned if we don't
What utter rubbish are you babbling ? They live in different towns , they frequently don’t see each other for days or even wks at a time , his ex-wife had multiple affairs and he’s had a F***ING VASECTOMY ! so is it any surprise he didn’t believe her when she claims there his children ? But oh no he’s not allowed to doubt her he’s supposed to take it all on face value and play happy families with her , but because he didn’t she’s now ‘the victim’ and she’s just trying to protect her ‘poor innocent’ children from him ? Yea right .
@@druid799 he had reasonable fears but he did not have a reasonable reaction. it's his own fault and I hope he doesn't get custody back, he's an emotional ticking timebomb
@@druid799 vasectomy arnt fail proff in fact for many men the procedure dosent take
@@druid799 It's his own fault for dating 1. before he was really ready, a.k.a get some therapy to deal with the trauma of a cheating ex. 2. Dating a woman who didn't live in the same town as him. 3. Not getting checked every once in a while to make sure his sperm count hadn't increased. 4. ghosting her for 8 months, instead of talking to her. 5. Not waiting to make sure he was the father, even if they didn't get back together. He's damn near 60, not 20 he needs to take responsibility for his actions. There was no time limit on him signing the papers, so that's on him.
@@druid799 someone’s triggered! 😂😂😂. People are faulting the man for signing his rights away before getting the results of the dna test (not for doubting her). Even the OP says she understands why he doubted.
He’s also TA for *blaming the OP* because he chose to sign the papers before getting the dna test results. Like he’s not a fully grown adult who controls his own choices and actions.
Also, expecting her to uproot her life and support system to move closer to him…? 😂😂😂
But go on with your triggered self!
Story 1: NTA. I get that he had been cheated on before but he acted beyond immature over something that wasn’t even true. He could have demanded a test beforehand but he was in a hurry to get the assumed cheater out of his life.
I disagree given the situation of a man previously being scarred by a woman because he was cheated on, and which led him to a vasectomy. A woman with her former husband with kids is telling him that she’s pregnant and he’s the father. given all of these things any man that would just openly believe a woman that says she’s pregnant given the circumstances would be an idiot.
a paternity test is definitely needed in the situation.
yes this man is an idiot for signing away his rights prematurely but I believe this woman is also an idiot for even proposing or even bringing up the fact that he even could sign the rights knowing how emotional and mentally charged he would be in this situation. She shouldn’t have engaged with any conversation after it was established that he didn’t believe her but agreed to the paternity test. this man clearly wasn’t thinking in his right mind and if this lady had good intentions then she should empathize with where this man is coming from. And allow him and his child to have a relationship. He an idiot that made a bad decision because he was mentally, and emotionally scared by a former lover. The post doesn’t says if all his kids are even his just that his wife cheated multiple times.
She’s the idiots because she sees the damage on why he reacted the way he did and she’d rather feel justified in being hurt and excluding this man, than allowing her kid to know his father.
For sure this man needs therapy, but Society has to stop looking at men bike they are perfect creatures who never take any mental or emotional tolls.
Women talk about how men pray on women and how women can be vulnerable, but turn a complete blind eye to when men are vulnerable and can be taken advantage of. This man was and still is vulnerable in this situation.
@@Sixdawg06 Everyone knows that vasectomies can fail. Well, almost everyone knows.
@@Sixdawg06 then he should have gotten professional help for himself to get over his issues and trauma, that is not an excuse to behave like he did
@@Sixdawg06 hmm I think I can see both sides. The guy has recently been traumatized by his ex and this must have felt like a recurring nightmare. Then again, the woman is also recovering from a divorce and has had her views on men tarnished. His reactions may have triggered a self defensive 'will cut u out of my life completely' response. Both responses were too hasty. The guy should have asked for a paternity test and OP should not have immediately thrown up all walls so quickly and proceeded to legally ensure her ex would never be a part of her life. I think they both need counseling. As for the relationship that's done and gone and it didn't sound like either was ready to be in a relationship yet. OP and her ex need to hash out some sort of an agreement that they can live with for the child's sake.
@@livelovelife32 Op pushed for a paternity test and then sent him the paperwork to give up his rights. And no, they don't need to hash any sort of agreement out. He can try to challenge the paperwork he signed in court, but chances are good he'll have no rights to those kids. And if he has no rights, well, she can simply move away.
When are men going to believe their doctors when they tell them that a vasectomy isn't always 100% foolproof over time? It's rare, but it sometimes happens that a man can father a child even after undergoing that procedure. If you've had a vasectomy and want to be sure that you're still 100% unable to father children, see your doctor for regular checkups to be sure that you're still infertile.
When are women and other men going to understand that, instead of telling men who want to be child free to get one if they want to stay that way and not get a woman pregnant? ISN'T THAT THE ADVICE EVERYONE ALWAYS GIVES?
ETA grammer
@@black1917 please rewrite your comment. Grammatically confusing. No idea what point you are trying to make.
@@stephanien6237 fixed
Vasectomy's FAIL. She didn't trick him into anything. He knew the results were pending and signed his rights away anyway. His trauma isn't her responsibility.
Vasectomies are NOT permanent sterilization. You hear stories all the time about a man having had a vasectomy and the woman he's with gets pregnant. Tubal ligation is not 100%. The only way to ensure no pregnancy is no uterus.
Or remove the testicles...
No testicle would do it too.
He signed over his rights BEFORE he found out if they were even his 🥴🤣 he knew that there was a possibility and you can’t sign over right to someone else kids. I’m unsure how she tricked him😬
Looks like the trash on the floor wasn’t the only trash in that room well done OP for throwing all the trash out.
First story: That guy needs therapy. Those twins should not be around him. He will hurt them. OP is best to go into hiding.
If he wanted to be a part of their life if he was the dad, then he should have waited for the results.
wow ...wonder why he's twice divorced 🙄
Last story: OP didn't do anything wrong. What is wrong with that girl, you just text any woman you find in your boyfriend's phone, cancel plans and insult them. Then you confront them at his house without asking who they are. Josh is an idiot for not defending his sister and he should dump that insecure dramatic girl. Does he expect that one day she will get to meet Mary and their dad and OP will be in support of this relationship? If I were OP, I would forward all those texts to family and tell them this is who Josh is dating if she doesn't grovel and apologise. The lesson here is to not be a stupid drama queen and if your man is 'cheating' confront your man because he is the problem.
I thought it was a huge red flag (that apparently flew over Josh's head) that his girlfriend thought it was OK to impersonate him in a text to ruin his plans, then send nasty calls and texts to a complete stranger she has no idea of his affiliation with, then corner the stranger in HIS BEDROOM and SCREAM at her while he's in the living room with all his friends.
But it's OP's fault to enlighten everyone as to this b*tch's shenanigans? Wow.
Don’t date crazy people. In a mutually respectful and mature relationship you talk with the other. This woman sounds immature; petty, vindictive. Why doesn’t josh think he deserves better than that crazy GF?
She wasn’t putting her nephew over her daughter. She was putting herself over her daughter. She wants to see her sister. She wants to see the new baby. She doesn’t want to wait. She wants her daughter to put her existence on hold until she’s done. All she did was talk about herself, what she wanted, how everyone needed her to be with them or ambiguous emergencies happen. I’m glad Reddit was able to wake her up.
Exactly it was her trip over her daughter’s trip! She can do it anytime but the daughter would be missing out. And she’s going with friends whose parents can help if they need anything. Ridiculous
So, he could've gone in to check to see if he was still sterile. Instead, he chose to freak out and sign the papers (out of spite?)
Two facts everyone needs to be aware of:
1) Vasectomies fail all the time, you must get rechecked periodically
2) paternity tests, and prenups should just be a natural part of the relationship process. They're prophylactic, and necessary.
Technically aslong as a man has testicles that are even slightly functional, he is not sterile. Most men who are told they are sterile are been lied to. They aren't infertile, they have reduced fertility, not no fertility. A sperm count 1millionth the usual still means there are thousands of sperm in your ejeculate, and as biology 101 teaches, you only need 1.
A vasectomy is essentially like trying a knot in a hosepipe, just because it stops 99.99% of the water is not 100%, even 1 atom of H²0 is some water.
Paternity tests should just be done by the hospital as a neutral party and be part of the procedure of adding dad to the birth certificate. Because there is no way its fine to ask the woman for one because it always implies cheating. If it's a neutral party and is mandatory, then there are no hurt feelings and potentially damaging situations for children with dads that walk away in that situation can be prevented.
@@tamarak.8800 Honestly i think it should go a step further with a genetic screening test. Knowing at a young age what if any genetic diseases a person may develop allows proactive medical intervention which can majorly limit the effects those conditions can have in later life.
I can however see the reason why some people would be relucant to have this done as it is open to potential abuse, but the same can be said of almost anything these days.
@@cgi2002 sometimes there are communication issues between doctors and patients. Doctor says, you can’t get pregnant while on this, and the patient hears you are unable to get pregnant instead of do not get pregnant while on this
So. It’s her fault he signed the papers before he got the results??? There was no trickery here. He should’ve waited for the result
He wants to get back together???!! Lol And read legal documents before signing it.
Oh he read them. He just was so sure he wasn’t the father that he couldn’t wait a few days for the results of a paternity test. He’s an idiot.
Last story: Op is a Saint. If someone screamed at me in front of my face I would have either slapped them on their face or I would stuff anything I found in their open screaming mouth.
Idk how they’re all making op the bad guy. Like that girl is unstable, she went in his phone to cancel. And harassed op then cornered her and started yelling again?! She has every right to call her out, maybe she wouldn’t feel stupid if she just asked the brother about op. And how can op’s brother and his friends think op should apologize?!
Nephews attitude is disgusting and he and his family who supported him needed to get out.
STOP DATING DUDES MORE THAN A DECADE OLDER THAN YOU, THAT HAVE BEEN DIVORCED MULTIPLE TIMES
Add...stop dating fertile dudes. He has super swimmers.
I have done this couple times. But I give warning
“Watch what u say. I know u. People living in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones. I’m fine w the world knowing my mistakes. Are u ? “
Most times there is silence. 🤷♀️
Story 1: don’t sign papers if you aren’t 100% sure of the outcome.
@@aduckofsomesort he was an idiot who jumped the gun and now he has to live with the consequences
Please call your brother. Speak with him about contacting the police/cps. Document everything & keep copies (send them to your brother?). Ask the police if you’re old enough to be emancipated. See if you can move in with your brother.
1st story, Besides waiting on a paternity test he could have gone to his doctor that did the vasectomy and get a sperm count done. Vasectomies can fail down the road as the tube ends can grow back together.
That poor girl with the mother with no boundaries. She needs to get the hell out of there if she can. I am a mother of four and when they were young I started letting them have their own private time with their doctors during routine visits because I know that there are just some things that are easier to discuss without mom in the room. I have been encouraging them since elementary school to take control of their own bodies, education - their own lives because it's theirs after all. I continued to teach and guide them as they grew up but they knew that I would respect their privacy unless until they violated it and then guidelines would be put in place to redirect that behavior. Now i'd like to believe that there isn't much they don't feel like they can't share with me but they also understand that I believe in them and their own ability to judge if they need help or guidance. At some point no matter how painful it is, we have to let our kids step out and start becoming the people they were meant to be. We can mold and shape them to an extent. The rest will be up to them.
So did the girl in the last story think that OP was sleeping with her brother just because they didn't share blood? Is that what she was thinking?
Don't know. You would think that if she saw family photos she would assume OP was family. Most sane people don't assume incest. Knows she is a step sister, and then decided that means no family relationship? I think the girl is total wack. And the brother is a jerk because getting laid is apparently more important than defending his sister.
@@ruthmeow4262 I think she is a new girl who is so self-absorbed she never bothered to ask. All in all, I think Josh is truly dumb for letting all this drama happen but maybe, he doesn't take this girl seriously and its probably a casual thing. He should dump her for her crazy behaviour.
Story 1: I can totally see why he had doubts, i mean he had a vasectomy and had trauma for being cheated on, but he acted completely wrong in this. Specially because he didn't wait until the results were done, i wouldn't want to go back to him either.
he didn´t even demand a test in the first place, she did it. He didn´t care at all.
StepBrother's GF goes off on Stepsis- Wow. Alll that shade is coming from the girl ranting at that room full of guys. She manipulated all of them to protect her and not the girl 7 years younger than all of them!
Tell your brother you are hurt by him defending what she did to you. She CATFISHED YOU. AND STALKED YOU. AND SAID MORE VILE THINGS ON THE PHONE. You truly thought he would stand up for you. You don't feel comfortable around her, anymore, because you have no clue what she'll do next. I won't make you chose between us, so I just won't see you except at home. Oh, I called the cops and got a Criminal Trespass against her. She is unhinged.
THIS.
He should have checked with is doctor to make sure it took.Sometimes it needs to be done a second time. This happened to my brother.
Growing up I had lots of doc appointments. Sometimes my grandma would take me to them. Now once I was old enough to talk to the doc myself she would still come in with me and would talk over me. I have a latex allergy. There are foods associated with it but because she listed them like they were a separate allergy they are now in my chart. I have been trying to get the taken out for years. I finally spoke up and started go back by myself.
Ask for an allergy test.
@@ButtonsCasey I've had one. But that doesn't get the food items related to my latex allergy removed from my chart
You might have to file a complaint with whatever medical board oversees your GP to get that fixed. Your medical records are YOURS, medical staff often forget that. Cite the fact it was said by a third party who didn't actually understand the allergy.
I don’t get your point. You seem to be saying that you don’t like that your medical chart lists Latex allergy and also lists a few foods as allergies. Why?
Is it harmful for your medical chart to list foods that are associated with your allergy? As long as it says “latex” as well as Listing the specific foods, there is no harm. You may not realize that a lot of people do not associate things like bananas and avocados as being potential problems for people with latex allergies. So it is not wrong to list these foods under allergies.
From the ACAAI official allergy site: “If you have latex allergy you also can have food allergies. The foods most likely to cause this problem include: apple, avocado, banana, carrot, celery, chestnut, kiwi, melons, papaya, raw potato and tomato.”
Not sure why you are so focused on taking the food allergies off of your medical chart. 🤷🏻♀️
That’s like saying “I’m allergies to penicillin class medications. But I don’t like that my chart lists my allergy to penicillin and also to amoxicillin and pipercillin!”
@@impishrebel5969 file a report that in addition to listing the latex allergy they correctly listed foods which are associated with the latex allergy and to which the person had A problem?
Is he not an adult?! Everyone saying that he was tricked: he never stopped to ask, "hmm if they're not mine, why is she so confident sending me a paternity test and legal docs." I feel no pity, he's a grown man. People have more sympathy for this man baby than any pregnant woman would ever get. Give me a break.
1) hope the papers stick. You don't need him having any legal holds on you. He can still get to know his kids. 2) don't you dare. newborn will be a few weeks older, wtf.
For the first story, I really don't think it's fair to the kids to keep him out of their lives.
Jealous GF story: NTA! This girl went nuclear and attacked OP, so karma went nuclear and attacked her. Stepbro better wise up or scenes are gonna happen again and again and again.
He's not TAH for having his doubts, he's one for HOW he handled it. It's one thing to want confirmation and to be sure then it's a complete other thing to dump your partner, disrespect them and ghost them for 8 months. He did all of this to himself and now that he realized the mistake he made, he suddenly demands for everything to go back to normal as if there was not just a huge breach of trust and respect displayed. Maybe next time he'll learn to handle things in a different way instead of jumping the gun like that.
Your sister's adult stepson tried to blackmail you? This is how you need to call this. Use the word. Blackmail. Maybe toss in the fact that blackmail is usually a felony.
Sometimes vasectomies fail. It's rare but they do.
If I was accused of cheating because I was pregnant and it "shouldn't be possible" I would also want to remove their parental rights if they didn't check with a doctor to confirm the vasectomy had not healed.
The reason why I would is because if they are accusatory far too easily that means they could be abusive to a child. I know because my dad did that years ago. If I was looking for something and couldn't find it right away I would be accused of hiding the object. It sometimes escalated to him hitting me.
OMG someone with sense on here and realizing it's rare.
"I shouldn't be able to have kids" is, in fact, a perfectly valid reason to accuse you of cheating when you get pregnant. This scenario and your dad's shitty behavior are two different things. One is a medical procedure with a 99% success rate, yes 500 in 500,00 does put it that close, the other is an asshole. You sound like the person that help a cheater gaslight their partner.
The friends all laughed at the gf yet say the sister was wrong!?! Wth
The friends were probably stoned! Stoned people will laugh at paint drying on a wall
If you don't want your Mom in the exam room, tell the doctor or the reception desk; they WILL enforce your rights. She has NO right to be in your private meetings with your doctor. Full stop. Most certainly by puberty, you should not be forced to have a witness for routine examinations. Seriously, mine haven't sat in with me since I was in the single digits.
Depends on where you live. What country. Area of the country. Laws. Etc.
@@stephanien6237 I know, and that's gross. The doctor's office should always be private, especially by puberty.
Nta. He jumped the gun. Vasectomies don't always last. He can suck it. OP live life well with your babies. You did not trick him. He left you. Also make him pay up on child support.
I think when he signed away all parental rights be no longer is on the hook for child support.
Story One: OP is NTA but I can understand her ex’s POV up to a point. My husband had a vasectomy, one of the ones where part of the tubes got cut away and then the ends cauterised to ensure that they don’t heal, and he had a follow up to ensure that no sperm was getting through. If OP’s ex went through what my husband did, then it’s rather natural to assume that your long-distance girlfriend cheated on you, especially given he’s been cheated on before. However, he should have just asked for a DNA test straight away. The fact that he didn’t means everything else that happened is on him.
Move out and live with brother! These people are abusive as hell!
For the YTA comment how was he tricked. It’s not anyones fault he didn’t read what he was signing. First off he already had this idea that she was a cheater. Although she didn’t cheat why would you sign papers you haven’t read from someone you don’t trust. And who signs papers without reading them.
Love the kitty cat background!
Story 1- to those who think the first thought he had should have been his partner cheated, no. His first thought should have been, "Fuck! I need to see my urologist to make sure the vasectomy is still working". But that's just me, lol.
Riiiight. 🙄
Nta. Josh's gf needs to apologize up one side and down another.
So does Josh.
Josh needs to drop her. She’s a mean and dangerously insecure.
If your boyfriend is cheating on you, you get mad at HIM! He’s the one who owes you loyalty!
Instead of jumping to accusations of cheating he should have waited for the paternity test results.
Birth control story: It’s alarming that a punishment is no eating and watching his daughter for 2 weeks? that’s so freaking wrong. OP isn’t the idiot, and if she can, she should plan to leave ASAP.
Anyone who get a vasectomy should be fully aware that they aren’t always 100% effective. Do we get any info on his follow up appointment to determine the success of the procedure? He brought this on himself.
Story 1: I wonder who's been in his ear telling him she's been cheating. I wonder who convinced him to leave and sign papers without waiting for the paternity test. I wonder if that is the same person pressuring him to get back with her. See, if I were him my first thought wouldn't have been my partner cheated. It would have been to call the dr for a sperm count. I know for sure a swimmer gets through sometimes. That's why there's counts done for a while afterwards. So yeah. The guy's a complete fool.
call your brother and CPS both your step dad is abusive
Helicopter parent. Let the girl go. If contact is so important consider star link to bridge the gap, expensive (especially for 1 month, c 650$ with dish) but if that's so important suck the cost and give to sister afterwards.
All doctors that give their patients a vasectomy let them know there's still a possibility they'll still have kids. The procedure doesn't kill the chance by 100%, and so doctors recommend if the Mrs. do get pregnant to have them DNA tested first to ensure if sperm cells did make it to the womb and egg. A vasectomy is like a kink on a water hose, water can still make it out regardless of the kink just not large amounts
Story 1. NTA That guy sounds toxic
NTA. What’s the betting that the ex didn’t attend his follow-ups to check that the vasectomy had actually worked?
My sister got pregnant after her husband has a vasectomy. He never questioned her fidelity. He went to the surgeon. 100% fertile. Seems it's common for men to have a third tube that carries the sperm. His bad for not returning for his final sperm count.
I don't have a problem with him insisting on a paternity test. He could have asked for one more maturely and not immediately gone to cheating, but that is not the route he chose. He gets no sympathy for signing over his parental rights to the twins. He knew he had taken a DNA test and that it wasn't back, he chose to sign those rights away. That is 100% on him.
Kitties, kitties and more kitties! I approve.
Up to 2% of vasectomies don’t work. This is a fact. Doctors are required to pass on this small piece of info. My best friend fell pregnant with her fourth child mere months after her hubby had the snip. He didn’t question her at all as he knew sometimes “shit happens”. Their daughter looks just like him, so there’s never been any doubt.
Vasectomies are not 100% effective!
Stepdad is being abusive and mother is allowing it. Tell your brother what your stepdad did to you.
I really hate when stepparents are allowed to do whatever to the children and the bioparents let it happen to "keep the peace", or worse they support the mistreatment. I hope OP can petition for ANYONE ELSE to have guardianship of her, or even emancipation, and NC her toxic mom. Ugh!
(Seriously, who grounds a girl for taking BC for ANY REASON?!! At the minimum she's being responsible. And food deprivation is still a thing? Parentification of her stepsiblings? Is this a cult?)