The myth of the natural is just that: a myth. Success with women is not something some men are born with -- it is something that some men choose to cultivate. However, the process of developing this suite of skills is painful and expensive. What would sufficiently motivate a man to do so? The truth is that most players are nice guys who were hurt one too many times and decided to do something about it. I explain this process using one of my favorite films, "2046" by Wong Kar-Wai. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by @valntinomusic. Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #dating #psychology #men
You got this wrong, so wrong. The true player is the natural one. That x factor is manifested from teenage years, it is the capacity to create a strong desire involuntarily everywhere you go, in either old or young women. It is a mixture of charisma and physical/behavioral traits. It is preserved even in OLD AGE, and I mean really old (he can easily get young women in his 60s). I have never met a "self-made player" who was actually not wrecked in the end by women. They can't neither produce desire naturally, nor they can maintain it through time and certainly not preserve it in old age. The vast majority of self-made players manufacture a façade that is never going to last, it lacks the artistic ,effortless touch of a natural (with hundreds of thousands of seductive moments through his life). Picasso was a good example of that. Old, bald and short and he could do as he wanted, his aura was that strong. We all know when we see it. Perhaps because I'm Mediterranean and here it is like that. That x factor is independent from money and age (and directly proportional to the subject's intellect). There is a universal lust for a certain type of genes that knows no age
"The myth of the natural is just that: a myth" Excuse me, I had a friend like this. He was very good with girls. A few times he just started a conversation with one and sometimes a pair of girls on a bus without even telling me he was gonna do it(we were teenagers below 18). In a few minutes I had a feeling that they were ready to go on a date with him or even jump into the bed. These cases did end up with exchanging numbers. He wasn't tall, wasn't muscular, wasn't a pretty face. He had multiple girlfriends at a time, and even when he had a main girlfriend, he'd still have multiple girls in rotation just to fuск. There's 0% chance that he was a part of the pickup community: it was year 2004-2006 and we're in Ukraine, barely anyone had Internet access back then here, and he never spoke English, anyway. And he was ~16 back then, too. When he'd come from a summer camp, he'd tell us stories how he fuскеd the administrator girls, often a few per summer in the summer camp. And yeah he was telling the truth: like I said, I've seen him pick up girls in minutes with my own eyes multiple times. What he was is very cunning, confident and have had a very well-hung tongue. No, he didn't invest time, energy and money to develop "the skillset". It was a street kid that was just good at it: someone might have taught him some stuff to be better with people in general, but that's about it. And yeah, I guess, he did get good at it as years went by, but it wasn't intentional: it wasn't like people that go to colleges or gyms, or the pickup artists that go the gatherings to practice to be better at the pickup art.
You're wrong on the first part. Yes, players are often made from guys who got hurt, but, also yes, there are "naturals." The natural is the guy who was probably very handsome at an early age and popular who had a dad that was cool, sociable and not a cvck that he could imitate.
Same here. Once you understand female nature, you lose the Disney idea of happily ever after. Sometimes stumble and then reminded again that women love opportunistically and that we are the true romantics.
I’m starting to see that in us men everyday. I’ve known about female nature for quite some time. All you have to do is look at Eve in the garden of Eden and that will show you the nature of a woman and what she will go after.
@rehakmate have fun thinking your way, always a women defender lying to men about the dynamic 🙄. Bro, I have a woman staying with me, paying me to live with me, and no commitment 😉. Let me guess, Santa Claus is real because we haven't been to every location in the world...?
Recently divorced man here. I have never had the abundance of women as i do now. I can completely relate to the character in the movies u described. Being the nice guy in my early 20s got me heart ache, pain, and a divorce.
Same here. I was too innocent and trusted all bs fantasy. Right after first day of the marriage my wife became toxic and now probably is cheating, I am starting to see the signs. I am kind of in process of divorce. I had no women marriage too. Tell me what sort of mindset do you have towards woman now that is lending you the abundance. Mine currently is: No woman is loyal and supportive and never will be so never expect it and neither give that to her, If no woman wants to marry then so be it.
And some women have exactly the same mentality: no man is loyal and caring. You see, we mirror each other. You blame women, women blame you. Endless cycle.
@@reenaree1953 not true. Women are dating playboys who aren't loyal in first place. Good men are being ignored by them. Hence for women 80% of their will cheat them and these women will cheat on good men. So no, we are not mirroring anything here. Women simply have bad taste.
I was 23. I was in college, had my girl, had my plans, had the ring. She cheated and got knocked up. Destroyed me. From that day forward I treated every woman I came into contact with like absolute garbage. I never had so much vag in my life. It was an eye opener.
@@reenaree1953 there is another video on this channel, where he explains what you are confused about. In short, it is hard for a man to get many sexual partners, and it is very easy for a woman to get many sexual partners. This may answer your question on why it is inherently degrading for a woman to be promiscuous, and vice versa.
So if it is easy to breathe then air must be degraded and air must be worthless then. Too easy. Cheap. But i agree, women should choose very carefully. If women choose very carefully then 99% of men wouldn't have a chance. But then again, is it something you want? You want love and someone to see you for who you are. Men, you are precious, you are same as women. God loves you. We are here for a reason and we are all together. Friends.
I have a friend that’s a player and I was lucky enough to see first hand what that looks like up close. He admitted to me that he lied to women quite regularly to get what he wanted and wasn’t above sleeping with women that were married. When I asked him why he would do these things his response was: “because fuck these bitches”. Then he proceeded to tell me stories of women that had screwed him over. It was really interesting. I didn’t agree with all of his methods but I did takeaway a couple of things: 1. Take care of your body and fashion and max that out the best that you can 2. Standout in an ostentatious way 3. Hit on an obscene amount of women 4. Be straightforward
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it gas made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademaster don’t ignore what you’re beginning understand right now. You’re getting there. “Nobody loves anyone, we only just pretend” Those are David Bowie lyrics. Bowie didn’t write down lyrics, he stream of conscious sung them in the studio. Always. No words poured over and calculated, just direct from the cerebellum. My point: that one line is pure truth. As @PsyHacks said in this video we just barrow one another. I think, and I am not certain, women get a chemical reward from rejecting a man. If not chemical then certainly emotionally in terms of self esteem. Have you ever seen a rejected woman? She just disintegrates. A man is rejected 10 times before breakfast and we walk to the next one positively expecting different results. I believe we are on this journey together
A friend of mine (seriously - not me!) was "hurt once too much" and started treating all women he approached and dated alike doormats. The ladies just kept lining up in a queue! Seriously, the more he played them, the more he attracted the ladies. His exes stopped me while shopping, asking how they could contact him. I lied that I had lost contact with my friend. I could barely remember them (never mind their names), and my friend was already at +5. I was completing my education at the time and had to focus on exams and papers and - frankly, could not bother with this kind of ladies. If you are a nice young man - consider your options.
Yeah, treat women like shit and you'll have plenty of dating options. Engage in self-destructive behavior and women will feel drawn to you. Try to support your partner and do nice things for her and try to help improve her life and you have no shot. I was the kind of guy who women claim to like: kind, thoughtful, intelligent, highly educated, emotionally open, loyal, stable. Well, one woman I loved left me for a drug user. Another woman I loved left me for a drug dealer, which predictably didn't go well. Then she started a relationship with a man who pressured her into sex without a condom and who broke off contact with her once she became pregnant. Yeah, great choice in men, ladies.
@@reenaree1953 Lol, trust me, no men is attracted to high bodycount women. Tell him you have double digit and watch his face twist in disgust. He may still hold his nose and pump and dump you, but he can't be seen wifing up the town bicycle. The same high bodycount in men would make most western women think of it as validation that he's desirable. Asian women would pull away at the red flag, but that's a learned cultural value. What happenes far more often is women lie about their past, and men believe them when they shouldn't. Difference - women lie downward regarding their bodycount, men lie upward. Guess why.
As a former nice guy and loyal romantic, and having a woman leave me for seemingly no reason after a 10 year relationship... yup... not willing to waste another 10 years of my life.
This has happened to me, and I struggle to understand it. I used to be an innocent young man, wanting nothing but a traditional family, and I had a hard time with women. Now that I am less innocent I have more available than I can keep track of. I agree with the presenter and do fear that often players have hurt/pain behind their actions.
Our mothers and grandmothers generation of women really cared about family, men and children. But men at that time only cared about sex. So thanks to those men, women went resentful towards men because "men only want one thing". Thank men.
And how/where do you meet women, and how do you get to get laid with them? This is want we guys really want to know. We can figure out ourselves how to deal with them afterwards.
(I can see only one reply out of three.) It's easy to understand, women need protection, and an emotionally available man is not strong enough to protect them. They don't feel safe with him.
I feel sorry for "nice guys" who went on the path of becoming a jerk. I was once one of you and I never felt like I could be myself around women because at one point being myself wasn't cutting it. The main issue was my confidence and instead of learning to accept my flaws and truly becoming confident I decided to take the easier route and fake it. I spent countless hours online researching how to be a jerk, youtube videos on being alpha and blogs on how to manipulate women into getting your way, push and pull method, gaslighting etc... and eventually I created this fake personality and to my surprise it fucking worked like really fucking well. The girl who rejected me multiple times (the one who pushed me over the edge) was practically on her knees begging for my attention WHILE SHE HAD A BF and other women who didn't pay me much mind suddenly wanted to talk to me, be around me, and do uhh other stuff. There was a point where I couldn't have any female friends because they were all trying to fuck me WHILE THEY HAD BFS. This sounds great in theory until you take off the mask and realize it was all a front. These women don't want me, they want the man I pretend to be. This realization was absolutely soul crushing and I spent a LOT of time like literal years trying to be myself again and trying to shake the feelings of inadequacy. It is possible but it is a very hard path and if I could tell my younger self to just learn to love and respect myself rather than be someone I'm not I would do that in a heartbeat. So to any young guys here never change for a woman, learn to have respect for yourself i.e. don't let any man or woman use you as a doormat and learn to truly be confident e.g. spark up convos with strangers or women you believe to be out of your league and go into it like you are on their level and trust me you will be a lot happier in the long run than pretending to be someone you are not.
Bro I can't thank you enough for sharing this. This is exactly the path I recently embarked and I think I need to see things differently. Always being a "nice" guy and always sucked with women. I decided to try and become a jerk with PUA and tricks like that. Not anymore. Thanks for opening my eyes
Without even watching this video, I can tell you that when you open up your heart to people, not just women, and then they break it, over and over again, eventually the heart will be irreparable or unamenable. It's like trying to repair a broken teacup. You could put it back together, and it may be functional as before, but it will never be the same old teacup.
Not neccesarily. If you have whit, confidence, and game, she will love to flirt like a game and sleep with you. It is that subset of behaviors she loves in the bad boy. Many women after 27 no longer are interested in bad boys and look for that subset for providers by 30+
@@reenaree1953 These are not men but simps. The mirror reflection of sluts in women. Both give away their relational currency for nothing devaluing themselves.
@@timgibney5590 Way too many women love dangerous and violent men. After losing their valuable years to "bad boys", they may settle for the nice guy. Those poor losers have to pay full price for a washed up elder.
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it has made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
I became one in my 40’s…. In my 50’s now. The combination of the nice guy-player ‘revelation’ and maturity is potent …. My age was no barrier to accessing women of any age… so you have that to look forward to .
As a young man who just became a player, the doc is spot on!. We’re just heartbroken and we loved someone with purest intentions just to get dumped. And to be honest even we don’t like what we’re doing deep down
hi, i know a guy exactly like this, from your point of view, is there any way to help or explain to him what is happening and why it is bad? he said he felt lonely and stuff, but he just sees it as “thats life” and proceeds. i have the purest intention for him, and i understand where it came from.
@@ela1058 well Ela, a man becomes a player basically for two reasons…1. Loved someone and got dumped, so he fills the void with more feminine energy. 2. Got dumped many times and basically gives up and true love. I belong to 1…. In either cases, he realises one major thing, that is he really don’t have to put that much efforts as he thought to pull a girl, it doesn’t matter what kind of girl she is tho cause we don’t really care tbh. But that realisation is lowkey dangerous cause now we’re pulling the number of girls we never expected in our life before. My dms are bursting literally hundreds. So in those numbers you’re just one woman, the answer is basically you have to be better than everyone. You have you bring hope to his love life, always be there for him and make him see you (CAREFULLY), of course 90% of time it’ll keep on failing but don’t ever give up. You can’t fix him, you have to give him enough hope so he can fix himself while you’re there for him… does this works? It might not, it’s a tough long battle with risk of ROI. It also depends on the gravity of his player life. If he’s a new player like me, then he can change in short time. But if he’s experienced, then unfortunately the chances are much lower. If you ask, i would suggest not to take that way and waste your time, but if that’s what you truly want, then go for it!. Nothing is beautiful than love after all…
"Even we don't like what were doing deep down." Nothing but facts. I would never consider myself a player because I never purposely played with women's emotions to get sex or anything else. (This isn't because I'm a good person or something but because it's way too easy to manipulate women, and easy on _that_ level doesn't really interest me.) Women I've been around consider(ed) me a player _because I treat no less than 90% of women as friends rather than as possible romantic interests._ They've asked if I'm married or have a girlfriend as they don't know what to make of not being viewed by a man in some type of sexual or romantic way. But I didn't become this way because my heart was broken by a woman (on the converse, at fifteen I was stupid and cheated on the only girl I ever loved).... My heart was kind of broken but not in the normal sense. I became this way after I went from pretty boy in high school and college to [totally different] a year into college when I had a Redpill moment and suddenly developed a real sense of purpose... _and the women suddenly came out the woodwork._ Very suddenly. Even the way I walked had totally changed. Before this, most women liked at me like meh, especially in Baltimore where they love thugs. After I guess you can call it the Redpill moment, I mean, I had to run from women now because they wouldn't leave me tf alone. But the 'heartbreak' really came at the job I got after that Redpill moment and I dropped out of college. 90% of the employees were women and 90% of those women were married. And still they would flirt and try to work-husband and bag me and then call me "conceited" for not wanting to sleep with married women. _That_ was the moment for me, a type of heartbreak, sure. I thought about those married women's poor unexpecting husbands and still somehow managed to be civil with them. But from them on, I repented for wanting to think the best of women. If I'd been naturally inclined to negativity or pessimism, I would've thrown in the towel on women long who (the Redpill moment happened 20 years ago). Still, the best way forward for men is to *learn, acknowledge, and accept female nature* (always remembering that men have our issues too) so you aren't hostile towards women and can still have good, civil, and fun relationships with women, only now *without 'the element of surprise'* that too many men in marriages and longterm relationships eventually have to suffer through. Hell, I didn't know this would be this long or good. I'm going to make it my main comment now. 😂
@@ela1058that guy sounds like me. Let me explain. We also need physical intimacy. We also need physical touch. We as men are also human. He realised he cant fullfill his emotional needs along his physical needs so hes relying on friendship for emotional needs ( doesnt really do the job) and sex for his physical needs. Im excacly the same place. If someone asked me why i changed im gonna be honest about my intentions wich i also am to the women i sleep with. Im just trying to feel alive honestly. Cant get it through monogamy and deep connection? Atleast i can fix part of the problem while i look for another solution or untill im resdy to try dating again. Its really that simple. We know nobody cares and those who care well its not like they can do anything about it and we also loose patience sometimes because countless rejections sometimes from women who take months to assess you as a potential partner leaves toj frustrated and you cant really blame anyone so you just stop caring about making women happy and instead focus on your own needs for once without relying on your assessed value as a partner to get it. We are humans. We need to be touched. Literally. Its a basic human need. You wont make him realise anything because hes essentially correct. He can do all that and still be of value to women much later in life when he is able to be seen as a potential partner by women even younger than himself because he knows hes judged differently as a man and can participate without consequence. Thats what i mean with stop caring. We dont wanna deprave ourselves just to fix an issue that women chase so we instead become the issue that women chase. And no. Its not that we arent able to deter some whore ass woman who's toxic in many ways from a good woman. Its that "good women" can be very great people. Like super great kind and compassionate people but still cant escape their nature. Trust me. Before i changed the way i thought about things i almost purely judged women based on their ability to be future mothers of my children. Looking for good characteristics for such a role with an intent to be 100% dedicated to my part as well just to know these absolutely wonderfull women will still want jerks and assholes who will never commit to them because they have the option not to and still get what they want. We get tired of it. Continuing like that eventually emasculated us and make us feel truly worthless as lack of touch and female attention and intimacy catch up to us and our neurochemistry punishes us
I’ve come across a few women that I was more than willing to be monogamous with. They showed interest, I pursued, than the games started. She started acting better than me and I resorted to the dating game. I cut her off, started talking to other women and now she’s constant looking over her shoulder at me at the gym and getting in my vicinity.
"They showed interest, I pursued, than the games started." This is the story of her....until..............she is no longer getting pursued. Then she "just want a nice guy" as a retirement plan.
The last relationship was by far the best relationship I’ve ever had. So much of went right was… by accident. First, she was more attracted to me than the reverse. I never pursued and didn’t rush to commit. Any time she brought up exclusivity I brushed it off with a joke or something. At that time I didn’t know how to date non-exclusively. There was no supplicating behavior. I took the lead on how conversations went. Disagreements never became disrespectful. She was a loyal, patient, compassionate, open minded woman with a great sense of humor. I was her best option. The problem is that I wasn’t as physically attracted to her as I had been to other women. I also didn’t know about the “adorer vs. adored” concept and had been missing the emotional experience of being the adorer as I was with my first girlfriend. We were a team. I felt both at peace with her and at home. Eventually I broke up with her. It was definitely hard on her. The draw for other women was strong and I didn’t know how to reconcile that. Another reason was that the relationship had felt like a crutch in terms of my own self reliance and maturity. I have no doubt she’ll find someone again. There are no bad feelings towards her. I hope she’s happy.
Dang man. I am going through the exact same thing right now. I’m literally trying to do the right thing and “be into her”. I’ve improved myself immensely during the time I’ve been with her but I’m over 40 now. How old are you?
I concur. The best GF I ever had was an asset to my life. However, our futures were not aligned. She wanted to settle down & breed. I, at the time, did not. So I broke off with her. It was tough, but the right thing to do. I had firm boundaries, and the spine to enforce them. I treated her with kindness, not weakness. A few times she turned on the waterworks - to no avail. One thing I learned is that people (women in this case) respect strength. And I was rewarded for it. She had my back. And she ALWAYS shared her body with me. She never refused me, not even once. Good times. This woman was so dedicated to being with me that she rode a greyhound bus for 2 days to show up at my door. I had to leave for work, so she spent the entire day cleaning up my apt. Good times. I would rank her a 7 on the attractive scale, but a 12 on the personality & attitude scale.
@@Aright231 If all things were equal, then I think there would be a good chance I would take her back. However, this was decades ago. Almost a decade later I married the woman who was my second best GF. This was in the mid 90s. We are still together.
Naturals are rare and they tend to have situations which predispose them to being so. If they have this combo of traits & circumstances: -natural charisma & good looks giving them a halo effect & head start -natural athleticism &/ or artistic talent -attractive sisters who act as demystifying examples of female beauty in whom he can see the female ingenue lizard brain
I have a friend who is a natural, when I asked him how he got good with women, he told me that in high school he by chance ended up in a class with mostly girls and got assigned to a table with some of the sluttiest ones. They all fought over him and slept with him and gave him pointers. He's tall (6'2") but his looks aren't exceptional, pretty average. He's fairly slim but he did high school wrestling and grew up in a rough/scrappy neighborhood, a natural fighter. He's half-black, and idk what his endowment is like.
True. Nice guys often finish last. So don't be a nice guy. I finally realized the person who cares the least has the most power in a relationship. I stopped caring more than they do. Life changing.
@@sebiasdfghjkl it means when you're nice and show interest to most women they will not be interested in you. They either walk all over you or friend zone you. So have a purpose beyond them. Treat and talk to women like they don't mean as much to you as the things you pay attention to in life and watch the magic happen. Unfortunately most women want men who pursue things like jobs etc, not them. Or just find a good woman who understands people are more important than things. They are extremely rare but they do exist.
First off, you’re killing it in the TH-cam game and I bet it’s not long until your channel blows up. Secondly, another point to add is that when women encounter players that are good with women, they make the assumption that these men were somehow always good with women because they were given inherent value. The concept of having to create your own value as a man is so totally foreign to them that they can’t conceive that the high value men they pine for were once technically low value as well. It isn’t until they’re Post-Wall that they realize the fallacy of this thinking but by then it’s too late. Anyways keep killing it, your channel is gold
Well said. My take on this topic: My theory on why they think that's the case is because they, women, are passive by nature and they project that passivity onto others. Let me explain: First most if not all of them are the type that "goes with the flow", follow trends and the collective or the "will of the group". In other word they're sort of deterministic, they "think"/feel/believe that there's a set "way of things" that can't and shouldn't be change or it is for someone else (the men, father, husband) to do the determination, the changing. This is because their bodies are naturally more weaker/softer in order to carry a child while pregnant and when they externally carry the child while it's growing. By extension this leads them to be more naturally adverse to danger both physically and emotionally. I think that aversion is translated to their mind/ego (since both originate in the brains r-complex) leading them to have an aversion to potentially being wrong or unsuccessful. That leads them to have an aversion of being active and taking risky initiatives, an active set of actions that may or may not lead to failure even if it may lead to success and the betterment of one's self and lifestyle. Second there's the fact that their own self value and the source of the value they believe others put on them, is based in their youth and naturally developed beauty. That it was something that they got not throug determination or action, they got it by simply "being" which leads them to project said idea onto other, that others personality, value and physical attractiveness is set by nature. That's why they don't like and even refuse the idea that a person can change and/or improve for the better because it would prove to them that a person can change through choice and determination and that anyone can either improve or degrade depending on the choices they make and that those who thought the opposite, like them, were just being lazy and passive. The ironic thing is that most men achive the best version of themselves, the ones which most women are attracted to, through decision making, action and learning through trial and error; it is very rare for a men to be natural born with confidence, steadfastness, "high level looks" and charisma, let alone determination, those are things that most men develop through the years. Meanwhile the things that most women are initially valued by, the things that attract the attention of men, their youthful beauty and personality, is temporary, it will not last long if left by itself. They have to actively work in not only maintaining their looks as long as possible but also in developing and maintaining personality traits and actions that are desired by men in a women. Their looks only get the sxl attention from men but is their likeability and pleasant and supportive feminine personality and actions that men look in a potential long term life partner.
BluePilled as its conclusions ultimately are, I recommend the film _What Love Is._ This reminded me of a scene where the player of the guy group concludes that his callousness towards female concerns emerged from his having trusted that one girl who broke his heart. It's a great movie.
This is a circle, women revenging men for scamming them because men lie just to get sex. And men revenging women. Somebody take accountability. One thing though: women are not obligated to like men. If no girl likes a man, he is solely responsible for that.
Well, women don't to morph into callousness after ONE man breaks their heart. It happens after many. And even then, they just write men off rather than looking for revenge. Anyone who becomes a cold hearted player after just ONE heartbreak is too weak to be on this planet.
For a long time I was obsessed with romanticism. I was raised to find value in this - to treat a woman “right”. I was taught that this sort of behaviour would be rewarded. After numerous and very painful rejections, I eventually got sick and tired of it all. I describe my change as sort of waking up one day and having a newly found confidence. I’m not sure what tangible thing changed but I felt completely different. From then on I proceeded to sleep with countless women. It was a validation that I yearned for. This all came at a price as I had to surrender old parts of me. I had to wear a mask to fit a role. I never truly liked what I was doing but it did reap rewards. When I look back at that period of my life, I realize that the saddest part about it was that it was only when I changed, when I deviated from my natural and comfortable form that I saw any real success. It was a painful reinforcement that who I think/thought I was is not attractive. A part of me still wants to believe that romanticism exists. A part of me holds onto it. My pain, however, won’t allow me to accommodate any of these beliefs anymore
Most of them didn't start out as naturally charismatic and charming, they got tired of being typical nice guys and saw how Women gravitate towards players. They also saw how easily Women largely succumb to promiscuity
This describes me: was in a long term relationship that I thought was for life and was left for another man. I suppose it depends on how one defines player: as a decent looking man in his mid 50's I've learned that there's no need to lie and cheat, be confident, honest and know that if a woman doesn't find you attractive, there are dozens who will. I've had a woman say to me "most guys lie to try to get into my pants, you're telling me the truth and you're still going to get in". Women prefer it if you lie to them, because then they can 100% blame you. If you are honest then the onus is on them to take responsibility for their own decision to be with you. I've been upfront and said "I will not date exclusively". Some walk away, most don't.
Women STILL will not accept responsibility and there is NO ONE, especially not government to hold them accountable! So not sure why its so meaningful to you that they know the truth! Just lie to them! its what they want, its speaking their own language to them, it makes them happy! I will be honest with men, because i respect men. i feel NO onus to be honest with women, because they are rarely honest with me, and when they are in comes with a catch/caveat.
@@maurotolari9215 maybe not, but would any man be interested in a woman that’s not decent looking either? Unfortunately, the problem is the answer is yes. And it’s why I believe men’s lack of standards in a woman is the real problem When a homeless woman can be accepted by men if she just “looks decent”, you know there’s a fundamental problem. That said, attractive privilege exists far more in females, because once again, males allow them to get away with it in hopes of getting into their pants
Becoming a player isnt a solution, its a result. In the end, he still wanted a partner and not a one night stand. Ive been through the stages and one night stands arent as fun when you remember how good it felt to have a partner.
I knew a few nice guys who turned into "bad boys" when I was young. When I asked why the change, the usual answer was, "I never had any luck with girls until I started acting like a bad boy. Now I have to beat them off with a stick." Things haven't changed much since then. My grandson says he has never seen a "bad boy" who didn't have a pretty girl on his arm.
It's funny. Naturally it is quite easy to deploy "who hurt you" as the explanation for "players." But it isn't accurate to suggest that the dominant factor is "hurt." The dominant factor is "failure." And this is precisely what we would expect from a rational individual: After experiencing failure, change behaviors until you find success. "Players" are a perfectly reasonable response to the environment they experienced. No psychological trauma needed. Just good old trial and error.
the thing is that to be a "player" you just have to stop caring.. the "who cares who gets hurt as long as is not me" attitude that reflects some underlying problem not resolved
@@gilbertozambrano6182you write that and seem to think it's a problem. It's not. You have to look out for yourself first. Put on your own oxygen mask in the jet liner before you try to assist anyone else.
Speaking from experience (I have slept with a lot of women), I think the term "player" as people who were once nice guys is true, but only for a certain category of the term "player". There are people you may categorize as players, that came from break ups, and want to experience abundance again, there are players that come in as sociopathic in nature, and they want the power and status that comes with the skill. Some of my personal friends are guys that actually have girlfriends and love them, but simply dislike being exclusive so they cheat on them, and would fall in their own category as well. I think my own reasons have evolved over time, at the beginning it was absolutely about power and gaining access to women(perhaps you could say my romantic notions were tempered by reality), and to a certain degree it still is. Over time, after being in several relationship, I would say, I want a really attractive and caring partner, and dont care much about sleeping with more women, and only do so once in a while, to offset feelings of loneliness.
Exactly. Nuances. Theres also the small minority that were born with freakishly good looks and work on their body to end up looking divinely sculpted. Also a small minority that are naturally chads that most women fawn over but they simultaenously dont mess around smashing any and every hole and they are genuinely looking for a family.
I think a good analogy would be people who come onto wealth, whether from poverty or from wealth. A formerly impoverished person MAY be generous OR stingy. "It took me this long to crawl out and up. You think I'm going to just give you money ( love )?" Also, a person who used to be generous, but was stolen from can now justify being a pennypincher. ( ass pincher ) And of course, there are spoiled richkids who never knew struggle
Women _CREATED_ the players by demanding that men have 'game' to date (or even talk) to them. I hope they languish in a F-boy hell of their own creation.
Let women reap what they sow and there will be NO "Knight in Shining Armour (Sir SaveAHoe)" that comes along and saves her from her solipsistic, entitled, poor choices. This is what equality looks like.
I’ve always agreed with the idea that “two wrongs don’t make a right.” But in the world of dating, two wrongs do in fact make a right. You cannot succeed with women by being a good man. You have to be the ahole they want you to be because that is how they see themselves and what they feel they deserve. If you’re willing to adapt and lose your soul along the way just for a bit of female attention, then proceed with caution. Otherwise, stay single and get a dog.
One of the best examples for me is Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. Yes it is supposed to be comedic but the emotional beats and the underlying truth rings true. He went from being a virgin in love who got his heart broken to being the biggest player in all of New York and i love it.
The advantage of being a player is your ability to accept the superficiality of things and move on from a relationship. That's one advantage, to not take the outcome of a relationship too personally. But to give into that entire way of life is cowardly to me. No fulfillment will come from flings and keeping everyone at a distance. It's good to learn that world isn't fair or that women and men aren't fair but God help us if we really think the answer to that is to join in the world in its unfairness. I've f*cked up a lot in my life but I pray I continue to find the strength to not give in, call it quits and stop growing
This channel is a literal gem. Orion does not only give great advice and has helped with understanding my decisions in the past and position as a man in society, but he is also a cinema connoisseur.
This reminds me of why I left Mexico. I started as a nomad, I wandered into Mexico, I got a pretty good housing arrangement and I made good friends. Then I got into a relationship, she broke up with me on my birthday, and a month later I was on a plane to Vietnam. I gave away that success because I felt like if the relationship was temporary, so was everything else.
Answer: availability. Women make themselves available, and they have something to prove to themselves and they play the mate-poaching game among themselves. A guy need not be very handsome nor rich. All you need be is a) secure within yourself, and b) known to be in the company of women. Which shows itself even to women you don’t know. There’s something that changes within yourself that projects out into the world, and the women are just drawn to it.
This is me. Betrayed and heartbroken twice. That was all it took to realize that women are opportunists who see men as objects to be used until they can be replaced with something new. Now that's all i see women as too. I can use and discard them without a second thought. It's easy tk not care about tjem once you realize they aren't reallu capable of love or caring about you. The funny thing is, when one does try to make me feel like she cares about me, I just see it as love bombing and a major red flag. I don't think it can ever possibly be genuine now. The quickest way to get ghosted is to be nice to me.
Never give up. Filter out and look at yourself spiritually on what happened? Did you lose your job? Did you complain all the time you were not as together as your boss etc? These things turn a girl off. Did you listen to her? Or did she sleep with +10 men before you? Has she cheated on any ex? For the last 2 if a woman ever admits she did this or sleep with her friends husband/boyfriend she is OUT. I end it immediately as you will be next. Women want to feel safe and secure and loved. She only cares what she feels about you. If your project or mention an exgf she will feel that emotion about you too and since she is emotional will not want to date you again etc. Learn this and up your game with confidence and fun and she will run to you. If you still live at home it is not her fault but yours. You need to address this and make yourself a high value man first.
@@timgibney5590 more manosphere nonsense! The juice aint worth the squeeze! Why bother improving oneself, when every woman is a slut . . . for the right price! Women do NOT want to feel loved! Thats utter BS! They dont even know what love is! They want the tingles, but call it love! I love my parents, my kids and my pets, but NONE of them give me the tingles, ever! 14 yrs of marriage taught me this about a woman's LOVE, but she had all her simps try to reinforce the blue pill conditioning!
@@timgibney5590 Dude, no one understands red pill like I do. I hear ya. It's just not worth it for me. I'm perfectly happy being alone. I'm 54 years old and a multi millionaire. I retired when I turned 40. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want. There's no way I would ever trust a woman to not betray me again. I have WAY too much to lose. And I'm too old to recover from someone taking half of everything. I screwed up before by not seeing the red flags. I met my ex wife in 1998 and we were together for 25 years. There was no one back then to teach guys how the world actually works. I don't think it's possible to love women once you understand how they are. I don't blame them or hate them at all. It's just how things are. I don't hate a scorpion who stings or a snake who strikes. It's just their nature. But I don't want one in my bed either. :)
well, cynicism comes naturally. and virtually inevitably, as for the issue of actual xx.s | xx.ity. and knowing xx.s (evo.psych) nature, garnished maybe with anecdotal evidence having been experienced 1st hand, won't go unseen again. whether this now attracts whomever is irrelevant.
A former "nice guy" here but I DID NOT feel entitled to sex at all. I was just taught to be nice from when I was young. I treat women with respect and dignity. Asked a couple women out and was publicly humiliated by both of them. I've been thinking about this for years then I realized there is a gap in understanding women. Your video just answered my question. And after reading some comments here, I came to the conclusion that for women to keep coming back to you treat them like "disposables", "doormats", "toilet papers" (as shown in the comments section) and they will still line up for your attention. Thanks for the enlightenment, you just changed a life.
Bad boys only exist because women treat men like shit until they become bad boys. Then they want to earn the bad boys love so it means something to them. Ironically though, at that point, you realize all women are whores and there is no reason to care about them anymore.
Disgusting. Boo hoo. Defending abusing and using women because you won't take responsibility for your own feelings and choices for your own relationship history. Clever...? Pathetic more like. Women are more and more spotting men who are really still little boys, more and more quickly. Yuck.
@@saynotohookups😂In reality most men don't have options. It's means they are with women they don't want. And it tell that majority of women have options but choose bad boys on purpose and most men don't have option and get what they can. In that regard if most men are experiencing bad women it means majority of today women are bad not because men are choosing bad. If pool of good women would be as much as pool of good men then the chance of men getting bad women would be lower. Funny thing is that today most bad traits in women are labelled as being strong independent women.
@@confaffalator Some players you can tell right away because they are really obvious with their behavior and their words. However, other players are a lot more subtle and hard to spot right away. That is until more time passes and they start telling you things that contradict what they have been telling you.
A good deeper reading into this is "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Despite the title, it's not a "how to" book. It's him going along the ride of the underground player & self-help dating guru culture. The most interesting part is when his idol who proved he could pick up women (mostly in clubs), fell in love with one....and then she broke up with him. He had to check the broken hearted guy into a clinic. Which brings an interesting point to all of these self-help guru things, they tend to fall short (although they touch on it, usually briefly) what to do once you actually fall in love with a girl and she feels the same.
I understand your point about becoming a player. I've been both, but I just feel that if you don't give love a chance you can miss out on something real.
Will watch both of those films. I'm definitely very curious to learn how players think. I have a cousin who is a player, and I do remember how he told me when we were young that a girl he loved broke his heart and that was why he acted the way he did. I didn't agree with the path he took... until many years later I also had the woman I loved crush my heart. I'm afraid of walking the (seemingly) pessimistic and cynical path of the player, but I can't really say I blame them.
Maybe stop putting your bitterness on other women. You are just like those women who hate men because some dikk sexually assaulted them and now for the rest of their lives they hate men. I used to think like that. Now i see that men are just like women. We are allies, friends. And god loves men and women. We will figure our hurt out, where it comes from.
Yes, I agree this is the path that many men walk. However, the optimal result is coming to recognize the inherent dangers in trusting another person, and doing so anyway with full awareness.
This is exactly what I experienced. After a lot of heartbreaks and a paternity fraud case I started treating mating & dating like a side job. It requires me to have certain skills to get the attention of women, to have develop a level of detachment, and how to please them to keep them coming back. You compartmentize your feelings and enjoy the women while they're present. If you catch feeling you have to let them go, if they want more than what you're offering you have to let them go. Such is life.
@@lorrilewis2178 paternity fraud? Pretty sure he wasn't the one committing the fraud. What else are you going to blame the victim of a crime on? Rape? Murder? He had it coming?
@@georgedang449 It should be obvious what I meant. He has chosen to live in a limited way because of ONE woman. That's a CHOICE he made. He could have chosen otherwise, but he decided to extrapolate his ex's behavior to all women.
@@lorrilewis2178 It wasn't ONE woman it was 5 women that made me reevaluate how I was interacting with women. The ex with the paternity fraud was the most egregious one.
What about them just being tall and handsome. If someone is good looking enough their negative qualities will be seen as positive qualities. For example if an average looking guy is shy then he is shy, but if a handsome guy is shy it is interpreted as cute. If an average guy is smart it is interpreted at nerdy, but a handsome guy that is smart is seen as smart. An average guy who has little or no friends is seen as a looser, but a handsome guy with no friends is seen as a lone wolf.
Very roughly speaking, you have women who are looking for hot guys / good genes, and you have women who are looking for stable and financially well-off guys / good fathers. (And some women first try to get knocked up by Chad, and then try to convince Bob the accountant to raise Chad's child with her.) You're right that hot guys can get laid by women effortlessly who are looking for hot guys / good genes. There was a dating app experiment once where someone made a fake account of a guy with 10/10 looks. The guy could literally say anything and he'd get the numbers of some girls, including outrageous stuff like writing "anal?" as the opening message, or saying that he just got out of prison for doing inappropriate things with minors. Didn't matter, some women were eager to give him their numbers anyway. Not saying all women, but more than enough for him to have sex with a different woman every single night.
@@HelloWorld-cq1sq I heard about this. I will say it for you: ALL women are like this. The only difference is the price! Some women cost more than others, but they are ALL like this! Because women NEVER, EVER tell the truth, you can trust their self-reporting!
Well it's a bit like a man with odd habits. If he's rich, he's eccentric. If he's poor, he's just a weird loser. So, Elon Musk is a bit eccentric, but the dishevelled old guy in the city who shouts at people is a crazy bum. Henry Cavill being a keen gamer is not the same as the chubby, pimply, neckbeardy 30yo gamer living in his mom's basement. A dot of Yin in your vast expanse of Yang is fine - it can be an interesting quirk. But too much... is too much.
I think this is just one of those things in human evolutionary psychology where people try to do something or be apart of something and it doesn't end well for them, so they decide to do or join the opposite of that thing and embrace it because it embraced them, thus flipping, progressing, or aging their very character into something else for any variety of reasons. Whether it be for spite, vengeance, lifestyle, etcetera.
This describes me very well. I was raised on Ross and Rachel and thought if I just desperately pined enough for girls they’d love me. The first 3 serious girlfriends all cheated on me. Two I asked to marry me, one even after I found out she was cheating on me. Pathetic huh? I didn’t have any problems getting girlfriends. I’m good looking, played D1 football, I think I have a good personality and am funny, but i just never really figured out women. After the last girlfriend, something changed. I finished law school, got a good job offer, and i decided to start over and reinvent myself. Kids call it “looksmaxing” these days haha, and I also mastered the online dating apps back when they were in their infancy. Long story short, I definitely became a “player” and have slept with hundreds of women. I’ve come almost full circle now and kind of want a real relationship and possibly a family. Not sure if it makes sense though. But at least knowing what I know now, and having the experience of being with lots of women of all types, I feel a lot more confident about not getting destroyed in a relationship. I know what power is, I know my own worth, and I don’t have those cringey lovey-dovey delusions anymore.
just dont marry or cohabitate in specific states and use surrogate for family that way child is yours 100% legally, caretakers come and go children are forever, too bad wives cant be relied on other than stealing your children.
You wanted to be in those relationships and hookups just because of sex. Admit it. Back in the day women used to care about men and children. But men only care about sex. So now take your own medicine.
Dude i love how much you use great Chinese films like crouching tiger hidden dragon and 2046 for analogies. Days of being wild and in the mood for love also are great examples. Wong kar wai is a genius!
I think upon the end of a relationship one should instead of developing a victim mentality, one should observe their own actions and how they contributes to a relationships demise. "We just sort of use each other until we dont" may seem like a truth but a person doesnt simply use, they give too. Perhaps I would say that we give to another person as long as they continue to accept what we have to offer and give back what they are able to offee in return. I also really enjoyed those films and Wong Kar Wai as well.
Yep. I went down this path early on in life. The book "The Jerk that Women love" changed my life. I worked out hard, bettered myself in many ways, but also played the numbers and all the mind games that make women F you to try and "keep" you. Good times. Married and fell out of that mind set, then my wife wanted a divorce and possibly cheating on me. I moved out, and started playing the games again. My wife now wants me back and "loves me and misses me" LOL. Gonna take a lot of favors from her to keep me interested again........
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it gas made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademaster - yeah just realize it's a numbers game, and don't be tied to the outcome. Once you don't care, and approach a lot of girls, and learn from each rejection, to tweak your style or approach, you are on your way. Sucks to go through all the rejection but that's just what it is.
Good job on Whatever podcast. No idea how you had the patience to listen as much as you did and remain attentive. I was hoping you were more prominent in the dialogue but there were so many guests.
Absolutely, this resonates with me. Especially the movies mentioned. I believe that at this point, love and commitments aren't in the horizon due too many betrayals, heartbreaks, disappointments, and many more. I'm now, just another player and bad boy in the making. Thanks for these superb analysis, synopsis and great yet eye opening presentations
I’m not a player like described by many. Not a party guy, not a guy that likes to speak all the time, not a drinker… I’m introverted, I work and save my money. But I can say this, after a huge disappointment that I have experienced.. I became careless about the feelings and commitment that other woman may want from me. If my “heart/mood for love” was a company, it went bankrupt and is out of business.
Yeah. I don’t really care what they want anymore either tbh. I used to be the biggest romantic and that was probably my problem. Now I don’t care what they are looking for. They get what I give them when I care to offer it. If they want more they get blocked. There are way too many options out there to worry about what they want.
total indifference, as most benevolent take on it (which isn't available at all times). no f.o.m.o. ever, no m.e.a.t. being wasted. I always know: briffault's law, hypergamy, monkeybranching, pervasive malign gyn.fasc metastases in 'mind' - in 98.5% likelyhood. just noisy voids.
This happened for a while with someone I really care about in my family, and it took a lot to leave it behind. Both men and women go through this. Maybe with different results but the same pain. It is unforunate all the way around. If someone had a real solution, it would be one way to become rich. It is unforunate when it becomes one against the other.
I think why many men (myself too) got played is just a lack of knowledge. I am now 27 years old and if I could talk to my younger self (18 years old) I would tell him so much stuff he has to do differently. Most of us are heavily influenced by movies, series etc. combined with values we as men value like loyalty, bravery, honesty, which unfortunately we cant expect (most of the time) of women. I grew up with Dragonball Z and for me is loyalty and bravery so important that I basically dont like 98% of people. I compare them to my standards and they fail miserable. And its getting even worse if I compare my standards to the women I met because they probably will never met those. If I am staying the alpha champ, who she desires, I guess yes, but if not, its over. So this problem is man made and the solution would be just to be honest and talk about the nature of women and men with young teenegers, but this will never happen, because there is way to much money to make with all this shit because our sex drive as man basically focus ALL our actions just to fuck at the end of the day. So why no manipulate all of this and make some money with it?
Never thought about players as idealists who got their souls crushed, however, l believe I went through a similar transformation. In my early twenties, I was romantic to a cringy degree. I was always on the lookout for 'the one' girl who'd stay with me and I was described as clingy and desperate. After my first significant heartbreak due to my ex cheating with the 'guy is not supposed to worry about,' I noticed a change in my behaviour. I acted like a textbook dismissive avoidant if you are familiar with attachment theory. I noticed a general apathy toward things as I accepted life as a transitory mess, in a Buddhist-like way. I became guarded, not heavily investing my time in people unless it benefitted me significantly. If a conflict happened between me and another person, I would cut them out of my life with no hesitation to 'be rid of the problem' as efficiently as possible. I also began lifting weights since I was skinny and even started dressing like a typical fuckboy despite having the opposite personality. Surprisingly, this combination made me likeable to most people, and women more receptive to me despite not 'trying'. This right here is the blackpill apotheosis to becoming a player. It's when you realize just how superficial human beings and society are. I was the same awkward introverted guy, but with muscles and a backwards hat. Becoming physically strong made women suddenly show interest and give me the time of day. Similarly, changing my clothes was enough for strangers to treat me kindly just because I fit an archetype in their minds. That's really all there is to it.
This is very similar to my villain origins story with the exception that I truly stopped giving a 💩. I haven't dated or been intimate with a woman in over 15 years. My avoidant dismissive personality went from a level 10 to 100.
OMG. Thank you so much for this response. I was in similar situation and figured the same things. But, at the end of the day I didn't like the person I was becoming. Realizing that made think that I was right all along. F...k society that clinges towards superficial human contact. That is boring as hell.
This is me..I had my heart broken at 20 when I loved this girl and could not do enough for her. Right before Christmas I gave her a present and she asked me if i thought we had a future, I said yes...she paused..and then said I don't and walked away...I went back to my room...cried every night for 5 days and after that it changed me forever and I never went through that again 7 years later.
Wow wow wow, this is super good. I had been a nice guy and at one stage I hated myself for the circumstances I faced due to being nice. I think now I am in the course of turning into a player. As you said I watched both movies and both are masterpieces. You picked very good examples.
*Great video as always, @psychacks. I definitely understand the logic of how the experience of rejection/betrayal/etc. can motivate a "nice guy" to become a "bad boy". Something that came to mind as I watched the video is: If the experience of something negative (rejection, etc.) can motivate behavior, how about the NON-experience of something positive (reliable access to sex)? Plenty of bad boys might be former nice guys who used to be bitter from being rejected and were motivated to transform themselves so they'd be the ones doing the rejecting; plenty of bad boys might also be former nice guys who used to be sexually unfulfilled and were motivated to remedy that lack of sexual fulfillment.*
I never thought about players going through a lot of rejection(1:47). It makes sense. Cast a wide net and eventually you will get some fish to bite. Other guys only see the women the player scores with and not the many others who rejected him.
The other situation that also creates this in a man…. Is seeing how your mother treats your father. It Shows a woman doesn’t have to be in love with a man to have his children…. She can disregard him in an instant… so as a young person it definitely gives a very realistic natural understanding of a lot female behavior… I think a lot of men are blindsided by female nature I also believe a lot of the societal and social pressures or dynamics which ever you prefer construct how we see things and initially experience them… now I don’t necessarily think it’s ideal….but I think we should all have the benefit of seeing things as they are… i really believe both sides are learned…. Even if they haven’t been taught
I love Wong Kar-Wai films my brother introduced me to his work & it’s actually a trilogy beginning with Days of Being Wild (1990), In the Mood of Love (2000), and 2046 (2004). Much love from Kenya 🇰🇪
Your description of the transformation of a nice guy and the underlying mindset described me to an absolute T. Going the pick up route, I learned how to sleep with women, but I was/am basically incapable of offering true love and compassion due to my past. I've passed on girls wanting relationships with me, when pre-transformation, I would have gladly have accepted their advances. I live a strange life now, whereby I continually want to date, but I never feel like I can have an emotional connection nor do I feel like they will want to stick around. It's almost like that part of my soul died when I made the transformation. It would be great to see a video on the transformation from a player back to proper emotionally functioning person.
@@caucasianafrican1435 I would agree with that. Until I went through that phase, it was basically impossible for me to be honest with myself about what I wanted in a woman nor to be 100% open and honest with a women. After the transformation, I can communicate much more openly and clearly, which leads to more clear boundaries with the women I interact with. Maybe I'm the outlier, but I know old school PUA would advocate communication as a pivotal skill, because if you are going to juggle 3 women, it's easiest to let them know that's the arrangement up front, rather than lie to them. I've never pulled off having multiple women at once, but the sentiment is the same that communication is key. Looking back, being a "nice guy" mostly consisted of me lying to myself to suppress my desires and accept relationships (friendships) that weren't what I wanted. Maybe it's called being a player, or maybe its called maturing. I think if I hadn't gone through this period, I think I would have ended up in a relationship with women I "settled" for, resulting in being bitter and resentful. Or worse, I would never have dated and I would have spiraled into even worse bitter, resentful, and hateful feelings. I'd like to find 1 women who I can spend the rest of my life with, but I think I couldn't appreciate that 1 person if I hadn't been with a lot of others.
@@caucasianafrican1435i agree. Not saying every guy must have a body count of 300+ but having some experience with women before entering your first serious relationship would be advisable. The reason being, you'll already have a proper idea of the kind of woman you want for a long term relationship, and you'll be less tolerant of bs because you know can get any woman if that relationship ends. You'll be more likely to behave like a classic nice guy, appeasing your gf because you don't want to lose her if you don't learn first hand how to deal with women
Brilliant episode. One additional important aspect though is that it's possible to come out the other end - to have your heart broken, to learn the skils, and to use the experience gained of how to deal with women to re-set your approach, so the eventual woman you decide get together with values what she has and is more respectful. The only way to do this is to learn when it's appropriate to be selfish. I strongly believe this is better for the woman too - a man with no boundaries simply begs to be disrespected and ultimately that's not much fun for the woman either. A spell as a player can help you learn where, in the end, to set the balance point. (All speaking from experience BTW). For me the learning came after my now ex-wife ran off with her boss when I was 40. I'm 62 now and can tell you my 'freedom' years (as a 'player', if you will) were among the most memorable - as well as the most ultimately fruitful - of my life, and resulted this past 17 years in the most balanced, successful, generative and mutually satisfying relationship I've ever had.
I think the point of 2046 eluded you my dude. The allegory is that he IS stuck in time and unable to move past his pain, declining the relationship is him failing to overcome his hurt and insecurity. He isn't cool for being a player, he's a husk, cut off from genuine warmth and companionship. The movie is tragic in that respect. He let's his prior trauma cut him off from the last lifeline of happiness.
I shared this with a good friend who was pursuing a girl who ended up falling for me when she met me. I am a long time "expert" on these principles and ditched the "nice guy" way of being years ago. You were spot on with I was originally a helpless romantic who got hurt in the field. That changed me and I want my friend to have that change without the pain that it required me to go through. He is damn stubborn and religious. He wants to be the nice guy or die trying.
I would say you are right, but one thing is missing, as you mentioned players made out of betrayal, some are also made out of just constant rejection for love they never even experienced. almost like being barred from community, so then what would come to mind is to gain the skills of those that seem to be successfully "mating".
I experienced love several times, or what passes for it from women, ie utility. But I guess I didn't care about it too much as I was getting my 🍆 polished. But I then got exposed to the reality of female nature.
I came full circle... I was a very attractive guy, well built with great looks overall, but I was 100% a nice guy and a hopeless romantic... Then I got married and had my soul crushed. Depression and mountains of regret followed, and then, in order to cope, I threw myself into my self. The separation occurred at 31 years old. From 31 to 34, I got a much better career and turned myself into an absolute fitness specimen. I was lean, shredded and still had a great face and hair. The number of female broken hearts I left in my wake haunts me to this day. Getting a woman into bed was insanely easy for me. In those 3 years I had more women than most men would experience in a lifetime. And then I met Chris. She wasn't the most attractive, nor the sexiest. she wasn't the most desirable. She had baggage, a disabled son of 12 years old..... But she was the one woman I wanted that wouldn't give it up to me. No matter how many dates we went in, no matter how much time I spent, she made clear I was not going to F her without marriage.... And it drove me so crazy, I married her. I became a 100% nice guy again... And ended up profoundly regretting it. She did not treat me well. She is not a cheat. But sex was rare and her disrespect was plentiful, which makes me miserable at times. So, i went back to being a player, at least with her. I made it clear the marriage was on the line and how I 100% didn't need her, not even a little bit, and I meant it. The result? Things are way better, thank God
Her priority is her son, not you, and that's how it should be. Your attachment to unavailability is not healthy, especially to a woman who bore another man's child and is dedicated to that child, and by extension, that man. Marriage is about value exchange, not emotions or feelings. Divorce rate is 90% for women with bodycount of 6+, 6% for virgins at time of marriage. You also have to make sure you're not so broken that you carry your own 90% with you. Everyone on their deathbed wants to be surrounded by their children and loved one, nobody wants to be alone. It just haven't hit you yet. Me and my wife were both virgins when we married. We're atheists. I'm 6', fit, made low 6 figures straight out of college, and had IQ of 145. She's pretty, didn't wear makeup but looked better without it than most women do with it. We chose to not ruin our own lives. Why the statistics are what they are matters less than the fact that they are what they are. For many people, it's already too late, whatever damage to their psyche was already done.
@@georgedang449 What would you say to single mothers with body counts of 6+ who are out there dating and trying to convince men to give them a committed relationship?
@@lifeskillsongs2510 What can you say? From her perspective, 10% is higher than 0%. She'll run through an average of 9 nice guys, turn them into players, and get the final simp to provide for her and her other man (men?)'s children. The cycle of life continues, spiraling down the toilet. I'm just audience.
@@rougebaba3887 "Should" is a value judgement. It simply is. I misspoke. Motherly love is unconditional, as is love from a dog to his man. Love between man and woman is a fleeting hormonal reaction designed to facilitate procreation. Marriage is a contract of value exchange that has nothing to do with love.
Movies tend to be overly simplistic, cartoon like depictions of real life. Real life is messy, unpredictable and individuals have multiple motivations, both hidden and overt as to their behavior and choices. They say you should never believe what a woman says but look at what she does, because this is the real truth of what she is.
Dr your spot on! I always wondered why it was so easy for a woman to leave me. Now I know their the players. Times change these days I'm the player. The biggest secret women don't want us men to know is they out number us.
It requires a lot of value to be a player (and most men will never have the opportunity to become one), whereas it requires no effort to be a whore (and most women WILL have the opportunity to become one). There’s a difference.
Why is the act of sex so sinnful and degrades a woman? Women used to honor sex, men and children. But you, men, showed us that sex means absolutely nothing. It's just like eating and you can do it with whomever. Nowdays women mirror men. You see yourselves in women.
@@reenaree1953 that’s womens loss then why mirror being men ? We aren’t attracted to other men. Also did you watch the video ? These guys are like this because women make them like that so they avoid LTRs because women always are tempted it’s biblical. I think you’re not understanding the biological differences between men and women and would help a lot if you looked into it further and try to remove personal emotions it will explain a majority of misunderstanding.
@@reenaree1953 NO , because women are gatekeepers and have selection most men go for what they can get unless your doing wjjat all women do and look at top teir men and say thats all men.
There is a small minority of men that women will happily "break their rules for" while for all other men they will "make rules". Successful players often get positive reinforcement because they are the men that women will make themselves available to and even actively chase because of the player's combination of physical looks, charm, charisma and overall perceived value. Being that women often behave like herd animals, if a few women are interested in a guy then all of a sudden there is competition between these women to "get the guy". Anyway, don't begrudge the Player. Being a player takes skill, time and effort. That's why women can never really be "Players"; a woman can attract and get male attention/affection/sex by just being physically attractive enough and making herself available.
Love Wong Kar Wai’s work and both movies are great.. thank you for your analogy, Makes sense. I think Kar wais fallen angels, days of being wild, chungking express and other films all touch to same theme of dealing with unfulfilled love - loneliness, emptiness, betrayal. Worth watching for anyone who wants to dive deeper in this topic..
The myth of the natural is just that: a myth. Success with women is not something some men are born with -- it is something that some men choose to cultivate. However, the process of developing this suite of skills is painful and expensive. What would sufficiently motivate a man to do so? The truth is that most players are nice guys who were hurt one too many times and decided to do something about it. I explain this process using one of my favorite films, "2046" by Wong Kar-Wai.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
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it's somatic narcissism
the hurt people hurt people thing is BS scientifically
You got this wrong, so wrong. The true player is the natural one. That x factor is manifested from teenage years, it is the capacity to create a strong desire involuntarily everywhere you go, in either old or young women. It is a mixture of charisma and physical/behavioral traits.
It is preserved even in OLD AGE, and I mean really old (he can easily get young women in his 60s).
I have never met a "self-made player" who was actually not wrecked in the end by women. They can't neither produce desire naturally, nor they can maintain it through time and certainly not preserve it in old age.
The vast majority of self-made players manufacture a façade that is never going to last, it lacks the artistic ,effortless touch of a natural (with hundreds of thousands of seductive moments through his life).
Picasso was a good example of that. Old, bald and short and he could do as he wanted, his aura was that strong. We all know when we see it.
Perhaps because I'm Mediterranean and here it is like that. That x factor is independent from money and age (and directly proportional to the subject's intellect).
There is a universal lust for a certain type of genes that knows no age
@@cristianproust yeah...this guy tends to state a lot of stuff as "fact" without producing any evidence....
"The myth of the natural is just that: a myth"
Excuse me, I had a friend like this. He was very good with girls. A few times he just started a conversation with one and sometimes a pair of girls on a bus without even telling me he was gonna do it(we were teenagers below 18). In a few minutes I had a feeling that they were ready to go on a date with him or even jump into the bed. These cases did end up with exchanging numbers. He wasn't tall, wasn't muscular, wasn't a pretty face.
He had multiple girlfriends at a time, and even when he had a main girlfriend, he'd still have multiple girls in rotation just to fuск.
There's 0% chance that he was a part of the pickup community: it was year 2004-2006 and we're in Ukraine, barely anyone had Internet access back then here, and he never spoke English, anyway. And he was ~16 back then, too. When he'd come from a summer camp, he'd tell us stories how he fuскеd the administrator girls, often a few per summer in the summer camp. And yeah he was telling the truth: like I said, I've seen him pick up girls in minutes with my own eyes multiple times.
What he was is very cunning, confident and have had a very well-hung tongue. No, he didn't invest time, energy and money to develop "the skillset". It was a street kid that was just good at it: someone might have taught him some stuff to be better with people in general, but that's about it. And yeah, I guess, he did get good at it as years went by, but it wasn't intentional: it wasn't like people that go to colleges or gyms, or the pickup artists that go the gatherings to practice to be better at the pickup art.
You're wrong on the first part. Yes, players are often made from guys who got hurt, but, also yes, there are "naturals."
The natural is the guy who was probably very handsome at an early age and popular who had a dad that was cool, sociable and not a cvck that he could imitate.
Same here. Once you understand female nature, you lose the Disney idea of happily ever after. Sometimes stumble and then reminded again that women love opportunistically and that we are the true romantics.
Once women understand male nature we also lose the Disney ideology. Understanding human nature strips most from their utopian thoughts.
I’m starting to see that in us men everyday. I’ve known about female nature for quite some time. All you have to do is look at Eve in the garden of Eden and that will show you the nature of a woman and what she will go after.
@@LM-nn7sgyeah but most men will understand women only a few women will understand men, most don’t understand men because they could care less
@Goku_Kiyosaki right which is why women will constantly get played by the same guy for years more often than not
It’s neither male or female nature, it’s human nature, we are all opportunistic, either initially or eventually. You can play or get played
Many women would rather share a Player than be exclusive with a nice guy.
Yep. Most would.
ALL.
@@AviatorsVEVO yes all
@@cedricthetech4178You are truly narrow minded if you dare to say all, when we are talking about humans
@rehakmate have fun thinking your way, always a women defender lying to men about the dynamic 🙄. Bro, I have a woman staying with me, paying me to live with me, and no commitment 😉. Let me guess, Santa Claus is real because we haven't been to every location in the world...?
It can only take one bad experience to trigger a nice guy to a bad boy.
Only a weak man would do that.
@@oemj7147 one can only be so strong doe
Not....men remarry get worked again. Some guys never wake up.
@@johngalt6838 that would be a sadomasochistic, they love the punishment, but more power to them.
@@oemj7147 it's not a bad thng to recognize a weakness and turn it into a positive, that is to never let your guards down, becoming stoic.
Recently divorced man here. I have never had the abundance of women as i do now. I can completely relate to the character in the movies u described.
Being the nice guy in my early 20s got me heart ache, pain, and a divorce.
Same here. I got girls from 22-27 yrs old im hanging out with, im 34 with 3 kids. I do take care of myself, its a must
Same here. I was too innocent and trusted all bs fantasy. Right after first day of the marriage my wife became toxic and now probably is cheating, I am starting to see the signs. I am kind of in process of divorce. I had no women marriage too. Tell me what sort of mindset do you have towards woman now that is lending you the abundance. Mine currently is: No woman is loyal and supportive and never will be so never expect it and neither give that to her, If no woman wants to marry then so be it.
The divorced guys complaining...they got comfortable and let themselves go. They could also be undesirable from debt and kids
And some women have exactly the same mentality: no man is loyal and caring.
You see, we mirror each other. You blame women, women blame you. Endless cycle.
@@reenaree1953 not true. Women are dating playboys who aren't loyal in first place. Good men are being ignored by them. Hence for women 80% of their will cheat them and these women will cheat on good men. So no, we are not mirroring anything here. Women simply have bad taste.
I was 23. I was in college, had my girl, had my plans, had the ring. She cheated and got knocked up. Destroyed me. From that day forward I treated every woman I came into contact with like absolute garbage. I never had so much vag in my life. It was an eye opener.
That's what women are doing also. Somebody should take the lead and stop being bitter.
@@reenaree1953 it takes a lot of value to be a player, it requires no effort to be a whore. There’s a difference.
Why do you see sex as degrading to women?
You men chase after it but then call women bad names if you get it. That's like child behaviour.
@@reenaree1953 there is another video on this channel, where he explains what you are confused about. In short, it is hard for a man to get many sexual partners, and it is very easy for a woman to get many sexual partners. This may answer your question on why it is inherently degrading for a woman to be promiscuous, and vice versa.
So if it is easy to breathe then air must be degraded and air must be worthless then. Too easy. Cheap.
But i agree, women should choose very carefully. If women choose very carefully then 99% of men wouldn't have a chance. But then again, is it something you want?
You want love and someone to see you for who you are. Men, you are precious, you are same as women. God loves you. We are here for a reason and we are all together. Friends.
I have a friend that’s a player and I was lucky enough to see first hand what that looks like up close. He admitted to me that he lied to women quite regularly to get what he wanted and wasn’t above sleeping with women that were married. When I asked him why he would do these things his response was: “because fuck these bitches”. Then he proceeded to tell me stories of women that had screwed him over. It was really interesting. I didn’t agree with all of his methods but I did takeaway a couple of things: 1. Take care of your body and fashion and max that out the best that you can 2. Standout in an ostentatious way 3. Hit on an obscene amount of women 4. Be straightforward
Your friend makes a good point😂
@@djjukeboxhero6491 I guess. He really demystified what it means to have a high body count. Alot of drama and time wasted.
@@Provocateur991 yeah the juice ain't worth the squeeze most the time but sometimes nature calls.
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it gas made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademaster don’t ignore what you’re beginning understand right now. You’re getting there.
“Nobody loves anyone, we only just pretend”
Those are David Bowie lyrics. Bowie didn’t write down lyrics, he stream of conscious sung them in the studio. Always. No words poured over and calculated, just direct from the cerebellum.
My point: that one line is pure truth. As @PsyHacks said in this video we just barrow one another.
I think, and I am not certain, women get a chemical reward from rejecting a man. If not chemical then certainly emotionally in terms of self esteem.
Have you ever seen a rejected woman? She just disintegrates. A man is rejected 10 times before breakfast and we walk to the next one positively expecting different results.
I believe we are on this journey together
A friend of mine (seriously - not me!) was "hurt once too much" and started treating all women he approached and dated alike doormats. The ladies just kept lining up in a queue! Seriously, the more he played them, the more he attracted the ladies. His exes stopped me while shopping, asking how they could contact him. I lied that I had lost contact with my friend. I could barely remember them (never mind their names), and my friend was already at +5. I was completing my education at the time and had to focus on exams and papers and - frankly, could not bother with this kind of ladies. If you are a nice young man - consider your options.
its disgusting.
Men become players just to get sex. These women are also into just for sex and they have an absent father, aka many issues.
Yeah, treat women like shit and you'll have plenty of dating options. Engage in self-destructive behavior and women will feel drawn to you. Try to support your partner and do nice things for her and try to help improve her life and you have no shot.
I was the kind of guy who women claim to like: kind, thoughtful, intelligent, highly educated, emotionally open, loyal, stable. Well, one woman I loved left me for a drug user. Another woman I loved left me for a drug dealer, which predictably didn't go well. Then she started a relationship with a man who pressured her into sex without a condom and who broke off contact with her once she became pregnant. Yeah, great choice in men, ladies.
Same way you men choose women who cheat, abuse, say bad things, nag etc. You men also love these kinds of women.
@@reenaree1953 Lol, trust me, no men is attracted to high bodycount women. Tell him you have double digit and watch his face twist in disgust. He may still hold his nose and pump and dump you, but he can't be seen wifing up the town bicycle. The same high bodycount in men would make most western women think of it as validation that he's desirable. Asian women would pull away at the red flag, but that's a learned cultural value. What happenes far more often is women lie about their past, and men believe them when they shouldn't. Difference - women lie downward regarding their bodycount, men lie upward. Guess why.
Former nice guy here.
Can confirm,
"It just works"
Good to know
As a former nice guy and loyal romantic, and having a woman leave me for seemingly no reason after a 10 year relationship... yup... not willing to waste another 10 years of my life.
Stay strong ,God bless you
10 yrs and no ring?....maybe. just maybe....nah that couldn't be it
@@susanhaines7358 No kids no ring. She knew the score. If she wanted a ring, she had to be willing to have kids. Otherwise why get married?
@@KotCR very good point. Did all you could
Ten year relationship that’s probably why she left.
This has happened to me, and I struggle to understand it. I used to be an innocent young man, wanting nothing but a traditional family, and I had a hard time with women. Now that I am less innocent I have more available than I can keep track of. I agree with the presenter and do fear that often players have hurt/pain behind their actions.
Our mothers and grandmothers generation of women really cared about family, men and children. But men at that time only cared about sex.
So thanks to those men, women went resentful towards men because "men only want one thing". Thank men.
And how/where do you meet women, and how do you get to get laid with them? This is want we guys really want to know. We can figure out ourselves how to deal with them afterwards.
(I can see only one reply out of three.)
It's easy to understand, women need protection, and an emotionally available man is not strong enough to protect them. They don't feel safe with him.
@@doru4248 Tell me then how not giving a shit for her is a sign of protecting her...
@@nosotrosloslobosestamosreg4115 Not giving a shit and not being emotionally available are two different things.
This analysis is spot on. Players use an approach that works with women. It's not what women say they want in a man. It's what they select in a man.
I’m not a player, I’m just a scientist conducting field studies.
Fr
Where are the Research Papers Professor?
Damn! Spot on!
@@DEEPAKKUMAR-ch6cb in my bed
Exactly. That PhD isn't gonna write itself🤣
I feel sorry for "nice guys" who went on the path of becoming a jerk. I was once one of you and I never felt like I could be myself around women because at one point being myself wasn't cutting it. The main issue was my confidence and instead of learning to accept my flaws and truly becoming confident I decided to take the easier route and fake it. I spent countless hours online researching how to be a jerk, youtube videos on being alpha and blogs on how to manipulate women into getting your way, push and pull method, gaslighting etc... and eventually I created this fake personality and to my surprise it fucking worked like really fucking well. The girl who rejected me multiple times (the one who pushed me over the edge) was practically on her knees begging for my attention WHILE SHE HAD A BF and other women who didn't pay me much mind suddenly wanted to talk to me, be around me, and do uhh other stuff. There was a point where I couldn't have any female friends because they were all trying to fuck me WHILE THEY HAD BFS. This sounds great in theory until you take off the mask and realize it was all a front. These women don't want me, they want the man I pretend to be. This realization was absolutely soul crushing and I spent a LOT of time like literal years trying to be myself again and trying to shake the feelings of inadequacy. It is possible but it is a very hard path and if I could tell my younger self to just learn to love and respect myself rather than be someone I'm not I would do that in a heartbeat. So to any young guys here never change for a woman, learn to have respect for yourself i.e. don't let any man or woman use you as a doormat and learn to truly be confident e.g. spark up convos with strangers or women you believe to be out of your league and go into it like you are on their level and trust me you will be a lot happier in the long run than pretending to be someone you are not.
I respect this. Thank you for sharing your experience
Bro I can't thank you enough for sharing this. This is exactly the path I recently embarked and I think I need to see things differently. Always being a "nice" guy and always sucked with women. I decided to try and become a jerk with PUA and tricks like that. Not anymore. Thanks for opening my eyes
Your story reminds me of Norah Vincent
The thing is...Be a kind man (note i didn't say nice), but one who respects himself.
@@yukisnoww That's a great distinction. My mentor told me to be a good guy instead of nice guy 👌
Without even watching this video, I can tell you that when you open up your heart to people, not just women, and then they break it, over and over again, eventually the heart will be irreparable or unamenable. It's like trying to repair a broken teacup. You could put it back together, and it may be functional as before, but it will never be the same old teacup.
Its the same with even your parents
@@DwyaneWadeCounty that’s just life bro
All that just confirms that the double standards & self sabotaging behaviour of women. Many will never learn, so the game continues.
Women reward bad behaviour. Not to mention their attraction to the dark triad.
Men reward onlyfans by giving money.
Not neccesarily. If you have whit, confidence, and game, she will love to flirt like a game and sleep with you. It is that subset of behaviors she loves in the bad boy. Many women after 27 no longer are interested in bad boys and look for that subset for providers by 30+
@@reenaree1953 These are not men but simps. The mirror reflection of sluts in women. Both give away their relational currency for nothing devaluing themselves.
@@timgibney5590 that isn’t a good thing for the guys who’re now “good enough” after women have had their “fun”
@@timgibney5590 Way too many women love dangerous and violent men.
After losing their valuable years to "bad boys", they may settle for the nice guy. Those poor losers have to pay full price for a washed up elder.
100% agree. I became a player after a heartbreak too. It just happened a little later than most players (29).
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it has made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademastersame here bro
I became one in my 40’s…. In my 50’s now. The combination of the nice guy-player ‘revelation’ and maturity is potent …. My age was no barrier to accessing women of any age… so you have that to look forward to .
@@JayJay-oi5cz same timeline for me.
As a young man who just became a player, the doc is spot on!. We’re just heartbroken and we loved someone with purest intentions just to get dumped. And to be honest even we don’t like what we’re doing deep down
hi, i know a guy exactly like this, from your point of view, is there any way to help or explain to him what is happening and why it is bad? he said he felt lonely and stuff, but he just sees it as “thats life” and proceeds. i have the purest intention for him, and i understand where it came from.
@@ela1058 well Ela, a man becomes a player basically for two reasons…1. Loved someone and got dumped, so he fills the void with more feminine energy. 2. Got dumped many times and basically gives up and true love. I belong to 1…. In either cases, he realises one major thing, that is he really don’t have to put that much efforts as he thought to pull a girl, it doesn’t matter what kind of girl she is tho cause we don’t really care tbh. But that realisation is lowkey dangerous cause now we’re pulling the number of girls we never expected in our life before. My dms are bursting literally hundreds. So in those numbers you’re just one woman, the answer is basically you have to be better than everyone. You have you bring hope to his love life, always be there for him and make him see you (CAREFULLY), of course 90% of time it’ll keep on failing but don’t ever give up. You can’t fix him, you have to give him enough hope so he can fix himself while you’re there for him… does this works? It might not, it’s a tough long battle with risk of ROI. It also depends on the gravity of his player life. If he’s a new player like me, then he can change in short time. But if he’s experienced, then unfortunately the chances are much lower. If you ask, i would suggest not to take that way and waste your time, but if that’s what you truly want, then go for it!. Nothing is beautiful than love after all…
"Even we don't like what were doing deep down." Nothing but facts.
I would never consider myself a player because I never purposely played with women's emotions to get sex or anything else. (This isn't because I'm a good person or something but because it's way too easy to manipulate women, and easy on _that_ level doesn't really interest me.) Women I've been around consider(ed) me a player _because I treat no less than 90% of women as friends rather than as possible romantic interests._ They've asked if I'm married or have a girlfriend as they don't know what to make of not being viewed by a man in some type of sexual or romantic way. But I didn't become this way because my heart was broken by a woman (on the converse, at fifteen I was stupid and cheated on the only girl I ever loved).... My heart was kind of broken but not in the normal sense. I became this way after I went from pretty boy in high school and college to [totally different] a year into college when I had a Redpill moment and suddenly developed a real sense of purpose... _and the women suddenly came out the woodwork._ Very suddenly. Even the way I walked had totally changed. Before this, most women liked at me like meh, especially in Baltimore where they love thugs.
After I guess you can call it the Redpill moment, I mean, I had to run from women now because they wouldn't leave me tf alone. But the 'heartbreak' really came at the job I got after that Redpill moment and I dropped out of college. 90% of the employees were women and 90% of those women were married. And still they would flirt and try to work-husband and bag me and then call me "conceited" for not wanting to sleep with married women. _That_ was the moment for me, a type of heartbreak, sure. I thought about those married women's poor unexpecting husbands and still somehow managed to be civil with them. But from them on, I repented for wanting to think the best of women. If I'd been naturally inclined to negativity or pessimism, I would've thrown in the towel on women long who (the Redpill moment happened 20 years ago).
Still, the best way forward for men is to *learn, acknowledge, and accept female nature* (always remembering that men have our issues too) so you aren't hostile towards women and can still have good, civil, and fun relationships with women, only now *without 'the element of surprise'* that too many men in marriages and longterm relationships eventually have to suffer through.
Hell, I didn't know this would be this long or good. I'm going to make it my main comment now. 😂
That hits home
@@ela1058that guy sounds like me. Let me explain.
We also need physical intimacy. We also need physical touch. We as men are also human. He realised he cant fullfill his emotional needs along his physical needs so hes relying on friendship for emotional needs ( doesnt really do the job) and sex for his physical needs.
Im excacly the same place. If someone asked me why i changed im gonna be honest about my intentions wich i also am to the women i sleep with.
Im just trying to feel alive honestly. Cant get it through monogamy and deep connection? Atleast i can fix part of the problem while i look for another solution or untill im resdy to try dating again.
Its really that simple. We know nobody cares and those who care well its not like they can do anything about it and we also loose patience sometimes because countless rejections sometimes from women who take months to assess you as a potential partner leaves toj frustrated and you cant really blame anyone so you just stop caring about making women happy and instead focus on your own needs for once without relying on your assessed value as a partner to get it.
We are humans. We need to be touched. Literally. Its a basic human need.
You wont make him realise anything because hes essentially correct. He can do all that and still be of value to women much later in life when he is able to be seen as a potential partner by women even younger than himself because he knows hes judged differently as a man and can participate without consequence.
Thats what i mean with stop caring. We dont wanna deprave ourselves just to fix an issue that women chase so we instead become the issue that women chase.
And no. Its not that we arent able to deter some whore ass woman who's toxic in many ways from a good woman.
Its that "good women" can be very great people. Like super great kind and compassionate people but still cant escape their nature.
Trust me. Before i changed the way i thought about things i almost purely judged women based on their ability to be future mothers of my children. Looking for good characteristics for such a role with an intent to be 100% dedicated to my part as well just to know these absolutely wonderfull women will still want jerks and assholes who will never commit to them because they have the option not to and still get what they want.
We get tired of it. Continuing like that eventually emasculated us and make us feel truly worthless as lack of touch and female attention and intimacy catch up to us and our neurochemistry punishes us
I’ve come across a few women that I was more than willing to be monogamous with. They showed interest, I pursued, than the games started. She started acting better than me and I resorted to the dating game. I cut her off, started talking to other women and now she’s constant looking over her shoulder at me at the gym and getting in my vicinity.
"They showed interest, I pursued, than the games started." This is the story of her....until..............she is no longer getting pursued. Then she "just want a nice guy" as a retirement plan.
*Women want to be pursued by the man they prefer, but never seem to realize other attractive women also stray into that man's path.*
For once take accountability and stop blaming women. If she doesn't like you, take it as a man. Women are not obligated to like you.
@@reenaree1953 what’s the correlation?
@@reenaree1953 How is describing female behaviour patterns equal to blame? Projecting much?
Same way describing male behavior patterns are seen as blame.
@@reenaree1953 For example?
The last relationship was by far the best relationship I’ve ever had.
So much of went right was… by accident.
First, she was more attracted to me than the reverse. I never pursued and didn’t rush to commit. Any time she brought up exclusivity I brushed it off with a joke or something.
At that time I didn’t know how to date non-exclusively.
There was no supplicating behavior. I took the lead on how conversations went. Disagreements never became disrespectful. She was a loyal, patient, compassionate, open minded woman with a great sense of humor.
I was her best option.
The problem is that I wasn’t as physically attracted to her as I had been to other women. I also didn’t know about the “adorer vs. adored” concept and had been missing the emotional experience of being the adorer as I was with my first girlfriend.
We were a team. I felt both at peace with her and at home.
Eventually I broke up with her. It was definitely hard on her.
The draw for other women was strong and I didn’t know how to reconcile that.
Another reason was that the relationship had felt like a crutch in terms of my own self reliance and maturity. I have no doubt she’ll find someone again. There are no bad feelings towards her.
I hope she’s happy.
Dang man. I am going through the exact same thing right now. I’m literally trying to do the right thing and “be into her”. I’ve improved myself immensely during the time I’ve been with her but I’m over 40 now. How old are you?
Send her my way. You didn't deserve her.
I concur. The best GF I ever had was an asset to my life. However, our futures were not aligned. She wanted to settle down & breed. I, at the time, did not. So I broke off with her. It was tough, but the right thing to do. I had firm boundaries, and the spine to enforce them. I treated her with kindness, not weakness. A few times she turned on the waterworks - to no avail. One thing I learned is that people (women in this case) respect strength. And I was rewarded for it. She had my back. And she ALWAYS shared her body with me. She never refused me, not even once. Good times. This woman was so dedicated to being with me that she rode a greyhound bus for 2 days to show up at my door. I had to leave for work, so she spent the entire day cleaning up my apt. Good times. I would rank her a 7 on the attractive scale, but a 12 on the personality & attitude scale.
@@Ace.0.0.0. would you take her back now all things equal?
@@Aright231 If all things were equal, then I think there would be a good chance I would take her back. However, this was decades ago. Almost a decade later I married the woman who was my second best GF. This was in the mid 90s. We are still together.
Naturals are rare and they tend to have situations which predispose them to being so. If they have this combo of traits & circumstances:
-natural charisma & good looks giving them a halo effect & head start
-natural athleticism &/ or artistic talent
-attractive sisters who act as demystifying examples of female beauty in whom he can see the female ingenue lizard brain
I have a friend who is a natural, when I asked him how he got good with women, he told me that in high school he by chance ended up in a class with mostly girls and got assigned to a table with some of the sluttiest ones. They all fought over him and slept with him and gave him pointers. He's tall (6'2") but his looks aren't exceptional, pretty average. He's fairly slim but he did high school wrestling and grew up in a rough/scrappy neighborhood, a natural fighter. He's half-black, and idk what his endowment is like.
True. Nice guys often finish last. So don't be a nice guy. I finally realized the person who cares the least has the most power in a relationship. I stopped caring more than they do. Life changing.
@@sebiasdfghjkl it means when you're nice and show interest to most women they will not be interested in you. They either walk all over you or friend zone you. So have a purpose beyond them. Treat and talk to women like they don't mean as much to you as the things you pay attention to in life and watch the magic happen. Unfortunately most women want men who pursue things like jobs etc, not them. Or just find a good woman who understands people are more important than things. They are extremely rare but they do exist.
First off, you’re killing it in the TH-cam game and I bet it’s not long until your channel blows up. Secondly, another point to add is that when women encounter players that are good with women, they make the assumption that these men were somehow always good with women because they were given inherent value. The concept of having to create your own value as a man is so totally foreign to them that they can’t conceive that the high value men they pine for were once technically low value as well. It isn’t until they’re Post-Wall that they realize the fallacy of this thinking but by then it’s too late. Anyways keep killing it, your channel is gold
Well said. My take on this topic:
My theory on why they think that's the case is because they, women, are passive by nature and they project that passivity onto others. Let me explain: First most if not all of them are the type that "goes with the flow", follow trends and the collective or the "will of the group". In other word they're sort of deterministic, they "think"/feel/believe that there's a set "way of things" that can't and shouldn't be change or it is for someone else (the men, father, husband) to do the determination, the changing. This is because their bodies are naturally more weaker/softer in order to carry a child while pregnant and when they externally carry the child while it's growing. By extension this leads them to be more naturally adverse to danger both physically and emotionally.
I think that aversion is translated to their mind/ego (since both originate in the brains r-complex) leading them to have an aversion to potentially being wrong or unsuccessful. That leads them to have an aversion of being active and taking risky initiatives, an active set of actions that may or may not lead to failure even if it may lead to success and the betterment of one's self and lifestyle.
Second there's the fact that their own self value and the source of the value they believe others put on them, is based in their youth and naturally developed beauty. That it was something that they got not throug determination or action, they got it by simply "being" which leads them to project said idea onto other, that others personality, value and physical attractiveness is set by nature.
That's why they don't like and even refuse the idea that a person can change and/or improve for the better because it would prove to them that a person can change through choice and determination and that anyone can either improve or degrade depending on the choices they make and that those who thought the opposite, like them, were just being lazy and passive.
The ironic thing is that most men achive the best version of themselves, the ones which most women are attracted to, through decision making, action and learning through trial and error; it is very rare for a men to be natural born with confidence, steadfastness, "high level looks" and charisma, let alone determination, those are things that most men develop through the years. Meanwhile the things that most women are initially valued by, the things that attract the attention of men, their youthful beauty and personality, is temporary, it will not last long if left by itself. They have to actively work in not only maintaining their looks as long as possible but also in developing and maintaining personality traits and actions that are desired by men in a women. Their looks only get the sxl attention from men but is their likeability and pleasant and supportive feminine personality and actions that men look in a potential long term life partner.
The natural is not a myth.
@@agm5424very well put
BluePilled as its conclusions ultimately are, I recommend the film _What Love Is._ This reminded me of a scene where the player of the guy group concludes that his callousness towards female concerns emerged from his having trusted that one girl who broke his heart. It's a great movie.
Men become players bc they just want to sleep with women easily. So they sceme and scam women to get under the skirt. And leave hate in women.
I've met players. They all said they had a bad girl or a good girl mess with them. So being a player is revenge
This is a circle, women revenging men for scamming them because men lie just to get sex. And men revenging women. Somebody take accountability.
One thing though: women are not obligated to like men. If no girl likes a man, he is solely responsible for that.
Yep
Well, women don't to morph into callousness after ONE man breaks their heart. It happens after many. And even then, they just write men off rather than looking for revenge. Anyone who becomes a cold hearted player after just ONE heartbreak is too weak to be on this planet.
For a long time I was obsessed with romanticism. I was raised to find value in this - to treat a woman “right”. I was taught that this sort of behaviour would be rewarded. After numerous and very painful rejections, I eventually got sick and tired of it all. I describe my change as sort of waking up one day and having a newly found confidence. I’m not sure what tangible thing changed but I felt completely different. From then on I proceeded to sleep with countless women. It was a validation that I yearned for. This all came at a price as I had to surrender old parts of me. I had to wear a mask to fit a role. I never truly liked what I was doing but it did reap rewards. When I look back at that period of my life, I realize that the saddest part about it was that it was only when I changed, when I deviated from my natural and comfortable form that I saw any real success. It was a painful reinforcement that who I think/thought I was is not attractive. A part of me still wants to believe that romanticism exists. A part of me holds onto it. My pain, however, won’t allow me to accommodate any of these beliefs anymore
Most of them didn't start out as naturally charismatic and charming, they got tired of being typical nice guys and saw how Women gravitate towards players. They also saw how easily Women largely succumb to promiscuity
This describes me: was in a long term relationship that I thought was for life and was left for another man. I suppose it depends on how one defines player: as a decent looking man in his mid 50's I've learned that there's no need to lie and cheat, be confident, honest and know that if a woman doesn't find you attractive, there are dozens who will. I've had a woman say to me "most guys lie to try to get into my pants, you're telling me the truth and you're still going to get in".
Women prefer it if you lie to them, because then they can 100% blame you. If you are honest then the onus is on them to take responsibility for their own decision to be with you. I've been upfront and said "I will not date exclusively". Some walk away, most don't.
Women STILL will not accept responsibility and there is NO ONE, especially not government to hold them accountable! So not sure why its so meaningful to you that they know the truth! Just lie to them! its what they want, its speaking their own language to them, it makes them happy! I will be honest with men, because i respect men. i feel NO onus to be honest with women, because they are rarely honest with me, and when they are in comes with a catch/caveat.
If you were not a decent looking man, they would not be interested
@@maurotolari9215 maybe not, but would any man be interested in a woman that’s not decent looking either? Unfortunately, the problem is the answer is yes. And it’s why I believe men’s lack of standards in a woman is the real problem
When a homeless woman can be accepted by men if she just “looks decent”, you know there’s a fundamental problem. That said, attractive privilege exists far more in females, because once again, males allow them to get away with it in hopes of getting into their pants
Good point...they want it to be your fault that they are a 304....you listen to the black Phillip show?
@@djjukeboxhero6491 Never heard of it
You’re a smart guy. Thanks for sharing your insights.
Becoming a player isnt a solution, its a result. In the end, he still wanted a partner and not a one night stand. Ive been through the stages and one night stands arent as fun when you remember how good it felt to have a partner.
No man not a partner a liability
I knew a few nice guys who turned into "bad boys" when I was young. When I asked why the change, the usual answer was, "I never had any luck with girls until I started acting like a bad boy. Now I have to beat them off with a stick." Things haven't changed much since then. My grandson says he has never seen a "bad boy" who didn't have a pretty girl on his arm.
It's funny.
Naturally it is quite easy to deploy "who hurt you" as the explanation for "players." But it isn't accurate to suggest that the dominant factor is "hurt."
The dominant factor is "failure." And this is precisely what we would expect from a rational individual: After experiencing failure, change behaviors until you find success.
"Players" are a perfectly reasonable response to the environment they experienced.
No psychological trauma needed. Just good old trial and error.
the thing is that to be a "player" you just have to stop caring.. the "who cares who gets hurt as long as is not me" attitude that reflects some underlying problem not resolved
@@gilbertozambrano6182you write that and seem to think it's a problem. It's not. You have to look out for yourself first.
Put on your own oxygen mask in the jet liner before you try to assist anyone else.
Speaking from experience (I have slept with a lot of women), I think the term "player" as people who were once nice guys is true, but only for a certain category of the term "player". There are people you may categorize as players, that came from break ups, and want to experience abundance again, there are players that come in as sociopathic in nature, and they want the power and status that comes with the skill. Some of my personal friends are guys that actually have girlfriends and love them, but simply dislike being exclusive so they cheat on them, and would fall in their own category as well. I think my own reasons have evolved over time, at the beginning it was absolutely about power and gaining access to women(perhaps you could say my romantic notions were tempered by reality), and to a certain degree it still is. Over time, after being in several relationship, I would say, I want a really attractive and caring partner, and dont care much about sleeping with more women, and only do so once in a while, to offset feelings of loneliness.
Exactly. Nuances. Theres also the small minority that were born with freakishly good looks and work on their body to end up looking divinely sculpted. Also a small minority that are naturally chads that most women fawn over but they simultaenously dont mess around smashing any and every hole and they are genuinely looking for a family.
somatic narcissism
see dr vaknin's work
@@seabreeze4559 Can you provide more context?
I think a good analogy would be people who come onto wealth, whether from poverty or from wealth. A formerly impoverished person MAY be generous OR stingy. "It took me this long to crawl out and up. You think I'm going to just give you money ( love )?"
Also, a person who used to be generous, but was stolen from can now justify being a pennypincher. ( ass pincher ) And of course, there are spoiled richkids who never knew struggle
But your brain is trained to cheat, so don't look for relationship, you don't have skills to maintain one
Top 10 channels of the past 5 years! Thanks Doc
Women _CREATED_ the players by demanding that men have 'game' to date (or even talk) to them. I hope they languish in a F-boy hell of their own creation.
Accountability. Men want sex and then become players to easily sleep with women. Take accountability.
This is so true. I've had a female friend bring that up in a recent discussion.
They'll "have their fun", and watch the society turn to sh%t with no remorse.
@@edheldude women don't build societies or civilization, men do.
Let women reap what they sow and there will be NO "Knight in Shining Armour (Sir SaveAHoe)" that comes along and saves her from her solipsistic, entitled, poor choices. This is what equality looks like.
I really like how you break down sexual dynamics in a logical, scientific way. I'll be sure to check out those films you recommended!
I’ve always agreed with the idea that “two wrongs don’t make a right.” But in the world of dating, two wrongs do in fact make a right. You cannot succeed with women by being a good man.
You have to be the ahole they want you to be because that is how they see themselves and what they feel they deserve.
If you’re willing to adapt and lose your soul along the way just for a bit of female attention, then proceed with caution. Otherwise, stay single and get a dog.
One of the best examples for me is Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother. Yes it is supposed to be comedic but the emotional beats and the underlying truth rings true. He went from being a virgin in love who got his heart broken to being the biggest player in all of New York and i love it.
Legen-wait for it- ndary!
The advantage of being a player is your ability to accept the superficiality of things and move on from a relationship. That's one advantage, to not take the outcome of a relationship too personally. But to give into that entire way of life is cowardly to me. No fulfillment will come from flings and keeping everyone at a distance. It's good to learn that world isn't fair or that women and men aren't fair but God help us if we really think the answer to that is to join in the world in its unfairness. I've f*cked up a lot in my life but I pray I continue to find the strength to not give in, call it quits and stop growing
Great outlook you have.
I have had the reality check way too late ..I am 39 and never had gf.. I am not gonna be a player but i can atleast try to be as authentic as i can be
Trying to look for a songle comment saying every single woman isnt going to cheat, especially if you fear it you would probably make it happen
Well said.
Look at some players' dynamics in growing up years with their mothers. Look for loss, trauma...in relation to this
I agree, a player is born through pain and necessity. I was a hopeless romantic when I was younger, now I could careless about romance. Lol.
This channel is a literal gem. Orion does not only give great advice and has helped with understanding my decisions in the past and position as a man in society, but he is also a cinema connoisseur.
It doesn’t require “skill”… you just gotta be physically attractive and be right in your heart and mind.
This reminds me of why I left Mexico. I started as a nomad, I wandered into Mexico, I got a pretty good housing arrangement and I made good friends. Then I got into a relationship, she broke up with me on my birthday, and a month later I was on a plane to Vietnam. I gave away that success because I felt like if the relationship was temporary, so was everything else.
Answer: availability. Women make themselves available, and they have something to prove to themselves and they play the mate-poaching game among themselves. A guy need not be very handsome nor rich. All you need be is a) secure within yourself, and b) known to be in the company of women. Which shows itself even to women you don’t know. There’s something that changes within yourself that projects out into the world, and the women are just drawn to it.
This is me. Betrayed and heartbroken twice. That was all it took to realize that women are opportunists who see men as objects to be used until they can be replaced with something new.
Now that's all i see women as too. I can use and discard them without a second thought. It's easy tk not care about tjem once you realize they aren't reallu capable of love or caring about you.
The funny thing is, when one does try to make me feel like she cares about me, I just see it as love bombing and a major red flag. I don't think it can ever possibly be genuine now. The quickest way to get ghosted is to be nice to me.
Never give up. Filter out and look at yourself spiritually on what happened? Did you lose your job? Did you complain all the time you were not as together as your boss etc? These things turn a girl off. Did you listen to her? Or did she sleep with +10 men before you? Has she cheated on any ex? For the last 2 if a woman ever admits she did this or sleep with her friends husband/boyfriend she is OUT. I end it immediately as you will be next.
Women want to feel safe and secure and loved. She only cares what she feels about you. If your project or mention an exgf she will feel that emotion about you too and since she is emotional will not want to date you again etc. Learn this and up your game with confidence and fun and she will run to you. If you still live at home it is not her fault but yours. You need to address this and make yourself a high value man first.
@@timgibney5590 more manosphere nonsense! The juice aint worth the squeeze! Why bother improving oneself, when every woman is a slut . . . for the right price! Women do NOT want to feel loved! Thats utter BS! They dont even know what love is! They want the tingles, but call it love! I love my parents, my kids and my pets, but NONE of them give me the tingles, ever! 14 yrs of marriage taught me this about a woman's LOVE, but she had all her simps try to reinforce the blue pill conditioning!
@@timgibney5590 Dude, no one understands red pill like I do. I hear ya. It's just not worth it for me. I'm perfectly happy being alone.
I'm 54 years old and a multi millionaire. I retired when I turned 40. I can do what I want, when I want, and how I want.
There's no way I would ever trust a woman to not betray me again.
I have WAY too much to lose. And I'm too old to recover from someone taking half of everything.
I screwed up before by not seeing the red flags. I met my ex wife in 1998 and we were together for 25 years. There was no one back then to teach guys how the world actually works.
I don't think it's possible to love women once you understand how they are.
I don't blame them or hate them at all. It's just how things are. I don't hate a scorpion who stings or a snake who strikes. It's just their nature. But I don't want one in my bed either. :)
well, cynicism comes naturally. and virtually inevitably, as for the issue of actual xx.s | xx.ity. and knowing xx.s (evo.psych) nature, garnished maybe with anecdotal evidence having been experienced 1st hand, won't go unseen again. whether this now attracts whomever is irrelevant.
It makes me sad that women have done that too you. As a woman, widow, and mother of a son(although I know it doesn’t mean much) I apologize for women.
A former "nice guy" here but I DID NOT feel entitled to sex at all. I was just taught to be nice from when I was young. I treat women with respect and dignity. Asked a couple women out and was publicly humiliated by both of them. I've been thinking about this for years then I realized there is a gap in understanding women. Your video just answered my question. And after reading some comments here, I came to the conclusion that for women to keep coming back to you treat them like "disposables", "doormats", "toilet papers" (as shown in the comments section) and they will still line up for your attention. Thanks for the enlightenment, you just changed a life.
There are two books you need to read. The Rational Male and the Unplugged Alpha.
This episode is brilliant. The origins of a bad boy are filled with pieces of a broken heart. So poetic and clever way of protecting our male heart ❤
Bad boys only exist because women treat men like shit until they become bad boys. Then they want to earn the bad boys love so it means something to them. Ironically though, at that point, you realize all women are whores and there is no reason to care about them anymore.
Disgusting. Boo hoo. Defending abusing and using women because you won't take responsibility for your own feelings and choices for your own relationship history. Clever...? Pathetic more like. Women are more and more spotting men who are really still little boys, more and more quickly. Yuck.
That’s how this player (me) was born!
I became a player when I realized good behavior was punished, to move up the ladder, and when I lost all respect for women.
Until you come across a woman who likes good behavior and you treat her like crap. I don't feel sorry for men who are players.
@@saynotohookups😂In reality most men don't have options. It's means they are with women they don't want. And it tell that majority of women have options but choose bad boys on purpose and most men don't have option and get what they can. In that regard if most men are experiencing bad women it means majority of today women are bad not because men are choosing bad. If pool of good women would be as much as pool of good men then the chance of men getting bad women would be lower. Funny thing is that today most bad traits in women are labelled as being strong independent women.
@@saynotohookups You're obviously female
@@saynotohookups Can you tell them apart at first glance?
@@confaffalator Some players you can tell right away because they are really obvious with their behavior and their words. However, other players are a lot more subtle and hard to spot right away. That is until more time passes and they start telling you things that contradict what they have been telling you.
A good deeper reading into this is "The Game" by Neil Strauss. Despite the title, it's not a "how to" book. It's him going along the ride of the underground player & self-help dating guru culture. The most interesting part is when his idol who proved he could pick up women (mostly in clubs), fell in love with one....and then she broke up with him. He had to check the broken hearted guy into a clinic. Which brings an interesting point to all of these self-help guru things, they tend to fall short (although they touch on it, usually briefly) what to do once you actually fall in love with a girl and she feels the same.
I understand your point about becoming a player. I've been both, but I just feel that if you don't give love a chance you can miss out on something real.
i am completely thrilled that you bring up 2046, a totally underrated sequel from Gar Wai Wong.
Will watch both of those films. I'm definitely very curious to learn how players think.
I have a cousin who is a player, and I do remember how he told me when we were young that a girl he loved broke his heart and that was why he acted the way he did.
I didn't agree with the path he took... until many years later I also had the woman I loved crush my heart.
I'm afraid of walking the (seemingly) pessimistic and cynical path of the player, but I can't really say I blame them.
Maybe stop putting your bitterness on other women. You are just like those women who hate men because some dikk sexually assaulted them and now for the rest of their lives they hate men.
I used to think like that. Now i see that men are just like women. We are allies, friends. And god loves men and women. We will figure our hurt out, where it comes from.
Yes, I agree this is the path that many men walk. However, the optimal result is coming to recognize the inherent dangers in trusting another person, and doing so anyway with full awareness.
Revandles forbidden books (thank me later)
Appreciate the tip on this website! The book I picked up has been incredible so far. Hoping it’s the key to building my confidence around women.
It's like you enter a villian arc involuntarily but u can't let emotional pain happen over and over again.
This is exactly what I experienced. After a lot of heartbreaks and a paternity fraud case I started treating mating & dating like a side job. It requires me to have certain skills to get the attention of women, to have develop a level of detachment, and how to please them to keep them coming back. You compartmentize your feelings and enjoy the women while they're present. If you catch feeling you have to let them go, if they want more than what you're offering you have to let them go. Such is life.
Correction: Such is the life YOU made. It does not have to be that way.
@@lorrilewis2178 paternity fraud? Pretty sure he wasn't the one committing the fraud. What else are you going to blame the victim of a crime on? Rape? Murder? He had it coming?
@@georgedang449 It should be obvious what I meant. He has chosen to live in a limited way because of ONE woman. That's a CHOICE he made. He could have chosen otherwise, but he decided to extrapolate his ex's behavior to all women.
@@lorrilewis2178 It wasn't ONE woman it was 5 women that made me reevaluate how I was interacting with women. The ex with the paternity fraud was the most egregious one.
Kinda sick what you do to you and others.
What about them just being tall and handsome. If someone is good looking enough their negative qualities will be seen as positive qualities. For example if an average looking guy is shy then he is shy, but if a handsome guy is shy it is interpreted as cute. If an average guy is smart it is interpreted at nerdy, but a handsome guy that is smart is seen as smart. An average guy who has little or no friends is seen as a looser, but a handsome guy with no friends is seen as a lone wolf.
Very roughly speaking, you have women who are looking for hot guys / good genes, and you have women who are looking for stable and financially well-off guys / good fathers. (And some women first try to get knocked up by Chad, and then try to convince Bob the accountant to raise Chad's child with her.)
You're right that hot guys can get laid by women effortlessly who are looking for hot guys / good genes. There was a dating app experiment once where someone made a fake account of a guy with 10/10 looks. The guy could literally say anything and he'd get the numbers of some girls, including outrageous stuff like writing "anal?" as the opening message, or saying that he just got out of prison for doing inappropriate things with minors. Didn't matter, some women were eager to give him their numbers anyway. Not saying all women, but more than enough for him to have sex with a different woman every single night.
@@HelloWorld-cq1sq I heard about this. I will say it for you: ALL women are like this. The only difference is the price! Some women cost more than others, but they are ALL like this! Because women NEVER, EVER tell the truth, you can trust their self-reporting!
The Halo effect is very real
@@HelloWorld-cq1sq
Could you pass me the article about that experiment?
Well it's a bit like a man with odd habits.
If he's rich, he's eccentric.
If he's poor, he's just a weird loser.
So, Elon Musk is a bit eccentric, but the dishevelled old guy in the city who shouts at people is a crazy bum.
Henry Cavill being a keen gamer is not the same as the chubby, pimply, neckbeardy 30yo gamer living in his mom's basement.
A dot of Yin in your vast expanse of Yang is fine - it can be an interesting quirk.
But too much... is too much.
I think this is just one of those things in human evolutionary psychology where people try to do something or be apart of something and it doesn't end well for them, so they decide to do or join the opposite of that thing and embrace it because it embraced them, thus flipping, progressing, or aging their very character into something else for any variety of reasons. Whether it be for spite, vengeance, lifestyle, etcetera.
Women love evil, so men become it
Had someone in my life displaying this "player" mentality against me and i always wondered why he acted that way. You are truly appreciated. 13Love.
This describes me very well. I was raised on Ross and Rachel and thought if I just desperately pined enough for girls they’d love me. The first 3 serious girlfriends all cheated on me. Two I asked to marry me, one even after I found out she was cheating on me. Pathetic huh? I didn’t have any problems getting girlfriends. I’m good looking, played D1 football, I think I have a good personality and am funny, but i just never really figured out women.
After the last girlfriend, something changed. I finished law school, got a good job offer, and i decided to start over and reinvent myself. Kids call it “looksmaxing” these days haha, and I also mastered the online dating apps back when they were in their infancy. Long story short, I definitely became a “player” and have slept with hundreds of women. I’ve come almost full circle now and kind of want a real relationship and possibly a family. Not sure if it makes sense though. But at least knowing what I know now, and having the experience of being with lots of women of all types, I feel a lot more confident about not getting destroyed in a relationship. I know what power is, I know my own worth, and I don’t have those cringey lovey-dovey delusions anymore.
👏
just dont marry or cohabitate in specific states and use surrogate for family that way child is yours 100% legally, caretakers come and go children are forever, too bad wives cant be relied on other than stealing your children.
develop attraction on utube has some good info about women.
The rational male book by Rollo Tomassi
You wanted to be in those relationships and hookups just because of sex. Admit it.
Back in the day women used to care about men and children. But men only care about sex. So now take your own medicine.
Thanks!
Dude i love how much you use great Chinese films like crouching tiger hidden dragon and 2046 for analogies. Days of being wild and in the mood for love also are great examples. Wong kar wai is a genius!
I think upon the end of a relationship one should instead of developing a victim mentality, one should observe their own actions and how they contributes to a relationships demise. "We just sort of use each other until we dont" may seem like a truth but a person doesnt simply use, they give too. Perhaps I would say that we give to another person as long as they continue to accept what we have to offer and give back what they are able to offee in return. I also really enjoyed those films and Wong Kar Wai as well.
Thanks
Yep. I went down this path early on in life. The book "The Jerk that Women love" changed my life. I worked out hard, bettered myself in many ways, but also played the numbers and all the mind games that make women F you to try and "keep" you. Good times. Married and fell out of that mind set, then my wife wanted a divorce and possibly cheating on me. I moved out, and started playing the games again. My wife now wants me back and "loves me and misses me" LOL. Gonna take a lot of favors from her to keep me interested again........
I may be going thru this transformation right now. I've been so lonely being the nice guy it gas made me bitter not having ANY luck with them and when l felt l had a connection with some l was overlooked as not being seductive or activating their emotions with game.
@@juankeyblademaster - yeah just realize it's a numbers game, and don't be tied to the outcome. Once you don't care, and approach a lot of girls, and learn from each rejection, to tweak your style or approach, you are on your way. Sucks to go through all the rejection but that's just what it is.
Good job on Whatever podcast. No idea how you had the patience to listen as much as you did and remain attentive. I was hoping you were more prominent in the dialogue but there were so many guests.
100%
Fits to a Tee!
It’s not that they cheat/betray me, it’s that either they or I leave (lack of commitment to the relationship).
Absolutely, this resonates with me. Especially the movies mentioned. I believe that at this point, love and commitments aren't in the horizon due too many betrayals, heartbreaks, disappointments, and many more. I'm now, just another player and bad boy in the making. Thanks for these superb analysis, synopsis and great yet eye opening presentations
Borrowing each other...sort of like "she was never really yours. it was just your turn"
I like your minimalist thumbnails in the videos. They are very nice and add an interesting atmosphere to the channel.
I saw In The Mood For Love and 2046 many years ago. I will have to rewatch them. Thank you.
I’m not a player like described by many. Not a party guy, not a guy that likes to speak all the time, not a drinker… I’m introverted, I work and save my money.
But I can say this, after a huge disappointment that I have experienced.. I became careless about the feelings and commitment that other woman may want from me.
If my “heart/mood for love” was a company, it went bankrupt and is out of business.
💥
You aint the only one!
Yeah. I don’t really care what they want anymore either tbh. I used to be the biggest romantic and that was probably my problem. Now I don’t care what they are looking for. They get what I give them when I care to offer it. If they want more they get blocked. There are way too many options out there to worry about what they want.
total indifference, as most benevolent take on it (which isn't available at all times). no f.o.m.o. ever, no m.e.a.t. being wasted. I always know: briffault's law, hypergamy, monkeybranching, pervasive malign gyn.fasc metastases in 'mind' - in 98.5% likelyhood. just noisy voids.
That’s weak😅
This happened for a while with someone I really care about in my family, and it took a lot to leave it behind. Both men and women go through this. Maybe with different results but the same pain. It is unforunate all the way around. If someone had a real solution, it would be one way to become rich. It is unforunate when it becomes one against the other.
I think why many men (myself too) got played is just a lack of knowledge. I am now 27 years old and if I could talk to my younger self (18 years old) I would tell him so much stuff he has to do differently. Most of us are heavily influenced by movies, series etc. combined with values we as men value like loyalty, bravery, honesty, which unfortunately we cant expect (most of the time) of women.
I grew up with Dragonball Z and for me is loyalty and bravery so important that I basically dont like 98% of people. I compare them to my standards and they fail miserable. And its getting even worse if I compare my standards to the women I met because they probably will never met those. If I am staying the alpha champ, who she desires, I guess yes, but if not, its over. So this problem is man made and the solution would be just to be honest and talk about the nature of women and men with young teenegers, but this will never happen, because there is way to much money to make with all this shit because our sex drive as man basically focus ALL our actions just to fuck at the end of the day. So why no manipulate all of this and make some money with it?
Danke!
Never thought about players as idealists who got their souls crushed, however, l believe I went through a similar transformation.
In my early twenties, I was romantic to a cringy degree. I was always on the lookout for 'the one' girl who'd stay with me and I was described as clingy and desperate.
After my first significant heartbreak due to my ex cheating with the 'guy is not supposed to worry about,' I noticed a change in my behaviour.
I acted like a textbook dismissive avoidant if you are familiar with attachment theory. I noticed a general apathy toward things as I accepted life as a transitory mess, in a Buddhist-like way. I became guarded, not heavily investing my time in people unless it benefitted me significantly. If a conflict happened between me and another person, I would cut them out of my life with no hesitation to 'be rid of the problem' as efficiently as possible. I also began lifting weights since I was skinny and even started dressing like a typical fuckboy despite having the opposite personality.
Surprisingly, this combination made me likeable to most people, and women more receptive to me despite not 'trying'. This right here is the blackpill apotheosis to becoming a player. It's when you realize just how superficial human beings and society are. I was the same awkward introverted guy, but with muscles and a backwards hat. Becoming physically strong made women suddenly show interest and give me the time of day. Similarly, changing my clothes was enough for strangers to treat me kindly just because I fit an archetype in their minds. That's really all there is to it.
This is very similar to my villain origins story with the exception that I truly stopped giving a 💩. I haven't dated or been intimate with a woman in over 15 years. My avoidant dismissive personality went from a level 10 to 100.
OMG. Thank you so much for this response. I was in similar situation and figured the same things. But, at the end of the day I didn't like the person I was becoming. Realizing that made think that I was right all along. F...k society that clinges towards superficial human contact. That is boring as hell.
This is me..I had my heart broken at 20 when I loved this girl and could not do enough for her. Right before Christmas I gave her a present and she asked me if i thought we had a future, I said yes...she paused..and then said I don't and walked away...I went back to my room...cried every night for 5 days and after that it changed me forever and I never went through that again 7 years later.
Wow wow wow, this is super good. I had been a nice guy and at one stage I hated myself for the circumstances I faced due to being nice. I think now I am in the course of turning into a player. As you said I watched both movies and both are masterpieces. You picked very good examples.
*Great video as always, @psychacks. I definitely understand the logic of how the experience of rejection/betrayal/etc. can motivate a "nice guy" to become a "bad boy". Something that came to mind as I watched the video is: If the experience of something negative (rejection, etc.) can motivate behavior, how about the NON-experience of something positive (reliable access to sex)? Plenty of bad boys might be former nice guys who used to be bitter from being rejected and were motivated to transform themselves so they'd be the ones doing the rejecting; plenty of bad boys might also be former nice guys who used to be sexually unfulfilled and were motivated to remedy that lack of sexual fulfillment.*
I never thought about players going through a lot of rejection(1:47). It makes sense. Cast a wide net and eventually you will get some fish to bite. Other guys only see the women the player scores with and not the many others who rejected him.
The other situation that also creates this in a man…. Is seeing how your mother treats your father. It Shows a woman doesn’t have to be in love with a man to have his children…. She can disregard him in an instant… so as a young person it definitely gives a very realistic natural understanding of a lot female behavior… I think a lot of men are blindsided by female nature
I also believe a lot of the societal and social pressures or dynamics which ever you prefer construct how we see things and initially experience them… now I don’t necessarily think it’s ideal….but I think we should all have the benefit of seeing things as they are… i really believe both sides are learned…. Even if they haven’t been taught
I love Wong Kar-Wai films my brother introduced me to his work & it’s actually a trilogy beginning with Days of Being Wild (1990), In the Mood of Love (2000), and 2046 (2004).
Much love from Kenya 🇰🇪
Your description of the transformation of a nice guy and the underlying mindset described me to an absolute T. Going the pick up route, I learned how to sleep with women, but I was/am basically incapable of offering true love and compassion due to my past.
I've passed on girls wanting relationships with me, when pre-transformation, I would have gladly have accepted their advances. I live a strange life now, whereby I continually want to date, but I never feel like I can have an emotional connection nor do I feel like they will want to stick around. It's almost like that part of my soul died when I made the transformation.
It would be great to see a video on the transformation from a player back to proper emotionally functioning person.
Some men believe it's beneficial for all men to have a "player" phase. Would you agree?
@@caucasianafrican1435 I would agree with that. Until I went through that phase, it was basically impossible for me to be honest with myself about what I wanted in a woman nor to be 100% open and honest with a women. After the transformation, I can communicate much more openly and clearly, which leads to more clear boundaries with the women I interact with. Maybe I'm the outlier, but I know old school PUA would advocate communication as a pivotal skill, because if you are going to juggle 3 women, it's easiest to let them know that's the arrangement up front, rather than lie to them. I've never pulled off having multiple women at once, but the sentiment is the same that communication is key.
Looking back, being a "nice guy" mostly consisted of me lying to myself to suppress my desires and accept relationships (friendships) that weren't what I wanted. Maybe it's called being a player, or maybe its called maturing.
I think if I hadn't gone through this period, I think I would have ended up in a relationship with women I "settled" for, resulting in being bitter and resentful. Or worse, I would never have dated and I would have spiraled into even worse bitter, resentful, and hateful feelings. I'd like to find 1 women who I can spend the rest of my life with, but I think I couldn't appreciate that 1 person if I hadn't been with a lot of others.
@@caucasianafrican1435i agree. Not saying every guy must have a body count of 300+ but having some experience with women before entering your first serious relationship would be advisable. The reason being, you'll already have a proper idea of the kind of woman you want for a long term relationship, and you'll be less tolerant of bs because you know can get any woman if that relationship ends. You'll be more likely to behave like a classic nice guy, appeasing your gf because you don't want to lose her if you don't learn first hand how to deal with women
Bro try fasting to reset your mind and body.
No one what will happen but give it a try.
@@Poussyeater-w5e No parent with working brains would let their daughter marry a man with 300+ bodycount. Would you?
Brilliant episode. One additional important aspect though is that it's possible to come out the other end - to have your heart broken, to learn the skils, and to use the experience gained of how to deal with women to re-set your approach, so the eventual woman you decide get together with values what she has and is more respectful. The only way to do this is to learn when it's appropriate to be selfish. I strongly believe this is better for the woman too - a man with no boundaries simply begs to be disrespected and ultimately that's not much fun for the woman either. A spell as a player can help you learn where, in the end, to set the balance point. (All speaking from experience BTW). For me the learning came after my now ex-wife ran off with her boss when I was 40. I'm 62 now and can tell you my 'freedom' years (as a 'player', if you will) were among the most memorable - as well as the most ultimately fruitful - of my life, and resulted this past 17 years in the most balanced, successful, generative and mutually satisfying relationship I've ever had.
I think the point of 2046 eluded you my dude.
The allegory is that he IS stuck in time and unable to move past his pain, declining the relationship is him failing to overcome his hurt and insecurity.
He isn't cool for being a player, he's a husk, cut off from genuine warmth and companionship. The movie is tragic in that respect. He let's his prior trauma cut him off from the last lifeline of happiness.
Every player gave his heart to the first girl he ever fell in love with. He never recovered it after.
Nope
@@pawegorka8589 🤣
I shared this with a good friend who was pursuing a girl who ended up falling for me when she met me. I am a long time "expert" on these principles and ditched the "nice guy" way of being years ago.
You were spot on with I was originally a helpless romantic who got hurt in the field. That changed me and I want my friend to have that change without the pain that it required me to go through. He is damn stubborn and religious. He wants to be the nice guy or die trying.
Share your secrets bro !!!
I would say you are right, but one thing is missing, as you mentioned players made out of betrayal, some are also made out of just constant rejection for love they never even experienced. almost like being barred from community, so then what would come to mind is to gain the skills of those that seem to be successfully "mating".
I experienced love several times, or what passes for it from women, ie utility. But I guess I didn't care about it too much as I was getting my 🍆 polished. But I then got exposed to the reality of female nature.
Just downloading this movies. Never heard of them before. Thanks.
I came full circle... I was a very attractive guy, well built with great looks overall, but I was 100% a nice guy and a hopeless romantic... Then I got married and had my soul crushed. Depression and mountains of regret followed, and then, in order to cope, I threw myself into my self. The separation occurred at 31 years old. From 31 to 34, I got a much better career and turned myself into an absolute fitness specimen. I was lean, shredded and still had a great face and hair.
The number of female broken hearts I left in my wake haunts me to this day. Getting a woman into bed was insanely easy for me. In those 3 years I had more women than most men would experience in a lifetime.
And then I met Chris. She wasn't the most attractive, nor the sexiest. she wasn't the most desirable. She had baggage, a disabled son of 12 years old..... But she was the one woman I wanted that wouldn't give it up to me. No matter how many dates we went in, no matter how much time I spent, she made clear I was not going to F her without marriage.... And it drove me so crazy, I married her.
I became a 100% nice guy again... And ended up profoundly regretting it. She did not treat me well. She is not a cheat. But sex was rare and her disrespect was plentiful, which makes me miserable at times.
So, i went back to being a player, at least with her. I made it clear the marriage was on the line and how I 100% didn't need her, not even a little bit, and I meant it. The result? Things are way better, thank God
Her priority is her son, not you, and that's how it should be. Your attachment to unavailability is not healthy, especially to a woman who bore another man's child and is dedicated to that child, and by extension, that man. Marriage is about value exchange, not emotions or feelings.
Divorce rate is 90% for women with bodycount of 6+, 6% for virgins at time of marriage. You also have to make sure you're not so broken that you carry your own 90% with you. Everyone on their deathbed wants to be surrounded by their children and loved one, nobody wants to be alone. It just haven't hit you yet.
Me and my wife were both virgins when we married. We're atheists. I'm 6', fit, made low 6 figures straight out of college, and had IQ of 145. She's pretty, didn't wear makeup but looked better without it than most women do with it. We chose to not ruin our own lives. Why the statistics are what they are matters less than the fact that they are what they are. For many people, it's already too late, whatever damage to their psyche was already done.
@@georgedang449 What would you say to single mothers with body counts of 6+ who are out there dating and trying to convince men to give them a committed relationship?
@@lifeskillsongs2510 What can you say? From her perspective, 10% is higher than 0%. She'll run through an average of 9 nice guys, turn them into players, and get the final simp to provide for her and her other man (men?)'s children. The cycle of life continues, spiraling down the toilet. I'm just audience.
@@georgedang449 why should her son be her priority?
@@rougebaba3887 "Should" is a value judgement. It simply is. I misspoke.
Motherly love is unconditional, as is love from a dog to his man. Love between man and woman is a fleeting hormonal reaction designed to facilitate procreation. Marriage is a contract of value exchange that has nothing to do with love.
Thanks!
Women get an ego boost by taming the bad boy.
Sad but facts, amazing doc!
Movies tend to be overly simplistic, cartoon like depictions of real life. Real life is messy, unpredictable and individuals have multiple motivations, both hidden and overt as to their behavior and choices. They say you should never believe what a woman says but look at what she does, because this is the real truth of what she is.
תודה!
I have always resonated with 2046, in some ways more than In the mood for love, but never understood why. I think I understand a bit better now.
Dr your spot on! I always wondered why it was so easy for a woman to leave me. Now I know their the players. Times change these days I'm the player. The biggest secret women don't want us men to know is they out number us.
It requires a lot of value to be a player (and most men will never have the opportunity to become one), whereas it requires no effort to be a whore (and most women WILL have the opportunity to become one). There’s a difference.
This is absolutely key! The deck is stacked against men in this regard!
Why is the act of sex so sinnful and degrades a woman?
Women used to honor sex, men and children. But you, men, showed us that sex means absolutely nothing. It's just like eating and you can do it with whomever. Nowdays women mirror men.
You see yourselves in women.
@@reenaree1953 that’s womens loss then why mirror being men ? We aren’t attracted to other men. Also did you watch the video ? These guys are like this because women make them like that so they avoid LTRs because women always are tempted it’s biblical.
I think you’re not understanding the biological differences between men and women and would help a lot if you looked into it further and try to remove personal emotions it will explain a majority of misunderstanding.
So women are like that because men make us like that. The same words.
@@reenaree1953 NO , because women are gatekeepers and have selection most men go for what they can get unless your doing wjjat all women do and look at top teir men and say thats all men.
Thank you Sir. Great Video.
There is a small minority of men that women will happily "break their rules for" while for all other men they will "make rules". Successful players often get positive reinforcement because they are the men that women will make themselves available to and even actively chase because of the player's combination of physical looks, charm, charisma and overall perceived value. Being that women often behave like herd animals, if a few women are interested in a guy then all of a sudden there is competition between these women to "get the guy".
Anyway, don't begrudge the Player. Being a player takes skill, time and effort. That's why women can never really be "Players"; a woman can attract and get male attention/affection/sex by just being physically attractive enough and making herself available.
Love Wong Kar Wai’s work and both movies are great.. thank you for your analogy, Makes sense. I think Kar wais fallen angels, days of being wild, chungking express and other films all touch to same theme of dealing with unfulfilled love - loneliness, emptiness, betrayal. Worth watching for anyone who wants to dive deeper in this topic..