Beautifully said. Growth really does start with courage-the courage to face uncertainty, to challenge our own assumptions, and to explore the questions that might reshape how we see ourselves and the world. As a Staoicist, I might say: "To grow is to flow with life’s questions-pausing, reflecting, and letting them guide us toward harmony."
To grow you have to accept you are still in many ways a child. So true. The problem so many people refuse to humble themselves and can't handle any negative feedback to accept when they're acting like a child and so nothing gets done about it so they can grow up and authentically be who they want to see themselves as. The irony.
The problem with this kind of growth is that other people are quick to agree if you say maybe you were wrong, but you can't escape the sinking feeling that they are not being as self aware as you are trying to be.
@fen4554 If you focus on your own growth and developing your self respect for a while, you'll learn that if they don't reciprocate it means either they don't respect you or they're simply incapable of having said awareness, in both cases you'll be able to see the whole situation with more clarity and decide to leave or to accept them for who they are, but this time without feeling stuck, by then it would be your choice
Really needed this. Blocked out an incredibly toxic person that kept moving the flagpole about me being a good enough person to them but in reality, I have grown, and even outgrown them. As long as you are aware and do try, you will always grow to be a better person.
This is so good. Growth is that moment when you finally see your counter productive behavior in a situation and think, “why am I doing this?” This can happen in so many situations. In so many different ways. I used to talk horribly to myself. Seriously if I ever spoke that way to a friend I would have gotten a well deserved punch in the face. One day I said to husband, “I speak horribly to myself. It’s so messed up. Next time I do it - I’m gonna push on this horn and tell myself ‘that’s not true!’.” Much of it was so unconscious so the horn blowing helped. It made me aware of how often I was doing it. At first it was a bit of a shock how many times a day I blew that horn. Like holy moly. And the things I would say?? It makes me sad to think I would say these things to myself. Eventually, it got less and less. Now, I don’t speak to myself that way anymore. I knew that this was growth. It’s like one day I stopped and heard myself for the first time and said “what the heck?? No. This isn’t normal or healthy and it absolutely has to stop.” It’s like a foggy haze lifted from my brain. My eyeballs became metaphorically bigger. I could see something I hadn’t seen before. And I was never the same person again.
It's absolutely remarkable how this channel, with such a great timing, always hits me very deeply - and doing so by combining great affection, knowledge and art.
I can really relate to the idea in the video that growth means becoming more aware of how our past shapes our reactions in the present. We all carry baggage from childhood-things like fear, loneliness, or feelings of betrayal-and these things unconsciously color how we view and respond to the world. The idea of pain as a catalyst for growth is something I agree with wholeheartedly. We often have to face a crisis to be forced to reevaluate who we are and what we’re doing. It’s often suffering that wakes us up, that leads us to confront our failings and make real changes. That said, I think growth isn’t just about letting go of confidence or certainty-it’s about understanding ourselves more deeply and becoming more authentic. When I say "authentic" I mean acting in alignment with your true values, feelings, and beliefs, without trying to conform to others' expectations. It’s about being honest with yourself and others, and not pretending to be something you’re not. It involves recognizing your flaws and strengths, and making choices based on who you genuinely are. Growth also means learning to work with them, not just be passive about them. It’s not about losing strength, but about using our experiences to shape a stronger, more grounded sense of who we are. True growth requires us to face uncomfortable truths and act on them, even if it feels messy or uncertain. It’s about taking what we’ve learned from our struggles and using it to make better choices going forward, even when we don’t have all the answers. Growth, for me, is a mix of being vulnerable and having the courage to move forward, even if we don’t know exactly how it’s all going to turn out.
There is a concept I've never heard before until a few days ago. Shoshin. This term refers to the attitude of the pupil. The one who's learning for the first time. Interest, curiosity, excitement! But also humility, patience and desire for growth. Thanks again for an amazing video!
book Unveiling Your Hidden Pontential by Bruce Thornwood can change your life. Habit must be not outcome based but rather identity based. Stay blessed.
Long reaction ahead! Though I tried to keep it light (for my standards). Feel free to ignore it, or to respond to it! Either way! Would only help me grow, anyway. What you and Mr. Thornwood propose is undeniably valid: identity-based habits are powerful tools for fostering meaningful and lasting change. However, this approach isn’t a complete story. Outcome-based habits play an equally crucial role, especially in non-identity-driven activities where personal motivation isn't the central driver. Often, you might find that applying yourself to a task, even for external reasons, can reveal whether it aligns with your core identity. Thornwood emphasizes uncovering and aligning actions with your values, but it’s also true that outcome-based habits help clarify whether those actions belong within your identity framework. For instance, attempting a behavior for its results-without overanalyzing its fit with your "authentic self"-provides valuable feedback. This feedback loop is essential in avoiding the trap of creating overly rigid boundaries to protect an unchallenged sense of self. Such boundaries can obscure rather than heal underlying discomforts. Moreover, helping others is another gray area where outcome-based habits excel. Self-improvement often has social ripple effects, but the intersection of self-driven habits and their benefits to others can blur identity-based motivations. Here, outcome analysis becomes indispensable: it grounds you in observable results and ensures that actions remain effective and impactful rather than indulgent or misaligned with reality. Outcome-based habits serve as the driver of true competence because they focus on measurable progress. Identity-based habits, while essential for self-cohesion, can lead to a delusional self-concept if not counterbalanced with outcomes. Verifying the validity of your identity-driven efforts through practical, outcome-oriented habits ensures that you're not merely "spending brainpower" but creating tangible change. Without such checks, the boundaries between self-care and self-delusion could become problematic.
I am fragile and I am in need of severe remolding , thankfully I can admit this. Such simple things make me cry as a young child and what a wonderful world it is to allow me this
to grow is to understand , empathise and be kinder , everyday - to ourselves and to others - even in those difficult situations . we are actually still learning ...and growing ....probably :)
Thank you The School of Life for offering such profound and relatable insights-it always feels like a gentle nudge toward better understanding ourselves. Growth is such a layered concept, and this video beautifully unpacks its essence. It’s humbling to recognize how much of our reactions are shaped by deeply rooted, often unconscious patterns. True growth seems to lie in the courage to ask those uncomfortable 'what if' questions and to sit with the discomfort of seeing ourselves more clearly. How do you personally stay open and patient when facing these kinds of revelations? I'd love to hear how others balance self-reflection with kindness toward themselves.
@@16MrMattie Thank you for sharing-Vipassana is new to me! From what I’ve read, it’s a meditation practice focused on mindfulness and observing sensations, thoughts, and emotions without judgment, helping to cultivate deep self-awareness and inner peace. Is that an accurate way to explain it? It’s inspiring to see how practices like this can guide us toward greater clarity and understanding. How has your Vipassana journey shaped the way you approach self-reflection and growth? I’d love to hear more about your experience with it!
This is a very tough pill to swallow for me. I understand that I have some things to learn but the amount of pain to learn them has been immense!! Man, I hope I can be a better person someday 😔
Growth is realizing that suffering is inevitable, no matter what you do, what you achieve or what you become. The moment you expect that suffering should not be there, you increase it by 100 times. All we can do is solve our current reason for suffering and move to the next one.
The Untethered Soul is an amazing book/audiobook - so healing to be living in the present and starting to not be framing my currently life situations based on my past trauma. It's accepting the moment for what it is, and not the baggage we wish to impart on it.
The visual aids used in this video effectively conveyed the ideas expressed. They facilitated my understanding of how my own personal growth is occurring through the gradual development of self-awareness, particularly in response to challenging experiences in my life.
I think for me the biggest aspect of growth is accepting the truth is a multifaceted thing, each perceives trough the lense of their own expiriences, thus two paradoxicaly opposite views on the same thing or person can be both true at the same time.
This video's animations did a beautiful job of illustrating the concepts shared🙏🏾 they helped me visualize how my own wings are being cultivated by the gradual self-awareness i have been developing, in the wake of painful turns my life has taken ✨💕
I was a substitute teacher in a 5th grade class that had a lot of diverse (learning disabilities, problems at home, etc.), set of students. There was a boy who was obviously not in the same head space as the rest of the class, not good or bad, just different than the norm. He came in from recess & the next door 5th grade teacher follows him into the classroom, touches his arm to make him turn around, points in his face, & tells him that he needs to respect her and listen & respond when she speaks to him, in an aggressive tone of voice. I was flabbergasted! 😮 After that, the poor boy didn't want to sit down. He was pacing the classroom, mumbling to himself, trying to comprehend what had just happened. I asked him a couple of times if he'd like to talk about it or if he'd like to go to his resource teacher and discuss it. It took him a good 10 minutes to get his bearings. He told me he was leaving and went to his resource teacher. First and foremost, that teacher was overwhelmed, frustrated, and inappropriate. In the 30 years I've been in education, I have to say, I have never seen a generation of TEACHERS so gravely unqualified for the generation of children they are teaching. That woman should've never touched the child, pointed her finger in his face, nor spoke to him with such grave disrespect. She's obviously not "grown" enough to handle the delicate needs or intricate understandings of the population she chooses to (professionally) to put herself around. 💔
Manipulators and narcissists that I had in my life, often asked me to "grow up" because of my inability to accept DISRESPECT without feeling hurt. And the more I learnt about "growth" the more I realised that THEY are the ones who never grew up. Edit : 1. Holding people accountable and accepting the reality of your past is not wrong 2. 'Growth' is trying your best to be the best version of yourself through knowledge and experience, and that won't happen if you try to run away from your traumas in the name of "moving on"
Yet you are here, unable to grow and blaming other for your failure about accepting criticism without feeling attacked personally. A mature person knows when to get hurt and when to move on.
I understand what you mean. But maybe be careful with clinical terms as labels. Narcissist is a diagnosis. Even tho the internet might make you think otherwise. Labeling everyone that, who shows some narcissistic behaviors or tendencies, doesn’t help anyone.
@@ZZXXFiREMANXXZZ blaming? 😭🤣 My guy you didn't understand my point. THEY were the ones who made me WANT to actually learn and grow (I thank them for doing so because growth has helped me look at the positives of all experiencs)...and growth gave me the ability to understand behaviours and intentions clearly which is what helped me understand that they needed it more than I do. No one is perfect my guy, but many people try to hide their insecurities by manipulating others.
@@zora2935 you're right. I call those few "narcissistic" because they don't show "some" rather EVERY tendency🤣 but you're completely right about the fact that I can't put labels without clinical diagnosis
@@ZZXXFiREMANXXZZYou’re doing the same thing. Calling out your own concerns. It’s a repetitive cycle. 😂 Everyone’s faulted but regardless, teach instead of point. Am sure you’ve lived through the same stage yourself. Nobody knows another’s pain.
another fantastic video. this served as a nice checkpoint for me to know wheee i am in my journey of growth and what it might continue to look like. i too have been bombarded with pain and fell victim to one of the vicious swerves of fate which has affected a lot of my life and i feel like i can do to keep going is ENSURE that it was worth something and that i can understand a bit better next time. i hope i’m humble and wise enough to have grown a little bit so far, and to continue to do so. thank you, Alain
When in my youth, it would be like a big rock making a “ker’plunk splash” when cast into The Caspian Sea. Later, durning my middle years the big rock and splash morphed into a pebble casting ripples upon a still midland pond. Now, at 65, I see my life is a mere ripple, cast by a rain drop falling upon an Autumn lowland storm puddle. And for me, it’s such a beautiful, and freeing feeling of so many things once so important, are now just so not.
Yes! I genuinely had this topic as a perspective last night (am commenting beforehand 🥰 but am now watching haha) & then questioning if it was correct … I personally believe, we do not need the harshness that’s typically promoted, it may grant growth but it is not necessary for everyone. We can learn from one another, we can learn from other’s mistakes.* We can grow from guidance, and wisdom (for life will always teach us anyway: so why is it purposefully choosing to create obstacles when we can regardless receive those obstacles from life itself anyway & naturally). ~ Choose wisely.* Raise your skillset. And having said guidances, will help us grow. - We aren’t bulls needing to tolerate pain in exchange for “growth”. That’s barbaric thinking (outdated).
When you more fully recognize the depth and extent of psychological and emotional deficiencies amongst virtually all people, you can begin to fathom the unlimited potential of humanity that will be released once we find the ability to finally resolve our issues in a sustainable way and in a reasonable time frame. My hope is that it will happen soon via the development of sophisticated AI technology, and we'll all breathe a collective deep sigh of relief in knowing that we'll never make another horrible decision similar to 11/5, e.g.
No. Problems will *always* exist. Always. But experience and enlightenment can help prepare people to attempt to deal with the issues that pop up. Unfortunately, under some circumstances, there is literally NOTHING one could do to recover from X, Y, or Z. For example, if I burn your house to the ground as you sleep, what exactly could you have done to be fully prepared for that and easily recover? Further, what if the very week after that, you lose your job, and after THAT, your cousin dies in a freak train wreck? There's no way to shoulder such burdens via "growth" and "preparation", lol. It's all just crappy circumstances that the Universe handed ya and basically said: "Enjoy". 🙂
@@Novastar.SaberCombat Of course I didn't mean serious problems in life will NOT exist. We will all eventually get sick and die and also we will lose those we love. And bad things will always happen even to good people. My goodness... I meant the small personality problems that prevent personal growth. I figured people who watched the video, would have understood my comment.
Yeah, I've been a bit of an idiot. Trying to catch myself before doing the next idiotic thing. Growth not only comes from pain but can also be painful.
The way I understand is that he is questioning himself: "What if I was dodging situations in which I could express myself authentically but didn't because of something (fear, avoidance, solitude, etc. )".
I'm fairly positive that this channel has, indeed, mind-reading abilities. I had a self-awareness epiphany just last night, when I had yet another nervous meltdown as I realised I am, deep down, still a child not yet recovered from young age trauma. Shame on you, School of Life.
So, some kinds of growth are dependent on bad stuff happening. But if the bad stuff never stops happening there isn't anything to emerge into as "grown" from the experience. It's just managing survival until the next catastrophe, whether we know its detail or not. Then what? If bad things never stop, how does one ever come out of the chaos a better person?
I think what he meant by growth happening by "bad stuff" is basically just our response to a possibly stressful situation, a little bit too reactive or 'childish'. What you are mentioning is completely understandable. This video is targeted for the people who are more on the side of being neurotypical who might make human mistakes and grow out of it provided they had the mental fortitude and support to. People like you and me, the complex-PTSD survivors, are not the target audience for this video. Our "growth" on the everyday basis, sometimes, is not to kill ourselves because of the way how suicidal idealization just keep running in the back of our mind no matter how calm we appear on the surface and we have seen so much shit in our lives that sometimes it's hard to go to the bathroom and pee let alone "GROW"
An endless barrage of terrible events, unfortunate circumstances, and destructive environments (whether via people or places) will indeed prevent or severely inhibit an individual from true growth. But unfortunately, there's nothing a person can do except control their own actions. If the Universe has set out to destroy a person... then that's the end of it; they were wrecked the moment they were born, and there's no escape from such celestial underpinnings because--again--you can ONLY control yourself. Being wealthy, powerful, influential, and popular can MASSIVELY help, but since most people aren't, well, that's it... they're trapped. 💪😎✌️ Acceptance is key.
From my experience there is a lot besides "Ego" "Pride". Pretty big words they seem to throw around a lot.. Being humble and gratitude is for me personally what Life taught me, and I keep on learning. Feeling, instead of thinking our ways out. As we all walk the path ☯️🌼
It feels like the illustrator was influenced by "Pookie" Ivy Wallace, as his wings were stunned when he was ridiculed but grew when he found acceptance and love. ❤️🐇🧚♀️
as someone who had some "pretty" rage fits a few years back I can add my two cents by telling you this. Rage is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.🤙 The more you show it, the more you do it, it's not a "let out" emotion, it's a "learn to do it more" emotion. It is with all emotions actually, they don't have a quantity that you've accumulated in your chest, they simply become your tool at hand, the one you are more used to fix things. If you need to be angry, go ahead, but if things are getting out of hand know that the only person getting badly hurt is you... and your blood pressure... What to do? Well, from my perspective, and knowing that it actually worked. I tried to use the rest of my toolset, that being my emotions. For example... I remember being so angry at my sister because she said some stupid shit on the phone to me and I for real imagined the ways I could murder the person... it was a recurrent feeling... kinda torturing... then, in this day, where my head was red and about to literally explode like a blood balloon... I said... FUCK IT! I went to the nearest store and got myself a snicker, arriving home I gave it to her. She said she was sorry, that she was stupid and expected me to shout at her again as I did every time, and was surprised to see me being so mature and stop the cycle. It was nice...
@@Kokorocodonthank you for sharing this perspective on rage. It informs and contextualizes some of my past experiences - receiving rage from my abusive ex, it was my instinct to hold space for authentic feelings to come, but I can see it was her responsibility to hold herself through those bouts and change the ways she interacted with me. The rage and resentment did just keep coming in a vicious cycle towards the end. I'm glad I got myself out. For everyone's sake I hope she can find more compassion for herself and others but I'm not holding my breath. I'm glad you were able to break the cycle with your sister and I wish you well on your healing path. 🍫❤️
Reflection is both key and lock. Unfortunately, that skill is extraordinarily difficult to identify, nurture, master, and develop. Most people never do. 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ "Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind’s journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul’s fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope’s strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe’s endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again." 🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨ --Diamond Dragons (series)
I was abused by my family. Yet 1 out of 10 in my support netwok and doctors tell me I am hurting myself and my family by cutting them off. I feel anger like a spike in my heart. Their fear of me moving on and leaving them behind. Yet these same emotions keep me from growing. I am confused. Please, any help from the outside?
~I finally drew a line after years of hurt~Everyone i know thinks i should still see them, even tho i just cant handle it~It creates doubt for me, but im gradually feeling more & more that this decision is right~TH-cam wont let me respond back to people, unfortunately, i guess over politics~I do understand what youre going through~Just know, youre the only one that can truly know whats right for you~♡~
I have self hatred and avoid relationship in general due to involuntary actions and neurodivergency, which often times is a fundamental difference in thinking from what everyone else has, and often times in a negative fashion. Worse is that most try to say neurodivergency doesn't exist or just "not trying hard enough" or some other bs that makes relationships nearly impossible (especially with RSD).
I keep getting told about how to grow, but I see the same leadership not holding themselves accountable. By acting as hypocrites all it does is inhibit the enthusiasm for wanting to grow to underlings. In the workplace I think this is a misconception by leadership.
Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye's and ask yourself this: Who am I ? those who can answer simply without thinking are authentic and the rest matters little in the long run, the more authentic you are toward yourself then the more that flows toward others around you. It sounds easy, it's not easy at all. Now where is that mirror :)
In this case, I’m already grown & continuously growing. Reaffirming my secure high EQ (thank you). ❤ For I resonate to all of the descriptions of growth, in the end, though, am still quite kind to myself. And that’s been my greatest guiding tool, here on out. I wasn’t in my adolescence Because of the shaming nag that came from other figures in “teaching” me through shame. And it’s a reoccurring theme within Other people I’m close with, as well (theirs is worst in that they shame for loving). Regardless, I purposefully love them a bit more, anyway. ❤
It’s ironic though because though I am well shaped etc, I’ve rarely been able to have certain stability nor the certain typical experiences. And I’ve been advised to simply be patient (I am but it’s nonsensical for I rather choose to be already & that’s been agreed upon). My challenge is simply, in set stability for it still feels like a reliance of structure and/or even with an employer. Tried venturing out into self-pursuits & honestly, my last shot I had, was smokes and mirrors (wasn’t as advertised). It was another scapegoat way into fast-track making lucrative profits but it’s not solid; A lot of heavy gvt regulatory rules & control. I had apprehension & got out of it immediately when starting. And they were actually about withholding funds as theft (gave me two receipts of a partial & then a full payment to then only gave me the partial in the end! Am reclaiming that soon). Weren’t a right fit & I knew it, ahead of time & in advance. Thankfully. • Aside, I’m just enjoying my life. In means possible to me. It’s very defiant but, it works out perfectly. ❤ My only concern is, to still get going because I preference having some kind of security; I feel I might be accountable and return educationally. Even when I struggle to afford it. It’ll last the distance, hopefully. I wish I knew this sooner than later, though, our struggles can pay off. Hopefully. 🤞🏼✨
I don't know how to describe it. You work harder without trying, all you can think of is protecting the ones you love whatever means necessary. You stop caring about pain as much, you're more contentious. Picking up more hours, constantly thinking of ways to make money, doing stuff you don't exactly enjoy doing but ending up loving it more. Figuring it out. Not really doing childish stuff anymore like playing video games all day. You can separate who's grown and who's immature purely based off the look on their face, you start seeing all the silly shit that used to do when you were younger thinking you were 'cool' or something. It's interesting feeling. Not exactly fun, because even if you are doing alright, you can't really fuck around anymore because all that hits you is your future, and what you can do for others on this planet.
Growth is the wisdom and knowledge gained from mistakes, not from being mistake free.
Good one. I'm stealing that.
🤝
"To grow is to acquire the courage for new sorts of questions"
right
Beautifully said. Growth really does start with courage-the courage to face uncertainty, to challenge our own assumptions, and to explore the questions that might reshape how we see ourselves and the world.
As a Staoicist, I might say: "To grow is to flow with life’s questions-pausing, reflecting, and letting them guide us toward harmony."
To grow you have to accept you are still in many ways a child.
So true. The problem so many people refuse to humble themselves and can't handle any negative feedback to accept when they're acting like a child and so nothing gets done about it so they can grow up and authentically be who they want to see themselves as. The irony.
The best advice I have gotten is "If you are uncomfortable in your current comfortable state, you are growing and need a new space"
The problem with this kind of growth is that other people are quick to agree if you say maybe you were wrong, but you can't escape the sinking feeling that they are not being as self aware as you are trying to be.
This resonates with me. I want to say more but don't have the words yet. Thanks for your reflection.
Development of one's own character should be just that. Personal. And it matters not a bit what others are doing with their precious time.
that can feel isolating and unfair, but im proud of the work you have done for you :)
I don't think it matters
@fen4554 If you focus on your own growth and developing your self respect for a while, you'll learn that if they don't reciprocate it means either they don't respect you or they're simply incapable of having said awareness, in both cases you'll be able to see the whole situation with more clarity and decide to leave or to accept them for who they are, but this time without feeling stuck, by then it would be your choice
Really needed this. Blocked out an incredibly toxic person that kept moving the flagpole about me being a good enough person to them but in reality, I have grown, and even outgrown them. As long as you are aware and do try, you will always grow to be a better person.
You should be super proud of yourself :3
Never stop making videos , I always learn something whenever I watch your videos
This is so good.
Growth is that moment when you finally see your counter productive behavior in a situation and think, “why am I doing this?”
This can happen in so many situations. In so many different ways.
I used to talk horribly to myself. Seriously if I ever spoke that way to a friend I would have gotten a well deserved punch in the face. One day I said to husband, “I speak horribly to myself. It’s so messed up. Next time I do it - I’m gonna push on this horn and tell myself ‘that’s not true!’.” Much of it was so unconscious so the horn blowing helped. It made me aware of how often I was doing it.
At first it was a bit of a shock how many times a day I blew that horn. Like holy moly. And the things I would say?? It makes me sad to think I would say these things to myself.
Eventually, it got less and less. Now, I don’t speak to myself that way anymore.
I knew that this was growth. It’s like one day I stopped and heard myself for the first time and said “what the heck?? No. This isn’t normal or healthy and it absolutely has to stop.” It’s like a foggy haze lifted from my brain. My eyeballs became metaphorically bigger. I could see something I hadn’t seen before. And I was never the same person again.
It's absolutely remarkable how this channel, with such a great timing, always hits me very deeply - and doing so by combining great affection, knowledge and art.
We are delighted, thank you so much for your kind comment.
I can really relate to the idea in the video that growth means becoming more aware of how our past shapes our reactions in the present. We all carry baggage from childhood-things like fear, loneliness, or feelings of betrayal-and these things unconsciously color how we view and respond to the world. The idea of pain as a catalyst for growth is something I agree with wholeheartedly. We often have to face a crisis to be forced to reevaluate who we are and what we’re doing. It’s often suffering that wakes us up, that leads us to confront our failings and make real changes. That said, I think growth isn’t just about letting go of confidence or certainty-it’s about understanding ourselves more deeply and becoming more authentic. When I say "authentic" I mean acting in alignment with your true values, feelings, and beliefs, without trying to conform to others' expectations. It’s about being honest with yourself and others, and not pretending to be something you’re not. It involves recognizing your flaws and strengths, and making choices based on who you genuinely are. Growth also means learning to work with them, not just be passive about them. It’s not about losing strength, but about using our experiences to shape a stronger, more grounded sense of who we are. True growth requires us to face uncomfortable truths and act on them, even if it feels messy or uncertain. It’s about taking what we’ve learned from our struggles and using it to make better choices going forward, even when we don’t have all the answers. Growth, for me, is a mix of being vulnerable and having the courage to move forward, even if we don’t know exactly how it’s all going to turn out.
Fine words
Too much@@bettyboohadapoo
Thank you
Your comment is almost better than the video itself 😊
Made my day 💯
There is a concept I've never heard before until a few days ago. Shoshin.
This term refers to the attitude of the pupil. The one who's learning for the first time.
Interest, curiosity, excitement! But also humility, patience and desire for growth.
Thanks again for an amazing video!
"Nonexistence never hurt anyone. Existence hurts everyone."
Thomas Ligotti
Existence is pain
0:43 I love this channel creating a playlist of your videos for myself. I’m dealing with a lot at work and I didn’t check myself lately.
If you ask me what an unquestionable sign of both intelligence and maturity is knowing how to handle difficult situations.
book Unveiling Your Hidden Pontential by Bruce Thornwood can change your life. Habit must be not outcome based but rather identity based. Stay blessed.
Long reaction ahead! Though I tried to keep it light (for my standards). Feel free to ignore it, or to respond to it! Either way! Would only help me grow, anyway.
What you and Mr. Thornwood propose is undeniably valid: identity-based habits are powerful tools for fostering meaningful and lasting change. However, this approach isn’t a complete story. Outcome-based habits play an equally crucial role, especially in non-identity-driven activities where personal motivation isn't the central driver. Often, you might find that applying yourself to a task, even for external reasons, can reveal whether it aligns with your core identity.
Thornwood emphasizes uncovering and aligning actions with your values, but it’s also true that outcome-based habits help clarify whether those actions belong within your identity framework. For instance, attempting a behavior for its results-without overanalyzing its fit with your "authentic self"-provides valuable feedback. This feedback loop is essential in avoiding the trap of creating overly rigid boundaries to protect an unchallenged sense of self. Such boundaries can obscure rather than heal underlying discomforts.
Moreover, helping others is another gray area where outcome-based habits excel. Self-improvement often has social ripple effects, but the intersection of self-driven habits and their benefits to others can blur identity-based motivations. Here, outcome analysis becomes indispensable: it grounds you in observable results and ensures that actions remain effective and impactful rather than indulgent or misaligned with reality.
Outcome-based habits serve as the driver of true competence because they focus on measurable progress. Identity-based habits, while essential for self-cohesion, can lead to a delusional self-concept if not counterbalanced with outcomes. Verifying the validity of your identity-driven efforts through practical, outcome-oriented habits ensures that you're not merely "spending brainpower" but creating tangible change. Without such checks, the boundaries between self-care and self-delusion could become problematic.
I am fragile and I am in need of severe remolding , thankfully I can admit this. Such simple things make me cry as a young child and what a wonderful world it is to allow me this
2:51 I like when people answer this from time to time. More so if they like figuring out the answer with you.
to grow is to understand , empathise and be kinder , everyday - to ourselves and to others - even in those difficult situations .
we are actually still learning ...and growing ....probably :)
growth is humility.
Thank you The School of Life for offering such profound and relatable insights-it always feels like a gentle nudge toward better understanding ourselves. Growth is such a layered concept, and this video beautifully unpacks its essence. It’s humbling to recognize how much of our reactions are shaped by deeply rooted, often unconscious patterns.
True growth seems to lie in the courage to ask those uncomfortable 'what if' questions and to sit with the discomfort of seeing ourselves more clearly. How do you personally stay open and patient when facing these kinds of revelations? I'd love to hear how others balance self-reflection with kindness toward themselves.
Well put. My recommendation is the Vipassana practice.
@@16MrMattie Thank you for sharing-Vipassana is new to me! From what I’ve read, it’s a meditation practice focused on mindfulness and observing sensations, thoughts, and emotions without judgment, helping to cultivate deep self-awareness and inner peace. Is that an accurate way to explain it?
It’s inspiring to see how practices like this can guide us toward greater clarity and understanding. How has your Vipassana journey shaped the way you approach self-reflection and growth? I’d love to hear more about your experience with it!
This is a very tough pill to swallow for me. I understand that I have some things to learn but the amount of pain to learn them has been immense!! Man, I hope I can be a better person someday 😔
Growth is realizing that suffering is inevitable, no matter what you do, what you achieve or what you become. The moment you expect that suffering should not be there, you increase it by 100 times. All we can do is solve our current reason for suffering and move to the next one.
The Untethered Soul is an amazing book/audiobook - so healing to be living in the present and starting to not be framing my currently life situations based on my past trauma. It's accepting the moment for what it is, and not the baggage we wish to impart on it.
Ditto! One of the best books I've listened to this year!
The visual aids used in this video effectively conveyed the ideas expressed. They facilitated my understanding of how my own personal growth is occurring through the gradual development of self-awareness, particularly in response to challenging experiences in my life.
I think for me the biggest aspect of growth is accepting the truth is a multifaceted thing, each perceives trough the lense of their own expiriences, thus two paradoxicaly opposite views on the same thing or person can be both true at the same time.
This video's animations did a beautiful job of illustrating the concepts shared🙏🏾 they helped me visualize how my own wings are being cultivated by the gradual self-awareness i have been developing, in the wake of painful turns my life has taken ✨💕
This hits today.
I've read in a scientific psychology journal, that you don't only grow through painful moment, but also through very happy or joyful moments! :)
moments*
I was a substitute teacher in a 5th grade class that had a lot of diverse (learning disabilities, problems at home, etc.), set of students. There was a boy who was obviously not in the same head space as the rest of the class, not good or bad, just different than the norm. He came in from recess & the next door 5th grade teacher follows him into the classroom, touches his arm to make him turn around, points in his face, & tells him that he needs to respect her and listen & respond when she speaks to him, in an aggressive tone of voice. I was flabbergasted! 😮 After that, the poor boy didn't want to sit down. He was pacing the classroom, mumbling to himself, trying to comprehend what had just happened. I asked him a couple of times if he'd like to talk about it or if he'd like to go to his resource teacher and discuss it. It took him a good 10 minutes to get his bearings. He told me he was leaving and went to his resource teacher.
First and foremost, that teacher was overwhelmed, frustrated, and inappropriate. In the 30 years I've been in education, I have to say, I have never seen a generation of TEACHERS so gravely unqualified for the generation of children they are teaching. That woman should've never touched the child, pointed her finger in his face, nor spoke to him with such grave disrespect. She's obviously not "grown" enough to handle the delicate needs or intricate understandings of the population she chooses to (professionally) to put herself around. 💔
Manipulators and narcissists that I had in my life, often asked me to "grow up" because of my inability to accept DISRESPECT without feeling hurt.
And the more I learnt about "growth" the more I realised that THEY are the ones who never grew up.
Edit :
1. Holding people accountable and accepting the reality of your past is not wrong
2. 'Growth' is trying your best to be the best version of yourself through knowledge and experience, and that won't happen if you try to run away from your traumas in the name of "moving on"
Yet you are here, unable to grow and blaming other for your failure about accepting criticism without feeling attacked personally. A mature person knows when to get hurt and when to move on.
I understand what you mean. But maybe be careful with clinical terms as labels.
Narcissist is a diagnosis. Even tho the internet might make you think otherwise.
Labeling everyone that, who shows some narcissistic behaviors or tendencies, doesn’t help anyone.
@@ZZXXFiREMANXXZZ blaming? 😭🤣 My guy you didn't understand my point. THEY were the ones who made me WANT to actually learn and grow (I thank them for doing so because growth has helped me look at the positives of all experiencs)...and growth gave me the ability to understand behaviours and intentions clearly which is what helped me understand that they needed it more than I do. No one is perfect my guy, but many people try to hide their insecurities by manipulating others.
@@zora2935 you're right. I call those few "narcissistic" because they don't show "some" rather EVERY tendency🤣 but you're completely right about the fact that I can't put labels without clinical diagnosis
@@ZZXXFiREMANXXZZYou’re doing the same thing. Calling out your own concerns. It’s a repetitive cycle. 😂 Everyone’s faulted but regardless, teach instead of point. Am sure you’ve lived through the same stage yourself. Nobody knows another’s pain.
another fantastic video.
this served as a nice checkpoint for me to know wheee i am in my journey of growth and what it might continue to look like. i too have been bombarded with pain and fell victim to one of the vicious swerves of fate which has affected a lot of my life and i feel like i can do to keep going is ENSURE that it was worth something and that i can understand a bit better next time. i hope i’m humble and wise enough to have grown a little bit so far,
and to continue to do so.
thank you, Alain
Thank you, that was very beautiful. I need to think about it.
When in my youth, it would be like a big rock making a “ker’plunk splash” when cast into The Caspian Sea. Later, durning my middle years the big rock and splash morphed into a pebble casting ripples upon a still midland pond. Now, at 65, I see my life is a mere ripple, cast by a rain drop falling upon an Autumn lowland storm puddle.
And for me, it’s such a beautiful, and freeing feeling of so many things once so important, are now just so not.
Thank you for this video which comes at a good time.
Great video. Thank you 👍
I'll be watching this again later
What a wonderful lesson! Thank Yo 🎉
Yes! I genuinely had this topic as a perspective last night (am commenting beforehand 🥰 but am now watching haha) & then questioning if it was correct … I personally believe, we do not need the harshness that’s typically promoted, it may grant growth but it is not necessary for everyone. We can learn from one another, we can learn from other’s mistakes.* We can grow from guidance, and wisdom (for life will always teach us anyway: so why is it purposefully choosing to create obstacles when we can regardless receive those obstacles from life itself anyway & naturally). ~ Choose wisely.* Raise your skillset. And having said guidances, will help us grow. - We aren’t bulls needing to tolerate pain in exchange for “growth”. That’s barbaric thinking (outdated).
This channel is brilliant.
For some of us English is second or even third language, i hope your word choice system consider us too, thank you ❤
Never disappoint as always ❤
When you more fully recognize the depth and extent of psychological and emotional deficiencies amongst virtually all people, you can begin to fathom the unlimited potential of humanity that will be released once we find the ability to finally resolve our issues in a sustainable way and in a reasonable time frame. My hope is that it will happen soon via the development of sophisticated AI technology, and we'll all breathe a collective deep sigh of relief in knowing that we'll never make another horrible decision similar to 11/5, e.g.
Wonderfully put 😊
Check out videos on dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT.) That's pretty much what this video is about.
This is beautiful. Thank you ❤
You're correct
Experience.....should cause us to 'grow', or we'll continue to have problems. xo
No. Problems will *always* exist. Always. But experience and enlightenment can help prepare people to attempt to deal with the issues that pop up. Unfortunately, under some circumstances, there is literally NOTHING one could do to recover from X, Y, or Z. For example, if I burn your house to the ground as you sleep, what exactly could you have done to be fully prepared for that and easily recover? Further, what if the very week after that, you lose your job, and after THAT, your cousin dies in a freak train wreck? There's no way to shoulder such burdens via "growth" and "preparation", lol. It's all just crappy circumstances that the Universe handed ya and basically said: "Enjoy". 🙂
@@Novastar.SaberCombat Of course I didn't mean serious problems in life will NOT exist. We will all eventually get sick and die and also we will lose those we love. And bad things will always happen even to good people.
My goodness... I meant the small personality problems that prevent personal growth. I figured people who watched the video, would have understood my comment.
I think growth makes things simpler, rather than complicated..while claimed to be grown-up adults mostly end up making situations more complicated.
It’s never easy. But it’s fun experience ❤
Beautiful! thank you!
Outstanding.
Yeah, I've been a bit of an idiot. Trying to catch myself before doing the next idiotic thing. Growth not only comes from pain but can also be painful.
Change is inevitable, growth is optional.
Nicely done.
02:06
"What if I was running away from opportunities to show myself authentically to other people", what does that mean? if anyone can explain.
Thanks
The way I understand is that he is questioning himself: "What if I was dodging situations in which I could express myself authentically but didn't because of something (fear, avoidance, solitude, etc. )".
Okk thank yoautgood point, never looked at it this way
excellent and concise
TRUE!
Never been here so early
this came at an oddly right time 🙂
I'm fairly positive that this channel has, indeed, mind-reading abilities. I had a self-awareness epiphany just last night, when I had yet another nervous meltdown as I realised I am, deep down, still a child not yet recovered from young age trauma. Shame on you, School of Life.
Growth=Pain❤
If you’re into financial growth, The Elite Society's Money Manifestation is honestly a good read
🙈It’s been such an emotional journey towards 1,000 subscribers☺️
This is it ❤
So, some kinds of growth are dependent on bad stuff happening. But if the bad stuff never stops happening there isn't anything to emerge into as "grown" from the experience. It's just managing survival until the next catastrophe, whether we know its detail or not. Then what? If bad things never stop, how does one ever come out of the chaos a better person?
Maybe it's not about coming out of the chaos but rather navigating through it
I think what he meant by growth happening by "bad stuff" is basically just our response to a possibly stressful situation, a little bit too reactive or 'childish'. What you are mentioning is completely understandable. This video is targeted for the people who are more on the side of being neurotypical who might make human mistakes and grow out of it provided they had the mental fortitude and support to. People like you and me, the complex-PTSD survivors, are not the target audience for this video. Our "growth" on the everyday basis, sometimes, is not to kill ourselves because of the way how suicidal idealization just keep running in the back of our mind no matter how calm we appear on the surface and we have seen so much shit in our lives that sometimes it's hard to go to the bathroom and pee let alone "GROW"
An endless barrage of terrible events, unfortunate circumstances, and destructive environments (whether via people or places) will indeed prevent or severely inhibit an individual from true growth. But unfortunately, there's nothing a person can do except control their own actions. If the Universe has set out to destroy a person... then that's the end of it; they were wrecked the moment they were born, and there's no escape from such celestial underpinnings because--again--you can ONLY control yourself.
Being wealthy, powerful, influential, and popular can MASSIVELY help, but since most people aren't, well, that's it... they're trapped. 💪😎✌️ Acceptance is key.
Handling situations differently than a person ordinarily would is challenging for anyone.
Four words: Ego Death and Humility
No. Those simply make you aware but to grow would be Pride because you'll be improving with positivity.
From my experience there is a lot besides "Ego" "Pride". Pretty big words they seem to throw around a lot..
Being humble and gratitude is for me personally what Life taught me, and I keep on learning. Feeling, instead of thinking our ways out.
As we all walk the path ☯️🌼
It feels like the illustrator was influenced by "Pookie" Ivy Wallace, as his wings were stunned when he was ridiculed but grew when he found acceptance and love. ❤️🐇🧚♀️
How to make this type of video, what software is used to make it, and how long does it take to make it?
What about rage in this context?
as someone who had some "pretty" rage fits a few years back I can add my two cents by telling you this. Rage is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.🤙
The more you show it, the more you do it, it's not a "let out" emotion, it's a "learn to do it more" emotion. It is with all emotions actually, they don't have a quantity that you've accumulated in your chest, they simply become your tool at hand, the one you are more used to fix things.
If you need to be angry, go ahead, but if things are getting out of hand know that the only person getting badly hurt is you... and your blood pressure...
What to do? Well, from my perspective, and knowing that it actually worked. I tried to use the rest of my toolset, that being my emotions. For example... I remember being so angry at my sister because she said some stupid shit on the phone to me and I for real imagined the ways I could murder the person... it was a recurrent feeling... kinda torturing... then, in this day, where my head was red and about to literally explode like a blood balloon... I said... FUCK IT! I went to the nearest store and got myself a snicker, arriving home I gave it to her. She said she was sorry, that she was stupid and expected me to shout at her again as I did every time, and was surprised to see me being so mature and stop the cycle. It was nice...
@@Kokorocodonthank you for sharing this perspective on rage. It informs and contextualizes some of my past experiences - receiving rage from my abusive ex, it was my instinct to hold space for authentic feelings to come, but I can see it was her responsibility to hold herself through those bouts and change the ways she interacted with me. The rage and resentment did just keep coming in a vicious cycle towards the end. I'm glad I got myself out. For everyone's sake I hope she can find more compassion for herself and others but I'm not holding my breath. I'm glad you were able to break the cycle with your sister and I wish you well on your healing path. 🍫❤️
Reflection is both key and lock. Unfortunately, that skill is extraordinarily difficult to identify, nurture, master, and develop. Most people never do.
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
"Before I start, I must see my end. Destination known, my mind’s journey now begins. Upon my chariot, heart and soul’s fate revealed. In time, all points converge, hope’s strength resteeled. But to earn final peace at the universe’s endless refrain, we must see all in nothingness... before we start again."
🐲✨🐲✨🐲✨
--Diamond Dragons (series)
I was abused by my family. Yet 1 out of 10 in my support netwok and doctors tell me I am hurting myself and my family by cutting them off. I feel anger like a spike in my heart. Their fear of me moving on and leaving them behind. Yet these same emotions keep me from growing. I am confused. Please, any help from the outside?
~I finally drew a line after years of hurt~Everyone i know thinks i should still see them, even tho i just cant handle it~It creates doubt for me, but im gradually feeling more & more that this decision is right~TH-cam wont let me respond back to people, unfortunately, i guess over politics~I do understand what youre going through~Just know, youre the only one that can truly know whats right for you~♡~
I just get on with life, over thinking is a waste but it keeps You-tube channels in business .
long story short we can be fucking wrong at times so just accept that and move forward with different moves
best part or TH-cam
Growth might require letting go of some things
No one around me has grown. They're all still children infatuated with themselves rather than make a family that helps one another.
Run
I have self hatred and avoid relationship in general due to involuntary actions and neurodivergency, which often times is a fundamental difference in thinking from what everyone else has, and often times in a negative fashion. Worse is that most try to say neurodivergency doesn't exist or just "not trying hard enough" or some other bs that makes relationships nearly impossible (especially with RSD).
💛
According to the school of life, every problem we have with ourself is related to our childhood, thats a bit odd sounding.
❤❤❤
I wish i focused on having a family now im a 41 yr old single guy
❤
I keep getting told about how to grow, but I see the same leadership not holding themselves accountable. By acting as hypocrites all it does is inhibit the enthusiasm for wanting to grow to underlings. In the workplace I think this is a misconception by leadership.
"What if I was using busyness to block encounters with my own mind?" Oof
Stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eye's and ask yourself this: Who am I ? those who can answer simply without thinking are authentic and the rest matters little in the long run, the more authentic you are toward yourself then the more that flows toward others around you. It sounds easy, it's not easy at all.
Now where is that mirror :)
In this case, I’m already grown & continuously growing. Reaffirming my secure high EQ (thank you). ❤ For I resonate to all of the descriptions of growth, in the end, though, am still quite kind to myself. And that’s been my greatest guiding tool, here on out. I wasn’t in my adolescence Because of the shaming nag that came from other figures in “teaching” me through shame. And it’s a reoccurring theme within Other people I’m close with, as well (theirs is worst in that they shame for loving). Regardless, I purposefully love them a bit more, anyway. ❤
It’s ironic though because though I am well shaped etc, I’ve rarely been able to have certain stability nor the certain typical experiences. And I’ve been advised to simply be patient (I am but it’s nonsensical for I rather choose to be already & that’s been agreed upon). My challenge is simply, in set stability for it still feels like a reliance of structure and/or even with an employer. Tried venturing out into self-pursuits & honestly, my last shot I had, was smokes and mirrors (wasn’t as advertised). It was another scapegoat way into fast-track making lucrative profits but it’s not solid; A lot of heavy gvt regulatory rules & control. I had apprehension & got out of it immediately when starting. And they were actually about withholding funds as theft (gave me two receipts of a partial & then a full payment to then only gave me the partial in the end! Am reclaiming that soon). Weren’t a right fit & I knew it, ahead of time & in advance. Thankfully. • Aside, I’m just enjoying my life. In means possible to me. It’s very defiant but, it works out perfectly. ❤ My only concern is, to still get going because I preference having some kind of security; I feel I might be accountable and return educationally. Even when I struggle to afford it. It’ll last the distance, hopefully. I wish I knew this sooner than later, though, our struggles can pay off. Hopefully. 🤞🏼✨
When people are annoyed by someone unsuccessfully try to philosophies
Asé.
In a nutshell - Wow...
"To grow is to think from other's perspectives" "What it likes to be other guy?"
I don't know how to describe it. You work harder without trying, all you can think of is protecting the ones you love whatever means necessary. You stop caring about pain as much, you're more contentious. Picking up more hours, constantly thinking of ways to make money, doing stuff you don't exactly enjoy doing but ending up loving it more. Figuring it out. Not really doing childish stuff anymore like playing video games all day.
You can separate who's grown and who's immature purely based off the look on their face, you start seeing all the silly shit that used to do when you were younger thinking you were 'cool' or something. It's interesting feeling. Not exactly fun, because even if you are doing alright, you can't really fuck around anymore because all that hits you is your future, and what you can do for others on this planet.
☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️☘️
Third! Good topic
Me being an idiot? Quite often...
Is't "growth" the same as "growing up"?
It can be. Depends on the context
10 mins ago.
😂🙌🏻
What can we learn from presidents about treating little children?
🌰🌱🌿🌳🌸🍎🌰