Literally, everything they said is the same for single, divorced, widowed or separated. Generally speaking, go for it. The outcome is always a gamble anyway!
YES!!! Some people have divorced 10 years ago, but still have not get over their ex! You need to check everybody for red flags. People can been single last 15 years and still not in a place to create a beautiful relationship with you.
First time to get involved with a separated guy and it’s also a LDR.He was honest about it before we even met. He was nice. He does not talk about his wife. I would ask and he would just say that they drifted apart. Later I learned they are living in the same house but separate rooms with their grown kids. ( I was also separated and lived in the same house separate rooms with my ex for 10 months. No sex). So, I believed him because it happened to me. Then I learned that they go on vacation together. I guess they reconciled. He still texts me but I stopped answering his texts. Somehow, I was hoping it would be different. Ours would be an exception but it’s not. It’s a lesson learned.
Well, it could been going both ways, like in your own situation. Did you date other guys while you were living under the same roof with your ex during those 10 months? I would imagine it would been quite difficult to do. Please, don't be too hard on yourself. It could have gone both ways!! I would have believed him too if I had been you in that situation. It is hard to believe that people lie to themselves *so much* about being separated and ready to move on when they actually are not going to. Many many hugs to you ❤
When I was separated and getting divorced , all the local women came out of the woodwork trying to get me to date them . I never did date any of them . Even though we had agreed to divorce for 2 years , I wasnt ready . And I wanted to find myself again before I started dating .
Never again. I knew my ex when he first was separated. We used to work together. I didn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. After a couple of years we revisited the idea of dating since he kept trying ever so often and we didnt work together anymore. I figured with the time that had passed he was already divorced. He was not. He swore he was done, loved me rotten, swoop me off my feet and fell in love. Soon as the wife went after his money, that man was gone out of my life like no one’s business. His anger came out and he seemed to be putting up a fight, and he told me it was best for us to break up. Here I was one minute thinking I had given a chance to the man I wanted to grow old with, the next I’m feeling like the house dog everyone left behind during the hurricane. But I got over it.
That's the thing... It's always lovely until the man finds out what the wife is actually entitled to. Most men are not Jeff Bezos where they'll still be a billionaire even after she takes 1/3 of the wealth. My uncle had a mistress and thought that by waiting until the children were over 18 he would escape the hefty financial consequences.. filed for divorce to leave his wife... Once he saw that he was having to pay for her attorney fees, alimony, division of assets, she wanted their family home and for him to sell the vacation property and split it, and she was also entitled to 401k and social security. He tried to dump the mistress and get back with his wife. She still left him.. and then he lost the mistress too because she was younger and only attracted to his wealth... And the wealth was mostly gone.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you but fortunately there are people who would never leave a beloved pet behind in a hurricane. I never would, not even at gunpoint. He wasn't good enough for you.
@@KatrinaDancer I had liked a married men that’s now separated for months. Also he moved out from his home and now he has a new place. He has ask me many times to go to his new place but I didn’t until I was comfortable. So last month he told me I play to many games and I was never series. So he has new girlfriend. He told me she won and I loss. Plus his divorce is not finalized yet. I was hurt 😞
Very good advice! Life is no black and white but full of gray and you need to listen well, ask questions and trust your intuition about a particular situation.
I've met a couple men that said they were separated... Only to hear from one of the wives on Facebook two weeks later! Needless to say I cut it off with him right away
I just had to deal with this, he said he was over her, but he talks about her all the time. Me being stupid I caught feelings, he talks about getting a divorce but I can tell he still wants her. I wasted my time. But hey it is what it is!!!!!!
Did he have kids. I'm with a separated guy too. He has no kids. I think it's more likely he'll go back if they have kids with ex wife. I trust my instincts are good with my bf and I guess if yours were bad you were right to trust them too.
Not a waste of time! You did learn! Every single time when we are interested of somebody we learn about what we are really looking for in a partner and we learn about ourselves, our boundaries etc. So it is never a waste of time!!! And you did super well to jump the boat at the right time! 😊 So what else is that than great boost of self-confidence! And you are never wrong at feeling something! There was so much right with this guy, but he was not EXACTLY right guy for you (because he was not there for you). So maybe next one!!! 😊😊😊 And maybe very soon! Your heart is ready to fall in love anyway. That is beautiful ❤❤❤
I don't honestly see what the big deal is. My bf is separated last two years I've been with him three months. Their split was amicable and his ex is dating someone new too. He met me just at a time in his life when he was ready to move on. They have no children together and are planning to divorce later this year. They haven't lived together in 26 months! He was upfront from the start. Every situation is different. I have relatives who think it's immoral but they aren't him and his ex in ant kind of intimate relationship they've both moved on.
Elaine M Your case I would say it’s a bit different and the good thing is “he was upfront about it” from the start. My sister dated a guy for about five months. But her mistake was not investigate more about this guy. He’s 12 years older then her and he works in finance and has money. He would take her out to places, go see jazz, ballet, took her 🎿 and everything. When little did she know she finds out that he’s married and later finds out he has a child. He starts crying and trying to apologize saying he’s actually separated from his wife. For how long?? According to him, he’s been separated for “four years” the worst part is she says she is in “love” and won’t end it. It’s a sad situation mainly for her but if that’s what she wants then what can we do?
I’m also dating someone who is 6 years separated. We have been dating for 3 months he’s almost in the finalization of divorce. I was apprehensive at first but we fell in-love and it works. I’ve met his family and friends. It’s. Very serious. And paper work has been filed. But his ex is weird and keeps the kids away. From him and his family.
My male friend has been separated from his wife for 3-4 yrs , he still keeps her on his health insurance, they still have a joint account and he pays her car payment and gives her money to help take care of “ their” dog. Neither has filed for divorce,I KNOW he would take her back in a sec. But yet he’s out there dating. I’d NEVER be dumb enough to get involved with a separated man.
First time involved with someone who is separated, first time involved with someone who has kids. His first time date someone with his kids, as his ex is the mother. We're both learning as we go, but not asking as many questions. Watching this video, I realize I'm definitely in denial. We have fallen fast and hard for each other, connected immediately with our sense of humor, energy/vibe, transparency, honesty, communication, temperament, wanting a family, the type of partner we want to be for each other - we both feel like we had known each other for years. What this video points out are things that I try to ignore. I'm always uncomfortable with how much he talks about his ex and how aggressively (ex-bashing). I'm on edge by how much he tells me I'm not like her. This is great for my ego, but I realize he's now that he's not through this anger and broken phase, not at peace of any kind - the wounds are still fresh and the pain is still occurring daily. They aren't living together, but I recognize there is codependency - one emotionally, one financially. Communication between them has to happen because of the kids, but they boundaries surrounding it are hardly set. I also connected with the segment in another Dating Den video (th-cam.com/video/AR55dXBfBk4/w-d-xo.html) about being wary of how quickly someone recently separated jumps into a new relationship, as it can be directly related to a void of companionship, identity and overall purpose. I realize the attention and fascination from him has been in my favor, so I don't question it. I'm understanding that jumping into something as soon as there is a woman who is "everything his ex is not" can be dangerous and confusing without having taken the time to reflect, analyze, feel, grow, or heal. This gave me SO much to think about, every topic was like a slap in the face - but I need to hear it, so thank you =) Also have the text at the bottom helped me navigate to review, keep that up!
Ive been there too. A guy who talked about how bad his ex was STILL, nearly 2 years later to me, the woman he was engaged to. No amount of me being patient, listening, then asking him to not talk about her for months changed any of that. He even had several fake dating profiles to spy on her. And "oh your not like her, im so glad to be with you" doesn't cut it if youve asked him to stop talking about her. It got to the point where i told him he was better off with her since he was always talking about her.
Automatically I said “NO”. Don’t do it. Haven’t listened to this b/c it’s happened to me a cpl 2-3 times and even if they leave, they still need to progress through stages of loss and change (grief) and healing before moving onto another.
rescuepanther it's different if widowed I guess. I think though while obviously there's no chance of them getting back together they may be not fully over or will ever be over the deceased spouse but can learn to love again I believe but if it's t oo soon after they died it may be more out of loneliness
Go for it, but make sure he's genuine and don't accept any of his baggage, that's his stuff, nothing to do with you (and that's a man speaking). I'm in a divorce now, but NO WAY HOSE am I going back, also I'm emotionally already pretty much over the not yet ex partner (not explaining why). I'm absolutely a stable date, but obviously not a fast one, taking things very, very slowly.
What if he has been separated for years but kept it hidden. Wrote divorced on his profile and was not. The reason He lied? He is not wanting to deal with the child custody and does pay child support but doesn't want to do this thru the courts 2 more years until his daughter turns 18.
Think about this.... if someone said they were a doctor on their profile but they were not a doctor would you be ok with that??? Obviously not. So why should it be okay to lie and put divorced on your profile when you are not.
He will still likely deal with alimony , division of assets , and depending on how long he's been married she could be entitled to his social security... My point? The years that he spent waiting to divorce only added to the time they were married which only extends the amount of support she's entitled to.
Still a bad situation. He is happy that way and even if he wants to change the situation, it will depend on many things and your happiness will be the last on his list. Believe me, more excuses on the wayyyyy
I been dating a separated man for almost 5 years, we live together, we have a son together, but they haven't gotten a divorce yet. Yeah our relationship is not going anywhere.
Eh, that is kind of...extremely hard situation. Perhaps, ask advice from somebody professional how to approach the subject with your man. Because really, after 5 years together and with a child, he IS COMMITTED to you in all practical levels. But he might need a bit prompting to realise that it would be the time to get the divorce process on the way, because no matter what, it is not correct behavior toward you, your son, his ex etc. etc. But it can get into a real fight between you two and it is not the right way to approach the subject. You need not to let your emotions and hurt run a circus about this subject. Logic is the best way. And not set any ultimatums, but suggest him to think about the reasons that he have still not done the paperwork for bringing the situation to date. He will hopefully come to the right conclusions after he is given a food for the thought. But professional advice and even play acting the conversation out with somebody can help a ton!!! And were do you want your relationship going btw.? Get clear on that too.
Also "they" have not got the divorce done yet. So him and his ex are still an unit? Even you speak about "them". Well, if the relations are good, the filing of the papers should not be that problematic. But "they" don't need to do it "together". Either of "them" can do it separately. Get professional guidance! The biggest work is in discovering what do you want to do and how do you feel about this all. Much love and all the best to you ❤
I'm a wife separated from my husband for 2 yrs now we have 2 children he has moved r in with another woman a year ago and has got engaged to her I have been asking him for a divorce for last 2 yrs as I cannot afford to divorce him but he keeps making excuses that he can't afford it why he he prolonging it he can afford it
Man my wife wants to separate as she wants to chase the guy she cheated with. I don’t want to let her go but I have to. Only thing keeping us living in same house is our two toddlers and I need her navy benefits. I’m giving her space so eff it, I want to see what’s out there. There’s a couple girls in line willing to hang out with me but what turns them off is that I post pics of my kids with my wife lol. But like I said my wife wants to separate. I don’t want to delete pics of us as a family. Anyway, I think I may have to lie now, I dunno.
Literally, everything they said is the same for single, divorced, widowed or separated. Generally speaking, go for it. The outcome is always a gamble anyway!
YES!!! Some people have divorced 10 years ago, but still have not get over their ex!
You need to check everybody for red flags. People can been single last 15 years and still not in a place to create a beautiful relationship with you.
First time to get involved with a separated guy and it’s also a LDR.He was honest about it before we even met. He was nice. He does not talk about his wife. I would ask and he would just say that they drifted apart. Later I learned they are living in the same house but separate rooms with their grown kids. ( I was also separated and lived in the same house separate rooms with my ex for 10 months. No sex). So, I believed him because it happened to me. Then I learned that they go on vacation together. I guess they reconciled. He still texts me but I stopped answering his texts.
Somehow, I was hoping it would be different. Ours would be an exception but it’s not. It’s a lesson learned.
Well, it could been going both ways, like in your own situation.
Did you date other guys while you were living under the same roof with your ex during those 10 months? I would imagine it would been quite difficult to do.
Please, don't be too hard on yourself. It could have gone both ways!! I would have believed him too if I had been you in that situation. It is hard to believe that people lie to themselves *so much* about being separated and ready to move on when they actually are not going to.
Many many hugs to you ❤
Same … glad I didn’t go to the intimacy part.
When I was separated and getting divorced , all the local women came out of the woodwork trying to get me to date them . I never did date any of them .
Even though we had agreed to divorce for 2 years , I wasnt ready .
And I wanted to find myself again before I started dating .
I wish my husband would have at lease giving me some respect not to just get a side chick on me. My God
That's why you should just be friends with someone until your truly available, plus you can get to know the person without expectation.
Never again. I knew my ex when he first was separated. We used to work together. I didn’t touch him with a ten foot pole. After a couple of years we revisited the idea of dating since he kept trying ever so often and we didnt work together anymore. I figured with the time that had passed he was already divorced. He was not. He swore he was done, loved me rotten, swoop me off my feet and fell in love. Soon as the wife went after his money, that man was gone out of my life like no one’s business. His anger came out and he seemed to be putting up a fight, and he told me it was best for us to break up. Here I was one minute thinking I had given a chance to the man I wanted to grow old with, the next I’m feeling like the house dog everyone left behind during the hurricane. But I got over it.
That's the thing... It's always lovely until the man finds out what the wife is actually entitled to. Most men are not Jeff Bezos where they'll still be a billionaire even after she takes 1/3 of the wealth. My uncle had a mistress and thought that by waiting until the children were over 18 he would escape the hefty financial consequences.. filed for divorce to leave his wife... Once he saw that he was having to pay for her attorney fees, alimony, division of assets, she wanted their family home and for him to sell the vacation property and split it, and she was also entitled to 401k and social security. He tried to dump the mistress and get back with his wife. She still left him.. and then he lost the mistress too because she was younger and only attracted to his wealth... And the wealth was mostly gone.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you but fortunately there are people who would never leave a beloved pet behind in a hurricane. I never would, not even at gunpoint. He wasn't good enough for you.
@@KatrinaDancer I had liked a married men that’s now separated for months. Also he moved out from his home and now he has a new place. He has ask me many times to go to his new place but I didn’t until I was comfortable. So last month he told me I play to many games and I was never series. So he has new girlfriend. He told me she won and I loss. Plus his divorce is not finalized yet. I was hurt 😞
I have dated a man who was separated and I regret it.. they do not act responsibly.
Not all
@@ghostemane4584 exactly
Very good advice! Life is no black and white but full of gray and you need to listen well, ask questions and trust your intuition about a particular situation.
I've met a couple men that said they were separated... Only to hear from one of the wives on Facebook two weeks later! Needless to say I cut it off with him right away
Hi ❤❤😍😍
I just had to deal with this, he said he was over her, but he talks about her all the time. Me being stupid I caught feelings, he talks about getting a divorce but I can tell he still wants her. I wasted my time. But hey it is what it is!!!!!!
Shay Hammonds I went through the exact same thing...imagine it was the same guy...his name damiano?
Did he have kids. I'm with a separated guy too. He has no kids. I think it's more likely he'll go back if they have kids with ex wife. I trust my instincts are good with my bf and I guess if yours were bad you were right to trust them too.
Not a waste of time! You did learn! Every single time when we are interested of somebody we learn about what we are really looking for in a partner and we learn about ourselves, our boundaries etc. So it is never a waste of time!!! And you did super well to jump the boat at the right time! 😊 So what else is that than great boost of self-confidence! And you are never wrong at feeling something! There was so much right with this guy, but he was not EXACTLY right guy for you (because he was not there for you). So maybe next one!!! 😊😊😊
And maybe very soon! Your heart is ready to fall in love anyway. That is beautiful ❤❤❤
Her voice her hands moving just making me dizzy , he's calm easier to listen
That woman is so annoying !!
sorry but I was distracted with so much flab hanging on her arms ooops
I don't honestly see what the big deal is. My bf is separated last two years I've been with him three months. Their split was amicable and his ex is dating someone new too. He met me just at a time in his life when he was ready to move on. They have no children together and are planning to divorce later this year. They haven't lived together in 26 months! He was upfront from the start. Every situation is different. I have relatives who think it's immoral but they aren't him and his ex in ant kind of intimate relationship they've both moved on.
Elaine M Your case I would say it’s a bit different and the good thing is “he was upfront about it” from the start. My sister dated a guy for about five months. But her mistake was not investigate more about this guy. He’s 12 years older then her and he works in finance and has money. He would take her out to places, go see jazz, ballet, took her 🎿 and everything. When little did she know she finds out that he’s married and later finds out he has a child. He starts crying and trying to apologize saying he’s actually separated from his wife. For how long?? According to him, he’s been separated for “four years” the worst part is she says she is in “love” and won’t end it. It’s a sad situation mainly for her but if that’s what she wants then what can we do?
You don’t respect marriage
I’m also dating someone who is 6 years separated. We have been dating for 3 months he’s almost in the finalization of divorce. I was apprehensive at first but we fell in-love and it works. I’ve met his family and friends. It’s. Very serious. And paper work has been filed. But his ex is weird and keeps the kids away. From him and his family.
It's way different if there are no children, meaning the two divorcing do not have children.
My male friend has been separated from his wife for 3-4 yrs , he still keeps her on his health insurance, they still have a joint account and he pays her car payment and gives her money to help take care of “ their” dog. Neither has filed for divorce,I KNOW he would take her back in a sec. But yet he’s out there dating. I’d NEVER be dumb enough to get involved with a separated man.
First time involved with someone who is separated, first time involved with someone who has kids. His first time date someone with his kids, as his ex is the mother. We're both learning as we go, but not asking as many questions. Watching this video, I realize I'm definitely in denial.
We have fallen fast and hard for each other, connected immediately with our sense of humor, energy/vibe, transparency, honesty, communication, temperament, wanting a family, the type of partner we want to be for each other - we both feel like we had known each other for years. What this video points out are things that I try to ignore. I'm always uncomfortable with how much he talks about his ex and how aggressively (ex-bashing). I'm on edge by how much he tells me I'm not like her. This is great for my ego, but I realize he's now that he's not through this anger and broken phase, not at peace of any kind - the wounds are still fresh and the pain is still occurring daily. They aren't living together, but I recognize there is codependency - one emotionally, one financially. Communication between them has to happen because of the kids, but they boundaries surrounding it are hardly set.
I also connected with the segment in another Dating Den video (th-cam.com/video/AR55dXBfBk4/w-d-xo.html) about being wary of how quickly someone recently separated jumps into a new relationship, as it can be directly related to a void of companionship, identity and overall purpose. I realize the attention and fascination from him has been in my favor, so I don't question it. I'm understanding that jumping into something as soon as there is a woman who is "everything his ex is not" can be dangerous and confusing without having taken the time to reflect, analyze, feel, grow, or heal.
This gave me SO much to think about, every topic was like a slap in the face - but I need to hear it, so thank you =) Also have the text at the bottom helped me navigate to review, keep that up!
Do you have an update?
Ive been there too. A guy who talked about how bad his ex was STILL, nearly 2 years later to me, the woman he was engaged to. No amount of me being patient, listening, then asking him to not talk about her for months changed any of that. He even had several fake dating profiles to spy on her. And "oh your not like her, im so glad to be with you" doesn't cut it if youve asked him to stop talking about her. It got to the point where i told him he was better off with her since he was always talking about her.
Would love to know the outcome of your relationship.
This is so very helpful. Thank you!
Thanks Marni, this was very helpful! Love your channel! 💞
Communication is the key! Find out why he separated. With me it was multiple, multiple reasons why!
Always has been my policy for exactly the reasons Michael states. Gr8 advice.
Automatically I said “NO”. Don’t do it. Haven’t listened to this b/c it’s happened to me a cpl 2-3 times and even if they leave, they still need to progress through stages of loss and change (grief) and healing before moving onto another.
I don't see the relevance of divorce here since so many people have kids together without being married, then one moves out....
What about widowed? Is there advice for that?
rescuepanther it's different if widowed I guess. I think though while obviously there's no chance of them getting back together they may be not fully over or will ever be over the deceased spouse but can learn to love again I believe but if it's t oo soon after they died it may be more out of loneliness
She needs to slow down on the Red Bull.
Go for it, but make sure he's genuine and don't accept any of his baggage, that's his stuff, nothing to do with you (and that's a man speaking).
I'm in a divorce now, but NO WAY HOSE am I going back, also I'm emotionally already pretty much over the not yet ex partner (not explaining why). I'm absolutely a stable date, but obviously not a fast one, taking things very, very slowly.
What if he has been separated for years but kept it hidden. Wrote divorced on his profile and was not. The reason He lied? He is not wanting to deal with the child custody and does pay child support but doesn't want to do this thru the courts 2 more years until his daughter turns 18.
Think about this.... if someone said they were a doctor on their profile but they were not a doctor would you be ok with that??? Obviously not. So why should it be okay to lie and put divorced on your profile when you are not.
He will still likely deal with alimony , division of assets , and depending on how long he's been married she could be entitled to his social security... My point? The years that he spent waiting to divorce only added to the time they were married which only extends the amount of support she's entitled to.
Still a bad situation. He is happy that way and even if he wants to change the situation, it will depend on many things and your happiness will be the last on his list. Believe me, more excuses on the wayyyyy
Helpful yes we all need time to heal
I been dating a separated man for almost 5 years, we live together, we have a son together, but they haven't gotten a divorce yet. Yeah our relationship is not going anywhere.
Eh, that is kind of...extremely hard situation. Perhaps, ask advice from somebody professional how to approach the subject with your man.
Because really, after 5 years together and with a child, he IS COMMITTED to you in all practical levels. But he might need a bit prompting to realise that it would be the time to get the divorce process on the way, because no matter what, it is not correct behavior toward you, your son, his ex etc. etc. But it can get into a real fight between you two and it is not the right way to approach the subject. You need not to let your emotions and hurt run a circus about this subject. Logic is the best way. And not set any ultimatums, but suggest him to think about the reasons that he have still not done the paperwork for bringing the situation to date. He will hopefully come to the right conclusions after he is given a food for the thought.
But professional advice and even play acting the conversation out with somebody can help a ton!!!
And were do you want your relationship going btw.? Get clear on that too.
Also "they" have not got the divorce done yet. So him and his ex are still an unit? Even you speak about "them".
Well, if the relations are good, the filing of the papers should not be that problematic. But "they" don't need to do it "together". Either of "them" can do it separately.
Get professional guidance! The biggest work is in discovering what do you want to do and how do you feel about this all.
Much love and all the best to you ❤
@@SatumainenOlento you are so wise. Thank you for this. I needed it.
Not worth it
No
No.
I am seeing someone who is divorce for a year now and I would like to know how do I know if he is ready to date
If you can't tell after a year or after watching this video, Ummmmm.......
I've had the same.... My brother told me to watch his words and patterns... Gues what we are seperated. Best desicion everrrrrr
Hi 😍😍❤❤❤❤🌷🌷🌷
nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
I'm a wife separated from my husband for 2 yrs now we have 2 children he has moved r in with another woman a year ago and has got engaged to her I have been asking him for a divorce for last 2 yrs as I cannot afford to divorce him but he keeps making excuses that he can't afford it why he he prolonging it he can afford it
Sorry to say this, but don´t you have dots on your keyboard?
He probably loves the drama and the love triangle.
because he s not sure about that other woman also, he s not sure about either of you
I m for u ❤😍😍
@@nardaone😅😅😅
Donttttt do it.....
Never. You are trespassing.
No, no and NO!!!! It's so wrong.
Her talking over him so much gave me a headache. Can he speak?
Lol so HIS girlfriend is the exception
Man my wife wants to separate as she wants to chase the guy she cheated with. I don’t want to let her go but I have to. Only thing keeping us living in same house is our two toddlers and I need her navy benefits. I’m giving her space so eff it, I want to see what’s out there. There’s a couple girls in line willing to hang out with me but what turns them off is that I post pics of my kids with my wife lol. But like I said my wife wants to separate. I don’t want to delete pics of us as a family. Anyway, I think I may have to lie now, I dunno.