Great video. I was a shy and people pleasing person, I used to expect some things without clearly communicating my needs. Later I realised it was not doing me any good. So I started clearly communicating my needs and wants. But unfortunately people that I have been with cannot handle my transition and started accusing me that I was demanding more. It really made me think how I suddenly became a bad person to them when I started wanting to get the same things from them which they have been getting from me the whole time. Then I stopped to even have expectations on them. Luckily I am not involved anymore with such people.
I love that you made the connection with the aftermath being manipulation. Never realized it but that is so true. Many relationships I’ve had took a very dark turn into manipulation that I never quite understood. I appreciate this new perspective. A gift is something given without expectation of receiving anything in return. The expectation of receiving something in return is a purchase. In the past there are many “gifts” I wouldn’t have accepted if I would’ve realized the covert contract and understood that it wasn’t truly a gift.
I have been watching your videos since I was 17, and am now 23 and the growth and perspective you have provided me with in this time is highly appreciated. I hope you are doing well ☺️
Congrats on your 100th video, Clay! Great take on this topic. People who search for understanding here will see those strings detached. Continue being and breathing with openness and communication through the paths of life.
Thanks so much for this video. I spent 3 hours on the phone today with my best friend, who’s INTJ. I wanted to help her more fully, and I think this was the content that was lacking in our call. So I just forwarded her the video. It’s also something I’ll be applying in my own life too. ❤
Thank you Clay! I needed to hear this because I have been stewing and complaining to all the wrong people about the lack of details about a move I agreed to make with one of my part time jobs for weeks. I’ve been waiting for it to hand in my notice to my other job, my landlord and to find another part time job in the new place. However I haven’t directly asked again or voiced my worries about not knowing when or where exactly I’m expected to move in the next couple of months because I thought that would be obvious. I’m going to ask my boss soon and hope she doesn’t reply “well, that’s the question” again.
Yes. Giving, expecting something in return is called trading. I just got out 9f an exhausting friendship with an overgiving, overarchieving neighbor friend. She started out bringing me a sandwich, or a plant from her garden. Then taking my trashcans to the curb , bringing meals, miwed my lawn,etc all withoit being asked. She called and texted several times a day and came iver evry day. .. sometimes 3 times a day! I thought i was rude when i asked her to "give me a chance to miss you." She ignored my boundaries. When i finally shut it down , she said "it feels like a slap in the face."
I remember I used to have a covert contract with God that I had this expectation that God would take care of me later on if I do good now in the church. Wasn't until later that I realized God doesn't work that way if He exists and I either have to do the work or manage my expectations of life better. Also Clay you do such a great job of giving advice about how to be aware of abusive or negative indicators of human behavior to watch out for or stop ourselves from doing. I was wondering can you do a topic on positive traits to develop as a human. Thanks take care!
I used to think many covert contracts were true back when I was a Christian since back then my worldview was that a loving God created everything, so naturally, that caused me to assume that hard work would always pay off somehow. There were plenty of warning signs that indicated to me this wasn't the case, but I didn't know of anything else at the time which was more positive to believe in that would allow me to switch away from such a toxic mentality. But something about life I've realized is that many people already assume that there is a point to life, even though they don't know what it is, however, because this mentality is so underdeveloped in our societies, it's not something people can just feel motivated to switch over to in place of certain religions which are toxic to people. It took me a long time to develop my religion (Flawlessism) to the point it's at now. I've been really curious about what your view is of that religion since you also seem to assume there is a point to life, even though you don't know what it is yet.
Hey bud my fi told me to listen to you because I'm in desperate need of learning fi as I have neglected it all my life. My functions are te ni se fi sooo you can see how this happens. So my point is I don't know how to look inside. My fi is a holy priest pvp so I just realized that yesterday and she said I need to talk to her and check out your vids cuz you have all that fe. So I literally had to externalities my fi to talk to her. What I want is to check off this planet but this is a school and we aren't allowed to leave till we graduate and I can't graduate without my fi. Any ideas on how to feel someone I literally don't know how to tune into? It's not like it doesn't exist but it's so numb it feels like it.
Great video. I was a shy and people pleasing person, I used to expect some things without clearly communicating my needs. Later I realised it was not doing me any good. So I started clearly communicating my needs and wants. But unfortunately people that I have been with cannot handle my transition and started accusing me that I was demanding more. It really made me think how I suddenly became a bad person to them when I started wanting to get the same things from them which they have been getting from me the whole time. Then I stopped to even have expectations on them. Luckily I am not involved anymore with such people.
Ah yes, it seems that can happen quite easily as you grow and become more healthy. Glad to hear you’re doing better with it now!
Thank you😊@@ClayArnall
They didn’t deserve you in their lives. Unfortunately, people like us attract narcissistic people and we don’t set clear enough boundaries.
I love that you made the connection with the aftermath being manipulation. Never realized it but that is so true. Many relationships I’ve had took a very dark turn into manipulation that I never quite understood. I appreciate this new perspective.
A gift is something given without expectation of receiving anything in return. The expectation of receiving something in return is a purchase. In the past there are many “gifts” I wouldn’t have accepted if I would’ve realized the covert contract and understood that it wasn’t truly a gift.
I have been watching your videos since I was 17, and am now 23 and the growth and perspective you have provided me with in this time is highly appreciated. I hope you are doing well ☺️
Telling a Narcissist what you like and don't like is giving them ammunition.
Telling people what you like or don’t like, or what you tolerate or won’t tolerate is having boundaries.
A two edged sword, besides I said telling a narcissist what you like or don't like, not a normal person. @@ClayArnall
A narc being in your life will find a way to make it hell on earth regardless of what you choose to communicate.
Congrats on your 100th video, Clay!
Great take on this topic. People who search for understanding here will see those strings detached.
Continue being and breathing with openness and communication through the paths of life.
Oh really? I don’t even know that 😂
Thanks Clay. New to your channel. It inspires
Thanks so much for this video. I spent 3 hours on the phone today with my best friend, who’s INTJ. I wanted to help her more fully, and I think this was the content that was lacking in our call. So I just forwarded her the video. It’s also something I’ll be applying in my own life too. ❤
Thank you Clay! I needed to hear this because I have been stewing and complaining to all the wrong people about the lack of details about a move I agreed to make with one of my part time jobs for weeks. I’ve been waiting for it to hand in my notice to my other job, my landlord and to find another part time job in the new place. However I haven’t directly asked again or voiced my worries about not knowing when or where exactly I’m expected to move in the next couple of months because I thought that would be obvious. I’m going to ask my boss soon and hope she doesn’t reply “well, that’s the question” again.
Yes. Giving, expecting something in return is called trading. I just got out 9f an exhausting friendship with an overgiving, overarchieving neighbor friend. She started out bringing me a sandwich, or a plant from her garden. Then taking my trashcans to the curb , bringing meals, miwed my lawn,etc all withoit being asked. She called and texted several times a day and came iver evry day. .. sometimes 3 times a day! I thought i was rude when i asked her to "give me a chance to miss you." She ignored my boundaries. When i finally shut it down , she said "it feels like a slap in the face."
I remember I used to have a covert contract with God that I had this expectation that God would take care of me later on if I do good now in the church. Wasn't until later that I realized God doesn't work that way if He exists and I either have to do the work or manage my expectations of life better.
Also Clay you do such a great job of giving advice about how to be aware of abusive or negative indicators of human behavior to watch out for or stop ourselves from doing. I was wondering can you do a topic on positive traits to develop as a human. Thanks take care!
I’ll give that topic some thought, thanks!
Omg this is so right ! I appreciate how you help me think a bit deeper 😊
Thanks for the comment!
Hello Clay, is it possible for you to share the kind of equipment that you used to produce your videos? They’re very well done.
Great topic 👏🏽
I used to think many covert contracts were true back when I was a Christian since back then my worldview was that a loving God created everything, so naturally, that caused me to assume that hard work would always pay off somehow. There were plenty of warning signs that indicated to me this wasn't the case, but I didn't know of anything else at the time which was more positive to believe in that would allow me to switch away from such a toxic mentality. But something about life I've realized is that many people already assume that there is a point to life, even though they don't know what it is, however, because this mentality is so underdeveloped in our societies, it's not something people can just feel motivated to switch over to in place of certain religions which are toxic to people. It took me a long time to develop my religion (Flawlessism) to the point it's at now. I've been really curious about what your view is of that religion since you also seem to assume there is a point to life, even though you don't know what it is yet.
I needed law school.
Hey bud my fi told me to listen to you because I'm in desperate need of learning fi as I have neglected it all my life. My functions are te ni se fi sooo you can see how this happens.
So my point is I don't know how to look inside. My fi is a holy priest pvp so I just realized that yesterday and she said I need to talk to her and check out your vids cuz you have all that fe.
So I literally had to externalities my fi to talk to her. What I want is to check off this planet but this is a school and we aren't allowed to leave till we graduate and I can't graduate without my fi.
Any ideas on how to feel someone I literally don't know how to tune into? It's not like it doesn't exist but it's so numb it feels like it.
they knew it
- miss baby blue 🧚☺️✨
More Kawaii color may lift you up. 🧸🌸🍄🌸🌸
😮😮😮
The American dream
Your psychosomatic sympoms are back. 😔
you don’t own bath tub. Do you?
Bath tub, I did not say “shower.”
Law school
🩵
srry. ✨🌸🌸🌸🪺