I just can’t even express my gratitude for you deep diving some of these. Emotions and relationships are tricky, complicated and stem from subconscious early things. You are brave!!! Keep going!!!
There are definitive examples of narcissism. When there is a pattern of seeing them in a friendship it is very simple, you leave permanently. You don’t want a narcissist in ur life period. These types never change. DONT waste any more time.
Wow. 22 seconds ago. 0 views. 0 likes or dislikes. Haha. All jokes aside, I’ve been waiting for a video like this. As the only INFJ in my family, watching your videos made me feel less alone in this world that isn’t made for introverts in general. Thank you so much for the advice and everything else that you have so far given us on your channel.
Ok I am just dying laughing to hear Clay talk from my head.....the mail, the taxes, the boxes, the mundane activities of day to life comments....just dying laughing....I am so so happy to hear you all get it....such a relief to know we are not alone....I have found my tribe....😀😀😀😂❤️
I'm not sure if it's ever necessary to doorslam someone in a normal relationship but I Think it is necessary if you're in a relationship with a narcissist. the narcissist will never understand why the relationship isn't working and if you attempt to explain it they will just gaslight manipulate and confuse you. also you definitely should make a discord. I can't find anywhere else to talk about these types of things
omg I cant believe what you said about the mail. I am an infj too and exactly like that. its like I don't like to check my mail. I get mild anxiety and everything. I also don't like to check my emails but its easier for me.
I door slammed my husband after 23 years...it was as you describe and I still have guilt about the harshness. I stayed in it too long as like a rubber band I finally reached the point of no return...ran out of energy and between that and my own awakening about wanting more from a partner....it was definitely a door slam. Thank you for paradigm’-ing this whole thing...it’s the best therapy For me.
I would love to join a discord channel within this community you've gathered. Your videos have helped me a lot in giving me perspective and motivation as a fellow INFJ who's been in a Ni-Ti loop during most of last year's quarantine in the US
You are the man! I love watching your videos you hit home straight to it and well, seriously well thought out. I love watching your micro expressions the honesty you show on your face is refreshing. Thanks once again for taking the time to do these videos you are helping me find my way out of a smog I have been in for many years now.
As an INFJ i am my own worst critic and very self aware. If someone gives me criticism i usually already know or have thought the same thing if the critique is actually valid. If it throws me off guard and it's kinda like a state of disbelief for me, then i usually think it is projection on their end and i disregard.
I am no one to judge, but you are a true ALPHA-INFJ. unlike the imposters with their channel. I feel Narci's can invade that platform too, since they're outstanding actors.
Hi Clay same here, I would be interested in a Discord! Thanks for sharing your perspective on those questions so clearly! I am currently debating with you in my head even if must admit that I agree with most of it, but respectfully doing it for the small nuances ☺
35:12 - I agree i would also add that not only is the negotiation over but door slamming can mean this person is now dead to you, invisible, and you see right through them, if that makes sense. It is unfortunate, one of the meanest things you could do to someone.
First of all , I would like to thank you for creating this video on this particular issue. I want to share my opinion on not apologizing or not acknowledging someone by saying or doing something for them. We are human but I believe if we can destroy our ego and be humble to others then everyone can accept everyone and love unconditionally. For an example : My father is actually a narcissist person and he gives me psychological pain in every way. ( I slammed the door on him 2 months ago when I was not discovered that I am an INFJ).. But the moment I figured out the personality types and my purpose of this life, I decided that I will communicate with him soon and talk about everything.Still I owe him as he spent his money for my education and I need to repay to him. He gave me chance to see this world and I am great full to him. Today, I have humanity inside me because of not their vulnerability but I took the positive things from others. So I think if I turn back from him forever, he will never acknowledge the humanity. I believe Newton’s theory that ‘ Every action has equal but opposite reaction’. But here I am contradicting myself. I think if the action is positive then I will get the positive reaction one day. And the world needs to have balance in both way. Positive energy is much needed from us to heal the world as needed. Please share your thoughts on this. TIA
Haha. INTJs think they’re abstruse, but they are the easiest personality to peg. Just start a conversation with “I feel...” and watch them step back and make an ugly face 😆
I tested for the first time and got a tie between INTJ/INFJ. I initially didn't expect or even know a tie was possible though I soon realized that of course it's possible. It actually feels right, but it seems difficult to try to relate it to the other types. I grew up in a dramatically serene environment that was at the same time highly controversial.
One thing that may help artists and writers, and content creators: move all critical emails to a folder. Later, when you're in a sarcastic mood (and this can be months later) when it won't sting and you won't take it in, you can come up with a comedic response -- and if you clean up the whole folder on a schedule this way, you can use it to develop a new product. There are a lot of different approaches to comedy -- the most important being the element of surprise. Sarcasm is angrier than a total miss-the-point innocent approach, and you can choose depending on your brand and the audience you want. Time and distance help with this strategy. This is for those moments when someone's criticism is inappropriate or hostile and it's clear. Save hate mail for turning it around later.
with me, people thinks i'm boring until they get to know me, but once they get to know me, they run with terror or I notice that I lost them with my subtle philosophies. I'm also an INFJ-5 Solar Gemini, Lunar Leo, and rising Virgo with a VERY strong, I mean, beyond belief, Mercury influence. I'm sorry, I meant to say "hi" :-)
Thank you for making awesome videos 😁 they've been helping me study for my continuing education classes. You explain everything so well! I use discord all the time and would definitely be interested in this type of discussion on there
Thank you Clay, once again an informative video! I disagree that life is about survival and thriving. I think life is only about survival. To thrive just means to forget about surviving and live a subjectively meaningful life. We want that because it increases our chances of survival. The more you have to live for and the more carefree your life, the bigger your chances of survival.
A good IQ and a good EQ, to me that was such a helpful statement. And the question that prompted it is one I myself have been trying to figure out as well. Fate, luck, coincedence..... Think about a circle. Or more like a straight line that has a start point and end point. In an event, the difference between fate and coincedence is in the synchronized factors that accompany the event. If you're life is dispositioned near the beginning point of the 'circle of destiny', then synchronized particulars are almost non existent. Since the beginning of the cycle you've been able to explore and manipulate your influences on destiny, and the more you do the more diluted it can become. But if your life is dispositioned or placed near the end point of the 'circle of destiny', then coincedence is far from an explanation. There are real synchronizations that are personifications of fate and destiny that are not easily explained and aren't just coincedence but they are in truth our glimpses of a greater destiny. For those who are dispositioned near the end of a circle, or more specifically maybe call them 'cycles', the window for coincedence is so small. If a synchronized event is to take place then the window of opportunity is so much smaller then if near the beginning of a cycle. Your placement in a cycle is basically, when do you have a chance to influence or affect your destiny or that of others. The less time in a cycle you have, the more potent your presence can be. I don't know what I'm saying, I'm speaking off of my own life and to make this easy, yes I am crazy. I think I am at least. I have strong belief in these things i am saying and i feel my life has been cursed by destiny to have a disposition that is not just near the end of a cycle but possibly is on the point of cycle renewal. I just have to be. I have found there is a potency to my energy in life that is something that I have felt is not my own choice. In other words my placement in a cycle of destiny is one that I've had little to no control and it's so hard to say that destiny doesn't exist when in my life, the harder I try to ignore it, the harder it will slap me in the face. I really don't want to believe in destiny, but I don't feel I've had a choice in the matter. But coincedence while giving the full justice to statistics doesn't even come close to giving sense to the synchronized factors that have plagued my life. Maybe I sound completely and totally out there. Most likely yes. Be gentle in your criticisms please. I more want to heal and grow than anything. I don't want to be right.
Would definitely check out a discord group, should you decide to do. Think you can see by the numerous questions that individuals here value your thoughts and opinions.
I would totally be into a discord chat! Also I don't really understand the thing about non-christians having no morals? and then child abuse? All I know is that there were a lot of horrific things going on in for example the irish catholic church for example child abuse, so being Christian does not necessarily stop you from harming other people. I also think that if you have a look at for example the theory about archetypes, you can see a lot of stories about good and evil reappearing in many different human societies that have had no connection to each other. So yes I think I would tend to agree with Clay on this one, that humans in general have build their morals, narration and so on to make sure that everyone survived and thrived. Also in terms of religion, it is so easy to adapt religion, for example in Denmark what they did to persuade people to become Christians was to reuse a lot of the language, the traditions and narratives from the Viking culture and religion. It turned out it actually fit quite well with each other in a lot of ways, so I suppose that is another way to say that there is actually a lot of themes that reappear many places in different cultures and religions. And still we can't get along because we don't like that we are different :/
About the second question. There is one type of people who present themselfs as a loyal friends in the beginning but when it comes to more serious relations they are out of the game. They use your support, but don't do anything for you and the nastyest thing is in order for you to realize that this person is not for you, you already been intoxicated by him. They are not manipulative, simply have very superficial way of thinking. If you want to be friend of someone you have to accept that you can't see all of the other person character right from the beginning. Unfortunately there are people like that. You are so cool, we will be big friends but being in serious relations with someone is beyond this words. When it comes for this type of people to say sorry for something, they prefer to blame themselfs I'm a fool, I'm a loser, I'm an idiot rather than take responsibility for there actions. Well, did I tell you that you are idiot, ask yourself? Is it so hard to say sorry and forget about all?
for person number 2 : I would like to add another possibility that make a person is sort of more atracted to being in a toxic relationship (or bad relationships in general) which is having high expectations about others and this one, honestly, I still have a hard time to deal with .....However, slowly, I started to make good friend after being myself and like Clay said you kind of have that gut feeling about who could be a potential friend but also not having high expectations ( it's not easy to balance those two) 😅 Hope I helped ❤❤
While I agree with your comments about INFJ trying to fix, it has been my experience with covert narcissists that they EXPECT you to fix while they sit on their hands. I'm trying to be healthy and not go there but parasites find us somehow. For instance, I knew someone who was having family issues. I told them that I would be supportive, be there for them if they went to therapy. I was trying to be polite, not to say, "Wow, you're obviously triggered and having a breakdown because you are way too over-reactive and act like you were severely abused in childhood." We were at a restaurant and she was openly crying. Before that, she showed up at my door, standing there in wracking sobs because her step daughter was neglecting her baby. I realize that you can get traumatized from seeing third party abuse, in this case neglect, but my spidey senses were going off that this was too reactive for the situation and there was something else going on too. What I do notice is that most people are clueless unless you are blunt to the point of rudeness. And maybe I should have been? She got a therapist for granddaughter and another for herself. All she wanted from her therapist was sympathy and someplace to dump her problems, never to do her own work, just a place to complain and recall the latest episode of ongoing soap opera drama. In between sessions, she dumped on me. Tried to set boundaries but she just blasted through them until I cut her off. Last I heard a psych eval diagnosis was NPD. Blocked her.
Also with the criticism thing, some people project and some people have issues with stuff that you don't or doesn't make you uncomfortable, so usually when this happens I would also take it with a grain of salt depending on how badly it will affect them and what they gain or don't gain from it.
Hm, yes I kept quarraling with a previous boyfriend about an issue that was really serious to me, a dealbreaker in fact. He just did not get it, or at least not how serious it was for me. I'm usually very peacful and mellow and hate quarelling so I gave fair warning, but honestly not just for being me, I was very clear about my feelings on the matter. Finally, after six months of being gaslighted and ignored on the matter I reached the end of my patience and slammed the door in his surprised face. It was I think my first time actually being so transparent about my feelings on the matter so it should NOT have been a surprise, but he was himself a person flaring up very easily over nothing and getting over it just as soon, so he probably belived the same of me I guess? But I was in disbelif over his surprise. It was a very hurt surprise, like he just never thought I would end it. But there was no turning back for me. I was ice cold. That feeling of an enormous steel door slamming shut, locks falling into place. I can actually hear the steel on steel slam rining in my ears and I've been told my eyes goes flat black... I visualise an actual mideval fort with motes and drawbridges... So first the steel dor slams shut, then the locks fall into place, then the steel grates are shut down, drawbridges shut up, water pour out into the mote and crocodiles snap their teeth... That all happens in my head in fractions of seconds.... Emotions being imagined thanks to a vivid imagination? It has happened that vividly and strongly for me on two occasions in my life (now anged 41) but some milder versions of it without the visualising but still the cutting off of emotions for that person on a few other times. But I've also had the normal breakups with gentle but sad conversations, or a conversation about where this is leading leading to breakup or closeness. So the door slam is not my go-to reaction thankfully, or I would be worried. But it sure is powerful when it happens. And takes the recipient by surprise. Sad in many ways of course but I guess we should have stopped trying so hard for so long for it to have to come to a door slam.
Oh and by the way... THANK YOU for being such a typical INFJ that talks for long 😅😁 Most youtube videos are just a few minutes short, and if it's a second longer than usual the person apologises for talking for too long! As an Infj that likes to dig deep into topics long is not boring, long is what holds and keeps interest. Thank you for your work, I hope you continue making great content ❤️
Some “seeds” are born on fertile grounds. And some “seeds” are born on a slab of concrete, and it doesn’t matter what one does to improve life’s conditions, nothing happen.
Thanks for making these videos! I have a question: What do you think of CS Joseph? I find some of his material helpful, but there seems to be a lot of criticism about some of his content. I just want to know your opinion on his videos. Thanks!
Thank you for answering my question! I didn’t take your question as fact! It’s a question I guess I was also trying to grapple with too :) And that is very true- recognising when your expectations are too much. If you don’t mind me asking of course, did knowing your friend was an INTJ/ knowing personality types in friendships in general maybe help you see/understand the problems (and to what extent, if so!)?
It really doesnt matter how many people join the server. It is more like the people who want to join, have a platform with other people in the same boat, and have a few things in common.
As an agnostic, I can tell you that form follows function. Laws are made so that people can live together. When 150 people live together, there must be rules that are agreed upon that are followed. You do it not because you believe in some certain God, it's because you believe in community. You believe in being a good person, not because you believe in some place with eternal fire, you do it because you choose to be a good person, a good neighbor in good social standing and not get kicked out. People need people; it takes a village. And criminals destroy the village, the community. People who are willing to be anti-social were at the very least ostracized and run out of town. There's no real mystery about why many of "God's" laws are part of the justice system, societies system. As society changes, so do laws. Child abuse wasn't considered child abuse until recently, children were property. There were laws about neighbors coveting property but you could do anything you wanted to your property.
Very critical ppl are usually the jeslous ones who want to or wishes they could do what u have accomplished even the ones who keep pushing for nore an more. Out if sone one. Everyone has a ceiling
Thank you for clarifying the difference between dumping and door-slamming someone out of your life. Your point that it is a sudden 180-degree change in relationship dynamic is well taken. A follow-up question for any INFJs that might come across this comment.... Do you have reason to believe the cognitive patterns underlying a relationship doorslam extend to other domains of decision making in the INFJ life? Are you able to make fast cognitive switches (change your mind and emotions easily) once you have sufficient data on a topic?
Think sometimes while we try to make up our minds about someone, we experience cognitive dissonance. While others may think the decisions we make are sudden, in reality we have turned every issue over and over in our heads. Think we as infjs often give people a longer line, we give the benefit of the doubt, and I think that gives others a false sense of reality, that we will continue to accept abuse, thefts, deceit, etc.
I don't think that someone who has a unsuccessful relationship doesn't know what they are talking about and you can take advice from a person who hasn't had a successful relationship. They just haven't had the chance to have a successful relationship. I disagree with you Clay Arnall. YOU need to take that into consideration. I know what it takes to have a successful relationship, I just haven't met the right person to have one with.
Can answer that dont have best friends nor love it only brings heart ache an pain. Why self inflict such abuse upon self. Just like drinking nice to do but u know yiu will wake up feeling like shit only thing is the love one hurts more
It doesn't say in the bible that child abuse is wrong. It doesn't mention lots of things which everyone knows are wrong. Therefore it shouldn't matter if you believe in Christianity or the teachings of the bible.
Excuse me. I know your chanel is not about this, (I enjoy your content very much) but I would really appreciate it if you could tell me/us how living in Canada is. I am thinking on moving there, and an insight would be very helpful. Thank you very much.
I live in the next province over from Clay... your opinion of Canada will be greatly influenced by where you are coming from; but we have people from all over the world here and most people find it to be a great place to live. But it is such a large country, depending on where you move will deeply impact your perception of what ‘Canada is’.
Had to stop scrolling an put this out tgere i read an article a lady said. Her baby sister was on meth an got arrested everyone blamed lady on meth well mothers responsibility was to check out who she leavibg her child with. So can't blame only the user very neglectful mother i thiught this fit into criticism part.
I think you are marvellous BUT please if you can avoid calling people who have been abused as ‘damaged’. It’s pretty insensitive. I’m 100% sure you didn’t mean to be, but just a request thanks.
I wonder if this is a syntax vs semantics type thing. When I use the word 'damaged' to describe something, it means it has been influenced in a negative way and it now needs some work to get it back to good working order. Let's say your car has a fender bender and is now a bit damaged, you need to assess that properly before you can fix it. What word would you rather use for this situation?
I just can’t even express my gratitude for you deep diving some of these. Emotions and relationships are tricky, complicated and stem from subconscious early things. You are brave!!! Keep going!!!
There are definitive examples of narcissism. When there is a pattern of seeing them in a friendship it is very simple, you leave permanently. You don’t want a narcissist in ur life period. These types never change. DONT waste any more time.
Wow. 22 seconds ago. 0 views. 0 likes or dislikes. Haha.
All jokes aside, I’ve been waiting for a video like this. As the only INFJ in my family, watching your videos made me feel less alone in this world that isn’t made for introverts in general. Thank you so much for the advice and everything else that you have so far given us on your channel.
yeah, i get all emotional watching this. I've managed to binge-eat half a bucket of Red Vines watching his videos. haha
Yes, I would be very interested in a Discord chat. Today’s Q & A has given me a whole day of thoughts to ponder on my own 🤔
Did you ever have a discord chat?
Still interested
When I get adopted as a friend, I conduct interviews for compatibility. Then I decide what place they have...how close we get
I can relate to the door slam. I’ll invest 150%, longer than I should, but when I’m done, it’s over without question.
Love this episode! Your perspective is always a mix of intellectual stimulus with emotional warmth that is really quite beautiful.
Ok I am just dying laughing to hear Clay talk from my head.....the mail, the taxes, the boxes, the mundane activities of day to life comments....just dying laughing....I am so so happy to hear you all get it....such a relief to know we are not alone....I have found my tribe....😀😀😀😂❤️
was very surprised to hear my own awkward, circuitous question 😂 thanks clay. i would also be interested in a discord server
I'm not sure if it's ever necessary to doorslam someone in a normal relationship but I Think it is necessary if you're in a relationship with a narcissist. the narcissist will never understand why the relationship isn't working and if you attempt to explain it they will just gaslight manipulate and confuse you.
also you definitely should make a discord. I can't find anywhere else to talk about these types of things
Omg I hate opening mail/email 😂😅 So anxiety provoking
Same! Such a mundane, easy thing to do... for others! For me? It's an epic battle, and like Clay, I keep putting it off for as long as possible. 😅
omg I cant believe what you said about the mail. I am an infj too and exactly like that. its like I don't like to check my mail. I get mild anxiety and everything. I also don't like to check my emails but its easier for me.
I'd love it if you made a discord. A lot of infjs would have a community to think deep random thoughts. Sounds like a great idea :)
I door slammed my husband after 23 years...it was as you describe and I still have guilt about the harshness. I stayed in it too long as like a rubber band I finally reached the point of no return...ran out of energy and between that and my own awakening about wanting more from a partner....it was definitely a door slam. Thank you for paradigm’-ing this whole thing...it’s the best therapy For me.
I would love to join a discord channel within this community you've gathered. Your videos have helped me a lot in giving me perspective and motivation as a fellow INFJ who's been in a Ni-Ti loop during most of last year's quarantine in the US
You are the man! I love watching your videos you hit home straight to it and well, seriously well thought out. I love watching your micro expressions the honesty you show on your face is refreshing. Thanks once again for taking the time to do these videos you are helping me find my way out of a smog I have been in for many years now.
As an INFJ i am my own worst critic and very self aware. If someone gives me criticism i usually already know or have thought the same thing if the critique is actually valid. If it throws me off guard and it's kinda like a state of disbelief for me, then i usually think it is projection on their end and i disregard.
Once again, thanks for your valuable insight! And Yes, I would be love to be a part of the Discord server. Cool idea!
Thanks for another great video :) also interested in a discord channel! And if you are interested, a livestream Q and A!
I am no one to judge, but you are a true ALPHA-INFJ. unlike the imposters with their channel. I feel Narci's can invade that platform too, since they're outstanding actors.
Hi Clay same here, I would be interested in a Discord! Thanks for sharing your perspective on those questions so clearly! I am currently debating with you in my head even if must admit that I agree with most of it, but respectfully doing it for the small nuances ☺
35:12 - I agree i would also add that not only is the negotiation over but door slamming can mean this person is now dead to you, invisible, and you see right through them, if that makes sense. It is unfortunate, one of the meanest things you could do to someone.
A discord chat sounds like a nice idea :)
Oh my God, the mail... I'm exactly the same! You should see the pile that awaits my attention... maybe someday. Why is this so hard? I don't get me.
First comment on a TH-cam video in my life (after being on computers for 20 or so years) just to say yes please to the discord server.
I think we make *them* finally close the door, and then we walk away, and stop knocking.
A Clay discord would be awesome!
First of all , I would like to thank you for creating this video on this particular issue. I want to share my opinion on not apologizing or not acknowledging someone by saying or doing something for them. We are human but I believe if we can destroy our ego and be humble to others then everyone can accept everyone and love unconditionally. For an example : My father is actually a narcissist person and he gives me psychological pain in every way. ( I slammed the door on him 2 months ago when I was not discovered that I am an INFJ).. But the moment I figured out the personality types and my purpose of this life, I decided that I will communicate with him soon and talk about everything.Still I owe him as he spent his money for my education and I need to repay to him. He gave me chance to see this world and I am great full to him. Today, I have humanity inside me because of not their vulnerability but I took the positive things from others. So I think if I turn back from him forever, he will never acknowledge the humanity. I believe Newton’s theory that ‘ Every action has equal but opposite reaction’. But here I am contradicting myself. I think if the action is positive then I will get the positive reaction one day. And the world needs to have balance in both way. Positive energy is much needed from us to heal the world as needed. Please share your thoughts on this. TIA
Haha. INTJs think they’re abstruse, but they are the easiest personality to peg. Just start a conversation with “I feel...” and watch them step back and make an ugly face 😆
I tested for the first time and got a tie between INTJ/INFJ. I initially didn't expect or even know a tie was possible though I soon realized that of course it's possible. It actually feels right, but it seems difficult to try to relate it to the other types. I grew up in a dramatically serene environment that was at the same time highly controversial.
Good friends aren't found easily or quickly. You earn their respect. A good E.Q. or I.Q. comes from listening and observing.
One thing that may help artists and writers, and content creators: move all critical emails to a folder. Later, when you're in a sarcastic mood (and this can be months later) when it won't sting and you won't take it in, you can come up with a comedic response -- and if you clean up the whole folder on a schedule this way, you can use it to develop a new product. There are a lot of different approaches to comedy -- the most important being the element of surprise. Sarcasm is angrier than a total miss-the-point innocent approach, and you can choose depending on your brand and the audience you want. Time and distance help with this strategy. This is for those moments when someone's criticism is inappropriate or hostile and it's clear. Save hate mail for turning it around later.
with me, people thinks i'm boring until they get to know me, but once they get to know me, they run with terror or I notice that I lost them with my subtle philosophies. I'm also an INFJ-5 Solar Gemini, Lunar Leo, and rising Virgo with a VERY strong, I mean, beyond belief, Mercury influence. I'm sorry, I meant to say "hi" :-)
Hi Clay! I just wanted to say that I would love to join your Discord server if you decide to create one!
I love this questions ! And you explained them well. Thank you
Thank you for making awesome videos 😁 they've been helping me study for my continuing education classes. You explain everything so well! I use discord all the time and would definitely be interested in this type of discussion on there
Yes....the glazed over eyes...🙄🙄🙄 You and I utilize the same "openers".😁
Thank you Clay, once again an informative video! I disagree that life is about survival and thriving. I think life is only about survival. To thrive just means to forget about surviving and live a subjectively meaningful life. We want that because it increases our chances of survival. The more you have to live for and the more carefree your life, the bigger your chances of survival.
I agree 100% with not owing anyone anything, and not being rude or mean.
A good IQ and a good EQ, to me that was such a helpful statement. And the question that prompted it is one I myself have been trying to figure out as well.
Fate, luck, coincedence..... Think about a circle. Or more like a straight line that has a start point and end point. In an event, the difference between fate and coincedence is in the synchronized factors that accompany the event. If you're life is dispositioned near the beginning point of the 'circle of destiny', then synchronized particulars are almost non existent. Since the beginning of the cycle you've been able to explore and manipulate your influences on destiny, and the more you do the more diluted it can become. But if your life is dispositioned or placed near the end point of the 'circle of destiny', then coincedence is far from an explanation. There are real synchronizations that are personifications of fate and destiny that are not easily explained and aren't just coincedence but they are in truth our glimpses of a greater destiny. For those who are dispositioned near the end of a circle, or more specifically maybe call them 'cycles', the window for coincedence is so small. If a synchronized event is to take place then the window of opportunity is so much smaller then if near the beginning of a cycle. Your placement in a cycle is basically, when do you have a chance to influence or affect your destiny or that of others. The less time in a cycle you have, the more potent your presence can be.
I don't know what I'm saying, I'm speaking off of my own life and to make this easy, yes I am crazy. I think I am at least. I have strong belief in these things i am saying and i feel my life has been cursed by destiny to have a disposition that is not just near the end of a cycle but possibly is on the point of cycle renewal. I just have to be. I have found there is a potency to my energy in life that is something that I have felt is not my own choice. In other words my placement in a cycle of destiny is one that I've had little to no control and it's so hard to say that destiny doesn't exist when in my life, the harder I try to ignore it, the harder it will slap me in the face. I really don't want to believe in destiny, but I don't feel I've had a choice in the matter. But coincedence while giving the full justice to statistics doesn't even come close to giving sense to the synchronized factors that have plagued my life.
Maybe I sound completely and totally out there. Most likely yes. Be gentle in your criticisms please. I more want to heal and grow than anything. I don't want to be right.
Yeah the discord chat would be awesome
Yes. Do the discourse. Please?
Would definitely check out a discord group, should you decide to do. Think you can see by the numerous questions that individuals here value your thoughts and opinions.
Btw YES to a discord!
I would totally be into a discord chat!
Also I don't really understand the thing about non-christians having no morals? and then child abuse? All I know is that there were a lot of horrific things going on in for example the irish catholic church for example child abuse, so being Christian does not necessarily stop you from harming other people.
I also think that if you have a look at for example the theory about archetypes, you can see a lot of stories about good and evil reappearing in many different human societies that have had no connection to each other. So yes I think I would tend to agree with Clay on this one, that humans in general have build their morals, narration and so on to make sure that everyone survived and thrived.
Also in terms of religion, it is so easy to adapt religion, for example in Denmark what they did to persuade people to become Christians was to reuse a lot of the language, the traditions and narratives from the Viking culture and religion. It turned out it actually fit quite well with each other in a lot of ways, so I suppose that is another way to say that there is actually a lot of themes that reappear many places in different cultures and religions.
And still we can't get along because we don't like that we are different :/
About the second question. There is one type of people who present themselfs as a loyal friends in the beginning but when it comes to more serious relations they are out of the game. They use your support, but don't do anything for you and the nastyest thing is in order for you to realize that this person is not for you, you already been intoxicated by him. They are not manipulative, simply have very superficial way of thinking. If you want to be friend of someone you have to accept that you can't see all of the other person character right from the beginning. Unfortunately there are people like that. You are so cool, we will be big friends but being in serious relations with someone is beyond this words. When it comes for this type of people to say sorry for something, they prefer to blame themselfs I'm a fool, I'm a loser, I'm an idiot rather than take responsibility for there actions. Well, did I tell you that you are idiot, ask yourself? Is it so hard to say sorry and forget about all?
for person number 2 : I would like to add another possibility that make a person is sort of more atracted to being in a toxic relationship (or bad relationships in general) which is having high expectations about others and this one, honestly, I still have a hard time to deal with .....However, slowly, I started to make good friend after being myself and like Clay said you kind of have that gut feeling about who could be a potential friend but also not having high expectations ( it's not easy to balance those two) 😅
Hope I helped ❤❤
Discord sounds good. 👍
While I agree with your comments about INFJ trying to fix, it has been my experience with covert narcissists that they EXPECT you to fix while they sit on their hands. I'm trying to be healthy and not go there but parasites find us somehow. For instance, I knew someone who was having family issues. I told them that I would be supportive, be there for them if they went to therapy. I was trying to be polite, not to say, "Wow, you're obviously triggered and having a breakdown because you are way too over-reactive and act like you were severely abused in childhood." We were at a restaurant and she was openly crying. Before that, she showed up at my door, standing there in wracking sobs because her step daughter was neglecting her baby. I realize that you can get traumatized from seeing third party abuse, in this case neglect, but my spidey senses were going off that this was too reactive for the situation and there was something else going on too. What I do notice is that most people are clueless unless you are blunt to the point of rudeness. And maybe I should have been? She got a therapist for granddaughter and another for herself. All she wanted from her therapist was sympathy and someplace to dump her problems, never to do her own work, just a place to complain and recall the latest episode of ongoing soap opera drama. In between sessions, she dumped on me. Tried to set boundaries but she just blasted through them until I cut her off. Last I heard a psych eval diagnosis was NPD. Blocked her.
I thank you very much for this session.
Also with the criticism thing, some people project and some people have issues with stuff that you don't or doesn't make you uncomfortable, so usually when this happens I would also take it with a grain of salt depending on how badly it will affect them and what they gain or don't gain from it.
Hm, yes I kept quarraling with a previous boyfriend about an issue that was really serious to me, a dealbreaker in fact. He just did not get it, or at least not how serious it was for me. I'm usually very peacful and mellow and hate quarelling so I gave fair warning, but honestly not just for being me, I was very clear about my feelings on the matter. Finally, after six months of being gaslighted and ignored on the matter I reached the end of my patience and slammed the door in his surprised face. It was I think my first time actually being so transparent about my feelings on the matter so it should NOT have been a surprise, but he was himself a person flaring up very easily over nothing and getting over it just as soon, so he probably belived the same of me I guess? But I was in disbelif over his surprise. It was a very hurt surprise, like he just never thought I would end it. But there was no turning back for me. I was ice cold. That feeling of an enormous steel door slamming shut, locks falling into place. I can actually hear the steel on steel slam rining in my ears and I've been told my eyes goes flat black... I visualise an actual mideval fort with motes and drawbridges... So first the steel dor slams shut, then the locks fall into place, then the steel grates are shut down, drawbridges shut up, water pour out into the mote and crocodiles snap their teeth... That all happens in my head in fractions of seconds.... Emotions being imagined thanks to a vivid imagination? It has happened that vividly and strongly for me on two occasions in my life (now anged 41) but some milder versions of it without the visualising but still the cutting off of emotions for that person on a few other times. But I've also had the normal breakups with gentle but sad conversations, or a conversation about where this is leading leading to breakup or closeness. So the door slam is not my go-to reaction thankfully, or I would be worried. But it sure is powerful when it happens. And takes the recipient by surprise. Sad in many ways of course but I guess we should have stopped trying so hard for so long for it to have to come to a door slam.
Oh and by the way... THANK YOU for being such a typical INFJ that talks for long 😅😁 Most youtube videos are just a few minutes short, and if it's a second longer than usual the person apologises for talking for too long! As an Infj that likes to dig deep into topics long is not boring, long is what holds and keeps interest. Thank you for your work, I hope you continue making great content ❤️
Some “seeds” are born on fertile grounds. And some “seeds” are born on a slab of concrete, and it doesn’t matter what one does to improve life’s conditions, nothing happen.
Thanks for making these videos! I have a question: What do you think of CS Joseph? I find some of his material helpful, but there seems to be a lot of criticism about some of his content. I just want to know your opinion on his videos. Thanks!
I think a discord channel would be a fantastic idea!
Thank you for answering my question! I didn’t take your question as fact! It’s a question I guess I was also trying to grapple with too :) And that is very true- recognising when your expectations are too much. If you don’t mind me asking of course, did knowing your friend was an INTJ/ knowing personality types in friendships in general maybe help you see/understand the problems (and to what extent, if so!)?
I would be interested in the discord chat.
It really doesnt matter how many people join the server. It is more like the people who want to join, have a platform with other people in the same boat, and have a few things in common.
As an agnostic, I can tell you that form follows function. Laws are made so that people can live together. When 150 people live together, there must be rules that are agreed upon that are followed. You do it not because you believe in some certain God, it's because you believe in community. You believe in being a good person, not because you believe in some place with eternal fire, you do it because you choose to be a good person, a good neighbor in good social standing and not get kicked out. People need people; it takes a village. And criminals destroy the village, the community. People who are willing to be anti-social were at the very least ostracized and run out of town. There's no real mystery about why many of "God's" laws are part of the justice system, societies system. As society changes, so do laws. Child abuse wasn't considered child abuse until recently, children were property. There were laws about neighbors coveting property but you could do anything you wanted to your property.
Very critical ppl are usually the jeslous ones who want to or wishes they could do what u have accomplished even the ones who keep pushing for nore an more. Out if sone one. Everyone has a ceiling
Psychology and Philosophy? I wonder if you might also be interested in Quantum Physics? An idea to see if it resonates for you...
Does anyone else feel extremely intrigued and curious about people but also absolutely dislike being around them lol
Thank you for clarifying the difference between dumping and door-slamming someone out of your life. Your point that it is a sudden 180-degree change in relationship dynamic is well taken.
A follow-up question for any INFJs that might come across this comment.... Do you have reason to believe the cognitive patterns underlying a relationship doorslam extend to other domains of decision making in the INFJ life? Are you able to make fast cognitive switches (change your mind and emotions easily) once you have sufficient data on a topic?
Think sometimes while we try to make up our minds about someone, we experience cognitive dissonance. While others may think the decisions we make are sudden, in reality we have turned every issue over and over in our heads. Think we as infjs often give people a longer line, we give the benefit of the doubt, and I think that gives others a false sense of reality, that we will continue to accept abuse, thefts, deceit, etc.
I am interested in a discord server. I think it's a cool idea. c:
i would be happy engage in a group conversation. I have a lot to share , I would value their experiences.
I don't think that someone who has a unsuccessful relationship doesn't know what they are talking about and you can take advice from a person who hasn't had a successful relationship. They just haven't had the chance to have a successful relationship. I disagree with you Clay Arnall. YOU need to take that into consideration. I know what it takes to have a successful relationship, I just haven't met the right person to have one with.
Can answer that dont have best friends nor love it only brings heart ache an pain. Why self inflict such abuse upon self. Just like drinking nice to do but u know yiu will wake up feeling like shit only thing is the love one hurts more
I am so interested. I need to understand all of this. Please.
It doesn't say in the bible that child abuse is wrong. It doesn't mention lots of things which everyone knows are wrong. Therefore it shouldn't matter if you believe in Christianity or the teachings of the bible.
Excuse me. I know your chanel is not about this, (I enjoy your content very much) but I would really appreciate it if you could tell me/us how living in Canada is. I am thinking on moving there, and an insight would be very helpful. Thank you very much.
I live in the next province over from Clay... your opinion of Canada will be greatly influenced by where you are coming from; but we have people from all over the world here and most people find it to be a great place to live. But it is such a large country, depending on where you move will deeply impact your perception of what ‘Canada is’.
Had to stop scrolling an put this out tgere i read an article a lady said. Her baby sister was on meth an got arrested everyone blamed lady on meth well mothers responsibility was to check out who she leavibg her child with. So can't blame only the user very neglectful mother i thiught this fit into criticism part.
Have you ever looked into a tightest square root algorithm? :)
No I haven’t
@@ClayArnall I thought you might like the question. I started with (x+1)^2=x^2+2x+1, but then it got more "shifty". :)
Juat trying to bring you out of your shell. (Y)
I think you are marvellous BUT please if you can avoid calling people who have been abused as ‘damaged’. It’s pretty insensitive. I’m 100% sure you didn’t mean to be, but just a request thanks.
I wonder if this is a syntax vs semantics type thing. When I use the word 'damaged' to describe something, it means it has been influenced in a negative way and it now needs some work to get it back to good working order. Let's say your car has a fender bender and is now a bit damaged, you need to assess that properly before you can fix it. What word would you rather use for this situation?
Is it just me, or does Clay look a little bit more like Jesus each video?