How to help your disabled friend! // Christmastide Day 7
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2024
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Christmastide:
Day 1 - The REAL story about Christmas past... - • The REAL story about C...
Day 2 - What IS Boxing Day?! - • What IS Boxing Day?! /...
Day 3 - Weird British Christmas Traditions - • Weird British Christma...
Day 4 - Bad Baking - • Baking Bad with Jessie...
Day 5 - Queer Friendly Christmas Films - • Queer-Friendly Christm...
Day 6 - P.O. Box Opening - • P.O. Box Unboxing! // ...
Day 7 - Tips for Helping Disabled Friends - • How to help your disab...
Day 8 - Lesbian Couple Assumptions Tag - • Lesbian Couple Assumpt...
Day 9 - The things we do for tradition... - • The weird things we do...
Day 10 - Top 10 Christmas Traditions - • Top 10 Christmas Tradi...
Day 11 - I Filmed My Chronic Migraine - • I Filmed My Chronic Mi...
Day 12 - A fresh start - • A fresh start // Chris...
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The auto-generated captions changed ‘Christmastide’ to ‘Christmas tired’ and if that isn’t the biggest disability / chronic illness mood...
My tip is pay attention when they tell you things about their disability or bodies. My mother is lactose intolerant in the extreme (not a disability, but can be restricting), and a friend of some 40 years. They have dinner parties, but everytime my mother tells this lady she cannot eat that, she acts as if she's hearing this for the first time. Doesn't feel good, and it's irritating. I can only imagine how this would feel if it were an actual disability in question. Merry Christmas tide!
Yes. As someone with a dairy allergy that has taken a scary turn, I appreciate whenever someone remembers.
I love how you added your dogs in your list of your close friends. 🐾❤️
🤗🐶
I felt this! I list my cats as my best friends because they sometimes comfort me and understand my disability more than actual people 😅💖
If I didn't count my three cats to my social circle, most weeks I would only see my fiancee, who I live with. :P
I’m almost completely blind and chronically ill. I’m also part of a dungeon and dragons party which can be super hard when you can’t see shit and often can’t leave your bed. Luckily my dungeon master is an absolute hero and he’s always up to help during sessions or make sure I’m taken into account during the planning of session. He kind of restored my faith in humanity
That sounds amazing! Just hearing about it restores some of my faith in humanity 😁
That 's awesome!
Unless he or you are taken or gay you should marry that guy
That's super awesome, it's always good to be a part of something you enjoy and the people you enjoy it with are such good people too. I've recently gotten into D&D too.
I'm really glad he's been so awesome about it! I don't know your situation but I know from experience with chronic illness that it really helps to have a supportive party and DM.
Wishing you all the best!
We stan a knowledgeable queen
it also works with mental health:
“you wear fake glasses, that’s dumb and rude to people who actually need them”
“they have a yellow tint so i don’t have a goddamn anxiety attack because the lights are too grey because that has actually happened, they also help me visualize my face so i dissociate less, my therapist said they’re a good idea and i should keep wearing them”
I have been having massive sensory overload while shopping lately bc they have such bright, harsh lights, and it never even occurred to me that blue light filtering glasses would help! I'm sorry people are such dicks about it, but I'm so glad to have learned a potential way to make life a bit easier.
What a dumb person would say that... Apart from that... I can't see sh without glasses and I don't see how that should offend me?
Steini Stein you would be surprised, some of my school says it’s weird that i want to wear glasses when i don’t need them because apparently things being blurry is the only reason you’d need glasses, another part is those people who are so pc they get offended on behalf of everyone and another part is just people saying “they’re not real though, it makes you look stupid”. a lot of people are fine with them but it’s really annoying to have to explain to everyone that i do actually need them and i can’t lie because they like to take them off me and try them on and then be like “these aren’t real!”. which, again is a thing that tends to happen because my glasses are huge and people like to try them on. two teachers have worn them. why is this a thing? why do people feel inclined to take my glasses off of my face? i don’t understand???
@@jessedrawsstuff1402 I've worn glasses for like 15 years I know what it's like.
If you don't want to go through the whole ordeal of explaining everything, just say that your eyes are very light sensitive, hence the tint. Or that you can see everything sharp but the yellow tint helps with contrast because your eyes have a weakness with color or something. It's a shorter explanation and a bit more simple, maybe people won't ask so many questions then 🤔
@@thecadaver yeah me too! I may try some!
I've found having a typed up list of your allergies, current medications, conditions, and other general good information in your wallet and letting friends know that this list is there and to pull it out for paramedics or doctors, because having my throat close up and trying to explain (badly) that I'm allergic to latex was not a fun time. Also just having a little bag of tools to fix various parts on your wheelchair that come lose is awesome, and lists are amazing if you have an awful memory.
Ohhh yes! I do this with my friends too!
A big thing for me is invites. I often don't have the spoons to go out, but that doesn't mean that I don't want to be invited.
I agree. The friends that keep on inviting me, even though I'm going to say "no" a hundred times and "yes" once. And even better, those that keep on inviting me even though I have said "yes" but then have to cancel 5 min before.
This is so true
Don’t invalidate other people’s feelings! If I’m complaining that the specifications for this assignment are really hard for me to meet because of my illness, don’t go one about how you had to something 10 times harder when you were in elementary school!
I want more cooking videos please 🥰
Yes I love the way this was planned out and edited quality content
I adore your ability to perfectly carry off sarcasm with an air of defiance, and completely slate arseholes whilst still being incredibly polite and delightful. You're honestly a breath of fresh air! ❤
My tip is, if you have a friend who cannot drive due to their disability, plan things as far in advance as possible . Figuring out what type of transportation you are using if you can't drive is really important, and the source varies depending on the outing for a lot people with disabilities, which in turn affects their budget for outings. If you want to go on a spur of the moment outing, offer to drive your friend. If plans get canceled, tell them ASAP.
Julia H yes THIS! As a blind person, I hate when my friends make plans a 50€ uber ride away it’s just annoying
My biggest is don't make decisions for me. I often find out that I wasn't invited to go do this or that because "well we didn't think you'd feel like it!" By not inviting me, you're taking away my ability to make my own decisions (which is one of the few things I have left!). It also makes it seem like you are just making excuses for not wanting to hang out with me (which I think is the case sometimes, but other times I think it's people genuinely trying to "help" because they don't want me to "feel bad" about not being able to do something). But yeah, I'd much rather be invited to a place that isn't accessible and decide myself that I can't go because I need my wheelchair that day than find out I missed out because I didn't get invited and it was a day I could've toughed it out with my walker.
I like how Claudia is just chilling in the background and these advice are thoughtful as always!
But wait... is that really Claudia?... Oh well.. Hi mysterious person sitting at the table!
Definitely not Claudia
I think its Clara?
10:42 THIS! If I had a dollar for every time someone had moved my chair without asking or even after asking and me saying "no" very explicitly, I'd be able to afford proper care for all my chronic conditions
Never ever Move someones glasses. Funny story now. I am very myopic(nearsighted) The first thing I do is put on glasses when I wake up. I Was taking nap before work one day and girlfriend moved my glasses not thinking any thing about it and went to work her self. It turned in to stumble and feel around the house for hours until she got home. needless to say I did not male it in to work that day.
I think this video was a good idea. I have depression and PTSD and I've had people tell me "everyone gets sad sometimes" or "you feel sad because you don't get out enough" or "life's too short so there's no point in being anxious". I understand people are trying to be nice but it annoys me when people say things like this. Also I haven't had it checked out yet but I have a really hard time hearing/understanding people when they talk unless I am reading their lips while they talk and when someone talks from behind me or before I'm ready they get mad at me for "not paying attention" or "not listening" and that makes me feel really irritated or upset because it's something I can't help.
Love these tips, I especially relate to the idea of not minimizing people with annoying phrases like "we all get sad sometimes" 😓 glad you are doing better than a few days ago Jessica! 😊💜
For me, I’m happy if people at least recognize that I do have a chronic illness and that it does affect me. I don’t “look sick” so I’m very often dismissed and treated like an able bodied person and expected to act the same and do the same things even though my POTS can be debilitating at times. At the same time, I don’t want to be treated like a delicate flower that breaks if you touch it either. I just want people to keep in mind my limitations without making me feel inferior because of them. I can still do a lot of things by myself, but some other things I need a little help with. Just not judging me is great. Making sure that if we’re doing an active activity that we take frequent breaks really helps. I still want to push myself to go on that hike! I might just not be able to go as fast or long as someone else. And no, it’s not because I “don’t take care of myself”. I take far better care of my health than the majority of people, but I’m already at a disadvantage. Anyway, those are my tips!
I'm generally able bodied, but if you come at me with kale, you'll still off the Christmas card list.
I missed the funeral of a good friends dad yesterday, I felt super foggy and dizzy and just forgot about it. Said friend is now really mad at me. Since I'm undiagnosed and people like to assume I'm lazy and inattentive, keeping friendships alive is ridiculously difficult and I feel like the few friends I have secretly hate me 😁
Ach, that really sucks. Wishing you the best... brain fog is the worst. Your friends won't hate you, even if they might get really frustrated because they don't understand how you could be really that foggy.
Being undiagnosed is the worst! People tend to say I'm lazy, or stupid, or don't care. In fact, I'm actually really trying hard to do the simplest things. I'm probably the least lazy person because everything I do takes sooo much work! So, I feel for you. The good thing is that it's really easy to tell who are true friends.
One more thing, keep in mind that your friend is grieving the loss of a father. It's really hard to be sympathetic to others while grieving. So, try to give him or her a pass on this one.
@@angiemae03 Angela Middleton I'll definitely give him a pass, since it's my fault and I would be angry too. But it's ok, he knows I can't remember dates if my life depends on it
Thank you for answering and being so kind ❤
Diet Coke helps with your nausea, too? Wow, people have been telling me forever to drink less carbonated things to reduce my nausea symptoms, but actually carbonated things (Sprite, Root Beer, Ginger Ale, Diet Coke) really help keep it at bay!
People have said to drink less carbonated things? O.o How odd. Whenever I was nauseated my grandmother would give me any sort of clear, sugar-free, carbonated soda to settle my stomach. It works (I prefer diet 7-up and diet Sierra Mist). Plain soda water would probably work too, though it doesn't taste that great. ^_^
Tesser sigh, unfortunately a lot of people like to give advice about things they don’t know. It’s also a standard thing docs in the states say to do when you’re having tummy problems (elongate soda).
See my mum and I are different in this. I love ginger ale or sprite when I have an upsetting tummy but my mum has to have water, plain regular water. So I think it just depends on the person to.
@@dorissaclaire weird, where I live coke is actually known as an anti nausea thing. I thought this was common knowledge :0
Regular coke is a shot of sugar, it stimulates rapidly. That, for many people, is enough to get rid of nausea.
For others, it's the caffeine that is important and diet coke works.
I can't imagine why carbonated anything works, but, hey, it works, so it's okay.
Pretty sure what will work depends on the reason why we get nausea in the first place.
I think it fits all conditions to not try identifying oneself with a person's sickness, unless you really have the same symptoms.
Hey Jessica! I subscribed to ur channel about 2 weeks ago & I’ve been binge watching all ur videos & so far have loved them all. I was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disorder at the age of 6 called Myasthenia Gravis & then years later with psoriasis (during high school no less) which really sucked. Anyways your videos have given me hope that things will get better if I stay positive & keep moving forward. So I want to thank u for making my days just amazingly brighter than before. Also on a side note, I think ur drop dead GORGEOUS!!!!😍 No worries though I know u only have eyes for Claudia I just hope to find my own Jessica someday. Also want to give a quick shout out to Claudia, Clara, Evelina, Walter, & Tilly u guys r amazing & awesome & sending u guys lots of love from Southern California 😘❤️❤️❤️❤️
Anyone who questions what i put into my body or how i treat my own conditions immediately gets a withering death stare. If i'm not too tired from ME that day to summon one 😓 Similar to your diet coke thing, I drink vast amounts of Lucozade sport. Yes I know it's not great for me and no, i'm not doing any exercise, but the alternative (fainting and/or a sudden drop in blood sugar resulting in horrendous panic attacks) is far worse. I'd rather have positively luminous urine than any of that. I'm so lucky my small but close group of friends accept that. And also keep me in supply of lucozade when i'm too ill to go out 😀 Great video! ❤️ x
Love your video and how easily you conveyed your information while cooking. More cooking videos please. Can Claudia share
how she has been able to stay strong during your health crisis. I got burn out and am recovering from my family health crisis.
With my birthday at the end of January
Tick. 101 mentions.
In the past 5 years, my friends ages changed because I have nothing in common with people my own age anymore. None of the same goals or interests. But there are people out there I have stuff in common with. They just happen to all be about thirty years older than me. And thank God I was lucky enough to find them because we talk every single day even when I don't leave my bed.
Find your people. They just might not be who or where you expect. You are all loveable and special and worthy of the best of friends.
Thank you for this, Jessica! I needed this. It helps me to feels as though I am not unreasonably burdening my friends with my condition. I have tended to push people away since I started experiencing chronic pain because I am afraid of burdening them. I am slowly realizing true friends will not feel burdened.
Also, I LOVE your makeup in this vid! Can you make a video about how to achieve this look?
Definitely agree with the research one! I texted my best friend in all caps and with many exclamation points when I got diagnosed, and like two texts later, she was like "So I was looking up your condition, and..." and it really meant a lot to me--not just that she wanted to learn more to know how best to help, but because she realized that this was a very important thing that had just happened, and she wanted to fully understand it.
I think that my top tip would just be to listen, and make sure others listen. We have this long history of just talking over disabled people, and especially prioritizing the voices of disabled people's family members over those of actual disabled people. So, if you hear someone doing that, it would be really helpful if you could say, "Hey, could we let [disabled person's name] talk here?"
Rithene Yes! Doctors who talk to my wife directly immediately gain plus points in our eyes.
I love your videos! Keep creating! 💟
I’m autistic and I’ve had MULTIPLE people suggest to me that I am, in fact, not autistic, but a Highly Sensitive Person. Just don’t do that… I’m genuinely autistic and struggle with reading people and their emotions, which HSP are supposedly very sensitive to and I’m genuinely really not. I’m sensitive to sound and other stimuli, and I’m literally just autistic. It’s extra hurtful because I didn’t get diagnosed until 16 and struggled throughout my entire childhood.
Sometimes people are really awkward about it when then find out, which also sucks.
A friend of my mum’s knows I’m autistic and at a birthday party she assumed I didn’t want to be hugged goodbye and said she wouldn’t. And then continued to actually hug me and laughed at my bewildered face. In front of a bunch of other guests.
It’s not the worst experience but it was quite embarrassing.
Great tips ones I would really like to reiterate are:
- listen to me but you don’t have to give a witty anecdote of a great aunt who had vaguely similar symptoms,
- never and I mean never touch my wheelchair or anybodies equipment to aid with their disability. When I get cross if people touch my chair I tell them it’s an extension of my body and that it’s just inappropriate, some never get it sadly,
- respect my personal space, I’m at waist level most of the time don’t stand really close to me because it’s weird and I have to strain my neck to give you eye contact which I can only do the neck thing for a short time and then I’m navel gazing for the remainder of the time,
Then add:
- don’t talk about me when I am one step away from you, again very rude, let me join in the conversation and you can get facts rather than here say or old wives tales.
don't assume your friend will not be able to take part in your event.... always send the invite and let them make their own choice. Don't tell others how your friend is feeling, you do not know and they can talk for themselves. Yore friends wheelchair is not a coat rack!!!!!!!! Please make conversation that isn't always about your friends illness, while we do not mind answering questions we do talk about other things. We do not need pity. Ask us how you can make things easier for us while out and about, have a code and a plan if we need to evacuate the situation. Don't as if we are okay every few mins, a few time throughout out activity is fine, we will tell you what you need to know. We want you to have fun and not to have to worry about us constantly so please enjoy yourself but just be aware that we might need to give a nod for help....
Omg the wheelchair one. My mom uses a walker and so many people on the bus try to use it as a handrail and shove it against her most painful parts. I told her it's time to just add barbed wire to that part because it makes me so angry when people do that to her.
@@XSemperIdem5 i get that all the time, i hold drunk people up too apparently. i put my handles down but sometimes they use me instead. spikes are the answer for sure
me: [disabled friend] move faster
[disabled friend]: im push as faster as i can
me: oooo just get up and walk
[disabled friend]: *looks at me* O_o
me: here just let me push you
disclaimer me and this girl have been freind since we were babies
I'd like to say amen to every point on that list, especially no. 4. I'm a type 1 diabetic and I've heard so much bull**** so far that by now I'm like "Do you really think any amount of cinnamon or green smoothies will magically convince my immune system to stop attacking my pancreas?" So yeah, thank you for making this video to let others know what to maybe not do while being with their friends with disabilities ❤❤❤
I love these videos but there's no subtitles on them now :( I am very glad to hear your getting better :D
Any tips on how to deal with losing friends? (Make up and hair are amazing as always! Still have no idea how you do your eyeshadow even though I've seen videos where you do it. So precise but blended so well..)
I lost a close friend through their needs mattering so much that they excluded me completly. I can't blame them for that, but it hurt that they are no longer my friend. I realised that they were there for me in a time when I needed them as a good friend, but that they had now changed and so had I. I can still remember that it was good when they were around, but that if they can be living their life without needing me, then I can do the same. It doesn't change who I am. It just means that I had new friends to make. long story short - It's friends who stay with you through all problems, yours and theirs who become lifelong. The rest came into your life for the shorter period of time when you needed each other.
They must spend so much money in December & January. As Claudia's birthday is Dec 2.Then christmas(And Jessica LOVES CHRISTMAS) .Then Jessica's birthday January 25.
i wish i could be your friend jessica! you're so sweet and bubbly and smart and cool... i could go on... ☺️✨
This was a wonderfully casual and informative video! I find that being patient and being honest are my best tools for helping (disabled) friends and loved ones get about their life.
If my partner and I were going to make a huge dinner and cook all day, but it turns out it's a day with high pain levels, then we agree to do it another day and do something easy instead.
You are amazing. You'd give a professional a run for the money 💵. I was hypnotized that you were able to chat and bake. I can barely do one or the other. Also I have 4 close friends who are quite furry.
I LOVED THIS!!! What a perfect list, delivered beautifully & with the perfect amount of (tosses hair, snaps fingers) “attitude”! I totally would have included my beloved dog right below my husband in the list of people I see regularly if he were still with me. He 100% kept me going b/f we had to put him down, & I have definitely let myself wallow in the grief of losing him to fast & missing him terribly. I have resolved that I will go back to taking walks where we always used to go b/c I can absolutely feel his stare...shaming me for not being active the way I should 🤦🏼♀️! It is so hard when we put effort into a friendship & the other person does for a little while, but they “can’t have such a flexible schedule because they have children who are busy”. That one stings a bit, I was a completely normal, healthy, super active kid, I know how much stuff they get involved in. Just because my hubby & I don’t have children doesn’t mean I don’t know how many activities they can be in or that they are your first priority! Just don’t cut me down if I can’t make a movie, but I’m willing to come to your kids school play or sport to spend some time with you! It’s definitely a lonely world being a spoon...Happy Day 7! 🤗💜😘
Simply sensational! Every word was exactly as I would have said it! Than-q for making this one. You have the ability to impact the thinking of many with this and all you do. Only by discussing very important topics can change ever come.
Hope this finds you feeling well and strong while coming to the close of a wonderful holiday season. So much deep gratitude for all you do.
With peace, gratitude, grace and healing light! XO
I'm glad to know these now. Now I know how to interact appropriately with disabled folks. Thanks so much!
Awwweee.... Jessica, I will be your friend!!! 😀👍
Hi Jessica!
Excellent tips!
I have just one more, but it’s more of an add on to yours. Abled walking friends, slow down! Be more aware of your handicapped friends pace!
I have a cane that I am loathe to use! My friends and family all know I should use it but I usually don’t, it’s not like a cane makes me go any faster anyway! When walking together I’m always the one in the back. I used to struggle to keep up or keep blurting out “hey guys slow down”
Now I like to see how far back I get before someone realizes I’m no longer with the group! I’m also not afraid to hold hands or link arms with male or female friends in public just to get them to walk at my pace. Whenever they joke about me being “pokey or slow” I want to ask how fast they would walk if they had pins and needles from the waist down or burning pain from the neck to the hips. Feet that feel like red hot bricks. All while happily smiling!
Love this video, all your points are excellent and mostly boil down to one factor - listen!!
The small things do matter, and can make the word of difference to that person.
On an unrelated note, putting the piping bag in a glass when filling it up is genius! The number of times I've fought with the bag when putting stuff in it......
3:06-3.09 marriage relationship gold here. Thanks Jessica!
Just finally joined the KF Club! 😁 I managed to find the $5.99 from elsewhere in my budget and made it happen 🙂 So exciting!! 😁 Thanks for all your wonderful content & I hope you guys are having a truly fabulous Christmastide! 😊💖
I LOVE this video, I'm guilty of a few of them, and am also been on the receiving end of some of them. "WHY do you keep cancelling our plans? Don't you like me??" UGH. at that point, sometimes I really want to say "NO I DON'T." So, thank you for this wonderful list, it helps everyone! :) Will be sharing this for sure, and also learning from it at the same time! And, OMG, those pastries are so CUTE!!! Please mail me some! hehe! You're so awesome! I would never have come up with making something like that... I tried to make a swan out of an apple once... ONCE. If you look up on how to make them sometime, I'd love to see you make some in one of your videos! It's like "Love and honesty in the kitchen with Jessica"
I understand your energy can be limited, would a vintage cooking series be a heavy request? Or a hair accessories review (especially where you get your pretty bows)?
Omgoodness thank you! I have chronic depression and anxiety and it gets really old hearing "oh yea, winter time blues".... What no?? Ugh!!?
This was delightful and informative. All good reminders. Also I want those pastries!!!
Thanks Jessica ❤️ I’m always scared of being patronising. But acknowledging that by saying “don’t want to patronise you, is this helpful?” is now my go-to
Watching your video and thinking 'Wow, you have a lot of friends!'. In a week, I see my Wife, my Mum and my therapist. Oh and my two dogs x
I have a progressive peripheral demyelinating disease and am pretty darn paralyzed from it. My favorite one is "Oh! My aunt also has MS. (that's central demyelination, not peripheral btw) You should try acupuncture and gluten-free. Unfortunately, she died last year. How are you?"
Last night I watched your "A Terrible Thing Happened" video, where you ruined your laptop. Watching how difficult it was for you to function (and how upset you were by) in your brain fog really helped drive home to me what it feels like for you to be there. I take medication that, before it was adjusted properly, made me foggy and I was angry and frustrated and my doctor was able to adjust it and help me about....89%. And now when I see her I don't complain about it, even though it's still kind of there, because it's so much better now.
Anyway, my experience and your video together allowed me to really feel in your shoes and understand this difficult to explain condition. So, thank you, I really feel by putting your difficult moments out for everyone to see you are doing SO MUCH to help other disabled people and the people who love them. Maybe you aren't changing systems but you are changing individuals and that can be just as big.
Last night I watched your "A Terrible Thing Happened" video, where you ruined your laptop. Watching how difficult it was for you to function (and how upset you were by) in your brain fog really helped drive home to me what it feels like for you to be there. I take medication that, before it was adjusted properly, made me foggy and I was angry and frustrated and my doctor was able to adjust it and help me about....89%. And now when I see her I don't complain about it, even though it's still kind of there, because it's so much better now.
Anyway, my experience and your video together allowed me to really feel in your shoes and understand this difficult to explain condition. So, thank you, I really feel by putting your difficult moments out for everyone to see you are doing SO MUCH to help other disabled people and the people who love them. Maybe you aren't changing systems but you are changing individuals and that can be just as big.
Chou pastry! Also video and chou pastry. An incredibly efficient use of limited spoons.
How to help this disabled friend: call the ambulance. Try and figure out why the nurse can only tell you that your lumbar region is "where it hurts." So, does she not know? And why an MRI on my lumbar region when it is my upper back/scapula/neck that is hurting the worst?
I have lost all but 2 of my "friends" due to both of my younger children being disabled. I was the epitome of a social butterfly even with my oldest (25 yr old) daughter but my two youngest children obviously come first now. But people don't invite us because it makes THEM feel uncomfortable instead of allowing my kids to even try, or allowing them to say no. I don't treat my children like they are different but it's difficult when everyone else does.
This was extremely helpful and entertaining thank you!
Being bipolar (and lbgt, that's a important point) I almost forget my early dreams of having lots of friends. Sometimes when I was young I do friends in maniac episodes and just forget about then or they became disappointed with my moods change. People feel I'm not "worth of confidence" because I say lots of promises in early maniac episodes. They feel the same about my gender identity (I have problems with identity, don't talk to much about cause I know people can generalize my experience to other gender non conformed people). Basically I have a best friend, people may disleke him but we understand your fails and problems)
Hello lovely my name is Lucybeth I was wondering if we could chat as I am interested in setting up a TH-cam channel and I am Profoundly Deaf xx
Thank you so much for your fabulous content, Jessica! Through watching your videos and striving to be better, I am step-by-step being less awkward in social situations and thinking ahead to how I can respect and help my colleagues and friends with disabilities. I love sharing your channel with others.
Good advice! But I have to confess that I was mightily distracted by your killer eyeshadow! Do you have link to a tutorial or something you followed?
you and i both lost our hearing AFTER learning how to speak. People assume because i can speak like them i'm faking the hearing loss. i cannot hear myself talk. i just LOVE it (NOT) when people yell at me. They sound angry. Or if they say something and i ask them to repeat what they've said and they reply, "Oh, never mind, it wasn't important." Really? when i'm told this all i can think of is I'M not important enough to repeat your statement too.
I AM hearing impaired not made of stone. I sometimes respond in the silly ways to a comment because i missed or didn't understand what was said. Chair vs. Bear.... very similar to me. Please don't misunderstand, i finally like who i am, and i don't want to be treated any different than a "normal" person, but think twice before insulting me. I've been this way for 59 years and have learned a thing or 2. Merry Christmas
This holiday season, I am struggling because I do not have a job or friends; the things that are left are medical appointments, family get-togethers, and governmentally mandated appointments (to retain housing and such). I would say that, personally, what I need and what many disabled people lack is a sense of space and privacy. When one's time is already significantly compromised by health conditions, it is so important to be granted the space to catch up on things that people with normal waking hours accomplish in their free time. Anyways, thanks for another heartwarming video!
I found number 6 very funny, because I’m disabled and I always sort out the cinema for my friends.
Cooking with Jessica 🙌🏼🧁 ! Thanks for the helpful tips ! I always welcome more helpful tips to be a better person/friend & inclusive.Thanks for sharing this with us ! I really appreciate it
One thing I really like is when someone wants to discuss something (say it’s a heavy topic or could potentially be triggering) they ask me first if it’s okay to discuss the topic,thus giving me (or someone else if you’re asking them) the decision if they’re able to handle the topic...I read that somewhere & I have been implementing it & I find it’s helpful and respectful to the other person.Takes into account their needs.
Idk if mental illnesses count as a disability but I thought I would add it.
Easiest way to be a good friend:
- Do not give orders to your friends and boss them about and tell them it's best for them because they have a disability. Ever. No exceptions. It wouldn't be OK to do it to a non-disabled person, it's even worse to claim it's because someone has a disability. You're not looking out for them, you're being a bad friend.
My biggest tip is check in during plans. Maybe I was good when we started this outing but I'm having a hard time 2 hours in or whatever. And being okay with it if I say I need to go home or I want to be somewhere more quiet/laid back/chill/darker/whatever. My two best friends have chronic conditions too So that helps because they get what I'm dealing with.
I’m a yellow personality too! So I kind of understand what you are talking about when it comes to friendships. It’s good to know it’s not only me who thought about these string of thoughts 😅
These auto-generated CC's have me howling! Lice elation!
Man I sure wish that everyone in my life would stop going on at me about how concerned they are that I ‘take so many pills’ (I take like.. 5) and how that must be doing more damage to my body than my condition I’m sorry are you a doctor???? Didn’t think so??
I suffer with a chronic pain issue (not a disability, but often life-affecting) that amongst many other things affects my ability to be intimate with my partner. If I tell people about this (which isn't often) the worst part is when a) they ask me if I'm just asexual, b) suggest my partner is doing something wrong, or c) - this was the worst response I've had - ask me 'if my partner is okay with that' because somehow it's not possible to have a complete relationship without physical intimacy.
I love the advice-while-doing-other-useful-things-that-needs-to-be-done-format! =D
I don’t have many disabled friends (I don’t have very many friends in general bc of a rlly long story) but I’ve been trying to learn more about making things more accessible after realizing how little I actually know. (Which I learned after reading about the cons of the straw ban)
nobody likes someone questioning their diet coke, disabled or not!! ah those know it alls... to be fair I am not disabled not have any friend that is, but my bf has a mild form of CMT which sometimes causes him a lot of frustration and causes him to burst into anger - and I just try to make him feel better but, as you pointed at #1, to no avail... and then he gets back to being calm and happy, I found it funny that you mentioned it. ^_^
9:10 I'll make sure not to do that then. Not that I think I'm on your Christmas card list.
9:55 I'd suggest using Duck Duck Go; a search engine that doesn't keep tabs on you.
10:41 That *is* really irritating, and I say that as a fulltime wheelchair user.
I dont have any friends with a disability. But this video reminds me of this autistic friend I have and really like. Some of your point are working for her too. Thank you Jessica!
Can you please do a video on how to find friends when you have a chronic illness. I moved 2 years ago, and while I've met my wonderful girlfriend (thanks to online dating), the only other people I see most weeks are the carers (who I really appreciate but it's not the same thing as having friends).
Hi Jess and Claudia I love you two and re-watch your honeymoon videos when I'm having a "I'm a depressed chronically ill disabled person but I don't look one time and feel like crap time" because they make me happy and renew my faith in love. Any way at the end of the 2nd video it closes with a shot where there is now a live cam. Here's the link for the live came should you just want to see a live shot of the spot....th-cam.com/video/8QsOVjmZi5c/w-d-xo.html there is also chat available. Right now the cam is down because a huge storm is schedule to hit Thailand today. xo
Treat everyone the way you want to be treated yourself. We take so much for granted especially begin healthy until we're not. I learn so much from you truly thank you ❤🇱🇷
One if my biggest things is pay attention to what the person says about their disability or disease and dont say insensitive things or pity them. I have celiacs disease which means consuming gluten damages my digestive tract so strict gluten free diet is importent. And I always appreciate when someone is considerate of it and try to help accamodate because a lot of people quite frankly can be pretty insensitive like when someone responded when I told them.. "wow, you cant eat gluten, that must suck, gluten free food sucks".
Like wooooooow, you dont think I know it sucks to be gluten free, thanks for reminding me.
I know so many people who need to see this. My 'friend' messaged me the other day asking how I was. Instead of my usual 'could be worse' response, I decided to answer honestly (which I don't do often because my friends speak to me so rarely that I don't want to put them off talking to me even more). I used up all of my spoons in a response which pretty much said 'I'm twenty times worse than when we last spoke, almost entirely housebound, often physically unable to move for hours on end, had some really messed up stuff happen recently, how are you?' He opened it and didn't respond.
Ask your disabled friend to do things! Just ask them! Do it! Even if you don't think they'll like it, I still like to be asked!
Also, be considerate! If you have a friend who is hard of hearing or deaf, don't suggest everyone go to a sports bar to talk! It's not going to work! Help translate if the person looks lost and has no idea what is going on!
Thank you for this video, and to everyone commenting other suggestions! As an abled person things like this are always helpful for me and I really appreciate the time taken to share ideas.
a very good list. I would add that making an effort to contact the person beyond when its expected is nice. Ive had friends who didnt contact me unless they needed something and that made me feel very unimportant to them. Glad I am not the only one who made choux pastry desserts at christmas time. The swans turned out lovely. I made a paris brest though it didnt turn out as perfect as I wanted. Hope you make more baking videos. Also, do you have a favorite dessert to make with choux pastry?
Did you make those swans so that you could eat them too?
As for helpful tips: allow people with special diets time to check out the options available (preferrably in advance, so there is not pressure to find something when you're all hangry) and don't insist on going somewhere that they say is not good for them.
I just realised you do the same thing with your hands and fingers near your face as Stevie when asking people what they think or when being sarcastic. ;)
Okay thank you for saying that researching how to be a good friend or researching their disability isn't creepy! I didn't know if it was strange or I sounded like the people who don't know how to interact kindly.
You are a lovely person, but the real question, how are you such an excellent cook, and did those swans taste nice? Love the cooking videos and if you are not writing a cookbook, can I request consideration for doing so?
I got oh you were quite ill then after I got my kidney transplant and my health got better and they then stopped judging me for using lifts and not going up stairs because I had high blood pressure, anaemia and would basically feel like passing out if I walked up stairs or long distances!
Me and my friend sort of are good complements. I may not be able to do it very well but I am often able to order food, carry it or go and ask for extra napkins(or what ever may be needed). but oh my he is a god send he helps me read letters when I don't understand what they mean. Usually at least one of the two of us is verbal during a crisis too which is always handy. sometimes when I'm struggling to stay presant because I'm disociating so hard I barely know where I am and he can come in with some captivating story from a fan fic he has been writing.
just my friend is a cool dude and is so tolerant of my constant ditsy nature.
I really like the format of this video. I like how you're talking in between doing things/cooking. 😊
Hi Jessica! you are evil for baking those and not sharing!
great list.
i should share it with my family. and by family i mean my husband and three children. pretty tired of being ignored when i am saying, "this really hurts so stop messing around and let me take a decent photo of you before my arm falls off. Or, before I cut it off because it hurts so much
I feel like number 10 is very individual. I absolutely hate it when people feel ill one day, and decide thats what it must be like to be me. I hate the comments "i know how you feel now" you dont, you have no idea.
It’s a bit annoying when I feel really bad or I vent and then someone tries to awkwardly help me or say “I don’t know how to help” because I know that they mean well, but also I will ask if I need someone’s help.
i don't have a disability but i have a mental illness that very much affects me in my day to day life. i was misdiagnosed a couple years ago. my friends and family researched a lot about that condition and to this day when i have a problem they say aah i read about it, it's because of this and that, right? No, no, it isn't. I do not actually have that condition but thank you. So while reading up on the condition your friend has can give you a bit of context and an idea of what is going on, it's a million times more important to just listen to what your friend has to say. Also the fact that you researched it doesn't mean you now know what's best for your friend better than they do.