How Do I Stop The Constant Arguing With My Disrespectful Grown Child
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 มิ.ย. 2024
- As your child gets older, it's likely that you won't always see eye to eye, so how do I stop the constant arguing with my disrespectful grown child? Watch this video to find out what you can do to improve the situation!
00:00 Intro & Summary
00:35 What Arguing Really Means
03:23 How To Stop Constant Arguing With Your Child
04:51 How To Improve Communication Through Understanding
07:18 How To Take Control In An Argument
11:06 What To Remember As A Parent
Watch and Enjoy!
Dr. Paul Jenkins
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Give them the gift of your absence. It's called tough love.
Some people don't see it as an option when it is.
I have a hunch you are not much of a father to begin with Donald so your absence will mean very little. For most parents walking out on their child will NOT be the first second or third option they will consider.
@@prueXo maybe, maybe not. You have no clue with what I have sacrificed and bent over backwards as a single father.
@@donaldcummings6439 I am sure you worked hard as a single father however, "bending over backwards and sacrifices" are part of the package once you decide to lie down and make a baby. It's not something you should hold over a child's head.
@@prueXo I don't!
My name is not ATM.
I am not going to buy my child's affection. Tell her to make her own way and come to visit if she wants to, with no strings attached. Most loving thing you can do for her. Time to grow up little girl. Parents take the money and go on a fabulous trip.
Heather H, nothing wrong with a great trip.
We would not tolerate disrespect from an adult stranger and we should not tolerate that from adult children. I would not support an adult child who cannot even give basic respect in return. Love is teaching your child responsibility and how to treat orher people. Giving your adult child everything she wants while she is disrespectful is not love. It is setting that child for failure because no one else will be tolerating such behavior from her in adult life.
That type of individual will definitely have problems in many different settings as an adult.
Exactly 💯
I have that exact same mindset. My adult child seems to think it's acceptable and rejected the fact that I straight out told her she was being disrespectful towards and continued to disrespect me mock me and still walk out thinking she was in the right. . If someone had said to me you're being disrespectful I would stop right there and check myself and if I was unsure as to how then I would at least ask and then apologise and correct myself on the spot. I'd expect that from anyone basic respect so why would it be so difficult for my adult child to treat me that way. ? I'd also do the same for her in return
Breeds Narcissistic Children
@@StarSurvivor1585 who would be breeding a narcissistic child ?
@@LiveOnPurposeTV what type of individual???
Our couples therapist told my wife to support me and stop making excuses for our college aged son. I never know when he's going to go off on me. He says the most disgusting things, our couples therapist said in his 35 years as a couples therapist he's never heard a son speak to his father the way he speaks to me. My wife makes excuses for my son's behavior, "because his mind is still developing." The therapist called bs on that and said no, this needs to stop. She needs to back me up. He said, "choose your husband or your son, because if it doesn't stop, I'm recommending your husband files for divorce."
Wow! Things must be pretty bad for the therapist to say that. Good luck.
Grown children 30-40 are not interacting with ther parents anymore also. They never call.
They do not want to. It is happening alot. It is best to accept this new norm. It does
hurt. We grow old without our kids knowing us. It is epidemic.
There does seem to be a population which these videos apply to.
How often did you contact your parents when you were 30-40?
This is my sister. It took a while for my parents to wake up. She has always been very inconsiderate since we were kids. She is 43
Glad you are there for your parents.
My daughter used to be rude to me and I used to just accept it until one day I got really angry and exploded and told her what a disrespectful nasty little b…. She had become and to never dare speak to me like that again - scared the life out of her since she’d become used to treating me like I was half witted - now if she ever makes ME feel bad I instantly make HER feel bad and we get on much better
Sounds like she got a wake up call.
It is true that some women will walk all over you until and unless you stand up to them and blow up big and loud and really angry - whether you really feel like that or not. At that point they will back down. Its one-ups-manship. Make sure they know YOU are the big dog. ( Just act like it and peace will come.)
My college-aged daughter and I need a lot of work. We have started family counseling but the disrespect has gotten extreme. We finally agreed on mutual boundaries and signed a legally-binding FAMILY LEASE AGREEMENT. So now we treat each other as adults. Real-world practice.
Thank you! Great example of how counseling can help to bring peace to the house.
My adult son (34-lives home with me) just us, he’s been depressed, in therapy and is telling me his childhood was completely without discipline and now he’s made bad choices and is drowning in debt, choosing to work part time only because he’s a influencer on YT. Communication is not good at all… and can’t afford to move out due to expensive rentals! I’m not expecting him to move out cause I can’t afford rent by myself. 😢😊😢😂😮 losing my mind but don’t know what to do anymore. HELP 🙏🏾
Figure out what it would take to live on your own. Start working on that and it will help you knowing you are getting closer every day.
IMAGINE. HAVING TO PAY YOUR CHILD TO COME VISIT YOU. AND THEN THE EXPERTS SAYING THIS IS THE NORMAL THING TO DO😮
I just can’t wrap my head around that philosophy
I don't think paying your kids to visit is normal. Thank you for watching.
Which experts? I've been researching this for a while and haven't heard any reputable therapist suggest such a thing.
I agree. Go figure out how to pay for it yourself and spare me a visit. This sounds wild. Lol.
I’m dating an older man who is still supporting 4 of his 5 sons!!! They are grown men!! I’m just trying to understand what the reasons,,, thank you so much!!
I wish you well.
garbage. mommy and daddy and their princess...how about real life disrespect of property, fighting because my 24 yearold believes he's entitled, can live his life the way he wants and not conform to society rules....he wants to play computer, parent wants to hold him to 'what he aggreed to do' job. I don't pay his bills, I don't give him money, he pays me a rent, but doesn't respect My Rules of Respecting Property And Me...he's out Dec 1....why, I don't 'want to argue' anymore. I am hurting him by keeping him here because when I'm dead he has no one...I can't teach him...he's going to live his life the way he wants...doesn't mean I like what he's doing, doesn't mean I don't love him....I have to let him learn by himself and be a safe place to land when he hits the walls of life.
You got this. Better days ahead.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV Thank You....I feel Horrible! I think I need to really stay focused on my Agenda....I want him to be able to live life, not exist. I want him to know he can survive without me, he has aspergers. And most of all, I want him to learn the skills he needs to find success as best as he can...he's very smart. He's now in an assisted 24/7 housing for 30 days. We;re waiting for an opening that will last 18 months, supervised apartment with roommate...until that opens, he's on a waiting list for a room with small kitchenette at a local hotel where he can ride his bike to his 2 day a week job...I'm less than a mile away. I'm 68, he's 24, single mom. I saw this at my senior center the other day...""It is not realistic for me to work harder for your life than you do""' Letting go, Letting God and leave the decisions to my son and his case manager, I'll be a soft place to land...compassion and love.
@@janedoe09how is it going?
I am a senior divorced mom. My daughter owns the house I’m living in and I pay her rent. It’s a dramatically reduced amount but it works for both is us. 1. It gives her a place to stay when she and family come back here to her hometown with plenty of room for all. If I was still in my apartment there would be no room for everyone. Benefit for me is a roomy house and garden I love and costs half of what I would normally pay. We agree on most things and I offer to split any maintenance costs.
Lately I’ve noticed that she comes more frequently. I’m normally ok with it but I had a weekend planned with a friend visiting me that coincided with a wedding she’s attending the same time. That’s a little too much and I want my friend and I to enjoy eating what we like and visiting. With my two small grandchildren it’s a little hectic and my friend is coming to rest from being a nanny to her own grandchildren! Plus my daughter uses my car when she’s here to fit all her family. Am I being unreasonable when she told me her plans? I feel like she’s not acknowledging that I have a life apart from them! 😢
You two will have to talk this out and figure out what is best for everyone. Don't let this one weekend ruin the relationship.
What about an adult married child who is abusive to their parent? An adult child who is old enough to know better?
If the child is an adult then you can decide to limit contact. If they are living with you then give them an eviction notice. It is up to you decide what you will accept and what you won't.
My GF's adult Child that lives with her.. Free rent, She buys his drugs and supports his habbits. OF course I do not want them to end there relationship. But allowing and enabling the adult child to con the mother is not acceptable. Then the adult son 21y old threatens to stab me. We are now at a cross roads of should I even bother.. moving forward. I know my value and the danger of this boy because of situations like this.. It never ends well for the single mom. I get to leave. She doesn't.
It does not sound like a good situation for anyone. I do think that she can leave if she wants to. Oftentimes we tell ourselves that we couldn't possibly do something when it is possible. It isn't a choice until we see it as a choice.
What if your hypersensitive kid, was told lies about you, easily gets very angry and it's scary and upsetting, he doesn't trust you, do you still talk to him? You took care of him by yourself as a single mom. He doesn't remember or see your amazing kind and goodness ?
Miss Miss, Always love him. You will have to decide how much and what kind of contact would benefit the two of you.
Really good advice, Dr Paul. Thanks. God bless.
Babs Skett, my pleasure.
Thanks so much for sharing this information
SUNSHINE SANDY, you are very welcome.
Great video.perfect timing.
charlotte white, thank you.
This is excellent advice thank you
Honored to be on your team.
I know of 2 adult kids same..son holds jealousy n revenge...towards his brother...daughter holds revenge on her mom for not helping on abuse from the dad..she told her mom when the dad was leaving..mom had no clue on what took place..finally found blew her top
How sad.
Thanksg for you support with your videos.. ❤
It's my pleasure
Thank you 🙏
Rachel Erickson, my pleasure.
Thank you
Our pleasure.
Perfect!
Thanks, Worod.
This is beyond my scope of comprehension. I think I may have some work to do on this realm of things. I'm newly approaching this stage of adulthood lol.
I wish you well.
Thankyou so much for this reading xxxx i am learning to communicate my boundaires to my parents they feel the need to control me and push thier agenda on me and also just ignor me. My agenda is i want my mother to love me and validate me and be nice to me and choose me over the new family because she abused me and then i ran away from her but she is a narcissist and isnt capable of these things plus she is focused on her new shiny rich family. Any advice for this
You told me your mom has limitations and is not capable of loving you the way you want. It probably isn't going to happen if she is a true narcissist. Seek to make your own life and surround yourself with others who treat you well.
I’m not discounting that the daughter is disrespectful but we have to look at it from all angles. She is disrespectful but are the parents being disrespectful to her . Just because they are paying the bills some parents think that means they can do and say whatever to their adult child. And not esxoect them to respond in same fashion. The fact is they all need to go to family therapy and figure what’s going In with their relationship. Majority of adults are lot disrespectful to their parents for no reason. Maybe she’s a narcissist or maybe they are narcissists but they all seem to be toxic in some way.
When all members come to the party ready to learn and try new things then positive change can occur.
Thanks for the tips & the reminder to love, no matter what❤
Real Living, honored to be on your team.
Bull😊
Watching from Philippines💖
Nhicole Levara, thanks for letting me know. Love this worldwide community.
This video made me cry, YES...my feelings are hurt by my 23 year old son. He pays a very small board amount and argues about helping with jobs/chores. We pay for him when he comes on holidays with us , we pay for cool activities for him, eg. snowboarding, a skydive etc.. He works at a few jobs but doesn't want to go to Uni or get a proper career. I am really worried that if I PUSH him to pay more or work more he might get Depressed and commit suicide. My father did, and I have had depression and anxiety and this is my WORST fear. HELP. what do I do?
Susan Vujcich, your son is 23, he needs to be working toward being on his own. Let him know it took 9 months to bring him into the world and he has 9 months to figure out how to live on his own. Move out day is 9 months from now.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV lol. good advice but that doesn't really address my worries about depression and suicide
@@susanvujcich wouldn’t small successes help with depression? The success of school or employment etc
I wish I had taken my 23 year old son to counseling.
Grow a pair
Why is this so hard for me? 37, and 32 adults keep coming back, because I allow it:(
It might be time to get some counseling and understand why it is happening and what you can do about it.
First to comment here. Thanks for the powerful video!
First? Grow up.
Louis Dorato, thank you for watching and commenting.
My young adult son has moved out because he wanted to do as he pleased. He doesn’t have a place of his own but is staying with a friend more than 2 hours from my home. His job is closer to me so he keeps coming back home to stay a few days. While he is here he goes out and cones home really late, or should I say really early in the morning! I am very happy to have him home but him coming in and out is disturbing ny schedule. I have two other boys home 10 and 13. Well you can imagine my hectic life. How can I approach my son? I want to be his support but I get really upset that he is doing this.
The Way it is Now, let him know you like him at the house and are happy to see him, and the rules for staying there.
@@thequeenofwitches7943 He actually has become very responsible. Got his own place more than a year ago. Visits me but doesn’t stay. I’m very proud of him. Not allowing him to do what he was doing really worked.
You just cut them off and don't have anything to do with them until they mature. If they can't provide the proper respect, then they don't need to be around. That's the good thing about having emancipated/in adult children. Kids these days have learned their manners, communication skills, and respect from TikTok and Snapchat and TH-cam and Facebook etc.
When I was younger, we matured no later than 24 and in some cases, Millennials and Gen Z aren't maturing until 34 or older. God forbid they have kids!
That could work for some people.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV yeah, I agree with you 100%. It's not for everyone but it's the best solution I have for my own situation. If I stay immersed in it, I will continue to be manipulated until they normalize their behavior and I grow numb to it... so that's where I draw the line. If their beliefs and desires, don't complement my core values, it's best to keep my distance. Keep in mind, I speak with a Christian tongue, so my opinion isn't for everyone. Abstinence has always worked for me in the past and it's best I stay away until age, maturity, experience, and wisdom, align. Glory be to God.
I agree with you 100%. With adult kids that only want to argue and blame you for their mistakes the only thing i could do was give them a warning that if they did not stop their mistreatment of me I would stop all communication with them. They did not stop so I followed through. It hurts llike hell because I can’t elite that my kids could be so cold, but it got so bad that the stress drove me to a stroke and the stroke took care of everything…..it wiped my brain of feelings and hurt. Now I just don’t care. I still love them but if they never call me again, i don’t care. The stroke stopped my constant hurt about them and the only energy I have is dedicated to taking care of myself. Sad but that’s what happened to me.
@@petebutler5139I’ve done the same. I will not tolerate the disrespect, I would rather have no contact with them at all. I was liking them less and less.
@@Gemmarose9012I feel this way now and I hate it. I never new it was possible to dislike your child. I care deeply about his well-being, but we do not get along and I can tell he doesn't like me either. He just turned 20 yrs old.
Even if children are abusive?
Abuse is a different matter. Abuse is never ok.
❤
Thank you.
Is disagreeing with parents considered disrespectful???
No, but the daughter in this example is disagreeing with everything for argument's sake.
@@marlakissack4124 yeah I agree she is disrespectful I just wanted to know I wasnt aposing the video at all
@@phoenixproductions2846 I disagree with my in-laws sometimes. That doesn't make me disrespectful. We disagree about vaccinations and homeschooling, when it comes to my children. I give them time to discuss their views and have their say, and I respectfully listen. Then I may or may not agree. My husband and I may make choices they are against. I expect them to also respectfully listen to our views. Then we can agree to disagree. I don't think the daughter in the example is respectfully listening to anything her parents might say.
Not necessarily, it depends on the way it is done.
Oh hell no kick him out f that
That is your choice.
Understanding is actually literally agreeing. You're confusing comprehend and understand. You meant to say that you can comprehend without agreeing.
Understanding is, by nature, agreeable comprehension. When you tell someone that you understand them, you're putting them above you and making it clear that you're on the same page.
You need to be extremely careful with terminology. You're misusing it.
Always comprehend, but be selective about being understanding.
I certainly hope you haven't been conflating understanding and comprehension for 30 years! Yikes hahahahaha 🤣
Someone with a highly self inflated ego is one who constantly has a need to correct others. ☝️
@@MichelleKMann At least you're aware of your issue correcting others. Have you sought treatment for Narcissistic tendencies? It's interesting that you'd try to project your issue onto others.
I can help you heal from NPD or NAS. You can heal.
Thank you for watching and commenting.
You must not be speaking on Narcissistic personalities?
I don't think that was addressed in this video.
@@LiveOnPurposeTV
That dynamic is a huge component
A intentional lack of boundaries
I thought the same thing. The disrespect from my Son is narcissistic abuse. I think that's a whole other level
@@StarSurvivor1585
No doubt 🧐🤨
The parent has to be the mature one, off the bat, calling your grown child "disrespectful" is in itself disrespectful. You have to respect them first, it always starts with the parent
Thank you.
We have to speak the truth to our children. If they are bring disrespectful we must say so. Bring honest is not the problem. The disrespect is the problem.
Accountability can and should go both ways in any healthy relationship, parent/adult child included. However, different generations often have different views of what respect means, which some of those beliefs can get into the abusive category if left unchanged. Human decency respect should be given to both if a healthy relationship is the goal. I agree that parents by large set the tone for their relationships with their children, and adult children who feel respected, heard, seen, understood, and are shown humility and ownership and positive change from parents often don't feel the need to disrespect their parents. Both people need to feel valued, important, wanted, and cared about in the relationship.
Meaning the adult kids don't even want to disrespect the parents because the parents are respecting them as humans.
That’s ridiculous. A grown child can “ set the tone” ..” off the bat”.. It usually starts with the adult child who feels free to take out their frustrations on parents who just find it hard to stand up for themselves and just kick them out..