ALTERS HURTING CHILDREN?! | Littles & Persecutors | Dissociative Identity Disorder | DissociaDID
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 มี.ค. 2022
- TW for this one - mentions of child ab*se & visible dissociation.
Hope this video helps to explain why some Alters might hurt or target younger Alters (Littles) - in our experience.
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Channel and Videos Disclaimer (written 29/12/2021 by Chloe Wilkinson):
We are not Mental Health Professionals. These videos were made from what we believed to be accurate at the time of their creation, from sources made accessible to us and our own personal experiences. New or updated information may have become available since these videos were made that we may not be aware of, or were not aware of at the time of making the content. We try our best to keep up to date with accurate information, but we are not researchers, psychologists or scientists, just mentally ill people trying to spread awareness and validation as best we can. Please do not use our videos as your only source of information or as a replacement for professional help.
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"It's not nice to hear children screaming inside your head without being able to know why" that part really got to me. I can't start to imagine what it's like to live with did.
I genuinely teared up a little when he said that
I have DID and I've heard children screaming inside my head too a lot. My gatekeeper would "silence" them and lock them away before I start screaming too.
@@oddlysatisfying1790 i would love to know more about DID it's so intriguing
shit, man. I had this weird screaming inside my head for years and now I understand why.
it is not fun for sure...in our system, we've been having an issue with a spirit/ghost persecutor in the house and theyve been tormenting both of my children (im 1 of 2 protectors, and i soothe the body and the children, the other protector adopted the bodies name because he fronts in public when it's not safe for the host to). my children are both the host (who ive adopted and have taken in as my daughter, not as my step daughter) and another little who is my biological daughter. its painful to both the front protector and i to hear them screaming and be able to do nothing but hug them and comfort them
Kya is so brave to talk about something that’s so difficult. Child alters are tricky and osdd and did as a whole is so complicated. Trauma is complicated. I applaud all of you for being brave and sharing what you know. Hugs!
i just said something similar on instagram, anyway just wanted to say i agree with you sara.
Based on the education I’ve been getting from systems here, the DID community in general is incredibly brave and resilient.
Not just those making vids - all those who are coping and surviving everyday life.
I'm an ex-persecutor, and at one point I was fairly cruel to one of our littles. They were newly split, and I was terrified of what their presence meant for us. I deeply regret what I said to them, though we've since healed and are very close now.
Can other alters 'step in' to stop or limit the persecutor?
@@sunflower5589 It varies. If the issue is with fronting, *some* systems may have gatekeepers that can pull persecutors out of front if they're completely melting down. Internal conflicts are more difficult- the best you can really do is mediate.
In my case, however, because of what my primary responsibilities were, actually removing me from front would have been unhelpful in the long run and possibly even impossible; you have to keep in mind that a lot of persecutors have reasons for what we're doing, and all of us are *people*, not just some Avatar Of Bad Meanness haha
In the case with the little, it was mostly just not being the nicest verbally, and being very cold towards them, which... there's not really anything you can do in that situation, save for keep us apart, and that doesn't help in the long run, not when you're in the same system.
Thank you for learning and growing and making amends, you can't undo the past but you CAN make sure you try to fix it and NEVER do it to anyone again.
I'm proud of you for learning and growing and trying to be a better person. That's not easy but it IS worth it.
I'm not part of a system but I've been on the recieving end of bullying from someone who was going through a lot and we reconnected later in life. I dont really hold any upsetting feelings anymore about what happened plus it helped me grow as a person and help others. Obviously at the time it was hard but I'm glad to be able to help them through things now and I'm glad you two were able to make up too
@@brattrox2939 We're sorry for what you went through, and glad things worked out :)
I find it interesting to listen to Kya's voice when they're dissociating- because Kyle held many memories before the integration, the strong Essex accent that came from him starts to fade away as Jade tries to keep the memories away, and you can almost hear not Nin but Chloe's old accent come forwards. It's just a big reminder that while new 'Fusions' are formed from integration, the memories of the composite alters are still there, and that blend can be confusing to outsiders to speak about...
this
I noticed that too. And when they talked about their memories as Kyle you could hear part of the accent coming back, but not all the way as it was when it was just him. I find it really helpful when trying to understand integration and fusion.
Yeah I had the feeling of this too, to see a little bit of Kyle shining through and Chloe as well!
Am, should we really be pointing that out, btw? Like, Kya is herlsef, to point out her similarities with the alters that fusioned into her may not be very healthy (I think Nin has commented about that at some point). Anyway, just a reflection
@@alexandrebezerra2296 Thank you for your input. I was very intruiged by the thought, and was of the opinion that my comment might help those who don't really understand integration, or who say "I miss x, I miss y". Like people "missed" Nina after her integration with Chloe to form Nin, but she is just part of the whole who is now Kya.
My point was that because of Kyle's past knowledge, and Kya speaking about a time when they were all spereate within the system, Jade had to take more of the burden to stop the system from overloading. Because she was taking what used to be Kyle's memories alone, the strong accent from his part of the integration faded away, and it shows that while Kya is one person, who should be loved and respected, the previous streams of memories are still within the one river, no one is "gone".
Hope that helps to clear up why I commented in the first place, I wasn't trying to be disrespectful. Could you expand a bit more on what part wasn't good, so I can learn for the future? Have a nice day :)
I worry about Jade's wellbeing just as much as the rest of the system. I hope that she is doing well. It must be really hard to be the keeper of all secrets and making sure that all the other alters stay safe.
It has to be frustrating knowing you have no choice in how your life is lived. I mean, she lives in a cave, that has to weigh on her.
@@skeetsmcgrew3282 She had the choice to move into the mansion and she declined if I remember correctly from one of their previous videos
@@allisonn6056 Her job was still in the cave, moving into the mansion would have been symbolic only. I think she knows shes appreciated, doesnt mean her role in life is any less urgent. She screws up and things fall apart for everyone in the system
Right I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thinks about the whole system and the ones Ik play a huge role
@@allisonn6056 being keeper of secrets and staying with the rest of the system can be even harder than being very isolated, the thing is, potentially alters who live separately can build a pathway to their neighbors if it is safe for them or for the neighbors, sometimes it isn’t and you have to compromise with what you know of.
Seraphina's adorable little meows in the beginning 🥰
She's VERY talkative!
@@DissociaDID that's so stinking cute!!! My cat was the same way as a kitten and he still chats to this day (especially to get my attention) so it just melts my heart when I hear another cat do that 💕
Btw thanks for shedding light on such hard topics! These serious videos are really hard on you all (as we can see) but I can see that you help a lot of people. Lots of love 💗
So cute! 💜💙💜
She's a vocal little thing ❤❤❤❤
I had to pause the video to make sure it wasn’t one of mine 🤣🥰 adorable
I’ll be the first to admit that as someone without DID I struggle to comprehend what it’s like. I can’t apologise enough for forgetting sometimes that it is a very serious trauma disorder. I’m ashamed that in the past I’ve thought that it could be cool to have, because while there might be aspects that are enjoyable, I definitely do not want it.
This video really brought me back and showed me again that this isn’t a joke or some fun game, like Kya said. So thank you. Thank you for being honest and not pulling punches. It’s what I believe people need to see. It definitely is what I needed to see.
Major respect to any and all systems for continuing to fight.
Oh, and make sure to look after yourselves please, this video must have been very hard and taxing to make ❤️
Perhaps some of the aspects you were expecting would be available to you through meditation types or mind palace exercises, if interested. Trauma is not needed for these but they can still present some of the more pleasant things the mind is capable of.
In dealing with problems even without dissociative disorders there's also something known as shadow work, which is a bit like mind kintsugi.
These are all available to anyone for journeys within, whether alone or with others in that space. It's best to research shadow work first though, some people are surprised by what they're carrying.
Among the differences is choosing to be on that journey inward, where things are not always what they seem. The personal world is not one that people simply leave. When there's a pain there, how would you deal with it? Trauma holders can't simply put it down, so it takes some serious strength of self dealing with it. At least in the activities I mentioned, the person gets to choose to do them and venture there.
I wish you well.
@@SashyGryphyth that sounds really interesting, i have never heard of shadow work!! Where can I get some information on it?
I relate to everything of what you just said so much. All of it. DID is so complex, we’re very lucky to not have to understand it.
@@Charee123 The most plain English i can put it in is that shadow work is working with the “shadowed” part of your brain to uncover stuff about yourself, memories, etc. :)
Thanks for saying this. Sometimes it can be frustrating for me to see people always talking about how cool and fascinating DID is, because it makes me feel like a sideshow. And I get angry that people on the outside are only focusing on the pretty parts. Sure, the alters are interesting, but for many of us the identity loss and disorientation that accompanies it leaves me feeling hollow and useless. I’m gonna paste part of a comment I left on a different video/channel (in response to someone who wanted to know more about what DID was like for me), bc I think it could help add more perspective. It’s kinda long, I’m sorry about that.
---------------
The thing I wanna cap this freakin novel off with, cause I think it needs more attention, is that DID comes with a whole big mess of other symptoms and issues on top of the identity stuff (alters). Some symptoms are a direct result of the identity stuff, some are a result of the trauma that caused the identity stuff. I think a lot of the time it gets presented as like, The Alter Disorder online (and even in the MHC field), and I think that isn’t always the most accurate way to talk about it from an experiential point of view.
I mean, yeah, DID is literally characterized BY the identity states and amnesia. But I think there’s a lack of clarity around how those two issues impact a person’s life beyond the alters arguing, forgetting important things, and the kind of… comical logistical stuff and hijinks (sp?) that is stereotypically associated with DID.
The reality of the disorder is also the fallout as a result of the fractured identity and memory. Not knowing who I am or having a solid, rooted memory of my life makes me feel hollow, empty, and useless. People with DID are VERY likely to have one or more suicide attempts, the dissociative features increase those odds even more (srsly, something like 70% of people with DID attempt). CPTSD and DID can make any kind of relationship fraught with intensity and fear. Because I’ve experienced trauma but I can’t exactly remember it, it means I unknowingly become intensely triggered and get taken down by a trauma response (I could be at work, out with friends, alone with no one to reach out to). It makes my life totally unpredictable.
Imagine going for coffee and a walk with a friend. As you’re walking and chatting, suddenly you smell something vaguely familiar. You can’t place it, but you get overcome by the most complete, overwhelming, intensely painful nostalgia you’ve ever experienced in your entire life. Except, you don’t know what for. There’s no memory to attach the crushing nostalgia-like feeling to. That kicks off the dissociation and disorientation as everything starts to shift into a dreamlike version of itself, you don’t feel like you anymore. Through the molasses like texture of your thoughts, you begin to wonder, “who is this person I’m with? I know them but not in a way I can internalize and FEEL. Where am I? When am I? Who am I? How old am I?”
Our protector used to hurt the littles and other alters to try to control them and keep them from doing things that endangered the body. He figured that was a lesser evil. We actually used gentle parenting accounts to teach him about positive reinforcement and other forms of correction so he didn’t feel like he had to scare the littles into doing what he needed them to.
“dissociating and annoyed about it” what a mood 😂
yeah, I know what this feels like 😅
sometimes it can be really frustrating 🥲
Hearing Kyle’s accent come out when Kya is talking about how their role used to be taking care of the littles before he integrated and how sad he is about how complicated it’s become is so sad to hear. I think Kya is honestly the strongest human they could possibly be at this point, having Jade’s strength and Kyle’s care. I can’t imagine how hard it is to have an entire memories of not only your own lifetime but the trauma of someone else, and then integrating and having to relearn who you are all over again sounds insanely hard. All the love, strength, and peace to the whole system.
"It's not roleplaying...it's bloody scary" *Looking at you Trisha*
Thank you all for sharing this, this has been extremely informative and has shown me how very complex this disorder is. We may only know the bare minimum of this disorder but you all have been helpful to spread awareness and contents of this! Thank you Jade (and other alters) for helping Kya through this, I know that was hard and difficult to talk about it but you are strong, you are brave, and you deserve all the love this community has shown you!
Hi, I'm not trying to be rude or make you feel bad but I think the whole Tr***a thing was very traumatic for their system so it might be wise to sensor the name or to not mention it. I agree with your comment though, DID is stigmatised and misunderstood enough without people faking it for attention.
Sorry if this came out as rude, I struggle to use tone when typing...
Thank you for this comment. We haven't been able to graduate yet because we can't get our work done. It isn't easy.
I swear anytime I even hear or think about that woman I get so infuriated. I think about the damage she has caused to the system. On top of the already loaded amount of trauma/damage the system have to deal with. And she has never said not one word or apology whatsoever.
it's been 2 years since i found out i am the host of a system. it was terrifying. i didn't know what was happening. protectors would take control in situations of high stress and i would have no idea what was going on. its such a well-crafted web of lies that the brain managed to come up with. it was a situation that had repeated itself several times before and yet i wasn't able to notice it until an alter decided to talk to me directly for the first time since childhood.
im not allowed near our littles a lot. they're not allowed near the front, and im stuck here most of the time. i know three of them, and i know there are more but im not allowed to know abt them. i dont know why. it scares me. i don't know what im missing that they have. i would never harm them, but apparently there's a possibility they'll harm me.
there's so much going on inside my head that im not aware of. im so detached from the rest of the system that i can't access the headspace except to catch fleeting glimpses of it. i dont know how many alters there are, although i know a good handful of them. i don't know for sure why this happened to me. i dont know if the trauma i went through is enough to validate this. it doesn't feel like it is.
i feel like im just insane. i can't tell if im faking it anymore. it feels real, but i lose contact so often its easy to act like its not. i'll spend months not hearing from the others, and then they come back when i least expect it. but they always do. they're always there when smth goes wrong. i don't think there's faking that, right?
i don't know what to do. i feel like a terrible host.
im sorry, i just needed to vent somewhere. it feels safe to do it here.
hey there! just wanted to let you know, I hear you, I see you, I belive you.❤ I'm sending much love and hugs filled with safety. just Know that you aren't alone. It may be really confusing and hurtful at the time but please try not to forget that there are better times coming, times with love, clearness and understanding. Give yourself some time❤ It's okay❤
I might not have DID but know that there are many here who support and believe you if you’ve been diagnosed believe in that and don’t be afraid of getting help. Like I said I don’t have DID but I am on the autism spectrum so I’ve worked with many psychiatrists and have learned a lot of myself just by venting about myself. Nobodies the same everyone’s different so if venting helps you lessen the stress from what you’re experiencing than that’s okay and you shouldn’t have to apologize for it.
Know that this community supports and cares for you and your system and know that your mind might take a while to open up so as long as you vent in a healthy and non-hurtful way for both you and others vent as much as you need we will do are best to validate and help you in what little way we can. I can never begin to imagine how difficult it must be for you but I hope my words help you feel validated that there are people who don’t have DID but still believe and try to understand DID to better help those who experience.
So know that you are heard you are not insane, you are strong and you can get through this. I am sure many in this community can say the same thing as well. You are valid so if you feel like venting your worries and troubles don’t ever feel the need to apologize for that.
I hope you are doing much better. Much hugs and love from our system.
i can imagine that that is terrifying to have to go through. if it makes any difference then i just want to say that i believe you and i also believe that you are doing the best that you can. healing isn't easy, hang in there ❤
I think the other alter making them known in the first place is a sign of healing. Maybe you'll get to know them better over time and you'll be let more in. I hope you're doing okay!
Jade is incredibly good at what she does. She amazes me every time I witness her.
I swear I saw jade there for a moment... ❤️
I was also amazed by her
@@10Nookolette01 Same, that stare reminded me of her!
I agree, she's an amazing person. 🙏
I feel like Jade was very close
This looks like it was super hard to film, but god if it wasn't eye-opening. I really like this raw approach to videos you're making Kya (and Jade in this one) - especially as you're approaching things from a more personal side and bringing up harder topics. I'd hate to think of a version of this video where you forced yourself to appear chirpy or "presentable" and how much worse that would have been to film on your end.
The audio was great in my opinion! Take care all of you - I'm sure you don't need telling, but rougher topics like this one deserve a good break after (maybe lighter videos in between - would love to see more of Seraphina and see a formal video on having a support animal once you've had more time with her!)
"It's not nice to hear children screaming inside your head and not knowing why". I'm a singlet. This hit me so hard I literally stopped walking and had to pause the video. I literally can not imagine how difficult it must be for you. I know DID is awful to live with but I wasn't expecting that.
A singlet?
@@patienceRachel as in somebody who isn't plural
@@patienceRachel someone without a disorder like DID
@@patienceRachel someone who isn't part of a system
@@toby1004 People with DID ain't more than one person though. So singlets doesn't make sense. All the alters are aspects of the whole person.
Kya is genuinely POWERFUL in this. Fighting back the trauma like a friendly beast, and keeping it together. And of course Jade being there to help with support. Kya, if you see this, you are so damn strong. Thank you for making this video.
THIS. I already knew they all are damn strong, but I was amazed when I saw Kya handling the situation all video long and Jade always supporting. I'm so grateful for this system to educate us so truthfully. Thank you all.
Gotta love a system that is able to hold strong and produce this top-notch content. Fucking love it.
Totally agree, i understand DID much more here than med documentry.
I don't know if I can say this, but I can totally see Kyle through you Kya in this video. I'm so excited to learn something new about DID as I do not have it, so thank you for your job!
I thought the same thing 100%
I saw Jade bleed through a bit aswell with some of the facial expressions and movements and the way they used/said certain words. If you go back and watch Jades videos you will see what I mean if you dont see it too
I also noticed Kyle coming thru @ the end. I do like his influence on your attitude. Kya the sound is great. You are great 👍 keep up the great work. I love the channel.
@@lisamoulton2540 Kya is Nin and Kyle. Kyle is not his own person anymore.
@@valoreVii I know that,🙂 I was reflecting on how the two have blended nicely and Kya is strong. It is great to see the host with this confidence. 👍🤙
It really did look like that Jade was working overtime in keeping Kya stable in the topic. I guess the Kyle side of Kya rationalized some points to help keeping it from needing Jade to fronting completely? I'm glad though that Jade was there because I can only imagen how rough it was as the Littles were always a tender subject when it's brought into conversations. She's always been a rather strong Alter even when she's not always fronting.
I love how Chloe, Nin, and Kya have all had their different marks on the channel. Chloe being informative, but still candid, Nin wanting to be more open and fun with the channel (if i remember correctly), then Kya talking about the hard stuff
"we need to stop tearing each other apart over things we don't understand" -dissociadid
Hello Kya, I wanted to thank you for making this video. It's clear that this was a hard one for you, and I imagine some of the others in the system, to film. Thank you for being so vulnerable and talking about these things. You are all such brave individuals and I respect each and every one of you. You did great. Your videos help so many people and I hope you know that. I hope you're all doing okay and are having a lovely day
Thank you so much, we hope it will help ❤️
thanks for trusting us with this ❤️
Of course ❤️
@@DissociaDID We are with you ❤❤
I can’t imagine how hard it is to have to switch how you interacted with your system. The pain was evident when Kya was explaining how, as Kyle, he would take care of the littles and protect them, and now that him and Nin have integrated, Kya can’t do the same things as before (since they are now the Host and it isn’t possible to have the same responsibilities as before).
I know it must feel helpless at times, but I just wanted to say that you are doing a great job! It takes a while to adjust to change, but you and your system will get through it! You are all so strong to have made it to where you are now, be proud of that strength. Thank you for sharing, I know talking about trauma is really difficult. I appreciate everything you do.
When you said "it's our job to make sure that never happens again," I started tearing up. Thanks for everything.
I just wanna say: I started watching dissociaDID in like 2019 because I was genuinely curious about DID. I know nobody who has it, but it has always fascinated me. I’ve learned to much!!! This is one of my favorite TH-cam channels to watch because every video is so very educational. I think Kya is doing a great job! I applaud you!
This breaks down a lot of our own system dynamics. There’s a lot of resentment and blame between us and it’s really hard for us to get past it sometimes. Thank you for this video.
-Karina
Kya: Yea so this is a trigger warning for the video.
Seraphina: MOTHER! MOTHER I REQUIRE PETS! THIS INSTANT!
Hello! My name is Cody, I’m 16 years old and I’m currently going through dissociative identity disorder and coming to terms with my system. I’m visually impaired, and I’m currently writing with the microphone on my phone. You are all so helpful honestly! You guys are amazing and we really look up to you. We would love to talk to you all in one way or another. You’ve helped us so much 💜💜💜💜
Wow. How many altars do you have???
@@watercolourferns I'm new to the DID community so I didn't know . I'm just quite curious and like learning more about DID.
@@watercolourferns I said im new ok? Not all disorders are the same and I understand that but I got it wrong with asking this system. OK? obviously I said the wrong thing, I don't have DID so I'm gonna get some things wrong
@@watercolourferns I have some people I know with disorders and they don't mind being asked questions. I got it wrong, I apologize.
@@watercolourferns alright
I want to say thank you to Jade for helping Kya. You both are amazingly strong, I'm so proud to see your evolution
I’m not pitying you (or anyone with trauma), I’m proud of how strong you’ve become, proud that you’ve survived, and proud of for staying alive after all you have gone through❤️ I’m proud of who you’ve become despite what you’ve gone through. I’m proud that you still stand strong when storm comes and pass💗
This was a harrowing watch, you're all so fucking brave. I'm sorry that you had to go through whatever happened as a child that made it necessary to develop DID, as amazing as all you alters are, it shouldn't have ever come to that. From one childhood abuse/trauma survivor to another, you're doing fucking great 🖤
You are so right!
Wow, that hit fecking hard. Please take of yourself, your alters and whatever else you care about. The part "I can't help them" and "I can't change what happened" hit me right in gut. I don't have DID, but that pulled a memory out and both crushed me and made me feel heard. It was the way you said it I think. I know other people have said this in the comments but you are very brave, and I look up to your strength. Thank you Kya, for just being you. Lots of love, to you, and everybody.
Same. I don't have DID, I have CPTSD... but this hit really close to home for me...
I have always loved how upfront and “uncut” y’all’s videos are. You show the dissociation and the side effects and the things people don’t often see. It is important for people to learn and see this stuff. I am autistic and your message about being strong and understanding of things we don’t understand hit home. Thank you for this video and all the good and education you brought to the world.
This video is NOT uncut. You can clearly see all the cuts/takes
@@lovelife676 well, I'm glad it has been. Otherwice it would have been a 50 minute or so video 😆
Yes, as a fellow autistic person I can agree with this. It is harder for some of us to understand the world because of a different kind of view imo. Which is why it can be usefull if some things are explained in such high detail.
@@lovelife676 They mean that it shows the downsides as well, not that it is literally uncut, as shown by the quotes around “uncut”.
Thank yu so much for talking about this. I’m sure it was hard, but it’s extremely helpful to those who deal with DID. This is the kind of stuff that I have trouble speaking out about because I don’t want people to think that DID just means being evil. So proud of yu. Hope ur all doing well. ♡︎
Kya's videos are a lot more raw than what Chloe or Nin used to do, I like and appreciate each of their styles. They have/had slightly different objectives, so the approach is/was also slightly different; not better, not worst, just different and more suited to their personalities.
I'm struggling right now, but strangely, I found some confort in this. Thank you. I know it's hard and I really really appreciate your efforts
I think it's the Kyle in Kya that made them more raw than before. Before they integrated, Kyle's videos always have been more raw compared to Chloe's nd Nin's.
Kya (and Jade) you did such a great job about talking about this subject. It was hard to hear how alters can be treated badly inside and I never realised how complicated trauma can realise itself.
The little wink at the end, i love it. It is such a privilege to learn about DID through such a strong system. My heart goes out to you all.
kya’s makeup and hair looks so striking in this vid!
AGREEEEEED, like wtf is he doing being so damn gorgeous 😍
“Systems are capable and powerful and if you have any kind of mental illness then so are you” hit me so hard. Thank you for talking about such a hard topic and yet still encouraging others watching. You’re all amazing.
Also off topic but I love Kya’s makeup here.
I appreciate you reminding your audience that DID is not fun, that the inner world is not a restful place into which to escape, but the result of surviving something horrible. It's hard to understand what any of that feels like for those of us who have not gone through it. And as you know, society has told us a lot of lies about DID, so we are here to learn the truth so we can be part of making the world a safer place for DID systems. ❤
So happy you are posting videos again and we are so proud of you as we know talking about littles can be dangerous and distressing so we are so proud of you
Thank you, that means a lot ❤️
@@DissociaDID Hi :D
I love the text added to explain whats going on inside your head while you have a pauze somewhere, makes it a lot easier to follow whats going on!
Whenever you talk about this my heart breaks for the children in war zones who are going through unspeakable trauma and probably having this happen to them.
I used to have a close friend with DID. We fell out for reasons unrelated to DID, but they had a child alter who would front occasionally and introduced themselves to me and would want to talk to me when the others were. The others asked me not to say anything to them about the difficulties we were having BC they loved me so much and I obliged, I never wanted to hurt that child and to my knowledge, they never found out the reason we had to stop speaking. I do hope every day my friend is alright and I think about reaching out to them sometimes, but we left things in a bad place and I just don't know where to start. It's so brave of you to share this, I hope this comment isn't offensive, please take care of yourself xxx
Jade is coming through with the makeup
Thank you to letting us in on what u deal with and helping us understand
Thank you for watching and listening ❤️
„We need to stop tearing each other apart about things we don’t understand.“ What a powerful statement. I completely agree and my life and many others would have been/could be much easier if everybody would do just that.
As a reformed persecutor all I have to say is this. Not all alters are created to hold the fun that was lost in childhood and it is not always a good relationship either. I feel that too many uneducated people say, “Oh it must be nice to have friends in your head” when it really isn’t. And littles are even that much more vulnerable too. They may be able to hold information that a normal child wouldn’t but they are still kids and it is, as Kya and Co mentioned, hard to hear some of the things that go on inside your head. Thank you Kya for the video. I know this isn’t always easy to talk about but should be said-Shadow (currently gatekeeper)
P.S. we also have a persecutor little and it can be hard to hear some of the things that they do and go through. DID is definitely hard and definitely painful and this is just one aspect of it
I've seen Jade flash a few times to the front. I love when she's there to help.
same. i honestly love how, when you've been watching them for a good while, you can tell some signature expressions that points towards who's fronting. like jade's piercing stare, kyle coming out stronger in kya with little mannerisms, it's so hard to put into words but those eyes really are the windows to the soul
16:28 made me cry
I never feel better when people on the internet say “oh your so STRONG, you can do it! 😊👏”
Because I never can believe them.
But I believed those words. Thank you
I've lived trough some pretty traumatic stuff when I was a child. I dissociate and have a very abusive internal voice. It's intriguing to me the different way humans can have to cope with such abuses. I don't think I have DID but I recognize stuff I'm going trough in what you explain and how you react to it too. I have a lot of empathy for all the alters in the system.
I absolutely love the fact that the moments when you are dissociating aren't cut out and we can still see it in the video. It's amazing that you add captions to some parts to give a better view of what's happening on the inside even though I am aware that's just the tip of an iceberg. I love your videos, you're doing an amazing job. Have a nice day ☺️
Seeing the struggle in Kya when talking about wanting to protect littles was heartbreaking. I just want to give them all a giant hug.
Everyone who participated in this video did amazing, even from behind the scenes. I know this was a hard video to make but you guys did amazing. You all deserve ice cream.
I love how Kya is so strong. Kya is so different from Chloe and Nin, but they are still there, just stronger now that they’re all together. I can tell that Kya is more serious and that they want to delve into a more deep side of topics for the channel. I can’t wait to support what new things come from them and I love and support their journey in getting used to being themselves and being the host. I’ve learned so much over the years through Chloe and through Nin and I can’t wait to see how Kya makes content in their own way. All my love and support ❤️❤️
Kya reminds me of when I really started digging into my traumas and processing it in a healthy way. It's difficult to talk about those things but also empowering to vocalize it and acknowledge it.
Kya seems like an alter who came to be for the purpose of beginning the long journey down the road of recovery. I hope the system is doing well and that they are growing and healing 💜
Kya, you really don't ever stop to impress me with how brave you and all of the other alters are for sharing your stories and explaining stuff that are painful for you and your system for the purpose of educating and reaching others. Really things everyone should look up to, I've been following this channel for a few years now and I can't believe how much it has grown, the poject and your system with it. I'm very happy that you guys are getting better and are still fighting strongly, it's the biggest inspiration anyone can have. I hope I will be able to meet you one day. Hope you have a nice day :)
Thank you so much ❤️
I found it helpful to remind persecutors that their behaviors are a result of trauma, not because they are a bad person. I know there is alot of guilt that comes with being a persecutor, but EVERYTHING you guys have been through, you have LIVED THROUGH because you are SO strong. Remind them that this is another thing that they can heal from, to take their power back, and regardless of what they've done or will do, they are loved and understood ❤️
This was POWERFUL Kya. Ya'll are really coming at my feels. But I can't wait to hear more from you guys, I've been a subscriber since Chloe and ya'lls growth is evident. I will be by your side every step of the way to see more of this in-depth and raw insight into what it is really like to have DID. xx
Side note, I love that Kya still has Kyle's wink ;) haha the NOSTALGIA
I've been a fan of yours since way back when Kyle and Chloe were fronting the most. I know a lot has happened since then, and I know Kya is a fusion of Kyle and Nin, but sometimes I can still hear Kyles's accent on through strongly, and others I can hear Chloes, and Nins.
As somebody who doesn't have DID, but does suffer from a few mental disorders, I want to thank you for educating people about DID and why and how it happens. I've been through quite a bit of trauma in my lifetime and know how scary and painful its been for myself, but with a shit tonne of therapy, crying, and healing, I've managed to work through a lot of it. In saying that though, I could never begin to imagine what its like for your system. I'm honestly in awe of how strong all of you are, and I honestly have the biggest respect for you and what you all are doing.
Take care of your selves ❤
As someone who doesn’t have DID, this was one of the mental illnesses that I just couldn’t wrap my head around. But the way Chloe, Nin, Kya and all the other alters have explained their experiences has really helped me immensely. I know that I will never fully understand what it’s like, but the fact that I’m able to somewhat empathize with a concept so foreign to me really just shows how well the DissociaDID system is able to show the realities of DID.
Thank you all for everything you do. Despite all the horrible things the internet has brought upon you, your desire to help others and spread awareness is much stronger. I wish you all the best in your healing journey. ❤
It's so sad that these littles have experienced such awful things and yet they still experience abuse within their own system, not just from the outside world. I have so much compassion for them. Thank you for sharing! It was probably really hard.
My best friend was recently diagnosed with DID. One of her alters is very self-destructive and it's hard to see her struggling so much. Do you have any tips for how I can help and support her as she is trying to heal from her past trauma?
One of my old friends faked having DID for attention. She quit the act after a while, though.
This channel has some amazing videos on how to talk to someone dissociating etc. I encourage you to have a look at some of the older videos 😊 You are clearly an awesome person and I wish you and your friend the best 💗
I know barely anything, so don’t take this as the best advice out there, but I would say just support them and notice when they are upset and help, understand, show that you care and will be there for them.
I would say just be a friend. Don't try to be a therapist. Support her in getting a therapist if she doesn't yet, but then focus on your friendship and on showing you care and are there for her. It's not your job to help with trauma processing or with self harm. Just to love her and be there. And please take care of yourself too. It's not easy when people we love are experiencing so much pain.
My advice as someone who's best friend has a lot of trauma and consequently mental health issues is: Be aware but never stop depending on your friend in return, too! Don't become someone who *only* supports them, let yourself be supported as well, and let them know when you need them. Apart from you getting the support you need, it is very validating for them to be needed.
Right around 12:05 Kya looked like they seen a ghost, it almost scared me and made me want to comfort them.
I can’t even imagine everything you’ve been through, your strength is inspiring to me along with your will to keep going.
"systems are capable... and if you've been through any type of mental illness so are you" started crying bc as someone with cptsd. it's weird how much i've been thru and still think that i'm incapable or weak or unable. i've been thru so much that others wouldn't ever wish for. and i'm still here. we are still here
You little fur baby’s little meows in the beginning melted my heart! I’ve been missing my own fur babies extra today so it definitely put a big smile on my face ❤️I just wanted to tell you that I have learned so much from your channel and I hope that, even though I don’t have DID myself, I can help in some way to erase the stigma and point people who are ignorant in the right direction so they can also learn. it makes my heart happy to see you guys safe and doing well! I hope you’re having a really wonderful day ❤️😊
I appreciate the trigger warning, but I didn't realize how hard this video would hit. I don't have DID, but I've been struggling with ptsd and flashbacks a lot more lately. A lot of what was said really resonated with me. Thank you for sharing your experiences and your hardships- I know it can't be easy.
I just would like to wish you well 🙂 I'm sorry you are having a hard time at the moment
@@PirateNought thank you, I appreciate it
Having “known” or watched the system since Chloe was the Host it can be so amazing watching you speak. Catching glimpses of mannerisms from Chloe, Nadia, Kyle, etc. and even wondering if certain sentences or phrase are Jade stepping in and “not letting you know.” I want to thank you all for sharing your experiences and helping so many people be able to really SEE what DID is and that it is in no way “made up” or a “fake Diagnosis.” This is real, you all are real, and i know it can be so painful for you all and i am so sorry. But i would like to say that i really feel as though i have come to love everyone in their own unique ways.
The strength that I see is so Unreal
I am so heart warmed by your advocacy and bravery to talk about important topics even when they are difficult and triggering. We don't deserve you my god. It breaks my heart to see people treat this topic with such callousness and address you guys so cruelly. I hope the love and support makes up for those people. I wish we as a society put more value in uplifting messages than in destructive ones, but sometimes its the hate that makes more of an impact. Please know that you are so loved and we appreciate you so so much. I can't wait to see what else you have in store!
Kya reminds me of myself. It's kinda scary, cause I haven't met many people that would share similar beliefs and views on stuff. Though shell, brutal honesty and yet soft on the inside. I appreciate you Kya. What a great video.
wow, I have no words. You as an alter, and as a system is... balls to the wall man. I know you said 'do not pity us' but, I do feel bad for the littles screaming, that broke me, as a parent to hear that. You are absolutely just a tower of strenght and resilience. Thank you for making this video, even though it was such a difficult subject.
As someone with c-ptsd there are aspects of this that I can recognise, although to a lesser degree. I have the prosecuting part, the protecting part and the childlike part, and obviously since I don't have did they're all integrated, but I have often pictured them as separate, and drawed them as such. The persecuting part would often self harm in order to punish or get back at the hurting part of me. Living with c-ptsd is hard enough, so I can't imagine what it must be like to live with did, but one thing is sure: you are incredibly strong!
Same!
You are strong too :)
hmm, maybe look into OSDD! your description is pretty close to how we described our headspace before we found out about OSDD, and now we know we're a system.
@@asterling4 that's very interesting, thank you for sharing!
Me too also diagnosed with Complex PTSD and now I’m starting to think it’s OSDD 1A
When kya said that it was hard to hear children screaming in your head, i just wanted to comfort them, i cannot and will not pretend i know that i understand, i dont have DID, i dont know whats that like, but i can see the pain and i just want to let the entire system know that just like kya said, you guys are strong, and you can get through anything life throws at you, and the entire community youve built here is going to support you and do whatever we can to make you feel better in times of struggle, even if its just kind words. You guys are amazing and strong, keep powering through, you got this❤
You're a rock star. So very proud you held it together while discussing an extremely sensitive subject. Thanks for all you do.
What I take from this is every brain is complicated but for good reason. The guilt and shame feels overwhelming and it takes all my strength to fight it and remind myself it was not my fault. I was a child. I was supposed to be protected. I know this is hard to talk about and thank you for trusting us with this.
So glad you guys are back!! I love that I can always count on you guys to talk about many things that other systems don't. Thank you so much!! This video was so helpful for me and my little!
I have paused this video so many times during watching and I'm bawling my eyes out. If it's this hard to hear, I can't even imagine how hard it must have been filming.
Kya, you and your system deserve happiness, it breaks my heart to see you hurting, I hope that doesn't come across as pity by the way. I truly hope your day, your week, your month, your year are full of goodness. Your channel has given me so much knowledge, and I thank you for that. Lots of Love :)
man, this made me so emotional lol, almost cried through the end of the video. I don’t have DID myself, but you’re the first person i watched who shed so much light on mental health related topics and has helped me tremendously in my journey of not only educating myself, but also growing and learning to get through some of my struggles on my own. I’m truly grateful to have so much information on this condition, so i also can do my absolute best to spread the truth amongst everyone who lacks knowledge regarding how DID works and help make the rest of the community a bit more comfortable for people to exist in. What you do has changed everything to better Kya, and your strength never fails to baffle, inspire, and help me to keep going.
As I'm watching this in the tub I realize how incredibly strong all of you must be and how everyone on this planet is broken in some way or another, but you actually put in so much effort to not only have yourself keep moving forward but you even try to help others while doing so. You are an amazing person and every bit of you deserves respect, all the individuals in your system got you to where you are now, respect from me to you, all of you. Keep fighting the good fight you have at least one unconditional supporter in me!
I love how amazing you all seem to be at verbalizing your thoughts and feelings in such a concise and understanding way. It makes learning about this disorder and the life of living in a system so much easier to understand and learn about. Thank you for putting so much effort into these videos
I have never seen someone tackle this subject, and I'm really glad you did. I know that would be really hard for us personally, but you did so well.❤ We have a little that is a persecutor toward other littles. She experienced a lot of trauma that she believes is the "fault" of other littles. These littles generally had a trauma bond or felt the abuser loved them so they didn't understand what was happening was wrong. Then when they were in those bad situations, the persecutory little would have to come out and experience the actual abuse part most times. It's so hard. I feel so much for this poor little. It's easy to place blame, especially when they're in so much pain. Don't even get me started on abuser introjects.😮💨 Trauma therapy isn't for sissies, that's for sure. Stay strong, Kya. We know it's hard. Thank you so much for sharing today. Much love❤ -Jules
Might be an odd question but…is it loud in the inner world? I have really bad anxiety so there are times when my thoughts are so loud I can’t hear anything around me. Just wondering if there are any similarities there. Thanks!
Yes it can be like that! It can get very loud, but also very quiet which is unnerving too
You're giving me the courage to find answers about what's going on in my head. Sometimes I feel like I'm too afraid to understand how and why my mind works. I appreciate you taking the time and emotional distress to teach us of your experience so so much.
Just want to say thank you. I’ve learned so much from all of you. I was so concerned when i wasn’t seeing any posts from you all. So understandable you guys needed some time away. We will always be here and the ones who understand will be patient. YOU ARE ALL AMAZING
My cat Ofelia reacted to Seraphina. It’s wholesome.
I’m so glad to see all of you again! Your videos have actually been a lot of support to me, despite being on a different spectrum than DID specifically. But I wanted to once again thank you all for this amazing content and I wish you the best!💙
I can't begin to explain how great it is to watch your content. I love how authentic you are while still being informative and educational. You all are truly an inspiration, and I can't wait to hear more about your experiences in life. Thank you!
thank you for making this video, extremely informative! also families in abusive situations can hold resentments towards one another due to the trauma so understanding that a similar situation can occur in a system makes sense. love your videos, glad to see y’all back 🤍
I reached the end of the video and I love the direction that the channel is going
The system is incredible and gives so much important information that unfortunately I never saw or heard
Thank you all for the years of information, for the trust that you put in us to share with your heart, to continue this journey with us
We are so proud of you and admire you
We want to be here to support you and send all the love in the world
Sooooo lot's of love and see you in the next video o/
Such an informative video!! I love the little descriptions that pop up explaining how you/whoever is fronting is feeling/experiencing. Thank you for making such a hard video for us.
PS - I have no idea how you slick your hair back like that but I LOVE it and think its so fitting for Kya. Such a classy and non-binary hair style.
Thank you!
The sound quality was very clear. Watching this was challenging but then it made it clear how much more challenging it was for all of you to make it. It's an honor and a privilege to witness these moments and to hear your voices.
This is such a powerful message and I can feel the emotion. I am so glad you are able to talk about these things and feel comfortable showing how these are not fun subjects, you are not calm, you are not sugar coating anything. Everything is real. It's amazing to watch. You are so strong.
I’ve been watching for several years💕 I don’t have the words to express my gratitude other than: thank you for continuing to share your ever growing knowledge of mental health support. I do not have DID, but I have PTSD amongst many other diagnoses. I have learned so many techniques in addressing, normalizing, and being aware of things like dissociation, triggers etc. there has always been a clear scientific based approach in each video, yet it’s poetically verbalized into something my brain understands.
Kya and co. You did a phenomenal job in this video and I always look forward to the next! I loved the attention to detail and explanations of when and why dissociating was occurring and I think it’s a brilliant way to educate others on how you experience your life.
Thank you always 💕
I’m proud of you for being able to use your own experiences to help others who may also have this disorder. I dont have DID but several mental health issues including dissociative amnesia and depersonalisation disorder. I’ve been through a lot and your videos really help ground me. So thank you
You guys are so strong when it comes to talking about everything about DID. Like I’ve commented on older videos, you guys never have to share things you guys don’t want to. You guys are so strong just know that 💪❤️❤️
I just wanna say that I have so much respect for your system. The look in your eyes when you talk about those really serious things almost makes me shiver. So glad that you are safe now!
Glad to hear from you again nya, learned so much about our very new and confusing and small system from your videos and your videos have been immensely comforting and helpful. I don't know where we'd be without you
Oh Kya I'd like to thank you for pushing through even when it was clearly a hard topic to cover. I really hope you're feeling better. You guys are amazing and I can't say that enough. I think it shows how incredibly strong and brave you are when you said you'd like to create more content about stuff that people usually don't talk about. I know you guys are smart and careful, but I'd still like to say that please take care of yourselves, if recording a video is too triggering then please please please don't force yourselves to do it if it's too difficult, even if you feel a certain type of responsibility, your health and peace is ALWAYS priority. I'm amazed by your initiative for covering hard stuff and I'm here to listen, but if by any chance you guys decide it's not something you can handle right now or somewhere along those lines, it is okay to stop. It is okay to change your mind. It is okay ❤ you guys are strong but you don't have to be all the time. This doesn't come from a place of pity because I've never felt pity, only respect, admiration, and of course I've felt sympathy/empathy, I'm a highly sensitive person, but I've never ever pity you, this is just me trying to give you guys an online comfort-protective hug. I've been here through ups and downs and I'll always be as long as possible, I'm a loyal subscriber. Just... take it easy ok? Seeing Kya struggle with dissociation and triggers wasn't easy, I just wanted to give you guys a big hug, you know?
Anyways, let me know if this was inappropriate in any way so I can be more careful in the future.
Also, can you say hi to Jade? She's amazing at her work.
Take care guys❤
Your channel is always so intriguing and educational. Honestly I would’ve never known these things if it weren’t for you explaining the disorder in depth!
Kya, I've been watching you guys for a few years now. You all helped me understand what was happening when I was dissociating after my trauma. And helped me paint a better picture for my therapist or bring to light things that weren't comfortable in my trauma work. I really appreciate you guys talking about things that most people wouldn't. Healing is ugly. It always looks and feels worse before it gets better. Thank you for always reminding me and others, as well as yourselves, that we are so damn strong. You are loved!