A doctor who breaks her leg and calls an ambulance is still a legitimate doctor. Thank you so much for being open about your personal struggles. It helps those of us with personal struggles (er, everyone?) feel more normal and encourages us there's a way forward.
Ive watched a few Will and Jada videos, and the comment section is brutal. Then I come here and see such respectful thoughts and comments ❤ This really is an amazing group of people here!
Im deeply grateful for this comment. I needed “Just bc we fail at our core values doesn’t mean we don’t have them.” This short message will now be a personal mantra for me. This brings grounding and peace to work I’ve done to recover from grief from some life altering circumstances. Thank you.
When you said "I'm still figuring it out," I totally understood that. I noticed there's more single/divorced people giving relationship advice out there than married couples. I feel that's because married folks know we're just figuring it out as we go along, and what works for one couple doesn't work for every couple.
I'm all for "figuring things out", but I do not believe it should take 7 years. Thus, I don't believe her excuse. She is a narcissist, who has mentally abused her kind-soul husband since 1997. Plus, if he divorces her, she will tell ALL his secrets. Wow!
@@lastjob2011 I am not saying your judgment of Jada Smith is correct or wrong at all. I don't really care it if is! The thing is, why wouldn't it take seven years to figure it out? It took me 16 years to figure out the only way to fix my marriage was to get the f*ck out of it. I feel though that you have a bit of fan love going on towards Will Smith, that said, I don't get good vibes from the little I have seen of Jada. But I don't pay enough attention to them to know anything. Will Smith can afford some of the best lawyers and therapists in the world and he hasn't been living with her for many years, so it is not like he is being held hostage in the relationship. Although he does seem to have some codependency on her and therefore keeps going back, he has ways out!
Yeah, I’ve had a lot of single people say things like: “you and your husband never argue? That’s weird, and a red flag.” I don’t know where this idea came from that something’s wrong with your relationship if you never argue, but it always seems to come from single people. There’s a few other ideas single people have said about relationships that I have found strange, but I figure they’re just working through things.
@twocents7509 I think that thought comes from acknowledging that AVOIDING problems by not fighting about them - by ignoring them, burying your head in the sand, letting them fester - IS inherently unhealthy for any relationship. There's a difference between knowing how to bring up a contentious issue and hashing it out together, bringing up something your partner has done to hurt you with vulnerability, etc., in a healthy way (based on learning from past arguments) and either avoiding the fight altogether or lashing out in anger.
Ohhhhh my brother. Your empathy, compassion and kindness is the most Christ-like response that I have seen on this issue thus far. So refreshing. So needed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this video.
Personally, I think you can be a great marriage counselor AND be someone who struggles with their own marriage and is working on it or has even been through a divorce. Having someone who can relate to you and what you are going through is important. Someone who knows how hard it can be and doing the most "therapeutic" thing isn't always easy. Getting therapy from someone who projects that they have it ALL figured out is not helpful in my opinion.
I think honesty is important, but my relationship with my husband is between the two of us first and foremost. Frankly, the "absolute truth" of what happens between us is no one elses business unless we decide to share. No one has the right to feel like they are "owed" more than that. Thank you for sharing your experience and your truth with us in whatever way you both feel comfortable with. It really does help us learn and heal.
But Jada is trying to have it both ways. She brags of her abusive nature, and then gets mad when there is push back from normal people. Keep it quiet, and no one would have anything to talk about. Then Jada plays the victim. She is an expert at gaslighting. And her quiet, slow talk is to project 'wisdom'.
I am not surprised they hid their seperation. Divorce effects SO MANY people surrounding the relationship, and that is just regular people. I remember breaking off a 5 year relationship with an engagement (we were way too young) and just telling people about THAT was awful. I cant imagine having to do that as a public figure. And the longer you hide the harder it is to tell the truth.
Thank you for this video. Recently I found out that a dear friend of 10 years was having an affair with a guy she actually set me up with earlier this year. It was her second affair. She's married with a young child. This painful situation has prompted me to seek out more understanding of marriage and relationships, especially as a single woman myself. Its hard, to have compassion and understanding when there's raw pain involved but its necessary. Rarely are we all villain or all hero.
Jesus, she’s the kind of “friend” that will fk your husband. Stay away from her. Those kinds of people just like being the center of attention and are desperate. We all get lonely, but actions matter, I hope you find a better friend.
Keep in mind that they have to live their relationship very publicly. They do have a right to privacy and can choose not to share the nature of their relationship. Their marriage was not just about their relationship and coparenting it also affects their careers. It is a valid choice to live separately and in a friendly partnership for an extended period of time. They don’t have to divorce.
They didn't have to and no ones divorce in Hollywood has hurt those careers yet. However, my opinion, on viewing how Jada is behaving is that she intends to take his career down on her way out since he isn't Tupoc.
When has this information been introduced to the public outside of her own mouth? It seems that spilling the sordid details of her toxic “marriage” to the public is the only way she can stay relevant these days. Her daughter isn’t young enough to raise eyebrows when photographed with barely clothed grown men anymore..
@@MarnieGolde7 Exactly. Her kids are no longer under her control anymore, so she's going to take down the person she resents because he isn't the person she loves.
They absolutely do NOT have to live their relationship publicly. There are PLENTY of public figures who keep their relationships very private. Jada Pinkett Smith has very clearly chosen not to.
It takes strength and bravery to stand firm in the truth. I wouldn't want a marriage counselor who had a perfect marriage, just like I wouldn't go to an anxiety specialist who never experienced anxiety. I believe you sell yourself short and I see you as an amazing example as a loving human being. Be blessed.
"I wouldn't want a marriage counselor who had a perfect marriage, just like I wouldn't go to an anxiety specialist who never experienced anxiety" Awwwe HELL Yes!👏👏 This 👆 👆x1000!!completely true. I've seen half a dozen different individual therapists, but never have been able to do couples, but I think my partner of 20 yrs and I are finally ready. It's a n incredibly vulnerable thing, and scary. The knowledge that my therapist is real and humble enough to admit that they have their own relationship imperfections and insecurities would make me feel so much more comfortable going to them for help. Plus you know not too mention, you know they have empathy for your struggles as well.
OT but asking a stranger how they "keep it hot" is SO inappropriate! Weird, invasive inquiries like that are part of the overwhelming pressure to stay a certain way, and try to cling to any shred of privacy you can still get. Divorce aside, I cringed with Jada at that. We can fall victim to outsiders "falling in love with" the version of us that they expect, too.
I saw her surprise at the question, but I don't see her cringe. She publicly talked about teaching her pre-adolescent child to pleasure herself in one Red Table Talk episode, and in the past, she had admitted to being a sex addict. Rather, I see her having a moment of recall, relishing the thought, and wondering to herself how much she can share without seeming crass. A retrospective of her life and their relationship in photos and interviews shows she has been cutting him down and repeatedly redefining their marriage as various we-do-not-have-to-be-faithful contractual style agreements rather than a promise to each other made before God. It is she orchestrating their lives, not Will. Will is the one who is staying strong in his faith and steadfast in his vows to her, while she dishounours their marriage, their kids, and Will, not the other way around.
@brendamyc3173Jada brings it to the media. Jada wrote about this lie in her book which was just released. Jada *wants* the focus on her. Her Red Table Talks were horrifying spectacles to sensible people with compassion...or even just a functioning moral compass.
I agree with the inappropriate question! Once I saw a clip of Jada on Red Table Talk telling her mother and her daughter that her grandmother taught her about self-pleasuring. Double yuck!! The entire family (except Trey) are weirdos!!
@brendamyc3173Jada is freely telling her business. Media needs to push back more, and not let her lies go unchecked. Stop with the flimsy phrases, like "entanglement" and "life partnership".
@@bevmacdonald9008I think Will is a nice guy. I wish Jada could talk of her husband with the same love and devotion she has when she talks about her dead friend Tupac. It's really sad.
Thank you for coming from a place of compassion and grace. I have ignored most people's comments on the issue because of the harsh judgments and hateful speak towards these people (I've learned to avoid negative energy lol). And seeing a professional voice basically my exact thoughts and opinions, which I have formed based on my own life experiences, helps me feel sane and comforted that there are people who try to view the world through the eyes of empathy and compassion. My favorite was when you said having grace doesn't necessarily mean you condone the actions. Literally what I have been trying to tell people. Shine your light, because we need it.
I appreciate the gravity and dignity you bring to the topic. Thank being said, I am feeling sadness from you, Jono. Hope you're taking care of you as well. Keep shining. Your light is brightening the world.
My brother and his ex-wife struggled in their relationship pretty much since the beginning. He almost broke things off with her during their engagement, but decided to stay. They were married for 5 years. She went overboard creating a positive persona for herself and for their marriage on social media during that time. When everything fell apart, those who weren’t as close and didn’t know the reality of their relationship were shocked because they seemed like the perfect couple online. Their marriage finally ended because she got involved with an ex-boyfriend, who was also married. When my brother explained this to people who asked, many had trouble reconciling that reality with the person she had portrayed herself to be online all those years. Perception is not always reality.
The problem with Jada is the "truth" about her and Will only ever come up when she's trying to make money off it. On her show the Red Table, now for her book. It would be one thing if she just couldn't live like this anymore but it seems like she's just making up salacious things to get attention for her projects. Usually when celebrities announce break ups they do it together, this seems like she blindsided Will publicly so it's hard not to see her as the villain no matter what her reasoning was.
If you actually watched any of the interviews coming out you'd know that Will read the book. He sent a letter he wrote her to Jay Shetty. He said if he had read this book 30 years ago he would have hugged her more and he would start now. She speaks very highly of him and their love for one another. No one had anything to say when Will released his book. He supports and loves her and she has done the same throughout the years.
@@CynthiaBuckley Why would I watch any of the interviews? And why do you act sanctimonious about having watched it? Their lives have no impact on mine and anything I know about them has been force fed to me through media. I give them the grace to be private and not tell me about their lives but you (and anyone else) can't be mad that we, who do not want to know, have been forced to know and therefor have an opinion based on such. I think people like you, who may be more invested in their lives than need be and seek out every tidbit of info, are making excuses for them by analyzing every tidbit. I don't care how much they love or don't love each other, I care that she is the one forcing this information on all of us. When you force other people into the conversation then you are the villain, even if she's not Will's villain she is to the general non-nosey public.
Dude, it's OK to be wrong. You can just delete your comment when you realize you didn't know the facts surrounding Will's awareness/support of the book. Now you just look like an idiot.
@@gennafer You say, why would I watch her interviews AND why is she force-feeding us information? That’s a contradiction. How would you be getting the information if you weren’t watching and reading about the clips from the interviews? People want to act like they’re being force-fed information that they are actively seeking out. Jada didn’t break down your door to tell you about her marriage, she wrote a book (just like her husband) and is on a press tour. And your favorite media outlets are chopping it up and feeding it to you in soundbites. If anyone is force-feeding you anything, it’s the Shaderoom.
Im working towards my mft license and you are one of the few therapists on this platform that is authentic and educates without almost crossing the code of ethics like many have I.e diagnosing or using popularized words that generalize someone as narcissistic. Appreciate this so much because I hope to learn from someone like you or even feel validated in how I see things as well 🙏🏻
I think this is the best Chanel on youtube. As a teenager it has helped with my perception of love and relationships in general. Thanks to Alicia and Jono I have able to mature and avoid being toxic myself and toxic people. I truly cannot thank them. You guys are best you can't even imagine how many people you have helped. Lot of love from greece❤️
Jono and Alicia, I have definitely benefited from your honesty. It is helping me in my marriage, and in a lot of relationships I have with other family/friends. Thank you for being advocates for grace, compassion, and accountability. I’ve needed all of it.
Thank you for your honesty. My partner and I just took some time apart for the first time in a decade of being together. We are reuniting next week, and it took a lot of humility and forgiveness and grace to get there. We have always been a very outwardly happy appearing couple. And we are truly happy most of the time. Long love is hard. Ego has to be taken out of the equation completely for it to work. It happens to the best of us, you two beautiful souls. Thank you for your honesty. ❤️
It’s so hard to see your relationship change overtime. I know I have been having such a hard time being touched out (because of our two special needs kids 5 &3), exhausted and barely able to take care of myself the last few months and I know it’s affecting my marriage. I don’t know why but I always saw relationships as strong or broken, as lasting or over. I never thought your relationship could be somewhere in the middle. Thank you so much for sharing your truth because it is helping me see that even though things are not like they used to be, they are nowhere near over.
Thank you for your honesty! Life is hard and no one knows the answers on managing relationships. Still, I think maybe we don't need these answers. All we need is compassion, and compassion is "just sit with me in this for a while". I think you nailed it perfectly.
This video feels extremely heavy, and it's not because of Jada and Will. Life is hard, keeping relationships healthy is hard. The world is in a state... but finding peace and calm in ourselves first and foremost, and actively seeking the beauty in life around us might keep us mildly sane on this limited time ride. I hope everyone will seek and find beauty today, even if it lasts only a brief minute
My marriage is also not what it appears on the outside due to infidelity and addiction. I related to what you have said. Thank you to Alicia and yourself for being vulnerable and sharing your story. It helps so much to know I'm not alone. I thought your opinion about the Smiths' relationship was compassionate and empathetic. It's easy to judge. It's harder to put yourself in their shoes.
The issue is lying. Millions of folks separate every day. No shame. But lying, is wrong. "Yes, we're separated, but we still show up at events together." See. Simple.
Totally agree. It is private. They deserve space to figure things out. And don't kid yourself: if people in their position want to prevent rumours lying can be the only option. In this video alone you can see how personal the questions get. Listen to Jono, it's easy to judge. Please be kind
If more videos or conversations about celebrities were like this, I might pay more attention to them. I generally avoid news about celebrities' personal lives because it feels like gossip that serves no purpose but to tear down others. I like that you took a beat to talk about how their situation could be relatable and ways we could extend compassion (both to them and within our own situations). Thanks for a thoughtful video!
Appreciate you and the empathy you bring to tough discussions! Your videos help me develop more grace for myself and others. Relationships are just hard sometimes! (Worth it but hard)
Jonathan, Alicia, I love how you’re both so honest and real about your struggles, because I believe it’s the norm in every relationship at some point or many points throughout our lives to have issues, and I appreciate that you both don’t present a “perfect couple” relationship paradigm. I love that your reaction to Will and Jada’s marriage problems is empathy and compassion. In such a polarized culture with strong opinions, it’s nice to see someone extend kindness rather than judgement. I think we were collectively gaslit by older generations, fairy tales and Disney films into believing marriages or romance is the end goal, the “happier ever after.” There’s a cultural myth that partnerships should be perfect most of the time. Romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, all relationships, are complex, nuanced, and have ups and downs. Some of these relationships are lifelong and some are temporary based on circumstances, some you stay in out of obligation (like parents who may not be the kindest people), some you stay in because you genuinely feel uplifted by that other person. There is no “happily ever after” in any genre of relationship, there is growing together, growing apart, working it out, agreeing to be done, bad breakups, amicable separations and relationships that morph and change over time in both positive and negative ways. Look at how a toddler grows into a child, then a teen, then a tween, then a young adult, then an adult with a fully developed brain, then look at how we grow, learn and change (or don’t) every decade we are alive. Look at the difference between who you were at 5 and who you are at your current age - relationships are kind of like this. I believe relationships are their own kind of metaphorical life form when looked at developmentally. A relationship can start out to be mutually beneficial and then over time change to being antagonistic, but it might go back to being mutually beneficial again or continue to break apart, just like our interests and beliefs change and evolve and mature over a lifetime. I don’t know if I’m explaining what’s in my head correctly, I guess I am trying to parallel how we grow and change as individuals with how relationships seem to evolve in a similar manner, with pressures like family, world view, our religious beliefs, our upbringing, etc. adding to the mix with their various forms of influence and pressure. As you said Jonno, life is hard, relationships can be hard as well, as can navigating how to be true to ourselves while simultaneously being true to our relationships. I absolutely adore you both, as much as a random internet person can adore snippets and snapshots of the lives of people I feel like I know, but also don’t know. 🙂 Navigating our individuality can be hard, add our relationships with others into the mix and it can be even harder, or easier, depending on the dynamic. Sometimes we do the best we can, sometimes we react poorly, because at the end of the day we are wonderfully imperfect people trying to exist with our own fears and quirks and interests. The hardest thing in life I find is being compassionate with myself for my many imperfections. Loving, accepting and knowing ourselves is (I believe) the first and most essential step to healthy relationships.
Thank you for the honesty and empathy you project in all of your videos. I work as a life coach, and I am open about my own struggles. It turns some people off, but draws the right ones to me. I beleive in honesty and in confronting what scares us most.
I appreciate your transparency. I’ve always felt like we go through things in life so that others can learn from us and the more difficult things are the more you get to help and understand others. The fact that you guys have had so many challenges and have lasted so long is a testament to how much you care for each other. Don’t forget to look back on all that you have accomplished. It’s impressive.
You don’t have to be infallible for me to find your advice valuable. Your videos have been extremely helpful for me. Together and apart. Also, what you’re going through as a couple isn’t really my business. That’s just an US cultural thing that I find awful, when people feel that they’re entitled to knowing intimate details of other people’s personal lives. I hope for the best for each of you. For me, I’ll still value what each of you say whether you’re together or not. It’s not about whether you two tried enough or not. You both present great advice, and that’s what I’m here for. Thank you for all the videos and I look forward to each one. ❤
Thank you so much for saying that. They know best what works for them and i really appreciated their bravery to talk about their struggles that could help others in similar situations or at least having the feeling of not being totally alone with it. Thanks for being so unbiased..people really do need more compassion for each other
When my second marriage imploded, no one understood why. It was complicated even to us to understand. It took a lot of years to unpack and in the end it was a sad chapter, but one that had to end.
Having been through an abusive girlfriend myself, I completely understand Will. First of all, what you all need to understand is that the worst thing about being in an abusive relationship is not the physical, emotional, or pyschological torture (Which she did to me a lot). Its actually being trapped inside a prison that is in your head. It is not that you do not know you are unhappy (quite the opposite actually). Its not that you do not want to leave. Its just that you really can't get yourself too. Everytime I tried, it was too much anxiety. Sometimes I would recieve subtle threats of what she will do. To me, to her family, and to herself. I would feel so worried. I would feel guilty. Because it just feels like if something bad goes down it will be on me. So I would relent, go back to the relationship, and repeat the cycle of abuse on and on and on. Until I was physically hurting myself. I ruined friendships and family relationships I am still trying to fix. I lost a lot of confidence in myself. To this day, though I am free, I still get sleep attacks which are nasty. You see, its not that I did not stand up to her. Its just that everytime I did, the script would be flipped. I would be the bad guy. So much I would even be chided by her family and friends. At one time I even blamed myself. And yes, you sometimes end up being very supportive of the very person ruining you like Will is. All of this is stemmed on the bias we have on the issue of abuse. If it is a woman being abuse, we empathize with them. But if it is a man, we choose to use it as a punch line. The way we are doing right now with Will. At that time, I chose to not talk about it also, because I know I would have been laughed at. But if I did so much as raise my voice, Id be the abuser. If only I was able to talk about it more at the time, and get support? I would not have wasted my prime years with her.
I watched most of the Johnny Depp trial. A recording of his ex-wife was submitted as evidence. Amber: "So what are you going to do? You're a big strong man. Are you going to say to the world 'I, Johnny Depp, a man, am being abused'?" Johnny: "Yes,. Because I am." She threw a large vodka bottle at him three weeks after their wedding, and severed off the tip of his finger. Many pictures of him with bruises. Even more sad, Johnny Depp was physically abused by his mother his entire life, until he left home at 15. And Amber was abusing him in his late 40s. Jada has been emotionally abusing Will for decades.
Bonjour , j'ai lu votre commentaire je suis émue du courage qui a été le votre .Je vous souhaite de retrouver des relations formidables et heureuses !!!
Flipping the script and playing the victim is not a female thing, male abusers do the same thing. I've tried to stand up for myself and set boundaries so many times, but he doesn't respect them and it just turns into a painful mess of a mindf*ck argument that leaves me exhausted and wanting to stop existing every time. He won't do anything that leaves evidence or act out much in front of other people, but constantly rages out at me, throwing the deepest cutting insults, intimidates, slams, and breaks stuff, then claims I'm just as bad as him if I get angry and say anything negative about him and what he's doing to me. He's careful to never leave physical evidence, but came at me once like he was going to choke me to bait me into grabbing his arms to stop him, then took pictures of fingernail marks and tells me if I ever say anything I'll be the one kicked out of my house instead of him because he has this supposedly against me while I have zero hard evidence against him. I keep considering submitting a restraining order to boot him out of my house, but I chicken out and don't do it because I'm too scared of him flipping things legally and still feeling sorry for him at the same time despite everything he's done.
So glad he came forward to expose the truth and clear his name even though that must have been so painful and embarrassing. Even though it was a reaction to so many women never getting justice, the automatic "believe all women" over men thing in the years leading up to it had gotten way out of hand. @@lastjob2011
Thank you, Jonathan and Alicia, for sharing your struggles. I'm single, but as I'm growing older, I also realize that we are all flawed, but doing the best we can and know how to. Respect for you and all couples who are striving to do right by each other, even if it falls short sometimes. I can't judge this Hollywood couple either. Like you said, I can't cast the first stone. I appreciate you for wanting to help others, this channel has been a blessing. Take care 💪😊
Thank you so much for speaking your truth. All relationships go through difficult phases, anyone who has been in a serious long term relationship has gone through something like this. But most of us are afraid of being honest about our trials, which is counter productive because there is some much new knowledge and insight to gain by sharing your stories with others... So thank you again, this video is much needed. And best wishes for you and your wife, you're in my prayers.
Thank you for your presentation. This kind of situation is probably more common than we think. Merely Strerp has just announced that she and her husband of over 40 years have actually been separated for the past 7 years. We all constantly do some kind of juggling act. Doing our best to keep all our balls in the air. When it comes to marriage, there are times when we evaluate- is it easier or better for us to stay or to go. When it's easier to stay, we stay. But, once it becomes easier and better to leave, we usually then leave, as soon as we can manage it. It all depends on who and what is most important to us.
Thank you and Alicia for being so open and honest. It means a lot. I always feel the pressure for my relationship and life in general to be perfect. And it is very liberating to see you (who I look up to and take advice from) are human too and going through struggles. That its okay to be human and that life can be hard. I really feel your opinion too about public appearances on your relationship. My fiancee is an incredible guy to everyone he meets and people always like to tell me how lucky I am. And I am! But boy he is not a saint and we are going through some really hard struggles that are very private so I don't share. And if someone tells me I am sooo lucky... At the worst time.. I just want to say you don't know what the hell you are talking about. We are working through it.. and at this point I have faith again that we will get to a happy and healthy place again. I just wanted to share that and thank you because your channels are helping me/us through it. I hope you and Alicia figure it out. And if it's not in the cards you will always both be amazing people!
The pressure must be so real for you guys. I'm happy that you both have such courage to be open and have managed to alleviate that pressure. I mean I'm not even a therapist, I'm just the therapy friend/ family member, and even I have felt weighed down in the past by such pressure. I can't even imagine for you guys.
You have put this story into much needed perspective. It is easy for many to fall prey to the celebrity gossip cycle that only hopes to sell a sensational story for the public to judge. Jada seems to have come forward with their marriage struggles in the hopes of helping others and I think this video helps in removing it from all the white noise.
Thank you for this. So much negativity and judgement in this world, then I watch this video and it is filled with grace and compassion. The world needs more people like you.
Thank you, Jonathan, for your vulnerability. We admire people for their accomplishments but relate to them in their struggles. Paraphrasing a quote I heard when trying to understand others better. This one has stuck with me. Thank you Jono and Alicia for your work❤
I think what you are both doing is wonderful, helpful and supportive, thank you for being brave enough to be honest, it helps, and I'm very grateful there's people like you out there who can help people like me.
I think it's wild that people would accuse you of being judgemental in a "holier than thou" way. I would think that, as a licensed therapist, you'd be considered measured in your assessments of people. It might be judging, but it doesn't mean it's condemning. There's a difference. You're actually qualified to judge people
Jono, you are a wonderful human being and your videos here and on Cinema Therapy have been a source of real and meaningful comfort to me. I am sorry there are mean and/or judgmental comments at all that you read. Words may be just words but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. A lot. I hope you know and believe that what you’re doing makes a difference. Sending you and your family loads of love. Keep doing what you’re doing. You have an impact. You are needed and appreciated.
Thank you for this video. I have been hearing a lot of different things about this situation. I appreciate your perspective. I appreciate the compassion in your views. I come to this channel and Cinema Therapy for the compassion. Whatever view I end up with I will always be able to count on you for the compassion you bring to everything.
I have wanted to say that I'm relatively new to your channel but watching some of your first videos and where you're at now and seeing how much more comfortable the two of you are talking to the camera not just together but definitely alone LOL thank you for being so open and honest with us
These things are true not only to marriages, but to life in general. The way people present themselves in social media as well as IRL, only showing what they want people to see instead of what's true, contributes to the huge numbers of people suffering from depression and other mental health issues, because our own lives seem like such failures in comparacy to the "perfect" lives other people seem to have. Thank you for being so brave in admitting you too have problems, like we all do. We need more honesty in the world ❤
This was beautiful. I think you’re being more compassionate and caring to Will and Jada than they are. Especially Jada. This was a beautiful video that I resonated with. My ex-husband and I were together for 12 years, married 6 of them. We were loved by both of our families/friends/co-workers. We separated November 2014, and we both are still Facebook friends with each other’s people. Our marriage ended amicably and we grew apart. No cheating/abuse/lies/arguing. The way we still loved and liked each other eased our family and friends into our divorce.
We appreciate you and Alicia so much. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and strengths with literally the whole world. That's a scary thing to do. 💕
This is the first I've encountered that story because like Jonathan I don't really pay much attention to celebrities, but my initial reaction was feeling so sad for them. It's gut-wrenching to be asked about your relationship and feel like you have to lie, and it's perhaps even harder to feel like you can't talk to anybody about how you're really feeling. Sometimes I think we're too hard on our own relationships. Even when we know and say otherwise, we all kind of have this "happily ever after" picturesque ideal in our heads that we subconsciously feel should fit the bill but it just doesn't, and a lot of times that's ok. Even in marriage, sometimes you feel lonely, or insecure about your relationship dynamic, or unsure of your spouse's "true" feelings, or ashamed of your own feelings of inadequacy, or hurt by your partner's behavior or attitude towards you or things that are important to you. We tell ourselves that the presence of those feelings or problems is indicative of an unhealthy or dying relationship, but the truth is those things are just fine as long as you tackle those problems together.
I dotn watch a lot of the Mended Light lately, but this was very human and really sweet honestly. I dont know your situation, but wish the best for everyone- esp when you have a family and are married. Its very hard to work through marriage issues and it doesnt matter what your careers are
What's been great is realizing there's no such thing as a "figured out" marriage. I left a 10 year relationship recently where we stayed engaged and it just never felt right getting married. We're not bad people but we brought out the worst in each other. We're still friends and while leaving was the hardest decision I've ever made and still is hard it's the best for us.
People are so not practical and down-to-earth, even childish in a way! Me and my husband get criticized so many times we share about our struggles maybe because of the fact that we lead small groups of self-understanding. Duh, I think it makes it even more authentic because we get to travel with them every time we do it, too and even get tested on what we're trying to teach - the same as You! I think more should be shared on marriage struggles and how to overcome them and I am highly in support of what You guys do. Love from Budapest, Hungary and give my love to Alan, too! ;) Emily ❤️🤗☝️😇
I love the openness you have. Mended light and your personality and marriage videos has helped me be more open about how being in a dual military marriage is hard. I have to be alone but married and be a single parent when I don’t want to be. I get Called super mom or get criticized because I can’t commit because I have to balance the separation and it’s impact on our daily life. So thanks
I struggled, long time ago, for my marriage and divorced. Nowadays, my two elder sons have separated and, once again, though we´re individuals, have suffered the pain, but have tried to see things calmly and to support my children the best I can. Your video is something I am very grateful for!
As I watched this video, I felt profound gratitude and awe that you and your wife made a conscious decision to stop the usual ego-driven image-crafting, and just be real. *That* is exactly what is helpful for SO many people. To know that we’re not alone, and that even the experts struggle. Thank you SO much (!) for your vulnerability and raw honesty, especially as a couples’ counsellor, who most of us would assume has a perfect marriage. But of course it’s not perfect! Because we are all flawed humans, most trying our best but “failing” as we continually evolve, devolve and honestly just struggle to navigate and survive this crazy existence and everything life throws at us. Thank you again for your courage! You have no idea how much this will help people! ❤️
Thank you for the video. I agree with you for most things and I don't think they are lying about their relationships or trying to make money on it. Marriage and love are complicated, people are complicated and there is so much more hardships in other people's lives than we can think about. I'm even kind of grateful to them (and to you!) for sharing it
Thank you, your sincereity makes me care for you, and I know that it is not real, we do not know each other, but it is very precious to me find people who are thinking about simmilar things. It gives me hope, that not only me is struggling with the relationship, even professionals.
Marriage is hard even if you are compatible. Hang in there! Sometimes you both need space to differentiate from each other, but as long as your goals are the same, you can grow together. But even if things don't work out, it's okay. They are lessons learned. ❤️
I actually have a lot of empathy for the Smiths’ deception given how bloodthirsty the media can be… a couple deserves the space to figure out what their relationship is becoming when it’s not what it was. Even the term “failed relationship” is inherently judgemental… we need to give people space where they are more focused on figuring things out with each other than figuring out how to hide from public shame. As to you and Alicia.., what you are sharing takes a lot of courage, and it is helping. ❤
This is why most of the time, I'm grateful to be aro ace. I feel like relationships are so hard, require so much effort in addition to the hardships of daily life we all have to face, that I can't help but admire and feel sympathy for people around me who are in relationships and who probably struggle everyday behind closed doors to maintain that bond they've created with another human being and all the past effort that went into it. I'll admit, I sometimes envy that bond when I feel a bit lonely, but at the end of long, difficult day at work or when I wake up in the morning and I do not have to face another person and their baggage, I also feel a sense of relief. This is to say: there is no lifestyle that doesn't come with its own share of struggle and regret. The best we can do is try to hold onto and maintain that little nugget of happiness we have found as much as we can, for as long as we can.
This really resonates with me. I have been hurting deeply and am in a recovery plan for trauma with my marriage. I’m on the final stretches of going through my divorce and knowing that we don’t just air out our dirty laundry so people don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors really changes the perspective of what people perceive. I don’t like how Will and Jada handled it but I understand. There’s so much frustration in a situation like that… there’s so much pain.. none of this is ever easy. I am tired and I hope I’m making sense lol..
I guess people forgot the video of her filming Will, against his consent. WS asked her, multiple times, to stop and she refused. She then went on to continue taunting him with the camera, spoke volumes.
I appreciate the objectivity and vulnerability of this video. And I like that you acknowledged the humanity in Jada. I just don’t connect with the way people have vilified her through the years- and I say this being a fan of Will Smith and his work. But social media does a lot of assuming, and I have always believed there is more to their relationship than people were happy to box them into. I think Jada has a right to speak her truth, no matter how disappointing it may be for the general public to hear. But that’s how the raw truth is. They are a celebrity couple whose marriage has been in the limelight from day 1. I think it’s disingenuous for people to claim they don’t care what Jada has to say, claim TMI, “leave us out of it”… it’s not hard to ignore a post you’re not interested in if you REALLY don’t care. But people choose to click on videos and posts and invest the energy in knowing about the latest drama of their relationship without willing to be open and objective about the situation as a whole. Anyways, I wish the two healing and I wish them well on whatever decision they make for themselves and their family.
Jono I totally understand being kind and compassionate and I aim to practise that with every interaction. However please don’t lower your great insight to the most common denominator. I love listening to your take on things and your authenticity, I always learn so much. If others are judgemental and take offense, that’s on them! I’ve never heard you being disrespectful or offensive.
I am not married, never have been. I am not a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. I am just a woman with an opinion and it is mine. I don’t expect anyone to agree. Having said this; why have we only heard her side of the story? Why did she make him go through that podcast talking about the “infidelity”? Why does she say SHE is not ready to get divorced? What about him? What does he want? I am pretty sure that to be able to understand the situation, both sides must be present, and she is the only one who has been vocal even making money about this situation with her book. I don’t think it is balanced when we only can make a hypothesis based on what she says…. I am rambling, I know… Aside from this,I love your channel and love your content! Thank you for making videos that give me perspective and hope!
"Real people are reading this" -- it applies to not just you and Alicia but also others who identify with your story and remain silent out of shame, embarassment, etc. Those folks are also reading comments and experiencing that same judgment even if it's not directed toward them. I think as a society we'd all be better equipped to deal with painful things if we used "fault" as a tool for problem solving rather than as a weapon to hurt others and/or a weapon to protect ourselves. Fault is useful for solving a problem but outside of that context, it can be hurtful and because of the way shame works, counterproductive because nothing changes the past, but it can be examined to inform future action.
Thanks for your honesty. Success has a price. You are doing great on your Cinema Therapy Channel and that is a big time commitment. When someone needs to pick up the slack in the family and household responsibilities a lot of times it's the female partner. That can cause a lot of resentment and guilt on both sides. Glad you are working it out. Not to presume. Glad you both have the tools to identify the problems and find solutions.
I can see why they hid their separation. The knee jerk responses from the public, flailing their arms and calling them "liars." They never agreed to be our bastion of light for marriage. At the end of the day, they're just people. A lot of us have become passenger psychotherapists after watching a slew of videos to work through our own messes, and now we're "experts" on what's wrong with others. Frankly, the only aspects of the Smiths' relationship that is our business is whatever they decide to share. We shouldn't have any expectations from them. Hoping for restoration and healing to you and Alicia ❤
It's refreshing to see people struggle and restart. As someone who wants to be a life coach but struggles with being imperfect, I don't go for that dream because I fear judgement. To error is human and the idea that our whole life has to be airbrushed is too hard to keep up with.
A doctor who breaks her leg and calls an ambulance is still a legitimate doctor. Thank you so much for being open about your personal struggles. It helps those of us with personal struggles (er, everyone?) feel more normal and encourages us there's a way forward.
Ive watched a few Will and Jada videos, and the comment section is brutal. Then I come here and see such respectful thoughts and comments ❤ This really is an amazing group of people here!
Just because we fail at our core values doesn't mean we don't have them. I've loved what i've learned from this channel.
Im deeply grateful for this comment. I needed “Just bc we fail at our core values doesn’t mean we don’t have them.” This short message will now be a personal mantra for me. This brings grounding and peace to work I’ve done to recover from grief from some life altering circumstances. Thank you.
When you said "I'm still figuring it out," I totally understood that. I noticed there's more single/divorced people giving relationship advice out there than married couples. I feel that's because married folks know we're just figuring it out as we go along, and what works for one couple doesn't work for every couple.
I'm all for "figuring things out", but I do not believe it should take 7 years. Thus, I don't believe her excuse. She is a narcissist, who has mentally abused her kind-soul husband since 1997. Plus, if he divorces her, she will tell ALL his secrets. Wow!
@@lastjob2011 I am not saying your judgment of Jada Smith is correct or wrong at all. I don't really care it if is! The thing is, why wouldn't it take seven years to figure it out? It took me 16 years to figure out the only way to fix my marriage was to get the f*ck out of it. I feel though that you have a bit of fan love going on towards Will Smith, that said, I don't get good vibes from the little I have seen of Jada. But I don't pay enough attention to them to know anything. Will Smith can afford some of the best lawyers and therapists in the world and he hasn't been living with her for many years, so it is not like he is being held hostage in the relationship. Although he does seem to have some codependency on her and therefore keeps going back, he has ways out!
Boom!
Yeah, I’ve had a lot of single people say things like: “you and your husband never argue? That’s weird, and a red flag.” I don’t know where this idea came from that something’s wrong with your relationship if you never argue, but it always seems to come from single people. There’s a few other ideas single people have said about relationships that I have found strange, but I figure they’re just working through things.
@twocents7509 I think that thought comes from acknowledging that AVOIDING problems by not fighting about them - by ignoring them, burying your head in the sand, letting them fester - IS inherently unhealthy for any relationship. There's a difference between knowing how to bring up a contentious issue and hashing it out together, bringing up something your partner has done to hurt you with vulnerability, etc., in a healthy way (based on learning from past arguments) and either avoiding the fight altogether or lashing out in anger.
Ohhhhh my brother. Your empathy, compassion and kindness is the most Christ-like response that I have seen on this issue thus far. So refreshing. So needed. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for this video.
Personally, I think you can be a great marriage counselor AND be someone who struggles with their own marriage and is working on it or has even been through a divorce. Having someone who can relate to you and what you are going through is important. Someone who knows how hard it can be and doing the most "therapeutic" thing isn't always easy. Getting therapy from someone who projects that they have it ALL figured out is not helpful in my opinion.
I think honesty is important, but my relationship with my husband is between the two of us first and foremost. Frankly, the "absolute truth" of what happens between us is no one elses business unless we decide to share. No one has the right to feel like they are "owed" more than that.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your truth with us in whatever way you both feel comfortable with. It really does help us learn and heal.
But Jada is trying to have it both ways. She brags of her abusive nature, and then gets mad when there is push back from normal people.
Keep it quiet, and no one would have anything to talk about. Then Jada plays the victim. She is an expert at gaslighting. And her quiet, slow talk is to project 'wisdom'.
I appreciate your point of view. Level-headed and genuine.
I am not surprised they hid their seperation. Divorce effects SO MANY people surrounding the relationship, and that is just regular people. I remember breaking off a 5 year relationship with an engagement (we were way too young) and just telling people about THAT was awful. I cant imagine having to do that as a public figure.
And the longer you hide the harder it is to tell the truth.
when my parents divorced, the family and community were SHOCKED. We were just mad it didnt happen sooner
Thank you for this video. Recently I found out that a dear friend of 10 years was having an affair with a guy she actually set me up with earlier this year. It was her second affair. She's married with a young child. This painful situation has prompted me to seek out more understanding of marriage and relationships, especially as a single woman myself. Its hard, to have compassion and understanding when there's raw pain involved but its necessary. Rarely are we all villain or all hero.
Wow, that's not a friend.
Yeah, I agree. She has remorse for the affair but doesn't fully understand why it hurts me. That in itself is painful. But yeah.@@browniewin4121
Actually I think ur friend is just a villain lmfao past trauma is not an excuse to be an awful human
Jesus, she’s the kind of “friend” that will fk your husband. Stay away from her. Those kinds of people just like being the center of attention and are desperate.
We all get lonely, but actions matter, I hope you find a better friend.
Is the villain and hero comment meant to rationalize your friends deceptive and evil actions of betrayal? Cheating is villainous behavior.
Keep in mind that they have to live their relationship very publicly. They do have a right to privacy and can choose not to share the nature of their relationship. Their marriage was not just about their relationship and coparenting it also affects their careers. It is a valid choice to live separately and in a friendly partnership for an extended period of time. They don’t have to divorce.
They didn't have to and no ones divorce in Hollywood has hurt those careers yet. However, my opinion, on viewing how Jada is behaving is that she intends to take his career down on her way out since he isn't Tupoc.
When has this information been introduced to the public outside of her own mouth? It seems that spilling the sordid details of her toxic “marriage” to the public is the only way she can stay relevant these days. Her daughter isn’t young enough to raise eyebrows when photographed with barely clothed grown men anymore..
They have not chosen privacy. The exact opposite. They have publicized every facet of their "marriage", and now they publicize more.
@@MarnieGolde7 Exactly. Her kids are no longer under her control anymore, so she's going to take down the person she resents because he isn't the person she loves.
They absolutely do NOT have to live their relationship publicly. There are PLENTY of public figures who keep their relationships very private. Jada Pinkett Smith has very clearly chosen not to.
It takes strength and bravery to stand firm in the truth. I wouldn't want a marriage counselor who had a perfect marriage, just like I wouldn't go to an anxiety specialist who never experienced anxiety. I believe you sell yourself short and I see you as an amazing example as a loving human being. Be blessed.
@brendamyc3173 Thank you for your legal disclaimer. Be blessed!
"I wouldn't want a marriage counselor who had a perfect marriage, just like I wouldn't go to an anxiety specialist who never experienced anxiety"
Awwwe HELL Yes!👏👏 This 👆 👆x1000!!completely true. I've seen half a dozen different individual therapists, but never have been able to do couples, but I think my partner of 20 yrs and I are finally ready. It's a n incredibly vulnerable thing, and scary. The knowledge that my therapist is real and humble enough to admit that they have their own relationship imperfections and insecurities would make me feel so much more comfortable going to them for help. Plus you know not too mention, you know they have empathy for your struggles as well.
OT but asking a stranger how they "keep it hot" is SO inappropriate! Weird, invasive inquiries like that are part of the overwhelming pressure to stay a certain way, and try to cling to any shred of privacy you can still get. Divorce aside, I cringed with Jada at that.
We can fall victim to outsiders "falling in love with" the version of us that they expect, too.
I saw her surprise at the question, but I don't see her cringe. She publicly talked about teaching her pre-adolescent child to pleasure herself in one Red Table Talk episode, and in the past, she had admitted to being a sex addict. Rather, I see her having a moment of recall, relishing the thought, and wondering to herself how much she can share without seeming crass. A retrospective of her life and their relationship in photos and interviews shows she has been cutting him down and repeatedly redefining their marriage as various we-do-not-have-to-be-faithful contractual style agreements rather than a promise to each other made before God. It is she orchestrating their lives, not Will. Will is the one who is staying strong in his faith and steadfast in his vows to her, while she dishounours their marriage, their kids, and Will, not the other way around.
@brendamyc3173Jada brings it to the media. Jada wrote about this lie in her book which was just released. Jada *wants* the focus on her. Her Red Table Talks were horrifying spectacles to sensible people with compassion...or even just a functioning moral compass.
I agree with the inappropriate question! Once I saw a clip of Jada on Red Table Talk telling her mother and her daughter that her grandmother taught her about self-pleasuring. Double yuck!! The entire family (except Trey) are weirdos!!
@brendamyc3173Jada is freely telling her business. Media needs to push back more, and not let her lies go unchecked.
Stop with the flimsy phrases, like "entanglement" and "life partnership".
@@bevmacdonald9008I think Will is a nice guy. I wish Jada could talk of her husband with the same love and devotion she has when she talks about her dead friend Tupac. It's really sad.
Thank you for coming from a place of compassion and grace. I have ignored most people's comments on the issue because of the harsh judgments and hateful speak towards these people (I've learned to avoid negative energy lol). And seeing a professional voice basically my exact thoughts and opinions, which I have formed based on my own life experiences, helps me feel sane and comforted that there are people who try to view the world through the eyes of empathy and compassion. My favorite was when you said having grace doesn't necessarily mean you condone the actions. Literally what I have been trying to tell people. Shine your light, because we need it.
Hard agree ❤
❤💯
I appreciate the gravity and dignity you bring to the topic. Thank being said, I am feeling sadness from you, Jono. Hope you're taking care of you as well. Keep shining. Your light is brightening the world.
I agree. Your kindness and grace touched my heart and made me want to also be a light. Thank you for sharing.
My brother and his ex-wife struggled in their relationship pretty much since the beginning. He almost broke things off with her during their engagement, but decided to stay. They were married for 5 years. She went overboard creating a positive persona for herself and for their marriage on social media during that time. When everything fell apart, those who weren’t as close and didn’t know the reality of their relationship were shocked because they seemed like the perfect couple online. Their marriage finally ended because she got involved with an ex-boyfriend, who was also married. When my brother explained this to people who asked, many had trouble reconciling that reality with the person she had portrayed herself to be online all those years.
Perception is not always reality.
The problem with Jada is the "truth" about her and Will only ever come up when she's trying to make money off it. On her show the Red Table, now for her book. It would be one thing if she just couldn't live like this anymore but it seems like she's just making up salacious things to get attention for her projects. Usually when celebrities announce break ups they do it together, this seems like she blindsided Will publicly so it's hard not to see her as the villain no matter what her reasoning was.
If you actually watched any of the interviews coming out you'd know that Will read the book. He sent a letter he wrote her to Jay Shetty. He said if he had read this book 30 years ago he would have hugged her more and he would start now. She speaks very highly of him and their love for one another. No one had anything to say when Will released his book. He supports and loves her and she has done the same throughout the years.
@@CynthiaBuckleyfinally, a sane comment. 🙌🏾 She's getting bashed left and right by people who have not followed the story thoroughly.
@@CynthiaBuckley Why would I watch any of the interviews? And why do you act sanctimonious about having watched it? Their lives have no impact on mine and anything I know about them has been force fed to me through media. I give them the grace to be private and not tell me about their lives but you (and anyone else) can't be mad that we, who do not want to know, have been forced to know and therefor have an opinion based on such. I think people like you, who may be more invested in their lives than need be and seek out every tidbit of info, are making excuses for them by analyzing every tidbit. I don't care how much they love or don't love each other, I care that she is the one forcing this information on all of us. When you force other people into the conversation then you are the villain, even if she's not Will's villain she is to the general non-nosey public.
Dude, it's OK to be wrong. You can just delete your comment when you realize you didn't know the facts surrounding Will's awareness/support of the book. Now you just look like an idiot.
@@gennafer You say, why would I watch her interviews AND why is she force-feeding us information? That’s a contradiction. How would you be getting the information if you weren’t watching and reading about the clips from the interviews?
People want to act like they’re being force-fed information that they are actively seeking out. Jada didn’t break down your door to tell you about her marriage, she wrote a book (just like her husband) and is on a press tour. And your favorite media outlets are chopping it up and feeding it to you in soundbites. If anyone is force-feeding you anything, it’s the Shaderoom.
Im working towards my mft license and you are one of the few therapists on this platform that is authentic and educates without almost crossing the code of ethics like many have I.e diagnosing or using popularized words that generalize someone as narcissistic. Appreciate this so much because I hope to learn from someone like you or even feel validated in how I see things as well 🙏🏻
I think this is the best Chanel on youtube. As a teenager it has helped with my perception of love and relationships in general. Thanks to Alicia and Jono I have able to mature and avoid being toxic myself and toxic people. I truly cannot thank them. You guys are best you can't even imagine how many people you have helped. Lot of love from greece❤️
Jono and Alicia, I have definitely benefited from your honesty. It is helping me in my marriage, and in a lot of relationships I have with other family/friends. Thank you for being advocates for grace, compassion, and accountability. I’ve needed all of it.
Thank you for your honesty. My partner and I just took some time apart for the first time in a decade of being together.
We are reuniting next week, and it took a lot of humility and forgiveness and grace to get there. We have always been a very outwardly happy appearing couple. And we are truly happy most of the time.
Long love is hard. Ego has to be taken out of the equation completely for it to work.
It happens to the best of us, you two beautiful souls. Thank you for your honesty. ❤️
I didnt know you and Alicia were struggling. So sorry to hear that. I hope you can overcome this hard phase.
Love you Johnno
It’s so hard to see your relationship change overtime. I know I have been having such a hard time being touched out (because of our two special needs kids 5 &3), exhausted and barely able to take care of myself the last few months and I know it’s affecting my marriage. I don’t know why but I always saw relationships as strong or broken, as lasting or over. I never thought your relationship could be somewhere in the middle.
Thank you so much for sharing your truth because it is helping me see that even though things are not like they used to be, they are nowhere near over.
Thank you for your honesty! Life is hard and no one knows the answers on managing relationships. Still, I think maybe we don't need these answers. All we need is compassion, and compassion is "just sit with me in this for a while". I think you nailed it perfectly.
You and Dr. Kirk Honda are compassionate and extend grace and that's what the world needs.
This video feels extremely heavy, and it's not because of Jada and Will. Life is hard, keeping relationships healthy is hard. The world is in a state... but finding peace and calm in ourselves first and foremost, and actively seeking the beauty in life around us might keep us mildly sane on this limited time ride. I hope everyone will seek and find beauty today, even if it lasts only a brief minute
My marriage is also not what it appears on the outside due to infidelity and addiction. I related to what you have said. Thank you to Alicia and yourself for being vulnerable and sharing your story. It helps so much to know I'm not alone. I thought your opinion about the Smiths' relationship was compassionate and empathetic. It's easy to judge. It's harder to put yourself in their shoes.
The issue is lying. Millions of folks separate every day. No shame. But lying, is wrong.
"Yes, we're separated, but we still show up at events together." See. Simple.
@@lastjob2011 The fact is it is NONE of YOUR BUSINESS! They don't owe you an explanation of their relationship!
Totally agree. It is private. They deserve space to figure things out. And don't kid yourself: if people in their position want to prevent rumours lying can be the only option. In this video alone you can see how personal the questions get. Listen to Jono, it's easy to judge. Please be kind
@@RiverWoods111 You're right. It's none of my business, it's none of our business. So Jada should just shut up and keep it HER business!!
If more videos or conversations about celebrities were like this, I might pay more attention to them. I generally avoid news about celebrities' personal lives because it feels like gossip that serves no purpose but to tear down others. I like that you took a beat to talk about how their situation could be relatable and ways we could extend compassion (both to them and within our own situations). Thanks for a thoughtful video!
Appreciate you and the empathy you bring to tough discussions! Your videos help me develop more grace for myself and others. Relationships are just hard sometimes! (Worth it but hard)
Jonathan, Alicia, I love how you’re both so honest and real about your struggles, because I believe it’s the norm in every relationship at some point or many points throughout our lives to have issues, and I appreciate that you both don’t present a “perfect couple” relationship paradigm. I love that your reaction to Will and Jada’s marriage problems is empathy and compassion. In such a polarized culture with strong opinions, it’s nice to see someone extend kindness rather than judgement.
I think we were collectively gaslit by older generations, fairy tales and Disney films into believing marriages or romance is the end goal, the “happier ever after.” There’s a cultural myth that partnerships should be perfect most of the time. Romantic relationships, friendships, family relationships, all relationships, are complex, nuanced, and have ups and downs. Some of these relationships are lifelong and some are temporary based on circumstances, some you stay in out of obligation (like parents who may not be the kindest people), some you stay in because you genuinely feel uplifted by that other person.
There is no “happily ever after” in any genre of relationship, there is growing together, growing apart, working it out, agreeing to be done, bad breakups, amicable separations and relationships that morph and change over time in both positive and negative ways.
Look at how a toddler grows into a child, then a teen, then a tween, then a young adult, then an adult with a fully developed brain, then look at how we grow, learn and change (or don’t) every decade we are alive. Look at the difference between who you were at 5 and who you are at your current age - relationships are kind of like this. I believe relationships are their own kind of metaphorical life form when looked at developmentally. A relationship can start out to be mutually beneficial and then over time change to being antagonistic, but it might go back to being mutually beneficial again or continue to break apart, just like our interests and beliefs change and evolve and mature over a lifetime.
I don’t know if I’m explaining what’s in my head correctly, I guess I am trying to parallel how we grow and change as individuals with how relationships seem to evolve in a similar manner, with pressures like family, world view, our religious beliefs, our upbringing, etc. adding to the mix with their various forms of influence and pressure.
As you said Jonno, life is hard, relationships can be hard as well, as can navigating how to be true to ourselves while simultaneously being true to our relationships. I absolutely adore you both, as much as a random internet person can adore snippets and snapshots of the lives of people I feel like I know, but also don’t know. 🙂
Navigating our individuality can be hard, add our relationships with others into the mix and it can be even harder, or easier, depending on the dynamic. Sometimes we do the best we can, sometimes we react poorly, because at the end of the day we are wonderfully imperfect people trying to exist with our own fears and quirks and interests. The hardest thing in life I find is being compassionate with myself for my many imperfections. Loving, accepting and knowing ourselves is (I believe) the first and most essential step to healthy relationships.
Thank you for the honesty and empathy you project in all of your videos.
I work as a life coach, and I am open about my own struggles. It turns some people off, but draws the right ones to me.
I beleive in honesty and in confronting what scares us most.
I appreciate your transparency. I’ve always felt like we go through things in life so that others can learn from us and the more difficult things are the more you get to help and understand others. The fact that you guys have had so many challenges and have lasted so long is a testament to how much you care for each other. Don’t forget to look back on all that you have accomplished. It’s impressive.
You don’t have to be infallible for me to find your advice valuable.
Your videos have been extremely helpful for me. Together and apart. Also, what you’re going through as a couple isn’t really my business. That’s just an US cultural thing that I find awful, when people feel that they’re entitled to knowing intimate details of other people’s personal lives.
I hope for the best for each of you. For me, I’ll still value what each of you say whether you’re together or not. It’s not about whether you two tried enough or not. You both present great advice, and that’s what I’m here for.
Thank you for all the videos and I look forward to each one. ❤
Beautifully said
Thank you so much for saying that. They know best what works for them and i really appreciated their bravery to talk about their struggles that could help others in similar situations or at least having the feeling of not being totally alone with it. Thanks for being so unbiased..people really do need more compassion for each other
When my second marriage imploded, no one understood why. It was complicated even to us to understand. It took a lot of years to unpack and in the end it was a sad chapter, but one that had to end.
Having been through an abusive girlfriend myself, I completely understand Will. First of all, what you all need to understand is that the worst thing about being in an abusive relationship is not the physical, emotional, or pyschological torture (Which she did to me a lot). Its actually being trapped inside a prison that is in your head. It is not that you do not know you are unhappy (quite the opposite actually). Its not that you do not want to leave. Its just that you really can't get yourself too. Everytime I tried, it was too much anxiety. Sometimes I would recieve subtle threats of what she will do. To me, to her family, and to herself. I would feel so worried. I would feel guilty. Because it just feels like if something bad goes down it will be on me. So I would relent, go back to the relationship, and repeat the cycle of abuse on and on and on. Until I was physically hurting myself. I ruined friendships and family relationships I am still trying to fix. I lost a lot of confidence in myself. To this day, though I am free, I still get sleep attacks which are nasty.
You see, its not that I did not stand up to her. Its just that everytime I did, the script would be flipped. I would be the bad guy. So much I would even be chided by her family and friends. At one time I even blamed myself. And yes, you sometimes end up being very supportive of the very person ruining you like Will is.
All of this is stemmed on the bias we have on the issue of abuse. If it is a woman being abuse, we empathize with them. But if it is a man, we choose to use it as a punch line. The way we are doing right now with Will. At that time, I chose to not talk about it also, because I know I would have been laughed at. But if I did so much as raise my voice, Id be the abuser. If only I was able to talk about it more at the time, and get support? I would not have wasted my prime years with her.
I watched most of the Johnny Depp trial. A recording of his ex-wife was submitted as evidence.
Amber: "So what are you going to do? You're a big strong man. Are you going to say to the world 'I, Johnny Depp, a man, am being abused'?"
Johnny: "Yes,. Because I am."
She threw a large vodka bottle at him three weeks after their wedding, and severed off the tip of his finger. Many pictures of him with bruises. Even more sad, Johnny Depp was physically abused by his mother his entire life, until he left home at 15. And Amber was abusing him in his late 40s.
Jada has been emotionally abusing Will for decades.
Bonjour , j'ai lu votre commentaire je suis émue du courage qui a été le votre .Je vous souhaite de retrouver des relations formidables et heureuses !!!
Flipping the script and playing the victim is not a female thing, male abusers do the same thing. I've tried to stand up for myself and set boundaries so many times, but he doesn't respect them and it just turns into a painful mess of a mindf*ck argument that leaves me exhausted and wanting to stop existing every time. He won't do anything that leaves evidence or act out much in front of other people, but constantly rages out at me, throwing the deepest cutting insults, intimidates, slams, and breaks stuff, then claims I'm just as bad as him if I get angry and say anything negative about him and what he's doing to me. He's careful to never leave physical evidence, but came at me once like he was going to choke me to bait me into grabbing his arms to stop him, then took pictures of fingernail marks and tells me if I ever say anything I'll be the one kicked out of my house instead of him because he has this supposedly against me while I have zero hard evidence against him. I keep considering submitting a restraining order to boot him out of my house, but I chicken out and don't do it because I'm too scared of him flipping things legally and still feeling sorry for him at the same time despite everything he's done.
So glad he came forward to expose the truth and clear his name even though that must have been so painful and embarrassing. Even though it was a reaction to so many women never getting justice, the automatic "believe all women" over men thing in the years leading up to it had gotten way out of hand. @@lastjob2011
@@autumnatic Well I am sorry you had to go through that. But the thing is, you unlike you, men do not have a hotline to call to
What a messed up, phony relationship the Smiths have, and knowing this, his actions at the Oscars make even less sense.
Thank you and Alicia for being so honest and vulnerable, it has helped so much
Thank you, Jonathan and Alicia, for sharing your struggles. I'm single, but as I'm growing older, I also realize that we are all flawed, but doing the best we can and know how to. Respect for you and all couples who are striving to do right by each other, even if it falls short sometimes. I can't judge this Hollywood couple either. Like you said, I can't cast the first stone. I appreciate you for wanting to help others, this channel has been a blessing. Take care 💪😊
Thank you so much for speaking your truth. All relationships go through difficult phases, anyone who has been in a serious long term relationship has gone through something like this. But most of us are afraid of being honest about our trials, which is counter productive because there is some much new knowledge and insight to gain by sharing your stories with others... So thank you again, this video is much needed. And best wishes for you and your wife, you're in my prayers.
Thank you for your presentation. This kind of situation is probably more common than we think. Merely Strerp has just announced that she and her husband of over 40 years have actually been separated for the past 7 years. We all constantly do some kind of juggling act. Doing our best to keep all our balls in the air. When it comes to marriage, there are times when we evaluate- is it easier or better for us to stay or to go. When it's easier to stay, we stay. But, once it becomes easier and better to leave, we usually then leave, as soon as we can manage it. It all depends on who and what is most important to us.
Tbh your marriages flaws are the reason why I think you guys are such a good couple. You acknowledge the negative and you grow together
Thank you and Alicia for being so open and honest. It means a lot. I always feel the pressure for my relationship and life in general to be perfect. And it is very liberating to see you (who I look up to and take advice from) are human too and going through struggles. That its okay to be human and that life can be hard.
I really feel your opinion too about public appearances on your relationship. My fiancee is an incredible guy to everyone he meets and people always like to tell me how lucky I am. And I am! But boy he is not a saint and we are going through some really hard struggles that are very private so I don't share. And if someone tells me I am sooo lucky... At the worst time.. I just want to say you don't know what the hell you are talking about.
We are working through it.. and at this point I have faith again that we will get to a happy and healthy place again. I just wanted to share that and thank you because your channels are helping me/us through it.
I hope you and Alicia figure it out. And if it's not in the cards you will always both be amazing people!
The pressure must be so real for you guys. I'm happy that you both have such courage to be open and have managed to alleviate that pressure. I mean I'm not even a therapist, I'm just the therapy friend/ family member, and even I have felt weighed down in the past by such pressure. I can't even imagine for you guys.
You have put this story into much needed perspective. It is easy for many to fall prey to the celebrity gossip cycle that only hopes to sell a sensational story for the public to judge. Jada seems to have come forward with their marriage struggles in the hopes of helping others and I think this video helps in removing it from all the white noise.
Thank you for this. So much negativity and judgement in this world, then I watch this video and it is filled with grace and compassion. The world needs more people like you.
Thank you, Jonathan, for your vulnerability. We admire people for their accomplishments but relate to them in their struggles. Paraphrasing a quote I heard when trying to understand others better. This one has stuck with me.
Thank you Jono and Alicia for your work❤
I think what you are both doing is wonderful, helpful and supportive, thank you for being brave enough to be honest, it helps, and I'm very grateful there's people like you out there who can help people like me.
I think it's wild that people would accuse you of being judgemental in a "holier than thou" way. I would think that, as a licensed therapist, you'd be considered measured in your assessments of people. It might be judging, but it doesn't mean it's condemning. There's a difference. You're actually qualified to judge people
So well put.
Jonathan - I just want to thank you for being honest, open and so, so kind. I wish you and Alicia the very best ❤🙏🏼 Come what may!
Jono, you are a wonderful human being and your videos here and on Cinema Therapy have been a source of real and meaningful comfort to me. I am sorry there are mean and/or judgmental comments at all that you read. Words may be just words but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt. A lot. I hope you know and believe that what you’re doing makes a difference. Sending you and your family loads of love. Keep doing what you’re doing. You have an impact. You are needed and appreciated.
Thank you for this video. I have been hearing a lot of different things about this situation. I appreciate your perspective. I appreciate the compassion in your views. I come to this channel and Cinema Therapy for the compassion. Whatever view I end up with I will always be able to count on you for the compassion you bring to everything.
Thank you for being kind and nonjudgmental. Its so refreshing to hear someone trying to increase understanding for others rather than spreading hate.
Thank you for your passion, focus and your honesty. I value what you teach together. It has been a tremendous blessing. Keep going!
I have wanted to say that I'm relatively new to your channel but watching some of your first videos and where you're at now and seeing how much more comfortable the two of you are talking to the camera not just together but definitely alone LOL thank you for being so open and honest with us
God bless you. We all fall short. Life is so hard and grace is more important than ever. Speaking truth heals.
So glad you have shared marriage struggles with us! Thank you for braving it because my hubs and I have learned so much. It’s been such a help. Ty 🙏
These things are true not only to marriages, but to life in general. The way people present themselves in social media as well as IRL, only showing what they want people to see instead of what's true, contributes to the huge numbers of people suffering from depression and other mental health issues, because our own lives seem like such failures in comparacy to the "perfect" lives other people seem to have. Thank you for being so brave in admitting you too have problems, like we all do. We need more honesty in the world ❤
Your videos always bring me comfort, thank you! I literally tell everyone about this channel
This was beautiful. I think you’re being more compassionate and caring to Will and Jada than they are. Especially Jada.
This was a beautiful video that I resonated with.
My ex-husband and I were together for 12 years, married 6 of them. We were loved by both of our families/friends/co-workers.
We separated November 2014, and we both are still Facebook friends with each other’s people. Our marriage ended amicably and we grew apart. No cheating/abuse/lies/arguing. The way we still loved and liked each other eased our family and friends into our divorce.
We appreciate you and Alicia so much. Thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities and strengths with literally the whole world. That's a scary thing to do. 💕
This is one of the best perspectives I've seen on this. Thank you.
Thank you. This is first humanizing commentary I’ve seen since this whole thing started.
This is the first I've encountered that story because like Jonathan I don't really pay much attention to celebrities, but my initial reaction was feeling so sad for them. It's gut-wrenching to be asked about your relationship and feel like you have to lie, and it's perhaps even harder to feel like you can't talk to anybody about how you're really feeling.
Sometimes I think we're too hard on our own relationships. Even when we know and say otherwise, we all kind of have this "happily ever after" picturesque ideal in our heads that we subconsciously feel should fit the bill but it just doesn't, and a lot of times that's ok. Even in marriage, sometimes you feel lonely, or insecure about your relationship dynamic, or unsure of your spouse's "true" feelings, or ashamed of your own feelings of inadequacy, or hurt by your partner's behavior or attitude towards you or things that are important to you. We tell ourselves that the presence of those feelings or problems is indicative of an unhealthy or dying relationship, but the truth is those things are just fine as long as you tackle those problems together.
I dotn watch a lot of the Mended Light lately, but this was very human and really sweet honestly. I dont know your situation, but wish the best for everyone- esp when you have a family and are married. Its very hard to work through marriage issues and it doesnt matter what your careers are
What's been great is realizing there's no such thing as a "figured out" marriage. I left a 10 year relationship recently where we stayed engaged and it just never felt right getting married. We're not bad people but we brought out the worst in each other. We're still friends and while leaving was the hardest decision I've ever made and still is hard it's the best for us.
People are so not practical and down-to-earth, even childish in a way!
Me and my husband get criticized so many times we share about our struggles maybe because of the fact that we lead small groups of self-understanding. Duh, I think it makes it even more authentic because we get to travel with them every time we do it, too and even get tested on what we're trying to teach - the same as You!
I think more should be shared on marriage struggles and how to overcome them and I am highly in support of what You guys do.
Love from Budapest, Hungary and give my love to Alan, too! ;)
Emily
❤️🤗☝️😇
I love the openness you have. Mended light and your personality and marriage videos has helped me be more open about how being in a dual military marriage is hard. I have to be alone but married and be a single parent when I don’t want to be. I get Called super mom or get criticized because I can’t commit because I have to balance the separation and it’s impact on our daily life. So thanks
I can see the pain in your body and I'm sorry you're going through the pain. It is so hard.
Short and sweet, thank you for what you do
I struggled, long time ago, for my marriage and divorced. Nowadays, my two elder sons have separated and, once again, though we´re individuals, have suffered the pain, but have tried to see things calmly and to support my children the best I can. Your video is something I am very grateful for!
I really love you and your wifes approach to explain everything SOOOOOOOOO much!! Im really thankful for all of the information ❤❤❤
Never be cruel, never be cowardly, always be kind. - The doctor.
Thank you. This gave me some relief through your relatability and genuine observations and thoughts.
As I watched this video, I felt profound gratitude and awe that you and your wife made a conscious decision to stop the usual ego-driven image-crafting, and just be real.
*That* is exactly what is helpful for SO many people. To know that we’re not alone, and that even the experts struggle.
Thank you SO much (!) for your vulnerability and raw honesty, especially as a couples’ counsellor, who most of us would assume has a perfect marriage.
But of course it’s not perfect! Because we are all flawed humans, most trying our best but “failing” as we continually evolve, devolve and honestly just struggle to navigate and survive this crazy existence and everything life throws at us.
Thank you again for your courage! You have no idea how much this will help people! ❤️
Awesome video! Thank you so much for sharing.
Willingness to be fallible is worthy of trust
Amen.
Thank you for the video. I agree with you for most things and I don't think they are lying about their relationships or trying to make money on it. Marriage and love are complicated, people are complicated and there is so much more hardships in other people's lives than we can think about. I'm even kind of grateful to them (and to you!) for sharing it
Thank you for sharing your story. Integrity and honesty is a big deal and many couples or individuals struggle with this.
thank you for the insight
Thank you, your sincereity makes me care for you, and I know that it is not real, we do not know each other, but it is very precious to me find people who are thinking about simmilar things. It gives me hope, that not only me is struggling with the relationship, even professionals.
Marriage is hard even if you are compatible. Hang in there! Sometimes you both need space to differentiate from each other, but as long as your goals are the same, you can grow together. But even if things don't work out, it's okay. They are lessons learned. ❤️
I actually have a lot of empathy for the Smiths’ deception given how bloodthirsty the media can be… a couple deserves the space to figure out what their relationship is becoming when it’s not what it was. Even the term “failed relationship” is inherently judgemental… we need to give people space where they are more focused on figuring things out with each other than figuring out how to hide from public shame.
As to you and Alicia.., what you are sharing takes a lot of courage, and it is helping. ❤
This is why most of the time, I'm grateful to be aro ace. I feel like relationships are so hard, require so much effort in addition to the hardships of daily life we all have to face, that I can't help but admire and feel sympathy for people around me who are in relationships and who probably struggle everyday behind closed doors to maintain that bond they've created with another human being and all the past effort that went into it. I'll admit, I sometimes envy that bond when I feel a bit lonely, but at the end of long, difficult day at work or when I wake up in the morning and I do not have to face another person and their baggage, I also feel a sense of relief. This is to say: there is no lifestyle that doesn't come with its own share of struggle and regret. The best we can do is try to hold onto and maintain that little nugget of happiness we have found as much as we can, for as long as we can.
This really resonates with me. I have been hurting deeply and am in a recovery plan for trauma with my marriage. I’m on the final stretches of going through my divorce and knowing that we don’t just air out our dirty laundry so people don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors really changes the perspective of what people perceive. I don’t like how Will and Jada handled it but I understand. There’s so much frustration in a situation like that… there’s so much pain.. none of this is ever easy. I am tired and I hope I’m making sense lol..
I guess people forgot the video of her filming Will, against his consent. WS asked her, multiple times, to stop and she refused. She then went on to continue taunting him with the camera, spoke volumes.
This was amazing, thank you, I truly appreciate your effort and your guidance 🙏
I appreciate the objectivity and vulnerability of this video. And I like that you acknowledged the humanity in Jada. I just don’t connect with the way people have vilified her through the years- and I say this being a fan of Will Smith and his work. But social media does a lot of assuming, and I have always believed there is more to their relationship than people were happy to box them into. I think Jada has a right to speak her truth, no matter how disappointing it may be for the general public to hear. But that’s how the raw truth is. They are a celebrity couple whose marriage has been in the limelight from day 1. I think it’s disingenuous for people to claim they don’t care what Jada has to say, claim TMI, “leave us out of it”… it’s not hard to ignore a post you’re not interested in if you REALLY don’t care. But people choose to click on videos and posts and invest the energy in knowing about the latest drama of their relationship without willing to be open and objective about the situation as a whole. Anyways, I wish the two healing and I wish them well on whatever decision they make for themselves and their family.
Jono I totally understand being kind and compassionate and I aim to practise that with every interaction. However please don’t lower your great insight to the most common denominator. I love listening to your take on things and your authenticity, I always learn so much. If others are judgemental and take offense, that’s on them! I’ve never heard you being disrespectful or offensive.
I am not married, never have been. I am not a therapist, psychologist or psychiatrist. I am just a woman with an opinion and it is mine. I don’t expect anyone to agree. Having said this;
why have we only heard her side of the story? Why did she make him go through that podcast talking about the “infidelity”? Why does she say SHE is not ready to get divorced? What about him? What does he want? I am pretty sure that to be able to understand the situation, both sides must be present, and she is the only one who has been vocal even making money about this situation with her book. I don’t think it is balanced when we only can make a hypothesis based on what she says…. I am rambling, I know…
Aside from this,I love your channel and love your content! Thank you for making videos that give me perspective and hope!
"Real people are reading this" -- it applies to not just you and Alicia but also others who identify with your story and remain silent out of shame, embarassment, etc. Those folks are also reading comments and experiencing that same judgment even if it's not directed toward them.
I think as a society we'd all be better equipped to deal with painful things if we used "fault" as a tool for problem solving rather than as a weapon to hurt others and/or a weapon to protect ourselves. Fault is useful for solving a problem but outside of that context, it can be hurtful and because of the way shame works, counterproductive because nothing changes the past, but it can be examined to inform future action.
I feel so validatded. Thank you for sharing. ❤
I love your work, Jono!!!
Thanks for this, there's so much vitriol and hate circulating, compassion is grace is like a balm for a wearied soul.
Thanks for your honesty.
Success has a price. You are doing great on your Cinema Therapy Channel and that is a big time commitment. When someone needs to pick up the slack in the family and household responsibilities a lot of times it's the female partner. That can cause a lot of resentment and guilt on both sides. Glad you are working it out. Not to presume. Glad you both have the tools to identify the problems and find solutions.
I can see why they hid their separation. The knee jerk responses from the public, flailing their arms and calling them "liars." They never agreed to be our bastion of light for marriage. At the end of the day, they're just people. A lot of us have become passenger psychotherapists after watching a slew of videos to work through our own messes, and now we're "experts" on what's wrong with others. Frankly, the only aspects of the Smiths' relationship that is our business is whatever they decide to share. We shouldn't have any expectations from them.
Hoping for restoration and healing to you and Alicia ❤
You’re not judge mental at all. And thank you for this video.
Loved your take on this!!!❤
It's refreshing to see people struggle and restart. As someone who wants to be a life coach but struggles with being imperfect, I don't go for that dream because I fear judgement. To error is human and the idea that our whole life has to be airbrushed is too hard to keep up with.