I am highly educated in the medical field however have CHOSEN to be a custodian. It is so fascinating how society has changed the way I am seen. I chose that for the benefits and it affords me the opportunity to listen to podcast while I do repetitive tasks which helps me to retain the information more. It's actually nice for my ADHD brain...no regrets...
Had you been in one of the hospitals where my father worked and thus met him, you would have heard about the anesthesiologist who treats the woman who cleans the floor with the same respect and consideration as he treats the surgeon who walks 2 feet above that floor. I believe you when you say you know medicine, and your work is Very important for the functioning of the hospital. I'm so grateful to my father for teaching me these things that made it so much more easy to accept my current employment.
When French artist, Marcel Duchamp was asked, "So. What do you do for a living?" He replied, "I breathe." I have always loved that response because not only does it make complete sense it illustrates a point about the question and throws the asker for a loop.
A friend taught me to ask, "What keeps you busy?" If they are currently working they often default to their job, but it's an opening for Lead Parents to say "my kids", or "my volunteer work" or "studying". It leads to much more interesting conversations and doesn't put people on the defensive (if they don't have a tidy answer to the job question). After someone has told you what they do, a good follow-up is, "Do you have any passion projects?" This allows the person to respond with their latest interest. Admittedly, some people are flummoxed by these questions, but it's refreshing to change up the "normal"(terrible) conversation rut.
I would have answered "what keeps you busy" with "playing/making games." Because it does, and it's more fun (and a more acceptable answer) than saying "I'm a carer to a parent" because then you'd have to talk about them without permission and blah blah blah.
@@Roadent1241 I feel this so hard. That's not a conversation to be had with just anyone. For me, this is an invitation to talk about whatever art I'm making and what I'm reading, and maybe gush over my precious nieces a bit, so it's perfect.
What brings light to my life is people not asking me questions or making small talk and instead leaving me alone so I’m not feeling judged all the time.
My Grandpa taught us to say things like: "I take care of my family." Or "I make enough." When someone asks what you do for a living or how much you make. Nobody is entitled to your information.
In the context of general life, I agree that asking someone how much they make is usually rude. But I think there should be much more transparency in what people earn, especially among non-management employees. Are you making a lot less than a coworker doing the same job? If you’ve been with a company a while, you may actually be making less than a new hire.
i feel like i would ask a question in return: “are you conducting a survey?” “If not, I’d rather be more private with my information these days…you know data brokers..phones are always listening…”
I am trying so hard to keep saying this to myself also. I am neurodivergent and have chronic illness. It is very difficult in this world that emphasizes job titles and income and business financial success as the worth of the person to feel I have worth. I cannot “produce” as much as others. Thanks for posting. I’ll keep saying it to myself.
@@lovetoplayharp yeah you have to realise that this is a part of capitalism. it has conditioned us to judge peoples worth by there job title and not who we are
@@lovetoplayharp I'm in the same boat. Neurodivergence combined with chronic illness/pain is hard to explain to people who haven't been there, and even though "normal" employment has never worked well for me, ever since I got sick and my artistic output and some of my abilities have suffered (one of the many arts I used to be devoted to was dance, which I absolutely can't do anymore!), so has my self esteem. The one thing I've held onto is trying to at least say something kind to one person a day, and work on one piece of art a day. It's not much, but it makes the world a little happier and a little more beautiful. I think those are worthy goals. (At least that's what I tell myself.)
@@catseye10000 yeah. True. Cultural too. Not sure where you are, but I had a German friend who always thought the question “what do you do?” that people here in the US ask when they meet people was strange. She said that Germans rarely ask that. They get together with friends and talk about books or all kinds of things but rarely do they ever ask. She said it was very American. That was about 15 years ago. Maybe Germans have changed, but I think capitalism is a thing for them too and they were different. So while capitalism does really add to the whole “what value do I have” thing, I also think it’s cultural depending on where you go. Ymmv. 💕
My go to when someone asks me a question I don't wish to answr is: "Why do you ask?" Thay way I know if they're just shooting the breeze and I can relax a little or they're prying and I give them an evasive answer. I don't like ppl who pry into my business. As my Grandpa used to say: "when someone asks your first name, you don't give them your last name."
I cannot thank you enough for this content. I have been looking for this answer for ages. I'm on disability (for my back) but I'm Audadhd. Also with a lot of social anxiety. Now I feel supported by this community more than ever. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I hear you so hard. I'm officially on disability for chronic migraines and Long Covid, but AuDHD and aniety have made "normal" employment almost impossible for me. I think it's so insulting that people judge us less because of extreme physical pain than because our brains are just wired for a different way of living. I know I didn't have a choice in either.
I usually ask people "What are your hobbies" because I *HATE* that question! (autistic, currently unemployed) Also why I usually don't go to social things anymore 😔 It helps to remember that saying "Those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter" but it can still be hard when someone looks at you like you're useless
I code for a website that doctors use to track their education, but the thing that gets me out of bed is working on a Minecraft mod that I don't earn money from. I test features, come up with ideas for new features, engage in creative discussions with the other developers, I moderate the community that has sprung up around this mod, and I make really cool stuff inside the game that inspires others to do their own creative work. I build monstrous machines and beautiful landscapes
@@Xacrismy bf made the InsaneSMP modpack on Curseforge so if you're ever looking for another person to help I know a guy. Also is there a main discord channel for your mod?
I am really tempted the next time I am asked that question to answer with “I am helping to hold the light on the planet.” And then just smile at them and see what they do with that.
My mother was Italian. She once commented, "In Italy you are important because of who you ARE; in American you are important because of what you do." People over there don't even talk about work. It's like shitting; everyone does it, but it isn't something you want to talk about. A compliment I got from a cousin when I revisited Italy after a long absence was "Most Americans change completely when they grow up, but you are still the same person you were as a child."
The biggest issue I've had with that question is that I disliked or even hated nearly every job I've had, so it didn't matter whether I was making 50, 50K, or even 500K or 5 bajillion K, the very LAST thing I ever wanted to do in my time away was to talk about it, much less be defined by it in any way. Either I was forced to put on 15 overlapping masks attempting to pretend how great everything was because that's the response people expected, or to tell the truth, and completely scare people away by how passionate I was in my loathing of that activity I did for money. And yes, people can suggest, "well, just find a different job" but if you didn't have any idea what your "passion" was, every job you got stuck in ended up the same. Currently, I'm doing a couple things that I like, but it took me literally 50 years to get to this point, having no clue what was wrong with me when others never seemed to be having any of these issues.
I feel like my sister's awful in-laws ask about my job on purpose just to annoy and depress me. I f*ckn hate my job, but after 20 years I can retire. Whereupon I can figure out what I actually want to do with my life while I collect a pension & stay health insured.
I can relate. And having to mask and try to get through the work day can put you at a chronic deficit. Little capacity to take care of yourself even. No capacity for a lot of effort and masking to find a job. Unfortunately I know this first hand. Working to get out of this now.
This will sound weird, but the only job I never got fired from was as a professional Dominatrix. I'd been fired again, needed rent money, was already into BDSM, saw an ad that a local dungeon was hiring, and I was in the only job I've aver liked, and the one that I lasted around a decade at. The hours were flexible, the pay was great, the dress code was stuff I actually liked wearing, (and could also wear out to the goth clubs with my work friends), and I enjoyed my work, which was anything but boring! A life of learning to mask had given me the acting skills to pull off any scenario a client could think up, and the ability to hyperfocus came in handy when working at things like target practice with potentially dangerous whips, knotwork, etc. The dungeon was also the first place that I ever made real, close friends, among workers who were also neurodivergent, artistically inclined, intelligent, and queer. We'd never met people like ourselves before! And hilariously, our clients, who were paying us to be mistreated, were the stereotypical affluent and powerful men granted high status because of money and job titles. At the time, I called myself an "executive disciplinarian", partly because I spent so much time disciplining executives! Sine then, I've done some freelance prop and costume work for theatre, as well as performing a bit too, literacy tutoring, LGBTQ activism, and assisted in an art therapy program as well as continuing to make my own art. Sometimes I tell people that I work in mental health, because dealing with my own head is very nearly a full time job!
I feel many of the same things. I never liked my job enough to want to talk about it anywhere else. I felt like people were trying to label me with something that had nothing to do with the real me. So I started asking people, "What do you do for fun?" It really works, especially if you are the first person to start the conversation so you can skip that other question.
The funny thing for me is that the more "prestigious" or well paying your job is, the more I hold you to a higher standard. The more you make, the higher your position in a hierarchy- the more you need to prove to me that you deserve it. To those whom much is given, much is required
When I'm asked the question I always answer with non-income-related answers. I read, I write, I make art... and then I ask them what's important in their lives or what makes them happy.
Universal Basic Income sounds like a great idea, maybe not for all the NT people, but for us ND people it solves or prevents a lot of problems. For me I only got a job on good 'luck' by rolling in some work program setup by the government, and that is only after years of masking and bullshitting. For me it was survival or keeping my soul, I hope there is still some left, I feel like there is, because I'm suffering Thank you for making this video I hope people will find it and think about it, because this question can confronting to traumatizing.
Remote work was a lifesaver. I got my current job by taking a couple of shots of liquor before each interview, which were virtual. I don't have to see or talk to people most of my days.
I think it's the same as people asking "How are you?", in our society it's just a passing politeness, they really are not inquiring about you. "What do you do for work?" Is one of those similar surface questions because all people conform to this societal lingo. I hope one day we can mature past this and form that deeper connection we all crave.
My current job is shaming the VA for not treating my Gulf War related conditions. I noticed that more & more medical websites are now saying what I have known for years, that IVIG therapy is an effective treatment for SFN. The more prestigious hospitals & medical schools need to catch up.
I hoped your video would provide me with some illumination.... This autistic has never had a problem with being asked what work I do. Regularly, I have answered "Tell computers what to do." It's fairly ambiguous, but the questioner is generally happy that I work with computers. Sometimes, I ask the question. Mostly, a vague answer is sufficient. Senior Daughter works in insurance, few care whether she specialises in reinsurance, and if she told them that bafflement is likely. Today, I answer "Pensioner." Sometimes I tell people I am a photographer, or landscape photographer if I don't want them to think I shoot people.
I'm retired, so I spend my time volunteering as a business development consultant, and I develop low-cost zero or low-emission technologies for self-sufficient living to help people who want an alternative lifestyle to city living to achieve their goals. I design most of the tech for myself, but I share it for free because I have no business ambitions to make money off of it, and it's more important that it is used and improved by others. This is true. My wife is a psychologist, so I designed her offices and renovated them as a volunteer and helped her develop her business. Now she makes enough to offset what I no-longer make, and we're both doing what we want to do. We live a good life where we don't wake up to alarm clocks, and my day is whatever I choose to do with it for the most part. I'm only 40, and I live my best life.
(I'm a late discovered/diagnosed auti+cptsd/PTSD). I had an unconventional career in massage and bodywork, and while I loved it I was burning out very regularly. A storm of many things all at once took me out of the game a couple years ago. I just 'won' my disability case and am heavily processing what it means. I'm relatively young and my ego was very attached to my career after nearly not graduating high school (because we didn't know I was autistic and burning out constantly). I found my greatest passion in life is helping animals and I hope to move towards it in a professional capacity someday....
I heal people and the planet one garden at a time. You just made a great case for a universal basic income. Thanks for this. I've struggled with employment all my life and always hated this question. Only learned about my neurodivergence recently and this video explains so much.
For some reason, the jobs i get somehow always end up being something that's nearly impossible to describe. I always end up someone who "dotted line reports" to multiple people doing things that my "title" has nothing to do with.
As a neurodivergent myself, I’m currently reading “Surrounded By Idiots: The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business (and in Life)” by Thomas Erikson. It’s helping a lot with understanding why certain people act the way they do and say the things they say. I highly recommend it.
I read an ancient book in our graduate student library, called Some of My Best Friends Are Academics. It was a typology of academics, very penetrating psychologically, and useful in navigating the scene.
Every time I get asked "what do you do?" I ask back "for fun or work or... [On a specific occasion like Christmas]?" Because I get yelled at for assuming they mean fun because work is none of their business but then they "obviously mean work duh", when if it was obvious I wouldn't be asking...!
Love your insights and tips for deflecting the dreaded question! I often give flippant answers like 'i'm currently playing at being a..' because tbh it does feel like playacting whatever job I'm doing despite qualifications galore. It's astonishing how many fellow autists with exemplary credentials are either unwaged or doing low status deathly dull manual labour.
Ah, what you describe as activities outside of work, transcending money-earning, as well as just how important those aspects are, that really feels heart-warming. I recently quit a prolific job that I'd held for 9 years and actually loved, mostly because the constant engagement (not the work) was too much for me combined with everything else going on in my mind. But what I've really spend my whole life doing.... from every free moment in school or even inside classes on my knee under the desk, every minute spent on a train or waiting for one to return home, every vacation, weekend, and in my time all those years at my job before I quit, is creativity. Art, stories, even poetry. What began killing me at the job was not the work, it was the fact that it took too much and I always devoted the rest of my energy to creativity outside of it that I need.... until I no longer had any energy left and I could no longer draw or write my stories. Work became everything I could squeeze out of myself, everything I could make myself do. There was only one way left in that moment. Most of my friends I believe are also neurodivergent. I see the same in them all: they devote enormous energy to their creativity, something that just springs out from within and needs to be made into something tangible in the world to truly thrive. Without it, you begin to suffocate. But what makes us do it in our free time, squeeze it between the stuff we perceive we ought to do, do it for ourselves instead of as a job (for those who do not make it into a job, that is, and I think there's many) .... probably there isn't just a single answer. One answer is certainly demand avoidance, something about it just changes when you start doing it for money. You may have a need to do this creative thing for sake of doing it, as a passion, it may have to be a thing for its own sake. The fact this is, as far as financial survival is concerned, a less valid way to do things, is a fundamental problem in the world and I say that not only because I hate capitalism, but also because the world itself is at a loss because of that. But another substantial reason I believe is camouflaging. You start camouflaging from a brutally early age, you spend most of your life navigating life not realizing there are MORE options, but trying to pick your way from the options presented before you by the people around you because deep inside you feel like being authentic to yourself and doing what is really your thing, your passion, your strength and vocation, is not good enough, not valid somehow. You may even struggle to understand how the world works and not have any idea what your options are. You may have never known someone who actually lives as a creator, as an artist the old-fashioned way.... and we know how important role models are for growing up, for finding yourself. I mean, just because you're autistic and you experience life differently and cannot quite fit in society, doesn't mean you need no role models.... Btw, I plunged into a full-blown burnout and I gotta say that gives some insight as well. One paradoxical interaction between demand avoidance and camouflaging comes from comparing how work happened and how creativity happened during burnout. When energy levels became critically low, I could not do the things I love anymore, but I could still squeeze more work out of myself.... Because as much as I hate external demands, they are a stronger driver. Certainly they are a strong driver because my brain has adapted to live in camouflaging and meet external demands - no matter the cost; so that makes me wonder if demand avoidance is just a reaction to that, the internal protest against demands because demands have disproportionate power over my own will. Dunno, just a thought that is now orbitting my presently unemployed mind. As I said, complex questions. Those are some random thoughts. I do art, I write stories, I have a whole world brimming inside my head and I have spent most of my life trying to find a way to get it out of there and onto a sheet. I've enjoyed work, but nothing can remotely compare to the joy of someone enjoying what I've managed to pull out of my mind and placed onto paper, be it physical or digital. That's what I live for. P.S. I love your videos, I love the way you speak of things, the Neurodivergent Nation, I find so many things relatable.... but also, I love your view on the world and its issues. Keep doing what you do.
You could always follow it up with, "...but I'd much rather be doing blah blah, that's my real passion." You never know, the person might say, "Oh really?! My friend owns a business and is looking for someone who can blah blah... I could give him/her your contact number if you're interested?" Crazier things have happened! 😉
I am on disability retirement and from this day forward, I think I will respond to somebody fishing for status seeking information by saying, 'Oh, I live off my investments...' Anybody else think this would be fair?
Sure! If you gave me that answer though, I'd probably ask you what investment advice you could give me because I don't know diddly about that stuff, lol!
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLanegeneric investment advice is to invest in what you pay attention to (research & understand), hold long term for appreciation, and to go for things like ETF/index funds over stocks. Review the historical data and trends and use a trading simulator. Avoid putting too much in one basket to prevent severe risks. It’s nothing special. People don’t generally make it big from investments. The ones that do are mostly day traders that take big risks for potentially big gains.
I’m on SSDI, worked 22 hard years and set aside investments to supplement SSDI income. I recently decided not to share anything about disability or work anymore. I’ll just say I work from home. Many are nosy and insensitive, rigid in their beliefs.
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLaneI would say to hire someone and do your own research since everyone’s situation is unique to them. It’s very rewarding to learn and take control of your own circumstances.
4:50 Epic "outtake"! 😂🤣 100% relate. Such an on-point video for me. I've always passionately hated that question. Still trips me out how nearly all of Neurodivergent Doctor's videos are my life story. I love this video, so real. What it's been like for me: "What do you do?" Me: "Ugh.... well... uhh.. I'm a stay at home dad home schooling and raising my autistic son (of course being with him all day doing that, wouldn't trade it for the world, love it). "Oh, so you're a house husband!" "... I guess... my wife's a nurse though!" Now that he's nearly 18 doing his own thing, and a once in a lifetime, normally wouldn't ever happen set of events with a couple of talented and amazing friends, I can now say "I'm a product developer and CFO in a new tech startup, WTF do YOU do?? Is that a mustard stain on your shirt? Jog on!" A better question would be "So, what do you do... for fun, if you don't mind me asking?"
I have been blessed to be able to work with kids, which is one of my special interests. It can be stressful and overstimulating, but I love it. I couldn’t do anything else.
You are perfect, whole, and complete ❤ As a Neurodivergent fam, I tell my children and myself this all the time we have had a lot of judgement. People trying to fit us in a box. Embracing our quirks and talents 😂 I work with people with disabilities all types and love my work. I advocate for them as they are perfect, whole and complete. 😊
I worked as a teacher for 10 years, had a burnout, and became a 24-hour mother of three neurodivergent boys (like me). My workload and the challenges increased. But I am seen as less important to society
Bro I love how chill you are. You don't see authenticity like this on youtube very often 💙💙 Fighting the good fight against phonies, and people who ask us inappropriate questions and burn our backs with light bulbs!! 🤣
I was just sharing with someone that small talk is only people figuring out how to treat you and where to place you on the social hierarchy- not about actually getting to know you, smh. One more reason to avoid- can you interact with me without placing me on a social rung? Most people can't which is why I feel I am often avoided.
Thank you! It's ablest and capitalist in social situations. I saw asking this as a "helpful hint" in a video on socializing AS AN autistic person, done by an autistic creator. There is a lot of creeping ableist stuff to where I really don't look at a lot of ASD content.
Great channel. A balance of useful information and humour. Maybe worse than "What do you do?" would be "is this all that you do?". Ashton, me too, dropped out of not one but two university courses. Life went on.
I haven't been employed for ten years. And I worked in minimum wage work my entire employment history. Im a good cook. I enjoy feeding people. But fuck me if I didnt get abuse for owning and liking my work. I stopped telling folks I was a waffle house cook or short order cook and started saying I was a chef. Made then act like I was worth their time. Its sick.
My neatly prepared go-to response: "I'm unemployed right now, but the past 15 years or so, I worked in EFRE project management, was a computer network analyst, and a marketing administrator." Then I can take the conversation in any direction I want, depending on what part they would like to focus on. Beats saying: "I was a back office translator monkey in 3 wildly different capacities for a very short duration of time, with awful long streaks of unemployment in between." I don't mind my "job title defining me", because languages are my lifelong special interest. Don't even get me started. I deleted a paragraph from this comment after I realized I had already started.
@@TrevoltIV It would have probably made the comment not show up since it was a mini-rant on how vague English is compared to other languages. TH-cam doesn't like that kind of language.
Thank you for this video! We're not defined by our job, that's very true. I used to have conventional jobs but it made me miserable and I don't even know if I'm capable to do that again. When I was younger all I could think about was making a career in music, I convinced myself that I could be an artist and producer, maybe with the right connections and resources I would be able to make my dream come true. Now after realizing I'm Neurodivergent I got really passionate about finding ways to connect to other Neurodivergents and create videos for TH-cam. I'm self-identified AuDHD and I need excitement and novelty when I'm working but I have difficulties when it comes to handling a conventional job because I get bored so easily and that makes me want to run away for all of the demands. I have a passion for creating videos now and learning how to film and edit.
I’m an ex class 1 ta combat medic. I have helped save some lives or give people a longer time to sort their family stuff out. I’m older and no longer in work as I’m semi rural and the bus is always late. I’ve even told a policeman to take an old man to hospital with a head injury. My skills are a bit out of date. I also have helped an unconscious person on a bus and got the driver to ring an ambulance. Everyone got off the bus except me. Even the driver did. Not everything is about the pay packet. And the judgemental people do more harm than good. I might be crap at laughing about people’s sick and cruel jokes. I might miss satire and sarcasm which affect my communication. But if I see people struggling I will try to help. I know what it’s like to have no one and I know what it’s like to be excluded or misunderstood. If people helped each other more there would be less judgement and more understanding I’m a diagnosed autistic. And I feel judgement and gaslighting means I have stopped properly socialising . I also have degenerative discs. I struggle with mood and depression and have attempted suicide a few times as I feel very isolated. But I do know my worth when it comes to the crunch. Not all human worth is about money. Community needs to return not right wing or left wing neoliberalism. Our government sees us as the stock the heard and the value they see us as robots but due to my back at 55 I can’t be a robot. This is what they are doing in the uk. People being told to apply ( disabled too). Being told to take any job I can’t take the loops and the demand and I’m scared of the future in the uk. Our empire is collapsing and as usual the vulnerable take the blame and many are ending up homeless to die on the streets. It’s scary.
I was asked this during an assessment yesterday, which was pertinent to my condition, but it still was hard to answer. I said my job, then explained that I can hardly work, that I’m essentially a disabled person caring for my disabled child as a caregiver. That my conditions slow me down to the point that I cannot get my job done at the desired speed, therefore leading to me getting fired. My title is something that could potentially earn me 6 figures, but that is not my reality.
Cool suggestions for alternative responses. I've struggled with what to ask and reply that both subverts the expectations and assumptions of the question, and isn't so off-putting to the other person that the conversation has to end. Some years ago I found myself at a party for academics at Seattle University. My girlfriend was a professor there at the time. Most of my life had not included the particular kind of peacock dancing that goes on among academics, so I was surprised when, after being asked what I did for work and responding that I worked in a cemetery mowing the grass, the professor of something or other who asked the question silently turned and walked away. At the time I was certain she was sneering at me and judging me for my job. Perhaps. Now I realize she may also have just not had any idea of what to say next and panicked, it's certainly happened to me. I disliked that question before the encounter, but that cemented my hatred for it to an extent that's never diminished.
I was a 20 yr Paraprofessional (teachers Aide)for special needs inclusion elementary students. Barely made minimum wage BUT loved every minute of it. My income was in addition to my husband’s so we were able to live comfortable enough. But because of judgement I always said “I’m an educator” and enjoy the difference I can make in all my students.” I can go on if asked specifics so I wait.
Thank you! I have never felt this deep amount of self worth and value. Every single thing I have ever done, every way I have ever been, every minute of my life, just got a new look and a different story. Wow.
Love love love this vid, doc! "I work for a company that contracts out my computer software services" "I also volunteer at a pet rescue part time" I have memorized those two lines...otherwise I get all caught up. Just used them today. :)
Gosh... I'm really glad you touched on this, especially from a perspective of neurodivergence. I have been disabled (that is to say, officially on social security disability) since 2017, and I am only 29 years old. So I've been disabled since I was 21, going on 22. Being asked "What do you do?" is so frustrating... because, even if the person isn't *trying* to judge me, when I answer with, "I don't - I'm disabled," in a 29-year-old body with exclusively invisible disabilities (including, but not limited to, AuDHD), it is almost *always* followed with an air of judgement. And when it isn't, it'll usually be someone saying "Well, I did ask what you *do*, not what you do for work," at which point I raise an eyebrow at them and inquire about what they *meant* when they asked "What do you do?" and what they *think* most people mean when they ask that question. It's an innocent enough question to ask, and it really, really sucks whenever I'm asked it.
What do you do? I volunteer in my community at oyr local Humane Society & also help maintain the community sharing spot in my neighborhood. What type of volunteer work do you do? Money is fabulous & can be regenerated; time is far more valuable because once spent it's gone forever. IMO, time is the most precious gift somebody can offer.
I just finished the video and, omg I freaking love you!! Thank you! Nobody ever validates "The one that didn't amount to nothing" - Meanwhile, they're all miserable....and I admittedly rely on them, for now.. but still! LOL - Those of us with "too many million dollar ideas, that I didn't pick any"-syndrom type people, well, we sure as shit can't rely on encouragement. So, YOU sir, are very appreciated🙏 And I look forward to future vids.You're an instant classic! :P
I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism *sees the question, immediate response* I possibly represent part of what is wrong about asking this question to this type of person. (because I AM that) I don't have a job, and there is a reason it's considered a disability. I've described it as having a fear so powerful, you are unable to do anything. I also perceive thinking that what I do is so trivial that I don't consider it work when there are people that don't know the same things I do. Yes, the question's very nature is intrusive anyway. At my worst, I didn't know how to answer it, although that was because I secretly knew people expect an answer and I didn't have one. (I didn't think to just say that I don't have one) A question that for me, inherently meant that I had to face my fears. Quite demanding. That's the point of the observation. It SHOULD be demanding for EVERYONE. You have to be okay with what you do in order to say what it is; beyond any criticism that can be had about it. I've known for a while now that a person's job should not define them. I DO have a nice hobby, but I don't know if I've ever gotten that much recognition for it outside of others that also do it, and even then, I am no different from anyone else. I have thought a lot about a number of things, and I honestly don't know if I have good ideas or not because I have no comparison. ...And I would further find it illogical to consider my own ideas to be good. I've worked somewhat past the unending self-criticism I have, but it's quite difficult. I've done a lot of going back and forth between good and bad, and I come off as unstable on paper. I now wonder if it's possible for me to be stable at all. I interpret it as being asked to fight constantly. I WOULD love just being known as a man that cares about people. It would depend on the question being asked to me: Was I asked directly what my job is, or did they just ask what I do? The latter is exactly what you describe, just say whatever you feel like. I feel compelled to answer if it's specifically a job they want, then I am likely to just say that I have high-functioning autism. That can explain why I don't have a job without actually saying I don't have one, and THIS CONDITION IS MORE OF A JOB THAN YOU KNOW; HAVING TO CONSTANTLY WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. I know I could be judged for that, too, but it makes no difference to me because I am aware of it.
Thank you for this advice. During my years of working, I didn't know people were using that question to judge me. I never had an impressive answer. I was just honest. Looking back now, I wish I would have said, "Currently something that has nothing to do with my personality." and then turned it back on them, so they could be impressive, and I could save myself the humility that always put me though.
A question that I would say no one needs to ask to anyone, not just toward ND folks, which someone is not going to easily identify someone else off the street anyhow. ;p I never really considered it before since I had an okay job, even if I did not care for it much. When I change fields, or am in the process of looking, I can see that being a mess. Hopefully, I will not snap. I guess the deep breath before answering thing is good advice, at any rate. Ultimately, I think I end up back to talking about how I write a lot but the whole publishing thing is too much effort, then they mention self-publishing on Amazon, and I have to tell the story of how much of a scam that system is, and then they change the topic or it gets awkward. Oh well... easier to just not talk about myself or what I do, like always.
Binding self worth with my career was always a struggle for me and even now after I finally am in a position that complements who I am (a career that I have always aspired to but felt like an out of reach dream), it still is hard for me to process in conversation. I never liked the social impact of when this comes up, it still feels uncomfortable even though I "should" be proud. I guess it makes me feel as if I am being complacent in the status comparison exchange, regardless of the negative or positive outcome. Sometimes I even inadvertantly think less of someone that has an impressive title/status, it makes me question their judgement and acceptance of others "less" than them.
My family does all of this and it’s the worst and always base their behavior on what kind of job I have. If it’s one they approve of, they treat me with respect. If not, subtle mocking or no respect whatsoever.
@Turtlpwr I feel like that sometimes, too. I hope you feel better soon, and your family learns to treat you with respect and love no matter what work you do. We are often much more empathetic than the people around us. Anyone with turtl(e) in their name must be nice! I love turtles, especially sea turtles! 🫶🏻
My Question is "what inspires you", its incredible the conversation it can spark. Not with every one. But Young people are especially responsive. You can also add, you dont have to answer now, just worth thinking about. Plus one of my favorite books is Terry Pratchetts Thief of Time. The Sweeper is the astounding characture.
This question is difficult for me, but I don't think it's "just a way to judge people" ... if many/most of the people around you had cool jobs, then that is something they would probably enjoy talking about. Some people also enjoy bitching about their jobs and relate to other people that way, and they will also ask the same question. They then relate to each other through the difficulty of their jobs. What exactly is the alternative here? Are they supposed to exclude people? On what basis? How do they know someone doesn't have a job they want to talk about or bitch about? Should they just assume that?
How I hated this question, when I was young, unsupported, undiagnosed and lost. How worthless and despairing it made me feel. Dark times. Besides the practical difficulties of coping with a job, I had so many ethical and philosophical objections- I resent selling the hours of my life; virtually every job is damaging to Nature, when enriching the natural world rather than depleting it is my core interest and value… My most recent enthusiasm is cutting the wildflower meadow I own with a scythe, and thinking about cutting different areas at different times of the year to maximise the species of flowers 🌼 this is what life’s about!
Thanks! I am underemployed and differently employed and a SAHM. I have always hated that question. I am a musician with a music degree, an artist, and I sell vintage toys, kitchen, and home goods online. I also manage and take care of my elderly autistic mother, and my autistic sons as well as the household. I moonlight as a in home pet sitter from time to time as well.
All the examples given seem to dodge the question given. Seems better to answer with the effect your job has on the other person. Ex, for food service: "I make sure you can always just sit down and have a good meal if you want to." For janitorial work: "I make sure you don't have to clean poop off your shoe" or somesuch. Worked well for me so far.
I've always found it more interesting, and much more informative, to know what a person does for *fun.* It tells me about their cultural background and their general mindset. Of course, what I really want to ask is, "What do you like to read about?", but a lot of people will just be too caught off guard by that.
I just say “I’m a musician but I don’t make any money”. It either goes one of two ways: “Oh, what do you play?” or “What do you do then for income?” and I just say “whatever instrument is needed given the context”, or for the latter, “nothing, I charge rents for my two apartments I own”. The looks are always so precious.
I'm not really interested at all to know how much people make money. When I ask what somebody does for living (I guess I don't really usually ask that question first, at least not most of the time), I am more interested in what they like and lislike in their work, what kind of things their work involves etc. But I do prefer much more talking about hobbies or topics of common interests. I guess it would make much more sense, when getting to know somebody, to talk about what are their hobbies, what are their views on the society, what are their aspirations and so on.
I believe the fact that humans try to judge a person's socio-economic status quickly is a product of evolution. People struggle to admit that they are animals, greatly influenced by their genes. Only very few highly conscious people can be aware of the state of society and the logical conflicts, such as individualism vs socio-economic status in this instance.
When people ask what you do, say I am the great philosopher king/queen of whatever street your address is on. Regardless of your actual title or position.
Haha was just thinking well actually....my job is taking and dealing with peoples shit and trying not to just exit stage left. But seriously, I am an artist, musician, and arm chair historian, music historian and collector of knowledge and philosipher/satirist. Now maybe for the next portion of my life I can just do those vs a ridiculous job or career making money for other or institutions.
@peachesfordays452. Yeah. He's cool. That's why he's helping me. I literally cannot do this on my own. I've been trying. He's helped get me going again. I'm still in burnout to a degree.
@@NeurodivergentDoctorI have the same problem. I literally could NOT do TH-cam on my own and I tried for 12 years. Burnout and autistic inertia is real.
Indeed. When I was active as a nurse before disability and brokenness and I wore my uniform had badge and stethescope I was definitely viewed differently and given more respect. Now late dx 2 years ago age 60 different story 😫💔😪🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 God is still good 🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
System architecture, across industries. From human architecture to tech (with all the in between) ! This is what my passion is about. Unfortunately, it's considered as a low status passion, because it doesn't meet the standards of "you're not allowed to have more than one expirties, else, you will be considered as one that has none by the unspoken rule, because there is no way you're that smart".
I have raised children, been an editor for a Polish newspaper, coached gymnastics, cheer, and dance, played in a cover band and a community band, been a content creator, taught art, and been a library assistant. What I have never done is make more than four figures a year.
I prefer to ask people what they do for fun. Not many people want to talk about work socially, but everybody wants to talk about their sports team or their retro game collection or their favourite author. It's a shortcut to having a more fulfilling interaction for me.
My day job tally takes me all day and half the night, makes me miserable and causes me incredible anxiety and hopelessness. It makes enough to get by with the ADHD tax, but I have several sides jobs as well because I’m trying to care for my partner with a TBI and neurodivergence (as of yet undiagnosed, but very obvious and severe), and care for my partner’s cats and our dog. I dog-sit for rich people as a good side gig, take days off work to perform hearing aid research (as a hearing-impaired participant, so they can test out new technologies and improve hearing aid programming), and I volunteer on a historic farm shoveling manure and milking cows and threshing oats and feeding & watering the sheep and pigs and cows and horses, and THAT is exhausting and rewarding and the closest I’ll likely ever get to my dream of living on a homestead and raising a family. But I’m 40 now, in major debt, and life is a struggle. Glad I found this channel, and others over the past year that have helped me immensely (shout out to ADHDLove, TherapyInANutshell, HowToADHD, and most vitally HealthyGamergg. Much love also to NAMI - if you’re in the States, check out your local chapter to connect in-person to people who can help support you. If anyone actually reads this, thank you and best of luck. I love you and you’re so much more than what you’re forced to do to get by.
I work 1 day a week for 4 hours in the back room at TJ Maxx, in Tualatin, Oregon. I keep asking to have a second day like I used to, though I cannot work for more than 4 hours a day, or more often than 3 days a week. My work is very good, and my supervisors really like me. And there are tasks that they do not ask me to do, and there are tasks that I cannot do. We're all supposed to be selling credit cards for the store, and the managers understand that I cannot do that - that I focus on being pleasant, saying please, thank you, excuse me, the bathroom is over here, and let me find someone who can help you. If they have a heavy Russian accent, I can say all of those things to them in Russian too - I did study it for 9 years. One of my hobbies is gemstone faceting - my attention to detail is fantastic. People also like it when I sing in the back room, because I have a classically trained mezzo-soprano. And they keep on saying that they cannot give me another day. - I go to church not because I am religious, but because church wants their soprano, and I get so much joy from seeing that I am improving their spiritual experience. They let me sing and I don't even have to have my father pay for it (I am terrified of money).
"How are you doing?" might trigger smilar effect n a person you ask. if they're autistic they might already know it is not good to tell the truth if they're not doing very well, yet question makes them feel worse, while they have to continue through meaningless pleasantries
I am a "horse care specialist", haha. Two days a week. Down from four, because I am burnt out as holy h*ll. Be careful when you make your number one special interest/passion your job. It can suck the joy out FAST, and leave you too exhausted to even try to find it again... (I have to admit that I make barely enough money to take my riding lessons, and that my amazing boyfriend supports me in all other ways- I am very very lucky in that regard, i can't work enough to support myself, especially not in this particular economic climate... I don't know what people like me do, without support of some kind...I am super grateful for him!)
I've always hated this question. Because it's super rare that someone asks me what my interests are, or what I do in life. No, it's always 'what do you do for work'. Immediate way to judge someone. Oh, you're on disability. You're a leech. Yeah, well, you'd be on disability too if you had my mind. So what now, should I just die or something? My neighbour did this to me the other day. I was outside working on my garden, which I use to help feed myself, since disability isn't much. And I was doing an enormous amount of work on it. Like, clearly not a lazy person. I expanded it to about 1000 sqft this year with about 3 weeks of work. Building raised garden beds, planting, watering, moving soil, getting compost hauled with the help of some family members. But I asked him one day if I could borrow his wheelbarrow till I was done hauling the compost around the yard. Would've taken me that night, and then another few hours the next day. He came into my yard and took it back that morning, and made a statement about 'how I have an easy life', and asked what I did for a living. I told him. I'm on disability, but I do some programming on the side, and I do things like gardening to help pay for things. Immediate judgement from him. Could see the change in how he looked at me. I have severe ADHD, and even with a high dose of stimulants, I still have to mentally fight with myself for hours each day to do tasks that take me 10 or 20 minutes, even going to the bathroom or having a shower. I am CONSTANTLY losing stuff when I do actually get the motivation to do something, making it take 3-4 times longer than it otherwise would. If I can even find the item at all. I'm literally trying the best I can most of the time, and I still get looked at like I don't deserve to live by people. Absolutely sickening how far apart we are as a species now. I'd love to see people spend one week in my mind. Where, you're so scatterbrained that you're cooking food, and you lose the utensil you were using for it. And you spend 10 minutes looking for it and your food burns while you do, only to find it in the laundry room, because you walked in there absentmindedly to open the window for some fresh air. Because that's every day for me. Albeit with different things.
My inside voice says, "F/U". I'm pretty sure it's apparent if the asker bothered to look at my face. The answer that comes out of my mouth is, "I clean up my husband's messes & manage is crapload of daily chaos & don't get paid. So, I don't do jack schit & am a loser; so, what do you do?"
I'm 38, got a master's degree in chemistry and worked a conventional job twice in my life: first was working for an IT company at tech support and software testing, second was doing a R&D project plus some other things for a electric vehicle manufacturer. Other than that, I volunteered at a printing and typography museum for five years, I did wiring and plumbing at apartment renovations, I did lighting for exhibitions, I fixed household appliances. Now I do electronics design, construction and service in my own lab, and I run a teeny tiny underrated electronics channel here on YT. Struggling through burnout, but I still Keri on. Other than that? I keep things running at our flat, taking care of my queerfriend who is also autistic and has more severe sensory and mental health issues that limit their ability to live independently, let alone work unless heavy accommodations are made.
Ich denke bei der Frage immer, ob mir die Person eine bessere Stelle anbieten wird und stelle lieber diese Rückfrage. Oder, was sie macht und, ob diet noch eine Stelle frei ist.
I am highly educated in the medical field however have CHOSEN to be a custodian. It is so fascinating how society has changed the way I am seen. I chose that for the benefits and it affords me the opportunity to listen to podcast while I do repetitive tasks which helps me to retain the information more. It's actually nice for my ADHD brain...no regrets...
you are one of the unsung heroes of health, no word of a lie.
Had you been in one of the hospitals where my father worked and thus met him, you would have heard about the anesthesiologist who treats the woman who cleans the floor with the same respect and consideration as he treats the surgeon who walks 2 feet above that floor. I believe you when you say you know medicine, and your work is Very important for the functioning of the hospital. I'm so grateful to my father for teaching me these things that made it so much more easy to accept my current employment.
When French artist, Marcel Duchamp was asked, "So. What do you do for a living?" He replied, "I breathe." I have always loved that response because not only does it make complete sense it illustrates a point about the question and throws the asker for a loop.
Brilliant
Duchamp was such a brilliant troll on every level!
😂❤
A friend taught me to ask, "What keeps you busy?" If they are currently working they often default to their job, but it's an opening for Lead Parents to say "my kids", or "my volunteer work" or "studying". It leads to much more interesting conversations and doesn't put people on the defensive (if they don't have a tidy answer to the job question).
After someone has told you what they do, a good follow-up is, "Do you have any passion projects?" This allows the person to respond with their latest interest.
Admittedly, some people are flummoxed by these questions, but it's refreshing to change up the "normal"(terrible) conversation rut.
That is BRILLIANT. I'm going to start using this. Just brilliant.
I would have answered "what keeps you busy" with "playing/making games." Because it does, and it's more fun (and a more acceptable answer) than saying "I'm a carer to a parent" because then you'd have to talk about them without permission and blah blah blah.
I love ❤️ that!
That's an awesome alternative! Shows interest, and best of all, is non judgemental.
@@Roadent1241 I feel this so hard. That's not a conversation to be had with just anyone.
For me, this is an invitation to talk about whatever art I'm making and what I'm reading, and maybe gush over my precious nieces a bit, so it's perfect.
What brings light to my life is people not asking me questions or making small talk and instead leaving me alone so I’m not feeling judged all the time.
I couldn't agree more
I can't stand small talk.
I just reply I make people feel awkward.
What it lacks in sophistication and depth, it makes up for with a wholehearted clarity.
Bravo. I might steal that
My Grandpa taught us to say things like:
"I take care of my family."
Or "I make enough."
When someone asks what you do for a living or how much you make.
Nobody is entitled to your information.
🤘your grandpa was a badass!
In the context of general life, I agree that asking someone how much they make is usually rude. But I think there should be much more transparency in what people earn, especially among non-management employees. Are you making a lot less than a coworker doing the same job? If you’ve been with a company a while, you may actually be making less than a new hire.
i feel like i would ask a question in return: “are you conducting a survey?”
“If not, I’d rather be more private with my information these days…you know data brokers..phones are always listening…”
I just replay "my worth is not tied to how much I produce"
I am trying so hard to keep saying this to myself also. I am neurodivergent and have chronic illness. It is very difficult in this world that emphasizes job titles and income and business financial success as the worth of the person to feel I have worth. I cannot “produce” as much as others. Thanks for posting. I’ll keep saying it to myself.
@@lovetoplayharp yeah you have to realise that this is a part of capitalism. it has conditioned us to judge peoples worth by there job title and not who we are
@@lovetoplayharp I'm in the same boat. Neurodivergence combined with chronic illness/pain is hard to explain to people who haven't been there, and even though "normal" employment has never worked well for me, ever since I got sick and my artistic output and some of my abilities have suffered (one of the many arts I used to be devoted to was dance, which I absolutely can't do anymore!), so has my self esteem. The one thing I've held onto is trying to at least say something kind to one person a day, and work on one piece of art a day. It's not much, but it makes the world a little happier and a little more beautiful. I think those are worthy goals. (At least that's what I tell myself.)
@@thing_under_the_stairs Those are very worthy goals! Thank you for reaching out and sharing. 💕
@@catseye10000 yeah. True. Cultural too. Not sure where you are, but I had a German friend who always thought the question “what do you do?” that people here in the US ask when they meet people was strange. She said that Germans rarely ask that. They get together with friends and talk about books or all kinds of things but rarely do they ever ask. She said it was very American. That was about 15 years ago. Maybe Germans have changed, but I think capitalism is a thing for them too and they were different. So while capitalism does really add to the whole “what value do I have” thing, I also think it’s cultural depending on where you go. Ymmv. 💕
actually I hate the dismissal "everyone is a bit like that" when I mention ND struggles more.
It's a way to dismiss any struggle someone may have. I'd say almost all struggles can probably be understood by just listening. Crazy concept!
@@stereotypespecialist I know right
YEP.
My go to when someone asks me a question I don't wish to answr is:
"Why do you ask?"
Thay way I know if they're just shooting the breeze and I can relax a little or they're prying and I give them an evasive answer.
I don't like ppl who pry into my business.
As my Grandpa used to say: "when someone asks your first name, you don't give them your last name."
I like your grandpa a lot.
I cannot thank you enough for this content. I have been looking for this answer for ages. I'm on disability (for my back) but I'm Audadhd. Also with a lot of social anxiety. Now I feel supported by this community more than ever. 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
I hear you so hard. I'm officially on disability for chronic migraines and Long Covid, but AuDHD and aniety have made "normal" employment almost impossible for me. I think it's so insulting that people judge us less because of extreme physical pain than because our brains are just wired for a different way of living. I know I didn't have a choice in either.
I just say "I work for a charity. So what's your favorite dinosaur?"
or
"I help people that need help."
I usually ask people "What are your hobbies" because I *HATE* that question! (autistic, currently unemployed)
Also why I usually don't go to social things anymore 😔
It helps to remember that saying "Those who matter don't care, and those who care don't matter" but it can still be hard when someone looks at you like you're useless
I code for a website that doctors use to track their education, but the thing that gets me out of bed is working on a Minecraft mod that I don't earn money from. I test features, come up with ideas for new features, engage in creative discussions with the other developers, I moderate the community that has sprung up around this mod, and I make really cool stuff inside the game that inspires others to do their own creative work. I build monstrous machines and beautiful landscapes
What is the name of the mod?
@@marcondespaulo Ars Nouveau, you can build custom spells and have a bunch of cute creatures to help you
the thing that gets us going is self actualizing, creation, and growth
@@Xacris Yo I actually play that mod. Nice to meet you!
@@Xacrismy bf made the InsaneSMP modpack on Curseforge so if you're ever looking for another person to help I know a guy. Also is there a main discord channel for your mod?
I am really tempted the next time I am asked that question to answer with “I am helping to hold the light on the planet.” And then just smile at them and see what they do with that.
Apollo, is that you?
Fabulous
- he could say, " and the Moon too, I bet!" - then you might have a standoff -
My mother was Italian. She once commented, "In Italy you are important because of who you ARE; in American you are important because of what you do." People over there don't even talk about work. It's like shitting; everyone does it, but it isn't something you want to talk about. A compliment I got from a cousin when I revisited Italy after a long absence was "Most Americans change completely when they grow up, but you are still the same person you were as a child."
Wow. Thank you for the perspective!
Sounds like the Italians have it right. I would love to see Italy one day.
Great video, thanks! I really dislike THIS question, as I've been chronically underemployed, over which I've felt shame and frustration.
The biggest issue I've had with that question is that I disliked or even hated nearly every job I've had, so it didn't matter whether I was making 50, 50K, or even 500K or 5 bajillion K, the very LAST thing I ever wanted to do in my time away was to talk about it, much less be defined by it in any way. Either I was forced to put on 15 overlapping masks attempting to pretend how great everything was because that's the response people expected, or to tell the truth, and completely scare people away by how passionate I was in my loathing of that activity I did for money. And yes, people can suggest, "well, just find a different job" but if you didn't have any idea what your "passion" was, every job you got stuck in ended up the same. Currently, I'm doing a couple things that I like, but it took me literally 50 years to get to this point, having no clue what was wrong with me when others never seemed to be having any of these issues.
I feel like my sister's awful in-laws ask about my job on purpose just to annoy and depress me. I f*ckn hate my job, but after 20 years I can retire. Whereupon I can figure out what I actually want to do with my life while I collect a pension & stay health insured.
I can relate. And having to mask and try to get through the work day can put you at a chronic deficit. Little capacity to take care of yourself even. No capacity for a lot of effort and masking to find a job. Unfortunately I know this first hand. Working to get out of this now.
This will sound weird, but the only job I never got fired from was as a professional Dominatrix. I'd been fired again, needed rent money, was already into BDSM, saw an ad that a local dungeon was hiring, and I was in the only job I've aver liked, and the one that I lasted around a decade at. The hours were flexible, the pay was great, the dress code was stuff I actually liked wearing, (and could also wear out to the goth clubs with my work friends), and I enjoyed my work, which was anything but boring! A life of learning to mask had given me the acting skills to pull off any scenario a client could think up, and the ability to hyperfocus came in handy when working at things like target practice with potentially dangerous whips, knotwork, etc. The dungeon was also the first place that I ever made real, close friends, among workers who were also neurodivergent, artistically inclined, intelligent, and queer. We'd never met people like ourselves before! And hilariously, our clients, who were paying us to be mistreated, were the stereotypical affluent and powerful men granted high status because of money and job titles. At the time, I called myself an "executive disciplinarian", partly because I spent so much time disciplining executives!
Sine then, I've done some freelance prop and costume work for theatre, as well as performing a bit too, literacy tutoring, LGBTQ activism, and assisted in an art therapy program as well as continuing to make my own art. Sometimes I tell people that I work in mental health, because dealing with my own head is very nearly a full time job!
@@thing_under_the_stairs Wow! That made it interesting answering the "What do you do" question!
I feel many of the same things. I never liked my job enough to want to talk about it anywhere else. I felt like people were trying to label me with something that had nothing to do with the real me. So I started asking people, "What do you do for fun?" It really works, especially if you are the first person to start the conversation so you can skip that other question.
The funny thing for me is that the more "prestigious" or well paying your job is, the more I hold you to a higher standard. The more you make, the higher your position in a hierarchy- the more you need to prove to me that you deserve it. To those whom much is given, much is required
I'm an artist :) I love the look of confusion on people's faces when they ask me.
And then they always ask what kind of painting you do. Bitch please, art is more than just painting.
Same! I think a lot of people have no idea what artists *do,* and think we're all a bit strange anyway...
When I'm asked the question I always answer with non-income-related answers. I read, I write, I make art... and then I ask them what's important in their lives or what makes them happy.
Universal Basic Income sounds like a great idea, maybe not for all the NT people, but for us ND people it solves or prevents a lot of problems. For me I only got a job on good 'luck' by rolling in some work program setup by the government, and that is only after years of masking and bullshitting. For me it was survival or keeping my soul, I hope there is still some left, I feel like there is, because I'm suffering Thank you for making this video I hope people will find it and think about it, because this question can confronting to traumatizing.
Remote work was a lifesaver. I got my current job by taking a couple of shots of liquor before each interview, which were virtual. I don't have to see or talk to people most of my days.
I think it's the same as people asking "How are you?", in our society it's just a passing politeness, they really are not inquiring about you. "What do you do for work?" Is one of those similar surface questions because all people conform to this societal lingo. I hope one day we can mature past this and form that deeper connection we all crave.
My current job is shaming the VA for not treating my Gulf War related conditions. I noticed that more & more medical websites are now saying what I have known for years, that IVIG therapy is an effective treatment for SFN. The more prestigious hospitals & medical schools need to catch up.
As a disabled vet, the worst thing you can do IS to let the VA treat you.
Get your disability rating and find better alternatives to heal yourself.
Früher war es normaler nach den Hobbys zu fragen, denn man wollte die Person kennen lernen und Gemeinsamkeiten erfahren.
I hoped your video would provide me with some illumination....
This autistic has never had a problem with being asked what work I do. Regularly, I have answered "Tell computers what to do." It's fairly ambiguous, but the questioner is generally happy that I work with computers. Sometimes, I ask the question. Mostly, a vague answer is sufficient. Senior Daughter works in insurance, few care whether she specialises in reinsurance, and if she told them that bafflement is likely.
Today, I answer "Pensioner." Sometimes I tell people I am a photographer, or landscape photographer if I don't want them to think I shoot people.
I always ask “what do you do for capitalism?”
THIS YES!! 😂
I like “what do you do to make oligarchs richer?”
I'm retired, so I spend my time volunteering as a business development consultant, and I develop low-cost zero or low-emission technologies for self-sufficient living to help people who want an alternative lifestyle to city living to achieve their goals. I design most of the tech for myself, but I share it for free because I have no business ambitions to make money off of it, and it's more important that it is used and improved by others.
This is true. My wife is a psychologist, so I designed her offices and renovated them as a volunteer and helped her develop her business. Now she makes enough to offset what I no-longer make, and we're both doing what we want to do. We live a good life where we don't wake up to alarm clocks, and my day is whatever I choose to do with it for the most part. I'm only 40, and I live my best life.
(I'm a late discovered/diagnosed auti+cptsd/PTSD). I had an unconventional career in massage and bodywork, and while I loved it I was burning out very regularly. A storm of many things all at once took me out of the game a couple years ago. I just 'won' my disability case and am heavily processing what it means. I'm relatively young and my ego was very attached to my career after nearly not graduating high school (because we didn't know I was autistic and burning out constantly). I found my greatest passion in life is helping animals and I hope to move towards it in a professional capacity someday....
I heal people and the planet one garden at a time.
You just made a great case for a universal basic income.
Thanks for this. I've struggled with employment all my life and always hated this question. Only learned about my neurodivergence recently and this video explains so much.
For some reason, the jobs i get somehow always end up being something that's nearly impossible to describe. I always end up someone who "dotted line reports" to multiple people doing things that my "title" has nothing to do with.
Same!
Im glad i subscribed now as you’ve started to upload more. Great advice. I tell people the truth, that I'm a spiritual worker.
As a neurodivergent myself, I’m currently reading “Surrounded By Idiots: The Four Types of Human Behavior and How to Effectively Communicate with Each in Business (and in Life)” by Thomas Erikson. It’s helping a lot with understanding why certain people act the way they do and say the things they say. I highly recommend it.
Thank you for sharing I'm gonna check that book out! :)
I read an ancient book in our graduate student library, called Some of My Best Friends Are Academics. It was a typology of academics, very penetrating psychologically, and useful in navigating the scene.
Every time I get asked "what do you do?" I ask back "for fun or work or... [On a specific occasion like Christmas]?" Because I get yelled at for assuming they mean fun because work is none of their business but then they "obviously mean work duh", when if it was obvious I wouldn't be asking...!
Love your insights and tips for deflecting the dreaded question! I often give flippant answers like 'i'm currently playing at being a..' because tbh it does feel like playacting whatever job I'm doing despite qualifications galore. It's astonishing how many fellow autists with exemplary credentials are either unwaged or doing low status deathly dull manual labour.
Ah, what you describe as activities outside of work, transcending money-earning, as well as just how important those aspects are, that really feels heart-warming. I recently quit a prolific job that I'd held for 9 years and actually loved, mostly because the constant engagement (not the work) was too much for me combined with everything else going on in my mind. But what I've really spend my whole life doing.... from every free moment in school or even inside classes on my knee under the desk, every minute spent on a train or waiting for one to return home, every vacation, weekend, and in my time all those years at my job before I quit, is creativity. Art, stories, even poetry. What began killing me at the job was not the work, it was the fact that it took too much and I always devoted the rest of my energy to creativity outside of it that I need.... until I no longer had any energy left and I could no longer draw or write my stories. Work became everything I could squeeze out of myself, everything I could make myself do. There was only one way left in that moment.
Most of my friends I believe are also neurodivergent. I see the same in them all: they devote enormous energy to their creativity, something that just springs out from within and needs to be made into something tangible in the world to truly thrive. Without it, you begin to suffocate. But what makes us do it in our free time, squeeze it between the stuff we perceive we ought to do, do it for ourselves instead of as a job (for those who do not make it into a job, that is, and I think there's many) .... probably there isn't just a single answer. One answer is certainly demand avoidance, something about it just changes when you start doing it for money. You may have a need to do this creative thing for sake of doing it, as a passion, it may have to be a thing for its own sake. The fact this is, as far as financial survival is concerned, a less valid way to do things, is a fundamental problem in the world and I say that not only because I hate capitalism, but also because the world itself is at a loss because of that. But another substantial reason I believe is camouflaging. You start camouflaging from a brutally early age, you spend most of your life navigating life not realizing there are MORE options, but trying to pick your way from the options presented before you by the people around you because deep inside you feel like being authentic to yourself and doing what is really your thing, your passion, your strength and vocation, is not good enough, not valid somehow. You may even struggle to understand how the world works and not have any idea what your options are. You may have never known someone who actually lives as a creator, as an artist the old-fashioned way.... and we know how important role models are for growing up, for finding yourself. I mean, just because you're autistic and you experience life differently and cannot quite fit in society, doesn't mean you need no role models.... Btw, I plunged into a full-blown burnout and I gotta say that gives some insight as well. One paradoxical interaction between demand avoidance and camouflaging comes from comparing how work happened and how creativity happened during burnout. When energy levels became critically low, I could not do the things I love anymore, but I could still squeeze more work out of myself.... Because as much as I hate external demands, they are a stronger driver. Certainly they are a strong driver because my brain has adapted to live in camouflaging and meet external demands - no matter the cost; so that makes me wonder if demand avoidance is just a reaction to that, the internal protest against demands because demands have disproportionate power over my own will. Dunno, just a thought that is now orbitting my presently unemployed mind.
As I said, complex questions. Those are some random thoughts. I do art, I write stories, I have a whole world brimming inside my head and I have spent most of my life trying to find a way to get it out of there and onto a sheet. I've enjoyed work, but nothing can remotely compare to the joy of someone enjoying what I've managed to pull out of my mind and placed onto paper, be it physical or digital. That's what I live for.
P.S. I love your videos, I love the way you speak of things, the Neurodivergent Nation, I find so many things relatable.... but also, I love your view on the world and its issues. Keep doing what you do.
There are very few questions I hate more than "what do you do for work?", especially when I know I am under employed AND hate my job.
You could always follow it up with, "...but I'd much rather be doing blah blah, that's my real passion." You never know, the person might say, "Oh really?! My friend owns a business and is looking for someone who can blah blah... I could give him/her your contact number if you're interested?" Crazier things have happened! 😉
How about not asking me any personal questions unless I signed up for them.
I am on disability retirement and from this day forward, I think I will respond to somebody fishing for status seeking information by saying, 'Oh, I live off my investments...' Anybody else think this would be fair?
Sure! If you gave me that answer though, I'd probably ask you what investment advice you could give me because I don't know diddly about that stuff, lol!
good answer, hard for people to make up a backstory without asking for more.
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLanegeneric investment advice is to invest in what you pay attention to (research & understand), hold long term for appreciation, and to go for things like ETF/index funds over stocks. Review the historical data and trends and use a trading simulator. Avoid putting too much in one basket to prevent severe risks. It’s nothing special. People don’t generally make it big from investments. The ones that do are mostly day traders that take big risks for potentially big gains.
I’m on SSDI, worked 22 hard years and set aside investments to supplement SSDI income. I recently decided not to share anything about disability or work anymore. I’ll just say I work from home. Many are nosy and insensitive, rigid in their beliefs.
@@SweetStuffOnMonarchLaneI would say to hire someone and do your own research since everyone’s situation is unique to them. It’s very rewarding to learn and take control of your own circumstances.
4:50 Epic "outtake"! 😂🤣
100% relate. Such an on-point video for me. I've always passionately hated that question. Still trips me out how nearly all of Neurodivergent Doctor's videos are my life story. I love this video, so real. What it's been like for me: "What do you do?" Me: "Ugh.... well... uhh.. I'm a stay at home dad home schooling and raising my autistic son (of course being with him all day doing that, wouldn't trade it for the world, love it). "Oh, so you're a house husband!" "... I guess... my wife's a nurse though!"
Now that he's nearly 18 doing his own thing, and a once in a lifetime, normally wouldn't ever happen set of events with a couple of talented and amazing friends, I can now say "I'm a product developer and CFO in a new tech startup, WTF do YOU do?? Is that a mustard stain on your shirt? Jog on!"
A better question would be "So, what do you do... for fun, if you don't mind me asking?"
I have been blessed to be able to work with kids, which is one of my special interests. It can be stressful and overstimulating, but I love it. I couldn’t do anything else.
You are perfect, whole, and complete ❤ As a Neurodivergent fam, I tell my children and myself this all the time we have had a lot of judgement. People trying to fit us in a box. Embracing our quirks and talents 😂 I work with people with disabilities all types and love my work. I advocate for them as they are perfect, whole and complete. 😊
That's such a beautiful message to give to your children, yourself and to others. You're a ray of light in this world, you rock.
@@NickNightfall1711 thanks that made my day 😁
I don't like asking ppl personal questions like that b/c I feel like I'm prying and that I'm being rude.
I worked as a teacher for 10 years, had a burnout, and became a 24-hour mother of three neurodivergent boys (like me). My workload and the challenges increased. But I am seen as less important to society
Inspiring the next generation is Genius status.
Thank you so much for what you do and what you give of yourself ND Doc...you ROCK😎🤘💜
Bro I love how chill you are. You don't see authenticity like this on youtube very often 💙💙 Fighting the good fight against phonies, and people who ask us inappropriate questions and burn our backs with light bulbs!! 🤣
I was just sharing with someone that small talk is only people figuring out how to treat you and where to place you on the social hierarchy- not about actually getting to know you, smh. One more reason to avoid- can you interact with me without placing me on a social rung? Most people can't which is why I feel I am often avoided.
Thank you! It's ablest and capitalist in social situations. I saw asking this as a "helpful hint" in a video on socializing AS AN autistic person, done by an autistic creator.
There is a lot of creeping ableist stuff to where I really don't look at a lot of ASD content.
Great channel. A balance of useful information and humour. Maybe worse than "What do you do?" would be "is this all that you do?".
Ashton, me too, dropped out of not one but two university courses. Life went on.
“What do you do?” As little as possible
I haven't been employed for ten years. And I worked in minimum wage work my entire employment history. Im a good cook. I enjoy feeding people. But fuck me if I didnt get abuse for owning and liking my work. I stopped telling folks I was a waffle house cook or short order cook and started saying I was a chef. Made then act like I was worth their time. Its sick.
My neatly prepared go-to response:
"I'm unemployed right now, but the past 15 years or so, I worked in EFRE project management, was a computer network analyst, and a marketing administrator." Then I can take the conversation in any direction I want, depending on what part they would like to focus on.
Beats saying:
"I was a back office translator monkey in 3 wildly different capacities for a very short duration of time, with awful long streaks of unemployment in between."
I don't mind my "job title defining me", because languages are my lifelong special interest. Don't even get me started. I deleted a paragraph from this comment after I realized I had already started.
@@TrevoltIV It would have probably made the comment not show up since it was a mini-rant on how vague English is compared to other languages. TH-cam doesn't like that kind of language.
@@TrevoltIV So relatable!
Thank you for this video! We're not defined by our job, that's very true. I used to have conventional jobs but it made me miserable and I don't even know if I'm capable to do that again. When I was younger all I could think about was making a career in music, I convinced myself that I could be an artist and producer, maybe with the right connections and resources I would be able to make my dream come true. Now after realizing I'm Neurodivergent I got really passionate about finding ways to connect to other Neurodivergents and create videos for TH-cam. I'm self-identified AuDHD and I need excitement and novelty when I'm working but I have difficulties when it comes to handling a conventional job because I get bored so easily and that makes me want to run away for all of the demands. I have a passion for creating videos now and learning how to film and edit.
I’m an ex class 1 ta combat medic. I have helped save some lives or give people a longer time to sort their family stuff out. I’m older and no longer in work as I’m semi rural and the bus is always late. I’ve even told a policeman to take an old man to hospital with a head injury. My skills are a bit out of date. I also have helped an unconscious person on a bus and got the driver to ring an ambulance. Everyone got off the bus except me. Even the driver did. Not everything is about the pay packet. And the judgemental people do more harm than good. I might be crap at laughing about people’s sick and cruel jokes. I might miss satire and sarcasm which affect my communication. But if I see people struggling I will try to help. I know what it’s like to have no one and I know what it’s like to be excluded or misunderstood. If people helped each other more there would be less judgement and more understanding I’m a diagnosed autistic. And I feel judgement and gaslighting means I have stopped properly socialising . I also have degenerative discs. I struggle with mood and depression and have attempted suicide a few times as I feel very isolated. But I do know my worth when it comes to the crunch. Not all human worth is about money. Community needs to return not right wing or left wing neoliberalism. Our government sees us as the stock the heard and the value they see us as robots but due to my back at 55 I can’t be a robot. This is what they are doing in the uk. People being told to apply ( disabled too). Being told to take any job I can’t take the loops and the demand and I’m scared of the future in the uk. Our empire is collapsing and as usual the vulnerable take the blame and many are ending up homeless to die on the streets. It’s scary.
I’m underemployed but very proud of my work designing bumper stickers.
I was asked this during an assessment yesterday, which was pertinent to my condition, but it still was hard to answer. I said my job, then explained that I can hardly work, that I’m essentially a disabled person caring for my disabled child as a caregiver. That my conditions slow me down to the point that I cannot get my job done at the desired speed, therefore leading to me getting fired. My title is something that could potentially earn me 6 figures, but that is not my reality.
Cool suggestions for alternative responses. I've struggled with what to ask and reply that both subverts the expectations and assumptions of the question, and isn't so off-putting to the other person that the conversation has to end.
Some years ago I found myself at a party for academics at Seattle University. My girlfriend was a professor there at the time.
Most of my life had not included the particular kind of peacock dancing that goes on among academics, so I was surprised when, after being asked what I did for work and responding that I worked in a cemetery mowing the grass, the professor of something or other who asked the question silently turned and walked away. At the time I was certain she was sneering at me and judging me for my job. Perhaps. Now I realize she may also have just not had any idea of what to say next and panicked, it's certainly happened to me. I disliked that question before the encounter, but that cemented my hatred for it to an extent that's never diminished.
What do I do? I'm a kids mountain bike coach! For my job? Oh, I wish. Where I make money, isn't who I am.
That's perfect!
I was a 20 yr Paraprofessional (teachers Aide)for special needs inclusion elementary students. Barely made minimum wage BUT loved every minute of it. My income was in addition to my husband’s so we were able to live comfortable enough. But because of judgement I always said “I’m an educator” and enjoy the difference I can make in all my students.” I can go on if asked specifics so I wait.
Thank you! I have never felt this deep amount of self worth and value. Every single thing I have ever done, every way I have ever been, every minute of my life, just got a new look and a different story. Wow.
Love your citations! Love your super relevant and needed discussions! Love you!🤜🏽🤛🏼💪🏽🫶🏼🙏🏾
Love love love this vid, doc!
"I work for a company that contracts out my computer software services"
"I also volunteer at a pet rescue part time"
I have memorized those two lines...otherwise I get all caught up. Just used them today. :)
Gosh... I'm really glad you touched on this, especially from a perspective of neurodivergence.
I have been disabled (that is to say, officially on social security disability) since 2017, and I am only 29 years old. So I've been disabled since I was 21, going on 22.
Being asked "What do you do?" is so frustrating... because, even if the person isn't *trying* to judge me, when I answer with, "I don't - I'm disabled," in a 29-year-old body with exclusively invisible disabilities (including, but not limited to, AuDHD), it is almost *always* followed with an air of judgement. And when it isn't, it'll usually be someone saying "Well, I did ask what you *do*, not what you do for work," at which point I raise an eyebrow at them and inquire about what they *meant* when they asked "What do you do?" and what they *think* most people mean when they ask that question.
It's an innocent enough question to ask, and it really, really sucks whenever I'm asked it.
Thank you for this thoughtful video. That‘s what I needed to hear right now. It really is.
I'm just like 'I don't do anything' because fuck that
What do you do? I volunteer in my community at oyr local Humane Society & also help maintain the community sharing spot in my neighborhood. What type of volunteer work do you do?
Money is fabulous & can be regenerated; time is far more valuable because once spent it's gone forever. IMO, time is the most precious gift somebody can offer.
I just finished the video and, omg I freaking love you!! Thank you! Nobody ever validates "The one that didn't amount to nothing" - Meanwhile, they're all miserable....and I admittedly rely on them, for now.. but still! LOL - Those of us with "too many million dollar ideas, that I didn't pick any"-syndrom type people, well, we sure as shit can't rely on encouragement. So, YOU sir, are very appreciated🙏 And I look forward to future vids.You're an instant classic! :P
I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism
*sees the question, immediate response* I possibly represent part of what is wrong about asking this question to this type of person. (because I AM that)
I don't have a job, and there is a reason it's considered a disability.
I've described it as having a fear so powerful, you are unable to do anything.
I also perceive thinking that what I do is so trivial that I don't consider it work when there are people that don't know the same things I do.
Yes, the question's very nature is intrusive anyway. At my worst, I didn't know how to answer it, although that was because I secretly knew people expect an answer and I didn't have one.
(I didn't think to just say that I don't have one)
A question that for me, inherently meant that I had to face my fears. Quite demanding.
That's the point of the observation. It SHOULD be demanding for EVERYONE. You have to be okay with what you do in order to say what it is; beyond any criticism that can be had about it.
I've known for a while now that a person's job should not define them.
I DO have a nice hobby, but I don't know if I've ever gotten that much recognition for it outside of others that also do it, and even then, I am no different from anyone else.
I have thought a lot about a number of things, and I honestly don't know if I have good ideas or not because I have no comparison.
...And I would further find it illogical to consider my own ideas to be good. I've worked somewhat past the unending self-criticism I have, but it's quite difficult.
I've done a lot of going back and forth between good and bad, and I come off as unstable on paper.
I now wonder if it's possible for me to be stable at all.
I interpret it as being asked to fight constantly.
I WOULD love just being known as a man that cares about people.
It would depend on the question being asked to me: Was I asked directly what my job is, or did they just ask what I do? The latter is exactly what you describe, just say whatever you feel like. I feel compelled to answer if it's specifically a job they want, then I am likely to just say that I have high-functioning autism. That can explain why I don't have a job without actually saying I don't have one, and THIS CONDITION IS MORE OF A JOB THAN YOU KNOW; HAVING TO CONSTANTLY WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING.
I know I could be judged for that, too, but it makes no difference to me because I am aware of it.
Also pardon me because I don't know when to stop talking sometimes.
Thank you for this advice. During my years of working, I didn't know people were using that question to judge me. I never had an impressive answer. I was just honest.
Looking back now, I wish I would have said, "Currently something that has nothing to do with my personality." and then turned it back on them, so they could be impressive, and I could save myself the humility that always put me though.
A question that I would say no one needs to ask to anyone, not just toward ND folks, which someone is not going to easily identify someone else off the street anyhow. ;p
I never really considered it before since I had an okay job, even if I did not care for it much. When I change fields, or am in the process of looking, I can see that being a mess. Hopefully, I will not snap. I guess the deep breath before answering thing is good advice, at any rate.
Ultimately, I think I end up back to talking about how I write a lot but the whole publishing thing is too much effort, then they mention self-publishing on Amazon, and I have to tell the story of how much of a scam that system is, and then they change the topic or it gets awkward. Oh well... easier to just not talk about myself or what I do, like always.
Binding self worth with my career was always a struggle for me and even now after I finally am in a position that complements who I am (a career that I have always aspired to but felt like an out of reach dream), it still is hard for me to process in conversation. I never liked the social impact of when this comes up, it still feels uncomfortable even though I "should" be proud. I guess it makes me feel as if I am being complacent in the status comparison exchange, regardless of the negative or positive outcome. Sometimes I even inadvertantly think less of someone that has an impressive title/status, it makes me question their judgement and acceptance of others "less" than them.
“What do you like to fill your days with?” Asked by a medical professional, sensitive to what I had just shared about challenges of disability. 🥇
My family does all of this and it’s the worst and always base their behavior on what kind of job I have. If it’s one they approve of, they treat me with respect. If not, subtle mocking or no respect whatsoever.
I’ve always felt like I was born in the wrong body and the wrong world. Also, autistic and have complex ptsd
@Turtlpwr I feel like that sometimes, too. I hope you feel better soon, and your family learns to treat you with respect and love no matter what work you do. We are often much more empathetic than the people around us.
Anyone with turtl(e) in their name must be nice! I love turtles, especially sea turtles! 🫶🏻
I'm teaching myself how to play the violin and I'm studying music theory. I'm very studios. I'm also vegan and last week went to a farm sanctuary
My Question is "what inspires you", its incredible the conversation it can spark. Not with every one. But Young people are especially responsive. You can also add, you dont have to answer now, just worth thinking about.
Plus one of my favorite books is Terry Pratchetts Thief of Time. The Sweeper is the astounding characture.
I’m a MiddleAge Anarchist- In my spare time I’m nice to old people, assholes, and the hungry. I also decorate cakes.
This question is difficult for me, but I don't think it's "just a way to judge people" ... if many/most of the people around you had cool jobs, then that is something they would probably enjoy talking about. Some people also enjoy bitching about their jobs and relate to other people that way, and they will also ask the same question. They then relate to each other through the difficulty of their jobs. What exactly is the alternative here? Are they supposed to exclude people? On what basis? How do they know someone doesn't have a job they want to talk about or bitch about? Should they just assume that?
How I hated this question, when I was young, unsupported, undiagnosed and lost. How worthless and despairing it made me feel. Dark times. Besides the practical difficulties of coping with a job, I had so many ethical and philosophical objections- I resent selling the hours of my life; virtually every job is damaging to Nature, when enriching the natural world rather than depleting it is my core interest and value…
My most recent enthusiasm is cutting the wildflower meadow I own with a scythe, and thinking about cutting different areas at different times of the year to maximise the species of flowers 🌼 this is what life’s about!
Thanks! I am underemployed and differently employed and a SAHM. I have always hated that question. I am a musician with a music degree, an artist, and I sell vintage toys, kitchen, and home goods online. I also manage and take care of my elderly autistic mother, and my autistic sons as well as the household. I moonlight as a in home pet sitter from time to time as well.
All the examples given seem to dodge the question given. Seems better to answer with the effect your job has on the other person.
Ex, for food service: "I make sure you can always just sit down and have a good meal if you want to."
For janitorial work: "I make sure you don't have to clean poop off your shoe" or somesuch.
Worked well for me so far.
Love your comment! Perfect answers!
Your videos are waaay too underrated!
Right in time. Thanks!
I've always found it more interesting, and much more informative, to know what a person does for *fun.* It tells me about their cultural background and their general mindset. Of course, what I really want to ask is, "What do you like to read about?", but a lot of people will just be too caught off guard by that.
Awesome!
I just say “I’m a musician but I don’t make any money”. It either goes one of two ways: “Oh, what do you play?” or “What do you do then for income?” and I just say “whatever instrument is needed given the context”, or for the latter, “nothing, I charge rents for my two apartments I own”. The looks are always so precious.
I'm not really interested at all to know how much people make money. When I ask what somebody does for living (I guess I don't really usually ask that question first, at least not most of the time), I am more interested in what they like and lislike in their work, what kind of things their work involves etc. But I do prefer much more talking about hobbies or topics of common interests. I guess it would make much more sense, when getting to know somebody, to talk about what are their hobbies, what are their views on the society, what are their aspirations and so on.
I believe the fact that humans try to judge a person's socio-economic status quickly is a product of evolution. People struggle to admit that they are animals, greatly influenced by their genes. Only very few highly conscious people can be aware of the state of society and the logical conflicts, such as individualism vs socio-economic status in this instance.
When people ask what you do, say I am the great philosopher king/queen of whatever street your address is on. Regardless of your actual title or position.
Haha was just thinking well actually....my job is taking and dealing with peoples shit and trying not to just exit stage left. But seriously, I am an artist, musician, and arm chair historian, music historian and collector of knowledge and philosipher/satirist. Now maybe for the next portion of my life I can just do those vs a ridiculous job or career making money for other or institutions.
Does Ashton have a TH-cam channel or something? I like his vibe and sense of humor.
@peachesfordays452. Yeah. He's cool. That's why he's helping me. I literally cannot do this on my own. I've been trying. He's helped get me going again. I'm still in burnout to a degree.
@@NeurodivergentDoctor Sorry about your burnout! I, and many of us, really appreciate your videos, thanks to you and Ashton!
@@NeurodivergentDoctorI have the same problem. I literally could NOT do TH-cam on my own and I tried for 12 years. Burnout and autistic inertia is real.
Indeed. When I was active as a nurse before disability and brokenness and I wore my uniform had badge and stethescope I was definitely viewed differently and given more respect. Now late dx 2 years ago age 60 different story 😫💔😪🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 God is still good 🙏🏻✝️🙌🏻
System architecture, across industries.
From human architecture to tech (with all the in between) ! This is what my passion is about.
Unfortunately, it's considered as a low status passion, because it doesn't meet the standards of "you're not allowed to have more than one expirties, else, you will be considered as one that has none by the unspoken rule, because there is no way you're that smart".
I have raised children, been an editor for a Polish newspaper, coached gymnastics, cheer, and dance, played in a cover band and a community band, been a content creator, taught art, and been a library assistant. What I have never done is make more than four figures a year.
I prefer to ask people what they do for fun. Not many people want to talk about work socially, but everybody wants to talk about their sports team or their retro game collection or their favourite author. It's a shortcut to having a more fulfilling interaction for me.
My day job tally takes me all day and half the night, makes me miserable and causes me incredible anxiety and hopelessness. It makes enough to get by with the ADHD tax, but I have several sides jobs as well because I’m trying to care for my partner with a TBI and neurodivergence (as of yet undiagnosed, but very obvious and severe), and care for my partner’s cats and our dog. I dog-sit for rich people as a good side gig, take days off work to perform hearing aid research (as a hearing-impaired participant, so they can test out new technologies and improve hearing aid programming), and I volunteer on a historic farm shoveling manure and milking cows and threshing oats and feeding & watering the sheep and pigs and cows and horses, and THAT is exhausting and rewarding and the closest I’ll likely ever get to my dream of living on a homestead and raising a family. But I’m 40 now, in major debt, and life is a struggle. Glad I found this channel, and others over the past year that have helped me immensely (shout out to ADHDLove, TherapyInANutshell, HowToADHD, and most vitally HealthyGamergg. Much love also to NAMI - if you’re in the States, check out your local chapter to connect in-person to people who can help support you. If anyone actually reads this, thank you and best of luck. I love you and you’re so much more than what you’re forced to do to get by.
I work 1 day a week for 4 hours in the back room at TJ Maxx, in Tualatin, Oregon. I keep asking to have a second day like I used to, though I cannot work for more than 4 hours a day, or more often than 3 days a week. My work is very good, and my supervisors really like me. And there are tasks that they do not ask me to do, and there are tasks that I cannot do. We're all supposed to be selling credit cards for the store, and the managers understand that I cannot do that - that I focus on being pleasant, saying please, thank you, excuse me, the bathroom is over here, and let me find someone who can help you. If they have a heavy Russian accent, I can say all of those things to them in Russian too - I did study it for 9 years. One of my hobbies is gemstone faceting - my attention to detail is fantastic. People also like it when I sing in the back room, because I have a classically trained mezzo-soprano. And they keep on saying that they cannot give me another day.
- I go to church not because I am religious, but because church wants their soprano, and I get so much joy from seeing that I am improving their spiritual experience. They let me sing and I don't even have to have my father pay for it (I am terrified of money).
"How are you doing?" might trigger smilar effect n a person you ask. if they're autistic they might already know it is not good to tell the truth if they're not doing very well, yet question makes them feel worse, while they have to continue through meaningless pleasantries
I am a "horse care specialist", haha.
Two days a week.
Down from four, because I am burnt out as holy h*ll.
Be careful when you make your number one special interest/passion your job.
It can suck the joy out FAST, and leave you too exhausted to even try to find it again...
(I have to admit that I make barely enough money to take my riding lessons, and that my amazing boyfriend supports me in all other ways- I am very very lucky in that regard, i can't work enough to support myself, especially not in this particular economic climate... I don't know what people like me do, without support of some kind...I am super grateful for him!)
I've always hated this question. Because it's super rare that someone asks me what my interests are, or what I do in life. No, it's always 'what do you do for work'.
Immediate way to judge someone. Oh, you're on disability. You're a leech. Yeah, well, you'd be on disability too if you had my mind. So what now, should I just die or something?
My neighbour did this to me the other day. I was outside working on my garden, which I use to help feed myself, since disability isn't much. And I was doing an enormous amount of work on it. Like, clearly not a lazy person. I expanded it to about 1000 sqft this year with about 3 weeks of work. Building raised garden beds, planting, watering, moving soil, getting compost hauled with the help of some family members. But I asked him one day if I could borrow his wheelbarrow till I was done hauling the compost around the yard. Would've taken me that night, and then another few hours the next day. He came into my yard and took it back that morning, and made a statement about 'how I have an easy life', and asked what I did for a living. I told him. I'm on disability, but I do some programming on the side, and I do things like gardening to help pay for things.
Immediate judgement from him. Could see the change in how he looked at me.
I have severe ADHD, and even with a high dose of stimulants, I still have to mentally fight with myself for hours each day to do tasks that take me 10 or 20 minutes, even going to the bathroom or having a shower. I am CONSTANTLY losing stuff when I do actually get the motivation to do something, making it take 3-4 times longer than it otherwise would. If I can even find the item at all. I'm literally trying the best I can most of the time, and I still get looked at like I don't deserve to live by people.
Absolutely sickening how far apart we are as a species now. I'd love to see people spend one week in my mind. Where, you're so scatterbrained that you're cooking food, and you lose the utensil you were using for it. And you spend 10 minutes looking for it and your food burns while you do, only to find it in the laundry room, because you walked in there absentmindedly to open the window for some fresh air. Because that's every day for me. Albeit with different things.
Totally can relate. People will never understand.
My inside voice says, "F/U". I'm pretty sure it's apparent if the asker bothered to look at my face. The answer that comes out of my mouth is, "I clean up my husband's messes & manage is crapload of daily chaos & don't get paid. So, I don't do jack schit & am a loser; so, what do you do?"
I'm 38, got a master's degree in chemistry and worked a conventional job twice in my life: first was working for an IT company at tech support and software testing, second was doing a R&D project plus some other things for a electric vehicle manufacturer. Other than that, I volunteered at a printing and typography museum for five years, I did wiring and plumbing at apartment renovations, I did lighting for exhibitions, I fixed household appliances. Now I do electronics design, construction and service in my own lab, and I run a teeny tiny underrated electronics channel here on YT. Struggling through burnout, but I still Keri on.
Other than that? I keep things running at our flat, taking care of my queerfriend who is also autistic and has more severe sensory and mental health issues that limit their ability to live independently, let alone work unless heavy accommodations are made.
Ich denke bei der Frage immer, ob mir die Person eine bessere Stelle anbieten wird und stelle lieber diese Rückfrage. Oder, was sie macht und, ob diet noch eine Stelle frei ist.