The Truth About ADHD In Women. | Mel Robbins
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ธ.ค. 2023
- Mel Robbins lived her entire life with symptoms of ADHD and anxiety, but was never diagnosed until the age of 47... so what's going on?
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This is me then and now😭😭 I want to be better my husband has it through trama and I have it through that and my DNA my mom brothers and cousins all have it severely and we all have trauma as well I need help trying to be better more normal we are also co dependent and have been together 14 years I want us both to be better I need more tools to help us please 😢
From what I’ve read, ADHD is definitely genetic and not trauma based but the effects of childhood trauma can impair executive functioning in a way that appears similar to ADHD.
You may be interested in what Dr. Gabor Mate has to say about this and I respect your choices and everyone's -- just sharing as Dr Mate has been healing for many, in general.
@@Jade-ms2ysThe data and consensus in the field does not support his reductionist assertion that ADHD comes from trauma. He’s an interesting mix of really valuable contributions and unsupported conjecture. Psychology Today and The Conversation have both done good analysis on this.
In which case there are a LOT of wrong diagnoses. I think it's more likely that because trauma tends to get passed down the family line, and trauma causes genetic changes, the two can't be seperated.
Sorry for the english. The thing is that ADHD is neurodevelopmental. That means that part of „neuro” comes from wireing of the neurons, that is basically what’s you are born with (in this case). Developmental stands for itself i guess. ADHD, like an autism is a spectrum, that mean you can have few or more things that can glue together presenting disfunctions. If you have supporting family and you genetically have mild symptoms, maybe you will present kind of normal like person. I guess trauma do the oposite. It can highlight some symptoms „helping” you going from mild to sevear. This is my understanding, so don’t take it as an objective truth. Be safe and well
Judging by my best friends family it's definitely genetic.
Her sister was diagnosed as 30 yo, then my friend at 25, then their mom at almost 60. The only "normal-ish" person in their home is their dad, and he's got some neurodivergence as well :)
EDIT: but yeah, trauma most certainly affected all of their ADHD presentation!
I have found with my ADHD that I can focus and be organized on only one thing, and everything else in my life will be a disaster. For example, I’ve been in a certificate program the last six months. I have done pretty good at staying organized with due dates, school work and homework discipline. However everything else in my life feels like a mess. It’s like I can’t keep that level of organization and structure to permeate to everything else no matter how hard I try.
Oh, you just described me 😂
Completely understand what you’re saying. At work people comment on how organised I am. My house is a mess. I can concentrate on one room, clear and tidy it but I can’t maintain it once I start on another room. My brain has a one thing focus. Looking at everything is overwhelming and I become paralysed.
Jessica: Don't beat yourself up for the things that are less organized, congratulate yourself on how well you are doing with your certificate program! That's the first rule of Female ADHD club. ; ) No bad self talk, but celebrating your success. Unless the other things are hurting family or friends, destroying you financially, or ruining relationships, let it go.
I am the same, but I have no diagnosis.
I’m not saying I have ADHD but when she was describing how studying was for her, it sounds exactly like my life. I am very sensitive to my surroundings and am always looking and moving around. I am also stuck in my head 95% of the time.
Perhaps you should get an assessment?
Adhd isn’t “learning to tune out” it’s a lack of executive function in the brain, studies show that behaviour resulting from a traumatic childhood can be misdiagnosed as adhd.
🙋🏼♀️
I believe as a kid you unconsciously tune out - bc being a child you do many things unconsciously- there for parents yelling - that a signal to brain - tune out time ! Then as an adult you realize
Fundamentally the trauma and hence 'tuning out' can result in developmental delay in executive function. That is exactly adhd so it seems to correlate with childhood trauma.
If you are raised in somehow dysfunctional environment, how could the prefrontal cortex develop at normal phase. Not anyhow
I presented far before age 12. My report cards are chilling for me to read, they basically outline how my disorganization and general messiness negatively impacted the entire class on a daily basis. I got no support for this but the kindness of other students who were constantly helping me stay on task, find things, and figure out what was going on. Actually - this has been my experience at work as well. I am so grateful for the unofficial support I have been given my entire life. However, a diagnosis and proper support may have allowed me to be successful in life, and at age 45 I still have hope that I can get there. I was not able to pull off the husband, kids, house or getting out of severe debt. But I have hope, and I am grateful. ❤
There is absolutely hope for you! I was diagnosed at 42. One of the several things that helped me the most was Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). It helped me shift my trajectory by becoming aware of where I was headed at any given moment on a daily basis. I hope that makes sense. I wish you the best on your healing journey of discovery.
@@laurakazimir1712 thank you ❤️
There is a website call "ADDitude." It has oodles of resources not only for parents, but for adults with ADHD too. Perhaps start there? Also, I got diagnosed, not through my health insurance, but from a University that had a Behavioral Sciences Department with a PhD program. The assessment was offered on a sliding scale, and did a full work up for a reasonable price since my health insurance fought me on the fact that I was not diagnosed by 1981 when they still largely thought girls couldn't have it. BTW, perimenopause exacerbates it for most women. That was my breaking point. Good luck!
Hold onto hope!!! You can turn this around. I hope you will get your thyroid and sugar levels checked to see if either is part of your picture.
45 is better than 65 for finding out it’s ADHD.
I wish you well.
PS Minimalism helps a lot instantly.
Improving your physical health is really effective. Not just exercise and good diet but doing a heavy metal detox and improving your gut health and digestion. It is important to make sure that you don't have any vitamin and mineral deficiencies.
My adhd took the form of doodles. It calmed me enough to get through school, and the anxiety pushed me to do well, but never so much as to stand out as the best. The rest of the time I was in lala land of reading.
This video was similar to what I experienced, but developing habits to save yourself do matter.
So many of us are realizing we have ADHD and that’s a great step, but doctors are still skeptical to diagnose people when it’s so common and you really have to advocate for yourself these days. We need more help with the solutions and doctors to become more open, aware and willing to treat people openly with ADHD in adult women and men
I hate how it’s like a trend to have adhd in TikTok. Some of us take a long time to get diagnosed because we gaslight ourselves into thinking we may be projecting a trend.
@@keombebe6243 totally, I think it’s great to talk about it and that’s the same for me just finding out about ADHD and my mom finally admitting she has it too worse than me…
@@keombebe6243 but the next steps I think are the hardest and need to be talked about and advocated as well!
@@keombebe6243this is exactly why I was worried about bringing up the possibility of having ADHD to my therapist and psychiatrist. I didn’t want them thinking I was self-diagnosing due to it being the “popular” disorder right now.
@@keombebe6243 i refuse to talk to my therapist about adhd for this reason. She brought up that I might get dopamine rushes from new hobbies, and asked if i learned anything about that on tik tok. Lady i don't even use tik tok. I'm now watching videos on my own to learn tactics, but I write my problems off as ptsd because if so many people have adhd i definitely don't.
I'm a trauma coach and I literally came to the comment section to say that studies have shown the link between ADHD and childhood trauma. As a child had trauma survivor personally, it has only come to my attention recently that I have ADHD. I'm the same age as Mel. And it played out exactly this way for me. In life. I can't concentrate on anything unless it's quiet..
Same here. Especially repetitive or sharp noise bug the crap out of me (like a chip bag crinkling during class).
The fridge humming, the hot water boiler noise. I heard howling wind in meeting at work that no one else could hear!
The buzzing of overhead fluorescent lights is enough to send me over the edge!
@@trcyg17this is me
@@down-to-earth-mystery-schoolomg yes
I'm 71 and sure that I'm ADHD. My report card from 4th grade stated that I was "daydreaming" a lot. I went on to really struggle in school. My parents also divorced that year. I graduated high school with a 2.5 GPA. Im not stupid but i sure do understand my struggles now. ☹️
I’m so sorry that you went without help or anything explanation for 71 years ☹️
Patrick Teahan has an absolutely excellent video looking at the differences and similarities between ADHD and PTSD.
Trauma would most likely make it worse . I have done extensive work on my trauma and my ADHD is still here and it is more likely that the traits overlap and effect one another.
They absolutely do, sometimes the results of untreated ADHD can lead to trauma on top of other trauma :(
@@citrinedreaming as well as other undiagnosed conditions
@@citrinedreamingyou're so right!
Absolutely. Coming out of a traumatic childhood ADHD was never addressed. The first time it was discussed was after more traumatic experiences when I was 19 and 20. I didn't receive the diagnosis because of these comorbitities. I didn't receive a diagnosis until I was 35 when life had reached a fever pitch as a successful female entrepreneur.... Makes me sad how many years I suffered unnecessarily.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place.
Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac.
He's constantly talking about killing someone.
He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
Is he on instagram?
Yes he is. dr.sporesss
Adding my 2 cents...
I'm 1 of 3 kids, and the middle child. Myself and my older brother both are adhd. I also have dyslexia. My younger brother is neurotypical. We grew up pretty normal until pre teens, which we had a traumatic event in our lives which turned our lives, living conditions, etc, completely upside down and nothing ever returned to normal.
Firstly, I want to point out that my older brother and myself were already diagnosed with adhd before the trauma occurred. My mom did everything she could for us to get the help we needed. I was very fortunate.
My younger brother, however, is neurotypical. He always took about 30 min or less to do all of his homework, where my older brother and I would take all night. My younger brother showed no signs of adhd whatsoever.
The important point - me and my younger brother are irish twins, 11 months apart in age. We did everything together up until high school.
IF ADHD WERE A TRAUMA RESPONSE - my older brother would not have shown symptoms since infant age.
I would have not been diagnosed pre - trauma. And that means my younger brother would have definitely had to have been diagnosed or at least have some symptoms of adhd due to significant life changing trauma that occurred in our lives.
Since it is NOT a trauma response, my younger brother didn't "develop" adhd or adhd symptoms. Instead, he developed other ways of coping with the stress and trauma. I will point out that my older brother and I were not able to manage our symptoms well during that time which may have had exaggerated our emotions and difficulties.
From experience, and over 30 years of observation, adhd is genetic. There are symptoms from infant years, even in healthy households.
It undermines the condition to say it is a trauma response. Are there similarities? Sure! Can people with adhd go through trauma? Certainly. But does trauma cause this neurological and genetic condition? Absolutely not.
5:32 That conductor theory is such a good analogy. So accurate!
Not undiagnosed me watching this on 1.5 speed because my 🧠 is in a rush to gather this information about undiagnosed me.
Get diagnosed if you can! The proper dose of medication is life changing. Literally.
Can confirm. 37yrs old and finally diagnosed with ADHD after a history of being diagnosed with severe anxiety. The anxiety hasn’t gone away with the ADHD diagnosis. I now ‘simply’ have to manage both.
Also to add, I have severe childhood trauma and abuse in my 0-7yrs at the hand of my dad. Stable for a couple of years with my mum. Then at 9-16 became her caregiver. Moved out at 16. So there’s that trauma to ADHD link for you as well.
Correction, you probably have cPTSD. The "c" stands for "complex" which is usually the result of early childhood trauma that is repetitive or long lasting or even older acquired trauma that has a long duration. A therapist can help with dismantling the trauma which should help with anxiety, but also try a coach who deals with SE (somatic experiencing). I used one for a while and it helped. Good luck.
@@DK-zu6ttExactly, and I can fully recommend EMDR-therapy for anyone who wants to battle C-PTSD and PTSD. It was life changing for myself.
Watching this made me wanna cry but also gave me a sense of relief. Wow. She just summarized my entire life in one clip, better than anyone could ever have. 😢
Same here.... It was nearly as if it is some hidden camera prank... but looks like it is not 😟
Me too, Mel describes me to a tee. I can pay attention when I’m really interested, I can pay attention better than anyone. Anxiety at school you bet, I didn’t tell anyone I just muddled through. I relate so much to what Mel said here. I remember all my books falling out of my locker, being late for school every day. I was diagnosed at 75 🤷♀️ three years ago, I’m not on meds. I think it’s hereditary, but I also think childhood trauma has a lot to do with it.
She does this a lot for me along with the crappy childhood fairy.⊙﹏⊙ Hang in there girls 💗 We have to be our own self advocates these days.
At the age of 57 I was diagnosed with ADHD. I listened to Mel’s podcast re how she was diagnosed with ADHD. That was the catalyst to my making the phone call to schedule a drs appt.
When I think of the lost generation of women who have been diagnosed later in life it fills me with sadness. My childhood was chaos, trauma. School was so much harder for me. I have dealt with anxiety for so many years. I work with a woman in her 40s and one in her 60s who were both diagnosed later in life.
I have been wearing a mask for years hiding the challenges that I deal with behind closed doors. Please make the phone call and get tested. You are worth it! ❤
I’m 56 and it wasn’t until my son was diagnosed with ADD and exhibited anxiety within the past 6 years, I realized that I was seeing me in him. My Mom recently told me that as a kid, I didn’t nap or sleep well. The doctor told her I was just an active child. Now, I have anxiety, chew the inside of my lips and mouth horrible when I get stressed.
The conductor in the brain and the being hyper vigilant . I have never heard something describe how I feel
I didn’t have a chaotic or rough child hood and I had adhd. I think there’s trauma that cause pose itself like adhd but I think some people are just born with this brain difference.
I’m undiagnosed, but looking at so many things across my life…and at how my late father was very much like me - he had to have been ADHDr, too.
But I also have the childhood trauma of their divorce (manifested as abandonment) and a mom who has been showing her cards as a narcissist-type person in the last several years.
Found out last summer that when mom & stepdad were getting together, when I was a child, and he was taking illicit drugs!??! I can’t wait to drop that on them.
Omg this explains so much about why everything randomly fell apart when I was that age.
About getting distracted by external stimuli when studying, its also worth mentioning that your own thoughts can be the greatest distraction.
I wasn’t diagnosed until 2 years ago… I’m 32 now. Looking back now that I know what I know many things make so much more sense
Yes walking around constantly feeling on edge.. because you feel you never are good, ok, for any situation.
There is a severe amount of people under diagnosed and over diagnosed
I completely relate to this. I have autism and ADHD. The ADHD makes me disorganised and my autistic makes me a tyrant to myself. My anxiety has made be suicidal all my life and it’s only now at 26 I’m being to imagine a future where suicide isn’t my only option
No matter how difficult it is.... It does get easier to manage with age ❤️ I come from a similar place and at 30 years old it's definitely more manageable ❤
Every tool you can use to help you be the best you that is possible. Breathing, hydration, exercise, diet, sleep, “earthing” or grounding. Trial and error will tell you what makes a difference. Please don’t give up . . . suicide is devastating for those left behind. You are important; hang in there, please. (Grandparent of a neuro-divergent child 💝)
Thank you for sharing ❤ I'm also in my mid 20s with AuDHD and it can be hard to imagine days when things are substantially better
Bless you, that’s a lot to deal with. I’m glad those thoughts have passed. Take care, I hope you find the love and support, you rightly deserve. 💕
You are so valuable. I don't want you to think suicide is ever a solution. You are loved and wanted and have purpose and value in this world by just being you. 🙏❤️
I’m born in the 80s and I feel I was also in the “lost generation” I was diagnosed age 36. I know that’s not as late in life as others but being diagnosed and treated with anxiety and depression since age 9 & 13 when it was adhd. My anxiety is so exacerbated due to this. Not a single person wanted to figure out WHY I had anxiety. They were both secondary to the ADHD.
Same! I was 37. Lifetime of being diagnosed with anxiety and later depression. My brother was diagnosed as a child. I was told to stop daydreaming, pull my socks up, and stop being dramatic. 🤷♂️
I hear you, It’s a shame it’s not picked up earlier. We can, and do live good lives, but we need to know what we’re dealing with.
I have to agree with you in terms of finding out why anxiety/depression is there. I believe my sister had ADHD. She was born in 1985, when ADHD was first offered professionally but it was t widely known and looking back she was textbook ADHD. Her anxiety & depression overwhelmed her at age 35 (when Covid hit) & she committed suicide. It is heartbreaking it isn’t respected but I think with time it will be more well known & understood.
@@Red_1976I’m so sorry for the loss of your sister. Thank you for telling her story. It keeps her alive and will help other people at the same time. I pray for blessings for you and everyone who loved her.
Thank you for shining a light on this critical issue. I'm 57 and I was recently diagnosed. My teen daughter was diagnosed yesterday and I am so happy that she will get the support that she needs.
Makes sense that ADHD may be connected with trauma, as it is very common in folks with PTSD. I have both and have met other PTSD folks with ADHD. We often hear people say, “You sure turned out better than anyone would expect considering what you endured.” Which is what made me/ us believe it is a self preservation technique in its most literal way. We either melt into a catatonic state for life, self medicate, or develop an ability to shut-off aspects of the trauma.
the truth is that out symptoms so often are experienced on a smaller scale by the general public that no one believes we are actually struggling to the degree of needing help
This was a great interview. I was 60 when I eventually went for help as I could not figure what was "wrong" me. Being female, we were below the radar at school & college. What relief to be assessed & get a better understanding of myself but wasted many years of not knowing but constant battle with depression, hypothyroidism, low self esteem etc. Still have my battles but have had counseling & therapy to readapt to life. Still daydream though, but then I am processing thoughts - or something. Can easily space out but now I can, cos I am retired. But wasted many years as I could not manage myself. Now on antidepressants & Ritalin which has stablised me. I function somehow......
Me too. I’m 62. Therapy since I was 15 years old. I felt so much sadness when I realized if I’ve been diagnosed earlier, I would’ve had a much better life.
@@kateshorter1807 absolutely, as I feel & know that I missed out on better potential in life but cannot go back. Make the best of what is left in the twilight years!!
I think Mel is on the mark. PTSD/ADHD and OCD are all related.
Yes! And don't forget autism too!
No, there's no "PTSD/ADHD." They're two separate diagnoses.
That is the most comprehensive example of what cannabis did for me at that age; It helped ‘manage’ the ‘orchestra’ like a conductor. Perfect. I was lucky because back in the 70s, especially being brown, there’s no way I would’ve been diagnosed
The story about the test and feeling helpless was my exact problem. It felt like the source of my test anxiety starting in middle school.
Myself as well. I get an icky feeling in my chest/stomach just thinking about it. 😖
When I diagnosed ADHD in my thirties, a huge weight melted away. I could finally forgive myself for decades of mistakes and "bad" behaviour.
This makes me want to cry. I am 43 and juat diagnosed. But at 12 i was just like she says.
I too am part of the lost generation. Absolutely resonated with the anxiety. I was diagnosed with hyperactivity disorder in 81 and received no treatment or support. Thank goodness we are beginning to understand this topic better 😊…so interesting to consider the complex developmental trauma which I experienced 😊
I am also age 50 and am wondering if there is more prevalence of ADHD in our generation because of latch-key and emotional neglect?
I relate a lot to this, but I had symptoms before age 12. Didn't find out until age 20 but after I found out my mom told me she has expected it since I started school
I'm born 1964 & ADHD. I knew from about age 5 but it wasn't recognised. It was painful.
I was not diagnosed until I was 24. Everyone just said my head was in the clouds as a child they called it “gingers world” like after Elmo’s world since that was my favorite cartoon as a kid. I always did well in school and a huge part of that was I wanted to be a veterinarian since I was 4 and always had pressure to do well so I could get into vet school. I could never stay organized though no matter how hard I tried, it is hard to focus on long conversations, it is hard to focus on tasks that are not physical, my brain is never quiet. I was diagnosed as I was in my 2nd year of vet school and it became just sitting at my computer and books watching lectures and studying 12-16 hours a day. I couldn’t handle it. It became so hard to retain anything, to focus, I was so miserable. I went to mental health specialist for the first time and they diagnosed me ADHD and I was developing anxiety and depression due to trying to mask my ADHD so much.
My whole life to a T! I just got diagnosed at age 41. ALL my quirks are finally explained! From struggling with sleep my whole life, anxiety, time management, reading trouble, binge eating, hair figgiting, and mind running like a machine. I thought that was how everyone worked. Sad that I feel like I could have gotten help so much sooner… I’m extra proud of the things I have accomplished despite it though. Trying to sort through medication and a way to actually get it and afford about $500 per month insurance won’t cover. Any suggestions, fellow ADHD peeps?!
It's tough to say without knowing you personally or what country you are in, but here are some things that help me: limit processed foods, wheat, dairy, and sugar. Going for long walks 40 min or more. When you can afford it, chiropractic applied kinesiology, acupuncture, or massage. If you have a good or service to trade, occasionally private practitioners will accept payment that way. Just an idea.
Thanks for sharing. I’m 43, live in Australia and I have every symptom in the list. In the past two years I have seen doctors to try to get a diagnosis. The first doctor told me to stay off social media, another accused me of just wanting drugs. Not one doctor will take me seriously. There’s no help in Australia. I’m not sure there’s any hope for our health care system either.
I am 2 weeks away from 70 I figured out I was ADHD in my 60s I knew I was dialectic long before I figure I am to old for a fix but everything you said in this video was me I have worked out ways for some things thank you for helping me know positively
Watching this video at age 48 & for the first time, I’m feeling she’s talking about me. This is such a aha moment for me! Now i have to figure out what are the next steps I need to take to get treated & to form the habits & behaviors that will help me succeed. Better late than never!
1962, I was in 2nd grade. Doc said he'd diagnose me with add if I was a boy. Instead, over the years, I was labeled lazy, doesn't work to potential, no impulse control, doesn't complete assignments. Live my life like the plate spinner on the Ed Sullivan Show. I'm a 70 yr old case study for untreated female ADD.
My daughter had undiagnosed ADHD at 12 and she was being bullied at School. It was terribly handled by the school. She developed severe anxiety and depression. Now at 14 she has just been diagnosed with ADHD.
Thank you for sharing this. So insightful.
This is 💯 me .. I’m 57 and have just been referred for an adhd assessment by my GP
I was diagnosed at 57. It certainly explains a lot. I’m grateful for the diagnosis and now learning tools to make the 2nd half of my life better than the first half. Best to you.
So thankful for you sharing this
Excellent interview! Thank you for both of your insight! ❤
That has been my life. Thanks Mel.❤
So glad to see Mel’s reaction to Gabors theory. ❤ it’s all connected
Wow!!!!! Trauma as related to ADHD…. Mind blown… and I have started watching Dr. Gabor’s stuff. Thank you !
I don't agree with him, so I'd say listen to his stuff, but not everyone who has ADHD had a traumatic and chaotic childhood.
Also, it's ADHD is related to trauma, not the other way around.
Trauma is only indirectly related to ADHD as per the diagnostic criteria. It is not required for diagnosis.
I loved your summary Steve
Ok, the conversation was lost when Gabor Mate was mentioned.
Born in 1980, diagnosed at 37 treatment from 40. It took me 3 years to get proper help and medication. On the plus side ADHD medication & therapy is for free in the Czech Republic. Life changer! Better everything!!
Love your videos, very informative
I love your podcasts.You were born to speak & motivate the world. Plz mentor me to be a great coach like you! Sending my love & warmest huggs to you from South Africa!❤🤗
thank you properly explained well presented honestly you are appreciated
7:20 building on this… I reckon that if a child doesn’t feel safe, they activate survival mode and if this is chronic, the brain over develops that part of the brain causing them to be hyper sensitive to threats and therefore anxious in nature. If this happens over a prolonged period of time, the brain doesn’t have the time and/or capacity to properly develop other parts of the brain - in the case of ADHD, the pre-frontal cortex. I think that there is hope for some remedying of this but due to the nature of neuroplasticity, the earlier you identify it the better. The longer you go without awareness/diagnosis, the deeper ingrained those neuropathways are, and the harder you have to work to change them. For me, ADHD wasn’t even on my radar of possibility until I was in my thirties - and I figured it out myself - no medical professional EVER mentioned it and I honestly believe if it wasn’t for the internet and how technology tracks your data, and shows you relevant content, I wouldn’t have made the connection and sought a diagnosis.
Yes!!! Sooo me. I was dx at 11 as a girl but I refused to take my med and my parents didn’t understand it enough to “make me” take it.
Finally in my 40s as I was helping one of my children who has it, and while learning more about it was like “I think I have this! Then “oh yeah I was dx as a kid”.
I had undiagnosed anxiety. My main trauma was my parents divorcing and dating and remarrying. However, I had it likely sooner than that as I look back, it just increased after the divorce.
Finally now medicated and watching videos to learn strategies and trying so hard to not beat myself up about my shortcomings due to it! Counseling helps a bit. DBT helps as well.
I was diagnossed at age 5 years old because of my older brother. I had many of his symptomes and I wasn't mimicing him because we didn't live in the same house so I would only see him on weekends. The funny thing is: I was a small child, I was taught coping techniques and estrategies that worked great for school life, sort of kind of worked for college and... Failed miserably after I was out of the structure of academic life. It was about 7 years after graduating college that I started to learn about ADHD and I was like "ok, I knew I had it but I didn't know what it ment nor what it is." It was mindblowing!!! Really. I had no idea the things I was blaming myself and creepling my selfworth were actually all part of ADHD and my issue was I was using the wrong tools for my brain. When I changed the tools, things improved. I was also doing things without knowing they were harder than I kwen and blaming myself. Now I know it's not me, it's the thing that's harder and will take more time so I need to be more patient and loving with myself. It amazing how knowledge truly sets us free.
I’m 44, I just got diagnosed 3 months ago.. and I am also getting assessed for ASD..
A rollercoaster of emotions about it.. sadness for all the years lost, relief for getting properly diagnosed.
Women have been misdiagnosed with mood disorders vs. neurodivergent disorders..
It’s horrible!!!
Don’t even get me started on POC or Indigenous people. 😤
And yes it is very related to trauma yet ASD is how we process.
I had to do these things.. to cope.. maladaptive day dreaming yet also being super hyperviliant.
I relate to this as well. 35 f getting evaluated. Mix of relief, sadness, regret etc. There’s also a big stigma surrounding ADHD, even in the medical community. The whole process is so hard but grateful I’m finally on the right track.
I’ve never been diagnosed but all of this sounds just like what I’ve experienced all my life. High levels of anxiety WITHOUT medication because my parents and I didn’t even realize that’s what I was experiencing. I was constantly scolded for not paying attention. I missed so much school. The “buzzing” in my brain is what I called it. I couldn’t focus. I still have that. I don’t know how to go about bringing this up to my doctor due to my age. I feel like what’s the point now… and I’ve been dismissed so many times over other conditions. bringing it up and the doctor dismissing it as “I’m crazy”. Just thinking about it is causing anxiety.
I hated school except for the social aspects. It was such a struggle. Paying attention in class, especially ones like math where I really needed the teacher’s explanations in order to learn and succeed was almost painful. I would try so hard but if there was something I didn’t understand or missed because for a moment my brain decided to daydream about something irrelevant, like “I wonder how chalk is made”. I’d then almost panic because I had missed or didn’t understand something. So instead of being able to move with the class I was now stuck in this panic about missing something and was now missing the rest of the instruction. My mother who was a teacher and very interested in brain development had given me numerous IQ tests and I always scored 140-144, was convinced I was just not applying myself. I of course just felt that there’s something wrong with me and I’m no good. Hearing Mel talk about the lost generation is eye opening because I too am 55.
This video is a game changer for me.
This is a must see for everyone. We all need to educate ourselves and others. I was the missed generation! More than anything I want people to know what the signs are so you can accommodate that person who is suffering. Since my mental health was undiagnosed for 62 years, imagine the anxiety I had to live with and not know why? The symptoms of Bipolar disorder and ADHD are common bit if these doctors (especially primary doctors) should know and be able to see the difference. God Bless all that have been undiagnosed or late diagnosis. Imagine the low self esteem all of us have suffered without knowing why we were not the brightest bulb in the room. ❤😢
Thank you 😊
We’ve known how boys and girls ‘symptoms’ manifest (show up) differently for decades. However our ‘systems’ choice to ignore it and have focused on behaviors - not underlying causes. Easier and more profitable to charge for meds. In my opinion, “ADD/ADHD” is mostly a symptom(s), still. So what’s that underlying cause? Often more than one … trauma is certainly one, nutrition or lack there of (eating junk), lack of sunlight/vit D = in door living, screen time, etc, etc. Our modern life is making us sicker and sicker. Keep peeling back the layers.
I think many adhders do have a bad lifestyle, but more because of adhd, than adhd beeing result of the lifestyle. But the bad lifstyle could make it worse. It runs in family's and those without family history is very few to back your theory. So kids with adhd are more likely to have adhd parents, and if untreated, are likely to get hot-headed more often than other parents. But as parents in wheelchair can't show their kids how to run, most untreated adhd parents can't show their kids to not be angry or how to timemanagement. So think its very important to discover and help those parents, so they can break the cirkel
In the emerging public awareness of ADHD in the late 80s and early 90s there was a great focus on sugar and processed food reduction. That certainly helped in varying degrees. As you say though, multiple potential causes.
I'm not sure about screen time though as, in the 70s when ADHD was being studied, there was only the TV. Most kids were outdoors running around and limited to only a couple hours watching the box. In the UK breakfast TV didn't appear until January 1983 and although we did have TISWAS and Swap Shop from the mid 70s on Saturday mornings, we were kicked out the house as soon as the 3 hours was finished.
Even when the pocket Game Boy appeared in 1989 kids were still very physically active.
My brother was diagnosed with it around age 7. That was 1980. We got lots of outdoor play, very little screen time (an hour or two in the evenings of TV), and my mother did not give us much junk food, fast food or processed food, and even less when my brother was diagnosed. My mother had it in the late 40's and 50's.
Thanx guys🎉❣️
This is wonderful! Hope you can bring someone to talk about the lost generation of autistic women in the future!
i’m 58 years old and i learned from my grandson
Oof. If you don't have ADHD, imagine you do - consider all the things you may have missed while you were trying your hardest to stay afloat - from a social standpoint, an organizational one, an academic one, a professional one. That "around 12 years old" estimate must be an average. Especially among young girls learning to socialize, they can smell neurodivergence and you are instantly on the outs from that very moment. Your number one goal IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL is to mask as convincingly as possible in every situation where you can be perceived by your peers. Every. Single. Situation. Park district, church, school, going to get ice cream, going to a store, having fun at the water park. If that would not make you hypervigilant from the word go, I don't know what would.
We don't only deserve to be understood because people think we went through obvious external trauma. Mel Robbins is great. She tried to adopt that trauma point and it derailed the entire video for me.
I didn't get diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my late 30's after both my son and my daughter were diagnosed years earlier. At 61, I still have residual issues. I have less trouble when I am solitary.
Mel Robbins! I friggen love you! You are my mentor! You are the bomb, lady! ❤🎉
Yes!!! I was thinking of my favorite Gabor Mate as I was listening as I do believe it's due to Trauma...and then you guys mentioned him 😍
Please get DR Barkley on your show. An expert.
Yes! Omg! Yes! It's terrifying to me how people praise Gabor Mate and everyone is now convinced that all ADHD comes from trauma and if you treat the trauma, the ADHD goes away 🤯 We need to hear from Dr Russell Barkley even more to balance all this out!
Would be amazing to see him on the podcast!
It wasn't until my son was diagnosed I accepted that I might have it as well. I thought I just had to try harder than everyone else. I have been a student most of my adult life and have had to work very hard at it. Despite having to grind it out more than anyone I knew, I have multiple degrees: an associates degree in health sciences, two bachelors degrees, one in bology, and the other in psychology, a masters in psychology and now a PhD in Psychophysiology. It wasn't until my doctoral dissertation I was diagnosed. The diagnosis has changed my life and a combination of medication, and behavioral strategies has helped me in so many ways. The irony of all of this is that in my field of psychophysiology, I actually work with people who can fix the underlying neurological issues that are a part of this condition. Sometimes we’re just too close to the answer, but I also didn’t think I had a problem. Once my dissertation is behind me I’ll be using some of my skills to rewire my brain for the better, but also with consideration of other information that’s out there and helping others to manage theirs too.
I wasn't diagnosed with a.d.h.d. until I was in my 40's. I recently realized my severe CPTSD and a.d.h.d with all my coping skills have been intertwined like a spiders web!
My mum said she always knew I had adhd since age 3 I was very hyperactive, now I’m older it’s different I’m impulsive I don’t make the right choices, constantly loosing jobs and friends cancelling plans extreme over thinking, I did have something traumatic happen to me as a child which probably didn’t help, school was bad my job performance is bad and at the moment it’s out of control and it’s so loud in my head.
I was diagnosed at 22 by lengthy testing by a psychologist. My psychiatrist was yelling at me I needed to go for months and then I did it lol. I did well in school and was obedient and quiet. I just was told that I was lazy, disorganized, and never did homework. But my test grades and class work made up for that. Meds help like 60% but I’m so grateful as they alleviate my stress as I notice it coming back after weeks without the med (cause I forget to pick it up lol). It’s just stressful to have your thoughts bouncing all over the place and feeling frazeled all the time. It’s helpful for creating things and solving problems, but this modern world was not made for my brain.
I was diagnosed with ADD at six years old in first grade. I was studied. I was mainstreamed. I was also over medicated on Ritalin. My childhood was a nightmare. As part of the studies they did on me, they gave me intelligence tests. I took the WISC , the WISC r, the WAIS, and the WAIS r, as well as other tests. They guesstimated my iq to be around 175. I saw a therapist at school once a week from 3rd grade through sixth grade. I’m 58 years old now. I still struggle with ADD. In college I had a friend that was a student in the psych department. She had to give the WAIS r to five different people. I finished the 2 hour test in 20 minutes. I hadn’t seen the test since fifth grade.
If you had a chaotic childhood you probably had parents who had ADHD.
Or, you might have had patents who didn't have ADHD but had substance abuse issues, anger management problems, mood disorders, etc., etc.
What if you had both?
@@Red_1976well they usually go together!
@@LanguidAndBittersweet There’s a stark amount of people who are associated with those things that have ADHD. Especially addicts.
I only got diagnosed as a kid because I showed the hyper activity and lack of attention. I had the symptoms girls had too but I was hyperactive cant sit still/stimming/fidgeting whatever. They called it ADD back then. Only those of us who showed it that way got diagnosed as kids. Getting the diagnosis didnt help the meds were constantly wrong never right. Like you said they didnt understand it much.
Thank you for a very understandable explanation. You are a few (5) years younger than me so I can relate to much of your story, though it does imply an otherwise stable and supportive environment (good for you, if that's the case!🙂), which I did not enjoy, and of course does not register the additional cultural obstacles to diagnosis for Black girl children in the late '60's/early 70's (which I did "enjoy").
Nonetheless, this was a very useful touchstone as I begin the diagnostic process in the European country where I now live, where my childhood records are not present, and where no familial anecdotal evidence is possible -- all of which, I am told, is necessary for a true diagnosis. 🤷🏾♀️ So it's been quite helpful, your explanation. Thank you. Happy New Year to you🎉🙂!
Anxiety depression, I read this all the time. If only Drs dug a little deeper it could save us a mountain of trouble, diagnoses is the key, sooner the better. Decades ago kids weren’t diagnosed, as ADHD wasn’t recognised, kids were seen as naughty children, parents were seen, and thought of as bad parents ,so sad. 😞
Mel Robbin’s is describing my life growing up. I was living in fear that my dad would explode. At the same time I would get up early in the morning before anyone else to study for a test. There was no way for me to concentrate if there was any noise. I never knew I couldn’t concentrate because of this fear. To this day I have to be by myself in order to do heavy thinking. What do I do to get rid of this anxiety?
They say ADHD was over diagnosed and girls were left out. I believe they didn’t have the right criteria and girls with ADHD symptoms were more pronounced when they went through puberty and had their periods. As we now know oestrogen plays a big part with ADHD. So much so that women going through menopause need hormone replacement therapy to help keep their ADHD in check. But it seems that society had been lead down a path where we were told to believe that boys got over diagnosed because of their gender and girls were ignored. Girls had imposter syndrome so they learned to hide it? Boys did that as well and some are still going through that.
She is describing me😢 I was just diagnosed at 51 years ago.
ADHD is a *neurodevelopmental disorder*. If we are going to talk about “trauma” let’s talk about it in relation to having to live with undiagnosed, underdeveloped executive functioning on an intellectual, emotional and neurological level whilst trying to meet and live up your own needs plus the needs and standards of others and those that they set for you.
Some of the results might not be some peoples “worst case scenario” but they can be catastrophic and lead to things like depression, anxiety, severe stress on an emotional and biological level (digestive disorders, eating disorders), addiction, homelessness, severe financial instability.
Autism is classified within the same category as ADHD - neurodevelopmental disorder, can people rid themselves from autism by dealing with “apparent trauma”. Aside from that, I hope and highly doubt that it’s even this issue and if we reverse the commentary there would be no “trauma as a result” due to effective diagnosis’, support and medication in place and people could live with conditions like these as successful and autonomous people - trauma as a root cause should be out of the question. And trauma as a result should continue to be managed effectively.
Thank god I have found a comment from someone with brain cells! All these idiots listening like sheep without doing any actual research are completely misconstruing what ADHD actually is. I hate to say it but half the people now saying based off of this nonsense that they have adhd, don’t have it. It’s a nuerodevelopmental disorder. You can’t change that. I have seen one comment about “acute adhd” 🤦🏻♀️ you either have it or you don’t. You can’t cure it by sorting out “trauma”.
Then try having both and not receiving dual diagnosis until age 42
I have adhd I found this helpful !❤
OMG I never knew, it makes sense now, it can be trauma based Thank you💓👏🌌
3:43🙋♀️ yep. This is my story! I knew that girls were under diagnosed because our symptoms don’t present as obviously but I didn’t know about this “Lost Generation” part… having said that, I heard that most studies are done on men because female hormones create an uncontrollable variable…
I only realised I have ADHD as I was helping my daughter research what help was available for her and suddenly my whole life made sense. I’m not sure if I’m going to go down the diagnosis route but I do want my daughter to get all the help she can, I don’t want her to feel lost in life like I’ve felt for the past 48yrs.
The trauma associated makes sense for me as I’m the eldest of nine kids and I never got any peace to myself and my parents were always arguing about money issues etc so I would zone out just to find some peace to think. My youngest child is autistic and my eldest has had to cope with continuous meltdowns from her sibling all her life so yes I believe there may be a connection between trauma and ADHD, but I think more so that the trauma brings the ADHD to the surface more and the child stops masking it because masking isn’t managing the symptoms anymore. My daughter was also about 12 when we realised she very probably has ADHD, she’s now 16 and we’re still waiting for the diagnosis 🙄 (UK waitlist 😕)
I'm twenty eight and I'm... should i say i self diagnosed cos of my hyper awareness and all these wonderful experts on TH-cam? I still haven't learnt how to cope with things and develop a stabilizing lifestyle but... I will get there. Mel Robins, thank you for this speech. Everything you said was so relatable and I'm observing that my mom also displays symptoms of adhd tho she won't agree with me tho I explain it to her
Couple of tips from a life long ADHD woman, who had to get organized and be responsible.
First, I set all my clocks ahead. I did not understand this until I was diagnosed, but here's what happens: when I see the time closer to when I NEED to leave, I get a jolt of adrenaline, which calms my brain and allows me to focus to actually get out the door on time. It works, well, like clockwork, lol. Boyfriends used to mock me and tell me I was crazy, but I just knew it worked.
Second I made lists like a champ. I wrote down a daily list of what I needed to do---just let my brain barf it up. Then I went back and reworked the list in order of urgency (prioritizing) and a loose time schedule. At the end of the day the lesser important stuff at the bottom of the list that did not get done, went to the top or close to the top the next day.
Also, get a paper calendar if you have a lot to manage. People will laugh at you because everyone uses their phone or watch or whatever calendar, but for people with ADHD, paper is better. I fought this for a few years, because I was seen as "old school" and there was an ageist tone at work when people mocked me for using a paper calendar, but trying to stay organized in an electric calendar was a train wreck for me.
And when you really need to read things or study, use a paper version if possible. Again, I know it's old fashioned and some people might even say irresponsible, but studies have shown that you learn more reading from paper, and then you can make notes easier from it or annotate, and it's kinder to the ADHD brain that gets more apped up from blue light (tech screens).
Another thing: If you have some stuff that is really distracting you, let's say, you got a bad grade on a test that you thought you did well on and don't quite know why it happened, or you had a fight with your best friend or some other fairly major thing eating at you: Journal. Let your brain barf it up on paper. No one has to read it. Write down all your fears, theories on why you had a particular undesirable outcome, anger or a plan to fix things or do better. Or all of the above. Writing it down is cathartic, and when I would put stuff on paper, I felt less scatter brained and I could focus just a little better.
Finally, a website called "ADDitude" was very helpful to me and you can watch experts talk about helping your symptoms and there are a decent amount of resources for women. When you get to perimenopausal age, your ADHD will likely get worse due to lower estrogen. No one told me that and I thought I was going crazy and or failing. So be prepared.
Good luck dear!
@@DK-zu6tt thank-you so much for your suggestions. ❤️ That was kind of you to take your time and leave such an elaborate response. I was dismayed by the possibility that ADHD was the cause of my miserable self who struggled with her everything. But it was also relieving and eye opening. I began journaling starting October and though I'm not regular I tune into it. It hasn't been super helpful but it's made things better. I will keep in mind all the tips you've provided.
The writing down/Brain dump of my tasks kind of makes me nervous. But I may feel good about it soon. Yes I understand writing is a key to get stuff off of your chest.
What I struggle with the most is that I can't get my brain to shut off or shut up. I end up overdoing (hyperactivity or hyper focus you can say) or nothing. yes i too recently discovered an article on ADDitude. Though I haven't gone through the information there, I will... There are different kinds of adhd my mom is sort of generic example while I'm the mixed sort. I got officially diagnosed but she's so stubborn she won't move an inch or try to make things better. Yes Adhd varies from people to people oh man
I was only just diagnosed April 2023 aged 37 AuDHD and almost a year later I'm still struggling to get help because of such lack of care for mental health. Being undiagnosed has caused Anxiety Depression as well as FND. 😢
I was tested as a child and didn’t test positive when I was around the 1st grade, since I was struggling to learn to read. I was just diagnosed on Monday at 34. I definitely had daydreaming and anxiety
They were likely using boy's symptoms which display different. It's a chronic problem, there is much bias still with ADHD specialists.
My Mom who was born in 1917 had ADD, I'm the youngest of her 3 children born in 1958 and I have ADD. For example, I recently discovered Mom had a list of folks she wanted to send announcements to of my High School Graduation in 1976. Then I discovered my actual College Graduation invitations addressed and never mailed from 1981. What did I see: Myself! My Mom and I always had each others back throughout life and we were Best Friends, since my 2 older siblings are 8 and 5 years older with a similar neurological wiring like our father, leaning more towards, lets say Left Brain dominance and not a whole lot of common sense, in addition to coming up short on morals and ethics. My personal conclusions, the wave of women undiagnosed with ADD/ADHD existed far before the 60's and 70's.
I want to thank Mel Robbins because of her I was just diagnosed with ADHD at 64, although I did not have any trauma in my childhood
Of course not, this is Gabor Mate's quackery to sell books. Just because a lot of people with ADHD experience trauma it does not mean trauma causes it. Co-relation does not prove causation. The conversation was going very well until he mentioned Gabor Mate. He should have let HER finish her thoughts without bringing that quack into the conversation.