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Making this realization a while ago really helped my mental health. Bad people don't worry about if they're bad people, but only being perceived as bad, and only you know your true intentions.
@@Myview246 Selfish: Caring only about what you want or need without any thought for the needs or wishes of other people. - Cambridge Dictionary People often reflect on their own needs, but not everyone translates that self-awareness into selfish actions.
Something I practice when I’m feeling selfish is to remind myself that that the only difference between me and the less fortunate people is that I was luckier in life and that I could have been very much in their place if I was any less lucky and if I was in their place I would love them to share a little of what they have. For me this really helps because comparing myself to the more fortunate people only makes me more selfish.
The problem with this line of thinking is that what you perceive as ideal is not often reality, hypothetical questions gives hypothetical answers and hypothetical answers are never practical
This is yet another conundrum. If you are in a much luckier position than others, you are sympathetic towards the less lucky and want to give, by that point of view. In a case you could find yourself less fortunate too, or less lucky than others. This indirectly also establishes that the more luckier/fortunate is sympathetic towards the less and thus is "supposed" to give to less. We end up making a "supposed-position". This means this will lead to a "selfishness" path at the end when the more-lucky becomes the less-lucky. It's bit hard to understand the conundrum without saying it outloud. Take yourself as a kid which has so much resources that you can overeat every single day of your life and still you could end up wasting a lot of food. Compared to yourself, kids in Africa who are starving can just live off of 10% of your whole year's diet. But what if you are relatively in the situation of "starving African kid"? Just not in the case of food... Would you keep living by the expectation that the food has to come from someone else? Would you form "any" expectations because you want to be selfless? You might say, "I'll grow my own crops rather than expecting from others". We end up creating a double-standard situation by the virtue of "generosity".
@@IDMYM8 The OP was saying that the fortunate should help the unfortunate more, and not that the unfortunate should expect aid from the fortunate. If that is what he meant, then your extrapolation makes sense.
@@MarkyMcFlumplr06it means that when you are at a different stance than someone else and their conduct makes you annoyed or irritated, it takes a good deal to be able to accept that their views and perspectives are just as valid as yours
@@MarkyMcFlumplr06For Murdoch, true love comes with the sublime - the fear, awe, recognition of the otherness of things/ppl, how they are different from what you thought, and that your worldview and perception of them is not the final, and yet also the respect of this otherness. Murdoch calls this a tragedy because it is a painful process to realise you dont actually understand something and you have to shift your paradigm and renavigate, but as tragedies are, ppl come out better at the end of it. But it is also a tragedy because this is a never ending cycle to unlearn and relearn. Yet humans have the tragic freedom to persist in doing so rather than stay in their own limited worldview (if you know the allegory of Plato's cave) She conceptualised this process called "Unselfing", (which is the paying attention part in the video) meaning to look beyond your own views, challenge them, and realise that you and your brain are always imposing a familiar image (like a stereotype or concept) onto someone or something, and you are not truly understanding and seeing the person as they are, and likely, you will tragically never truly understand, yet you will respect them despite that fear and non-control -- that is true love, as well as moral good. Because when you realise you dont understand, you actually thus understand a little better, and moral good can be better done. Ex: some colonisers thought they had to save those "uncivilised" so they colonised more, even though no one asked for that, but that's what those colonisers saw- a group of "pitiful low-lives" "needing to be saved" - that's the image imposed onto them rather than true understanding and respect of another civilisation, and true good thus wasn't done, only this self-imposed deluded idea of it. If you want another example that's more on the individual scale, and if you like a good novel, try our Iris Murdoch's _The Sea The Sea_ It's a novel on a retired famous theatre director moving to a town by the sea, and you quickly realise he has a huge ego, and how he sees those around him as well as treats them, particularly, his ex-coworkers, his cousin/family, and most importantly this lady in a bad marriage who was his first and lost crush and with whom he wants to restart a love story (if it'll hook you, spoiler: he kidnaps her. But that's not even the biggest twist) But yeah, to Murdoch, (true) love is supposed to be difficult because reality never fits your comfortable perception
The problem with the cupcake example is that no one actually cares if you take the last cupcake. It’s not selfish at all, but just perceived to be for no practical reason. I see it more like a problem of managing anxiety than moral responsibility. My depression makes me anxious about all sorts of silly unreasonable things like that, which I should really just ignore. Just eat the cupcake!
The donor class warped our minds to perceive that. I personally think they're projecting themselves in this case because they were never taught about sharing. Why'd you think they hate PBS shows like Sesame Street that teaches such egalitarian values?
@@josephpostma1787 I feel like self-love means you love yourself enough not to let others treat you any kind of way, you respect your boundaries and let other people know your boundaries, and have a general realistic yet content opinion of yourself accepting your strengths, weaknesses, and looks. Self-care is taking some time away to focus on your mental health or simply just alone time. It can be reading, doing laundry, or anything that brings you peace of mind. Selfishness is doing things only considering yourself in mind. Being inconsiderate and unempathetic. Not caring if your decisions negatively harm others. Some characters who are known for their selfishness can be Scarlet O'Hara from Gone With the Wind, or how Tony Stark was in the first Iron Man and Avengers movie.
@paigewhitfield3624 I don’t think the quality of those characters can be described as simply “selfish”. Rather, they are selfish in the short-term. They only care about the immediate consequences of their actions. A point can be made that short-term selflessness can also be damaging. Long-term selfishness, though, can recognize the value of relationships in further gains.
Take the last cupcake… if you don’t, someone will. But if while you’re taking the last cupcake someone(s) comes along wanting a cupcake, share with them. Who knows, you may even make a friend in the process.
And whether it’s the last cupcake, the first cupcake, or the next to last, or the last cupcake but shared, once you’ve taken it - don’t look back even once - just enjoy the cupcake!
I feel like every human being is indeed selfish and that isn't a bad thing. Because i believe even a selfless act is, in fact, a selfish act. Being of help to others, sacrificing things and oppurtunities for others or even just donating to a charity(in an anonymous manner) usually gives us mental and emotional satisfaction and a sense of belonging, that we did something that might have made that person's day better even if no one esle knows about it. The thought of recieving one's appreciation for doing something significantly small in comparison for you, makes us happy and makes ourselves feel like a better person, which is necessary. Additionally, being selfish and understanding that putting yourself first before others in certain situations is much more healthy for the person, than not speaking your mind.
Well even if in both cases we are getting satisfaction, even then it's the choice of the individual what to choose, stomach satisfaction or emotional satisfaction. You can't blame a person of trying to achieve satisfaction. Satisfaction of bodily needs is animalistic, and necessary till some level. After which comes sharing and caring. And being long selfish after the necessary level can even lead to seven deadly sins. Sorry for a convoluted statement, but you get the point.
Honestly feels like you've just defined every single action we could possibly do as selfish then said we were all therefore selfish. I think the distinction lies in how much we actually care the needs of others that makes us selfish on not selfish, how much "satisfaction" we allow ourselves when we do an act that will not benefit us.
I think it isn't a question of rather or not we feel emotional satisfaction from doing good things, but rather or not this was our motivation. After all, our action helped someone else at least as much as it made us feel good for doing so, if we are only considering the results we could argue just as much that this was selfless. The real question is what motivates you, valuing the sake of others or feeling good about helping them.
During my childhood, I was basically supported by my mother alone. My father did provide some support, but it didn't compare to my mother's. Because of that, I didn't have many things growing up, and, whenever I got something, primarily toys, I would guard them zealously. If I were told to share, I would argue why should I share the very few things that I could call mine. To this day, I still behave like that in regards that I tend to be extremely protective of my personal property.
I see why being protective of your possetions when you have little may be a good strategy, but presumably as you have grown you have more; might it be good to be less protective if that is the case? Do you wish you were more generous with your belongings?
@@josephpostma1787 "Do you wish you were more generous with your belongings?" This is such a nuanced question, I asked it to myself and I really don't know the answer I will ask more people
@@brojakmate9872 I wouldn’t be so quick to pass judgement based on such a short anecdote from Caleb or even question his parentage. You don’t know him, nor his story. It’s not our place to come to such conclusions. I don’t think you’d feel great if I assumed that you were adopted and/or came from a single parent family simply because your comment seems to imply that you might perhaps have been in a similar situation in your childhood.
@@samueltanjw Sorry to tell you that I have a happy childhood and can afford DNA test so your projection is wrong I don't make baseless assumption. Read his comment again and look at his name and his profile picture and you can make some speculation about his mother and his origin Maybe he make up the story so he can gain sympathy judging by how he didn't even feel the need to defend himself
@@brojakmate9872 Not that it would in any way discredit Caleb, but why would you think he was adopted? All we can tell is that his dad was distant (emotionally, physically, financially or all of those).
I’ve been told I was selfish since I was young by my family. It always hurt my feelings. I’m just protective over my belongings…but now I feel selfish bc I struggle so much inside and don’t want to deal with outside chaos
In my opinion, one should always prioritize his own needs and wants but without hurting others because each person is responsible for his own happiness but this doesn't mean that you should not be kind or generous far from that. In fact, it's this form of selflessness that makes you the most fulfilled as a person. But to sum it up I'd say what I always said : "the best way to be selfish is to be selfless"
I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life trying to save someone I love. It’s destroyed my life but I’m still trying and can see the light at the end of the tunnel
I'm glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you the best of luck, and may that journey bring you to an excellent destination very soon. :)
Listen: Even if we WERE inherently selfish, then the fact that we are capable of consciously overcoming it, and sharing and being HAPPY to do so, that making someone else happy makes us feel good, says al lot about us as humans versus us just acting on animal instinct. People who act based on the assumption that "humans were born to act this way or that way" don't seem to quite get that we'd not have evolved any form of true consciousness and senses of Self, independent of instinct, if this had been the case!
On the opposite side of arguments, I can try to say: "Maybe, just maybe, not all of us have gained true consciousness?" What if people who believe in instinctual-rightiousness are not self conscious, or even self-aware? What if we are conscious but not conscious enough to know to answer whether we are truly conscious or not? What if the people who believe in inherent-selfishness are right on their stance because they really are, and the others who don't believe in that are simply different? Is there exist a difference among us?
As a person born with Asperger's syndrome, I've been labeled selfish and egocentric for many years. It was only after becoming self-aware of my own condition in my mid 20s that I realized that a combination of both theory of mind and group hierarchy marks the boundary between positive selfishness and negative selfishness. Let's start with a straightforward example. If you can't give a beggar money because you're already short on it, it's a no brainer that your selfishness won't be critiziced. If you are rich and give nothing to the poor, you're no longer excused, because even donating 20 euro wouldn’t hit your finances. Things get difficult when you're in a group where everybody is more or less equal. Theory of mind dictates that you should be able to understand other people's needs automatically, but this is unfortunately the moment when neurodivergents fail to realize that even a thing as simple as eating a cupcake is set by unwritten rules of interaction. Have you already eaten one? Then let somebody else take it, because you're not the only one to be hungry. There are three on the table? Wait until somebody picks one, so that you won't be noticed that much. One left? By my experience, it's wise to wait until the end of the party to ask if I can bring it home or share it with somebody else. While some basics rules are understandable by applying common sense, others are so tricky that the only way to learn them is to breach them and be called selfish. Real selfishness is when you have the means to make the lives of people around you better, but you end up doing nothing for them despite being aware that you can afford that loss.
Avoiding your definition of selfishness is nigh-impossible because you'd have to follow Jesus' teachings in Mathew 19:21 to the letter and in spirit, selling all that you have and working very long shifts so that you can buy even more mosquito nets to prevent malaria. You would need to live the hardest possible life imaginable.
I clicked onto this video because I am drawing a picture as a gift for Mother's Day and I'm questioning whether I'm really drawing it for my mother's sake or for myself to prove that I'm a good artist and so she will praise me.
Being selfish helped us survive for so long and whether we know it or not, we are practising it on a daily basis... but too much of it and too less of it is equally harmful. Balance, Balance is the key... know when it is important to let go of others and be there for yourselves and, know when you can serve others with no expectation of getting anything in return. Life is all about balancing the two extremes in life.
It all depends on the situation and what you seek to do actually but one thing's clear, everything you do is in order to achieve your state of comfort and inner peace which makes us all inherently selfish and you simply cannot avoid that selfishness no matter what. Now it would be great if you could stop obsessing with "balance"
When I was 3 or 4, my father put some coin in pauper's container and explained to me that although we are not rich, we can help others who are less fortunate. I grow up with that in mind.
We all want our own things. But if we can help others and they feel better, we feel better too. I make goodies every Christmas for management in my apartment building. They go through a lot from other tenants and it's my way of saying "Good job!" I love seeing their faces when they see all the wonderful goodies and I feel pride in doing a good job. I know pride is a sin, but a job well done is worth a smile. Best part is I don't expect anything except their smiles. The goodies are on a dollar tray, I don't care what happens to it. If they enjoy the goodies, I'm happy!
Your insights on selfishness resonate deeply. Acknowledging one's privilege and practicing empathy are powerful tools for personal growth. Sharing your personal journey adds a relatable touch to the discussion. Thanks for fostering reflection and understanding!
I try to be generous and kind for purely selfish reasons: I don’t want to be in the company of people in need, nor do I wish to limit my company to those beyond it. (Superb animation, BTW!)
If you do something 'selfless', it is because it makes you feel like a good person, i.e. you are only doing it for yourself. Doing things for others makes you feel good FOR yourself. I remember thinking about this at the age of 6, and I wish I could have explained it properly to my family.
For example, giving someone a gift is doing something for them. You do it because it makes you feel good to feel like you're doing something for others. So you are doing it to make yourself feel good. Even if it costs you money, the positive feeling you get from giving a gift is still an overall benefit for you. This can be applied to literally any 'selfless' act
Those who self-reflect on potential selfishness likely possess empathy. However, those lacking self-awareness and concern for others will probably not pursue opportunities for growth like this video.
there isn't 'nothing' that one gets when we're being selfless. Knowing that by giving your 'cupcake' to someone more needy instead of eating it yourself, we are also giving ourselves happiness. We feel proud of being able to help when we could by seeing them happy. you being the reason of their happiness is almost more rewarding that eating the 'cupcake' yourself.
This reminded me of a Friends episdoe where Phoebe argued with Joey that there's no such thing as selfless deed. Everyone does something good just to feel good and although it was portratyed in a comical way it really made me think of every selfless acts I have did or seen and now this video. Wow...
Selfishness disappears when everyone needs and desires are fulfilled.... we become selfish when we lack something.... if all humans have their needs fulfilled and they reach satisfaction in all aspects no one will be selfish, we will become all generous and good...
The problem is that there are some things where a person may never achieve satisfaction. Most people would be able to achieve satisfaction in terms of enough sleep and food, for example. But there are other things, like money, status, power, and even excitement that we need in some amount, but even when by any reasonable standards someone has enough of those, it is entirely possible for them to never stop wanting more no matter how much they have. Think of billionaires, for example. And there are some people (albeit a small part of the population) who just genuinely don't care about anyone else; if you don't care about anyone else, how can you be good? But for the vast majority of people, they do care, and if they had full satisfaction plus something to share, I agree they would be happy to do that. But for even one person to reach full satisfaction is uncommon at best, and for everyone to do that is probably impossible, sadly.
Friends did an episode on this philosophy, with Phoebe struggling to prove to Joey that there exists some unselfish good deeds. Her solution was to sacrifice for someone she dislikes, so she hates that she is losing something and hates that they are gaining something, so she gets no joy from the act of giving (this being a comedy, it had to backfire and wind up making her feel good via an unintended consequence, but we can ignore that aspect). This situation specifically, however, does not seem to me to satisfy the unselfish good deed as it is put forth. The only reason she did something so disagreeable to herself was to prove Joey wrong, thus it would have worked to her favor regardless of the backfiring. So, to truly be unselfish, you must work entirely to benefit things that are antithetical to you, which would be an absolutely moronic way to live. Is there a person you despise? You must serve them. Is there a cause you find detestable? You must promote it endlessly. Even after all of that, it can still be argued that you gain some pleasure from being able to recognize yourself as the least selfish person ever, so you must be doing the entirety of it without a sense of self-awareness. Thus, it is either impossible to achieve or is the activity of someone (or something) mentally deficient.
To do things not because they feel good but because it's out of necessity is hard for living beings such as us humans. Perfect example is that the walking dumpsters who are unbothered by their filth may not even wash their hands for months at a time. Truly good people, those who even go out of their way to help others, do so because it feels good for them. By evolution such feeling is greatly advantageous for the survival AND WELL BEING of the group. To the question "are humans selfish" the answer is 100% yes and 100% no at the same time, because yes, we do things for others voluntarily if we want to, if it feels good OR if it then turns out to help us, and no because we're not all narcissistic monsters who see other people as objects to be used for our own satisfaction.
There are no selfless acts. An act requires an actor, a self, to will it and commit it. The very gratification from enacting ones will inserts self interest into the action inextricably. It’s shocking to me that people are still debating this when the truth is so inherent in the language we use to describe it.
It's an age-old (as in, the beginning of man) problem being selfish. Pride, covetousness, wrongful personal gains, adulteries with someone else's spouses, not sharing/exchanging with others are few of such examples.
It says something that humanity is relatively averse to the idea that there can be no unselfish acts as we ultimately pursue the gratification we obtain by performing supposedly selfless acts. That we desperately want their to be genuine altruism. I don't know what it says. But it says something.
i like to consider myself unselfish. sure, im a kleptomaniac, but a mental health disorder doesnt make me selfish, and its not like i have the choice to just not be a kleptomaniac.
Selflessly selfish is a best way that i find more comfortable for me and others also Means my joy is not dependent on any material or any worldly thing Because I'm joyful on my own I am become able to see other with empathy and love rather than using them for my benifit
Im only selfish when it comes to sharing my stuff with my siblings. My family describes me as a selfish person but honestly its because I chose to be that way around them. 😂
One philosopher that was not mentioned in the video is Max Stirner. He wrote a whole book on egoism which I found very interesting, Der Einzige und sein Eigenthum (The Ego and Its Own).
Sorry der Einzige Is not the ego. It's "The unique". Quite important to understand such differences because the quotation is a good one. And... Murdoch with Aristotle and Kant...please don't.
I tend to be generous with food sharing because there are times my eyes are bigger than my dinner plate and I can't eat another bite. When covid hit, I now share with family members, but try to not overindulge in the first place by having breakfast the moment I feel hungry after waking up. Not easy to do when one has ADHD/ASD 😖
I feel like, if people really are motivated by entirely selfish reasons, that isn't an inherently bad thing. For example: I don't want to be bothered in my daily life by seeing the suffering of others. I would much rather see people help other people whenever they can. Therefore, by helping other people whenever I can, I am serving my own desires. Don't assume that the things we want always come at the expense of others. Sometimes the things we want will benefit others if we have our way. Altruism can be selfish and I see nothing wrong with that.
I have a few questions. Have I already had a cupcake? Did everyone who wanted a cupcake get one? Is that cupcake being saved for someone else? Is there anything else there I might want to eat instead? How long has that cupcake been there?
I like how we are going back and forth between Kant and Aristotle like they are two guys having a chat at the bar and not from either end of the timeline of modern humans
Judging by the fact that if you don't have human interaction you go insane, we probably don't only care about ourselves. Actually imthink the main reason we help lther people is just because we want to stay friends with them, not because we want to help them, and im very unsure weather thats being selfish or selfless.
I don't like the word "selfish" at all. Your emotional state essentially determines your priorities. When you are in a calm, healthy state where all your basic needs are met, you can easily look outward and gain satisfaction from helping others and building relationships. When you are traumatized and live in a hostile environment, you are likely to do self-serving behaviors to keep yourself alive. When you believe that your needs do not matter and not always helping others first makes you "bad", then your "generosity" is actually an anxiety symptom, and brings no lasting happiness. There is no scientific basis for categorizing good, bad, or selfish, but there is for anxious, dissociated, depressed, angry, and emotionally regulated.
I believe in Vandalieu's philosophy. Being selfish is great, wanting to make others happy because you genuinely selfishly want them to be is good. Also, helping other people makes you feel good, so i think it's also being selfish. Do all things for your own piece of mind. Sometimes it includes murder, but whatever. 👻
I do think that, in a given moment, a person will always only be able to do the thing they most want to do (with the exception of accidents, when someone does something they didn't want or choose to do because a few nerves misfired for a moment). That doesn't mean they won't regret having done a particular thing later, of course, even within moments. So in that sense, motivation is always selfish, because we're doing a thing because we'd prefer the results of doing the thing to the results of not doing that thing. But even if our motivation for doing the right thing or a good thing does ultimately come down to our desire to feel good ourselves, that doesn't mean that doing good things for others or wanting to do good things for others isn't valuable or shouldn't be admired.
You can't just supress your own desires and act all kind and cool to others everytime. It is also important to act selfish sometimes so that no one take advantage out of you. Sometimes people have a habit of pleasing everyone to please their inner self but at the same time they are just self destrusting their own selves.
I suggest also studying the sinful nature we all have, the Bible provides a lot of imfo on it. It explains why we are as we are so well. Glory to Jesus!❤
there is a difference between being self-prioritizing and selfish self-prioritizing is like when there is free bottled watter and one person is allowed to get just one, and you queue up to get one, if the person after you doesn't get any because it ran out, it's not your liability because you never took what's their's selfish is when you're supposed to take just one but you take other people's share because you took like 5, so you get benefits at the expense of others and being a pushover or being "kind" is when you let other people have your share at your own expense, if you need water for yourself, you can just take the water, there is absolutely no obligation to let someone else take your share, even though it may be "nice" it actually inflicts harm on you just my two cents
All the actions either make you feel more comfortable, closer to your definition of inner peace or prevent you from going in the opposite direction to the goal of achieving inner peace. It's really all about selfishness no matter how much you try to sugercoat it.
The fun thing about these schools of thoughts is that many times they can be put together to form a whole. I mean sure, morality is about showing virtue, but how do you differentiate virtue from vice? Well, virtues are the qualities a person have that tend to lead to the most happiness for the most people.
Humans are both generous and selfish, the concept that all humans are all selfish or generous all the time is a flawed concept as it doesn't take into account how well off each individual is. You can't help anyone if you need help yourself, when well off most people like to help others. Selfishness is often a form of self preservation.
Ivsee being selfish as a good thing. We have to be selfish to preserve ourselves. Thats not to say there is no merit in sharing but women especially need to learn selfishness. It can bring peace and happiness into our lives.
Personally I find psychological egoism as the perfect explanation for everything. No-one ever does anything if there isn't something in it for them. It doesn't have to be material. If you give to charity, sure you lose money, but you feel better about yourself, which is a reward to you. True selflessness would be if you gave to charity and you got no satisfaction from it. No matter what you do, you're either giving yourself emotional or material gain/pleasure
Here's the thing, if your happiness comes from seeing other happy and you choose to not do the act that makes them happy, You will feel bad about yourselves and none of us want that. There's no such thing called selflessness. There's always something in there for the person who's being "selfless". If he's not gaining anything, he's preventing himself from loosing something and that something in most cases is your inner peace whose definition varies for everyone
I find it ironic that I faced a similar dilemma of taking the last cupcake yesterday. I wind up not taking it because I thought someone else would enjoy it since I already had one, hours prior.
I'[ve always dealt with the issue of wondering whether or not I do good acts because I'm a good person or because I want to be seen as a good person who does goods but I feel like I'm being manipulative in the end.
as inspired by Veritasium's video about the prison dilemma, I think that all human's have a tendency to act for their own gain, but in the social world, cooperation would bring more benefits in the long term...
The selfishness can be overcome by one and only one way I.e. knowing what it is. If it's in the benefit or loss of others it's bad and if for the self it's good. Now another question arises: what is self? The one which doesn't need it's working to be deduced from others. What is working? The temporal, divided and unpertainable nature is not its self working. So, ultimately the selfishness when encouraged wrt the self obsessed temporal, divided and unpertainable nature is bad and when it's derived from permanent, undivided and pertainable nature it's the most beautiful thing. Debating on selfishness should be based on its true definition. Self love when looked upon wrt non interference or appreciation of others it's beautiful but otherwise it's not. It generates, progresses and grows understanding.
Invalid. The reason humans are inherently selfish is because everything they do is to achieve their state of comfort and inner peace, the definition of which varies for each individual. For some people, helping and making others happy is what makes THEM hoapy. If these individuals don't help others, they will feel BAD about THEMSELVES. We're all chasing our definitions of happiness, comfort and inner peace which makes all of us inherently selfish.
I'm glad to have received a reply from you. I don't find your answer to be different from mine. You're finding it different because I'm talking in general and you're talking in particulars. The definition is the same but everyone has their particulars different.
It's a wrong take on selfishness. The reason humans are inherently selfish is because everything they do is to achieve their state of comfort and inner peace, the definition of which varies for each individual. For some people, helping and making others happy is what makes THEM hoapy. If these individuals don't help others, they will feel BAD about THEMSELVES. We're all chasing our definitions of happiness, comfort and inner peace which makes all of us inherently selfish.
Hey, this video totally changed how I see things! Big thanks to the TED-Ed crew for breaking down such complex ideas in a way that's easy to understand. I'm really grateful for the lessons I've learned here. Looking forward to exploring more! Awesome job!
While Des Cartes was right that the only thing we can truly know for sure is that we ourselves exist, I think we're better off assuming that everything else is real, too. After all, that is how we fulfill our own needs in life, so we may as well apply that to our moral decision making and how we view others. You could think of it somewhat in parallel to Pascal's Wager. If you assume others are real and act accordingly, the benefits to yourself and others far outweigh the benefits of acting as though you are the only thing that's real even if you are the only thing that's real. Even if you are the only thing that's real, you will not get as much satisfaction from acting that way as you would by assuming the things around you are real. The exception would be if you truly, genuinely do not care about anyone other than yourself, whether they are real or not. But in that case the entire question is moot, because even if others are real, you wouldn't care how you impact them. Hopefully that helps!
At the root of it, isn't most generosity selfish as well? A lot of times, being generous makes us feel good about ourselves and makes us happier - could we be lying to ourselves about whether an act is truly selfless, and not just done to make ourselves feel good?
I think at the most base level, our selfless acts are still motivated by our desire to feel good about ourselves. However, that doesn't mean that selfless acts aren't a good thing even if everything we intentionally do is because we're seeking some internal payoff.
There is no such thing as more or less selfish. You're always chasing your own happiness and state of comfort and inner peace or atleast preventing a decline in any of the aforementioned things. For some, being happy means watching others smile, for others it's the opposite. You're always selfish.
We are selfish! It is a human trade, by pure evolution we still don't know when is the inext meal coming. And to make things worst we are condition to think that if we don't take it someone else will, and that's our fault for allowed it to happen, even if we don't need it.
From my experience, Islam has better answers on this topic in general. Then again, it also has a totally different framework for this topic. Also, I'm wondering why didn't the video didn't mention the difference between self-centeredness and selfishness?
Because there isn't any. Both are done in order to achieve your state of comfort and inner peace. The reason humans are inherently selfish is because everything they do is to achieve their state of comfort and inner peace, the definition of which varies for each individual. For some people, helping and making others happy is what makes THEM hoapy. If these individuals don't help others, they will feel BAD about THEMSELVES. We're all chasing our definitions of happiness, comfort and inner peace which makes all of us inherently selfish.
I think there is a difference. Simply because we are self-centered by nature. Our brain controls our body, and that alone makes us self-centered. However, we can choose not to be selfish and care for nature and other people. It's possible to be self-centered and not selfish. That's the difference I see between self-centered and selfish. Perhaps we are missing better words for these ideas. Chasing happiness, inner peace, and comfort are all related, but are different topics from my question!
Can small acts of kindness change the world? Explore this question and more with Chris Anderson’s book “Infectious Generosity.” Grab a copy to find out how you can help people and inspire others to do the same: bit.ly/TEDEdInfectiousGenerosity And thanks! A portion of the proceeds will go to support TED-Ed’s non-profit mission.
Ye brother I'm greedy
Hi TEDEd, it would be great if you could do a video about the history of the Alhambra?
It didn't answer the question how to know if you are selfish.
Q1
People who ask themselves if they are selfish are probably not selfish. And people who are selfish probably will not watch this video.
Making this realization a while ago really helped my mental health. Bad people don't worry about if they're bad people, but only being perceived as bad, and only you know your true intentions.
@@Komischer That's true for many things. Good people, good families, good societies are those who can say they are not good enough.
Ridiculous. Everyone is selfish. EVERYONE.
@@Myview246 Selfish: Caring only about what you want or need without any thought for the needs or wishes of other people.
- Cambridge Dictionary
People often reflect on their own needs, but not everyone translates that self-awareness into selfish actions.
@@ordinarryalien but if you help someone, it's because you want to help them. Because it gives *you* pleasure. Isn't it selfishness?
Something I practice when I’m feeling selfish is to remind myself that that the only difference between me and the less fortunate people is that I was luckier in life and that I could have been very much in their place if I was any less lucky and if I was in their place I would love them to share a little of what they have.
For me this really helps because comparing myself to the more fortunate people only makes me more selfish.
The problem with this line of thinking is that what you perceive as ideal is not often reality, hypothetical questions gives hypothetical answers and hypothetical answers are never practical
This is yet another conundrum.
If you are in a much luckier position than others, you are sympathetic towards the less lucky and want to give, by that point of view.
In a case you could find yourself less fortunate too, or less lucky than others. This indirectly also establishes that the more luckier/fortunate is sympathetic towards the less and thus is "supposed" to give to less.
We end up making a "supposed-position".
This means this will lead to a "selfishness" path at the end when the more-lucky becomes the less-lucky.
It's bit hard to understand the conundrum without saying it outloud.
Take yourself as a kid which has so much resources that you can overeat every single day of your life and still you could end up wasting a lot of food. Compared to yourself, kids in Africa who are starving can just live off of 10% of your whole year's diet.
But what if you are relatively in the situation of "starving African kid"? Just not in the case of food...
Would you keep living by the expectation that the food has to come from someone else? Would you form "any" expectations because you want to be selfless? You might say, "I'll grow my own crops rather than expecting from others".
We end up creating a double-standard situation by the virtue of "generosity".
@@IDMYM8 The OP was saying that the fortunate should help the unfortunate more, and not that the unfortunate should expect aid from the fortunate.
If that is what he meant, then your extrapolation makes sense.
🙆🌆💜💜
I can tell you are extremely educated person with bright insights.
Love is "the extremely difficult realization that something other than oneself is real [too]."...Iris Murdoch
I've learnt a new thing today ❤
What does that exactly mean?
@@MarkyMcFlumplr06it means that when you are at a different stance than someone else and their conduct makes you annoyed or irritated, it takes a good deal to be able to accept that their views and perspectives are just as valid as yours
@@avidhahaldar8599 Thanks!
@@MarkyMcFlumplr06For Murdoch, true love comes with the sublime - the fear, awe, recognition of the otherness of things/ppl, how they are different from what you thought, and that your worldview and perception of them is not the final, and yet also the respect of this otherness.
Murdoch calls this a tragedy because it is a painful process to realise you dont actually understand something and you have to shift your paradigm and renavigate, but as tragedies are, ppl come out better at the end of it. But it is also a tragedy because this is a never ending cycle to unlearn and relearn. Yet humans have the tragic freedom to persist in doing so rather than stay in their own limited worldview (if you know the allegory of Plato's cave)
She conceptualised this process called "Unselfing", (which is the paying attention part in the video) meaning to look beyond your own views, challenge them, and realise that you and your brain are always imposing a familiar image (like a stereotype or concept) onto someone or something, and you are not truly understanding and seeing the person as they are, and likely, you will tragically never truly understand, yet you will respect them despite that fear and non-control -- that is true love, as well as moral good. Because when you realise you dont understand, you actually thus understand a little better, and moral good can be better done.
Ex: some colonisers thought they had to save those "uncivilised" so they colonised more, even though no one asked for that, but that's what those colonisers saw- a group of "pitiful low-lives" "needing to be saved" - that's the image imposed onto them rather than true understanding and respect of another civilisation, and true good thus wasn't done, only this self-imposed deluded idea of it.
If you want another example that's more on the individual scale, and if you like a good novel, try our Iris Murdoch's _The Sea The Sea_
It's a novel on a retired famous theatre director moving to a town by the sea, and you quickly realise he has a huge ego, and how he sees those around him as well as treats them, particularly, his ex-coworkers, his cousin/family, and most importantly this lady in a bad marriage who was his first and lost crush and with whom he wants to restart a love story (if it'll hook you, spoiler: he kidnaps her. But that's not even the biggest twist)
But yeah, to Murdoch, (true) love is supposed to be difficult because reality never fits your comfortable perception
The problem with the cupcake example is that no one actually cares if you take the last cupcake. It’s not selfish at all, but just perceived to be for no practical reason. I see it more like a problem of managing anxiety than moral responsibility. My depression makes me anxious about all sorts of silly unreasonable things like that, which I should really just ignore. Just eat the cupcake!
I do so you are wrong
Someone's got to... or it'll spoil 😋
yeah i agree because when you see someone else taking the last cupcake you probably wont even care
The donor class warped our minds to perceive that. I personally think they're projecting themselves in this case because they were never taught about sharing. Why'd you think they hate PBS shows like Sesame Street that teaches such egalitarian values?
My sister would complain and call me selfish whenever I took the last cupcake or whatever last food there was so someone does certainly care lol
Personally, it's bad to be selfish, but I want to make the distinction that self-care is NOT selfishness
Could you clarify what self-care and self-love means in contrast to selfishness?
@@josephpostma1787 I feel like self-love means you love yourself enough not to let others treat you any kind of way, you respect your boundaries and let other people know your boundaries, and have a general realistic yet content opinion of yourself accepting your strengths, weaknesses, and looks.
Self-care is taking some time away to focus on your mental health or simply just alone time. It can be reading, doing laundry, or anything that brings you peace of mind.
Selfishness is doing things only considering yourself in mind. Being inconsiderate and unempathetic. Not caring if your decisions negatively harm others. Some characters who are known for their selfishness can be Scarlet O'Hara from Gone With the Wind, or how Tony Stark was in the first Iron Man and Avengers movie.
@@paigewhitfield3624 Thank you for your explanations.
@@josephpostma1787 You're welcome 😊
@paigewhitfield3624 I don’t think the quality of those characters can be described as simply “selfish”. Rather, they are selfish in the short-term. They only care about the immediate consequences of their actions. A point can be made that short-term selflessness can also be damaging. Long-term selfishness, though, can recognize the value of relationships in further gains.
Take the last cupcake… if you don’t, someone will. But if while you’re taking the last cupcake someone(s) comes along wanting a cupcake, share with them. Who knows, you may even make a friend in the process.
And whether it’s the last cupcake, the first cupcake, or the next to last, or the last cupcake but shared, once you’ve taken it - don’t look back even once - just enjoy the cupcake!
I believe last cupcake 🧁 is the best cupcake
Muffins are better than cupcakes.
@@Hhssishbrjdksskw them be fighting words bro 🥊
Growing up i was always told i was selfish and ungrateful, i cant say for sure if i am or not, but when im down its usually the only thing on my mind
I feel like every human being is indeed selfish and that isn't a bad thing. Because i believe even a selfless act is, in fact, a selfish act. Being of help to others, sacrificing things and oppurtunities for others or even just donating to a charity(in an anonymous manner) usually gives us mental and emotional satisfaction and a sense of belonging, that we did something that might have made that person's day better even if no one esle knows about it. The thought of recieving one's appreciation for doing something significantly small in comparison for you, makes us happy and makes ourselves feel like a better person, which is necessary.
Additionally, being selfish and understanding that putting yourself first before others in certain situations is much more healthy for the person, than not speaking your mind.
What about when you do something without looking for appreciation, but you do it because you know, in your heart that it`s the right thing to do?
Well even if in both cases we are getting satisfaction, even then it's the choice of the individual what to choose, stomach satisfaction or emotional satisfaction. You can't blame a person of trying to achieve satisfaction. Satisfaction of bodily needs is animalistic, and necessary till some level. After which comes sharing and caring. And being long selfish after the necessary level can even lead to seven deadly sins.
Sorry for a convoluted statement, but you get the point.
Honestly feels like you've just defined every single action we could possibly do as selfish then said we were all therefore selfish.
I think the distinction lies in how much we actually care the needs of others that makes us selfish on not selfish, how much "satisfaction" we allow ourselves when we do an act that will not benefit us.
@@hashirrana3030 Well people can debate what 'benefitting' means.
I think it isn't a question of rather or not we feel emotional satisfaction from doing good things, but rather or not this was our motivation.
After all, our action helped someone else at least as much as it made us feel good for doing so, if we are only considering the results we could argue just as much that this was selfless.
The real question is what motivates you, valuing the sake of others or feeling good about helping them.
During my childhood, I was basically supported by my mother alone. My father did provide some support, but it didn't compare to my mother's. Because of that, I didn't have many things growing up, and, whenever I got something, primarily toys, I would guard them zealously. If I were told to share, I would argue why should I share the very few things that I could call mine. To this day, I still behave like that in regards that I tend to be extremely protective of my personal property.
I see why being protective of your possetions when you have little may be a good strategy, but presumably as you have grown you have more; might it be good to be less protective if that is the case? Do you wish you were more generous with your belongings?
@@josephpostma1787
"Do you wish you were more generous with your belongings?"
This is such a nuanced question, I asked it to myself and I really don't know the answer I will ask more people
@@brojakmate9872 I wouldn’t be so quick to pass judgement based on such a short anecdote from Caleb or even question his parentage.
You don’t know him, nor his story. It’s not our place to come to such conclusions. I don’t think you’d feel great if I assumed that you were adopted and/or came from a single parent family simply because your comment seems to imply that you might perhaps have been in a similar situation in your childhood.
@@samueltanjw Sorry to tell you that I have a happy childhood and can afford DNA test so your projection is wrong
I don't make baseless assumption.
Read his comment again and look at his name and his profile picture and you can make some speculation about his mother and his origin
Maybe he make up the story so he can gain sympathy judging by how he didn't even feel the need to defend himself
@@brojakmate9872 Not that it would in any way discredit Caleb, but why would you think he was adopted? All we can tell is that his dad was distant (emotionally, physically, financially or all of those).
I’ve been told I was selfish since I was young by my family. It always hurt my feelings. I’m just protective over my belongings…but now I feel selfish bc I struggle so much inside and don’t want to deal with outside chaos
Selfishness to me is doing or not doing something that harm others. Not sharing doesn't make you selfish.
In my opinion, one should always prioritize his own needs and wants but without hurting others because each person is responsible for his own happiness but this doesn't mean that you should not be kind or generous far from that. In fact, it's this form of selflessness that makes you the most fulfilled as a person. But to sum it up I'd say what I always said : "the best way to be selfish is to be selfless"
I’ve spent the last 4 years of my life trying to save someone I love. It’s destroyed my life but I’m still trying and can see the light at the end of the tunnel
I'm glad you can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you the best of luck, and may that journey bring you to an excellent destination very soon. :)
Listen: Even if we WERE inherently selfish, then the fact that we are capable of consciously overcoming it, and sharing and being HAPPY to do so, that making someone else happy makes us feel good, says al lot about us as humans versus us just acting on animal instinct. People who act based on the assumption that "humans were born to act this way or that way" don't seem to quite get that we'd not have evolved any form of true consciousness and senses of Self, independent of instinct, if this had been the case!
Your point is so good. Imma gonna steal
On the opposite side of arguments, I can try to say: "Maybe, just maybe, not all of us have gained true consciousness?"
What if people who believe in instinctual-rightiousness are not self conscious, or even self-aware?
What if we are conscious but not conscious enough to know to answer whether we are truly conscious or not?
What if the people who believe in inherent-selfishness are right on their stance because they really are, and the others who don't believe in that are simply different?
Is there exist a difference among us?
@@IDMYM8 I believe the fact that you can have such thoughts and questions to begin with answers your own question.
i agree!!
As a person born with Asperger's syndrome, I've been labeled selfish and egocentric for many years. It was only after becoming self-aware of my own condition in my mid 20s that I realized that a combination of both theory of mind and group hierarchy marks the boundary between positive selfishness and negative selfishness.
Let's start with a straightforward example.
If you can't give a beggar money because you're already short on it, it's a no brainer that your selfishness won't be critiziced. If you are rich and give nothing to the poor, you're no longer excused, because even donating 20 euro wouldn’t hit your finances.
Things get difficult when you're in a group where everybody is more or less equal. Theory of mind dictates that you should be able to understand other people's needs automatically, but this is unfortunately the moment when neurodivergents fail to realize that even a thing as simple as eating a cupcake is set by unwritten rules of interaction. Have you already eaten one? Then let somebody else take it, because you're not the only one to be hungry. There are three on the table? Wait until somebody picks one, so that you won't be noticed that much. One left? By my experience, it's wise to wait until the end of the party to ask if I can bring it home or share it with somebody else. While some basics rules are understandable by applying common sense, others are so tricky that the only way to learn them is to breach them and be called selfish.
Real selfishness is when you have the means to make the lives of people around you better, but you end up doing nothing for them despite being aware that you can afford that loss.
Avoiding your definition of selfishness is nigh-impossible because you'd have to follow Jesus' teachings in Mathew 19:21 to the letter and in spirit, selling all that you have and working very long shifts so that you can buy even more mosquito nets to prevent malaria. You would need to live the hardest possible life imaginable.
@@josephpostma1787who said it would be easy? True selflessness is almost impossible to attain
@@hashirrana3030 No one. Indeed
Ted should do a whole animated movie in different styles. 😍
I clicked onto this video because I am drawing a picture as a gift for Mother's Day and I'm questioning whether I'm really drawing it for my mother's sake or for myself to prove that I'm a good artist and so she will praise me.
Being selfish helped us survive for so long and whether we know it or not, we are practising it on a daily basis... but too much of it and too less of it is equally harmful.
Balance, Balance is the key... know when it is important to let go of others and be there for yourselves and, know when you can serve others with no expectation of getting anything in return. Life is all about balancing the two extremes in life.
Choose for yourself, and choose wisely because it is 'YOU' who has to pay at the end.
It all depends on the situation and what you seek to do actually but one thing's clear, everything you do is in order to achieve your state of comfort and inner peace which makes us all inherently selfish and you simply cannot avoid that selfishness no matter what. Now it would be great if you could stop obsessing with "balance"
When I was 3 or 4, my father put some coin in pauper's container and explained to me that although we are not rich, we can help others who are less fortunate. I grow up with that in mind.
Even Batman agreed we all deserve to be a little selfish once in a while. Also that jaywalking is never acceptable and to always fasten your seatbelt
You do know Batman is not real?
@@IBTU Adam West was real
@@IBTUhe is real bro
@@IBTUwhat do you mean he is not real? I saw him two days ago!
We all want our own things. But if we can help others and they feel better, we feel better too. I make goodies every Christmas for management in my apartment building. They go through a lot from other tenants and it's my way of saying "Good job!" I love seeing their faces when they see all the wonderful goodies and I feel pride in doing a good job. I know pride is a sin, but a job well done is worth a smile. Best part is I don't expect anything except their smiles. The goodies are on a dollar tray, I don't care what happens to it. If they enjoy the goodies, I'm happy!
It's good to remember that feeling proud of what you do is different than being prideful.
Your insights on selfishness resonate deeply. Acknowledging one's privilege and practicing empathy are powerful tools for personal growth. Sharing your personal journey adds a relatable touch to the discussion. Thanks for fostering reflection and understanding!
Since no one wants to eat the last cupcake from the fear of appearing selfish, it could be argued that it is quite selfless to eat it.
Lol makes sense. There are also people who simply do not care about how they appear to be, especially at such little things.
Figuring out that living my own life and being who I want to be wasn’t being selfish changed my life for the better.
There's only so much that you can justify as taking what's yours before it isn't yours to take anymore
I try to be generous and kind for purely selfish reasons: I don’t want to be in the company of people in need, nor do I wish to limit my company to those beyond it. (Superb animation, BTW!)
If you do something 'selfless', it is because it makes you feel like a good person, i.e. you are only doing it for yourself. Doing things for others makes you feel good FOR yourself. I remember thinking about this at the age of 6, and I wish I could have explained it properly to my family.
wow, you're right. this changed ny pov.
Wdym by this? What's an example of a selfless act in your opinion then? And whats an example of doing things for others?
For example, giving someone a gift is doing something for them. You do it because it makes you feel good to feel like you're doing something for others. So you are doing it to make yourself feel good. Even if it costs you money, the positive feeling you get from giving a gift is still an overall benefit for you. This can be applied to literally any 'selfless' act
Those who self-reflect on potential selfishness likely possess empathy. However, those lacking self-awareness and concern for others will probably not pursue opportunities for growth like this video.
This side of TH-cam we all love.
there isn't 'nothing' that one gets when we're being selfless. Knowing that by giving your 'cupcake' to someone more needy instead of eating it yourself, we are also giving ourselves happiness. We feel proud of being able to help when we could by seeing them happy. you being the reason of their happiness is almost more rewarding that eating the 'cupcake' yourself.
This reminded me of a Friends episdoe where Phoebe argued with Joey that there's no such thing as selfless deed. Everyone does something good just to feel good and although it was portratyed in a comical way it really made me think of every selfless acts I have did or seen and now this video. Wow...
yes i was thinking the same episode while i was watching the video
Selfishness disappears when everyone needs and desires are fulfilled.... we become selfish when we lack something.... if all humans have their needs fulfilled and they reach satisfaction in all aspects no one will be selfish, we will become all generous and good...
The problem is that there are some things where a person may never achieve satisfaction. Most people would be able to achieve satisfaction in terms of enough sleep and food, for example. But there are other things, like money, status, power, and even excitement that we need in some amount, but even when by any reasonable standards someone has enough of those, it is entirely possible for them to never stop wanting more no matter how much they have. Think of billionaires, for example. And there are some people (albeit a small part of the population) who just genuinely don't care about anyone else; if you don't care about anyone else, how can you be good?
But for the vast majority of people, they do care, and if they had full satisfaction plus something to share, I agree they would be happy to do that. But for even one person to reach full satisfaction is uncommon at best, and for everyone to do that is probably impossible, sadly.
When the word “selfish” comes to mind, it often sparks negative connotations at first. We think self-centered, self-serving, self-involved.🧚
Friends did an episode on this philosophy, with Phoebe struggling to prove to Joey that there exists some unselfish good deeds. Her solution was to sacrifice for someone she dislikes, so she hates that she is losing something and hates that they are gaining something, so she gets no joy from the act of giving (this being a comedy, it had to backfire and wind up making her feel good via an unintended consequence, but we can ignore that aspect). This situation specifically, however, does not seem to me to satisfy the unselfish good deed as it is put forth. The only reason she did something so disagreeable to herself was to prove Joey wrong, thus it would have worked to her favor regardless of the backfiring.
So, to truly be unselfish, you must work entirely to benefit things that are antithetical to you, which would be an absolutely moronic way to live. Is there a person you despise? You must serve them. Is there a cause you find detestable? You must promote it endlessly. Even after all of that, it can still be argued that you gain some pleasure from being able to recognize yourself as the least selfish person ever, so you must be doing the entirety of it without a sense of self-awareness. Thus, it is either impossible to achieve or is the activity of someone (or something) mentally deficient.
To do things not because they feel good but because it's out of necessity is hard for living beings such as us humans.
Perfect example is that the walking dumpsters who are unbothered by their filth may not even wash their hands for months at a time.
Truly good people, those who even go out of their way to help others, do so because it feels good for them.
By evolution such feeling is greatly advantageous for the survival AND WELL BEING of the group.
To the question "are humans selfish" the answer is 100% yes and 100% no at the same time, because yes, we do things for others voluntarily if we want to, if it feels good OR if it then turns out to help us, and no because we're not all narcissistic monsters who see other people as objects to be used for our own satisfaction.
There are no selfless acts. An act requires an actor, a self, to will it and commit it. The very gratification from enacting ones will inserts self interest into the action inextricably. It’s shocking to me that people are still debating this when the truth is so inherent in the language we use to describe it.
It's an age-old (as in, the beginning of man) problem being selfish. Pride, covetousness, wrongful personal gains, adulteries with someone else's spouses, not sharing/exchanging with others are few of such examples.
It says something that humanity is relatively averse to the idea that there can be no unselfish acts as we ultimately pursue the gratification we obtain by performing supposedly selfless acts. That we desperately want their to be genuine altruism. I don't know what it says. But it says something.
I consider myself not a selfish person. But I have to admit acting so selfish from time to time for my own wishes and desires.
i like to consider myself unselfish. sure, im a kleptomaniac, but a mental health disorder doesnt make me selfish, and its not like i have the choice to just not be a kleptomaniac.
Selflessly selfish is a best way that i find more comfortable for me and others also
Means my joy is not dependent on any material or any worldly thing
Because I'm joyful on my own
I am become able to see other with empathy and love rather than using them for my benifit
Im only selfish when it comes to sharing my stuff with my siblings. My family describes me as a selfish person but honestly its because I chose to be that way around them. 😂
Oh dude, same! And if it's with my friends, it's just the opposite😂
I like the idea on greed. Greed isn’t that bad, everyone wants something they don’t have.
One philosopher that was not mentioned in the video is Max Stirner. He wrote a whole book on egoism which I found very interesting, Der Einzige und sein Eigenthum (The Ego and Its Own).
Sorry der Einzige Is not the ego. It's "The unique". Quite important to understand such differences because the quotation is a good one. And... Murdoch with Aristotle and Kant...please don't.
Sometimes I think I'm selfish because I stay away from things for fear of not being able to do them or losing them.
I tend to be generous with food sharing because there are times my eyes are bigger than my dinner plate and I can't eat another bite. When covid hit, I now share with family members, but try to not overindulge in the first place by having breakfast the moment I feel hungry after waking up. Not easy to do when one has ADHD/ASD 😖
I feel like, if people really are motivated by entirely selfish reasons, that isn't an inherently bad thing. For example: I don't want to be bothered in my daily life by seeing the suffering of others. I would much rather see people help other people whenever they can. Therefore, by helping other people whenever I can, I am serving my own desires. Don't assume that the things we want always come at the expense of others. Sometimes the things we want will benefit others if we have our way. Altruism can be selfish and I see nothing wrong with that.
I have a few questions.
Have I already had a cupcake? Did everyone who wanted a cupcake get one? Is that cupcake being saved for someone else? Is there anything else there I might want to eat instead? How long has that cupcake been there?
I like how we are going back and forth between Kant and Aristotle like they are two guys having a chat at the bar and not from either end of the timeline of modern humans
Judging by the fact that if you don't have human interaction you go insane, we probably don't only care about ourselves. Actually imthink the main reason we help lther people is just because we want to stay friends with them, not because we want to help them, and im very unsure weather thats being selfish or selfless.
Woah
Actually this video made me go on a judgement call. Thank you Teded for making us realise the simple phenomena of our day today life.❤❤❤
Yes, ı m selfish
I don't like the word "selfish" at all. Your emotional state essentially determines your priorities. When you are in a calm, healthy state where all your basic needs are met, you can easily look outward and gain satisfaction from helping others and building relationships. When you are traumatized and live in a hostile environment, you are likely to do self-serving behaviors to keep yourself alive. When you believe that your needs do not matter and not always helping others first makes you "bad", then your "generosity" is actually an anxiety symptom, and brings no lasting happiness. There is no scientific basis for categorizing good, bad, or selfish, but there is for anxious, dissociated, depressed, angry, and emotionally regulated.
I believe in Vandalieu's philosophy. Being selfish is great, wanting to make others happy because you genuinely selfishly want them to be is good. Also, helping other people makes you feel good, so i think it's also being selfish. Do all things for your own piece of mind. Sometimes it includes murder, but whatever. 👻
I do think that, in a given moment, a person will always only be able to do the thing they most want to do (with the exception of accidents, when someone does something they didn't want or choose to do because a few nerves misfired for a moment). That doesn't mean they won't regret having done a particular thing later, of course, even within moments.
So in that sense, motivation is always selfish, because we're doing a thing because we'd prefer the results of doing the thing to the results of not doing that thing. But even if our motivation for doing the right thing or a good thing does ultimately come down to our desire to feel good ourselves, that doesn't mean that doing good things for others or wanting to do good things for others isn't valuable or shouldn't be admired.
You can't just supress your own desires and act all kind and cool to others everytime. It is also important to act selfish sometimes so that no one take advantage out of you. Sometimes people have a habit of pleasing everyone to please their inner self but at the same time they are just self destrusting their own selves.
I suggest also studying the sinful nature we all have, the Bible provides a lot of imfo on it. It explains why we are as we are so well. Glory to Jesus!❤
I think the only solution to reduce selfishness is acceptance,accept the thing as it without changing or having strict opinion about something...
I think this video is going to be very popular because everyone wants to know whether they are selfish or not even if they are selfish or not.😅😅
Thanks, Murdoch. You really do understand the plight of- WHERE'D THE CUPCAKE GO?!
"Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less." - C.S. Lewis
Kudos to the animator. Very funny, witty, and visually pleasing animations.
there is a difference between being self-prioritizing and selfish
self-prioritizing is like when there is free bottled watter and one person is allowed to get just one, and you queue up to get one, if the person after you doesn't get any because it ran out, it's not your liability because you never took what's their's
selfish is when you're supposed to take just one but you take other people's share because you took like 5, so you get benefits at the expense of others
and being a pushover or being "kind" is when you let other people have your share at your own expense, if you need water for yourself, you can just take the water, there is absolutely no obligation to let someone else take your share, even though it may be "nice" it actually inflicts harm on you
just my two cents
All the actions either make you feel more comfortable, closer to your definition of inner peace or prevent you from going in the opposite direction to the goal of achieving inner peace. It's really all about selfishness no matter how much you try to sugercoat it.
The fun thing about these schools of thoughts is that many times they can be put together to form a whole. I mean sure, morality is about showing virtue, but how do you differentiate virtue from vice? Well, virtues are the qualities a person have that tend to lead to the most happiness for the most people.
Humans are both generous and selfish, the concept that all humans are all selfish or generous all the time is a flawed concept as it doesn't take into account how well off each individual is.
You can't help anyone if you need help yourself, when well off most people like to help others.
Selfishness is often a form of self preservation.
I think selfish is not good very much for social beings, but we need self love at some extent.
3:44 No, not THAT kind of love
oh oh Oh OH OH OH
what-?
Ivsee being selfish as a good thing. We have to be selfish to preserve ourselves. Thats not to say there is no merit in sharing but women especially need to learn selfishness. It can bring peace and happiness into our lives.
To be clear, I will eat the last cupcake
Personally I find psychological egoism as the perfect explanation for everything. No-one ever does anything if there isn't something in it for them. It doesn't have to be material. If you give to charity, sure you lose money, but you feel better about yourself, which is a reward to you. True selflessness would be if you gave to charity and you got no satisfaction from it. No matter what you do, you're either giving yourself emotional or material gain/pleasure
Here's the thing, if your happiness comes from seeing other happy and you choose to not do the act that makes them happy, You will feel bad about yourselves and none of us want that. There's no such thing called selflessness. There's always something in there for the person who's being "selfless". If he's not gaining anything, he's preventing himself from loosing something and that something in most cases is your inner peace whose definition varies for everyone
The reason for people not taking the last cupcake is because they do want to be considered as selfish, but not because they are not selfish
I find it ironic that I faced a similar dilemma of taking the last cupcake yesterday. I wind up not taking it because I thought someone else would enjoy it since I already had one, hours prior.
In terms of food? Yes
For a food lover like me, it’s hard not to check the plate for any leftovers from the party.
I'[ve always dealt with the issue of wondering whether or not I do good acts because I'm a good person or because I want to be seen as a good person who does goods but I feel like I'm being manipulative in the end.
as inspired by Veritasium's video about the prison dilemma, I think that all human's have a tendency to act for their own gain, but in the social world, cooperation would bring more benefits in the long term...
We are designed to give, and not to get. The more we give, the less we need. Giving *is* receiving.
We're not designed by anyone to do anything.
thats just untrue though. writing that comment was actually selfish. you helped no one, yet gained feeling and being percieved as a better person.
@@TheParklifeChoseMe humans are inherently selfish, others being helped is always a by product of one chasing their own happiness
Easy, just don't do it if you don't feel like it or it has to depend on the situation. Might as well don't think too much.
The selfishness can be overcome by one and only one way I.e. knowing what it is. If it's in the benefit or loss of others it's bad and if for the self it's good.
Now another question arises: what is self? The one which doesn't need it's working to be deduced from others.
What is working? The temporal, divided and unpertainable nature is not its self working.
So, ultimately the selfishness when encouraged wrt the self obsessed temporal, divided and unpertainable nature is bad and when it's derived from permanent, undivided and pertainable nature it's the most beautiful thing.
Debating on selfishness should be based on its true definition.
Self love when looked upon wrt non interference or appreciation of others it's beautiful but otherwise it's not. It generates, progresses and grows understanding.
Invalid.
The reason humans are inherently selfish is because everything they do is to achieve their state of comfort and inner peace, the definition of which varies for each individual. For some people, helping and making others happy is what makes THEM hoapy. If these individuals don't help others, they will feel BAD about THEMSELVES. We're all chasing our definitions of happiness, comfort and inner peace which makes all of us inherently selfish.
I'm glad to have received a reply from you.
I don't find your answer to be different from mine.
You're finding it different because I'm talking in general and you're talking in particulars.
The definition is the same but everyone has their particulars different.
What a massive pity that Ayn Rand is not mentioned in this video. One of the more notable books on this very topic is The Virtue of Selfishness.
Love it whenever this animator gets the spotlight!
Stuff like this should be taught in school
It's a wrong take on selfishness.
The reason humans are inherently selfish is because everything they do is to achieve their state of comfort and inner peace, the definition of which varies for each individual. For some people, helping and making others happy is what makes THEM hoapy. If these individuals don't help others, they will feel BAD about THEMSELVES. We're all chasing our definitions of happiness, comfort and inner peace which makes all of us inherently selfish.
I'm one such philosopher who supports this😁 and also the innermeaning of what was shown at the end🙂
All of us need to be a little selfish sometimes...
Hey, this video totally changed how I see things! Big thanks to the TED-Ed crew for breaking down such complex ideas in a way that's easy to understand. I'm really grateful for the lessons I've learned here. Looking forward to exploring more! Awesome job!
The way the bear just picks up the man and carries him away at 1:24 😂
If only real bear attacks were so gentle
This didn't tell me how to figure out if I'm being selfish. Bummer.
You're, always were, always will be.
@@crappyspidersucksthemost everyone is
At the end of the day, the human mind will put oneself above another for survival.
I disagree
Thank you, from your fan in Thailand.
Ayn Rand be like: joke's on you, I'm selfish and that's a good thing.
As someone who thinks along the lines of Des Cartes, I do find it difficult to thinks that others are real
While Des Cartes was right that the only thing we can truly know for sure is that we ourselves exist, I think we're better off assuming that everything else is real, too. After all, that is how we fulfill our own needs in life, so we may as well apply that to our moral decision making and how we view others.
You could think of it somewhat in parallel to Pascal's Wager. If you assume others are real and act accordingly, the benefits to yourself and others far outweigh the benefits of acting as though you are the only thing that's real even if you are the only thing that's real. Even if you are the only thing that's real, you will not get as much satisfaction from acting that way as you would by assuming the things around you are real.
The exception would be if you truly, genuinely do not care about anyone other than yourself, whether they are real or not. But in that case the entire question is moot, because even if others are real, you wouldn't care how you impact them.
Hopefully that helps!
You don't have to like others in order to love them. 🙂
yes you do
Being selfish feels nice and powerful
Favourite ted ed animator 💯
I take the last cupcake. This way I help others avoid the question and in so doing I reduce the suffering in the world while eating a cupcake :)
At the root of it, isn't most generosity selfish as well? A lot of times, being generous makes us feel good about ourselves and makes us happier - could we be lying to ourselves about whether an act is truly selfless, and not just done to make ourselves feel good?
I think at the most base level, our selfless acts are still motivated by our desire to feel good about ourselves. However, that doesn't mean that selfless acts aren't a good thing even if everything we intentionally do is because we're seeking some internal payoff.
love and serving make you less selfish.
There is no such thing as more or less selfish. You're always chasing your own happiness and state of comfort and inner peace or atleast preventing a decline in any of the aforementioned things. For some, being happy means watching others smile, for others it's the opposite. You're always selfish.
We are selfish! It is a human trade, by pure evolution we still don't know when is the inext meal coming.
And to make things worst we are condition to think that if we don't take it someone else will, and that's our fault for allowed it to happen, even if we don't need it.
Came simply to enjoy some animation from Avi.
From my experience, Islam has better answers on this topic in general. Then again, it also has a totally different framework for this topic.
Also, I'm wondering why didn't the video didn't mention the difference between self-centeredness and selfishness?
Because there isn't any. Both are done in order to achieve your state of comfort and inner peace.
The reason humans are inherently selfish is because everything they do is to achieve their state of comfort and inner peace, the definition of which varies for each individual. For some people, helping and making others happy is what makes THEM hoapy. If these individuals don't help others, they will feel BAD about THEMSELVES. We're all chasing our definitions of happiness, comfort and inner peace which makes all of us inherently selfish.
I think there is a difference. Simply because we are self-centered by nature. Our brain controls our body, and that alone makes us self-centered. However, we can choose not to be selfish and care for nature and other people. It's possible to be self-centered and not selfish. That's the difference I see between self-centered and selfish.
Perhaps we are missing better words for these ideas.
Chasing happiness, inner peace, and comfort are all related, but are different topics from my question!