ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 มิ.ย. 2024
- Talking points: mindset, relationships
Tired of porn being a crutch and want to improve intimacy? Check out my Porn Detox program HERE: mantalks.com/porn/
The biggest video I launched in 2023 is called "De-Sexualizing My Brain Changed My Life". Naturally, I've gotten a lot of followup comments and questions about what my life has looked like since I started that process. TL;DR: it's a good thing. Here's why.
(00:00:00) - Intro and noting some of the comments that have been made
(00:01:26) - This isn’t about becoming a monk, it’s about having better control and influence
(00:04:16) - I haven't "gotten rid of" sexual energy or desire
(00:07:17) - I am WAY less stressed-and for one significant reason
(00:09:25) - I have much, much cleaner conversations with women AND it reinforces the relationship I’m in
(00:11:29) - It’s led to the woman that I’m with feeling safer
***
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mantalks.com/mens-work-book/
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#MensWork #adviceformen #relationships #mindset - บันเทิง
For me, it's like the decision to change your diet to exclude junk food. Your hunger doesn't go away just because you stop eating junk food and demand quality in your diet. Instead, you stop having persistent cravings for garbage and start experiencing an appropriate appetite for things that will make you better, stronger, faster, smarter, etc.
Approaching 3 months. It feels like the veil has been lifted off my soul
Realizing the manipulation tactic triggers/is a big key. You get insulted once you find out just how much were being manipulated.
Everyone is encouraged to beware of on/off/oversimplified thinking. We can think of our lives like one of those gigantic mixing boards in recording studios. Connor's excellent message here is about adjusting those sliders on our mental control panel to be more optimal. Less here, more there. I love this. Thanks man. Spot on.
I havent been with a female for over a year, and stopped watching corn for over a month. I feel great and more determined to better myself in all aspects because of it. I barely even think about sex tbh. On my own journey and women are last on the priority list.
Right there with your brother, my girl of 5 years just left me and my focus has never been better. Don't want anyone else I want ME for once.
Any tips you have for your progress? Changes, etc.
I just had a mutual breakup with my gf and it's hard because I'm sexually healthy and loves sex alot but she's religious and I'm religious too, we knew the relationship wouldn't work out cause Ive not reached a place where I can get married to her, she loves me and I love her but she needs a husband and I want that for her based on age not in her side. It has been really hard.
@@josephehru7964 Dude, I don't think there's ever the perfect time for that stuff, it's not easy to find someone you share a mutual love with for her or you. If it's really like you say you're insane.
@@jakelesnake4927 you just entirely misunderstood my words
Commented on your last video. Coming up on 4 days nofap/pmo. Longest in a while. I finally decided to take this more seriously over the last year or two. I was in a short relationship where PIED and porn usage caused insecurity with the gal and I know it was a contributing factor to it falling apart. It definitely amplified my insecurities and made her feel like she was not good enough for me (her words). Not waiting to fix this till I was in a relationship was a mistake I do not want to make again. I want to be on the other side with the guys who have done it. Been sober 7 years so I know I can do it. I’m glad more male self improvement creators are talking about this. We can do it boys.
Good on you mate. Sober 7yrs myself and just looking to conquer this vice now. Everything we are subjected to nowadays is sexualised in a way to manipulate us men.
Im really glad that someone out there preaching golden stuff most men need, for free.
After messing up beautiful relationships with some amazing women due to hypersexuality, now that im going through this journey and can see everything soo clearly
Can we talk about this? I’ve ruined some great potential relationships because of my hyper sexuality in the past and as much as I want to dwell on it, I won’t but still it hurts knowing what could’ve been and how I used to move.. sigh
@@IndieBassJA26 in simple words I or we were unconscious about what exactly we were doing, blinded by immediate s*xual gratification and longing for it and only it, that inturn made me numb towards actual feelings like love, empathy etc. now that I've lost that and can't get any of those easy gratifications I can see crystal clear about what happened, it made me feel disgusted. It's such a sudden shift, I don't wanna watch porn anymore not J off. It feels amazing and feeling like a system reboot.
It will sound very simple but when you actually go through it, it feels like quite a ride.
@@IndieBassJA26 like my ex (unfortunately) is an angel, the amount of love , sacrifice, kindness she showed. I couldn't feel nor value all those and I was purely sexual. But there comes a time for everyone, something like limits. Which were obviously broken by a blind guy like me and everything falls apart and realization sets in like a tight slap.
It's best to really learn from this and actually change, else you are in that goddamn loop.
I just kept thinking how much easier it is for you having a partner, being single and looking right now makes it so much harder to achieve what you are talking about because you have to constantly be open to taking opportunities that arise with women
I really appreciate this video. It validates a lot of the suspicions I had around women being able to sense the “oozing” energy and overall is very encouraging to stay strong on this journey. Cheers. Thank you.
Really great video and I resonnate with it on baiscally every take and see my past and current self in the things you describe here.
I started watching porn probably at 11 or 12 years old and obv didnt see a problem with that, but now with 25 and every dating attept failed even tho I think Im a decent human beeing, I had to look deeper.
I reflected a lot on my dating history and I wanted to remember why I even liked these girls, but I couldnt name one thing but their looks and that they have me attention.
And now I see it, I never had female friends in my upcoming and teens, the only interaction I had with "woman" was at work and in watching porn or sexting.
So obv I wont see them for what they are, a human beeing that has a life, emotions etc. but I see them as a "object to stimulate my needs" and nothing more tbh.
It was really painfull to admit this to myself, because it feels horrible to make this realisation, that you are basically a piece of shit to woman, simply because of this, even tho you think you treat them nice and good.
Since then I try to de-sexualize my brain, Im not on instagram, tiktok and twitter anymore, where I found most of my stimulation and Im trying to quit porn and go on no fap, but this is really hard for me.
But I will work hard on this and to love myself more, so I can become a better human!
Thank you for the video, it was good to hear that someone had simliar experiences, but managed to overcome the struggles!
I am muslim alhamdulillah,thank you so much connor for making video for self improvement,i got so much closer to my god(allah) because your videos,may allah blessed you with hidayah aameen,thank you🙏👍
This is still the biggest thing I am working on. I hate that i'm this way when it comes to sex and sexual content. These videos are soooo necessary.
Hey man, thank you so much for the videos you are making. Your work here deserves to be seen by millions. May you have an incredibly successful career helping others. Much love 🙏🏼💜
Great video! It's always refreshing to hear someone else who's on the path and reinforce what you're also working at.
I especially liked your point about how women felt safer around you. There's a lot of talk out there about men being predators and I happen to feel that that sort of behavior is enhanced by the hyper-sexualized world we live in now. The advent of the internet, social media and how simply accessible all of that is now; there must be a correlation. If more of us were able to influence the next generation of men with such self-control, the world may indeed be a slightly better place.
Thank you for being a strong masculine and setting the example men are to follow.
This video is gold
If any guy here is gay, this 100% applies to us as well, can confirm from experience. What a great channel!
I quit watching sexual content around 6 months, mainly to better my relationship, but your videos have helped me from a more personal point of view , so thanks. If anyone here is questioning to make the jump, just do it and you’ll be grateful later on. :)
Number 5 is the big one, once you notice and feel the difference your a changed man!
The part about the objectification is one that I have noticed has lessened tremendously. There are a lot of accounts I don't even look at anymore because I feel gross at how I viewed them and how they present themselves.
👏👏 Yes the divine masculine collective is finally rising 🕊️🕊️
Nice profile pic with a lot of skin. If you earnestly want to support the devine masculine to rise, than start by rising your devine feminin also and stop sexualising yourself for attention of men.
Wut
How you described the always "on" p0rnified mind is something that I'm working to overcome.
The internet is so toxic nowadays. A deep clean is very much needed
Thank you ❤
I think “desexualizing your brain” as a topic and the way you’ve explained it conceptually should take precedent over “benefits of NoFap/retention”. Been trying to get away from p*rn for a couple years now after first realizing it was becoming an issue and having the idea of “NoFap” explained in such a way that it might be more than just the dirty videos has been eye-opening and the past month of being in control has felt the easiest with taking the extra measures (i.e. stopped looking at Instagram so much when that kind of stuff *was* populating my feed)
Am i missing the part where he goes into methods to/how to desexualize your mind? Im hearing the result which is great but id like to hear more about the process.
Exactly on point, as with most of your videos. By not indulging in sexualized content, you feel more connected with your sexual energy and can channel it on doing healthy, useful things instead of wasting it by acting out.
How to overcome that trigger , is there any books .? Great video by the way
I was on a streak and I relapsed last night. I noticed how much activities in my mind that Im engaged with are more responsible or desire filled. The reality is that it takes time, energy, and opens soo much distractions in your life.
If you mess up be kind to yourself and truly ask yourself, is this really helping me? Is this destroying my confidence? Will I still have desire to peruse my goals and the girl of my dreams if I do this often?
Thanks for the great video ! So what are the things I need to do ?
It's like the scene in the matrix where neo gets distracted by the woman in the red dress. Focus, neo!
I was only able to do 60 days one time no PMO.
Haven't been able to repeat that since.
I went 2 months without looking at anything sexual and nofap. I still felt myself sexualising people so much in real life maybe even more, and it caused me a great deal of shame. I ended up relapsing because it felt more comfortable to remove my urges for a while. Do I have to go way longer to feel desexualised or am I missing something?
I hired prostitutes when my wife lost interest in sex. I also started following sex advice channels and improved my side of it. Now my wife has more interest and I don’t want to f* it up. It is easy for me to rationalize, eg she is as adventurous as I would like etc. This content really helps.
Great video. Thank you. Very edify. You might have fewer issues with misinterpretation if you referred to your topic as De-hyper sexualizing your brain rather than de-sexualizing your brain because actually that’s what you’re talking about. Eliminating the inappropriate hyper sexual drive, but not eliminating your sexual drive. Just a thought. Look forward to future videos. Have a great day.
Ok so you explained the benefits, but this is really hard to do. so what is a gameplan that we can implement to achieve it?
Depending on how deep in the problem you are, you may want to create new accounts for some apps to reset the algorithm on them, then curate them for how you want to be.
Having platonic female friends helps, but that is more about luck. Have some higher goals you want to take steps towards and orient your mind around moving forward. I don't think you even need to totally erase p0rn/ self pleasure from your life, but adjust your relationship to sex and intimacy
It's a lot, but there are some things to try. If you fall into it again, observe your mind as it starts to slip and analyze the process. Keep trying, and forgive yourself. It's not easy
Well I enjoyed the video overall, I question if women really understand the male sexual experience, and subsequently appreciate the "disipline" of this area.
A lot of women I've talked too have a very limited (if any) understanding of any aspect of the male experience.
Sexting another woman while in a relationship is cheating. Glad to see someone speak against it instead of normalize it.
Do you feel like most women want you to desexualize them?
I've had some women get offended that i didn't overtly want them.
I was in church in the woman next to me had a shirt that was loose, and you could see very easily through her shirt her bra and more. I was in church, so I had to put extra effort in not looking.
Isn't that just the snake in the apple tree! Haha. It's ironic that you saw such a thing in church of all places.
Just like women want "high-value" men, you also want a woman who you value as well. Focus solely on your pursuit of bettering yourself and that will naturally attract others (of value) who will value you. Stay strong, we're all in this together!
Hahaha brilliant
How do you do this as a 19 year old male though?
I’ve struggled with corn since childhood struggled with narcissistic abuse emotional neglect and childhood trauma and PTSD I’ve got social anxiety and I’m a loner by the way I’m 33 and been too rehab for alcohol addiction and honestly my dad has never been in my life both my dad and stepdad cheated on my mom and my mom was a narcissist emotional neglect in childhood and into adulthood is real my social skills are not good and honestly I would rather be alone I love women but I guess I’m a introvert and loner because I have a hard time that I’m not good enough and it’s really hard into today society narcissistic abuse really affects you into adulthood
How not to fall in the friendzone though? If you show no sexual interest at all, that's what happens usually.
I grew up with a ton of beautiful women in my life that were in great shape. We were all ice skaters. With bipolar disorder I would get hyper-sexual, and I would do very risky and stupid things. Once I got stable things balanced out. Growing up around these women I was very comfortable and one of the things that I hear from women I date is that I am so comfortable to be around. The interactions just go better, I am more settled in my head and just feel good in my own skin. Women respond way better to this. When I would be doing online dating and we would get into sexting I was too amped up, and ended up never meeting those women on a date at all. Hyper-sexualized you just come on too strong and too needy actually. Thanks so much for this video. A lot of guys need to hear this. Porn addiction almost completely ruined my life.
It's difficult because literally everywhere you go some woman is wearing those painted on leggings. The grocery store, the post office, the gym, the gas station, you can't escape it. Maybe for married men it's easier but being single your body seems to be constantly urging you to... Do something, as in approach, to be clear.
Wow profound
Ramdom question, did you watch Game of Thrones?
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
What if you have no interest in any other parts of life? Don’t want to build anything or create anything or improve anything or attain anything … not interested in relationships or any interactions at all with women really .. so why not just think about sex?
Does this principle work in gay couples?
This information is certainly good for anyone and everyone, if not at least to help understand those struggling. Homosexuality is intrinsically sexually focused so the main conflict would be societal exploitation. Just because someone might avoid going to a pride parade doesn't mean you don't support homosexuality, for instance. Avoiding sexuality could incur in-group judgement, whereas in heterosexuality this is also the case, but involves less pressure
No, they are already too far gone.
@@selig7no one is too far gone, if they repent of their sins and come to Christ wholeheartedly, he can transform them and remove the spirit of sin and homosexuality.
Maybe the more correct term would be: De-lustify.
you're older now and married so isn't it just a maturity thing and not so much something that even requires thought or action? I'M older than Mr Beaton and at least for me all this stuff just happened naturally by the time i was in my 30's
I stopped masturbating and watching porn, 2 weeks in, I dont stare at women, try to curtail the thoughts. I do so because I am a Christian. But i have noticed a tremendous increase in energy and focus. I thought I was just imagining it. Cool to see someone else confirm.
Sorry you are a cultist get well soon .😅
It is called being an adult😊 Unfortunately most of the human beings are trapped in a sort of zombie life composed by uncontrolled instincts,fear and trauma...
It's always a big no no to try enforce a certain lifestyle upon other people and then have the nerve to make money from it on youtube, hahaha.
My "desires" are on full blast 24/7 and it doesn't stop me from being productive in other areas nor do I have stress, it all depends on the individual, alright?
If YOU were too weak to make it work, don't assume other people are as well, just a reminder. ;)
Life is great, it's a game and there's different ways to play it depending on your creativity and mindset.
This is the most pathetic comment I’ve ever read.
Cope harder bro
Beta!.. Beta male!
ASMR was a huge trigger. It's the closest thing to porn here on youtube
"team"? "Man it forward"? Are you serious with this stuff? Just say what you have to say like a professional, like someone worth listening to instead of falling into the TH-cam race to the ludicrous trap.
Dude your first and probably only real problem is you're too hateful to yourself. Dude if you have "sexualized" brain, embrace that energy. Embrace all energy and harness it. Don't be your own enemy. The world has enough enemies for you, you don't need to stand in line.
Thank you for the freedom that accompanies making changes here. It started with extremely beautiful women swinging a golf club, then kite surfing. With a tiny bit of discipline and self respect, my TH-cam feed is now filled with student pilot vids. You’ve changed my life.
Thoughts on retention?
Urologists say it is a daft Internet idea.