when you watched Ashley's vid and then a month later get recommended Damon's vid of Milan but couldn't recognise him, watch a lot of his videos and follow him, find this video and get surprised that he knows Ashley, remember that he was in her video and realise your memory doesn't work
@@holsthecolourful1091 they meant bc she's filming video with another person there's possibility of her feeling uncomfortable. But she stayed genuine bc she enjoys Damon's company and can be herself freely (just like we know her from her own videos) :)))
In reference to the, “what do I wear on the first date” question: I once was told by a Sephora employee (total stranger, weird circumstances I won’t get into) that you always look like your everyday self on the first date because.. that’s who you are! That’s who they’ll be with if they decide to pursue you, so it needs to be accurate. The 2nd date you dress cute as possible because they’ve hopefully got that puppy crush, warm feeling from the first date and you want to maximize on it. And then the THIRD date, you bust out that mad sex appeal and drive it home. 😂😂👌🏻
@Sophie Songbird this!! i love that someone finally said it. a relationship shouldn't "complete" you, because you are already whole to begin with. instead it should enhance you and make you grow.
I think the sentiment wasn't so much "your life ends up after marriage you can't go to a rave" but more marrying young and maybe not having much life experience by yourself before making such a big commitment
I would love to see you do a red wine talk with a non-TH-camr someone with a 9-5 i feel like a lot of these conversations would go differently around money and productivity I think it’d be interesting
i feel like relationships are more like play dough because they aren't static like a card number. like you get a lump of clay and as you develop a relationship you're molding the clay into something cool. or you make something that you don't love and you get new clay and start again. but your happiness with the sculpture you made depends on if you work with the clay. (and sometimes its not about your effort, you might have had shitty dollar store clay and it just doesn't become the master piece you intended but ya know)
Yes, i think it’s so « dehumanizing » (i don’t feel like it’s the right word but i can’t find a better one) to just give a grade to love? I feel like a relationship is too complex to just slap a number on it. It is indeed a mixture of art and work, it is much more nuanced. Some art pieces are « better » than others but in the end, they are all valuable.
I think the card metaphor is something I really struggled with before. It's good to think that way to make sure you don't settle and stay in a shitty relationship but it can also be unhealthy and have you always thinking about 'oh could I do better?'. I'm married and my husband is fucking awesome, but could we both find better people out there? For sure, no doubt. But I'm not with him cuz he's the best person in the whole world and I don't care that he's not. I'm with him because we've been through shit together and we're stronger from it and I like spending time with him more than anyone else. I was really scared when I was younger like 'omg what if I meet someone better?!?' but now I'm like yeah fuck that, I like my husband and I like our history. there's a limitless amount of people I 'couldve' been with so why dwell on these theoretical people when I have someone I like? This is a ramble but I hope someone gets it lmao
@@britling9101 Same. I was scanning the entire comment section for people who didn't agree with what they were saying about relationships. Fortunately there's a lot of people who don't agree with their narrow-minded statements
I feel like the card metaphor is a symbol of the tinder generation lol... ppl are always looking for the next best thing. idk I feel like once you’re in love you don’t give a shit about the other cards. Don’t overthink it :) you’ll know when you know. And if you get it wrong, then you can go back to the deck and see the next card 😂
YES! I agree. For too long I worried because others told me I couldn't bc in love bc I hadn't had others. But I knew I was. You can't be happy with someone for a long time & feel actually safe, happy, content, if they're not the one for you. I know that I couldn't click with someone else like this. It's just a good pairing, even if I haven't dated a lot. :)
This relationships convo reminded me of a podcast called "modern love" and the episode is "we'll meet again in 5 years", basically it's about a woman who thought she met her ideal partner, but she met him way too early and wanted to discover other options, so they decided to break up and meet again in 5 years and it's the cutest story ever. Love you both
@@damondominique i literally just discovered your channel because of ashley's video and why did it take me so long? your energy is infectious and you're so real. i love your videos. you're awesome, keep it up!!
Same here, tbh. I can't imagine myself with anyone but my significant other (my first and only love). We've both tried and we couldn't do it. I think it's very weird but in a good way. It's almost scary too haha but it's the best feeling in the world. I can't wait to marry them.
@@momotozaki I find it odd how its almost frowned upon to pursue your first love. when we were just dating I was bombarded with questions like "what about seeing what's out there/aren't you scared?" and so on .. and the answer was simple and a hard no. why go looking for something I already got? I feel lucky I found it once, some people don't even get that and I'm assuming those are the ones that keep looking and jumping from partner to partner.
If I were him I would take the not needed money and donate it to a charity or organization I love or just give back to others.. because I do agree that at a certain part of life more money won’t help and it’ll only be like luxury extras but I would take the unwanted money to use it for others bc who knows what others will do with that money
@@lynnly2406 I mean sure, but a lot of people do more work at first etc and when they are more finacially stable and content they can turn down work bc they value their time more then the amount of money they could have earned in that moment, I agree that people should donate and give back to communities if possible but nobody is entitled to your time, I regularly give to causes etc. but when I have work experience you better believe I will do my best to have more time with friends and family and also for myself
That card metaphor makes it sound like people just look for what fits rather than looking for someone they want to be with. Like meeting a 7 and hoping to find a 10 next time or settling, rather than meeting a 7, realizing you like the 7 and 7 likes you back so you decide to grow together and be 10s.
I’ve been with my first “real” boyfriend for 9 years and we’re getting married next year! I’ve never doubted that he is the one for me. We’re best friends and I still get butterflies after all this time. It can happen :)
I loved this video! But, just to touch on the young marriage statement. I married young (I was 21 and my husband was 25). But I moved to Finland to be with him and then we traveled to 11 countries in one year and actually did go to a rave in Paris on a yacht! So getting married young does not mean all your dreams will go away. You can do cool shit still, but now youre doing cool shit with a built in bestie :-) although I do agree that some people get married young and then stop living the life they dreamed.
100% agree with you. Getting married doesn't mean you're done with adventure or trips. The deck of cards metaphor seems to me like a kind of grass is always greener mentality as well.
The card metaphor is more how people who I think aren't ready to settle down see dating. At least now that I'm in a place where I want to settle down and meet that person who I can build a life with, I don't think "what if I could meet someone better suited for me?" I'm just thinking about the person in front of me and whether or not we can make it work. Instead it's more like "I know I want to be with this person. I don't want to keep looking through the rest of the deck. But are their character flaws something that I can deal with for the rest of my life? Are our differences something we can work through together?" I think if you still want to "look through the rest of the deck" then you're not ready to focus on the card in front of you. There's no way to build a lifelong relationship if you're not 100% in on the person you're with.
What does neo-liberal mean? I’m not sure about it but I feel like I get what you are talking about. What they said especially about love sounded so weird. I cannot tell if it’s bad or not but one thing’s sure I never heard people talk about love this way but that might be because I’m also europian
@@Anna-zo7dj i meant to use it in a more vernacular way than the economical definition. Basically what i wanted to say is is how suprised i was that they look at their life from the perspective of capitalism so much. Like talking about dating as if it was a neo-liberalist market (instead of a welfare state if we stick with these terms) where its only about competing with others and figuring out ones value. I felt like that was really cliché american haha
@@Melina-vs7pl ohh thank you for explaining that! I completely agree with you. As you said they look at things from a capitalistic perspective and that's something I've been seeing recently on youtube a lot
Imo the card deck analogy is really messed up. I'm not sure if anyone else agrees but the reason people have a hard time feeling satisfied in a relationship is because they're always thinking about the other possibilities out there instead of being happy with their partners.
@@daisyfruity3040 i know people can't be rated using numbers, and that people can get better with time so, it's really not true and I hope you rise above this ideology
That card metaphor seems off to me. Real life is not like Tinder. Be happy if you get lucky, the timing is right and you get to connect with another human being. Don‘t worry about better options, nobody is perfect.
I'm 22 and almost 4 years into my first ever relationship, so I think about the card analogy sometimes. Where I stand with it at the moment is that I don't care about the other cards as long as I am satisfied with my own. Besides, unlike cards, people don't necessary come to you as a 7 or a 10. If you nurture your relationship, the number can grow higher.
Hey! I'm also 22 and in the 5th year of my first ever relationship. I always thought about this and worried a lot if I'm wasting my youth with this one person. This made so much sense and made me see things differently. We have come a long way and I have changed a lot as a person from 17 to 22 years old and he has stayed by my side this whole time (cared for me while I was mentally unstable and struggling with every aspect of life). I'm so happy I learned this and learned to appreciate what I have and not take it for granted :)
i'm French and trust me when i say that all guys in France are "thirsty" or at least a bit flirty haha maybe it's just that it's in our culture to see parties as a way to meet new people, and rarely in a friendly way that's how you can easily meet guys without any dating apps in France, at least I've noticed that you don't necessarily need them to go on dates also, I don't know about america, but in France, it's kinda frequent to have people come at you with no excuse just to come talk for a bit because you seem nice or to ask for a number
@Quynh-Anh Nguyen well i guess it just depends on the people you date and the kind of relationships you get yourself into if you date someone and you decide to commit to a romantic relationship, it might be necessary to discuss exclusiveness and figure out what would work best for all the people involved i think it also depends on the social groups that you are in: some people are very open to these subjects and are able to acknowledge all the possibilities of a relationship, but some people see couples as a very basic relationship which includes exclusiveness, monogamy etc
I dont think i agree with the card statement, i think its much simpler: do you see yourself living the life YOU want to live with that person by your side. When you think about it like this you find the answer very quickly. I donk think you need multiple partners to know, you can know what you want or what you look for for yourself, and if the person fits, there is chemistry and friendship, and support, and fun, then thats the one, you wouldnt have the need to ask is there better.
about the thing on what to wear on dates I also enjoy being a little extra with my outfits (whether in a too formal way or too informal way) and I’ve realised that my crush’s reaction to my outfits pretty much says if he is also interested in me or not. For example, one night I dress quite classy while he has a casual look and the next night he comes looking like a fancy snack (basically, he acknowledged my look and was trying to recreate it in order to impress me). My point is that yes, we do dress to impress.
I also miss raving across Europe. I lived in Berlin for a while, and I miss having the opportunity to rave to some techno whenever I need to let out steam.
I was thinking about moving to Germany for college. Where are good places to rave? Is the rave community very closed to outsiders? You have to be invited to raves in my country, and it's usually a lot of ass kissing to some rude guy.
Azire C most of Berlin’s clubs have a rave atmosphere (techno, no photos, DIY aesthetic) and can be found on the Resident Advisor (RA) website/app. They’re “exclusive” in the sense that the bouncers look for people who dress like they’re into the scene and know the artists and DJs playing that night, but admission can be kinda random. Someone who looks super obnoxiously American might hit a stroke of luck, and it may just not be a regular’s night. Usually you can bop around to a few places to find somewhere to get in. I’ve found more “underground” raves through Facebook pages and events or by word of mouth from people I met at the clubs.
Azire C since living in Berlin I’ve become super interested in club culture and raves bc historically they have been as much political as they have been entertaining
Ngl, I saw the thumbnails for these videos and idek if I'd enjoy it (they're too dark boo they deserve better!). But after watching one I was like "I need to watch another" next thing yanno I'm hooked!
Sorry for expanding on every point that they make, but there's also a study on this! 11:43 Statistically, after a household reaches an income of 75,000 a year (this is for a family of four), then the amount of happiness they get from having that much money is almost the exact same as what they would have with any type of higher income.
Haha loved this. But the dating part- happiness doesn’t come from having lots of options aka “a deck of cards”. If you constantly have choices (which is the issue for our generation) you’re always going to wonder if you could have gotten someone better. Tbh, if you find a guy/girl that is nice and loving, make the commitment. That’s why grandma and grandpa were together for 55 yrs. I’m not saying couples that were together for 55 years were the happiest but I think everyone deserves a life partner who will always be there for you and vice versa. Anyway, you’d also have to have a long term mindset for this type of relationship. It’s ok to also not be ready for it, but eventually it should be the goal. Much love!!
I don't think that being self-conscious about how you look, act, or move is selfish. It's anxiety, not narcissism. You think everyone judges you, not that everyone "cares about you".
In terms of relationships: someone once said to me you got to evaluate every relationship on its own, for example in the card metaphor, when you find a card you like and that matches you, you just make that work for you, no matter what number they might be objectively. Personally, I don’t believe in the “one”, that there is just one person out there in the world for every person. I think there are multiple people you could possibly be compatible with, but part of a relationship is making it work with one of the people you are compatible with (and when I say make it work I don’t mean staying in a relationship that is toxic or wrong for you, but working through the little things bc no one is perfect and to stay together people need to understand one another and have their value and priorities aligned)
This shit getting me woke. I’m about to graduate Uni while working and I’m proud I’m graduating in 4 years with an impacted major but I have anxiety and burnout. It shouldn’t be productivity first and self care/happiness last.
But like... what are his expenses? He has no car. Rent in Paris is a fraction of rent in LA or New York. He doesn't buy lots of stuff. As he says, he's not interested in saving atm. I'm "broke" all the time, but just because I save 100€ a month (/my parents put the child support money they still get (until 25 in Germany, while still in education) into a savings account instead of transferring it to me). I could also spend that on one weekend trip every month, if I wanted to.
I don't think he is loaded per say. I think that with the money he has in his bank account (+ his monthly earning) is enough for him to live comfortably for 5-10 years. Also, you have to take in consideration that he doesn't live in america and have less expenses. Like someone before mentioned points from airlines and credit cards might be able to cover a good portion of his tickets every time he travels. If you cut out a lot of unnecessary expenses (and live minimally), you will be surprise how much you need to spend to live comfortably.
i want you guys to talk about: -Confidence. -How to succeed in life. -How to make awsome friends. -Traveling around the world for cheap (cuz im broke lmao). -Body image. -Meeting the love of ur life. -College? Thank You.
Just came here after the Paris vlog and loved your guys’ thoughts on how being a full time TH-camr can cost your creativity. I agree with Ashley that it almost seems ideal to keep a steady job and TH-cam a hobby just so you don’t feel forced to censor yourself to pay your bills
See Damon, now you and Ashley got me contemplating my relationship bc he is my first boyfriend been together for almost four years. And I feel as though we are really good together & I wouldn't mind marrying him. But, I do understand where you guys are coming from about exploring other options. See this why I appreciate this type of content. It's good to hear what other people think about when it comes to love. Anywho, I still loved the video of course. much love xoxo
for 12:28, i read this tweet that said "rest is not a waste of time" and that rest IS productivity in way (because you literally need it) and it's made me feel a tiny bit better about not ALWAYS working on something as a creative, i'm always feeling like what i'm doing needs to be monetized like oh no i can't just create this art, i have to SELL this art but that's not the case
I have so much to say about this video, I really just want to be in the room having this conversation. When you're young, dating can definitely seem like a deck of cards all laid out and ready to be explored. The thing is, none of the elements in this metaphor are static, including yourself. Dating changes you, teaches you things about yourself and about other people and the world around you. It introduces you to new ideas and ways of living, either becoming part of you or part of your roadmap of things to avoid. You can find yourself in relationships that are good but that you're not ready for, or haven't had the experience to appreciate. You can also find yourself in bad relationships that you don't even realize aren't the best for you. You can be in a relationship that you ultimately decided wasn't working, and look back three years down the road on it with a completely different perspective. That's why I agree that it's important to explore yourself for long enough to get some kind of grasp of who you are and what you want from life--I think that's what people feel when they find themselves asking, "but what else is out there?". It's not that the person you're with isn't great, it's just that you have more exploring to do and it's not time for you to settle down yet. When that time comes is different for everyone, and some people find that they never want to, or that it doesn't take much at all. It's even more complicated than that, I could write a whole-ass book about this honestly because who people are changes constantly throughout their lives, and it's what makes long term relationships and marriages so challenging. When it clicks, though, and I can tell you from experience that it can and does click, whether or not there's potentially someone "better" for you out there doesn't matter, because you'll know you're home. Yeah, there are moments where you doubt it or maybe you try to fight it, especially when you're mad or hurt, but that shit is like gravity, it just pulls you in. I'm a little older than you guys, turning 32 next month, and I've been with my best friend for 10 years, married for 5. There are plenty of people out there who might be easier to deal with, or who might do more for me or have more in common with me, but there is nobody on this planet who would be an adequate replacement. Some people just become part of you, and the thought of losing them becomes like losing your own arm or leg, and that's love. It's painful and beautiful and once you really feel it, you know.
love y’all both but it’s a bit disheartening to hear some people who are clearly thriving talking abt how money doesn’t matter when you’re struggling financially...
Love yall but Americans have such a fairytale perspective on continental Europe hee-hee. Also tend to disagree about the relationship/deck of cards metaphor: I believe there's a shit ton of potential 'true love's out there in the world, but true love is also a matter of commitment, dedication, attention, shared experiences. It's something that has to be built up together. I agree that settling too young may come at the expense of other experiences, but I don't think settling too young can come at the expense of finding your 'true love'. With the deck of cards mentality it would only be harder to find 'true love' because you will never commit 100%. Like someone else said in the comments: why criticize the mentality of optimizing productivity when you view love as something that can be 'optimized' as well?
YES! I think people nowadays are afraid to settle and be comfortable. I mean, why? Like if you are happy and you are content, what is wrong with settling and being comfortable. I do think that there are other people out there for you, but at the end of the day love is about growing together through all the shitty days and the good days.
On the cards talk I think that we have to look at our relationship and think if there are any problems right now that could be major in the future. Like wanting to have kids or not and things that truly matter to you, like where you'd like to live etc... If you have the same mind of the major things and you feel at home with that person then you're most likely in a very loving relationship. Sure you can love multiple people throughout your life but if you believe in monogamy you have to pick at some point. Even in polyamorous relationships I found that most of the times they have a main partner and they have casual relationships with other people. So still they have to pick that someone. And about having to date many people to feel like they're the one doesn't really work because, like you said, if you have the mentality of always wanting to know if there's someone more compatible you'll never be truly happy. You can't never be 100% compatible with someone and as long as you agree in the important things that matter for both of you then you can work out stupid problems, like the way you clean the house and about shoes in the house. You always have to change to be in a relationship. It may sound bad but if you want to build friendships and not pick fights with your family you have to pick the things that you want to fight about. For me it would be a complete no-no if they were racist and homophobic and sexist. Those things for me are worth fighting about so I'd never be with someone like that, but the way you put the toilet paper or whatever is always something you both can work on and find an agreement. I'd love to be in your wine talks. Come to Manchester, UK and I'll gladly pour you some.
I think what’s most important is finding a person to be your SO that you have great communication with, have some fights to find out how to talk about tough things, have similar idealisms and future goals that fit together. And most importantly to actually put in the work cause love is easy, relationships can be hard and you have to make a conscious decision to stay with that person and possibly make sacrifices. You can’t expect someone to be perfect and you can’t expect your relationship to be easy all the time
Great video, love you guys. Though I have something to point out. I feel that as americans you romanticized europeans. I'm from Barcelona and european people is as stressed as you feel in your lifes. I wish we were as content as you think
I just don’t get how you can talk about achieving your own milestones and then in the same sentence hate on people whose milestones or lives are different than yours. Just because someone is married young doesn’t mean they can’t go to a rave which also why is a rave the epitome of youth and growth like ok
Please do more videos together. ALSO. When Ashley said "people don't realize that they can feel their first love's feelings, AGAIN, with someone else, on a deeper level." just fucking changed me. but like how you know tho?
glad to see people talk openly about things very refreshing not forced but i feel the love and respect from yal not the usual your not as good as me your not living life right your wrong from some ppl you feel forced fed content but keep grinding and do what yall love whatever the cost
Already commented but alsooo about the deck of cards analogy...I had one serious boyfriend before I met my husband and after meeting him I didn’t really feel this need to look at other “cards”. A successful relationship isn’t necessarily about picking the hottest/nicest/most perfect person but about finding someone whose flaws you can accept and who you can grow with
This is just my opinion but i feel like the whole card theory is a sign of Ashley having fear of abandonment issues. I’ve never even thought of relationships through this theory before so it caught me off guard. I think it’s somewhat of a toxic perspective on relationships bc you don’t let go of your past, you’re always thinking “what if i fucked up with this ex boyfriend?” Obviously everyone is different but i hope people take that analogy with a grain of salt.
this collab is literally all ive ever wanted in my life,,,
Kamilla Noble i knoooow
I can doe now. Lol
OMG IKR
100% This is exactly what I needed going into 2020!!
SAME
So instead of censoring her language she cut out the sponsored part :D What a boss move
Honestly that’s so iconic
frfr
Sponsoring for what?
@@poojabhandaari she didn’t say
No, it isn’t. She fumbled.
When you’re here after watching Ashley’s vid
ikr same ;-;
Yeah
bc you saw the clip from ashley’s video and it matched the thumbnail of this one that i recognized in my recommended
when you watched Ashley's vid and then a month later get recommended Damon's vid of Milan but couldn't recognise him, watch a lot of his videos and follow him, find this video and get surprised that he knows Ashley, remember that he was in her video and realise your memory doesn't work
Me too!
IM SEEING THE REAL ASHLEY. I FEEL LIKE SHES JUST TALKING TO HERSELF. I LOVE HOW COMFORTABLE SHE IS
When did u ever not see the real Ashley lmao she’s literally always herself in her videos
@@holsthecolourful1091 they meant bc she's filming video with another person there's possibility of her feeling uncomfortable. But she stayed genuine bc she enjoys Damon's company and can be herself freely (just like we know her from her own videos) :)))
She is always talking to herself heartfully, thats why I m so into her aura.
She's always been real!!!!
In reference to the, “what do I wear on the first date” question: I once was told by a Sephora employee (total stranger, weird circumstances I won’t get into) that you always look like your everyday self on the first date because.. that’s who you are! That’s who they’ll be with if they decide to pursue you, so it needs to be accurate. The 2nd date you dress cute as possible because they’ve hopefully got that puppy crush, warm feeling from the first date and you want to maximize on it. And then the THIRD date, you bust out that mad sex appeal and drive it home. 😂😂👌🏻
but what if I'm so indecisive that I still haven't figured out my everyday self/style
DAMN THATS A SOLID ADVICE THANKS AUSTIN imma do dat
I've done this and it works
Hahaha third date woooh 😂😂
damn that's so on point!
Unpopular opinion: your life doesn’t end after marriage, you can still go for a rave in paris😌😂
there are so many middle aged people at raves, at least here in europe, and they are the funniest to dance with.
@Sophie Songbird this!! i love that someone finally said it. a relationship shouldn't "complete" you, because you are already whole to begin with. instead it should enhance you and make you grow.
Yes but its not the same
I think the sentiment wasn't so much "your life ends up after marriage you can't go to a rave" but more marrying young and maybe not having much life experience by yourself before making such a big commitment
Lol. Or you could be happy staying home with your family.
I would love to see you do a red wine talk with a non-TH-camr someone with a 9-5 i feel like a lot of these conversations would go differently around money and productivity I think it’d be interesting
PREACH! what i've been thinking the entire time.
Yes!
YES
I would LOVE this
I think any of his other videos can be like that, with his "normal" friends haha
i feel like relationships are more like play dough because they aren't static like a card number. like you get a lump of clay and as you develop a relationship you're molding the clay into something cool. or you make something that you don't love and you get new clay and start again. but your happiness with the sculpture you made depends on if you work with the clay. (and sometimes its not about your effort, you might have had shitty dollar store clay and it just doesn't become the master piece you intended but ya know)
that's like the best analogy i've ever heard, it's so simple
Look at us. Everyone sharing their opinions in thoughtful and civilised ways.
Yes, i think it’s so « dehumanizing » (i don’t feel like it’s the right word but i can’t find a better one) to just give a grade to love? I feel like a relationship is too complex to just slap a number on it. It is indeed a mixture of art and work, it is much more nuanced. Some art pieces are « better » than others but in the end, they are all valuable.
I love that!!!!!
This analogy is so lovely
RED WINE TALKS HAS A NEW HOME! 🍷🍷🍷
the next red wine talks should be with Charline or Shay 😆❤
I just wat hed your last 1 this morning before work and now I get to watch this one right after work. The timing couldnt be more perfect Damon. Thanks
Please can you dou french subs🙏 French was the reason i found you
you should make a podcast called Wine Talks
And we love it!
these chats are my fav!
Ahhhh Tiffany I love your channel too!!
this video could be 2 hours long and I would watch it without even noticing
That's exactly what l was thinking 😂
This felt like sitting in on a late night deep talk with friends lmao
two icons coming together to share their wisdom over red wine,, magical ✨
what happens if you flip through 10 cards and then realize card number 3 was the best and you ruined it by being curious about the rest.
Exactly.
That's why it's a bad analogy. If you're in a relationship but worry about what could be, that relationship isn't the one.
@@jmariacountmein it's not about how it should be, it's about how it feels.
I think the card metaphor is something I really struggled with before. It's good to think that way to make sure you don't settle and stay in a shitty relationship but it can also be unhealthy and have you always thinking about 'oh could I do better?'.
I'm married and my husband is fucking awesome, but could we both find better people out there? For sure, no doubt.
But I'm not with him cuz he's the best person in the whole world and I don't care that he's not. I'm with him because we've been through shit together and we're stronger from it and I like spending time with him more than anyone else.
I was really scared when I was younger like 'omg what if I meet someone better?!?' but now I'm like yeah fuck that, I like my husband and I like our history. there's a limitless amount of people I 'couldve' been with so why dwell on these theoretical people when I have someone I like?
This is a ramble but I hope someone gets it lmao
TRUE
I agree omg
I'm happy for u :) hope I get there
Love this comment, cuz I was having a low key panic attack, thanks man
@@britling9101 Same. I was scanning the entire comment section for people who didn't agree with what they were saying about relationships. Fortunately there's a lot of people who don't agree with their narrow-minded statements
Ok waiting for the day I go to a rave with y'all
yess!!❤️❤️
👏 PLEASE 👏 DO 👏 A 👏 RED 👏 WINE 👏 TALKS 👏 PODCAST 👏
YYYAAASSS
What's a podcast
Actually yes but kinda no, because I feel I’d want to see their faces and reactions not just hear their voices, I’d be missing stuff
Yes 👏
@@aaronmoiche330 you can watch most podcasts as videos too :)
I feel like the card metaphor is a symbol of the tinder generation lol... ppl are always looking for the next best thing. idk I feel like once you’re in love you don’t give a shit about the other cards. Don’t overthink it :) you’ll know when you know. And if you get it wrong, then you can go back to the deck and see the next card 😂
This is so true
Exactly. Other people simply don't exist when I'm with someone I love :)
I agree with the “tinder generation.”
I agree with this! It's so silly to say, but when you know you KNOW.
YES! I agree. For too long I worried because others told me I couldn't bc in love bc I hadn't had others. But I knew I was. You can't be happy with someone for a long time & feel actually safe, happy, content, if they're not the one for you. I know that I couldn't click with someone else like this. It's just a good pairing, even if I haven't dated a lot. :)
This relationships convo reminded me of a podcast called "modern love" and the episode is "we'll meet again in 5 years", basically it's about a woman who thought she met her ideal partner, but she met him way too early and wanted to discover other options, so they decided to break up and meet again in 5 years and it's the cutest story ever. Love you both
just discovered the podcast thanks to you! Thank you! xx
I love that podcast! and litt just heard that story omw to class!
That sounds so depressing.
I just watched the series with this and loved it! Amazon studios produced it.
Which episode, I can't find it
Who’s here after Ashley’s video?
Me 🤚🏼
Damon Dominique I’ve been watching your videos nonstop 😭😭😭
@@damondominique i literally just discovered your channel because of ashley's video and why did it take me so long? your energy is infectious and you're so real. i love your videos. you're awesome, keep it up!!
ugh loved this
Here he is! The king, the icon, it’s Christmas let’s go home!
girl who married her first relationship here
Yes. Thank you for saying this.
AWE I LOVE THIS!!!
yes!! :) when you know, you know
Same here, tbh. I can't imagine myself with anyone but my significant other (my first and only love). We've both tried and we couldn't do it. I think it's very weird but in a good way. It's almost scary too haha but it's the best feeling in the world. I can't wait to marry them.
@@momotozaki I find it odd how its almost frowned upon to pursue your first love. when we were just dating I was bombarded with questions like "what about seeing what's out there/aren't you scared?" and so on .. and the answer was simple and a hard no. why go looking for something I already got? I feel lucky I found it once, some people don't even get that and I'm assuming those are the ones that keep looking and jumping from partner to partner.
I didn’t want this talk to be over, can’t wait for the next one!
Damon saying "but I dont need more money" is my goal mindset.
If I were him I would take the not needed money and donate it to a charity or organization I love or just give back to others.. because I do agree that at a certain part of life more money won’t help and it’ll only be like luxury extras but I would take the unwanted money to use it for others bc who knows what others will do with that money
@@lynnly2406 I mean sure, but a lot of people do more work at first etc and when they are more finacially stable and content they can turn down work bc they value their time more then the amount of money they could have earned in that moment, I agree that people should donate and give back to communities if possible but nobody is entitled to your time, I regularly give to causes etc. but when I have work experience you better believe I will do my best to have more time with friends and family and also for myself
@@solsthrash2603 that’s fair. People should care for themselves first
That card metaphor makes it sound like people just look for what fits rather than looking for someone they want to be with. Like meeting a 7 and hoping to find a 10 next time or settling, rather than meeting a 7, realizing you like the 7 and 7 likes you back so you decide to grow together and be 10s.
Y E S !!!!!!!! I sooo agree
Two romantics who also happen to make cool ass videos? Ooh, this is bound to be good!
I’m a simple girl, i see ashley, i click.
ignacia caceres this made me cackle hahaha I love it
❤❤❤🥺
"THEY ARE AND I M TRYING TO BE A PART OF IT!" love it
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN??????
@@damondominique totaly
a whole mood honestly
I really enjoyed this!
I’ve been with my first “real” boyfriend for 9 years and we’re getting married next year! I’ve never doubted that he is the one for me. We’re best friends and I still get butterflies after all this time. It can happen :)
I loved this video! But, just to touch on the young marriage statement. I married young (I was 21 and my husband was 25). But I moved to Finland to be with him and then we traveled to 11 countries in one year and actually did go to a rave in Paris on a yacht! So getting married young does not mean all your dreams will go away. You can do cool shit still, but now youre doing cool shit with a built in bestie :-) although I do agree that some people get married young and then stop living the life they dreamed.
100% agree with you. Getting married doesn't mean you're done with adventure or trips. The deck of cards metaphor seems to me like a kind of grass is always greener mentality as well.
The card metaphor is more how people who I think aren't ready to settle down see dating. At least now that I'm in a place where I want to settle down and meet that person who I can build a life with, I don't think "what if I could meet someone better suited for me?" I'm just thinking about the person in front of me and whether or not we can make it work. Instead it's more like "I know I want to be with this person. I don't want to keep looking through the rest of the deck. But are their character flaws something that I can deal with for the rest of my life? Are our differences something we can work through together?"
I think if you still want to "look through the rest of the deck" then you're not ready to focus on the card in front of you. There's no way to build a lifelong relationship if you're not 100% in on the person you're with.
Agreed
Comment from Europe: you guys are crazily neo-liberal, even when it comes to loove! Optimisation is not alway the key... Still love you're videos
I thought that to! Chasing after the best isn't gonna make you Happy, even even when it is the best 'vibe'
What does neo-liberal mean? I’m not sure about it but I feel like I get what you are talking about. What they said especially about love sounded so weird. I cannot tell if it’s bad or not but one thing’s sure I never heard people talk about love this way but that might be because I’m also europian
@@Anna-zo7dj i meant to use it in a more vernacular way than the economical definition. Basically what i wanted to say is is how suprised i was that they look at their life from the perspective of capitalism so much. Like talking about dating as if it was a neo-liberalist market (instead of a welfare state if we stick with these terms) where its only about competing with others and figuring out ones value. I felt like that was really cliché american haha
@@Melina-vs7pl ohh thank you for explaining that! I completely agree with you. As you said they look at things from a capitalistic perspective and that's something I've been seeing recently on youtube a lot
Yes this way if weighing people's values on a scale seems so disingenuous to me. As if feelings can be measured so simply.
Imo the card deck analogy is really messed up. I'm not sure if anyone else agrees but the reason people have a hard time feeling satisfied in a relationship is because they're always thinking about the other possibilities out there instead of being happy with their partners.
I agreeeeeee!
Agreed!
1000%!!!!
Yeah.. but it’s true..
@@daisyfruity3040 i know people can't be rated using numbers, and that people can get better with time so, it's really not true and I hope you rise above this ideology
"We can go get breakfast in the morning" is an key phrase in my love language
That card metaphor seems off to me. Real life is not like Tinder. Be happy if you get lucky, the timing is right and you get to connect with another human being. Don‘t worry about better options, nobody is perfect.
I'm 22 and almost 4 years into my first ever relationship, so I think about the card analogy sometimes. Where I stand with it at the moment is that I don't care about the other cards as long as I am satisfied with my own. Besides, unlike cards, people don't necessary come to you as a 7 or a 10. If you nurture your relationship, the number can grow higher.
Hey! I'm also 22 and in the 5th year of my first ever relationship. I always thought about this and worried a lot if I'm wasting my youth with this one person. This made so much sense and made me see things differently. We have come a long way and I have changed a lot as a person from 17 to 22 years old and he has stayed by my side this whole time (cared for me while I was mentally unstable and struggling with every aspect of life). I'm so happy I learned this and learned to appreciate what I have and not take it for granted :)
I wan't to get to the level where I can turn down brand deals hahah
Nobody:
French people : ASHLEY YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO PUT ALL YOUR FINGERS ON THE GLASS ! YOUR GONNA WARM UP THE WINE !!
Im actually so shook at this collab this is all i’ve ever wanted i can die peacefully
i'm French and trust me when i say that all guys in France are "thirsty" or at least a bit flirty haha
maybe it's just that it's in our culture to see parties as a way to meet new people, and rarely in a friendly way
that's how you can easily meet guys without any dating apps in France, at least I've noticed that you don't necessarily need them to go on dates
also, I don't know about america, but in France, it's kinda frequent to have people come at you with no excuse just to come talk for a bit because you seem nice or to ask for a number
I love that idea
@Quynh-Anh Nguyen well i guess it just depends on the people you date and the kind of relationships you get yourself into
if you date someone and you decide to commit to a romantic relationship, it might be necessary to discuss exclusiveness and figure out what would work best for all the people involved
i think it also depends on the social groups that you are in: some people are very open to these subjects and are able to acknowledge all the possibilities of a relationship, but some people see couples as a very basic relationship which includes exclusiveness, monogamy etc
and don't get me wrong, they are all fine as long as every person involved agrees with the "terms" and feels as good as possible in this relationship
and i don't think i can speak for every French people that exists haha
Ok, I’m just gonna day it no shade. Damon just get back with your ex you mention him every red wine talk lol. What’s the deal lol
The long distance part was probs just too much
They live in the same city now tho... what’s the tea?? Lolol
I dont think i agree with the card statement, i think its much simpler: do you see yourself living the life YOU want to live with that person by your side. When you think about it like this you find the answer very quickly.
I donk think you need multiple partners to know, you can know what you want or what you look for for yourself, and if the person fits, there is chemistry and friendship, and support, and fun, then thats the one, you wouldnt have the need to ask is there better.
about the thing on what to wear on dates
I also enjoy being a little extra with my outfits (whether in a too formal way or too informal way) and I’ve realised that my crush’s reaction to my outfits pretty much says if he is also interested in me or not.
For example, one night I dress quite classy while he has a casual look and the next night he comes looking like a fancy snack (basically, he acknowledged my look and was trying to recreate it in order to impress me).
My point is that yes, we do dress to impress.
I swear I've become so addicted to these. You go baby.
A cross over we would never have thought of, but now can’t imagine a world without
please just keep talking about relationships and dating as a 20 something so i can cry
Nicole Cbrer this
truly vibing to these wine talks
I also miss raving across Europe. I lived in Berlin for a while, and I miss having the opportunity to rave to some techno whenever I need to let out steam.
I was thinking about moving to Germany for college. Where are good places to rave? Is the rave community very closed to outsiders?
You have to be invited to raves in my country, and it's usually a lot of ass kissing to some rude guy.
Azire C most of Berlin’s clubs have a rave atmosphere (techno, no photos, DIY aesthetic) and can be found on the Resident Advisor (RA) website/app. They’re “exclusive” in the sense that the bouncers look for people who dress like they’re into the scene and know the artists and DJs playing that night, but admission can be kinda random. Someone who looks super obnoxiously American might hit a stroke of luck, and it may just not be a regular’s night. Usually you can bop around to a few places to find somewhere to get in. I’ve found more “underground” raves through Facebook pages and events or by word of mouth from people I met at the clubs.
Azire C outside of Berlin, I usually checked which events on RA were most popular and attended those, unless I met someone with a better suggestion.
Azire C since living in Berlin I’ve become super interested in club culture and raves bc historically they have been as much political as they have been entertaining
The best Techno is the Techno of Frankfurt am Main.
Ashley is so smart, like genuinely such an intelligent person
Ngl, I saw the thumbnails for these videos and idek if I'd enjoy it (they're too dark boo they deserve better!). But after watching one I was like "I need to watch another" next thing yanno I'm hooked!
This is better than any MCU crossover we could ever get
Sorry for expanding on every point that they make, but there's also a study on this! 11:43 Statistically, after a household reaches an income of 75,000 a year (this is for a family of four), then the amount of happiness they get from having that much money is almost the exact same as what they would have with any type of higher income.
This seems outdated or certainly NOT in New York
Haha loved this. But the dating part- happiness doesn’t come from having lots of options aka “a deck of cards”. If you constantly have choices (which is the issue for our generation) you’re always going to wonder if you could have gotten someone better. Tbh, if you find a guy/girl that is nice and loving, make the commitment. That’s why grandma and grandpa were together for 55 yrs. I’m not saying couples that were together for 55 years were the happiest but I think everyone deserves a life partner who will always be there for you and vice versa. Anyway, you’d also have to have a long term mindset for this type of relationship. It’s ok to also not be ready for it, but eventually it should be the goal. Much love!!
I actually wondered why Ashley didn’t try to hang out with you while she was in Paris… I’m so excited to see that it actually happened😂
“If u had tinder would u still be together for 55 years?” killed me
I don't think that being self-conscious about how you look, act, or move is selfish. It's anxiety, not narcissism. You think everyone judges you, not that everyone "cares about you".
In terms of relationships: someone once said to me you got to evaluate every relationship on its own, for example in the card metaphor, when you find a card you like and that matches you, you just make that work for you, no matter what number they might be objectively. Personally, I don’t believe in the “one”, that there is just one person out there in the world for every person. I think there are multiple people you could possibly be compatible with, but part of a relationship is making it work with one of the people you are compatible with (and when I say make it work I don’t mean staying in a relationship that is toxic or wrong for you, but working through the little things bc no one is perfect and to stay together people need to understand one another and have their value and priorities aligned)
Yessss I agree!
This shit getting me woke. I’m about to graduate Uni while working and I’m proud I’m graduating in 4 years with an impacted major but I have anxiety and burnout. It shouldn’t be productivity first and self care/happiness last.
I'm french and I didn't know raves were still a thing lol
Merci Citron I live in Paris and I’ve never been to one
Hmm can’t relate to the money not meaning anything
ikr, money is everything.
Yeah the more you have, the earlier you can retire.
I can see why he and Jo make separate videos now. Jo is very success driven. Damon, "I got enough."
Yea that comment seemed really privileged to me
As a broke person I can see where he’s coming from. Like he’s not trying to be wealthy. He knows he’s comfortable and just wants to maintain that
I'll literally watch about anything with Ashley in it
Ummm - WHAT? The collaboration I never knew I needed!
the things you said about europe just made me lol.
Why?
First video on this channel is with ASHLEY FROM BESTDRESSED i couldn't ask for more
Damon must be loaded if he can utter the words “I don’t need more money.”
Victoria umm didn’t you listen to his point that it’s usually the people that are loaded that always feel like they need more money
Yeah but he also said sometimes he didn’t feel like doing sponsorships because he didn’t want more money.
But like... what are his expenses? He has no car. Rent in Paris is a fraction of rent in LA or New York. He doesn't buy lots of stuff. As he says, he's not interested in saving atm. I'm "broke" all the time, but just because I save 100€ a month (/my parents put the child support money they still get (until 25 in Germany, while still in education) into a savings account instead of transferring it to me). I could also spend that on one weekend trip every month, if I wanted to.
Plus, for all the flying he and Jo do, he probably only pays for some flights because of miles.
I don't think he is loaded per say. I think that with the money he has in his bank account (+ his monthly earning) is enough for him to live comfortably for 5-10 years. Also, you have to take in consideration that he doesn't live in america and have less expenses. Like someone before mentioned points from airlines and credit cards might be able to cover a good portion of his tickets every time he travels. If you cut out a lot of unnecessary expenses (and live minimally), you will be surprise how much you need to spend to live comfortably.
How cuteee, you really engage when you talk to people, I really respect that.
love this video of you two!! so glad it was recommended!
I broke my earphones because of my excitementnt
Here after Ashley's video. Love this friendshippp.
I was watching a video and I was like I’ll watch it after it, then I saw with best dressed and I had a heart attack.
i want you guys to talk about:
-Confidence.
-How to succeed in life.
-How to make awsome friends.
-Traveling around the world for cheap (cuz im broke lmao).
-Body image.
-Meeting the love of ur life.
-College?
Thank You.
I support this comment.
Just came here after the Paris vlog and loved your guys’ thoughts on how being a full time TH-camr can cost your creativity. I agree with Ashley that it almost seems ideal to keep a steady job and TH-cam a hobby just so you don’t feel forced to censor yourself to pay your bills
See Damon, now you and Ashley got me contemplating my relationship bc he is my first boyfriend been together for almost four years. And I feel as though we are really good together & I wouldn't mind marrying him. But, I do understand where you guys are coming from about exploring other options. See this why I appreciate this type of content. It's good to hear what other people think about when it comes to love. Anywho, I still loved the video of course.
much love
xoxo
Wait Ashley! Did you move your train to hang out with that guy from the club!?!?
If your life ends after marriage then you didn't marry the right person.
i’ve literally been waiting for this since she posted about visiting you in paris thank. GOD.
Sameeeee
wait where did she post about that?
for 12:28, i read this tweet that said "rest is not a waste of time" and that rest IS productivity in way (because you literally need it) and it's made me feel a tiny bit better about not ALWAYS working on something
as a creative, i'm always feeling like what i'm doing needs to be monetized like oh no i can't just create this art, i have to SELL this art but that's not the case
i was like is that ashley surely that’s not ashley and then i was like THATS ASHLEY!
y’all were so close to getting the point... it’s not (just) America that blows it’s CAPITALISM
I have so much to say about this video, I really just want to be in the room having this conversation. When you're young, dating can definitely seem like a deck of cards all laid out and ready to be explored. The thing is, none of the elements in this metaphor are static, including yourself. Dating changes you, teaches you things about yourself and about other people and the world around you. It introduces you to new ideas and ways of living, either becoming part of you or part of your roadmap of things to avoid. You can find yourself in relationships that are good but that you're not ready for, or haven't had the experience to appreciate. You can also find yourself in bad relationships that you don't even realize aren't the best for you. You can be in a relationship that you ultimately decided wasn't working, and look back three years down the road on it with a completely different perspective. That's why I agree that it's important to explore yourself for long enough to get some kind of grasp of who you are and what you want from life--I think that's what people feel when they find themselves asking, "but what else is out there?". It's not that the person you're with isn't great, it's just that you have more exploring to do and it's not time for you to settle down yet. When that time comes is different for everyone, and some people find that they never want to, or that it doesn't take much at all. It's even more complicated than that, I could write a whole-ass book about this honestly because who people are changes constantly throughout their lives, and it's what makes long term relationships and marriages so challenging. When it clicks, though, and I can tell you from experience that it can and does click, whether or not there's potentially someone "better" for you out there doesn't matter, because you'll know you're home. Yeah, there are moments where you doubt it or maybe you try to fight it, especially when you're mad or hurt, but that shit is like gravity, it just pulls you in. I'm a little older than you guys, turning 32 next month, and I've been with my best friend for 10 years, married for 5. There are plenty of people out there who might be easier to deal with, or who might do more for me or have more in common with me, but there is nobody on this planet who would be an adequate replacement. Some people just become part of you, and the thought of losing them becomes like losing your own arm or leg, and that's love. It's painful and beautiful and once you really feel it, you know.
Does anyone else think that Ashley's "throw-her-head-back" laugh is adorable?
love y’all both but it’s a bit disheartening to hear some people who are clearly thriving talking abt how money doesn’t matter when you’re struggling financially...
Exactly,struggling with money or pay check to pay check sucks. Sadly, a lot of us just can't drop what we are doing and travel.
Grindr stories, rave stories, another love stories
Oop, oop, and O0o0o0o0o0o0o0OP
Love yall but Americans have such a fairytale perspective on continental Europe hee-hee.
Also tend to disagree about the relationship/deck of cards metaphor: I believe there's a shit ton of potential 'true love's out there in the world, but true love is also a matter of commitment, dedication, attention, shared experiences. It's something that has to be built up together. I agree that settling too young may come at the expense of other experiences, but I don't think settling too young can come at the expense of finding your 'true love'. With the deck of cards mentality it would only be harder to find 'true love' because you will never commit 100%. Like someone else said in the comments: why criticize the mentality of optimizing productivity when you view love as something that can be 'optimized' as well?
Agreeeed
YES! I think people nowadays are afraid to settle and be comfortable. I mean, why? Like if you are happy and you are content, what is wrong with settling and being comfortable. I do think that there are other people out there for you, but at the end of the day love is about growing together through all the shitty days and the good days.
I love this
damn, on point
On the cards talk I think that we have to look at our relationship and think if there are any problems right now that could be major in the future. Like wanting to have kids or not and things that truly matter to you, like where you'd like to live etc... If you have the same mind of the major things and you feel at home with that person then you're most likely in a very loving relationship. Sure you can love multiple people throughout your life but if you believe in monogamy you have to pick at some point. Even in polyamorous relationships I found that most of the times they have a main partner and they have casual relationships with other people. So still they have to pick that someone. And about having to date many people to feel like they're the one doesn't really work because, like you said, if you have the mentality of always wanting to know if there's someone more compatible you'll never be truly happy. You can't never be 100% compatible with someone and as long as you agree in the important things that matter for both of you then you can work out stupid problems, like the way you clean the house and about shoes in the house. You always have to change to be in a relationship. It may sound bad but if you want to build friendships and not pick fights with your family you have to pick the things that you want to fight about. For me it would be a complete no-no if they were racist and homophobic and sexist. Those things for me are worth fighting about so I'd never be with someone like that, but the way you put the toilet paper or whatever is always something you both can work on and find an agreement.
I'd love to be in your wine talks. Come to Manchester, UK and I'll gladly pour you some.
Thank you for saying this. I think the way they said it is just wrong and sad, and I'm glad not everybody thinks that way.
I think what’s most important is finding a person to be your SO that you have great communication with, have some fights to find out how to talk about tough things, have similar idealisms and future goals that fit together. And most importantly to actually put in the work cause love is easy, relationships can be hard and you have to make a conscious decision to stay with that person and possibly make sacrifices. You can’t expect someone to be perfect and you can’t expect your relationship to be easy all the time
I nearly screamed when I received the notification. My two favourite youtubers in a video together... I’m I dreaming?
Great video, love you guys. Though I have something to point out. I feel that as americans you romanticized europeans. I'm from Barcelona and european people is as stressed as you feel in your lifes. I wish we were as content as you think
ashley's voice sounds so cute in this c:
If you guys were to start a podcast, I would listen to it religiously.
I just don’t get how you can talk about achieving your own milestones and then in the same sentence hate on people whose milestones or lives are different than yours. Just because someone is married young doesn’t mean they can’t go to a rave which also why is a rave the epitome of youth and growth like ok
Lina Bhatti i don’t know if he was hating, I think it was more comparing how people value different things
@@cate13young by basically demeaning those who get married lol
@jojofilms i don't agree, we hear those things all the time; rather, marriage has a connotation of being "tied down" or unable to do things
I so agree with you. I think their view is pretty off with reality
i love this video! thank you damon and ashley!!
Please do more videos together. ALSO. When Ashley said "people don't realize that they can feel their first love's feelings, AGAIN, with someone else, on a deeper level." just fucking changed me. but like how you know tho?
Don't mind me just rewatching after Ashley's video 😂
BRO IM RE-REWATCHINH, and now not damon or ashley post :(((((((((((((((((((
So, did Ashley ever get that date orrrr...??
glad to see people talk openly about things very refreshing not forced but i feel the love and respect from yal not the usual your not as good as me your not living life right your wrong from some ppl you feel forced fed content but keep grinding and do what yall love whatever the cost
Already commented but alsooo about the deck of cards analogy...I had one serious boyfriend before I met my husband and after meeting him I didn’t really feel this need to look at other “cards”. A successful relationship isn’t necessarily about picking the hottest/nicest/most perfect person but about finding someone whose flaws you can accept and who you can grow with
This is just my opinion but i feel like the whole card theory is a sign of Ashley having fear of abandonment issues. I’ve never even thought of relationships through this theory before so it caught me off guard. I think it’s somewhat of a toxic perspective on relationships bc you don’t let go of your past, you’re always thinking “what if i fucked up with this ex boyfriend?” Obviously everyone is different but i hope people take that analogy with a grain of salt.
Q for another red wine talks: I'm almost 20 years old and have never had a boyfriend... is it time to finally use dating apps? 🥴