I think guys maybe this is Not for us WHO pause too Long and avoid all😂😅 I start at least to react, Not appropriate in my opinion, but even that is better than nothing. Now i Need to find the Balance. Sending you ❤
I think it’s an “active” pause - use the pause to use your coping skills - breathing, positive self talk, considering all your options on how to react, etc. Then don’t take too long - choose the best option from your toolbar & go with that. I think it gets easier with time. Also if you need ideas on coping skills, there’s great blogs out there, or your therapist can assist with that if you have one.
My ex was absolutely infuriated by my choice to pause and respond intentionally. Talked about it like I was stupid. Realizing now that it was a control tactic to take me down to his level of communication and avoid poking at his insecurities around being short tempered, impulsive and rude. Thank you for the reminder.
Right my brain literally ‘shuts off’, and it is truly out of my control, like an instant happening communication that is perceived by me as dismissive-unheard disregarded. Now that I can recognize this involuntary physiological Brian response, I can at least try and educate others of what’s going on and that in time as my brain comes back on line I will attempt to communicate what caused it to go off line in the first place. Make sense? Does to me. :)
I’m 35 and it’s taken me this long to even realise l could learn emotional intelligence. I’ve been too stubborn to see it. I’m so grateful for your videos. The journey to a richer life begins 🙏
The type of pause she's talking about specifically helps with emotional disregulation that I experience with triggers. My new boss triggers old memories of jumping to defend myself and getting screamed at and abused. In a work setting, I used to "go there" immediately and start "defending" myself instead of staying in control and neutralizing the put-downs and passive aggressive criticisms while responding my boss's legitimate concerns. I just pause for a about 4 seconds, which is a long time. If I pause any longer, I appear to be disassociating, which is not appropriate in the workplace, obviously. When l pause, my responses have more gravitas and people are primed for the "release" by hearing what I have to say. I'm not saying this is true for everybody - Just sharing the results of my own healing process after years of self-sabatoge.
I thank the universe for finding you. I've been in therapy for a year and a half now. Dealing with c-ptsd, child PTSD, bpd, abandonment issues and codependency, Though she's incredibly intelligent and committed she has no life experience with these issues, Thank God, other than her own adhd, I care for her greatly but she talks to me like reading our of her psyc. book, I struggle to understand. You have a way of explaining the how to's and the why's in a real life way that even this guy can understand.😁 Infinite Love and Gratitude Nicole! 🙏✌❤🌞🐳🐬
I struggle with these same issues. I was in therapy for years and really didn't get many tools. I'm grateful for Nicole, too, because she makes things so understandable.
What if you wake up one day and decide to abandon all the diagnoses/labels you just mentioned. Do you still need the labels? Do you need to carry them into your future? Sometimes, the thing we need to let go of is how we label ourselves. New thinking: You are a survivor 🙏
@@jenninemorel7693 rhetoric has never been or ever will be helpful. I have always been a seeker of actual help. Do not presume to know or underestimate a stranger's unimaginable physical and mental horrors of childhood.
I like that- observe is such a good word, to observe one must be in the moment. If I’m the moment can’t be thinking about all the other offenses that can add fuel to the trigger. Makes sense 🤷🏻
Sure is Anne, our brain doesn't help us either -- when we become stressed we quickly lose access to the part of our brain that can "pause" for us, which is why teaching our body how to cope with stress is such an important part of this process. Sending you so much love as you continue your healing journey!
The simple act of thinking in your head before speaking is a saver. Self awareness is also key for me. To ask myself “is this how I feel or is this something my mother would say?”, Because you hear things so often it’s important to realize how influenced you can become
Such a simple and wise technique. Makes a lot of sense. Learning to step back, slow down, breath through the physical sensation that the body is experiencing, learning to respond in a calmer state rather than always reacting to things out of disregulation. I’m looking forward to being more in control of my emotional reactions. Today is a new day. If I can learn to do this so can you!! You got this 👊🏻
Oh man! The pause though! I get so much more flak when people are being rude to me, when I pause. Because my first reaction is to be a capital C, I try to pause so that I can come up with a better response, but then they double down…. I had to walk away from a customer the other day when they started hand gesturing and taking down to me. I mimicked his gesture and said “Let me get you someone else” I tell you what I wanted to put him in his place so badly!! But I also love my job…. He’s not worth it
It would be really cool to have some of these tips from the perspective of when you have ADHD. I had undiagnosed ADHD as a kid, didn't get diagnosed till I was 21, and by that point I didn't even live at home anymore, but a lot of the things that affected the way that I grew up were partially a result of my ADHD, and partially because of the unpredictable nature of my environment.
I learnt this via your meditation guide on TH-cam. The practice came when I learnt to focus my attention on my inner sensations first - which I never used to notice/feel. Now I can notice them first, pause, breathe, then respond via my values.
If I pause or try to shut down the reaction it physically hurts. I feel so justified in the moment and lose all reason. Pausing it feels like a betrayal to myself who is 'only defending herself' 'justifiably' after a life of misunderstandings. It's incredibly hard to stop once it fires up even if I'm aware.
I used to feel like this, but when I started practicing, in the moments of pause, to think about how the OTHER PERSON is reacting and feeling and why, it's easier. And if you find yourself in a position where it is genuinely justifiable for you to defend yourself and you're being abused or taken advantage of, you should remove yourself from there as soon as possible
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I found another person who has been through that. It’s like you feel like you are standing up for yourself finally. I think it is reactive abuse or reactiv toxicity. It builds and builds and than just comes out 🤮. I always feel bad after. And cry.
That's why you need to know what triggers you, so you can pause, breathe and acknowledge some emotion is coming out so you can handle it before it betrays you. I'm working on it too 😅
Thank you for this reminder. If a parent is not regulated and then the children don’t deal with their emotions well how can a parent after practicing and doing the work for themselves move on to help their children repair?
I enjoy the peace and quiet so much now. I can literally hear myself asking now “ ok, this happened right now and it is making you feel xyz… how do you want to react? Because the trigger/person most likely didn’t mean to trigger xyz…. What is worth it right now, what will take up more energy? Fighting or accepting?”
Wonderful advice. I love who you “go for the gold,” in short effective pieces. The great existential psychologist Rollo May use to talk about “the pause”, using the example of the divers on the high board, in that moment they still themselves before they leap off. In Zen practise there is the one where you “rest” on the pause between the in-breath and out-breath, then out-breath and in-breath. I am Earning it must be Practise, practise, but just like physical exercise, the staying “fit” must be maintained by ongoing practise. ❤️🙂
It is about healing all the trauma and shocks, inner child healing, do trough the pain and the emotions, maybe releasing some demons. That was my way...
It’s hard for me to just abruptly pause, because of my anxiety and impulsive behavior. I had a traumatic childhood and I’m 40 now I don’t like to feel like a victim so a lot of emotions are not seen or heard, I keep everything in so I avoid any drama that I can cause and when I can’t handle it anymore it come out by saying something hurtful or tone deaf to a loved one or I’m relentlessly feeling overwhelmed and any unorganized spot in my house causes major triggers
Hi Nicole, I bought your book "How To Do The Work" as an audiobook on Audible. After I heard the first couple of sentences, I realized I wanted/needed to contact you. My brother, who has passed from this life, was involved with "The Work" for many years. He convinced me to read "The Forth Way" for which I was ever grateful. I was quite surprised at my brother's wedding ceremony (at the Zen Center in SF) that Bill Murray was there. My brother, Curt, explained to me that Bill was dedicated to "The Work". Of course that makes perfect sense now having seen the film "The Razor's Edge". I'm very happy to see that The Work is continuing!
in this day & age that anything & everything we say can & will be used against us, that pause before saying something reactively can literally cool our thoughts down saving us the regret from saying something that we shouldn't
I reckon it's also really important to be able to feel your emotions before you can control them. Not being able to feel my emotions were a huge problem for me, my body was overwhelmed. I need to consume fruit and vegetables to be able to feel my feelings and it's not easy at all
Interesting. But no, it's best to think logically before getting into your emotions. Think about it, if you get emotional and then try to think logically, you cant do it at 100%. But if you think logically, then, you can always choose to let your emotions weigh in on the situation, too.
@@jaquicx9500 They're not separate. There's no logical thinking without emotion, it's not how it works. Trying to use pure logic to decide what you want for lunch is how you end up standing in the rain for ten minutes, because you just. can't. decide. Which did happen to me once. To make good decisions for yourself, you need to know "what do I like? What makes me feel good? When do I feel good? In what settings do I feel bad and less myself? What do I value?" Being able to feel your emotions is necessary to make healthy decisions.
@@ILuvAyeAye not true. There are “personality disorders” in which people do not feel emotions in the same way the rest of us do- they are objectively focused- and those people get along just fine. Probably actually in a more organized intelligent fashion than people who flounder on emotions over rationality
@@chelseabunker2391Not to be contrary but those personality disorder traits would that be disassociation/splitting and the like. Cause with both emotions are absent-but neither are ‘healthy’. 🤷🏻
Amen. It took me around 2 years in therapy to get to the stage where I can confidently say that I usually recognize when I am getting triggered and need a break.
I've learned to just not speak or write. As much as I want too, I just stay silent. I've made situation worse and make myself look foolish by reacting out of emotions. Esp because I can be nasty with my words when pissed. In my 20s I thought that gave me power. It didn't, it made me entertainment for others.
The point is to actually learn to allow the pain the be there. There's nothing you can do to make the pain go away, accepting the pain and making better decisions in spite of the pain is the goal.
When you sit with your emotions the right way it is incredibly validating, it allows to to take a moment to sift through the noise and make sense of the issue at its core. I used to sit and fester in my emotions but my biggest emotional development was realizing there’s a huge difference in pausing to let feelings fester, and pausing to hear out your feelings, the. Reentering the discussion with a clear head.
How do you practice the pause if the pause either doesn’t exist or quickly becomes a full stop? Like…it feels like all or nothing for me (in many areas of life, not just emotional health), and unlearning the all-or-nothing mentality often feels impossible because I can see it outside of the moment, not in - and on the rare occasion I can recognize myself being all-or-nothing, I still can’t control it…🙈🙈🙈
Yeah, especially coming from my household where dysregulation was the norm, and then tending to attract friends, who also were moody because that was what I was used to - it was often two steps forward, and one step back frequently. But overall you still make progress as long as you keep going.
The problem is I cannot take too long time pausing when dealing with people at work. I always get heated up again whenever I have to think about the issue.
Yeah but that can also turn in to stuffing your feelings. We need to learn new responses. People who are dealing with trauma may have a harder time speaking out against the other person who is speaking in an inappropriate way
I know this comment is almost a year old, but I was thinking about this. I used to “bite my tongue” and it worked for years, until it didn’t. I found myself losing control in times of high stress/burn out. I struggled to just stand there and say or do nothing. It felt helpless, defenseless. I learned that “pausing” in this case is not literally the absence of doing something. You’re not just standing there and taking the abuse (which can definitely be triggering for survivors of abuse). Pausing is really taking steps to deescalate. This can be deep breathing, taking mental or actual notes of your thoughts and feelings in the moment, stating a calm boundary like “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that” or “I need a moment,” and walking away. Sometimes I say “Imma go breathe” lol which sounds silly and can further help deescalate the situation if it makes us laugh.
the issue I've had with this is how others respond to me pausing. many people want a response right away and I often feel pressured to react in the moment. Any advice?
I think a helpful prerequisite to the pause sometimes is identifying who/what triggers you. Then, when in those situations, remind yourself that you may get triggered and need to use the pause…. Then when you recognize the trigger in the moment, you’ll be so pleased with how well you can apply the pause.
![[Gegagedigedagedago] NEW Help Gegagedigedagedago Nugget escape from Nikocado Avocado Challenge](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/hJWnwRC2Fz8/mqdefault.jpg)
“Pausing before you go numb and avoid “ that’s the problem. I pause for too long…😅
Right like pause before I do that? I been doing that since I was like 5. Literally stuck
Yes that's the freeze response .I do the fawn response.
I think guys maybe this is Not for us WHO pause too Long and avoid all😂😅
I start at least to react, Not appropriate in my opinion, but even that is better than nothing. Now i Need to find the Balance. Sending you ❤
I think it’s an “active” pause - use the pause to use your coping skills - breathing, positive self talk, considering all your options on how to react, etc. Then don’t take too long - choose the best option from your toolbar & go with that. I think it gets easier with time.
Also if you need ideas on coping skills, there’s great blogs out there, or your therapist can assist with that if you have one.
Lol exactly I'll stay on pause and block everybody in the process and it will be months sometimes before I unpause and unblock
My ex was absolutely infuriated by my choice to pause and respond intentionally. Talked about it like I was stupid. Realizing now that it was a control tactic to take me down to his level of communication and avoid poking at his insecurities around being short tempered, impulsive and rude. Thank you for the reminder.
Regulating your emotions can also be taking time out to be alone in order to figure out what your feeling
Yes..
This.
Indeed. This one overwhelms me because I often don't know where to begin.
Your words reminded me of this Bible verse:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19
Thank you
Amen
And that is by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Thank u Jesus!
Amen! So many of these mental issues/disorders is literally in the Bible and holy books I'm figuring out. Which makes sense
"Pausing before you go numb and avoid" would require a lot awareness building before that because it's not a consciousness choice most of the time!
Right my brain literally ‘shuts off’, and it is truly out of my control, like an instant happening communication that is perceived by me as dismissive-unheard disregarded.
Now that I can recognize this involuntary physiological Brian response, I can at least try and educate others of what’s going on and that in time as my brain comes back on line I will attempt to communicate what caused it to go off line in the first place.
Make sense? Does to me. :)
I’m 35 and it’s taken me this long to even realise l could learn emotional intelligence. I’ve been too stubborn to see it. I’m so grateful for your videos. The journey to a richer life begins 🙏
I am on the same stage as you! God bless 🙌
The type of pause she's talking about specifically helps with emotional disregulation that I experience with triggers. My new boss triggers old memories of jumping to defend myself and getting screamed at and abused. In a work setting, I used to "go there" immediately and start "defending" myself instead of staying in control and neutralizing the put-downs and passive aggressive criticisms while responding my boss's legitimate concerns. I just pause for a about 4 seconds, which is a long time. If I pause any longer, I appear to be disassociating, which is not appropriate in the workplace, obviously. When l pause, my responses have more gravitas and people are primed for the "release" by hearing what I have to say. I'm not saying this is true for everybody - Just sharing the results of my own healing process after years of self-sabatoge.
I thank the universe for finding you. I've been in therapy for a year and a half now. Dealing with c-ptsd, child PTSD, bpd, abandonment issues and codependency, Though she's incredibly intelligent and committed she has no life experience with these issues, Thank God, other than her own adhd, I care for her greatly but she talks to me like reading our of her psyc. book, I struggle to understand. You have a way of explaining the how to's and the why's in a real life way that even this guy can understand.😁 Infinite Love and Gratitude Nicole! 🙏✌❤🌞🐳🐬
I'm so grateful you found your way to the community too Steven!
Very inspiring for everyone!
I struggle with these same issues. I was in therapy for years and really didn't get many tools. I'm grateful for Nicole, too, because she makes things so understandable.
What if you wake up one day and decide to abandon all the diagnoses/labels you just mentioned.
Do you still need the labels? Do you need to carry them into your future?
Sometimes, the thing we need to let go of is how we label ourselves.
New thinking:
You are a survivor 🙏
@@jenninemorel7693 rhetoric has never been or ever will be helpful. I have always been a seeker of actual help. Do not presume to know or underestimate a stranger's unimaginable physical and mental horrors of childhood.
I like that- observe is such a good word, to observe one must be in the moment. If I’m the moment can’t be thinking about all the other offenses that can add fuel to the trigger.
Makes sense 🤷🏻
You are 100% right, so many regrets by doing things out of haste
And giving yourself love and patience, even if it doesnt work always.
I, WILL DO THIS‼️ Thank, You💙
Easier said than done. Still learning. Thx for all your videos
Sure is Anne, our brain doesn't help us either -- when we become stressed we quickly lose access to the part of our brain that can "pause" for us, which is why teaching our body how to cope with stress is such an important part of this process. Sending you so much love as you continue your healing journey!
@@TheHolisticPsychologist thx again. Your videos are extremely helpful. Wishing you continued success
@@TheHolisticPsychologistHow or what steps do you take to learn how to do that?
@@krystalmarie5637Simple breathing exercises ‘resets’ the brain. It is a start and actually distracts your brain to think about your breath.
The simple act of thinking in your head before speaking is a saver. Self awareness is also key for me. To ask myself “is this how I feel or is this something my mother would say?”, Because you hear things so often it’s important to realize how influenced you can become
The word “pause” can also be interchanged with “observe”
Observe. Observing and pausing before you go into your emotions is a good thing👌🏻
That pause is everything. Hardest thing to learn of all!!!
Such a simple and wise technique. Makes a lot of sense. Learning to step back, slow down, breath through the physical sensation that the body is experiencing, learning to respond in a calmer state rather than always reacting to things out of disregulation. I’m looking forward to being more in control of my emotional reactions. Today is a new day. If I can learn to do this so can you!! You got this 👊🏻
Yeah! If I pause, I will shut down totally!!!
It can be so hard to learn that pause. Took me forever but now I'm an expert.
I love that you are always wearing clothes that make you feel comfortable. 💕 I shall practice the pause.
Practicing meditation to acheive mental clarity is good aswell. Enlightenment is achievable with practice
Oh man! The pause though! I get so much more flak when people are being rude to me, when I pause. Because my first reaction is to be a capital C, I try to pause so that I can come up with a better response, but then they double down…. I had to walk away from a customer the other day when they started hand gesturing and taking down to me. I mimicked his gesture and said “Let me get you someone else” I tell you what I wanted to put him in his place so badly!! But I also love my job…. He’s not worth it
Tell them they have a piece of spinach stuck in their teeth and they’ll stop and become self conscious
Numbing and avoiding is a pause itself
Maybe the hurt is laughing? I dunno.
I said the exact same, but a comment that said the pause is to assess the situation and choose the best tool before proceeding
I am SO glad people ask 🙏🙏 there are those who know there’s an issue but so depressed they do nothing. Breaks my heart.
It would be really cool to have some of these tips from the perspective of when you have ADHD. I had undiagnosed ADHD as a kid, didn't get diagnosed till I was 21, and by that point I didn't even live at home anymore, but a lot of the things that affected the way that I grew up were partially a result of my ADHD, and partially because of the unpredictable nature of my environment.
How do the "pause"? can you please explain more about it and how to practice it.
I learnt this via your meditation guide on TH-cam. The practice came when I learnt to focus my attention on my inner sensations first - which I never used to notice/feel.
Now I can notice them first, pause, breathe, then respond via my values.
Canjyoj send me the link to the meditations?
Just thought you'd like to know. There's no such word as learnt. It's learned. If you don't want this help, just ignore it.
If I pause or try to shut down the reaction it physically hurts. I feel so justified in the moment and lose all reason. Pausing it feels like a betrayal to myself who is 'only defending herself' 'justifiably' after a life of misunderstandings. It's incredibly hard to stop once it fires up even if I'm aware.
I used to feel like this, but when I started practicing, in the moments of pause, to think about how the OTHER PERSON is reacting and feeling and why, it's easier. And if you find yourself in a position where it is genuinely justifiable for you to defend yourself and you're being abused or taken advantage of, you should remove yourself from there as soon as possible
Oh my gosh. I can’t believe I found another person who has been through that. It’s like you feel like you are standing up for yourself finally. I think it is reactive abuse or reactiv toxicity. It builds and builds and than just comes out 🤮. I always feel bad after. And cry.
That's why you need to know what triggers you, so you can pause, breathe and acknowledge some emotion is coming out so you can handle it before it betrays you.
I'm working on it too 😅
@@victorial8764
It's a trigger and it comes from a reaction to the abuse but that's what they are expecting you do...
@@Lyrielonwind Ugh. Makes so much sense now. Thank you. 💖
Your information comes off so digestible. 😊thank you
I agree. Before reacting, Pause and think about things logically. Then, allow your emotions to weigh in on the situation, before deciding what to do.
Thank you for this reminder. If a parent is not regulated and then the children don’t deal with their emotions well how can a parent after practicing and doing the work for themselves move on to help their children repair?
I enjoy the peace and quiet so much now. I can literally hear myself asking now “ ok, this happened right now and it is making you feel xyz… how do you want to react? Because the trigger/person most likely didn’t mean to trigger xyz…. What is worth it right now, what will take up more energy? Fighting or accepting?”
My fav way to regulate my emotions is to journaling❤
Wonderful advice. I love who you “go for the gold,” in short effective pieces. The great existential psychologist Rollo May use to talk about “the pause”, using the example of the divers on the high board, in that moment they still themselves before they leap off. In Zen practise there is the one where you “rest” on the pause between the in-breath and out-breath, then out-breath and in-breath. I am
Earning it must be Practise, practise, but just like physical exercise, the staying “fit” must be maintained by ongoing practise. ❤️🙂
It is about healing all the trauma and shocks, inner child healing, do trough the pain and the emotions, maybe releasing some demons. That was my way...
It’s hard for me to just abruptly pause, because of my anxiety and impulsive behavior.
I had a traumatic childhood and I’m 40 now I don’t like to feel like a victim so a lot of emotions are not seen or heard, I keep everything in so I avoid any drama that I can cause and when I can’t handle it anymore it come out by saying something hurtful or tone deaf to a loved one or I’m relentlessly feeling overwhelmed and any unorganized spot in my house causes major triggers
recognizing the time to pause is my struggle. I love the snake plant behind you!
Amen. Self-control is the goal
Hi Nicole, I bought your book "How To Do The Work" as an audiobook on Audible. After I heard the first couple of sentences, I realized I wanted/needed to contact you.
My brother, who has passed from this life, was involved with "The Work" for many years. He convinced me to read "The Forth Way" for which I was ever grateful.
I was quite surprised at my brother's wedding ceremony (at the Zen Center in SF) that Bill Murray was there. My brother, Curt, explained to me that Bill was dedicated to "The Work". Of course that makes perfect sense now having seen the film "The Razor's Edge".
I'm very happy to see that The Work is continuing!
Thank you for that information I appreciate that you have shared with those of us who need it.
I'm 61 in a few weeks and realise that practice is a lifetime endeavour.
Jeez, i reached the bottom of your shorts. I guess i just cant get enough of those advices. Next ill watch the podcasts😂 10/10 content
I wish I woulda seen you guys 15 years ago. What a wonderful help you must be to those just figuring out their generational trauma ❤❤❤
Thanks
I've been working on the pause while angry or feeling unseen
in this day & age that anything & everything we say can & will be used against us, that pause before saying something reactively can literally cool our thoughts down saving us the regret from saying something that we shouldn't
Love your skits. They have helped me better understand dynamics
I reckon it's also really important to be able to feel your emotions before you can control them. Not being able to feel my emotions were a huge problem for me, my body was overwhelmed. I need to consume fruit and vegetables to be able to feel my feelings and it's not easy at all
Interesting. But no, it's best to think logically before getting into your emotions. Think about it, if you get emotional and then try to think logically, you cant do it at 100%. But if you think logically, then, you can always choose to let your emotions weigh in on the situation, too.
@@jaquicx9500 interesting thank you
@@jaquicx9500 They're not separate. There's no logical thinking without emotion, it's not how it works. Trying to use pure logic to decide what you want for lunch is how you end up standing in the rain for ten minutes, because you just. can't. decide. Which did happen to me once.
To make good decisions for yourself, you need to know "what do I like? What makes me feel good? When do I feel good? In what settings do I feel bad and less myself? What do I value?"
Being able to feel your emotions is necessary to make healthy decisions.
@@ILuvAyeAye not true. There are “personality disorders” in which people do not feel emotions in the same way the rest of us do- they are objectively focused- and those people get along just fine. Probably actually in a more organized intelligent fashion than people who flounder on emotions over rationality
@@chelseabunker2391Not to be contrary but those personality disorder traits would that be disassociation/splitting and the like. Cause with both emotions are absent-but neither are ‘healthy’. 🤷🏻
Amen. It took me around 2 years in therapy to get to the stage where I can confidently say that I usually recognize when I am getting triggered and need a break.
Thank you, I needed this reminder today
Amen sista! It is tough, but well worth it! You feel so good about yourself after the fact
This has been the hardest step to learn in my walk of recovery
Wonderfully put !!!
Thank you 🙏
Pausing can be difficult at first. It’s such a heathy start. You Got This EVERYONE👣
Just came across your page. I love it. So insightful. So helpful. ❤
Thank you! That’s the first step- I never hear it enough!
I've learned to just not speak or write. As much as I want too, I just stay silent. I've made situation worse and make myself look foolish by reacting out of emotions. Esp because I can be nasty with my words when pissed. In my 20s I thought that gave me power. It didn't, it made me entertainment for others.
I just held the pause and started dissociating 😂
Love this. Been doing this for awhile now. It works.
When I pause the pain just lingers and I want to verbally attack 100 mph
walk away. walking away isn't walking out. give your self some space to process or say things out loud to an empty space.
The point is to actually learn to allow the pain the be there. There's nothing you can do to make the pain go away, accepting the pain and making better decisions in spite of the pain is the goal.
@@Thewhiteandorangethat's not always an option tho, especially at work
@@BreezusSneezusYep. When they say healing and growth is hard work. This is what they mean.
When you sit with your emotions the right way it is incredibly validating, it allows to to take a moment to sift through the noise and make sense of the issue at its core. I used to sit and fester in my emotions but my biggest emotional development was realizing there’s a huge difference in pausing to let feelings fester, and pausing to hear out your feelings, the. Reentering the discussion with a clear head.
I’ve tried doing this and it works! It’s also very difficult when the person you’re talking to doesn’t do the same tho 😂
Right on! ❤
God bless❤
Wow. Truth!
I appreciate this video.
How do you practice the pause if the pause either doesn’t exist or quickly becomes a full stop? Like…it feels like all or nothing for me (in many areas of life, not just emotional health), and unlearning the all-or-nothing mentality often feels impossible because I can see it outside of the moment, not in - and on the rare occasion I can recognize myself being all-or-nothing, I still can’t control it…🙈🙈🙈
Thank you, finally some advice I can work with 👍🏻
Love it ❤️👏👌
I love so much your inner child meditation Thanks for putting great work like that for us to benefit ❤
Wow. So simple!
It helps you speak what you need to speak and be clear about it.
Amazing video! It is essential to apply these techniques into our daily lives! Thank you for sharing
Love this suggestion
Wow..
Thank you 🙏🏼
Didn't know that definition
Yeah, especially coming from my household where dysregulation was the norm, and then tending to attract friends, who also were moody because that was what I was used to - it was often two steps forward, and one step back frequently. But overall you still make progress as long as you keep going.
Thank you ❤
Being numb and avoiding is way easier
Thank you. It’s hard but working on it
♥︎ thank you ♥︎
🦚beautiful soul✨️
you are precious
Correct - We practice on everything - Why not emotions.
The problem is I cannot take too long time pausing when dealing with people at work. I always get heated up again whenever I have to think about the issue.
Thank you. I'll start there
Yeah but that can also turn in to stuffing your feelings. We need to learn new responses. People who are dealing with trauma may have a harder time speaking out against the other person who is speaking in an inappropriate way
I know this comment is almost a year old, but I was thinking about this. I used to “bite my tongue” and it worked for years, until it didn’t. I found myself losing control in times of high stress/burn out. I struggled to just stand there and say or do nothing. It felt helpless, defenseless.
I learned that “pausing” in this case is not literally the absence of doing something. You’re not just standing there and taking the abuse (which can definitely be triggering for survivors of abuse). Pausing is really taking steps to deescalate. This can be deep breathing, taking mental or actual notes of your thoughts and feelings in the moment, stating a calm boundary like “I don’t feel comfortable talking about that” or “I need a moment,” and walking away. Sometimes I say “Imma go breathe” lol which sounds silly and can further help deescalate the situation if it makes us laugh.
Love this!
Thank you for this
Thank you😊
True❤❤
Super 👌 👍 😍
the issue I've had with this is how others respond to me pausing. many people want a response right away and I often feel pressured to react in the moment. Any advice?
Tell them they can fucking wait. ❤
I have been able to recognize that I need to pause before habitually reacting but I am having a really really hard time doing that!😬
Sounds easy. But, I will try. Thank you!
I think a helpful prerequisite to the pause sometimes is identifying who/what triggers you. Then, when in those situations, remind yourself that you may get triggered and need to use the pause…. Then when you recognize the trigger in the moment, you’ll be so pleased with how well you can apply the pause.
Thank u 😊🙏
It works!!! 😊🎉🎉
Pause before I comment!... 😜
Yes!!!, this is what i learned in therapy. Power in the pause" 😼👏👏
Thank you
I love your voice 😊
I'm glad I'm doing the right thing then bc that's what iv been trying to do is pause and do my best to think clearly give myself a second