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40 Underhanded, Undermining Signs of A Toxic Relationship
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ม.ค. 2021
- You know some of the more obvious signs of a toxic relationship. AND, there are more that are sneaky, manipulative, and cause you to second-guess yourself and how you're seeing things.
Occasional toxic moments? Or sustained patterns of toxicity? How many of these 40 behaviors are you experiencing? These are the ones to identify today so you can take positive action!
HIGHLIGHTS OF THIS EPISODE:
- My personal definition of a toxic relationship
- Why healthy people often give toxic people too much understanding, compassion, and "wiggle room."
- Passive-aggressive behaviors (Read my book on Amazon, Stop! That's Crazy-Making! How to Quit Playing the Passive-Aggressive Game amzn.to/2tM0e3h)
- 40 behaviors that create toxic relationships
- Ways to understand issues you may not have had your finger on before now
- Understanding the nature of a toxic relationship to make decisions about your future.
00:46 Look at good side, reflect on self.
06:06 "Must-haves: Equality, reciprocity, mutuality."
06:31 Covert Narcissists
06:58 Overt Narcissists
13:27 Toxicity: selfishness and rejection are signs.
17:10 Marginalization, isolation, and toxic abuse discussed briefly.
21:16 Coercive control is abusive and toxic.
27:40 Dismissive, toxic relationships lack support and empathy.
37:26 Unaccountable behavior leads to broken trust.
39:23 Toxic people lack predictability, safety, approval.
47:26 Vulnerability can be weaponized by hijackles.
52:46 Caring for sick parents, coping with no contact.
58:19 Cut ties with toxic people for safety.
59:53 Dealing with flattery & manipulation: set boundaries.
Are you in a toxic relationship?
Take my short self-assessment for some insights that may help you:
forrelationship...
The difference between a person having a toxic moment, and a person who has many toxic traits is that the healthier person will acknowledge, take responsibility for, and apologize after behaving poorly. A #Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult, often narcissistic one--will not be accountable or responsible. They are even likely to blame their poor behavior on you!
Also, if you had a toxic parent, you'll be more susceptible to finding a toxic partner acceptable. That's really something to watch for.
* * Remember, narcissists and other toxic people come in all genders and ages * *
and toxic relationships can be at home, at work, at play... with your parent, boss, spouse, sibling, friend, co-worker.
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I am Dr. Rhoberta Shaler, The Relationship Help Doctor.
Are you in relationship with a Hijackal? That's someone who consistently puts you down, love-bombs and gaslights you, creates confusion and chaos, and causes you to second-guess yourself? I can help you recognize, understand, and make decisions about those kinds of narcissistic behavior…and especially, how to keep yourself (and your children) safe and sane.
No worries about where in the world you live. I work through private, secure video conferencing. So, we can certainly work together to figure a few things out.
CONNECT WITH ME:
Website: www.EmergingEmp...
Podcast: www.SaveYourSan...
EE Community: www.JoinInToday...
Subscribe to Newsletter: www.hijackalhel...
Blog: www.narcissismb...
Facebook: / hijackals
Instagram: @DrRhobertaShaler
TH-cam: / forrelationshiphelp
Get my free ebook at www.Hijackals.com
Take my free checklists: www.forrelatio...
Are you looking for relief from the pain, confusion and drama of toxic relationships?
You can reclaim your personal power. Keep watching my videos on TH-cam to find strategies for changing your relationship dynamics..
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WANT A SAFE PLACE-- off social media--
TO TALK, ASK QUESTIONS, GET EXPERT ANSWERS & SUPPORT?
Join my Emerging Empowered Community, online:
www.JoinInToday...
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Explore my eCourses to build your confidence in dealing with narcissistic people.
relationshippro...
#signsofatoxicrelationship #boundaries #Hijackals #toxicpeople #narcissists #difficultpeople #emotionalabuse #verbalabuse #stoptoleratingabuse #manipulation #walkingoneggshells #mentalhealth #emotionalhealth #narcissisticabuse #personalitydisorder
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This content has been created and recorded for the general interest and information of the viewer/listener. Nothing said or implied on this site should be taken, or construed in any way, as legal advice, or personal advice of any kind. It is entirely informational, offering readers, viewers, subscribers, followers, and members educational resources, anecdotes, case studies, and stories.
Optimize Life Now LLC & Rhoberta Shaler, PhD makes no representations about the suitability of the content of this site for any purpose. All content is provided “as is” without any warranty of any kind.
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Here's a big one... They keep you from achieving 'flow' in your life, cutting you off from the magic inherent in life itself. That creates conditions where your hope is deferred. Hope deferred maketh the heart sick. A sick heart cannot trust. An untrusting heart doesn't create good relationships, bad relationships lead to isolation. Isolation is death. I'm working backwards from near death. One day at a time.
Good for you, leaving isolation behind and getting back in flow!
I cannot tell you how many times I had to drive myself to the hospital for injuries, in labor, heart problem, breast biopsy, back procedures, and more. He just cannot be bothered. He won’t notice , soon, that I’m GONE forever! Thank you Dr. Shaler! ❤️
You're welcome. I'm glad you have a positive plan to exit.
Wow
shocking indeed
I’ve found that men who are ND or on the spectrum exhibit many of of these traits as well. After 3.5 years I was discarded in the middle of a road trip. Horrific experience. What a narrow minded, selfish jackass he was! 3 months out and I’m slowly digging my way out and can see light at the end of the tunnel. My mind still plays tricks on me and tells me he won, I lost and I’ll never find a healthy relationship. Also reading Pia Melody’s book on Love Addiction. What an eye opener.
Great job! I love all of your videos! I filed for divorce and your videos helped me to do it without crying! You helped me to see clearly now that I deserve so much more. Thank you for your amazing work.
Thanks you. I'm happy to hear that we walked together for you to find clarity and take positive action. I wish you well.
I'm so tired of being called vile names. We r divorcing and moving is causing me so much stress. Financial stress is also difficult.
I’m so very sad you passed away. Your videos are SO helpful. I’m sure the angels welcomed you with open arms.
Thank you so much for your pod casts, I’ve learned and reaffirmed so much about the relationship I’m walking away from. It’s a toxic, emotionally abuse
& with your help I’ve decided I’m out.
This woman's content would help so many people if she went viral. I leave otherwise pointless comments like this for the algorithmic. If you find her helpful - you should too, or reply to original comments. It'll boost her to more eyes & ears. ♡
These are truly vile traits that absolutely imprison you on multiple levels. if you’re in relationship with someone like this Don’t be fooled; It’s one sided. You are the only doing everything you can plus more to try to make this dead thing survive. They are the ones continually trying to destroy your goodness, your faith in love, your beauty. Put it down. Walk away. Live for yourself. Smile again. Dance. Trust me. I’ve been there myself for way too long. be Free! Give that love to yourself and your children and pets if you have them.
They are all talk and no walk. ABB. Your work is totally incredible and soo very accurate and true. I know about your passion 😢 But I know that you are at Peace in heaven ❤ your legacy of your videos and information and help will always live for us. A true blessing. ❤much love
You are such a great teacher!! Thanks for not being all dramatic and chaotic as you talk about this topic..your calmness is very appreciated!!! I’ve had enough fear and drama🙌
You are so welcome!
It’s the drama! Everything is dramatic. He used to accuse me of creating drama but I firmly told him that he is the drama queen. Thank God I’ve had a decade of therapy and know who I am, so when he is dramatic and tries to project on to me, I just quietly say you are once again creating drama. His mother warned me about this trait. Otherwise he is pretty good about caring. Can be generous, kind and empathetic. When my brother died he was very attentive and rearranged his schedule to travel out of town for the funeral even though he had never met him.
I honestly thought I was crazy. Like something is really wrong with me... I just want to live but I'm stuck cause of my children.
Hijackals want you to second-guess yourself and question your sanity. I'm happy to hear that you know you're not crazy!
Why are you stuck because of the children? Finances? Beliefs? Isolation? Children are better off out of these situations as they are being damaged, too. Is there a possible way for you to see your way out?
I'm in a similar situation. I'm praying for you. We just need courage to do what we need to do.
Jesus will help you He’s helping me My soon to ex has Asperger’s trait porn addict and check all the boxes for covert narc
It’s been crazy I am free with Jesus help!!
How absolutely true, taken a long time I’ve suffered enough of the greed , manipulation ,being used . So I have finally gone no contact it’s a relative of my husband and I tried to to open up the conversation with asking them to be honest and confirm violated abuse , they ignored my request , you are right it makes you I’ll.Carol N.I
I cant stand those silent but deadly coverts. The woman I met who was giving me rides for money who pretended to be helping me to get public recognition. I live in a camper she helped with laundry showers I paid her bought her meals little extras. She would go in my purse sneak in the bathroom while I was in the shower get my male friend to go to her house. Then drive dangerously carelessly when I'm the passenger susceptible to being harmed by her bad driving. Then when I'd call her on her behaviours she' would play the victim. That I made her nervous yet she was nervous yet watching me out of the corner of her eye to see how far she could push it kindve getting a sneaky pleasure out of scaring me. She seemed resolved to have me nervous and then acted nervous when I didnt fall for her games. Now crying to her mental health case manager for sympathy totally a psychopath. When I didnt give her more money give in to her sympathy ploys she had a tantrum stopped helping me in order to get what she wanted for me to beg her to drive me again. I pay her more than gas money buy her meals to keep her balanced as shes borderline diabetic. She plays push me pull you all the time gives gifts expect me to pay for gifts she gets me when I didnt ask for them. I think shes stolen from secondhand stores a few times when I was with her. Puts me over the barrel to buy $10 item for her out of town then if I ask her for $2 in town she gets disgruntled in front of the staff like I'm exploiting her. Tarnishing my reputation.
Thank you for taking your time to educate people on these Toxic Relationships. It was definitely helpful to me.
So informative, thank you so much❤
This is a good video because it helps you recognise the people, including family and places you go to that are making you sick. Toxic means that it’s poisonous. Ask yourself would I bring a poisonous snake into my home and risk it biting me and making me so sick I could die. Yet every day you surround yourself with poisonous people, and yes that includes family. I kept going to the same Catholic Church where three priests abused me as well as the staff that worked there. I was getting sicker and sicker each day the people there were killing me slowly, yet each time I thought it would be different. These people almost put me in an early grave . I was in a place with hundreds of back biting, sarcastic, crazy snakes. I got out of the church 18 months ago and I am still recovering from their harmful projectile venom. Cobras all of them. Get all toxic places and people out of your life for good. ❤️😇🇦🇺🌟
Psalm 58:3-5 KJV describes these vipers to a tee.
Such important information to know!!
PS When Im kind to her she behaved like it was a threat to her posturing as the kinder one everything was a competition. People would praise her in front of me she would revel in it and act like Im some kind of case shes helping. Im getting more aware shes more interested in one upping me than being equal. Id like to tell her next time she calls to make me the problem or reject me to get me to beg plead give her more money when I give her much money for the driving service. Id like to say to her whatever turns your crank and hang up. She thought she had me totally dependant but Im reaching out to others who have healthier ways of interacting with me. Its unfortunate I live in a rural area requiring rides with limited bus service. I gave her gas money shed use it for frivolous purchases or give it to her demanding sister. I get the unpredictable moving the marker thing. Thank You I hope I can live down her smear campaign with the professionals. I just about caught her stealing but she was quick. It seemed she was profiling me or something yet she was justifying her deviousness and paranoia trying to make me seem unstable. Yikes
Thanks!
Yes and yes and yes
I’ve seen this! A wife describes these behaviors her husband’s displays towards her for years. She came to me and said he just stopped all of a sudden and was really nice for about a year. The. She found some quite interesting porn in his phone. One main thing that stood out to me was.. she said that he would love her until he doesn’t get his way and he would seem to step out of all his emotions and treat her as if she was just another person that he didn’t care about. I found the year gap strange. From my understanding he seem to have both covert and overt behaviors. Plus the pornography. I’m kind of in a funk trying to help her and him. #mentalhealththerapistwoes
It is possible to have both overt and covert narcissistic tendencies. If you can't "win" one way, try the other!
The year may have been because he didn't need her for supply: he was getting it from the porn or elsewhere. The words you have recalled from her indicate that he is more overt than covert as he tells her outrightly how he will manipulate and control her by withdrawing attention. I hope that helps.
He was self soothing .. Found a temporary happy place...erm .. so to speak 🤣 She is still being treated like s dick ..They need to talk , or someone needs,to walk . End of !
🤣
So So Good !! So insightful. Thank you x
You're so welcome!
Coercive Control Act December 2015 UK
Mine soon to be x wax so jealous, got really old.
Shocking Dr Shaler, I have them all 😞
You have them, or they are present in your relationship? Big difference to notice.
@@ForRelationshipHelp yes, I see. They are present in my relationship. I haven’t written it down before only listened. It’s harder to make excuses if it’s written down 😞
17:04. Story of my life 😢 24:10 34:00
Good morning Dr. Roberta,
Could you please find a way or ways, you remove the 20 commercials from your podcasts? I find it very distracting from the information to the point that, they become too much for me on to of all the tsunami-filled abyss I'm trying to listen to you through.
I need & love everything you do & say, but all the in-between commercials makes it exceedingly difficult to make it through the much needed information.
Hi. I understand the ads are distracting. TH-cam places the ads and that is the only way to monetize the videos. Sorry.
you have way too many ads... It's not worth it
It's FREE mental health counseling! Very valuable for us who need it enough to 'pay' by tolerating ads.
11 minutes in, 8 ads.... what the heck? Unsubscribed...
Sorry you're unsubscribing. I will look into it. That's not supposed to happen.
I didn't receive any ads. If you put the ads aside it is SO worth it give yourself the gift of listening
totally worth $15.99/month@@indraSilentMoonImaginariumyes!