I'd like to see a video speaking to the addicts explaining our perspective. Why we stopped trusting them. Why we couldn't show affection. Why we couldn't be intimate. Why we resented them. Why we were mean and spiteful and heavily stressed. No money, no stability, no time for us. Why it's not our fault that we were responding to our very difficult, very painful, very toxic life. Not denying my responsibility in all of this, I know I may have reacted wrong and pushed buttons but there isn't instruction book on how to live the perfect life with an addict and feel safe & loved by their actions. I just want to understand my perspective so that I can explain it to him or share a video. Thanks!
I fully and completely understand every single word you said. I am going thru this right now. I decided to leave my gf of almost 5 years. She doesn't understand nor will she even consider seeing my perspective on anything. Her way is always more important and im to blame for everything. She's never at fault for how things got between us even tho it is because she's an addict. Im tired of being blamed for everything when its not my fault. I just wanted her to love me like I love her. I love this girl and I wanted to marry her so I'm having a really really hard time with the decision I made right now. 💔 I hate that I'm so heartbroken and hurt and she's probably like nothing. 💔💔
@@iramirez6159 I’m feeling the same way in my relationship and it’s heartbreaking, My partner is still choosing to use even though I’m 6 months pregnant. I feel alone and unheard and we aren’t getting along because of the resentment and distrust. It’s very difficult to be in love with someone who makes you feel like they love drugs more than they love you… I do hope things get easier for you, take care of yourself first.
This is me right now....I've done everything you mention and my husband is still doing the same thing 26 yrs later, well I I became an RN and i am moving towards exiting my marriage.
I went and I finally got clean. My wife and are are currently separated but still married. I only hope that I do what I need to for her. Lossing that will make sure you are ready to leave the addiction. Now that I feel again, I would spend the rest of my life loving her right.
If he keeps saying yes and not going it's manipulation to keep you in the relationship. You cannot change him or make him change. You're probably better off leaving. It's heartbreaking because you love them and want to help but they will destroy you. I've been with my husband for 11 1/2 years I've been clean for 12 and he's been back on drugs for nearly 8. I've spent a lot of years waiting for him to change and I know he won't. I wish you luck, I'm so heart broken right now but as long as they are using drug addiction always is their number one priority.
Thank you for this! My husband is in rehab right now and I've been feeling bad because he says I love him conditionally. Now I see that those are my hard boundaries and it's his longing to continue using that's talking. I guess he's right in the sense that I love him conditionally, but it's under the condition that I no longer want to hurt myself loving him. I won't sit there and watch him kill himself. Thank you so much for this video, I was losing my mind waiting for my appointment with my therapist, needing some sort of clarity.
This is SO true. I’m a recovering addict and so is my boyfriend now and threatening and ultimatums DO NOT WORK. the drug becomes the relationship. It’s sad but true. And it’s VERY difficult to get help if you don’t want it
I'm willing to marry the love of my life in order to get her help. Can't do one without the other. Yes I love her dearly and yes I only want to help her get better.
He never will admit, he will redirect, "you have problems". I've been with the person almost three years. " You get help yourself." Really at wits end, been living on my couch since February and wonders why I don't lay with him.
@@NessieAndrew living with an addict is a curse and a blessing, I quit drinking for almost a year now. I'm completely sober, and I will never pursue that lifestyle, seeing an addict just changes you.
Omg yes, they love to blame right back don’t they? You’re looking at reason and logic and finding remnants of powders and baggies but they give a lame reason and say you’re crazy and make shit up. That’s drywall. I just ordered a test kit. If this is something then he can leave now. I married him before I knew about the heroin he was snorting. We didn’t have a honeymoon stage it was 3 months after that I found why he was so weird and distant and hiding. Now it’s been 7 years altogether and he’s back with something else. He’s so fucking hyper. Aggressive, annoying that he continues to tell me I’m the problem. This is too hard to be a regular adult and worry about your finances, hiding your assets And their well being. If u can get help to leave them that’s probably all We can do.
Smoking pot? Really? I've been living with a crack addict for three years! She admits she has a problem but refuses to do anything about it! Sometimes I get frustrated and yell at her and she says that drives her to it more, I'm working on that... but after a 12 day binge where she's only slept four hours the entire time it gets hard. I'm "punishing" her if I don't let her take our only car after she's been up that long! She thinks she can do it recreationally, but she has shown time and time again that she can't. The first couple of days aren't that bad, but after the third day something in her changes. I'm afraid she will die soon if she doesn't stop completely! She has gotten better, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and she'd be gone... I'd be sitting around not knowing where she was or who she was with. Thankfully she doesn't do that anymore. I'm physically, emotionally and financially drained!
glad i’m not the only one. my gf of 1 month is an addict and it’s already hard to back out. but i told her, if we have ONE MORE fight over this (her going out to drink and lying about it even tho i would’ve allowed), i will leave despite how much it hurts. for now we’ll see since the fight was yesterday.
I'm getting prepared to a talk with my partner tomorrow. we're a young couple and he told me once that he has a problem and would want to go to therapy. I'm sober for half a year now and our lifestyles are different. I'm willing to help but only if he asks me. im not willing to stay if it continues the way it is
I’m going to be honest here . I’ve been battling heroine addiction for years now and I have a wife who loves me very dearly and has been my rock in this bleak existence of my life. I’ve put this woman through more than anyone deserves and reading the comments of some of the people on here who write us off completely as forsaken just crushes my soul. Not looking for sympathy or condoning the bs, but lord we are human and not perfect .
Greg, I absolutely resonate with what you said. Partners of addicts who are listening and reading are in pain and speaking from their pain. However after 40 years of working with people with all kinds of challenges, habits, etc, I am sure of one thing. The question to ask is NOT- what is wrong with you. It is WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? The choices people make that sabotage themselves or their relationships are due to a combination of factors often including childhood trauma (not always but often) that are not in their control. We all need love! This does not minimize the pain of the partner of the addict.
If you love her let her go! She will come back later on in life when you're clean an ready to love her the way she deserves. I'm in the same situation honestly but I am on the other end in her shoes! I can't do it no more I need peace. I have decided to walk away as hard as it is after a 17year relationship w 9 years of him in an active addiction. Your not doing your relationship a favor soon it will turn into resentment.
Found out his ex tried to get him help then left. I told him id support recovery never addict. Gave him psycologist details and rehab. Gave him 2 weeks no change i left. I keep watching these videos to remind myself i did the right thing
MEAN IS PUTTING THINGS LIGHTLY. THE MORE THEY DRINK THE MORE DANGEROUS THEY ARE. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SEE THEM HAVE 5 or 6 Personalities in them. HOLY CRAP WHAT A CREEP. SO GLAD IM OUT OF THAT FRICKEN MESS I HATE THAT MAN WITH A PASSION
Hi Chris, it’s whatever you want it to be and how you want to make it. Your choice! That said, some people get to a point where it simply becomes too painful to live with an addict-it gets to a point where a person living with an addict cannot continue to suffer with the chaos and the living with the consequences of their addict’s poor choices based on the addiction. And in a very real sense, we are either enabling the addict to pursue their life destructive path, or, we can put our foot down and say to them, “either you get help or I am not staying here.” Some people don’t even do that! They elect to leave. They may feel, “they didn’t sign up for this.”
Chris- has it been 7 years yet? I mean I was devastated then strong for him, it hasn’t worked yet, he continued the alcoholic side while doing the suboxone treatment and now I’ve ordered a kit to test powder. He runs around to hotels to avoid me. It’s worse than before cause we are in a better spot financially. It never ends. I wnat My 7 years back. My Life I had.
My husband has taken kokain for two years every day. And he has taken action against addiction. He was in the first klinik, but there were just 4 weeks and that not much time and he have take one more time he was in the second klinik just to clean blood after that klinik he have to wait 1 week until to go to another klinik for long time and in the last minute he have became panik and he didn't go. Now he is in another klinik and he has cleaned his blood and now he has an appointment to go to another klinik with our dog. He would stay there for 6 months. I have panic that he would not go or he would do the same thing as the last time. I have to stay positive cause he is making something, but I don't know if he really wants to make this step. Please, sir, can you say something? Do you think people who take action like my husband are serious? And what happened after rehab ? Are they available to make normal life? Please help me a bit with an idea.
Does this apply to a person addicted to food like myself? Can you please address binge eating disorder and issues related to eating disorders in marriage? Thanks doc
I think can apply to any and all addictions. Addiction is a form of worship if you think about it. You are placing your hope and trust and essentially using the thing you are addicted to, as a source of hope and a false sense of security. It is the thing that your whole focus and life is revolved around and it what keeps you going. Food is a hard thing to be addicted to because food isn't something seen as shameful like drugs or other such things in nature. Food is something that we actually need 5o do to survive and literally it is the one thing that is considered a very normal thing to do. However, if your relationship with food or your thought process with food is unhealthy or you abuse the use of food, then it will take you out and ruin your life just as bad as another addiction. Right thinking produces right living. We all have a void in our hearts that only God can fill. If you try to fill it with anything other than God, we will be left disappointed and lost. Fill your cup with God's word and watch how much he transforms your world. All my prayers
There are several theories/models about eating disorders, including the "food addiction model". What does your gut feeling tell you though? I'm not an expert on eating disorders. I do recommend you this book though: Overcoming binge eating - Dr. Christopher G. Fairburn I hope it helps.
When the person KNOWS. They have problem, knows it is the most important thing in their life, and WONT do anything about it. That’s past the fantasy that anything is going to Fix them.
Seek help if you desire to change. It’s not easy, nothing that’s good for you is ever easy. If you just want to use maybe don’t have a partner. Addicts make horrible lovers.
Then you’re obviously here to change. Don’t take it as a slight what is said, everyone here started off loving the shit out of the person you are and wants Them back. Your #1 should be that you will be strong.
![ตีสิบเดย์ [FULL] | เปิดใจ "อาจารย์ เบียร์ ฅนตื่นธรรม" นักสนทนาธรรมสายดุดัน!](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/vqaBI_mnoDk/mqdefault.jpg)
I'd like to see a video speaking to the addicts explaining our perspective. Why we stopped trusting them. Why we couldn't show affection. Why we couldn't be intimate. Why we resented them. Why we were mean and spiteful and heavily stressed. No money, no stability, no time for us.
Why it's not our fault that we were responding to our very difficult, very painful, very toxic life.
Not denying my responsibility in all of this, I know I may have reacted wrong and pushed buttons but there isn't instruction book on how to live the perfect life with an addict and feel safe & loved by their actions.
I just want to understand my perspective so that I can explain it to him or share a video.
Thanks!
100% to everything you mentioned
That was very well said Ms. Laura 💯💯💯
I fully and completely understand every single word you said. I am going thru this right now. I decided to leave my gf of almost 5 years. She doesn't understand nor will she even consider seeing my perspective on anything. Her way is always more important and im to blame for everything. She's never at fault for how things got between us even tho it is because she's an addict. Im tired of being blamed for everything when its not my fault. I just wanted her to love me like I love her. I love this girl and I wanted to marry her so I'm having a really really hard time with the decision I made right now. 💔 I hate that I'm so heartbroken and hurt and she's probably like nothing. 💔💔
Yes, how I feel!
@@iramirez6159 I’m feeling the same way in my relationship and it’s heartbreaking, My partner is still choosing to use even though I’m 6 months pregnant. I feel alone and unheard and we aren’t getting along because of the resentment and distrust. It’s very difficult to be in love with someone who makes you feel like they love drugs more than they love you… I do hope things get easier for you, take care of yourself first.
This is me right now....I've done everything you mention and my husband is still doing the same thing 26 yrs later, well I I became an RN and i am moving towards exiting my marriage.
you stayed 26 years. wow
I stayed for 2 years and still he isn’t quitting I’m tired now
I went and I finally got clean. My wife and are are currently separated but still married. I only hope that I do what I need to for her. Lossing that will make sure you are ready to leave the addiction. Now that I feel again, I would spend the rest of my life loving her right.
How did your wife treat you whilst you were an addict?
I wish He would do the same ..It's so hard to handle his emotions...😢
how did u got clean? detox? rehab?
I want a video hearing the addict talk about what went through their head when a spouse kicks them out or leaves them.
I’ve been asking my addict husband to try some form of treatment for years and he always says YES! Then he never does anything to get there.🤷🏼♀️
I hope he goes cause I went. And staying clean. Fighting for my life and my wife back
If he keeps saying yes and not going it's manipulation to keep you in the relationship. You cannot change him or make him change. You're probably better off leaving. It's heartbreaking because you love them and want to help but they will destroy you. I've been with my husband for 11 1/2 years I've been clean for 12 and he's been back on drugs for nearly 8. I've spent a lot of years waiting for him to change and I know he won't. I wish you luck, I'm so heart broken right now but as long as they are using drug addiction always is their number one priority.
@@Gho5tProphet56 that sounds good. I hope you stick with it. Your wife and family is so much more important than getting high!
I've lived this life for 20 yrs plus in my marriage and it's a cycle a looped cycle I am so disappointed with myself for not seeing this sooner.
Thank you for this! My husband is in rehab right now and I've been feeling bad because he says I love him conditionally. Now I see that those are my hard boundaries and it's his longing to continue using that's talking. I guess he's right in the sense that I love him conditionally, but it's under the condition that I no longer want to hurt myself loving him. I won't sit there and watch him kill himself.
Thank you so much for this video, I was losing my mind waiting for my appointment with my therapist, needing some sort of clarity.
Same I sent my partner rehab and I don’t want to live with him I loved him unconditionally supported him but it’s been 2 years I’m tired now
RUN RUN AWAY FAST AND NEVER LOOK BACK
U ARE SO DAMN TREUH
Don’t get pregnant!
Did you even watch the video? Be more reductive please. (Since you seem to lack logic, that was sarcasm)
They don’t care about you saying you may leave. They want the drug more than the relationship
This is SO true. I’m a recovering addict and so is my boyfriend now and threatening and ultimatums DO NOT WORK. the drug becomes the relationship. It’s sad but true. And it’s VERY difficult to get help if you don’t want it
i want nothing other than my relationship i would give up anything
Happened to me one to many times. I begged here not to use drugs but yet she still used the drug
I'm willing to marry the love of my life in order to get her help. Can't do one without the other. Yes I love her dearly and yes I only want to help her get better.
@@949tannerthat’s sounds like addiction.
He never will admit, he will redirect, "you have problems". I've been with the person almost three years. " You get help yourself." Really at wits end, been living on my couch since February and wonders why I don't lay with him.
How's that going?
@@NessieAndrew living with an addict is a curse and a blessing, I quit drinking for almost a year now. I'm completely sober, and I will never pursue that lifestyle, seeing an addict just changes you.
@@gabriellebyczek6692 don’t get pregnant by him!
Thats childish. And dead end. Drop him
Omg yes, they love to blame right back don’t they? You’re looking at reason and logic and finding remnants of powders and baggies but they give a lame reason and say you’re crazy and make shit up. That’s drywall. I just ordered a test kit. If this is something then he can leave now. I married him before I knew about the heroin he was snorting. We didn’t have a honeymoon stage it was 3 months after that I found why he was so weird and distant and hiding.
Now it’s been 7 years altogether and he’s back with something else. He’s so fucking hyper. Aggressive, annoying that he continues to tell me I’m the problem. This is too hard to be a regular adult and worry about your finances, hiding your assets
And their well being.
If u can get help to leave them that’s probably all
We can do.
Smoking pot? Really? I've been living with a crack addict for three years! She admits she has a problem but refuses to do anything about it! Sometimes I get frustrated and yell at her and she says that drives her to it more, I'm working on that... but after a 12 day binge where she's only slept four hours the entire time it gets hard. I'm "punishing" her if I don't let her take our only car after she's been up that long! She thinks she can do it recreationally, but she has shown time and time again that she can't. The first couple of days aren't that bad, but after the third day something in her changes. I'm afraid she will die soon if she doesn't stop completely! She has gotten better, I used to wake up in the middle of the night and she'd be gone... I'd be sitting around not knowing where she was or who she was with. Thankfully she doesn't do that anymore. I'm physically, emotionally and financially drained!
Yeah I heard that and I'm like "no way we're comparing that to alcohol or hard drugs. No way."
I hope she gets the help she needs. Sending prayers to you.
this makes me so sad stay strong
I don't think it matters what it is, an addiction to anything has the same outcomes.
Pot head relationship is more of a slow constant undermining and gaslighting by the addict.
Thank you so, so much for this. You are helping me immensely. I have been in a sea of pain and loss since my now ex partner relapsed.
glad i’m not the only one. my gf of 1 month is an addict and it’s already hard to back out. but i told her, if we have ONE MORE fight over this (her going out to drink and lying about it even tho i would’ve allowed), i will leave despite how much it hurts. for now we’ll see since the fight was yesterday.
Jesus is the answer ❤
Everytime..for Everyone..in Every situation!
Thanks much sir.
Atleast this is a confirmation that there's nothing wrong with my decision.
You are welcome!
I'm getting prepared to a talk with my partner tomorrow. we're a young couple and he told me once that he has a problem and would want to go to therapy. I'm sober for half a year now and our lifestyles are different. I'm willing to help but only if he asks me. im not willing to stay if it continues the way it is
I’m going to be honest here . I’ve been battling heroine addiction for years now and I have a wife who loves me very dearly and has been my rock in this bleak existence of my life. I’ve put this woman through more than anyone deserves and reading the comments of some of the people on here who write us off completely as forsaken just crushes my soul. Not looking for sympathy or condoning the bs, but lord we are human and not perfect .
Greg, I absolutely resonate with what you said. Partners of addicts who are listening and reading are in pain and speaking from their pain. However after 40 years of working with people with all kinds of challenges, habits, etc, I am sure of one thing. The question to ask is NOT- what is wrong with you. It is WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? The choices people make that sabotage themselves or their relationships are due to a combination of factors often including childhood trauma (not always but often) that are not in their control. We all need love! This does not minimize the pain of the partner of the addict.
If you love her let her go! She will come back later on in life when you're clean an ready to love her the way she deserves. I'm in the same situation honestly but I am on the other end in her shoes! I can't do it no more I need peace. I have decided to walk away as hard as it is after a 17year relationship w 9 years of him in an active addiction. Your not doing your relationship a favor soon it will turn into resentment.
Found out his ex tried to get him help then left. I told him id support recovery never addict. Gave him psycologist details and rehab. Gave him 2 weeks no change i left. I keep watching these videos to remind myself i did the right thing
Yes ‘Em, you can’t make up for somebody who doesn’t want to do the work. I wish you the best!
Work addicts & gym addicts - all have the same problem - choosing an addiction over you and the family
Actually hard drugs is a whole other level of awful
MEAN IS PUTTING THINGS LIGHTLY. THE MORE THEY DRINK THE MORE DANGEROUS THEY ARE. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU SEE THEM HAVE 5 or 6 Personalities in them. HOLY CRAP WHAT A CREEP. SO GLAD IM OUT OF THAT FRICKEN MESS I HATE THAT MAN WITH A PASSION
I had to leave. He will never be honest. So he can never get clean
I understand!
Some good advice! But feels like your saying leaving the partner is inevitable. I’ll be sticking with my partner because I love them addict or not
Hi Chris, it’s whatever you want it to be and how you want to make it. Your choice! That said, some people
get to a point where it simply becomes too painful to live with an addict-it gets to a point where a person living with an addict cannot continue to suffer with the chaos and the living with the consequences of their addict’s poor choices based on the addiction. And in a very real sense, we are either enabling the addict to pursue their life destructive path, or, we can put our foot down and say to them, “either you get help or I am not staying here.”
Some people don’t even do that! They elect to leave. They may feel, “they didn’t sign up for this.”
@@sean9522 Amen. 🙌
Chris- has it been 7 years yet? I mean I was devastated then strong for him, it hasn’t worked yet, he continued the alcoholic side while doing the suboxone treatment and now I’ve ordered a kit to test powder. He runs around to hotels to avoid me. It’s worse than before cause we are in a better spot financially. It never ends. I wnat
My
7 years back. My
Life I had.
It feels manipulative to tell my partner, "I will only stay with you if you go to an AA meeting."
Setting boundaries isn't manipulative in the least. If they don't want to recover, you need to decide if you can life with the addiction or not.
Thank you for this informative video!!
My wife went to a 28 day rehab and left with a guy after 14 days. She hasn't called or seen our 8 year old daughter in a month. Smdh
My husband has taken kokain for two years every day. And he has taken action against addiction. He was in the first klinik, but there were just 4 weeks and that not much time and he have take one more time he was in the second klinik just to clean blood after that klinik he have to wait 1 week until to go to another klinik for long time and in the last minute he have became panik and he didn't go. Now he is in another klinik and he has cleaned his blood and now he has an appointment to go to another klinik with our dog. He would stay there for 6 months. I have panic that he would not go or he would do the same thing as the last time. I have to stay positive cause he is making something, but I don't know if he really wants to make this step. Please, sir, can you say something? Do you think people who take action like my husband are serious? And what happened after rehab ? Are they available to make normal life? Please help me a bit with an idea.
Please update me as I am in the same position
Does this apply to food addicts like myself? Please address binge eating disorder and issues related to marriage. Thanks
More meat, then less junk food cravings
Meat cheese and only eat from 2pm-8pm. You will be surprised how you feel.
Really helped me! Thank you!
Glad it helped, Nicole!
Thank you very much! Very helpful
Does this apply to a person addicted to food like myself? Can you please address binge eating disorder and issues related to eating disorders in marriage? Thanks doc
I think can apply to any and all addictions. Addiction is a form of worship if you think about it. You are placing your hope and trust and essentially using the thing you are addicted to, as a source of hope and a false sense of security. It is the thing that your whole focus and life is revolved around and it what keeps you going. Food is a hard thing to be addicted to because food isn't something seen as shameful like drugs or other such things in nature. Food is something that we actually need 5o do to survive and literally it is the one thing that is considered a very normal thing to do. However, if your relationship with food or your thought process with food is unhealthy or you abuse the use of food, then it will take you out and ruin your life just as bad as another addiction. Right thinking produces right living. We all have a void in our hearts that only God can fill. If you try to fill it with anything other than God, we will be left disappointed and lost. Fill your cup with God's word and watch how much he transforms your world. All my prayers
There are several theories/models about eating disorders, including the "food addiction model". What does your gut feeling tell you though? I'm not an expert on eating disorders. I do recommend you this book though: Overcoming binge eating - Dr. Christopher G. Fairburn
I hope it helps.
Thank you best advice.
Suck it up or
Leave. The only
Choices.
So all these mood stabilizers all the therapist prescribe for years on end is then enabling an addiction
When the person KNOWS. They have problem, knows it is the most important thing in their life, and WONT do anything about it. That’s past the fantasy that anything is going to Fix them.
Thank you
Can’t find link
Brilliant
Thank you for the video. Can you post a video/podcast about partners who are addicted to pornography /online chatting/ masturbation?
How about
All the addictions? CaUse this guys an addict to everything. Drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, lying (a lot for no good reason)
Ok but remember. Is not an addiction in some cases but STILL IS A PROBLEM.
What if your addiction to the partner..? He say it a problem with a addiction i feel not my problem til he gets around him am i addiction person?
He's had a client for 13 YEARS?
What if you are the addict?
Seek help if you desire to change. It’s not easy, nothing that’s good for you is ever easy. If you just want to use maybe don’t have a partner. Addicts make horrible lovers.
Alcohol and drugs ruined my marriage. If you love each other PLEASE get help before it’s too late and you loose each other forever.
Then you’re obviously here to change.
Don’t take it as a slight what is said, everyone here started off loving the shit out of the person you are and wants Them back. Your #1 should be that you will be strong.
My partner is highly sexually active previously i gnorore now careful n stable his karma.