I always find myself surrounded by people how ask me akward personal questions to make me feel unconfortable, I used to end up insulting them or figthing with them , this video helped me a lot , thank you( sorry for my bad English)
I'm glad this helped you understand how to handle uncomfortable questions. I definitely understand why you reacted defensively in the past - we've all been there! Now you're better prepared, so it'll be easier next time. (And no need to apologize - I understood you perfectly well!)
I'm a native english speaker and this was so helpful! Easily the best video on this topic. Been looking for a video like this for a while. Thank you for the concrete examples for what to say.
Thanks for letting me know that this worked well for you! I appreciate the positive feedback. Having a few ways to respond definitely helps me navigate these inevitable questions!
I'm happy to hear this helped you! I always try to emphasize that we are always developing and refining our communication skills, even as native speakers!
I have a question. How do you answer personal questions if they come from a child? Would you use the phrases you’ve outlined I’m this video? I had an instance one time where some children that I was babysitting asked me personal questions about my dad’s untimely death.
@@jaimefinch99 I would say simply I don't want to tolk about it. And if you feel it's not anaf I would ad this make me sad. If the child is not very nice I would say this is to personal, or even believe me you don't want to know the answer
Thank God for TH-cam and your video. I am 46 and I have struggled with this all of my life. It has caused me to recluse. But I don’t want to hide I want to go out enjoy life and events and let getting to know people happen organically. People don’t speak about the event or task at hand but get personal I could care less about strangers personal business and it pisses me off I get so angry. Most of the time I answer and then I hate myself for doing so. They bombard me with questions. I am going to write every response down and practice because as sure as I am on here someone will challenge me with questions I don’t want to answer.
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Being prepared helps a lot. In the past, I tended to answer every question I was asked, without thinking about whether I really wanted to share the information or engage in the topic. Now we both know how to gracefully exit the conversation!
ive always struggled with this! ive never wanted to come off as rude or insecure/defensive about a question but a lot of times I just dont wanna answer because its none of their business -especially someone im not very close to. A lot of people just want to get information to gossip. In the past after answering a question id feel resentful towards that person for making me feel uncomfortable and feeling obligated to answer their uncomfortable question but then I grew the F up and realized I am under no obligation what so ever to answer peoples questions no matter what that question is or who the person is. The main ones I hate are- how old are you? and why are you still single? and do you ever want kids? do you ever feel pressured to have kids? etc-ughh so my response is really dependent on the situation and person. I either flat out ignore it and not reply if its social media or a texting convo or ask a question right back at them like have you found the one yet? or use humour like -that's the million dollar question or wouldn't you like to know or when I know ill let you know. I also can be quite blunt if need be. Example how old are you if you dont mind me asking? my response I do mind you asking. Period end of story. So really depends on the situation and who is asking but I'm getting so good at it and its alleviated a lot of anxiety for me in social situations because I always felt there was some judgement with certain questions. Sometimes ill just be completely honest. Example -do you want kids? my answer -ive never really seen myself being a mom, though, I do love kids and I love being an aunty so maybe one day.With growth and maturity ive realized I dont owe people an explanation or justification for anything in my life. They dont pay my bills or do anything for me so why allow them to make me feel uncomfortable or judged.I appreciate you addressing this topic though because no matter who you are or where you go you are going to encounter curious people with questions. Some people are just genuinely interested in getting to know you better or know how handled something to help them in a similar situation but again you need to carefully assess that person who they are and whether they are coming from a good place or not.
Thanks for sharing your perspective! You're completely right - you don't owe people an explanation or justification. This is something I consistently need to remind myself as well. As you mentioned, you have to judge the question based on the person and your response will vary. At times, we'll feel obligated to respond and like you said, that can cause anxiety. Being prepared to respond can help you feel more confident handling these situations. I really like the responses you shared - "That's the million dollar question" and "When I know, I'll let you know." That's great when there really is no answer or explanation, it just is how it is!
@Jaime-hq5im I would just say something like it's something I've thought about but im still not certain and I'm taking my time to think about what I really want to do in college before I invest my time and money while exploring other opportunities.
I gotten very intrusive questions before thank you. This is much appreciated. I started to say no religion or politics question at work but then they bombard me with personal questions.
This really helpful to overcome uneasy answer or freeze for impolite questions 😃 I would just exit the conversation most of the time, but there's one time I totally can't handle a person keep bombarded me rude questions without listening my voice. And yeah, she is one of my close friends, and not an enemy. At this point, I just gave up and we're no longer chatting.
We have all been there. You're right - sometimes people don't notice when you're making it clear you don't want to talk, and other times they ignore your desire to change the subject. I have definitely exited conversations filled with uncomfortable questions as well! I'm glad these tips will help you next time you get stuck in one of those situations!
I was in a situation last week where my older sister asked me why my periods are irregular and when I’m due to have my next one 😬😬😬 Then alongside that, she asked me if my periods have always been irregular. I then started shaking out of embarrassment that I asked her why she wanted to know. I then decided to leave the room to read a book as a way of taking my mind off it. Next time this happens, I will say something like: I’d rather not talk about that! I prefer not to talk about that! It’s none of your business! Or, This topic is too personal to discuss! Thank you for this wonderful video 👍🏿
These questions can certainly be embarrassing! At times, family members ask very personal questions about health, and it can be awkward. Your response - asking her why she wanted to know - was perfectly appropriate, and showed that you were taking her question seriously. I'm happy to hear you know what to say next time. Sometimes, family members want to know if other relatives are experiencing similar health issues because they are often genetic. In these cases, it's helpful to explain *why* they're about to ask an uncomfortable question before actually asking the question. That way, the other person isn't surprised or shocked by the embarrassing question and they have more time to decide how to respond.
Fertility related questions are my least favorite, especially being infertile. Here are a few of my comebacks: 1. Nowadays, there is so much technology, I use the apps for everything and wouldn't know off the top of my head 2. I have been researching XYZ method and tend to discuss XYZ method with those in that circle 3. Thanks for asking. It sounds like you have a good enough understanding for both of us 4. Oh, is THAT what worked for you? No wonder you have ___ kids. 5. That's not what we're focusing on now. We like being debt free.
I like that you pointed out to assume that the person dosen't have bad intentions, that's make life so much easier because most people just trying to make conversations, or are just curious. Deaf culture for example is very much into each ather business . Nice video thank you
Thanks for the insightful comment and sharing a little more about deaf culture. Curiosity is how we learn about others and grow in compassion and understanding. What feels comfortable for one person may be super uncomfortable for another, and this can even change for you over time! That's why it's important to be able to handle questions that are uncomfortable - for you - in a calm, polite way.
In my country, it is rude to ask a stranger in a non-professional setting (job interview, conference, networking event,etc), the question: "what do you do?" or "what is your job title?" In my tradition, we hear it as: "I don't care who you are or what your name is even, but I want to know where you fit in the social and economic totem pole, to find out where you stand. Perhaps I am above you..." It's rude, intrusive and it usually makes us defensive...(as in, "why in hell do you care? Are you interviewing me for a position or what? Mind your business, kiddo") I am grateful for this video and appreciate it greatly!! 🙏
Thank you for sharing this perspective! I completely agree that "What do you do?" is an intrusive question, and I wish Americans would stop asking it so much. Like you said, it makes you defensive, and it's also frustrating that people think what you do for work is the most interesting thing about you. Even though I enjoy what I do, I would much rather talk about something else when I'm not working! I know some people ask this question as a way to find common ground, but I prefer other questions about hobbies, passions, and interests instead. I'm glad you found this video helpful!
I usually answer jokingly “ can’t answer that because I’m being followed by a monitoring spirit who uses different people to gather information “ then smile and laugh . That usually throws them for a loop .
Thank you so much miss really appreciated... hustle and bustle we human faces some times unwanted or awkward Q which we really don't like to answer any unknown person or strangers so I think the way you explain or answer its the best way to respond and punching their faces to make someone uncomfortable such a impolite way.👏👍👌✌️❤️💐😊
The questions at the beginning of the video all trigger me LOL If I'm uncomfortable I just lie. I really do not feel bad since these types are always trying to compete or nose around but this video provides more options for me to use and I appreciate them!
You are not alone! You make a good point - the people who ask these questions usually don't have a positive reason for doing so, but sometimes we have to handle them anyway! Glad it helped!
I was just asked by a youth club leader in front of many , some familiar but most unfamiliar members and staff, on zoom, in a bright and cheerful voice "how did this morning go?" She was referring to my son's fathers funeral. I'd shared this information with her 2 days ago being careful not to let my son be aware, as he was already traumatised by the knowledge that something awful had happened to his dad and he was no longer here. How should I have dealt with that? I just said, "erm it was ok". It wasn't, but y'know what else could I say, put on the spot like that!
I'm really sorry to hear about this situation - wow! I'm a bit surprised that someone would ask this in a group setting. I would have probably answered much like you did, since you were really put on the spot. If you felt like discussing it later, you could say something like that: "Everything went fine, but this isn't the time to discuss it. We can discuss it privately at another time." However, that might make the other participants more curious, and make the situation more uncomfortable for you, so your short answer was definitely appropriate!
@@Englishwithkim Thank you for responding Kim I really appreciate that. In the aftermath I matched your suggestion and came up with the same outcome. I really think she was out of order but I don't feel I can say anything being that it would have consequences with my son's access to his group sessions. I'm just going to have to let it go I suppose x
My primary languages are English and Spanish, and I live in the United States, where most people know one or both languages. I can't escape annoying personal questions until I can work from home and be a hermit. I am just trying to figure out how to avoid people's questions that I don't want to answer without getting fired
I hope this video helped you handle these questions more easily. I can relate to wanting to avoid personal questions - and so can a lot of people in the comments!
Just started a new job. There is one rude, and annoying person. The first day she greeted me by saying hi she’s not fake, and she’s straight forward, etc. The next day she says, she isn’t trying to make friends, and she isn’t insecure. Both encounters were awkward. The later she started asking me personal questions like how old and I’m, where I live, and do I have kids. I have already come to the conclusion that I don’t care for this lady, and I just wish that she would stay away from me. However, she is training me, so it would be difficult. So after seeing your video I think I will respond to her questions by saying, “I prefer not to discuss my personal life in the work place.”
That's a great response to personal questions. It helps to be prepared to respond - some people ask awkward, uncomfortable questions, but you're not obligated to respond!
Very helpful thank you! I never know how to answer to where are you from ? From customers at work, I get asked that at least 3 times each shift, and it’s annoying, specially when they don’t know the geology my country neither the language spoken there, and I really don’t want to answer! Ive decided to respond accordingly depending on how the person asks whether it’s genuine or rude! Thank you
That's a great way to approach this situation - some people are genuinely curious, others are not! I agree that the question can get quite frustrating - you don't have to explain your life story to strangers!
This video is a wonderful it is good to have an examples sentence about what to answer amazing video I will use it and share it becouse it is useful and please do more about how to ask people indirect qastions in nice way with more an examples sentence and thank you to do it
How long time you don't post any video, I miss your job so much because after all you have a great way to explain us about to learn English and nowadays I've get to understand already many videos without never heard it before
Be sure you've subscribed to get notifications (you have to click the bell icon and choose to get notified), because TH-cam seems to not be sharing my recent videos. I posted a video on intonation and another on changing the subject earlier this month!
I already done what you instruct me however I've never notificaded about your videos, always I have to looking for you Which your frequency to post videos
Hi Kim. I'm looking for an answer to give well-meaning and ill-meaning people who ask about what my family members are doing, dating, feeling, etc. I don't want to tell them I am uncomfortable with their question or answer in a rude way. That just gets them gossiping about me that there must be something juicy I'm trying to hide. I just want to abort the conversation in a flippant, non-abrasive way. The only answer I could come up with was saying with a smile and a wave of my hand, "Oh, I don't want to talk about my family" but I don't like it so much and could use a better way. I asked several people for suggestions, but no one had one that accomplished my goal. Do you have one that will? Thanks
The simplest way to respond is to say something like, "I prefer not to talk about what's going on with my family." The thing is, you don't have to explain or justify why; it's simply none of their business. If you wanted to add some more details to make it more flippant or funny, you could say "since they're not here to defend themselves / since they're not here to correct what I get wrong / since they would prefer to tell you themselves / since I have trouble keeping the details straight / since they know what's going on in their lives better than I do."
I'm working on my dreams and goals privately, and there are all haters around my because I'm on my strugle phase, people who loved me once treats me with hate and they broke me everytime when I conversate with them, and they make me feel dissrespect everytime. I haven't tolt them about I have a great goal in my life because I know they will break it completely. I just want to stay focused on my goals, and i hate to tell my next step everytime but they continously ask my next step and force me to tell my next step everytime which I hate to tell because I'm the person who believe to do the work instead to telling, if I told them about everything that I am going to do then I will not be abe to do it with full of my happiness. I'm unable to defend them sometimes when they ask me forcefully. How to stop them please tell me..??
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to your experience! We often have to protect our goals from other people who aren't able or willing to dream big with us. Lately, I've been saying things like "I don't have a lot to share about this at the moment" or "I'm not ready to talk about what's going on behind the scenes." There are quite a few videos and articles out there about why you shouldn't share your goals with others, so you may try looking at those to see if they give you helpful responses.
When people ask if you work. I guess that’s the same as asking your profession. I’ve been a stay at home mom for many years. If someone asks if I work I say… yes I do work at at home 24/7 and the pay is terrible! I’ve had some interesting looks from this response.
one of my little cousin asked me "which brand r u wearing " and in actual they were local ( it was family reunion ) can any1 guide me what to reply next time
If you don't feel like answering, you can say something like "I'm not sure/I can't remember, but I like the style/the way it fits/the way it looks." You may find that they're interested in getting something similar for themselves. If you're not interested in discussing brands, you can say something like, "I don't pay that much attention to brands," and talk about the style/fit instead.
Everytime I answer to the strange or awkward questions with laugh) Or sometimes ' why are you asking this? ' in extra situations if that person not close to me i can say ' that is none of your business!!! ' But when I'm not okay their questions hurt me and make me feel worse... Why they don't understand me?! Why do they keep asking?? I really need a person who'll understand, that I need silence for sometime...
Yes, friends can sometimes ask questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes the timing is off, and you don't want to answer. You bring up a good point - how you feel really affects how you respond. It can help to say something simple like, "This isn't a good time to talk about this. Thanks for understanding."
It's considered a polite part of a greeting here in the states. My mom had to remind me of that and that most people really don't want to know. As you said, just smile and be polite back or just if ignore it, smile and enthusiastically ask a different question.
I have not been asked a personal question for a long time but if I do get asked.i will say I never disuss politics money or religion i will say it with a smile and politeness that seems to cover most things or politely ask them why
I get asked awkward questions in English and in my native language; mostly about the way I dress and disability. If they ask me these things again, I will say: It’s none of your business! Or, this topic doesn’t concern you!
I'm sorry to hear that you're being asked so many awkward questions, but I'm glad you feel more prepared to respond the next time you're asked. "This topic doesn't concern you" is polite, direct, and powerful.
I really wish i could answer these questions in my native language because the direct translation of the wonderful examples you have given above is socially unacceptable where you must always answer older people with warmth, respect, and feed their ego. Also in a society filled with trust, warm, and truth spoken only... (but not loving of course every thing is just a show) please help me...
That's definitely challenging! We tend to show respect through our tone of voice and more careful language choices (such as the ones I mention in this video).
i am a foreigner living in Croatia, i have been asked more than 100 times in 2 years where i m from, why am i in this country , how old i am and am i single or married. people who ask most of them are strangers
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure you're tired of answering these questions and trying to come up with alternate responses! If people were a little more creative with their questions, they would have more interesting conversations.
You might get asked an inappropriate question by a COP. For example, do you know how fast you were going? That is a HORRIBLE question because they are asking you to incriminate yourself. Such a jerk move, but cops do it all the time. In this case, you can't just terminate the conversation. Asking them why they want to know is a great way to handle inappropriate cop questions. Thank you. Refusing to answer the question with a cop can present problems. It is likely their ego will get in the way and you may find the cop thinking of other things to "charge" you with. Giving a direct answer, like: "That topic is a little difficult to discuss at this moment." might be a hilarious response to a cop. Maybe: "Officer, that is not appropriate to discuss here." LOL. Frequently cops are being outrageously rude. There is no way I would stop someone and ask them a question like "where are you headed to?". Given your video, "Officer, that is rude and really none of your business." seems like the most appropriate answer given the circumstance you present. I like "change the subject" as well. Lets see... "Officer, instead of talking about how fast I was going, how about if we talk about what is your favorite brand of beer?" Yeah, that's the way to go.
I don't think I would consider an unexpected traffic stop a conversation, but it is possible to apply some of these approaches to those interactions. I would definitely suggest you find other videos (for example, from lawyers) with more specific advice on how to handle these questions from the police.
I choose to speak at a normal, natural speed with very clear, expressive speech to prepare you for when you interact with native speakers. At first, it can be challenging, but once you get used to it, you'll find it helps you understand natural speech! Remember, you can adjust the speed of the video to your preference. Simply click the gear icon ⚙️ and change the speed from normal to .75 or lower. On a mobile phone, click the three dots in the upper right hand corner and adjust the speed from there. You can also watch with the captions (click the [CC] button).
@@Englishwithkim as a person with aspd it's very hard for me not to come off combative with someone who uses a casual tone to be condescending..I have very little patience.
@@Englishwithkimvery useful video ma'am Thank you so much for this I just wanted to ask If someone asks about my relationship status And I am right now single but had a terrible break up a year ago ..and I preferably don't want to discuss anything related... Also someppl ask about past relationships..were you in any relationship And if I say any of the response other than no...it means that I was in a relationship and they will get even more curious or something I am from a culture where , having had a relationship is still a taboo...so can you pls help me with responding to them ...
Thanks for the kind words! You're right - some people don't want to take no for an answer! If possible, try to leave the conversation or change the subject.
Hii i am from India and Please help me ma'am ..... 😑 I am preparing for govt exam competition.... My relatives always ask me after every month or two..... Do you pass that exam ??..... And now I am fed up😑.... ...... What should i say now Pls advice me
I understand why you feel frustrated hearing this question again and again. I would probably say something like, "I appreciate your interest in hearing how I did on the exam. However, the preparation takes time. When I'm ready to share the results, I will let you know."
I'm 57, and I am grappling with how to respond to my sister and parents (all pro vax) when they ask me if I got it/will get the new jab (cvid 2021). i'm a very private person, and medical stuff i prefer to keep between me and my doctor, but If I say that to them they will be offended, and they'll know my short answer and panic. I know i risk being ostracized, but i really don't want to get into it with them. I'm trying to decide a basic reply that won't be offensive or frightening for them. No judgements, please; just looking for a reasonable respectable answer for them. Would it be enough to say i have a couple of small medical issues that my doctor suggests i wait a bit to see how it goes in the next year or two with the vax data as we learn new things, then re-assess? I think i would have to immediately mention i would be taking precautions throughout, when i'm with them or out in public, to help them ease into it...? Is that still "too much"? Thanks, everybody; it's difficult.
I would encourage you to ask your doctor or a trusted medical professional for suggestions on how to respond to family members who are concerned about whether or not you have received the vaccination. You're probably not their only patient in this situation, and they understand your situation better than anyone else.
A few years ago I overheard a conversation at work just before a meeting when a heavy set woman asked a petite person, "how short are you?" Everyone was quiet while waiting for the other person's response. The petite person responded, "I'd tell you, if you'd tell me how fat you are." OMG! It turned out the woman who asked the question was the office bully. What would've been a better response? BTW, that bully had a change of attitude since that incident.
While that response may have resulted in a change of attitude from a bully, I've never been a big fan of trying to teach someone a lesson or putting someone in their place. I'm sure people at any extreme of the height spectrum are tired of responding to these types of comments and questions. Sometimes a simple "I'd prefer not to discuss my height" can be just as effective as shutting someone down with such a harsh response. That said, we all lose our patience sometimes.
Yeah like Walmart because I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a coworker and we should never discuss personal matters to anyone else because it could create conflict of interest.
i'm going back to stay with my grandma for uni away from my family and she SO nosy. she's using me to get information about my dad (her son) to judge us. she's extremely rude and asks me very uncomfortable questions i'd rather not answer. just stop asking.
It can be especially challenging to field uncomfortable questions from family. I have some relatives who act the same way. Hopefully you can find a way to change the subject or distract her from these questions.
Yes, it often sounds harsh or rude, which may be appropriate in certain situations. To soften it, but still make your point clear, people may say something like, "With all due respect, that's none of your business." Or they may say it with neutral, but confident intonation.
That's another option! In certain family, work, and school situations, it may not be possible to walk away, so you may have to find another way to respond. You may also get these types of questions when you're stuck in one place, such as when you're on or waiting to get on a bus, train, or plane, or waiting in line somewhere.
![How to Respond to Questions in Conversations in American English [Strong Answers for Small Talk]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/SpaYm3dd1rQ/mqdefault.jpg)
![How to Respond to Questions in Conversations in American English [Strong Answers for Small Talk]](/img/tr.png)
I always find myself surrounded by people how ask me akward personal questions to make me feel unconfortable, I used to end up insulting them or figthing with them , this video helped me a lot , thank you( sorry for my bad English)
I'm glad this helped you understand how to handle uncomfortable questions. I definitely understand why you reacted defensively in the past - we've all been there! Now you're better prepared, so it'll be easier next time. (And no need to apologize - I understood you perfectly well!)
Your voice & intonation hurts my head… find a voice adviser please… your topic is interesting though.
I never knew this is what I needed to hear to cure 90% of my social anxiety. Thank you so much.
I'm happy to hear this helped you! I find that knowing how to respond helps me a lot, too.
I’m sorry I don’t understand you
I'm a native english speaker and this was so helpful! Easily the best video on this topic. Been looking for a video like this for a while. Thank you for the concrete examples for what to say.
Thanks for letting me know that this worked well for you! I appreciate the positive feedback. Having a few ways to respond definitely helps me navigate these inevitable questions!
Kim is not only an English teacher, but also has an excellent understanding of psychology and life coaching. Thank you Kim!
You're most welcome! Thank you for the kind words.
One that I came up with is ‘That’s a very personal question to ask someone you don’t know.’ Lol. Great video!!! That’s so much for this!!!
That is an excellent, straightforward response! I'm definitely going to use that one next time someone asks me an awkward question.
English with Kim Right?! Might as well let someone know up front how impersonal some questions are. Lol. 😝
Such a thorough video about deflection and handling these situations. I’m a native English speaker and this was still useful!!!
I'm happy to hear this helped you! I always try to emphasize that we are always developing and refining our communication skills, even as native speakers!
I have a question. How do you answer personal questions if they come from a child? Would you use the phrases you’ve outlined I’m this video? I had an instance one time where some children that I was babysitting asked me personal questions about my dad’s untimely death.
@@jaimefinch99 I would say simply I don't want to tolk about it. And if you feel it's not anaf I would ad this make me sad. If the child is not very nice I would say this is to personal, or even believe me you don't want to know the answer
I get too many awkward personal questions on social media. It helped me a lot. I am glad I found you. Thank you very much.
Social media is definitely a place where awkward personal questions happen! I'm glad this helped you!
This video nails it ...in so many ways ...always quality presentation from Kim
Useful tips, this was a challenge I faced and got me frustrated at myself. Thanks for the many examples of answers. 👍🏼
Glad it was helpful! Handling uncomfortable questions is super frustrating.
Thank God for TH-cam and your video. I am 46 and I have struggled with this all of my life. It has caused me to recluse. But I don’t want to hide I want to go out enjoy life and events and let getting to know people happen organically. People don’t speak about the event or task at hand but get personal I could care less about strangers personal business and it pisses me off I get so angry. Most of the time I answer and then I hate myself for doing so. They bombard me with questions. I am going to write every response down and practice because as sure as I am on here someone will challenge me with questions I don’t want to answer.
Thanks for sharing your experience with me. Being prepared helps a lot. In the past, I tended to answer every question I was asked, without thinking about whether I really wanted to share the information or engage in the topic. Now we both know how to gracefully exit the conversation!
ive always struggled with this! ive never wanted to come off as rude or insecure/defensive about a question but a lot of times I just dont wanna answer because its none of their business -especially someone im not very close to. A lot of people just want to get information to gossip. In the past after answering a question id feel resentful towards that person for making me feel uncomfortable and feeling obligated to answer their uncomfortable question but then I grew the F up and realized I am under no obligation what so ever to answer peoples questions no matter what that question is or who the person is. The main ones I hate are- how old are you? and why are you still single? and do you ever want kids? do you ever feel pressured to have kids? etc-ughh so my response is really dependent on the situation and person. I either flat out ignore it and not reply if its social media or a texting convo or ask a question right back at them like have you found the one yet? or use humour like -that's the million dollar question or wouldn't you like to know or when I know ill let you know. I also can be quite blunt if need be. Example how old are you if you dont mind me asking? my response I do mind you asking. Period end of story. So really depends on the situation and who is asking but I'm getting so good at it and its alleviated a lot of anxiety for me in social situations because I always felt there was some judgement with certain questions. Sometimes ill just be completely honest. Example -do you want kids? my answer -ive never really seen myself being a mom, though, I do love kids and I love being an aunty so maybe one day.With growth and maturity ive realized I dont owe people an explanation or justification for anything in my life. They dont pay my bills or do anything for me so why allow them to make me feel uncomfortable or judged.I appreciate you addressing this topic though because no matter who you are or where you go you are going to encounter curious people with questions. Some people are just genuinely interested in getting to know you better or know how handled something to help them in a similar situation but again you need to carefully assess that person who they are and whether they are coming from a good place or not.
Thanks for sharing your perspective! You're completely right - you don't owe people an explanation or justification. This is something I consistently need to remind myself as well. As you mentioned, you have to judge the question based on the person and your response will vary. At times, we'll feel obligated to respond and like you said, that can cause anxiety. Being prepared to respond can help you feel more confident handling these situations. I really like the responses you shared - "That's the million dollar question" and "When I know, I'll let you know." That's great when there really is no answer or explanation, it just is how it is!
@Jaime-hq5im I would just say something like it's something I've thought about but im still not certain and I'm taking my time to think about what I really want to do in college before I invest my time and money while exploring other opportunities.
English is my first language, but this was still such a huge help! Thank you😊
I'm so glad! Making these videos helps me improve my communication skills as well - win-win for all!
I gotten very intrusive questions before thank you. This is much appreciated. I started to say no religion or politics question at work but then they bombard me with personal questions.
That can be so frustrating! I hope you feel better prepared to handle these question now.
@@Englishwithkim yes I am thanks to you
This really helpful to overcome uneasy answer or freeze for impolite questions 😃
I would just exit the conversation most of the time, but there's one time I totally can't handle a person keep bombarded me rude questions without listening my voice.
And yeah, she is one of my close friends, and not an enemy. At this point, I just gave up and we're no longer chatting.
We have all been there. You're right - sometimes people don't notice when you're making it clear you don't want to talk, and other times they ignore your desire to change the subject. I have definitely exited conversations filled with uncomfortable questions as well! I'm glad these tips will help you next time you get stuck in one of those situations!
I was in a situation last week where my older sister asked me why my periods are irregular and when I’m due to have my next one 😬😬😬
Then alongside that, she asked me if my periods have always been irregular.
I then started shaking out of embarrassment that I asked her why she wanted to know.
I then decided to leave the room to read a book as a way of taking my mind off it.
Next time this happens, I will say something like:
I’d rather not talk about that!
I prefer not to talk about that!
It’s none of your business!
Or,
This topic is too personal to discuss!
Thank you for this wonderful video 👍🏿
These questions can certainly be embarrassing! At times, family members ask very personal questions about health, and it can be awkward. Your response - asking her why she wanted to know - was perfectly appropriate, and showed that you were taking her question seriously. I'm happy to hear you know what to say next time. Sometimes, family members want to know if other relatives are experiencing similar health issues because they are often genetic. In these cases, it's helpful to explain *why* they're about to ask an uncomfortable question before actually asking the question. That way, the other person isn't surprised or shocked by the embarrassing question and they have more time to decide how to respond.
Fertility related questions are my least favorite, especially being infertile. Here are a few of my comebacks:
1. Nowadays, there is so much technology, I use the apps for everything and wouldn't know off the top of my head
2. I have been researching XYZ method and tend to discuss XYZ method with those in that circle
3. Thanks for asking. It sounds like you have a good enough understanding for both of us
4. Oh, is THAT what worked for you? No wonder you have ___ kids.
5. That's not what we're focusing on now. We like being debt free.
You are definetely the best online teacher
That's kind of you to say!
Hey Kim, this video is great. Thank you!
I like that you pointed out to assume that the person dosen't have bad intentions, that's make life so much easier because most people just trying to make conversations, or are just curious. Deaf culture for example is very much into each ather business . Nice video thank you
Thanks for the insightful comment and sharing a little more about deaf culture. Curiosity is how we learn about others and grow in compassion and understanding. What feels comfortable for one person may be super uncomfortable for another, and this can even change for you over time! That's why it's important to be able to handle questions that are uncomfortable - for you - in a calm, polite way.
@@Englishwithkim well said.😁🤗😊
In my country, it is rude to ask a stranger in a non-professional setting (job interview, conference, networking event,etc), the question: "what do you do?" or "what is your job title?"
In my tradition, we hear it as: "I don't care who you are or what your name is even, but I want to know where you fit in the social and economic totem pole, to find out where you stand. Perhaps I am above you..."
It's rude, intrusive and it usually makes us defensive...(as in, "why in hell do you care? Are you interviewing me for a position or what? Mind your business, kiddo")
I am grateful for this video and appreciate it greatly!! 🙏
Thank you for sharing this perspective! I completely agree that "What do you do?" is an intrusive question, and I wish Americans would stop asking it so much. Like you said, it makes you defensive, and it's also frustrating that people think what you do for work is the most interesting thing about you. Even though I enjoy what I do, I would much rather talk about something else when I'm not working! I know some people ask this question as a way to find common ground, but I prefer other questions about hobbies, passions, and interests instead. I'm glad you found this video helpful!
Well said! Thank you! I got a very useful information through your video!
I loved it. What about when is your boss and is not convenient to answer how to avoid it.
BEST ENGLISH CHANNEL EVER. Thanks Kim, for all the tips you give us every day!
Wow, thank you! That's kind of you to say. I'm glad these tips are helping you!
I usually answer jokingly “ can’t answer that because I’m being followed by a monitoring spirit who uses different people to gather information “ then smile and laugh . That usually throws them for a loop .
Haha, nothing like being reminded that you never know who's listening!
Thank you so much miss really appreciated... hustle and bustle we human faces some times unwanted or awkward Q which we really don't like to answer any unknown person or strangers so I think the way you explain or answer its the best way to respond and punching their faces to make someone uncomfortable such a impolite way.👏👍👌✌️❤️💐😊
I think we can all relate to that feeling - but it's better to use your words instead!
Kim here has the most #genuine and #useful TH-cam channel that I've seen in 2 years! ❤️ #Subscribed 10/10
Aww, thanks!
The questions at the beginning of the video all trigger me LOL If I'm uncomfortable I just lie. I really do not feel bad since these types are always trying to compete or nose around but this video provides more options for me to use and I appreciate them!
You are not alone! You make a good point - the people who ask these questions usually don't have a positive reason for doing so, but sometimes we have to handle them anyway! Glad it helped!
You are amazing! I'm a native English speaker, but I just have really poor social skills 😂 Thank you so much!
You're most welcome! I often say that we can ALWAYS be learning better ways to express yourself. I learn a lot from making these videos myself!
@@Englishwithkim I can imagine! You have a gift, and I appreciate you sharing it with us!
This is very important for every workplace policies.
Thank you for sharing these small phrases and sentences for practice. It surely help us (most of these filler -->where we Stuck a lot).
Glad it was helpful! Practicing helps you avoid feeling stuck in the moment of an actual uncomfortable question.
I've learned to say, I don't answer those types of questions by saying, I don't answer those types of questions- don't care how you take it!!
I like it - simple and to the point!
I was just asked by a youth club leader in front of many , some familiar but most unfamiliar members and staff, on zoom, in a bright and cheerful voice "how did this morning go?"
She was referring to my son's fathers funeral. I'd shared this information with her 2 days ago being careful not to let my son be aware, as he was already traumatised by the knowledge that something awful had happened to his dad and he was no longer here.
How should I have dealt with that?
I just said, "erm it was ok". It wasn't, but y'know what else could I say, put on the spot like that!
I'm really sorry to hear about this situation - wow! I'm a bit surprised that someone would ask this in a group setting. I would have probably answered much like you did, since you were really put on the spot. If you felt like discussing it later, you could say something like that: "Everything went fine, but this isn't the time to discuss it. We can discuss it privately at another time." However, that might make the other participants more curious, and make the situation more uncomfortable for you, so your short answer was definitely appropriate!
@@Englishwithkim
Thank you for responding Kim I really appreciate that. In the aftermath I matched your suggestion and came up with the same outcome. I really think she was out of order but I don't feel I can say anything being that it would have consequences with my son's access to his group sessions. I'm just going to have to let it go I suppose x
Thanks for sharing it with us
My primary languages are English and Spanish, and I live in the United States, where most people know one or both languages. I can't escape annoying personal questions until I can work from home and be a hermit. I am just trying to figure out how to avoid people's questions that I don't want to answer without getting fired
I hope this video helped you handle these questions more easily. I can relate to wanting to avoid personal questions - and so can a lot of people in the comments!
I definitely need help with this area because of all the narcissistic people who asked inappropriate questions.
We all need help with handling uncomfortable questions!
Excellent & to the point video. I love when examples are provided!
Glad it was helpful!
Just started a new job. There is one rude, and annoying person. The first day she greeted me by saying hi she’s not fake, and she’s straight forward, etc. The next day she says, she isn’t trying to make friends, and she isn’t insecure. Both encounters were awkward. The later she started asking me personal questions like how old and I’m, where I live, and do I have kids. I have already come to the conclusion that I don’t care for this lady, and I just wish that she would stay away from me. However, she is training me, so it would be difficult. So after seeing your video I think I will respond to her questions by saying, “I prefer not to discuss my personal life in the work place.”
That's a great response to personal questions. It helps to be prepared to respond - some people ask awkward, uncomfortable questions, but you're not obligated to respond!
Thanks Kim. It really helped me a lot
Great video. Thank you so much!
You are so welcome!
A hello from Vietnam! Many thanks for your useful video, Teacher Kim and I have been lighten up!
Glad this helped you feel more relaxed about those uncomfortable questions!
Very helpful thank you! I never know how to answer to where are you from ? From customers at work, I get asked that at least 3 times each shift, and it’s annoying, specially when they don’t know the geology my country neither the language spoken there, and I really don’t want to answer! Ive decided to respond accordingly depending on how the person asks whether it’s genuine or rude! Thank you
That's a great way to approach this situation - some people are genuinely curious, others are not! I agree that the question can get quite frustrating - you don't have to explain your life story to strangers!
This video is a wonderful it is good to have an examples sentence about what to answer amazing video I will use it and share it becouse it is useful and please do more about how to ask people indirect qastions in nice way with more an examples sentence and thank you to do it
I'm happy to hear this helped you come up with answers. Have you seen my video on indirect questions? th-cam.com/video/-mrZjYoiQWY/w-d-xo.html
Omg.. thank you very much for this!!
You're so welcome!
How long time you don't post any video,
I miss your job so much because after all you have a great way to explain us about to learn English and nowadays I've get to understand already many videos without never heard it before
Be sure you've subscribed to get notifications (you have to click the bell icon and choose to get notified), because TH-cam seems to not be sharing my recent videos. I posted a video on intonation and another on changing the subject earlier this month!
I already done what you instruct me however I've never notificaded about your videos, always I have to looking for you
Which your frequency to post videos
I like ur answers and I pick one of them to answer my enemies 😂 thank you it works
You're welcome 😊 Glad you found one that works for you!
Thanks lady
You're welcome!
Thanks
This is very helpful! Thank you! 🙏🏼🌸💕
You're so welcome! Glad it helped!
Thanks for your video. It is very useful for learning English and inspiring for social life skills!
Hi Kim. I'm looking for an answer to give well-meaning and ill-meaning people who ask about what my family members are doing, dating, feeling, etc. I don't want to tell them I am uncomfortable with their question or answer in a rude way. That just gets them gossiping about me that there must be something juicy I'm trying to hide. I just want to abort the conversation in a flippant, non-abrasive way. The only answer I could come up with was saying with a smile and a wave of my hand, "Oh, I don't want to talk about my family" but I don't like it so much and could use a better way. I asked several people for suggestions, but no one had one that accomplished my goal. Do you have one that will? Thanks
The simplest way to respond is to say something like, "I prefer not to talk about what's going on with my family." The thing is, you don't have to explain or justify why; it's simply none of their business. If you wanted to add some more details to make it more flippant or funny, you could say "since they're not here to defend themselves / since they're not here to correct what I get wrong / since they would prefer to tell you themselves / since I have trouble keeping the details straight / since they know what's going on in their lives better than I do."
I'm working on my dreams and goals privately, and there are all haters around my because I'm on my strugle phase, people who loved me once treats me with hate and they broke me everytime when I conversate with them, and they make me feel dissrespect everytime. I haven't tolt them about I have a great goal in my life because I know they will break it completely. I just want to stay focused on my goals, and i hate to tell my next step everytime but they continously ask my next step and force me to tell my next step everytime which I hate to tell because I'm the person who believe to do the work instead to telling, if I told them about everything that I am going to do then I will not be abe to do it with full of my happiness. I'm unable to defend them sometimes when they ask me forcefully. How to stop them please tell me..??
I'm sure a lot of people can relate to your experience! We often have to protect our goals from other people who aren't able or willing to dream big with us. Lately, I've been saying things like "I don't have a lot to share about this at the moment" or "I'm not ready to talk about what's going on behind the scenes." There are quite a few videos and articles out there about why you shouldn't share your goals with others, so you may try looking at those to see if they give you helpful responses.
@@EnglishwithkimHelpful, .
Nd thnk you mam for giving up me mental support.😊
THX a lot
You're welcome!
When people ask if you work. I guess that’s the same as asking your profession. I’ve been a stay at home mom for many years. If someone asks if I work I say… yes I do work at at home 24/7 and the pay is terrible! I’ve had some interesting looks from this response.
Informative video.... thanks
You're welcome!
Kim, you're awesome!
Thank you. This was helpful.
You're welcome!
Thank you so so much
You're most welcome!
Great!😁
I'm american but this helped me with my own ppl who are just regular American ppl who are nosey and rude or bullies from strangers to work place
Glad to hear this helped you! Making this video also helped me understand how to deflect rude questions better!
thank you so much
this video is prefect
First time I come to this channel. Sending love from Egypt ❤❤
Welcome to the channel!
@@Englishwithkim Thank youu
Thanks very much
You’re welcome!
I'dlike to thank you for sharing these interesting videos!!!!
I'm glad you find them helpful!
one of my little cousin asked me "which brand r u wearing " and in actual they were local ( it was family reunion ) can any1 guide me what to reply next time
If you don't feel like answering, you can say something like "I'm not sure/I can't remember, but I like the style/the way it fits/the way it looks." You may find that they're interested in getting something similar for themselves. If you're not interested in discussing brands, you can say something like, "I don't pay that much attention to brands," and talk about the style/fit instead.
Great video 👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you!
Everytime I answer to the strange or awkward questions with laugh)
Or sometimes ' why are you asking this? '
in extra situations if that person not close to me i can say ' that is none of your business!!! '
But when I'm not okay their questions hurt me and make me feel worse...
Why they don't understand me?! Why do they keep asking?? I really need a person who'll understand, that I need silence for sometime...
The most offensive thing is that, such questions usually ask my friends(((
Yes, friends can sometimes ask questions that make you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes the timing is off, and you don't want to answer. You bring up a good point - how you feel really affects how you respond. It can help to say something simple like, "This isn't a good time to talk about this. Thanks for understanding."
@@Englishwithkim I don't want others to get into such situations, cause I know how it is like💔
And thank you a lot for your advices)
Even "How do you do?" is intrusive.
Don't apologize.
Smile and say "I'm fine, thank you. And how are YOU?"
🙌
Just about any question can be intrusive depending on the context.
It's considered a polite part of a greeting here in the states. My mom had to remind me of that and that most people really don't want to know. As you said, just smile and be polite back or just if ignore it, smile and enthusiastically ask a different question.
I forget to comment lol
I'm from Brazil 🇧🇷🇧🇷🇧🇷
and I'm learning alone your idiom
Very helpful
Glad it helped!
I have not been asked a personal question for a long time but if I do get asked.i will say I never disuss politics money or religion i will say it with a smile and politeness that seems to cover most things or politely ask them why
That's an awesome way to respond - you're establishing clear boundaries from the start.
I get asked awkward questions in English and in my native language; mostly about the way I dress and disability. If they ask me these things again, I will say: It’s none of your business! Or, this topic doesn’t concern you!
I'm sorry to hear that you're being asked so many awkward questions, but I'm glad you feel more prepared to respond the next time you're asked. "This topic doesn't concern you" is polite, direct, and powerful.
I really wish i could answer these questions in my native language because the direct translation of the wonderful examples you have given above is socially unacceptable where you must always answer older people with warmth, respect, and feed their ego. Also in a society filled with trust, warm, and truth spoken only... (but not loving of course every thing is just a show) please help me...
That's definitely challenging! We tend to show respect through our tone of voice and more careful language choices (such as the ones I mention in this video).
Good video! Are you gripada?
Thanks! Is that an example of an uncomfortable question? 🤔
@@Englishwithkim Such a weird comment 😂
i am a foreigner living in Croatia, i have been asked more than 100 times in 2 years where i m from, why am i in this country , how old i am and am i single or married. people who ask most of them are strangers
Thanks for sharing your experience. I'm sure you're tired of answering these questions and trying to come up with alternate responses! If people were a little more creative with their questions, they would have more interesting conversations.
You might get asked an inappropriate question by a COP. For example, do you know how fast you were going? That is a HORRIBLE question because they are asking you to incriminate yourself. Such a jerk move, but cops do it all the time. In this case, you can't just terminate the conversation.
Asking them why they want to know is a great way to handle inappropriate cop questions. Thank you.
Refusing to answer the question with a cop can present problems. It is likely their ego will get in the way and you may find the cop thinking of other things to "charge" you with.
Giving a direct answer, like: "That topic is a little difficult to discuss at this moment." might be a hilarious response to a cop. Maybe: "Officer, that is not appropriate to discuss here." LOL.
Frequently cops are being outrageously rude. There is no way I would stop someone and ask them a question like "where are you headed to?". Given your video, "Officer, that is rude and really none of your business." seems like the most appropriate answer given the circumstance you present.
I like "change the subject" as well. Lets see... "Officer, instead of talking about how fast I was going, how about if we talk about what is your favorite brand of beer?" Yeah, that's the way to go.
I don't think I would consider an unexpected traffic stop a conversation, but it is possible to apply some of these approaches to those interactions. I would definitely suggest you find other videos (for example, from lawyers) with more specific advice on how to handle these questions from the police.
My manager would not stop asking my mom's age, and she was digging for mine. Six times she probed. People do this often with me.
That's quite a few times to keep asking the same question. I'm not sure why people can be so invasive!
Hi Kim, How is it going? Where do you live? I'm from Brazil, you rock, as usual.
I live in the Boston area 😀
@@Englishwithkim Boston is a nice city with a lots of people
Thank you so much for your video, could you please do it slowly
I choose to speak at a normal, natural speed with very clear, expressive speech to prepare you for when you interact with native speakers. At first, it can be challenging, but once you get used to it, you'll find it helps you understand natural speech! Remember, you can adjust the speed of the video to your preference. Simply click the gear icon ⚙️ and change the speed from normal to .75 or lower. On a mobile phone, click the three dots in the upper right hand corner and adjust the speed from there. You can also watch with the captions (click the [CC] button).
@@Englishwithkim thank you, you're the best, I appreciate it
I hate the single question, I just say "excuse me I have to use the bathroom".
It's especially frustrating when they follow the question with "Why are you single?"
@@Englishwithkim as a person with aspd it's very hard for me not to come off combative with someone who uses a casual tone to be condescending..I have very little patience.
Lol that’s a good one!!!
@@Englishwithkimvery useful video ma'am
Thank you so much for this
I just wanted to ask
If someone asks about my relationship status
And I am right now single but had a terrible break up a year ago ..and I preferably don't want to discuss anything related...
Also someppl ask about past relationships..were you in any relationship
And if I say any of the response other than no...it means that I was in a relationship and they will get even more curious or something
I am from a culture where , having had a relationship is still a taboo...so can you pls help me with responding to them ...
My answer is because iiiiiiiiii wana be single 😂😂
you are awesome
That's kind of you to say!
I think people simply suck. I'm just going to reply with it's non of your business. I'm tired of being too kind to incompetent strangers. 😂
You've got a point!
I can't find persons until practice english with him
Thanks for the video. You Are very nice!
But some of my classmates who has no Personality force me to tell even tho i dont wanna tell😡😈
Thanks for the kind words! You're right - some people don't want to take no for an answer! If possible, try to leave the conversation or change the subject.
Ur so smart
That's very kind of you to say!
Hii i am from India and Please help me ma'am ..... 😑 I am preparing for govt exam competition.... My relatives always ask me after every month or two..... Do you pass that exam ??..... And now I am fed up😑.... ...... What should i say now
Pls advice me
I understand why you feel frustrated hearing this question again and again. I would probably say something like, "I appreciate your interest in hearing how I did on the exam. However, the preparation takes time. When I'm ready to share the results, I will let you know."
I'm 57, and I am grappling with how to respond to my sister and parents (all pro vax) when they ask me if I got it/will get the new jab (cvid 2021). i'm a very private person, and medical stuff i prefer to keep between me and my doctor, but If I say that to them they will be offended, and they'll know my short answer and panic. I know i risk being ostracized, but i really don't want to get into it with them. I'm trying to decide a basic reply that won't be offensive or frightening for them. No judgements, please; just looking for a reasonable respectable answer for them. Would it be enough to say i have a couple of small medical issues that my doctor suggests i wait a bit to see how it goes in the next year or two with the vax data as we learn new things, then re-assess? I think i would have to immediately mention i would be taking precautions throughout, when i'm with them or out in public, to help them ease into it...? Is that still "too much"? Thanks, everybody; it's difficult.
I would encourage you to ask your doctor or a trusted medical professional for suggestions on how to respond to family members who are concerned about whether or not you have received the vaccination. You're probably not their only patient in this situation, and they understand your situation better than anyone else.
@@Englishwithkim That is excellent advice; thank you very much.
@@Englishwithkim What about in general? I have coworkers who ask this question and its annoying...
When someone asks what you do referring to work. I answer as little as possible, and you?😂
Love that response!
A few years ago I overheard a conversation at work just before a meeting when a heavy set woman asked a petite person, "how short are you?" Everyone was quiet while waiting for the other person's response. The petite person responded, "I'd tell you, if you'd tell me how fat you are." OMG! It turned out the woman who asked the question was the office bully.
What would've been a better response? BTW, that bully had a change of attitude since that incident.
While that response may have resulted in a change of attitude from a bully, I've never been a big fan of trying to teach someone a lesson or putting someone in their place. I'm sure people at any extreme of the height spectrum are tired of responding to these types of comments and questions. Sometimes a simple "I'd prefer not to discuss my height" can be just as effective as shutting someone down with such a harsh response. That said, we all lose our patience sometimes.
Yeah like Walmart because I am interested in pursuing a relationship with a coworker and we should never discuss personal matters to anyone else because it could create conflict of interest.
When talking to a stranger you can just....you know....lie.
That's another option!
My question for them would be, "Do you feel stupid for asking?"
You have to wonder what's going through their heads!
i'm going back to stay with my grandma for uni away from my family and she SO nosy. she's using me to get information about my dad (her son) to judge us. she's extremely rude and asks me very uncomfortable questions i'd rather not answer. just stop asking.
It can be especially challenging to field uncomfortable questions from family. I have some relatives who act the same way. Hopefully you can find a way to change the subject or distract her from these questions.
I work with very annoying customers . My one and only answer is that’s is my business 😂😂 😂😂. They leave
Often a simple, concise response is the best!
Does”none of your business” sound a bit harsh or rude.?
Yes, it often sounds harsh or rude, which may be appropriate in certain situations. To soften it, but still make your point clear, people may say something like, "With all due respect, that's none of your business." Or they may say it with neutral, but confident intonation.
Who are these people are you talking about my answer is just ignore them and work a way
That's another option! In certain family, work, and school situations, it may not be possible to walk away, so you may have to find another way to respond. You may also get these types of questions when you're stuck in one place, such as when you're on or waiting to get on a bus, train, or plane, or waiting in line somewhere.
I love you
Aww, thanks!
People are so nosy
Agreed!
How about it’s none of their business?
In some situations, that may be perfectly appropriate. In others, you may have to handle the situation differently.
This is Private matter
Simple and to the point!
Why does she use your native language . 😮
I'm not sure I understand your question. Could you clarify?
Dear Kim, You talk a bit too fast and too loudly ....
Still, thanks for the info 🙋
I choose to speak at a natural speed in my videos. It sounds like my speaking style doesn't work for you.
Turning down the volume and slowing down the play back speed will fix that.