How a Covert Narcissist Controls You Through Disorientation - Day 10
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ค. 2024
- Day 1: How to Deal with a Manipulative Mother - Biblically
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Day 2: How to Not Let Toxic Family Drain You
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Day 3: 7 Gaslighting Phrases Manipulators Use to Control You.
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Day 4: When You Go 'No-Contact', Others May React This Way
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Day 5: Overcoming Toxic Thoughts that Run in your Family
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Day 6: Setting Boundaries with Toxic Family
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Day 7: 7 Signs of a Covert Narcissist
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Day 8: 3 Ways to Disarm a Narcissist
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Day 9: When Toxic Family Uses Special Occasions to Reconnect
• When the Narcissist Us...
Day 10: How a Covert Narcissist Controls You Through Disorientation
• How a Covert Narcissis...
Day 11: 6 Signs You Need to Break Away from Toxic Family
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Day 12: How a Narcissist Interprets Forgiveness
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Narcissist, don’t give gifts. They give traps.
Brilliant
I’m so sorry. My first reaction was to laugh at this REALITY! In truth, it really is so heartbreaking. Guess how I know?
They give- to get something back from you ( con game )!!
WOW!!! Right on point.
My MiL always wanted them back. I kid you not! And so I’d just give them right back and say we can just cut to the chase! Wow it made her mad! Later it was things for the kids! So after she did this to the kids a few times, I said Ok is this actually theirs to keep? Or will they have to give it back later? Cause if so, we’ll give it back now! Oh my - so mad -
And God help us cause she was just so good to us! Believe me, we paid dearly for those gifts, regardless if we got to keep them or not! 🙄
I always walk away when I realize someone is a narcissist. The less involved you get, the better
Yeah, but some people are trapped in the same office.
@@florencia2771 I left employment! 😂
Yes!...you then become the one who "got away" and will be re targeted and idealized until they can get a foot back in the door. To THEM your a long term target. It IS best to cut off ALL engagement.
Perfect response!
Hi, as a Child it was my Mother, now my husband 💔 now my Neighbors, I'm not happy, nice to watch your show, blessings dear ❤
Married to a Covert for 28 years. Most outstanding characteristic for me was Lying. Every interaction was grounded in lies. I lived for decades in a Fog Bank trying to figure out what was going on. The day I left I laid down and slept like a baby. God is my husband (Isaiah 54)!
That peace!!
you were so fortunate Ziggy! God Bless !
Unfortunately, multiple concussions and CPTSD and poverty after ending marriage I didn’t fair well.
You must have had an unbelievably strong faith
@@sharonendler1467it took me a long time to get it, but it's not about strong faith, it's just letting God be the strong one. Your life will not look the same as with the narcissist as in the wealth and the resources, but the peace and joy and provision you will find in watching and waiting to see what God can do will be enough. Come to a place of rest. Not just faith in God but resting in God. Cast your cares upon him because he cares for you. It's not an easy Road, and it's lonely sometimes, most of the time. Take your eyes off what you want to see and just see what God has for you. Sounds cryptic I know but I don't want to see you sad.
I'm 22 years in with a covert narcissist. Figured it out 2 years ago. Still having trouble bringing myself to end it.
I left after 23 years. Just after my divorce, I learned of narcissism. I'm so glad I learned, so I never go through it again, but I really wish I knew 35 years ago. My life would have been so different, but I wouldn't have my son's and I am so grateful that I had them. Something wonderful came out of that unfortunate relationship.
I have lived 32 years in an unhappy marriage with a narcissist and he got equipped more and more with making himself a victim. He presents a sweet face to all sessions and I take the blame for being unforgiving and holding on to the past even if it happened 3 days ago. I thank God for bringing this channel to my attention. I nearly destroyed myself! May God reign and show His mighty hand
AMEN. Yes, trying to get my life back
I have hope for you that you can find a way, if it's possible, to break free from him, I know how desperate their destructive behaviour can be. Whether you can or cannot get away, I wish for you limitless strength to resist, power to endure & peace in your heart. One:LOVE.
33 years for me. Hope to get out soon.
😮one word only?😅
😈EVIL🤥
more specifically...
It's a toss-up between a chronic control freak and an accusing liar.
Almost 60 years forme 5:43 5:34 5:37
When you don't know yourself, others can knock you off your balance and cause you endless Confusion, doubt, pain. Know thyself!!!! 🕊️⭐
I couldn’t agree with you more!!! 👏👏👏
Truth - A book to read DADDY THROWS ME IN THE AIR - memoir/self-help...
Yes this is so true '. I have had to admit that I am always looking for approval from others and have used kindness, patience and even money to 'buy' recognition and love from others. When the narc used me up betrayed me and then discarded me, I just couldn't handle it and blew up, just what they wanted. I am the problem. Very difficult to accept but I have to in order to heal. I have to accept the ugly parts of my character/personality and make peace with them so I can find inner peace. The narc in me locked on to the Narcissist in them and vice versa. This video and your other videos are so helpful to me at the present time. Thanks Kris. 🙏
AMEN AMEN
Amen
It was like talking to a brick wall trying to talk sense into my ex narcissist husband. It was almost like we were having two different conversations at the same time. He was a master at twisting my words
Yup
Yes! Like a parallel universe of conversations, and in the end completely different (secret) outcomes. I say secret bc we come to an agreement! BUT... later I find out that it wasn't a compromise at all but in his head he agreed to HIS terms (doesnt matter what he SAID). SO CONFUSING.
Exactly!!!
Good for you in getting out!
They all do that
Regarding the narcissist - Im very aware not to ever use words such as
Master, good at, expert, etc. Narcissists are lousy and destructive towards relationships.
One word to describe my ex narcissist is CHAOS!! He was master of lying, twisting, blaming, deflecting and manipulation etc. I was living in brain fog during our one year relationship. I woke up when I realized that he will never change and he will keep on betraying and backstabbing me! I kicked him out. I still can’t understand how one person can destroy my life and suck me dry during one year!! 🤬🤬🤬 I have been educating myself about narcissism and my conclusion is that narcissists are flat out evil demonic monsters!!
Sorry you had to go through that. Your words resonate with me. I'm experiencing the exact same thing. Change will never come. Words and promises fall flat everytime. Unfortunately for me we have kids and I don't trust that she won't ruin their lives too so I have to stay in this . ☹️
Same here jenn except I'am a male, yes they do destroy, it was 14 months for me but I knew early on something was wrong. I was so correct, and you're correct they are Demonic.
I cannot walk away… she is my mother and she’s 85. I’m the only child left… the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that she makes me become a person I don’t like. I’m never this way around anyone else.
@@Monjagetitonya sorry to hear this, I am in a slightly similar situation. Stay strong and protect yourself as a priority
Finally, someone who's a Christian who speaks some sense. Your videos are a true gem. 👍🏼
The narcissists I have known want me to feel like everything I do is stupid and they want me around but treat me with disrespect when I am. Even when I have done nice things for them they act as though they thought it was a stupid thing to do. They hated that I did something nice for them. I think they know, the very reason they have to keep trying to make you become upset so they can believe they had a good reason to be mean and rude.
been there
Exactly....One of them would ask me to do something for her, and I later learned she asked people to do her 'dirt work'....difficult things she did not want to do. I did it, and I did many things for her (she's a family member). After I did it ...I learned unfortunately....she would go to another family member and speak down about me, and say " She asked me if she can do that for me....so I decided to be nice to her and let her do it"....and she'd go to another family member and degrade me for doing it. She made negative comments about me for doing her 'dirt work'. To someone else, she TOOK CREDIT FOR IT....She said she did it. Now, I want nothing to do with her anymore.
I 100% relate and I'm seeing how true that behavior is!!! You're not alone! Keep that light shining
I get what you are saying. I felt like a “good” thing was not what I wanted. Like my love language wasn’t considered. I hope you get what I’m trying to convey.
Yes
It is amazing how God sends people to help. 🙏🙏🙏🙏
Yep. They can create an argument out of thin air. It's entertainment for them.
When you are a very strong empath, and have rebuttal capabilities because you have dealt with a narcissist before, then you get discarded. Happened to me. Although, a discard can bring peace.
Amen to that✨
I thanks God for the discard that was so cruel and brutal that I can never go back.
Happened to me too
@@1love847 How did it happen?
Just insult a narcissist and they discard you. Great way to get free if you cant otherwise
Sometimes they act as if they are willing to work through the issue rationally but the deflection is subtle enough but so damaging that you are in a complete state of disorientation.
True❤
I sent an email after being separated from most of your for my husband and finally told him I wanted to go through with a divorce. He ended up on my doorstep the next day saying that he really wanted to fight for the marriage. The things he was saying while not being specific of course sounds like he was watching videos or maybe learning things in his disciple group. By the way he's a leader in the church so to speak and that makes me really confused. I really want to believe him but my gut is confused I have the past experiences..
I'm praying God will show me things that are hidden if this is from God or if this is just the enemy. Such a confusing time. In the past he would act so rational like he would really want to work things out and address the problems but then it wouldn't have been long before all those old patterns came to surface again He even got triggered the day he came over to my house I defused it like I always do. I don't expect him to be any different unless he comes to the full knowledge of how destructive his behavior is..
I just don't know what to do It's overwhelming
I was married to a covert for 16 years. My word is insidious. If it wasn't for people like yourself who are talking about Narcissists I wouldn't be as strong and educated as I am. Thank you.
Wow Jenni, I could not handle that. I too did not really know anything about narcissists, i am very educated about personality dis orders now. Very dangerous for ones health.
My word is evil
I am finally accepting that my husband is a narcissist! I have been with him for over 50 years. I usually avoid him in conflicts. He is so controlling. I suppose the only way to be free is to leave him , but l am unsure of my ability to make it on my own.
Your life sounds exactly like mine, 50 years of hurt, anger and control. Want to leave but financially and emotionally I can’t. Feel like I’m stuck in the mud. I’m trying not to play into his fighting games but it’s hard because he has molded me into a angry person. You are not alone
Don’t let your own fear stop you from FIRST WORKING ON YOUR OWN SELF ESTEEM! That you can control ! That is your problem that ONLY YOU CAN FIX!
ONLY YOU CAN FIX!
ONLY YOU CAN FIX!
I pray you gain the resources, support and confidence to regain your peace and space. In Jesus's name, Amen.
@@valerieclark2885. Another good resource is Leslie Vernick, who teaches how to discern your issues from his, and who is responsible for what; she teaches skills for staying well, AND leaving, all biblically. Both these ladies offer a wealth of knowledge, insight, and biblical wisdom. Prayers and hugs for you 🥰
😢Me too. 50 years of marriage with my covert narcissist. He was.once, my love and friend, only to find he is an angry little boy who won't heal his childhood baggage and be a Godly man. Being an empathic Christian soul, I was too easily manipulated by his love bombing. I thought we were on the same page with our relationship. Slowly, the truth comes out. The patterns show up. You keep trying to show up for connection and forgive them. They don't get it. They
Don't emphasize or take responsibility for their behaviors. They are not interested in growth, healthy relationships, and mature love
I'm so sad to have earnestly given my life, heart, and soul to such a sad and hurtful soul who just doesn't get it.
I now realize these traits and have surrendered it all to Jesus completely. .
My lifelong walk with him grows deeper, which is my salvation.
Hearing your stories has helped me realize that I'm not the only one who has struggled for 50 years of fighting the Devil. I thought I was pathetic for being so long suffering. I was really being too hopeful and invested.
Now, all my faith, hope, and trust is in Jesus alone. With Him, we are never alone.
Thank you so much for sharing your own stories and lifting me up and sharing your truth!
God Bless and Mary keep you.❤
This video is EVERYTHING. The best revenge is to go "grey rock" on a narcissist: cut off all email and phone contact, block all of their social media, and start living your best life. When you see them in public, ignore them completely: when you see them in public, pretend like they're not there. It completely pisses off the demon within them, but you get your life and peace back.
No contact sounds like the method you are using, and amen, good job! I understand gray rocking a little differently. I think this is used when we are "forced" to still deal with someone toxic. So we kind of listen a lot and nod and just let them do their thing, but spend no effort to "change" their minds or stick up for ourselves- bc it WONT work! We limit our time the most we can, but when we are with them we just exist as a gray rock and get out ASAP. No Contact is better for the soul! Gray rock can be done when we have to.
It seems too easy to do that , but how about when the narcissist is your daughter in law that has been doing all that has been explained on this video and you have a son and a granddaughter that you love so much ??? I have been suffering for 5 years but I am just learning all that ! First I thought she was not a converted Christian and I was always trying to forgive her and start all over again , but she NEVER changed ! I am very tired 😢 but very thankful that God reveled to me who she really is and the reason for what she has been doing that for 5 years.
@@sandradocarmo6523 Oh you are in a tricky place. Might consider studying the "yellow rock" method for dealing with toxic ppl we still need to play nice with! Hang in there... your poor son will need your support too. That doesn't mean you talk to him about her. Just supporting their unti will give him strength and make you look good. So tiring.
Correct! I learned to avoid, reject, dismiss, banish and disregard. Haven't been happier, tranquil, and more peaceful. Should have done all of the above sooner!
Lol. Totally agree. No contact is best. They're nasty and rotten to the gore and get worse and more deadly and covert with age. They've contacted me or my associates decades later and I called their abusivenesd put and blocked them. Word got put. They do the "showing up where I happen to be coincidentally". I ignore them. Pretend I don't see them. Keep driving. Look the other way and take the phone call that didn't ring. Lol. No thank you. Smackdown exterminatecthose pestilence. Never help one again ever.
Amen. Deal with my own stuff. So thankful I found you. The perfect blend of psychology and scripture. We need more counselors like you.
Amen
I absolutely agree. 6 or 7 years ago I began to understand that I was married to a narcissist (and had been raised by a narcissistic mother) and began watching narc recovery videos. Long story short, my healing process brought me to Christ. I've been looking for content that combines both, as you say. Very happy to have found Kris.
So true my friend
Control and extreme lack of empathy, they can be so cruel
Married way toooo long to a Narc. He is crazy, demanding, childish and hates to be told NO. REALLY? I am so over him.
My partner is exactly like this he constantly turns a very normal interaction into something disturbing and then I get blamed accused and condemned for causing all the problems and I'm left reeling with confusion ..and he never gets it .. but I have now got it and I'm moving out to start with as a start .
As a man who is with a covert malignant narcissist I have lost all sense of self. I finally got the courage to leave today. Anyone out there please pray for me because she created a smear campaign against me and I am gang stalked and am in fear for my life and freedom. 😢
@@GloryBeToGod888you are not alone my friend. My wife is the same. I know exactly how you feel and what you’re going through. Prayer to God is stronger than the darkness that surrounds them. I am so depressed and not myself anymore from the trauma and abuse that now I know what PTSD feels like. Thanks Be to God for this channel for us Survivors of narcissistic abuse
@@rondeford3479 🙏 hoping you'll be ok
@@GloryBeToGod888 hoping you'll be ok.
That is the best decision. Moving away is the wisest choice. Some things I learned along the way of decades of dealing with narcissists and abusers,
#1. For your own and children's safety, never tell them you are leaving. Quietly plan your escape. They always become mean and vindictive when you leave or tell them you are leaving and seek to punish you. Their plan is to harm you. Do not doubt it for a second despite if they miraculously change. It's a con and setup to suck you back in to punish, hurt and dominate you. Do not let the mutual acquaintances know your plans. They often help the abuser stalk and harass you. The abusers often kill and maim at this point. They can become physically violent, poison or set up "accidents". Do consult a lawyer that is familiar with abuse tactics and against them. It is the most dangerous time for the victim especially if the abuser is covert, connected, has money, manipulative, gaslights, mean mouthed etc, or just plain nasty.
#2 SAVE money, try to make financial health a top priority and do not let these people know your plans. Money buys freedom.
#3. Learn everything you can about grayrock and how to do it.
#4 Expect their cohorts and agentsto spy on and try to manipulate you. Be safe.
#5 Expect the smear campaign, they will make up lies about you, smear your name and make false accusations and claim you are the abuser.
#6 RECORD EVERYTHING. Keep notes with dates and times. Write down occurrences with approximate dates if you don't remember the exact date and most of us don't.
#7 God bless, be safe first, don't give out your new address, research how to go no contact. Get support for survivors of abuse.
I describe it as being emotionally and spiritually tied to a tornado. You don't exactly what you're gonna get, but it will usually end in disaster.
Perfect♡♡♡
Yep… 16:00 my ex used to say… I don’t have a problem, you do. You go get counseling…. Now he’s an 18 year ex after 18 years of marriage. Just saw him last weekend for the first time in4 years, he’s worse. I’m blessed beyond belief! I pray he finds God’s amazing grace!
Praise God! I needed to hear that! I've been giving too much attention to Satan and his devices and not enough attention to God and his solutions. ❤❤
It’s been 3+ years. Just wanna give some hope y’all….
I listen to these videos sometimes now to remind myself what I’ve been through.
I got away. And life is so. Much. Better!!!! I don’t think about this stuff very much anymore.
Life can be calm. Life can be decent. Life can be filled with people who love you and give back to you.
It takes work. It takes upkeep. But so does growing food in a garden.
Good luck, there’s hope!
Yes the problem is people accuse others of being a narcissist when they are the ones projecting the behaviors.
What you mean? Of course we see what we want to see however we have to be honest to ourselves too
@@reflax6009my narcisstic sister calls me a covert narcissist and she is in every situation and interaction she is the aggressor. She is very abrasive and then when I react she accuses me of being the aggressor.. I feel so disoriented when I deal with her. I've finally decided to go no contact and I feel the best I've felt in years. I feel so free now!
There is some narcissists in here😮😮😮
That's exactly what I did. The person whom the devil used to try to destroy me is in the Lord's hands. I pray for her. No hard feelings. I'm grateful to be free.
So we’ll put together. Cognition dissonance. It’s all so exhausting. Thanks for sharing
Another "C" word for narcissist is charming. They know what buttons to push and how to push them.
One word? EVIL
That's what I thought
It feels so debilitating living a life you know isn’t aligning with who you truly are due to being raised by a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father. I felt so lost and alone until I finally left home and cut everyone off. I finally feel free❤️
Good on you u are a strong andconfident human being GO girl
I also had a narcissistic mother and alcoholic father. I raised myself and didn't do a good job. I stuffed back my emotions and learned not to trust anyone but myself. I'm still working on myself with God's help - 70 years of trying to heal.
I had the same! I tried alcohol and drugs to handle it, but I hav been in recovery for 19 years now. I have cut them off and feel so free! Life is beautiful on the other side of that trauma ❤️
A red flag I've noticed with narcissists is that when they're not being threatened is that they seem to be overly concerned with doing the "right thing." I mean, they do it to the point that it seems insincere, like it's a show. It sort of gives off the vibe of "look at me over here doing the right thing!" They make a point to be showy about "doing the right thing." They do this because they know that their efforts are insincere, so they have to lay it on thick to overcompensate for the sincerity that doesn't exist in their actions.
For example, say there's a male narcissist who has no basic respect for women. But because he wants to impress others, or because he wants others to believe he respects women when he doesn't, he over-does it with showing respect for women. BUT, when he does so, you can see how he subtly is showy of it.. not too much. But, it's just enough that you can tell, something is off with this person.
Yes, and they always bring up The compliments people have given them and their good works
What really hit my heart was when you commented that, (paraphrase) when you're hurt by a narc, you spend more time focusing on the devil than the Lord. This is so wrong and exactly what I have been doing. I am working on this and when I start to feel hurt, I have decided to pray for someone else, for him and myself. Thank you for your wisdom!
Wow "they don't want to get it". You are spot on everything. GOD bless you. Thank you 🙏
Control…absolutely.
When you don’t understand narcissism you can easily fall into their snares. When I learned more the light started shinning in the darkness.
They pretend to be nice and caring people. But don't be duped,they have a hidden agenda.
My situation is “I'm stuck & want out”, but guilt, guilt, guilt is what pulls me down so much!!! I know the language, I've learned & become well informed on this man who has “high Narcissistic traits”! I realize I don't have to get his permission to leave, but my empathy is my weakness. It's a dead end but he keeps stringing me along with his manipulative abusive behavior.
I’m in the same position. I get everything you said. There is so much guilt 😢
@@joanieks3945 Update: An opportunity presented itself that helped my “deep empathic self” to pull out of this unhealthy relationship❕❕❕ My guilt meter lessened because of his extreme level of very ugly & vicious words (worse than prior) & I reached the point where “he pushed me too far”❕❕❕ This occurred 3 weeks ago. I'm out now & know should he attempt to hoover down the road, those tactics will not work. I've blocked every avenue of communication so he cannot reach me.
Stay strong & of good courage, I’ll keep you in my thoughts (yes prayers) you'll have that opportunity in the future. 😊❤️👌🙏
❤
Byrnn get out, I know easier said than done, I had to just get cold and tell her she is leaving soon. She kept saying she was leaving & never left so i said one morning you are leaving, all of a sudden she was printing up a bunch of crap on how to save a relationship, I said wow in 14 months you did not think it was important & now in the last hour you want to work on our relationship. Well no Thanks was my answer. A few of my neighbors told me when she showed up to not get involved, well stupid me did not listen, they were right they seen it within minutes I did not.
There is a high probability that if you take this time within the relationship to work on yourself and heal, the damage being done to your soul will become much more intolerable. This means that it may be better to work on yourself outside of the relationship and without the narcissistic/scapegoat cycle.
The covert narc in my life controls through emotions and guilt, and I submit to it and have allowed it for years, being a people-pleaser myself. It's easier to give in than to have a couple days of tears, rage, repeated arguments and being forced to justify myself over and over.
Gray rock. Detach. That’s helped me immensely. I don’t give in but I don’t engage. It works!
J - Don't justify
A - or, Argue with a Fool.
D - Defend, 'cuz they're the
-> defendent.
E - Explain; you can't comprehend for them, so Don't bother.
Now That you know , oh it will just get worse , especially if knows your on to it
I don't respond anymore. Don't show any emotion. Don't speak to him unless you have to, then just short answers. He'll probably play the victim and ask why do you hate me?. Can't be honest with a narc without starting WWIII.
To avoid the victim play by your narc I'd suggest yellow rock, it's a softer version of gray rock. Dr Ramani talkes about it in her vids. It's the same as gray rock except with more of a up beat. Like say you have to respond with one word in monotone, you do so with a thank you at the end or a quick 'have a nice day'. The narc can't make you feel guilty of being cold if you yellow rock
Thank you for this. This was like hearing an exact description of my marriage to my covert narcissist ex-husband. It’s so good to hear someone put this into words. I was so often bewildered by his twisting words, stonewalling, gaslighting, manipulation, that I lost myself.
They steal our true authentic selves away from us, and behave like they own us.
Me too, my ex-husband, I feel like he was/is one of the *most strongest narcassits alive,* he would be overt & covert, the damage he's done to me, my son, my mother & my sister is *irreparable.* ....
The covert narcassits effect every part of your life & once we are finally free of them, we basically have to rebuild the person we were....
But the way he has *manipulated* family like my mother & sister, that will be forever, unless they actually experience a narcissist on their own, they'll *have no clue* about how manipulated they were....
Plus my mom is a strong covert narcassits anyway......
Another thing: I think narcassits only ever respect other narcassits, they for sure don't respect regular people as they think of *themselves as better then.* Anyway I'm not sure about that last part & I really don't care.....
I just wish there was a way to make myself *unattractive* to any kind of narcassits, I wish
I could repel them.
I can relatee. This is indeed like hearing an exact description of my marriage to my covert narcissist
@@KeepNitReeel they knock to many doors. But you open yours.
Meet them first then decide. Close the doors of needed and just say bye
@@KeepNitReeel for as long as you are empathic, loving, kind, generous to a fault you could viciously stove your own face in with a sledgehammer & still be like nectar to a pollenating insect. The only hope we have is awareness & resistance. I'm sorry that he not only got to abuse you but also your son, the trauma for you is doubled, as you have had to see him hurt your son too. It's no surprise your ex did a number on your other family members & you're right about them not realising unless/ until they experience it as the narc's primary abusee. I can't agree about the narcissist only respecting other narcissists. They despise them & if the other narcissist is "better" than them at controlling people they will attempt to destroy that narcissist too. A smear campaign is the only thing that would work & to see it take effect will blow your mind. Imagine two supervillains in a comic book universe battling it out & you're halfway there. I wish COVID could have only targeted narcissists, imagine a world without them all, an idyllic utopia or what?! I wish for you limitless strength to resist, power to endure & the light of love in your heart. One:LOVE.
Wow! I've been learning about narcissistic relationships for the last 6 months and you are the only that has totally made sense. Thank you for giving so much insight and clarity about the narcissist. God bless you.
I couldn’t understand why I destroyed all my relationships, why I need to be in control of everything and anyone. When I ended it with the mother of my children, I was convinced it was her fault and only if she could if done more, my self righteous behavior was destructive in every way .. I couldn’t understand why I acted the way I do until I stared watching these videos and others. When all the traits lined up to being a narcissist it led me down a darker path of alcoholism .. I could not accept that this has been me my entire life and now I really don’t like who I am . Knowing my whole life and identity is a lie is devastating to say the Least and to think that I may pass this on to my children is unbearable….I do believe what you said that through God I can be redeemed, that’s the only hope I have ..if you know any professionals that deal with Narcissistic behavior in the Central Valley California..I would like seek help …thanks for your content ..
I pray you got some help and were able to get some counseling. My advice would be to constantly cry out to the Lord and ask him to change your heart, turn your heart towards Him, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide you in all areas in your life.
I love psychology through a Kingdom lens... makes so much sense and the counsel is therefore super effective. Thank you.
I have learned more about Narcs in the last 6 years when I realized this is spiritual warfare. I have learned about boundaries & no contact.
I would love to learn more about how to fight this battle the right way. (With my husband)
I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13
It is spiritual warfare! I understand your pain!
Kris- you NAILED IT 100%. You described EXACTLY what I have experienced for 7 years with my x I just broke up with. He faked it well for 6 years but began getting his new “dream job” didn’t need narc supply from me as much and couldn’t keep up the fake persona.
It’s painful and horrifying when you real this person never loved you and who they REALLY are. Just grateful I had enough self love to put an end to the abuse and end it.
Guilt. Oh boy, does this happen. I get reminded how much he’s done for me, eg bringing me a cup of tea, walking the dog, washing my van, putting a shelf up etc etc etc. I could go on.
Control was the exact word that came to my mind!
This video is so spot on!!
I'm happy to know ,I'm not the only one dealing with these type of people.
Everything you are saying is
true , they can make a person to feel crazy.
But they are the crazy one.
May God Help Us All. 🙏
Agreed.
Lol noo
I can definitely relate to deflection. Every time I bring up an issue with my fiancé, he will come back with, “Do you think you’re perfect?” or he will say, “well you did this.” Once, when I told him that he is emotionally abusive, he told me that no one else has ever told him that and that I’m just mentally disturbed.
Had a similar conversation with my ex-husband when he left me and the kids. I am back to my true self and learning better boundaries.
Yep exactly they'll say Oh wow nobody has ever said that to me You're the only person I have to put up with your emotional abuse It's impossible
Had a man called a pastor like this. You are spot on. Thank the Lord Jesus. He eventually in dreams got me to get away from him. Didn't know fully then that he was a narcissist, but now listening to you he ticks all the boxes. Be careful who you trust. Thankyou
May God bless you for sharing your knowledge. Married to a stonewaller for 18 years. God has lead me to your channel and Christ is showing me that greater is the One living inside of me than the one who is living in the world. I’m a daughter of God and I deserve better. I can’t say what the future holds, but I know He holds the future! Peace to you!
✝️=💜 God bless you Phillipines 4:13
God bless you l share your journey.only been WOKE for 5 wks been trapped 42yrs. God said enough! Bc I certainly don't know were I would have ended up if it had not been for the Lord on my side. Bc my brain was fried. Thank God for sending me to this channel and for people like you. Blessings
Amen 🙌🙏
I get told I’m the narcissist and am gaslighted and shut down daily. Thankyou so much for helping me begin to
Heal
Me too. And people believe it as well. But you know, we know. We're stronger
I was raised by an expert covert narc mother and learned some of the narc behaviors but God has been exposing and healing. He makes us whole. I went no contact with my mom 1.5 years ago and it's been amazing and I praise God for the deliverance!!!
As soon as I identified the narc in my life, he started calling me names lmao😂
Yes 💯 % agree. I was married to someone for 21 years and he did this constantly. This was a tactic he used very successfully on me to keep me from pursuing the issues or resolving any issues
“Spun around, blindfolded and pushed out into the highway”…..great description!!! And when you’ve never dealt with or don’t understand what a true narcissist does this is exactly how it feels! And then to add insult to injury not only do they blame you…..the people closest to you don’t understand when you try to explain either. So grateful to the TH-cam community over the years of people who helped me understand what I was dealing with. I do believe the term “narcissist” is overused and misused, but when you truly are dealing with one, this information is such a Godsend! Life saving! You learn that you aren’t crazy…..you are dealing with someone’s mental illness….and you can gain the strength to walk away.
living with a narcissist/ physically aggressive sibling & she tries to control anything and everything she can. i’m saving & working on getting my degree so i can be financially independent & away from her covert narcissism
Dealing with SIL who checks all the box
Thank you for praying for “ the one watching “ 😭 and for teaching us how to pray for them. ❤
pray for lost souls, that they may find their way back to G-d. Only the divine heals. Or doctors who work together with the Divine. Read Sri Aurobindo's book on integral healing. Love 🐢❤
Its so exhausting. My hubs is an alcoholic with narcissistic traits, i don't think hes a "full blown" narc, but hes a pro at gaslighting, emotional & verbal abuse. After 8 yrs of dealing with i dont let it bother me too much anymore. I laugh at his temper tantrums now, they're worse than my 5yos tantrums. Im getting ready to file for a divorce. God keeps showing me who he is & ive finally listened to Him.
Was in a 23 year marriage to a covert narcissist. Still dealing with the fallout as he (and his parents) had done a unbelievable job in poisoning my girls against me. One has seen the truth, but the other has started using manipulation tactics too. I’m currently praying and fasting for her to be delivered.
@eninziwellness4299 please eat...religion poisons everything...and start watching physics videos
I keep listening to these videos for clarity and to know I'm not crazy 😧
Same
This was my life, and through the divorce process, I was never so disoriented in my life.
The way you broke this down, it seemed as if you were reading the script to the movie of my life!
Jeremy, be glad you’re alive. My son lived in this awful confusing marriage and took his life last year 😢
@anne-vl7qf sorry for your loss. Many times as men people think it doesn't happen.
Before my marriage I was extremely confident and self assured. To make my marriage better, I slowly changed and withered away. I thought what I was doing was healthy for our marriage and it was needed change.
I never imaged I would never be enough, no matter how much I changed the goal continued to change, I never thought she would not hold true to the viws, morals, and standards set in premarital counseling.
I assumed that I had checked all the box to be aware but she put started me.
She used my faith, morals, and personal standards as a weapon to slowly break me down.
Then in the divorce trying to talk was considered harassment.
asking about vows, premarital counseling standards set, and morals was considered bible thumps and bashing her with faith/religion.
Me trying to remain true to my vows and covenant to God... I was told I was manipulating, I was holding her hostage, I was controlling, ... it was always an excuse or twist to blame me.
So I understand what your son went threw and sorry he felt it was the only way to handle the situation.
I just found this TH-cam channel of Kris Reece and after reading your comment, it's like a script of what I've been through with my husband right now. My faith and relationship with the Lord are very important to me and my nonbeliever husband is attacking me and accusing me that I'm a religious, self-righteous person and know it all. Totally opposite to what people told me about my humbleness. I'm so hurt with the stonewalling, accussation and blame game and he is always right all the time. I am praying for God's discernment as I'm very stressed dealing with him.
@anne-vl7qf I'm very sorry for your loss. May the Lord give you peace and comfort.
Thank you for clarifying so many issues. And Amen 🙏🏼
Yes, I experienced the stone walling and each tactic you mentioned. This was so helpful and accurate. Thank you.
My one word....psy-op. EVERYTHING is a head game.
I nipped the mind games in the bud. I told him I don't know how to play mind games so he'd have to play by himself. Of course he eventually went on to more devious tactics. They are recalcitrant beings.
41 years in October. I just discover 3.5 years ago what I was dealing with.
43 years here and found out almost 3.5 years ago also!!! We will overcome ♡
❤🙏🏻❤
✝️=💜 trust the Holy Spirit not your husband
Thank you for the prayer!! Powerful!!
I found this video to be so helpful and so encouraging. Thank you for making these videos I definitely needed this validation and direction. I especially appreciate your heartfelt prayers for everyone involved. Will be checking out more of your resources!!
My ex husband used to guilt me by telling me he had cancer, but as time went on I noticed he wasn't seeing any Drs? It was one excuse after another and crying to pull at my heart strings continually. I went throught the guilt trip with him for 30 years. We are now divorced.
It’s so sad when they use that tactic. My mom uses my special needs brother as bait a lot. A few years ago she convinced the whole family he had 2 years to live. It was all bologna.
I’m in the same boat, except it’s 35 years for me. Until three years ago, I thought I was a horrible person, who should just keep trying harder and I thought this long nightmare was entirely my fault - until my child asked me if I had ever figured out what the problem was - that is the first time I ever heard the word narcissist in my life. The epiphany was along the lines of a nuclear blast… at long last, EVERYTHING finally made sense. The past three years has been a growth experience, but how does a person get out of this poison after all these years, which is a question I ask myself every day.
My mother has told me she has cancer every time she’s caught in a lie!
Praise God!
@@sweorfan6844 psycho therapy will help. Been with one for 25yrs and on therapy. It is a journey but it will help.
Good channel with a lot of good insight! What nobody wants to say is these people are very dangerous to be involved with and they don't have to physically abuse you to do it. Besides being emotionally very damaging they will go to any length to get revenge if they think you are not giving them whatever it is they want. They will "forget" to fix the brakes, cook a "wonderful" meal that makes everyone believe me the list goes on. There is no end to what they will do to you or anyone else who is involved with them.. God does not want this for us. He wants us safe.
Couldn’t agree with you more. God does not want us, His children, to be trapped in a prison of evil and abuse. A narcissist can - and will - ruin your health, physical as well as mental.
Well said my friend
@@sweorfan6844 well said my friend
@@sweorfan6844 I stuck with mine because GOD hates divorce. He divorced me then sucked me back in, of course I still knew nothing of narcissism then, only that GOD hates divorce. Your comment stopped me in my track. Put reality into my predicament. I Thank You for commenting to the previous comment because I now want to cry for getting such clarification. I feel relieved ♡♡♡
I make my husband have to abuse me...he says , must be true .
You are such a blessing! Thank you for your material!
You are spot on! I’ve been trying to put words to this experience.
I have thought I was crazy because of the literal change - because I said something in the wrong tone 🤷🏻♀️All the time I'm told this. I speak just like I speak to anyone else. My husband loves to gaslight, verbal abuse and I'm always the problem if I ask a simple question 🙋🏻♀️
Yep 😂me too Chile please
Because your tone is supposed to be like a Disney character otherwise they feel like they're losing control
That always puzzled me bc none else ever said anything about the way I can talk but I tried different ways of talking, then when I thought I had it right he would pronounce my words over as I'm talking as if I wasn't speaking any word I said I was saying it the wrong way so he say,so again here I go .God help me to find myself again. Thank you all for giving me the space to heal 😢😢😢❤
If you even use a questioning voice, its like they are gunna answer, its like your insulting their intelligence, by asking. Its like you have offended. Any disapproving tone, no matter how gentle, is an attack. To them. Its sickening. How fragile their butterfly wing egos are, and the pride is satanic.
I was told this all the time about my tone and had never been told this in my 49 prior years to meeting her.
Thank you for being an advocate for a believer in Jesus:) so refreshing and so needed! Love your videos ❤
this is exactly my day to day life. Thank God I found this channel and God is using you for us😊
I loved the way you pointed out our share of toxicity ❤ loved this
A few one word descriptions of a narcissist.
•Contentious
•Controlling
•Gaslighter
•Manipulative
The coverts word salad, intimidate & control with silence, withholding good, withholding affection until you break down.
They really don’t know how to be affectionate and when they do give a hug or kiss it feels so funny. Its has no feeling in it
@@juliatrapp5733 Like hugging a corpse
My husband always says I’m attacking him just for saying can you throw the trash away instead of putting it on the counter right above the trash can. What he is really saying is your my slave you can throw it away.
He is baiting you when he does those things, just waiting for you to say something so he can play the victim and start in on you. I have experienced same thing. I will not say anything and just clean around it. It can stay where he put it till the cows come home. Of course I then realize he will find a new bait to try and start something. I have learned so much since learning about narcissism. I understand all the red flags and the tactics they use. He puts all his frustration into slamming in the sex. Yes I have been packing and preparing. It's all utter nonsense.
Maybe you should rephrase it and say, would you please put the trash out.
@@ziziscorsese9475 🤦♀️
Thank you so much for giving us wisdom from the WORD to deal with these very stressful and traumatic situations...
Amen. Unbelievable how helpful and right on target.
Your prayer-true! I need to repent when I start worrying and fretting over them. It is self-centered on my part, and the more self-centered you are the more miserable you’ll be.
Wish I could have heard this 20 yrs ago. But now I am back onto my purpose and not her savior. Thank YOU, Emanuel.
So many examples in my mind popped up during this whole video. Validated 🙏. I’m going to go the no contact route and just watch how the rest of the family believes this covert narcissist’s agenda against me. I truly want to see it 🤷♂️
Omg thank you for addressing the self-accountability aspect of all this! I've been holding so much shame over my Narc. fleas or tendencies that I've exhibited in the past. But I'm not doing those things hardly anymore and I'm finally not gaslighting myself. I am looking forward to healing with accountability 🙏
Intimidation!!! My mom used to insist on the fact that I was disabled, so I couldn't go out to work like others, but work at home like a servant, a maid!!!
😮 don't believe this lie! Disability doesn't mean you can't have a life!✝️=💜
My mom is in her glory. She is 101 and I have quit my career to take care of her. She treats me EXACTLY like a maid. Only she would treat the maid better AND PAY HER! 😆
I thank God for bringing your channel into my life. You have helped me so much. I recently got the courage to leave my narcissistic husband, and your videos help me to continue to stay strong and let The Holy Spirit guide me to stay on the path that God wants me to go down, not Satan’s. Christ is using you in a mighty way! May God continue to bless this ministry that he’s called you to do, and bless you personally for helping so many of us become educated and free from narcissistic people.
They go and tell lies about you to their flying monkeys who are so loyal they do not check with you as to validity of what was told to them. Married to passive/aggressive covert 47 years before the divorce.
This is the first Chanel that prays. Thank you.
OMG. Thank you for your wisdom. I was fooled and now I can be strong.
My soon to be ex spouse of 31yrs is very capable of controlling his feelings/emotions in front of everyone except me and our now grown children. We know who he is behind the mask so we have targets on our backs. I found out 4.5 yrs ago he is a sex addict. The abuse and narcissism since knowing this toward me, our family has been in overdrive. He has chosen to remain an addict over God, our marriage and family. It is not where I expected to be after 31yrs but my faith has kept me upright, healing and moving forward through the hurt.
Praying for you!
Yes, the disorientation is insidious!
I pray that GOD blesses you abundantly and keep you in H5 perfect peace.
❤🙏🏻❤
This is well written, not a complaint.
I know this pain too well. I feel like your husband and mine could be the same person. It's tragically sad
Love your way of explaining and the simplicity of a healthy mind ! These videos really help me cut out these types of creatures! Thank you ❤️🔥
Oh My! After 10 years of marriage, I experience exactly what you are saying.
Feel so manipulated and deceived.
Still not out of the situation yet.
I am just praying and trying to free myself from this very bad situation
Thank u for praying I needed that ,I'm dealing with all this in my marriage
Since I have listened to your channel, I learned so much about the ways, my mum has been dealing with my all those years, and I did not recognise it. I never thought, that she would have the traits of narcissist. In fact, I did not even know, what a narcissist was.
It is only a few years since my conversion to Christ, that I have been able to establish healthy boundaries (or at least started to) and also due to a relationship with a sincere fellow, christian brother. He repeatedly witnessed her behaviour towards me and was also able to see, that it was (and is) not okay, how she has been treating me. It is a process to wake up and even see, what has been done to you, if you kind of never experienced something different than that, so give yourself some grace.
I am watching from Austria, nativ german speaker.
You are so right. Always a big conflict for little confrontation.
This content is really solid and uplifting. God bless your work Kris.
This is so good. Kris is right on the money on everything. Maybe giving these people too much even. Take it from someone who’s wasted much of my life, my potential and my children’s lives, my health: things will never change. Never get better. Even if it might seem like they are hearing you, trust me, they’re not. It happens over & over until you lose everything. I’m sorry to say this but you need to get away from them. It’s very hard, but God has your back. You cannot focus on yourself while being involved with one of these. Like kris said, I’ve been disobedient so our Lord. I’ve let Him down so much by giving Satan my attention rather the the Lord’s. Don’t spend your precious life on these people. They will take every last bit of your spirit you have. God does not want this.
Amen, Kris. Thank you
40 years ago when my kids were babies I heard a radio pastor talk about what worship meant. He said that whatever you think about the most is what you worship. Now, all I ever did at work at home, wherever, was ruminate on why my husband and I didn't, couldn't get along for more than 5 minutes. I was extremely awakened to the fact that I was inadvertently worshipping my husband. It took some mental exercise to watch what I was thinking about. Jesus calls it renewing the mind. We have to treat it like a beautiful garden and weed out those thoughts. We have to be diligent gardeners of our MINDS♡
Amen!
What happen if He is alone with small 2 boys and raise Tham?
AMEN!!! COMPLETELY!
Amen!!
Love this advice. My friend who is a narcissist works for a therapist. She thinks because she works for a therapist she is one. With just a high school diploma she thinks she is everyone's counselor . I have finally woken up to how reckless that was to take her advice.
Had kind of the same friend. Worked in a lab, she was a regular employee who filed data on xcell everyday. During the pandemic she knew it all, the beginning of the covid, how to cure people, the vaccine 😅😅😅 everything on everything 😂
My friend with THE MOST PROBLEMS (and obvious narcissistic issues) of course wants to study to be a therapist. Just... sigh.
@@Mistinguette287 My friend who has a C minus high school diploma thinks she is Dr. Drew because she works with a LICENSE Therapist. Her reckless advice she gives family and friends is SO SCARY!!! Thank God I broke ties with the loon.
I am so blessed to have found you. I have suffered multiplication with guilt. Months of boundaries being ignored by my adult daughter. She "guilts" me about money and going without. Guilts me about being a disabled vet and needing me to help support her. She is now stonewalling me and won't talk or let me see my grandson because I "made" her move out of my home. Thank you for the explanation I was headed down the wrong road AGAIN with second guessing myself. Bless you. ❤
A God sent message! Thank you & sharing!
One thing I will add is that covert narcs that are high functioning are VERY GOOD at their emotional regulation to the point of psychopathy. But they are brilliant at undoing yours and making it seem you can’t emotionally regulate as they cut your arms off with a dull butter knife.
Thank you very much my sister, not even our adult children understand what you are going through
Yup protect yourself and see more videos like this
Absolutely amazing and necessary content❤
Glad i found ur channel! Thank u n God's blessings ur way!