Best piece of advice my therapist gave me as a young anxious man. Stop concentrating on how your feeling/thinking and pay attention to what the person is actually saying and THEIR body language. Takes a bit of practice but it pulls you out of your head and allows you to start being more relaxed, authentic and socially confident. You'll start noticing other people's little signals and it'll help connect you to them much quicker.
Yeah, but when anxiety prevents me from reading other peoples' verbal/body language I have trouble; when I connect with peoples' verbal/ body language, I have trouble. I'm too anxious: I slip into people-pleaser mode. I've never been confident in my life. It's easier said then done.
@@sarahwhite4906 you’re absolutely right. It is easier said than done. I can only speak from my own experience with anxiety and fully understand there are no quick fixes. It takes a lot of hard work and it’s exhausting and all consuming at times but it can be worked through. I really hope you find your way through because it’s a horrific thing to deal with. Genuinely all the best to you.
@@sarahwhite4906 same boat. Recently I have been reminding myself to be genuinely interested in them and to learn more about them. It’s helped me focus a lot. Also weed has helped :) Sativa gummies are nice
@@sarahwhite4906 one thing that helped me a lot is to ask myself who i am. confidence comes from within, if you dont know who you are and what you stand for you cant be confident. search for a list of as many Values as possible, such as Honesty, Freedom, Love these things. mark all things that you think, you would like to have or you already have. now ask 3 people about yourself, one of your parents, your best friend, and a coworker what they think about you. and let them write it down. extract the values out of these letters. and compare it to your valuechart. and bam! get 5 values and describe them as detailed as possible handwritten. There you go! Now you know who you are :)
1) Be willing to polarize- Accept that some people won't like you. 2) Allow yourself to have authentic reactions- Instead of focusing on if they like you, focus on if you like them. 3) Stop trying to look flawless- You can't be perfect all the time so yeah, just be you. 4) The shadow rule- Sharing your imperfections, will slowly build more confidence in yourself. 5) Prioritize your own comfort 6) Don't let your fears hold back
For me it's got nothing to do with either,I don't particularly care whether strangers like me,or new people,I'd like them to but accept that's not possible,I'm not sure what it is,I'm still working that out.
“Are you asking me about my sexuality?….why?” So simple but the message it delivers, resonates right away of basically saying “stop being nosey mind yo damn business!”
As a sober alcoholic, I can tell you that recovering alcoholics and addicts who have gone to AA/NA or something like that are often used to sharing very personal details of our lives. People have often thanked me for being so honest when I didn't realize I was telling them anything unusual. We just get used to not hiding our faults, because we have to do it to survive. I can get up in front of anyone and speak truthfully because of recovery, no fear. I've learned that everyone is screwed up, so people don't scare me. Tom reminds me of lots of addicts I've met. And lots of guys I knew in the army. People in acceptance of the situation.
Thank you for sharing that, I can tell you from my own self exploration through addictions struggles, is that it's that guilt that you feel about "hiding" something (like drinking) that bleeds into everything else, so exactly as you said, we have to put everything on display as a coping mechanism, and if we don't, it's a slippery slope and that guilt/social anxiety quickly turns into and causes relapse. I didn't really do a good job of explaining but hopefully it was close enough that you know what I mean.
@@djjazzyjeff1232 that's exactly it. I've realized over many years that it's the pain of hiding sin. Even if we can't effectively hide it. So we have to walk in the light, and it's a humbling life.
Damn I felt that on another level LMAO that was a good one. I feel like I need to parent myself again lol it doesn't feel good when you are 22 and trying to learn how to be a human 😆
That can be taken too far. I know a guy who met the girl of his dreams. They were in love. He then proceeds to do everything obnoxious that is best done in private like continually passing gas and forcing her and her sister to leave the room. There is only so much of YOU that anyone can take. First and foremost you have to be something people will want to be around. Don't be surprised if you end up alone and friendless otherwise.
NO! NO! NO! Many people say I am sick in the head. NOOOO!!!! I don't believe them. But there are so many people commenting this stuff on my videos, that I have 1% doubt. So I have to ask you right now: Do you think I am sick in the head? Thanks for helping, my dear dem
@@Thalasaur you most def didn't pay attention to the video and Tom Hardy's behavior. He owns it by admitting his anxiousness in situations for instance....also when did that, others so him exposing his flaws as confidence
Well, the thing basicaly is: be introverted, but don't be shy. Kind of simplistic, but it's true. When I was a teenager, I was insecure over the fact that I was shy and introverted, and so I started trying to be more extroverted. Guess what, it made me more insecure and more unconfortable with social situations. But through some social exposure over the years I understood that my problem was, specifically, being shy, and not the introversion. I understood that it's perfectly fine to be introverted, as long as you are able to do what you have to do, socially speaking. Over the years I developed confidence in myself from investing my time in what I like and focusing on what I think is right instead on other people's opinions. I was honest about what I liked and what I disliked. In my teenage years, if someone invited me to a party I would accept it and go there pretending that I liked it, or would accept it and give up right before going there. Nowadays if someone invites me to a party I just say: "No thanks, I don't like parties" and, as counterintuitive as it may seem, aparentely people started to feel more interested in me and I had better social relationships. Because I did get more interesting, I was investing my time in what I believed to be important, and everyone wants to have people who are true and genuine around. So if someone introverted is reading this, my advice is: maybe your problem is not really the introvertion, but the shyness. And you get rid of that by setting your priorities straight. Stop focusing on that and go build your life, that will help.
being introverted isn't a problem, but being shy also is NOT a problem, and I feel like this is spreading misinformation, especially with how many likes it has. some people are naturally shy, naturally introverted, both or neither. and IT IS okay to be SHY, and as you said, introverted as well. I'm assuming you're more talking about social anxiety, which is not really the same thing. the thing is, though, it IS okay to have social anxiety as well - everyone has it to some extent, and more people than you probably realize have it cripplingly. if you feel like it is making your life difficult and challenging, then you can work on it. but regardless, it is OKAY to have social anxiety, and odds are, the person you have anxiety over talking too has also suffered from social anxiety as well, or is currently suffering from it. only a liar (or someone who is unnaturally comfortable in social situations) will tell you they don't or never had it. all of this aside, we need to stop saying certain personality traits or woes are okay or not okay objectively. there are obviously exceptions, but it is okay to have any personality trait in any way - the only reason it is not okay is if you, personally, decide you want to change it. there are no personality traits that are objectively good or bad (as i said there's some exceptions)
I have massive respect and compassion for Tom's struggle with Social Anxiety. Went through my adolescence with it and again during the last couple of years. It's excruciating. Brilliant tactics and inspiration from Tom and you guys! Will definately be rewatching this video in the future 😊📹
One of my favorite stoic philosophers, Marcus Aurelius, said “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength”.
@@memecliparchives2254 i do i got anxiety but my gf has other issues and she’s not fretting what she can’t control and not know like i do. But if we see something depressing it’ll effect her way more than me cause she’s more prone to depression and sorrow where I’m good at finding light but i hate how often my brain is waiting for something to go wrong which is anxiety
It is so important to live FULLY and AUTHENTICALLY in all parts of our lives! We are the only ones keeping ourselves from truly living by letting our fears hold us back...it's time to live more and fear less!!
Honestly surprised that tom hardy struggles with anxiety . He seems like he is the one alpha males try to impress. I can totally identify with him due to my own qwerks. This video helped me understand a bit more of myself . I know I'm different but I didn't know that I had subconsciously followed this format to make up for my weak points . Side note people don't have to like you to respect , or even work with you. if they feel your presence they will respect you . Be open minded and firm but not arrogant
@@leeroberts4850 All mammals have alpha/beta males, though some are more obvious than others which include humans. It has been proven that higher testosterone builds better bodies and mentalities which normally gets those men further in life, but whether that's important or not is debatable. Too low or high testosterone is important though as mortality rates are a lot higher if so.
I was a chronic people pleaser. As I grow older I have learned to care less about what people think about me and care more about people. It's incredibly freeing. It's really helped me to take the focus off of me and put it on others.
Lil tidbit that might help. Psychologist found that the same "butterlies in the stomach" experienced by someone about to public speak, is the same emotional response as an athlete before their game; Only difference is that one labels it as nervous, and the other labels it as Hype. Moral of the Story: If youre feeling nervous, breathe and imagine youre an athlete excited for their game. (or similar situation relevant to you)
To fans of Tom I highly recommend watching Locke if you haven't already. To some it may seem like 90 minutes of him driving on the highway while taking on his mobile but that film really demonstrates his acting prowess. Probably my favorite film he starred in next to Bronson.
Genius film - he selected a Welsh accent, a mellifluous monotone Richard Burton voice - this man was unshakable when his world fell apart but deep down he was very bitter … one person one journey one car one phone - incredible
Вы знаете акцент на котором говорит Том в Локе. А мы смотрим дублированный. Потом я смотрю на английском (валийском) с субтитрами, чтобы только услышать голос Тома в этом фильме. Его голос это отдельное искусство. Талантливый мистер Харди ❤❤❤
As someone with crippling social anxiety who just went through therapy, this video is on point! I'm able to be myself around literally anyone after doing this stuff
@@e.t926 Focus on other people. Improve one thing at a time. Then go on to the next. Eventually you become comfortable enough that you really do not care what other people think about you and you prioritize yourself and that's the cheat code.
Something I learned after I joined the military (though the military didn't teach me this): when you feel fear or anxiety, acknowledge it in words with plain emotion either out loud or in your head, then push through it anyway. It gets easier over time.
"acknowledge it in words with plain emotion either out loud or in your head, then push through it anyway." Ironically that's the same advice for dealing with poltergeists in the home.
Great vid!! Tom Hardy seems like a definite introvert! I reckon people like him because he's vulnerable and honest and unapologetically himself, without being concerned about what others think of him. We can definitely take a lot of tips from him! 😊✌️ EDIT: the point about feeling physically comfortable is so important! Allows you to feel more at ease and feel like you belong in the situation! So take off the jacket, eat the chocolate chips! People don’t generally mind unless you’re actively rude and they don’t judge us nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves - beware the spotlight effect! If we’re comfortable in ourselves, people will naturally be drawn to us!!
People like him because he's amazingly talented, rich and famous, and good looking. The rest is only icing on a cake, and for some people, there just isn't enough icing in the world. I'm sure he acted like this with people long before he was rich and famous, and I'm sure it turned a lot of people off. But after he's proven himself as an incredible actor and become a mega star, he can do whatever he wants and people will "like him".
@@3DCGdesign You cannot know that, especially since people grow throughout life, he could not be the same person he was when he was 20, thus act the same way, have the same level of confidence. It is not his money people like
@@SA-ey6nt I know it. I can know it. I do know it. He's talented, famous, good looking, and rich. People will like him no matter what he does. Change my mind. It's the difference between a hot blond in a mini skirt playfully stealing a cop's hat to a poor homeless guy trying to do the same thing - not gonna have the same result. XD
More specifically, it's learning how to be ourselves around other people. I don't think many people have much trouble being themselves on their own, but knowing what you can do around others and what you should leave at home is something we all have to learn and changes a lot based on the people we're surrounded by.
My Dad is exactly like this, he is really honest with who he likes, and with himself. He is comfortable wherever he goes. Sadly i am not like this since i overthink too much Thank you for these videos man. Really helps, even just a bit
This hit me deep fr. I’ve been struggling with public speaking for as long as I can remember (I’m 29) doesn’t matter how big or small the group is or how well I know or don’t know them, but you put me in front to speak and I shut down, my eyes feel like they water, my voice isn’t deep, my heart rate beats like no tomorrow, constant gulping/swallowing reaction, and I’m just tired of it. Completely tired of feeling like this and ready to overcome it. One day this nightmare of mine will be completely put to rest 💯
Fascinating. This puts to bed the pseudo science of body language. Your vulnerability on stage transmits authenticity and sincerity. Allow your audience to participate when you fumble. I'm sick of style over substance
Have you tried joining a local Toastmasters group? If there's a safe space to work through a public speaking anxiety, that would be it. They understand what you are going through and are so supportive.
50 years old here. Still held back by anxiety. I should have done something about this at your age. Start now please. I am struggling with my TH-cam channel because of this very thing.
I think this is why I love him so..... A Life Backwards is one of the best films I have ever seen and I laughed and cried within moments of eachother. I like people based on thier characters they pick. People willing to go dark are honest and can handle demons. Fluff people are the ones you should worry about.... lol This also happens to be how I treat people.
This is because we accept our demons that we are honest. Fake people try to hide them and turn it on bullies and passive aggressivenes. But when you escape the hell, you don't have time to do that to other people's . Because life strike you enough for understand what it really look likes.
“Lying about your imperfections may seem easier in the short term, but it will wreck your self-esteem because you’re telling yourself that you’re not good enough.“ @5:31 Very insightful!
I've seen a few of these videos with famous people - they attract others because they are 1) famous, 2) hot, 3) rich and professional actors on top of that. That's the reason they are being interviewed and aired in the first place, not because they charmed someone with body language or peculiar reactions. I mean, everyone loves famous people being real and down to earth, definitely not the other way around.
They themselves are tired of making these types of videos. That's not to speak on the quality though I still think they're well done. They just might not have much left to say.
I used to be really quiet and shy, but I watched this channel for years and slowly I have become someone that is known for being friendly, extroverted, and confident. It took forever and I didn’t think it’d ever come, but i’m living proof of fake it till you make it
Most memorable advise I was gifted was, if I am worried about what others think of me, chances are, 70% of the room are worried about the same thing. Instead of trying to be "Interesting" to others (causes anxiety), Start being "Interested" in others (creates confidence and, the right people will like and respect you for it)
You'll watch an entire Netflix show even when the first episodes are slow and boring just because someone told you "it gets better." *But what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?*
I literally just had an online presentation before this video uploaded. I made sure to turn off the camera before I went and took slow deep breaths. That helped calm down my erratic heartbeat so much and my group crushed the presentation 😎👌
I was very fortunate to learn this very early in life and can tell you that it works wonders in job interviews. When you go for a job interview, remind yourself that you are there to see if the company is a good fit for you, not the other way around. You'll find yourself asking the right questions and you'll come across more confident and capable too.
I have the opposite problem of having way too authentic reactions. Side note: I don’t think being open and comfortable with your shadow doesn’t really work that well if you’ve got some seriously messed up stuff in your head. The deeper you dive into your shadow the darker the shadow gets. So if you’ve been exposed way too much of your shadow, whether through trauma or just exploring your mind without the mental fortitude or maturity to handle it, it can be a serious problem that is definitely not something you want to be open and comfortable with.
True, but I think that treating your inner troubles like a dark secret that needs to be hidden stigmatizes them and ultimately gives them more power. I think it's important to have privacy, but also to be able to talk freely about whatever ales you. If you speak from experience, I hope you're doing good, by the way.
@@quinnmcgee7323 Yeah. I meant more like you have to overcome them, which I have no idea how to do, because I am speaking from experience. Also, thanks. I’m doing a bit better, somehow having a job helps with anxiety. There’s still all the other symptoms of PTSD that still needs resolved but it’s a step in the right direction.
I love what you say about accepting and being honest about your imperfections. But I think the confidence comes from "I'm working on improving myself" rather than "I'm perfect as I am". Great video overall 👌
It's not "I'm perfect as I am". It's "I acknowledge and accept who I am (despite my flaws)". My take: Accepting the person you are ("you for you") is different than thinking you're perfect. Part of that acceptance is (should be) acknowledging that there's always room for you to grow. Thinking that you're perfect as you are [with or without (usually without since you think you're perfect)] isn't actually accepting yourself imo. It's egotistical which is really just pride. Those people usually try to belittle anyone that doesn't support the idea that they're perfect as is.
This is how I went from a "Quiet Kid" to an overly social teenager. First, I started out in elementary school, having a handful of friends I stuck to. I didn't try to make any friends, and that was my biggest mistake. Once I reached middleschool, i realized it honestly didn't matter what people thought, be yourself, don't be obnoxious, analyze your situation and bend the atmosphere to that. I went from a an antisocial kid, to a popular teenager by following these simple rules I'll state here. Be yourself, at the end of the day those you try to impress wont matter. Don't try too hard, if they arent liking your vibes, move along. Keep the relationships steady, If someone interacts with you, keep it up! dont wait for them to approach you. Goodluck.
Great point...when you are good looking people start wanting to like you so you will like them, that makes them feel good about themselves. If you are not what most consider "good looking" it is not the same. It can be much harder.
This honestly helped a lot because i have extremely bad anxiety to the point that i will shake and start stuttering, so having tips like this with real life examples is so useful. Some of my friends even mentioned that they have noticed ive been getting better at keeping my composure since i began practicing these things🤞🤞
Enjoyed this one. Loved how he was eating chocolate mid-interview. I continue to grow my tools of confidence thanks to your channel (and others). Honestly, thanks to the growth I have gone through, I am now happy to accept that I am a soft-hearted guy. However, I overcome that, and I openly admit to people that I am sensitive. If they think less of me cause I have a big heart but can be strong, that's their issue, not mine (anymore). :-)
I don’t have a problem with being in public and talking to people. But I love to watch stuff like this just to strengthen my ability to socialize better
I wanted to watch this to see if there are any ways to bring me more comfort in dealing with people.. not realizing I already carry all these behaviours naturally- this is just a reminder of why people always thought I was cool when I never understood what they really saw. It's the beauty of being genuine. That's the root of it. 🌺
Yooo we need a Norm MacDonald charisma breakdown, the guy is hilarious and has mastered the comedic pause. A little rest in peace video about him would be awesome right now Thanks 🙏
On a chat show (I can't remember which one. I'm sure it will be on youtube somewhere) Tom Hardy was asked how he plays troubled characters so well. He replied that it's because he's quite dysfunctional himself. This was a great answer for a few reasons. 1. He is accepting the compliment. 2. He is being honest. 3. Although it's self deprecating, the answer also displays confidence because he is not afraid of admitting his flaws. This also shows humility. 4. It makes him relatable. He might be a "star", but he's human, and is just as flawed as anyone else. Again, humble. 5. Although it wasn't supposed to be funny, I do remember the audience laughing. Probably because they weren't expecting that answer. Or maybe it's the way he said it. Either way, it got a laugh.
TOM: "ARE YOU ASKING ME ABOUT MY SEXUALITY?" GUY: "UM, YES" TOM: "........ WHY!?" GUY: "UMMMM..........MM......" TOM: "THANK YOU" ME: "HAHA......... YOU DUMBA$$" LOL
Best 3 things I ever learned in life... 1) progression not perfection 2) death of ego 3) lead with love If you can not only learn these, but actively apply them in life; you're gonna be just fine. 🤘🤘
My husband is very introverted and is perplexed by people who like him and want to be his friend. It's because he unconsciously follows some of these principles. He is unfailingly honest and just doesn't mind what people think of him. He's a little more traditional and rule following than Hardy appears to be but they are alike in some ways.
Which he got from Nelson Mandela's quote, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." In turn, Mandela most likely took inspiration from the 1933 inaugural speech of President Franklin D. Roosevelt who said, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself ". I am sure Roosevelt found words of similar effect somewhere, when attempting to stir up courage and hope for the nation. The need to have people face the day with bravery was always needed, so I would imagine there are many quotes going back even further.
I love Tom Hardy, I consider myself straight but I reckon if I went the other way, he'd be the one 😂 such a good relatable man that had a rough life turned himself around and now he's one of the top men in TV hollywood anything
People don’t realize the ‘confidence loop’. When you’re good looking, people tend to flock to you. Their respect is yours to lose. When you’re NOT good looking (speaking from personal experience) you have to earn trust and sometimes it takes a LOT of effort. But first impressions go a LONG way. If someone starts off thinking, “wow!” The other person can almost say what they want and receive positive feedback (almost). When a person is greeted with “ummm…” it takes a great deal of social acuity to overcome that resistance.
Ever since I saw that ”whats one of your weaknesses?" "Honesty” meme from like 2014 I've literally become that. Ive been more honest and not caring what others think. Very liberating.
The idea of not trying to impress people, or wondering if they like you and instead thinking "I'm excited to see if I will like them" is actually really poggers advice
Tener reacciones auténticas a lo que digan/hagan otras personas, aunque no me lleve mucho con ellas, si no me hace gracia no me río... Si no pasará esto>3:25. Admitir tus miedos y ansiedad te libera de aparentar algo, como en 4:05, y así poder lograr> 5:04 IMPORTANTE: Mostrar tu ansiedad y tus miedos te hará más seguro, pq te subcomunicas que no necesitas ocultar partes de ti para ser aceptado por otra gente (5:27). 6:50> Primero va mi confort, yo tengo que estar bien, antes de que la gente me acepte o le caiga bien.
Just one little thing that came to mind while watching: While you shouldn't hide your imperfections and while sharing them might make you more confident, it doesn't mean you are fine as you are and that you don't need to do anything, you can still change things about yourself that you don't like. If you're addicted to alcohol, or drugs, or gambling, or whatever, you can still choose to work on those addictions, while admitting to them.
And that oversharing can be offputting. I wouldn't dream of telling people about my childhood. It's just not something to talk about. It's not something I am necessarily ashamed of, but it's a depressing and awkward topic, and that doesn't make for a fun person to be around. People aren't there to be soundboards for our personal issues. That's what therapists are for. If someone asks, a person might share a small snippet of a superficial part of their past, but unless they are a close friend or partner (and I certainly never did even then), save the drama. I have talked to people, who within five minutes of knowing them, I knew everything about them, including their bad credit, arrest history, etc. You instantly know that they are high maintenance, and high drama, and they are definitely people to avoid on a social basis. Also, I didn't find his eating during the conversation endearing. I found it rude. I have misophonia, and I can't stand listening to people chew - especially if they don't close their mouths. What some people consider quirky, others might find annoying, or legitimately difficult to be around, due to sensory issues. I think being yourself is fine, but remember to maintain social decorum as well. It's fine to not worry about whether people like you or not, but don't cross over into the line of whether you fit into certain social norms. There's a difference between societal standards, which I abandoned when I became goth at the age of 15 in 1987, and never gave up, and societal expectations, such as good manners, which I always had, and never gave up under any circumstances - even among friends as a teen. There is a difference between someone tolerating someone because they have good manners, and genuinely liking and wanting to be around the person on a consistent basis. Those of us with good manners will not tell you that you have committed a faux pas. We will smile, and avoid you down the road. It might seem cruel to not tell someone they are not doing a good job of making friends, but we view it as poor manners to correct someone we barely know. We leave that to someone who knows them better.
I’ve found that people generally become more comfortable when i admit a personal flaw. People are human, and sharing your imperfections gives others permission to accept their own because now they know they are not alone.
Confidence is knowing that not everyone will like you for who you are, and being ok with that. It's knowing that even though you're not perfect, you're still fine just the way you are, and that no one else is perfect, either. It's knowing that everyone else in the room has the exact same fears and insecurities that you do, and that they are too busy focusing on themselves to focus on you. It's being able to bridge that mutual self focus, and share the hopes and dreams that you know every human being has, and truly listen to another human being with an open mind and open heart (as well as open ears) to gain a meaningful exchange between the meeting. It's knowing that even if you don't make a successful connection with the person, you haven't failed, but you have gained a new perspective/experience/goal, etc., and so you have still learned something, and nothing was lost. It's being able to pick yourself up from a stumble and say, "tomorrow I will try again", knowing that you might not have to change a darn thing about yourself to do so. It's being able to self reflect, and gain self respect. Fix what you can, change what you must, but only for yourself. A smile is worth a thousand words. Your mind is your biggest barrier and your greatest enemy, but it can be your best friend. Fake it til you make it. Yes, I made some of this stuff up just now, but you get what I'm saying, right?
it's exactly what you say... I've developed all what you say gradually in years subconsciously.... That ability naturally improves as we often work together, meet new people, and the more we increase our knowledge of many things, of course, significantly raise our social skills to another level. The only thing that is a bit difficult and needs to be sharpened is the ability to speak in public, with a large and stranger audiences....
You know what, I’m 50 and struggled my whole life. This is solid advice I might try using. I’ve done it before a few times, it’s time to go again. It did go well for me historically, I need to maintain it. Thankyou 👍🏼
Focus on things that make you happy,relax,and remember that you're great person.Remember when you have positive mind and confidence you can achieve everything.
After watching this video I realize I was polarizing a few years ago (unintentionally, and it was working great for a while!). When socializing, they have to prove who they are to you, not the other way around. You do this by being honest and not wavering in your opinions. Honestly, I went from introvert to what seemed like an extrovert at work and outside of work for about a year straight, maybe longer until life got messy... NOW the downsides to this, it is difficult to suddenly be the center of attention, you attract a TON of assholes, and sort of put a bullseye on your back for narcissists who cannot stand someone with self-confidence and the ability to have their own opinion. You wind up inadvertently attracting negative attention as well as positive attention. This strategy really opens the door for humor in life as well (after all, when you are an open book, it's much easier to be funny or charming!). HOWEVER, for anyone suffering with debilitating social anxiety, with therapy this can be an incredible tool!
After watching this I feel a lot better about myself cause I do these things without realizing it just cause it makes me feel better knowing I'm being myself and not coming off as rude towards other people to the best of my ability even if they feel that way I have my life they have theirs and neither of us can say we know why something was said the way it was said to each other (no assumptions) unless we, in a healthy way ask straight up and until that happens imma do me
I would have added the saying " It is, what it is ". Accepting that things may not go as well as you want them to really makes you feel more comfortable
I'm the same way, I still deal with the anxiety, but I am definitely polarizing and react to people based on my perception of them. If I don't care for someone and they tell a joke, I will just stare at them without cracking a smile. I can't imagine someone being able to change themselves into this unless if it's not their natural personality
Tom Hardy and Leonardo should be in a remake of The Odd Couple, except it’s directed by Nolan, written by the Coen brothers and it’s a surreal comedic action flick about an art heist of secret lost Salvador Dali paintings
i cant stress how much better/easier life gets for you when you successfully get yourself into the mindset of not caring what other people think about you. it's something i legit wish i could share with people.
Just watched this video and the advice is wonderful. for me, it is retrospective after an incredibly destructive divorce. I had already gone through this process, authenticity is the key, you are not projecting a falsehood so there is a natural comfort with that. Once you understand that you should be asking whether you like the other person, not whether they like you it gets easier still. Weaknesses can be strengths, embrace yourself understand yourself, acknowledge yourself and you WILL become greater than the sum of your parts. I describe myself as a Marmite person ... guess what the coating is on Twiglets? ;) Do NOT let other people define you. Define yourself and soon you WILL come to love what you are and it is from this that confidence grows. I watch these videos to help me continue my journey into a greater self NOT a greater image because we can all do with a helping hand along the way AND we can all OFFER one too. Hope you all have success in your journeys. J.
Nah... sometimes with social anxiety... figgiting and slouching... when you notice the other person reading your body language... it let's you know you're leading this conversation regardless of how they see you..... and you begin being more manipulative than "confident"...... it's low key genius defense mechanisms
Of all the self help I think this will be the best video I'll ever watch. I kind do this naturally until I run into curtain people like coworkers or ladies I feel are out of my league.
![กี่หมื่นฟ้า | Your Sky Series EP.1 [2/4]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/qJbQs_nhjD4/mqdefault.jpg)
Best piece of advice my therapist gave me as a young anxious man. Stop concentrating on how your feeling/thinking and pay attention to what the person is actually saying and THEIR body language. Takes a bit of practice but it pulls you out of your head and allows you to start being more relaxed, authentic and socially confident. You'll start noticing other people's little signals and it'll help connect you to them much quicker.
Yeah, but when anxiety prevents me from reading other peoples' verbal/body language I have trouble; when I connect with peoples' verbal/ body language, I have trouble. I'm too anxious: I slip into people-pleaser mode. I've never been confident in my life. It's easier said then done.
@@sarahwhite4906 you’re absolutely right. It is easier said than done. I can only speak from my own experience with anxiety and fully understand there are no quick fixes. It takes a lot of hard work and it’s exhausting and all consuming at times but it can be worked through. I really hope you find your way through because it’s a horrific thing to deal with.
Genuinely all the best to you.
It just make me laugh at people I'm observing and they start to feel anxious >~>
@@sarahwhite4906 same boat. Recently I have been reminding myself to be genuinely interested in them and to learn more about them. It’s helped me focus a lot. Also weed has helped :) Sativa gummies are nice
@@sarahwhite4906 one thing that helped me a lot is to ask myself who i am. confidence comes from within, if you dont know who you are and what you stand for you cant be confident. search for a list of as many Values as possible, such as Honesty, Freedom, Love these things. mark all things that you think, you would like to have or you already have. now ask 3 people about yourself, one of your parents, your best friend, and a coworker what they think about you. and let them write it down. extract the values out of these letters. and compare it to your valuechart. and bam! get 5 values and describe them as detailed as possible handwritten. There you go! Now you know who you are :)
1) Be willing to polarize- Accept that some people won't like you.
2) Allow yourself to have authentic reactions- Instead of focusing on if they like you, focus on if you like them.
3) Stop trying to look flawless- You can't be perfect all the time so yeah, just be you.
4) The shadow rule- Sharing your imperfections, will slowly build more confidence in yourself.
5) Prioritize your own comfort
6) Don't let your fears hold back
dude, it's all literally in the description box
@@teacherfromthejungles6671 Oh yeah u r right lmao I didn't see that. Well, I added a bit of info with it so it's somewhat useful ig??
@@tasdiqjubaer37 seems more like notes to urself
This was helpful for me. Sometimes I read the description box and sometimes I don't. Today I didn't so thank you.
@@teacherfromthejungles6671 not everyone thinks about reading that so someone adding it on comments is helpful
Confidence isn’t “I know they’ll like me”, it’s “I’m okay if they don’t”.
For me it's got nothing to do with either,I don't particularly care whether strangers like me,or new people,I'd like them to but accept that's not possible,I'm not sure what it is,I'm still working that out.
I really wish it were that simplistic,it'd trim a lot of fat from off of my plate.
Yes, This!
@@staycalmnevapor8maybe it’s more about how you feel about yourself.
But what if they don't like you for because of your bad traits like narcissism, rudeness, etc. You still don't care?
“Are you asking me about my sexuality?….why?”
So simple but the message it delivers, resonates right away of basically saying “stop being nosey mind yo damn business!”
The only possible answer other than "I'll shut up now" is "I'm asking you out on a date"
The thank you at the end was an execution 😂
And the "tHaNk YoU" was just *chefs kiss*
That was perfect.
@@cpmow831yeah he deserves a purple heart 😂
A real hero
As a sober alcoholic, I can tell you that recovering alcoholics and addicts who have gone to AA/NA or something like that are often used to sharing very personal details of our lives. People have often thanked me for being so honest when I didn't realize I was telling them anything unusual. We just get used to not hiding our faults, because we have to do it to survive. I can get up in front of anyone and speak truthfully because of recovery, no fear. I've learned that everyone is screwed up, so people don't scare me. Tom reminds me of lots of addicts I've met. And lots of guys I knew in the army. People in acceptance of the situation.
I’m in the exact same boat.
I work with alcoholics, stable and unstable one reason is that I find them easier than "Normies" because of this honesty.
Thank you for sharing that, I can tell you from my own self exploration through addictions struggles, is that it's that guilt that you feel about "hiding" something (like drinking) that bleeds into everything else, so exactly as you said, we have to put everything on display as a coping mechanism, and if we don't, it's a slippery slope and that guilt/social anxiety quickly turns into and causes relapse. I didn't really do a good job of explaining but hopefully it was close enough that you know what I mean.
@@djjazzyjeff1232 that's exactly it. I've realized over many years that it's the pain of hiding sin. Even if we can't effectively hide it. So we have to walk in the light, and it's a humbling life.
@@threearrows2248 Because then we don't have to hide anything at all, very freeing.
Step 1: Be born in the darkness, be moulded by it. Don’t see the light until you’re a man and by which time it is only blinding.
Step 2: Fullfill Ras al Ghoul's destiny
Step 3: Take over one the biggest cities in the world and threaten to nuke if anyone interferes
What's the next step of your master plan
@@jokerbejoking Be Gotham's Reckoning. Simple.
Dont forget to find a guy wearing a giant bat suit and brake his back.
My special ability is turning anxiety into severe diarrhea.
That's your superpower! 😂
and fortunately, that is a mood LMAO
mine is turning regular anxiety into a panic attack. we the bosses
SAMMMEEEEEEEE...
Yall my people
Why do i feel like im studying to become a human lol
It's because the humanity so many lack, causes others that have it, to feel inhumane.
Damn I felt that on another level LMAO that was a good one. I feel like I need to parent myself again lol it doesn't feel good when you are 22 and trying to learn how to be a human 😆
Why do I feel I am here to be educated to "become a "celebrity""???
@@mreverybody1150 Fcuking hell yeah, one of the best I've heard!!👏
Because you are. Welcome fellow alien! 👽 😆
I like how all of these tips come down to “Just be yourself and love it”. That really is the base of most social problems
Be yourself, be honest but don't overshare, accept that some people won't like you and it's not as bad as you think in the long term.
That can be taken too far. I know a guy who met the girl of his dreams. They were in love. He then proceeds to do everything obnoxious that is best done in private like continually passing gas and forcing her and her sister to leave the room. There is only so much of YOU that anyone can take. First and foremost you have to be something people will want to be around. Don't be surprised if you end up alone and friendless otherwise.
Before you be yourself you should probably build yourself up first.
On a guide on how to look genuinely confident, just be genuinely confident.
“If people are doubting how far you can go, go so far that you can’t hear them anymore.” Anything is possible
*5 things to quit right now:*
*1. Overthinking*
*2. Trying to make everyone happy*
*3. Living in the past*
*4. Worrying*
*5. Doubting yourself*
Miracle I'm cured 🙄
Absolutely. Well done. 🌅
Ok great! I’ll just reach up to my head and push the off button. Brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that before?!
I can finally unsub, for i am cured
@@lmartyI me to I'm not overthinking anymore or doubting myself what what was I ever worried about 🤭
When you can control your anxiety, you can own the room
NO! NO! NO! Many people say I am sick in the head. NOOOO!!!! I don't believe them. But there are so many people commenting this stuff on my videos, that I have 1% doubt. So I have to ask you right now: Do you think I am sick in the head? Thanks for helping, my dear dem
@@Thalasaur do Not shadow ban teleportdinero or I will return more
powerful then before
@@Thalasaur He's just trying to get attention for his channel.
When you own your anxiety, you can control the room.
@@Thalasaur you most def didn't pay attention to the video and Tom Hardy's behavior. He owns it by admitting his anxiousness in situations for instance....also when did that, others so him exposing his flaws as confidence
Well, the thing basicaly is: be introverted, but don't be shy.
Kind of simplistic, but it's true. When I was a teenager, I was insecure over the fact that I was shy and introverted, and so I started trying to be more extroverted. Guess what, it made me more insecure and more unconfortable with social situations. But through some social exposure over the years I understood that my problem was, specifically, being shy, and not the introversion. I understood that it's perfectly fine to be introverted, as long as you are able to do what you have to do, socially speaking. Over the years I developed confidence in myself from investing my time in what I like and focusing on what I think is right instead on other people's opinions. I was honest about what I liked and what I disliked. In my teenage years, if someone invited me to a party I would accept it and go there pretending that I liked it, or would accept it and give up right before going there. Nowadays if someone invites me to a party I just say: "No thanks, I don't like parties" and, as counterintuitive as it may seem, aparentely people started to feel more interested in me and I had better social relationships. Because I did get more interesting, I was investing my time in what I believed to be important, and everyone wants to have people who are true and genuine around.
So if someone introverted is reading this, my advice is: maybe your problem is not really the introvertion, but the shyness. And you get rid of that by setting your priorities straight. Stop focusing on that and go build your life, that will help.
This is gold. Hey how can I contact you?
Thanks for your experience.. Was very eye opening
being introverted isn't a problem, but being shy also is NOT a problem, and I feel like this is spreading misinformation, especially with how many likes it has.
some people are naturally shy, naturally introverted, both or neither. and IT IS okay to be SHY, and as you said, introverted as well. I'm assuming you're more talking about social anxiety, which is not really the same thing.
the thing is, though, it IS okay to have social anxiety as well - everyone has it to some extent, and more people than you probably realize have it cripplingly. if you feel like it is making your life difficult and challenging, then you can work on it. but regardless, it is OKAY to have social anxiety, and odds are, the person you have anxiety over talking too has also suffered from social anxiety as well, or is currently suffering from it. only a liar (or someone who is unnaturally comfortable in social situations) will tell you they don't or never had it.
all of this aside, we need to stop saying certain personality traits or woes are okay or not okay objectively. there are obviously exceptions, but it is okay to have any personality trait in any way - the only reason it is not okay is if you, personally, decide you want to change it. there are no personality traits that are objectively good or bad (as i said there's some exceptions)
@@RyanReeves-ic4rx so did you miss the point or
Completely agree
Believing that no matter what happens you’re going to be fine anyway is always a great mindset to have
True
Until the party of democracy open your borders and then you won't be 'fine' anymore.
I have massive respect and compassion for Tom's struggle with Social Anxiety. Went through my adolescence with it and again during the last couple of years. It's excruciating. Brilliant tactics and inspiration from Tom and you guys! Will definately be rewatching this video in the future 😊📹
The part where he says, "Not being in control, not knowing, anticipation, waiting for something to go wrong."
That's how I feel.
Don't we all?
@@memecliparchives2254 saying " Don't we all " kills the conversation. Try saying open ended statements....cheers
One of my favorite stoic philosophers, Marcus Aurelius, said “You have power over your mind - not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength”.
@@memecliparchives2254 i do i got anxiety but my gf has other issues and she’s not fretting what she can’t control and not know like i do. But if we see something depressing it’ll effect her way more than me cause she’s more prone to depression and sorrow where I’m good at finding light but i hate how often my brain is waiting for something to go wrong which is anxiety
Same, man. Same.
It is so important to live FULLY and AUTHENTICALLY in all parts of our lives! We are the only ones keeping ourselves from truly living by letting our fears hold us back...it's time to live more and fear less!!
Indeed
I bet slaves have a different opinion than you, lol.
TRUTH
Are U Aware Of Light Body Activation
@@Chrisko1492 Yeah, they probably do. Because they’re slaves. Lol, wtf were you trying to say?
Honestly surprised that tom hardy struggles with anxiety . He seems like he is the one alpha males try to impress. I can totally identify with him due to my own qwerks. This video helped me understand a bit more of myself . I know I'm different but I didn't know that I had subconsciously followed this format to make up for my weak points . Side note people don't have to like you to respect , or even work with you. if they feel your presence they will respect you . Be open minded and firm but not arrogant
I can't tell if you're one of those people who thinks that human beings have alpha males or if you are if you're mocking fun of those people
@@leeroberts4850 something a beta would say
@@leeroberts4850 All mammals have alpha/beta males, though some are more obvious than others which include humans. It has been proven that higher testosterone builds better bodies and mentalities which normally gets those men further in life, but whether that's important or not is debatable. Too low or high testosterone is important though as mortality rates are a lot higher if so.
@@Psycho8Everything you don’t understand current generation humor
@@isaacludwig2568 Early twenties but sure, I was more following the tone of OP
I was a chronic people pleaser. As I grow older I have learned to care less about what people think about me and care more about people. It's incredibly freeing. It's really helped me to take the focus off of me and put it on others.
Same here.
Lil tidbit that might help. Psychologist found that the same "butterlies in the stomach" experienced by someone about to public speak, is the same emotional response as an athlete before their game; Only difference is that one labels it as nervous, and the other labels it as Hype. Moral of the Story: If youre feeling nervous, breathe and imagine youre an athlete excited for their game. (or similar situation relevant to you)
Went from not sure about how I feel about Tom Hardy to loving and being a huge fan REAL quick. Excellent video.
Hello, thanks for your love and support towards me and my movies, it keeps me going. What's your favorite of my movies?
@@iamthomashardy9058LEGEND of course🔥🔥
To fans of Tom I highly recommend watching Locke if you haven't already. To some it may seem like 90 minutes of him driving on the highway while taking on his mobile but that film really demonstrates his acting prowess. Probably my favorite film he starred in next to Bronson.
Very good movie. Takes a lot to be able to keep a premise like that interesting and he pulled it off effortlessly.
Genius film - he selected a Welsh accent, a mellifluous monotone Richard Burton voice - this man was unshakable when his world fell apart but deep down he was very bitter … one person one journey one car one phone - incredible
Вы знаете акцент на котором говорит Том в Локе. А мы смотрим дублированный. Потом я смотрю на английском (валийском) с субтитрами, чтобы только услышать голос Тома в этом фильме. Его голос это отдельное искусство. Талантливый мистер Харди ❤❤❤
Every woman on the planet loved Tom until...they saw his weird skinny pencil willy in the movie Bronson
Locke blew me away.
I always like tom hardy, one of the most underrated actors, his personality and style always attracts people. Be like Tom, be yourself.
Yeah I would never say he’s underrated. He’s definitely a top actor
@Luc Germain Exactly. He's one of the highest paid actors in the industry right now.
As someone with crippling social anxiety who just went through therapy, this video is on point! I'm able to be myself around literally anyone after doing this stuff
How is it doing today? I have social anxiety too...
@@e.t926 Focus on other people. Improve one thing at a time. Then go on to the next. Eventually you become comfortable enough that you really do not care what other people think about you and you prioritize yourself and that's the cheat code.
Something I learned after I joined the military (though the military didn't teach me this): when you feel fear or anxiety, acknowledge it in words with plain emotion either out loud or in your head, then push through it anyway.
It gets easier over time.
"acknowledge it in words with plain emotion either out loud or in your head, then push through it anyway."
Ironically that's the same advice for dealing with poltergeists in the home.
Great vid!! Tom Hardy seems like a definite introvert! I reckon people like him because he's vulnerable and honest and unapologetically himself, without being concerned about what others think of him. We can definitely take a lot of tips from him! 😊✌️
EDIT: the point about feeling physically comfortable is so important! Allows you to feel more at ease and feel like you belong in the situation! So take off the jacket, eat the chocolate chips! People don’t generally mind unless you’re actively rude and they don’t judge us nearly as harshly as we judge ourselves - beware the spotlight effect! If we’re comfortable in ourselves, people will naturally be drawn to us!!
Yep! I'm impressed by Charisma on Command with this video. Best content so far!
He's not an introvert.
People like him because he's amazingly talented, rich and famous, and good looking. The rest is only icing on a cake, and for some people, there just isn't enough icing in the world. I'm sure he acted like this with people long before he was rich and famous, and I'm sure it turned a lot of people off. But after he's proven himself as an incredible actor and become a mega star, he can do whatever he wants and people will "like him".
@@3DCGdesign You cannot know that, especially since people grow throughout life, he could not be the same person he was when he was 20, thus act the same way, have the same level of confidence. It is not his money people like
@@SA-ey6nt I know it. I can know it. I do know it. He's talented, famous, good looking, and rich. People will like him no matter what he does. Change my mind. It's the difference between a hot blond in a mini skirt playfully stealing a cop's hat to a poor homeless guy trying to do the same thing - not gonna have the same result. XD
Bit tragic that we need a step by step instructional to teach us how to be ourselves…
really sad when u put it that way tbh lol
Really shows us what we prioritize as a society, hopefully that changes in the future but who really knows
Most people dont know themselves that well
@Brian's Place we will need to agree to disagree; however, we probably agree some people need counseling regarding how to be themselves…
More specifically, it's learning how to be ourselves around other people. I don't think many people have much trouble being themselves on their own, but knowing what you can do around others and what you should leave at home is something we all have to learn and changes a lot based on the people we're surrounded by.
This video was perfect. Anxiety being my biggest hurdle in life and Tom being one of my favorite actors and people it really sunk in. Thank you
My Dad is exactly like this, he is really honest with who he likes, and with himself. He is comfortable wherever he goes.
Sadly i am not like this since i overthink too much
Thank you for these videos man. Really helps, even just a bit
This hit me deep fr.
I’ve been struggling with public speaking for as long as I can remember (I’m 29) doesn’t matter how big or small the group is or how well I know or don’t know them, but you put me in front to speak and I shut down, my eyes feel like they water, my voice isn’t deep, my heart rate beats like no tomorrow, constant gulping/swallowing reaction, and I’m just tired of it.
Completely tired of feeling like this and ready to overcome it. One day this nightmare of mine will be completely put to rest 💯
Fascinating. This puts to bed the pseudo science of body language. Your vulnerability on stage transmits authenticity and sincerity. Allow your audience to participate when you fumble. I'm sick of style over substance
Have you tried joining a local Toastmasters group? If there's a safe space to work through a public speaking anxiety, that would be it. They understand what you are going through and are so supportive.
50 years old here. Still held back by anxiety. I should have done something about this at your age. Start now please. I am struggling with my TH-cam channel because of this very thing.
I think this is why I love him so..... A Life Backwards is one of the best films I have ever seen and I laughed and cried within moments of eachother. I like people based on thier characters they pick. People willing to go dark are honest and can handle demons. Fluff people are the ones you should worry about.... lol This also happens to be how I treat people.
This is because we accept our demons that we are honest. Fake people try to hide them and turn it on bullies and passive aggressivenes.
But when you escape the hell, you don't have time to do that to other people's . Because life strike you enough for understand what it really look likes.
Yes!
Agreed I’ve seen all his movies and shows multiple times.
This video just changed my life and broke down a barrier I have had for years. Thank you, so much.
“Lying about your imperfections may seem easier in the short term, but it will wreck your self-esteem because you’re telling yourself that you’re not good enough.“ @5:31
Very insightful!
I've seen a few of these videos with famous people - they attract others because they are 1) famous, 2) hot, 3) rich and professional actors on top of that. That's the reason they are being interviewed and aired in the first place, not because they charmed someone with body language or peculiar reactions. I mean, everyone loves famous people being real and down to earth, definitely not the other way around.
This may have been the most influential video I've seen in a long while, as far as my personal development goes.
*"When something is important enough for you, you do it even if the odds are against you."*
I hope this message helps you. 🙂
youre right
Can you stop spamming this channel?
You just qoute Elon musk.
Crazy cuz that could? go the exact other way around and mean the exact same thing, neat haha ...; kinda reminds me of the word racecar .
Gaaawd I wish this video was hours long. So helpful and relevant to me right now.
This channel is improving in a massive way and I'm glad to see! Always enjoyed the content over the years yet innovation is always welcomed
This channel is and has always been golden! So grateful
I see the same information in every video. What makes you say it’s improving?
They themselves are tired of making these types of videos. That's not to speak on the quality though I still think they're well done. They just might not have much left to say.
I used to be really quiet and shy, but I watched this channel for years and slowly I have become someone that is known for being friendly, extroverted, and confident. It took forever and I didn’t think it’d ever come, but i’m living proof of fake it till you make it
You have to become.The more you watch the more you become.I’m
Glad this channel has helped you 🤜🏿.I’m gonna keep watching hopefully it Will help me
Most memorable advise I was gifted was, if I am worried about what others think of me, chances are, 70% of the room are worried about the same thing.
Instead of trying to be "Interesting" to others (causes anxiety),
Start being "Interested" in others (creates confidence and, the right people will like and respect you for it)
In short : “BE YOURSELF” .
you smell like a baka, eren yeager
@@ddorianisme
Huh ? 😃 How ? 😄 How did you know ? 😅
My account name is a dead giveaway, huh !!
True, but it helps that they explain why being yourself works
yesss but HOWWWE
You'll watch an entire Netflix show even when the first episodes are slow and boring just because someone told you "it gets better." *But what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?*
POWERFUL Statement! Well said!
Damn dude.... hit the nail right on the head!!!
Lol... honestly, if u go back to your own memories, u could easily make a movie/show outta that.
I don't though i have a short attention span so if i'm bored within like 20 minutes then i'll just stop watching it lmao
Cool ... 🔥
I literally just had an online presentation before this video uploaded. I made sure to turn off the camera before I went and took slow deep breaths. That helped calm down my erratic heartbeat so much and my group crushed the presentation 😎👌
unrelated but i read your comment as 'erotic heartbeat' and it was so fkin funny to me. props to you for nailing that presentation tho!
@@samspiano7070 That is pretty funny 😂😂 I can imagine the double take you must have made but I’m glad I was able to make you smile! XD
Yay that’s awesome! I do the same thing before I have to present online.
I was very fortunate to learn this very early in life and can tell you that it works wonders in job interviews. When you go for a job interview, remind yourself that you are there to see if the company is a good fit for you, not the other way around. You'll find yourself asking the right questions and you'll come across more confident and capable too.
thats why we love Tom Hardy.....always felt connected to him coz his authenticity
I have the opposite problem of having way too authentic reactions.
Side note: I don’t think being open and comfortable with your shadow doesn’t really work that well if you’ve got some seriously messed up stuff in your head. The deeper you dive into your shadow the darker the shadow gets. So if you’ve been exposed way too much of your shadow, whether through trauma or just exploring your mind without the mental fortitude or maturity to handle it, it can be a serious problem that is definitely not something you want to be open and comfortable with.
True, but I think that treating your inner troubles like a dark secret that needs to be hidden stigmatizes them and ultimately gives them more power. I think it's important to have privacy, but also to be able to talk freely about whatever ales you. If you speak from experience, I hope you're doing good, by the way.
@@quinnmcgee7323 Yeah. I meant more like you have to overcome them, which I have no idea how to do, because I am speaking from experience.
Also, thanks. I’m doing a bit better, somehow having a job helps with anxiety. There’s still all the other symptoms of PTSD that still needs resolved but it’s a step in the right direction.
I really appreciate this video, especially about how owning up to your imperfections makes you feel that you are great as you are. Thank you.
I love what you say about accepting and being honest about your imperfections. But I think the confidence comes from "I'm working on improving myself" rather than "I'm perfect as I am".
Great video overall 👌
It's not "I'm perfect as I am". It's "I acknowledge and accept who I am (despite my flaws)".
My take: Accepting the person you are ("you for you") is different than thinking you're perfect. Part of that acceptance is (should be) acknowledging that there's always room for you to grow.
Thinking that you're perfect as you are [with or without (usually without since you think you're perfect)] isn't actually accepting yourself imo. It's egotistical which is really just pride. Those people usually try to belittle anyone that doesn't support the idea that they're perfect as is.
This is how I went from a "Quiet Kid" to an overly social teenager.
First, I started out in elementary school, having a handful of friends I stuck to. I didn't try to make any friends, and that was my biggest mistake. Once I reached middleschool, i realized it honestly didn't matter what people thought, be yourself, don't be obnoxious, analyze your situation and bend the atmosphere to that. I went from a an antisocial kid, to a popular teenager by following these simple rules I'll state here.
Be yourself, at the end of the day those you try to impress wont matter.
Don't try too hard, if they arent liking your vibes, move along.
Keep the relationships steady, If someone interacts with you, keep it up! dont wait for them to approach you.
Goodluck.
Being attractive is the main factor. Every interaction you have will be different just based on your looks
Thank you…i think they forget to mention you also need to be highly attractive preferably male and come from a wealthy country…
Great point...when you are good looking people start wanting to like you so you will like them, that makes them feel good about themselves. If you are not what most consider "good looking" it is not the same. It can be much harder.
This honestly helped a lot because i have extremely bad anxiety to the point that i will shake and start stuttering, so having tips like this with real life examples is so useful. Some of my friends even mentioned that they have noticed ive been getting better at keeping my composure since i began practicing these things🤞🤞
I love Tom Hardy, he is so soft spoken and just oooh-la-la. 🥰
Enjoyed this one. Loved how he was eating chocolate mid-interview. I continue to grow my tools of confidence thanks to your channel (and others). Honestly, thanks to the growth I have gone through, I am now happy to accept that I am a soft-hearted guy. However, I overcome that, and I openly admit to people that I am sensitive. If they think less of me cause I have a big heart but can be strong, that's their issue, not mine (anymore). :-)
I don’t have a problem with being in public and talking to people. But I love to watch stuff like this just to strengthen my ability to socialize better
I wanted to watch this to see if there are any ways to bring me more comfort in dealing with people.. not realizing I already carry all these behaviours naturally- this is just a reminder of why people always thought I was cool when I never understood what they really saw. It's the beauty of being genuine. That's the root of it. 🌺
Would love to see a charisma breakdown on Jack Harlow!!!
Why’s that
@@dakodablack922 because he’s very charismatic
Yooo we need a Norm MacDonald charisma breakdown, the guy is hilarious and has mastered the comedic pause. A little rest in peace video about him would be awesome right now
Thanks 🙏
It's amazing how charisma on command can produce good content and at the same time market their product
I like his look and attitude. He was a great example for this video. Thank you for sharing!
On a chat show (I can't remember which one. I'm sure it will be on youtube somewhere) Tom Hardy was asked how he plays troubled characters so well. He replied that it's because he's quite dysfunctional himself. This was a great answer for a few reasons.
1. He is accepting the compliment.
2. He is being honest.
3. Although it's self deprecating, the answer also displays confidence because he is not afraid of admitting his flaws. This also shows humility.
4. It makes him relatable. He might be a "star", but he's human, and is just as flawed as anyone else. Again, humble.
5. Although it wasn't supposed to be funny, I do remember the audience laughing. Probably because they weren't expecting that answer. Or maybe it's the way he said it. Either way, it got a laugh.
TOM: "ARE YOU ASKING ME ABOUT MY SEXUALITY?"
GUY: "UM, YES"
TOM: "........ WHY!?"
GUY: "UMMMM..........MM......"
TOM: "THANK YOU"
ME: "HAHA......... YOU DUMBA$$" LOL
WHY ARE YOU YELLING
@@astrowyrm6871 BECAUSE IT'S HEALTHY TO YELL
YELLING IS FUN
I LIKE YOU ALL
HI GUYS
Best 3 things I ever learned in life...
1) progression not perfection
2) death of ego
3) lead with love
If you can not only learn these, but actively apply them in life; you're gonna be just fine. 🤘🤘
My husband is very introverted and is perplexed by people who like him and want to be his friend. It's because he unconsciously follows some of these principles. He is unfailingly honest and just doesn't mind what people think of him. He's a little more traditional and rule following than Hardy appears to be but they are alike in some ways.
Tom Hardy is a Legend. He is definitely my favourite Actor. He is so humble by just being him
He is hella fine, smart, and funny! Love how open and honest he is. And that accent!
The best quote for confidence for me is from Neil Gaiman I think, “Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not scared, it means you do it anyways.”
Which he got from Nelson Mandela's quote, "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." In turn, Mandela most likely took inspiration from the 1933 inaugural speech of President Franklin D. Roosevelt who said, "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself ". I am sure Roosevelt found words of similar effect somewhere, when attempting to stir up courage and hope for the nation. The need to have people face the day with bravery was always needed, so I would imagine there are many quotes going back even further.
I love Tom Hardy, I consider myself straight but I reckon if I went the other way, he'd be the one 😂 such a good relatable man that had a rough life turned himself around and now he's one of the top men in TV hollywood anything
People don’t realize the ‘confidence loop’.
When you’re good looking, people tend to flock to you. Their respect is yours to lose.
When you’re NOT good looking (speaking from personal experience) you have to earn trust and sometimes it takes a LOT of effort. But first impressions go a LONG way. If someone starts off thinking, “wow!” The other person can almost say what they want and receive positive feedback (almost).
When a person is greeted with “ummm…” it takes a great deal of social acuity to overcome that resistance.
Ever since I saw that ”whats one of your weaknesses?" "Honesty” meme from like 2014 I've literally become that. Ive been more honest and not caring what others think. Very liberating.
The idea of not trying to impress people, or wondering if they like you and instead thinking "I'm excited to see if I will like them" is actually really poggers advice
Perfect timing! Got a date in a couple days, it’s my first one since Covid hit and the anxiety that I had worked so hard to get over is back again 😔
Empathise, listen to each other's story. Never more relevant in the current climate.
Best of luck
Embrace it, make it a point of conversation. Maybe the other person is in a similar situation?
dude. i oddly wanna know how it went....
How’d it go?
@@themexican8720 awful 😂 but it was a good learning experience!
Tener reacciones auténticas a lo que digan/hagan otras personas, aunque no me lleve mucho con ellas, si no me hace gracia no me río... Si no pasará esto>3:25.
Admitir tus miedos y ansiedad te libera de aparentar algo, como en 4:05, y así poder lograr> 5:04
IMPORTANTE: Mostrar tu ansiedad y tus miedos te hará más seguro, pq te subcomunicas que no necesitas ocultar partes de ti para ser aceptado por otra gente (5:27).
6:50> Primero va mi confort, yo tengo que estar bien, antes de que la gente me acepte o le caiga bien.
Just one little thing that came to mind while watching: While you shouldn't hide your imperfections and while sharing them might make you more confident, it doesn't mean you are fine as you are and that you don't need to do anything, you can still change things about yourself that you don't like. If you're addicted to alcohol, or drugs, or gambling, or whatever, you can still choose to work on those addictions, while admitting to them.
And that oversharing can be offputting. I wouldn't dream of telling people about my childhood. It's just not something to talk about. It's not something I am necessarily ashamed of, but it's a depressing and awkward topic, and that doesn't make for a fun person to be around. People aren't there to be soundboards for our personal issues. That's what therapists are for. If someone asks, a person might share a small snippet of a superficial part of their past, but unless they are a close friend or partner (and I certainly never did even then), save the drama. I have talked to people, who within five minutes of knowing them, I knew everything about them, including their bad credit, arrest history, etc. You instantly know that they are high maintenance, and high drama, and they are definitely people to avoid on a social basis. Also, I didn't find his eating during the conversation endearing. I found it rude. I have misophonia, and I can't stand listening to people chew - especially if they don't close their mouths. What some people consider quirky, others might find annoying, or legitimately difficult to be around, due to sensory issues. I think being yourself is fine, but remember to maintain social decorum as well. It's fine to not worry about whether people like you or not, but don't cross over into the line of whether you fit into certain social norms. There's a difference between societal standards, which I abandoned when I became goth at the age of 15 in 1987, and never gave up, and societal expectations, such as good manners, which I always had, and never gave up under any circumstances - even among friends as a teen. There is a difference between someone tolerating someone because they have good manners, and genuinely liking and wanting to be around the person on a consistent basis. Those of us with good manners will not tell you that you have committed a faux pas. We will smile, and avoid you down the road. It might seem cruel to not tell someone they are not doing a good job of making friends, but we view it as poor manners to correct someone we barely know. We leave that to someone who knows them better.
I’m 1:05 in & already know exactly where this is going.
I’m already genuinely, always, simply myself. That’s all you need.
I’ve found that people generally become more comfortable when i admit a personal flaw. People are human, and sharing your imperfections gives others permission to accept their own because now they know they are not alone.
You should do breakdown on Raymond Reddington from The Blacklist, he is extremely charismatic and always maintains dominant frame
I overcame anxiety by believing I was someone without it, same with low self-esteem and confidence.
Confidence is pretty much currency for people being nice to you
Confidence is knowing that not everyone will like you for who you are, and being ok with that. It's knowing that even though you're not perfect, you're still fine just the way you are, and that no one else is perfect, either. It's knowing that everyone else in the room has the exact same fears and insecurities that you do, and that they are too busy focusing on themselves to focus on you. It's being able to bridge that mutual self focus, and share the hopes and dreams that you know every human being has, and truly listen to another human being with an open mind and open heart (as well as open ears) to gain a meaningful exchange between the meeting. It's knowing that even if you don't make a successful connection with the person, you haven't failed, but you have gained a new perspective/experience/goal, etc., and so you have still learned something, and nothing was lost. It's being able to pick yourself up from a stumble and say, "tomorrow I will try again", knowing that you might not have to change a darn thing about yourself to do so. It's being able to self reflect, and gain self respect. Fix what you can, change what you must, but only for yourself. A smile is worth a thousand words. Your mind is your biggest barrier and your greatest enemy, but it can be your best friend. Fake it til you make it. Yes, I made some of this stuff up just now, but you get what I'm saying, right?
it's exactly what you say... I've developed all what you say gradually in years subconsciously.... That ability naturally improves as we often work together, meet new people, and the more we increase our knowledge of many things, of course, significantly raise our social skills to another level. The only thing that is a bit difficult and needs to be sharpened is the ability to speak in public, with a large and stranger audiences....
You know what, I’m 50 and struggled my whole life. This is solid advice I might try using. I’ve done it before a few times, it’s time to go again. It did go well for me historically, I need to maintain it. Thankyou 👍🏼
But I'm shaking for the first few minutes of the conversation and can’t breathe. I don't know how to stop it.
Focus on things that make you happy,relax,and remember that you're great person.Remember when you have positive mind and confidence you can achieve everything.
He's very good looking. He can get away with things most people can't.
Can you do one on Simu Liu? I honestly just find him so charismatic, and also he'd be timely for that algorithm money
Wow... I mean this didn't age poorly but I kind of want it less now
@@MilkyWayGrump did something happen?
After watching this video I realize I was polarizing a few years ago (unintentionally, and it was working great for a while!). When socializing, they have to prove who they are to you, not the other way around. You do this by being honest and not wavering in your opinions. Honestly, I went from introvert to what seemed like an extrovert at work and outside of work for about a year straight, maybe longer until life got messy... NOW the downsides to this, it is difficult to suddenly be the center of attention, you attract a TON of assholes, and sort of put a bullseye on your back for narcissists who cannot stand someone with self-confidence and the ability to have their own opinion. You wind up inadvertently attracting negative attention as well as positive attention. This strategy really opens the door for humor in life as well (after all, when you are an open book, it's much easier to be funny or charming!). HOWEVER, for anyone suffering with debilitating social anxiety, with therapy this can be an incredible tool!
Thank you! Have a nice day everyone!!! Stay safe and keep calm.
"Stop treating conversations like a one-sided tryout" something just clicked for me right there
I wish I could just go back in time when I was like 12 and drop this vid on myself
Really nice and well made video! Allowing to become the most authentic representation of yourself is really the key to confidence.
After watching this I feel a lot better about myself cause I do these things without realizing it just cause it makes me feel better knowing I'm being myself and not coming off as rude towards other people to the best of my ability even if they feel that way I have my life they have theirs and neither of us can say we know why something was said the way it was said to each other (no assumptions) unless we, in a healthy way ask straight up and until that happens imma do me
I would have added the saying " It is, what it is ". Accepting that things may not go as well as you want them to really makes you feel more comfortable
Honesty. It all always boils down to honesty.
I'm the same way, I still deal with the anxiety, but I am definitely polarizing and react to people based on my perception of them. If I don't care for someone and they tell a joke, I will just stare at them without cracking a smile. I can't imagine someone being able to change themselves into this unless if it's not their natural personality
Makes sense, people can sense when it's not natural
Could you do a video on Jack Harlow and his charisma and confidence. That would be absolutely brilliant if you could.
Tom Hardy and Leonardo should be in a remake of The Odd Couple, except it’s directed by Nolan, written by the Coen brothers and it’s a surreal comedic action flick about an art heist of secret lost Salvador Dali paintings
i cant stress how much better/easier life gets for you when you successfully get yourself into the mindset of not caring what other people think about you. it's something i legit wish i could share with people.
Just watched this video and the advice is wonderful. for me, it is retrospective after an incredibly destructive divorce. I had already gone through this process, authenticity is the key, you are not projecting a falsehood so there is a natural comfort with that. Once you understand that you should be asking whether you like the other person, not whether they like you it gets easier still.
Weaknesses can be strengths, embrace yourself understand yourself, acknowledge yourself and you WILL become greater than the sum of your parts. I describe myself as a Marmite person ... guess what the coating is on Twiglets? ;)
Do NOT let other people define you. Define yourself and soon you WILL come to love what you are and it is from this that confidence grows. I watch these videos to help me continue my journey into a greater self NOT a greater image because we can all do with a helping hand along the way AND we can all OFFER one too. Hope you all have success in your journeys. J.
Nah... sometimes with social anxiety... figgiting and slouching... when you notice the other person reading your body language... it let's you know you're leading this conversation regardless of how they see you..... and you begin being more manipulative than "confident"...... it's low key genius defense mechanisms
No matter how strong you are if you aren't confident enough , there's no way you'll defeat me
~Sosuke Aizen
Said the chihuahua to the T rex
Did Aizen really say that???
@@MamiSenpaiSensei nope Haha, i made it my own, i just refer how confident aizen is
Of all the self help I think this will be the best video I'll ever watch. I kind do this naturally until I run into curtain people like coworkers or ladies I feel are out of my league.
He is a great actor and always seems like he would be an interesting person to talk to.
Thank you for this i will apply this for my self and teach it to others.