1) Speak with your hands, boomerang eye contact, mid sentence pauses 2) Give praise to others 3) Relaxed and confident body language 4) Be non reactive
@@Baci302 trueee. i barely talk and im not funny at all but im in the most popular friend group in my school just because im non reactive and they all respect me
@@hmziyan You got no problem with narcissism though, quiet people don't brag about themselves to people that didn't ask, that's what cocky, immature and annoying people do...lol ...get help 2) Give praise to others
These will feel forced at first especially being expressive with your hands when you're normally not but that's okay. It takes time to adopt more effective ways of communicating
As a quiet person myself, I've noticed that when I do actually speak up, people tend to listen more. I think it's because being on the quiet side, it makes people wonder more what's on your mind so they listen. It makes for the perfect opportunity to impress, make laugh, or get whatever point across that you want. Being non-reactive is another one. Never give someone the reaction they are trying to get out of you. It's almost like bait.
There is being quiet and then there is being silent. The ones who are near silent get the attention you speak of, the ones who are quiet are well......quiet.
It IS bait. They enjoy throwing it out there, just like fishing, desperately hoping others will pick it up and catch the bait. Then, just like their prey, the fish, you’re their food, they’re feeding off of your reactions. Even negative attention is good attention for the toxic types.
Exactly what I have told many others before. Listen to what is being said, gather your thoughts, and then speak. They will listen. The less words used, the more meaning the words have.
It really helps if you can be casual about social interaction. There's no reason to be fearful. Just know you've been doing this since birth and nothing has killed you yet. You've got this. Don't doubt your own Competence.
Except when the entire group you're speaking with is determined to take the very first 0.7 second pause in your own speech as divine proof that you choose to forgo your speaking turn for the next 30 minutes, speaking over one another at gradually increasing volume while laughing their butts off over things that aren't even a little bit funny. Some people just have the personality of a laugh track.^^
The only reason why ppl are afraid of social interactions is because they dont go outside. I used to be the same way by only answering yes or no to everything ppl would say till i got a job and developed social skills. Its not hard unless you start overthinking on what to say lmao
I've always been a quiet person. Call it shy, or reserved, or socially anxious or whatever but that's always been me. when I was 14 and first got to highschool my mom considered putting me into counselling because I wasn't able to put myself "out there" well enough to make friends, although I eventually met the people who are still my best friends today. I'm 28 now, and in the past 10 or more years, I've come a long way. People consider me highly charismatic and approachable, and I believe a part of my newfound charisma is owing to the fact that I discovered all of the "tips" in this video on my own through trial and error. I do all of the things in this video, and while yes, the super loud extroverts CAN still overshadow me because they "need" to be heard; while I'm speaking, people tend to listen. It's a good feeling.
Yo that's me but i've never had prob ems with making friends. I don't know why because at the end of the day I hate people, Of course i got few close friends. indeed it's a good feeling
Dislike loud people, feel sad for them to yell at the top of their lung and doing all these crazy movements to be heard. I just ignore them because it is just too loud for me to process their messages, most time is just garbage spill out to catch attention. It actually lower my respect for them.
Happy for you! As an extroverted person, I love social interaction and get energy from it. I also do not like super loud people, as they are not extroverted. Just in search of attention. A good extrovert and a good introvert share the same core values: we care for the interaction, just in different ways. I have also been defined as very diplomatic and approachable, and I a very calm when facing discussions. Of course, being Italian, some passion is always there, but that is a cultural difference. Keep going strong. There is noting wrong with being introverted, nor in being extroverted. The latter does not mean being unable to be heard or charismatic as much as the former does not mean not bein able to do so.
I talk all the time, belive me people don't listen so congratulation. I do think only way to be heard is to not talk at all, and maybe not even in the end in a clear way, but kind of deep and mystical, that confuse them and then you go for the clear message when they are grasping for a message. I find that not talking at all in meatings at work with strangers quiet efective some times. But we talkers dont talk because we have to, but because we can't stopp. Its so interesting how genuinly different people can be.
@@sola4393 I’ve been loud since I was a kid it’s just how I speak, and I can confidently say that for a lot of other loud people. We’re not yelling and begging for attention in fact most of us are insecure cause we think we’re too loud. It’s not something you magically fix, just like how quiet people can’t all of a sudden become louder. You just sound super disrespectful.
Just to test my working memory: 1) Speak with your hands, boomerang eye contact, mid sentence pauses 2) Give praise to others 3) Relaxed and confident body language 4) Be non reactive
@@joshm1636 this is a tricky one, it can look arrogant or wrongly applied imo so id say act according to the conversation, dont act confident in your body language when you're being compassionate, for example, because a friend is telling you a sad story or unfortunate thing that happened or whatever I also wouldnt if you're in a state where you wont talk for a while, but more when you know you can pounce an answer, or someone has expectation to where youd be in a conversation if that makes sense Just imo. Good day! :)
@@marc-andrecote2948 Oh no doubt it's situational, you coult take any of the video's points and drop them in situations where they are less effective at best and highly innapropriate at worst. It was just an addition to the commenter's dot points.
I'm gonna show my age on this one, (laughing at myself). There was a pretty good 80's movie called Remo Williams. When the instructor said " The wise man listens, the fool chatters". Makes tons of sense to me, Mr. Jack and hundreds others. I like it!
I just imagined Keanu speaking without the hand gestures and realized that the hand gestures make ALL the difference. They're his way of being loud and animated without speaking up.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGA this is wonderful! PRANK! IT is terrible! I looked in the mirror and saw something UNPRETTY: my face. GAGAGAGAG! But I am happy agayn because I have TWO HOT GIRLFRIENDS and I make cool YT v*deos with them! Good evening, love and peace, dear paul
When he tells a story, it really makes you picture what he's talking about, I proper imagined the motorbike, the cracked tooth, the blood in his mouth e.t.c
@@whufc-essex His verbal descriptions are like a massive handful of sour patch kids. Bit sour at first, but so sweet you just have to grab the bag and sit down for a snacking session. His hand gestures are the handsome and effective packaging but his descriptive story telling ... is the food. ❤️ 💕
Yet he s actually quite articulate indeed, that's the point! When someone can't organize his thoughts and uses a lot of hand gestures when speaks, that is another story.
I learned this while working retail. People have a tendency to react wildly, but I will always remain calm. I don't care if they threaten me. I'll stand still, and let them have their moments of anger. The best weapon is patience. Let them have their moment, and then strike back with common sense
My two (out of 3) friends always interrupt me mid-sentence to talk about something they like. This normally doesn’t bug me, but this happens EVERY time I start to talk about something. I feel like they probably find my sharing boring, and it hurts. It hurts that even though I listen intently with a grin about their stories of God of War’s entire plot (for reference, I was telling my friend about an interesting thing that happened in a video game I was playing and he somehow tied it to something Kratos could do in God of War and proceeded to tell me for the 70th time how unstoppable Kratos is before reciting the story like it was scripture), what they did in VR, their vaguely exciting events that happened while they were at work, or a simple meme, they are unable to listen about the thought, time, heart, and research I put into making a character for a short story in my grade 12 English course, my progress learning a 6 minute piece on piano (with no previous skill), something I learned while hiking or snowboarding, or an accomplishment in a video game. Every time, without fail, they interrupt me to talk about something else and I just listen. I comment a couples times to let them know I’m listening and engaged, but nothing more than that, and it hurts; am I really just that uninteresting, or do they simply not care? I know this isn’t very relevant to the video, but please, if someone is talking about something you don’t find interesting, I ask you to act interested listen anyway. Even though you don’t find it interesting, they do. They wanted to share it with someone, and they chose to share it with you, so please be respectful and show that you care by listening to what they have to say. I’m sorry for ranting, but the video brought this to my attention and I began crying. Then I realized there are probably others who go through this minor thing as well, so I wanted to write this. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, and I’m sorry. If anyone actually reads this, I humbly thank you from the bottom of my 17-year-old heart.
Before anyone asks, yes, I’ve been doing a large portion of the tips displayed in the video. Truth be told, I wrote this thinking that people would be bashing me in the comments, but I’m excited to share that this is not that kind of community! :D
I had similar issues when I was your age, and for many years after. I would seriously recommend finding new friends, even if you just make it a goal that takes a few years to obtain. Many people aren't open to, or interested in, things they aren't personally involved with. Fortunatelty there are also some people who are more open and interested in hearing new and different things. They are somehow a little harder to find, but they're out there.
when i notice this happening to me with a person i just cut back on the personal stories. most people love talking about themselves so i let them talk. i wait until they ask me a question and then ill try to talk. there are some people who just wont listen no matter what but it helped me to identify them so that im not constantly being interrupted and feeling bad. some people are just like this, no matter how old you are and conversation skills arent really taught in school
My friend, I'm 35 and I get what you're going through, because happened to me. The thing is that life changed me over the years and don't suffer this kind of situations or I deal with them differently but to help you I will say what I would to a 17-year-old myself if I could have the chance. Talk to yourself and make sure you understand you have your value. Understand that other people shouldn't measure that; it's youself, because the first will change quickly depending on the persons standing around you, and the second will not. If you do that you will get the confidence you need to choose who will get to listen to you, and not just the only ones you can. Don't be afraid to walk away from "friends" handicapping you, Because I did not and I regret it for those years. And I realized about this when for other reasons of life they were away from me and I clicked. You are young but I hope this gets to you and can make it right. Sorry for my english. Greetings.
Oh yes, I love this comment. True true true. You can have the best argument in the world, but if the person standing in front of you is not willing to consider it, just don't speak. Don't respond at all, let them speak cuz that's what they want to do, a self-praising monologue. To protect our words from deaf ears is a form of self-respect.
I had a moment like this the other day with someone.. I realized I was a lot more of a deep thinker than her. I was interested in figuring out the reason behind a strong belief she had & when I told her I had the opposite belief in regards to the topic she proceeded to talk over me, assume bold things without trying to understand my perspective, get offended at my belief, etc 🤣 as soon as I noticed she was getting offended I stopped wasting my breath.
Being unresponsive has yet another advantage in terms of social dynamics: it gives you time to come up with a more calibrated and proper response. Immediate responses are mostly conveigned by our amigdalas, the emotional core of the brain. If you can calm it down long enough, your frontal lobes can then take over, and you're probably have a rational more sensible solution to whatever is happening to you right now.
Yeah, also has to do with parasympathetic vs sympathetic activation, which has to do with the breath. If you control your breathing it can actually make it way easier to weather uncomfortable social situations and come off as at least nonreactive even if you can't think of the "right thing" to say, because when we're in sympathetic mode we breath quicker and your nervous system shuttles energy into the systems that are more geared towards reacting as quickly as possible to a threat. But if you intentionally bring your breathing into a slower rhythm, it shifts your body back into a more relaxed mode. I noticed this very recently during a few tense days with a guy I'm shadowing for an internship. He started to argue with me over some stuff and how I apparently had an attitude, I took a couple of long breaths and managed to say what I intended to say without blowing up or backing down. The damning thing about social anxiety is it reinforces itself. You obsess over saying the right thing, get into a sort of tunnel vision, and you stop being able to actually be in tune with the person or group of people you're with. Now that I've begun to be able to just relax around people, it's a lot easier to listen and carry on a conversation with someone just by being present. Tricks like the one on this channel help, but you can't really apply them if you're stuck in fight or flight mode. I read recently about how proper breathing actually does measurably increase blood flow to the frontal lobes.
This is definitely good advice if it is less of just a friendly group conversation, and more of a debate or difference of opinion on something that could get heated or needs a solution ASAP, or even if it’s just a source of stress or conflict etc
This is tremendously helpful. This entire time I've been my quiet non-Keanu Reeves, non-Chris Hemsworth self, and people haven't listened to me. In the future I will be Keanu Reeves and/or Chris Hemsworth and see if people treat me differently. Such practical info, easily applicable to my life. But seriously, sharing credit might be viewed favorably when you're already on top of the world and people see you as a megastar. At that point, you can afford to share all the credit you want - all eyes are already on you. For us serfs, "sharing credit" often means that people continue to step all over you and you get ZERO recognition.
My father was brilliant at non-reaction when people were upset. The more agitated they were the calmer he was. It would in turn send them into a frenzy and they would end up off-kilter allowing him to prevail every time. It was amazing to see. edit: In fact, it's occurring to me why he was such a well-respected and perfect personality for law enforcement. If you don't have cool calm confidence, don't enter law enforcement.
@@Noitisnt-ns7mo Thank you, he really was. I almost didn't put this since it will sound like a bs story to so many because he was unique, but there was one incident that was Steve-McQueen-level cool. We didn't know a car drove across the corner lawn. My sister gets home from a movie to see the (damaged-lawn) neighbor (2 doors right and across the street) approaching her car shotgun raised. She took off and called from a friend's house. My dad shuts off the lights and tells us to quietly stay inside. I peeked outside. Within 2 minutes my dad had retrieved his off-duty pistol , changed into a black turtleneck and he was moving through the yards like a ninja. I couldn't see how he managed to approach the neighbor without startling him, but he did. He calmed the neighbor and came back with the neighbor's shotgun which I think he returned after sufficient cool down time. That's some serious deescalation skills. Man I miss him. I learned a lot from him.
I think the main reason i had to eliminate police from my career is adhd. I couldnt reasonably say I'd be 100% efficient at the job if my attention can potentially be distracted. Its great for reading body language and other things, but the best police ive met are like this , quieter and respected. You will not be respected as a police if youre loud and obnoxious it just doesn't work.
Another pro tip. Don't surround yourself with people who play childish ego games like how loud they can be, or how much attention they can grab, and seek those who respect genuine communication and give you the time of day to share your thoughts, and appreciate quality intellect over social status. Not only will this feed your soul, but it prevents the cycle of trying to appear cool to people who it doesn't really matter to appear cool in front of.
I think the point of tips like these is mostly for situations where you can't necessarily choose who you're surrounded by, like work or school. Or for situations where you're surrounded by new people.
@Karl with a K Confidence is not the same thing as arrogance. I can see why you would confuse them though, because you are extremely arrogant. You also seem very confused. First, you said the person is "correct that charisma is not an effective tool in life." Next comment, you say they are "arrogant" and made an "incorrect assumption that charisma is valuable." Which is it? You have some really weird hang-ups about charisma. I guess because it doesn't neatly fold into your bizarre "winner, loser, helper, bandit" model? It's a good thing you don't have any charisma though. If you did, people would be more likely to fall for your little grift.
@@karlwithak. Charisma is extremely valuable if you know how and when to leverage it. Just talking down to people however is not useful at all, it is just a weak attempt to hide your own fear of inadequacy.
Damn so true. For me I’m stuck around a lot of these ego people. I work in sales, but it’s been easy to avoid their problems becoming mine since I’m WFH. But occasionally we all have to interact in person at the office and tomorrow is my first time seeing these people in 6 months. Came here to this video to make sure I remember to appear functional and not like I don’t want to be there whilst expending a minimal amount of energy. But yeah I couldn’t have said this better myself lol
I have found that being quiet, but standing my ground and staying consistent with my beliefs/morals has also helped with demanding respect. Its almost a quiet confidence that is exuded from you vs the loud and chaotic type if that makes sense?
People respect people who will accept consequences. Being consistent with our own principles and accepting the consequences of those choices is courageous, people respect that (this respect may come in the form of hatred/envy). Being quiet that way also means we don't often justify our choices or try and find excuses. It also means we have to show what we mean with actions (instead of words). So yeah, I agree with you.
Being quiet draws attention fro the people you want attention from. Speaking when you have something to say & being right or interesting will really get their attention.
Also, don't zone out mid conversation because you draw back to your inner thoughts. Try to be active and responsive. I always start off as the shy guy but regain my self confidence throwout the conversation simply by being more active and responsive.
1. Use hand gestures to grab and maintain attention, eye contact, natural pauses but in the middle of sentences, not at the end. 2. Share praise with others, give praise to other people. 3. Have a realaxed and confident body language, take up free space around you and lean back 4. Be non reactive like Geralt.
This helps. Thank you. I've been quiet all my life and it's a pain, people think I do it on purpose but it's just who I am. It took me many years to get used to talking over others when necessary and making eye contact to get someone's attention. Also noticed complimenting others on their opinion or good takes helps a lot on gaining respect.
Same I’ve learned to accept I’m a quiet person and that it isn’t a bad thing or boring cause far from it . Sometimes the inner thoughts are loud and guess that’s the balance we have here .
It has a downsize at work. Because I let others speak, it looks like I don't do much, I become invisible. More so during work-from-home. But yes, one must learn to recognize the right moments to do speak, and also say what hasn't been said, or rephrase/summarize a confusing/long statement from someone else.
Carry an air horn with you, and when somebody talks over you or otherwise gets out of line, let loose a blast and then calmly say: "You interrupted me" (or whatever happened). They'll learn pretty quickly
I would also add just making the occasional bold statement. That could be disagreeing with someone. Sharing a polarizing opinion. Asking a more personal question. Telling someone what you find attractive about them. Even one strong sentence can make a powerful lasting impression.
It’s the same with adds. Good or bad adds it doesn’t matter. Advertisement is advertisement and is better the stronger or opposing the message is. So giving strong statement or vibes is always good for a lasting impression
LOVE hearing Keanu say "I don't do stunts, I do action, as much action as I can. Stunt people do stunts. I don't get hit by a car." As far as "you know who," we all know she doth protest too much. And she's a perfect example of how talking doesn't instantly translate into respect.
One tactic I found incredibly useful (especially with flirting 😏) as a quiet person was being very animated with my facial expressions. Making goofy and caricature-esque facial expressions interspersed and well timed throughout my story held people’s attention the same way it does making goofy faces at a baby. I attribute it to nearly all of my success in social interactions
When I was a teenager and into my early twenties I was usually the loudest one in the room and displayed tons of outward confidence. I can almost pinpoint the moment that all changed. I remember reading a quote that was along the lines of "when you speak you are simply repeating what you already know but when you listen you have the chance to learn something new." That's when I decided to unnecessarily speak less often and really focus on what information other people are willing to share with me. It didn't take long before the good relationships I had got better and the not so good ones disappeared completely, and people who I felt didn't fully respect me started to visibly and verbally display their respect. People used to always ask for advice but never take my advice, now I'm asked for advice less often but my advice is almost always taken. The strong silent type approach has really helped delcutter and organize various aspects of my social life almost completely automatically. I highly recommend it 👌
Very good point. On the other hand, Jesus spoke up about the hypocrisy amongst religious leaders of the time, in ways they could not argue with however he took his stand when necessary as did and do many to date. Otherwise we all end up as cattle. Nothing changes. Isabel took her stand. And the mixed reaction and sly individuals use it against her and many others. I would like to believe she has been genuine in this matter, it is wrong to inflict others thoughts on her personal private thoughts. She spoke honestly in reply and should not have been challenged on that particular point.
I was definitely known for being a quiet person in high school. In my last year, a class mate of mine was being noisy while I was supposed to recite a poem. I knew the poem well, but I was still very nervous and I wanted to get through it, so I told him to shut up. Everyone was so shocked that the "quiet kid" would do that that it was almost more effective than had it been a louder person asking the same thing. When you're not loud all the time, the one time you are, people will think "well, if _she_ raised her voice, it must be serious."
Our 'female side of the family' is considerably louder, so my dad always raises his hand, or makes the pause 'T-sign' with his hands if he wants to talk and it definitely draws attention to him.
Thank you so much for creating this video. Coming from an introvert, sometimes it's a bit disheartening to see all the videos and pop articles telling introverts how to be more extroverted. This video, in contrast, was lovely. I'm going to try pausing mid-sentence going forward, as I have never thought about doing that before...
I have been an extrovert for as long as I remember, and now that I’m older, I can tell you if you have one friend is better than having a whole lot of acquaintances that some call friends. Anyone who says: “be more extroverted” won’t say the opposite to an extrovert. We are not all made for public speaking etc…or make a living from sales (a job made for an extrovert). Be true to yourself, and anyone who tries to convert you…can kiss you know what! We introverts are also happy when we are by ourselves, we don’t need others.
"Keep in mind the words of Sir Winston Churchill: 'Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~ Susan Cain
Fyi the pass wasnt going towards his face.the angle just makes it look that way.a different,more accurate angle ,shows the pass was go the side of him.
My case is kind of a paradox. While I'm talking, when I can get a word in edgewise, that is, other people in a group will seem to lose interest quickly, talk right over me and start conversations with others. If I stay quiet, then that seems to make them nervous, and I get asked why I'm so quiet and don't say anything. It's like people don't really talk with and converse, as much as they have a need for the noisy racket of talking at and be talked at all the time.
Same !That is me. People will cut me off mid-sentence and because I don’t want the spotlight on me I let it go. So I always get comments like “what is going in your mind?” Or “we barely know anything about you”. It actually affected my speech, so I started stuttering while speaking which never happened to me or I tend to get really nervous when the rare ones do listen To the point where I stumble over my words.
I never noticed much about how I behave, but I believe this is the reason why I somehow managed to captivate people and make friends, even being an extremely shy and introverted person. The biggest compliments I get are for my kindness and sincerity. Despite being shy and enjoying my solitude a lot, I also like to talk, my problem is taking the initiative, but if I somehow manage to capture someone's attention, I usually manage to keep it until it becomes a friendship.
I've learned to use the "keep looking in their eyes and be quiet" strategy when I want information from someone I asked a question. If it's a risk that you're lied to, this technique is gold
best way to get information is to ask a tangential question you already know the answer to, leave it open ended and wait for them to volunteer the information you're actually after. That's how police do soft interrogations.
The power of introverts! As a quiet person, I can identify with a lot of these (i.e. I do a lot of these things naturally), especially being non-reactive. I think it's about more than just being quie, but having a calm demeanor definitely makes you come off as undisturbed.
The issue is that people associate a lot of negative things with being quiet and nonreactive. Being calm while someone else is upset might lead them to carelessly label you a sociopath or someone who lacks empathy.
When this happens, you’re likely being manipulated. Because being fair minded, patient and not overly reactive is what a mature person should do. All of us probably know at least someone who can label the most rational behavior as pathologic. (you may be unwilling to ride their emotional roller coaster, but it doesn’t make you a bad person).
Many times when in disagreements and a person says something out of line I will just give them a silent go to hell look (for about twice as long as you normally would) before making my point. It is a silent display of power...they will realize verbal abuse isn't very effective against you.
The boomerang eye contact is amazing advice because I recently talked to someone who held direct eye contact the entire time she was talking to me, and it made everything she was telling me come off as somehow not genuine. Also loved the Keanu Reeves hand movement one for commanding people’s attention. I always have the problem of loud people talking over me, so I’m definitely going to try using more hand movements a split second before talking.
I treat everyone the same. I always start out with respect it’s up to the person I’m talking to that loses my respect. My honesty, character, integrity speak for themselves. Love me hate me I don’t care I don’t need approval to be me.
Imo mainly forgetting yourself in the moment and just being interested in the people around you is the biggest key to all of this. Try to leave the anxiety behind and enjoy the moment. The rest will happen naturally.
I know this sounds... absolutely absurd and unbelievable. But my life is changing drastically in every way. My knowledge increases and seeing these videos from you guys just made my life a lot better. It's like I understand life and... People itself. I did not follow your program and I already learn so, so much! I was unsure and insecure to move out of my comfortzone. But uhm... Now I feel so energized! I feel like I can take on the world and just share my energy with others. I can finally be myself :) I had this job interview and it was such an insane succes! I was offered 3 different jobs at once. I went out to the coffeehouse afterwards and got in a conversation, shared some stuff about the day itself and the manager was called right away. She offered me 2 jobs at the same time as well, lol. Life is so easy when following this channel :D I sort of forgot the main point, hence the edit. Thank you so much for sharing these small changes! It really helps a lot of people.
Here's a trick I use if I feel I'm being talked over: I raise my hand, classroom style. While not interrupting the ongoing debate or argument, this is a clear signal and it works as a distracting element, while being humorous and non-hostile. So I just patiently keep my arm raised until eventually, people will turn to me to hear what I have to say.
It might work. I find that the fact that I'm constantly interrupted when trying to finish a thought or story has turned me into a 'conversational bully'. I just won't shut up until I'm finished. If I have to get louder and louder, I will. It's obnoxious, but it's effective.
My old latin teacher was always like this. He NEVER had to yell, for us to be quiet. He'd just look around the room for a few seconds with his mouth shut. He was very well respected.
I could watch Keanu Reeves speak all day, he has such a humble and elegant way of delivering that is very attractive. And he's also very attractive to look at 😁
Had to comment because this is a solid video with genuinely great advice. How to achieve comfort and an air of confidence as a quiet person…. Needed this.
The act of being quiet by itself will make you powerful. Everyone is so eager to talk and show how much they know. It is the silent person that commands the room.
Or the one who gets bullied into thinking they are worthless leading to a life of fear and low self steem which is gonna brand them for life. Balance is the only thing that matters, not too talkative, not too quiet
There were 17 of us in a room, and we had this one person in that room talking about grilled cheese sandwich, taco and pasta, we had this one other person who for some reason decided to be quiet during that day, now the person discussing about how she makes all the foods mentioned above, asked everyone “Who wants Grilled Cheese? Sorry I wasn’t able to get the rest of the foods with me, but I do have 5 sandwiches with me, who wants them?” Everyone who wanted them spoke up, then the moment we’re all about to leave, the quiet person at the time finally spoke that she wants a sandwich, the instant regret on her reaction when she was told there there were only 5 sandwiches 🥪 that had all already been given, the person started asking about the sandwich maker about her sandwiches non-stop like how kids will talk about their favorite cartoon series in a way like she’s silently begging the other person to get her one of her sandwiches if possible 😂
In group of people where everybody is speaking loud you should always be aware the person who does not speak at all or speak less. Basicaly he owns the conversation. That will be the coldest badass from all of you
Sounds like your friends and you don't socially align. You can remain friends with em, but you may want to consider widening your social circle and having friends who enjoy the same thing. Can make a huge difference
absolutely, while all others around me are panicking wondering what the hell to do about the toilet paper shortage, I'm calmly quartering sheets of newsprint. I've spent the time not panicking, but working on a solution to the situation. I'm rather good at that, and have been in situations where like... example: a few weeks ago my electricity bill was overdue, got a letter through the door threatening collectors so I sat down for five minutes, called them up and in a nutshell explained to them that I get paid on X date, they'll get their balance then and not before, no amount of threatening me was going to make that happen any faster - you might as well tell the tide to stop coming in as you're standing on the low water mark. "This is the situation, here is the only solution on the table for you, deal with it." Of course I have alternatives, I have a choice of over a dozen suppliers! However as promised, the second my money came in I paid the balance. Because I don't do debt.
Y'know, I don't need these videos much, and god is that a big realization. I would have seriously considered purchasing your course if I hadn't resolved my confidence issues naturally. Watching these NOW makes me realize more and more that I'm already implementing these techniques. 3-ish months ago, I had absolutely none of the confidence I have now, and I was forced into a position where I would need to be prepared to talk to someone basically 24/7. It changed me, and I hope that everyone else can find that inner-confidence as well. It's there, trust me.
I can honestly say from experience that starting martial arts at a young age is the best way to learn respect of both mind and body of yourself and others. It's never too late to start. just make sure you find a teacher that is in it for the love and to teach, and not for glory or money. I started with Kung Fu at 7yrs old, went on to Karate at 11yrs old, then onto many other forms. I've always carried myself with confidence because I know that I am capable of protecting myself as well as others. I've stood up for numerous people throughout my life, and this has built lifelong relationships. Learn the arts. Find your inner self. It will come together for you.
I would posit that building mastery over any physical skill, not only combat arts, but even something like sport, dance, fishing, carpentry, skateboarding, bushcraft, etc., to the point it looks effortless, is great for building confidence. As we get into adulthood, the likelihood of a physical confrontation becomes relatively rare, but people who can do real things will always inspire confidence (in themselves and others) over those who can't.
Once we had a teacher in school. He came into the room, dropped his bag, we noticed him but didn´t stop talking altogether. He watched us as a group of people for a few seconds. Then he started talking very quietly. We barely could hear him. And to get to know what he had beentalking we all had to shut up. Then, after he had all our attention he made a few second break, thanked us for quitting talking and told us: If you want a group to listen to you, one option (instead of screaming and freaking out) is to start quietly with random text. They WILL give you the attention. And another technique I like in e.g. presentations is to take breaks and establish eye contact with people disturbing my speech. Everybody notices that I focus on these "bullies". Since it is embarassing for them that the whole audience noticed their misbehaviour, they won´t sisturb you again for the remaining time.
I would love to see a video of quiet women commanding respect. A lot of the body language is different for women. For example taking up space while listening.
Wow finally a comment about quiet women! Most of the clips in the video are about men except for Emma and her pause in mid-sentence. As a quiet woman, I overcame this in my own marriage but still leave the room when the men begin to congregate. And women, especially those in corporate jobs, have adopted the loud methods of getting attention. It's even worse dealing with them. There is just no point in trying to talk when others are not prepared to listen.
Because we have great schools for subjects like math and science, but no one really teaches us social and interpersonal skills growing up. It's nothing wrong with you man.
There are a lot more people pretending to know what they are socially doing than we imagine! It makes me laugh now that I am an adult to spot these awkward people, when I grew up thinking I was the only one! 😊 So many of us just go around improvising! Some of us are really good at pretending.
Interesting video, definitely going to be trying out the first part, I'm a quiet person and I often find myself unable to finish what I'm saying before someone else who's louder takes over. I'd love it if I didn't have to try to be louder than them just to finish my thoughts!
Something I learned in the Military from watching the senior enlisted deal with juniors. When you get irritated or absolutely pissed. Don’t YELL. Make direct eye contact. Speak is a medium paced firm and quiet/low tone. This will usually cause the listener focus very intensely on catching everything word you convey. Same idea can be applied to your children as well but add gestures or pointing to your face to keep them focused. That will help the build their ability to maintain eye contact and good communication skills.
I love this channel. I was always a charming and funny guy, but wanted to craft myself into something more inspiring such as Draper, Specter, or Bond. Using these videos over the past 5 years I have seen myself go from what I was to the person I have wanted to be and even this past weekend in a Batchelor party full of very confident and funny guys, I noticed that my attention, presence, and input was demanded the most out of everyone using things like these tips. Thanks for all you do
Sometimes silence has many advantages. The quieter you are, the more you can hear and understand how things really are. Creating good things takes time. And don't panic. Take all the time you need...💥🍀👑♥️💥
I was always quiet and a bit self conscious then I decided to become a Trade Union Official. The training and knowledge I was given changed me. I found that on many occasions I was more informed and trained than a lot of managers and was able to challenge them and put my views to them. I quickly gained respect ( without being a bully ) and then my Union members would not allow a manager to speak to them regards a work issue or a discipline matter without me being present. I always let my members know what the situation involved and how I was going to approach it.
Can't believe they can apply all of those things consciously. I already forgot what the first tip was when I was at the 5 minute time mark of this video. How can I even remember all those tiny things and details when I'm excited in the middle of the conversation!
Actually a lot of these things are or can become subconscious. I actually do most of (not all of) these things myself and never even knew these were tricks to earning respect, it's not really something I ever think about either. He mentions in the sitting one about inner confidence, being confident in yourself actually goes a long way to developing confident habits/behaviors. Sitting comfortably and taking up space is something that people often just do when they are confident and relaxed. Nervous/anxious/etc people tend to want to shrink themselves as much as possible, this is basic body language (which this channel has covered in other videos). So just learn to find confidence in yourself and what you have to offer, you'd be amazed at what comes on its own. People who believe in what they have to say tend to make themselves heard, and people who have something important to show will often make it seen.
Also, consider that this people on the videos ALREADY are respected. The channel analyses WHAT makes them respected, what is natural to them that got them where they are. So that we the regular people, have a chance to learn and maybe refine ourselves towards that. We try the tricks consciously, then they become automatic, then they become us. IF these tricks fit naturally to who we genuinely are, of course. But there are so many tricks to choose from!
I’m a quiet guy and have done this stuff for years but you have to be careful because it backfires sometimes. Other men sometimes see you as a threat or just stuck up depending on the context, even if you’re not rude. You really have to go out of your way to say nice things sometimes. I think a lot of men hate to not know what other people are thinking.
I've been a quiet person all my life. I can be loud when needed. I do these things, I think I figured it out over the years. Body language speaks louder than most words. I was shopping with my wife and she asked me, Why do guys nod at you? I told her it's because they respect me. She said, but you never even said anything to them. I told her that it is how I carry myself. She asked, Do you nod back? I said, If they deserve it. She looked so confused at my response.
The biggest issue for me is definitely things like eye contact and talking with my hands. Mostly due to my conversational skills being acquired through conversations on the internet where it is not face to face or doing a “task” like checking someone out at a cash register where eye contact isn’t always required. It gets really bad if it’s someone I’m nervous around. But hey, we all have something to work towards ya know
8:43 no, he's losing his temper because he was silent every other time and isn't respected anyway. Trapped in fear of losing a job he hates as soon as he had a chance to freely say what he was thinking and because his superior came to humiliate him again he let his anger explode
Started a new job,wanted to join the group, the conversation, he a regular good guy . After a while , realised it was bosoms and pecking order , alcohol , a lot of semi-informed bloviation. I am happier now by my self. It was painful and it took time but it's okay now. Times are so complicated into mini belief systems that I think it is asking for too much to expect everyone to know what they think about hard stuff.
I hear ya. Had a meeting recently where I constantly wanted to chime in because I disagreed with the host, but I think it’s better to sit quiet for a while and silently take mental notes. Also, it’s important to judge whether speaking up is worth it. Choose the hill to die on, so to speak.
I love this channel... Next time talk about how to work around your way of talking fast or stuttering...my friends are always mocking me of mumbling 😂😅 NB: this happens everytime I'm confronting someone or talking to a girl I happen to have a crush on Also talk about ways of calming yourself down when your are nervous to an extent that you even shake 😪😉👍🏾
explain to them that you're nervous and they're not helping you by mocking you. Friends should be supportive. As you become calmer you'll find you enunciate more clearly and stutter less. I can't hold a business conversation until I'm calm as a pond in winter. I stutter like you wouldn't believe. I get terrible stage fright, even if it's in a room with only 3-6 other people in it I know only by name. When I used to read court depositions, I'd start before the session by explaining to all present that yes, I do have anxiety, I do have a speech impediment caused by that that can manifest in selective mutism, which can lead to a panic attack, and that even though the subject matter is highly stressful I need that air of total calm to work. People understand, and unless they're like 8 years old, they generally accommodate.
I'm constantly impressed by Keanu. To me there is not much to admire in Hollywood or the entertainment industry but Keanu is the exception, he is a true role model.
It's no surprise that a lot of these conversations are from The Graham Norton Show. He has another conversational skill that can be just as important which is to invite others to continue talking. He always gets the best out of his guests and it's what makes him the best interviewer on TV anywhere today.
Watching this before work tomorrow. First time in 6 months I have to go in the office and be around team I usually never interact with. Some of them are mean and cliquey. I’m also down on energy and patience. So came here to try and find a way to still appear functional and not look like I don’t want to be there. It’s a quarterly business thing so I have to show face. Just want to expend the minimal amount of energy.
I suppose you can leave your sentence open-ended. Conjunctions are great for that. “I would like to go with you, *but* it’s just that I don’t have much time.” See in the video how Emma Watson tends to pause in between her sentences? How does she do it? With some conjunctions aye. And depending in the situation, a pause could actually be much more better. Because you’re watching this video, I’m going to assume that you are an introvert. And because I’m going to assume that you’re an introvert, I’m going to assume that you often take the backseat in conversations. Say you are talking 1-on-1 with another person. You’re taking the backseat, listening on as your conversation partner goes at it. From time to time, you’ll give him or her social cues that signal that you are still listening to them. Then sometimes they’ll ask you a question or for an opinion. At that moment you can take a short pause, ponder on an answer, and then provide your answer. You can take short pauses while answering as well. This just signals that you’re actually thinking about how you’re going to answer, and that you’re not just going to provide a half-assed answer. Pauses are amazing but you just have to practice them. Time them right and you’ll be golden.
It also helps to leave your mouth open or somehow pause your body mid-action (leave your hands up, finger pointed, eyes in thought). Your unrelaxed body language will show that you are not finished. If someone interrupts you at that point, you can then fully and dramatically relax your body (drop your shoulders/arms/hands, lean back on the chair, close your mouth, etc), and that will show them and everyone else that THEY interrupted you. It does happen that it gets noticed and you are asked to continue.
@@neliaferreira9983 people with a heard mentality don't tend to read the groups based on subtle body language, especially if their attention has been grabbed by a louder individual. I wouldn't recommend sitting back and waiting for someone to notice that.
Being quiet comes easy for me because I'm deaf but I noticed that when I do actually speak people tend to take me more seriously than someone who can't shut the fk up.
I can’t be unnoticed no matter how I try. I have the look I guess I get who’s that. I’m both quiet and outspoken. I’m a lotta things ignored is not one of them.
no matter where you are, self development and improvement is a journey to the end. Improve yourself for your self and for reasons grater than your self.
Being quiet gives you more opportunity to notices the little details in other people. 👌
True. I love that. Also, I want to listen twice as much as I talk.
BOOM! FACT.
You can learn a lot about yourself by observing others
Even better if you can combine being quiet with being a strategic thinker: deadly......
@Nicole 👍🏾👊🏿
1) Speak with your hands, boomerang eye contact, mid sentence pauses
2) Give praise to others
3) Relaxed and confident body language
4) Be non reactive
No. 4 is very important.
@@Baci302 trueee. i barely talk and im not funny at all but im in the most popular friend group in my school just because im non reactive and they all respect me
@@hmziyan You got no problem with narcissism though, quiet people don't brag about themselves to people that didn't ask, that's what cocky, immature and annoying people do...lol ...get help
2) Give praise to others
@@mericanignoranc3551 Perfectly summed up
These will feel forced at first especially being expressive with your hands when you're normally not but that's okay. It takes time to adopt more effective ways of communicating
As a quiet person myself, I've noticed that when I do actually speak up, people tend to listen more. I think it's because being on the quiet side, it makes people wonder more what's on your mind so they listen. It makes for the perfect opportunity to impress, make laugh, or get whatever point across that you want. Being non-reactive is another one. Never give someone the reaction they are trying to get out of you. It's almost like bait.
Agreed, and to make it better, try to have what others dont, than it'll be an absolute win condition for you
There is being quiet and then there is being silent. The ones who are near silent get the attention you speak of, the ones who are quiet are well......quiet.
It IS bait. They enjoy throwing it out there, just like fishing, desperately hoping others will pick it up and catch the bait. Then, just like their prey, the fish, you’re their food, they’re feeding off of your reactions. Even negative attention is good attention for the toxic types.
Exactly what I have told many others before. Listen to what is being said, gather your thoughts, and then speak. They will listen.
The less words used, the more meaning the words have.
Get real, nobody want to hangout with a quiet person. You got to be outgoing and talkative to be liked in your social circle.
It really helps if you can be casual about social interaction. There's no reason to be fearful. Just know you've been doing this since birth and nothing has killed you yet. You've got this. Don't doubt your own Competence.
Except when the entire group you're speaking with is determined to take the very first 0.7 second pause in your own speech as divine proof that you choose to forgo your speaking turn for the next 30 minutes, speaking over one another at gradually increasing volume while laughing their butts off over things that aren't even a little bit funny.
Some people just have the personality of a laugh track.^^
@@hazukichanx408 your social fears are speaking to you again, maybe its time to get new friends
@@hazukichanx408 I think you need new friends my guy
@@hazukichanx408 Take your time to find new friends. I know it is easier said than done but just be patient.
The only reason why ppl are afraid of social interactions is because they dont go outside. I used to be the same way by only answering yes or no to everything ppl would say till i got a job and developed social skills. Its not hard unless you start overthinking on what to say lmao
I've always been a quiet person. Call it shy, or reserved, or socially anxious or whatever but that's always been me. when I was 14 and first got to highschool my mom considered putting me into counselling because I wasn't able to put myself "out there" well enough to make friends, although I eventually met the people who are still my best friends today. I'm 28 now, and in the past 10 or more years, I've come a long way. People consider me highly charismatic and approachable, and I believe a part of my newfound charisma is owing to the fact that I discovered all of the "tips" in this video on my own through trial and error. I do all of the things in this video, and while yes, the super loud extroverts CAN still overshadow me because they "need" to be heard; while I'm speaking, people tend to listen. It's a good feeling.
Yo that's me but i've never had prob ems with making friends. I don't know why because at the end of the day I hate people, Of course i got few close friends. indeed it's a good feeling
Dislike loud people, feel sad for them to yell at the top of their lung and doing all these crazy movements to be heard. I just ignore them because it is just too loud for me to process their messages, most time is just garbage spill out to catch attention. It actually lower my respect for them.
Happy for you! As an extroverted person, I love social interaction and get energy from it. I also do not like super loud people, as they are not extroverted. Just in search of attention. A good extrovert and a good introvert share the same core values: we care for the interaction, just in different ways. I have also been defined as very diplomatic and approachable, and I a very calm when facing discussions. Of course, being Italian, some passion is always there, but that is a cultural difference. Keep going strong. There is noting wrong with being introverted, nor in being extroverted. The latter does not mean being unable to be heard or charismatic as much as the former does not mean not bein able to do so.
I talk all the time, belive me people don't listen so congratulation.
I do think only way to be heard is to not talk at all, and maybe not even in the end in a clear way, but kind of deep and mystical, that confuse them and then you go for the clear message when they are grasping for a message. I find that not talking at all in meatings at work with strangers quiet efective some times.
But we talkers dont talk because we have to, but because we can't stopp. Its so interesting how genuinly different people can be.
@@sola4393 I’ve been loud since I was a kid it’s just how I speak, and I can confidently say that for a lot of other loud people. We’re not yelling and begging for attention in fact most of us are insecure cause we think we’re too loud. It’s not something you magically fix, just like how quiet people can’t all of a sudden become louder. You just sound super disrespectful.
Just to test my working memory:
1) Speak with your hands, boomerang eye contact, mid sentence pauses
2) Give praise to others
3) Relaxed and confident body language
4) Be non reactive
This actually helps, thank you. Lol
3.5) Sit asymmetrical and take up the space around you
@@joshm1636 this is a tricky one, it can look arrogant or wrongly applied imo so id say act according to the conversation, dont act confident in your body language when you're being compassionate, for example, because a friend is telling you a sad story or unfortunate thing that happened or whatever
I also wouldnt if you're in a state where you wont talk for a while, but more when you know you can pounce an answer, or someone has expectation to where youd be in a conversation if that makes sense
Just imo. Good day! :)
@@marc-andrecote2948 Oh no doubt it's situational, you coult take any of the video's points and drop them in situations where they are less effective at best and highly innapropriate at worst. It was just an addition to the commenter's dot points.
I guess the message in this video is command respect through developing quiet confidence and have that be represented by the way you hold yourself
quiet people can often do this better than loud ones, choosing your words wisely and remaining calm can make all the difference
Both is good
Yes, less words makes each word more powerful. Also makes the actions count even more, cuz they are not drowned in (or replaced with) blabber.
Except if those people also lack confidence it is the worst.
I'm gonna show my age on this one, (laughing at myself). There was a pretty good 80's movie called Remo Williams. When the instructor said " The wise man listens, the fool chatters". Makes tons of sense to me, Mr. Jack and hundreds others. I like it!
@@MrCtr210 Fred Ward!!
I just imagined Keanu speaking without the hand gestures and realized that the hand gestures make ALL the difference. They're his way of being loud and animated without speaking up.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGA this is wonderful! PRANK! IT is terrible! I looked in the mirror and saw something UNPRETTY: my face. GAGAGAGAG! But I am happy agayn because I have TWO HOT GIRLFRIENDS and I make cool YT v*deos with them! Good evening, love and peace, dear paul
When he tells a story, it really makes you picture what he's talking about, I proper imagined the motorbike, the cracked tooth, the blood in his mouth e.t.c
@@whufc-essex
His verbal descriptions are like a massive handful of sour patch kids. Bit sour at first, but so sweet you just have to grab the bag and sit down for a snacking session. His hand gestures are the handsome and effective packaging but his descriptive story telling ... is the food. ❤️ 💕
I am so animated when I talk too and I used to feel embarrased about it. After I saw him doing it I felt better and felt free!!
Yet he s actually quite articulate indeed, that's the point! When someone can't organize his thoughts and uses a lot of hand gestures when speaks, that is another story.
I learned this while working retail. People have a tendency to react wildly, but I will always remain calm. I don't care if they threaten me. I'll stand still, and let them have their moments of anger. The best weapon is patience. Let them have their moment, and then strike back with common sense
My two (out of 3) friends always interrupt me mid-sentence to talk about something they like. This normally doesn’t bug me, but this happens EVERY time I start to talk about something. I feel like they probably find my sharing boring, and it hurts. It hurts that even though I listen intently with a grin about their stories of God of War’s entire plot (for reference, I was telling my friend about an interesting thing that happened in a video game I was playing and he somehow tied it to something Kratos could do in God of War and proceeded to tell me for the 70th time how unstoppable Kratos is before reciting the story like it was scripture), what they did in VR, their vaguely exciting events that happened while they were at work, or a simple meme, they are unable to listen about the thought, time, heart, and research I put into making a character for a short story in my grade 12 English course, my progress learning a 6 minute piece on piano (with no previous skill), something I learned while hiking or snowboarding, or an accomplishment in a video game.
Every time, without fail, they interrupt me to talk about something else and I just listen. I comment a couples times to let them know I’m listening and engaged, but nothing more than that, and it hurts; am I really just that uninteresting, or do they simply not care?
I know this isn’t very relevant to the video, but please, if someone is talking about something you don’t find interesting, I ask you to act interested listen anyway. Even though you don’t find it interesting, they do. They wanted to share it with someone, and they chose to share it with you, so please be respectful and show that you care by listening to what they have to say. I’m sorry for ranting, but the video brought this to my attention and I began crying. Then I realized there are probably others who go through this minor thing as well, so I wanted to write this. I didn’t intend for it to be this long, and I’m sorry. If anyone actually reads this, I humbly thank you from the bottom of my 17-year-old heart.
Before anyone asks, yes, I’ve been doing a large portion of the tips displayed in the video.
Truth be told, I wrote this thinking that people would be bashing me in the comments, but I’m excited to share that this is not that kind of community! :D
I had similar issues when I was your age, and for many years after. I would seriously recommend finding new friends, even if you just make it a goal that takes a few years to obtain.
Many people aren't open to, or interested in, things they aren't personally involved with. Fortunatelty there are also some people who are more open and interested in hearing new and different things. They are somehow a little harder to find, but they're out there.
when i notice this happening to me with a person i just cut back on the personal stories. most people love talking about themselves so i let them talk. i wait until they ask me a question and then ill try to talk. there are some people who just wont listen no matter what but it helped me to identify them so that im not constantly being interrupted and feeling bad. some people are just like this, no matter how old you are and conversation skills arent really taught in school
My friend, I'm 35 and I get what you're going through, because happened to me. The thing is that life changed me over the years and don't suffer this kind of situations or I deal with them differently but to help you I will say what I would to a 17-year-old myself if I could have the chance. Talk to yourself and make sure you understand you have your value. Understand that other people shouldn't measure that; it's youself, because the first will change quickly depending on the persons standing around you, and the second will not. If you do that you will get the confidence you need to choose who will get to listen to you, and not just the only ones you can. Don't be afraid to walk away from "friends" handicapping you, Because I did not and I regret it for those years. And I realized about this when for other reasons of life they were away from me and I clicked. You are young but I hope this gets to you and can make it right. Sorry for my english. Greetings.
“God damn you love taking. Let me finish !”
Sometimes I realize a conversation with certain people isn't worth trying to be a part of. Even if what I have to say is interesting or relevant.
Oh yes, I love this comment. True true true.
You can have the best argument in the world, but if the person standing in front of you is not willing to consider it, just don't speak. Don't respond at all, let them speak cuz that's what they want to do, a self-praising monologue.
To protect our words from deaf ears is a form of self-respect.
AMEN !
I had a moment like this the other day with someone.. I realized I was a lot more of a deep thinker than her. I was interested in figuring out the reason behind a strong belief she had & when I told her I had the opposite belief in regards to the topic she proceeded to talk over me, assume bold things without trying to understand my perspective, get offended at my belief, etc 🤣 as soon as I noticed she was getting offended I stopped wasting my breath.
WarMarmot and Nàlia Ferreira, So glad I saw this comment. So true and reminds me I don't need to waste my energy for their validation.
"Identify Drain People and eliminate them from your life." -Robert Ringer
My shower curtain is going to be so impressed
LMFAO
Practice makes perfect 😂
This comment made my day!
This went waaayyy over my head. Pls fill me in
😂😂😂😂☠️
Being unresponsive has yet another advantage in terms of social dynamics: it gives you time to come up with a more calibrated and proper response. Immediate responses are mostly conveigned by our amigdalas, the emotional core of the brain. If you can calm it down long enough, your frontal lobes can then take over, and you're probably have a rational more sensible solution to whatever is happening to you right now.
Yeah, also has to do with parasympathetic vs sympathetic activation, which has to do with the breath. If you control your breathing it can actually make it way easier to weather uncomfortable social situations and come off as at least nonreactive even if you can't think of the "right thing" to say, because when we're in sympathetic mode we breath quicker and your nervous system shuttles energy into the systems that are more geared towards reacting as quickly as possible to a threat. But if you intentionally bring your breathing into a slower rhythm, it shifts your body back into a more relaxed mode. I noticed this very recently during a few tense days with a guy I'm shadowing for an internship. He started to argue with me over some stuff and how I apparently had an attitude, I took a couple of long breaths and managed to say what I intended to say without blowing up or backing down.
The damning thing about social anxiety is it reinforces itself. You obsess over saying the right thing, get into a sort of tunnel vision, and you stop being able to actually be in tune with the person or group of people you're with. Now that I've begun to be able to just relax around people, it's a lot easier to listen and carry on a conversation with someone just by being present. Tricks like the one on this channel help, but you can't really apply them if you're stuck in fight or flight mode. I read recently about how proper breathing actually does measurably increase blood flow to the frontal lobes.
There are no immediate responses, those are reactions. Responses are thought out.
This is definitely good advice if it is less of just a friendly group conversation, and more of a debate or difference of opinion on something that could get heated or needs a solution ASAP, or even if it’s just a source of stress or conflict etc
FEX, VERY ASTUTE ! 👍
Very well thought out response
Never assume that loud is strong, and quiet is weak. The fiercest storms rise from the calmest." - Tommy Shelby
This is tremendously helpful. This entire time I've been my quiet non-Keanu Reeves, non-Chris Hemsworth self, and people haven't listened to me. In the future I will be Keanu Reeves and/or Chris Hemsworth and see if people treat me differently. Such practical info, easily applicable to my life.
But seriously, sharing credit might be viewed favorably when you're already on top of the world and people see you as a megastar. At that point, you can afford to share all the credit you want - all eyes are already on you. For us serfs, "sharing credit" often means that people continue to step all over you and you get ZERO recognition.
My father was brilliant at non-reaction when people were upset. The more agitated they were the calmer he was. It would in turn send them into a frenzy and they would end up off-kilter allowing him to prevail every time. It was amazing to see.
edit: In fact, it's occurring to me why he was such a well-respected and perfect personality for law enforcement. If you don't have cool calm confidence, don't enter law enforcement.
You can't, ultimately, fake or hid the truth. Your dad is probably a Badd Azz.
@@Noitisnt-ns7mo Thank you, he really was. I almost didn't put this since it will sound like a bs story to so many because he was unique, but there was one incident that was Steve-McQueen-level cool. We didn't know a car drove across the corner lawn. My sister gets home from a movie to see the (damaged-lawn) neighbor (2 doors right and across the street) approaching her car shotgun raised. She took off and called from a friend's house. My dad shuts off the lights and tells us to quietly stay inside. I peeked outside. Within 2 minutes my dad had retrieved his off-duty pistol , changed into a black turtleneck and he was moving through the yards like a ninja. I couldn't see how he managed to approach the neighbor without startling him, but he did. He calmed the neighbor and came back with the neighbor's shotgun which I think he returned after sufficient cool down time. That's some serious deescalation skills. Man I miss him. I learned a lot from him.
True.
I think the main reason i had to eliminate police from my career is adhd. I couldnt reasonably say I'd be 100% efficient at the job if my attention can potentially be distracted. Its great for reading body language and other things, but the best police ive met are like this , quieter and respected. You will not be respected as a police if youre loud and obnoxious it just doesn't work.
@@jdice6868 yes I’m sure he was very unique🤡
Another pro tip. Don't surround yourself with people who play childish ego games like how loud they can be, or how much attention they can grab, and seek those who respect genuine communication and give you the time of day to share your thoughts, and appreciate quality intellect over social status. Not only will this feed your soul, but it prevents the cycle of trying to appear cool to people who it doesn't really matter to appear cool in front of.
I think the point of tips like these is mostly for situations where you can't necessarily choose who you're surrounded by, like work or school. Or for situations where you're surrounded by new people.
@Karl with a K Confidence is not the same thing as arrogance. I can see why you would confuse them though, because you are extremely arrogant.
You also seem very confused. First, you said the person is "correct that charisma is not an effective tool in life." Next comment, you say they are "arrogant" and made an "incorrect assumption that charisma is valuable." Which is it?
You have some really weird hang-ups about charisma. I guess because it doesn't neatly fold into your bizarre "winner, loser, helper, bandit" model?
It's a good thing you don't have any charisma though. If you did, people would be more likely to fall for your little grift.
@@karlwithak. Charisma is extremely valuable if you know how and when to leverage it. Just talking down to people however is not useful at all, it is just a weak attempt to hide your own fear of inadequacy.
Damn so true. For me I’m stuck around a lot of these ego people. I work in sales, but it’s been easy to avoid their problems becoming mine since I’m WFH. But occasionally we all have to interact in person at the office and tomorrow is my first time seeing these people in 6 months. Came here to this video to make sure I remember to appear functional and not like I don’t want to be there whilst expending a minimal amount of energy. But yeah I couldn’t have said this better myself lol
I have found that being quiet, but standing my ground and staying consistent with my beliefs/morals has also helped with demanding respect. Its almost a quiet confidence that is exuded from you vs the loud and chaotic type if that makes sense?
Shelby and Michael corleone
People respect people who will accept consequences. Being consistent with our own principles and accepting the consequences of those choices is courageous, people respect that (this respect may come in the form of hatred/envy).
Being quiet that way also means we don't often justify our choices or try and find excuses.
It also means we have to show what we mean with actions (instead of words).
So yeah, I agree with you.
Agreed don't tell people who you are show them.
I don't know about that. I find that being quiet and firm gets me no respect from my younger siblings.
INTJ personality for sure.
Being quiet draws attention fro the people you want attention from. Speaking when you have something to say & being right or interesting will really get their attention.
Also, don't zone out mid conversation because you draw back to your inner thoughts. Try to be active and responsive. I always start off as the shy guy but regain my self confidence throwout the conversation simply by being more active and responsive.
1. Use hand gestures to grab and maintain attention, eye contact, natural pauses but in the middle of sentences, not at the end.
2. Share praise with others, give praise to other people.
3. Have a realaxed and confident body language, take up free space around you and lean back
4. Be non reactive like Geralt.
5. make sure you toss a coin to the witcher.
5. Don't hesitate to cast quen before an argument
7. Just load save if you'd chosen wrong dialogue
This helps. Thank you. I've been quiet all my life and it's a pain, people think I do it on purpose but it's just who I am. It took me many years to get used to talking over others when necessary and making eye contact to get someone's attention. Also noticed complimenting others on their opinion or good takes helps a lot on gaining respect.
Same I’ve learned to accept I’m a quiet person and that it isn’t a bad thing or boring cause far from it . Sometimes the inner thoughts are loud and guess that’s the balance we have here .
It has a downsize at work. Because I let others speak, it looks like I don't do much, I become invisible. More so during work-from-home. But yes, one must learn to recognize the right moments to do speak, and also say what hasn't been said, or rephrase/summarize a confusing/long statement from someone else.
Power to you
Carry an air horn with you, and when somebody talks over you or otherwise gets out of line, let loose a blast and then calmly say: "You interrupted me" (or whatever happened).
They'll learn pretty quickly
@@rodschmidt8952 😁😂
I would also add just making the occasional bold statement. That could be disagreeing with someone. Sharing a polarizing opinion. Asking a more personal question. Telling someone what you find attractive about them. Even one strong sentence can make a powerful lasting impression.
This is great. Statements like that go beyond the status quo, which will always make you standout even tho theyre quite
@@Superhero-Motivation Exactly! Glad it resonated with you.
This right here. This will create not just respect. But awe.
It’s the same with adds. Good or bad adds it doesn’t matter. Advertisement is advertisement and is better the stronger or opposing the message is. So giving strong statement or vibes is always good for a lasting impression
Very good
LOVE hearing Keanu say "I don't do stunts, I do action, as much action as I can. Stunt people do stunts. I don't get hit by a car."
As far as "you know who," we all know she doth protest too much. And she's a perfect example of how talking doesn't instantly translate into respect.
One tactic I found incredibly useful (especially with flirting 😏) as a quiet person was being very animated with my facial expressions. Making goofy and caricature-esque facial expressions interspersed and well timed throughout my story held people’s attention the same way it does making goofy faces at a baby. I attribute it to nearly all of my success in social interactions
When I was a teenager and into my early twenties I was usually the loudest one in the room and displayed tons of outward confidence. I can almost pinpoint the moment that all changed. I remember reading a quote that was along the lines of "when you speak you are simply repeating what you already know but when you listen you have the chance to learn something new." That's when I decided to unnecessarily speak less often and really focus on what information other people are willing to share with me. It didn't take long before the good relationships I had got better and the not so good ones disappeared completely, and people who I felt didn't fully respect me started to visibly and verbally display their respect. People used to always ask for advice but never take my advice, now I'm asked for advice less often but my advice is almost always taken. The strong silent type approach has really helped delcutter and organize various aspects of my social life almost completely automatically. I highly recommend it 👌
Very good point. On the other hand, Jesus spoke up about the hypocrisy amongst religious leaders of the time, in ways they could not argue with however he took his stand when necessary as did and do many to date. Otherwise we all end up as cattle. Nothing changes. Isabel took her stand. And the mixed reaction and sly individuals use it against her and many others. I would like to believe she has been genuine in this matter, it is wrong to inflict others thoughts on her personal private thoughts. She spoke honestly in reply and should not have been challenged on that particular point.
Sorry wrong subject, tired.
Yeah its been known for tousand of years, I am the talking type, but ask Sun Tzu about this opinion about talking or listening.
@@karlwithak.why do you feel the need to keep writing this nonsense
I was definitely known for being a quiet person in high school. In my last year, a class mate of mine was being noisy while I was supposed to recite a poem. I knew the poem well, but I was still very nervous and I wanted to get through it, so I told him to shut up. Everyone was so shocked that the "quiet kid" would do that that it was almost more effective than had it been a louder person asking the same thing. When you're not loud all the time, the one time you are, people will think "well, if _she_ raised her voice, it must be serious."
Lets take a moment to appreciate all the time spent finding and recording/downloading all these movie and interview clips
Our 'female side of the family' is considerably louder, so my dad always raises his hand, or makes the pause 'T-sign' with his hands if he wants to talk and it definitely draws attention to him.
Just realized I've been doing this ever since I was a kid. Wow. Now, I just gotta bring back my confidence after what pandemic did. Lol.
Shing ----- you've been doing what ever since you were a kid ?
@@julianadamico4702 me too
Thank you so much for creating this video. Coming from an introvert, sometimes it's a bit disheartening to see all the videos and pop articles telling introverts how to be more extroverted. This video, in contrast, was lovely. I'm going to try pausing mid-sentence going forward, as I have never thought about doing that before...
I have been an extrovert for as long as I remember, and now that I’m older, I can tell you if you have one friend is better than having a whole lot of acquaintances that some call friends. Anyone who says: “be more extroverted” won’t say the opposite to an extrovert. We are not all made for public speaking etc…or make a living from sales (a job made for an extrovert).
Be true to yourself, and anyone who tries to convert you…can kiss you know what!
We introverts are also happy when we are by ourselves, we don’t need others.
"Keep in mind the words of Sir Winston Churchill: 'Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen.” ~ Susan Cain
Why would you quote a quote?
- Michael Scott
@@tomm12307 lolllll
love the Kobe clip! Even when he had the most emotion, he was still a stone-cold killer on the court. RIP to a legend
Fyi the pass wasnt going towards his face.the angle just makes it look that way.a different,more accurate angle ,shows the pass was go the side of him.
Kobe - hilarious
He finally learned to pass
He probably got his confidence from doing maids in his hotel room.
My case is kind of a paradox. While I'm talking, when I can get a word in edgewise, that is, other people in a group will seem to lose interest quickly, talk right over me and start conversations with others. If I stay quiet, then that seems to make them nervous, and I get asked why I'm so quiet and don't say anything. It's like people don't really talk with and converse, as much as they have a need for the noisy racket of talking at and be talked at all the time.
Same !That is me. People will cut me off mid-sentence and because I don’t want the spotlight on me I let it go. So I always get comments like “what is going in your mind?” Or “we barely know anything about you”. It actually affected my speech, so I started stuttering while speaking which never happened to me or I tend to get really nervous when the rare ones do listen To the point where I stumble over my words.
@@moonchild8914 oh noo. This is me!
I never noticed much about how I behave, but I believe this is the reason why I somehow managed to captivate people and make friends, even being an extremely shy and introverted person. The biggest compliments I get are for my kindness and sincerity. Despite being shy and enjoying my solitude a lot, I also like to talk, my problem is taking the initiative, but if I somehow manage to capture someone's attention, I usually manage to keep it until it becomes a friendship.
I've learned to use the "keep looking in their eyes and be quiet" strategy when I want information from someone I asked a question. If it's a risk that you're lied to, this technique is gold
best way to get information is to ask a tangential question you already know the answer to, leave it open ended and wait for them to volunteer the information you're actually after. That's how police do soft interrogations.
The power of introverts! As a quiet person, I can identify with a lot of these (i.e. I do a lot of these things naturally), especially being non-reactive. I think it's about more than just being quie, but having a calm demeanor definitely makes you come off as undisturbed.
@Karl with a K Why are you lying?
@Karl with a K I said. Why are you lying.
Matt McConaughey is the definition of charisma. He is genuine and humble but confident.
We get it, you have a wide on for him :-))
The issue is that people associate a lot of negative things with being quiet and nonreactive. Being calm while someone else is upset might lead them to carelessly label you a sociopath or someone who lacks empathy.
When this happens, you’re likely being manipulated. Because being fair minded, patient and not overly reactive is what a mature person should do. All of us probably know at least someone who can label the most rational behavior as pathologic. (you may be unwilling to ride their emotional roller coaster, but it doesn’t make you a bad person).
I realize that Keanu is able to set up boundaries/direction in an interview without getting annoyed or rude.
Would you ever consider making a video on how to command respect over the phone, like for a Call Center job? Your content is amazing.
I’m no pro but I suggest keeping one tone of voice and not changing high to low etc.
@@hgjjjcgjbgujki2660 Hey that's actually a great tip that I hadn't thought of! Thanks!
Get the person’s first name and keep repeating it throughout the conversation.
@@mulliganstew72 That's another great one. It definitely makes an impact on their impression of you.
Read "How To Win Friends And Influence People". You'll get what you're looking for
Many times when in disagreements and a person says something out of line I will just give them a silent go to hell look (for about twice as long as you normally would) before making my point.
It is a silent display of power...they will realize verbal abuse isn't very effective against you.
The boomerang eye contact is amazing advice because I recently talked to someone who held direct eye contact the entire time she was talking to me, and it made everything she was telling me come off as somehow not genuine.
Also loved the Keanu Reeves hand movement one for commanding people’s attention. I always have the problem of loud people talking over me, so I’m definitely going to try using more hand movements a split second before talking.
I treat everyone the same. I always start out with respect it’s up to the person I’m talking to that loses my respect. My honesty, character, integrity speak for themselves. Love me hate me I don’t care I don’t need approval to be me.
Imo mainly forgetting yourself in the moment and just being interested in the people around you is the biggest key to all of this. Try to leave the anxiety behind and enjoy the moment. The rest will happen naturally.
I know this sounds... absolutely absurd and unbelievable. But my life is changing drastically in every way. My knowledge increases and seeing these videos from you guys just made my life a lot better. It's like I understand life and... People itself. I did not follow your program and I already learn so, so much!
I was unsure and insecure to move out of my comfortzone. But uhm... Now I feel so energized! I feel like I can take on the world and just share my energy with others. I can finally be myself :) I had this job interview and it was such an insane succes! I was offered 3 different jobs at once. I went out to the coffeehouse afterwards and got in a conversation, shared some stuff about the day itself and the manager was called right away. She offered me 2 jobs at the same time as well, lol. Life is so easy when following this channel :D
I sort of forgot the main point, hence the edit. Thank you so much for sharing these small changes! It really helps a lot of people.
*”The next chapter of your life has not been written yet, you hold the pen. Write the story you want to read.”*
Love from a small channel 💙
Dummies believe that niceness equals weakness. This has been consistent in my life. I zing them every damn time.
Here's a trick I use if I feel I'm being talked over: I raise my hand, classroom style. While not interrupting the ongoing debate or argument, this is a clear signal and it works as a distracting element, while being humorous and non-hostile. So I just patiently keep my arm raised until eventually, people will turn to me to hear what I have to say.
It might work. I find that the fact that I'm constantly interrupted when trying to finish a thought or story has turned me into a 'conversational bully'. I just won't shut up until I'm finished. If I have to get louder and louder, I will. It's obnoxious, but it's effective.
deep, calm and low voice will knock everyone around and they will listen to you. some people have this gift
My old latin teacher was always like this. He NEVER had to yell, for us to be quiet. He'd just look around the room for a few seconds with his mouth shut. He was very well respected.
I could watch Keanu Reeves speak all day, he has such a humble and elegant way of delivering that is very attractive. And he's also very attractive to look at 😁
In a planet of the apes kind of way
Had to comment because this is a solid video with genuinely great advice. How to achieve comfort and an air of confidence as a quiet person…. Needed this.
The act of being quiet by itself will make you powerful. Everyone is so eager to talk and show how much they know. It is the silent person that commands the room.
Or the one who gets bullied into thinking they are worthless leading to a life of fear and low self steem which is gonna brand them for life.
Balance is the only thing that matters, not too talkative, not too quiet
There were 17 of us in a room, and we had this one person in that room talking about grilled cheese sandwich, taco and pasta, we had this one other person who for some reason decided to be quiet during that day, now the person discussing about how she makes all the foods mentioned above, asked everyone “Who wants Grilled Cheese? Sorry I wasn’t able to get the rest of the foods with me, but I do have 5 sandwiches with me, who wants them?” Everyone who wanted them spoke up, then the moment we’re all about to leave, the quiet person at the time finally spoke that she wants a sandwich, the instant regret on her reaction when she was told there there were only 5 sandwiches 🥪 that had all already been given, the person started asking about the sandwich maker about her sandwiches non-stop like how kids will talk about their favorite cartoon series in a way like she’s silently begging the other person to get her one of her sandwiches if possible 😂
In group of people where everybody is speaking loud you should always be aware the person who does not speak at all or speak less. Basicaly he owns the conversation. That will be the coldest badass from all of you
This Channel never fails to help me
They need a Charisma on Command video on Neal Caffrey
And Nick Swanson.
It's hard to be my natural, quiet self when my friends always want to hang out in loud settings where I have to yell to simply be audibly heard.
Exactly!
Sounds like your friends and you don't socially align. You can remain friends with em, but you may want to consider widening your social circle and having friends who enjoy the same thing. Can make a huge difference
Even better if you can combine being quiet with being a strategic thinker: deadly......
Yeah his name is John Wick
absolutely, while all others around me are panicking wondering what the hell to do about the toilet paper shortage, I'm calmly quartering sheets of newsprint. I've spent the time not panicking, but working on a solution to the situation. I'm rather good at that, and have been in situations where like... example: a few weeks ago my electricity bill was overdue, got a letter through the door threatening collectors so I sat down for five minutes, called them up and in a nutshell explained to them that I get paid on X date, they'll get their balance then and not before, no amount of threatening me was going to make that happen any faster - you might as well tell the tide to stop coming in as you're standing on the low water mark. "This is the situation, here is the only solution on the table for you, deal with it." Of course I have alternatives, I have a choice of over a dozen suppliers! However as promised, the second my money came in I paid the balance. Because I don't do debt.
@@BlokeOnAMotorbike Automatic payments save me all that hassle. :-)
Y'know, I don't need these videos much, and god is that a big realization. I would have seriously considered purchasing your course if I hadn't resolved my confidence issues naturally. Watching these NOW makes me realize more and more that I'm already implementing these techniques. 3-ish months ago, I had absolutely none of the confidence I have now, and I was forced into a position where I would need to be prepared to talk to someone basically 24/7. It changed me, and I hope that everyone else can find that inner-confidence as well. It's there, trust me.
I'm generally a 'quiet' person but I hold a 'command' voice for use when needed. It really makes people sit up and listen.
I can honestly say from experience that starting martial arts at a young age is the best way to learn respect of both mind and body of yourself and others. It's never too late to start. just make sure you find a teacher that is in it for the love and to teach, and not for glory or money. I started with Kung Fu at 7yrs old, went on to Karate at 11yrs old, then onto many other forms. I've always carried myself with confidence because I know that I am capable of protecting myself as well as others. I've stood up for numerous people throughout my life, and this has built lifelong relationships. Learn the arts. Find your inner self. It will come together for you.
I would posit that building mastery over any physical skill, not only combat arts, but even something like sport, dance, fishing, carpentry, skateboarding, bushcraft, etc., to the point it looks effortless, is great for building confidence. As we get into adulthood, the likelihood of a physical confrontation becomes relatively rare, but people who can do real things will always inspire confidence (in themselves and others) over those who can't.
Bruce Lee said the most dangerous person in the room is the one who is most quiet
As someone who is quiet but part Italian, I think I have the hand gestures down. And I can get LOUD when needed.
Once we had a teacher in school. He came into the room, dropped his bag, we noticed him but didn´t stop talking altogether.
He watched us as a group of people for a few seconds.
Then he started talking very quietly. We barely could hear him. And to get to know what he had beentalking we all had to shut up.
Then, after he had all our attention he made a few second break, thanked us for quitting talking and told us:
If you want a group to listen to you, one option (instead of screaming and freaking out) is to start quietly with random text. They WILL give you the attention.
And another technique I like in e.g. presentations is to take breaks and establish eye contact with people disturbing my speech. Everybody notices that I focus on these "bullies". Since it is embarassing for them that the whole audience noticed their misbehaviour, they won´t sisturb you again for the remaining time.
I would love to see a video of quiet women commanding respect. A lot of the body language is different for women. For example taking up space while listening.
Hock a loogie right on the floor. If the person you are speaking to stops, let them know they have your permission to continue talking.
Wow finally a comment about quiet women! Most of the clips in the video are about men except for Emma and her pause in mid-sentence. As a quiet woman, I overcame this in my own marriage but still leave the room when the men begin to congregate. And women, especially those in corporate jobs, have adopted the loud methods of getting attention. It's even worse dealing with them. There is just no point in trying to talk when others are not prepared to listen.
The gesture advice is so awesome. I think I used it subconsciously before, gonna use it consciously now, hope my brain won’t screw it up lol
Why do I watch these videos like some sort of alien learning to be a human to try to blend in with society?
Because we have great schools for subjects like math and science, but no one really teaches us social and interpersonal skills growing up. It's nothing wrong with you man.
There are a lot more people pretending to know what they are socially doing than we imagine! It makes me laugh now that I am an adult to spot these awkward people, when I grew up thinking I was the only one! 😊 So many of us just go around improvising! Some of us are really good at pretending.
Because you're an alien learning to be a human to try to blend in with society?
Just look around, some humans forget that they have 2 ears and 1 mouth.
*PS..... Not everything needs a response, opinion NOR reaction.* 😶
You are not human, who told you that you were human? A book, your teacher your mother ? That which make you think you are human is not human.
Interesting video, definitely going to be trying out the first part, I'm a quiet person and I often find myself unable to finish what I'm saying before someone else who's louder takes over. I'd love it if I didn't have to try to be louder than them just to finish my thoughts!
Something I learned in the Military from watching the senior enlisted deal with juniors. When you get irritated or absolutely pissed. Don’t YELL.
Make direct eye contact. Speak is a medium paced firm and quiet/low tone. This will usually cause the listener focus very intensely on catching everything word you convey.
Same idea can be applied to your children as well but add gestures or pointing to your face to keep them focused. That will help the build their ability to maintain eye contact and good communication skills.
This gives me so much insight into why William Shatner speaks the way he does.
I love this channel. I was always a charming and funny guy, but wanted to craft myself into something more inspiring such as Draper, Specter, or Bond.
Using these videos over the past 5 years I have seen myself go from what I was to the person I have wanted to be and even this past weekend in a Batchelor party full of very confident and funny guys, I noticed that my attention, presence, and input was demanded the most out of everyone using things like these tips.
Thanks for all you do
Sometimes silence has many advantages.
The quieter you are, the more you can hear and understand how things really are.
Creating good things takes time. And don't panic. Take all the time you need...💥🍀👑♥️💥
I really like this group, you all bring good thought and qualities to the table. I'm glad I'm here and found you all.
Whatever this is I'm facing, I know I'll be okay." What a powerful line
I was always quiet and a bit self conscious then I decided to become a Trade Union Official. The training and knowledge I was given changed me. I found that on many occasions I was more informed and trained than a lot of managers and was able to challenge them and put my views to them. I quickly gained respect ( without being a bully ) and then my Union members would not allow a manager to speak to them regards a work issue or a discipline matter without me being present. I always let my members know what the situation involved and how I was going to approach it.
even a fool is thought wise
when he holds his tongue
Proverbs right?
This is really one of the best Channels I've subscribed to, it has helped me alot to grow as a person and is still helping me alot, thank you 👏✨
Can't believe they can apply all of those things consciously. I already forgot what the first tip was when I was at the 5 minute time mark of this video. How can I even remember all those tiny things and details when I'm excited in the middle of the conversation!
Actually a lot of these things are or can become subconscious. I actually do most of (not all of) these things myself and never even knew these were tricks to earning respect, it's not really something I ever think about either. He mentions in the sitting one about inner confidence, being confident in yourself actually goes a long way to developing confident habits/behaviors. Sitting comfortably and taking up space is something that people often just do when they are confident and relaxed. Nervous/anxious/etc people tend to want to shrink themselves as much as possible, this is basic body language (which this channel has covered in other videos).
So just learn to find confidence in yourself and what you have to offer, you'd be amazed at what comes on its own. People who believe in what they have to say tend to make themselves heard, and people who have something important to show will often make it seen.
Also, consider that this people on the videos ALREADY are respected. The channel analyses WHAT makes them respected, what is natural to them that got them where they are.
So that we the regular people, have a chance to learn and maybe refine ourselves towards that. We try the tricks consciously, then they become automatic, then they become us. IF these tricks fit naturally to who we genuinely are, of course. But there are so many tricks to choose from!
@@VazeulEzren yes but this comes down to "being confident will help you boost your confidence". Thanks for the advice.
I’m a quiet guy and have done this stuff for years but you have to be careful because it backfires sometimes. Other men sometimes see you as a threat or just stuck up depending on the context, even if you’re not rude. You really have to go out of your way to say nice things sometimes. I think a lot of men hate to not know what other people are thinking.
I've been a quiet person all my life. I can be loud when needed. I do these things, I think I figured it out over the years. Body language speaks louder than most words. I was shopping with my wife and she asked me, Why do guys nod at you? I told her it's because they respect me. She said, but you never even said anything to them. I told her that it is how I carry myself. She asked, Do you nod back? I said, If they deserve it. She looked so confused at my response.
The biggest issue for me is definitely things like eye contact and talking with my hands. Mostly due to my conversational skills being acquired through conversations on the internet where it is not face to face or doing a “task” like checking someone out at a cash register where eye contact isn’t always required. It gets really bad if it’s someone I’m nervous around. But hey, we all have something to work towards ya know
8:43 no, he's losing his temper because he was silent every other time and isn't respected anyway. Trapped in fear of losing a job he hates as soon as he had a chance to freely say what he was thinking and because his superior came to humiliate him again he let his anger explode
Very good way to get respect from people. More likely to work in the conditions were people have higher social status than you.
Started a new job,wanted to join the group, the conversation, he a regular good guy . After a while , realised it was bosoms and pecking order , alcohol , a lot of semi-informed bloviation. I am happier now by my self. It was painful and it took time but it's okay now. Times are so complicated into mini belief systems that I think it is asking for too much to expect everyone to know what they think about hard stuff.
Had a huge chuckle at 8:46 for "You don't have to be stoic to invoke confidence" ... I see a sad, strange little man, who needs help.
Love these videos. They've helped me slow down, chill out, stress less, and approach things with my intelligence first rather than emotion.
Think I gotta work on the being non-reactive one the most. I have a short temper and light up like a firecracker when someone pisses me off.
I hear ya. Had a meeting recently where I constantly wanted to chime in because I disagreed with the host, but I think it’s better to sit quiet for a while and silently take mental notes. Also, it’s important to judge whether speaking up is worth it. Choose the hill to die on, so to speak.
I love this channel...
Next time talk about how to work around your way of talking fast or stuttering...my friends are always mocking me of mumbling 😂😅
NB: this happens everytime I'm confronting someone or talking to a girl I happen to have a crush on
Also talk about ways of calming yourself down when your are nervous to an extent that you even shake 😪😉👍🏾
explain to them that you're nervous and they're not helping you by mocking you. Friends should be supportive. As you become calmer you'll find you enunciate more clearly and stutter less. I can't hold a business conversation until I'm calm as a pond in winter. I stutter like you wouldn't believe. I get terrible stage fright, even if it's in a room with only 3-6 other people in it I know only by name. When I used to read court depositions, I'd start before the session by explaining to all present that yes, I do have anxiety, I do have a speech impediment caused by that that can manifest in selective mutism, which can lead to a panic attack, and that even though the subject matter is highly stressful I need that air of total calm to work. People understand, and unless they're like 8 years old, they generally accommodate.
I'm constantly impressed by Keanu. To me there is not much to admire in Hollywood or the entertainment industry but Keanu is the exception, he is a true role model.
It's no surprise that a lot of these conversations are from The Graham Norton Show. He has another conversational skill that can be just as important which is to invite others to continue talking. He always gets the best out of his guests and it's what makes him the best interviewer on TV anywhere today.
*"If people are doubting how far you can go, go so far that you can't hear them..."* If you are reading this, I hope you have an amazing day!
In the end, just be yourself. That projects confidence too.
This is what I call: asserting dominance.
Watching this before work tomorrow. First time in 6 months I have to go in the office and be around team I usually never interact with. Some of them are mean and cliquey. I’m also down on energy and patience. So came here to try and find a way to still appear functional and not look like I don’t want to be there. It’s a quarterly business thing so I have to show face. Just want to expend the minimal amount of energy.
“Don’t make pauses at the end of your sentences.” But what if my brain is slow and I need time to think of my next sentence??
I suppose you can leave your sentence open-ended. Conjunctions are great for that.
“I would like to go with you, *but* it’s just that I don’t have much time.”
See in the video how Emma Watson tends to pause in between her sentences? How does she do it? With some conjunctions aye.
And depending in the situation, a pause could actually be much more better. Because you’re watching this video, I’m going to assume that you are an introvert. And because I’m going to assume that you’re an introvert, I’m going to assume that you often take the backseat in conversations.
Say you are talking 1-on-1 with another person. You’re taking the backseat, listening on as your conversation partner goes at it. From time to time, you’ll give him or her social cues that signal that you are still listening to them. Then sometimes they’ll ask you a question or for an opinion. At that moment you can take a short pause, ponder on an answer, and then provide your answer. You can take short pauses while answering as well. This just signals that you’re actually thinking about how you’re going to answer, and that you’re not just going to provide a half-assed answer. Pauses are amazing but you just have to practice them. Time them right and you’ll be golden.
It also helps to leave your mouth open or somehow pause your body mid-action (leave your hands up, finger pointed, eyes in thought). Your unrelaxed body language will show that you are not finished.
If someone interrupts you at that point, you can then fully and dramatically relax your body (drop your shoulders/arms/hands, lean back on the chair, close your mouth, etc), and that will show them and everyone else that THEY interrupted you. It does happen that it gets noticed and you are asked to continue.
Commence the longest hmm until you come up with something 😂
@@neliaferreira9983 people with a heard mentality don't tend to read the groups based on subtle body language, especially if their attention has been grabbed by a louder individual. I wouldn't recommend sitting back and waiting for someone to notice that.
Being quiet comes easy for me because I'm deaf but I noticed that when I do actually speak people tend to take me more seriously than someone who can't shut the fk up.
im still trying to get over him calling Geralt "Jeralt"
Pronouncing Geralt's name wrong isn't a good way to command respect.
who's Geralt
I can’t be unnoticed no matter how I try. I have the look I guess I get who’s that. I’m both quiet and outspoken. I’m a lotta things ignored is not one of them.
no matter where you are, self development and improvement is a journey to the end. Improve yourself for your self and for reasons grater than your self.
Who disrespects someone for being quiet...if you do, I don't need your respect.