@@TherapistTamaraHill Yay I like these short focused videos, helps me organize and can be worked into playlists. Also it helps me with recommending to ppl. Thanks Ms. Hill!
Even knowing I have to be in the same room as some relatives I can feel my anxiety heighten and my hackles rise! Obviously ready to defend myself! Thanks Tamara xx
Thank you for this topic I am now working on communication and being defensive is something I'm overcoming now that I have healed from other parts of my childhood trauma we can unlearn the dysfunction we were brought up in God has helped me alot in these areas through my relationship with Jesus these videos and my recovery crestons wife
Raised by malignant Narcissist mother and enabler codependent dad; raised in child abuse/neglect. Today, I live with cptsd, cfs, fibromyalgia, hypertension hypothyroidism , insomnia from hypervigilance. I have long attempted to protect myself from people places things via defense mechanisms. I know that such measures served a purpose but are self defeating. These mindsets and behaviors threatens my true self. I've been sorely impacted by my toxic painful upbringing coupled with a racial battle fatigue and now Covid19. 🙂 I know God knows all about me so I do the best I can for me and those I love. And then lean on God's love and grace. I'm not as broken as I ustah be. I'm grateful.
That's wonderful! Yes, God knows all about you and knows how to heal you too. Being able to identify self-defeating actions is also a blessing. We can spin in that confusion for years but being able to identify them and come out is a blessing in and of itself.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I appreciate the information you impart. I even venture forth in my world ....make good decisions for me.... based on your relative, much needed, well received information. Thank you. May God reward your contributions...
5 Stars!!!!! A lot of people only think of defense mechanisms as marijuana smoking, excessive drinking ( to the point of getting totally inebriated or singing gospel music. Thank you for this!
Thank you SO much for your videos.... I'm currently working through so much childhood PTSD. I found your videos tonight while looking for videos on forgiving childhood trauma. I'm so glad I did. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on TH-cam for free! What a gift to share with others! ❤️ If you haven't already, would you consider doing a video on emotional abuse when a parent makes you their emotional parent/therapist/spouse/all three? I've heard the term "emotional incest" used, but I know that term is a bit controversial. If you already have, I apologise that I haven't found it yet. :)
You're welcome! And thank you. 💖 I'm really glad this was helpful. here is my video on emotional incest th-cam.com/video/KCrmoPJhhUs/w-d-xo.html. Take good care
These videos are really informative, i really appreciate this one, we all have a way to cope with circumstances and its great to know how it’s actually done and that yes , its normal/common yet there are destructive coping mechanisms that could use help, and that it can be helped! Thank you!
These immature/destructive defense mechanisms --- it's like 1 step forward and 9 back; it's like bailing 1 bucket of water out of a sinking boat while 9 buckets pour in; This woman is totally correct about it being an unhealthy way to cope. It doesnt do the job but for a few moments. Then it comes back to get you 9 times worse.
Yeah,that driving somewhere, and getting there only to wonder how you had got there kind of thing, ive also experienced it myself too more than once. Sometimes when i drive i'll even kind of have an out of body type experience. Thankfully it has not occured again with me more recently
I think that's truly stress-induced because I'm sure if you think about it at the time it was happening you may have been under some kind of stress. When that happens it's time for us to pull over in life and figure out what needs to change. For me at the time, it was leaving a colleague's practitioners practice and ending my 1 hour 20min drive both ways!
can you explain why defensive mechanisms aren't a healthy thing? cause the defensive person see's it as a coping mechanism, thus they see it as healthy.
As crestons wife I also have defensive childhood trauma I had come from alcoholism in both sides of family and even those who stopped drinking have and are abusive the only thing that changed is many of them stopped drinking but some never did yet even when the ones stopped drinking permanently their personality was the same on my dad's side but they were still verbally abusive and abuse their wives and children behind closed doors I learned that for their wives or children and the same with my dad the only thing that changed they quit the habit but they are the same person and they only quit the symptom alcoholism is only the symptom of a larger problem until they get healed on the inside it makes no difference that they quit the addiction permanently if they are still the same inside no matter what the addiction if you are not renewed daily living in reality with a sober mind about who you are and clean the inside of the cup what difference does it make if you are clean on the outside if you are not clean on the inside of the cup first clean the inside of the cup and you will be clean on the outside of the cup Jesus said
Very informative. Is it considered having imaginary friends when start thinking about famous people or movie characters as real partners, friends or family in your life?
Thank you! I say it depends on how involved you are with that. I have family eho do this but it's clear they understand reality. When you cannot decipher reality from fiction that's a problem.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Well thanks...my ex girlfriend and I just broke up mainly because of a lot of issues and patterns that she continued to keep... I believe we both have trauma from previous relationships that also contributed....We just broke up on the fifth and the same night she spent the night with someone else.... Where it hurts like hell for me as I am in love with her I just want her to heal and get counselling like she said she was so we may be able to get back together in the future.... I don't think I want her back now that she's in this new relationship(rebound) so soon like she didn't give a shit about me at all... Then she posted the relationship a week later.... I have started some counseling cause I want to heal completely so I won't damage anyone else or continue to be damaged myself.... I'm in Ohio do you do any therapy here via zoom... What kind of insurance do you take?
I'm sorry to hear this. This is almost always difficult to live with but you have to keep in mind that you are your #1 priority. If she doesn't respect you enough to walk away and keep her new relationships "under wraps" then that tells you something about her character. Sadly. It's a good thing you are getting counseling for yourself. You may come to really like it too! Unfortunately, I am not taking on new clients in other states right now because of all of the confusion with COVID rules and regulations for psychotherapists. Once this calms down I should be good to go! I take all major insurance companies for future reference. Take care!
It was supposed to say that my mom people know how to talk kind my dad's people never have known how to talk kind but other than that the problems are similar but even worse on my dad's side because they are cruel with their tongue and kill you with their words and they think they know everything and are my way or the highway they are arrogant boastful and rude that's the big difference between my dad's people that's what my dad's people are like my mom's people talk kinder and don't act like that but as far as alcoholism and abuse it's the same way some drink some don't but the symptom went away but all they did was get rid of the symptom which is alcohol but they didn't get rid and work on the deeper issues that caused them to act the way they do alcohol is just a symptom of a much larger problem it's more than putting down the addiction it's working on yourself and changing not just the addiction but changing ourselves through Jesus Christ through Christ we can but apart from Jesus Christ we can't do anything
As crestons wife I don't have imaginary friends or relatives or spouses as an adult as a kid that's normal to have imaginary friends I don't ever remember anything beyond imaginary friends as this is not the kind of defensiveness that I'm looking for it's in defending myself in communication nothing else nothing like what you are talking about I know it exists but I'm looking for it in communication
Wow this episode was illuminating. Would you consider doing a defense mechanism series where you go into depth about each one?
That's great!! Glad this was helpful.
And yes, I will put that on the list!
@@TherapistTamaraHill Yay I like these short focused videos, helps me organize and can be worked into playlists. Also it helps me with recommending to ppl. Thanks Ms. Hill!
@Jan Jan
Thank you!! This is great. I will be posting more like this in the month of November.
@@janbonne same here.
Even knowing I have to be in the same room as some relatives I can feel my anxiety heighten and my hackles rise! Obviously ready to defend myself! Thanks Tamara xx
You're welcome!
I know what you mean.
WOW. I have used almost all of these... Just made me realize which ones i'm still using... This was an awesome episode!
Thank you! Glad this was helpful!!
Thank you for this topic I am now working on communication and being defensive is something I'm overcoming now that I have healed from other parts of my childhood trauma we can unlearn the dysfunction we were brought up in God has helped me alot in these areas through my relationship with Jesus these videos and my recovery crestons wife
Raised by malignant Narcissist mother and enabler codependent dad; raised in child abuse/neglect. Today, I live with cptsd, cfs, fibromyalgia, hypertension hypothyroidism , insomnia from hypervigilance. I have long attempted to protect myself from people places things via defense mechanisms. I know that such measures served a purpose but are self defeating. These mindsets and behaviors threatens my true self. I've been sorely impacted by my toxic painful upbringing coupled with a racial battle fatigue and now Covid19. 🙂 I know God knows all about me so I do the best I can for me and those I love. And then lean on God's love and grace. I'm not as broken as I ustah be. I'm grateful.
That's wonderful! Yes, God knows all about you and knows how to heal you too. Being able to identify self-defeating actions is also a blessing. We can spin in that confusion for years but being able to identify them and come out is a blessing in and of itself.
@@TherapistTamaraHill I appreciate the information you impart. I even venture forth in my world ....make good decisions for me.... based on your relative, much needed, well received information. Thank you. May God reward your contributions...
That is wonderful!!
Thank you so much.💖
5 Stars!!!!! A lot of people only think of defense mechanisms as marijuana smoking, excessive drinking ( to the point of getting totally inebriated or singing gospel music. Thank you for this!
🤦♀️ so true
And thank you!!
Can you relate to any of these defenses? Dissociation was obviously my stress-induced method.🤷♀️
Very interesting and Helpful video,
Thank you Beth!
@@TherapistTamaraHill your welcome 🙏
I wish I hadn't broken the device used to use, this one can't see The comu ity posts as its unable to update so I feel like I'm out of loop now.
@Beth I'm sorry! Look really close under the video and you should see it. It's hidden for cell and iPad users.
This channel is a gold mine, I've been thinking about this the last couple of days. Thank you love 💯🌟
So glad!😊 Glad this is helpful to you.
You're welcome!!
Thank you SO much for your videos.... I'm currently working through so much childhood PTSD. I found your videos tonight while looking for videos on forgiving childhood trauma. I'm so glad I did. Thank you for sharing your knowledge on TH-cam for free! What a gift to share with others! ❤️
If you haven't already, would you consider doing a video on emotional abuse when a parent makes you their emotional parent/therapist/spouse/all three? I've heard the term "emotional incest" used, but I know that term is a bit controversial. If you already have, I apologise that I haven't found it yet. :)
You're welcome! And thank you. 💖 I'm really glad this was helpful.
here is my video on emotional incest th-cam.com/video/KCrmoPJhhUs/w-d-xo.html.
Take good care
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thank you!!!
Loved this one!!!!! Thank you. My husband uses stonewalling and paranoia. Very frustrating.😡
Thank you! Glad to hear this.
I think certain genders use specific defensive tactics but not aure of the research supports this thought.🤔😏
These videos are really informative, i really appreciate this one, we all have a way to cope with circumstances and its great to know how it’s actually done and that yes , its normal/common yet there are destructive coping mechanisms that could use help, and that it can be helped! Thank you!
Thank you! I'm glad they are helpful!! ☺
Just had a 💡💡💡 moment! This is very informative! Thanx for these nuggets! 👍🏿
Absolutely! You're welcome.😊
Wow this is informative information thank you 🔥💯
Glad it was helpful! Welcome 😊
Thank you thank you thank you !!!!
You're welcome!!
Love the new music by the way! Fits you perfectly.🧡
😁👍👍
Thank you so much for this! Your videos are so helpful.
I'm so glad! You're welcome and thank you!!
These immature/destructive defense mechanisms --- it's like 1 step forward and 9 back; it's like bailing 1 bucket of water out of a sinking boat while 9 buckets pour in; This woman is totally correct about it being an unhealthy way to cope. It doesnt do the job but for a few moments. Then it comes back to get you 9 times worse.
Facts
Yeah,that driving somewhere, and getting there only to wonder how you had got there kind of thing, ive also experienced it myself too more than once. Sometimes when i drive i'll even kind of have an out of body type experience. Thankfully it has not occured again with me more recently
I think that's truly stress-induced because I'm sure if you think about it at the time it was happening you may have been under some kind of stress. When that happens it's time for us to pull over in life and figure out what needs to change. For me at the time, it was leaving a colleague's practitioners practice and ending my 1 hour 20min drive both ways!
@@TherapistTamaraHill yes high stress was definitely present at the time
can you explain why defensive mechanisms aren't a healthy thing? cause the defensive person see's it as a coping mechanism, thus they see it as healthy.
Tamara rocks!!
Thank you Mimi!!
As crestons wife I also have defensive childhood trauma I had come from alcoholism in both sides of family and even those who stopped drinking have and are abusive the only thing that changed is many of them stopped drinking but some never did yet even when the ones stopped drinking permanently their personality was the same on my dad's side but they were still verbally abusive and abuse their wives and children behind closed doors I learned that for their wives or children and the same with my dad the only thing that changed they quit the habit but they are the same person and they only quit the symptom alcoholism is only the symptom of a larger problem until they get healed on the inside it makes no difference that they quit the addiction permanently if they are still the same inside no matter what the addiction if you are not renewed daily living in reality with a sober mind about who you are and clean the inside of the cup what difference does it make if you are clean on the outside if you are not clean on the inside of the cup first clean the inside of the cup and you will be clean on the outside of the cup Jesus said
I literally cried watching this because it all makes since now
💖
Very informative. Is it considered having imaginary friends when start thinking about famous people or movie characters as real partners, friends or family in your life?
Thank you!
I say it depends on how involved you are with that. I have family eho do this but it's clear they understand reality. When you cannot decipher reality from fiction that's a problem.
Thanks for these it is helping me.... Do you have a Facebook account?
You're welcome! That's good to hear! I only have a business Facebook page. I'm not a fan of Facebook! 🤷♀️ lol
@@TherapistTamaraHill Well thanks...my ex girlfriend and I just broke up mainly because of a lot of issues and patterns that she continued to keep... I believe we both have trauma from previous relationships that also contributed....We just broke up on the fifth and the same night she spent the night with someone else.... Where it hurts like hell for me as I am in love with her I just want her to heal and get counselling like she said she was so we may be able to get back together in the future.... I don't think I want her back now that she's in this new relationship(rebound) so soon like she didn't give a shit about me at all... Then she posted the relationship a week later.... I have started some counseling cause I want to heal completely so I won't damage anyone else or continue to be damaged myself.... I'm in Ohio do you do any therapy here via zoom... What kind of insurance do you take?
I'm sorry to hear this. This is almost always difficult to live with but you have to keep in mind that you are your #1 priority. If she doesn't respect you enough to walk away and keep her new relationships "under wraps" then that tells you something about her character. Sadly.
It's a good thing you are getting counseling for yourself. You may come to really like it too!
Unfortunately, I am not taking on new clients in other states right now because of all of the confusion with COVID rules and regulations for psychotherapists. Once this calms down I should be good to go! I take all major insurance companies for future reference.
Take care!
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thanks
You're welcome. Take care!
Where is your office based?
Pennsylvania. I'm in the boring state!
I get defensive when I get put on the spot
It was supposed to say that my mom people know how to talk kind my dad's people never have known how to talk kind but other than that the problems are similar but even worse on my dad's side because they are cruel with their tongue and kill you with their words and they think they know everything and are my way or the highway they are arrogant boastful and rude that's the big difference between my dad's people that's what my dad's people are like my mom's people talk kinder and don't act like that but as far as alcoholism and abuse it's the same way some drink some don't but the symptom went away but all they did was get rid of the symptom which is alcohol but they didn't get rid and work on the deeper issues that caused them to act the way they do alcohol is just a symptom of a much larger problem it's more than putting down the addiction it's working on yourself and changing not just the addiction but changing ourselves through Jesus Christ through Christ we can but apart from Jesus Christ we can't do anything
As crestons wife I don't have imaginary friends or relatives or spouses as an adult as a kid that's normal to have imaginary friends I don't ever remember anything beyond imaginary friends as this is not the kind of defensiveness that I'm looking for it's in defending myself in communication nothing else nothing like what you are talking about I know it exists but I'm looking for it in communication
i mean if we feel the need to disguise our "inadequacies then yes. how about you people stop creating these inadequacies?