It cannot be overstated how much of an incredible person Chris Ulmer is. He never pretends to be a doctor or a therapist, he doesn't attempt to 'fix' people, mostly because people don't need fixed. He's just there with no bias or judgment, asks questions, and befriends them.
He really is a unique, open observer, always listening, learning, and caring. We could all use a CU in our lives! I pray he does his work with enough left over himself to do it over again. Bless you, Chris!!! 🙏
Marlon is a breath of fresh air. So real, and transparent This is what the black community needs right now when addressing mental health issues. Thank you brotha
@@aaronjames3228 yes. We are taught to either pray about it or " follow God don't worry about what man say or do" "Go lay down" "You too young to have stress or problems "( said alot to kids)
As a person with BPD I agree. We just want to be loved and shown we are accepted as we are. I get ignored at work because they think I'm strange. This makes me feel even more worthless and controls me. I feel useless and pointless. People don't understand how ignoring others has a huge impact on our mental health. BPD or not.
I'm so sorry ppl ignore u. I hope u do know u have worth and aren't pointless. Noone should feel like they have no worth just bc of one part of them. Everyone deserves to be loved.
I have BPD. I wait more than 15 years for diagnostic. I don't understand why psychoanalists don't share the diagnoste...is so frustating make me anger. I am from Portugal. But i see that in EUA they share the diagnost.
@@CB73666 Sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with people who have BPD but it's grossly unfair to assume every person with BPD is at fault for whatever situation they're in. Don't take abuse but don't write off people you don't know as abusive just because they have a condition.
I agree. I got fired from my last job because my manager at the time gave me false love and then manipulated me to say something that wasn't true. Next thing I knew he triggered my BPD and I blew up into a panic attack
@@marielfalk4537 it's hard to risk bring vulnerable with people, but learning good boundary setting helps to know who are the right people to share with. Best to you in your journey of healing 👍💖🌈
@@Ohlanaye I can't speak outside anything but my own home, growing up. But I totally felt what you said about excuses. I guess I forgive people now because they just didn't understand. They didn't know. Especially some of the older folks in my family. Sadly though, some learned the hard way in their older age, with depression and anxiety, that mental health problems can be horrible and debilitating and not just an excuse. I came from a long line of women with bipolar. Many of them were undiagnosed for their entire lives and they truly suffered for their lack of knowledge. Their lives could have been so much better if they had the information and the ability that we have to seek help. There are some people in my life that it feels good to know they understand better now. But it does hurt my feelings that they only know because they're personally experiencing it.
@venus as a boy Oh stop these kind of comments. It is very relevant to mention this as black and white culture are not the same. In black culture mental health issues are pushed aside A LOT. Almost like they do not exist. Thus to see another black person talk about his mental health is a form of representation. The problem is not pointing out or differences, the problem is that we treat each other different based on our differences. Now, keep your irrelevant remarks to yourself and just enjoy the video.
As a Black woman and a therapist who has dealt with an anxiety disorder for decades, I wish this young man’s message was seen in by every Black child. May peace find Marlon.
Maaaaaan. This got to me. I get you so much man....so so much. I have generalised anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and Bulimia. It all sucks. The thoughts of 'why am I here', 'do I deserve to be here?' It honestly drags you under.....especially being anxious all the time....it all drags you under. What you said about kids is so spot on. They aren't malicious or evil. They're honest. Best humans ever. Just how God wants us to be. So glad he did this video. Thank you Sir. You helped me so much today. Thank you.
I have anxiety and its bad enough, I could not imagine what you go through :( but you are beautiful and I'm sure you are an amazing person so keep your chin above water!!!
You're here because we need you. You might not know why today. Keep looking around. You'll know when you see it. You are here because we need you to be.
I have all of these disorders! I rarely see people with BPD who are older than me so this makes me feel hopeful because sometimes it's so hard to live with this disorder. So proud of him
IDK how old you are, but I've got BPD (& a few others as well) and I'm gonna turn 40 in a few months. I don't think I ever really expected to live past 18, so I'm more than proud of my 40 - it was hard earned! :D
There’s probably a few people you’ve met with BPD and you might have not known. I was friends a boy for 4-5 in middle school and didn’t know he had BPD until high school 😳
I am 31 years old and living with BPD..life will always be a rollercoaster, but there is hope..your biggest aide will always be understanding family and friends, unjudgemental support and love with good boundaries. If the people in your life are not giving you this then find your real ones that will! Sometimes a therapist helps, and sometimes they dont listen but NOT all BPD leads to suicide..remember..you are loved..and I love you too and just because u are more alive then the rest of the world does not mean you were a mistake or flawed in any way ❤
I was diagnosed with BPD about 15 years ago. My BPD has got easier to deal with as I have gotten older. I've learned to recognize some behaviors, and catch myself before things take a bad turn. I really struggled in my teen years and my 20s though. Love to all others that deal with such issues. Reach out for help if you are struggling. Everyone needs help every once in awhile ❤
@@Anounceof You're welcome! Just keep pushing yourself, and things will get easier. Still will have some shitty days, but you will notice a difference.....so will others around you ❤
Marlon really struck me when he compared the signs of a bad spell with a train coming at him but he's unable to jump out of the way. All he can do is stand there and let it hit him. That's what a lot of people don't understand about depression and other mental illnesses. And he worded it so beautifully.
Comments?????? Awesome. Also if the comments are still up in a few days I hope Marlon sees this, I love you man! You are worthy and deserving of love and you are loved.
Finally. I have bpd, anxiety and PTSD and it's comforting to know I'm not alone🦋 I'd love to talk to this man, we have very similar views and he sounds very intelligent. He seems like a great person🖤
This is the most transparent interview I've ever seen on mental health. He have said everything I've ever heard in the Black Community when it comes to mental health. Thank you for introducing Marlon to us and allowing him to speak freely about something society tries to make taboo. He seems very upbeat and enthusiastic. I love you Marlon❤ P.S. I'm soo happy the comment section is back turned on🤗
I have BPD, generalized anxiety, depression and PTSD too. And let me tell you, this man is speakin the whole truth. Im not black, but i live in mexico, and getting mental health help is still considered "not very important " in here, thankfully, i have a supportive family, but its been hard to find proper help while having people really getting out of their way to tell me im crazy. Its been tough, but im getting there. Currently seeing a super good therapist and i couldnt be happier. Much much love to ya Marlon, youre not alone💕
Marlon you have such a bubbly, likeable personality! You're right about everyone wanting to be loved Marlon, and my hope is, now that you are part of the SBSK family, you feel our love every single day of your life💕
Last year at 24 I got officially diagnosed with BPD after knowing I’ve had it for over 15 years and like this wonderful man said it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders! Even if it wasn’t a surprise to me at all, it still felt great to have an actual professional confirm what I already knew. I wish I got diagnosed when I was a child, but better late than never, I guess 🤷🏽♀️😂 Sending Marlon and everyone, with or without mental/physical issues, all the love and hugs in the world ❤️
sorry to lecture you, but nine year-olds can IMPOSSIBLY have any kind of personality disorder. personality expresses its final shape in your 20s. therefore this is the time to diagnose and treat a disorder related to it.
@@urabagofcells2228 whilest I see where you are coming from that person you are replying to is correct. When I got diagnosed with eupd it was diagnosed as emerging eupd because although it's something I'd always have you can't truly be diagnosed with a PD from mid 20s onwards because that's when personality is mostly capd unless big changes are made
Dude. How he said he feels about people is so damn accurate. Marlon, if you see this, I get you, man. I have BPD, Bipolar, CPTSD, ADHD, and Depression. You're loved.
I have all of these disorders and ADHD. It feels so good to see someone so similar to me :) I felt so relieved when I found out I had BPD everything just felt so valid and not made up anymore. Thank you so much for sharing 🌞
Thank you for sharing, Marlon. We have a similar stigma in my family/Chinese community with mental health. It’s so hard and often unfair, I’m glad you have awareness now. Rooting for you!! Much love from my family and I to you!
same in Ukraine. The only reason to visit psychiatrist here is you're disabled because of your mental illness. If you can take care about yourself, you don't have any problems - that's how people think in our country
Awe, I think many people just want the same as he stated, to be loved and someone to express they truly do love us no matter what, he just had the courage and sweetness to express it.
i am ED i would like to get to know you i have add and feels so lonley not having that one woman in your to be there for you and understand you and hold you.
I love the way he described the way his mind works...bunch of territorial fighting male cats in a fired up dumpster. Very smart thinks...quick on his feet. Also being raised in a black household I totally understand where he's coming from. Good luck brother🙏
I think that I have BPD and I've suspected it for 10 or so years now. When I first read about it, it sounded just like me, but I've never had a diagnosis for it. To Marlon: my appointment is coming up to see a doctor and I'm on a quest to get all of the diagnoses that I need to have a better life. Thanks for sharing. 😊
Same here sweetheart, I am waiting for my appointment and it's coming so soon. I love my current/future BPD people. I love you, stay strong we are going to get better❤️
Blessings to him because he's handsome? We should all really try to stop focusing on physical appearance. It hurts all of us more than it helps, no matter what we look like.
@@camez2345 they offered him a compliment, and then their blessings... You're simply assuming the connection between the two and then lecturing them for it. Not cool.
I can’t thank you enough for showing us a male case of Borderline. As a fellow guy with Borderline, it’s nice to know the world is starting to fight the stereotype of BPD being a women’s disorder.
0:57 marlon, i love you. i happen to have all disorders listed in the title and i hope you know how good it made me feel to know that i am not alone. and i know i’m not the only one who was relieved as you bravely opened up about what it is like to live like this and know we’re not alone. thank you for being our voice, marlon. we love you.
it's really interesting to me about the whole "i love you" thing. Cause one of the main symptoms of BPD is fear of abandonment and unstable relationships. im not saying this is necessarily true in this case at all, but it is typical for the disorder.
As someone who has BPD I can tell you that we feel things so strongly that just a simple I love you from a stranger can change our whole mood in seconds, and give us that little bit of light we need to get through the day. An “I love you” to some of us can mean not spiraling down a well of thought and guilt and shame for things that we can’t control
People RARELY mention that with consistent treatment (DBT is imperative) symptoms are manageable after 10 years. When you’re constantly turned down for treatment because of the stigma, how are you able to do that for 10 years?! Media especially highlights the most severe cases. There are even 4 types and they are very different. Heartbreaking really
@@lilo5437 yup. People with BPD can be narcissistic or even have NPD, as they are both cluster B personality disorders. However, key word - “can.” It’s the same thing with empathy. Those with BPD are capable of feeling extreme empathy. Also, those with BPD are also likely to have multiple co-morbid mental illnesses and those can completely change the presentation. At the end of the day, it’s all a spectrum.
@@alexandraa5424 True! It’s been so discouraging to see symptom relief from DBT only to have things get bad again after struggling to find a new provider.
Also, I have also thought that I didn’t deserve to say I had PTSD because I didn’t see combat or anything like that but pain is relative and so is trauma and you can be traumatized by many things and you are deserving of treatment and labeling your trauma for what you experienced I’m very thankful for this video thank you for helping me feel less alone 💯🙌🖤👌
It’s always interesting to hear from people with BPD. Helps me figure out my previous experiences where people would react in ways that I completely didn’t understand. Knowing just how deeply they feel slights and fear and abandonment clarified things for me.
Such a strong, sweet man. Marlon, know that you ARE loved. I have similar diagnoses, and I understand some of your struggles. I love you, dude! Sending virtual hugs!!!!
I'm a Black woman living with social and generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and severe depression. I prolonged treatment for so long because of the conditioning I learned to "be strong" and "give it to God." Marlon, thank you for telling your story. I love you! You're a light!
A few years ago I was engaged to a woman who I sincerely believe had BPD. It was obvious to me that it was developed from years of consistent out right gaslighting from mainly her father and some from her mother. I loved her very much. After 18 months, it was so rooted in her, and she refused to keep going to therapy, it got to the point where it was too damaging and dangerous in ways for me. I still grieve that situation. Still I pray for her to this day. I struggle with not hating her parents for what they did to her.
What a kind kind soul, his story really meant a lot to me. Saying how seeking help made you a strong person is so damn true and so hard for people to see sometimes.
I'm not diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but with a few other things, though I've always had a hunch that I have it. I identify with this guy on every single level of what he was saying, thanks for the confidence boost bro.
I was diagnosed with BPD yesterday by my psychologist,I had experienced childhood abuse and neglect nd was abandoned by my girlfriend nd my father died last year,I struggle a lot with self harm and loneliness, people think of me as a arrogant rude person but I just can't help,I joined gym and started learning boxing, but still I feel sad I don't know whether I will be ok or not,if someone is reading this, I hope you are ok and you are not alone,I love you
Marlon, thank you for your pure honesty. “We can heal ourselves and still remain strong”. That was such an impactful thing that you said. I love you Marlon!!!! 💜God loves you!!! You are valuable and made for a purpose. Please remember that you’re not alone.
This man is profound. Just within the first 3 minutes I'm learning so much. "I just want someone to say I love you." "Ignorance slowly drives you insane. Truth is bliss, because then you can work to move forward." Amazing stuff. ALSO HOLY CRAP I'M LEAVING A COMMENT WAIT WHAT???
Thank You, Marlon! I, myself have BPD... I know the type of neglect that creates doubt, undeserved guilt, self-loathing, solitude while you're surrounded. I know it's difficult to show your true emotions and self 'cause it never helped, there was no relief. Anger is such a safe outlet; it lead me to self-harm. I didn't get help till well into my 30's. Thank You, Marlon, for creating this video and having the willingness to share!
This was a really, really thoughtful interview. I think it's so important to talk about this things for BIPOC and especially Black men, who are told they cannot show these emotions or have these feelings. As a person of color with mental health disorders, I appreciate what both Marlon and Chris said so much. I really admire Marlon's bravery in speaking on this, the deep thought he's put into his own lived experience, and how he embraces who he is and KNOWS he's an awesome person. Not despite of mental health disorders, but with them.
Marlon's genuine candor and overall honesty affected me so deeply that I finally made an appointment to be hopefully diagnosed with something fixable or at least manageable. My symptoms, thoughts and idealisms seem to match symptoms of those with BPD. Thank you Marlon...
Thank you Chris for interviewing Marlon. I think as a now adult black woman , it’s soooo IMPORTANT for our community to speak out & share their experiences living with mental health disorders in a positive space like yours. Many people in my community are adults living with these disorders and afraid to get diagnosed based on shame and not realizing that there are many of us out here struggling in silence. There’s so much shame in my community and being seen as crazy or weak by having a MH disorder. I’m so glad Marlon shared his experiences
I have bpd, social anxiety, depression and ptsd.. thank you so much for bringing this beautiful man onto your channel. I see now that I’m not alone 💛 I wish I could be friends with him he seems so strong
I don't usually comment on these videos, which is a shame because this community is so beautiful, but what a lovely soul. I could listen to him talk for hours. I have a very similar set of diagnosis, my loved ones weren't always accepting and kind about them either. I also agree that "I love you" is one of the kindest, most wonderful and reassuring things someone could say to another person. Sometimes you need a hug, but with words. It is very refreshing to be reminded that we are all humans who are looking to live positively for another day. I am so glad I am subscribed to this channel.
I genuinely want to be this guy's friend, he seems so genuine and I can relate to a lot of his experiences. Just a really solid person who I'd love to talk with. Keep your head up Marlon, love is everywhere
1. Please tell that man I love you from me 😊 2. I've been diagnosed with BPD, 7 years ago and live with severe social anxiety, PTSD, heavy depression, panic attacks and a form of an eating disorder diagnosis since 10 years. I appreciate this man and his words so so much. Because many people have romanticized pictures about these illnesses in their head which is really concerning tbh. I learned to live with my mental illnesses but they are still there and I struggle everyday. It's getting better but some days are really really hard. All of us, who struggle and fight everyday, I'm so proud of us that we're still here and still fighting 💪🏼
We have comments?! I feel honoured to be able to for this great guy. I love how authentic each video is, where you really get to know a personality of someone. This guy is so genuine and sweet.
Wow, I’ve been following SBSK for a MINUTE (basically since when it started) - never miss a video, and this is easily one of my favorite interviews. I resonate with/have a lot of these disorders and I feel so seen, as if by own friend. I can feel his passion - he is SUCH an incredible advocate and fighter. Marlon, I don’t know you, but I feel your spirit, and I love you! We need more people like you. You speak so beautifully for so many great causes. And Chris, same to you - both wonderful people❤ thank you for sharing!
I wrote a paper in Grad school about mental heat him our black community. My parents didn't know WHAT TO DO about m anxiety attacks. I agree Marlon boo. I appreciate that you said what you said. And yes , spirituality... we all need love. I wish I could send Marlon letters and just let him know he is 100% appreciated, valued, and loved. This interview was awesome as usual Chris lol.
I have struggled with BPD for most of my life. I love this guy. It’s very hard to get over the constant dips and jumps in emotions and opinions. It’s hard to explain why you change your opinions so often and why you suddenly feel so against or passionate about something, but people like Marlon are making it easier for people like me to express what we feel to more people; including ourselves. Fantastic video as always.
Marlon, you're awesome! Thank you for being honest & open about your mental illnesses. You seem like a caring guy to me. Saying that you don't want to deminish other people's PTSD, even though your diagnosis is still valid, shows that you're thinking about them. And wanting other black kids to seek & find help for their mental health issues, also shows you care. I'm proud of you! I know what it's like to struggle to get out of bed because of mental health issues. You have my total respect for what you're dealing with & how you're dealing with it. The world is truly a better place for you being in it. I would highly recommend you get involved with black kids with mental health issues, you would be an amazing role model to them.
Dude when he asked how he felt when you learned what was wrong with you he expressed that so SPOT ON . THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS...living 35 years not knowing why you do things the way you do and feel outside yourself is so hard, it causes internal turmoil. Learning was like HAVING A HUGE WEIGHT LIFTED OFF MY BACK TOO. I have PTSD borderline personality disorder and G.A.D. . I had all through school and left high school cause of it. The condition ruined relationships made work very difficult cause everyday felt like a first day even after 8 years at one job. I found out only 5 years ago it's changed my life knowing my condition. The most simple tasks are mountains and you become a different person when you go places ....I call it putting on suits, well my therapist called it that and it totally spoke to me. Most people wouldn't even know I struggle cause I hide it well. Im very reclusive but get hyper around strangers and family so I seem social but really I'm in survival mode just getting through a specific task . It drains my batteries just going grocery shopping . I can only do a few things at a time or I get overloaded. And her I am spilling my issues ROFL 🤣 WITH STRANGERS ONLINE 😂 Yep that me ...
Marlon, hearing you at 1:53 affirming how loved others are is one of the hardest things about having BPD. We have such an extreme amount of empathy for others and their pain but our brains seem to starve us of the same kindness to ourselves. Especially when we’ve seen the impact of our BPD on the lives of others. So I just want to say I love you and YOU are loved and YOU are cared for 💕🫶🏾
Marlon sounds a LOT like myself. Glad I got help when I was younger and learned how to better cope because my family has a history w/ Mental Heath. I am even more glad to see that Marlon looks like he is doing phenomenally well. Also YAY for being able to post positive comments again.
I wish the world was as accepting as this comment section. Damn really hit me when he said taking a shower is a win with someone with these diagnoses. I hope we can find a way to help people with any type of these illnesses. They deserve it. I want to be as positive as this dude.
I love him so much already! My mom was recently diagnosed with BPD, it’s a heck of a journey to get to a diagnoses, let alone speak about your personal experiences. Makes me happy to see him smiling ☺️
My experperience with people with borderlines try the hardest. Like you said: everybody is trying. Even if nothing succeeds, not getting out of bed or not being nice we should desl with the outcome but never doubt the intention is there. I applaud you for trying, sounds like you have had a trying path to come so far, but I'ld say by doing this insightfull interview your doing good... real good. So love, applaus, respect and congratz on that! Thnx for sharing
This man jus brightened my whole day. You are an incredible person! I appreciate everything you said in this video. Keep being strong because you’re doing amazing :) lots of love
I am so glad a person of color, especially a male perspective is shown. As someone of color with these same mental illness combo, it is so hard to find people that are similar to me
I have sooo much in common with Marlon. I tell myself the same exact things. I am constantly desperate for affection and love, though I push people away when we start getting close.
Stellar interview! Marlon is so articulate and honest in describing what he's been through. Asking for help is strength, not weakness + you are not alone = powerful messages he wants others to hear, especially black children. It's hard to push through the stigma society puts on talking about mental health issues, his encouragement to tell someone and ask for help means a lot. Thank you Marlon and Chris.
People said I was crazy for feeling happy when I got diagnosed. It’s not that I wanted it, but that as this man said, every fuckn thing made sense. Now I could put a name on it and know what I’m dealing with, instead of just wandering and flopping without knowing why.
I have borderline personality disorder, ASD, anxiety and ptsd. I feel this so much and I'm so glad they made a video about this combo of disorders. I love him so much hes so sweet
When he said alot or people with mental disorders just want to be loved. We feel unloved. It's so true. That made me cry. Bc that's how I feel. I just want to be loved. That's it. I know my illnesses are rooted in feeling unloved and abandoned ny the people who were supposed to love me. God bless you man. I love you! My brother in Christ❤
It cannot be overstated how much of an incredible person Chris Ulmer is. He never pretends to be a doctor or a therapist, he doesn't attempt to 'fix' people, mostly because people don't need fixed. He's just there with no bias or judgment, asks questions, and befriends them.
Ik God bless him
He really is a unique, open observer, always listening, learning, and caring. We could all use a CU in our lives! I pray he does his work with enough left over himself to do it over again. Bless you, Chris!!! 🙏
To actually show caring like that is what is actually healing
>mostly because people don't need fixed.
?????????????????????????????????????????
@@alexz2702 why the question marks?
Marlon is a breath of fresh air. So real, and transparent
This is what the black community needs right now when addressing mental health issues. Thank you brotha
Yes, I agree!
One voice at a time! 👍🙏💖
♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡
Is there a lot of stigma about it in the black community
@@aaronjames3228 yes. We are taught to either pray about it or " follow God don't worry about what man say or do"
"Go lay down"
"You too young to have stress or problems "( said alot to kids)
As a person with BPD I agree. We just want to be loved and shown we are accepted as we are. I get ignored at work because they think I'm strange. This makes me feel even more worthless and controls me. I feel useless and pointless. People don't understand how ignoring others has a huge impact on our mental health. BPD or not.
I'm so sorry ppl ignore u. I hope u do know u have worth and aren't pointless. Noone should feel like they have no worth just bc of one part of them. Everyone deserves to be loved.
I have BPD. I wait more than 15 years for diagnostic.
I don't understand why psychoanalists don't share the diagnoste...is so frustating make me anger.
I am from Portugal. But i see that in EUA they share the diagnost.
@@CB73666 Sorry to hear you've had bad experiences with people who have BPD but it's grossly unfair to assume every person with BPD is at fault for whatever situation they're in. Don't take abuse but don't write off people you don't know as abusive just because they have a condition.
I agree. I got fired from my last job because my manager at the time gave me false love and then manipulated me to say something that wasn't true. Next thing I knew he triggered my BPD and I blew up into a panic attack
I have BPD and I really appreciate what this guy had to say, especially about having mental illness in the black community. Marlon, I love you! ❤
I'm praying this stigma continues to be lifted so more folks get the help they deserve!!! 🙏💖
I have it as well and have never heard another person share their story. It makes me feel less alone and I appreciate it!
@@marielfalk4537 it's hard to risk bring vulnerable with people, but learning good boundary setting helps to know who are the right people to share with. Best to you in your journey of healing 👍💖🌈
Yes!!! I didn’t get help for my anxiety until adulthood. You don’t get to have mental disorders in most black homes. They’re considered excuses
@@Ohlanaye I can't speak outside anything but my own home, growing up. But I totally felt what you said about excuses. I guess I forgive people now because they just didn't understand. They didn't know. Especially some of the older folks in my family. Sadly though, some learned the hard way in their older age, with depression and anxiety, that mental health problems can be horrible and debilitating and not just an excuse. I came from a long line of women with bipolar. Many of them were undiagnosed for their entire lives and they truly suffered for their lack of knowledge. Their lives could have been so much better if they had the information and the ability that we have to seek help. There are some people in my life that it feels good to know they understand better now. But it does hurt my feelings that they only know because they're personally experiencing it.
As a Black man myself, I feel for him deep down into my core and want to thank you for having him on your channel.
💗👍🌈
Virtual hug 🫂.
Bruh what black man? What white man?
F*ck dat we brothers✊🏿✊🏻
@@sonoildiavolo8840 thankyou brother, its rare to see such thinking ❤️
@venus as a boy Oh stop these kind of comments. It is very relevant to mention this as black and white culture are not the same. In black culture mental health issues are pushed aside A LOT. Almost like they do not exist. Thus to see another black person talk about his mental health is a form of representation.
The problem is not pointing out or differences, the problem is that we treat each other different based on our differences. Now, keep your irrelevant remarks to yourself and just enjoy the video.
As a Black woman and a therapist who has dealt with an anxiety disorder for decades, I wish this young man’s message was seen in by every Black child. May peace find Marlon.
“Ignorance is not bliss because you know you’re ignorant”
🥺 So true!
Thank you for sharing your story with us!
Marlon, you are loved
💖💖💖
Maaaaaan. This got to me. I get you so much man....so so much.
I have generalised anxiety, PTSD, panic attacks and Bulimia. It all sucks. The thoughts of 'why am I here', 'do I deserve to be here?'
It honestly drags you under.....especially being anxious all the time....it all drags you under.
What you said about kids is so spot on. They aren't malicious or evil. They're honest. Best humans ever. Just how God wants us to be.
So glad he did this video. Thank you Sir. You helped me so much today. Thank you.
Stay strong you are beautiful just the way you are!
I have anxiety and its bad enough, I could not imagine what you go through :( but you are beautiful and I'm sure you are an amazing person so keep your chin above water!!!
❤️
Saying kids can't be evil or malicious... You haven't met a child in your life.
You're here because we need you. You might not know why today. Keep looking around. You'll know when you see it. You are here because we need you to be.
Dude this guy is so filled with energy, passion, and truth.
Also he's right, ignorance is NOT bliss
I think the term is generally used in an ironic sense. But yea, ignorance is definitely not bliss.
"Truth is bliss."
I have all of these disorders! I rarely see people with BPD who are older than me so this makes me feel hopeful because sometimes it's so hard to live with this disorder. So proud of him
IDK how old you are, but I've got BPD (& a few others as well) and I'm gonna turn 40 in a few months. I don't think I ever really expected to live past 18, so I'm more than proud of my 40 - it was hard earned! :D
There’s probably a few people you’ve met with BPD and you might have not known. I was friends a boy for 4-5 in middle school and didn’t know he had BPD until high school 😳
Ahoy there.
I'm 37 and have BPD. I live with a pitbull and a mastiff and I'm a Christian.
Have an awesome day!!
Me too! 🤗😄
I am 31 years old and living with BPD..life will always be a rollercoaster, but there is hope..your biggest aide will always be understanding family and friends, unjudgemental support and love with good boundaries.
If the people in your life are not giving you this then find your real ones that will! Sometimes a therapist helps, and sometimes they dont listen but NOT all BPD leads to suicide..remember..you are loved..and I love you too and just because u are more alive then the rest of the world does not mean you were a mistake or flawed in any way ❤
I was diagnosed with BPD about 15 years ago. My BPD has got easier to deal with as I have gotten older. I've learned to recognize some behaviors, and catch myself before things take a bad turn. I really struggled in my teen years and my 20s though.
Love to all others that deal with such issues. Reach out for help if you are struggling. Everyone needs help every once in awhile ❤
wow you are beautiful
@@arcaine3907 Thank you!
Best wishes from Arizona 🌵🙂❤
So reassuring reading this!!! Thank you from a fellow 24 year old bpd
@@Anounceof You're welcome! Just keep pushing yourself, and things will get easier. Still will have some shitty days, but you will notice a difference.....so will others around you ❤
@@jaimereynolds258 wow Arizona? It must be hot in there ;o I'm more like a spring kind of gal :) Hope you won't get cooked this summer!
Marlon really struck me when he compared the signs of a bad spell with a train coming at him but he's unable to jump out of the way. All he can do is stand there and let it hit him. That's what a lot of people don't understand about depression and other mental illnesses. And he worded it so beautifully.
Comments?????? Awesome.
Also if the comments are still up in a few days I hope Marlon sees this, I love you man! You are worthy and deserving of love and you are loved.
Finally. I have bpd, anxiety and PTSD and it's comforting to know I'm not alone🦋 I'd love to talk to this man, we have very similar views and he sounds very intelligent. He seems like a great person🖤
We're not. 🤗
@@giniprd724 lol
@@reginapendleton9041 ¿?
Hey! I have bpd, gad, sad, mdd, ptsd & many cluster b traits.
Diagnosed
This guy's got so much life and hope in him. A hope he gets everything he wants out of life. Love from Canada ❤️
153 likes, 153 x yes!! A brilliant person :)
This is the most transparent interview I've ever seen on mental health. He have said everything I've ever heard in the Black Community when it comes to mental health. Thank you for introducing Marlon to us and allowing him to speak freely about something society tries to make taboo. He seems very upbeat and enthusiastic. I love you Marlon❤
P.S. I'm soo happy the comment section is back turned on🤗
I have BPD, generalized anxiety, depression and PTSD too. And let me tell you, this man is speakin the whole truth. Im not black, but i live in mexico, and getting mental health help is still considered "not very important " in here, thankfully, i have a supportive family, but its been hard to find proper help while having people really getting out of their way to tell me im crazy. Its been tough, but im getting there. Currently seeing a super good therapist and i couldnt be happier. Much much love to ya Marlon, youre not alone💕
Fuerza! :) a mí aún no me han diagnosticado como tal, pero desde hace muchos años que ya sospecho es Borderline. Te entiendo.
Me and my brother have Asperger’s adhd bipolar anti social personality and bpd
We love u God luvs as well
I hear u on that .Ty u so much for sharing with us.
"I'm worth it, I'm worth the work."
You are, Marlon!
I like his focus on the small victories, like having showered.
I have Borderline Personality disorder. I cannot express how much I related to what Marlon had to say. Thank you for sharing this.
I too have been diagnosed borderline. Ptsd and general anxiety disorder. I'm 52 now and I'm sending you all the love son 🙏💞
Blessings to you, Gillian!!! 🙏
Marlon you have such a bubbly, likeable personality! You're right about everyone wanting to be loved Marlon, and my hope is, now that you are part of the SBSK family, you feel our love every single day of your life💕
Just based off the title I can tell he is a strong man
This brotha deserves to be loved.
Last year at 24 I got officially diagnosed with BPD after knowing I’ve had it for over 15 years and like this wonderful man said it was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders! Even if it wasn’t a surprise to me at all, it still felt great to have an actual professional confirm what I already knew. I wish I got diagnosed when I was a child, but better late than never, I guess 🤷🏽♀️😂
Sending Marlon and everyone, with or without mental/physical issues, all the love and hugs in the world ❤️
Same here, I was 50. ♡
sorry to lecture you, but nine year-olds can IMPOSSIBLY have any kind of personality disorder. personality expresses its final shape in your 20s. therefore this is the time to diagnose and treat a disorder related to it.
Much love to you, too, Lilo! 💖 All the friends I've had with BPD feell so much-- I wish you peace on your journey! 🙏
@@masch4 yes, lets gaslight 9 year olds. Its important to make supportive relationships for young people who are struggling.
@@urabagofcells2228 whilest I see where you are coming from that person you are replying to is correct. When I got diagnosed with eupd it was diagnosed as emerging eupd because although it's something I'd always have you can't truly be diagnosed with a PD from mid 20s onwards because that's when personality is mostly capd unless big changes are made
Dude. How he said he feels about people is so damn accurate. Marlon, if you see this, I get you, man. I have BPD, Bipolar, CPTSD, ADHD, and Depression. You're loved.
I also have BPD, PTSD and anxiety disorder. It’s always nice to know there are other people who know what it’s like to have these!
I have all of these disorders and ADHD. It feels so good to see someone so similar to me :) I felt so relieved when I found out I had BPD everything just felt so valid and not made up anymore. Thank you so much for sharing 🌞
annessa hey i am ED i have add would you mind talking to me?? and get to know each other if thats ok with you.
I have them all as well
@@laurenmarie9332 your very gorgeous hope we talk
I'm so confused about what borderline personality disorder is.
I have this too but the love thing no I don't need the validation at all ever
Thank you for sharing, Marlon. We have a similar stigma in my family/Chinese community with mental health. It’s so hard and often unfair, I’m glad you have awareness now. Rooting for you!! Much love from my family and I to you!
Same it's literally the same outlook, from middle eastern family
same in Ukraine. The only reason to visit psychiatrist here is you're disabled because of your mental illness. If you can take care about yourself, you don't have any problems - that's how people think in our country
As a Black woman, this is such a special interview to me. Thank you for this.
Awe, I think many people just want the same as he stated, to be loved and someone to express they truly do love us no matter what, he just had the courage and sweetness to express it.
or the desperation to say it? Desperation is not always bad, when it brings us nearer to truth...
and yes, courage mostly grows out of desperation.
I'm so proud 🤧🧡💛💙💚💜❤💖😭 so many ppl including him have came such a long way
I’m only 2 minutes in and WOW this is so relatable. I’m not alone 🤗
i am ED i would like to get to know you i have add and feels so lonley not having that one woman in your to be there for you and understand you and hold you.
I love the way he described the way his mind works...bunch of territorial fighting male cats in a fired up dumpster. Very smart thinks...quick on his feet. Also being raised in a black household I totally understand where he's coming from. Good luck brother🙏
That really brought it home, creative mind!!!
I think that I have BPD and I've suspected it for 10 or so years now. When I first read about it, it sounded just like me, but I've never had a diagnosis for it.
To Marlon: my appointment is coming up to see a doctor and I'm on a quest to get all of the diagnoses that I need to have a better life. Thanks for sharing. 😊
Same here sweetheart, I am waiting for my appointment and it's coming so soon. I love my current/future BPD people. I love you, stay strong we are going to get better❤️
What a handsome man! Blessings to him.
Blessings to him because he's handsome? We should all really try to stop focusing on physical appearance. It hurts all of us more than it helps, no matter what we look like.
@@camez2345 dam you sound like that voice in my head telling me everything I want to say isn't right.
ca mez it's not that big of a deal relax Karen 🙄 u can reply back but it will be worthless
@@camez2345 they offered him a compliment, and then their blessings... You're simply assuming the connection between the two and then lecturing them for it. Not cool.
@@camez2345 maybe he will be happy to hear someone thinks he's handsome... did you think of that?
I can’t thank you enough for showing us a male case of Borderline. As a fellow guy with Borderline, it’s nice to know the world is starting to fight the stereotype of BPD being a women’s disorder.
0:57
marlon, i love you. i happen to have all disorders listed in the title and i hope you know how good it made me feel to know that i am not alone. and i know i’m not the only one who was relieved as you bravely opened up about what it is like to live like this and know we’re not alone. thank you for being our voice, marlon. we love you.
it's really interesting to me about the whole "i love you" thing. Cause one of the main symptoms of BPD is fear of abandonment and unstable relationships. im not saying this is necessarily true in this case at all, but it is typical for the disorder.
Agreed, I noticed that, as well. Very helpful to know!
As someone who has BPD I can tell you that we feel things so strongly that just a simple I love you from a stranger can change our whole mood in seconds, and give us that little bit of light we need to get through the day. An “I love you” to some of us can mean not spiraling down a well of thought and guilt and shame for things that we can’t control
He's so kind and cute :(
I really appreciate the bpd videos it truly is such a stigmatized mental health condition
People RARELY mention that with consistent treatment (DBT is imperative) symptoms are manageable after 10 years. When you’re constantly turned down for treatment because of the stigma, how are you able to do that for 10 years?! Media especially highlights the most severe cases. There are even 4 types and they are very different. Heartbreaking really
Right?! BPD is incredibly misunderstood! I notice it’s often confused with narcissistic personality disorder which does not help at all
@@lilo5437 yup. People with BPD can be narcissistic or even have NPD, as they are both cluster B personality disorders. However, key word - “can.” It’s the same thing with empathy. Those with BPD are capable of feeling extreme empathy. Also, those with BPD are also likely to have multiple co-morbid mental illnesses and those can completely change the presentation. At the end of the day, it’s all a spectrum.
@@alexandraa5424 True! It’s been so discouraging to see symptom relief from DBT only to have things get bad again after struggling to find a new provider.
Also, I have also thought that I didn’t deserve to say I had PTSD because I didn’t see combat or anything like that but pain is relative and so is trauma and you can be traumatized by many things and you are deserving of treatment and labeling your trauma for what you experienced I’m very thankful for this video thank you for helping me feel less alone 💯🙌🖤👌
Same.
I too feel embarrassed when i tell i have ptsd and i feel insure of it.
exactly what I wanted to say 💖 lots of love
It’s always interesting to hear from people with BPD. Helps me figure out my previous experiences where people would react in ways that I completely didn’t understand.
Knowing just how deeply they feel slights and fear and abandonment clarified things for me.
so unbelievably happy you guys have your comments back! this community is so needed on this platform 💛
Same, I'm glad they brought the comments back. I feel like being able to comment is needed in a channel like SBSK.
PREACH!!! That‘s ma boy right there! Wish him the best
Such a strong, sweet man. Marlon, know that you ARE loved. I have similar diagnoses, and I understand some of your struggles. I love you, dude! Sending virtual hugs!!!!
I'm a Black woman living with social and generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, and severe depression. I prolonged treatment for so long because of the conditioning I learned to "be strong" and "give it to God."
Marlon, thank you for telling your story. I love you! You're a light!
A few years ago I was engaged to a woman who I sincerely believe had BPD. It was obvious to me that it was developed from years of consistent out right gaslighting from mainly her father and some from her mother. I loved her very much. After 18 months, it was so rooted in her, and she refused to keep going to therapy, it got to the point where it was too damaging and dangerous in ways for me. I still grieve that situation. Still I pray for her to this day. I struggle with not hating her parents for what they did to her.
The freedom one can gain from knowledge is a powerful thing
What a kind kind soul, his story really meant a lot to me. Saying how seeking help made you a strong person is so damn true and so hard for people to see sometimes.
I'm not diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but with a few other things, though I've always had a hunch that I have it. I identify with this guy on every single level of what he was saying, thanks for the confidence boost bro.
When he said "have you showed today. Taking a shower is a win" really hit home. I needed to hear that. Thank you 💗
Sending a hug and lot’s of love ❤️ to this strong and amazing man ❤️❤️❤️
Chris I love that you did this interview outdoors. Such a peaceful place for such a deep conversation.
I was diagnosed with BPD yesterday by my psychologist,I had experienced childhood abuse and neglect nd was abandoned by my girlfriend nd my father died last year,I struggle a lot with self harm and loneliness, people think of me as a arrogant rude person but I just can't help,I joined gym and started learning boxing, but still I feel sad I don't know whether I will be ok or not,if someone is reading this, I hope you are ok and you are not alone,I love you
This is great...as a parent of a child with similar experiences...you are brave and wonderful
Im so glad that someone else with my set of mental issues has been given a platform. What a badass dude, thank you speaking out.
Marlon, thank you for your pure honesty. “We can heal ourselves and still remain strong”. That was such an impactful thing that you said.
I love you Marlon!!!! 💜God loves you!!! You are valuable and made for a purpose. Please remember that you’re not alone.
This man is profound. Just within the first 3 minutes I'm learning so much. "I just want someone to say I love you." "Ignorance slowly drives you insane. Truth is bliss, because then you can work to move forward." Amazing stuff. ALSO HOLY CRAP I'M LEAVING A COMMENT WAIT WHAT???
Thank You, Marlon! I, myself have BPD... I know the type of neglect that creates doubt, undeserved guilt, self-loathing, solitude while you're surrounded. I know it's difficult to show your true emotions and self 'cause it never helped, there was no relief. Anger is such a safe outlet; it lead me to self-harm. I didn't get help till well into my 30's. Thank You, Marlon, for creating this video and having the willingness to share!
This was a really, really thoughtful interview. I think it's so important to talk about this things for BIPOC and especially Black men, who are told they cannot show these emotions or have these feelings. As a person of color with mental health disorders, I appreciate what both Marlon and Chris said so much. I really admire Marlon's bravery in speaking on this, the deep thought he's put into his own lived experience, and how he embraces who he is and KNOWS he's an awesome person. Not despite of mental health disorders, but with them.
The way Marlon explains what having BPD is like is so so so so accurate. I relate to this dude heavily. Love ya, Marlon!
Marlon's genuine candor and overall honesty affected me so deeply that I finally made an appointment to be hopefully diagnosed with something fixable or at least manageable. My symptoms, thoughts and idealisms seem to match symptoms of those with BPD. Thank you Marlon...
Proud of you. I hope your appointment goes well.
Thank you Chris for interviewing Marlon. I think as a now adult black woman , it’s soooo IMPORTANT for our community to speak out & share their experiences living with mental health disorders in a positive space like yours. Many people in my community are adults living with these disorders and afraid to get diagnosed based on shame and not realizing that there are many of us out here struggling in silence. There’s so much shame in my community and being seen as crazy or weak by having a MH disorder. I’m so glad Marlon shared his experiences
Please be respectful…people who are struggling with any kind of illness need moral support please keep that in mind.
I have bpd, social anxiety, depression and ptsd.. thank you so much for bringing this beautiful man onto your channel. I see now that I’m not alone 💛 I wish I could be friends with him he seems so strong
"Ignorance isn't bliss, because you know you're ignorant" I will always remember this word.
The Force is strong with this one.
How does this video have comments? Fantastic!
I have the same 3 diagnoses and OCD. I’m crying watching this. If you ever see this, I love you Marlon
Lots of love to you, Mr. Washington!
Keep being you and glad to see the comments open up!
I don't usually comment on these videos, which is a shame because this community is so beautiful, but what a lovely soul. I could listen to him talk for hours. I have a very similar set of diagnosis, my loved ones weren't always accepting and kind about them either. I also agree that "I love you" is one of the kindest, most wonderful and reassuring things someone could say to another person. Sometimes you need a hug, but with words. It is very refreshing to be reminded that we are all humans who are looking to live positively for another day. I am so glad I am subscribed to this channel.
I genuinely want to be this guy's friend, he seems so genuine and I can relate to a lot of his experiences. Just a really solid person who I'd love to talk with. Keep your head up Marlon, love is everywhere
1. Please tell that man I love you from me 😊
2.
I've been diagnosed with BPD, 7 years ago and live with severe social anxiety, PTSD, heavy depression, panic attacks and a form of an eating disorder diagnosis since 10 years.
I appreciate this man and his words so so much. Because many people have romanticized pictures about these illnesses in their head which is really concerning tbh.
I learned to live with my mental illnesses but they are still there and I struggle everyday. It's getting better but some days are really really hard.
All of us, who struggle and fight everyday, I'm so proud of us that we're still here and still fighting 💪🏼
So happy to have comments!! 😍😍
We have comments?! I feel honoured to be able to for this great guy. I love how authentic each video is, where you really get to know a personality of someone. This guy is so genuine and sweet.
It's always great to hear what people with disabilities want from others. I've learned so much from this channel.
Wow, I’ve been following SBSK for a MINUTE (basically since when it started) - never miss a video, and this is easily one of my favorite interviews. I resonate with/have a lot of these disorders and I feel so seen, as if by own friend. I can feel his passion - he is SUCH an incredible advocate and fighter. Marlon, I don’t know you, but I feel your spirit, and I love you! We need more people like you. You speak so beautifully for so many great causes. And Chris, same to you - both wonderful people❤ thank you for sharing!
Can we get an update on him? Just realized this was from 2 years ago!
I wrote a paper in Grad school about mental heat him our black community. My parents didn't know WHAT TO DO about m anxiety attacks. I agree Marlon boo. I appreciate that you said what you said. And yes , spirituality... we all need love. I wish I could send Marlon letters and just let him know he is 100% appreciated, valued, and loved. This interview was awesome as usual Chris lol.
his aura is just so positive
I have struggled with BPD for most of my life. I love this guy. It’s very hard to get over the constant dips and jumps in emotions and opinions. It’s hard to explain why you change your opinions so often and why you suddenly feel so against or passionate about something, but people like Marlon are making it easier for people like me to express what we feel to more people; including ourselves. Fantastic video as always.
Marlon, you're awesome! Thank you for being honest & open about your mental illnesses. You seem like a caring guy to me. Saying that you don't want to deminish other people's PTSD, even though your diagnosis is still valid, shows that you're thinking about them. And wanting other black kids to seek & find help for their mental health issues, also shows you care. I'm proud of you! I know what it's like to struggle to get out of bed because of mental health issues. You have my total respect for what you're dealing with & how you're dealing with it. The world is truly a better place for you being in it. I would highly recommend you get involved with black kids with mental health issues, you would be an amazing role model to them.
Marlon, much love from Barcelona❤️
Dude when he asked how he felt when you learned what was wrong with you he expressed that so SPOT ON .
THATS EXACTLY HOW IT FEELS...living 35 years not knowing why you do things the way you do and feel outside yourself is so hard, it causes internal turmoil.
Learning was like HAVING A HUGE WEIGHT LIFTED OFF MY BACK TOO.
I have PTSD borderline personality disorder and G.A.D. . I had all through school and left high school cause of it. The condition ruined relationships made work very difficult cause everyday felt like a first day even after 8 years at one job. I found out only 5 years ago it's changed my life knowing my condition.
The most simple tasks are mountains and you become a different person when you go places ....I call it putting on suits, well my therapist called it that and it totally spoke to me.
Most people wouldn't even know I struggle cause I hide it well. Im very reclusive but get hyper around strangers and family so I seem social but really I'm in survival mode just getting through a specific task . It drains my batteries just going grocery shopping . I can only do a few things at a time or I get overloaded.
And her I am spilling my issues ROFL 🤣 WITH STRANGERS ONLINE 😂
Yep that me ...
Marlon, hearing you at 1:53 affirming how loved others are is one of the hardest things about having BPD. We have such an extreme amount of empathy for others and their pain but our brains seem to starve us of the same kindness to ourselves. Especially when we’ve seen the impact of our BPD on the lives of others. So I just want to say I love you and YOU are loved and YOU are cared for 💕🫶🏾
Marlon sounds a LOT like myself. Glad I got help when I was younger and learned how to better cope because my family has a history w/ Mental Heath. I am even more glad to see that Marlon looks like he is doing phenomenally well.
Also YAY for being able to post positive comments again.
I wish the world was as accepting as this comment section. Damn really hit me when he said taking a shower is a win with someone with these diagnoses. I hope we can find a way to help people with any type of these illnesses. They deserve it. I want to be as positive as this dude.
i have ptsd and anxiety as well. you’re loved, martin, you really are. 💜
*Marlon
@@ikurasake oops- im sorry!
You are LOVED too!!!! ✌
@@ikurasake If you want to start microdosing hit up slimetripz on Instagram he sells a lot of products at cheap rate…..
@@maryannhope8276 If you want to start microdosing hit up slimetripz on Instagram he sells a lot of products at cheap rate…..
I’m currently having an episode and can’t stop crying. I would love to give him a hug right now ❤️ thanks for making these videos for ppl like me
I love him so much already! My mom was recently diagnosed with BPD, it’s a heck of a journey to get to a diagnoses, let alone speak about your personal experiences. Makes me happy to see him smiling ☺️
My experperience with people with borderlines try the hardest. Like you said: everybody is trying. Even if nothing succeeds, not getting out of bed or not being nice we should desl with the outcome but never doubt the intention is there.
I applaud you for trying, sounds like you have had a trying path to come so far, but I'ld say by doing this insightfull interview your doing good... real good.
So love, applaus, respect and congratz on that!
Thnx for sharing
This man jus brightened my whole day. You are an incredible person! I appreciate everything you said in this video. Keep being strong because you’re doing amazing :) lots of love
I am so glad a person of color, especially a male perspective is shown. As someone of color with these same mental illness combo, it is so hard to find people that are similar to me
I have sooo much in common with Marlon. I tell myself the same exact things. I am constantly desperate for affection and love, though I push people away when we start getting close.
Stellar interview! Marlon is so articulate and honest in describing what he's been through. Asking for help is strength, not weakness + you are not alone = powerful messages he wants others to hear, especially black children. It's hard to push through the stigma society puts on talking about mental health issues, his encouragement to tell someone and ask for help means a lot. Thank you Marlon and Chris.
I LOVE HIM!! yes happy 30th bday! You make me feel proud of myself and optimistic for my next bday too. Thank you. ❤️❤️❤️
People said I was crazy for feeling happy when I got diagnosed. It’s not that I wanted it, but that as this man said, every fuckn thing made sense. Now I could put a name on it and know what I’m dealing with, instead of just wandering and flopping without knowing why.
I have borderline personality disorder, ASD, anxiety and ptsd. I feel this so much and I'm so glad they made a video about this combo of disorders. I love him so much hes so sweet
When he said alot or people with mental disorders just want to be loved. We feel unloved. It's so true. That made me cry. Bc that's how I feel. I just want to be loved. That's it. I know my illnesses are rooted in feeling unloved and abandoned ny the people who were supposed to love me. God bless you man. I love you! My brother in Christ❤
I keep coming back to this interview after i'm done with another, because he is the most real, honest and wise person I've ever heard speak