@@edithtierce8209 Exactly and I meant if you’re dating someone and they don’t treat you right get out end it don’t ever even marry a person like that it never gets better it’s just misery
Exactly. If he doesn't want to leave his sister or cousin behind so he can be with just you, he's either gay, or you're just not as interesting, fun, or irresistible as his family member is to him
@@ezequielmondada6427 Where on earth did get the incest part from??? You can't dictate to someone what kind of relationship they can have w their relatives especially if you have been dating for only a few months!
Yeah he just didn't want her. He probably would take the next better offer. Men and woman do this all the time. Just lead people on because they don't want to be lonely
seems unfair to drag this 3rd person everywhere though.. if hes not ready to have a real relationship with one on one dates he just needs to leave... hes just dragging her around being the third wheel. it seems its rare/ non-existent that they have one on one time which is necessary for a romantic relationship
I think he gave her a clear message and a clear boundary; don't get between this. Follow your gut, girl. Yes, it's weird and yes, you deserve better. Tell him you're looking for someone who can match your willingness to put a romantic relationship first so you're going to keep looking and wish him the best. Change his name in your phone to "trouble calling" so if he calls, you are reminded not to answer.
*"In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"* -Tony Robbins He gave her a clear message and clear boundaries but if she's willing to tolerate getting less, then less is what she'll get.
It's not worth staying in. My ex fiance had an overbearing, overly attached relationship with his brother. He would bring him on dates with us, spent many weekends with him, called him on the phone but he would never call me on the phone. He'd ghost me for weeks and spend most of his free time with his brother. I finally called it quits. It was beyond frustrating. Don't waste your time
Nah at 40 that's too much. He's either too attached/dependant, some weird incest crap is going down, or he's lying and that's not really his "sister". At 40 I wouldn't be dealing with that mess.
Or he has a really close relationship with his sibling that is based on some shared life experience, and doesn't want to undercut that for a woman he just met a couple of months ago.
I think he is lying and that is not his relative. No man is clinging to a female relative over a girlfriend unless it is incest or he is gay. Men like to hang around other men unless they are hanging around a woman who is available.
One thing you should know by 40, is you can't make people want to be with you. If they would rather be doing something else, let them go! Neither one of you will ever be happy if you don't. Being jealous and trying to force relationships is a big waste of time and effort, just let it go and move on with your life! They don't want you...Find someone that actually wants you in their life.
This kind of looser doesn't want anyone else than his sister, 😂 family more important than girlfriend or boyfriend 😂 REDICOULOS😂 im sure she is attractive woman and this guy have sick relationship with his family which is not normal and no healthy at all!!!
As much as I'd want to hire a private investigator, functionally, he is already married. She's the girl on the side, and he just told her not to interfere with the marriage if she wants to continue their fling.
IF this is a family member, I will say enmeshed families are not kind to marriages and outsiders. And when you are told to basically mind your business and you see inappropriate interactions…. You need to go. It will never change. I wish ladies understood these things don’t change. I married into a very weird family dynamic. I was young and didn’t pick up on the “ closeness”. I was told in a round about way I was not and never will be family. I was treated like a mistress. Leave him be
I was involved with a woman who had a “fortress family”. Her kids never spoke to me once in 3 years. It takes awhile to figure out but the best thing is for this lady is to run.
When I was in my early 20s my brother and I moved in together (he was late 20s), we had a similar dynamic and did everything together. He also had a girlfriend but she was always hanging out with us and we’d all go places together, kind of one big family. So I don’t find their relationship weird, what’s weird is him not wanting to go places without his sister.
The fact that she wouldn't tell John what the family member is that he has this close relationship with makes me think she already knows something is weird there, or too weird for her. She already knows what she should do. I wondered....could a "family member" be his ex-wife? I don't know, but she should just give it a pass and not try to force anything.
@@terriesmith2616 I think part of it also is women don't always know what's "normal" to put up with. If you notice, that was her actual question, is being put second to family normal? Women have been given lopsided "deals" in relationships for hundreds of years. So the internal compass of what's normal to put up with is not there.
My spouse has 3 sisters who are very important to him. I work to be close to them, because that's what he wants. That being said, he's never had to check in with them and they've never joined us on a date or romantic vacation. THIS particular relationship is clearly intense, far past a strong sibling bond. Maybe it's not exactly inappropriate, but it doesn't allow for a partner to be the priority either.
Why do YOU have to do the work to stay close? It should be an effort on both ends. Anyway I have my own stories about sisters in law and why some act as if they are the wife but I don’t want to derail.
@@LisaLisaCJ I think I do the work with my husbands sisters, because my own brother married a real hell on wheels and i know what it's like. But I agree with you, both parties have to do the work.
What I learnd from Dr. Delony is " Behaviour is a language". That is so true. I had a guy like that always telling me he loves me but not caring for my wants and needs. Better to move on.
This sounds like the boyfriend is either living with a step-sister or female cousin and suspects they have a love affair between them two. I can see how that would be weird. Follow your gut lady.
Exactly the relationships that I was thinking. They feel comfortable enough to have a fling,but know that they can’t tell the rest of the family about it.
@treeyellow4627 I think weekendnomad is saying that he's lying about the woman being just 'a family member', instead being his actual girlfriend or wife who he has an open relationship with.
If it quacks like a duck……… The woman is looking for validation for something that she knows is dead in the water. RUN!!!!!!!! The man is happy with the relationship he has with his family member. This is how you hear stories of ‘I didn’t know they were doing that all these years’ in a teary voice.
My sister married a man who is the only son. When they got married, she was viewed as the one who stole him away. It's been over 10 years and they still won't accept her. It's stupid. This caller is too old for this nonsense. Dump him and move on.
This is my mother’s situation. She married my dad, the only boy AND the youngest child in his family. Sisters hate my mom and have always tried to get my dad to move back to his country (and away from us and mom). My dad now is entering retirement and seriously thinking about moving away (I think he will) - it sucks for my mom.
Maybe she will be happier! I married the only son, youngest boy... 3 older sisters. Only difference, this country.... No emotional support and a whole lot of trouble. Your Mom might thrive! Send him packing
@@DBest-pk2tr That could be but given he told her not to come between him and his family I'm wondering if she's a sister, cousin, or niece close to his age.
I agree. He and his sister/cousin whatever are already in a relationship that they are happy with. They give each other everything a partner needs except two big things: sex and acceptability. He needs a partner to show off as his girlfriend for appearances (See, I'm not weird. I have a non-related girlfriend).
I just love the way you give advice. I was in a relationship with a guy who was very very close to one of his girl friends. When I mentioned feeling “under her” and not being prioritized he set a strong boundary on her always being first. Wish I would’ve walked away instead of trying to change it and prove myself.
That's absolutely insane. If I had ever heard those words, I would have been immediately done. You couldn't get me out of there fast enough. I would instantly lose attraction and respect for a man who put another woman first outside of their significant other.
Could they be step brothers and sisters.. heard some romantic relationships that happen since they are not blood related. But can ‘date’ others to save face or to avoid side eyes from other family members.. I’d leave him alone and let them be. All at 40’s it’s a weird dynamic with codependency.
My dad told me something when I was a kid that I have used as sort of a guide in my work life and relationships, “If there are problems in the beginning, there are problems throughout.”
Listening to this I’m willing to bet this “family member” isn’t biologically related probably step-something or they share a relative and call each other family, girl follow your instincts and get out of there.
Yes! 💯 Sounds like a relationship that is emotionally incestuous if not biologically or genetically so. Maybe step siblings or cousins by marriage with everyone relating like siblings etc. Girlfriend is the beard that covers their inappropriate romance.
That idea occurred to me too. I also thought MAYBE it is a sister and he's just not that into Andrea, so he's acting like this so she'll take the hint.
Maybe that’s the whole crux of the matter - he only has a couple months with her but a lifetime of shared experiences with his family member. Give him a minute to make that transition without having to completely sacrifice/neglect a connection that’s important to him (and always will be, in some way) She wants to come on the scene & quickly become his whole world, as if they’re already married. He seems to want to slowly integrate her into his world one small step at a time.
How she even meet him if two siblings are always together? I am a little suspicious as to whether they are actually siblings; could it actually be a live-in girlfriend?
Yeah, my first thought is that he is lying and it's not even a relative. If it is true, then I'm not interested in a grown man that needs his sissy to run all of his errands with him and spend every waking moment together.
My little brother moved in with me when I was 22 and I got divorced and needed help keeping my house out of foreclosure and the maintenance kept up but I didn’t go everywhere with him and when he met his soon to be wife, I certainly didn’t double date lol he eventually moved out when they got married and I didn’t freak out. They are 40 a little older than me now, if this was me I would have huge “weird” flags and RUN 🏃♀️ not walk
Agreed. I think she's over analyzing it because she's desperate for a relationship, until Dr. John told her to leave. Her boyfriend literally told her to butt out. He set clear boundaries yet she's still unsure. Lol Girl....you 40. Let it go and move on.
How specific could it possibly be? A prince and princess of a country or something? I can't think how this info could be specific enough to identify someone.
You can’t come on the show and not disclose who the so called roommate is… I mean it’s totally a waste of time that he’s even trying to start a relationship with a new person when you can just be with the roommate… now if it’s a family member then she should be concerned. If you’ve addressed it and he has made any changes, he doesn’t care about her feelings. She should let it go. However, the doctor really assessed this well and gave her really great advice. I’m one of those ppl that want to know full story! Great show.
Girlfriend, this guy isn't worth your effort or time. You sound like such a kind, intelligent and classy lady and you will find better. Don't settle for SCRAPS!!!
Yes. Wasted words. Just walk away and block his number. This will leave him alone with his thoughts and not your words that he will twist for his own unhealthy purposes.
They have had the discussion. He put her in her place for all intents and purposes. She might be in denial. Because that hurts. For whatever reason. Girl, do yourself a favor and just quit calling / texting him for like 2-5 days or a week. Altogether. No contact. Does he contact you? To see what's up, or even if you are ok? If so, you can always be like, "I've been thinking about that cryptic answer you gave when I asked if we could ever just be a couple instead of a throuple and you put me in my place. That's been weighing on my heart some and I wasn't sure if it was worth even addressing. Or if you'd notice I'd been gone, you are usually so busy with your incest partner or wife, holding me on the DL or whatever.. I didn't want to overthink it. I just figured your answer was plenty and realized this type of relationship wasn't my cup of tea. No love lost, I just want to feel like I am a priority in my partner's life and I don't. That's nothing against you, but it's up to me to make changes I can deal with rather than do emotional backbends I might wind up resentng you for later. [Long Sigh] We cool?"
Whether or not it is weird doesn’t matter that much in my opinion. A better question to ask yourself is are you satisfied/happy with the relationship he is offering you? For me, I’ve got to be #1. If you’re looking for a life partner you should be each other’s #1.
Sounds like she's just being used as a front. If he's living with an undisclosed female family member and it's weird, he's going to tell people "well I have a girlfriend so..". Totally weird.
Honestly If you are in your 40s and something seems odd, then just say good bye and move on. If it is is not working for whatever reason , why waste any more time? They are just a couple of months into a relationship and it is not worth trying to accommodate something that feels uncomfortable.
First my dad left. 20 years later my brother disappeared. It is so very important to allow the existing family to at least have contact. To have conversations. Without changing everything and taking over and eliminating existing relationships
He wants to bring his relative on dates with them??!! Grown man needs a chaperone??!! They ALREADY spend excessive time together, where's the desire for quality alone time with his gf? Nah, she's not his official main woman, she's the side piece. Red flag!
If he told you she is his “cousin” then I would leave it alone. My family’s culture doesn’t do this but some families will claim anyone and everyone as a relative including neighbors and friends. Some people will call their parents’ friends uncle or aunt then proceed to refer to their kids as their cousins or play cousins. The only people I might claim as a cousin are some of my relatives’ stepchildren. Emphasis on might. My extended family is huge so I have more than enough actual kin to keep track of.
The clear problem is, at 40 years old, he is making the family member his priority to the point that it seems to be an unnatural attachment. When a man is in a relationship, his partner should be his priority, especially at that age. If she feels like a third wheel and his boundary is rigid, she needs to walk away. As hard as it is, that is the only solution, because he is clearly not going to make a change for her.
I broke up with someone because of some family issues…sometimes it’s clear that you won’t be a priority. He was a great guy besides. But definitely didn’t want to sign up for a lifetime of not being priority
We used to hear the phrase about "living up to our potential" in Minnesota. Sadly, when we're dating, we get this fantasy of someone's "potential", but it's a dream. And it never works.
I'm thinking this guy is in a "safe zone" with this other family member and has substituted them emotionally for a love interest. Perhaps it's even a two-way street between the two of them (who knows). It will probably be a process to slowly replace the family member with an "outsider" even with the outsider potentially offering a more engaging and deep relationship. She has to decide if it's worth it or not. And there are definitely some issues here to be worked out. If they've been together for years, it will be very difficult to break that bond apart.
If he’s telling you not to get between him and his family, that’s a very clear message of your position in the priority and hierarchy of his life. Now I’m perfectly okay with a partner who is close to his family & who spends a lot of time with them, in fact I appreciate that about a partner, but he’s drawn a very clear line in the sand telling you where your place is & you’re on one side of the line, whereas he and his family are on the other side.
@@isay207 I believe you mean fickle… or are you suggesting she plays 2 fiddles🤭?? You may want to look up the definition of both fiddle and fickle as she neither of those things. Aside from that, as Dr. John said @7:35 _”if you’re going to date someone & start thinking about creating a new world with them, they become priority over your live in relationship with your sibling”_ She’s not being fickle (assuming you’re accusing her of that, as opposed to being a fiddle), by wanting to be a priority to him and expecting him to not have to get the okay of his family member anytime she wants to do something with him, that’s completely insane behavior.
Quite honestly that’s not something I would stick along for. I’m all for having a good relationship with family but this is like dating a guy and his cousin or whatever. No thank you. I also think it’s okay to not be okay with that. This is a new relationship, a boundary was set and frankly it’s a weird boundary. He’s in his 40s and single for a reason and I think in his case that reason may partially be his dependency and attachment on his relative.
I wonder if he’s Mexican-American. Enmeshment between family members can be intense. 3 generations under the same roof is common, and if one say’s “Hey, I’m going to the store.”, 2 others will pop up and say, “Wait for me!” No invite necessary.
It's only been 2 months.. I'm going with what others are saying about this possibly being his wife in an open relationship... If not, either way i wouldn't stay with him.
She's 40 and doesn't have her own house too, so she's got red flags also. She literally mentioned she had to live with relatives for a few years before she was financially able to rent her own place.
![[LIVE] : ONE ลุมพินี 89 | คู่เอก "ยอดไอคิว vs คิริลล์"](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/Z3vYkHJ_5Ig/mqdefault.jpg)
By 40, we need to learn to just walk away from situations that aren’t in our favor. No whining nor trying to convince. Period.
Yeah, too grown for this bullshits
Preaaaaaaach. Lol. Too old for the b.s. but then she had the nerve to present like the other woman was some 20 something year old 🤓
👏👏👍This comment right here!! 💯💯💯💯
40 is just too damn old to know better. Stop trying to convince someone to want to be with you.
Learning this at 27
This woman sounds like the controlling type lol
If you’re not married, never stay in a relationship where the other person doesn’t make an effort to make you important in their life
EVEN IF YOU'RE MARRIED! why will this change in marriage?
@@shachede6828 Why would you get married at all if marriage doesn’t make it any more important to try to work things out…. DOH
@@edithtierce8209 Exactly and I meant if you’re dating someone and they don’t treat you right get out end it don’t ever even marry a person like that it never gets better it’s just misery
Not just important…a priority.
lol but if youre married then stay?
From a 60 year old woman. Six decades of experience. Move on. I have been happily married since 1985. You deserve to be NUMBER 1. I am.
Exactly. If he doesn't want to leave his sister or cousin behind so he can be with just you, he's either gay, or you're just not as interesting, fun, or irresistible as his family member is to him
It sounds very selfish and self-centred! She's only been with him for a few months ! What has she done for him compare to his family??
Number 1 until children come along then you move to number 2
@@nyc4233apparently not much of a difference if there is any kind of incest in it. XD
@@ezequielmondada6427 Where on earth did get the incest part from??? You can't dictate to someone what kind of relationship they can have w their relatives especially if you have been dating for only a few months!
The fact yall are only 2 months in and you're already feeling uncomfortable says everything you need to know, Andrea
You betta tell dat ish up on the mountain and all around Go head wit ya bad self okaaaaay dayum
"Triad" CSN&Y 4-Way Street
Don't give 100% of your time to someone who gives you 50% of his.
You shouldn’t give 100% of time to anybody you should have a life of your own otherwise that’s not healthy
Words of wisdom for sure
Touché.
Women are nuts. No one wants to spend 100 per cent of their time with you. Get over it,
100%
A 40 year old man doesn't have to run his dating plans by ANYONE!!
Yeah he just didn't want her. He probably would take the next better offer. Men and woman do this all the time. Just lead people on because they don't want to be lonely
Only possible exception might be in relation to child care. But that's not really "approval" more a scheduling issue.
seems unfair to drag this 3rd person everywhere though.. if hes not ready to have a real relationship with one on one dates he just needs to leave... hes just dragging her around being the third wheel. it seems its rare/ non-existent that they have one on one time which is necessary for a romantic relationship
He wants the caller for hook ups and finds the relative more fun to be with.
Some people have trouble spotting a trainwreck 5 feet from their eyes.
40yo women are desperate
Exactly, with a sign ROAD IS OUT.
She sounds ridiculous. Move on lady. You're too old not to know better.
Some people will vote for Kamala...its crazy.
I think he gave her a clear message and a clear boundary; don't get between this. Follow your gut, girl. Yes, it's weird and yes, you deserve better. Tell him you're looking for someone who can match your willingness to put a romantic relationship first so you're going to keep looking and wish him the best. Change his name in your phone to "trouble calling" so if he calls, you are reminded not to answer.
@@ToddRogers00 from the fact she is trying to give her all to one person which is not "normal" for today's dating culture.
@@ToddRogers00 why wouldn.t she deserve better, everybody deserves love and a healthy relationship.
Getting “live, laugh, love” vibes from this comment.
*"In life, we don't get what we deserve, we get what we are willing to tolerate"* -Tony Robbins
He gave her a clear message and clear boundaries but if she's willing to tolerate getting less, then less is what she'll get.
Name changes in the phone work for sure lol
It's not worth staying in. My ex fiance had an overbearing, overly attached relationship with his brother. He would bring him on dates with us, spent many weekends with him, called him on the phone but he would never call me on the phone. He'd ghost me for weeks and spend most of his free time with his brother. I finally called it quits. It was beyond frustrating. Don't waste your time
Sounds like how my BF WAS with his friends. I felt like the 3rd wheel. Luckily, he finally got the message and being a lot more attentive.
Maybe it wasn't really his brother
@@patriciaalbertson5183 butt brother
When men want to be with you they will let you know. If you have to ask, don't bother.
Great advice
Nina Simone said "You need to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served". Don't let anybody tell you they don't want you twice!
👏🏽💯
Bam!
What a great lyric!
Nah at 40 that's too much. He's either too attached/dependant, some weird incest crap is going down, or he's lying and that's not really his "sister". At 40 I wouldn't be dealing with that mess.
Or he has a really close relationship with his sibling that is based on some shared life experience, and doesn't want to undercut that for a woman he just met a couple of months ago.
@@odibua9107 I get that but how is going to form a relationship with any woman if he's always choicing his sister?
You will never be Number 1 in his life. If you don’t want to be part of a peculiar threesome…move on,
I think he is lying and that is not his relative. No man is clinging to a female relative over a girlfriend unless it is incest or he is gay. Men like to hang around other men unless they are hanging around a woman who is available.
@@odibua9107no one is that close to their sibling. That's no relative. That's an open relationship and this woman doesn't know about it.
One thing you should know by 40, is you can't make people want to be with you. If they would rather be doing something else, let them go! Neither one of you will ever be happy if you don't. Being jealous and trying to force relationships is a big waste of time and effort, just let it go and move on with your life! They don't want you...Find someone that actually wants you in their life.
true
This kind of looser doesn't want anyone else than his sister, 😂 family more important than girlfriend or boyfriend 😂 REDICOULOS😂 im sure she is attractive woman and this guy have sick relationship with his family which is not normal and no healthy at all!!!
When you're an Incel that's extremely difficult
As much as I'd want to hire a private investigator, functionally, he is already married. She's the girl on the side, and he just told her not to interfere with the marriage if she wants to continue their fling.
IF this is a family member, I will say enmeshed families are not kind to marriages and outsiders. And when you are told to basically mind your business and you see inappropriate interactions…. You need to go. It will never change. I wish ladies understood these things don’t change. I married into a very weird family dynamic. I was young and didn’t pick up on the “ closeness”. I was told in a round about way I was not and never will be family. I was treated like a mistress. Leave him be
Sounds like a cult
Yes!! 💯 I get that.
Amen. Been there and done that. Spoke to my ex about it and ended up with a target on my back. And they readily took aim.
Right. It only gets worse. I know from first hand experience.
I was involved with a woman who had a “fortress family”. Her kids never spoke to me once in 3 years. It takes awhile to figure out but the best thing is for this lady is to run.
When I was in my early 20s my brother and I moved in together (he was late 20s), we had a similar dynamic and did everything together. He also had a girlfriend but she was always hanging out with us and we’d all go places together, kind of one big family. So I don’t find their relationship weird, what’s weird is him not wanting to go places without his sister.
Yeah, and him having to get permission from her first is weird.
The fact that she wouldn't tell John what the family member is that he has this close relationship with makes me think she already knows something is weird there, or too weird for her. She already knows what she should do. I wondered....could a "family member" be his ex-wife? I don't know, but she should just give it a pass and not try to force anything.
yep
The chiron says sister. Wonder if she spilled the beans to the screener?
Some women are so desperate for a relationship that they'll over look the weirdness and ignore all the red flags.
Maybe she didn't want someone to be able to identify them.
@@terriesmith2616 I think part of it also is women don't always know what's "normal" to put up with. If you notice, that was her actual question, is being put second to family normal? Women have been given lopsided "deals" in relationships for hundreds of years. So the internal compass of what's normal to put up with is not there.
My spouse has 3 sisters who are very important to him. I work to be close to them, because that's what he wants. That being said, he's never had to check in with them and they've never joined us on a date or romantic vacation. THIS particular relationship is clearly intense, far past a strong sibling bond. Maybe it's not exactly inappropriate, but it doesn't allow for a partner to be the priority either.
Tooooo intense
Inappropriate
Why do YOU have to do the work to stay close? It should be an effort on both ends. Anyway I have my own stories about sisters in law and why some act as if they are the wife but I don’t want to derail.
@@LisaLisaCJ I think I do the work with my husbands sisters, because my own brother married a real hell on wheels and i know what it's like. But I agree with you, both parties have to do the work.
Inappropriate and awkward.
What I learnd from Dr. Delony is " Behaviour is a language". That is so true. I had a guy like that always telling me he loves me but not caring for my wants and needs. Better to move on.
It’s funny how she doesn’t want to say what kind of relative her boyfriend is living with, but it says directly on the screen that it’s his sister. 😂
Lmao, I didn't understand why she was being coy in the first place?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
@@norelease2exactly!
😂😂😂😂 i hadnt noticed
I wonder if it’s his step sister?
He is not your boyfriend. He's hers. Full stop.
...and they're not "roommates." Grow up and stop trying to make your interest in him something it's not.
I think he is regularly emptying his sack in her purse
damn, completely roasted the sheit outta her
@@SherryEllesson His sister?
It's his ex. She would have said otherwise.
This sounds like the boyfriend is either living with a step-sister or female cousin and suspects they have a love affair between them two. I can see how that would be weird. Follow your gut lady.
A bit of an odd question here Mr. Trump lol, How common do you think consensual incest is?
Exactly the relationships that I was thinking. They feel comfortable enough to have a fling,but know that they can’t tell the rest of the family about it.
Kudos to boyfriend for being clear and not seeming aloof. However if the relationship makes her uncomfortable it’s not going to get better.
The guy also probably has financial problems that aren't going to go away quickly.
HES LYING!! THATS HIS WOMAN!! THEY HAVE AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP!! My brother and I are VERY close . I raised him but this has RED FLAGS ALL OVER IT
What, I'm confused! His sister?
@@treeyellow4627they are probably in a incest relationship
@treeyellow4627 I think weekendnomad is saying that he's lying about the woman being just 'a family member', instead being his actual girlfriend or wife who he has an open relationship with.
I agree.
@@Dan1ellthat makes no sense
If it quacks like a duck……… The woman is looking for validation for something that she knows is dead in the water. RUN!!!!!!!!
The man is happy with the relationship he has with his family member. This is how you hear stories of ‘I didn’t know they were doing that all these years’ in a teary voice.
LOL
This is not situational. This is odd and unhealthy. Run!
let them be together and happy:) run..
Lol!
She's lonely and not giving up this guy.
He was very clear, you come second. If you were married, I guarantee it will get way worse. Don’t marry into a cult.
RUN! I have been in this situation and it doesn’t get better.
My sister married a man who is the only son. When they got married, she was viewed as the one who stole him away. It's been over 10 years and they still won't accept her. It's stupid. This caller is too old for this nonsense. Dump him and move on.
Oh wow lol. That’s not good! Sounds like they lived their life through him in an unhealthy way.
This is my mother’s situation. She married my dad, the only boy AND the youngest child in his family. Sisters hate my mom and have always tried to get my dad to move back to his country (and away from us and mom). My dad now is entering retirement and seriously thinking about moving away (I think he will) - it sucks for my mom.
My husband's family treated me like crap. They treated their own kids like crap Too. It was a nightmare... Bye bye
Maybe she will be happier! I married the only son, youngest boy... 3 older sisters. Only difference, this country.... No emotional support and a whole lot of trouble. Your Mom might thrive! Send him packing
Girl… if you have to ask….
💯
Pleasing and-or including the roommate is more important to him than being with his girlfriend is. His roommate is who he's committed to.
I'm wondering if the "roommate" is an ex-wife.
@@DBest-pk2tr
That could be but given he told her not to come between him and his family I'm wondering if she's a sister, cousin, or niece close to his age.
I agree. He and his sister/cousin whatever are already in a relationship that they are happy with. They give each other everything a partner needs except two big things: sex and acceptability. He needs a partner to show off as his girlfriend for appearances (See, I'm not weird. I have a non-related girlfriend).
@@LB-gz3ke
Great observation and explanation!! 👌😊
I needed this comments section right now, thanks guys. Decision made, no more hoping for something to exist that just doesn’t.
I just love the way you give advice. I was in a relationship with a guy who was very very close to one of his girl friends. When I mentioned feeling “under her” and not being prioritized he set a strong boundary on her always being first. Wish I would’ve walked away instead of trying to change it and prove myself.
Love you first
That's absolutely insane. If I had ever heard those words, I would have been immediately done. You couldn't get me out of there fast enough. I would instantly lose attraction and respect for a man who put another woman first outside of their significant other.
Run now while you can still find a GOOD MAN. Don't settle. 3rd place in your own marriage makes for a very lonely life.
@@GameChanger597you are so so right
The boyfriend was honest and said his boundaries. Respect them or leave
Spent two years with a "man" who was a "we" with his mother that he lived with. Don't count on him changing. He won't.
Could they be step brothers and sisters.. heard some romantic relationships that happen since they are not blood related. But can ‘date’ others to save face or to avoid side eyes from other family members.. I’d leave him alone and let them be. All at 40’s it’s a weird dynamic with codependency.
Elon musk
Oh yeah... Something weird
She is trying to justify herself into this relationship which will devastate her eventually. Her judgement of men isn’t very good.
If it makes u feel uncomfortable then something is up.
Dump him, honey. You won't regret putting yourself first. You are worth being someone's first choice.
My dad told me something when I was a kid that I have used as sort of a guide in my work life and relationships, “If there are problems in the beginning, there are problems throughout.”
Listening to this I’m willing to bet this “family member” isn’t biologically related probably step-something or they share a relative and call each other family, girl follow your instincts and get out of there.
Yes! 💯
Sounds like a relationship that is emotionally incestuous if not biologically or genetically so.
Maybe step siblings or cousins by marriage with everyone relating like siblings etc.
Girlfriend is the beard that covers their inappropriate romance.
That idea occurred to me too. I also thought MAYBE it is a sister and he's just not that into Andrea, so he's acting like this so she'll take the hint.
Nah, it's a blood relation, they're from Alabama
She's only a couple of months in and she's already experiencing problems. This guy is weird. She needs to let him go and find someone normal.
Maybe that’s the whole crux of the matter - he only has a couple months with her but a lifetime of shared experiences with his family member. Give him a minute to make that transition without having to completely sacrifice/neglect a connection that’s important to him (and always will be, in some way)
She wants to come on the scene & quickly become his whole world, as if they’re already married. He seems to want to slowly integrate her into his world one small step at a time.
@@OHsopositiveso you bring your sister on your dates?
How she even meet him if two siblings are always together? I am a little suspicious as to whether they are actually siblings; could it actually be a live-in girlfriend?
Kissing cousins?
It could also be a different culture, although this seems extreme even in very strong family cultures.
Yeah, my first thought is that he is lying and it's not even a relative. If it is true, then I'm not interested in a grown man that needs his sissy to run all of his errands with him and spend every waking moment together.
@@eurekahope5310 yes.
@@jennyhammond9261 no kidding! Not attractive.
My little brother moved in with me when I was 22 and I got divorced and needed help keeping my house out of foreclosure and the maintenance kept up but I didn’t go everywhere with him and when he met his soon to be wife, I certainly didn’t double date lol he eventually moved out when they got married and I didn’t freak out. They are 40 a little older than me now, if this was me I would have huge “weird” flags and RUN 🏃♀️ not walk
She is so over analyzing this and should move on yesterday.
Agreed.
I think she's over analyzing it because she's desperate for a relationship, until Dr. John told her to leave.
Her boyfriend literally told her to butt out. He set clear boundaries yet she's still unsure. Lol
Girl....you 40. Let it go and move on.
He don't want her.
Lame. Just lame. Find another man.
Very odd she wouldn’t tell him who the family member was.
Yes! It's very weird!
It’s probably to protect his identity. Specifics can make it easy to recognize who the speaker is talking about.
How specific could it possibly be? A prince and princess of a country or something? I can't think how this info could be specific enough to identify someone.
Run, Forrest, Run!!! No matter what his relationship is with his relative is, it isn't going to work out for you.
“One of the keys to being well is owning and acknowledging reality.” That seems so obvious, but we avoid it more than we realize at first glance.
That ain’t his sister, Sis! 🏃♀️
If she was calling from Alabama, I would disagree lol
Or it is and he and sis agreed he's got to occasionally date someone else for a cover
Did she ever say it's his sister? She said she didn't want to say what the relationship is.
@@PS-qn4ozyes made me wonder if she is a “cousin” or step sister
LOL!!!
Bringing her along on dates??
Maybe once,
Not multiple times, not ongoing!
I love that, "Owning and acknowledging reality ".
You can’t come on the show and not disclose who the so called roommate is… I mean it’s totally a waste of time that he’s even trying to start a relationship with a new person when you can just be with the roommate… now if it’s a family member then she should be concerned. If you’ve addressed it and he has made any changes, he doesn’t care about her feelings. She should let it go. However, the doctor really assessed this well and gave her really great advice. I’m one of those ppl that want to know full story! Great show.
Girlfriend, this guy isn't worth your effort or time. You sound like such a kind, intelligent and classy lady and you will find better. Don't settle for SCRAPS!!!
Airing your dirty laundry in public on the world wide web is classy alright....low classy.
With all due respect she should just walk away. There is really no reason to have any kind of discussion with him.
Yes. Wasted words. Just walk away and block his number. This will leave him alone with his thoughts and not your words that he will twist for his own unhealthy purposes.
They have had the discussion. He put her in her place for all intents and purposes. She might be in denial. Because that hurts. For whatever reason.
Girl, do yourself a favor and just quit calling / texting him for like 2-5 days or a week. Altogether. No contact.
Does he contact you? To see what's up, or even if you are ok?
If so, you can always be like, "I've been thinking about that cryptic answer you gave when I asked if we could ever just be a couple instead of a throuple and you put me in my place. That's been weighing on my heart some and I wasn't sure if it was worth even addressing. Or if you'd notice I'd been gone, you are usually so busy with your incest partner or wife, holding me on the DL or whatever.. I didn't want to overthink it. I just figured your answer was plenty and realized this type of relationship wasn't my cup of tea. No love lost, I just want to feel like I am a priority in my partner's life and I don't. That's nothing against you, but it's up to me to make changes I can deal with rather than do emotional backbends I might wind up resentng you for later. [Long Sigh]
We cool?"
Yep. Never cast pearls to swine.
The sister is not a sister. The guy is a liar.
Nah that’s super weird. They’re in a relationship or got something very strange goin on. Run.
I think he is emptying his sick into her purse regularly. I bet its sticky and moist
Maybe he just doesn’t like his gf that much
@@pattybaselines No, he is definitely enjoying unnatural relations with him.
Whether or not it is weird doesn’t matter that much in my opinion. A better question to ask yourself is are you satisfied/happy with the relationship he is offering you? For me, I’ve got to be #1. If you’re looking for a life partner you should be each other’s #1.
I think she should ask him if he ever planned to get married and move in with his wife and not have the female family member come with.
Sounds like she's just being used as a front. If he's living with an undisclosed female family member and it's weird, he's going to tell people "well I have a girlfriend so..". Totally weird.
So it sounds like he's telling her butt out of my relationship. This lady either needs to learn to live with it or move on.
Great advice! I was in a similar situation, and I left. Some people just don't want to acknowledge red flags.
There is something not right here… that caller needs to move on asap!
This guy isn’t boyfriend material. His focus is with his family member.
That guy won’t change. He’s too comfortable in his situation.
Honestly If you are in your 40s and something seems odd, then just say good bye and move on. If it is is not working for whatever reason , why waste any more time? They are just a couple of months into a relationship and it is not worth trying to accommodate something that feels uncomfortable.
He's in an open relationship
Also anyone curious as to why she didn't want to disclose the relationship? I'm trying to guess as to why
First my dad left.
20 years later my brother disappeared.
It is so very important to allow the existing family to at least have contact. To have conversations. Without changing everything and taking over and eliminating existing relationships
John nailed this. RUN !! I can hear the banjo's from Australia, lol
I hope I never get this ‘understanding’, I love simple dating, nothing weird.
He wants to bring his relative on dates with them??!! Grown man needs a chaperone??!! They ALREADY spend excessive time together, where's the desire for quality alone time with his gf? Nah, she's not his official main woman, she's the side piece. Red flag!
40 and hes not selfsefincent keeper😢
If he told you she is his “cousin” then I would leave it alone. My family’s culture doesn’t do this but some families will claim anyone and everyone as a relative including neighbors and friends. Some people will call their parents’ friends uncle or aunt then proceed to refer to their kids as their cousins or play cousins. The only people I might claim as a cousin are some of my relatives’ stepchildren. Emphasis on might. My extended family is huge so I have more than enough actual kin to keep track of.
It’s like that Friends episode w the yeti and his sister 😂
That was my first thought - their special bond! “Danny…the bath’s getting cold”
🎯
I thought that exactly
Lady, please run. It’s super weird.
Roommate at 40 is weird. I’m in my 40s and it’s hard living with my lovely wife and kids😂
Life happens to people. I had to get a roommate after several surgeries. Don't put people down, until you know their situation.
John, why don't you just say "lady, that's a wife with and open relationhip' lol
He can't say it outright but was suggesting it at 7:20.
@@E_l_l_i_e I know. Just crazy hearing these stories. Imagine if she heard this from someone else. What would she think?
If the guy was in an open relationship, he would have no issue to tell her that.
@@saribrown7156 he prob doesn't want to lose Andrea. Idk. Whole situation is weird. But that's their life and decision. Let me mind my business lol
Sometimes only one spouse knows they're in an open relationship ;)
Run don't walk!
😅🤣😂
you made your concerns known to him and he responded; DEAL with it or NOT; the ball is in your court.
Perfect call. Spot on.
Caller: "Is My Boyfriend’s Relationship With His Roommate Weird?"
Me: "Yes. Thanks for calling."
🤣
The clear problem is, at 40 years old, he is making the family member his priority to the point that it seems to be an unnatural attachment. When a man is in a relationship, his partner should be his priority, especially at that age. If she feels like a third wheel and his boundary is rigid, she needs to walk away. As hard as it is, that is the only solution, because he is clearly not going to make a change for her.
I broke up with someone because of some family issues…sometimes it’s clear that you won’t be a priority. He was a great guy besides. But definitely didn’t want to sign up for a lifetime of not being priority
The caller is the sidechick and has failed to see the truth
We used to hear the phrase about "living up to our potential" in Minnesota. Sadly, when we're dating, we get this fantasy of someone's "potential", but it's a dream. And it never works.
I'm thinking this guy is in a "safe zone" with this other family member and has substituted them emotionally for a love interest. Perhaps it's even a two-way street between the two of them (who knows). It will probably be a process to slowly replace the family member with an "outsider" even with the outsider potentially offering a more engaging and deep relationship. She has to decide if it's worth it or not. And there are definitely some issues here to be worked out. If they've been together for years, it will be very difficult to break that bond apart.
Reminds me of that Friends episode. She should have ran a long time ago.
😆😆😀I thought of that Friends episode too.
If he’s telling you not to get between him and his family, that’s a very clear message of your position in the priority and hierarchy of his life.
Now I’m perfectly okay with a partner who is close to his family & who spends a lot of time with them, in fact I appreciate that about a partner, but he’s drawn a very clear line in the sand telling you where your place is & you’re on one side of the line, whereas he and his family are on the other side.
She will always be 2 fiddle
@@isay207
I believe you mean fickle… or are you suggesting she plays 2 fiddles🤭?? You may want to look up the definition of both fiddle and fickle as she neither of those things.
Aside from that, as Dr. John said @7:35 _”if you’re going to date someone & start thinking about creating a new world with them, they become priority over your live in relationship with your sibling”_
She’s not being fickle (assuming you’re accusing her of that, as opposed to being a fiddle), by wanting to be a priority to him and expecting him to not have to get the okay of his family member anytime she wants to do something with him, that’s completely insane behavior.
Quite honestly that’s not something I would stick along for. I’m all for having a good relationship with family but this is like dating a guy and his cousin or whatever. No thank you. I also think it’s okay to not be okay with that. This is a new relationship, a boundary was set and frankly it’s a weird boundary. He’s in his 40s and single for a reason and I think in his case that reason may partially be his dependency and attachment on his relative.
There’s a line between putting a partner first and unhealthy attachment or codependency
John, always (or almost always) so spot-on with people. Kudos, man!
People show you who they are pretty early on.
"Sellery stays. Don`t get between me and my vegetables!"
Best line ever! I have to remember that example.
“Is that a family name?” Aww, John. . .no one is giving you their real names.
I wonder if he’s Mexican-American. Enmeshment between family members can be intense. 3 generations under the same roof is common, and if one say’s “Hey, I’m going to the store.”, 2 others will pop up and say, “Wait for me!” No invite necessary.
Ok seems I might be in the minority from reading these comments but 40 w/ a roommate is a hard stop for me
The banner at 2:20 ended me. Caller is like "I'm not gonna disclose who she is" and banner is like "IT'S HIS SISTER" LMAO
this didn't need a phone call to figure out, jeeze...
It's only been 2 months.. I'm going with what others are saying about this possibly being his wife in an open relationship... If not, either way i wouldn't stay with him.
“One of the keys to being well is owning and acknowledging reality.”
The fact that this 40 year old man doesn’t have his own house is enough of a 🚩.
She's 40 and doesn't have her own house too, so she's got red flags also.
She literally mentioned she had to live with relatives for a few years before she was financially able to rent her own place.
The fact that she is 40 and looking to date is a red flag
40 and dating is red flag
@@Dhuxul9 so he’d have two red flags to her one.
@@andrea6053 He is a man so being 40 is no problem but for her it is bad