I know exactly how this guy feel. At the age of 25 I wanted to move out but every time I told my parents they got very upset. My mom would started crying and made me feel guilty. One day I finally just stomach it and just moved out! Best decision ever!
That’s so toxic my mom is kinda like that too. Not the crying but the negativity and trying to guilt trip me. Never mind the fact that she was already out her parent’s house and married to my dad in her early 20’s. It’s like they want us to be 30 still living under their rules if they could
He's not asking for permission, he's asking for his dad's blessing. And his dad clearly isn't gonna give it, the dad probably thinks you shouldn't waste money on rent when you are in debt. It's a fair point, and he should respect his father's values but not necessarily feel obligated to share those values. He shouldn't feel obligated to share the Dave Ramsey show's value either, he needs to be a man and make a decision one way or another, because that decision fits his values.
Doesn’t it make sense to stay home and save in this economy? What’s the point of moving out unless you’re arguing with family all the time. You can find a girl and then move in with her if needed. Having your own place just to hook up and smoke in peace isn’t worth it
Same here. I’m 40 years old now, I moved out when I got married at 28. Boy, I’m glad I had parents who told me not to move out yet, “take care of these payments” and so on. Made for a easier transition into the “real world”
I totally relate to this. Im a 28yo woman and still look to my mom for validation and totally cater to her like I’m a kid. It’s not healthy at all. I’m a grown adult, i bought a home and we live together in it, and I just want my space and do things like I want. We bump heads, and I’m just tired. I’m ready to start my life in my way before it’s too late. Throughout the years since I was a kid, I saw and felt the weight of her problems and still do. After her divorce, I was there through it all and I felt like I got divorced. I cant have anything of my own. If i buy myself cookies, she says why did i not get her anything. Everything is US and not ME. I clean up after everyone, i cook for everyone, I’m just tired. I want to have my own identity. It’s taxing on me mentally and physically. I love her, but i need to find myself. I’m just venting.
I’m in the same boat and will be fleeing the scene by the end of summer 2021. Make your exit plan for your mom to get out of your house ASAP. I’m 40 years old and it doesn’t get better when catering to a needy parent. Please don’t waste anymore years living like this. I love my mom too but I love myself more. She was free to live her life on her own terms and you are too. Free yourself.
@@GeminiPeach81 dude yes. The thing that pisses me off about needy narcissistic parents that try to stunt their children’s growth into adulthood is that usually by the same age they were already out their parents house married, with kids or living life doing whatever they were doing but they want to keep you shackles under their rule until you’re in your mid 30’s Lol like what? 💀
Especially if he's single. Going to be hard to date successfully telling girls that you make enough to live on your own but willingly live with your parents
I told my parents I wanted to move out and they didn’t think it was a great idea for the same reasons. A week later they went on vacation, and I started narrowing in on some places. I was literally found a place, signed, and completely moved out before they came back a week later. I called them while they were gone to say “hey guess what I found a place! Love you lots but didn’t want it to be a shocker for you when you got home.” In hindsight this was the best thing I did to grow up and improve my relationship with my folks.
I’m pretty much in the same age and situation as this guy and I talked to my mom about moving out and she said the same thing about saving money. I kinda feel like parents nowadays coddle and sand bag the growth of their children out of habit. Money isn’t even an issue anymore now it’s the realization that your parents are enabling you to be an incompetent adult with no independency
what i’ve learned is no matter how well you and your parents relationship is, you simply cannot grow as a man/ women living under there household. You can grow slightly , but it isn’t until you move out that you REALLY become the person you want to become and truly find yourself... at least for me .
I feel like I’ve grown but it was very stunted and slow. Like I would have grown up almost half the time to get to where I am now. If my mom had just let me cut the cord so I could do my own thing. If I ever have kids I’ll never do that to them.
The same dad he’s wanting approval from will be proud of the decision he makes. I was in my 20s when I moved out, my mom and dad were shocked, but later said it was a good decision for myself to make. It teaches you responsibility by moving out. Even with roommates. You grow as an individual.
@@Aliensleek I know a person who does this, their is no point in moving out if you're just going to ran back to mommy and daddy everyday! Just go live in your parents basement if you're going to do that. The exact number is debatable, but if it feels like you have never moved out than you're visiting your parents too much.
I finished college and told my mom I was moving out, she said "oh, don't leave, you can stay here forever". 😳. No mom, I cannot, nor do I want to live here forever. I love you, but boundaries.
Be thankful she loves you. I moved out at 26. My mom didn't want me to leave either. Now that she's gone I realize no one will ever love me as much as she did.
I moved out when i was 24. My parents didnt want me to even though I'm financially independent but you gotta do whats best for you and make your own decisions
It’s a no brainer. I’d take it further, stay home with dad, pay off the debt, stack the cash and transition into entrepreneurial endeavors. Especially if dad insists I stay and he’s footing the bills.
@@gblyndensrandomreviews naaa that's not true. A good friend if mine stayed home to pay off his student loans. Met a beautiful woman whole doing it, smart no kids, they got married and are doing well. It's all in your head. If all a woman cares about is your apartment and not you there something wrong with her if she can't see your being fiscally responsible.
Did you feel awkward when you first moved out like you’re were just learning the ropes to things people your age and younger had already known and been doing for years?
I know it's painful to stay at home at 27, but I think the dad is right. The fastest way to buy a house is to stay home until debt is paid, emergency fund is in place and down payment for a house is saved up. Moving out renting will slow down the process.
The fastest way isn’t always the healthiest way for his character development. If he’s truly committed to paying off his debts then he could get it done. No doubt faster at home, but he sounds pretty ready to leave.
@@jackofalltrades4844 Yeah, he would have to weigh the options on that and figure out what he values more. Personally I like to go through the struggle as quickly as possible, even if it's very painful, to get where I want instead of dragging it out for a long time. But hey, it could be completely different for him. I hope h makes the choice that's right for him.
@@jackofalltrades4844 he doesnt wanna leave yet. he just feels pressured cus his younger siblings are already leaving, so he feels like a loser for staying.
@@jackofalltrades4844 I have a cousin who’s doing this college graduated chose to work and stay at home with my uncle ….he still acts like a kid that’s fresh out of high school. The only difference is he has more money. Literally nothing else changed about him characteristic-wise and he’s in his mid 20’s now
Yes but at what price? Independence and freedom are priceless. He can always buy a house if he makes it a goal and he’s still young to do so in the near future. However, he will not be young forever and there are life experiences, character building and emotional growth that he will be missing out on if he chooses to buy a home instead. It’s not always about the money people, houses aren’t going anywhere, banks aren’t closing anytime soon. His youth has an expiration date. There is also the fact that he can find a partner and together purchase a home down the line. We’re giving TOO much priority to material items, yea even a house. At 27, if he wanted to purchase a home he would’ve found the way to make it happen, he did not so I would enjoy his late 20s before they’re gone and he regrets it.
This is one of the rare times where i disagree with the advice that was given. If your parents insist on you staying home, then why not? In my culture, its common to live with your parents until you get married.
@@RaptureHead1993 You want a life? Hangout with friends, no one asking you where you were going? Move out asap. You don't care for going out, having friends over, and have gazelle intensity to save money to pay off debt and buy a home? Better to stay at home with your parents especially if they are encouraging it. I'm #2 but I bought my own home to use all the space to run my home business.
I agree and disagree. I am 26 years old living at home still (partially because I don't see a reason of moving out due to the pandemic). I am paying off my student loans/car payment, as well. I do agree that if you're not ready to move out or have debt there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. I have some friends that didn't have that luxury out of college and I am very grateful. That being said I do think that it is a lot harder to grow and be your own person if you continue to live at home.
It’s hard in some cultures. Some cultures you live at home until you get married. If you move out early just because you don’t want to live at home they look at you funny.
It's even worse in some cultures where the son or daughter is expected to stay even after marriage. Especially when there's a family business involved or the parent isn't financially stable
@@googleuser7454 which makes sense especially if the parents moved to the us from their country. Because in a lot of countries they don’t have a retirement system in place like we do in the us. So, their retirement is the kids. But, then their kids grow up into the culture here and there like wait a minute why do I have to provide your retirement. But, they sort of have to because maybe parents didnt work enough years to pay into social security or 401k. But, I do believe that parents do need to do their part in saving for retirement and not fully dependent on kids. However, if parents do need help and kids have it like that they should help.
Make your own decisions but I would take advantage of his offer. He sounds like he loves his children and loves to take care of them. He sounds like my dad, but, if you’re ready to leave, leave.
He needs to stay at home until his financial situation is sorted out. I don’t think he realises that his dad is basically giving him money - he should take it.
So I'm turning 30 next week and this was my mindset as well at 27. I had just gotten my life together that year lol I started to think like a man not a boy. So I understand his thought process on listening to Pop
My sister waited until she was 50 to move out. She's now the wealthiest member of the family but doesn't date ( finds it awkward) and has few friends outside the family. I'm not sure if she's better off or not considering our brother left at a young age to get married but divorce ruined him.
Wow. That was a lot to process. I guess it all boils down to balance. To have your space at your parents' house. To have some parental guidance even if you live separately
I moved out at 19. My parents and I admittedly didn't have the greatest relationship, but I didn't involve them in the decision process one little bit. The idea to ask them or get their opinion on the idea didn't even occur to me. I was leaving and that was that.
I’m 25 and moved back in with my folks mid-2019 after finishing graduate school while looking for work. I’ve saved a fortune for a down payment on a house and will be closing on it this Summer. Grateful for the opportunity, but looking forward to finally being on my own.
I totally agree with the advice given here. I know of this one guy who lives with his parents at the age of 35. He constantly makes excuses why he cant find a girlfriend or why he cant move out.
Yeah it’s tough decision to make but a man has to create value and by staying home you ceiling is low to grow into a man. It’s different for everyone but I feel like It’s important to do this
Im 26 years old and I want to move out really badly. I’ve been applying to jobs out of state and hoping for a call back soon. My parents don’t want me moving out but I’m hoping that by next year I can make the move. I can’t stand living with them I argue and I fight constantly with them it’s time for me to get my own place.
@@apollomedia7210 I’m moving out this August coming, I’m so excited for it. Technically when I posted this was about two years ago, I’ll be 28 soon, glad I can finally be on my own.
@@KevinNordstrom Hey Kevin, it’s been two and a half years since this post and it’s been much better. I’m moved out now renting my own place outta state and I honestly couldn’t be happier. I’m better off living alone than being forced to be around my family.
I can see that his father thinks he’s doing the right thing, but ultimately he is grown and needs to experience life. It’s one thing when you choose to stay with your parents, but he sounds trapped
From another angle, it’s also possible social pressure is pushing him to move out when he doesn’t want to, and he’s just using his dad as an excuse to justify him not wanting to move out.
@@jasonm2245 maybe but even then, he needs to grow up in the sense that he needs to get away from home finally, he's almost 30 and he can afford to leave.
I agree and disagree. I am 26 years old living at home still (partially because I don't see a reason of moving out due to the pandemic). I am paying off my student loans/car payment, as well. I do agree that if you're not ready to move out or have debt there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. I have some friends that didn't have that luxury out of college and I am very grateful. That being said I do think that it is a lot harder to grow and be your own person if you continue to live at home.
Yes, you could live at home while saving up for a house, but coming from someone who just turned 27 and who’s first lease is starting tomorrow - DON’T DO IT!!! Your 20s are too short! Its not so bad if your an 18-23 year old full time college student or recent graduate w/debt, but when your working full time and have an emergency fund saved, you are simply missing out on life living at home.
Look I love my parents and I was very grateful to be able to live with them when I went to grad school because I wasn't able to work during (PA school). I was at school most of the time and it saved me a lot of money on housing. But I moved out as soon as I got my first well-paying job as a PA. that I wouldn't give up unless I absolutely had to. The freedom that comes with it is awesome. You feel like you finally have your own life. I'm all for saving money while going to school but at the end of the day once you're to the point where you have a stable income you just need to be out on your own. It's healthy to do
Not really, a lot of people living at home still spend their money, just not on important stuff but luxuries instead. Infact all my broke friends are still living at home... Maybe there's a connection..
I don't understand why there are so many grown adults that are so afraid of taking a leap nowadays. People are too afraid to fail to even try anything. He needs this life experience before getting married or buying a house. He is behaving as though he is 15 or 16 instead of 27, and the only way to grow is to get out there and live the life he wants independently. You are not a child, you don't have to ask Permission to move out; you will not be reported as a runaway if you move out.
He probably didn't take his dad's advice when he was even younger (about college or another money situation) and now he is probably afraid to fail again. Since his dad probably gives good advice, he doesn't want to make another dumb mistake.
There is no general age for every person as to when they should move out. It’s up to the individual, and the families circumstances. Everyone is an individual.
04:38- 04:50 - I'm 24(almost 25) but That's exactly what happened. Got an apartment I'm moving to next week. but the damage is done and a part of me never wants to see him again since i had to do so much (good, self building, learning, and productive stuff) in my adult life behind his back due to his constant disapproval.
Hm. I'm in a similar place. At 28, my family has asked me to leave home, as my mom and I are butting heads. Now that I have started looking into places to live in another province, they are trying to push for me to stay in the area. I'm saving up an emergency fund, with plans to vamoose by July.
If he decides to stay at his parents' home, perhaps he should make an ultimatum......say give it two years at max .... be gazelle intense during that time in order to clear his debts and get an emergency fund.......and let his father know his plan to give him time to absorb the fact that his son will be gone in that time frame.
YOUR DAD IS OFFERING YOU FREE MONEY! If you are happy living at home for the next year and it isn't cramping your 'style' 😉 then say thank you and put those savings towards the loan or towards a down payment.
@@nikkisigmon8090 Haha that's true Nikki - it doesn't sound like he has a bad relationship with him though. He's not getting beaten or anything like that lol
If he's living rent-free and being well taken care of, and able to put at least 50% of his pay each month toward his student loans, then he should stay home. He makes about 50k a year, so in theory, if he lives very frugally and puts a minimum of 50% of his pay each month toward the loans, then he can be debt-free by the end of the year or even before that. I get he is 27 years old, but student loans gather interest daily and lead to a lot of stress in a person's life. It would just be easier, faster, and healthier if he gets rid of the debt as fast as possible and if that means living at home as a 27-year-old man for another year, then do it. It's not usual for people to live at home even in their late twenties to pay off student loans; there is no shame in it.
If you have 35k in debt and can't afford a house, there's nothing wrong with living with parents longer to save up money faster. You can still be indendent living at home.
I’m 28 and plan on leaving this summer my mom doesn’t care but I’m not staying for a house. I owe 25 thousand in student loans. I have the apartment picked out. I’m a late bloomer but I’m about ready to go.
If he’s an IT he could be making way more than 51k. Go to the private sector and he could probably get 80-90k easily. Why is he working at a university?
Honestly I was doing the same thing. But I looked at it as helping my parents pay off their mortgage, not really trapped with my parents as an oldest child. And if your parents don’t stress you out then use it to your advantage.
Great advice from you gents. Dealt with similar scenario with my dad. But at the end of the day, the decision was mine and I wound up moving. Haven't regretted the move. You won't either.
Ben, your first mistake was ‘discussing’ this with your dad. You should have made the decision and go sign a lease. Then cook dinner for your parents and tell them You have a surprise to tell them, thanking them at the same time for all they had done, With the biggest smile you can muster. BTW, Ben Franklin was running his uncle’s printing shop when he was 15 yrs old. There is something wrong with this modern world.
"Stacking money" like that isn't reality. Consider also taking care of your parents in 30 years or so. In your 20s and 30s your parents are probably still healthy and able. It's the most free adult time in your life.
im kinda in the same boat except its my mom that insists that i stay home and save to get house , but im also in my late 20's and i dont want to be at home anymore...so my brother and i are moving out ina couple months
Wrong this is why some, I said some, of Ramsey’s philosophies are flawed. The guy has $34k in debt. Why are giving him advice to leave? Stay home phy off debt and then save for 20% down payment on a home.
I know Indian families that stay living in parents house, never/wasting on renting until they have down payment or buy a business. Indians are the wealthiest ethnic/race right now in the States.
Idc what you say your family will look at you differently when you are 25(plus) man living with your parents.... Of course every situation isn’t the same but that’s my two cents...
Man, stay home and pay off your debt, save for an emergency fund, save for a house. How about start a business. Listen to your Dad, he is trying to help you! You making 51k in Pittsburgh with no rent! Listen to your father on this one!
I understand the advice. But I’m hearing a concerned father that wants the best for his son versus a son who wants to do stuff cause “everyone has something going on”. Just because everyone has something going on doesn’t mean you have to be doing something too. Just save! Be wise! These two “advisers” are just trying to act like they know it all as if they were Dave Ramsey.
@@HamiltonRb no, it doesn’t mean forever. This others persons comment was exactly right. Pay off the debt save an emergency fund and save for a down payment on a house. He will be probably about 30 when he gets all that done and then he can move out. That would put him much much farther ahead than if he move out now
My eldest brother (30) is in the exact same situation. My aunt is making him stay to save for a house and somewhat controls his finances, and he’s a registered nurse. I believe he should move out (no way I’d ever let my parents or aunts control my money)? but If he moves out will conflict since she has supported him during college/helped him get into the USA.
I am the same problem with my mum I want to move out and I told her about rent assistance but she says I can’t because I am not a rich man, and I am and soon as the money runs out I am done
I moved out the day I turned 19 cross country to a state where I had no friends, no financial support, no car, and a job making $9.25/ hr. I never asked permission, I just got on a bus and I left. Go west young man, go west.
please recognize that in some cultures families stay together much longer. in some cultures you don’t leave until you get married. and in some cultures when you do leave its to a house next door, right behind or across the street from your parents. I have a friend who told me this is how it is in her family. and the younger adults don’t complain. as a matter of fact, look at us Americans like where doing it wrong. so please recognize the American way is not always the best or only way. Just look at the booming Multigenerational housing boom. all families are different.
I stayed with my dad for a year and a half after school, and I was able to stockpile an emergency fund and savings. There is a cutoff. You need to find out when that is.
This is harder in Canada, near impossible to move out and save for a house at the same time. I’d be paying that debt off then maybe thinking of moving out after that
I think his father is right. Paying rent will make home ownership take even longer. His Dad wants him to get a good start, he's lucky to have a father who supports him this way.
I understand where the guy is coming from because you feel emotionally stunted living with your parents in your late twenties but this is the best time to save up, get that debt down and then go find something. It relieves you from being tight on money in the future.
I moved out of parents place. It was the worst decision in my life. Not only do I have to pay rent I also need to do a billion other things. When I was with family I was more focused on taking care of my self and did a lot more self improvement. Now I’m overwhelmed with my responsibilities and it’s only getting harder because I also need to work on dating. I’m in a difficult spot now.
My younger brother stayed home until 28 and paid all his land off and had a nice downpayment on the house he had built, randomly paying rent to prove your a man is nieve. I do agree move out when your ready.
A lot of that fear comes from some sort of neglect or abuse during your childhood. Sounds like this guy may not even be aware of it either. I'm currently dealing with something similar with my father and I'm mid 20s. I've come to the realization recently that my father is a serious narcissist and it's the main reason why he doesn't want me to move out.
People have kids and then their identies become 100% about their kids. They stop developing personally. So they want their kids around. This is another huge gamble about having kids.
I know exactly how this guy feel. At the age of 25 I wanted to move out but every time I told my parents they got very upset. My mom would started crying and made me feel guilty. One day I finally just stomach it and just moved out! Best decision ever!
Good job! 👊🏻💥👊🏻
That’s so toxic my mom is kinda like that too. Not the crying but the negativity and trying to guilt trip me. Never mind the fact that she was already out her parent’s house and married to my dad in her early 20’s. It’s like they want us to be 30 still living under their rules if they could
@@Dmvgold1995 those are possessive parents
Their generation is different than our. Nowadays, parents want their adult children to live at home. Crazy times.
Good for you!
Independence is key👌🏼
Stop asking your dad for permission. You're an adult. It's your life.
He's not asking for permission, he's asking for his dad's blessing.
And his dad clearly isn't gonna give it, the dad probably thinks you shouldn't waste money on rent when you are in debt.
It's a fair point, and he should respect his father's values but not necessarily feel obligated to share those values.
He shouldn't feel obligated to share the Dave Ramsey show's value either, he needs to be a man and make a decision one way or another, because that decision fits his values.
Your parents are your life too .
@@kkknotcool Same thing really. If you can’t do anything without your parent’s permission then you’re not gonna go far in life.
Doesn’t it make sense to stay home and save in this economy? What’s the point of moving out unless you’re arguing with family all the time. You can find a girl and then move in with her if needed. Having your own place just to hook up and smoke in peace isn’t worth it
That is not how it works everywhere. Family values are different for everyone.
You're a grown adult and can make your own decisions. If you want to live on your own, you can move out tomorrow.
I agree completely. I mean 27..come on. Make adult decisions!
Agree. The prospect of a house shouldn't put your life on hold, move out and start your 'big boy' life.
You can move out tomorrow, but please, plan a month or two out. This guy doesn't have any money!
A grown adult?
He sounded 50 years old
I'm a 25 hispanic male. My parents insist I don't leave. Cultural conflict as I hope to move out soon.
A a 20 year old with a Hispanic Family no more room dont really wish to move but no room is leading me to find my own place
Same here. I’m 40 years old now, I moved out when I got married at 28. Boy, I’m glad I had parents who told me not to move out yet, “take care of these payments” and so on. Made for a easier transition into the “real world”
Be less wyte
Yeah same with my family. It’s a Hispanic thing for sure but I would say make sure your finances are together before jumping off
Culture is no excuse. If you're an adult, and want to move out, move out. Listen to this advice.
I totally relate to this. Im a 28yo woman and still look to my mom for validation and totally cater to her like I’m a kid. It’s not healthy at all. I’m a grown adult, i bought a home and we live together in it, and I just want my space and do things like I want. We bump heads, and I’m just tired. I’m ready to start my life in my way before it’s too late. Throughout the years since I was a kid, I saw and felt the weight of her problems and still do. After her divorce, I was there through it all and I felt like I got divorced. I cant have anything of my own. If i buy myself cookies, she says why did i not get her anything. Everything is US and not ME. I clean up after everyone, i cook for everyone, I’m just tired. I want to have my own identity. It’s taxing on me mentally and physically. I love her, but i need to find myself. I’m just venting.
I’m in the same boat and will be fleeing the scene by the end of summer 2021. Make your exit plan for your mom to get out of your house ASAP. I’m 40 years old and it doesn’t get better when catering to a needy parent. Please don’t waste anymore years living like this. I love my mom too but I love myself more. She was free to live her life on her own terms and you are too. Free yourself.
@@GeminiPeach81 dude yes. The thing that pisses me off about needy narcissistic parents that try to stunt their children’s growth into adulthood is that usually by the same age they were already out their parents house married, with kids or living life doing whatever they were doing but they want to keep you shackles under their rule until you’re in your mid 30’s Lol like what? 💀
@@Dmvgold1995 exactly! It's beyond controlling.
Yup, controlling parents are like this. The boomer's generation is different than the millennial generation.
YOU GOT THIS!!
The fact that he has to ask his dad as a 27 year old if he can move out, tells me that he reeeeally needs to move out and start being independent
Yeah, I thought the same thing.
If he is the oldest, what did the father say to the other siblings who have moved out
Is he an adult or a baby?
Exactly.
Especially if he's single. Going to be hard to date successfully telling girls that you make enough to live on your own but willingly live with your parents
I told my parents I wanted to move out and they didn’t think it was a great idea for the same reasons. A week later they went on vacation, and I started narrowing in on some places. I was literally found a place, signed, and completely moved out before they came back a week later. I called them while they were gone to say “hey guess what I found a place! Love you lots but didn’t want it to be a shocker for you when you got home.” In hindsight this was the best thing I did to grow up and improve my relationship with my folks.
Are you set financially set to move out? I feel it makes sense for this guy to stay home till his college debt is paid off
I’m pretty much in the same age and situation as this guy and I talked to my mom about moving out and she said the same thing about saving money. I kinda feel like parents nowadays coddle and sand bag the growth of their children out of habit. Money isn’t even an issue anymore now it’s the realization that your parents are enabling you to be an incompetent adult with no independency
With this system money answers all, so save up enough 15k then make a move
@@Dmvgold1995 have you managed to get out yet?
Good job
You are a fully grown adult, you don't need permission before moving out. However, I'd suggest that you pay off your loans before moving out.
These parents who get their identity and emotional fix through their kids are mental.
what i’ve learned is no matter how well you and your parents relationship is, you simply cannot grow as a man/ women living under there household. You can grow slightly , but it isn’t until you move out that you REALLY become the person you want to become and truly find yourself... at least for me .
Exactly!
I feel like I’ve grown but it was very stunted and slow. Like I would have grown up almost half the time to get to where I am now. If my mom had just let me cut the cord so I could do my own thing. If I ever have kids I’ll never do that to them.
Facts
The same dad he’s wanting approval from will be proud of the decision he makes. I was in my 20s when I moved out, my mom and dad were shocked, but later said it was a good decision for myself to make.
It teaches you responsibility by moving out. Even with roommates. You grow as an individual.
110% agree, and when you move out DO NOT RETURN HOME EVERYDAY! I known someone who does that, and that is a big no no.
@@dvercl9911 *Everyday
How often should one visit their parents if let’s say they are 30 mins away from each other?
@@Aliensleek I know a person who does this, their is no point in moving out if you're just going to ran back to mommy and daddy everyday! Just go live in your parents basement if you're going to do that.
The exact number is debatable, but if it feels like you have never moved out than you're visiting your parents too much.
@@Native722 I agree ☝️
Ask your parents for advice, not permission!!
I finished college and told my mom I was moving out, she said "oh, don't leave, you can stay here forever". 😳. No mom, I cannot, nor do I want to live here forever. I love you, but boundaries.
Be thankful she loves you. I moved out at 26. My mom didn't want me to leave either. Now that she's gone I realize no one will ever love me as much as she did.
Deep down I didnt want my son to move🤣🤣🤣 but he is doing good🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽
Move Out
I moved out when i was 24. My parents didnt want me to even though I'm financially independent but you gotta do whats best for you and make your own decisions
You never actually fully grow up until you move out on your own and EVERYTHING is your responsibility.
I'd take the opportunity to pay off the loans and then build the emergency fund and move out.
Your channel is one I'd never listen to, if that's your advice.
@@thejakelegion care to elaborate?
It’s a no brainer. I’d take it further, stay home with dad, pay off the debt, stack the cash and transition into entrepreneurial endeavors. Especially if dad insists I stay and he’s footing the bills.
Joe Doe The dude is going to have no women to choose from that don’t already have kids if he doesn’t move out soon.
@@gblyndensrandomreviews naaa that's not true. A good friend if mine stayed home to pay off his student loans. Met a beautiful woman whole doing it, smart no kids, they got married and are doing well.
It's all in your head. If all a woman cares about is your apartment and not you there something wrong with her if she can't see your being fiscally responsible.
I was in the same situation. I think my dad just wanted to keep me with him. Ended up moving in my 30’s. I should have moved out before then.
Did you feel awkward when you first moved out like you’re were just learning the ropes to things people your age and younger had already known and been doing for years?
Dude’s inexperienced in life. Needs to move out, stumble, and grow.
Exactly!! Growth comes from wisdom and experience. Get out there!
There’s nothing wrong with playing it safe and gaming the system. Y’all are too prideful
Getting an apartment does not make you grown.
No, can live in there too!
“Move out tomorrow.” I love John.
While staying home with his dad makes more financial sense, this guy seems like he needs a dose of independence. I totally agree with their advice.
I know it's painful to stay at home at 27, but I think the dad is right. The fastest way to buy a house is to stay home until debt is paid, emergency fund is in place and down payment for a house is saved up. Moving out renting will slow down the process.
The fastest way isn’t always the healthiest way for his character development. If he’s truly committed to paying off his debts then he could get it done. No doubt faster at home, but he sounds pretty ready to leave.
@@jackofalltrades4844 Yeah, he would have to weigh the options on that and figure out what he values more. Personally I like to go through the struggle as quickly as possible, even if it's very painful, to get where I want instead of dragging it out for a long time. But hey, it could be completely different for him. I hope h makes the choice that's right for him.
@@jackofalltrades4844 he doesnt wanna leave yet. he just feels pressured cus his younger siblings are already leaving, so he feels like a loser for staying.
@@jackofalltrades4844 I have a cousin who’s doing this college graduated chose to work and stay at home with my uncle ….he still acts like a kid that’s fresh out of high school. The only difference is he has more money. Literally nothing else changed about him characteristic-wise and he’s in his mid 20’s now
Yes but at what price? Independence and freedom are priceless. He can always buy a house if he makes it a goal and he’s still young to do so in the near future. However, he will not be young forever and there are life experiences, character building and emotional growth that he will be missing out on if he chooses to buy a home instead. It’s not always about the money people, houses aren’t going anywhere, banks aren’t closing anytime soon. His youth has an expiration date. There is also the fact that he can find a partner and together purchase a home down the line. We’re giving TOO much priority to material items, yea even a house. At 27, if he wanted to purchase a home he would’ve found the way to make it happen, he did not so I would enjoy his late 20s before they’re gone and he regrets it.
This is one of the rare times where i disagree with the advice that was given. If your parents insist on you staying home, then why not? In my culture, its common to live with your parents until you get married.
And what happens if not married???
@@RaptureHead1993 then it would be up to you at that point
@@RaptureHead1993 You want a life? Hangout with friends, no one asking you where you were going? Move out asap. You don't care for going out, having friends over, and have gazelle intensity to save money to pay off debt and buy a home? Better to stay at home with your parents especially if they are encouraging it. I'm #2 but I bought my own home to use all the space to run my home business.
I agree and disagree. I am 26 years old living at home still (partially because I don't see a reason of moving out due to the pandemic). I am paying off my student loans/car payment, as well. I do agree that if you're not ready to move out or have debt there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. I have some friends that didn't have that luxury out of college and I am very grateful. That being said I do think that it is a lot harder to grow and be your own person if you continue to live at home.
I see that it’s a smart money move on paper. But if you as an adult are uncomfortable and suffering from a choice you didn’t make, you should leave.
If you're still asking him and questioning the idea instead of doing it, you don't seem ready.
Exactly 😂
Est-ce que vous parlez français?
@@merrymaurader2521 oui :)
It’s hard in some cultures. Some cultures you live at home until you get married. If you move out early just because you don’t want to live at home they look at you funny.
It's even worse in some cultures where the son or daughter is expected to stay even after marriage. Especially when there's a family business involved or the parent isn't financially stable
@@googleuser7454 which makes sense especially if the parents moved to the us from their country. Because in a lot of countries they don’t have a retirement system in place like we do in the us. So, their retirement is the kids. But, then their kids grow up into the culture here and there like wait a minute why do I have to provide your retirement. But, they sort of have to because maybe parents didnt work enough years to pay into social security or 401k. But, I do believe that parents do need to do their part in saving for retirement and not fully dependent on kids. However, if parents do need help and kids have it like that they should help.
Make your own decisions but I would take advantage of his offer. He sounds like he loves his children and loves to take care of them. He sounds like my dad, but, if you’re ready to leave, leave.
He needs to stay at home until his financial situation is sorted out. I don’t think he realises that his dad is basically giving him money - he should take it.
@@andrewh4806 I agree, he makes 51k a year with 30k debt he could pay that in a year and a half lol
Very balanced response
So I'm turning 30 next week and this was my mindset as well at 27. I had just gotten my life together that year lol I started to think like a man not a boy. So I understand his thought process on listening to Pop
My sister waited until she was 50 to move out. She's now the wealthiest member of the family but doesn't date ( finds it awkward) and has few friends outside the family. I'm not sure if she's better off or not considering our brother left at a young age to get married but divorce ruined him.
Wow. That was a lot to process.
I guess it all boils down to balance.
To have your space at your parents' house.
To have some parental guidance even if you live separately
Can’t buy memories and kids experience. In the end money won’t come with you to the afterlife
I moved out at 19. My parents and I admittedly didn't have the greatest relationship, but I didn't involve them in the decision process one little bit. The idea to ask them or get their opinion on the idea didn't even occur to me. I was leaving and that was that.
I’m 25 and moved back in with my folks mid-2019 after finishing graduate school while looking for work. I’ve saved a fortune for a down payment on a house and will be closing on it this Summer. Grateful for the opportunity, but looking forward to finally being on my own.
Theres a lot of parents who don’t know how to let go in the comments...
I totally agree with the advice given here. I know of this one guy who lives with his parents at the age of 35. He constantly makes excuses why he cant find a girlfriend or why he cant move out.
Yeah it’s tough decision to make but a man has to create value and by staying home you ceiling is low to grow into a man. It’s different for everyone but I feel like It’s important to do this
Im 26 years old and I want to move out really badly. I’ve been applying to jobs out of state and hoping for a call back soon. My parents don’t want me moving out but I’m hoping that by next year I can make the move. I can’t stand living with them I argue and I fight constantly with them it’s time for me to get my own place.
Did you move out?
@@apollomedia7210 I’m moving out this August coming, I’m so excited for it. Technically when I posted this was about two years ago, I’ll be 28 soon, glad I can finally be on my own.
It's been almost a year, how's it going man? Hope all is good
@@KevinNordstrom Hey Kevin, it’s been two and a half years since this post and it’s been much better. I’m moved out now renting my own place outta state and I honestly couldn’t be happier. I’m better off living alone than being forced to be around my family.
@@anilpersaud3808 glad to hear. Did you ever experience guilt from moving out? Like your parents making you feel guilty for leaving
His dad is right. Stay home for a few years and stack up. Move out by 30 still young.
And here I am a guy that moved out when I was 18 at the beginning of my senior year of high school. Never moved back and am grateful I did.
I can see that his father thinks he’s doing the right thing, but ultimately he is grown and needs to experience life. It’s one thing when you choose to stay with your parents, but he sounds trapped
From another angle, it’s also possible social pressure is pushing him to move out when he doesn’t want to, and he’s just using his dad as an excuse to justify him not wanting to move out.
@@jasonm2245 maybe but even then, he needs to grow up in the sense that he needs to get away from home finally, he's almost 30 and he can afford to leave.
He's more trapped with student loans than anything else, being debt free should be his main concern right now not getting into more debt
I agree and disagree. I am 26 years old living at home still (partially because I don't see a reason of moving out due to the pandemic). I am paying off my student loans/car payment, as well. I do agree that if you're not ready to move out or have debt there is absolutely no reason to be ashamed. I have some friends that didn't have that luxury out of college and I am very grateful. That being said I do think that it is a lot harder to grow and be your own person if you continue to live at home.
Yes, you could live at home while saving up for a house, but coming from someone who just turned 27 and who’s first lease is starting tomorrow - DON’T DO IT!!! Your 20s are too short!
Its not so bad if your an 18-23 year old full time college student or recent graduate w/debt, but when your working full time and have an emergency fund saved, you are simply missing out on life living at home.
💯💯
Look I love my parents and I was very grateful to be able to live with them when I went to grad school because I wasn't able to work during (PA school).
I was at school most of the time and it saved me a lot of money on housing. But I moved out as soon as I got my first well-paying job as a PA.
that I wouldn't give up unless I absolutely had to. The freedom that comes with it is awesome. You feel like you finally have your own life.
I'm all for saving money while going to school but at the end of the day once you're to the point where you have a stable income you just need to be out on your own.
It's healthy to do
if you can afford to move out, move out as soon as possible, it will be the best thing you do
I wish I was still living with my parents until 27, I would have over $200k saved up by now
Not really, a lot of people living at home still spend their money, just not on important stuff but luxuries instead. Infact all my broke friends are still living at home... Maybe there's a connection..
Pay off your debt, Save your money buy a house cash, a Tesla and 100 grand saved before you move out. Why struggle its a beast out here.
And yolo into Tesla stock
when I was this guy's age, I was plotting on moving away from a different city than my parents.
I don't understand why there are so many grown adults that are so afraid of taking a leap nowadays. People are too afraid to fail to even try anything. He needs this life experience before getting married or buying a house. He is behaving as though he is 15 or 16 instead of 27, and the only way to grow is to get out there and live the life he wants independently. You are not a child, you don't have to ask Permission to move out; you will not be reported as a runaway if you move out.
Yeah but I understand his view. Like they said, are you terrified of bringing it up with your dad because his dad's probably abusive
He probably didn't take his dad's advice when he was even younger (about college or another money situation) and now he is probably afraid to fail again. Since his dad probably gives good advice, he doesn't want to make another dumb mistake.
There’s a lot of grown adults because of how we were raised…in a toxic household but we are sensitive and we love our family.
Every place to rent has long list of applicant’s
There is no general age for every person as to when they should move out. It’s up to the individual, and the families circumstances.
Everyone is an individual.
04:38- 04:50 - I'm 24(almost 25) but That's exactly what happened. Got an apartment I'm moving to next week. but the damage is done and a part of me never wants to see him again since i had to do so much (good, self building, learning, and productive stuff) in my adult life behind his back due to his constant disapproval.
Hm. I'm in a similar place. At 28, my family has asked me to leave home, as my mom and I are butting heads. Now that I have started looking into places to live in another province, they are trying to push for me to stay in the area. I'm saving up an emergency fund, with plans to vamoose by July.
If I was him I would move in with my brother who just bought a house. That sounds like fun and would probably make sense financially.
The more interesting question is why is he soooo worried over dad’s approval 😑
@@familyman7057 he isn’t “youth.” He’s a GROWN MAN.
My son started working at 14, made his own decisions by 18. LISTEN TO YOUR DAD
If he decides to stay at his parents' home, perhaps he should make an ultimatum......say give it two years at max .... be gazelle intense during that time in order to clear his debts and get an emergency fund.......and let his father know his plan to give him time to absorb the fact that his son will be gone in that time frame.
YOUR DAD IS OFFERING YOU FREE MONEY!
If you are happy living at home for the next year and it isn't cramping your 'style' 😉 then say thank you and put those savings towards the loan or towards a down payment.
yea but he ain't getting laid....
@@thesetrash5083 AIRBNB 😉
@@thesetrash5083 I’m sure he still can and who gives af if he ain’t. I hate when people put women over getting/saving money.
Sometimes free money isn't worth the cost
@@nikkisigmon8090 Haha that's true Nikki - it doesn't sound like he has a bad relationship with him though. He's not getting beaten or anything like that lol
Sometimes you got to learn the lessons on your own.
If he's living rent-free and being well taken care of, and able to put at least 50% of his pay each month toward his student loans, then he should stay home. He makes about 50k a year, so in theory, if he lives very frugally and puts a minimum of 50% of his pay each month toward the loans, then he can be debt-free by the end of the year or even before that. I get he is 27 years old, but student loans gather interest daily and lead to a lot of stress in a person's life. It would just be easier, faster, and healthier if he gets rid of the debt as fast as possible and if that means living at home as a 27-year-old man for another year, then do it. It's not usual for people to live at home even in their late twenties to pay off student loans; there is no shame in it.
agreed
If you have 35k in debt and can't afford a house, there's nothing wrong with living with parents longer to save up money faster. You can still be indendent living at home.
In spain it's quite common , I'll be leaving soon home buy with a down payment already for a home saved up. It depends on the country I think
I’m 28 and plan on leaving this summer my mom doesn’t care but I’m not staying for a house. I owe 25 thousand in student loans. I have the apartment picked out. I’m a late bloomer but I’m about ready to go.
If he’s an IT he could be making way more than 51k. Go to the private sector and he could probably get 80-90k easily. Why is he working at a university?
I’m just trying to figure out how he still has student loan debt...living rent-free...and with an average income.
nah I'm wondering how he still has debt when I make way less money than him, I'm younger, and my net worth is higher
@@HearMeLearn Did you just save money from your 9-5 or invest? I'm going to be debt free soon and want to know how to grow my net worth quickly.
@@williamb.6813 both
@@HearMeLearn សិរីវឌ្ឍន៏
Honestly I was doing the same thing. But I looked at it as helping my parents pay off their mortgage, not really trapped with my parents as an oldest child. And if your parents don’t stress you out then use it to your advantage.
Great advice from you gents. Dealt with similar scenario with my dad. But at the end of the day, the decision was mine and I wound up moving. Haven't regretted the move. You won't either.
People should carefully consider the opportunity costs when living at home vs living away from home. There's pros/cons to each.
Ben, your first mistake was ‘discussing’ this with your dad. You should have made the decision and go sign a lease.
Then cook dinner for your parents and tell them
You have a surprise to tell them, thanking them at the same time for all they had done,
With the biggest smile you can muster.
BTW, Ben Franklin was running his uncle’s printing shop when he was 15 yrs old.
There is something wrong with this modern world.
Why move out if you can stack money.
Cause your parents pay the bill not you. Your making money by not paying your parents. lol if you want to stay home pay a small rent and help out.
Parents need to give their kids some freedom
At that age it's not really normal or healthy not to experience life on your own.
@@DiamondScuff thats up to the parents really.
"Stacking money" like that isn't reality. Consider also taking care of your parents in 30 years or so.
In your 20s and 30s your parents are probably still healthy and able.
It's the most free adult time in your life.
I'd finish paying off the loan, then move out.
I stayed at my mom's house. I paid off my debt. Saved a big chunk of money for a down payment. That's what I did
This is terrible advice. Stay and pay off the debt.
im kinda in the same boat except its my mom that insists that i stay home and save to get house , but im also in my late 20's and i dont want to be at home anymore...so my brother and i are moving out ina couple months
Wrong this is why some, I said some, of Ramsey’s philosophies are flawed. The guy has $34k in debt. Why are giving him advice to leave? Stay home phy off debt and then save for 20% down payment on a home.
I wouldn’t move out until I paid my debt tbh.
Lol And Mexican/American my parents couldn't wait throw me out at 18🤣
I know Indian families that stay living in parents house, never/wasting on renting until they have down payment or buy a business.
Indians are the wealthiest ethnic/race right now in the States.
Right but we've internalized the lies of the subverters.
Idc what you say your family will look at you differently when you are 25(plus) man living with your parents....
Of course every situation isn’t the same but that’s my two cents...
Man, stay home and pay off your debt, save for an emergency fund, save for a house. How about start a business. Listen to your Dad, he is trying to help you! You making 51k in Pittsburgh with no rent! Listen to your father on this one!
I understand the advice. But I’m hearing a concerned father that wants the best for his son versus a son who wants to do stuff cause “everyone has something going on”. Just because everyone has something going on doesn’t mean you have to be doing something too. Just save! Be wise! These two “advisers” are just trying to act like they know it all as if they were Dave Ramsey.
Move out in a year. He’s been home all this time, might as well move out with his loans paid off. He should be able to clear those in a years time.
They didn't ask how big dads house is. I think to live comfortably with his parents to be 100% debt free sooner rather than later is not a bad idea.
My son is 10; I cant wait until him moving out. 😂 I even have a condo ready for him to move in if needed.
I mean the concept of living at your family for free, and have the ability to put more money to your debt and savings, to me sounds like a good deal.
It will sound like that when he is 40 years old too, but at some point you cut the cord, and become an adult
Its not free. it just means your parents are paying your bills. Nothing in life is free. Your just letting your parents take the bill lol.
@@HamiltonRb no, it doesn’t mean forever. This others persons comment was exactly right. Pay off the debt save an emergency fund and save for a down payment on a house. He will be probably about 30 when he gets all that done and then he can move out. That would put him much much farther ahead than if he move out now
My eldest brother (30) is in the exact same situation. My aunt is making him stay to save for a house and somewhat controls his finances, and he’s a registered nurse. I believe he should move out (no way I’d ever let my parents or aunts control my money)? but If he moves out will conflict since she has supported him during college/helped him get into the USA.
He's 30
He should be making his own revisions
I am the same problem with my mum I want to move out and I told her about rent assistance but she says I can’t because I am not a rich man, and I am and soon as the money runs out I am done
Listen to your dad!
Save that money if you guys get along. If not, time to go.
hahaha they roasted this guy lowkey haha but he needed it. Moving out will be good for him
I moved out the day I turned 19 cross country to a state where I had no friends, no financial support, no car, and a job making $9.25/ hr. I never asked permission, I just got on a bus and I left.
Go west young man, go west.
please recognize that in some cultures families stay together much longer. in some cultures you don’t leave until you get married. and in some cultures when you do leave its to a house next door, right behind or across the street from your parents. I have a friend who told me this is how it is in her family. and the younger adults don’t complain. as a matter of fact, look at us Americans like where doing it wrong. so please recognize the American way is not always the best or only way. Just look at the booming Multigenerational housing boom. all families are different.
I stayed with my dad for a year and a half after school, and I was able to stockpile an emergency fund and savings.
There is a cutoff. You need to find out when that is.
Ouch! This is ridiculous, me and my younger brother both moved out when we were 17 and went away to college. He's 27 and still living at home.😟
This is harder in Canada, near impossible to move out and save for a house at the same time. I’d be paying that debt off then maybe thinking of moving out after that
Ohh really?! Interesting! Whereabouts do you reside in Canada?
I think his father is right. Paying rent will make home ownership take even longer. His Dad wants him to get a good start, he's lucky to have a father who supports him this way.
Not everyone is eager or ready for home ownership. The caller even said he may end up getting married or not sure where his job will end up, etc….
I understand where the guy is coming from because you feel emotionally stunted living with your parents in your late twenties but this is the best time to save up, get that debt down and then go find something. It relieves you from being tight on money in the future.
I moved out of parents place. It was the worst decision in my life. Not only do I have to pay rent I also need to do a billion other things. When I was with family I was more focused on taking care of my self and did a lot more self improvement. Now I’m overwhelmed with my responsibilities and it’s only getting harder because I also need to work on dating. I’m in a difficult spot now.
How's it going now?
@@oscarperez5539 Got laid off from work and just collecting unemployment. Can hardly pay rent if I can’t find a job soon I’m moving back to parents.
Stay home and pay off your student loans first.
common dad comment
@@ForeverCuteDog no it’s not, it’s called a smart and logical comment.
My younger brother stayed home until 28 and paid all his land off and had a nice downpayment on the house he had built, randomly paying rent to prove your a man is nieve. I do agree move out when your ready.
Exactly
A lot of that fear comes from some sort of neglect or abuse during your childhood. Sounds like this guy may not even be aware of it either. I'm currently dealing with something similar with my father and I'm mid 20s. I've come to the realization recently that my father is a serious narcissist and it's the main reason why he doesn't want me to move out.
People have kids and then their identies become 100% about their kids. They stop developing personally. So they want their kids around. This is another huge gamble about having kids.
Caller is 27 years old and still has not saved enough for a house!!? What is he doing with all his money.
I don’t get it either. I’m 25 and live at home too and save 95% of my paycheck and got 80k in savings. I make 52k. He should have more than I do.
@@MrBrewman95 25 and only 80k?
Moving out of Dad's house used to be one of the things the Navy was for. Nowadays, not so much.
thank you guys & thank you commenters 🙏
any parent trying to keep you in the house over 21 is a NARCISSIST. RUN.
💯