ok also all I understand from this is Wife: gosh i wish he'd let me buy some new shoes and appreciate all the work I do Husband: My stupid wife lazes around all day while the chores do themselves and then isn't perfectly happy when I get home and don't ask her about her day and rant about mine for half an hour. I never participate in the running of the house and now nothing is to my taste! What a bitch Wife: wow I spent all day alone and he was half an hour late coming home Husband: all she does is shop I THINK WE SEE WHO THE PROBLEM IS HERE
@@gocanadayayyy Yeah, look what the pink male humans did to the women of this country. Sad isn't it. They need to be in their own place the brawn and stop usurping the role of the brain, the procreator with the Creator. We know how read and vote and function in home at job at school. We the women, that the pinks want to be better than. Won't happen have to reincarnate to our level for that to take place. Goodness is Satva. Read Divine Comedy, see all the females, who's talking to whom in the Bible. To the males, all the religions do this, they gave it up in the Garden so now study to show thyself approved. We are only appointed to die once, in the lake of fire at the end of this secession. What a wonderful ride but I'm going now, I'm so sorry for those that never knew, yet so they get to come back in a new body in five to ten years right back here. Like the movie "Automata" wow that will be payback to the pinks who played the devil's game. Good Luck! God won't have ya and Satan's afraid you'll take over. Payback is a b***h. Choices !!
You don’t just meet your spouse (or anyone) at the end of the day and then drone on and on, never once asking her how her day was or complimenting the meal or ignoring when she tries to bring up another subject. Common courtesy.
Back then a woman lost points for doing that, and it was rude if a woman ordered for herself when out on a date. I think the husband has to ask about her day, not her just go into it, otherwise it'd be like Meg being a pilgrim wife and just talking about what she cleaned. He loses points for being droning on and on though. A woman did get points if she got a job to help out and thrifted... it sounds like she wouldn't do that though, so she deserves to lose points there.
She settled for less and he wanted more than he could handle. She married down, he married way up. Everything requires maintenence. If she dated him longer, she would have seen that, but they are young.
The husband is inconsiderate of her emotional needs… also it would make her feel less inclined to want material things because she is using that to replace the love that is lacking from her husband.
Ive been married for 28 years. I have the 2 part solution. 1st From the beginning- when you get frustrated with your partner stop and think of the shortcomings they put up with in you. 2nd, if you went too long without following step 1 you have found yourself deep in the blaming cycle. Now 1 of you has to turn it around by being the bigger person by stop blaming the other person and get back on the path of empathy. its hard work so how much do you want to save the relationship?
Having been married happily for 24 years, I will add one more thing: if you seem to be fighting or arguing regularly about selfish or thoughtless things, play a game at night that me and my husband used to play when we were first married. I would ask him to name three things I have done for him today. Then I would have to name three thoughtful things he said or did for me that day. Then we would tell each other three things we love about the other person, me to him and him to me. It renewed our love and thoughtfulness throughout the day.
Donnalee Clubb that is just beautiful! I'm 18 and I've never been in a relationship before but I always take in advice from adults that have been married for a long time about how to make a marriage last just in case I do end up getting married one day.
Donnalee Clubb that’s a good idea. I’ve been married for a year with a little one already here. Finding time for each other is also important. Talk to each other even when your upset or annoyed.
@@donnaleeclubb119 Yes, appreciation is so important. Like you, my husband and I regularly tell each other things we love about them. He always expresses appreciation for even the smallest things I do for him. He even thanks me (every time) just for cooking dinner! Of course, I can't help but to reciprocate in kind! Grand gestures (like fancy dates or presents) are all well & good, but it's the consistant little gestures, the daily courtesies, that keep a relationship alive. We also reminisce about the early days of our relationship (a friendship that turned into an unspoken courtship that resulted in confessions and ended up at the altar!). We tried so hard to hide our feelings at first, we didn't want to risk endangering a wonderful friendship with the "I don't feel the same way" talk. But it finally all came out in two magical & terrifying late-night text sessions. Some of the things we said then have become "catch phrases"--when we use them, it reminds us of our feelings then, and of why we fell for each other. We don't want to ever take each other for granted. My father (a very wise and loving man) always made a point of taking my mother out on a date every week. We did lots of things as a family, but one night was reserved for just the two of them--it didn't matter if it was a nice dinner, or just down to the local bar to shoot pool. They kept that "spark" going. As I've said, it's the consistant "little" things that can make all the difference in the world, and get couples through the rough patches.
@@teresamcmurrin8672 Your relationship sounds so solid. I am so happy for you. It is not always rosy. Lots of compromise, but so worth it with my best friend for life.
You never really know someone Lol. Marriage is a commitment saying: I love you now and am willing to take this journey with you knowing you will grow as I will grow and we will grow, change and accept each other together. Married 24 years, more in love now than ever.
@@cindyasters yeah like anyone actually followed that norm. Unless the girl got pregnant because contraceptives were a lot harder to get your hands on plus there was like no real sex ed then they had to get married.
Neither had consideration for the other. Two very selfish people. My husband and I have arguments, but we don't yell like that. I'm still amazed that my husband stick with me during my super depressive episodes. Despite my poor emotional and mental health, he loves me. He comes home and talks about his work as well, but I'm the only one he has to vent to, so I listen and understand his frustrations with his job. He works hard for our family and supports my work and education choices as well. Empathy, communication, and companionship go a long way in any relationship. Love is not just feeling, it's also a verb. And it takes more work and commitment than many people are willing to give.
I kinda freaked out when that girl had of picture of herself by her bed...like that's so weird. Then I realize that's exactly what we do on social media, but with hundreds of pictures. Kinda scary how normalized self-obsession is. How do we fight it?
There's a terrible lack of communication and understanding between these two people. It's rather sad, but often a man and woman aren't quite ready for marriage. Both are to blame for the problems, and I think they need to grow up!
@@sofiabravo1994 I wasn't saying she was right or wrong, if you'll notice my comment. I was pointing out to Tom Servo the cost of not working things through when this film was made.
"You bought furniture for our new home! You do washing and hang it up! You wear clothes! You buy our food! You have feelings! How could you?!" Is what it sounds like to me lol
I have to say that I really appreciate her internal dialogue about how to reconcile the situation at the end of the video-I feel like a crazy person sometimes because I’m usually the one who gets over being angry first, and then I’m caught between not wanting to continue the fight but also not wanting to give in. I’ve had this exact conversation in my head countless times, especially early on in my marriage. It’s much less of a problem now, but it’s hard to feel that newlywed bliss when you’re trying to figure out how to argue productively. There are power dynamics in every relationship, especially every fight, and navigating them with openness and honesty and respect is the ideal…but getting there is hard damn work sometimes.
That's depressing. My relationship is absolutely nothing like this. I'd probably rather die than live in such an oversimplified and bare boned relationship. There's a lot more beauty to the world that I bet you're not perceiving. But yeah, keep being conservative so he'll love you. "You're not like other girls"
The next day Mr and Mrs Carson each contacted a divorce lawyer. Both remained so damn bitter that neither remarried. That way they never had to be bored listening to anyone’s problems again.
I would think a new household would need to buy some furniture, etc., so comparing their situation to a someone who has been married 5 years isn't really fair.
"Let us make peace, I hate when we are fighting! Can we discuss calmly everything we have on our chests?" This is the perfect start to reconcile. You don't have humiliate yourself with making your partner feel like they were right. With this approach you are coming forth as an adult, who actually cares more about having a good relationship and ready to understand your partner's point in case your partner is ready to understand your points as well. Works all the time, and since you are having a discussion now (instead pf a fight) you are able to come to terms, and what is more important, you will improve together and not going to remake the same mistakes all over and over again for decades.
Honestly this sort of reminds me of some arguments that I have gotten in with my own husband I’m a stay at home mom and sometimes I can be ungrateful like she was but at the same time he can seem to only talk about his day and I’m completely forgotten or he’s just not as interested..what we do is we just put our guards down sit down and talk it through that’s the only way sitting in separate rooms thinking about it in circles isn’t going to solve the issue. Communication is key 🔑
Sofia B - Precisely! We all tend to get involved rather deeply in our own "problems and bad days." At least once in a while. The problem between people truly does come with a lack of communication. And the biggest one comes up when one (or both) of you loses the "key ring!" The other thing comes from when one partner starts taking the other for granted. Of course the house is clean and neat, the children are washed and dressed, the shopping is done "on time and under budget!" Without one moment's notice of how much actual labor, planning and preparing all those things! That's your job, right? It's how things are supposed to be, right? Then what's all the fuss? You want a medal or something? 😨 THAT is the thoughtless attitude that brings so much strife into a marriage. Or, it can also come from the other side, too, when the work that's done 40+ hours a week to make that paycheck which pays all the bills, and buys all the "things," that keep people from sitting, sleeping, or eating on the floor, in the dark at night, or from running around half naked, uneducated and unfed, etc., and so forth. Everybody's contribution to running a household has value, and should be acknowledged. But, not to the point where it's an Academy Award performance every single night! Overdoing it makes it redundant and kills the real value. I had to do a little "schooling" of my young husband, who was raised by patents who really didn't like each other most all the time by the time the 5th child came along (no jokes, please) and he simply didn't know how to fix things that were going wrong. I had to explain to him that while I was stuck at home with 2 babies only 21 months apart, and there were no jobs to be had, (for anyone because of Rabid Reganomics in the early 80's) I couldn't contribute to the household bank account, it also meant I was stuck without any adult conversation or interaction other than the laundromat every Saturday morning, or the grocery store on Friday nights, we had no telephone, he had our only car at his job all day long, the only thing within walking distance was a gas station, and I spent hours cleaning the old house we were renting, cooking all our meals from scratch everyday, (no microwave - they were much too expensive) taking care of the kids, and had no paycheck as a "reward" for my work. While he had work that put him in constant interaction with others, a paycheck to give him a sense of worth, and a boss who was constantly bragging on his abilities, and providing ego boosts. I had none of those things, at least none of which I was aware. A kind word now and again would be appreciated, just as the ones I provided him on a regular basis for all the things he did. Not that he was rude or intentionally thoughtless - he just didn't realize that should have been part of his "job" as a husband. One night at the grocery store, while he had the kids in the seat of the double-wide cart, and I was walking ahead of it, shopping in the low freezer cases, and he kept running the cart up the back of my heels. Once, he drew blood, because he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. Not a word of apology to me about it. BUT - wait until he did the same thing to some other woman who was a complete stranger to us both! He was ALL OVER himself apologizing and being oh-so-sweet! 😲 He did everything but bow and kiss her hand. I was absolutely livid, but I saved it until we got home, as I deplore people who make scenes in public. I read him the riot act on that one. How he could be SO sweet to a total stranger, yet do the same thing to his own wife, and not utter a word, or do anything except look annoyed. He actually didn't realize the difference in his behavior or why it was important! Fortunately, it got through, and he made some distinct changes in his actions and in his thoughts, too. So, I guess since we will celebrate 42 years of marriage in a few weeks - July 28th, 1976 - that it must have been worth the effort, right? Damn right it was. He became an incredibly thoughtful and considerate husband, and it made me a much happier, even more thoughtful and contented wife. Our children had much better role models in their young lives, and we began getting numerous compliments later on from other people, including our son's girlfriends AND their parents, on what thoughtful, hard working and conscientious children we had raised. Which goes to show just how much an example is very important!
Ungrateful because he kept saying she spent all his money. Then she confronted him about it he knows he’s wrong. He could be a man and say he’s wrong and pay her some attention. She doesn’t go out and always has his stuff ready for him a kiss would’ve made her happy.
The thing is men are not women and vice versa. Understanding that makes a huge difference. They think differently they have different priorities. It’s been 70 years and for all the moaning in the comments are any of these kinds of people any happier? No they are not despite all the yapping on how things have changed
All I see is unrealistic expectations of each. If both chose to show the other some compassion, and gave some of their attention to each other, they would get along just fine. Both seem to want the other to be totally absorbed into their daily lives, instead of yeah spending some time on those issues, but then focusing on their personal lives together. Oh well, this is why I am glad to be alone. I can't stand this dynamic which happens all the time, one person gives, and the other takes, or at the very minimum expects that.
This lesson filled short film was bitter-sweetly realistic. And the answer to the question to who's right is, they both need to apologize for their wrong, forgive each other, and change their old ways. In matrimony, like the fellow ring said, him and her are in it together, even in worse times. When I think about how much Jesus forgave me, and loves everyone, it makes it easier to change for the better.
No they both aren’t wrong. He complained she spent money all the time and when she called him out about it he had nothing to say. Then kept complaining about something that wasn’t true. I had an ex like this. It took me years for him to finally admit he wasn’t telling it right.
I think Ada Willa means that the husband should apologize to the wife for lashing out at her for his bad work day by saying that she only cares of spending money when she is trying to buy good quality things at the lowest price possible (the carrots and penny savings), and that she should apologize for reacting in a similar way by insulting him and comparing him to his past self. And both should try to pay attention to the other in order to understand each other better.
I married someone at almost 17 after knowing him for 6 months. He was so sweet for about the first 2 weeks. Then his real personality came out bad temper and all. After nearly 30 yrs. and 4 kids l divorced him. Few people ever knew how Aweful he was behind closed doors. That was 63 yrs. Ago.
You have a point in that he should know. Yet, if I thought my woman coming home from work was so hungry and potentially surprised by soup boiling a just a minute ago, I most certainly wouldn't mind warning her. You make it sound like some sort of job. For me, it would just be caring.
Of course there have been lawsuits filed over customers not having been warned the coffee served by restaurants is hot. However, I suspect that back in 1954, people were still expected to use their brains.
My parents married at 22 in 1988. They're still married 32 years on, but they did do their best to work things out, and were together for almost three years by that point. Youth isn't 100% the issue, inexperience and rushing into it is.
They also waited 8 years into the marriage before having a kid (me), precisely because they wanted more money and stability before making things work in terms of marriage and kids. Probably saved more than a few arguments with that alone.
I have learned from being a wife for more than 16 years now to not have the attitude she has, when my husband talks to me about his work or his problems, he is talking to me about it because he sees me as his friend, he doesn't talk to anyone else about it and it could be worse where he stops talking to me and telling me anything.
@@zoesparrow-rk7se sometimes people need to vent or they are very passionate about what they are talking about. My husband does this and I learn not to take it personal, that he isnt upset at me but still upset at something from work.
Maaannn they made me feel uncomfortable when they were fighting, I was trying to find the door! Then I realized I was just watching a TH-cam video phewwe😂
I think he was wrong because he only focused on himself when he came home. Women are surprisingly pretty easy to keep happy, a compliment would have put her in a better mood. Made her feel appreciated and she probably would have loved hearing about his day at work, in return validating him.
So he really did not want to get married he thought it was the same as fine a model are piece of furniture hurt and she has no selfrespect , Choose in love with who he pretended to be in a fairy tale of their lifestyle. If you want to sugar daddy but today's standards than people who wants to be that not someone to Only what's the hear himself talk
Well typically(especially in this era), the man proposes the marriage. Either he buys the ring beforehand for her to surprise her, or he asks her first and then they pick one out together. It's not really shallow or anything, I think it's actually very nice. Two people in love buying a symbol of their marriage.
Both are inconsiderate and irresponsible. There's a defined lack of communication between them. She isn't talking about and agreeing to purchases with him, so he feels he has no control over the finances. He doesn't know where the money is going. They should have agreed on every piece of furniture going into the home, and if they couldn't, they should have divided the furniture choices in half and each had a choice. There's no sense of ownership for Frank so he feels trapped in his own home, a home he pays for but has no control over. He has nothing of his own and he yet he owns it all. For regular purchases, Honey should have an allowance or a budget line item for it. Both of them should agree on this budget, that way both are informed of where the money is going and changes can be made according to needs. In this way, nothing would breed resentment, both are equal partners in the relationship instead of constant adversaries. Communication and trust are key. Clearly, neither of them trust the other completely. He doesn't trust her with money and she doesn't trust him to be truthful about why he comes home an hour late. Where the hell is he going? Why doesn't she communicate about his lack of interest in her day? He's not psychic! She should be telling him that she feels as though he doesn't care about her day. Instead of hurling wild accusations, they need to work on communicating better, where each person gets a turn talking about their day and discussing grievances and difficulties. I understand very little of my husband's technical job, but I allow him to talk my ear off at any time of day. I ask questions in order to try to understand some of the harder points. He answers my questions, which I appreciate because it'll help me build a rudimentary lexicon of terms that refer to his work. That will help me understand the things he talks about in the future. Generally, he talks about his co-workers, his meetings, his projects. I constantly lift him up and remind him of how smart and capable he is, and to never doubt himself. In turn, I tell him about the weird and funny stuff our toddlers do during the day, how they're developing and what they're learning. He works from home, and sometimes if I feel stressed, I'll come in and just lean on him. He reaches out and hugs me or we have a brief conversation about the children or my stress or health before returning to the housework, budgeting, meal prep and child-rearing. We both see each other as equal contributors to our household, and that is key to a successful marriage. 10 days from now, we will have been married for 12 years. This past May, we had been together a grand total of 18 years. We very rarely fight, and we have such deep profound respect for each other. I know we're an odd case. Most people don't get along as well as my husband and I do, but we make a point of treating our relationship carefully and gently but keeping it strong with lots of communication.
@masakasama I'm not sure where you inferred that he's spoiled and entitled. I never once said he demands these things of me. I give him these things of my own accord. He has earned my respect through his actions and the continued action he has for me and our family. I do let him talk to me about work and rant if necessary. It's not that I barely understand it, it's that it's highly technical. The level of knowledge he has is broad and I can't possibly understand everything. I do understand the basics of his job, but some of the more complex programming languages he works with are not ones I have experience with. I have experience with others and I have a deeper technical knowledge with other programs. His particular job is not one I know the ins and outs of though. My job right now is stay-at-home mother and homemaker. What I meant about talking to him about the home and our children is that our exchange is equal. He listens to me talk about my job and I listen to him talk about his. He frequently takes breaks from work to play with the children and visit with the children, but it isn't his job. He spends his entire evening with them, feeds them, puts them to bed, changes diapers, teaches them lessons; he is a very attentive and loving father and husband. To cheapen our communication by saying my problems or subjects of conversation are merely “a few anecdotes” is ridiculous. We also speak about a variety of other topics and we share many (though not all) of the same hobbies. I run a graphic design business as well as write books. He reads my work and views my pieces. Sometimes I'll talk to him about particular issues I'm having with a piece I'm working on-art or writing. As suggested above, he and I handle business on equal footing. I have control over the budget and frequently buy leisure items. I don't have an allowance or a set limit that he imposes on me, but he and I have similar goals, both short and longterm, both for ourselves separately and our family together. I am also a planner and don't impulse buy things above a certain dollar amount. If I don't buy anything for myself, it's because I don't want for anything. He and I both grew up poor and we now have an upper middle-class life, so I no longer have many needs that aren't met. That doesn't mean we're frivolous all the time. He is a great listener and does treat me with quite a bit of respect. Our current lifestyle is different from our lifestyle prior to having children. We've been through many issues, losses, along with happy times. All the while, he has never limited me, never told me I can't do anything. He has always supported me, trusts me to run the house without fear of me mismanaging the money he makes (which he considers both our money), and if he has a question, because there are intricacies I don't bother him with, we address them. In the past, I've worked when he was temporarily out of work and he handled the house. I've worked to support us, he's worked to support us. We both supplement each other as needed. It is a grand assumption, without knowing how we operate, to think he has a mistress. We give each other our all in every aspect. When he isn't working, he is with us. I have all the passwords to his phone, his computer, his email and he has mine. We share one family vehicle. He never disappears for hours on end or is secretive about any actions. He's always with us, present, and happy to be so. If he's ever unhappy, we talk about it. If I sense a change in his mood or his desires, we talk about it. He does the same for me. If I'm unhappy or irate, or if something changes in our personal relationship, we address it, most times, immediately. I am not saying everybody is or should be like this. We are both lucky. I don't generally assume things about people, because I find people's backgrounds are so varied, but my guess is maybe you had some bad experience in which you were cheated on or not respected. It sounds like perhaps you are the one projecting on me based on only the limited information I provided. You sound as though you have a lot of experience with bad relationships, which I am not stating derogatorily. That's not something I have. Though some of what you said was insulting toward mine and my husband's relationship, I am not angry. You don't know us, and if you did, you wouldn't be speaking this way.
@@RAMizer thank you for your kind and eloquent response to a total stranger. when/if i get married i will apply all you've taught us here. (p.s.: is that your real name?)
@@serenalouise Yes those are my initials and that is my last name. Shoutlines is my graphic design business. I don't consider myself a relationship guru but I certainly have a great relationship with my husband. There's a reason we've been together almost 20 years and I speak from that experience. We've faced a lot of challenges and a lot of adversity along the way but we've come through and I believe that is something to be proud of.
The trap is of his own making. Shutter the budget for her phone steak not just his. She should be a grown woman in not his daughter and make her own money.he wants an audience robot not livecwith another human
This should be titled, “Married to a Narcissist” This behavior is classic fear of intimacy. The guy is always the perfect boyfriend once your married they push you away and blame you. They train you to behave the way Honey does to keep you at a distance.
I understand your thoughts and why you have them. On the surface it may seem that way. But if that were true he wouldn't even think about apologizing, he just wouldn't care. These are real issues married people face or think when they are mad, the solution is realizing that's your partner not your enemy and working together a d not thinking of just yourself. The same could be said about honey(the woman) from a male perspective. That's the point of the movie, showing both sides and that it's one sided. They aren't thinking of the other and they both need to change that and work together.
This is good relationship advice, setting aside the sexism of olden days. It's a good idea to ask your partner how they are at the end of the day, or if you're asked first, give a short answer, then wait until they've had the chance to give their short answer. Once everyone is feeling cared-for, you can go into the details after you've both eaten - hunger makes you a monster.
@ Britt H Short answers are the way to go! Like if I had a terrible, awful day, and my bf asked me how it was, I'd say, "Terrible, awful! It was so bad! But tell me about yours first, then I'll give you the details." Because even if his day wasn't as bad as mine, it still matters to me :)
The whole argument from his perspective is that she should’ve somehow known that his day wasn’t as great as he said it was. Which is ridiculous. If he’d have just come home and told her about what actually happened at work, and how it made him feel, she probably wouldn’t have taken his lack of consideration for what she contributes to the household so personally. She may have understood he had other things on his mind. He wasn’t talking like someone who needs validation, and how is she supposed to just magically realize that’s what he wanted deep down underneath all his bragging/rambling? She probably would’ve been more inclined to give her opinion on his ideas at the office, and give him some confidence to feel better.
I was a little bit devastated that there was no solution but I think the thing is you are suposed to come up with your own solution ie: it's food for thought. Communication is the answer (IMHO) too many times we expect the other person to be a mind reader (as Rasputina says...The ability to read my mind.. and i haven't got that either-yet) I would love my husband to be a mind reader and often expect him to be, after all, if he really knew me then he would know what i was thinking and feeling, right? When we first meet we are so eager to know all about the other's thoughts and feelings but along the way we seem to lose interestandstop communicating. When we don't know how the other person feels or thinks we can often fill in the gaps by making it up ourselves and if we have out own issues then that can and will cloud our judgement, making us liable to fill these gaps with our own negatives thoughts as in the film "he did this for this negative reason" and "she did this for this negative reason" when you talk and communicate you realise that actually that wasn't how it was at all and it was really all just a misunderstanding because you didn't see the other person's point of view and that really neither of you are these selfish monsters that you imagined them to be. There are too many distractions nowadays and people just don't sit down and really connect anymore,not after the first flush of love has worn off to become something more mundane. Next thing you know it's "grass is greener syndrome" someone else will come along and be the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on and the person to stroke your partner's ego( and everything else) only for the same pattern to repeat itself. Water your own grass.
Shoot, I thought I was the first one to catch this. I think the only reason I noticed it is because I always have a shelf full of library books. It looked very familiar to me.
LOL The narrator just described the individual woman's character and yet you took this as being sexist? I guess it's because you thought this was a typical description of a woman. Looks like you're sexist.
Cindy Shi I feel like that’s cause yall go in expecting sexism but ofc they’re not gonna outright say stuff like “haha you’re a woman know your place” just like you won’t see people outright saying “haha they’re black they’re not people” racism still existed, so did sexism and it was HORRIBLE time for both women, people of colour and awful for women of colour, but u won’t outright see it clear as day in these films you see it in the subtle aspects because these things are norms, like that she would stay home and do nothing but shop and prepare for her husband to come home because that’s all her purpose is, it still existed but it’s not gonna be as ‘LOOK THERE IT IS SEXISM AT ITS FINEST” as ppl think
@coffeeinthemorning naw those are facts, sexism isn't blatant in the 50's women could only go for three jobs if they truly wanted to work, and could only rlly able to apply to study home ec if they wanted to do college. But you're not gonna get someone in an education video going "now Karen, you're a woman you belong in the kitchen put this idealization of perusing law away" cause it's just a known thing that women don't wanna do anything but serve their husbands they're not gonna be obvious about it (these were also written by dudes).
@@catherinesmith5793 > _"(...) they’re not gonna outright say stuff (...)"_ That's because these videos are about people trying to get on with their lives. They're not about changing or maintaining the status quo. Still - good point. All attitudes of the day are implicit in these, since... they were implicit then.
As a stay at home wife, the last thing I want to talk about when he comes home is my boring ass day. I just want a kiss, check in and let's just chill and do what we want, together or in separate rooms. We have the rest of our lives. Chill.
Once upon a time men went to gentlemen's clubs and would complain about just needing someone to take an interest in what they have to say or be able to vent to someone who is actually listening..validating their feelings. Nowadays its a therapist...this video explains why. Yet on the flip side how was she to know she was to take an active interest in stuff she probably does not even know what he is talking about. She just wants him to see how bored she is where her main attraction in life is walking from store to store just to save money on carrots and gets zero appreciation for saving that money and keeping his soup hot until he decides to come home. What is with the insult "gold digger"? I thought there had to at least be a certain amt of money there to be going after? Lower or middle class should not be considered gold digging. 🐢🐢🐢Cara
That does prevent this particular problem from ever arising, but I think a bigger issue here was communication, not money. As long as we live in a society where "couples" exist, that is going to remain relevant.
Traditional societies did what they did for a reason. Look up hypergamy. Feminism has accomplished the phenomenon where, more and more, 80% of women are availible only to the top 20% of men. Hypergamy is a great force for social unrest.
@clint.b.j.5490 Hypergamy is what made humans smarter and stronger in the first place. The reason we have all these fat idiots walking around is because for centuries we've forced women to mate with men who have awful genes. It's funny seeing you incels complain about hypergamy and in the next breath complain about the prevelance of autism & liberalism. Two things that would have been bred out had we allowed women to pick the men with good genes. Hopefully now humanity will sort itself out but whew, the damage has been done.
BellaLeo Licorice That is what women had to do. Now she’s stuck with a man who complained she spent all his money and when confronted him about it he just kept s saying shit that wasn’t true.
@@NovaDoll -- I'm a child of the 60's, and my mother worked and my grandmother worked. And yes I believe working in the work force is harder than staying at home. Just my opinion.
Honey needs to find herself in work outside of the house. Become again who she was before marriage. If they have children before that were to happen, she will be broken. She can come back from that too, but it will be a harder journey with children.
1. Live together for at least a year before deciding to marry. 2. Understand that all those little quirks that you overlooked while you were dating will become twice as annoying and half as tolerable. 3. Ask yourselves, are you willing to put up with each other's flaws for the next few decades, whether you intend to bring children into the world or not? 4. Instead of a constant stream of "You need to do this, you need to do that", take time to ask, "What can I do?" 5. When you feel you have been slighted, don't approach it with an attitude of "How dare you?", approach it with an attitude of "Why would you?", because there's two sides to every argument. 6. Remember the proverb: "Don't act like your shit doesn't stink" and you can apply that to your relationship with your children as well, should you decide to procreate.
3/4 of the problems here were supposed to be sorted or at the very least to begin dealing with them during courtship. What were they doing during courtship!!!
These 1950s relationship / marriage educational films were mostly sexist in their treatment of the female side of the relationship. There's a 1951 Coronet film called Marriage Is A Partnership. It focuses on a couple in their first year. They move in with his mother. Wife is doing the narrating. She talks about all the sacrifices SHE made. Like quitting her job,which she had reservations about.Learning to like his favorite food ( liver) and learning to put up with his tantrums and his busy body mother
That crying was "oh my God, I'm never getting out of this hell" why bc divorce was basically impossible. Now divorce is accepted, so if you want to be together then you actually need to work it out or get out.
@@MartVale1 Yeah, but between now and this video's generation were couples where both partners worked, but the woman was still exclusively expected to take care of everything in the house.
I thought this whole movie, as corny as it was, was incredibly sad. Especially when the husband came home and the wife was in a good mood. There was no need for the argument, and they are on their way to throwing away what could be a perfectly good marriage. Or, more likely in the 50s , both settling for living unhappily ever after.
So, Where is part two? They didnt make a part two. This was intentionally left open-ended like that in order to be used as a tool for discussion groups, perhaps for sociology or marriage therapy classes, or even real marriage counseling in situations where this fits the problem at hand. There really is no one particular "best answer" or perfect solution like there is to a math problem, where the answer = X. At the point where this problem presentation ends, that's where the solutions come in by discussion.
This is why I wouldn’t over romanticize old school traditional relationships. Everyone having a role isn’t wrong but it definitely isn’t the cure and secret to a happy relationship if everyone is being selfish
![[UNCUT] The Loyal Pin ปิ่นภักดิ์ EP.4 (4/4)](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/d3l5rxl5CVo/mqdefault.jpg)
Being appreciated by complimenting even the small domestic duties goes a long way. 40 years of marriage so far.
This is a timeless message.
One reason some marriages don't work is because of selfishness on the part of both spouses.
"Heartless, scheming, always ready to attack the unsuspecting male" you got me dude wow, that's me always
ok also all I understand from this is
Wife: gosh i wish he'd let me buy some new shoes and appreciate all the work I do
Husband: My stupid wife lazes around all day while the chores do themselves and then isn't perfectly happy when I get home and don't ask her about her day and rant about mine for half an hour. I never participate in the running of the house and now nothing is to my taste! What a bitch
Wife: wow I spent all day alone and he was half an hour late coming home
Husband: all she does is shop
I THINK WE SEE WHO THE PROBLEM IS HERE
"Whose fault is it?" OBVIOUSLY THE HUSBAND'S???? HOW ARE YOU ASKING THIS
Woman need a lot of attention.
Couldn't be me smh 💀
@@gocanadayayyy Yeah, look what the pink male humans did to the women of this country. Sad isn't it. They need to be in their own place the brawn and stop usurping the role of the brain, the procreator with the Creator. We know how read and vote and function in home at job at school. We the women, that the pinks want to be better than. Won't happen have to reincarnate to our level for that to take place. Goodness is Satva. Read Divine Comedy, see all the females, who's talking to whom in the Bible. To the males, all the religions do this, they gave it up in the Garden so now study to show thyself approved. We are only appointed to die once, in the lake of fire at the end of this secession. What a wonderful ride but I'm going now, I'm so sorry for those that never knew, yet so they get to come back in a new body in five to ten years right back here. Like the movie "Automata" wow that will be payback to the pinks who played the devil's game. Good Luck! God won't have ya and Satan's afraid you'll take over. Payback is a b***h. Choices !!
The music, the way the characters are introduced, the lines they say... I could've sworn I was watching an old murder mystery movie. XD
And it was AWESOME! 😃
In another couple months I think there will be a murder in this household
" Where's the 45 caliber?".
" Where's the rat poison ?."
This is what I love with US movies. They are good
You don’t just meet your spouse (or anyone) at the end of the day and then drone on and on, never once asking her how her day was or complimenting the meal or ignoring when she tries to bring up another subject. Common courtesy.
Back then a woman lost points for doing that, and it was rude if a woman ordered for herself when out on a date. I think the husband has to ask about her day, not her just go into it, otherwise it'd be like Meg being a pilgrim wife and just talking about what she cleaned. He loses points for being droning on and on though.
A woman did get points if she got a job to help out and thrifted... it sounds like she wouldn't do that though, so she deserves to lose points there.
No Money, No Honey.
Haha, reading your comment nearly msde me spit out my food 😂
Right? Getcho ass tah work!
She settled for less and he wanted more than he could handle. She married down, he married way up. Everything requires maintenence. If she dated him longer, she would have seen that, but they are young.
No she didn’t she’s ungrateful! Having things would not make her fulfilled or happy, she would complain about her rich husband too.
The husband is inconsiderate of her emotional needs… also it would make her feel less inclined to want material things because she is using that to replace the love that is lacking from her husband.
"Eat is while it's hot!? Why it's boiling!"
*continues to shovel spoonfuls in mouth*
Also his wife was eating the soup just fine. Man, what a limp dick
Why did he get up, turn the tv off and immediately turn it back on. He complains because the soup is hot, its soup, it's supposed to be hot.
He's probably stressed
@@Eiramilah he is stressed.
I find it funny that I do the same things he does when I'm stressed.
I also get mad that soups hot sometimes
If it was cold he’d never shut up about it
yes but not 530 degrees
Great
Ive been married for 28 years. I have the 2 part solution. 1st From the beginning- when you get frustrated with your partner stop and think of the shortcomings they put up with in you. 2nd, if you went too long without following step 1 you have found yourself deep in the blaming cycle. Now 1 of you has to turn it around by being the bigger person by stop blaming the other person and get back on the path of empathy. its hard work so how much do you want to save the relationship?
Having been married happily for 24 years, I will add one more thing: if you seem to be fighting or arguing regularly about selfish or thoughtless things, play a game at night that me and my husband used to play when we were first married. I would ask him to name three things I have done for him today. Then I would have to name three thoughtful things he said or did for me that day. Then we would tell each other three things we love about the other person, me to him and him to me. It renewed our love and thoughtfulness throughout the day.
Donnalee Clubb that is just beautiful! I'm 18 and I've never been in a relationship before but I always take in advice from adults that have been married for a long time about how to make a marriage last just in case I do end up getting married one day.
Donnalee Clubb that’s a good idea. I’ve been married for a year with a little one already here. Finding time for each other is also important. Talk to each other even when your upset or annoyed.
@@donnaleeclubb119 Yes, appreciation is so important. Like you, my husband and I regularly tell each other things we love about them. He always expresses appreciation for even the smallest things I do for him. He even thanks me (every time) just for cooking dinner! Of course, I can't help but to reciprocate in kind! Grand gestures (like fancy dates or presents) are all well & good, but it's the consistant little gestures, the daily courtesies, that keep a relationship alive.
We also reminisce about the early days of our relationship (a friendship that turned into an unspoken courtship that resulted in confessions and ended up at the altar!). We tried so hard to hide our feelings at first, we didn't want to risk endangering a wonderful friendship with the "I don't feel the same way" talk. But it finally all came out in two magical & terrifying late-night text sessions. Some of the things we said then have become "catch phrases"--when we use them, it reminds us of our feelings then, and of why we fell for each other. We don't want to ever take each other for granted.
My father (a very wise and loving man) always made a point of taking my mother out on a date every week. We did lots of things as a family, but one night was reserved for just the two of them--it didn't matter if it was a nice dinner, or just down to the local bar to shoot pool. They kept that "spark" going. As I've said, it's the consistant "little" things that can make all the difference in the world, and get couples through the rough patches.
@@teresamcmurrin8672 Your relationship sounds so solid. I am so happy for you. It is not always rosy. Lots of compromise, but so worth it with my best friend for life.
Vain reasons to get married, clearly they never really knew each other
You never really know someone Lol. Marriage is a commitment saying: I love you now and am willing to take this journey with you knowing you will grow as I will grow and we will grow, change and accept each other together. Married 24 years, more in love now than ever.
But she made dinner and he contributed with the most boring speech in the world, think she wins this time at least.
I'm just wondering who is going to murder who first.
This is brutal, isn't it?
@@lukehauser1182, yes, like a thriller of that time.
Ken and Barbie in a pink dream house. Two go in….only one comes out!
I feel like there should be a part 2. 🤔
I agree
It's acting
This video has the typical 1950s moody suspense/horror background music. It brings back memories.
Lessons of the story:
1. Dont marry after 5 FREAKIN MONTHS!!!!
2. Dont marry someone JUST BECAUSE THEYRE ATTRACTIVE!!!
You forget in those days, you didn't have sex until you were married so with raging hormones, there was a lot of young marriages . . .
My parents got married after three months and they had a happy marriage...
@@cindyasters yeah like anyone actually followed that norm. Unless the girl got pregnant because contraceptives were a lot harder to get your hands on plus there was like no real sex ed then they had to get married.
@Cherlock McFly That's beautiful!
And dont marry for $$$$!!!!
Neither had consideration for the other. Two very selfish people. My husband and I have arguments, but we don't yell like that. I'm still amazed that my husband stick with me during my super depressive episodes. Despite my poor emotional and mental health, he loves me. He comes home and talks about his work as well, but I'm the only one he has to vent to, so I listen and understand his frustrations with his job. He works hard for our family and supports my work and education choices as well.
Empathy, communication, and companionship go a long way in any relationship. Love is not just feeling, it's also a verb. And it takes more work and commitment than many people are willing to give.
I kinda freaked out when that girl had of picture of herself by her bed...like that's so weird. Then I realize that's exactly what we do on social media, but with hundreds of pictures. Kinda scary how normalized self-obsession is. How do we fight it?
Get off social media
This mood music is straight out of The Twilight Zone.
Just stop....
It will only get worst. There's no stopping it. Good luck to all 🔥
WOW!!! NAILED IT!
There's a terrible lack of communication and understanding between these two people. It's rather sad, but often a man and woman aren't quite ready for marriage. Both are to blame for the problems, and I think they need to grow up!
courts will give her half plus alimony -- how is that fair?
In those days, a woman couldn't get a credit card on her own, nor a loan.
I actually found this movie very sad.
@@PeachWookiee so? She was still wrong in her personal life…
@@sofiabravo1994 I wasn't saying she was right or wrong, if you'll notice my comment. I was pointing out to Tom Servo the cost of not working things through when this film was made.
I guess they weren't watching all those dating educational films they put out to watch in high school...or learn by example from their families...
"You bought furniture for our new home! You do washing and hang it up! You wear clothes! You buy our food! You have feelings! How could you?!" Is what it sounds like to me lol
My hot soup is hot! Waaaaah 😂
Step One is realizing that when inanimate objects start narrating, you have bigger problems than who effed up a romantic dinner
🤣
Add a few babies bawling their heads off for an even more realistic scenario...
Nothing's changed in 75 years..
Yes, let's have the same scenario, but with two kids in it. Or maybe three. And they will all need the newest apple-shit, so PUFF go the money.
Lol
Alcohol too !what a treat.
I’m going to be honest, I’m on Honey’s side Frank seems like he’s overreacting
I'm also on Honey's side.
Why are these shorts from the 50s better than 90% of the movies put out today?
Because of the bs narratives every one of them wants to force. Things need to come naturally in order to feel genuine.
I have to say that I really appreciate her internal dialogue about how to reconcile the situation at the end of the video-I feel like a crazy person sometimes because I’m usually the one who gets over being angry first, and then I’m caught between not wanting to continue the fight but also not wanting to give in. I’ve had this exact conversation in my head countless times, especially early on in my marriage. It’s much less of a problem now, but it’s hard to feel that newlywed bliss when you’re trying to figure out how to argue productively.
There are power dynamics in every relationship, especially every fight, and navigating them with openness and honesty and respect is the ideal…but getting there is hard damn work sometimes.
I can’t believe how relatable this is to me in 2021. Crazy how some things never change. Even after 70 years, marriages are facing the same problems.
Maybe because human nature never changes
That's depressing. My relationship is absolutely nothing like this. I'd probably rather die than live in such an oversimplified and bare boned relationship. There's a lot more beauty to the world that I bet you're not perceiving. But yeah, keep being conservative so he'll love you. "You're not like other girls"
The next day Mr and Mrs Carson each contacted a divorce lawyer. Both remained so damn bitter that neither remarried. That way they never had to be bored listening to anyone’s problems again.
I would think a new household would need to buy some furniture, etc., so comparing their situation to a someone who has been married 5 years isn't really fair.
"Let us make peace, I hate when we are fighting! Can we discuss calmly everything we have on our chests?" This is the perfect start to reconcile. You don't have humiliate yourself with making your partner feel like they were right. With this approach you are coming forth as an adult, who actually cares more about having a good relationship and ready to understand your partner's point in case your partner is ready to understand your points as well. Works all the time, and since you are having a discussion now (instead pf a fight) you are able to come to terms, and what is more important, you will improve together and not going to remake the same mistakes all over and over again for decades.
Honestly this sort of reminds me of some arguments that I have gotten in with my own husband I’m a stay at home mom and sometimes I can be ungrateful like she was but at the same time he can seem to only talk about his day and I’m completely forgotten or he’s just not as interested..what we do is we just put our guards down sit down and talk it through that’s the only way sitting in separate rooms thinking about it in circles isn’t going to solve the issue. Communication is key 🔑
Sofia B - Precisely! We all tend to get involved rather deeply in our own "problems and bad days." At least once in a while. The problem between people truly does come with a lack of communication. And the biggest one comes up when one (or both) of you loses the "key ring!"
The other thing comes from when one partner starts taking the other for granted. Of course the house is clean and neat, the children are washed and dressed, the shopping is done "on time and under budget!" Without one moment's notice of how much actual labor, planning and preparing all those things! That's your job, right? It's how things are supposed to be, right? Then what's all the fuss? You want a medal or something? 😨 THAT is the thoughtless attitude that brings so much strife into a marriage. Or, it can also come from the other side, too, when the work that's done 40+ hours a week to make that paycheck which pays all the bills, and buys all the "things," that keep people from sitting, sleeping, or eating on the floor, in the dark at night, or from running around half naked, uneducated and unfed, etc., and so forth. Everybody's contribution to running a household has value, and should be acknowledged. But, not to the point where it's an Academy Award performance every single night! Overdoing it makes it redundant and kills the real value.
I had to do a little "schooling" of my young husband, who was raised by patents who really didn't like each other most all the time by the time the 5th child came along (no jokes, please) and he simply didn't know how to fix things that were going wrong. I had to explain to him that while I was stuck at home with 2 babies only 21 months apart, and there were no jobs to be had, (for anyone because of Rabid Reganomics in the early 80's) I couldn't contribute to the household bank account, it also meant I was stuck without any adult conversation or interaction other than the laundromat every Saturday morning, or the grocery store on Friday nights, we had no telephone, he had our only car at his job all day long, the only thing within walking distance was a gas station, and I spent hours cleaning the old house we were renting, cooking all our meals from scratch everyday, (no microwave - they were much too expensive) taking care of the kids, and had no paycheck as a "reward" for my work. While he had work that put him in constant interaction with others, a paycheck to give him a sense of worth, and a boss who was constantly bragging on his abilities, and providing ego boosts. I had none of those things, at least none of which I was aware. A kind word now and again would be appreciated, just as the ones I provided him on a regular basis for all the things he did. Not that he was rude or intentionally thoughtless - he just didn't realize that should have been part of his "job" as a husband.
One night at the grocery store, while he had the kids in the seat of the double-wide cart, and I was walking ahead of it, shopping in the low freezer cases, and he kept running the cart up the back of my heels. Once, he drew blood, because he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing. Not a word of apology to me about it. BUT - wait until he did the same thing to some other woman who was a complete stranger to us both! He was ALL OVER himself apologizing and being oh-so-sweet! 😲 He did everything but bow and kiss her hand. I was absolutely livid, but I saved it until we got home, as I deplore people who make scenes in public. I read him the riot act on that one. How he could be SO sweet to a total stranger, yet do the same thing to his own wife, and not utter a word, or do anything except look annoyed. He actually didn't realize the difference in his behavior or why it was important!
Fortunately, it got through, and he made some distinct changes in his actions and in his thoughts, too. So, I guess since we will celebrate 42 years of marriage in a few weeks - July 28th, 1976 - that it must have been worth the effort, right? Damn right it was. He became an incredibly thoughtful and considerate husband, and it made me a much happier, even more thoughtful and contented wife. Our children had much better role models in their young lives, and we began getting numerous compliments later on from other people, including our son's girlfriends AND their parents, on what thoughtful, hard working and conscientious children we had raised. Which goes to show just how much an example is very important!
Communication is always the key,
Ungrateful because he kept saying she spent all his money. Then she confronted him about it he knows he’s wrong. He could be a man and say he’s wrong and pay her some attention. She doesn’t go out and always has his stuff ready for him a kiss would’ve made her happy.
The thing is men are not women and vice versa. Understanding that makes a huge difference. They think differently they have different priorities. It’s been 70 years and for all the moaning in the comments are any of these kinds of people any happier? No they are not despite all the yapping on how things have changed
@@NovaDoll Your comment is interesting.
I keep expecting an Alfred Hitchcock cameo and one of his twists near the end
Or Rod Serling!
All I see is unrealistic expectations of each. If both chose to show the other some compassion, and gave some of their attention to each other, they would get along just fine. Both seem to want the other to be totally absorbed into their daily lives, instead of yeah spending some time on those issues, but then focusing on their personal lives together. Oh well, this is why I am glad to be alone. I can't stand this dynamic which happens all the time, one person gives, and the other takes, or at the very minimum expects that.
This lesson filled short film was bitter-sweetly realistic. And the answer to the question to who's right is, they both need to apologize for their wrong, forgive each other, and change their old ways. In matrimony, like the fellow ring said, him and her are in it together, even in worse times. When I think about how much Jesus forgave me, and loves everyone, it makes it easier to change for the better.
Ada Wila you are absolutely right!
No they both aren’t wrong. He complained she spent money all the time and when she called him out about it he had nothing to say. Then kept complaining about something that wasn’t true. I had an ex like this. It took me years for him to finally admit he wasn’t telling it right.
I think Ada Willa means that the husband should apologize to the wife for lashing out at her for his bad work day by saying that she only cares of spending money when she is trying to buy good quality things at the lowest price possible (the carrots and penny savings), and that she should apologize for reacting in a similar way by insulting him and comparing him to his past self. And both should try to pay attention to the other in order to understand each other better.
I married someone at almost 17 after knowing him for 6 months. He was so sweet for about the first 2 weeks. Then his real personality came out bad temper and all. After nearly 30 yrs. and 4 kids l divorced him. Few people ever knew how Aweful he was behind closed doors. That was 63 yrs. Ago.
Wait what? Are you 120?
@@superstraight8402 she probably meant the wedding.
@@superstraight8402 Though a 120 years old is still a possibility
Hope the later years are your golden years
I love that it’s a woman’s duty to tell a fully grown adult man that his hot soup is hot.
You have a point in that he should know. Yet, if I thought my woman coming home from work was so hungry and potentially surprised by soup boiling a just a minute ago, I most certainly wouldn't mind warning her. You make it sound like some sort of job. For me, it would just be caring.
You normally only have to tell your fully grown son that.
I mean you should mention it just as a courtesy and consideration for their safety. If I give someone something that’s hot, I’ll tell them it’s hot.
Of course there have been lawsuits filed over customers not having been warned the coffee served by restaurants is hot. However, I suspect that back in 1954, people were still expected to use their brains.
Amen
My parents married at 22 in 1988. They're still married 32 years on, but they did do their best to work things out, and were together for almost three years by that point. Youth isn't 100% the issue, inexperience and rushing into it is.
They also waited 8 years into the marriage before having a kid (me), precisely because they wanted more money and stability before making things work in terms of marriage and kids. Probably saved more than a few arguments with that alone.
I have learned from being a wife for more than 16 years now to not have the attitude she has, when my husband talks to me about his work or his problems, he is talking to me about it because he sees me as his friend, he doesn't talk to anyone else about it and it could be worse where he stops talking to me and telling me anything.
But he was ranting. A one sided conversation is not a conversation.
@@zoesparrow-rk7se sometimes people need to vent or they are very passionate about what they are talking about. My husband does this and I learn not to take it personal, that he isnt upset at me but still upset at something from work.
@BornAgainCarnivore In the video it is one-sided, though. He never stops and asks about her. It's toxic behavior.
@@zoesparrow-rk7se okay, I could be wrong.
Maaannn they made me feel uncomfortable when they were fighting, I was trying to find the door! Then I realized I was just watching a TH-cam video phewwe😂
I think he was wrong because he only focused on himself when he came home. Women are surprisingly pretty easy to keep happy, a compliment would have put her in a better mood. Made her feel appreciated and she probably would have loved hearing about his day at work, in return validating him.
This plays out like an animal planet documentary and I love it
Lol
I love the fifty's. Even why they're mad, they sound polite.
"I'm the ring that she picked out and he paid for."
What a perfect metaphor.
So he really did not want to get married he thought it was the same as fine a model are piece of furniture hurt and she has no selfrespect , Choose in love with who he pretended to be in a fairy tale of their lifestyle. If you want to sugar daddy but today's standards than people who wants to be that not someone to Only what's the hear himself talk
Well typically(especially in this era), the man proposes the marriage. Either he buys the ring beforehand for her to surprise her, or he asks her first and then they pick one out together. It's not really shallow or anything, I think it's actually very nice. Two people in love buying a symbol of their marriage.
Well fancy seeing you here! Looks like the marriage scene wasn't peachy back then either.
Jesus I thought they were going to tell us at the end how the carsons were going to break their vicious cycle! Lol
Both are inconsiderate and irresponsible. There's a defined lack of communication between them. She isn't talking about and agreeing to purchases with him, so he feels he has no control over the finances. He doesn't know where the money is going. They should have agreed on every piece of furniture going into the home, and if they couldn't, they should have divided the furniture choices in half and each had a choice. There's no sense of ownership for Frank so he feels trapped in his own home, a home he pays for but has no control over. He has nothing of his own and he yet he owns it all.
For regular purchases, Honey should have an allowance or a budget line item for it. Both of them should agree on this budget, that way both are informed of where the money is going and changes can be made according to needs. In this way, nothing would breed resentment, both are equal partners in the relationship instead of constant adversaries. Communication and trust are key. Clearly, neither of them trust the other completely. He doesn't trust her with money and she doesn't trust him to be truthful about why he comes home an hour late. Where the hell is he going? Why doesn't she communicate about his lack of interest in her day? He's not psychic! She should be telling him that she feels as though he doesn't care about her day. Instead of hurling wild accusations, they need to work on communicating better, where each person gets a turn talking about their day and discussing grievances and difficulties.
I understand very little of my husband's technical job, but I allow him to talk my ear off at any time of day. I ask questions in order to try to understand some of the harder points. He answers my questions, which I appreciate because it'll help me build a rudimentary lexicon of terms that refer to his work. That will help me understand the things he talks about in the future. Generally, he talks about his co-workers, his meetings, his projects. I constantly lift him up and remind him of how smart and capable he is, and to never doubt himself. In turn, I tell him about the weird and funny stuff our toddlers do during the day, how they're developing and what they're learning. He works from home, and sometimes if I feel stressed, I'll come in and just lean on him. He reaches out and hugs me or we have a brief conversation about the children or my stress or health before returning to the housework, budgeting, meal prep and child-rearing. We both see each other as equal contributors to our household, and that is key to a successful marriage. 10 days from now, we will have been married for 12 years. This past May, we had been together a grand total of 18 years. We very rarely fight, and we have such deep profound respect for each other. I know we're an odd case. Most people don't get along as well as my husband and I do, but we make a point of treating our relationship carefully and gently but keeping it strong with lots of communication.
@masakasama I'm not sure where you inferred that he's spoiled and entitled. I never once said he demands these things of me. I give him these things of my own accord. He has earned my respect through his actions and the continued action he has for me and our family.
I do let him talk to me about work and rant if necessary. It's not that I barely understand it, it's that it's highly technical. The level of knowledge he has is broad and I can't possibly understand everything. I do understand the basics of his job, but some of the more complex programming languages he works with are not ones I have experience with. I have experience with others and I have a deeper technical knowledge with other programs. His particular job is not one I know the ins and outs of though.
My job right now is stay-at-home mother and homemaker. What I meant about talking to him about the home and our children is that our exchange is equal. He listens to me talk about my job and I listen to him talk about his. He frequently takes breaks from work to play with the children and visit with the children, but it isn't his job. He spends his entire evening with them, feeds them, puts them to bed, changes diapers, teaches them lessons; he is a very attentive and loving father and husband. To cheapen our communication by saying my problems or subjects of conversation are merely “a few anecdotes” is ridiculous.
We also speak about a variety of other topics and we share many (though not all) of the same hobbies. I run a graphic design business as well as write books. He reads my work and views my pieces. Sometimes I'll talk to him about particular issues I'm having with a piece I'm working on-art or writing. As suggested above, he and I handle business on equal footing. I have control over the budget and frequently buy leisure items. I don't have an allowance or a set limit that he imposes on me, but he and I have similar goals, both short and longterm, both for ourselves separately and our family together. I am also a planner and don't impulse buy things above a certain dollar amount. If I don't buy anything for myself, it's because I don't want for anything. He and I both grew up poor and we now have an upper middle-class life, so I no longer have many needs that aren't met. That doesn't mean we're frivolous all the time. He is a great listener and does treat me with quite a bit of respect.
Our current lifestyle is different from our lifestyle prior to having children. We've been through many issues, losses, along with happy times. All the while, he has never limited me, never told me I can't do anything. He has always supported me, trusts me to run the house without fear of me mismanaging the money he makes (which he considers both our money), and if he has a question, because there are intricacies I don't bother him with, we address them.
In the past, I've worked when he was temporarily out of work and he handled the house. I've worked to support us, he's worked to support us. We both supplement each other as needed.
It is a grand assumption, without knowing how we operate, to think he has a mistress. We give each other our all in every aspect. When he isn't working, he is with us. I have all the passwords to his phone, his computer, his email and he has mine. We share one family vehicle. He never disappears for hours on end or is secretive about any actions. He's always with us, present, and happy to be so. If he's ever unhappy, we talk about it. If I sense a change in his mood or his desires, we talk about it. He does the same for me. If I'm unhappy or irate, or if something changes in our personal relationship, we address it, most times, immediately.
I am not saying everybody is or should be like this. We are both lucky.
I don't generally assume things about people, because I find people's backgrounds are so varied, but my guess is maybe you had some bad experience in which you were cheated on or not respected. It sounds like perhaps you are the one projecting on me based on only the limited information I provided. You sound as though you have a lot of experience with bad relationships, which I am not stating derogatorily. That's not something I have. Though some of what you said was insulting toward mine and my husband's relationship, I am not angry. You don't know us, and if you did, you wouldn't be speaking this way.
@@RAMizer thank you for your kind and eloquent response to a total stranger. when/if i get married i will apply all you've taught us here. (p.s.: is that your real name?)
@@serenalouise Yes those are my initials and that is my last name. Shoutlines is my graphic design business.
I don't consider myself a relationship guru but I certainly have a great relationship with my husband. There's a reason we've been together almost 20 years and I speak from that experience. We've faced a lot of challenges and a lot of adversity along the way but we've come through and I believe that is something to be proud of.
The trap is of his own making. Shutter the budget for her phone steak not just his. She should be a grown woman in not his daughter and make her own money.he wants an audience robot not livecwith another human
He wanted her to be the homemaker come so he gives her aloud but he allows her to take authority are exercised that choice
Feels like I’m watching a episode of the Twilight Zone!
This should be titled, “Married to a Narcissist” This behavior is classic fear of intimacy. The guy is always the perfect boyfriend once your married they push you away and blame you. They train you to behave the way Honey does to keep you at a distance.
Youre fat and ugly what do you expect
I understand your thoughts and why you have them. On the surface it may seem that way. But if that were true he wouldn't even think about apologizing, he just wouldn't care. These are real issues married people face or think when they are mad, the solution is realizing that's your partner not your enemy and working together a d not thinking of just yourself. The same could be said about honey(the woman) from a male perspective. That's the point of the movie, showing both sides and that it's one sided. They aren't thinking of the other and they both need to change that and work together.
All day long
Actually they’re both very flawed
She’s immature, vain and shallow
He’s cold self absorbed and stubborn
@@storyteller4991 I think the apology cycle is pretty typical of people who don't give a shit.
Sometimes you just marry a psychopath.
*Sociopath
ANTI SOCIAL CLUB ...
That’s true. The Psychopath seems to come out after marriage
The Mary in order to have easy access in the troll a person independence case he complains the person doesn't cater to him
She certainly is one.
This is good relationship advice, setting aside the sexism of olden days. It's a good idea to ask your partner how they are at the end of the day, or if you're asked first, give a short answer, then wait until they've had the chance to give their short answer. Once everyone is feeling cared-for, you can go into the details after you've both eaten - hunger makes you a monster.
A Superior Cat Wow, what a good idea. I esp like the emphasis on "short answer". 😝
@ Britt H Short answers are the way to go! Like if I had a terrible, awful day, and my bf asked me how it was, I'd say, "Terrible, awful! It was so bad! But tell me about yours first, then I'll give you the details." Because even if his day wasn't as bad as mine, it still matters to me :)
How is there sexism? The man worked all day and the woman did not even have a child to look after but didn’t work? Seems like sexism against men...
William Wirt well said!
Wow u r superior 🙄
I proposed to my wife 2 months after meeting her. We celebrate our 44th anny next year.
Poor guy
@Dave None any advice you could share with us, may you hafe many more years with her.
The whole argument from his perspective is that she should’ve somehow known that his day wasn’t as great as he said it was. Which is ridiculous. If he’d have just come home and told her about what actually happened at work, and how it made him feel, she probably wouldn’t have taken his lack of consideration for what she contributes to the household so personally. She may have understood he had other things on his mind. He wasn’t talking like someone who needs validation, and how is she supposed to just magically realize that’s what he wanted deep down underneath all his bragging/rambling? She probably would’ve been more inclined to give her opinion on his ideas at the office, and give him some confidence to feel better.
Sometimes need for validation is exhibited in different ways.
That’s why they need to communicate better
Excellent point. He can't regulate or recognize his emotions well
I was a little bit devastated that there was no solution but I think the thing is you are suposed to come up with your own solution ie: it's food for thought. Communication is the answer (IMHO) too many times we expect the other person to be a mind reader (as Rasputina says...The ability to read my mind.. and i haven't got that either-yet) I would love my husband to be a mind reader and often expect him to be, after all, if he really knew me then he would know what i was thinking and feeling, right? When we first meet we are so eager to know all about the other's thoughts and feelings but along the way we seem to lose interestandstop communicating. When we don't know how the other person feels or thinks we can often fill in the gaps by making it up ourselves and if we have out own issues then that can and will cloud our judgement, making us liable to fill these gaps with our own negatives thoughts as in the film "he did this for this negative reason" and "she did this for this negative reason" when you talk and communicate you realise that actually that wasn't how it was at all and it was really all just a misunderstanding because you didn't see the other person's point of view and that really neither of you are these selfish monsters that you imagined them to be. There are too many distractions nowadays and people just don't sit down and really connect anymore,not after the first flush of love has worn off to become something more mundane. Next thing you know it's "grass is greener syndrome" someone else will come along and be the listening ear, the shoulder to cry on and the person to stroke your partner's ego( and everything else) only for the same pattern to repeat itself. Water your own grass.
This is great advice ! Thank you seriously for sharing your thoughts /experience.
Thos is excellent advice.
This is the shit that keeps me staying single
04:30 why does he have a shelf full of library books 📚? 😂
No money they did what they had to do🤣🤣🤣
Shoot, I thought I was the first one to catch this. I think the only reason I noticed it is because I always have a shelf full of library books. It looked very familiar to me.
My house. Is full of books looks like a library
I came to see an educational short film & an Edward Albee play broke out. 😆
Good one!
My husband does this today. Lol. I just listen to him go on and on about his job. LOL. That's okay.
I was expecting a sexist film in the beginning, but this was actually really cool!
taebunny yes, I watch these films and feel like history is just not like that.
LOL The narrator just described the individual woman's character and yet you took this as being sexist?
I guess it's because you thought this was a typical description of a woman. Looks like you're sexist.
Cindy Shi I feel like that’s cause yall go in expecting sexism but ofc they’re not gonna outright say stuff like “haha you’re a woman know your place” just like you won’t see people outright saying “haha they’re black they’re not people” racism still existed, so did sexism and it was HORRIBLE time for both women, people of colour and awful for women of colour, but u won’t outright see it clear as day in these films you see it in the subtle aspects because these things are norms, like that she would stay home and do nothing but shop and prepare for her husband to come home because that’s all her purpose is, it still existed but it’s not gonna be as ‘LOOK THERE IT IS SEXISM AT ITS FINEST” as ppl think
@coffeeinthemorning naw those are facts, sexism isn't blatant in the 50's women could only go for three jobs if they truly wanted to work, and could only rlly able to apply to study home ec if they wanted to do college. But you're not gonna get someone in an education video going "now Karen, you're a woman you belong in the kitchen put this idealization of perusing law away" cause it's just a known thing that women don't wanna do anything but serve their husbands they're not gonna be obvious about it (these were also written by dudes).
@@catherinesmith5793 > _"(...) they’re not gonna outright say stuff (...)"_
That's because these videos are about people trying to get on with their lives. They're not about changing or maintaining the status quo.
Still - good point. All attitudes of the day are implicit in these, since... they were implicit then.
Wow the person who produced this predicted the society of today!!!
The society of every era, to be fair
OMG...where’s part 2!
How dare you spend money on furniture, rent and clothes!
Both need to admit their wrong. Honestly they both acted harshly and have realized they are both sorry,they just need to say it and say their sorry.
To be honest he's a terrible husband, feel like it's him who should be apologizing
@@wickandde of course you do.
@@wickandde it’s both parties at fault the woman is always portrayed as a saint.
As a stay at home wife, the last thing I want to talk about when he comes home is my boring ass day. I just want a kiss, check in and let's just chill and do what we want, together or in separate rooms. We have the rest of our lives. Chill.
If this is how marriage was portrayed in 1954,it's no wonder the entire institution fell apart during subsequent years!
This!
Shame no one developed this short into a feature-length 'B' flick - add in a murder and you've got a boxoffice bonanza!
I did not know mcgraw hill was THIS old 😯 i always thought they just made science animations 😂
There needs to be a part two😳
Once upon a time men went to gentlemen's clubs and would complain about just needing someone to take an interest in what they have to say or be able to vent to someone who is actually listening..validating their feelings. Nowadays its a therapist...this video explains why. Yet on the flip side how was she to know she was to take an active interest in stuff she probably does not even know what he is talking about. She just wants him to see how bored she is where her main attraction in life is walking from store to store just to save money on carrots and gets zero appreciation for saving that money and keeping his soup hot until he decides to come home.
What is with the insult "gold digger"? I thought there had to at least be a certain amt of money there to be going after? Lower or middle class should not be considered gold digging. 🐢🐢🐢Cara
If this wasn't the strongest case for women to have their own job and bank account so they can spend it however we want and not rely on any man.
That does prevent this particular problem from ever arising, but I think a bigger issue here was communication, not money. As long as we live in a society where "couples" exist, that is going to remain relevant.
Traditional societies did what they did for a reason. Look up hypergamy. Feminism has accomplished the phenomenon where, more and more, 80% of women are availible only to the top 20% of men. Hypergamy is a great force for social unrest.
I agree karen
@clint.b.j.5490 Hypergamy is what made humans smarter and stronger in the first place. The reason we have all these fat idiots walking around is because for centuries we've forced women to mate with men who have awful genes. It's funny seeing you incels complain about hypergamy and in the next breath complain about the prevelance of autism & liberalism. Two things that would have been bred out had we allowed women to pick the men with good genes. Hopefully now humanity will sort itself out but whew, the damage has been done.
Honey should never have given up her job before they married.
BellaLeo Licorice That is what women had to do. Now she’s stuck with a man who complained she spent all his money and when confronted him about it he just kept s saying shit that wasn’t true.
They did not have to quit their jobs, they chose to, but most took the easy way by not continuing to work.
Ne Ne Zilla Really? Taking care of the house, children, and your husband is a full time job. Women of today can’t even do it.
@@NovaDoll -- I'm a child of the 60's, and my mother worked and my grandmother worked. And yes I believe working in the work force is harder than staying at home. Just my opinion.
..................so they murdered one another and both lived happily ever after................
Honey needs to find herself in work outside of the house. Become again who she was before marriage. If they have children before that were to happen, she will be broken. She can come back from that too, but it will be a harder journey with children.
oh yes, a total loss of self.. I'm sure that happened to many of a suburban housewife in those days
1. Live together for at least a year before deciding to marry.
2. Understand that all those little quirks that you overlooked while you were dating will become twice as annoying and half as tolerable.
3. Ask yourselves, are you willing to put up with each other's flaws for the next few decades, whether you intend to bring children into the world or not?
4. Instead of a constant stream of "You need to do this, you need to do that", take time to ask, "What can I do?"
5. When you feel you have been slighted, don't approach it with an attitude of "How dare you?", approach it with an attitude of "Why would you?", because there's two sides to every argument.
6. Remember the proverb: "Don't act like your shit doesn't stink" and you can apply that to your relationship with your children as well, should you decide to procreate.
1:26 he loves “control” well why doesn’t he control the bloody painting behind him and straighten it up! 😂look at 1:42 😂
Forever relevant!
This sounds like twilight zone with a hint of unsolved mysteries.
Why does she have that picture of her up there like that. That’s kinda narcissistic. I should do that😉
That's nothing watch Claude Corbett character at the beginning of this movie. m.ok.ru/video/1051185842868
Shes got a whole album of selfies
🤣😂
It’s probably to remind her of a time when she was happier, like that was maybe her senior portrait. The way this is portrayed is wrong.
Two problems: his feelings of inadequacy and her desire for a modicum of affirmation.
her crying sounds like laughing xD
He's holding her back.
I bet Honey's milkman is very happy.
😂
🤵👰💔❌
🥛👱♂️👍✔️
OK MGTOW This is information for people who want to work on their relationships 😂😂😂
Spinsters Unite!!!
They are so focused on STUFF instead of protecting one another's souls. They are lost in stuff.
3/4 of the problems here were supposed to be sorted or at the very least to begin dealing with them during courtship. What were they doing during courtship!!!
These 1950s relationship / marriage educational films were mostly sexist in their treatment of the female side of the relationship.
There's a 1951 Coronet film called Marriage Is A Partnership. It focuses on a couple in their first year.
They move in with his mother. Wife is doing the narrating. She talks about all the sacrifices SHE made. Like quitting her job,which she had reservations about.Learning to like his favorite food ( liver) and learning to put up with his tantrums and his busy body mother
I should've lived back in the 50s. I would've been great at writing these melodramatic marriage and dating videos 😆😄😃
i feel like this was actually well written
That crying was "oh my God, I'm never getting out of this hell" why bc divorce was basically impossible. Now divorce is accepted, so if you want to be together then you actually need to work it out or get out.
This is why women work. I had to depend on my husband for a year and it was nightmaresville.
That’s what I said. I’m glad we live in a era where female work, buy what they want and don’t depend on a man.
@@MartVale1 Yeah, but between now and this video's generation were couples where both partners worked, but the woman was still exclusively expected to take care of everything in the house.
I thought this whole movie, as corny as it was, was incredibly sad. Especially when the husband came home and the wife was in a good mood. There was no need for the argument, and they are on their way to throwing away what could be a perfectly good marriage. Or, more likely in the 50s , both settling for living unhappily ever after.
This was so sad that it made me cry. I have a troubled marriage.
Where is the Part 2 solution?
So, Where is part two? They didnt make a part two. This was intentionally left open-ended like that in order to be used as a tool for discussion groups, perhaps for sociology or marriage therapy classes, or even real marriage counseling in situations where this fits the problem at hand. There really is no one particular "best answer" or perfect solution like there is to a math problem, where the answer = X. At the point where this problem presentation ends, that's where the solutions come in by discussion.
Yes.
I believe there is. After 63 yrs of marriage and two marriages l know how my second husband and I would have handled it.
Our marriage has lasted 22 years because we put the other first at all times. PERIOD.
People's marriages have lasted longer and ended. It seems like you have a good set up.
What planet are you from ?
“He knows I have nothing to wear.” As she opens a closet full of clothes. She has more clothes than I do. Haha
Forgiveness is the key! and prayer.
Yeah no, you're enabling abusive relationships. Your god is the worst one out there.
Sometimes
"the ring that she picked and that he paid for" Ouch!
Twilight zone and old classic murder mystery vibes.
Me: Eats chips so nervously.. (hears the creepy music) What will happen next!?!?!?!?!
Great, educational video.
This is why I wouldn’t over romanticize old school traditional relationships. Everyone having a role isn’t wrong but it definitely isn’t the cure and secret to a happy relationship if everyone is being selfish
I think they are both just hungry.
That ending was sad i cried a little