bro, this is ligit the best advice I've ever gotten after being in the self-help and self-improvement for most of my teens. 90% of the people get into so much complicated shit in this self-help space, that thy never get the basics right. really appreciate your work 🙌
Spiritual growth. Becoming the best version of yourself is not a struggle, nor is it painful. What is painful is the lack of growth--- it feeds on your enthusiasm for new experiences. This is a deep-rooted existential pain that leads to addiction of one sort or another. This is not the uncomfortable experience of delayed gratification, but like a cancer slowly eating away at your dreams. Envy is one of these diseases.
@@carefulcarpenterThe birth of the new, requires the death of the old. Though for you it may be pain-free, for me, and most, it is challenging, including physical and/or emotional pain. It is the suffering, the thoughts ABOUT the pain, which could be: heartache, gut-wrenching, something one cannot swallow (difficulty swallowing), pressure, stabbing, burning. Spirituality (Buddhism) made this distintion clear for me, yet it, along with many truths, requires systematic and well-guided practice. I suppose, apropos to this video and Mark's message, Spirituality could be "the willingness to experience pain, and fail in many ways (there are many pitfalls, yes?), and hopefully experience a Transformation/Transcendence along the search for TRUTH." Just my thoughts, which come both from my experiences and reading. I also have had the grand experience of realizing my former Spiritual Bypass. It seems that for some, the call comes from the pain and suffering, while others, perhaps yourself, "slip into enlightenment." Maybe not literally.
My favourite thing is to plant trees, and I do that on every day of suitable weather (big garden). To me there is nothing better than to find a bird's nest snuggled in a tree I planted a few years ago.
This confirms what I already figured: I don't really...want much of anything. The struggle I have is whether to resign to being alright with that, accepting it as a part of who I am, or rallying against it, and trying to change it while I still have some time left.
What is it that you want most? Can you achieve such, will it make your life better or more enjoyable. Willingness to keep going even if only incremental improvements towards the goal is what's needed. -this is how I'm approaching what I want most, land with a creek and to build my own small home for two. I am 48 wasted so much time and money, but I can do this because I've decided it's certainly worth it.
@@surfside75 One piece of advice I'd give is assuming you have a partner, clarify and compromise since you may want different things. Furthermore may I ask why (presumingly) you have no children?
@@Anonymoose66G Thanks for the advice as I agree. One child, previous relationship. Grown and successful. I'm now 48 in a relationship that will lead to marriage. She's 32 and wants her first child. I'm 15 years older so I feel that it is my obligation to do so.
@@surfside75 No problem, fair enough, do what you want to of course. I'm not entirely sure why I assumed you had no children probably because of tunnel vision and unconscious bias. 32's definitely later than most so I assume she thinks she can't put it off indefinitely and it's been on her mind awhile. Must be quite nerve wracking especially because of a higher risk of complications after 30 (usually) shouldn't be an issue however. Then medical bills if you live in The USA which is most likely because the original creator is American. If you are American, do you have child benefit over there? I know you don't have legally required paid maternity leave.
Struggle is about restriction and imprisonment, not about the challenges involved with spiritual growth and personal success. Poorly chosen word:struggle.
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” ― Jim Morrison
As someone with many interests, and I mean A LOT, I discovered last year that there were only a few things I was ready to grind for, and ironically, those where the things I found myself doing for hours without even having to plan time for them. Writing for example was one of them. I could write for hours without complaining. Sometimes I would end up with pages of gibberish with only a migraine to show for my efforts. Other times the pages were blessed, at the cost of heavy eyes and a sore back. The point is I was actually DOING something. I was actually writing. Watching this video brought things into better perspective for me. If there is one thing I truly want for myself, it definitely is to become a fictional writer.
If you approach life with a conscious, balanced, optimistic outlook and bear the consequences of your actions with humility and dignity. And most of all learn from your mistakes, you’ll be sweet.
@@belfastbuddha2237 I don't agree, realism helps you through dark times far better than optimism, if your optimistic bubble crashes at any moment your doomed. However maintaining a realistic viewpoint allows you to actually accept what has happened and how you can persevere.
@@Anonymoose66G I won the Optimists Award in high school which granted me a small scholarship for college. Optimism got my wife and I through 44 years when the legal system was bent on breaking us. After a 7-year battle in an unlawful foreclosure, I witness the corruption first-hand, whereas, the Bank was betting on the decline of our marriage. I witnessed how cheating and delaying works against most skeptics. Realism surely would depend on knowing how it was going to turn out. Even our attorneys were speechless after the ruling. Facing our darkest fears with courage trumps a corrupt judicial system. I have evidence to absolutely prove our case. The problem becomes extremely complicated. The skeptic will feel proven right; though the optimist learns the truth. There is a significant difference. 44-year marriages are built on trust and finances--- one gets to choose. You likely will not have both.
great video! thanks for sharing that message with us. As Carl Jung once stated: “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
Have to accept that much of life is dictated by random chance. Examples- where and when you are born. -genetics/health/ IQ. -social network during childhood. -physical appearance. number, kind, and timing of experiences, successes, failures, opportunities, accidents, events and people you meet.
I disagree. Your life is not dictated by chance, as there are no coincidences. Regardless of the external factors, you always have the power of choice to create the life you want and to grow or adjust no matter what the circumstances are.
@@Kalond_irlandaI dissagree with both you and the previous response, life is balancing the random chance and agency (choices you make). While it is true that you cant determine your starting point and feature, and you can control a lot of how to plan your path. There is no guarantee that you can succeed in the current attempt. The facts are, life is unpredictable by nature even with a strategy. You cannot dismiss random chance as a non factor to how your events are shaped as it does play a part. It isnt the sole part.
I truly enjoyed this video. Had you asked me, as a young man, what pain do I want in my life I would have told you "not much". In fact, I had often said that I wanted to cruise through life as un-noticed as possible, with as little stress as possible. And I did. I had taken many interesting career paths, met countless wonderful people and didn't struggle too much at all. Now I am 70 and peacefully retired. After viewing your video, I took a look back over my life and discovered that I was much more successful than I would have expected. I suffered little, enjoyed much and arrived at retirement at peace with myself and the world. Am I wealthy? No. Am I famous? No. Am I happy? More so than I can explain. That is MY definition of success.
@@tofonaz8338 So courteous and productive of you to soil another person's enjoyment, especially with such a dull and unsupported claim. You must be the pride of your hometown.
for what it's worth you are a rockstar Mark Manson when it comes to breaking things down and spreading the truth in bitter chunks. You even kinda look like a rockstar.
@@KrwiomoczBogurodzicy absolutely yes. It is weak and cowardly to look for answers from a guru or in an organization or a crowd. At best you can hope for some useful advice.
@@creed22solar123 The answers on how we live our lives does not come from within, it's dictated by other powers, genetics, etc. Nobodies saying a guru will tell you anything of use, however one must recognize there are extrinsic guidelines on what you should do with your life.
yeah this is incredibly accurate. i have a friend who makes good money, but the toll it takes on him is not worth it. what i don't understand is how many people spend 50k+ on a vehicle, yet the amount of work they have to do to afford it massively surpasses the vain benefits of driving around now and then to impress strangers
Nobody even gets impressed 😂. The people luxurious vehicles attract are people you want to steer clear from, usually excessive expenditure is due to an intrinsic insecurity and it can help people feel confident, feel like they've succeeded and like their the boss, just as putting on a nice watch, nice suit and looking nice does.
@@ChipMunkz-uh2oy We don't just like things though, there's an inherent reason why we like or dislike something. So why do you like nice clothing? Is it of superior quality and more comfortable? Probably, same with expensive cars however you don't need to buy the brand for quality, you just need to buy the quality.
I absolutely loved this. I am one of those people who suffered to achieve their life's dreams. I am 64 and have fulfilled almost all of my childhood fantasies. Not a single one of those achievements came without sacrifice and "pain" as you call it. The best part is that I am not finished yet and probably will not until I am lying on my death bed. Along the way I have learned what I want and, by having realistic expectations, what was possible. I am not rich, but want for nothing more than to experience life to it's fullest on my terms. That is what I have done and that is true happiness. BTW, I have read your book, when it was first published and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Aw man, as a musician that hasn't done anything besides DJ'd a few underground parties, this relates to me heavily... Currently struggling through a job that bores and pains me.. Applying for other positions at the moment and did just hopefully join a new band. You have to make time for things, life always gets in the way and we make excuses and procrastinate.
The trick is to work on finding your goals, what truly elevates you. And then invest some time every day to cultivate desire. Intent is the major factor for success, and by cultivating that intent every day, you practically get pulled towards your goals rather than having to push all the time. Because life comes at you either way, and there's often a good argument as to why "pushing today just won't work for me".
I feel like I'm your future self.. I'm a DJ and a mallcop.. I choose to have a shitty job to pay the bills because despite how much I hate the job it allows me to focus on what I want. I still play smaller underground party's all the time because I enjoy them and I know they lead to bigger things like major festivals and being support to world class djs . I'm not at the top of my game, because I don't really want it, I am happy where I'm at. If I play half a dozen solid events a year, it makes that shitty mall cop job really worth it. Things improve, you just need to know what your struggling for and that is a marathon, not a sprint. Shit, I even met my wife at a DJ gig :)
Mark Manson is the GOAT. Every piece of advice he has is astoundingly simple but because of that it ends up becoming more profound. His words are not washed in rhetoric, in hyperbole, promising something so exciting and transcendent. Instead, he gives it to you completely straight. This talk is a great one. My problem in life at the moment is I can't answer this question. I wish I had the strength to answer this honestly and compellingly, but instead, I am so overwhelmed with suffering and pain that the only answer I ever have is 'I want the pain to stop.' I wish I knew how to turn my suffering into something good. But I am miserable every single day. If anyone has advice on how to get up and do something with your life when you cannot stand being alive I would much appreciate it.
ask yourself the question why you feel so much pain ? What is that you are thinking about that keeps you in this negative emotions? Sometimes if our minds are in dark places it only sees the dark and now it is your responsibility to get yourself out there. Try with getting out of bed and make yourself ready even if you are not going away. Write down all your negative thoughts and see what happens.
Gratitude is the antidote to suffering. Start there. Next, don't follow your passions. Instead, discover your purpose and be passionate about it. Be well and do good. Wishing you the best, my friend.
I agree gratitude for everything in your life is critical. Take nothing for granted, every day every hour of life is a gift. it's ok to not know what you want - that is actually the norm for most. You are one of the few to recognize it for what it is and that is a painful understanding. Without sacrifice without pain we gain nothing. You will get through it but you are being tested. no pain no gain is not a cliche. The greater the struggle the greater the victory. The depths of your despair are the mirror for the heights you can attain.
As a musician, and an athlete, it's a trade, an exchange, but one you'd have no other way. It's not learning to like the hardships, or suffering through them for the point of suffering, it's because you can imagine your life no other way - there is nothing close to the fulfillment of creative release that could compare, and so, it would be impossible to live otherwise without compromising the foundations of who you are, beneath the social masks and the expected norms, it is a truly personal realization, that as a cat, you cannot exist as a dog.
Very well put. Life should not be struggled through to reach your dreams. This is the Field of Dreams. Truly. If you are struggling--- change positions.
until a bomb falls on your house, your family gets murdered and you lose all your limbs. Then you can't paint, throw balls into holes anymore, whatever. How would you go on without your precious creative endeavors? What if you went to prison and they threw you in solitary confinement? You'd just evaporate if you couldn't make that rap album or get that Hollywood role pretending to be a cowboy! Or put a ball into a hoop! It's all just vanity and ego, bud. Man's way of pumping up his own pride, doing useless sh!t and patting himself on the back for it. Some of us have achieved greatness and look back and think 'that was nice, but in the end it doesn't really matter.'
I remember I used to dream to be a tennis star when I was a teen. Then one day I randomly flicking between channels and stumbled upon a tennis semi-pro self documentary that didn't make it. That player struggled through continuous loses with hardly any earnings, playing matches no one watched, he lost his coach through terminal illness and because of so many struggles he faced, he clang on the past of little glory. It's was tough to watch but I am glad I did because that make me questioning myself whether I am willing to go through that. Fast forwarding 40 yrs, I am having a very different life raising my family. Although that tennis guy may think he is a failure, he is not. He has done a huge favors to a lot of young kids there.
It’s very rare i rewatch a longer TH-cam video. Even more rare, (and I can’t even think of more than a few examples) do I immediately rewatch one…this is one of those extremely rare few. I’ve watched probably 5,000 hours of self-improvement videos of various natures, but this one hit home today. Maybe it’s where I’m at in life or maybe it’s that it’s just different than other videos, in that it cuts to the core of our identity, but I’m very grateful for this work.
Happiness is overestimated and pain is way overestimated too. Balance and harmony is what matters the most. Keep things simple. A simple life is the best.
I was bullied as a kid and teenager, the other day the bully and i have become friends after 40 years and i thanked him for making me aware of people and making me tough. You can look at your struggle as a blessing or a curse.
Thank you so much for this - I've been trying to put this into words recently & wasn't sure if I was going crazy or not. I was trying to explain to someone why I'm willing to go through rejection & risk humiliation again and again while I get published, and why I'm willing to put in 8-12 hours a day (/night) for the sake of creating art & writing books for a living & why I'm willing to smile every time someone tells me I'm wasting my time since I only got 1 reaction or 1 sale or 1 viewer.... and the only honest answer I could come up with was that I enjoy it. Then I started thinking I was crazy because why enjoy suffering & stress & insomnia & grief & rejection over and over again?? But now I get it - so thanks again
The good kind of freedom though. Not the kind of freedom to do whatever someone wants to rape, kill, destroy, steal, etc. Those are all bad freedoms which would just make things more chaotic and just as bad as a zombie apocalypse.
I worked in the music industry for a long time. The greats are great because they put in the work without considering it work. The greats love to practice they love to do the hard things. The performance with an audience is wonderful, but it’s nothing compared to the magic that happens while we’re preparing. The Taoist concept wu-wei, or effortless action is exactly this.
Yeah some people just fluidly enjoy the process of what they're doing. But how do you find something that allows you to feel that way? The only thing for me personally that made me feel that way was gaming. There was always fluidity to it everyday (I understand they are addicting so that makes sense), but Video Editing for example I found a fun process to struggle for. Then it came to a point where I wasn't enjoying it anymore. This is pretty much how every endeavor I go on turns to out to be. How does one become content or financially secure if this is all they ever face?
Try to remember that if you live in the west, you're probably richer than 80% of the world's population. Strive for bigger things, but be more satisfied with the smaller things. It's the smaller things that often matter most.
I had a similar aha moment. I tell my kid this as often as I can, your struggle is its own reward, Choose carefully what your reward will be, What are you willing to struggle for, what's actually meaningful to you. Thank you After Skool and Mark Manson
I love this video!!! We are in a perfection, divided im better than you are world that no one embraces the challenges or struggles they come across. I always say “Don’t say why did this happen to me”.. “ask yourself what is the lesson to be learned here, this happened “FOR” me. Also remind yourself this is our reality, we are born for a purpose and as much as we think all this stuff matters in this 3D reality, life is meant to enjoy, be happy, peace and love. None of this Materialistic or Careers are coming with us in the next lifetime. Do the best you can and “best” means different things to everyone .
To prove we all have the power to CREATE the world we want requires not only a “what”, but more importantly, the “why”, coupled with the pain of raw honesty about determining the level at which we are able at the time.
I couldn't have enjoyed this video enough! I am a stepdad to 14 & 16 year old's who i plan on showing this to them, and am excited for the conversation to come. Thanks for these videos, I think they are great!
Thanks for this. One of my former students sent this to me, and I include it in the first week of all my community college classes. My community college students find it very helpful getting them rolling in a path full of competing demands.
Sadly there's too many people who go to work, apply themselves and they try and try for years to reach a goal but fall short because of circumstances none of them have control over. In time the constant need to succeed makes us mentally ill and damaged. It's not worth the heartbreak, not in the end, because we all die and that's what makes us equal. 😢
This might just be the best advice I have ever heard. This is not the first time I have heard this message. Jordan Peterson relays a similar message to which I subscribe. I really enjoy the illustrations that After Skool does. It really puts powerful visuals to the spoken words. If this is out of Mark Manson's book - The Art of Not Giving a Hoot, I guess I need this book.
This video comes at a point in my life where I finally gave up all of the illusions I was harboring my entire life. I've come to realize that you should be completely honest with yourself when you're starting something new. Otherwise, you'll end up spending a good part of your life caught up in the deceptions of your own mind.
Love these videos, and great message! Professional jazz piano player here. What I would add, from the musician point of view: community. I could probably make a list 10 pages long, single spaced, 10 point font lol…. Of all of the musicians, and artists and music lovers…and teachers.. both professional amateur and beginner and everything in between, that helped inspire and encourage me to keep going over and over and over again in my 20s and early 30s, especially when I felt like the pain of simply not being an “able” player yet…was too much. I’m not certain at all if I would’ve continued in music even into my late 20s if I would’ve been doing most of it by myself. If anybody reading this resonates, try to surround yourself with real people that are on the same path as you are:). Great stuff Mark!
I didn't realize this until much later but wanting to play in a band was less about music than it was about social bonding. Musicians are fortunate to have an activity that is so intimate that can enjoyed with others, it's pretty special that way. Having friends you've spent decades playing with develops a telepathy between you that seems to defy logic. Finding the magic in whatever we do is where satisfaction lies.
I think thats when the struggle appears. After you have enjoyed the process for a long time you reach a hump. Do i continue or quit? The struggle to get to the next level is the key. The process should be enjoyable for the most part IMO.
Thought I was for another self-help lecture via TH-cam, I was pleasantly surprised. I will check out that book! All I do is fantasize- girls, work, talents, friends. Nothing ever changes. Good stuff here Mark. Play us some riffs man ♫
loved this. some people will avoid pain and discomfort for temporary pleasure, which never needs anywhere fullifing. I'm learning that the things that truly matter to me require a certain level of effort and self-discipline.
What I've learned over the decades is that many of the desires I had to be this or that were not my own. They were societies social constructs and my life has been a process of figuring out what is truly my own and discarding what was the cultural narrative of how to live or what to be. IMO, true freedom isn't about wealth as much as it is about liberating yourself from Social conditioning.
I read like two mark manson books over and over again when i was like 17 and it planted seeds that were super against religion and he gave me full confidence to just TRUST MY SELF. after a couple years of searching for the truth i was like ahh man mark manson’s books ultimately led me to destruction. Smh. Ig thats what happens when you trust a mans word. A creature instead of the creator.
As Bon Scott in AC/DC sang so many years ago, it’s a Long Way to the top if you want to rock ‘n’ roll. If you don’t like the struggle, you won’t get to the top, very true. Thanks for the different viewpoint and the way you expressed it.
Interesting that I enjoyed this so much and didn't connect with your book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck". I was in a different mindset about a year ago and it was very detrimental to my growth at the time. Maybe I'll visit this book again. Great talk. 👍🏻
I agree with the fact that what you are willing to struggle for determines the outcome of your life, but I would say that the most important thing is to quiet your mind as much as you can so you can actually hear your soul. If we could hear our deepest desires we would not need to grind or watch videos on how to stay motivated. You stay motivated by doing what INTERESTS you. Is that simple. If you can't find the way to work out it's because you don't like it. Dedicate time to finding what you actually like and try to understand your flow state. Whatever you can focus on without it being over stimulating, that's the sweet spot. To be a millionaire you have to LIKE business. Like the risk, like the meetings, or else you are setting yourself to have depression. Depression is nothing more than feeling obligated to live the life you are having. Is the last resource of your body to communicate to the brain that is not enjoying the struggle the brain is putting the body on.
Thank you for choosing to struggle to give my piece such amazing visuals. Really brings it to life! 😄
Thank you for the wise words. I'm happy to struggle through another one anytime!
bro, this is ligit the best advice I've ever gotten after being in the self-help and self-improvement for most of my teens.
90% of the people get into so much complicated shit in this self-help space, that thy never get the basics right. really appreciate your work 🙌
It’s nice seeing you on this channel Mark, you’re an inspiration
Great vid and thank you Mark for the mindshare!
Reading your book again right now. It helps give me focus on what I actually give a F**k about.
Choose your pain or it will choose you.
Absolutely!
Spiritual growth. Becoming the best version of yourself is not a struggle, nor is it painful. What is painful is the lack of growth--- it feeds on your enthusiasm for new experiences. This is a deep-rooted existential pain that leads to addiction of one sort or another. This is not the uncomfortable experience of delayed gratification, but like a cancer slowly eating away at your dreams. Envy is one of these diseases.
Damn. This one hit me 🙏🏼
@@carefulcarpenterThe birth of the new, requires the death of the old. Though for you it may be pain-free, for me, and most, it is challenging, including physical and/or emotional pain. It is the suffering, the thoughts ABOUT the pain, which could be: heartache, gut-wrenching, something one cannot swallow (difficulty swallowing), pressure, stabbing, burning. Spirituality (Buddhism) made this distintion clear for me, yet it, along with many truths, requires systematic and well-guided practice. I suppose, apropos to this video and Mark's message, Spirituality could be "the willingness to experience pain, and fail in many ways (there are many pitfalls, yes?), and hopefully experience a Transformation/Transcendence along the search for TRUTH."
Just my thoughts, which come both from my experiences and reading. I also have had the grand experience of realizing my former Spiritual Bypass. It seems that for some, the call comes from the pain and suffering, while others, perhaps yourself, "slip into enlightenment." Maybe not literally.
Real talk
The quality of your life depends on the problems you’re willing to face. Choose wisely.
Greetings from the Republic of Sovereigns ❤
My favorite thing to do is help other people. Makes me happy.
My favourite thing is to plant trees, and I do that on every day of suitable weather (big garden). To me there is nothing better than to find a bird's nest snuggled in a tree I planted a few years ago.
that is huge source of happiness and satisfaction.
This confirms what I already figured: I don't really...want much of anything. The struggle I have is whether to resign to being alright with that, accepting it as a part of who I am, or rallying against it, and trying to change it while I still have some time left.
What is it that you want most?
Can you achieve such, will it make your life better or more enjoyable.
Willingness to keep going even if only incremental improvements towards the goal is what's needed.
-this is how I'm approaching what I want most, land with a creek and to build my own small home for two. I am 48 wasted so much time and money, but I can do this because I've decided it's certainly worth it.
@@surfside75 One piece of advice I'd give is assuming you have a partner, clarify and compromise since you may want different things. Furthermore may I ask why (presumingly) you have no children?
@@Anonymoose66G Thanks for the advice as I agree.
One child, previous relationship. Grown and successful. I'm now 48 in a relationship that will lead to marriage. She's 32 and wants her first child. I'm 15 years older so I feel that it is my obligation to do so.
@@surfside75 No problem, fair enough, do what you want to of course. I'm not entirely sure why I assumed you had no children probably because of tunnel vision and unconscious bias. 32's definitely later than most so I assume she thinks she can't put it off indefinitely and it's been on her mind awhile. Must be quite nerve wracking especially because of a higher risk of complications after 30 (usually) shouldn't be an issue however. Then medical bills if you live in The USA which is most likely because the original creator is American. If you are American, do you have child benefit over there? I know you don't have legally required paid maternity leave.
If you're feeling OK where you are, and it's not hurting you much. Stay! You might change in the future. No rush to get the achievement award lol
This could NOT have come at a better time. Thank you After Skool and thank you Mark Manson.
Learn and act accordingly 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
"Who YOU are is defined by the values YOU ARE WILLING TO STRUGGLE FOR!" Great quote!
Struggle is about restriction and imprisonment, not about the challenges involved with spiritual growth and personal success.
Poorly chosen word:struggle.
@@carefulcarpenterOh no what will we do????
I don't get the idea of being defined by ... well... anything.. What does it mean to be defined by something? Who is doing the defining? ourselves?
@@eyesears2046 Yes--- that is why I question how language(words) are being redefined to suit new contexts.
Learn and act accordingly 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
To whom much is given, much will be required (Luke 12:48).
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
― Jim Morrison
As someone with many interests, and I mean A LOT, I discovered last year that there were only a few things I was ready to grind for, and ironically, those where the things I found myself doing for hours without even having to plan time for them.
Writing for example was one of them. I could write for hours without complaining. Sometimes I would end up with pages of gibberish with only a migraine to show for my efforts. Other times the pages were blessed, at the cost of heavy eyes and a sore back. The point is I was actually DOING something. I was actually writing.
Watching this video brought things into better perspective for me. If there is one thing I truly want for myself, it definitely is to become a fictional writer.
I hope we'll get to read your book/s someday soon 😊
Thanks for the encouragement@@anxiouscucumber9
Thankyou, you just helped me too and also gave me perspective 🙏
This is a tremendous sentiment 👍
Likewise @trueguesser
Would love to see you succeed in the field of writing!
If you approach life with a conscious, balanced, optimistic outlook and bear the consequences of your actions with humility and dignity. And most of all learn from your mistakes, you’ll be sweet.
Don't be optimistic, be realistic.
@@Anonymoose66G realism helps keep you grounded. optimism can help you through your darkest hour sir
@@belfastbuddha2237 I don't agree, realism helps you through dark times far better than optimism, if your optimistic bubble crashes at any moment your doomed. However maintaining a realistic viewpoint allows you to actually accept what has happened and how you can persevere.
@@Anonymoose66G I won the Optimists Award in high school which granted me a small scholarship for college. Optimism got my wife and I through 44 years when the legal system was bent on breaking us. After a 7-year battle in an unlawful foreclosure, I witness the corruption first-hand, whereas, the Bank was betting on the decline of our marriage.
I witnessed how cheating and delaying works against most skeptics. Realism surely would depend on knowing how it was going to turn out. Even our attorneys were speechless after the ruling. Facing our darkest fears with courage trumps a corrupt judicial system.
I have evidence to absolutely prove our case. The problem becomes extremely complicated. The skeptic will feel proven right; though the optimist learns the truth. There is a significant difference.
44-year marriages are built on trust and finances--- one gets to choose. You likely will not have both.
Learn and act accordingly 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
yup. the Stoic principles of "the obstacle is the way" comes to mind.
great video! thanks for sharing that message with us. As Carl Jung once stated: “No tree, it is said, can grow to heaven unless its roots reach down to hell.”
Have to accept that much of life is dictated by random chance. Examples- where and when you are born. -genetics/health/ IQ. -social network during childhood. -physical appearance. number, kind, and timing of experiences, successes, failures, opportunities, accidents, events and people you meet.
I disagree. Your life is not dictated by chance, as there are no coincidences. Regardless of the external factors, you always have the power of choice to create the life you want and to grow or adjust no matter what the circumstances are.
@@Kalond_irlanda not if you're born in North Korea
@@Kalond_irlandaI dissagree with both you and the previous response, life is balancing the random chance and agency (choices you make). While it is true that you cant determine your starting point and feature, and you can control a lot of how to plan your path. There is no guarantee that you can succeed in the current attempt. The facts are, life is unpredictable by nature even with a strategy. You cannot dismiss random chance as a non factor to how your events are shaped as it does play a part. It isnt the sole part.
I truly enjoyed this video. Had you asked me, as a young man, what pain do I want in my life I would have told you "not much". In fact, I had often said that I wanted to cruise through life as un-noticed as possible, with as little stress as possible. And I did. I had taken many interesting career paths, met countless wonderful people and didn't struggle too much at all. Now I am 70 and peacefully retired. After viewing your video, I took a look back over my life and discovered that I was much more successful than I would have expected. I suffered little, enjoyed much and arrived at retirement at peace with myself and the world. Am I wealthy? No. Am I famous? No. Am I happy? More so than I can explain. That is MY definition of success.
Great video After Skool, thank you.
Thank you, Ralph!
no its not
@@tofonaz8338 So courteous and productive of you to soil another person's enjoyment, especially with such a dull and unsupported claim. You must be the pride of your hometown.
for what it's worth you are a rockstar Mark Manson when it comes to breaking things down and spreading the truth in bitter chunks. You even kinda look like a rockstar.
While others can guide us, the questions of how to live and who to be can only be answered from within
💯
Absolutely not.
@@KrwiomoczBogurodzicy absolutely yes. It is weak and cowardly to look for answers from a guru or in an organization or a crowd. At best you can hope for some useful advice.
@@creed22solar123,
It's naive and arrogant to look within for answers.
@@creed22solar123 The answers on how we live our lives does not come from within, it's dictated by other powers, genetics, etc. Nobodies saying a guru will tell you anything of use, however one must recognize there are extrinsic guidelines on what you should do with your life.
yeah this is incredibly accurate. i have a friend who makes good money, but the toll it takes on him is not worth it.
what i don't understand is how many people spend 50k+ on a vehicle, yet the amount of work they have to do to afford it massively surpasses the vain benefits of driving around now and then to impress strangers
Nobody even gets impressed 😂. The people luxurious vehicles attract are people you want to steer clear from, usually excessive expenditure is due to an intrinsic insecurity and it can help people feel confident, feel like they've succeeded and like their the boss, just as putting on a nice watch, nice suit and looking nice does.
@@ChipMunkz-uh2oy We don't just like things though, there's an inherent reason why we like or dislike something. So why do you like nice clothing? Is it of superior quality and more comfortable? Probably, same with expensive cars however you don't need to buy the brand for quality, you just need to buy the quality.
Learn and act accordingly 👉The Connections (2021) [short documentary]💖
I absolutely loved this. I am one of those people who suffered to achieve their life's dreams. I am 64 and have fulfilled almost all of my childhood fantasies. Not a single one of those achievements came without sacrifice and "pain" as you call it. The best part is that I am not finished yet and probably will not until I am lying on my death bed. Along the way I have learned what I want and, by having realistic expectations, what was possible. I am not rich, but want for nothing more than to experience life to it's fullest on my terms. That is what I have done and that is true happiness. BTW, I have read your book, when it was first published and thoroughly enjoyed it.
Aw man, as a musician that hasn't done anything besides DJ'd a few underground parties, this relates to me heavily... Currently struggling through a job that bores and pains me.. Applying for other positions at the moment and did just hopefully join a new band. You have to make time for things, life always gets in the way and we make excuses and procrastinate.
The trick is to work on finding your goals, what truly elevates you. And then invest some time every day to cultivate desire.
Intent is the major factor for success, and by cultivating that intent every day, you practically get pulled towards your goals rather than having to push all the time. Because life comes at you either way, and there's often a good argument as to why "pushing today just won't work for me".
@@PrebenFrenning❤
I feel like I'm your future self.. I'm a DJ and a mallcop.. I choose to have a shitty job to pay the bills because despite how much I hate the job it allows me to focus on what I want. I still play smaller underground party's all the time because I enjoy them and I know they lead to bigger things like major festivals and being support to world class djs .
I'm not at the top of my game, because I don't really want it, I am happy where I'm at. If I play half a dozen solid events a year, it makes that shitty mall cop job really worth it. Things improve, you just need to know what your struggling for and that is a marathon, not a sprint. Shit, I even met my wife at a DJ gig :)
Mark Manson is the GOAT. Every piece of advice he has is astoundingly simple but because of that it ends up becoming more profound. His words are not washed in rhetoric, in hyperbole, promising something so exciting and transcendent. Instead, he gives it to you completely straight. This talk is a great one. My problem in life at the moment is I can't answer this question. I wish I had the strength to answer this honestly and compellingly, but instead, I am so overwhelmed with suffering and pain that the only answer I ever have is 'I want the pain to stop.' I wish I knew how to turn my suffering into something good. But I am miserable every single day. If anyone has advice on how to get up and do something with your life when you cannot stand being alive I would much appreciate it.
ask yourself the question why you feel so much pain ? What is that you are thinking about that keeps you in this negative emotions? Sometimes if our minds are in dark places it only sees the dark and now it is your responsibility to get yourself out there. Try with getting out of bed and make yourself ready even if you are not going away. Write down all your negative thoughts and see what happens.
Gratitude is the antidote to suffering. Start there. Next, don't follow your passions. Instead, discover your purpose and be passionate about it. Be well and do good. Wishing you the best, my friend.
I agree gratitude for everything in your life is critical. Take nothing for granted, every day every hour of life is a gift. it's ok to not know what you want - that is actually the norm for most. You are one of the few to recognize it for what it is and that is a painful understanding. Without sacrifice without pain we gain nothing. You will get through it but you are being tested. no pain no gain is not a cliche. The greater the struggle the greater the victory. The depths of your despair are the mirror for the heights you can attain.
@@davidcollins2648 beautiful said
I AM so sorry that Your Life feels like this at this moment. 😢 I AM sending Light, Love and Blessings towards You. ❤
As a musician, and an athlete, it's a trade, an exchange, but one you'd have no other way. It's not learning to like the hardships, or suffering through them for the point of suffering, it's because you can imagine your life no other way - there is nothing close to the fulfillment of creative release that could compare, and so, it would be impossible to live otherwise without compromising the foundations of who you are, beneath the social masks and the expected norms, it is a truly personal realization, that as a cat, you cannot exist as a dog.
Very well put. Life should not be struggled through to reach your dreams.
This is the Field of Dreams. Truly.
If you are struggling--- change positions.
That as a cat you cannot exist as a dog , nice!
Who else is a cat?
@@noelmwavu I feel like I might be a dog. Should I start taking pussy blockers? I’m 8. In human years.
until a bomb falls on your house, your family gets murdered and you lose all your limbs. Then you can't paint, throw balls into holes anymore, whatever. How would you go on without your precious creative endeavors? What if you went to prison and they threw you in solitary confinement? You'd just evaporate if you couldn't make that rap album or get that Hollywood role pretending to be a cowboy! Or put a ball into a hoop!
It's all just vanity and ego, bud. Man's way of pumping up his own pride, doing useless sh!t and patting himself on the back for it. Some of us have achieved greatness and look back and think 'that was nice, but in the end it doesn't really matter.'
I remember I used to dream to be a tennis star when I was a teen. Then one day I randomly flicking between channels and stumbled upon a tennis semi-pro self documentary that didn't make it. That player struggled through continuous loses with hardly any earnings, playing matches no one watched, he lost his coach through terminal illness and because of so many struggles he faced, he clang on the past of little glory. It's was tough to watch but I am glad I did because that make me questioning myself whether I am willing to go through that. Fast forwarding 40 yrs, I am having a very different life raising my family. Although that tennis guy may think he is a failure, he is not. He has done a huge favors to a lot of young kids there.
Absolutely brilliant! At 70, I agree 100% !
Mark Manson really helps come to terms with reality in a healthy way.
This is a great video. The problem is the focus on the outcome. The journey or struggle is what you to enjoy.
It’s very rare i rewatch a longer TH-cam video. Even more rare, (and I can’t even think of more than a few examples) do I immediately rewatch one…this is one of those extremely rare few. I’ve watched probably 5,000 hours of self-improvement videos of various natures, but this one hit home today. Maybe it’s where I’m at in life or maybe it’s that it’s just different than other videos, in that it cuts to the core of our identity, but I’m very grateful for this work.
Happiness is overestimated and pain is way overestimated too.
Balance and harmony is what matters the most. Keep things simple. A simple life is the best.
Those who enjoy the pain and struggle are those who gone make it.
6:29 "...wasn't in love with the process." That's deep
I was bullied as a kid and teenager, the other day the bully and i have become friends after 40 years and i thanked him for making me aware of people and making me tough. You can look at your struggle as a blessing or a curse.
Thank you so much for this - I've been trying to put this into words recently & wasn't sure if I was going crazy or not. I was trying to explain to someone why I'm willing to go through rejection & risk humiliation again and again while I get published, and why I'm willing to put in 8-12 hours a day (/night) for the sake of creating art & writing books for a living & why I'm willing to smile every time someone tells me I'm wasting my time since I only got 1 reaction or 1 sale or 1 viewer.... and the only honest answer I could come up with was that I enjoy it. Then I started thinking I was crazy because why enjoy suffering & stress & insomnia & grief & rejection over and over again?? But now I get it - so thanks again
bro hardwork doesn't betray anyone and someday you'll eventually get results...
Loved that, loved the book, and appreciate a dip in the truth.
This was enlightening Mark! I will apply this.
"i want a good slave wage" i think we should all choose freedom and liberty over whatever we have now
The good kind of freedom though.
Not the kind of freedom to do whatever someone wants to rape, kill, destroy, steal, etc.
Those are all bad freedoms which would just make things more chaotic and just as bad as a zombie apocalypse.
@@VYMQGSOH that's not freedom and nobody with a functioning brain thinks that it is
Discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs TONS.
This is the best testimony I’ve heard, I got what I worked for but nothing is easy or guaranteed! I did that 🎸 guitar solo in front of many crowds
Perfect timing. I love you After Skool. I love that I love you. Much gratitude.
Deep Insight! Thanks for the open and honest look at our society and ourselves!
I worked in the music industry for a long time. The greats are great because they put in the work without considering it work. The greats love to practice they love to do the hard things. The performance with an audience is wonderful, but it’s nothing compared to the magic that happens while we’re preparing. The Taoist concept wu-wei, or effortless action is exactly this.
The last sentence man! ☝️👌👌👌
Yeah some people just fluidly enjoy the process of what they're doing. But how do you find something that allows you to feel that way? The only thing for me personally that made me feel that way was gaming. There was always fluidity to it everyday (I understand they are addicting so that makes sense), but Video Editing for example I found a fun process to struggle for.
Then it came to a point where I wasn't enjoying it anymore. This is pretty much how every endeavor I go on turns to out to be. How does one become content or financially secure if this is all they ever face?
@@renjiaow3742 Same. Keep trying different things that are close to what you already like. Something might click.
I find the number of people who are unwilling to accept facts (such as many of those detailed here) mind-boggling.
Perfect timing is perfect ♥️🙏🏽
I love this! “I thought I wanted something, but it turns out I didn’t. End of story”
And here you are with your excellent timing again, After Skool. Definitely needed to hear this right now.
Try to remember that if you live in the west, you're probably richer than 80% of the world's population. Strive for bigger things, but be more satisfied with the smaller things. It's the smaller things that often matter most.
Amazing advice. Simple. Choice. And know the costs. Some things are priceless but other things you wouldn't take for free.
I had a similar aha moment. I tell my kid this as often as I can, your struggle is its own reward, Choose carefully what your reward will be, What are you willing to struggle for, what's actually meaningful to you. Thank you After Skool and Mark Manson
Thank you, Mark! Thank you After Skool! I’m 38…this explains so much in my life.
I love this video!!! We are in a perfection, divided im better than you are world that no one embraces the challenges or struggles they come across.
I always say “Don’t say why did this happen to me”..
“ask yourself what is the lesson to be learned here, this happened “FOR” me.
Also remind yourself this is our reality, we are born for a purpose and as much as we think all this stuff matters in this 3D reality, life is meant to enjoy, be happy, peace and love. None of this Materialistic or Careers are coming with us in the next lifetime.
Do the best you can and “best” means different things to everyone .
To prove we all have the power to CREATE the world we want requires not only a “what”, but more importantly, the “why”, coupled with the pain of raw honesty about determining the level at which we are able at the time.
I couldn't have enjoyed this video enough! I am a stepdad to 14 & 16 year old's who i plan on showing this to them, and am excited for the conversation to come. Thanks for these videos, I think they are great!
Get clear on what you want. Set strong intentions.
Focus your efforts. Follow your gut.
Thanks for this. One of my former students sent this to me, and I include it in the first week of all my community college classes. My community college students find it very helpful getting them rolling in a path full of competing demands.
Sadly there's too many people who go to work, apply themselves and they try and try for years to reach a goal but fall short because of circumstances none of them have control over. In time the constant need to succeed makes us mentally ill and damaged. It's not worth the heartbreak, not in the end, because we all die and that's what makes us equal. 😢
This might just be the best advice I have ever heard. This is not the first time I have heard this message. Jordan Peterson relays a similar message to which I subscribe. I really enjoy the illustrations that After Skool does. It really puts powerful visuals to the spoken words. If this is out of Mark Manson's book - The Art of Not Giving a Hoot, I guess I need this book.
This video comes at a point in my life where I finally gave up all of the illusions I was harboring my entire life. I've come to realize that you should be completely honest with yourself when you're starting something new. Otherwise, you'll end up spending a good part of your life caught up in the deceptions of your own mind.
Been thinking about buying your book for a while now. After hearing this , youve got me sold.
Thank you soo much fr this video ....I never thought a TH-cam video would actually change my perspective of life
U the Best!!!
Lemme go get tht book
AfterSkool is still one of my Fav Subs till this year.
Great content as always. Thank you.
The chanel start to repeat itself. Ok we all get it no pain no gain
Love these videos, and great message! Professional jazz piano player here. What I would add, from the musician point of view: community. I could probably make a list 10 pages long, single spaced, 10 point font lol…. Of all of the musicians, and artists and music lovers…and teachers.. both professional amateur and beginner and everything in between, that helped inspire and encourage me to keep going over and over and over again in my 20s and early 30s, especially when I felt like the pain of simply not being an “able” player yet…was too much. I’m not certain at all if I would’ve continued in music even into my late 20s if I would’ve been doing most of it by myself.
If anybody reading this resonates, try to surround yourself with real people that are on the same path as you are:).
Great stuff Mark!
I didn't realize this until much later but wanting to play in a band was less about music than it was about social bonding. Musicians are fortunate to have an activity that is so intimate that can enjoyed with others, it's pretty special that way. Having friends you've spent decades playing with develops a telepathy between you that seems to defy logic. Finding the magic in whatever we do is where satisfaction lies.
I haven't resumed playing with others since the pandemic started. Your comment was a wake-up call!
I think thats when the struggle appears. After you have enjoyed the process for a long time you reach a hump. Do i continue or quit? The struggle to get to the next level is the key. The process should be enjoyable for the most part IMO.
So in short no pain no gain....Thank you for the artistic reminder. Be well.
Amazing!!!
We need this, especially now. Superb. Thanks.
Thought I was for another self-help lecture via TH-cam, I was pleasantly surprised. I will check out that book! All I do is fantasize- girls, work, talents, friends. Nothing ever changes. Good stuff here Mark. Play us some riffs man ♫
Pain educates, pleasure rewards effort.
@youknowkbbabyI run heavy equipment
loved this. some people will avoid pain and discomfort for temporary pleasure, which never needs anywhere fullifing. I'm learning that the things that truly matter to me require a certain level of effort and self-discipline.
What I've learned over the decades is that many of the desires I had to be this or that were not my own. They were societies social constructs and my life has been a process of figuring out what is truly my own and discarding what was the cultural narrative of how to live or what to be. IMO, true freedom isn't about wealth as much as it is about liberating yourself from Social conditioning.
Thank you for this! 👏👏👏
I love everything about this vid, and what's more I had one solid laugh. Thanks Manson.
I sincerely and deeply love this. Thank you 😊
Thanks Mark , best book I've ever read ! PEACE LOVE DOVE FROM Jimi Edwards and 444 RECORDS
I read like two mark manson books over and over again when i was like 17 and it planted seeds that were super against religion and he gave me full confidence to just TRUST MY SELF. after a couple years of searching for the truth i was like ahh man mark manson’s books ultimately led me to destruction. Smh. Ig thats what happens when you trust a mans word. A creature instead of the creator.
Ah, another After Skool at it's finest. Keep on going like you do, love and respect the work.
Great reminder. Thanks for this!
Most AMAZINGLY TRUTHFUL TALK ON LIFE IVE EVER had the pleasure of listening to.!!! ❤
Thanks for sharing this video. This is help answer all of my question in life
As Bon Scott in AC/DC sang so many years ago, it’s a Long Way to the top if you want to rock ‘n’ roll. If you don’t like the struggle, you won’t get to the top, very true. Thanks for the different viewpoint and the way you expressed it.
Interesting that I enjoyed this so much and didn't connect with your book "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck".
I was in a different mindset about a year ago and it was very detrimental to my growth at the time. Maybe I'll visit this book again.
Great talk. 👍🏻
Helping other people is the real heaven.😊
I'm totally buying this finally on Audible the timing is freaking epic 😅
Blimey. I think I needed this. Thanks for the clarity, mate!
Thanks
Thank you! 👍🏼👏🏼✔️
The music section…. My god too real my guy. Love it!!
Yes, the success is not about the result but about enjoying the process. The result will then come naturally.
I'd say Mark achieved his end goal of being admired for his talent and creativity, just took a route he hadn't initially expected.
You have to love the journey as much as the destination.
One 9min videos sold me on the book I’m pumped. Thank you for the brain dump
This couldn't have come at a better time.....thank you Mark & Afterskool!
I would love it if you did a video on thankfulness/gratitude
Yes, my friend: this is indeed a lesson in "no pain, no gain".
I can confirm that this is indeed …the way
Amazing timing on this one. I know I needed it.
Good video! I'm just reading Mark Manson's book. :)
Great video really made me think about a specific thing in my life and if I really want it
I agree with the fact that what you are willing to struggle for determines the outcome of your life, but I would say that the most important thing is to quiet your mind as much as you can so you can actually hear your soul. If we could hear our deepest desires we would not need to grind or watch videos on how to stay motivated. You stay motivated by doing what INTERESTS you. Is that simple.
If you can't find the way to work out it's because you don't like it. Dedicate time to finding what you actually like and try to understand your flow state. Whatever you can focus on without it being over stimulating, that's the sweet spot.
To be a millionaire you have to LIKE business. Like the risk, like the meetings, or else you are setting yourself to have depression. Depression is nothing more than feeling obligated to live the life you are having. Is the last resource of your body to communicate to the brain that is not enjoying the struggle the brain is putting the body on.
Choose something/ someone, you love so much.. and let that be the thing that kills you...
thanks for this Mark. I promise I'll buy the book. Your video(s) about it already helped a ton.