I recommend all women who go through this type of cheating situation do what this woman did, TAKE SPACE away from the cheater. You need time to process without their noise and additional pressure it adds to officially stay or go.
Exactly. There are so many factors going on. Probably one of the biggest hurts is the fact that she considered him her best friend. Of course she would. They grew into adulthood together. And now she's looking at this man like who the hell are u and how could u hurt me like this.
YES! When Lizz said "Who am I to judge" and that it is irresponsible to give her opinion on your life. I completely agree, I really hope she can take her question to God himself and look to the Bible. He knows her and the situation more than any of us. I have some family members cheated on, some left some stayed. No matter the choice, it will be hard... But our heavenly father told us that he will never let us do more than we handle (1 Corinthians 10:13)!
@Naleisha Durant yes that last part really got me too! So while we were planning a baby you were sneaking around and made one with someone else @ the same time. And thats just the 1 I know about! So many layers to this betrayal. 😔 (I'm not the writer just speaking from my thoughts)
@@LizzyLuv80 it was 3 children- he had a whole other family. Ain’t no way I’d stay. He needs to be with someone who wants open/polyamorous relationship and that’s not her.
If it was me, I’d LEAVE! That means you’d need to accommodate your life for 5 children. Plus, that is humiliating! Infidelity is a deal breaker for me, married or not. EDIT: and sis, his apology wasn’t for cheating on you (bc he never said anything till you said something) it was bc he got caught!
@@Dud512 nahh, having to raise two extra kids is what’ll get me. That financial strain plus knowing he’ll always have a relationship now with the person he cheated with. I couldn’t find peace in that
@Naleisha Durant of course he was doing it multiple times. When that first one got pregnant, if I’m thinking about the time lines right, he hoped right to the next woman
Rebecca and Josh always in back joining the conversation with no mic 🤣 I wanna hear what they are saying! Can we get screen pop up with the text of their part of the discussion?
Look. A Pastor said his grandmother stayed in an abusive relationship, and thought it was a good thing. But as Kevin said, had she had options? She likely would have been gone.
Exactly, Kev! She’s looking for permission. For someone to tell her it’s okay to try to work it out. And for that someone to be people she admires in the relationship department. And those who won’t judge her. God bless her.
Every cookout, wedding, or gathering where people know the couple SHE will have to fight the shame of what he did if she stays. She may be strong enough to do so. But SHE will have a battle to fight publicly as well as privately.
Girl, lay low. Get your money together, get a good job lined up, get your childcare plan in place, take care of your body and your spirit then BOUNCE!! He does not respect you. That betrayal is too much. TWO babies? And he was climbing into your bed every night? No.
Perhaps they could call it what it is, adultery. I think describing it as cheating was something men particulary preferred as a way to trivialise what is a huge betrayal.
It’s a lot. If she stay she has to realize she will have to accept those two side kids also. Even if not on a front and center level. Those kids are his responsibility and will affect her family. Time wise, financially , relational as far as her kids....Forever. She can never “put it out her mind”. That’s a lot to deal with. Walking talking breathing reminders of his cheating. Holidays. Birthdays. Family events. She should consider that as well.
3 kids or 8 kids. There’s no way she should stay with a man who would disrespect her. Not only did he cheat with 2 different women, he had kids on her. The trust is GONE👋🏽
As Renise Taylor mentioned so perfectly, there are so many things to unpack here. In this letter, the woman mentioned that a woman reached out to her through Facebook because she was being ghosted upon telling him that she was pregnant. Following that, the wife stepped out of her character to go through his phone and after "applying pressure" (words used by wife) he confessed. For me, she had to do a lot to get the truth and that is alarming. What if she did not have the proof to add the pressure, would this scenario have went another way? If the woman had not reached out to her first, would she have ever known? Would he had ever confessed if he had not gotten caught and/or was not facing possible exposure? Then it sends a message regarding the care he has towards her that he blatantly had unprotected sex with three women at the same time which could've put her and her children at risk of anything unknown to them (they have had two children recently). I thank God that no received any diseases from this. From this standpoint alone, I could not stay. Health in some instances is something you can never get back. Not to mention the financial hardship this could create for the family. After reviewing the facts of him not only cheating multiple times with multiple people, it was unprotected and reckless, he withheld information, and refused to take responsibility of his children (which is the most cowardly part that resulted in a mother reaching out to her), I would not stay. Separating may be a good thing for them, it could possible help him in confronting himself and his behavior because his actions say less about their marriage but moreso of who he is internally and how he feels about himself (self-hate). There is a self-sabotaging mechanism playing a part (he had a child and felt bad but repeated the same behavior which resulted in another pregnancy). There may also be some unresolved trauma on his behalf. Lastly, they both need therapy individually and together (if they want to work things out). This would require him to grown exponentially in self awareness, transparency, integrity, in responsibility, and healing. If he is not welling to do this task which is a BIG one, it may not be worth salvaging. But then she also needs to identify how she would like/must be treated going forward. Maybe God revealed it to her for her to get out. Or maybe God revealed it to her to get her home together. Anything can happen and if she stays it truly is her business, I just hope that she really gets the help needed to have a happy and healthy marriage versus just having a marriage because if history and old times.
I feel for this woman. I don't know what I would do, or how I would feel. The first thing that I would need was a break. Would I be able to get a break? Three children. I cannot imagine. Why are men?
Grieving who you thought he was (partner, lover, friend) and the future you were planning is so difficult but staying and always wondering is torture 😔😔😔.
This episode was triggering, but because I have done the work; I can resolve it and move on. I have been divorced for 4 years. I was married 20 years. I stayed 20 years too long. Yes! I never should have married him. There were so many reasons. I have forgiven myself and my life now is about self care. You have to be selfish. Your life is not about kids, husband, and other folks. I say to myself each day: Are you taking care of yourself today? Health, wealth, my welfare.
Black women suffer so much....we need to make some changes with ourself because we cant change the other person. We need to stop being so obsessed with men who treat us so bad and dont care for us. This isnt the norm in other communities or with other groups of men....
I agree. I recently had this conversation with a friend. We seem to only deserve love that's associated with a struggle and that's not fair or right. As a community, we are encouraged to stay with men who treat us terribly and we all know that if the woman was to cheat and have a baby, he would leave her or possibly even hurt her. Something needs to change, and it needs to change now!!! I pray for this sisters healing.
Trust other cultures do too they just keep secrets more. It works for the bigger agenda for it to seem exclusive to Black families. As humans we need to create more emotional stable families ♥️♥️
@@shmaylorrr13 Ok for every white single mother theres at least 10 black single mothers. And for every white woman in a bad statisitic there are 10 black women for the same thing. My point is the bad behaviours arent the norm in the other communities they are the exceptions whereas in the black community the bad behaviours of the men in particular have become the rules/norm. A "brotha" who has his ish together meaning has a good paying legitimate job/career, no baby mommas, goes out and actually pursues a BLACK woman, MARRIES, THEN IMPREGNATES HER, has become an oddity and gets celebrated when it does happen cause its so rare. Theres no need to cape for black men, it is what it is. Making excuses for them will never lead them to change.
@@saraleakes210 According to flowingdata.com 2016 divorce rates for white women 38%, white men 36%, African American men and women 42% ..... EVERY RACE needs to do better, so stop spreading lies about black women
@@saraleakes210 honestly I hear you and your point is so true. We need to do so much better and not keep allowing this to go on. But the other comment you replied to... that's not caping. I think the value of that comment was that even though unfaithfulness was somehow "normalized," we still wouldn't ever hear as much about how many committed people there are because society itself generally talks the most when things go wrong in life - we always hear the most about the negative things that happen and especially about us (there's been a definite agenda to portray us in a bad light). So even though broken families are far too prevalent, and especially with us, it still is made out to be worse than the actual truth. And a comment like that is important because, when we do only keep hearing so much of the opposite then it discourages some people to think that if it is nearly impossible to have a faithful and loving home they should either settle for getting cheated on with infidelity or not bother to be married at all or join the deadbeats as a self-fulfilled prophesy.
Not Kev looking like ET in the bike basket in this thumbnail 😂 my heart dropped hearing that email - sending so much love to that woman. I could NEVER forgive that - unforgivable. Wow
My heart hurts for her. The more Melissa read, my heart dropped. If it was me, I would leave. I will not deal with outside children. That ain't my ministry. Not to mention, the trust is 100% gone & will take forever to get back. But in this lady's case, he is all she knows. He is her first love. So, she has to pray & really figure out if she wants to stay married or leave. Whatever she chooses, I pray the Most High heals her broken heart, mind, spirit, & body.
I didn't commit to a man & keep my vows so he could have unprotected sex with women and come back to risk my health and therefore our family, then watch him take financial and time resources out of the family. If he didn't respect me before I can't image why he would respect me if I let me stay. Outside kids are very different from childless affairs.
Great episode and advice. Another big factor is the husband's financial responsibility to his outside kids, and how that will impact the wife and her kids. If those mothers take him to court, the child support will likely hit the wife's pockets as well. That alone would keep me from reconciliation, tbh.
@@TreniaP Yeah I can understand. I think it may be state dependent. MOST states there is an amount of child support as a percentage of income. Usually around 30% and that, will be divided between ALL of the children.
You can’t cheat on me, but still love and respect me. The respect thing is bigger than the love in this situation, but that’s just my opinion. He didn’t respect her enough to not jeopardize her health or overall well-being. That says a lot.
That’s pretty much my thesis statement We are still individuals even when you decide to share your life with another person. We go through changes both internal and Externally do to our ever changing experiences in life. Therefore, if you want to maintain a successful relationship, communication is really the key during ALL of those transitional periods , especially because the things that you needed in the beginning of the relationship may change with your now behavior or mental processes.
I’d have to leave because I couldn’t explain to my children why they have these extra siblings and I would just be showing them a toxic relationship because I KNOW I’d be wildin on him EVERYDAY in MANY ways.
Complete healing is needed for her, for them to move past this! Forgiveness and healing are two different dynamics that we often use interchangeably. Staying is WORK!
Liss, you have a gift. I'm using your advice as a mental health professional working with a family dealing with infidelity. Also, Kev: "Butts be gettin' eaten." 😂😂 I don't know how to feel!
Prayers for this sister, that she may be guided to the best decision. My concern for her beyond cheating/lying is that he is out having unprotected sex and she needs to get all testing done as soon as possible. There's also the possibility that he is a sex addict and the cheating will not stop immediately, in which case, they'll need counseling centered on addiction.
I'm so triggered. I just went through this minus any one pregnant or outside children. We have been together 23 going on 24 years. Married almost 6. 2 kids. Lord getting through that season was so freaking hard. Shoot, im still working through my emotions, hence the reason I'm triggered. Lol...
I just have to say I am Liss!! This Episode is full of gems and I love this conversation. I hear alot of times with this conversation many people want to tell women/men leave or not leave but were is the talk about the tools to make the best decision for that person to make. I just love yall! Great work again!
With cheating. You leave. The trust is gone. Plus why stick around and be miserable when you can just go. Don't embarrass me just leave me to cheat. Cause if was a tit for tat i would be savage.
I do believe if she stays in the marriage after the trust and vows have been broken the way that they have been then she needs to be ready to accept more of the same from him...If he isn't submitted to God and isn't convicted in his Spirit before the acts then he won't change...be ready for more disloyalty and disrespect
Hear me out...it sounds like he planned the babies so she wouldn’t leave when she found out about his indiscretions. Almost like his safety net. Because had it been just the one 10 year old, I think her thoughts would be much different. IMO
This is why some people need time to grow. Not everyone is going to have a successful relationship with someone you met in H.S. Children especially complicate the situation. Grow, and experience things on your own. Figure out your own strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. But many people rush into serious relationships not realizing the serious consequences that might arise. The guy clearly hadn't experienced different perspectives with other women and it was on his mind. Very few men are ready to settle FOR LIFE no matter how in love they maybe. Take time to know what you want.
Ok so she has options. But so does he and that’s the scary part. Stay and he stays faithful. Stay and he continues to cheat. Stay and he leaves you. Don’t stay your risking too much. Be careful with a person who will willingly open your sacred body to another persons energy!
You're kidding yourself because he only confessed when he got caught. Smile, get your coins an a savings account in your name and plan your exit strategy. Seek therapy and run. If he lied about this he could be lying about everything. Keep your head up. It hurts and you can cry and scream but I'd leave. He broke those vows and he kept silent. Run!
You’re right, remorse plays a big part in whether people even want to stop extradyadic relationships. there are a couple different factors like personality type / insecurities, And just not really wanting to be monogamous but just feeling that societal pressure Exactly!!!! Cheating is not the problem, the problem is Something deeper that has failed to be discussed or resolved
My thoughts....1.)She’s been building a life with a man she doesn’t even know. 2.)His actions show a true lack of integrity. There’s no fixing that character flaw. Even if he stops cheating it will just be exposed in other areas of the marriage 3.)Two side babies is not a mistake it’s a reckless decision 4.)He got her f’d up! 5.)She will never have enough security to trust him again 6.)He believes he deserves more respect and loyalty then she does 7.) Tell him to pack his s**t! 8.)Tired of seeing women (especially BW) beg to be loved properly.
I wonder the number of women he slept with that did not get pregnant and the number rof women who chose not to continue with the pregnancy. 🗣️ IT'S A NO FOR ME
How could this woman ever trust him. It's not like he never has to see these women again, .....they have his children. This woman and her husband will have some type of contact with these women at least until the children are 18. Can she do that? Can she fully trust this man will never have an inappropriate relationship with these women?
Just wanna say that I love y'all and I love this podcast. I'm a guy that just got away from a mutually toxic relationship and bingeing this show is really helping me think through what happened in my last relationship. And most importantly, figuring out how I can better myself and whatever relationship I decide to have next. Thanks again!
This is a great topic to talk about. I completely agree with Melissa Fredericks because the man cheated it is not the women responsibility to fix the marriage. It is the man responsibility to fix the marriage because he is the one that stepped out. As a women from experience I had already tapped out. I remember saying to my spouse either God’s way or the highway. I also told him if you want this marriage you got to fix it. Also the wife is going to have to pray and ask God for direction.
He needs a vasectomy if he’s gonna be out here nonchalant creating lives and not taking care of them or even acknowledging them. I’m sad for the children. They know when dad isn’t around or cares more about other kids. Fortunately my mom and my siblings mom are good friends, so me and my siblings have a great relationship. But with this mess, I pray these parents can work something out for these babies.
1. Let's assume the ladies are not lying. 2. Perform a DNA on both kids. 3. Immediately the wife seeks counseling( with the pastor and the professional). 4. Immediately, figure out her financial picture. Can she afford the house without him. Can she afford living with the kids without him. 5. Lawyer up, just in case. 6. Treat yourself with kindness and my prayers are with this young lady.
@@Jasmin-cr9ou just cause he’s obligated doesn’t mean he will. my dad left when I was four and he never took care of crap. sad case but it’s reality as well :/
I mean can the wife support the family without the husband being in the picture. That's why I said perform the DNA on all the kids. If they belong to him, yes,he is obligated to take care of his kids.
If she stays and the mothers decide to put him on cs, they may not be able to afford their lifestyle anyway. She’s got a lot to work through. Her husband really needs to step up. You’ve got three hurt/angry women, in addition to innocent kids. Crazy. 😞
As someone who has never been married and may never get married, it makes sense and confuses me. I always thought there was different periods of marriage but its pre kids, with kids, kids grown and then grandpa grandma period. I wouldn't expect two people who are 68 having issues like two people who are 27 and married
As we evolve we have to deal with each other’s evolution and it isn’t always in sync. You have to weigh time put in, what you know, and what you think is coming. It’s crazy. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything honestly. It’s taught me a lot and influences my personal growth 21 whole years later. It’s crazy, but I don’t at all regret it honestly.
You all are speaking to me.. letting go of the old days. My husband and I have been though some things and I miss the old days but they are gone! Revelation!! Plus the seasons of marriage! Spot on!
I love this podcast because you don’t try and tell me what to do. You provide the tools and the understanding of the tools to help me make a solid decision.
Prayers to the woman going through this. Whatever she chooses to do, I hope you/she finds peace.
I appreciate y'all.
She is not going to find peace staying with this men.
I recommend all women who go through this type of cheating situation do what this woman did, TAKE SPACE away from the cheater. You need time to process without their noise and additional pressure it adds to officially stay or go.
How do you get back together after this. Its hard to recover from regular cheating now you have reminders of the cheating with the children
Exactly. There are so many factors going on. Probably one of the biggest hurts is the fact that she considered him her best friend. Of course she would. They grew into adulthood together. And now she's looking at this man like who the hell are u and how could u hurt me like this.
Best advice!!!! Away from their noice snd pressure
ABSOLUTELY! That’s first and foremost!
THIS 🔥🔥🔥🔥
My favorite thing about this podcast & Lis is that they don’t try to give solid answers or behave like they know everything!
That's refreshing about them.
YES! When Lizz said "Who am I to judge" and that it is irresponsible to give her opinion on your life. I completely agree, I really hope she can take her question to God himself and look to the Bible. He knows her and the situation more than any of us.
I have some family members cheated on, some left some stayed. No matter the choice, it will be hard... But our heavenly father told us that he will never let us do more than we handle (1 Corinthians 10:13)!
A slip up is one thing. But you jeapordized my health, you created two whole other lives. No ma’am. I don’t care how much I love you. I’m out! ✌🏽
@Naleisha Durant yes that last part really got me too! So while we were planning a baby you were sneaking around and made one with someone else @ the same time. And thats just the 1 I know about!
So many layers to this betrayal. 😔 (I'm not the writer just speaking from my thoughts)
He created 2 outside children, 1 before their youngest was born and then the chick that messaged her is pregnant now🙄😒. I'm with you, it's over🤷🏾♀️
@@LizzyLuv80 it was 3 children- he had a whole other family. Ain’t no way I’d stay. He needs to be with someone who wants open/polyamorous relationship and that’s not her.
EXACTLY!
Those babies and that heartache isn’t the worst thing he could have brought home! That’s the sad part. Not only is it a pandemic but STDs are REAL.
If it was me, I’d LEAVE! That means you’d need to accommodate your life for 5 children. Plus, that is humiliating! Infidelity is a deal breaker for me, married or not.
EDIT: and sis, his apology wasn’t for cheating on you (bc he never said anything till you said something) it was bc he got caught!
Yeah trust issues is what'll kill me. You will trip when she's out and even for the cheater you get tired of trying to prove you not cheating
@@Dud512 nahh, having to raise two extra kids is what’ll get me. That financial strain plus knowing he’ll always have a relationship now with the person he cheated with. I couldn’t find peace in that
@Naleisha Durant of course he was doing it multiple times. When that first one got pregnant, if I’m thinking about the time lines right, he hoped right to the next woman
@@ladybenin.2762 I feel you there. Everytime they go over to pick them up you wonder what is going on
Literally
Rebecca and Josh always in back joining the conversation with no mic 🤣 I wanna hear what they are saying! Can we get screen pop up with the text of their part of the discussion?
You know...?
Liss, Kev, Josh and Bec talking at once, huh? What?
My grandma stayed for 70 years
Kev: and she was pissed for 69
Look. A Pastor said his grandmother stayed in an abusive relationship, and thought it was a good thing. But as Kevin said, had she had options? She likely would have been gone.
LORD HAVE MERCY!😞
Thats a loooooonnnnngggggggg time to be pissed off
Jeez... 😬😬
Exactly. My grandmother stayed for about 50 and she was DEFINITELY PISSED for 49.
Lawd the more Liss read the worse it got!! I hope this woman makes the best decision for her 😩🤦🏾♀️
Exactly, Kev! She’s looking for permission. For someone to tell her it’s okay to try to work it out. And for that someone to be people she admires in the relationship department. And those who won’t judge her. God bless her.
Every cookout, wedding, or gathering where people know the couple SHE will have to fight the shame of what he did if she stays. She may be strong enough to do so. But SHE will have a battle to fight publicly as well as privately.
"Grieve and Release" I love that.
Same !
Absolutely
@@AlieshiaTV Yesssss
Ol dude already been releasing 👀... that's why she's grieving in the first place
It’s the denying the cheating when she has receipts he cheated. I have coached multiple women who’s gone through this. WHY.
Love is not complicated. Relationships with humans are complicated.
If the she stays in the relationship, in the back of her mind, she'll wonder if he's being faithful.
That would be me. Always wondering. 🤔🤔
@@amcclain1989 Yes, me too.
The stress is too much, could drive her over the edge.
And he won't be...
"Darkness cannot live in light!" - Dr. Melissa Fredricks.
Also my prayers go out to that woman. I just...I couldn't...
She needs space away from them to pray, reflect, and decide what she wants to do.
Great answer
Liss need to be at 100k subscribers. She gives me life every time I watch the Love Hour lol
Girl, lay low. Get your money together, get a good job lined up, get your childcare plan in place, take care of your body and your spirit then BOUNCE!! He does not respect you. That betrayal is too much. TWO babies? And he was climbing into your bed every night? No.
Kev, Liss we need a cheaters episode that successfully moved past the betrayal w their spouse
Tina Campbell
@@karenplater6350 oh trueeee I forgot about them...but more like a panel of 3 or 4 men/couples
Perhaps they could call it what it is, adultery. I think describing it as cheating was something men particulary preferred as a way to trivialise what is a huge betrayal.
They did an episode with the couple from the Cheat Code Podcast
@@sscott504yes but a panel of cheaters would intriguing
They need to give Bec and Josh a cam/mic for single people response cam! They have such a hilarious perspective 😂
It’s a lot. If she stay she has to realize she will have to accept those two side kids also. Even if not on a front and center level. Those kids are his responsibility and will affect her family. Time wise, financially , relational as far as her kids....Forever. She can never “put it out her mind”. That’s a lot to deal with. Walking talking breathing reminders of his cheating. Holidays. Birthdays. Family events. She should consider that as well.
I really really like that y’all weren’t victim blaming her. This situation is wild. Whatever she decides is the right decision
WHEW LAWD! I know he did not have two other outside kids, she needs to leave IMMEDIATELY and stay gone
@Jo Momma right!! Doesn’t matter who brought it up, if a man wants to cheat he will
3 kids or 8 kids. There’s no way she should stay with a man who would disrespect her. Not only did he cheat with 2 different women, he had kids on her. The trust is GONE👋🏽
You shouldn't be cheating regardless but pulling out clearly isn't his forte.
lol!!!!
But whatever happened to CONDOMS!? Are men not using those anymore? (I totally agree about the cheating).
@@bford3977 or just not caring. Its honestly on both parties.
As Renise Taylor mentioned so perfectly, there are so many things to unpack here. In this letter, the woman mentioned that a woman reached out to her through Facebook because she was being ghosted upon telling him that she was pregnant. Following that, the wife stepped out of her character to go through his phone and after "applying pressure" (words used by wife) he confessed.
For me, she had to do a lot to get the truth and that is alarming. What if she did not have the proof to add the pressure, would this scenario have went another way? If the woman had not reached out to her first, would she have ever known? Would he had ever confessed if he had not gotten caught and/or was not facing possible exposure?
Then it sends a message regarding the care he has towards her that he blatantly had unprotected sex with three women at the same time which could've put her and her children at risk of anything unknown to them (they have had two children recently). I thank God that no received any diseases from this. From this standpoint alone, I could not stay. Health in some instances is something you can never get back. Not to mention the financial hardship this could create for the family.
After reviewing the facts of him not only cheating multiple times with multiple people, it was unprotected and reckless, he withheld information, and refused to take responsibility of his children (which is the most cowardly part that resulted in a mother reaching out to her), I would not stay. Separating may be a good thing for them, it could possible help him in confronting himself and his behavior because his actions say less about their marriage but moreso of who he is internally and how he feels about himself (self-hate). There is a self-sabotaging mechanism playing a part (he had a child and felt bad but repeated the same behavior which resulted in another pregnancy). There may also be some unresolved trauma on his behalf.
Lastly, they both need therapy individually and together (if they want to work things out). This would require him to grown exponentially in self awareness, transparency, integrity, in responsibility, and healing. If he is not welling to do this task which is a BIG one, it may not be worth salvaging. But then she also needs to identify how she would like/must be treated going forward.
Maybe God revealed it to her for her to get out. Or maybe God revealed it to her to get her home together. Anything can happen and if she stays it truly is her business, I just hope that she really gets the help needed to have a happy and healthy marriage versus just having a marriage because if history and old times.
I feel for this woman. I don't know what I would do, or how I would feel. The first thing that I would need was a break. Would I be able to get a break? Three children. I cannot imagine. Why are men?
Grieving who you thought he was (partner, lover, friend) and the future you were planning is so difficult but staying and always wondering is torture 😔😔😔.
Short answer: Leave
Long answer: Leave
My stomach dropped for her. My heart is with her, whatever she chooses to do. God help her. This is awful, and awful is an understatement.
Help the brothers Kev!!! 👏🏾👏🏾
This episode was triggering, but because I have done the work; I can resolve it and move on. I have been divorced for 4 years. I was married 20 years. I stayed 20 years too long. Yes! I never should have married him. There were so many reasons. I have forgiven myself and my life now is about self care. You have to be selfish. Your life is not about kids, husband, and other folks. I say to myself each day: Are you taking care of yourself today? Health, wealth, my welfare.
I have said and will always say its all in what you can live with. What aint good for me may work for you.
There are some situations that work for no one! This is one of them. She should keep it moving!
Kev looking like Paula’ W angels from Africa with that white towel 🤣
The way I just hollered!🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣I was driving yesterday when this aired. It wasn't safe
Soon as I saw it I said he grabbed the prayer shawl.
@@MsKISS6 HOLLERED 🤣🤣🤣
Black women suffer so much....we need to make some changes with ourself because we cant change the other person. We need to stop being so obsessed with men who treat us so bad and dont care for us. This isnt the norm in other communities or with other groups of men....
I agree. I recently had this conversation with a friend. We seem to only deserve love that's associated with a struggle and that's not fair or right. As a community, we are encouraged to stay with men who treat us terribly and we all know that if the woman was to cheat and have a baby, he would leave her or possibly even hurt her. Something needs to change, and it needs to change now!!! I pray for this sisters healing.
Trust other cultures do too they just keep secrets more. It works for the bigger agenda for it to seem exclusive to Black families. As humans we need to create more emotional stable families ♥️♥️
@@shmaylorrr13 Ok for every white single mother theres at least 10 black single mothers. And for every white woman in a bad statisitic there are 10 black women for the same thing. My point is the bad behaviours arent the norm in the other communities they are the exceptions whereas in the black community the bad behaviours of the men in particular have become the rules/norm. A "brotha" who has his ish together meaning has a good paying legitimate job/career, no baby mommas, goes out and actually pursues a BLACK woman, MARRIES, THEN IMPREGNATES HER, has become an oddity and gets celebrated when it does happen cause its so rare. Theres no need to cape for black men, it is what it is. Making excuses for them will never lead them to change.
@@saraleakes210 According to flowingdata.com 2016 divorce rates for white women 38%, white men 36%, African American men and women 42% ..... EVERY RACE needs to do better, so stop spreading lies about black women
@@saraleakes210 honestly I hear you and your point is so true. We need to do so much better and not keep allowing this to go on. But the other comment you replied to... that's not caping. I think the value of that comment was that even though unfaithfulness was somehow "normalized," we still wouldn't ever hear as much about how many committed people there are because society itself generally talks the most when things go wrong in life - we always hear the most about the negative things that happen and especially about us (there's been a definite agenda to portray us in a bad light). So even though broken families are far too prevalent, and especially with us, it still is made out to be worse than the actual truth. And a comment like that is important because, when we do only keep hearing so much of the opposite then it discourages some people to think that if it is nearly impossible to have a faithful and loving home they should either settle for getting cheated on with infidelity or not bother to be married at all or join the deadbeats as a self-fulfilled prophesy.
I love that - grieve and release the old days. You can never go backwards - only forward.
The fact that Kev and I said “Peter came” at the same time had me rollin 😂😂😂 thanks Angel
Between the camera settings and the post holiday tan, Melissa is GLOWING 🔥🔥
And the white nails create a great contrast with her complexion
Not Kev looking like ET in the bike basket in this thumbnail 😂 my heart dropped hearing that email - sending so much love to that woman. I could NEVER forgive that - unforgivable. Wow
My heart hurts for her. The more Melissa read, my heart dropped. If it was me, I would leave. I will not deal with outside children. That ain't my ministry. Not to mention, the trust is 100% gone & will take forever to get back. But in this lady's case, he is all she knows. He is her first love. So, she has to pray & really figure out if she wants to stay married or leave. Whatever she chooses, I pray the Most High heals her broken heart, mind, spirit, & body.
Leave because even if you forgive you can't forget ever and you would hold on that
Lol there’s no way to forget bc now she was 2 extra kids to raise. Plus, that means he’s been cheating for a while
"Grandpa got a family across the town." I am DYING. Kev is a mess!
I didn't commit to a man & keep my vows so he could have unprotected sex with women and come back to risk my health and therefore our family, then watch him take financial and time resources out of the family. If he didn't respect me before I can't image why he would respect me if I let me stay. Outside kids are very different from childless affairs.
When she read that Facebook msg I snatched off my face mask like it was time to fight...whew chile!!!!!
Great episode and advice. Another big factor is the husband's financial responsibility to his outside kids, and how that will impact the wife and her kids. If those mothers take him to court, the child support will likely hit the wife's pockets as well. That alone would keep me from reconciliation, tbh.
Wouldn't it be worse after divorce? Now he is splitting support 5 ways for the CS order.
@@Ripside2 I’m not sure which would be worse for the wife.
@@TreniaP Yeah I can understand. I think it may be state dependent. MOST states there is an amount of child support as a percentage of income. Usually around 30% and that, will be divided between ALL of the children.
Cheating is one thing but he had TWO KIDS WITH TWO WOMEN OUTSIDE THE MARRIAGE!!!! Absolutely not
And that's what we/she knows about..
None of it
Three kids sounds like
And was SILENT about it. Had her pregnant at the same time with one. Trying to ignore the other. He’s just not a good man.
You can’t cheat on me, but still love and respect me. The respect thing is bigger than the love in this situation, but that’s just my opinion. He didn’t respect her enough to not jeopardize her health or overall well-being. That says a lot.
Kev's analogy about the tree roots was very profound.
This is why wives be paranoid and men be acting like they don't understand the paranoia.
Exactly
Aint no genuine apology for cheating
That’s pretty much my thesis statement
We are still individuals even when you decide to share your life with another person. We go through changes both internal and Externally do to our ever changing experiences in life. Therefore, if you want to maintain a successful relationship, communication is really the key during ALL of those transitional periods , especially because the things that you needed in the beginning of the relationship may change with your now behavior or mental processes.
I’d have to leave because I couldn’t explain to my children why they have these extra siblings and I would just be showing them a toxic relationship because I KNOW I’d be wildin on him EVERYDAY in MANY ways.
at 9:16 I SCREAMED @ WORK !!! lol I just acted like I hit my knee.. THE AUDACITY of 2021 Hood twins ? I rebuke the spirit of Chris and Paige .
He made her go through a whole other pregnancy instead of saying..hey guess what, they have a sibling.
Complete healing is needed for her, for them to move past this! Forgiveness and healing are two different dynamics that we often use interchangeably. Staying is WORK!
Liss, you have a gift. I'm using your advice as a mental health professional working with a family dealing with infidelity.
Also, Kev: "Butts be gettin' eaten." 😂😂
I don't know how to feel!
The betrayal is so deep with this one. I would not be able to stay with him after the depth of this betrayal.
Two things for the start of this video. 1. Cat is awesome. 2. Android is the way.
Prayers for this sister, that she may be guided to the best decision. My concern for her beyond cheating/lying is that he is out having unprotected sex and she needs to get all testing done as soon as possible. There's also the possibility that he is a sex addict and the cheating will not stop immediately, in which case, they'll need counseling centered on addiction.
Why did I watch this while I was trying to work and my child was in eLearning. I swear I hollered for the last 10 minutes.
You came in the house and didnt ring the doorbell. 😂😂😂😂🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I was dying!!!!
I'm so triggered. I just went through this minus any one pregnant or outside children. We have been together 23 going on 24 years. Married almost 6. 2 kids. Lord getting through that season was so freaking hard. Shoot, im still working through my emotions, hence the reason I'm triggered. Lol...
PRAYERS FOR WHOLENESS AS YOU NAVIGATE THIS SEASON OF YOUR LIFE.
@@lisamichelle718 thank you.
You are in my prayers!!!
@@danesec8554 thanks I appreciate it
Praying for your peace of mind.
I just have to say I am Liss!! This Episode is full of gems and I love this conversation. I hear alot of times with this conversation many people want to tell women/men leave or not leave but were is the talk about the tools to make the best decision for that person to make. I just love yall! Great work again!
With cheating. You leave. The trust is gone. Plus why stick around and be miserable when you can just go. Don't embarrass me just leave me to cheat. Cause if was a tit for tat i would be savage.
And he would’ve continuously cheated. He never once admitted it until she said something.
I do believe if she stays in the marriage after the trust and vows have been broken the way that they have been then she needs to be ready to accept more of the same from him...If he isn't submitted to God and isn't convicted in his Spirit before the acts then he won't change...be ready for more disloyalty and disrespect
Girl ain’t that the truth!!!!
Only 30 years old though? Girl you’re young. Live your best life!
Thank you Kev. I appreciate you teaching the men. IT WAS NECESSARY.
Camera quality thoooo!? Chefs kiss 😚
Why is she even asking????? LEAVE 👏 HIS 👏ASS👏
It will be hard to trust that man again. he was caught twice but is that the only times?
Also he left the other woman pregnant, he treated them all like crap
Liss be killing me. I love her personality!
Hear me out...it sounds like he planned the babies so she wouldn’t leave when she found out about his indiscretions. Almost like his safety net. Because had it been just the one 10 year old, I think her thoughts would be much different. IMO
Mm great point
This is why some people need time to grow. Not everyone is going to have a successful relationship with someone you met in H.S. Children especially complicate the situation. Grow, and experience things on your own. Figure out your own strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes. But many people rush into serious relationships not realizing the serious consequences that might arise. The guy clearly hadn't experienced different perspectives with other women and it was on his mind. Very few men are ready to settle FOR LIFE no matter how in love they maybe. Take time to know what you want.
Ok so she has options. But so does he and that’s the scary part.
Stay and he stays faithful.
Stay and he continues to cheat.
Stay and he leaves you.
Don’t stay your risking too much. Be careful with a person who will willingly open your sacred body to another persons energy!
It’s the if he leaves you part! Imagine!
I just love ya'll! Untouchable. Humble, not judging based on a highlight reel of the letter. Keep up the great work!
I really felt them when speaking about seasons of a relationship. Cause it's very real.
Kevin is a whole fool and I ❤️it!!😂😂😂😂 Got me crying laughing this early in the morning! Poor woman in the letter🙏🏽🙏🏽
You're kidding yourself because he only confessed when he got caught. Smile, get your coins an a savings account in your name and plan your exit strategy. Seek therapy and run. If he lied about this he could be lying about everything. Keep your head up. It hurts and you can cry and scream but I'd leave. He broke those vows and he kept silent. Run!
19:30 Kev!!!! Grieve and release the old days. Say that a million times!!!
You’re right, remorse plays a big part in whether people even want to stop extradyadic relationships.
there are a couple different factors like personality type / insecurities, And just not really wanting to be monogamous but just feeling that societal pressure
Exactly!!!! Cheating is not the problem, the problem is Something deeper that has failed to be discussed or resolved
🤣🤣🤣...Do we got a fruit basket!! The way I hollered!
The whole relationship is a facade because he lives double triple lives
I knew this was going to be a wild ride by the title& y’all didn’t disappoint 🤣🤣🤣🤣
My thoughts....1.)She’s been building a life with a man she doesn’t even know. 2.)His actions show a true lack of integrity. There’s no fixing that character flaw. Even if he stops cheating it will just be exposed in other areas of the marriage 3.)Two side babies is not a mistake it’s a reckless decision 4.)He got her f’d up! 5.)She will never have enough security to trust him again 6.)He believes he deserves more respect and loyalty then she does 7.) Tell him to pack his s**t! 8.)Tired of seeing women (especially BW) beg to be loved properly.
I wonder the number of women he slept with that did not get pregnant and the number rof women who chose not to continue with the pregnancy. 🗣️ IT'S A NO FOR ME
36:15 one of the best parts of having a spouse lol the dap 😂😂
How could this woman ever trust him. It's not like he never has to see these women again, .....they have his children. This woman and her husband will have some type of contact with these women at least until the children are 18. Can she do that? Can she fully trust this man will never have an inappropriate relationship with these women?
Just wanna say that I love y'all and I love this podcast. I'm a guy that just got away from a mutually toxic relationship and bingeing this show is really helping me think through what happened in my last relationship. And most importantly, figuring out how I can better myself and whatever relationship I decide to have next. Thanks again!
Kev's comedic ad lips + Melissa's thoughtful insight = Awesomeness
"Grieve and release" and the tree analogy! Whew, as always fantastic information. Love the Love Hour - praying for discernment for this writer
I can't with Kev and this prayer cloth!!!! LOL!!!! I'm dying!!
This is a great topic to talk about.
I completely agree with Melissa Fredericks because the man cheated it is not the women responsibility to fix the marriage. It is the man responsibility to fix the marriage because he is the one that stepped out.
As a women from experience I had already tapped out. I remember saying to my spouse either God’s way or the highway. I also told him if you want this marriage you got to fix it. Also the wife is going to have to pray and ask God for direction.
He needs a vasectomy if he’s gonna be out here nonchalant creating lives and not taking care of them or even acknowledging them. I’m sad for the children. They know when dad isn’t around or cares more about other kids.
Fortunately my mom and my siblings mom are good friends, so me and my siblings have a great relationship. But with this mess, I pray these parents can work something out for these babies.
Facts. He already has enough kids and he’ll have plenty of child support payments.
Yeah, that can create psychopathic adults. Seen it. It is dangerous on many levels.
1. Let's assume the ladies are not lying.
2. Perform a DNA on both kids.
3. Immediately the wife seeks counseling( with the pastor and the professional).
4. Immediately, figure out her financial picture. Can she afford the house without him. Can she afford living with the kids without him.
5. Lawyer up, just in case.
6. Treat yourself with kindness and my prayers are with this young lady.
Regardless of if they can support themselves and their children without his help, if they are his kids, he is obligated to help take care of them.
@@Jasmin-cr9ou just cause he’s obligated doesn’t mean he will. my dad left when I was four and he never took care of crap. sad case but it’s reality as well :/
I mean can the wife support the family without the husband being in the picture. That's why I said perform the DNA on all the kids. If they belong to him, yes,he is obligated to take care of his kids.
If she stays and the mothers decide to put him on cs, they may not be able to afford their lifestyle anyway. She’s got a lot to work through. Her husband really needs to step up. You’ve got three hurt/angry women, in addition to innocent kids. Crazy. 😞
"Grandma prolly never ain't came." LOL
This is a word about the seasons of your marriage!!!
As someone who has never been married and may never get married, it makes sense and confuses me. I always thought there was different periods of marriage but its pre kids, with kids, kids grown and then grandpa grandma period. I wouldn't expect two people who are 68 having issues like two people who are 27 and married
As we evolve we have to deal with each other’s evolution and it isn’t always in sync. You have to weigh time put in, what you know, and what you think is coming. It’s crazy. And I wouldn’t trade it for anything honestly. It’s taught me a lot and influences my personal growth 21 whole years later. It’s crazy, but I don’t at all regret it honestly.
You all are speaking to me.. letting go of the old days. My husband and I have been though some things and I miss the old days but they are gone! Revelation!!
Plus the seasons of marriage! Spot on!
Prayer shawl😪😪😪....this letter is SAD....
I love this podcast because you don’t try and tell me what to do. You provide the tools and the understanding of the tools to help me make a solid decision.
Look if she go I say she give him primary custody because he been out here living his best life while she been raising kids.
🤣
KEV the blanket and the rocking- yes it's necessary! this too much! had me rocking too!!.... Blow in the cartridge has taken me all the out!