The fact that he goes to her, “the friend” , when things go wrong is NOT GOOD and is one of the biggest threats to this marriage. Her being his shoulder to cry on is an open door to comparison to his wife, rejecting his wife to be close to her, AND MORE. Ya’ll, I’ve coached to many couples where this was the beginning of an affair.
You really shouldn't go to anybody with too many details about what's going on in your marriage. Unless its a safety issue then let me know. Otherwise, you talk to each other or a mutual third party if necessary.
Keyword! She need to be "OUR" friend. That needs to be established before marriage and boundaries should be set. We have to be friends and build trust, ohh child this is hard.
I disagree, maybe a new friend but my parents went to high school together and both had platonic friends of the opposite sex that they still stayed friends with. Does everyone know everyone and is comfortable around each other, yes..but at the end of the day my moms friends are her friends and my dads friends are his, and they’ve been happily married for over 35 years.
@@UrbanDecayLova247 Tanya I would agree with you but I think your parents are the exception and not the rule. As @Jackie M said, this should at least be discussed before marriage.
@@UrbanDecayLova247 I agree with you and I think it’s only the exception due to society’s perception. Culture can be changed. As the LGBTQ community grows & open-mindedness grows, I think it won’t be as necessary to try and place ppl in boxes. I’m bisexual. That does not mean I find every woman attractive, even close friends. Am I not supposed to have female friends bc I’m attracted to some of them? My best friend since 3rd grade is male & attractive. At no point does that mean that I see him as anything more. This is a ludicrous convo in my opinion.
I do believe that men and women can be just friends . However, I believe that it takes a lot of self work , self-understanding, and honest communication with your partner . I say this because attraction is so complex . And I feel like , " we were just friends and then one thing led to another ..." is an oversimplified myth given what the expert said about trust violations .
I have a best guy friend of 20 plus years. He is my brother. I made it a point to introduce him to each other and create an a friendly acquaintance. I love my BFF but it is extremely important to make my man comfortable with my friendship.
@@derrickmason7457 2 yrs and yes. For me I made sure he was clear where he stood and where my brother stood. And I made sure they were friends too. I talk to my best friend on speaker phone when I am in my home and I still do if he is there. I wanted him to understand the kinda conversations we have. I was intentional in making him comfortable.
@@candace5648 wow that’s good your clear upfront does it get dicey when you’re in an argument with your man ? Where you vent to your friend often these things turn somehow.. I’m glad for you that it’s worked
@@derrickmason7457 no. My mom taught keep relationships fights to yourself. You will forgive the person and we won’t. My BFF is all man if I say the wrong thing his brain will say protect my sister. So I just use wisdom.
@ candace ...Kudos...now that's the kind of transparency that most men dont have with their spouse when they have a female friend situation...u go out alone with the person, talk to the person on issues only u know about, and when u have issues with your spouse u go and confide in that female friend...it's not a very safe place for your spouse to be in...very dicey
My ex-husband use to tell me that I was crazy and insecure when I would say I wasn't comfortable and that all friends were our friends. Now I know that he just wanted to create opportunities to cheat and he wanted me to be cool with it. Thank you guys for your transparency.
Such a great episode. They are over here speaking LIFE!!! 🙌 But yes, in my marriage, any friend of the opposite sex that was there prior to us being together is now OUR friend.
Kev inserting himself into Melissa’s childhood memories is HEEEEEEEEELAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIIOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSS to ME !!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 And then to come with the Travis Jennings energy?! Oh!!! This is gold!!! “Y’all didnt know nothing bout nothin til you got with me” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Its very important to have trust in your relationship. However, human nature is nothing to play with. There needs to be CLEAR boundaries when you have friends of the opposite sex
I believe in the human nature part since attraction doesn't have a choose. But there is still room for preference. Ideally, you prefer the person you're with. I feel you don't have to set boundaries once you're able to meet the friend and establish rapport. Women will conduct an investigation right on the front lawn. And if there's any attachments on the friend's behalf then there leaves no room for doubts of suspension.
Yes. Both of my parents have been happily married for decades and some of their best friends are of the opposite sex on both ends. It can work when all parties respect boundaries and the other party's relationships.
Although it appears to be an error in the title, the topic "Can "Me" and Women Be Friends" would be a GREAT topic to discuss about how many women struggle to develop solid, positive, non-competitive friendships with other women. We have to learn to cheer one another on without feeling defeated. It's so necessary.
Yesss. Did you see the one the red table talk did. It was awesome. They spoke on sisterhood and mother-daughter relationships. It brought so much healing and awareness to me. And fostered so many awesome conversations between me and my girlfriends, and between my mom and I.
I don’t think it’s hard. I don’t have a problem making female friends. I don’t understand people. All my guy friends and male family members are the competitive ones. They will argue about anything.
My wife and I have had more in depth conversation this year than we have ever had because of you guys talking about “The Big Leap”. We’ve been married 14 years. You all are #goals!! Keep pushing
His wife should not have married him if she couldn’t handle him having opposite sex friends that pre-dated her. He is his friend’s children’s god-father. How do you have an issue with that? That’s insecurity.
I think it depends on how the friendship was developed and established. Most men that want to be “friends” with me or (single women in their 20s) eventually have the intentions of being more and find the friend zone insulting. On the other hand , I’ve seen many woman call their male friends their “brother” but be hooking up or have contingency plans on getting with them.
And thats what confuses me. I don't think men and women can be legit friends. A conversation here and there sure but friends? No. Feelings will get developed and Ive seen too many chicks cheat with somebody who is their "brother". Yeah he was your brother on Tuesday but Friday night you was calling him daddy
I don’t understand marrying someone you don’t trust and expecting them to completely alter their lives and personal relationships. As someone who has had an opposite sex best friend for over a decade I can’t date, let alone marry someone who is not ok with our relationship. It’s like asking me to marry someone who wants me to disown my family. I can’t do it. Be weary of people who want you to severe ties with your closest friends/family. They usually have control issues and could be trying to force you to be emotionally dependent on them.
I had loads of male friends in college. I’m considered a “guy’s girl.” Soon as I was single (or expressed reservations about a situation while vulnerable) more than a few made their real intentions very clear. Want to believe it can be done, but reality tho 🤷🏾♀️ -30yr old single black woman
Eye was like you in high school, mostly male friends. Eye was heavily into Christianity at the time too and brought my Bible to school with me? On Facebook and 30 years later, the majority of those "just friends" males have since told me, "Eye wanted to go further BUT Eye didn't know what to do about The Bible you carried around, Eye wanted sex but respected your faith..." None of them were inappropriate back then nor now? Three of them, one has since transitioned, have remained my friends and Eye've made sure they're OUR [hubby of 3 decades] friends now, too.
@@theTruthSeekerishere Thx for asking... “Eye” vs “I” helps ME to Ra’member there are two dualities of “thought” or “information” playing out simultaneously on this planned net/planet that Eye need to be aware of just in how Eye/I go about fulfilling my purpose while here? What tools Eye/I might consider using, looking at both sides of the polarities? As above, so below? And this can get very detailed and/or complicated but what Eye AM referring too for starters is the difference between knowledge of eSoteric information vs eXoteric? Eye grew up beLIEving like most people in the eXoteric side of this game or illusion called life? But now have learned that the ruling elite beLIEve and make their chess moves using eSoteric intel for themselves a lot of which they STOLE from indigenous CARBONs, while ruling the rest of us with eXoteric manipulations calling that TRUTHs???!!! Hope that makes sense? Ase’ 🙏🏿
I don't even understand how this is still even a question..... Everyone isn't into everyone in that kinda way. I'm sorry but once your my friend I consider you family so that's ALL that it's gonna be
I had a close male friend. We hung out mostly in groups and definitely always in public. He got a girlfriend and then got engaged. I became friends with her and all was well. They ended up moving away and getting divorced so that was hard with being friends with both of them. They both called me blaming the other person. Not really friends with either of them now and that sucks but 🤷🏽♀️
Y'all, we are so friends in my head! I love the fact that I understand all your references "string", "big leap energy", "say more", etc. I love this episode that turned into Story Time with Kev and Liss. 😁😁😁 I was over here really agreeing, clapping loud and mhmming. 🤣
He should ONLY be friends with his wife? Ma’am(the wife that said this)...that’s silly & exhausting. “Church” taught me that men & women can’t be friends. Which is NOT a biblical thing, so like many other things, it’s made up. I’ve recently realized that because none of my Pastors had any formal education or training, they were giving misinformation that they’d learned. It’s important TO ME to have friends of the opposite sex. I’m almost 35 and I don’t even know how to have normal conversations with men because I was taught to look at EVERY man as a potential husband. I have been blessed to have a male friend that’s been around since I was 12,& we are ONLY friends. Even recently the topic of us dating came up & we both agreed that our friendship is what each other needs, nothing more. He great to go to for advice and he NEVERS crosses any “line”...🤷🏾♀️
Yes, the wife is very immature and insecure. You want this man to cut off a woman he's known for 15 years and his godchildren? I don't understand. Either trust your husband or don't but I doubt this man is waiting to he married you to finally make a move on his bff after 15 years.
*See this is a problem that people miss* and also why single people get upset when there friends get into relationships and they become resentful when that friend doesnt have time for them as much anymore. "a Friend" since you were 12, right. See, the *LONG TIME OR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS* because you may not recognize it but there is History and Experience between both of you. Both of you probably got lunch, went on trips or events together but for 90% of Men ALL that stops when your in a relationship with your Man. MOST IMPORTANTLY if yall just friends *The topic of dating should NEVER have came up* the *LINE WAS CROSS RIGHT THERE* Just because you both decided your friendship was more important, that fact still stands *yall considered it* and thats where the issue starts but, it comes from all that time spent together being friends. I've even heard people call those they have had Intimacy with and still consider them friends after. What Really??? *Rule #1 For Marriages & Relationships NEVER put yourself in a compromising postion with the opposite sex* Mutual friends of Married Couples or Long-term relationship are the best if your in a Marriage or keep everything Hi and Bye and cordial (Tunnel Vision). Mutual Respect, Empathy, Understanding the best course for any marriage or relationship, if your Man or Women not cool with certain opposite sex friends or just in general respect their postion, simple. There are some other circumstances that may change this like role of a Godfather or Godmother, sick friend, etc but this is just base approach. Because your Husband or Wife, Man or Woman is the most important NOT friends. *If there was a catastrophic event you not running to your friends. You will be running to and concerned about your Husband or Man, children or family* *Friends come and go, not loving marriages or long-term relationships with a good Man or Woman* Hope this helps anyone that's sees
Melissa is so gorgeous and insightful and Kev is so funny. Lovely couple...imo men and women can be casual friends but not besties. I think someone you talk to on the phone every day, hang out with loads etc always has potential to become romantic.
I just clicked on the title to say #Nope! Lol!! There are boundaries to this “friendship” stuff... especially after the sacred relationship of marriage.
I'm glad kev stayed why a wife or girlfriend would be skeptical of men having close female friends. It's because we dont see it often without it ending up being something sketchy down the line. I like the example of that friend becoming friends of both parties in the couple just to show honor for the relationship.
Totally interested in your response! I have male friends (since high school).... married 2 years together 8.... hubbs and I have always been open and honest. We've had no issues. Introductions were made really early and met the male friends significant others. But i do not hang out with them solo bc of personal preference.
It is possible for men to have women as friends. In the context of a relationship/marriage it is also possible but there has to be boundaries, and a cultivated relationship between the couple and the said friend, not necessarily buddy buddy but enough that you could leave that friend and your spouse together while you are not there and they can interact without friction. Ultimately there needs to be respect and trust. Respect enough for your spouse such that you're not talking to your op sex friend first thing in the morning or last thing at night. That friend should also extend same respect and if they don't, then they don't respect your relationship and as such they can be problematic
It is very important to interact with that friend around your spouse, don't take calls in private, your conversations should be such that can be had with your spouse in the room whether or not said friend is aware your spouse is there or not. It is also the responsibility of the one with the op sex friend to make effort to make their partner comfortable, it's not just for them to place the responsibility on their partner to adjust to his/her friendship. Also actively avoid situations where you get in trouble with your partner and your primary accomplice is the op sex friend, cos you are just painting them in a negative light for your partner and they will remember it. Avoid doing the consulting with op sex friend for special gifts for your partner.. In your mind you're thinking they are the same sex so they can help, but that just suggests you're talking to the op sex friend a lil too much about your partner and that's not cool.. Remember keep your friends out of your relationships regardless of their sex/gender/orientation.
My best friends are males. One is a 20 plus year relationship and other is 15 years. Both married. But I put boundaries up. As in we don't do anything unless I have contacted and made their wives know. Me and their wives are friends. And I've proven to their wives I can be trusted by being transparent. And when I say when We do something, it's mostly being a ride to pick up or drop off a car at the shop or something like that. I also don't visit their houses unless their wives know. And when I walk in the door the first thing I do is find the wife. But I have amazing friends who found secure wives and know my friendship is just that. I was a tomboy growing up so I do give more masculine energy and it's extreme friend zone energy expressed. Also when I am dating I do introduce them as well. These are my brothers. It's to the point when their wives call me to go out. I host events with their wives because we are real friends. So yes Men and women can be friends. But I also fully understand that ending a friendship may be needed in order for my friends to stay married. And I make that point clear.
I think boundaries needs to be an absolute in opposite sex friend ships. And depends on the dynamics. Single not single? Married not married? That’s important. If in a relationship it should be “y’all’s” friend when opposite sex approaches
Josh want to get married?? Bc I’ll marry Josh. But I think any NEW friends being made should be mutual friends of the couple. I wouldn’t have a problem with friendships that were made prior to me coming into the picture...I would need to know if there was any romantic history though.
I was in a really crappy mood this morning because I was dwelling on annoying things which are outside of my control. This episode was so hilarious, it took my mind off of those things! I now feel so much better and lighter! ❤ thank you!
No, they got the title right, this was meant for ME. lol It was like the pastor preaching a sermon on something that you're currently going through...Mind ya business pastor, God ain't finished with me yet. 😂😂😂
Lol! Wait, I never got that bit. Why do they do that when they mess up on their words? Is it like them calling their FBI agent that's telling them what to say??? Lolol I missed where it must have first started
I had a female best friend of 15 years that couldn't be my friend anymore after she got married. Her husband wasn't having it. I was pissed at first but she had to honor her husband right? My wife didn't have a problem with our friendship and they became good friends as well. Men and women can be friends.
@@shestargirl8479 aw man I was really hurt. Had to get used to not talking to her. Her dad still calls me, but I feel weird if I go visit him because she asked me not to. Her dad had 3 daughters so I am like a son to him. My brothers called her sis. We were family. We were also part of a tight group of college friends and I had to tell them to stop treating her differently. It was a process to get used to.
Melissa i love love that sweater. Also you forgot the "n" in men. Also i have never had one successfully. Men always secretly want to get in my draws then i dont feel okay being vulnerable with them. I would love a male best friend.
Everyone needs to watch this.. topics of this sort are important nowadays, especially in this generation where relationships have lost connotations and no one understands "titles".. it's all about what you want and how secure you are with yourself and in yalls relationship. Everyone is different and is comfortable and uncomfortable with different situations. New friends will always raise flags and old friends shouldn't be a problem, as long as it was brought up upfront
Sooo. I missed this live yesterday...but I'm here today.... Look... I'm over here screaming, Yesss!!! Because Liss just acknowledged her creativity. Liss, I know you see this... Girl, you're beautiful, creative and inspiring. Thank you 👸🏿2👸🏿
I only had one brother so I grew up with a lot of male friends and we still friends. When my brother passed last year they were all there for me. My husband understand my friends as well as I understand his female friends. If you having a friend your spouse isn't aware of that is a problem.
“That or This with Kev & Lis” questions comin prolly cuz people were listening to past episodes. I find myself going back to them & I miss the fun questions and it’s cool to hear your perspectives!
My high school friends of over 35 years were still there for me after my 'huzzzband' lied cheated and left me. I hadn't seen these friends in years because i was 'marriednow' yet they still loved on me when my heart was broken. They helped me move my furniture and stuff change tires when needed and listen to me whine about being divorced.. Yeah they were attracted to me but loved me like a sister. We all grew up together. everybody knew we just family like that. They wife or gf was Always my friend too. I Thank God for my male friends from my home'set. Believe that! We celebrate our Neighborhood Family Friends. Go to eachother weddings funerals all that. We grown folks over here where im from.
Kev is right! Yall can just get on and talk because yall have such good convo's, two people with great minds and awesome energy dont need much. I love yall and yall quietly remind me of me and my husband. Love stories are not similar at all but just the way yall be with each other like bestfriends is what I enjoy the most. So glad I found yall. I am been watching every episode from the years I missed.
I totally agree that the friend has to be our friend. I have a lot of male friends that I grew up with. I am friends with their wives and my husband is too. To take it further we are on a group chat where everyone can see. But it not say I never talk to him privately but I have nothing to hide. Honestly my husband is probably better friends with many of my male friends then I am now.
I agree with Kev's reaction 100%!! A husband or boyfriend is generally ready to protect and remove someone talking off to his girl and that's what he did @ the bank situation.
It takes a certain kind of openness & maturity for men & women to just be friends. For some of us I don't think culturally or even just socially this is cultivated as a value.
The first 15 minutes..... Melissa why are you so loud and RIGHT!!!! Lol. I have/had a male BFF who got into a relationship but didn’t tell me. It’s so weird that we’d been besties over a decade (purely platonic I thought)/but he didn’t feel ok for whatever reason to share that with me. And you got in my business when you talked about creating drama because you’re used to being hurt, and are creating crap in your mind. The MIND is something else. Anyone reading this comment don’t let your fears, and past hurts drive you crazy. Think on GOOD things. When old thoughts try creeping in redirect your thoughts. Please don’t drive yourself crazy with thoughts of of ish you made up in your mind. Be Blessed 🥰
My ex had several female friends due to working at a school. He was never unfaithful, never the type who even seemed to be, and it was never an issue. Honestly he had more of an issue with my male friends than I did with his female friends which made no sense but whatever. Point is, it's possible. I never felt threatened or put second. He was always transparent and I met them all. edit: However, to his credit, after we broke up, almost all of those male friends attempted to date me. Not a humble brag because honestly it's really disheartening to feel like a friend you trusted was really just sitting around waiting for you to become available, but my most consistent male friend is gay
The theory I have is that there is no way that a relationship between and man and woman (both heterosexual, especially if it is a personal, long-term relationship) where neither of them has not considered having a sexual relationship with the other. I'm not saying it has to be mutual, but one of them has thought about it / is holding out hope.
you have to set a solid boundary for friends, vs the marriage. The spouse should be comfortable with the amount of time, and kind of meeting, activities.
One of my best friends is male. Met when I was 16 and he was 20 through my brother. We didnt actually become close friends till I became his daughters babysitter years later. He’s lived with us before. He recently got married. His wife is super cool. Went out of the country for their wedding. We were seated at the family table. We refer to each other as siblings. He gave me and my sister a car last year. Its very very clear that we are family. I will not give him up for any man. We dont chill as much cause we grown and got shit to do. But he’s still my family.
I have a good female friend who lives in Los Angeles....my wife met her in the first two months of us dating so we have no problem talking on the phone or hanging out.
Mena and women can be friends. If your friendship puts your relationship in jeopardy, that's a problem. I relocated to a new area 20yrs ago and my co-workers (both male) became my best friends. One has passed away the other , is still my best friend. I knew him before his spouse , and I respect his relationship. He does the same for mine.
I’m not mad at Kevin’s for that last story. I feel the same way sometimes with my husband family and his stories either with his family or his life period! Lol
Here's what confuses me on this topic. Women are quick to say the best relationship start out as friends first yet women view the friend zone as purgatory instead of the minor league system
The name of this episode should be called, This might start an argument, lol. Where Angel and Marcus at 😂
Exactly lol
100%😂😂
Tip toeing episode
I don’t see the comparison I watch both podcast an Angel Marcus look like there podding inside a bathroom while The Kevs are a more better production
Sustained! LOL!
"YOU HOLLA AT MY WIFE...you gon lose your life" Energyyyyy
Can we again clap it up for Melissa's shirt. Actually her entire look!!!!!!
ENTIRE LOOOKKKK😍😍😍 LIKE HER GLOW IS SHINING THROUGH!!! LOVE IT 💜👸🏾
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Come on, cold shoulder...lol
Look like it was designed by Kanye
@@abdulterrell 888
“You can CC me and then you can CC these hands”. Who ain’t been there 🙋🏽♀️
The fact that he goes to her, “the friend” , when things go wrong is NOT GOOD and is one of the biggest threats to this marriage. Her being his shoulder to cry on is an open door to comparison to his wife, rejecting his wife to be close to her, AND MORE.
Ya’ll, I’ve coached to many couples where this was the beginning of an affair.
You really shouldn't go to anybody with too many details about what's going on in your marriage. Unless its a safety issue then let me know. Otherwise, you talk to each other or a mutual third party if necessary.
@@TheClassictvfan I TOTALLY agree with you. 🙌🏾❤️
I like this argument
I mean, who you go to when you need space from your spouse? Isn't it your friends?
@@cget Good Point. And what if she's the only friend. Not good to keep stuff bottled up
As reference from the Cosby show” give a little shoulder and take it right back” Melissa looking good.
Lol I remember that episode. The grandma got mad at him.
@@quairan2099 🤣🤣🤣 yep
😂😂😂 "Dat blame fan dance story" Grandma wasn't having it.
Keyword! She need to be "OUR" friend. That needs to be established before marriage and boundaries should be set. We have to be friends and build trust, ohh child this is hard.
I agree it should have been discussed prior to marriage. And relationship expectations and boundaries should have been discussed and set.
I disagree, maybe a new friend but my parents went to high school together and both had platonic friends of the opposite sex that they still stayed friends with. Does everyone know everyone and is comfortable around each other, yes..but at the end of the day my moms friends are her friends and my dads friends are his, and they’ve been happily married for over 35 years.
@@UrbanDecayLova247 Tanya I would agree with you but I think your parents are the exception and not the rule. As @Jackie M said, this should at least be discussed before marriage.
@@dkbeard3810 well it definitely should be discussed
@@UrbanDecayLova247 I agree with you and I think it’s only the exception due to society’s perception. Culture can be changed. As the LGBTQ community grows & open-mindedness grows, I think it won’t be as necessary to try and place ppl in boxes.
I’m bisexual. That does not mean I find every woman attractive, even close friends. Am I not supposed to have female friends bc I’m attracted to some of them? My best friend since 3rd grade is male & attractive. At no point does that mean that I see him as anything more. This is a ludicrous convo in my opinion.
Insecurity is a deal breaker for me. Period. I’m a grown woman that has had experiences in life.
Melissa said she's the Coke... a lil Coke ain't gone hurt nobody, but don't mess around and shake that bottle tho!
I do believe that men and women can be just friends . However, I believe that it takes a lot of self work , self-understanding, and honest communication with your partner .
I say this because attraction is so complex .
And I feel like , " we were just friends and then one thing led to another ..." is an oversimplified myth given what the expert said about trust violations .
I have a best guy friend of 20 plus years. He is my brother. I made it a point to introduce him to each other and create an a friendly acquaintance. I love my BFF but it is extremely important to make my man comfortable with my friendship.
So how long you been with your man is he cool with it ?
@@derrickmason7457 2 yrs and yes. For me I made sure he was clear where he stood and where my brother stood. And I made sure they were friends too. I talk to my best friend on speaker phone when I am in my home and I still do if he is there. I wanted him to understand the kinda conversations we have. I was intentional in making him comfortable.
@@candace5648 wow that’s good your clear upfront does it get dicey when you’re in an argument with your man ? Where you vent to your friend often these things turn somehow.. I’m glad for you that it’s worked
@@derrickmason7457 no. My mom taught keep relationships fights to yourself. You will forgive the person and we won’t. My BFF is all man if I say the wrong thing his brain will say protect my sister. So I just use wisdom.
@ candace ...Kudos...now that's the kind of transparency that most men dont have with their spouse when they have a female friend situation...u go out alone with the person, talk to the person on issues only u know about, and when u have issues with your spouse u go and confide in that female friend...it's not a very safe place for your spouse to be in...very dicey
I 👏 can 👏 not👏 imagine 👏 KEV MAD. Let alone fighting 🤣😂🤣 KEV and Melissa I love y’all 😂😂
"Holla at my wife, I'll take your life" is a whole word!! 🤣🤣🤣 I know it was meant as a light hearted joke..... But that spoke to my soul!!🤣🤣
My ex-husband use to tell me that I was crazy and insecure when I would say I wasn't comfortable and that all friends were our friends. Now I know that he just wanted to create opportunities to cheat and he wanted me to be cool with it. Thank you guys for your transparency.
Such a great episode. They are over here speaking LIFE!!! 🙌 But yes, in my marriage, any friend of the opposite sex that was there prior to us being together is now OUR friend.
First of all, that sweater though 🔥🔥🔥. Secondly yes, but no lol.
We need it!
Kev inserting himself into Melissa’s childhood memories is HEEEEEEEEELAAAAARRRRRIIIIIIIIOOOOOOUUUUUUSSSSSS to ME !!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭😭😭😭
And then to come with the Travis Jennings energy?! Oh!!! This is gold!!! “Y’all didnt know nothing bout nothin til you got with me” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Its very important to have trust in your relationship. However, human nature is nothing to play with. There needs to be CLEAR boundaries when you have friends of the opposite sex
I believe in the human nature part since attraction doesn't have a choose. But there is still room for preference.
Ideally, you prefer the person you're with.
I feel you don't have to set boundaries once you're able to meet the friend and establish rapport.
Women will conduct an investigation right on the front lawn.
And if there's any attachments on the friend's behalf then there leaves no room for doubts of suspension.
Yes. Both of my parents have been happily married for decades and some of their best friends are of the opposite sex on both ends. It can work when all parties respect boundaries and the other party's relationships.
Happily married don't mean they never knocked down their friends. Means they just gave up lol
Although it appears to be an error in the title, the topic "Can "Me" and Women Be Friends" would be a GREAT topic to discuss about how many women struggle to develop solid, positive, non-competitive friendships with other women. We have to learn to cheer one another on without feeling defeated. It's so necessary.
Yes Yes Yes!!!
Yesss. Did you see the one the red table talk did. It was awesome. They spoke on sisterhood and mother-daughter relationships. It brought so much healing and awareness to me. And fostered so many awesome conversations between me and my girlfriends, and between my mom and I.
@@KeannaKayMusic 😊 No I missed that one. It's such a necessary conversation that needs to continue.
I don’t think it’s hard. I don’t have a problem making female friends. I don’t understand people. All my guy friends and male family members are the competitive ones. They will argue about anything.
My wife and I have had more in depth conversation this year than we have ever had because of you guys talking about “The Big Leap”. We’ve been married 14 years. You all are #goals!! Keep pushing
His wife should not have married him if she couldn’t handle him having opposite sex friends that pre-dated her. He is his friend’s children’s god-father. How do you have an issue with that? That’s insecurity.
😁👍🏾💯✔✔✔
Amen amen
Exactly. Thats not cool. Now he cant build relationship with the KIDS..wow.
Yea she felt that way frm the very beginning but he has a responsibility to recognize her not bein cool abt it and also walk away
@@A.Simone he definitely has that responsibility.
The sweater Melissa🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Lis - YOU BETTA!!! in this sweater 😍😍😍 Come on, shoulder!! 🔥 🔥 The fall standard has been raised!!
I think it depends on how the friendship was developed and established. Most men that want to be “friends” with me or (single women in their 20s) eventually have the intentions of being more and find the friend zone insulting. On the other hand , I’ve seen many woman call their male friends their “brother” but be hooking up or have contingency plans on getting with them.
And thats what confuses me. I don't think men and women can be legit friends. A conversation here and there sure but friends? No. Feelings will get developed and Ive seen too many chicks cheat with somebody who is their "brother". Yeah he was your brother on Tuesday but Friday night you was calling him daddy
Melissa’s sweater is EVERYTHING 😍😍😍
I don’t understand marrying someone you don’t trust and expecting them to completely alter their lives and personal relationships. As someone who has had an opposite sex best friend for over a decade I can’t date, let alone marry someone who is not ok with our relationship. It’s like asking me to marry someone who wants me to disown my family. I can’t do it. Be weary of people who want you to severe ties with your closest friends/family. They usually have control issues and could be trying to force you to be emotionally dependent on them.
I had loads of male friends in college. I’m considered a “guy’s girl.” Soon as I was single (or expressed reservations about a situation while vulnerable) more than a few made their real intentions very clear. Want to believe it can be done, but reality tho 🤷🏾♀️ -30yr old single black woman
Eye was like you in high school, mostly male friends. Eye was heavily into Christianity at the time too and brought my Bible to school with me? On Facebook and 30 years later, the majority of those "just friends" males have since told me, "Eye wanted to go further BUT Eye didn't know what to do about The Bible you carried around, Eye wanted sex but respected your faith..." None of them were inappropriate back then nor now? Three of them, one has since transitioned, have remained my friends and Eye've made sure they're OUR [hubby of 3 decades] friends now, too.
That means your a real catch. Don't shy away from it.
@@reginaharris6534 This is beside the point but why do you keep typing "eye" instead it should be "I"? Sorry I pointed it out...it just got to me. Lol
@@theTruthSeekerishere Thx for asking... “Eye” vs “I” helps ME to Ra’member there are two dualities of “thought” or “information” playing out simultaneously on this planned net/planet that Eye need to be aware of just in how Eye/I go about fulfilling my purpose while here? What tools Eye/I might consider using, looking at both sides of the polarities? As above, so below? And this can get very detailed and/or complicated but what Eye AM referring too for starters is the difference between knowledge of eSoteric information vs eXoteric? Eye grew up beLIEving like most people in the eXoteric side of this game or illusion called life? But now have learned that the ruling elite beLIEve and make their chess moves using eSoteric intel for themselves a lot of which they STOLE from indigenous CARBONs, while ruling the rest of us with eXoteric manipulations calling that TRUTHs???!!! Hope that makes sense? Ase’ 🙏🏿
Case closed. And this is the general consensus of consensus of the friendship between men and women. It is what it is
Kevin has a WORSHIP song for everything! LOL
I don't even understand how this is still even a question..... Everyone isn't into everyone in that kinda way. I'm sorry but once your my friend I consider you family so that's ALL that it's gonna be
This was sooooo good. I can really tell that your communication between you two is so much better. I can see the growth. Its beautiful to see.
I had a close male friend. We hung out mostly in groups and definitely always in public. He got a girlfriend and then got engaged. I became friends with her and all was well. They ended up moving away and getting divorced so that was hard with being friends with both of them. They both called me blaming the other person. Not really friends with either of them now and that sucks but 🤷🏽♀️
Did anyone else notice Kevin poke the hole on Melissa's sweater? I was cracking up!
Y'all, we are so friends in my head! I love the fact that I understand all your references "string", "big leap energy", "say more", etc. I love this episode that turned into Story Time with Kev and Liss. 😁😁😁 I was over here really agreeing, clapping loud and mhmming. 🤣
He should ONLY be friends with his wife? Ma’am(the wife that said this)...that’s silly & exhausting. “Church” taught me that men & women can’t be friends. Which is NOT a biblical thing, so like many other things, it’s made up. I’ve recently realized that because none of my Pastors had any formal education or training, they were giving misinformation that they’d learned. It’s important TO ME to have friends of the opposite sex. I’m almost 35 and I don’t even know how to have normal conversations with men because I was taught to look at EVERY man as a potential husband. I have been blessed to have a male friend that’s been around since I was 12,& we are ONLY friends. Even recently the topic of us dating came up & we both agreed that our friendship is what each other needs, nothing more. He great to go to for advice and he NEVERS crosses any “line”...🤷🏾♀️
Yes, the wife is very immature and insecure. You want this man to cut off a woman he's known for 15 years and his godchildren? I don't understand. Either trust your husband or don't but I doubt this man is waiting to he married you to finally make a move on his bff after 15 years.
@@brokenpofu Right! If he wanted her, why would he wait until now 🤔
So you can be friends...Just requires discipline!
Jesus had female friends...
*See this is a problem that people miss* and also why single people get upset when there friends get into relationships and they become resentful when that friend doesnt have time for them as much anymore.
"a Friend" since you were 12, right.
See, the *LONG TIME OR CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ARE THE MOST DANGEROUS* because you may not recognize it but there is History and Experience between both of you.
Both of you probably got lunch, went on trips or events together but for 90% of Men ALL that stops when your in a relationship with your Man.
MOST IMPORTANTLY if yall just friends
*The topic of dating should NEVER have came up* the *LINE WAS CROSS RIGHT THERE*
Just because you both decided your friendship was more important, that fact still stands *yall considered it* and thats where the issue starts but, it comes from all that time spent together being friends.
I've even heard people call those they have had Intimacy with and still consider them friends after.
What Really???
*Rule #1 For Marriages & Relationships NEVER put yourself in a compromising postion with the opposite sex*
Mutual friends of Married Couples or Long-term relationship are the best if your in a Marriage or keep everything Hi and Bye and cordial (Tunnel Vision).
Mutual Respect, Empathy, Understanding the best course for any marriage or relationship, if your Man or Women not cool with certain opposite sex friends or just in general respect their postion, simple.
There are some other circumstances that may change this like role of a Godfather or Godmother, sick friend, etc but this is just base approach.
Because your Husband or Wife, Man or Woman is the most important NOT friends.
*If there was a catastrophic event you not running to your friends. You will be running to and concerned about your Husband or Man, children or family*
*Friends come and go, not loving marriages or long-term relationships with a good Man or Woman*
Hope this helps anyone that's sees
Melissa is so gorgeous and insightful and Kev is so funny. Lovely couple...imo men and women can be casual friends but not besties. I think someone you talk to on the phone every day, hang out with loads etc always has potential to become romantic.
Kevin be sitting there like ‘ I’m just here so I don’t get fined.’ 😆😆
I just clicked on the title to say #Nope! Lol!! There are boundaries to this “friendship” stuff... especially after the sacred relationship of marriage.
I'm glad kev stayed why a wife or girlfriend would be skeptical of men having close female friends. It's because we dont see it often without it ending up being something sketchy down the line. I like the example of that friend becoming friends of both parties in the couple just to show honor for the relationship.
The simple answer is Yes. The full response coming soon... I have first hand experience on this
Totally interested in your response! I have male friends (since high school).... married 2 years together 8.... hubbs and I have always been open and honest. We've had no issues. Introductions were made really early and met the male friends significant others. But i do not hang out with them solo bc of personal preference.
It is possible for men to have women as friends. In the context of a relationship/marriage it is also possible but there has to be boundaries, and a cultivated relationship between the couple and the said friend, not necessarily buddy buddy but enough that you could leave that friend and your spouse together while you are not there and they can interact without friction. Ultimately there needs to be respect and trust. Respect enough for your spouse such that you're not talking to your op sex friend first thing in the morning or last thing at night. That friend should also extend same respect and if they don't, then they don't respect your relationship and as such they can be problematic
@@iRepNGR well said!!👏🏾👏🏾
It is very important to interact with that friend around your spouse, don't take calls in private, your conversations should be such that can be had with your spouse in the room whether or not said friend is aware your spouse is there or not. It is also the responsibility of the one with the op sex friend to make effort to make their partner comfortable, it's not just for them to place the responsibility on their partner to adjust to his/her friendship. Also actively avoid situations where you get in trouble with your partner and your primary accomplice is the op sex friend, cos you are just painting them in a negative light for your partner and they will remember it. Avoid doing the consulting with op sex friend for special gifts for your partner.. In your mind you're thinking they are the same sex so they can help, but that just suggests you're talking to the op sex friend a lil too much about your partner and that's not cool.. Remember keep your friends out of your relationships regardless of their sex/gender/orientation.
My best friends are males. One is a 20 plus year relationship and other is 15 years. Both married. But I put boundaries up. As in we don't do anything unless I have contacted and made their wives know. Me and their wives are friends. And I've proven to their wives I can be trusted by being transparent. And when I say when We do something, it's mostly being a ride to pick up or drop off a car at the shop or something like that. I also don't visit their houses unless their wives know. And when I walk in the door the first thing I do is find the wife. But I have amazing friends who found secure wives and know my friendship is just that. I was a tomboy growing up so I do give more masculine energy and it's extreme friend zone energy expressed. Also when I am dating I do introduce them as well. These are my brothers. It's to the point when their wives call me to go out. I host events with their wives because we are real friends. So yes Men and women can be friends. But I also fully understand that ending a friendship may be needed in order for my friends to stay married. And I make that point clear.
I think boundaries needs to be an absolute in opposite sex friend ships. And depends on the dynamics. Single not single? Married not married? That’s important. If in a relationship it should be “y’all’s” friend when opposite sex approaches
So true! Boundaries def need to be set, and my husband has no friend that's not my friend and vice versa. We do NOT play that lol!
God's a jealous God and I'm his son! 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am all for Kev's energy regarding anyone that even slighty comes for his wife!!!
Josh want to get married?? Bc I’ll marry Josh.
But I think any NEW friends being made should be mutual friends of the couple. I wouldn’t have a problem with friendships that were made prior to me coming into the picture...I would need to know if there was any romantic history though.
How do you not allow someone to break up with you? Isn’t that illegal
Lol nope
@@Nikki-ci5ze Illegal?? 😂😂😂
I was in a really crappy mood this morning because I was dwelling on annoying things which are outside of my control. This episode was so hilarious, it took my mind off of those things! I now feel so much better and lighter! ❤ thank you!
Hey Tom, they said Me but I think they meant Men. Back to you.
No, they got the title right, this was meant for ME. lol
It was like the pastor preaching a sermon on something that you're currently going through...Mind ya business pastor, God ain't finished with me yet. 😂😂😂
Lol! Wait, I never got that bit. Why do they do that when they mess up on their words? Is it like them calling their FBI agent that's telling them what to say??? Lolol I missed where it must have first started
@@sleepbaby17 he’s acting like a commentator that’s commenting on Tahir’s word slip ups
I had a female best friend of 15 years that couldn't be my friend anymore after she got married. Her husband wasn't having it. I was pissed at first but she had to honor her husband right? My wife didn't have a problem with our friendship and they became good friends as well. Men and women can be friends.
Facts, like if my friend did that to me because of someone else I'd honestly be hurt. Like really bro....I've known you for how long?? lol
@@shestargirl8479 aw man I was really hurt. Had to get used to not talking to her. Her dad still calls me, but I feel weird if I go visit him because she asked me not to. Her dad had 3 daughters so I am like a son to him. My brothers called her sis. We were family. We were also part of a tight group of college friends and I had to tell them to stop treating her differently. It was a process to get used to.
This convo was so real!! I am both of you! No new friends and old friends are now our friends!
Melissa i love love that sweater. Also you forgot the "n" in men. Also i have never had one successfully. Men always secretly want to get in my draws then i dont feel okay being vulnerable with them. I would love a male best friend.
@@afisanaa wow i never even thought about that. I would definitely think the opposite .... Im sorry 😯😒
Lol 😆 🤣 "Holler at my wife; I'll take yo life."
At 32 minutes in yall still aint off the first question.😂😂😂😂 i love yall
Everyone needs to watch this.. topics of this sort are important nowadays, especially in this generation where relationships have lost connotations and no one understands "titles".. it's all about what you want and how secure you are with yourself and in yalls relationship. Everyone is different and is comfortable and uncomfortable with different situations. New friends will always raise flags and old friends shouldn't be a problem, as long as it was brought up upfront
Hi!
Not to change the subject I can't wait to get your reactions to MAFS Decision Day.
Sooo. I missed this live yesterday...but I'm here today....
Look... I'm over here screaming, Yesss!!! Because Liss just acknowledged her creativity. Liss, I know you see this... Girl, you're beautiful, creative and inspiring. Thank you 👸🏿2👸🏿
This was the best episode! I really enjoyed the unbridled laughter and arguing. This is marriage goals if anything else!
I’m excited for this sweater weather now that I see Lis got the game on 🔒
I only had one brother so I grew up with a lot of male friends and we still friends. When my brother passed last year they were all there for me. My husband understand my friends as well as I understand his female friends. If you having a friend your spouse isn't aware of that is a problem.
Agree and especially NEW friends... Um WHY you need a NEW friend? When do you have extra TIME for one? Lol & smdh
“That or This with Kev & Lis” questions comin prolly cuz people were listening to past episodes. I find myself going back to them & I miss the fun questions and it’s cool to hear your perspectives!
My high school friends of over 35 years were still there for me after my 'huzzzband' lied cheated and left me. I hadn't seen these friends in years because i was 'marriednow' yet they still loved on me when my heart was broken. They helped me move my furniture and stuff change tires when needed and listen to me whine about being divorced.. Yeah they were attracted to me but loved me like a sister. We all grew up together. everybody knew we just family like that. They wife or gf was Always my friend too. I Thank God for my male friends from my home'set. Believe that! We celebrate our Neighborhood Family Friends. Go to eachother weddings funerals all that. We grown folks over here where im from.
Kev is right! Yall can just get on and talk because yall have such good convo's, two people with great minds and awesome energy dont need much. I love yall and yall quietly remind me of me and my husband. Love stories are not similar at all but just the way yall be with each other like bestfriends is what I enjoy the most. So glad I found yall. I am been watching every episode from the years I missed.
I totally agree that the friend has to be our friend. I have a lot of male friends that I grew up with. I am friends with their wives and my husband is too. To take it further we are on a group chat where everyone can see. But it not say I never talk to him privately but I have nothing to hide. Honestly my husband is probably better friends with many of my male friends then I am now.
I agree with Kev's reaction 100%!! A husband or boyfriend is generally ready to protect and remove someone talking off to his girl and that's what he did @ the bank situation.
It takes a certain kind of openness & maturity for men & women to just be friends. For some of us I don't think culturally or even just socially this is cultivated as a value.
The first 15 minutes..... Melissa why are you so loud and RIGHT!!!! Lol. I have/had a male BFF who got into a relationship but didn’t tell me. It’s so weird that we’d been besties over a decade (purely platonic I thought)/but he didn’t feel ok for whatever reason to share that with me. And you got in my business when you talked about creating drama because you’re used to being hurt, and are creating crap in your mind. The MIND is something else.
Anyone reading this comment don’t let your fears, and past hurts drive you crazy. Think on GOOD things. When old thoughts try creeping in redirect your thoughts. Please don’t drive yourself crazy with thoughts of of ish you made up in your mind. Be Blessed 🥰
Kenonstage: 'It would still be no.... but it would be a different conversation.' :P :P
My ex had several female friends due to working at a school. He was never unfaithful, never the type who even seemed to be, and it was never an issue. Honestly he had more of an issue with my male friends than I did with his female friends which made no sense but whatever. Point is, it's possible. I never felt threatened or put second. He was always transparent and I met them all. edit: However, to his credit, after we broke up, almost all of those male friends attempted to date me. Not a humble brag because honestly it's really disheartening to feel like a friend you trusted was really just sitting around waiting for you to become available, but my most consistent male friend is gay
Yes, especially if the person is SPIRIT led! Even if it takes them not speaking for awhile, they can still be friends!
The theory I have is that there is no way that a relationship between and man and woman (both heterosexual, especially if it is a personal, long-term relationship) where neither of them has not considered having a sexual relationship with the other. I'm not saying it has to be mutual, but one of them has thought about it / is holding out hope.
You can CC me and you can CC these hands 👊🏽 👊🏽 Greatest line of the year
My wife and I had this discussion needless to say we have different viewpoints but I do believe men and women can coexist as friends
I really enjoyed this episode. This hour flew by.
I love how free y’all have become. Live y’all best life
you have to set a solid boundary for friends, vs the marriage. The spouse should be comfortable with the amount of time, and kind of meeting, activities.
This is my first time seeing Kev's jealous side..... And it's hilarious 😂 !!
Both of them showed their jealous side!! I was dying the entire time!!💀🤣
After all these years, You guys have wonderful chemisrty
I like just you two talking. Yall don't need nobody else!
I think they can be bffs...just because one may have an attraction for the other doesn’t mean they have to act on it
Sure....if the friend knows their role and doesn't try to get in between the relationship
"If you Holla at my wife I'll take ya life"! Kev hilarious!!!!
Lissa I absolutely love you in short hair!!!! That is your signature look sis 😍
It's because the algorithm is showing us the older videos of you guys ps keep it up
One of my best friends is male. Met when I was 16 and he was 20 through my brother. We didnt actually become close friends till I became his daughters babysitter years later. He’s lived with us before. He recently got married. His wife is super cool. Went out of the country for their wedding. We were seated at the family table. We refer to each other as siblings. He gave me and my sister a car last year. Its very very clear that we are family. I will not give him up for any man. We dont chill as much cause we grown and got shit to do. But he’s still my family.
I love your makeup Liss
I see yu rocking the 85 south kev ..
I have a good female friend who lives in Los Angeles....my wife met her in the first two months of us dating so we have no problem talking on the phone or hanging out.
This ep was so entertaining! I really enjoyed watching👍🏽👍🏽 I give it 2 thumbs up & a like
Kev- Aint nobody fine! I'll fire on everybody cuz! 😂😂😂 Almost spit smoothie all over my kitchen!😂😂
Awesome relationship story's! I'm with Kev all day about recalling past events to address current events!
Please keep loving each other. Wishing y’all many more blessings 💕
kev @ 23;00 hilarious talking bout brown liquor
Get her, Kev!! Keep her honest! Keep it 💯 LIS!! YOU. ARE. MELANIE
Yes, I enjoyed Kev & Lissa, but I think it would have been turned up with Marcus & Angel--OMG!
CELESTE, in the ATL 💐
Mena and women can be friends. If your friendship puts your relationship in jeopardy, that's a problem. I relocated to a new area 20yrs ago and my co-workers (both male) became my best friends. One has passed away the other , is still my best friend. I knew him before his spouse , and I respect his relationship. He does the same for mine.
Storytime with Liz and Kev should really be a thing
Mel: how you don't know and you worked at Boeing?
Kev: I didn't work!!!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I’m not mad at Kevin’s for that last story. I feel the same way sometimes with my husband family and his stories either with his family or his life period! Lol
The title has a mistake
Here's what confuses me on this topic. Women are quick to say the best relationship start out as friends first yet women view the friend zone as purgatory instead of the minor league system
I read the ‘Me’ in title as Kevin asking ‘can me Kevin and women just be friends’ lol, saw no mistake until I read the comments 😀
This was a super cute episode. I loved hearing all of the old stories !