How to NEVER FIGHT with a woman: the greatest victory requires no battle
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ธ.ค. 2023
- It has been many years since I last fought with a woman, and I'd very much like to keep it that way. Today, I'm going to share my secret with you. It's important to appreciate that one of the attributes of the feminine is to magnify and reflect. Femininity takes what it receives, makes it bigger, and gives it back to you. With this in mind, the best way to avoid conflict with a woman is to clarify (i.e., clean up) your tone. Remove every hint of frustration and judgment from your voice, and you'll have a much easier time of things.
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consulta...
Social Media
Facebook: profile.php?id=1...
LinkedIn: / orion-taraban-070b45168
Instagram: / psyc.hacks
Twitter: / oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: • Enrico Deiana - Orion'...
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: / @grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
/ @psychacks
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
![[4K] TREASURE(트레저) “KING KONG” Band LIVE Concert 킹콩은 라이브를 찢어🦍 [it’s KPOP LIVE 잇츠라이브]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/p8bLLOxPDD8/mqdefault.jpg)
It has been many years since I last fought with a woman, and I'd very much like to keep it that way. Today, I'm going to share my secret with you. It's important to appreciate that one of the attributes of the feminine is to magnify and reflect. Femininity takes what it receives, makes it bigger, and gives it back to you. With this in mind, the best way to avoid conflict with a woman is to clarify (i.e., clean up) your tone. Remove every hint of frustration and judgment from your voice, and you'll have a much easier time of things.
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: th-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/w-d-xo.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
th-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
but dont women want drama ? if ur just a good guy she will leave you but having that "warm in ur voice" like dont wanna be a dad
Your entire speech is based on a Gynocentric world order, gynocentrism: men have to jump through all sorts of loops to please women, because women are at the center of this life, IS BULLSHIT.
Who cares what women want?
This sounds like the advice to not take.
@@roarbillion2255 did you watch through the end of the video? This is addressed specifically.
"What we've got here is... failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach. So you get what we had here last week, which is the way he wants it... well, he gets it. I don't like it any more than you men."
- Captain, from the movie, Cool Hand Luke
I will never forget when my ex told me she was breaking up with me. And me, thinking I was being a healthy partner and someone who respects women, accepted the breakup and told her that I wished her the best. She then started freaking out and screaming and crying that I clearly “don’t care” about her and that if I truly loved her I would fight to hold onto her. Yeah sorry, that’s way too much energy and work on my part for an average looking woman with BPD and narcissism.
... *that last sentence.* 😂👏👌
I went waaaay overboard treating my last wife well. When her attitude went downhill, I gave her many many chances to treat me properly with dignity and respect.
I finally moved out to wake her up that she could lose me. I was still trying to work it out over the phone, she said “I agree, we need to break up”.
I thought “agree with whom? I never said we should break up”. But all my mouth said was “well, I guess that’s it, then”.
Like you, I’m not chasing after a disrespectful narcissist with BPD.
Sounds like an insecure woman to me.
A person with BPD and or narcissism is literally worse than having a deadly disease like aids or cancer.
It’s amazing how when you accept what they want they flip the script and act like you are the asshole lol
"For every male action, there is an equal and opposite female overreaction" - Some wise dude, probably
“Unequal” and opposite
@@endcgm9277 I stand corrected.
*ovaryaction
Youuu are the wise dude mate 😂... Spot on
Sun Tzu, Ben Franklin & A. Einstein all said it.
Socrates: "A man who marries a good woman becomes content. A man who marries a bad woman becomes a philosopher."
Great quote. I was a philosopher (teacher), got divorced, and now much happier with a good woman, I am retired and fabricating lovely items from steel... My post-Socratic life.
"The only winning move is not to play" -Patrice Oneal
True
No, error of attribution, its Sun Tzu in the Art of War
Patrice was a master of his craft. If he had studied psychology and philosophy, he would have been a god.
Boom - truth as loud as a cannon. 👍🏼
That is the best move regarding the courts... :-)
Just because she's mad doesn't mean *I* have to be mad. No one gets that much power over my emotions
Devils are real bro. Most women feed on chaos. If she stays long enough with you, she'll find the button to run you mad. The only solution is never to date or have a relationship with such. If you do, you'll find out sooner or later you're never immune
@@besttimes8169yeah. They really like emotional turmoil .
@@user-zg9pb8lz2g I'm not that guy. I've had the experience of having my ex- mad at me and trying to push my buttons to get me mad back. Since I *know* that's what she wants, I just don't play that game. No. It isn't always easy.
I'm working on this as well tantrums at the smallest things and i feel like im walking on eggshells. I have learned to ignore her stupid emotions and do what i want.
@@johnfry5710they never change. I regret not ending my current relationship a lot sooner. Same thing.... Tantrums that are over benign things. I thought these kinds of emotional outbursts were reserved for toddlers!
"When you lose you lose, and when you win you still lose."
Nah I'd win 🥶
With modern women the game is always rigged.
NEVER PLAY THEIR GAME. IGNORE OR LEAVE THEM.
And still,, we keep playing the game.
Better live happy than win a conflict.
@@badassproductions4734famous last words
Me and my Ex-wife were in a fight once and we were not seeing eye to eye on the issue. I said "Honey we are missing something here. Please repeat back to me what I say." She couldn't do it! She was unable to repeat the words I said. I am not going into details but example " I will be home at 3. Please repeat back to me." Her response "you would rather be doing anything else than see me." We went around like this for 20 minutes, she couldn't just accept I was going to be home at 3, everything had to have 2 3 other meanings. Divorced 13 years and I still don't have any desire to marry again.
This video was about tone over content. Your example is the opposite. Or maybe you were illustrating how NOT paying attention to tone DOESN’T work? If so bravo 👏
@@corley-ai > tone over content
Sounds-to-me like another way to say "emotion over reason". Hard pass.
Good luck dating that robot. It's not what you say, it's how you say it. Want to live in another world? Build a spaceship.@@rabbitcreative
Women are emotionally handicapped. They have no ability to shut it off. ❤
@@corley-ai It's for a reason current nations are messed up - 'emotion over reason'. Too many women in control/interfering and weak men pandering for women's votes - societies (justice) falling apart. But, enjoy the decline - you will be thrilled (which is an emotion).
Pay attention here gentlemen, you're learning about female behavior whilst also learning about how to deal with children. Fantastic advice.
Holy crap! As a 50 year old man with 5 kids and a decent marriage, I can tell you unequivocally that what this gentleman has stated is 100% true.
I dare you to tell your wife that you have a “decent” marriage! Lol
i'm 12 and i also think that he is right
😅🤣😂@@ericschooff268
Listen to bill burr talking about how to manage conflict with a woman. It’s genius and funny.
@@ShutityouBill Burr is a SIMP. He lost all credibility after relinquishing his authority as a man, to his current manipulative wife.
Here's an awkward question: If someone is ruled by their emotions and cannot self-manage them, can they truly be considered an adult?
No, they can't. Which is why I consider them to be children in adult bodies. Same goes for any man who hasn't learned how to.
Right. And that brings up the next question: If a group cannot be depended on to behave like adults, should they have adult prerogatives and responsibilities?
@@EE12CSVT
Nope. Frequent emotional dis-regulation is literally childish. Beware of emotionally immature people. Especially in intimate relationships. You might think that you’re strong but the stress and damage that such a relationship can cause is very serious… speaking as someone currently healing from a 2-year relationship with a Borderline..
looking at my Sis.. NOPE!!
24 year old but acting like a bratty, uncivilized and unruly 12 year old girl because Mom allows and bends to it.
Here's a simple answer: No
This is SO relevant for me. My husband and I distilled what we need for each other in one word - me: “Warmth”, him: “Respect”. Opposite of warmth is essentially negativity. Boom. Will have to show him the two vids. Love your stuff “my dude”.
If you're like most women, the moment he told you he needed respect, you probably called him a "little bitch" with a smirk just to see what happens :D
Brilliant
God bless you and your healthy attitude about relationships
This is why women are lied to constantly
Both statements are true. For a man it’s respect
After 41 years, I use soft questions to understanding. Lessens it, but now she attacks the motive behind questions.
So, having emotion in you voice can provoke women. Removing emotion from your voice as to not provoke women, also provokes women. Got it
Lol. Check and check. I guess we need to find that sweet spot between the two.
The best opción : remove the woman 🤷🏻♂️
Yeah. Dealing with women is like walking on eggshells.
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. It’s never enough for them; they always look for holes in your words and actions to spur unnecessary fights and drama.
Then, they complain about where all the good men are and why the top shelf guys won’t commit to them, only limiting the interaction to a FWB level. There is an influx of narcissism and lack of self-awareness in most younger women.
Meanwhile, all this effort and coddling is merely because we’re wired to be obsessed with their genitalia. What a life.
Sounds like you stopped watching partway through
There's only one practical point here: choose a rational/right woman. The second part is practically impossible with the wrong woman. Walking on egg shells because you can be misconstrued is no life to be desired. The wrong woman will work as hard as she can to put you in irritation. Some of them see it as the only survival mode
A rational women...maybe Elon can produce one one day. Till then - didn't hapen
Just meet a rational woman bro 🙄
@@michaelmuller8494 " the right partner" would have been the phrase. Putting rational and woman together seems too rare lol
I met one. After a few years of me not giving of what she secretly wanted because I enjoyed our friendship, she became very irrational and started treating me as an enemy. Rational women, in a broad sense, don't exist, bud.@@allseeingotto2912
Orion correctly tells us women are loyal only to their emotions in one video….
And in another tells us we just have to find a rational woman?
The only consistency in his videos is the low grade simpery always needlessly injected into each.
This guy is very funny. His delivery is gold. Love this channel, life changing
I equate it to walking on eggshells. I find it very challenging to comprehend how my wife can completely distort my motivations on occasions. I definitely sense that she frequently takes out her frustrations that are not about me, but directed at me. We all do this to some extent.
'Don't raise your voice, improve your argument!' But of course it only works with the right partner!
Yes. Arguments never win over emotions.
goodness of argument needs to be registered | savoured. would I impute related capabilities | motivation to an xx ?!? it does depend, or rather doesn't ?!?
Two hours of improving and clarifying my argumentation.
I an fed up and exhausted.
I snap "Now just shut up and do as your told!"
The reaction: " How dare you tell me to shut up!"
But she did as she was told!
Twice now, I’ve been in the midst of a major fight with my wife and one of his videos has popped up and I’ve applied what he said and INSTANTLY the problem is solved. It’s uncanny. Seriously I just used this eight minutes after he posted it and BAM a fight that’s been going all day is resolved 🙏 thank you! You are a fucking hero.
Just low grade simp. That’s what most of his suggestions boil down to.
Yoooo, that's awesome 👌
Tell us more! We need a practical example, to consolidate the theory.
what exactly did you tell her?
Well some context would probably be useful. I do practice a form of mindfulness meditation and it does help me quite a bit in all areas, but when my wife starts a fight over some petty thing or attacks me over some issue she feels upset about that seems like a massive overreaction or just an unfair accusation I have a hard time keeping my cool. I feel like hell no, I’m not going to allow someone to treat me like this.
This was one of those times. She was hurt about something she was reading into and I was getting pissed that she was unfairly criticizing me and it was just escalating like crazy. I kept saying she can’t mistreat me like this, it’s unfair, it’s exhausting, etc.
After watching this I changed my tone to basically exactly how he was talking. Sort of detached/cheerful and overall just laughing about my exasperation. I explained everything I said before but in a tone that was warm and kind of like “this is kind of silly” without being patronizing or condescending. It’s sort of hard to explain but almost like self effacing while still standing my ground and pointing out how she was mistreating me and how I’m doing best to hear her feelings, but come on, try to see where I’m coming from.
And instantly, and I mean INSTANTLY, her tone changed. And in five minutes she apologized.
So fiddle with it, but it works.
Your advice regarding the tone of voice is priceless. After I removed all the negativity and anger which I tend to use during the fight, I managed to resolve 3 days long conflict with my wife. 14 years in relationship. From now on - will start to train to use it on a daily basis. Thanks!
Great advice. My struggle is despite every effort to NOT have a tone/gesture/word that could be construed as negative, and even when I know 100% there is no "tone" in my voice, a tone is somehow heard - and heard as negative. Words that I literally have not said are somehow heard - and heard negatively. And then even once I recognize the misunderstanding, there is no amount of clarification that can get her away from the feelings that the misunderstanding has invoked.
I've said it before : women's uncontrolled emotions are destroying their lives. They just don't want to accept that fact.
So relatable man 😂
So relatable.... and it's progressing into anger and violence because I don't feed or play and just want to extract from the situation. Unfortunately we bought a house together and my finances aren't strong enough for me to move and rent and force a buyout or sale of the house
She has borderline personality disorder perhaps. Look up the symptoms on Wikipedia. Do an online personality disorder test as if you were her, answering honestly, and see what comes up.
This! And also, if I do manage to get rid of all negativity in my tone/voice/gesture/word, she’ll start telling me I sound weird, she doesn’t recognize “me”…
It's funny, I realize this content is mostly focused on "dating", but I actually find quite a bit of what the good doctor says is very applicable to raising teenage daughters. Dr. Taraban giving single dads practical advice one video at a time.
I'm a 25 year old dude. In my successful relationships with women, platonic and romantic, I've always had the best luck when I would treat them the same way I may treat my own hypothetical daughter.
@@BillyOnTH-cam This is so true. I've come to realize that every women I've treated like a daughter or younger sister has always ended up following me. It wasn't my intention at all because I only saw them like "children" that need to be protected. Whereas women whom I have treated like an equal... no luck with them at all...
@@Destinyawe Funny, isn't it? Women say they want to be treated equal, but they don't know what truly "equal" means to us men. When we treat them equaly, they always label us as mean, cold, rude, and toxic. xD
Are you saying men are mean, cold, rude, and toxic to each other?
Now there’s some food for thought!
@@BillyOnTH-cam You sound like a top-shelf man. I hope other men take your words as advice.
Smart. Jordan Peterson touched on this topic as well, I think specifically how to deal with aggressive (masculine) women in the work place. The assessment was something like “If you beat them, you’ll be seen as a bully and will be hated by everyone, and if you lose to them you will be seen as pathetic and no one will respect you.”
Best to always be stoic, indifferent, detached, calm, etc. No one but you should have power over you.
_"No matter how friendly and obliging a woman’s Eros may be, no logic on earth can shake her if she is ridden by the animus. Often the man has the feeling - and he is not altogether wrong - that only seduction or a beating or rape would have the necessary power of persuasion. He is unaware that this highly dramatic situation would instantly come to a banal and unexciting end if he were to quit the field and let a second woman carry on the battle (his wife, for instance, if she herself is not the fiery war horse). This sound idea seldom or never occurs to him, because no man can converse with an animus for five minutes without becoming the victim of his own anima. Anyone who still had enough sense of humour to listen objectively to the ensuing dialogue would be staggered by the vast number of commonplaces, misapplied truisms, clichés from newspapers and novels, shopsoiled platitudes of every description interspersed with vulgar abuse and brain-splitting lack of logic. It is a dialogue which, irrespective of its participants, is repetead millions and millions of times in all the languages of the world and always remains essentially the same."_
- Aion (1951), CW 9ii, § 29
That sounds like 'avoid them because they have all the power no matter what' :/
@@CeceliPS3 it’s not avoidance, it’s simply not getting emotionally involved aka maintaining frame.
@@JohnSmith-qx8ll that's a generic thing. Plans shatter against reality. In a real world situation, if a woman attacks you in a work environment and gets social acceptance by her peers (also your peers), there isn't a "just don't be emotionally involved". Your actions that follow the drama will be perceived as you attacking or losing. You just need to be very precise in your attack so you don't come off as an emotionally underdeveloped chump.
@@CeceliPS3 I completely disagree. You inadvertently enter that (incorrect & cringe) frame by even dignifying said people with an emotional response.
You can call out the bad behaviour, enforce boundaries (especially useful is not attending after work events with colleagues, and using the Mike Pence rule) but remain professional and detached at all times.
The options (and ensuing perceptions)are not only attacking or losing - there is a 3rd & higher option of simply not caring. It’s like an ant trying to kick a giant. It doesn’t even register. This hits them the hardest. Think of the classic Don Draper line “I don’t think of you at all”
This is totally true. All major fights with my mom and my gfs have revolved around me having an upset tone of voice. I think it’s because negative/cold tones can make women feel unsafe and/or unloved. Which makes the woman clap back and it becomes a fight.
The goal, I think, is to find a woman who does provoke your negative emotions very often. This way it’s much easier to control tone of voice 1/month or 1/week than everyday.
Makes sense, usually when I'm excited about something a woman will sound even more excited than I am.
I had to end a 13 year relationship with an agreeable single mom because her daughter turned 16 and became decidedly most UNagreable, and mom took her side 💯 and ran block on any attempts to instill discipline. Daughter learned she could ride roughshod over me and mom would have her back.
That's why you never date women who have children
They always take their child side
Needless risk, brother. NEVER involve yourself with a single mother, ESPECIALLY one with a daughter. You’re asking to lose the rest of your life the moment one of them becomes hyper-emotional.
Glad you got out with your life intact.
Your first mistake is to hook up with a single mom.
You have all the responsibilities without any authority as you're not the biological father, this is common sense.
@@AAB371that's one way of putting it 😂
@@metarugia3981he's learnt now at least. Hook up, yeah perhaps. Commitment? No chance.
I REFUSE to have the "whatever you say dear" or "happy wife, happy life" BS. I will NOT tolerate their "how I feel" over logic and reality. I would rather lose THEM than lose in a righteous fight. And I have lost many. As it shall always be.
respectable✊✊✊
You are like me. Straight arrow. But it does not work with modern women who are all damaged.
There is an Interesting comment in this video. The commenter said he tells his wife he is always wrong in every argument. So, all fights are avoided. He calls her beautiful and babe nonstop. The way he controls her is by reducing the frequency of telling her beautiful and babe. She immediately detects it and then she fights hard (by being nice to him) to restore her flow of beautiful and babe from him.
@@rayrwyr no it doesnt. what it does do though is open the door to viewing him as a pushover which is a turn off
@@rayrwyr Somehow every advice about relationships with women sounds like bullsh_t to me. I wonder if the commenters market value simply was way higher than his girlfriends. I'd be interested in seeing other men try this approach. Not me however, I just don't want to deal with women anymore.
The only problem with correcting her bad behavior is that she will take it as shaming behavior and will never be accountable for her bad behavior.
Give women the emotion you wish to receive from them. I’ve found this quite helpful.
This needs a follow up episode. Examples would be great
The best shortcut I've found is a sense of humor. If you can make her laugh it can diffuse her anger and frustration. When you get angry, if you can make yourself laugh, it prevents you from saying regrettable or unfair things to her.
Followed by make-up sex. ;-)
Black humor however isn't helpful at all.
It is said,in european folklore,that laughter chase devils away,and breaks evil spells. Laughing weakens demons and brings them pain.
Great comment, and so true. Humor defuses a lot of the discontent of women. They WANT to be short-circuited in their anger and frustration.
@@mysticone1798 And not so true at all. In my experience rather a wishful dream, borderline a flatout lie. I've tried defusing situations with humor countless times, it works with men but only rarely with women.
ALWAYS HOLD YOUR GROUND
NEVER SIMP-OUT
I never fight with women either. I stay single and ignore most women i see and there you have it. No drama no compromise and no emotional roller coaster. Ride your motorcycle in the evening and go home happy. Make it a great day.
You had me laughing and clapping out loud😂. You are on point. It's easier to control oneself than to control others.
You could even postulate that you can control women by controlling yourself. It’s far fetched, but it is logical.
Guys, here’s a free nugget of practical wisdom for you:
When she acts up or misquotes you or acts bratty, say the ONLY thing that they respond to:
“I do not accept that”.
This phrase somehow stops them in their tracks and causes them to get out of the “my emotion must be reality)” mode and brings them into your rational mode. Try it guys, it works.
“I don’t accept that.”
Not on all of them it doesn’t.
Tread carefully.
LOL! I have been using "Not going to fly with me!". I prefer yours, sounds firmer and more serious. Will give it a go. Thank you. Also, when they are in that emotional state and accusing you of making them feel a certain way...I ask "What makes you say that?", "What specifically have I done to make you feel that way?". Or let's say they snap at you. You reply "Wow. You must have really had a bad day for you to speak to me like that! Anything I can do to make your day better?" Then watch the guilt.
Most women are like grown up kids. Adult body with the mind of a toddler.
Nice
This is good advice because it is simple and it short circuits the female npc brain like a record scratch and they have to seek out an original thought of their own. Not easy for them
This explains why my wife thinks I'm acting odd and have this 'scarey' feeling when I take all the emotions out.
There's indeed a lot of difference between how men and women communicate by default, whereas some still propagate that they are the same despite clear differences like these.
My friend is extremely cool under pressure and never raises his voice at his daughters or his wife. In doing so, he maintains so much calm around him. Instead of chastising or punishing his daughters, he helps them back track the chain of thoughts and events, promoting self inquiry. Genius.
As I've mentioned in another one of Orion's videos. This is why it's important to have a good sense of humor and have a carefree attitude when dealing with women.
Carefree attitude? A man cannot act like a child. Also a man act like a weak aggreable simp.
"She is like a child" -Sun Tzu, probably
"dealing with women" as if they're not human or on your same level is some sigma incel stuff lol.
@@scottleggejr Christ! You serious? You must see misogyny and sexism as soon as you open your eyes in the morning.
Get some help for your own sake, please.
@@dirtyace1668 Thanks for the hearty laugh little guy!
I married a BPD woman and have had to learn these tools the hard way. The only way to not suffer is to not care what they have to say
Why would you marry a BPD woman? It’s far better to be alone and sexless than to deal with that unnecessary complexity in your life. Do you have low self esteem? Do you have scarcity mindset? Just wow…
I see BPD, I run for the hills. Simple as that.
I hope you left or are on your way out. Don't do that to yourself.
It’s sad that you have to not care about what your wife says. Having just left a relationship with someone with BPD and NPD traits, it’s tough. Sorry bud
Definitely listen carefully what she has to say. But do that just to understand her emotion. Do not literally interpret her words. Men express with logic and rationality. So men's words can be literally interpreted. Women express with emotions. Understand her emotion. Disregard the actual words. Woman wants you to understand how she feels. Do not invalidate her feeling. Do not tell her feelings are nonsensical. Acknowledge her feelings non-judgementally. If she realizes that you got how she feels, she feels understood and she calms down.
You married her knowing she had BPD before? In that case I can't offer you sympathy.
What a great message…good job to help everyone, Doctor. As a woman, this made me smile a lot.
“It is easier for a man to remove negative emotion from his voice than it is to convince a woman that her emotional response is disproportional to the situation.” WOW!
Relationship with a woman is too much work.
The more i learn, the less i want. A wise man once said, "You can't love women, and understand them."
At this stage, they need to start pleasing themselves.
I'm in my 40s & found that perhaps you can both understand and love them SO LONG AS you steadfastly refuse to commit. Total non starter.
yeah but how about passing your genes...
@@johnpreston230 I have a thousand reasons not to have kids right now; war, inflation, housing, etc. "Woman" is only half of them.
This: Women refuse to accept that they're responsible for their own happiness, and running around setting stuff on fire isn't working out well for anyone.
@@chipsteveThis. I've been with my gf for eight years. I've only had to 'check' disrespect twice where I said I'd walk away quicker than she can finish her coffee - and that was in the first couple of years.
p.s. never, ever say, 'I love you'. Demonstrate it through action instead.
It's easy to not fight with women; when she misbehaves break contact. She will either fix herself and come back, or double down on her toxicity. If the former that's a win for you, if the latter then maintaining no contact is still a win for you. Don't ever see it as a loss; that's the Universe's (or deity of your choice) way of telling you that you deserve better so don't fight it.
This is what I've been telling young men for years. And the obvious corollary is "don't put yourself in situations where you can't walk away". Long road trips, for example.
I didn't even like to ride in the same car to a restaurant or other "going out" venue, unless I knew the woman well enough to predict her behavior.
but when you have kids, this is over, you can't walk away
@@johnpreston230 you shouldn't have kids with someone who has such poor behavior (I know, easier said than done - I made this mistake myself). You can walk just make sure to take the kids, or make her leave.
Yeah, true, very true, but much harder to apply if you live with her, have kids together, etc.
I did that with my ex. And each time I was accused of being emotionally abusive for giving her the "silent treatment" (for breaking contact, leaving, or exiting the argument), simply for taking care of my own mental health and preventing and not letting her make me loose it and go crazy. So even then some can and will throw shit at you.
The level of zen required to deal with most women is exhausting.
I've learned that I have only so much capacity for it. I understand it, again, I only have so much capacity before I'm worn out emotionally.
Agreed. I still think most women these days have gone too far down the feminism rabbit hole to be salvageable. Even when you’re zen and calm they still find ways to speak with an attitude or other insidious little digs, and it becomes a nightmare.
Oh, this is a serious gem!!!
Arguing with women is like arguing with children. Women and children both seek out “reactions” from you. *Any* emotional reactions from you will likely enforce her behavior. Why? Simple. The opposite of love isn’t hate. The opposite of love is indifference. If you show indifference, it cuts the stimulus and response chain in their head, short circuiting whatever rant they were about to continue. Just like children, they may also escalate to provoke a response, but you should read that as desperation. If she’s throwing crazy words against the wall, you’ve won. Hold your ground until her mind realizes that the only path to reestablishing emotional connection is to calm down.
Yes, but women want emotional men. I have that warm indifference Dr Orion talks about, and when women realise they're not going to get a rise out of me, they're off, and depending on how I know them they get together with emotional men who I get to hear shout and scream back at them.
How to react to her emotional outbursts? Listen carefully what she has to say. But do that just to understand her emotion. Do not literally interpret her words. Men express with logic and rationality. So men's words can be literally interpreted. Women express with emotions. Understand her emotion. Disregard her actual words. Woman wants you to understand how she feels. Do not invalidate her feeling. Do not tell her feelings are nonsensical. Acknowledge her feelings non-judgmentally. If you she realizes that you actually got how she feels, then she feels understood and she calms down. So, men needs the skill to be empathetic.
Newton's third law of emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction.
I believe that's "Newton's Wife's ..." :D
(I also think he never married, but I may be wrong on that one.
😂
Small correction there; not EVERy action. The positive actions usually get ignored, only the negative ones get magnified and thrown back at you.
Damn dude. you ain’t never lie! What the hell. I thought about this for a minute. And you are correct. That’s crazy…. So simple. 🤦🏻♂️
"Undifferentiated warmth and a twinlke in your eye"
Thats the facial expression and tone of voice I use when I tell my dog "Oh, good boy!"
Thank you Dr Taraban.
I understand now!
My last LTR ended when i verbally erupted in judgement & anger. She had lied & misrepresented herself for 6 months. I tried HARD to stay positive, constructive, & make it work til that point.
Hmm, no, why make it work exactly? When she lies it becomes impossible to tell how many other things she might be hiding from you, there is no trust.
You did the right thing. She lied and misrepresented herself. All rules go out the window
I love this channel so much. You give relevant and practical advice, articulated into a message that I can COMPLETELY absorb. Thank you, Dr. Taraban.
This videos are so important, because most of the dating content is focus on the initial phase of seducing a woman, but the relationship is another different level. There is not much content addressing that.
So true, we sense the world by emotion's ❤
Although I'm unemployed, this is the only TH-cam membership I'm not removing just to support you sir 🙏
Love from India, i don't have a gf but that's exactly how things escalate between my mom & me & bw/n dad and mom
@Bayoyaquarrels mate, platonic
Same in my family! Bangladeshi here
@Bayoyahahahahahaa
@@taswibislam524 bro I was so confused 🤣
Man out here living like he on brazzers
Here's what I got out of this:
1. Choose a good woman.
2. Treat her well and don't dump any negativity on her.
3. Be positively emotionally in rapport with her.
Man, I chose the right woman with 2 significant relationships in my life, and had a mostly smooth and enjoyable time while I was with them. I chose wrong other times, and paid the price dearly. 90% of the game is choosing the right woman. The other 10% is not f**king it up once you've got her.
Sadly point 2 and 3 won't work without first one. And first one need a lot of time
This is the smartest comment I’ve seen in a relationship video. It goes both ways too. We women have to find the right person too, then constantly better ourselves by learning from our mistakes and disagreements to make the relationship last. Long term relationships take a great deal of self reflection and resolving to do better.
This has to be by far the best video I've ever watched 😂❤🤞🏽 HE KNOWS WHATS UP
The reflection reference with the moon and sun is nice
I totally get what you’re saying, I have fallen guilty of the tone issue as well as removing all emotion. It’s like damn is it even worth it to deal with these women, all these rules it’s like having a Gremlin 😂
If you find the relationship too hard, then you are with a wrong woman.
@@rayrwyr yea I already know that I’m speaking in general and past experiences
@@rayrwyr but are there enough right women around for the average men? Probably not.
@@nightmareTomek you must excel being average. Bad women are punishment for not excelling in virtue. It's God's way of waking you up so you repent of your sin
If it makes you feel better, most women find men just as inexplicable and difficult to deal with at times. This is why a relationship should always be associated with work. It is seldom completely automatic. Both people involved are going to have to reach toward the other. Ignore it only if you are ready to lose it.
The first part is wisdom that many young men need to hear… if you are dating look for easy going girls that have positive hobbies and passions in their own lives. Then never ever get in the way of those outlets. Otherwise you may find yourself like I have before with a girl who has no positive hobby and instead looks to both the drama in the relationship life and you personally to make her less bored and less unhappy… the second part is very wise advice for all men of all ages! No matter who you are with… you need to realize she will look for your responses and reactions to show that you care but at the same time she is sniffing out weakness at all times. Men can never make the mistake of thinking they can confide their insecurities with woman… all woman will say that you can but the second you do you will lose respect and the relationship changes. If you get angry and irritated and let it show … instead of support you had hoped for you will often get the same thing back and doubled … right when you are the least capable of handling it.
Women-wives tend to let their emotions (anger) flare up whenever you need them to assist on fixing a problem.
Also, you cannot tolerate her disrespect. If you do, she will double it.
Great advice. Thx
I remember watching an episode of "Two and a half men", where the character Charlie, deescalated and defused female conflict with the phrase..."I understand". When the child, Jake, saw how well it worked for his uncle and dad, he started using it on his mother; it was absolute gold!....Women just want to be heard and understood....men just want peace and quiet...but not being a "simp"....🤔
… “ We are all born mad.
Some remain so. “
- Samuel Beckett
The one I kept running into with my last LTR was "I feel like you said....", to which my response was always "OK well that's not what I said, what I actually said was...". Relationship ended for reasons entirely unrelated to that (found out some crazy shit about her past and got rid of her, she wanted to stay) but that has been a recurring theme in most of my relationships. Getting into my mid 30's, I realized it's probably not worth arguing it with them and rather just working with it. It's a lot easier to build a bridge than to move a river.
If you forgive her past "mistakes" (being a porn star and not telling you, for example) or if you forgive her egregious acts, then she will perceive you as a weak man and your relationship will go down the drain.
@@rayrwyr No worries there, she's very gone. Already shacked up with another dude, some poor lonely guy who has no idea what he's in for.
@@cummins24421 -- a smart man should interview her former boyfriends/husbands.
there are a lot of poor blind men who are willing to pick after someone rubbish.@@cummins24421
A lot easier to not have to deal with the river at all
I've always been in relationships full of arguments and drama in the past. I finally realized on my own what you're saying about women and started being more mindful of what I think and say. I've been dating a woman for 6 months now and we've never had a fight. As long as I'm in control of my own thoughts and emotions and avoid conveying a negative tone, she reflects back the same positivity.
I'd assume that being conducive to lack of polarity being registered, in mid-term at least. and I wouldn't bet on only such her 'reflection' either.
Just joined as a psychonaut. Keep up the good work.
Loving your take on this topic. Your explanation & presentation are gold. Thanks so much for sharing your experience.
“90% of your relationship comes down to your choice of partner.”
I’m going to steal that one!!
Selection is 90% of a good relationship. I failed that part, but I tend to think my last relationship would have gone a million times better if I had known this one thing and accepted it. I look forward to a future conflict-free relationship.
One thing PsycHacks does not stress enough but very true (more important than being non-judgemental) is: women respect strong men and punish weak men. However, part of being strong (in the women's eyes) for a man, is having control over his own emotions. But the most important trait of a strong man is to be able to stay focused on his purpose, despite the woman's attempts to distract.
He forgot to mention that 90 of dating is digging through trash trying to find a diamond in a pile of shit. And that diamond might not even be there.
@@Candlelight787 Even if the diamond is there, most certainly there aren't enough diamonds for everyone.
@@Candlelight787 the trick is to find the diamond store and look there.
@@rayrwyr And Jung would say, we keep stories as myths and retell them in modern entertainment because those stories speak to us. They remind us of what we know. They help define the world. And in myths, virgin women are always sacrificed to monsters. This is an essential female view of what it means to be in a relationship. As PsycHacks says in another video, men are controlled because in a sense they are dangerous animals. Men are taught this their whole lives - that they have strength and power and need to use it in a controlled manner. But the REASON the virgin is sacrificed in the myths is because she can calm that monster. And this is an essential female view of what success is in a relationship. The more monstrous a man is, the greater the woman's value is in taming him. So yes, being with a weak man suggests she is useless... and some women will even PROVOKE their men to prove that they are still monsters and to prove that they are still under control by not destroying them back. It all makes a kind of sense when you understand that stories.
*If it was like that we would only need to LOVE them very much - they would MAGNIFY & REFLECT it back to us and this world would look like a fairy tale.*
YES!!
The Bible says Men Love your wives and women respect your husband
No, my friend. It is not enough for us to love them. We must also ensure that they FEEL loved. We must also ensure that they PERCEIVE that we love them. Simply loving them is not enough.
@@bdtrap @shelia3711 @Brian-nx3yp
*Well, from my experience - it doesn't work that way. Quite the Opposite: if you want your woman to leave you - just love her and she'll run away ASAP. Works every time. They DESPISE you when you love them, see you as Weak, Pathetic simp. The less you love them, the more they love you. Test it yourself and you'll see. Truth is famous for its ugliness.*
Op your mistake is that love isn't an emotion. She'll magnify and reflect your emotion. Whatever you are doing tonally while you're loving her is what she'll reflect. If you love her with a bitter heart you'll get bitterness
Praise the Lord!!!
Never fight with a Woman!
Thankyou Thankyou Thankyou, I have been searching for this information for years, I have been failing time after time.
I will implement this TODAY.
Big Respect to you Sir.
The juice is simply not worth the squeeze any more with today's entitled flaky narssisitic women
Exactly. They ghost you any day to go after Chads
Cringe
@@yomomshouse100 yes mrs psycho gaslighter he is talking about your kind exactly 😂
@@keylanoslokj1806 im a dude and i got a good woman thank god. :D they rare tho definitely cant be average.
@@yomomshouse100thanks for proving my points
What an insightful video! As a man I would have never guessed that removing all emotion from a man to woman conversation would be detrimental to the union. Having been married for 34 years our greatest struggle has been facts versus feelings.
And for the next 34, it will be just that,(it's the nature of the beast, you just have to decide which battle and what strategy-pleezebelievit!!
It's always on how you respond and not react.
I agree that the idea that when I'm communicating in a measured and controlled way is enough to set her off because it's not warm enough is both surprising and ridiculous
Yes, you understand and have been through the same old tired hoops. I guess some people need more stimulation to help them feel connected and alive. @@seekerofthemutablebalance5228
Well, she moved out 15 months ago so, my next love must pass the maturity test! @@P.I.M.P.720
"Remove every hint of frustration and judgment from your voice, and you'll have a much easier time of things." Best quote thus far!!!!
This is some brilliant advice, from top to bottom, no filler. Thank you sir.
Bro, you are an absolute saint for helping your brothers out.
This is actually a very important video! I find it difficult to understand how you can implement: checking a disrespectful moment with warmth and loving emotion. It sounds like a paradox, if you can see my point. Perhaps you can dedicate a separate video on this ;-) thanks for your great content!!
Don't ignore your feelings of anger or such negative emotions. Use them to understand how you are feeling (i.e. acknowedge them) and make decisions based on them. But also remember PsycHack's advice about how you to interact with her. Convey to her your decision not to accept her disrespectful behaviour, without showing loss of control.
Because it's bunch of BS. Doctor O. got some good points but that's not one of them. Women need to learn that their runny mouth has consequences. If someone into appeasement and playfullness while being disrespected - that's their choice. I just replace.
Just dont piss her off. Good advice.
One of your very best editions! Absolutely true!!
Man I want to give you a hug Orion.
O’Ryan O’Taliban
So, basically, guys have to walk on eggshells. Remove emotion, but don't be unemotional. Got it.
Not necessarily (though i can understand how it could be interpreted that way if viewed from the current western gynocentric lense). What Psychacks said here is generally a good teaching tool for men to develop into great leaders.
There is another video where he talks about how women have to bend themselves in their own way. This is not about only one person compromising, and in fact the author of this video doesn't even like 'compromise' because to him that means 'two people don't get what they want'. What he's telling you is not to surrender, but how to take the right approach to get what it is you want and need. To a man's view, women 'overreact' to emotional tone so they need to make sure they are positive. To a woman's view, men 'overreact' to disrespect and aggression so they need to make sure to purge all of that from their interactions.
This whole premise is deeply flawed, as are all of his theories. There's always a touch of truth and then he backdoors the idea that guys should be players. What guy is gonna hear this and think, yeah I can make this work.
At random.... just when you think you know what tone works with her, the moon is waxing. On and off. So you constantly have to adapt and appease while you can not expect the same in return. Doesn't sound like 'equality'... And too much squeezing...
I just rewatched the whole vid, can you please provide a couple of start times for clips that explain what you are saying.
I loved the Scooby Doo voice at the end
Thanks! This really resonated with me and the conflicts I’ve been having with women.
These are wise words to the younger me...
Your channel has already taught me so much! I am thankful for your teachings. I would like to tip in proportion but if I did that I won’t have any money at all. Cheers and have a great time!
thank you, im learning a lot from this
not only for dealing with women but also with people in general
As always, right on! Simple, but not easy to do.
It is utterly terrifying how perfectly you've outlined these issues. Equally terrifying is how consistently you do so. Love your work. Thank you so much
You illustrating what it sounds like to women when you remove all emotion from your voice was so good.
7:25 explains the principle of the reaction you should expect if you ever use the phrase “calm down” with a woman.
When women get emotional I just respectfully say I think is not the best moment to walk about the issue and I calmly and silently walk away.
Hmmmm this hasnt worked for me
Orion, you have given me more than many therapist in my life time have. Thank you.
Listening to some of these things makes me glad I’m married to a lovely lady. Yes she is mental at times and has to be managed, but if you are looking for the perfect woman then you won’t find her. We have been married 25+ years (I can’t remember lol) and still get butterflies if I haven’t seen her for 48 hours.
You have no clue of how mental women are nowadays, I dont wanna disregard your experience but at least back in the day dating was fun and none was looking for red flags unlike nowadays where they brag about hating men and what not.
We are living in different worlds
That’s cool man. You get butterflies when you see her after 48 hours of separation. That’s great., I’m happy for you. I want that. Great description.
This is an absolutely brilliant video!
Thanks for what you do… your info has been very helpful… glad I came across your channel.
On one hand, this sounds like reasonable advice. On the other, to what extent would/should/or can a man let a woman's emotions hold him hostage? This basically sounds like walking on eggshells. I could only imagine what Paul Elam would say about this.
I’m glad that as I read through the comments I’m not the only one who was thinking this. It’s ridiculous.
That sounds like a lot of work! I already have a job don’t want to work 1 when I get home!
Actually wonderful episode. Broken down so succinctly I’m amazed.
Dude is right. It’s all about being mindful. I really needed to hear this. Thank you my friend.
This is your best video yet. I love the ancient wisdom of the Sun and Moon analogy. It is so damn true, not only of women, but of men and all people in general. We are apes that mimic the actions of others as a default. Only the higher human brain can overcome the default instinct. Its the curse, or the blessing, of mirror neurons. I have a wonderful relationship and my nickname for her is Beautiful. Whenever I speak to her I call her Beautiful, and whenever she speaks to me I use her pet name which is Babe. To me she is beautiful and a babe! We NEVER fight for a simple reason. I am ALWAYS wrong in any disagreement, especially if I am right I am doubly wrong, and I make a joke out of it. I have a whole skit about how I am always wrong. We just always know I am wrong in any disagreement. I can say anything I need to say, I just always admit I am wrong. If on the occasion I dislike whatever she is doing, all I do is cut back a little on the Beautifuls and Babes a bit. Women pick up on this way faster than men, and quite often she will do anything to get those Beautifuls and Babes back again. Her nickname for me is Gorgeous, lol! And she spoils me rotten. We are so lucky we have each other, and we tell each other that all the time. And I am wrong each and every single time.
I think it’s great advice, enlightening too, but beyond the ability of most of us guys to pull off. It requires incessant self awareness and self control. More than most of us can manage.
Agree 100%
Orion tells part of the story. So how to react to her emotional outbursts? Listen carefully what she has to say. But do that just to understand her emotion. Do not literally interpret her words. Men express with logic and rationality. So men's words can be literally interpreted. Women express with emotions. Understand her emotion. Disregard her actual words. Woman wants you to understand how she feels. Do not invalidate her feeling. Do not tell her feelings are nonsensical. Acknowledge her feelings non-judgmentally. If you she realizes that you actually got how she feels, then she feels understood and she calms down. So, men needs the skill to be empathetic.
Especially when we already need to do 2 jobs to survive the house prices and inflation 😂😂😂
This is such good content. Thank you.