At about 15:30 , you mention the grief that comes with essentially not getting what you want (I'm dramatically simplifying). Which is valid. As you describe, there can be a grief that is followed by acceptance. But then there are other times that the grief is not followed by acceptance, but the realization that this relationship either will not last, or needs to fundamentally change. I think so often, we couch "boundaries" as "no." What I won't do. What I won't accept. What about the different type of boundary?- the one of "I must." "This is something that I need, you say you cannot meet me there. I must be in a place/relationship/community that that need is accepted and fostered and cherished" Yes, it may ultimately be a break up conversation. But there is a conversation that says "If I have to live without _______, then my life is not fully lived."
Isn’t the idea of mourning to mourn when a need is unfulfilled? If two people simply haven’t agreed on a strategy for how to connect, I would think that’s a call for more negotiation, not for mourning.
Would you be able to explain how mourning, or in other words killing, a need fits in the NVC framework? I was surprised to hear you take that approach. Would a more positive response to a rejection be to ask, how can I do that? Or... how can I meet this need of mine if you won't? Where else can the conversation go if you express a need or needs and your partner just says no? Other than saying, well I'm not going to be able to do anything on my bucket list then, time to mourn?
I would only go to mourn my strategy (not my need! Just that the need doesnt get met by this person) after having a dialogue to see what is possible. What makes someone say no? What need do they have? And then negotiate. It can be tough, as it means applying all the NVC tools at once :-) Does this clarify?
@@CupofEmpathyThis seems in conflict with what you said at in this video:. Let's use your own example where your partner says "no fricken way, don't even want to talk about it, and if you love that idea you need to mourn that ... if this is a long term partner, maybe its not going to happen for you for a long time or maybe never". It sounds like you're saying to mourn the need not the strategy in the video. If the other party is not open to discussion at all, where does that leave you? Ask to open the relationship? Divorce?
![เปิด อาณาจักร หมื่นล้าน "สาระตั้ม" l [Nickynachat]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/3XE0nPF4YkQ/mqdefault.jpg)
Let me know in the comments what other issues around talking about sex you would like me to address!
At about 15:30 , you mention the grief that comes with essentially not getting what you want (I'm dramatically simplifying). Which is valid. As you describe, there can be a grief that is followed by acceptance.
But then there are other times that the grief is not followed by acceptance, but the realization that this relationship either will not last, or needs to fundamentally change.
I think so often, we couch "boundaries" as "no." What I won't do. What I won't accept.
What about the different type of boundary?- the one of "I must."
"This is something that I need, you say you cannot meet me there. I must be in a place/relationship/community that that need is accepted and fostered and cherished"
Yes, it may ultimately be a break up conversation. But there is a conversation that says "If I have to live without _______, then my life is not fully lived."
Yes I agree!
I remember hearing from smb from NVC is that depression is not having inner grief grieved, that helped me a lot to have clarity in what depression is.
this was so amazing and informative thank you!!
thank you!!
Isn’t the idea of mourning to mourn when a need is unfulfilled? If two people simply haven’t agreed on a strategy for how to connect, I would think that’s a call for more negotiation, not for mourning.
Would you be able to explain how mourning, or in other words killing, a need fits in the NVC framework? I was surprised to hear you take that approach. Would a more positive response to a rejection be to ask, how can I do that? Or... how can I meet this need of mine if you won't? Where else can the conversation go if you express a need or needs and your partner just says no? Other than saying, well I'm not going to be able to do anything on my bucket list then, time to mourn?
I would only go to mourn my strategy (not my need! Just that the need doesnt get met by this person) after having a dialogue to see what is possible. What makes someone say no? What need do they have? And then negotiate. It can be tough, as it means applying all the NVC tools at once :-) Does this clarify?
@@CupofEmpathyThis seems in conflict with what you said at in this video:. Let's use your own example where your partner says "no fricken way, don't even want to talk about it, and if you love that idea you need to mourn that ... if this is a long term partner, maybe its not going to happen for you for a long time or maybe never". It sounds like you're saying to mourn the need not the strategy in the video. If the other party is not open to discussion at all, where does that leave you? Ask to open the relationship? Divorce?
I want to know the funny story
haha yes that was a cliff hanger for the second part! Will be ready most likely next week.
⭐
Who are these people?
They're Kyle and Kadie from the NVC connected podcast!