yeah. at some point in my relationship with my avoidant, as we got more attached, both our attachment wounds started surfacing. She would stop answering questions I asked her. Eventually I got frustrated that she was shutting down when I was trying to have conversations with her and so she broke up with me. We've been in a truly toxic on and off situation ever since then. Last month she unblocked me and reached out, we reconnected but a week later a conflict arose and instead of trying to resolve it she shut down again, blocked me on everything, one word answers or no answers to my questions. Just exhausting to deal with. Yet I still love her. Hopefully she will be able to get past her inability to communicate and work through conflict with someone else because with me it just feels impossible.
@alexleung842 It’s such a difficult decision to make to stand your ground and not be pulled back in to the Rollercoaster of ups and downs... I'm not an expert on this and am just a person exploring my own journey. I realized recently that I needed to reflect on my own issues that attracted me to avoidants. That's where the real work is for me... I hope to shed some more light on this in time. Thank you so much for your comments. I hope all goes well with you and good job on making that decision to leave the toxicity behind. 🫶☮️🙏
Leave the avoidant alone. At least until they take responsibility and go to therapy and admit that they have a problem. I know it is really unsatisfying to hear right now, but it will get better over time and take the lesson you got from them and improve your relationships in the future with this knowledge
I made the mistake of trying to very strongly urge my avoidant to go to therapy. That just made them feel very triggered and criticized. I'm trying to adopt a new MO of I will not give them any unsolicited advice, opinions, or contact. If they reach out and ask about something, that's different.
@alexleung842 I think for avoidants, therapy could seem like their worst nightmare. Opening up and being vulnerable to loved ones and people they know is hard enough, then add a stranger in the mix... I know I tried to do the same. The door was shut, and the wall was built higher. It's hard to know how to make an avoidant feel safe since they don't share any of that with you. That's what I was getting at about probing them... it only pushes them away even further.
yeah. at some point in my relationship with my avoidant, as we got more attached, both our attachment wounds started surfacing. She would stop answering questions I asked her. Eventually I got frustrated that she was shutting down when I was trying to have conversations with her and so she broke up with me. We've been in a truly toxic on and off situation ever since then.
Last month she unblocked me and reached out, we reconnected but a week later a conflict arose and instead of trying to resolve it she shut down again, blocked me on everything, one word answers or no answers to my questions. Just exhausting to deal with. Yet I still love her. Hopefully she will be able to get past her inability to communicate and work through conflict with someone else because with me it just feels impossible.
@alexleung842 It’s such a difficult decision to make to stand your ground and not be pulled back in to the Rollercoaster of ups and downs... I'm not an expert on this and am just a person exploring my own journey. I realized recently that I needed to reflect on my own issues that attracted me to avoidants. That's where the real work is for me... I hope to shed some more light on this in time. Thank you so much for your comments. I hope all goes well with you and good job on making that decision to leave the toxicity behind. 🫶☮️🙏
Wow mine has done the SAME thing I am so sorry your in pain. But you could copy and paste mine into yours so sad
Leave the avoidant alone.
At least until they take responsibility and go to therapy and admit that they have a problem.
I know it is really unsatisfying to hear right now, but it will get better over time and take the lesson you got from them and improve your relationships in the future with this knowledge
I made the mistake of trying to very strongly urge my avoidant to go to therapy. That just made them feel very triggered and criticized. I'm trying to adopt a new MO of I will not give them any unsolicited advice, opinions, or contact. If they reach out and ask about something, that's different.
@alexleung842 I think for avoidants, therapy could seem like their worst nightmare. Opening up and being vulnerable to loved ones and people they know is hard enough, then add a stranger in the mix... I know I tried to do the same. The door was shut, and the wall was built higher. It's hard to know how to make an avoidant feel safe since they don't share any of that with you. That's what I was getting at about probing them... it only pushes them away even further.
110% correct
I'm so glad you think so. 😊
Tim Fletcher has some good information about Avoidants on his youtube channel
Sounds great! I will look for him. Thank you!