The switch flipped for me this week. Woke one morning and it just lifted off of me. I was not bothered. Whatever happens, happens and maybe she comes back or maybe she doesn’t. If took me a year to get to this place so for those in the thick of it, stay strong and focus on your life, your healing and creating your own joy
It’s the best feeling when you get to that place of acceptance He always comes back and I know he always will but I also know I can never make him stay. It’s so freeing to understand that and finally be free of all hope for a different outcome. Knowing this I will never waste my energy engaging in this kind of toxic dynamic ever again.
@@333zee that’s how I feel, it’s just an amazing feeling when you finally get there! That relationship put me through so much pain but in a strange way it helped me realise what I really want and need, how the universe works 😊 xx
I was discarded by my apparently DA ex 9½ months ago. She offered me friendship, but it hurt so much I didn't know what to do about it. I told her I would need time before I could even consider it. Been in no contact ever since. Now I came to the realisation that she can't show up in a healthy relationship and that I don't want to gravitate around her or get breadcrumbed. Shecwas right when she said I deserved better. I decided never to contact her ever again and move forward. It's the best I could do for myself. I'm slowly getting to this place of inner peace. And she never tried to reach out to me either.
@@tabarnakopoulos she will! Mine came back at 5mths and the same he wanted to stay friends, they want the friendship because they still have access without the commitment, mine only came back because I started dating, he says he’s changed and now understands what I need, it’s all rubbish keep focusing on yourself, take care
Did everything for her and treated her like she was a queen. Loved her so much and she has been ghosting me now for four months. I hate avoidants. They wreck lives.
Similar situation for me. If you can… I recommend planning a trip. It’s working wonders for me. It’s making you stronger and if you handle the unfair bs life threw at you in a way that you respect then you can see this as an opportunity to show yourself how strong and good of a person you are (or at least not a bad person). You’re paying the price upfront for the gift you’re about to receive. Stay 💪
I’m the one who cut off my avoidant. He went cold on me for the last time and a switch finally flipped and I’d had enough. I don’t hate him but short of a massive personality change I don’t like him either anymore 🎉 I got a half hearted apology but my ‘I miss you’ was ‘it’s strange no longer having contact with you’ 😑, it wasn’t enough and actually felt like a bit of an insult that he couldn’t say three small, important words that would have made me rethink my decision. I am done with not being clearly chosen and treasured so am finally doing that for myself!
@ ❤️ I hope we find someone who can be fully open and loving and proud to be with us 💪 I’m still grieving what could have been but know it was the right choice and need to make better ones in future, have clearer boundaries and not believe words over actions. At least that’s something this has taught me!
That's wild. They don't want the closeness, it scares them. They get with someone who doesn't trigger them, then they miss the intimacy. Lol. Good lord
@good for you! 🪷It’s not easy and glad you’re doing better! My partner of ten years emotionally left me last August, so I left in October. I moved from LA to Hawaii. I’d say I’m over it ,not as much anxieties or nightmares. i’m still working on sleeping better, but I do exercise every day run walk and lift weights at the gym. It helps a lot. Its sad what people go through in life ,when it comes to relationships. Aloha from Hawaii.🏄🏽♂️🌺
Listen to this song it helped me out alot everyone.🌿 It’s called “Dive Deep“, by One Culture and Mellow Dose … hope this song lifts your spirits! it did for me🏄🏽♂️🤙🏽☕️
Listen to this song everyone ,if you like …it help me out a lot! It’s called “Dive Deep“, by One Culture and Mellowdose Enjoy hopefully it lifts your spirits.☀️🌿☕️🏄🏽♂️🤙🏽🌺
@@xOFFtheCUFF I can understand. My relationship was also 10 years old. Although it was on and off. After 4 years of relationship I I had broken up with him.I am an anxiously attached person. Due to his neglect I used to feel very unhappy and unfulfilled. Although he stayed in touch always but never did anything for me in reality, always kept me at a distance, I didn't understand it that time but i remember I used to very upset and unhappy that i couldn't meet him and be with him more often. But he seemed quite ok with it. Then finally I decided to break up with him after 4 years ,then all of a sudden he became clingy and sad. He was never like this during our relationship, but i had made up my mind by then. Although I broke up with him he stayed in touch with me, messaged me every day for 5 years. He behaved same as he was during our relationship. But I created boundary ,Then we happened to meet again after 5 years and something sparked in me again, it rekindled, I fell in love again with him. And it started again but it wasn't much different than the first time. He was good to me in the beginning, but as our closeness grew he started pulling away, wanted as open relationship with me.when I didn't agree with him he offered me his friendship, and I was shattered . Then he asked me to take a break from him and let him be for a while. I did leave him alone, but he never reached out, it's been more than a year now. I had contacted him once after a month but his cold reply broke my heart and I never contacted him Again. I saw him entertaining other women on his social media,He had set his sight somewhere else now. It was devastating to see him move on so quickly to some other chick. I haven't forgotten him but have come to terms with this situation now because know now I know why he does what he does. Thanks to this channel. I don't take it personally now.
I was the avoidant and I lost her. But it got me to wake up and heal. I was not aware of this untill I fell in love. Currently doing the work and working toward being more secure. Yr video shed light. Thank you
I miss him, but i deserve better than just bread crumbs. I know we are just not compatible. He still has his niece say good morning and night every day .
I went through 30 years of breadcrumbs. I started to lose teeth, so I moved on and it’s been a tough road, but I’m getting there. Good luck you’ll get to the other end..
@@ScottVessey-f8u You must have suffered an emotional neglect that led to the overall deterioration of your health, please take good care of yourself.
Of all the coaches I’ve watched recently in order to understand my upset and get some clarity, you are the only one who actually makes me feel confident that everything is going to be alright. Thank you so, so much xx
I'm not a cocky or arrogant person but she lost the person who turned up and cared for her in life more than almost anyone ever had for them, I'm moving on,as much as I empathize with aspects of her life I know I deserve better going forward, I miss them but I value myself not to repeat it with them if they reached out, I doubt they will anyway
I feel this exactly same way. It’s been about 3 months and I’ve gotten over it more, but I do still wonder if he will come back or ever regret. Definitely has not shown it all this time. But I’ve started to realize I deserve someone who actually chooses me and shows me they want to be with me no matter what, no someone who gives up on me.
Same. Gave everything to be broken up with over email. My ex will probably have 1-2 more relationships in the next decade with APs and avoidants just to end up single anyway. I'm secure, I meant what I said to them. I could have taken care of them when theyre old.
I hate being an avoidant sooooo much, its killing me. I miss her so much I feel like I'm going to die. I just want to love her like she loved me - fully and openly. Im sick of self sabotaging and ruining my own life... Gosh I hate myself so much 😢
But you just did the first step you realize that you are an avoidant. Now, you just need to take accountability to do the right thing with your relationship and whatever that might be.
Omg grow some balls. If you really love her it will win from your make believe fear. Be honest. Scary yes. But you will get used by it! 😂😂 An ex avoidant!
…as an avoidant do you sometimes want to try an reach out but don’t because you’re worried your ex will reject you…? Given maybe you pushed them away or hurt them?
Wow the part when you said the other person may find someone else and seem happy because they are as avoidant or more avoidant than they are makes so much sense. My person is always saying that she doesn’t have these issues with her other friends who are just like her and don’t care if they don’t speak for weeks or meet up etc and that’s probably because she feels safe with people who are equally as uncommunicative
They feel safe with superficial connections. Fake and inauthentic friendship only. I'm passed that and need genuine and deeper connections since doing my deep healing work on my attachment issues and past traumas
I realized this with my DA friend. It's easy to maintain friendships with others who don't want any depth or vulnerability. They love people who don't require much or anything from them.
They are just messed up, what happens though is they are connected and engaging right up till you start loving and giving to them, if you are in the stage where you are working them out like dating etc everything is fine, but once there are no more barriers this is when they pull back.
Imagine the connections we could all have on this channel haha perfect dating ground. My people. Mature people, committed people. Empaths. I’m 39, male, well built .. haha
I know right.. I don't understand why no one takes advantage of the situation. Like 95% of the people in the comments are emotionally mature and serious about showing up in relationships. I guess most are also extremely broken or trying to put themselves back together after dating an avoidant
I'm 38, female, in very good shape... 😅 But yes. Healing too over here. I did it though. It always feels like YOU do something wrong, you fail them by promising they're safe with you to open up and then they grind you down to a point where you nearly lose your sanity and then they're like: See. I knew we wouldn't make it ...
I subscribed immediately after watching! Yes. What you are teaching is being graceful! The devil whispers so many ways to hate and be vengeful. If you really do love them, you let them go, and carry-on, and don’t resent them. There are many ways of evil, but grace is the way of good.
Oh yes, I drank from that toxic cup - I wouldn’t say I hated her but I did resent her for a while. Then I healed and I am so glad to be free of that angst
When a shift happens where you care more about yourself and your healing and your personal goals than trying to have a relationship with someone who acts like they barely care, it is such a relief. It feels so good because you know the attention you’re putting into yourself is going somewhere. It feels good to invest in relationships that feel like they’re going somewhere too and that’s the point, they made you feel it wasn’t going anywhere and that’s why you made a change!
Today I told him everything I had left to say to get closure, for myself, of course he acted like he didn’t care . I’ve come , 3 years of this cycle . I was left feeling drained, but there was that suddenly shift, that click, today, and I finally feel so different internally. While telling my friend the story I ended it with HIS LOSS. And for the first time in my life , I really meant it and felt it . I’m so proud of how far
Every time I started to feel better he would contact me to tell me how sorry he was and how much he missed me but still didn't want to be with me. It was an emotional roller coaster that affected my health.
I dated for months a person who did not seemed an avoidant. I met her family, she introduced me to her friends, she said she loved me, we went on a 1 month trip together. Everything was perfect. Then she suddenly changed, she started being distant, stopped messaging me and completely ignored me. She went on 1 week trip alone and basically she disappeared. After that we broked up because she said she was not committed on what we were building. I am ok with people changing their minds, I just feel emotionally drained by this sudden change and by the fact that she treated me like a stranger after a lot of promises and nice, now empty, words
I got the crying, apologies, the first “I love you” in 10 YEARS once I left. It all came across as manipulative and not genuine. Ick. So happy to be out of that mess. If anyone is in one of these relationships, please know it’s not you. You cannot fix them and no amount of waiting will make them change.
Great advice, I had one come back come back after 6 months of silence. Unfortunately I fell back into the same habits and they went again, then I attracted yet another avoidant and I'm going through the same thing again! Lesson learnt 100% this time! It's a horrible place to be waiting, hoping, wishing etc. YOU are the love you're seeking in them, they're only teaching you what you haven't yet realised ❤
You win as an AP when you find someone better and you are more successful. The universe and everybody else wins when the DA is forever single or with someone who is not the same or better than you and you get to be rent free in their heads forever as a Phantom Ex
It’s been 14 months since I was dumped by text, after a 15 yr relationship. I was blindsided. Daily learning about avoidants, that I knew nothing about. Her b’day is coming up soon this month, but I will not contact. Only now is the pain starting to recede
Watching this was helpful for me, since I'm really working on changing, as someone from the opposite side of the spectrum. I have actually been that avoidant person in several relationships; where I'm sort of aloof during the relationship and then pour out my emotions later on after a break. And, then I realize how ridiculous and unfair it was to the other person. I don't want to keep that cycle going, so I appreciate your insight and wisdom.
I have been binging these videos for 6 months so when I left my DA I knew I had to go NC. I couldn’t go completely b/c I still had to coordinate getting my things. But it was severe pull back of communication, short yet polite responses. He reached out on day 5. I expected to wait 6 weeks do I wasn’t even thinking about him. Honestly I am doing a little of the things that the DA would be doing in your description. I’m secure but just barely - I’m healing from being an FA. I am holding firm to my boundaries. When he asked to talk, he asked me where we should meet. I responded with, “I’ll let you pick. You are the man. You lead.” - he selected the botanical gardens. I am just going to listen. In my mind we are 100% broken up not a couple. He has a 30% chance.
I’m so hurt I thought we had such a connection ❤he made me feel so incredibly safe and then poof gone acted like I was mad stopped talking never known anything like it 😢
@ unbelievable I do wonder if people have heard of decency weird conception I think best away Id rather be alone and happy than attached and confused 😵💫 why what for go away xx
They will use you to get over you. Now I get why she intermittently reached out to me after the discard then blocked me. Used me to get over me, wow... Update: She unblocked me and reached out over the holidays. We did have several conversations. Then just like that I got blocked again.
I needed to hear this today, went through a break up about two months ago. Today I felt very strong emotions over it, because reality settling in. I feel like this is meant for me to see today. It's getting better.
The strangest thing about an avoidant is their flip of a switch change in personality. One minute so loving and in touch with their emotions, the next....acting like you dont exist. Its friggin weird. Why did i have to fall in love with an avoidant? 😫 Whatever, im just focusing on me. Hes gotta work on himself. If he comes back, i shall see if its worth going back to. If not, oh well. Lesson learned.
I recommend the book “Love Life” by Matthew Hussey. I’ve read it twice to help get over a situationship. When a person doesn’t choose you, they aren’t meant for you. And getting attention from them doesn’t signify intention. Best wishes on your healing journey.
maybe because showing love and touching with emotions shouldnt be something to do every hour, as it exhaust the feelings that person have for you, I dont think some people who flip do that intentionally, i think they are balancing the amount of sentiments a relationship need, not too much not too less
Wonderful video You have star power Corri .. The only thing Idisagree with in your pep talk is you win and then you win .. Not every story has a happy ending and in fact few do. !!
This is excellent and exactly how it plays out. Wish I’d seen this 12 months ago when his disappearance first happened but last week he reached out xxx
I love the peace and clarity you bring to these videos you are a beautiful human being I could listen to you for hours I cannot express how thankful I am to have stumbled across your videos and channel so insightful
Win win is absolutely right! Been in NC now for more than 6 month and starting slowely to not give a shit anymore. I do love her stil very much, understand where her DA coping is coming from but she will have to do the work first and if she comes back, we’ll see where we stand. ❤❤
Ended the loop today. We broke up earlier this year,he came back and we ended up in an unsettling fwb situation and it was emotionally exhausting and devastating and I kept on with the hope that someday things would change. I knew that he didn’t love me and didn’t want a serious relationship with me but at the same time didn’t want me to find someone who actually can love me. I might ad that I also was guilty too the push and pull dynamic we ended up in.
I have Avoidant PD. Most important in a relationship for me is that both partners know the other person accepts them as they are. If someone has previously pressured their partner to change while this person wants nothing more than to be accepted as they are - Yes, I would feel relieved when the relationship ends and the pressure is finally gone. I read these comments, people who claim that someone with an avoidant attachment style would take advantage of their partner...?!? (Desperately) trying to avoid being hurt is the only "evil" thing this person does. Some personalities don't match. Why demonizing a person for not being able to meet your needs? I bet you couldn't meet their most important need either.
I had a fearful avoidant long distance girlfriend (3K miles +) come back after two 3 month periods (reached out each time after 3 months x2) and they ended up flying 3K miles and wanted to meet after knowing each other for 9 years (relationship for 2 years and on and off for 2 years).
I believe this is very solid advice. Thank you. Even though we know all these things, when we are in the forest it is hard to get a birds eye view. Of the terrain
well according to the video I was the avoidant as I enjoyed playing video games, so why should we have to be constantly emotional and having to prove our feelings constantly to the person we already love? when I was kind to him, supporting him, always listened to him and having proper conversations, but sometimes I also liked playing video games as a hobbie, it can be emotionally exhausting always having to prove what you already proved, and everyday being with that person you love by your actions and kindness is a proof of how much you love that person.
Been with him for 5 years gone through the roller coaster ride of being ghosted and right now im ghosted its 3 weeks he is quiet no word from him. Im done.
I think in my case, we did have long term incompatibilities and we had different views of her relationship with her family (they were overbearing, entitled, and had no boundaries). I think with time, she’ll realize that she needs to work on those family dynamic issues, but being with me held a mirror to that and she wasn’t ready or willing to work on it. Meaning, I don’t think she’ll be coming back because the honest truth is - we’re not right for each other. But I’ll tell you, it’s a blow to my ego for sure 😅
@ we had arguments and unresolved issues for only about 4 months before she gave up. I tried everything I could to work through it but her emotional comprehension was nowhere close to mine. There was an imbalance that we just couldn’t resolve. It’s a shame because we had a lot of similar values and desires. But you and I both will find that with someone else who’s willing to choose us every day even when it’s hard
@ I don’t think she is self-aware. So I should say no. But I don’t feel I have the strengh yet to set my boundaries. When I look at all of the comments we are all struggling. And I believe allways hoping. It is just hard.
@@GJJ-sd6hdI know it's hard, I myself have gone through very recently for the past 10 years. but focusing on self is the best thing. You can't build a healthy relationship with a person who is not self-aware and does their healing. I hope you turn the focus on yourself and believe that there's no one who is going to make you comfortable. I wish you good luck in choosing yourself.
I did everything like y'all and i fell off her these days that i dnr want her anymore,but today is my birthday 🎉,and she forgot it after we talked about it a lot at begining of relationship,ghosting and stuffs, im letting her comfort, but forgeting my birthday is the last thing i will handle from her, it hurts me, but a great lesson to learn ,thank u univers
It is good to know what is happening to me is not unique. Takes a bit the pain off. I know pain is part of being alive, better in pain than numb but still. We drew the short end on that. The avoidant may have issues but they really don’t seem to suffer much
You should also mention that many of them (and I really mean it, from my own experience and women who had 'not pleasure' to be with them) are already monkey branching when relationship gets rocky or uncomfortable for them (escape exit or soothing their mommy issues in someone else's attention, which we anxious trigger in them ) or very quickly looking for attention and validation from the opposite sex, or rebounding with a female 'friend' which they said is only friend or go back to their equally toxic and avoidant ex because it's familiar to them. My goodness if I only knew what I know now. But my addict in recovery avoidant ex was a catalyst for my recovery so I'm gratefull for this one thing 😉. So their distraction doesn't only come in form of new hobbies, work, games or drinking. I wish it could be only this but unfortunatelly let's get real. Many of them are cheaters when things get uncomfortable to sooth themselves, they avoid emotions and vulnerability with you but they have no problem to discard you and open up for someone else very quickly.
Very helpful video. You have a gift for breaking complex behavioral motivations into easy to understand concepts. One point thought is the impact of how long you are in a relationship. For example, 6 months vs 20 years married. Is anything different in the case of a very long relationship that suddenly ends?
He promised things and never pulled thru so I broke up with him. Then he used his dog (who was ill) as bait so I could contact him and when I did he treated me like shit over the phone. Can't beleive how immature he is!
I have been seeing a girl for about 3 months im an anxious attachment style. She ended things with me sunday and sent me this message yesterday. Hey just want to say. I appreciate the truly lovely things you’ve done for me. Your kindness and care have meant a lot. I owe you an apology, not for anything you’ve done, but because I know I’ve left you with unanswered questions. The truth is, I don’t have the answers myself. I’m still trying to figure that out. Please know that my lack of explanation isn’t a reflection of how I feel about you or the gratitude I hold for what you’ve done. Much care. Thoughts?
Mine continues to like and add on social media even though he left me on read since Sept. I guess there’s no timeline in when they start to realize, yeah? I’m not wishing him Xmas or nye this year b/c I’ve always tried and I’m exhausted.
Block him on SM. He isn’t reaching out but reacting to your SM because that’s a way for him to get dopamine without actually talking to you. He is using you still.
@ oh I deleted all of my social media in August. He was liking pictures of this girl who is actually with another man now. I always initiated messages checking in on him. Nothing from him. My SP was watching my stories but not messaging me. When he left me on read in Sept, I felt like shit - that was it for me. I deleted him but then I just deleted social media bc I was over it. So, I’m just focusing on me. He has my number. I even told him I haven’t blocked him. I’m just off. But he hasn’t tried to msg me since Sept. He’s active on social media all of the time but left me on read when I’ve always cared so much for him. I’m tired of being that person who cares more. He says he’s working on sobriety and being a good dad right now, but he isn’t even being a good friend to me. So, I had a fuck it moment. I miss him but I will not be trying anymore. It’s on him. Prob relapsed again and is avoiding me. The thing is, I have been so kind and so supportive only to be disrespected. I’m not ok with this. Unless he messages me with something substantial, I’m not trying at all.
This song helped me out a lot. Maybe you would like it too… it’s called “Dive Deep” by One Culture and Mellowdose…Hope you feel better… Aloha from Hawaii🏄🏽♂️🤙🏽🌺you are loved.
I'm kind of hoping this can happen while still in the relationship, as I'm tired of doing all the work and trying to make the other person understand, but we are at a crossroads. If I can flip this switch, maybe some of the pressure will lift off and we can be saved. I spent 2 years manifesting them and now we're together, So I don't want to throw in the towel because what a victory we've had already. I believe in manifestation because obviously I got the person in the first place after trying so hard for 2 years to manifest them. So far I've been unsuccessful at manifesting a change in the dynamic. I have no idea how to take the person off the pedestal except to just leave. But I don't want to throw in the towel and leave because look how far we've come.
I totally get it. The only way out of the dynamic is for you to face your fear of losing the relationship. Nobody can tell you how to do that or what’s right or wrong. The way you find out is to honour your needs first and see where that leads you xx
She never forgive me for what i said 5 years ago, and i was struggling with anxiety stress emotions... i just had mixed feelings and by stupidly i talked about my goals... im feelings worse ... after these years i tried to show her love carrying but she was trying to distance
So I basically told I didn’t want to be friends but I wish you the best… because she texted me asking why my friend blocked her on tik tok and really had no idea and she was asking me I hated her … I politely said no and than she told me I misunderstood that I was trying to be her friend….. did I mess I don’t know I’m feeling lost
The switch flipped for me this week. Woke one morning and it just lifted off of me. I was not bothered. Whatever happens, happens and maybe she comes back or maybe she doesn’t. If took me a year to get to this place so for those in the thick of it, stay strong and focus on your life, your healing and creating your own joy
You just let a criminal escape the punishment.
It’s the best feeling when you get to that place of acceptance He always comes back and I know he always will but I also know I can never make him stay. It’s so freeing to understand that and finally be free of all hope for a different outcome. Knowing this I will never waste my energy engaging in this kind of toxic dynamic ever again.
@@333zee that’s how I feel, it’s just an amazing feeling when you finally get there! That relationship put me through so much pain but in a strange way it helped me realise what I really want and need, how the universe works 😊 xx
I was discarded by my apparently DA ex 9½ months ago. She offered me friendship, but it hurt so much I didn't know what to do about it. I told her I would need time before I could even consider it. Been in no contact ever since. Now I came to the realisation that she can't show up in a healthy relationship and that I don't want to gravitate around her or get breadcrumbed. Shecwas right when she said I deserved better. I decided never to contact her ever again and move forward. It's the best I could do for myself. I'm slowly getting to this place of inner peace. And she never tried to reach out to me either.
@@tabarnakopoulos she will! Mine came back at 5mths and the same he wanted to stay friends, they want the friendship because they still have access without the commitment, mine only came back because I started dating, he says he’s changed and now understands what I need, it’s all rubbish keep focusing on yourself, take care
Did everything for her and treated her like she was a queen. Loved her so much and she has been ghosting me now for four months. I hate avoidants. They wreck lives.
Similar situation for me. If you can… I recommend planning a trip. It’s working wonders for me. It’s making you stronger and if you handle the unfair bs life threw at you in a way that you respect then you can see this as an opportunity to show yourself how strong and good of a person you are (or at least not a bad person). You’re paying the price upfront for the gift you’re about to receive. Stay 💪
@RightSideNews thank you.. best of luck...
They do
@@RightSideNews I made a trip but it did not work.
@marguskiis7711 best of luck to you my brother. I hope you will find someone who appreciates your love.
I’m the one who cut off my avoidant. He went cold on me for the last time and a switch finally flipped and I’d had enough. I don’t hate him but short of a massive personality change I don’t like him either anymore 🎉
I got a half hearted apology but my ‘I miss you’ was ‘it’s strange no longer having contact with you’ 😑, it wasn’t enough and actually felt like a bit of an insult that he couldn’t say three small, important words that would have made me rethink my decision. I am done with not being clearly chosen and treasured so am finally doing that for myself!
Me. Exactly.
@@joannemcclelland5271 the same with me.I found out she cheated on me and cut off her.
@ ❤️ I hope we find someone who can be fully open and loving and proud to be with us 💪 I’m still grieving what could have been but know it was the right choice and need to make better ones in future, have clearer boundaries and not believe words over actions. At least that’s something this has taught me!
@@LadyMarigoldWithers words over actions. Yes!
100% agree! I ended my relationship with an avoidant after he ran away.
That's wild. They don't want the closeness, it scares them. They get with someone who doesn't trigger them, then they miss the intimacy. Lol. Good lord
A complete and utter chaos vortex- right?
Congratulations !!! if you survived any avoidant partners!!! 🎉
It's been an year now. I am at a much better place and have made peace with the breakup.
@good for you! 🪷It’s not easy and glad you’re doing better! My partner of ten years emotionally left me last August, so I left in October. I moved from LA to Hawaii. I’d say I’m over it ,not as much anxieties or nightmares. i’m still working on sleeping better, but I do exercise every day run walk and lift weights at the gym. It helps a lot. Its sad what people go through in life ,when it comes to relationships. Aloha from Hawaii.🏄🏽♂️🌺
Listen to this song it helped me out alot everyone.🌿
It’s called “Dive Deep“, by One Culture and Mellow Dose … hope this song lifts your spirits! it did for me🏄🏽♂️🤙🏽☕️
Listen to this song everyone ,if you like …it help me out a lot!
It’s called “Dive Deep“, by One Culture and Mellowdose Enjoy hopefully it lifts your spirits.☀️🌿☕️🏄🏽♂️🤙🏽🌺
@@xOFFtheCUFF I can understand. My relationship was also 10 years old. Although it was on and off. After 4 years of relationship I I had broken up with him.I am an anxiously attached person. Due to his neglect I used to feel very unhappy and unfulfilled. Although he stayed in touch always but never did anything for me in reality, always kept me at a distance, I didn't understand it that time but i remember I used to very upset and unhappy that i couldn't meet him and be with him more often. But he seemed quite ok with it. Then finally I decided to break up with him after 4 years ,then all of a sudden he became clingy and sad. He was never like this during our relationship, but i had made up my mind by then. Although I broke up with him he stayed in touch with me, messaged me every day for 5 years. He behaved same as he was during our relationship. But I created boundary ,Then we happened to meet again after 5 years and something sparked in me again, it rekindled, I fell in love again with him. And it started again but it wasn't much different than the first time. He was good to me in the beginning, but as our closeness grew he started pulling away, wanted as open relationship with me.when I didn't agree with him he offered me his friendship, and I was shattered . Then he asked me to take a break from him and let him be for a while. I did leave him alone, but he never reached out, it's been more than a year now. I had contacted him once after a month but his cold reply broke my heart and I never contacted him Again. I saw him entertaining other women on his social media,He had set his sight somewhere else now. It was devastating to see him move on so quickly to some other chick. I haven't forgotten him but have come to terms with this situation now because know now I know why he does what he does. Thanks to this channel. I don't take it personally now.
I was the avoidant and I lost her. But it got me to wake up and heal. I was not aware of this untill I fell in love. Currently doing the work and working toward being more secure. Yr video shed light. Thank you
I wish my partner does this. Proud of you! Keep healing. Sending you love.
I am so proud of you. ❤
I miss him, but i deserve better than just bread crumbs. I know we are just not compatible. He still has his niece say good morning and night every day .
Weird
Immature 😅
Exactly
I went through 30 years of breadcrumbs. I started to lose teeth, so I moved on and it’s been a tough road, but I’m getting there. Good luck you’ll get to the other end..
@@ScottVessey-f8u You must have suffered an emotional neglect that led to the overall deterioration of your health, please take good care of yourself.
Of all the coaches I’ve watched recently in order to understand my upset and get some clarity, you are the only one who actually makes me feel confident that everything is going to be alright.
Thank you so, so much xx
Same here
I'm not a cocky or arrogant person but she lost the person who turned up and cared for her in life more than almost anyone ever had for them, I'm moving on,as much as I empathize with aspects of her life I know I deserve better going forward, I miss them but I value myself not to repeat it with them if they reached out, I doubt they will anyway
BRAVO ❤🙌🏼☀️
I feel this exactly same way. It’s been about 3 months and I’ve gotten over it more, but I do still wonder if he will come back or ever regret. Definitely has not shown it all this time. But I’ve started to realize I deserve someone who actually chooses me and shows me they want to be with me no matter what, no someone who gives up on me.
proud of you
Same. Gave everything to be broken up with over email. My ex will probably have 1-2 more relationships in the next decade with APs and avoidants just to end up single anyway. I'm secure, I meant what I said to them. I could have taken care of them when theyre old.
@ you said everything I thought. Thank you
I hate being an avoidant sooooo much, its killing me. I miss her so much I feel like I'm going to die. I just want to love her like she loved me - fully and openly. Im sick of self sabotaging and ruining my own life... Gosh I hate myself so much 😢
But you just did the first step you realize that you are an avoidant. Now, you just need to take accountability to do the right thing with your relationship and whatever that might be.
Omg grow some balls. If you really love her it will win from your make believe fear. Be honest.
Scary yes. But you will get used by it!
😂😂
An ex avoidant!
Thank you for sharing! A genuine question, Out of curiosity: Are you considering therapy? All the best on your healing journey! 🙏
…as an avoidant do you sometimes want to try an reach out but don’t because you’re worried your ex will reject you…? Given maybe you pushed them away or hurt them?
@@annewellmann8867 yes I'm currently seeing two separate therapists, one a psychologist and the other a relationship coach 🙏
Wow the part when you said the other person may find someone else and seem happy because they are as avoidant or more avoidant than they are makes so much sense. My person is always saying that she doesn’t have these issues with her other friends who are just like her and don’t care if they don’t speak for weeks or meet up etc and that’s probably because she feels safe with people who are equally as uncommunicative
Exactly!
No real connection tbh
They feel safe with superficial connections. Fake and inauthentic friendship only. I'm passed that and need genuine and deeper connections since doing my deep healing work on my attachment issues and past traumas
I realized this with my DA friend. It's easy to maintain friendships with others who don't want any depth or vulnerability. They love people who don't require much or anything from them.
They are just messed up, what happens though is they are connected and engaging right up till you start loving and giving to them, if you are in the stage where you are working them out like dating etc everything is fine, but once there are no more barriers this is when they pull back.
Imagine the connections we could all have on this channel haha perfect dating ground. My people. Mature people, committed people. Empaths. I’m 39, male, well built .. haha
😂🔥
I know right.. I don't understand why no one takes advantage of the situation. Like 95% of the people in the comments are emotionally mature and serious about showing up in relationships.
I guess most are also extremely broken or trying to put themselves back together after dating an avoidant
@@MegaDrummerdude13 Exactly haha trying to pick up every single tiny piece they utter destroyed haha.. oh Lord have mercy on us
😂
I'm 38, female, in very good shape... 😅
But yes. Healing too over here. I did it though. It always feels like YOU do something wrong, you fail them by promising they're safe with you to open up and then they grind you down to a point where you nearly lose your sanity and then they're like: See. I knew we wouldn't make it ...
Took me 4 long years of back and forth, but I’ve been HARD no contact since June & so happy to be out of that cycle. ❤such a blessing to be free🥳🙏🏾
@@tynicole1513 psychological warfare.
Pure cardiological disintegration......constant....then they find the bum to ly down with.....adeui....
I subscribed immediately after watching! Yes. What you are teaching is being graceful! The devil whispers so many ways to hate and be vengeful. If you really do love them, you let them go, and carry-on, and don’t resent them. There are many ways of evil, but grace is the way of good.
Oh yes, I drank from that toxic cup - I wouldn’t say I hated her but I did resent her for a while. Then I healed and I am so glad to be free of that angst
When a shift happens where you care more about yourself and your healing and your personal goals than trying to have a relationship with someone who acts like they barely care, it is such a relief. It feels so good because you know the attention you’re putting into yourself is going somewhere. It feels good to invest in relationships that feel like they’re going somewhere too and that’s the point, they made you feel it wasn’t going anywhere and that’s why you made a change!
Today I told him everything I had left to say to get closure, for myself, of course he acted like he didn’t care . I’ve come , 3 years of this cycle . I was left feeling drained, but there was that suddenly shift, that click, today, and I finally feel so different internally. While telling my friend the story I ended it with HIS LOSS. And for the first time in my life , I really meant it and felt it . I’m so proud of how far
Every time I started to feel better he would contact me to tell me how sorry he was and how much he missed me but still didn't want to be with me. It was an emotional roller coaster that affected my health.
I dated for months a person who did not seemed an avoidant. I met her family, she introduced me to her friends, she said she loved me, we went on a 1 month trip together. Everything was perfect. Then she suddenly changed, she started being distant, stopped messaging me and completely ignored me. She went on 1 week trip alone and basically she disappeared. After that we broked up because she said she was not committed on what we were building. I am ok with people changing their minds, I just feel emotionally drained by this sudden change and by the fact that she treated me like a stranger after a lot of promises and nice, now empty, words
The last line, we will be fine ❤❤❤
I got the crying, apologies, the first “I love you” in 10 YEARS once I left. It all came across as manipulative and not genuine. Ick. So happy to be out of that mess. If anyone is in one of these relationships, please know it’s not you. You cannot fix them and no amount of waiting will make them change.
Great advice, I had one come back come back after 6 months of silence. Unfortunately I fell back into the same habits and they went again, then I attracted yet another avoidant and I'm going through the same thing again! Lesson learnt 100% this time! It's a horrible place to be waiting, hoping, wishing etc. YOU are the love you're seeking in them, they're only teaching you what you haven't yet realised ❤
Stay strong this time for just a bit longer, protect your big heart
YES - You are the love of your life! 😍💪😊♥️🙏
You win as an AP when you find someone better and you are more successful. The universe and everybody else wins when the DA is forever single or with someone who is not the same or better than you and you get to be rent free in their heads forever as a Phantom Ex
I think everyone wins when they heal and be peaceful be it avoidant or anxious
It’s been 14 months since I was dumped by text, after a 15 yr relationship. I was blindsided. Daily learning about avoidants, that I knew nothing about. Her b’day is coming up soon this month, but I will not contact. Only now is the pain starting to recede
Watching this was helpful for me, since I'm really working on changing, as someone from the opposite side of the spectrum. I have actually been that avoidant person in several relationships; where I'm sort of aloof during the relationship and then pour out my emotions later on after a break. And, then I realize how ridiculous and unfair it was to the other person. I don't want to keep that cycle going, so I appreciate your insight and wisdom.
Iam okay with not asociating with this man
exactly
That's a girl
I have been binging these videos for 6 months so when I left my DA I knew I had to go NC. I couldn’t go completely b/c I still had to coordinate getting my things. But it was severe pull back of communication, short yet polite responses. He reached out on day 5. I expected to wait 6 weeks do I wasn’t even thinking about him. Honestly I am doing a little of the things that the DA would be doing in your description. I’m secure but just barely - I’m healing from being an FA. I am holding firm to my boundaries. When he asked to talk, he asked me where we should meet. I responded with, “I’ll let you pick. You are the man. You lead.” - he selected the botanical gardens. I am just going to listen. In my mind we are 100% broken up not a couple. He has a 30% chance.
Men always come back. Dumper women -- never.
How did it go?
Stick to actions not words...people do not change from one day to the next.
Thanks for helpful video, being ghosted is the worst x
I really fell for her but I realize now that she has nothing to offer me as far as a relationship. Bye.
Wow, best video on this topic. And I´ve seen quite a few, trying to figure out my ex. Thank you Corri! You speak clearly without oversimplifying.
I’m so hurt I thought we had such a connection ❤he made me feel so incredibly safe and then poof gone acted like I was mad stopped talking never known anything like it 😢
Oh I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this x
@@ElevateYourWorth I'm going insane just reading this.
@ unbelievable I do wonder if people have heard of decency weird conception I think best away Id rather be alone and happy than attached and confused 😵💫 why what for go away xx
@ oh and what is dwi?
@@TheJosiejumper driving while intoxicated
They will use you to get over you. Now I get why she intermittently reached out to me after the discard then blocked me. Used me to get over me, wow...
Update:
She unblocked me and reached out over the holidays. We did have several conversations. Then just like that I got blocked again.
@@HotRodHarley06 scraped like s##t from a boot.......dragged thru hell dumped with empty pockets.....
Remember your still the bad guy
I needed to hear this today, went through a break up about two months ago. Today I felt very strong emotions over it, because reality settling in. I feel like this is meant for me to see today. It's getting better.
I’m so glad I found your videos they have been the most helpful of any I’ve seen so far on the subject and I’ve found comfort in them
The strangest thing about an avoidant is their flip of a switch change in personality. One minute so loving and in touch with their emotions, the next....acting like you dont exist. Its friggin weird. Why did i have to fall in love with an avoidant? 😫 Whatever, im just focusing on me. Hes gotta work on himself. If he comes back, i shall see if its worth going back to. If not, oh well. Lesson learned.
I recommend the book “Love Life” by Matthew Hussey. I’ve read it twice to help get over a situationship. When a person doesn’t choose you, they aren’t meant for you. And getting attention from them doesn’t signify intention. Best wishes on your healing journey.
maybe because showing love and touching with emotions shouldnt be something to do every hour, as it exhaust the feelings that person have for you, I dont think some people who flip do that intentionally, i think they are balancing the amount of sentiments a relationship need, not too much not too less
Wonderful video You have star power Corri .. The only thing Idisagree with in your pep talk is you win and then you win .. Not every story has a happy ending and in fact few do. !!
This is excellent and exactly how it plays out. Wish I’d seen this 12 months ago when his disappearance first happened but last week he reached out xxx
Thank you so so much!!! Everything is just makes so much more sense when I listen to you, I'm very happy I stumbled upon your videos
I love the peace and clarity you bring to these videos you are a beautiful human being I could listen to you for hours I cannot express how thankful I am to have stumbled across your videos and channel so insightful
So this is how it works! Just ended it with an “avoidant this week!”
Always so well assessed thanks very much. Subscribed and liked. James J Walsh from Limerick city Ireland 🇮🇪 now in Marrakech, North Africa
Great video, you hit every positive important fact.
Thank you
Thank you. Really good video. I needed this
I like the real honest knowledgeable common sense normal approach of this video
Your videos always come at the right time, so grateful. Would you consider doing some videos on regulating the nervous system? So interested in this!
Win win is absolutely right! Been in NC now for more than 6 month and starting slowely to not give a shit anymore. I do love her stil very much, understand where her DA coping is coming from but she will have to do the work first and if she comes back, we’ll see where we stand. ❤❤
Ended the loop today. We broke up earlier this year,he came back and we ended up in an unsettling fwb situation and it was emotionally exhausting and devastating and I kept on with the hope that someday things would change.
I knew that he didn’t love me and didn’t want a serious relationship with me but at the same time didn’t want me to find someone who actually can love me.
I might ad that I also was guilty too the push and pull dynamic we ended up in.
Thank you so much for this
I have Avoidant PD. Most important in a relationship for me is that both partners know the other person accepts them as they are.
If someone has previously pressured their partner to change while this person wants nothing more than to be accepted as they are - Yes, I would feel relieved when the relationship ends and the pressure is finally gone.
I read these comments, people who claim that someone with an avoidant attachment style would take advantage of their partner...?!? (Desperately) trying to avoid being hurt is the only "evil" thing this person does. Some personalities don't match. Why demonizing a person for not being able to meet your needs? I bet you couldn't meet their most important need either.
I had a fearful avoidant long distance girlfriend (3K miles +) come back after two 3 month periods (reached out each time after 3 months x2) and they ended up flying 3K miles and wanted to meet after knowing each other for 9 years (relationship for 2 years and on and off for 2 years).
Thank you Corri. You are spot on. I’ve moved on. I now have peace, freedom and clarity in my life.🥰
Like the part starting just prior 9:00. Everything she says is exactly so. Each day with encouragement like this helps. I subscribed for sure.
I believe this is very solid advice. Thank you. Even though we know all these things, when we are in the forest it is hard to get a birds eye view. Of the terrain
well according to the video I was the avoidant as I enjoyed playing video games, so why should we have to be constantly emotional and having to prove our feelings constantly to the person we already love? when I was kind to him, supporting him, always listened to him and having proper conversations, but sometimes I also liked playing video games as a hobbie, it can be emotionally exhausting always having to prove what you already proved, and everyday being with that person you love by your actions and kindness is a proof of how much you love that person.
Yeah, he’s like oh the pressures off of me. I can’t live up to your expectations.
Very knowledgeable and you know the facts in these matters. This helps many of us a lot, thank you for what you do here. New subscriber.
Been with him for 5 years gone through the roller coaster ride of being ghosted and right now im ghosted its 3 weeks he is quiet no word from him. Im done.
Always stay with the persons and situations that make you feel at home!
Non negotiable
This video showed up just when I needed it. In fact I was so done I didn't even bother to look up any info about what to do. I just don't care anymore
This video is as if you made it just for me. You are speaking directly to me
This helped me so much today, thank you thank you thank you.
Thank you. Your videos, your words are encouraging to keep push forward 🙂 🙏
Thank you so much for putting these video in the most opportune moments
❤
I loved this video. You are so kind and comforting. I appreciate it. ❤
I think in my case, we did have long term incompatibilities and we had different views of her relationship with her family (they were overbearing, entitled, and had no boundaries). I think with time, she’ll realize that she needs to work on those family dynamic issues, but being with me held a mirror to that and she wasn’t ready or willing to work on it.
Meaning, I don’t think she’ll be coming back because the honest truth is - we’re not right for each other. But I’ll tell you, it’s a blow to my ego for sure 😅
Same here. Sorry to hear about yours. It was nine months of pain and argument. We care for each other both not compatible.
@ we had arguments and unresolved issues for only about 4 months before she gave up. I tried everything I could to work through it but her emotional comprehension was nowhere close to mine. There was an imbalance that we just couldn’t resolve. It’s a shame because we had a lot of similar values and desires. But you and I both will find that with someone else who’s willing to choose us every day even when it’s hard
Of bunch of videos over the youtube with 500+k views this video ACTUALLY helped me. Thanks a lot
Just discovered your channel. Absolutely live your energy and just subscribed.
Thank you for the videos. It's being a hard process for me 🥺💐
She came back after 2 weeks and killed it again 6 weeks later. This was 10 weeks ago. My mind understands it, but my heart doesn’t.
Would you give her another chance? Is she self-aware and going to therapy? Is there any hope?
@ I don’t think she is self-aware. So I should say no. But I don’t feel I have the strengh yet to set my boundaries. When I look at all of the comments we are all struggling. And I believe allways hoping. It is just hard.
@@GJJ-sd6hdI know it's hard, I myself have gone through very recently for the past 10 years. but focusing on self is the best thing. You can't build a healthy relationship with a person who is not self-aware and does their healing.
I hope you turn the focus on yourself and believe that there's no one who is going to make you comfortable. I wish you good luck in choosing yourself.
This video has really helped me understand what’s happening thank you so much xo
Your work inspires me and comforts me. ❤
Very sensible, perceptive and accurate.
I love your videos, I’d love if you could do more of it in the longer form! It’s so informative I just keep wanting more lol
I did everything like y'all and i fell off her these days that i dnr want her anymore,but today is my birthday 🎉,and she forgot it after we talked about it a lot at begining of relationship,ghosting and stuffs, im letting her comfort, but forgeting my birthday is the last thing i will handle from her, it hurts me, but a great lesson to learn ,thank u univers
You said everything I needed to hear today. Much love ❤
My superpower was firmly insisting that HE put me on block and keep me there. I told him he is not to bother me ever again.
Well put.....i know my worth and my worth doesn't want to take back a avoidant unappreciative single mother
@waynejenner3635 Pretty sure a Red Flag was her being a single Mom my man.
It is good to know what is happening to me is not unique. Takes a bit the pain off. I know pain is part of being alive, better in pain than numb but still. We drew the short end on that. The avoidant may have issues but they really don’t seem to suffer much
Well said and thank you for your words!
Thank you for posting this. I really appreciate it.
You should also mention that many of them (and I really mean it, from my own experience and women who had 'not pleasure' to be with them) are already monkey branching when relationship gets rocky or uncomfortable for them (escape exit or soothing their mommy issues in someone else's attention, which we anxious trigger in them ) or very quickly looking for attention and validation from the opposite sex, or rebounding with a female 'friend' which they said is only friend or go back to their equally toxic and avoidant ex because it's familiar to them. My goodness if I only knew what I know now. But my addict in recovery avoidant ex was a catalyst for my recovery so I'm gratefull for this one thing 😉. So their distraction doesn't only come in form of new hobbies, work, games or drinking. I wish it could be only this but unfortunatelly let's get real. Many of them are cheaters when things get uncomfortable to sooth themselves, they avoid emotions and vulnerability with you but they have no problem to discard you and open up for someone else very quickly.
Thank you for putting the time and effort into this video… It helped me very much ❤ Very grateful 🙏🏻
Thanks for this ! I really needed to hear it
Oh my god! I love your video so much! Its spoke to my situation so well! Thank you! ❤
So good at this ❤
Excellent épisode!
This was a great message, thank you very much.💝
You are doing GOD’s work ❤
Thank you, Corri T. Love
Very helpful video. You have a gift for breaking complex behavioral motivations into easy to understand concepts.
One point thought is the impact of how long you are in a relationship. For example, 6 months vs 20 years married. Is anything different in the case of a very long relationship that suddenly ends?
He promised things and never pulled thru so I broke up with him. Then he used his dog (who was ill) as bait so I could contact him and when I did he treated me like shit over the phone. Can't beleive how immature he is!
I have been seeing a girl for about 3 months im an anxious attachment style. She ended things with me sunday and sent me this message yesterday.
Hey just want to say.
I appreciate the truly lovely things you’ve done for me. Your kindness and care have meant a lot.
I owe you an apology, not for anything you’ve done, but because I know I’ve left you with unanswered questions. The truth is, I don’t have the answers myself. I’m still trying to figure that out.
Please know that my lack of explanation isn’t a reflection of how I feel about you or the gratitude I hold for what you’ve done.
Much care.
Thoughts?
That’s seems like she wants to have one foot in the de door in case she needs you for something one day.
Spot on girl! Win Win! Well done!!
Mine continues to like and add on social media even though he left me on read since Sept. I guess there’s no timeline in when they start to realize, yeah? I’m not wishing him Xmas or nye this year b/c I’ve always tried and I’m exhausted.
Block him on SM. He isn’t reaching out but reacting to your SM because that’s a way for him to get dopamine without actually talking to you. He is using you still.
@ oh I deleted all of my social media in August. He was liking pictures of this girl who is actually with another man now. I always initiated messages checking in on him. Nothing from him. My SP was watching my stories but not messaging me. When he left me on read in Sept, I felt like shit - that was it for me. I deleted him but then I just deleted social media bc I was over it. So, I’m just focusing on me. He has my number. I even told him I haven’t blocked him. I’m just off. But he hasn’t tried to msg me since Sept. He’s active on social media all of the time but left me on read when I’ve always cared so much for him. I’m tired of being that person who cares more. He says he’s working on sobriety and being a good dad right now, but he isn’t even being a good friend to me. So, I had a fuck it moment. I miss him but I will not be trying anymore. It’s on him. Prob relapsed again and is avoiding me. The thing is, I have been so kind and so supportive only to be disrespected. I’m not ok with this. Unless he messages me with something substantial, I’m not trying at all.
This song helped me out a lot. Maybe you would like it too… it’s called “Dive Deep” by One Culture and Mellowdose…Hope you feel better… Aloha from Hawaii🏄🏽♂️🤙🏽🌺you are loved.
Great video… thank you!
Thanks Corri❤
This was excellent! Thank you
I'm kind of hoping this can happen while still in the relationship, as I'm tired of doing all the work and trying to make the other person understand, but we are at a crossroads. If I can flip this switch, maybe some of the pressure will lift off and we can be saved. I spent 2 years manifesting them and now we're together, So I don't want to throw in the towel because what a victory we've had already. I believe in manifestation because obviously I got the person in the first place after trying so hard for 2 years to manifest them. So far I've been unsuccessful at manifesting a change in the dynamic. I have no idea how to take the person off the pedestal except to just leave. But I don't want to throw in the towel and leave because look how far we've come.
I totally get it. The only way out of the dynamic is for you to face your fear of losing the relationship. Nobody can tell you how to do that or what’s right or wrong. The way you find out is to honour your needs first and see where that leads you xx
She never forgive me for what i said 5 years ago, and i was struggling with anxiety stress emotions... i just had mixed feelings and by stupidly i talked about my goals... im feelings worse ... after these years i tried to show her love carrying but she was trying to distance
Thank you
So I basically told I didn’t want to be friends but I wish you the best… because she texted me asking why my friend blocked her on tik tok and really had no idea and she was asking me I hated her … I politely said no and than she told me I misunderstood that I was trying to be her friend….. did I mess I don’t know I’m feeling lost