My whole life described in a 10 minute video. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through all this "crap" in life, just like me, and unfortunately probably a few million others. The good thing is that once you know the reasons why, you can start to slowly untangle and straighten everything out, one thread at a time. Sounds like a job for cats.
😂 a job for cats.... yes! I'm doing much better. I've learned to set boundaries and create healthy relationships. Some of the trauma follows you forever, as I'm sure you know. And then I get mad at myself for letting it still bother me. Definitely a journey 💛
@@ProudlyAutistic The limits are still the smallest and simplest problem: workout, punching bag, fists. Much more difficult are the really deep wounds, for example from the loss of very important people. I decided to write about it, even though I think that today's world needs more humor at best, not drama. Fantasy perhaps, so at least you can easily turn the relevant characters into witches and dragons? And yes, this is definitely a journey. But it can also be one that you turn into something positive, like you did here with the channel.
Very late diagnosed. I now realize I have CPTSD. My life has been so incredibly difficult but I masked so well few realized my suffering. Ultimately that made my existence even harder.
I have complex ptsd. I'm allistic but have an autistic son. I find some of our behaviours are very similar. I relate to you a lot too. Thank you for sharing your knowledge so clearly. I really appreciate it.
Hi suspect I have complex trauma from multiple reoccurring issues, but it was not from abuse or intentionally being harmed I guess is the word to say, but I have so many issues that match complex trauma as in complex PTSD and there’s certain aspects of my childhood that I suspect is the reason why I behave certain ways why I mask so heavily why I try to be a people pleaser my entire life, until finally, the mask became so heavy. I finally ripped it off if not it on its own fell off from the sheer weight of trying to mask, how I am always trying to be an extrovert and being a people pleaser being super nice and kind and letting everybody walk all over me and now people are like what happened to you you’re so different now or people saying that to my family saying what happened to him he doesn’t act the same, and I only recently came out and told my mother I said mom the reason why I’m acting different is because my entire life I hid who I was I stopped people pleasing I stopped, pretending performing and going out of my way to be some actively talkative person because I felt like that’s what was expected of me I pushed myself to tolerate bright lights, I pushed myself my entire life to just hide the stranger aspects of myself, even from a young age, pushed myself to tolerate, communicating tolerate interaction tolerate always having a face of a smile when all I wanted to do was cry, I suppressed so much I don’t remember so much of my childhood and now I have memory problems which I struggle with. I still don’t know if it was the constant bullying or if it was related to certain environmental factors and things I was exposed to at certain ages or sharing the remarks and comments of people repetitively to the point that I felt so much shame and guilt without anyone knowing I don’t know, but for some reason, I match very much very consistently with the definition of complex trauma and then if I didn’t get it from back, then I certainly got it from other issues throughout my life I was very unconscious type of person until I woke up and realized how fucked up. I was excuse my language, but it directly fits the description, I got ADHD the non-hyperactive version. I got ASD functioning dyslexia processing disorder when I was young I experienced quite a bit of indirect and non-intentional things that caused me to inadvertently develop complex trauma from a very young age all the way up until adulthood and it was no joke. The things were subtle but they damaged me it’s not like someone being beaten with a stick as a child, it’s just the repetitive nature of something that really tore into me constantly going through something that feels traumatic to you will cause you to have complex BTD constantly hearing what people have to say about you without even knowing it’s you they’re making fun of so many people I knew constantly were saying things and they didn’t know what they were saying applies to me but constantly hid my real personality identity to the detriment of even losing and detaching and so killing myself to fit this picture perfect person and now the mask is off and I’m a mess a giant mess that’s what’s been hiding underneath the mask all these years but now I’m picking up the pieces and trying to figure out who was the person under the mass this whole time that was neglected turns out I don’t like talking to people turns out I’m not so nice turns out sometimes I just don’t wanna do something for someone else. It’s not in my interest turns out that smile I had on every day everybody thought I was the goofy funny person yeah it turns out I wasn’t that person turns out I was, so fucking bad that I couldn’t even really function or feel my feelings anymore. I’m just trying to recover from years of telling myself when I was a kid you’re just an organic robot. Ignore those feelings they’re just chemicals suppressing emotions feelings needs urges now nobody recognizes me, but they never knew the real me. I didn’t even know the real me I’m figuring out who’s this person I see in the mirror that no longer has a smile only one person really knows me and that’s the woman I love
I understand taking off the mask of meeting everyone else's expectations. I actually had a full blown identity crisis when I did this. I didn't know who to be. I refused to be who I had been, but no one would accept me for who I wanted to be. Navigating other's expectations can be extremely traumatic, especially when you don't know why you're different and struggling. I hope things get easier for you, it's a process.
Thank you for making this video. It’s a complicated topic and having your experiences and perspectives is very valuable. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from it.
Thank you so much🙏, I can see lots of aspects in your history and mine. I am going trough trauma release with trained Osteopath and Cranial-Sacral Therapy, after 2 years of Cognitive Therapy. Amazing how the cells and tissues keep memories and lots of release has started gently with her touch, especially in upper neck and meninges in the brain. Lots of energy now is flowing in the body. I suggest watching Peter Levine and look for trained professionals that knows how to heal trauma with breathing and appropriate touch. Have a look also at Body in Harmony, led by Jan Trewartha, offering a range of complementary health options to overcome physical and emotional trauma.
I help people learn it for themselves and for free, so not a therapist but I can show you and have free courses as well. I do Reiki but for me EFT has been a true blessing. Happy to share with anyone interested and great information you offer, so precise.
I think i definitely have some kind of ptsd because of what my father and my ex made me go through. With my current partner I feel in constant fear that he will treason me or abandon me, I dream about it over and over again, also I dream about how my ex pushes me away from my current partner or forces me to do things I don't want to. I also often dream about fighting with my father and even my mother (which is also not an easy person). Furthermore I was abused by a "friend" when he brought me back home after having drunken too much. This plus my ex's treatment has lead me to have a strong aversion against sex, and I can only sometimes feel comfortable with it if I feel I'm completely in control. I feel so embarrassed to speak about my traumas, in particular the sex related ones. I feel horrible about what happened, and I feel guilty for loosing control, and I'm embarrassed to tell my therapist. But it really does cause me significant distress in terms of intimacy, although my partner is super understanding, but I still feel bad for him and sad I myself can't enjoy something I did enjoy before. I have also been recently experiencing these strong episodes of desrealization when I get too stressed. I feel as in a dream and as if my body wouldn't be actually mine, I can control it, but not really feel it. In this desrealization I feel extreme fesr of everything, including my boyfriend, and I feel like he's gonna hurt me, and want him to stay several Metres away from me, even though I normally want him to hug me when I'm sad
I can relate to your intimacy issues. I'm sorry you're going through that. I understand the feelings of disappointing your partner and frustrations that you're bringing "baggage" into the relationship. All I can say is lean on your partner where you can and try to talk to a therapist. I'm sure they've heard much much worse, so please don't be embarrassed. Good luck on your journey.
I'm certain that I have numerous conditions such as PTSD - all of these conditions layered together. It's a wonder I am able to function at all - but somehow I've got this far. For example - when I was a little boy, my father attempted to shoot me and my mum with a shotgun. I don't have a memory of it as I was probably only 3 or 4 at the time... all I remember of those times was hearing the sounds of distress from my parents and being aware that something dangerous or scary was going on, and I was powerless to do anything about any of it.
I'm sorry that happened to you. My experience wasn't as violent, but it was still scary. Much of my memory of that time is out of body. It's as if I was perched high up in a corner near the ceiling watching everything, including myself, react to situations. Extremely traumatic. I hope you're doing better now and surrounding yourself with the right people 💛
i had one narc parent and the other was undiagnosed autistic (emotionally unavailable and sadistic humor). Im late identified with multiple traumas as well. i empathize. Struggle builds character? We are survivors.😂
Yeah, at some all the struggle is too much....like, am I done yet?! 😂 I suspect that one of my parents was also undiagnosed autistic. Emotionally unavailable and enabled my narc parent's behavior. I didn't really understand love until my 30s. I hope things are better for you now 💛
The USA doesn't diagnose CPTSD but I would probably qualify for all those types of PTSD if they did. Maybe not the dissociative type now. I used to dissociate so much that they thought that I had a dissociative disorder. But I have done a lot of therapy over 20 years and I don't dissociate that much anymore.
I'm pretty sure I could have been diagnosed with DID and/or AvPD in my 20s. So much of my life is a blur and I was soooo resentful. Like you, I've done a ton of therapy, but I'll forever be a work in progress. I'm glad things have improved for you 💛
I'll insert it into the video details, however it's very easy to google. I think I rephrased it, instead of quoting actual statistics, I did the math, which equated to a rate 10x higher. Being autistic increases our chances of developing PTSD not only because we're living in a world that does not accept us, but because we are often targeted by those who don't have the best intentions.
Thank you - another great video :)
I so appreciate your videos!!! I needed this info so bad! I will share more when I am able.
I'm glad it was helpful 💛
My whole life described in a 10 minute video. I'm sorry to hear that you've had to go through all this "crap" in life, just like me, and unfortunately probably a few million others. The good thing is that once you know the reasons why, you can start to slowly untangle and straighten everything out, one thread at a time.
Sounds like a job for cats.
😂 a job for cats.... yes! I'm doing much better. I've learned to set boundaries and create healthy relationships. Some of the trauma follows you forever, as I'm sure you know. And then I get mad at myself for letting it still bother me. Definitely a journey 💛
@@ProudlyAutistic
The limits are still the smallest and simplest problem: workout, punching bag, fists. Much more difficult are the really deep wounds, for example from the loss of very important people. I decided to write about it, even though I think that today's world needs more humor at best, not drama. Fantasy perhaps, so at least you can easily turn the relevant characters into witches and dragons? And yes, this is definitely a journey. But it can also be one that you turn into something positive, like you did here with the channel.
Very late diagnosed. I now realize I have CPTSD. My life has been so incredibly difficult but I masked so well few realized my suffering. Ultimately that made my existence even harder.
Thank you so much for your content.❤
I have complex ptsd. I'm allistic but have an autistic son. I find some of our behaviours are very similar.
I relate to you a lot too. Thank you for sharing your knowledge so clearly. I really appreciate it.
I relate to you so much! But I have a hard time expressing how I am feeling into words. Thank you for making this video! ❤
Great info!
Hi suspect I have complex trauma from multiple reoccurring issues, but it was not from abuse or intentionally being harmed I guess is the word to say, but I have so many issues that match complex trauma as in complex PTSD and there’s certain aspects of my childhood that I suspect is the reason why I behave certain ways why I mask so heavily why I try to be a people pleaser my entire life, until finally, the mask became so heavy. I finally ripped it off if not it on its own fell off from the sheer weight of trying to mask, how I am always trying to be an extrovert and being a people pleaser being super nice and kind and letting everybody walk all over me and now people are like what happened to you you’re so different now or people saying that to my family saying what happened to him he doesn’t act the same, and I only recently came out and told my mother I said mom the reason why I’m acting different is because my entire life I hid who I was I stopped people pleasing I stopped, pretending performing and going out of my way to be some actively talkative person because I felt like that’s what was expected of me I pushed myself to tolerate bright lights, I pushed myself my entire life to just hide the stranger aspects of myself, even from a young age, pushed myself to tolerate, communicating tolerate interaction tolerate always having a face of a smile when all I wanted to do was cry, I suppressed so much I don’t remember so much of my childhood and now I have memory problems which I struggle with. I still don’t know if it was the constant bullying or if it was related to certain environmental factors and things I was exposed to at certain ages or sharing the remarks and comments of people repetitively to the point that I felt so much shame and guilt without anyone knowing I don’t know, but for some reason, I match very much very consistently with the definition of complex trauma and then if I didn’t get it from back, then I certainly got it from other issues throughout my life I was very unconscious type of person until I woke up and realized how fucked up. I was excuse my language, but it directly fits the description, I got ADHD the non-hyperactive version. I got ASD functioning dyslexia processing disorder when I was young I experienced quite a bit of indirect and non-intentional things that caused me to inadvertently develop complex trauma from a very young age all the way up until adulthood and it was no joke. The things were subtle but they damaged me it’s not like someone being beaten with a stick as a child, it’s just the repetitive nature of something that really tore into me constantly going through something that feels traumatic to you will cause you to have complex BTD constantly hearing what people have to say about you without even knowing it’s you they’re making fun of so many people I knew constantly were saying things and they didn’t know what they were saying applies to me but constantly hid my real personality identity to the detriment of even losing and detaching and so killing myself to fit this picture perfect person and now the mask is off and I’m a mess a giant mess that’s what’s been hiding underneath the mask all these years but now I’m picking up the pieces and trying to figure out who was the person under the mass this whole time that was neglected turns out I don’t like talking to people turns out I’m not so nice turns out sometimes I just don’t wanna do something for someone else. It’s not in my interest turns out that smile I had on every day everybody thought I was the goofy funny person yeah it turns out I wasn’t that person turns out I was, so fucking bad that I couldn’t even really function or feel my feelings anymore. I’m just trying to recover from years of telling myself when I was a kid you’re just an organic robot. Ignore those feelings they’re just chemicals suppressing emotions feelings needs urges now nobody recognizes me, but they never knew the real me.
I didn’t even know the real me I’m figuring out who’s this person I see in the mirror that no longer has a smile only one person really knows me and that’s the woman I love
Sorry, if anyone has a hard time reading, I was a giant run-on sentence and just I don’t know frustratedly expressed myself
I understand taking off the mask of meeting everyone else's expectations. I actually had a full blown identity crisis when I did this. I didn't know who to be. I refused to be who I had been, but no one would accept me for who I wanted to be. Navigating other's expectations can be extremely traumatic, especially when you don't know why you're different and struggling. I hope things get easier for you, it's a process.
Great video!
Thanks! 💛
Thank you for making this video. It’s a complicated topic and having your experiences and perspectives is very valuable. I feel like I’ve learned a lot from it.
Thank you, I'm glad it was helpful 💛
This hits hard and true
Thank you so much🙏, I can see lots of aspects in your history and mine. I am going trough trauma release with trained Osteopath and Cranial-Sacral Therapy, after 2 years of Cognitive Therapy. Amazing how the cells and tissues keep memories and lots of release has started gently with her touch, especially in upper neck and meninges in the brain. Lots of energy now is flowing in the body. I suggest watching Peter Levine and look for trained professionals that knows how to heal trauma with breathing and appropriate touch. Have a look also at Body in Harmony, led by Jan Trewartha, offering a range of complementary health options to overcome physical and emotional trauma.
I needed to watch this video. Thank you❤
We appreciate you. ✌️🖖
Thank you 💛
I help people learn it for themselves and for free, so not a therapist but I can show you and have free courses as well. I do Reiki but for me EFT has been a true blessing. Happy to share with anyone interested and great information you offer, so precise.
Thanks for this video!!
I think i definitely have some kind of ptsd because of what my father and my ex made me go through. With my current partner I feel in constant fear that he will treason me or abandon me, I dream about it over and over again, also I dream about how my ex pushes me away from my current partner or forces me to do things I don't want to. I also often dream about fighting with my father and even my mother (which is also not an easy person).
Furthermore I was abused by a "friend" when he brought me back home after having drunken too much. This plus my ex's treatment has lead me to have a strong aversion against sex, and I can only sometimes feel comfortable with it if I feel I'm completely in control. I feel so embarrassed to speak about my traumas, in particular the sex related ones. I feel horrible about what happened, and I feel guilty for loosing control, and I'm embarrassed to tell my therapist. But it really does cause me significant distress in terms of intimacy, although my partner is super understanding, but I still feel bad for him and sad I myself can't enjoy something I did enjoy before.
I have also been recently experiencing these strong episodes of desrealization when I get too stressed. I feel as in a dream and as if my body wouldn't be actually mine, I can control it, but not really feel it. In this desrealization I feel extreme fesr of everything, including my boyfriend, and I feel like he's gonna hurt me, and want him to stay several Metres away from me, even though I normally want him to hug me when I'm sad
I can relate to your intimacy issues. I'm sorry you're going through that. I understand the feelings of disappointing your partner and frustrations that you're bringing "baggage" into the relationship. All I can say is lean on your partner where you can and try to talk to a therapist. I'm sure they've heard much much worse, so please don't be embarrassed. Good luck on your journey.
@@ProudlyAutistic thank you so much ❤️
I'm certain that I have numerous conditions such as PTSD - all of these conditions layered together. It's a wonder I am able to function at all - but somehow I've got this far. For example - when I was a little boy, my father attempted to shoot me and my mum with a shotgun. I don't have a memory of it as I was probably only 3 or 4 at the time... all I remember of those times was hearing the sounds of distress from my parents and being aware that something dangerous or scary was going on, and I was powerless to do anything about any of it.
I'm sorry that happened to you. My experience wasn't as violent, but it was still scary. Much of my memory of that time is out of body. It's as if I was perched high up in a corner near the ceiling watching everything, including myself, react to situations. Extremely traumatic. I hope you're doing better now and surrounding yourself with the right people 💛
i had one narc parent and the other was undiagnosed autistic (emotionally unavailable and sadistic humor). Im late identified with multiple traumas as well. i empathize. Struggle builds character? We are survivors.😂
Yeah, at some all the struggle is too much....like, am I done yet?! 😂 I suspect that one of my parents was also undiagnosed autistic. Emotionally unavailable and enabled my narc parent's behavior. I didn't really understand love until my 30s. I hope things are better for you now 💛
The USA doesn't diagnose CPTSD but I would probably qualify for all those types of PTSD if they did. Maybe not the dissociative type now. I used to dissociate so much that they thought that I had a dissociative disorder. But I have done a lot of therapy over 20 years and I don't dissociate that much anymore.
I'm pretty sure I could have been diagnosed with DID and/or AvPD in my 20s. So much of my life is a blur and I was soooo resentful. Like you, I've done a ton of therapy, but I'll forever be a work in progress. I'm glad things have improved for you 💛
@@ProudlyAutistic Yes, I have come a long way but can definitely still improve! I am glad you are doing better as well.
trauma does not always mean one event.
Agree. Only one of the traumas I spoke to was a singular incident. The others occurred over a period of years.
What is your source for the statistic shared in the very beginning of the video about PSTD effecting people with ASD at a 10x rate?
I'll insert it into the video details, however it's very easy to google. I think I rephrased it, instead of quoting actual statistics, I did the math, which equated to a rate 10x higher. Being autistic increases our chances of developing PTSD not only because we're living in a world that does not accept us, but because we are often targeted by those who don't have the best intentions.