I come back to this often. It provides great comfort and reassurance that though we are often not believed by family, friends, and the medical community, I don't have to be in a battle with myself. It is extremely helpful to allow myself to be assisted in my healing by being honest about my brain injury starting with the care that I give myself and the hopes and prayers for others experiencing the very same things. Thank you so much for this. 🙏🏽☝🏽❤️
This has helped me to be kinder to my body and brain they r trying so hard to heal! Compassion for them and our bodies. I used always have body image issues but it’s decreased cuz I appreciate what my body does for me everyday
This is the time to be kind to ourselves! It serves no purpose to bash doctor's or anyone else. If we want to become warrior's in the future, great. Right now, I have a body I have to heal and it takes 100% of my time. My sister took me to the grocery store - it was the first time I went outside my environment in months. I chose a grocery store that wasn't huge or wildly lit. I was able to get my groceries and go home. I was so exhausted at the end of "my outing." I felt accomplished and proud. I have to live in the present, moment by moment. Each day is different. I'm looking for naturapaths so I can get the correct vitamins and minerals to help this process. The peripheral neuropathy is the worst - I have my feet and legs in a heating pad just for some comfort. I just want more than two hours of sleep at a time. TWO MONTHS down, many more to go..... I can do this! I will persevere. Thanks to all those who are helping me.
@@Rollwithit699 - Hi, true! I made that comment 4 years ago and I was in no position to do much of anything but writhe in pain. I hold my doctors accountable. I went through a period of time where I was so angry ~ every day I hurt, everyday I went without sleep. I wanted to hit any professional in the medical industry. Now, I just don't see them anymore. I have absolutely no trust in the medical profession ~ doctors are legal pill pushers, nothing more. We have a sick care system. Doctors treat symptoms, prescribing pills for symptom management. Had I not come off those medications, I'd still be filling those prescriptions happily prescribed by those horrible men and women called "doctors." You bet I'm angry, but where do we go? Who do we see? I get a blood test every year to make sure I"m healthy from what I eat....... I still can't sleep through the night. I still have horrible body aches. I still have burning and tingling throughout my body. 4 1/2 years off Klonopin, 4 years off Topamax and 3 1/2 years off Effexor XR. I made the right decision to come off those drugs, but what a price to pay... Janet
@@Rollwithit699 - I understand what you mean by heart-pounding panic. I've never experienced this level of anxiety and some days it's crippling. I don't know if I have a general apathetic feeling or disinterest, but when my body aches so much and my anxiety is sky high, it's hard to convince myself to do anything. I will say that I don't "jump on" things as I once did. If someone calls, I don't find it crucial to get back to them. I tend to put things off until it's absolutely necessary. If this is apathy, then I have it. I was always a highly motivated person, but not these past 5 years. I do get up and run every morning, but after that........... Is this how you are??? Janet
@@Rollwithit699 - You certainly had a very busy life! I'm not sure what is wrong with me!!! Because my body aches more as the day progresses, I have a hard time pursuing any interests I may have. Does that make any sense? I don't drive because I have paresthesia ~ burning and tingling all over and particularly in my feet and legs. I hate being a burden to anyone and having people drive me everywhere, so I don't ask. I used to be very social and ambitious, but not now. I get out in the morning and afternoon, but not at night. I'm depressed because I have no idea if/when I will heal. Janet
@@Rollwithit699 ~ Hi there. I've had a rough couple of days ~ body aches are horrible. I actually have more good days than bad, but when I'm in "this place," life is just plain hard. There don't seem to be many of us on TH-cam ~ by that I mean those who were prescribed our drugs for decades. Either that or they have healed and moved on with life! On my good days, I know I will heal but on those bad days, I wonder if I will EVER heal. I love to walk and run because it really helps with the burning and tingling. I have this need to walk away from my body if that makes any sense. I think if I walk or run fast enough, I can outrun myself. You know people use terms such as depersonalization and derealization, but for the life of me I simply don't understand what the mean. For some reason, I can't internalize those terms. Our weather in Sacramento, CA was gorgeous and I took a walk in the afternoon. If I could walk through the entire day, I would enjoy that. How do you get through your days?? Janet
Jocelyn, I cried through this whole video because you are saying what I myself and others are feeling and you went through it and you are giving me hope. I went to the grocery store today and I could hardly walk and I look disabled because I am so slow and just thinking is a struggle. I pray constantly and hope that I just don't die.....I have ten more months to taper and my poor mother who is 86 and my 45 year old daughter are my rocks. I can't believe that this is my world now and I look forward to feeling like myself one day. God Bless you beautiful Jocelyn and thank you for helping us all. 🙏💞
Thank you for making this video. It’s so true. When I was able to drive I used my mom’s handicap sticker. And, I actually had a lady yell at me that I looked perfectly fine and that I didn’t need a handicap sticker. We Benzo fighters need so much love and support. Kindness and understanding. I wish that there were places we could go that recognized Benzo recovery as a disability and offered supportive services. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a little nurturing and being treated like a human being, that’s needed. We are significant. Having someone in the trenches with you to hold your hand. Please continue to make more videos. You offer so much to so many. You give a voice to this invisible disability.
thanks you so much for sharing this I haven't been the same since benzos ruined my mind, body and soul. I admire your strength to help us I see it took a lot of courage for you to help us God bless you.
Thank you. Thank you for this, my boyfriend was so annoyed and kept telling me to just relax while I couldn’t stop crying I showed him this video and he apologized and is now going to educate himself. Thank you for this.
To friends and family of benzo survivors, to give you a little perspective on what your loved one is going through. Imagine the most stressful situation you've ever been in and multiply it by 10. Add feverish symptoms, heavy body, brain spasms, hot coal in the stomach, dizziness, depression and constant suicidal thoughts and you're now getting close. Imagine one thing you're totally afraid of and that constantly on the forefront of your mind. Now imagine this process lasting months on end without escape. Chuck on top the vomiting, diarrhoea, tinnitus, insomnia and this is what patients are dealing with. For those going through withdrawal, you've just gone through a mental car crash. Your brain is severally damaged and you may have weeks, months or even a year or so to recover. You need to give yourself the time to heal. You need rest and the space to withdraw. You also need to know how lucky you are. Why? Because unlike a car crash your recovery is guaranteed. Scientifically guaranteed. Just hang in there. (Just be very careful withdrawing cold turkey and make sure to discuss tapering options with your doctor) Buy a calendar and mark of one year from today. Each month on this day give the severity of your symptoms a mark out of 100. Over the year I guarantee you'll see a gradual improvement as things alleviate. I'm not going to wish you good luck. You don't need it. Recovery is guaranteed if you can make it through acute withdrawal. I will however wish you all the best!
Your message has been sent a long time ago. I have read it to my loved ones because you have despcriped so well the things with the things that this drug is making people suffer. But if you can answer it would help a lot. Did you feel your brain doesn't function normally and can't understand that people can do normal things and can't understand that people live their normal lives? I call it brain lock. This hell started 2021summer when my dog had to put to sleep at the age 16 (I had 1,5 year earlier a trauma and survived from depression quite quickly with people and my dog) and I had terrible panic attacks and I was prescriped a big amount of oxazepam and doctor didn't warn me. I haven't ever been even drunk so I was shocked when I realised that I was hooked up with this drug. I tapered it on my own and rehab center and doctor outside the rehab center sent me to hospital in a very bad withdrawl symptons of oxazepam. Doctor there (this was year ago) did crossover from oxazepam to diazepam, 10 mg, and said I should taper it 2 mg of week. I got home, got to sleep for a long time, could exercise and have good feeling first time after my dog died, could see people, partner and mom (Now I'm isolated a lot because I tell my hell all the time to my loved ones and feel like I am in a different reality from other people, like year ago when I was in constant panic with oxazepam) could go to store and get food and agoraphobia (normally don't have it) went away, brain lock went away. I had normal mornings and was planning a good day even I tapered diazepam. Now I wake up in hell like I have no brain. But taper was too quick and went badly wrong at 6 mg. Three weeks I stayed at 6 mg and depression came back, puking, agoraphobia, depersonalization and derealisation, insomnia etc. Doctor rised diazepam to 12 mg and I tapered it 1 mg of week barely no sleep, awful symptons and couldn't function. I went to hospital and they tapered me to zero straight from 5 mg. And I had terrible panic attacks and withdrawl symptons and after one month rude doctor said I couldn't have any withdrawl symptons and I got to home very sick. Brain lock stayed. I have now new doctor and I summer she prescriped me klonopin to get me relief for a while and then taper but it didn't help. I have suffered this whole time from year ago when I had that few weeks happy time and thought I will survive tapering. Finally few weeks ago my mom said to my doctor that she thinks I suffer withdrawl even don't taper and doctor agreed. We all came to that point that there is no another day than get off of these drugs. This is my third try. I have no power left but u want this poison off of me. I'm suffering because I'm normally confident active sosial person and now i can't be with anybody, my mom tries to help me to get food but I feel disconnected to people, even my partner and enviroment. I'm so alone, I hqve many people who calls me though. I fear this brain lock and that I can't think normally and become overwhelmed of any normal things is permanent. It did go away year ago when I was few weeks without bad withdrawl symptons with diazepam. And after then nothing has helped. I'm depressed beacuse if I try to walk and run brainlock is ruing it and I feel like my brain just shuts down. And I can't be with people and cook to my partner wich I normally do a lot. I'm in constant fight or flight state and can't help that. And depersonalization and derealisation are very bad. I have ever felt these. Now I said I hope Ashton manual tapering and my doctor was willing to read it and we started few weeks ago. But because of klonopin the same amount of diazepam is huge. Year ago I had just 10 mg of diazepam and now that we are doing crossover from klonopin to diazepam I have tapered klonopin from 2,5 mg to 1 mg but have added 30 mg of diazepam. So together they are about 50 mg of diazepam. And three weeks from now i should ne off of klonopin and then slow tapering of diazepam. I just am so lost and losing hope, I suffer constant headache and neck pain and dizziness and still to try go out and excersise. I don't know how to survive long tapering with this brain lock and situation. My doctor says I have tolerance and that's why klonopin didn't help and I suffer withdrawl symptons before we even started. And she thinks this drug is making me sick and more anxious and I agree. And she thinks when im enough long time off of benzo my anxiety will get easier and brain lock will go away. I hope she is right. I have heard from few other people who I have got to know that they also experienced brain lock and were isolated because couldn't function normally. I'm sorry that I wrote you my long story nyt I really would need some support and people's experience. So if you have time to answer that did you feel anything with your brain and their cabable to function while on medication and tapering. Hope you are well. Thank you so much. I'm from Finland so sorry if the age words that are typed wrong. 😊
@@lauriina85 Thank you for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you've had a rough time with benzos and are still on quite a high dose. Unfortunately I'm not a doctor so cannot offer any sound advice, but what I will say is that it's unlikely that after being on such a large dose that you can avoid withdrawal by tapering. It should, however, make the symptoms less severe but over a greater length of time. It also seems like your taper has been a bit fast. Perhaps you could try and knock .5mg a week off your dose until you reach 10mg. If you can try not to up the dose. Try cutting down .1mg a week if that works for you. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you're bringing the dosage slowly down. The brain locking you mentioned is something I can relate to. Just try and do the best you can to allow yourself the space to recover. For me the first two months were an absolute nightmare but beyond that each day got a little easier. However, the withdrawal came in peaks and valleys. After two months if feel a lot better for a few days then I'd have a few days of acute withdrawal symptoms again. Slowly over time the valleys became longer and the peaks got shorter and less intense. You will get through this, Lautiina. I'm thinking of you and sending all my love and best wishes!
@@jamesc4840 Thank you for answering. Did you ever had to isolate? I'm mostly alone because I'm just tell my hell all the time to my loved ones. I can't help it. It is so hell that your brain doesn't function normally and can't understand a simple thing. Year ago I had few good weeks when diazepam took my oxazepam withdrawl symptoms away and I was myself back again. But too quick taper and went badly wrong. After that brain lock hasn't left me a minute. I wake up in hell and no brain. I can't talk normal things and understand if people talk normal things. Did you ever felt like that and also disconnect to loved ones and enviroment? I said to my doctor that I fear I have permanent mental brain damage but she thinks it's from benzo. I can't live life like this. I just get food (It's awful and normally I love to go to the store) and try to walk and run brainlock is ruin it and my brain just shuts down. I'm tapering with Ashton manual, and next going to taper 0,5 mg of klonopin to 0,25 mg so then the together amount of diazepam is 45 mg. It's huge. I was prescriped in summer 2021 when this hell started 6 x 15 mg of oxazepam so I'm after 1,5 years suffering back to squere one. I suffer headache and neck pain all the time. I barely am able to be home but to hospital I can't go, they treated me like trash and said after month I couldn't have any withdrawl symptoms. And if I go to rehab center they will taper quick. I don't know what to do. I have a good doctor. But I really fear this brain lock is permanent. 😥 I have gone through few depression and have never felt like this when I wake up and when the day continues. I don't want to live like this. And am stuck with this drug. And know how awful withdrawl symptoms is to come and I could handle it better if I didn't have this severe brain lock and could see people and function better. I'm so exhausted, I stay many days in my home alone. Then I try to exercise and feel awful in pain and fear. Thank you that you believe that I can heal. It would help me a lot if you have time and could explain how you felt your "brain lock". Was it difficult to you too to be around people and be normal and talk normally. I am in constant panic and fight or flight state and I can't help it. And also the constant headache is making things worse. Thank you.
@@lauriina85 I was completely debilitated for about 2 months solid. I went completely cold turkey and just rode out the storm. Luckily, I was stuck in lockdown at the time and so I had the time to heal alone in my apartment for 6 months. The first 2 were an absolute nightmare. I've had alcohol withdrawal in the last (which made the benzo withdrawal much more severe). I couldn't think and felt like everything was going to kill me. It was total psychosis for a while but I started to come round after the 60 day mark. Then the withdrawal came in intense blocks of 4 or 5 days with a couple of days respite in between. Each time I felt like it was over, it would suddenly go off again for another 5 days. Eventually, after about 4 months, the "rest" days became longer and the severity of the manic episodes decreased. My brain lock usually felt like the onset of a seizure. I probably passed out once or twice with my body convulsing in cold sweats on the bed. I find it hard to remember the agony I felt at the time now. I guess I've repressed a lot of the vague memories. Life has returned to normal for me now but I still feel like I've done some slight damage to me brain. I can't think as clearly as before and sometimes struggle to remember basic vocabulary. However, life is totally worth living. You've just got to be brave and set yourself a goal. It sounds like your recovery will likely take a year or two but it'll worth it on the other side. Please just hang in there and try to taper down - no matter how slow. Your old life awaits you on the other side of this. Be strong!
@@jamesc4840 Thank you that you answered again. And thank you that you said you know what I mean with brain lock. I'm totally confused of anything normal and in constant fear this brain lock won't ever go away. I have slow taper, I just don't know how to survive from it, year tapering ahead and not knowing will the brain lock leave. And having all those coming symptoms and I also feel everything is killing me. Just forcing myself to walk with brain that is shut down is killing me. And that I have suffered so much in these 1,5 years, two tapers went badly wrong and now back to squere one. I have no quality of life. Mostly alone with no purpose than stay alive and then next day the same. And If I hadn't this, I would have great life, beautiful home, love to exercise and cook and clean home and would take a new dog and could be normally with my partner. Now I fear I lose him and we have been through so many hard things and have been together over seven years. Glad you have survived and that you think I can survive too.
I've been watching your videos for a year or so now and I've seen a lot of videos from others. none more helpful than yours. I'm at 16 months post cold turkey for the second and last time. and I'm only in benzo hell for half the day now. Thank God. and thank you for your inspiration. God bless you
Thank you so much, this is helpful for me and especially for my loved ones to understand the seriousness of this...unfortunately it doesn't work on my doctors. I'm still searching for a doctor who will believe me that a 4 week 'taper' after 11 years is cold turkey.
Thank you for this. My soul just cries silently for space and time to heal from this. It’s by the grace of God I am still together and I find the strength and support. He has been with me all along. 2 years off benzo and 1 year off Cymbalta I am in protracted withdrawal from tapering too fast because I didn’t know any better. My doctor said to get off in a week and I thought I was weak for taking 3 months. I currently relate to the state much like you explain at 2 years. I see progress and have good hours and bad ones. I have found ways to manage my days successfully but I’m tired and working full time from home starting at bright screens with deadlines. My son is home online schooling because of the pandemic. I schedule time off as much as possible to just give myself space to focus on healing and I cry thinking if I could just heave the freedom to heal. Maybe I would heal faster if I could just not be stuck trying to fight through all this sensitivity everyday. I’m not sure if disability is available for this. I imagine it would be a fight. I know that people are in much worse situations and I believe that we are provided what we need even if the world doesn’t help. My soul is drained and I have so much compassion for those fighting battles that go unrecognized or acknowledged properly. It should not be this way but thankful we can lift each other up. Your videos help me stay focused on healing and provide understanding.
Benzo Brains Thanks so much for the reply. I had a weak moment of trying to deal with the daily grind. Thankfully I have tools and resources to use now like your videos for example. Yes, God and my son are my strength. Lots to always be thankful. Prayers for many blessings to you and your family.
when i first started going thru this it was your videos that i first started watching.it was what you taught about kindling that really made me understand that I wasn't going crazy. it was just way worse the 2nd time. my first cold turkey was done in a month or two. Thank you . you really help people a lot. I vouch for that God bless you and yours.
I am thankful for coming across your videos. You have given me so much courage and hope. I have been sharing some of your videos with friends & family, as its been hard for anyone to fully understand what I am going through during this long taper from Klonopin. Thank you for being a voice! I have been tapering from 0.5 mg (3x daily since May) had only been on the medication for 4 months. It has been very long and difficult taper....am down to taking a very low dose that I get from a compound pharmacy (powder mixed with olive oil) - and will be benzo free in March!
I am in my ninth month of gaba downreg. Syndrome and am finally comfortable reaching out...I literally found a cure for addiction and many depression/anxiety disorders and the pain from having this answer and not being able to share it is driving me crazy. It is truly paradigm shifting...I will go on forever but please let me know how to present the science to you. Thank you, keep saving lives.
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj it has to do with the human microbiome. Scientists are demonstrating that our behavior is dictated by the bacteria in our gut via the vagus nerve. Fix the bacterial imbalance, fix the destructive behavior. I believe fecal microbiota transplants will eliminate all non structural psychophysiological disorders
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj in mice the bacteria lactobacillus rhamnosis is shown to cause what we define as depressive behavior...when this was removed the behavior disappeared.
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj I was taking hundreds of my oxycodone 4mg klonopin 4mg liquid lorazepam...ct'd everything 9 months ago( had I known better at the time would NEVER have done so) but as a result of the coping process cured residual addiction to opiates/benzo as well as complete cure of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue
Thank you, so very much! I am in my third week tapering and getting off klonopin and ambien, after the doctor yelled at me and told me I have to get off medications. I have been on them since my daughter died and life became so hard and I stopped sleeping. So, a doctor that put me on the meds before has now made sure I won't get any more refills. It is frustrating. I wish I had more medication to taper off with slower but I don't.
Thanks Jocelyn. I suspect that I was put on this stuff before you were born, so there is not much life for me before this. Anyway, for younger folks, people with family, and those that have been on for a few years or less, I think this is great. I have a few more years of teaching adult Ph.D. students, so I HAVE to keep it somewhat together...after that, I will be really old and can play it as it comes. As always, I think you're the best, and, in a different kind of way, you are my spiritual advisor. I'm really glad you are a coach on the team. Peace, Fred
Good to hear from you. I tell people that you (and a few others) give me good feelings. I was put on X, 3mg, when you were four. It was known as the miracle med, and my folks thought it would help me with a kind of general anxiety (what ever that is...I don't even remember). So, I'm 60 now and have tried all the quick fixes...of course they all failed miserably and just jaded me to the idea of a really long tortuous many-year trek into hell. I'm alone (you know the deal, friends and family have to save themselves--I get it). My life at this point, is to spread the word--that's going to be my salvation (sorry, I ain't R. Jones). Not for nothin, you've been a big inspiration, but, respectfully, I'm not wealthy, with family, friends, and young--39 is a baby. I have a few years (maybe), and don't think I'm going to spend them praying for death. I, for the moment, can still teach doctoral students, and finishing raising my 18 year old boy, and then I can die with dignity (some, anyway). I have been told that now that I am in tolerance, I don't have much time left without making a move, so I just want to get my affairs in order. You are a blessing...I mean that. Many people will get better with you in the world. I'm glad I met you. May God bless you and yours, always, Jocelyn. Warmly, Fred
You are an amazing beautiful woman both inside and out. God bless you for sharing your thoughts and stories to help not only me but others . I believe that God puts certain people in our lives for a reason. You're not just a woman that I follow on TH-cam you are a angel that God has put into my life to help me with my illness PTSD. You have explained more to me about my illness than my doctors have. God bless you always. Thank you.
thanks for this video littlemiss, it gives me courage to know that someone else live this situation as hard as I do. It is so true what you said about beeing in survival mode. I really feel like I am hanging on life.
Thank you Jocelyn. That's EXACTLY what I needed to hear lately! I have been trying to keep the status quo disparately but with the COVID issue and this, I know that I am limited now and it's OK. Thank you so much.
I've been tapering lorazepam for over a year. Prescribed it for PTSD for 13 yrs. Once I learned after a forced CT in 2012 that benzos damage GABA receptors in the CNS & GI tract too all wds made sense. I dry cut. In my experience I'm physically dependent on the chemical components specific to lorazepam so that is what I taper. No Valium cross over. Wd is debilitating but not a life sentence unless a CT or rapid tapering. I refuse to let a label define me. Thank you for this inspiration! Windows last longer with each taper.
Another great video, im glad you maintained through this one, i seen a hurt girl who has been through hell, great job and thank you, hope to make it as far as you did, you are a very strong person, and you give us all hope 🙏, you are awesome 🌟
Hey Jocelyn, I went to your Benzo brain's, and they will not show any of your vids, which I'm sure you know. I wanted to send some to my family. I cried. I did subscribe to your new channel and I'm not sure if I can't, figure it out, because of my brain ,"healing". The name, even in my subscribed, I didn't recognize the name. I'm so sorry, they did this to you, hon! I was/am so upset because you help other's and myself so so much! I understand, and agree with everything you are saying! Your vids/channel, gives me peace and it helps to calm my central nervous system! Sending tons of love and tons of, "thank yous"! God and Jesus bless you and everyone! 🙏🙏🙌🙌💞
hello and thank you for all that you do for all of us on benzos I have been on benzos for nine years 6 mg a day I've come to the conclusion that I will be on this rest of my life and that's just the way it's going to be I can't see myself not being on it I need it I can't see why my doctor would put me on such a high dose if she didn't feel I needed it I am anxious and very emotional and anxiety is part of my life I don't think I could live without my Xanax in fact I know I couldn't but I appreciate everything you do to help people like me if you could comment on what I said I would love to hear from you thank you very much
Cheryl Miller hi sorry it took me so long to respond. I know what it's like to feel like you can't live without. you're doctor having you on 6 mg a day of Xanax seems almost reckless. that's equivalent to 120 mg of Valium. I don't know what country you're in but in the UK it's illegal for a doctor to prescribe more than 30 mg of valium. From my perspective you might be dealing with severe benzodiazepine tolerance and interdose withdrawal. in other words, any level in which you are functioning is in spite of the XANAX. You're stronger than you know and you're more capable of healing from this and dealing with anxiety than you give yourself credit for. I would never ask anyone to go through benzo withdrawal, but unfortunately as you continue to become more and more tolerant you may not have a choice. the sooner you can take control of your health and recover the better.
i'm glad you had people to lean on my son has ONLY me and that's not enough. doctors have a lot to answer to. bastards get away with murder. my son has been very sick from there (doctors) poisons for 3 years now. he has tappered off on his own cause no doctor would help. did he do it right?? who knows!! he is on no meds now and is hoping that one day he can come back to life. i guess time will tell. no body understands except the people that go through it. you are not believed by anyone. we are ment to trust doctors but the medical system doesn't care. that's fact. i wish ALL you benzo sufferers all the best. stay strong. and RIP with the ones that didn't make it. we live in australia and there is no help available simply because there is no such thing as benzo brain damage!!!!!!!!!!.
I'm so sorry about your son. It's so hard to watch out children suffer, especially at the hands of the medical system, I know. Believe he will get better, tell him you believe it. That goes a long way. Blessings
Thank you,this worries me so much..as I still have to be myself,as I have a 10 year old son.I have nobody to look after us...so am really struggling.Xx
thank you for permission. but doctors who should give "permission" are not doing that. There is no way medical community will recognize and accept my disability. and without that I am without any job, income, support. unable to heal
Gabi H. it's difficult for a patient to get a doctor to listen to them on this. but often other resources are more persuasive, official websites, advocates. there are many going through this who get on disability. sometimes it takes a few tries.
littlemissperfect maybe in USA, here in Europe they will call you crazy and lock into institution. You are sick because you can not live without drug? Than take a drug and get on with your life. Zero support in anyone
U seem articulate and smart. Thanks giving to God you got through undamaged. Have you had any physical, biochemical, or neurologic testing to determine your health status ? If u care to share.
Gia Aziza hi o haven't had any. I don't really see the point tbh. I know I'm injured and I know that the doctors have no idea what to do about that. others have had functional MRIs and things that have shown damage and partial seizures, but sometimes the tests show nothing
Did you have agoraphobia during your taper? If you did, how long did it last and what did you do to combat it? I have this feeling of detachment from the people that I love so dearly...did you get that? I hate these feelings
Your message is year ago. But I feel those right now. I feel also depersonalization and derealisation. Did you feel like your brain doesn't function normally and can't understand a simple thing and become overwhelmed of any normal things and live their normal lives? I call it brain lock. I wake up every morning to hell and feel like I have no brain. And can't do much to help. I was prescriped a big amount of oxazepam and doctor didn't warn me after my dog had to put to sleep at the age of 16. I was shocked when I realised that I was hooked up with this drug (I have never been even drunk). I tapered it on my own and rehab center and year ago I was in bad withdrawl symptons of oxazepam (just 15 mg at that point left) and doctor did crossover to diazepam and brain lock went away. I got my life and normal mornings back, could see people (Now I'm isolated a lot because I tell my hell all the time to my loved ones) taper was few weeks fine nyt was too quick and went badly wrong. Since then lot happened and I was one month at zero in hospital, and rude doctor said I couldn't have any withdrawl symptons and I got to home very sick. My new doctor prescriped me klonopin to get me relief for a while and then taper but it didn't help. Now i said to my doctor that I think I suffer withdrawl even don't taper and want to taper with Ashton manual and she was willing to read it and we started few weeks ago. I have a long tapering ahead and have no power left. But I want my life back and this drug off of me. My doctor says I have tolerance and that's why klonopin didn't help and I suffer withdrawl symptoms. And she thinks this drug is making me sick and more anxious and I agree. She thinks when I'm enough long time off of benzo my anxiety will get easier and brain lock will go away. I hope she is right. I am in constant fight or flight state, try to run and walk in headaches, that have helped earlier with my anxiety and now i feel like my brain just shuts down. Did you have problems with brain function? I fear all the time i have this brain lock permanently. I would be glad if you answer. I'm fighting for my life and the world and hell I'm living in my head can't be from this planet. And I'm normally confident active sosial person and now i'm mostly alone at my home and fear everything. And feel like I'm in a different reality from other people and my loved ones. Hope you are well. Thank you.
i have a question for you if you could give a minute to answer. do you know anything about marijuana and if it's good or bad or neither when it comes to dealing with benzo hell? I am going thru a major wave at sixteen months removed cold turkey and I have been using marijuana on occasion throughout the process. It helps my mind a lot but I wonder if it's having a long term affect on my healing. I've tried to read about it but I don't understand what I'm reading. I would just like your opinion. if you have one. Thank you
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj Marijuana helps some and hurts others. if it's working for you I know of no long term concerns with using mmj. I personally believe diet is the best way to help your body recover. I have started a keto diet for benzo recovery facebook group and have seen amazing results
Hello my name its vanessa and i was off Benzo 5 months and the other day i took by misstake another Benzo and I’m Kindling I need help how long I can wait for this severity with my symptoms .
Hello my friend I gave the wrong information I was off Benzo zolpidem . And I take by misstake another Benzo zolpidem . I have terrible symptoms all my symptoms get worse 100 worse . Has been gone 75 days and I’m still feel terrible . I wasn’t like this before and I took just one damn Benzo 5miligram set me back directly to hell I wasn’t like this before . I don’t know what to do I’m desperate !!!
Can i ask you a question please??? Im from Russia, my name is Alex. Im 21 y.o. I have strong anxiety and derealization after weed and i can explain the power of anxiety like i used 1 year of xanax.... I mean the power of my anxiety is really like hell... i cant sleep i cant speak with someone, i cant live, i loosed my job , i loosed my university and i always thinking about suicide... I never used benzo's more than 2 days, i use it at time to time, maybe once i month or twice. Can i have withdrawal after once or twice using in month??? Or its my anxiety and my brain damage by weed???? I suffering for about one year and i dont have power to live... Does benzo's dangerous for short time using??? i mean 2 weeks
Using benzos regularly for any period of time can create dependence. I'm not understanding how long you were on and off benzos and weed. I don't know if you can have long term anxiety from weed but if that's the case would it be possible for you to taper the weed slowly? Otherwise I would look at other sources. If possible get some bloodwork done and see whats going on with your hormones and nutrient levels. If this isn't related to life trauma or surroundings then it probably is physical and usually that means some kind of nutritional or hormonal imbalance, or a physical injury to the brain...or some kind of toxicity like from mold or pollutants in the water or something. I know it's hard to do that kind of detective work when you're so unwell. Is there a friend or family member who can help you figure this out? I'm so sorry you're suffering so much.
@@BenzoBrains My mom helping me everyday to survive it. I smoked weed only 4 times in my life and after the 4's time i got anxiety and derialization, i tryed everything to get my recovery( sport, a lot of running, using buds like magnesium, omega, Antidepressants like paxil, zoloft, lexapro. I know that recovering need time, a lot of time...
I’m starting my weaning tomorrow... I am actually addicted as I abuse Valium and buying off the street 😔 I started to take it on 9th of June 2018 as I was going through codeine withdrawal. I could not managed without it as I have a child with severe disability. ( Lennox gastaut syndrome- medication resistant epilepsy that affects his development greatly, physical and mental. At 7 yo he is non verbal and has no sense of danger and little understanding of his surroundings- btw he is also on lorazepam and clobazam as well as other medications for his seizures and it could be that he has 100 a day...). I still had to take care of him with withdrawal as well as severe disc problems . I already got off clonazepam myself about 11 years ago which I was taking for my epilepsy which is now controlled on tegretol. I’m also on 110 mg of methadone and sertraline so SSRI type of medication. I’m scared of what’s coming 😟 I can’t claim I’m disabled because I’m a carer of disabled child! I just think 🤔 how am I going to manage all that? I just know I will cos I have to... and once I’m off it my son comes off benzodiazepines too. Please pray for me if you can!!
I'm so sorry I will try to remember you in my prayers. Be careful. Is there any way you can implement a ketogenic diet for you and your son or get access to cbd oil to help minimize the risk of seizures as you both wean?
Hi, I came to watch this video to have remind what I'm fighting against and that I can heal eventually like you did. You answered earlier on my brain lock question that absolutely it can be from benzo long term using and tapering. I fear my mornings, I wake up to total hell and feel like I have no brain. It was before I got stronger medicines for sleeping. And then the reality hits, that you are still stuck with this drug, can't somedays even leave the house (trying to walk and run still few times a week in ab awful headache and neck pain and dizziness). And the fear of brain lock is permanent stays whole day, and I try to say, like you, and few people who I have got to know and have been through benzo hell, and my doctor also, that it is from benzo. I feel so disconnect from other people and enviroment. Feel depersonalization and derealisation. And I can't escape this hell in my head. I have had normal feeling to wake up year ago when I was in bad withdrawl symptons of oxazepam and doctor did crossover from oxazepam to diazepam. Those weeks with 10 mg of diazepam (got off of oxazepam) I felt normal, I woke up and new there is nice things to come, see my partner, go to the store, gym, running, seeing my mom and friends. But like I wrote earlier 2 mg per week off was too quick and at 6 mg I got all worst symptoms back and isolated and insomnia and puking etc. And I couldn't handle it. Brain lock came back, doctor rised diazepam to 12 mg and I tapered it 1 mg per week and felt awful. And got to hospital and was one month off and still woke up in that hell that I don't understand things and brain isn't functioning. And doctor just said I couldn't have any withdrawl symptons and I got to home very sick. And now i'm in difficult situation fighting for my physical and mental health because my doctor tried klonopin (Like I wrote) and it didn't help. Six months I have been suffering all the symptons, waking up hell nothing to look forward for the day, isolated mostly becsuse I tell my hell all the time to my loved ones like year ago in oxazepam withdrawl symptoms. I am in fear and anxiety that my brain doesn't work ever again. I still to try active it by walking and running when I can. I now have tapered 1,5 mg of klonopin (now have 1 mg of it) in few weeks and have 30 mg of diazepam. Total amount of 50 mg of diazepam 😥 We are doing the Ashton manual. I was year ago in ten mg and wasn't depressed and was sure that I will get off of this drug. If taper was then done much more slowly it might be that I would be free now. I am now depressed because I can't do things would help, and exercise doesn't help, I can't be with people. My doctor says I have tolerance and that's why klonopin didn't help and I suffered withdrawl symptoms and I said myself to doctor also that this isn't working. And I'm really sick. I have about year tapering ahead and i fear everyday I can't take anymore. My doctor says this drug is making me sick and more anxious and I agree and she thinks when I'm enough long time off of benzo my anxiety will get easier and brain lock will go away. I really want to fight and I do but the suffer is so bad. And I have been lived with gad years and haven't touched benzo and have been happy. I'm sorry I wrote these same things. You said brain lock can be from benzo and you also felt like simple things are hard. Did you have awful mornings like you felt you don't have normally functioning brain? I really fear those. And miss that time year ago when I woke up in a normal feeling and still tapered diazepam. It would be a huge help if you have time to explain what did you feel with your brain. I want to believe that these drugs are making my brain in total confuse and depersonalization and derealisation and disconnected to normal things. Thank you if you can answer and use your time to that . I looked benzobuddies nyt I find TH-cam more easier to use. I can't survive this suffering and brain lock and tapering if I lose my hope and start to believe what my brain tries under these drugs to tell me that this won't end and I will not have normal morning and day anymore. I told my doctor I'm sure that I have somekind of mental decease that is tortuing me and keeps my brain shut down. She is lovely doctor and said she sure that when I get off benzo my feelings will get better and I can then start to heal from depression and trauma of losing my lovely dalmatian and also start to work on this trauma wich started very soon after my dog died, getting hooked up with this drug and suffering so long and being mistreated of doctors and nurses. I understand you don't have time to answer but thank you if you can. All the best to you.
I come back to this often. It provides great comfort and reassurance that though we are often not believed by family, friends, and the medical community, I don't have to be in a battle with myself. It is extremely helpful to allow myself to be assisted in my healing by being honest about my brain injury starting with the care that I give myself and the hopes and prayers for others experiencing the very same things. Thank you so much for this. 🙏🏽☝🏽❤️
Thank you 🙏 I have multiple health issues too. I didn’t know I could ask for a disability card.
My spine is degenerating too.
This has helped me to be kinder to my body and brain they r trying so hard to heal! Compassion for them and our bodies. I used always have body image issues but it’s decreased cuz I appreciate what my body does for me everyday
She is awesome. When I was suffering there weren't many videos like this.
ATARI LEGEND did you heal
Oh wow this triggered me. I’m crying. Thank you
This is the time to be kind to ourselves! It serves no purpose to bash doctor's or anyone else. If we want to become warrior's in the future, great. Right now, I have a body I have to heal and it takes 100% of my time. My sister took me to the grocery store - it was the first time I went outside my environment in months. I chose a grocery store that wasn't huge or wildly lit. I was able to get my groceries and go home. I was so exhausted at the end of "my outing." I felt accomplished and proud. I have to live in the present, moment by moment. Each day is different. I'm looking for naturapaths so I can get the correct vitamins and minerals to help this process. The peripheral neuropathy is the worst - I have my feet and legs in a heating pad just for some comfort. I just want more than two hours of sleep at a time. TWO MONTHS down, many more to go..... I can do this! I will persevere. Thanks to all those who are helping me.
That's a huge milestone! Way to go
@@Rollwithit699 - Hi, true! I made that comment 4 years ago and I was in no position to do much of anything but writhe in pain. I hold my doctors accountable. I went through a period of time where I was so angry ~ every day I hurt, everyday I went without sleep. I wanted to hit any professional in the medical industry. Now, I just don't see them anymore. I have absolutely no trust in the medical profession ~ doctors are legal pill pushers, nothing more. We have a sick care system. Doctors treat symptoms, prescribing pills for symptom management. Had I not come off those medications, I'd still be filling those prescriptions happily prescribed by those horrible men and women called "doctors." You bet I'm angry, but where do we go? Who do we see? I get a blood test every year to make sure I"m healthy from what I eat....... I still can't sleep through the night. I still have horrible body aches. I still have burning and tingling throughout my body. 4 1/2 years off Klonopin, 4 years off Topamax and 3 1/2 years off Effexor XR. I made the right decision to come off those drugs, but what a price to pay... Janet
@@Rollwithit699 - I understand what you mean by heart-pounding panic. I've never experienced this level of anxiety and some days it's crippling. I don't know if I have a general apathetic feeling or disinterest, but when my body aches so much and my anxiety is sky high, it's hard to convince myself to do anything. I will say that I don't "jump on" things as I once did. If someone calls, I don't find it crucial to get back to them. I tend to put things off until it's absolutely necessary. If this is apathy, then I have it. I was always a highly motivated person, but not these past 5 years. I do get up and run every morning, but after that........... Is this how you are??? Janet
@@Rollwithit699 - You certainly had a very busy life! I'm not sure what is wrong with me!!! Because my body aches more as the day progresses, I have a hard time pursuing any interests I may have. Does that make any sense? I don't drive because I have paresthesia ~ burning and tingling all over and particularly in my feet and legs. I hate being a burden to anyone and having people drive me everywhere, so I don't ask. I used to be very social and ambitious, but not now. I get out in the morning and afternoon, but not at night. I'm depressed because I have no idea if/when I will heal. Janet
@@Rollwithit699 ~ Hi there. I've had a rough couple of days ~ body aches are horrible. I actually have more good days than bad, but when I'm in "this place," life is just plain hard. There don't seem to be many of us on TH-cam ~ by that I mean those who were prescribed our drugs for decades. Either that or they have healed and moved on with life! On my good days, I know I will heal but on those bad days, I wonder if I will EVER heal. I love to walk and run because it really helps with the burning and tingling. I have this need to walk away from my body if that makes any sense. I think if I walk or run fast enough, I can outrun myself. You know people use terms such as depersonalization and derealization, but for the life of me I simply don't understand what the mean. For some reason, I can't internalize those terms. Our weather in Sacramento, CA was gorgeous and I took a walk in the afternoon. If I could walk through the entire day, I would enjoy that. How do you get through your days?? Janet
Jocelyn, I cried through this whole video because you are saying what I myself and others are feeling and you went through it and you are giving me hope. I went to the grocery store today and I could hardly walk and I look disabled because I am so slow and just thinking is a struggle. I pray constantly and hope that I just don't die.....I have ten more months to taper and my poor mother who is 86 and my 45 year old daughter are my rocks. I can't believe that this is my world now and I look forward to feeling like myself one day. God Bless you beautiful Jocelyn and thank you for helping us all. 🙏💞
Denise LeBeau Thank you Denise, I know you can heal from this
How are you now
Thank you for making this video. It’s so true. When I was able to drive I used my mom’s handicap sticker. And, I actually had a lady yell at me that I looked perfectly fine and that I didn’t need a handicap sticker. We Benzo fighters need so much love and support. Kindness and understanding. I wish that there were places we could go that recognized Benzo recovery as a disability and offered supportive services. Sometimes it’s just a matter of a little nurturing and being treated like a human being, that’s needed. We are significant. Having someone in the trenches with you to hold your hand. Please continue to make more videos. You offer so much to so many. You give a voice to this invisible disability.
Princess T Beautifully stated thank you
thanks you so much for sharing this I haven't been the same since benzos ruined my mind, body and soul. I admire your strength to help us I see it took a lot of courage for you to help us God bless you.
Muffy Chao me too!
Thank you. Thank you for this, my boyfriend was so annoyed and kept telling me to just relax while I couldn’t stop crying I showed him this video and he apologized and is now going to educate himself. Thank you for this.
To friends and family of benzo survivors, to give you a little perspective on what your loved one is going through. Imagine the most stressful situation you've ever been in and multiply it by 10. Add feverish symptoms, heavy body, brain spasms, hot coal in the stomach, dizziness, depression and constant suicidal thoughts and you're now getting close. Imagine one thing you're totally afraid of and that constantly on the forefront of your mind. Now imagine this process lasting months on end without escape. Chuck on top the vomiting, diarrhoea, tinnitus, insomnia and this is what patients are dealing with.
For those going through withdrawal, you've just gone through a mental car crash. Your brain is severally damaged and you may have weeks, months or even a year or so to recover. You need to give yourself the time to heal. You need rest and the space to withdraw. You also need to know how lucky you are. Why? Because unlike a car crash your recovery is guaranteed. Scientifically guaranteed. Just hang in there. (Just be very careful withdrawing cold turkey and make sure to discuss tapering options with your doctor)
Buy a calendar and mark of one year from today. Each month on this day give the severity of your symptoms a mark out of 100. Over the year I guarantee you'll see a gradual improvement as things alleviate.
I'm not going to wish you good luck. You don't need it. Recovery is guaranteed if you can make it through acute withdrawal. I will however wish you all the best!
Your message has been sent a long time ago. I have read it to my loved ones because you have despcriped so well the things with the things that this drug is making people suffer.
But if you can answer it would help a lot.
Did you feel your brain doesn't function normally and can't understand that people can do normal things and can't understand that people live their normal lives? I call it brain lock.
This hell started 2021summer when my dog had to put to sleep at the age 16 (I had 1,5 year earlier a trauma and survived from depression quite quickly with people and my dog) and I had terrible panic attacks and I was prescriped a big amount of oxazepam and doctor didn't warn me. I haven't ever been even drunk so I was shocked when I realised that I was hooked up with this drug. I tapered it on my own and rehab center and doctor outside the rehab center sent me to hospital in a very bad withdrawl symptons of oxazepam. Doctor there (this was year ago) did crossover from oxazepam to diazepam, 10 mg, and said I should taper it 2 mg of week. I got home, got to sleep for a long time, could exercise and have good feeling first time after my dog died, could see people, partner and mom (Now I'm isolated a lot because I tell my hell all the time to my loved ones and feel like I am in a different reality from other people, like year ago when I was in constant panic with oxazepam) could go to store and get food and agoraphobia (normally don't have it) went away, brain lock went away. I had normal mornings and was planning a good day even I tapered diazepam. Now I wake up in hell like I have no brain. But taper was too quick and went badly wrong at 6 mg. Three weeks I stayed at 6 mg and depression came back, puking, agoraphobia, depersonalization and derealisation, insomnia etc. Doctor rised diazepam to 12 mg and I tapered it 1 mg of week barely no sleep, awful symptons and couldn't function. I went to hospital and they tapered me to zero straight from 5 mg. And I had terrible panic attacks and withdrawl symptons and after one month rude doctor said I couldn't have any withdrawl symptons and I got to home very sick. Brain lock stayed. I have now new doctor and I summer she prescriped me klonopin to get me relief for a while and then taper but it didn't help. I have suffered this whole time from year ago when I had that few weeks happy time and thought I will survive tapering.
Finally few weeks ago my mom said to my doctor that she thinks I suffer withdrawl even don't taper and doctor agreed. We all came to that point that there is no another day than get off of these drugs. This is my third try. I have no power left but u want this poison off of me.
I'm suffering because I'm normally confident active sosial person and now i can't be with anybody, my mom tries to help me to get food but I feel disconnected to people, even my partner and enviroment. I'm so alone, I hqve many people who calls me though. I fear this brain lock and that I can't think normally and become overwhelmed of any normal things is permanent. It did go away year ago when I was few weeks without bad withdrawl symptons with diazepam. And after then nothing has helped. I'm depressed beacuse if I try to walk and run brainlock is ruing it and I feel like my brain just shuts down. And I can't be with people and cook to my partner wich I normally do a lot. I'm in constant fight or flight state and can't help that. And depersonalization and derealisation are very bad. I have ever felt these.
Now I said I hope Ashton manual tapering and my doctor was willing to read it and we started few weeks ago. But because of klonopin the same amount of diazepam is huge. Year ago I had just 10 mg of diazepam and now that we are doing crossover from klonopin to diazepam I have tapered klonopin from 2,5 mg to 1 mg but have added 30 mg of diazepam. So together they are about 50 mg of diazepam. And three weeks from now i should ne off of klonopin and then slow tapering of diazepam. I just am so lost and losing hope, I suffer constant headache and neck pain and dizziness and still to try go out and excersise. I don't know how to survive long tapering with this brain lock and situation. My doctor says I have tolerance and that's why klonopin didn't help and I suffer withdrawl symptons before we even started. And she thinks this drug is making me sick and more anxious and I agree. And she thinks when im enough long time off of benzo my anxiety will get easier and brain lock will go away. I hope she is right. I have heard from few other people who I have got to know that they also experienced brain lock and were isolated because couldn't function normally. I'm sorry that I wrote you my long story nyt I really would need some support and people's experience. So if you have time to answer that did you feel anything with your brain and their cabable to function while on medication and tapering. Hope you are well. Thank you so much. I'm from Finland so sorry if the age words that are typed wrong. 😊
@@lauriina85 Thank you for sharing your story with me. It sounds like you've had a rough time with benzos and are still on quite a high dose. Unfortunately I'm not a doctor so cannot offer any sound advice, but what I will say is that it's unlikely that after being on such a large dose that you can avoid withdrawal by tapering. It should, however, make the symptoms less severe but over a greater length of time. It also seems like your taper has been a bit fast. Perhaps you could try and knock .5mg a week off your dose until you reach 10mg. If you can try not to up the dose. Try cutting down .1mg a week if that works for you. It doesn't matter how long it takes, as long as you're bringing the dosage slowly down.
The brain locking you mentioned is something I can relate to. Just try and do the best you can to allow yourself the space to recover. For me the first two months were an absolute nightmare but beyond that each day got a little easier. However, the withdrawal came in peaks and valleys. After two months if feel a lot better for a few days then I'd have a few days of acute withdrawal symptoms again. Slowly over time the valleys became longer and the peaks got shorter and less intense.
You will get through this, Lautiina. I'm thinking of you and sending all my love and best wishes!
@@jamesc4840 Thank you for answering. Did you ever had to isolate? I'm mostly alone because I'm just tell my hell all the time to my loved ones. I can't help it. It is so hell that your brain doesn't function normally and can't understand a simple thing. Year ago I had few good weeks when diazepam took my oxazepam withdrawl symptoms away and I was myself back again. But too quick taper and went badly wrong. After that brain lock hasn't left me a minute. I wake up in hell and no brain. I can't talk normal things and understand if people talk normal things. Did you ever felt like that and also disconnect to loved ones and enviroment?
I said to my doctor that I fear I have permanent mental brain damage but she thinks it's from benzo. I can't live life like this. I just get food (It's awful and normally I love to go to the store) and try to walk and run brainlock is ruin it and my brain just shuts down.
I'm tapering with Ashton manual, and next going to taper 0,5 mg of klonopin to 0,25 mg so then the together amount of diazepam is 45 mg. It's huge.
I was prescriped in summer 2021 when this hell started 6 x 15 mg of oxazepam so I'm after 1,5 years suffering back to squere one. I suffer headache and neck pain all the time.
I barely am able to be home but to hospital I can't go, they treated me like trash and said after month I couldn't have any withdrawl symptoms.
And if I go to rehab center they will taper quick. I don't know what to do. I have a good doctor. But I really fear this brain lock is permanent. 😥 I have gone through few depression and have never felt like this when I wake up and when the day continues. I don't want to live like this. And am stuck with this drug. And know how awful withdrawl symptoms is to come and I could handle it better if I didn't have this severe brain lock and could see people and function better. I'm so exhausted, I stay many days in my home alone. Then I try to exercise and feel awful in pain and fear. Thank you that you believe that I can heal. It would help me a lot if you have time and could explain how you felt your "brain lock". Was it difficult to you too to be around people and be normal and talk normally. I am in constant panic and fight or flight state and I can't help it. And also the constant headache is making things worse. Thank you.
@@lauriina85 I was completely debilitated for about 2 months solid. I went completely cold turkey and just rode out the storm. Luckily, I was stuck in lockdown at the time and so I had the time to heal alone in my apartment for 6 months. The first 2 were an absolute nightmare. I've had alcohol withdrawal in the last (which made the benzo withdrawal much more severe). I couldn't think and felt like everything was going to kill me. It was total psychosis for a while but I started to come round after the 60 day mark. Then the withdrawal came in intense blocks of 4 or 5 days with a couple of days respite in between. Each time I felt like it was over, it would suddenly go off again for another 5 days. Eventually, after about 4 months, the "rest" days became longer and the severity of the manic episodes decreased.
My brain lock usually felt like the onset of a seizure. I probably passed out once or twice with my body convulsing in cold sweats on the bed. I find it hard to remember the agony I felt at the time now. I guess I've repressed a lot of the vague memories. Life has returned to normal for me now but I still feel like I've done some slight damage to me brain. I can't think as clearly as before and sometimes struggle to remember basic vocabulary. However, life is totally worth living. You've just got to be brave and set yourself a goal. It sounds like your recovery will likely take a year or two but it'll worth it on the other side. Please just hang in there and try to taper down - no matter how slow. Your old life awaits you on the other side of this. Be strong!
@@jamesc4840 Thank you that you answered again. And thank you that you said you know what I mean with brain lock. I'm totally confused of anything normal and in constant fear this brain lock won't ever go away. I have slow taper, I just don't know how to survive from it, year tapering ahead and not knowing will the brain lock leave. And having all those coming symptoms and I also feel everything is killing me. Just forcing myself to walk with brain that is shut down is killing me. And that I have suffered so much in these 1,5 years, two tapers went badly wrong and now back to squere one. I have no quality of life. Mostly alone with no purpose than stay alive and then next day the same. And If I hadn't this, I would have great life, beautiful home, love to exercise and cook and clean home and would take a new dog and could be normally with my partner. Now I fear I lose him and we have been through so many hard things and have been together over seven years.
Glad you have survived and that you think I can survive too.
I've been watching your videos for a year or so now and I've seen a lot of videos from others. none more helpful than yours. I'm at 16 months post cold turkey for the second and last time. and I'm only in benzo hell for half the day now. Thank God. and thank you for your inspiration. God bless you
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj wow that's really fantastic progess. thanks
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj how are you now are you healed
Thank you so much, this is helpful for me and especially for my loved ones to understand the seriousness of this...unfortunately it doesn't work on my doctors. I'm still searching for a doctor who will believe me that a 4 week 'taper' after 11 years is cold turkey.
Thank you for this. My soul just cries silently for space and time to heal from this. It’s by the grace of God I am still together and I find the strength and support. He has been with me all along.
2 years off benzo and 1 year off Cymbalta I am in protracted withdrawal from tapering too fast because I didn’t know any better. My doctor said to get off in a week and I thought I was weak for taking 3 months. I currently relate to the state much like you explain at 2 years. I see progress and have good hours and bad ones. I have found ways to manage my days successfully but I’m tired and working full time from home starting at bright screens with deadlines. My son is home online schooling because of the pandemic. I schedule time off as much as possible to just give myself space to focus on healing and I cry thinking if I could just heave the freedom to heal. Maybe I would heal faster if I could just not be stuck trying to fight through all this sensitivity everyday. I’m not sure if disability is available for this. I imagine it would be a fight. I know that people are in much worse situations and I believe that we are provided what we need even if the world doesn’t help. My soul is drained and I have so much compassion for those fighting battles that go unrecognized or acknowledged properly. It should not be this way but thankful we can lift each other up. Your videos help me stay focused on healing and provide understanding.
Thanks for reaching out. I know you will continue to heal as you rely on your faith in God and your love for your son.❤
Benzo Brains Thanks so much for the reply. I had a weak moment of trying to deal with the daily grind. Thankfully I have tools and resources to use now like your videos for example. Yes, God and my son are my strength. Lots to always be thankful. Prayers for many blessings to you and your family.
when i first started going thru this it was your videos that i first started watching.it was what you taught about kindling that really made me understand that I wasn't going crazy. it was just way worse the 2nd time. my first cold turkey was done in a month or two. Thank you . you really help people a lot. I vouch for that God bless you and yours.
I am thankful for coming across your videos. You have given me so much courage and hope. I have been sharing some of your videos with friends & family, as its been hard for anyone to fully understand what I am going through during this long taper from Klonopin. Thank you for being a voice! I have been tapering from 0.5 mg (3x daily since May) had only been on the medication for 4 months. It has been very long and difficult taper....am down to taking a very low dose that I get from a compound pharmacy (powder mixed with olive oil) - and will be benzo free in March!
Stephanie Hart Wow you're so close! I'm glad my videos have helped you to have a voice during this. I wish you a full recovery ❤
Great message 👍
Great message thank you
I am in my ninth month of gaba downreg. Syndrome and am finally comfortable reaching out...I literally found a cure for addiction and many depression/anxiety disorders and the pain from having this answer and not being able to share it is driving me crazy. It is truly paradigm shifting...I will go on forever but please let me know how to present the science to you. Thank you, keep saving lives.
Johnn Dohwe I would love to hear what you have to say
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj it has to do with the human microbiome. Scientists are demonstrating that our behavior is dictated by the bacteria in our gut via the vagus nerve. Fix the bacterial imbalance, fix the destructive behavior. I believe fecal microbiota transplants will eliminate all non structural psychophysiological disorders
Johnn Dohwe I have been looking into this also and I agree with you. I'm trying right now to fix my gut. It's so confusing
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj in mice the bacteria lactobacillus rhamnosis is shown to cause what we define as depressive behavior...when this was removed the behavior disappeared.
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj I was taking hundreds of my oxycodone 4mg klonopin 4mg liquid lorazepam...ct'd everything 9 months ago( had I known better at the time would NEVER have done so) but as a result of the coping process cured residual addiction to opiates/benzo as well as complete cure of fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue
Thanks Jocelyn. Great advice!
Thank you so much for this message. I shared it on my blog on benzo buddies to give others struggling through this hope.
Ghoulin Rouge cool send me a link so I can check out your blog :)
littlemissperfect I have to warn you as I'm still in PAWS it can be a little depressing. www.benzobuddies.org/forum/index.php?topic=182063.0
Thank you, so very much! I am in my third week tapering and getting off klonopin and ambien, after the doctor yelled at me and told me I have to get off medications. I have been on them since my daughter died and life became so hard and I stopped sleeping. So, a doctor that put me on the meds before has now made sure I won't get any more refills. It is frustrating. I wish I had more medication to taper off with slower but I don't.
Kristy Bashore I'm sorry that's truly adding insult to injury. I hope you can find a new doctor who is more understanding
Thanks Jocelyn. I suspect that I was put on this stuff before you were born, so there is not much life for me before this. Anyway, for younger folks, people with family, and those that have been on for a few years or less, I think this is great. I have a few more years of teaching adult Ph.D. students, so I HAVE to keep it somewhat together...after that, I will be really old and can play it as it comes. As always, I think you're the best, and, in a different kind of way, you are my spiritual advisor. I'm really glad you are a coach on the team. Peace, Fred
Fred Feldman hi Fred I'm sorry to hear about your situation. how long have you been on a benzodiazepine? I'm 39 :)
Good to hear from you. I tell people that you (and a few others) give me good feelings. I was put on X, 3mg, when you were four. It was known as the miracle med, and my folks thought it would help me with a kind of general anxiety (what ever that is...I don't even remember). So, I'm 60 now and have tried all the quick fixes...of course they all failed miserably and just jaded me to the idea of a really long tortuous many-year trek into hell. I'm alone (you know the deal, friends and family have to save themselves--I get it). My life at this point, is to spread the word--that's going to be my salvation (sorry, I ain't R. Jones). Not for nothin, you've been a big inspiration, but, respectfully, I'm not wealthy, with family, friends, and young--39 is a baby. I have a few years (maybe), and don't think I'm going to spend them praying for death. I, for the moment, can still teach doctoral students, and finishing raising my 18 year old boy, and then I can die with dignity (some, anyway). I have been told that now that I am in tolerance, I don't have much time left without making a move, so I just want to get my affairs in order. You are a blessing...I mean that. Many people will get better with you in the world. I'm glad I met you. May God bless you and yours, always, Jocelyn. Warmly, Fred
You are an amazing beautiful woman both inside and out. God bless you for sharing your thoughts and stories to help not only me but others . I believe that God puts certain people in our lives for a reason. You're not just a woman that I follow on TH-cam you are a angel that God has put into my life to help me with my illness PTSD. You have explained more to me about my illness than my doctors have. God bless you always. Thank you.
thanks for this video littlemiss, it gives me courage to know that someone else live this situation as hard as I do. It is so true what you said about beeing in survival mode. I really feel like I am hanging on life.
Full love beauty
Thank you talbot, keep hanging on!
Thank you Jocelyn. That's EXACTLY what I needed to hear lately! I have been trying to keep the status quo disparately but with the COVID issue and this, I know that I am limited now and it's OK. Thank you so much.
You're most welcome 😊
Amen girl!!Thanks so much for this awesome video
You're welcome :)
Thank you so much Jocelyn.
I've been tapering lorazepam for over a year. Prescribed it for PTSD for 13 yrs. Once I learned after a forced CT in 2012 that benzos damage GABA receptors in the CNS & GI tract too all wds made sense. I dry cut. In my experience I'm physically dependent on the chemical components specific to lorazepam so that is what I taper. No Valium cross over. Wd is debilitating but not a life sentence unless a CT or rapid tapering. I refuse to let a label define me. Thank you for this inspiration! Windows last longer with each taper.
Winged Gypsy I'm so glad you're improving!
Another great video, im glad you maintained through this one, i seen a hurt girl who has been through hell, great job and thank you, hope to make it as far as you did, you are a very strong person, and you give us all hope 🙏, you are awesome 🌟
Hey Jocelyn, I went to your Benzo brain's, and they will not show any of your vids, which I'm sure you know. I wanted to send some to my family. I cried. I did subscribe to your new channel and I'm not sure if I can't, figure it out, because of my brain ,"healing". The name, even in my subscribed, I didn't recognize the name. I'm so sorry, they did this to you, hon! I was/am so upset because you help other's and myself so so much! I understand, and agree with everything you are saying! Your vids/channel, gives me peace and it helps to calm my central nervous system! Sending tons of love and tons of, "thank yous"! God and Jesus bless you and everyone! 🙏🙏🙌🙌💞
hello and thank you for all that you do for all of us on benzos I have been on benzos for nine years 6 mg a day I've come to the conclusion that I will be on this rest of my life and that's just the way it's going to be I can't see myself not being on it I need it I can't see why my doctor would put me on such a high dose if she didn't feel I needed it I am anxious and very emotional and anxiety is part of my life I don't think I could live without my Xanax in fact I know I couldn't but I appreciate everything you do to help people like me if you could comment on what I said I would love to hear from you thank you very much
Cheryl Miller hi sorry it took me so long to respond. I know what it's like to feel like you can't live without. you're doctor having you on 6 mg a day of Xanax seems almost reckless. that's equivalent to 120 mg of Valium. I don't know what country you're in but in the UK it's illegal for a doctor to prescribe more than 30 mg of valium. From my perspective you might be dealing with severe benzodiazepine tolerance and interdose withdrawal. in other words, any level in which you are functioning is in spite of the XANAX. You're stronger than you know and you're more capable of healing from this and dealing with anxiety than you give yourself credit for. I would never ask anyone to go through benzo withdrawal, but unfortunately as you continue to become more and more tolerant you may not have a choice. the sooner you can take control of your health and recover the better.
i'm glad you had people to lean on my son has ONLY me and that's not enough. doctors have a lot to answer to. bastards get away with murder. my son has been very sick from there (doctors) poisons for 3 years now. he has tappered off on his own cause no doctor would help. did he do it right?? who knows!! he is on no meds now and is hoping that one day he can come back to life. i guess time will tell. no body understands except the people that go through it. you are not believed by anyone. we are ment to trust doctors but the medical system doesn't care. that's fact. i wish ALL you benzo sufferers all the best. stay strong. and RIP with the ones that didn't make it. we live in australia and there is no help available simply because there is no such thing as benzo brain damage!!!!!!!!!!.
I'm so sorry about your son. It's so hard to watch out children suffer, especially at the hands of the medical system, I know. Believe he will get better, tell him you believe it. That goes a long way. Blessings
Thank you,this worries me so much..as I still have to be myself,as I have a 10 year old son.I have nobody to look after us...so am really struggling.Xx
This is a great one. Thanks as always, JHP. ❤️
The problem is is that we are not believed and treated as if we are making this up. That is so infuriating. What do you do about that?
I stop trying to convince people who aren't ready to listen. Then I forgive myself and them
Benzo Brains But what if it’s your own Mother? 🤷🏼♀️
thank you for permission. but doctors who should give "permission" are not doing that. There is no way medical community will recognize and accept my disability. and without that I am without any job, income, support. unable to heal
Gabi H. it's difficult for a patient to get a doctor to listen to them on this. but often other resources are more persuasive, official websites, advocates. there are many going through this who get on disability. sometimes it takes a few tries.
littlemissperfect
maybe in USA, here in Europe they will call you crazy and lock into institution. You are sick because you can not live without drug? Than take a drug and get on with your life. Zero support in anyone
Benzo Brains gostei do vídeo
Wow, i love your natural hair-color. It shows your true strength and spirit. It is black and fertile like mother earth
Thank you so much . This is so helping 💜
You're welcome
U seem articulate and smart. Thanks giving to God you got through undamaged.
Have you had any physical, biochemical,
or neurologic testing to
determine your health
status ? If u care to share.
Gia Aziza hi o haven't had any. I don't really see the point tbh. I know I'm injured and I know that the doctors have no idea what to do about that. others have had functional MRIs and things that have shown damage and partial seizures, but sometimes the tests show nothing
🙏❤️💫
You look like Tessa Thompson ❤
Thank you..that's all I can say right now:/
Thank you so much! Did you lose any hair?
a13drw yes it was really bad, my hair is still thinner than it used to be
Benzo Brains it's insane what these meds do!
I'm really struggling how much did you cut a week month day etc I'm so scared!
I cut less than 10% a month. Are you in any online support groups?
Benzo Brains yes I just trust you a lot. Did you have any brain pressure etc?
Jennifer R yes brain pressure, and every thing else imaginable
Did you have agoraphobia during your taper? If you did, how long did it last and what did you do to combat it? I have this feeling of detachment from the people that I love so dearly...did you get that? I hate these feelings
Your message is year ago. But I feel those right now. I feel also depersonalization and derealisation.
Did you feel like your brain doesn't function normally and can't understand a simple thing and become overwhelmed of any normal things and live their normal lives? I call it brain lock. I wake up every morning to hell and feel like I have no brain. And can't do much to help.
I was prescriped a big amount of oxazepam and doctor didn't warn me after my dog had to put to sleep at the age of 16. I was shocked when I realised that I was hooked up with this drug (I have never been even drunk). I tapered it on my own and rehab center and year ago I was in bad withdrawl symptons of oxazepam (just 15 mg at that point left) and doctor did crossover to diazepam and brain lock went away. I got my life and normal mornings back, could see people (Now I'm isolated a lot because I tell my hell all the time to my loved ones) taper was few weeks fine nyt was too quick and went badly wrong. Since then lot happened and I was one month at zero in hospital, and rude doctor said I couldn't have any withdrawl symptons and I got to home very sick. My new doctor prescriped me klonopin to get me relief for a while and then taper but it didn't help. Now i said to my doctor that I think I suffer withdrawl even don't taper and want to taper with Ashton manual and she was willing to read it and we started few weeks ago. I have a long tapering ahead and have no power left. But I want my life back and this drug off of me. My doctor says I have tolerance and that's why klonopin didn't help and I suffer withdrawl symptoms. And she thinks this drug is making me sick and more anxious and I agree. She thinks when I'm enough long time off of benzo my anxiety will get easier and brain lock will go away. I hope she is right. I am in constant fight or flight state, try to run and walk in headaches, that have helped earlier with my anxiety and now i feel like my brain just shuts down. Did you have problems with brain function? I fear all the time i have this brain lock permanently. I would be glad if you answer. I'm fighting for my life and the world and hell I'm living in my head can't be from this planet. And I'm normally confident active sosial person and now i'm mostly alone at my home and fear everything. And feel like I'm in a different reality from other people and my loved ones. Hope you are well. Thank you.
I love you
Because of fear and anxiety
Jocelyne, I'm not saying it's correct but watch What The Health on Netflix. They are really against he Paleo diet. Not sure what to believe on diet.
i have a question for you if you could give a minute to answer. do you know anything about marijuana and if it's good or bad or neither when it comes to dealing with benzo hell? I am going thru a major wave at sixteen months removed cold turkey and I have been using marijuana on occasion throughout the process. It helps my mind a lot but I wonder if it's having a long term affect on my healing. I've tried to read about it but I don't understand what I'm reading. I would just like your opinion. if you have one. Thank you
Robert Lewisi. v job vigil bjj Marijuana helps some and hurts others. if it's working for you I know of no long term concerns with using mmj. I personally believe diet is the best way to help your body recover. I have started a keto diet for benzo recovery facebook group and have seen amazing results
Benzo Brains can i get in that group. And thank you. Your so compassionate. Thank God for you
Hello my name its vanessa and i was off Benzo 5 months and the other day i took by misstake another Benzo and I’m
Kindling I need help how long I can wait for this severity with my symptoms .
How much did you take? How many days has it been? It could take a few days to a few weeks to adjust but hopefully after that things calm down.
Hello my friend I gave the wrong information I was off Benzo zolpidem . And I take by misstake another Benzo zolpidem . I have terrible symptoms all my symptoms get worse 100 worse .
Has been gone 75 days and I’m still feel terrible . I wasn’t like this before and I took just one damn Benzo 5miligram set me back directly to hell I wasn’t like this before .
I don’t know what to do I’m desperate !!!
Can i ask you a question please??? Im from Russia, my name is Alex. Im 21 y.o. I have strong anxiety and derealization after weed and i can explain the power of anxiety like i used 1 year of xanax.... I mean the power of my anxiety is really like hell... i cant sleep i cant speak with someone, i cant live, i loosed my job , i loosed my university and i always thinking about suicide... I never used benzo's more than 2 days, i use it at time to time, maybe once i month or twice. Can i have withdrawal after once or twice using in month??? Or its my anxiety and my brain damage by weed???? I suffering for about one year and i dont have power to live... Does benzo's dangerous for short time using??? i mean 2 weeks
Using benzos regularly for any period of time can create dependence. I'm not understanding how long you were on and off benzos and weed. I don't know if you can have long term anxiety from weed but if that's the case would it be possible for you to taper the weed slowly? Otherwise I would look at other sources. If possible get some bloodwork done and see whats going on with your hormones and nutrient levels. If this isn't related to life trauma or surroundings then it probably is physical and usually that means some kind of nutritional or hormonal imbalance, or a physical injury to the brain...or some kind of toxicity like from mold or pollutants in the water or something. I know it's hard to do that kind of detective work when you're so unwell. Is there a friend or family member who can help you figure this out? I'm so sorry you're suffering so much.
@@BenzoBrains My mom helping me everyday to survive it. I smoked weed only 4 times in my life and after the 4's time i got anxiety and derialization, i tryed everything to get my recovery( sport, a lot of running, using buds like magnesium, omega, Antidepressants like paxil, zoloft, lexapro. I know that recovering need time, a lot of time...
I’m starting my weaning tomorrow... I am actually addicted as I abuse Valium and buying off the street 😔 I started to take it on 9th of June 2018 as I was going through codeine withdrawal. I could not managed without it as I have a child with severe disability. ( Lennox gastaut syndrome- medication resistant epilepsy that affects his development greatly, physical and mental. At 7 yo he is non verbal and has no sense of danger and little understanding of his surroundings- btw he is also on lorazepam and clobazam as well as other medications for his seizures and it could be that he has 100 a day...). I still had to take care of him with withdrawal as well as severe disc problems . I already got off clonazepam myself about 11 years ago which I was taking for my epilepsy which is now controlled on tegretol. I’m also on 110 mg of methadone and sertraline so SSRI type of medication. I’m scared of what’s coming 😟 I can’t claim I’m disabled because I’m a carer of disabled child!
I just think 🤔 how am I going to manage all that? I just know I will cos I have to... and once I’m off it my son comes off benzodiazepines too. Please pray for me if you can!!
I'm so sorry I will try to remember you in my prayers. Be careful. Is there any way you can implement a ketogenic diet for you and your son or get access to cbd oil to help minimize the risk of seizures as you both wean?
Hi, I came to watch this video to have remind what I'm fighting against and that I can heal eventually like you did.
You answered earlier on my brain lock question that absolutely it can be from benzo long term using and tapering. I fear my mornings, I wake up to total hell and feel like I have no brain. It was before I got stronger medicines for sleeping. And then the reality hits, that you are still stuck with this drug, can't somedays even leave the house (trying to walk and run still few times a week in ab awful headache and neck pain and dizziness). And the fear of brain lock is permanent stays whole day, and I try to say, like you, and few people who I have got to know and have been through benzo hell, and my doctor also, that it is from benzo. I feel so disconnect from other people and enviroment. Feel depersonalization and derealisation. And I can't escape this hell in my head. I have had normal feeling to wake up year ago when I was in bad withdrawl symptons of oxazepam and doctor did crossover from oxazepam to diazepam. Those weeks with 10 mg of diazepam (got off of oxazepam) I felt normal, I woke up and new there is nice things to come, see my partner, go to the store, gym, running, seeing my mom and friends. But like I wrote earlier 2 mg per week off was too quick and at 6 mg I got all worst symptoms back and isolated and insomnia and puking etc. And I couldn't handle it. Brain lock came back, doctor rised diazepam to 12 mg and I tapered it 1 mg per week and felt awful. And got to hospital and was one month off and still woke up in that hell that I don't understand things and brain isn't functioning. And doctor just said I couldn't have any withdrawl symptons and I got to home very sick. And now i'm in difficult situation fighting for my physical and mental health because my doctor tried klonopin (Like I wrote) and it didn't help. Six months I have been suffering all the symptons, waking up hell nothing to look forward for the day, isolated mostly becsuse I tell my hell all the time to my loved ones like year ago in oxazepam withdrawl symptoms. I am in fear and anxiety that my brain doesn't work ever again. I still to try active it by walking and running when I can. I now have tapered 1,5 mg of klonopin (now have 1 mg of it) in few weeks and have 30 mg of diazepam. Total amount of 50 mg of diazepam 😥 We are doing the Ashton manual. I was year ago in ten mg and wasn't depressed and was sure that I will get off of this drug. If taper was then done much more slowly it might be that I would be free now. I am now depressed because I can't do things would help, and exercise doesn't help, I can't be with people. My doctor says I have tolerance and that's why klonopin didn't help and I suffered withdrawl symptoms and I said myself to doctor also that this isn't working. And I'm really sick. I have about year tapering ahead and i fear everyday I can't take anymore. My doctor says this drug is making me sick and more anxious and I agree and she thinks when I'm enough long time off of benzo my anxiety will get easier and brain lock will go away. I really want to fight and I do but the suffer is so bad.
And I have been lived with gad years and haven't touched benzo and have been happy. I'm sorry I wrote these same things.
You said brain lock can be from benzo and you also felt like simple things are hard. Did you have awful mornings like you felt you don't have normally functioning brain? I really fear those. And miss that time year ago when I woke up in a normal feeling and still tapered diazepam. It would be a huge help if you have time to explain what did you feel with your brain. I want to believe that these drugs are making my brain in total confuse and depersonalization and derealisation and disconnected to normal things. Thank you if you can answer and use your time to that . I looked benzobuddies nyt I find TH-cam more easier to use. I can't survive this suffering and brain lock and tapering if I lose my hope and start to believe what my brain tries under these drugs to tell me that this won't end and I will not have normal morning and day anymore. I told my doctor I'm sure that I have somekind of mental decease that is tortuing me and keeps my brain shut down. She is lovely doctor and said she sure that when I get off benzo my feelings will get better and I can then start to heal from depression and trauma of losing my lovely dalmatian and also start to work on this trauma wich started very soon after my dog died, getting hooked up with this drug and suffering so long and being mistreated of doctors and nurses.
I understand you don't have time to answer but thank you if you can. All the best to you.