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The fuel analogy for taking actions was beautiful, and could use a video in its own right on how to tap into those different sources. The texture of your volunteers voice was also primo 👌
@@some_developerthat mindset is like the parent who wants their child to do a certain job because their friends at work will accept and approve of it. Anyone who would want that is just a person to be avoided at all costs
Funny how social anxiety is, I could totally picture myself screaming as loud as I could if I were in his shoes, even though I 100% know I would've made less noise than he actually did. Big props to this man for going on stage and not running away, this alone already takes big balls.
From the moment he got up I stopped paying attention, because I was just thinking the hole time when he will let him sit down. I bet that poor guy couldn’t even sleep that night from all the anxiety 😂
@@melanietellez12 yeah that awkward moment when he's just standing there as the speaker talks alot lol I wouldn't know what to do with myself I fidget alot I would have been swaying back n forth not even catching what he was saying.
I had social anxiety for as long as I can remember but feel so proud of that guy for doing that on stage, brought a tear to my own inner child. Well done man!
@@DyingBreed8 that is what therapists do though. positive reinforcement helps build confidence so the smallest change needs to be reinforced and if that happens often enough you will see a change.
@@DyingBreed8 which is why different techniques exist for different people. This works for him. It doesn't for you. That's just a difference. Not evidence of its ineffectiveness.
Seeing not only him but the audience slowly become more and more comfortable being active in the talk was a joy to see you did a great job motivating that room. I especially liked the part where you had him bask in the moment, it is very easy to undervalue our accomplishments.
Right but the comfort fades away unless he's constantly in front of people, it's not permanent. Have him do it again in 6-12 months after abstaining from being on stage.
@@sightline4004So what? I have social anxiety and I’ve been put in situations like that too. While I do never want to be in those situations again, I don’t necessarily hate the fact that they happened. In fact, I’m glad. It’s better to have experiences like that than none.
Social anxiety is ultimately based on negative attention. As a person with social anxiety, we're coded to associate attention with something bad, because we've experienced sufficient negative attention to make us conclude, not believe, but conclude as a fact for ourselves, that *any* attention has, can have, or most likely *will* have a negative result. It may have developed through continuous bullying, but it doesn't need to be a result of years of trauma. Even a single impactful event, just a single traumatic experience is enough for some. So. If you shout, you get attention; if you wear funky clothes, you get attention; if you sneeze too loud or cough too much, then you get attention. Are you walking funny? Can they see how tense I am? Are people noticing? Can they see that I feel uncomfortable? Do they think I am weird? Am I breathing funny? Can they see? Most people who then pays you attention in that moment, will most likely forget about you in a few seconds, minutes or hours. But in *our* heads, we will think about the attention that that stranger gave us, and see it as a negative, because we've been taught and concluded that 9 times out of 10, attention *is* unpleasant. So can we stay silent and unnoticeable, then we will be fine. Or at least, that's what our brain tells us. But we ultimately have to retrain our brain to not associate attention with a negative if we want to overcome the anxiety. We have to accept and appreciate good attention and remember it and let it in.
this might be the very first time where a youtube comment actually resulted with me changing my perspective a little bit. really appreciate you sharing that
And he started to get lauder when aucience cheered him, that was so beutifull, I started to get emotional... We trully would not be who we are without support
This was one of the most vivid and physical expression of trauma relief, you can see the trauma on his body, how stiff he was, from the chest to the arms. Relaxation is so important to find your true potential, being vulnerable and leaving the need of being strictly tough all the time. I hope he catch this. Great work Julien, keep tuning and sharpening. Love u.
The problem is though that women don’t like certain personalities (specifically weak and passive types), so for some people, being vulnerable isn’t a good look. If you are a naturally strong personality or you have a strong presence then yes, being vulnerable can be an asset. But if you’re not a Chad type of guy, then being vulnerable is just gonna make you seem weak. And if you want to attract women, you can’t seem weak.
@@nickp3949That’s what this whole thing is about. Are you worried that women won’t like you if you’re vulnerable? Wrong. Women won’t like you if you’re FALSE confident. The mask referred to in the video is your fake, incomplete self. Of course they don’t like that. You don’t, either. Your challenge is to… BE. Somehow. Find the thing to work on, and, as you get to know yourself, you’ll begin to accept and love yourself, which will lead to being genuine, and having genuine relationships.
as a kid growing up with undiagnosed autism and raging social anxiety, it's always felt like the moment i wake up till the moment i fall asleep that i can't be myself. i've been working on myself lately, pushing myself a little more, and it's been very rewarding, but the fear lingers and i always regress. what keeps me going is knowing i've made those steps before, and i can do it again. i'm much happier than the suicidal middle schooler i once was, and even though things aren't perfect, it's only getting better, and i will keep moving forward. to anyone feeling different, it's okay to be who you are, keep going. i don't usually write cheesy stuff like this, but who gives a fuck, right?
Second guessing and analizing of my responeses are so ingrained in me that I became people pleaser. I am currently working on it since it started to negatively impact my opportunities in work enviroment and my income. I feel like Im at war with myself currently. I was bullied since middle school and growing up with my grandparents whose favourite phrase was "what will neighbours say??!" did not help. I was always angry at myself when someone wronged me and I did not react or gave them their rudeness in return rather I would always automatically say "you stupid, thats what you deserve" and it was very big obstacle but Im working on it. Lately I came across of new phrase: "Every day in every way I become better and better!" and honestly, that phrase just clicked for me and replaced that annoying "you are stupid and deserve nothing else". And this anger of being belitteled at work, in my home and by my closest people is just growing and its comming out, Im not holding anything in, im returning what you give me. When someone says that im stupid at work, with fear still but firmly say: "I dont know what to say to you but that line speaks a lot about you. Did you also got called stupid alot so it became natural to you?" And happily watch as they get salent, Small victories every day, but its progress nonetheless.
This speaks to my heart. I was the loudest kid in elementary school, I grew quieter and quieter in front of strangers, but as loud in front of close friends. All because of me being picked out and scolded often when I was young. I was conditioned to think that I shouldn’t be loud, and now people tell me I’m soft spoken sometimes
Same. No one heard what I say in high school but then I started theater hobby. It took me 3 years but I started to get confidence back. Now I have been doing it 11 years and I am million times more social nowadays.
Same, went from a loud, happy kid to a quiet, mumbling and depressy teenager. Started working on it at 18-19 years of age, now in my late 20's and people no longer ask me to repeat anything because they didn't hear the first time. It was a lot of tension and fear and it has taken years to get rid of, just like it took years to internalise. The guy in this video gives good advice, can confirm it works.
This is my first time ever hearing of this guy. Fascinating stuff. I now have understanding as to why my social anxiety is so severe - like he said, as a kid, in my mind, it was literally a life-or-death experience whether or not I got along with others. This guy is *good.* It’s obvious he really knows what he’s talking about.
You trained yourself (unknowingly of course) into a phobia of social attention and you can definitely train yourself out of it. Even seasoned actors have some measure of anxiety being the center of attention in front of a large crowd that's completely normal for a majority of people. The more you do it the less threatening it becomes, the more you train yourself to not care if someone might think you're being weird, silly or whatever the less it'll occupy your mind in those situations later and at some point it will simply not be an issue. This can be a real struggle for some but even if you don't get rid of all anxiety you'll definitely be more able to manage it and push it aside.
Give that guy all the credit for sticking up on the stage the whole time I’m sure there’s a good chance it wouldn’t have worked out with someone else. Great stuff
Yeah, if I was in that position I probs would've just started violently shaking or just before that awkwardly would've left the scene before the adrenaline rush kicks in, even tho if he called me to go on the stage I would've already had fight or flight response and refused at any cost. But let's be realistic... due to social anxiety I wouldn't even be there in first place, same reason why I am not going to therapy of any kind unless I would get drunk slightly to get rid of my anxiety temporary then I would've also been standing there all stiff like that guy trying to appear as cool as possible, maybe just not overdoing it as much as he was almost like paralyzed all the time especially with his hands.
@@ExacoMvm y'all just watched the video and are already putting excuses, people are not really that different with each other . With that kind of mentality someone with social anxiety would NEVER improve his situation . if the dude on the stage could do that in 30 mins, SO CAN YOU 🤲
@@defte1989 Positivity is good, but there are various mental conditions and phobias and the severity of it varies, even the same social anxiety might manifest differently for everyone so one will be more sensitive to "A" situation while other person to "B", etc so saying "if the dude on the stage could do that in 30 mins, SO CAN YOU" is like saying to a severely crazy person "if he can be normal then you can too" or like saying "don't be so depressed" to a depressed person expecting it would help him, ofc technically it's possible for a short time but the goal imo is to recognize the problem, educate yourself about it both medically and psychologically, find the root of the problem and work on it.
when he did the big REAL and raw actual scream- no supressions, no tenseness, no limitations- i literally cried a bit. i felt the RELEASE. the audience cheering, supporting and congratulating him afterwards of overcoming the FEAR, made me actually cry. god, i wanted to scream alongside them. amazing
I used to have social anxiety, I fixed it on my own. I am now getting to the stage where I want to become even more socially fluid! I'm only 17 and I believe that it's important for me to make connections with people while I'm still meeting people. Thank you so much for this talk because it's taught me that I need to drop these fronts about myself and realize that nothing will happen if I try to say "Good Morning!" to the guy at the shop and they don't reply
Good for you, but you are making social anxiety seem like a thing you can get rid off from just changing the way you think or just have that «i dont care» attitude. Im turning 17 soon and ive done everything to try to get less anxiety in social situations, the only thing people tell me is to practice talking infront of people and stuff. And It has only made it worse, panick attacks happens every time. Social anxiety is not just a little excuse for being nervous, its a disorder
@@thea9153 It's a personal journey I suppose. For me, when I changed my perspective it really helped me, for others maybe that doesn't work so well. But then again I've never been diagnosed with any anxiety disorder so I can only assume it is harder for those in a situation like yourself. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming social anxiety, you'll come out stronger on the other end I promise
@thea9153 I think it depends on severity. Like when I was 2 I was basically mute (they later found out I could talk but I just didn't really until my mom had my brother when I was 2 and he learned to talk. He talked A LOT so it encouraged me to talk more). Then when I was little, I couldn't even say hello to people or other kids. I only became friends with very few kids who I felt comfortable around. In high school, I learned how to make light conversation and how to talk more professionally because of the career I was going for required it. Since then I kinda stagnated and in some ways regressed. I can work with people and have polite and generic small talk but I can't go past skin-deep. I don't really go out besides work and when I do, half the time I have a headache from the stress and feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack. It's not great. So I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this guy didn't have anxiety as severe and/or got early help and intervention...which I did not.
@@kpoppy9635 This is a really good way of putting it. I used to not want to go outside my house because I'd be worried about what people thought of me, but that probably came from a body image POV rather than an social anxiety one.
The main problem with social anxiety and loneliness is seeing it as a negative, like youre less than "normal"; that you punish yourself for your loniness.
@@ranc1977 yeah, it really affected me. I couldn't fit in with people and then I was desperate to be liked by anyone to have a friend, but people sense that and I got caught in a guilt spiral of being ashamed of my lack of friends. Took a long while to understand that I'm not o e of those that can easily join friendship groups.
This is so true. The only reason I, as an introvert, feel the need to have friends. I actually like being by myself. But the fact people see firendless people as "unwanted" and "poor", it makes me feel the need to have friends.
@@CKatze-tx9wf yes, so true. I reached the point when I had to ask myself why I wanted to be friends with people who I didnt want to share time with. It was like some form of pokemon hunting, trying to capture a friend just coz everyone else was playing the same game.
As a person who's overcome most of my social anxiety, taking improvisation classes and going on stage has been EXTREMELY helpful in letting me be my true self - everyone says it's scary, and it is! But it's so worth it. The more effort you put in to just removing that filter, the more people are gonna follow you too, so it becomes a collaborative effort. Sending love to everyone ❤
This sounds terrifying. I have always had crippling social anxiety since being bullied as a kid. This sounds almost impossible to find the courage for me. I will force myself to say a few words or sentences I front of more and more people sometimes and that does seem to help some.
I took an online Improv class and had the opposite experience unfortunately. TwwwT Everyone was so kind, and really patient, but I was pretty brain dead when it came to doing Improv correctly minus the game 'What Are You Doing?' That was the only one I had confidence in. xD
YES you are absolutely right!! I agree because I know this from experience as well - taking high school drama over three years was probably the best thing that happened to me. Improv and acting forces you to be collaborative, and you're basically forced to be friends with these randos- and it works!! It is basically exposure therapy but repackaged and more fun
very nice man, im proud of you. Im like on the half way of getting rid of my social anxiety. when i was 17 i coudnt even talk to the cashier. Right now im 26 and i can approach and talk to every person i want to and i do this very often, its not scary anymore. But some parts are still there. it gets triggered when someone takes a picture of me or even phonecalls can be scary sometimes. Especially making romantic intentions clear is the most terrifying thing i can imagine. The video and youre comment were very inspirational, i will try to work on that again intentionally. thank you
Watching this video I felt so proud of this man. This was incredible and I couldn't stop smiling the whole video. It was incredible seeing how much more confident he appeared just from this one exercise. I found myself pondering what he might have been thinking to himself while standing on that stage doing that by putting myself in the same situation, but I found no reason for him to be concerned. Props to this man for being able to do this instead of trying to run away despite his anxiety. For one reason or another, I was thinking about not even writing this comment, but seeing how Julien worked with this man motivated me to send this anyways, no matter how messy or unconcise these thoughts might come off, because even if I could've written this out way better, these are my real immediate thoughts after watching the video, and in terms of trying to be less anxious, I don't think there's anything better I could comment on this video than my pure unfiltered immediate thoughts. This was a great watch and I'll definitely be watching more of your videos, thank you Julien.
@@dastro377 This CBT neurotypical wrong idea that social anxiety is cowardness and fear is making social anxiety stick longer. Social anxiety is trauma. It is not fear. It has nothing to do with confidence issues. IT is Quiet BPD - deep core self love deficit. Total rejection of core self. That comes up at the surface as "fear" and "not being brave".
I am technically an extrovert. But trauma has built up a damn hard wall. One of the things I can't do, is take the win. I was crying when people were cheering at the end. It really is necessary to learn to take in your success and not just run because that creates in you mind a series of losses, because you ignored the times you were successful.
I totally feel that. I don't KNOW if I'm introverted or it's all just a response to my trauma but yeah, whenever I actually manage to get even a little win I just shove it away quickly because in retrospect my brain always manages to make it seem embarrassing. No wins.
sometimes we NEED to cry. crying releases the chemicals that make us upset and help us to regulate. crying is okay- and i hope you’re able to overcome that trauma in the future. it’s not easy, but i promise you, it’s possible.
@@ot7biasedmashups i do the same thing, every single thing i get complimented for, all of my successes, i somehow always have an excuse to make it all meaningless in my head, "oh it was just luck" or "oh its not really that good" that sort of thing
I've found just learning to simply say thank you in response to a compliment (rather than brushing it off by being self-deprecating) has been really hard but it feels so much better.
Watching the young man doing this exercise has me all choked up holding back the tears. Because the past 38 years I've been so soft spoken or kept my voice level low because of the reasons Julien speaks on. Just imagining me up there, I'd react the same way or similar to what the 23 yr old would. I feel almost angry and hurt at the same time watching and learning. I know it's good this is happening but man this is hitting.
me too and i never realized it until seeing this , i get so sweaty and shaky when eyes are on me or i feel like eyes are on me. 32 here and if there's more than like 2-3 people around i can barely talk ..
Same am a 27 year old dude that learned to speak softly because dad was a raging alcaholic and we sort of trained ourselves to not be seen as to not be hit. Yeah, shit like this really changes your personality over the long run.
Learning martial arts helped me with this. I really overcame an anxiety of talking to people and it was because I didn't want to hurt anyone. I was always afraid of "going too far". But I showed up to class 3 days a week for two years. Was punched in the face and tapped out many times, only to grow an even bigger bond with the people I sparred. I learned to be peaceful in high stress situations. I Think a lot of people could benefit from similar training. My theory: every time someone raises their voice, the implication is that "this could lead to a physical altercation, which could be dangerous". Except 9 times out of 10, that just doesn't happen. Being confident in your ability to defend yourself completely erases that fear, allowing you to enjoy more conversations with more diverse company.
100% agree. I had exactly the same experience, I used to play Soccer and everyone screaming and being hyper-aggressive over a game somehow scared me. After 3 years of Martial Arts this was completely gone. It‘s about self-confidence.
I genuinely think everyone should go through three mandatory (not about force, just that it's good experience) classes in school that are martial arts, improv and theater (theater can be acting, singing, dancing, anything that forces the person to be exposed, make mistakes, laugh at them and share that vulnerability with other people) Marital arts for protection, tempered control of the body and the power it can exert, rough housing for bonding experiences (Humans are animals, we bond by pushing boundaries, by teetering on the edge of causing an actual problem and always respecting the others boundary of never actually crossing that line, one which is different for different people. An acknowledgement that the other person is to be respected and get everyone outside of their comfort zones.) and improv to intentionally make everyone make a fool out of themselves, to at first force that to be a common experience and find power through it, doesn't matter if it's good or if you can think on your feet, what matters is that you try, that you put yourself out there. And then theater with singing, dancing and acting to drive the idea of sharing an artistic expression in a way that you can only do with your body, be it facial expressions, voice or movement of limbs. I think not only would this physically be healthier as well as foster social bonds and better communication, because you have to have that in all of these, you need to tell people when they're doing too much, too little or just right, but also mentally, because you are challenging that locking away of your inner-self, but also not thinking that extreme freedom and hedonism is the answer. In all mediums it's give and take, it's working with others, it's intentionally having every single person involved find space to be and to exist, both physically and mentally. You're allowed to be in the same measure as all others around you and each challenge that in a different way.
Funnily enough what julian is doing here is very similar to what you learn in drama school and theatre. The idea of tapping into your inner child and letting go of any irrational belief that will stifle your performance. I've recently learn a different way to tap into it and is by "feeling it." Its hard to explain but I'll use many examples. Imagine your trying to create a melody on a keyboard but every note you worry about what someone my say. Vs you focused on feeling the right notes and letting the melody create itself, you dont have the time to think of others people judgement. Other examples you can try: Often when we eat food or listen to music it becomes a passive event where we dont notice how amazing the food or music. We eat while watching a movie or listen to music while in the shower or going for a walk. So next time you eat focus on your food and you'll notice how delicious it actually is. Or actively listen to music while not doing anything else and you'll fall in love with music again. That focus on the experience can be felt in all aspects of life. Its a little bit like a 7th sense, you have to work on it but once you get the feel for it its very hard to forget.
second paragraph is very true, i figured that one out a while ago. now im hooked on classic rock. and it makes sense, because you can only appreciate so many things at the same time (insert sex joke here) and yes i agree with the last paragraph aswell. LMAO YOU FAT-FINGERD THE 7
this is very good. The first example is actually my frequent first hand experience as a music performance major. I've had near nervous breakdowns in some performances (an entire concerto with an accompanist pianist) before that snowballed into noticeably worse playing. But I've also had times when I stopped expecting to win competitions or wrangled with every note that I played, and those times were when I did my best, had the most fun, and showed my truest self-expression. It's funny because both situations I've come extremely prepared with dozens of hours and months of practice beforehand, so it was not that. Mindset is everything.
As soon as I read the second paragraph I could feel bugs in my mouth. I often see my food crawling with bugs, if I can't distract myself from it. A shame, but my food gotta stay away from my main focus most of the time 😅
@@punmasterS-277Interesting fact: we actually have at least 7 senses, depending on definitions - the 5 basic ones plus interoception (sensing how your body feels, like hunger, thirst, fullness) and proprioception (sensing where we are in space, how we're moving, how much force we're exerting). Some would actually subdivide the sense of touch into things like temperature and pain sensing, in addition to actual touch. So that would be...err...9??
I was a shy kid, definitely relating to what Julien mentioned about being "quiet out of obligation". I had EXTREME social anxiety from 14-17 years old; panic attacks almost every day. I got counseling to overcome it, which did help, but after getting my first job when I was almost 18, I was told by my boss to speak louder and interact more. I did that for a couple years. It definitely felt uncomfortable at first, but it was either that or dealing with the fact that I could lose my job. I had realised that it was actually okay to be louder for the first time. Now, a few years on, going on my third year of university/college, I've become extroverted, not afraid to share my opinion, even if I'm wrong, and far less critical of myself. Now, after it all, from one extreme to the other, I've realised that I don't need to over-talk for validation. I can find that happy medium, and just be myself, quiet when I want to be, louder when I want to be, not because I'm being obligated to do anything. I still need to work on things but it's interesting seeing the reactions of friends' faces after saying I was the complete opposite, very pessimistic, extremely shy, etc. Thank you for this video Julien!
Julien you have so much love for us trapped people. You understand our misery and set aside any amount of cringe in order to help. It’s sad that this is not a common training that people can reach out for
Also, why is it always Germans? 😂 Seems like stifling people is part of our culture. In german hospitals they have a condescending term for the ladies from other countries because they scream so loud during childbirth. Germans mostly don’t.
@@JulienHimselfwhere do you get your ideas? I don't mean the ones you think up but rather who philosophically do you listen to? As I've heard these ideas expressed similarly as personas but never gone further into it even though it always interested me. I don't think society would actually do well with everyone expressing their deepest inner secret selves at all moments of the day to everyone at every moment. But we most all could certainly do better to integrate part of that secret selves into the personas we extend to those close to us as well as strangers.
@@walterroux291 I've been reading a bit about philosophers the past days and my guess would be Kierkegaard's existentialism because it's about acting out of your own existential needs (like having to scream because the life of a loved one is on the line) rather than acting for any other reason (like societal influence or out of your idea of what society wants from you).
@@ValleyOfWillows I need to get further into Kierkegaard, his "Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it..." quote was a favourite of mine the moment as I heard it. I've just picked up some books by Dostoyevsky for some beach reading, but once I'm through with him (in a few hundred hours that is) I'll check Kierkegaard and his existentialism out, thanks.
I almost had tears dropping when i saw Yun finally had the courage to scream fully out of his lung. That is all what we need. A little help like Julian gave him. That is all i want, and i wish i was Yun on the stage.
You are Yun on the stage. We all are Go and do things you have been scared of for years. I mean obviously don’t scream as loud as you can on a street (or DO if you want!), that might get you into some places with the white and soft walls (joking) Screaming on the stage can be anything. Meeting new people, singing your songs, dancin - whatever you want dude. You’ve already got a permission. And it’s been there all the time Now go, fucking scream
@@sashkagrey12"You've already got permission. It's been there the whole time." That is SO powerful! We HAVE to give ourselves permission. The world isn't going to come up and say, "Is that all you got? Give me more!" That permission felt like itwas "taken" from us, but we are the only ones who can allow ourselves to regain it.
I will never forget the work this man on stage did as he stayed with being vulnerable in front of so many people (and in a video). So much love and respect for his realness and his ability to stay with it. This is a courageous man!
i didn't realize it was quite so bad. but one day i sat at a meeting of certain people and we did a round of introducing ourselves. and i immediately thought "oh no, i REALLY hate these" and anxiety kicked in. i didn't freak out. i tried to focus on what the others said and i thought "it will be ok". but then it was my turn and i just completely froze up for a second, stared at the ground and it was like i couldn't even see anything else. complete tunnel vision. absolute panic. i caught myself and managed to sqeeze out a few words. but it was horrible and that was the exact moment i realized there is something deeply wrong with me. i was always quiet and withdrawn. i hated large collections of people and i wasn't good at speaking to them either. but i didn't really want to. i felt like people don't like me but i didn't know why. i think they didn't understand me and i didn't understand them as well so i did the sensible thing and stayed away from them. i kind of talked to people every once in a while. i had friends and family. or should i say i had ONE friend. most of the time there was ONE person i could talk to. better than nothing i guess. but the rest of the world seemed to just reject me and i just couldn't for the life of me figure out why. i think i was just extremely bad at that mask thing you talked about at the beginning. i didn't have much of a mask and i didn't want one. i wanted people to accept me the way i am. not a fake version of me. i felt that very strongly, even when i was still a kid. but they kept chastising me for my thoughts and views. they laughed at me sometimes. but i didn't mask up. i just decided not to speak my honest mind anymore. and i even began to (verbally) act like i believe a thing that i didn't really believe but i always hated myself for it afterwards and i tried not to do that. so i guess i brought this on myself. i refused the mask and i was cast out. i didn't die. by some miracle because i didn't really want to live at any point in my life. anyway so since i realized i had this problem, in my thirties already, i thought about it constantly. (it was almost exactly a year ago, incidentally. feels like ages.) and i tried some things. i did improve many aspects of my life dramatically, although i didn't actively work on my social anxiety because i don't like those situations for many other reasons. i'm always the only one without a mask. this video touched me. i really felt for the guy, standing up there all awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands. and when he came through and the people cheered him on, that brought me to tears. i probably would've collabsed and cried right then and there. luckily the guy wore his mask. otherwise the presentation could've become pretty awkward xD
Oh God the "let's go around the room and Introduce ourselves" moment is the absolute worst. I'll think I'm improving in life and not being as anxious around people/caring what they think of me but then that happens, where you feel like there is this massive spotlight on you and you and your mind goes blank and you feel like you can't function like a normal person in that moment. It's the worst feeling and it always makes me feel like I've taken 5 steps back. It's especially worse if you're in a room full of people who are or at least seem to be completely comfortable and can speak articulately on the spot in front of others :(
@@Alice45894 when i was younger such moments would stick around in my head for a long time, thinking things like "now everyone thinks i'm an idiot". but at least that's gone. grown-up are usually much more understanding of these things. and after this described incident i thought they probably felt sorry for me.
OMG. I am the same. Literally. I’m in my late 20s and I always feeI like I didn’t belong in this world. I always felt like I gave off a vibe off “don’t bother me” or like I’m scary or something. I grew being one of the most loudest and craziest kid to a quiet and shy kid. I believed this happened because I realized that no one seemed to like me and I was really awkward as a person. I tried too hard to fit in to the point that one day I decided to not talk and try my best anymore to be someone I can’t. I decided to just let it be. Just be me. Even if people judge me for being quiet and introverted and see me as not sociable, who cares. These people don’t even know me and if they truly appreciated me as who I am, they wouldn’t make fun of me for being quiet, not talking so much and just loving my solitude. Till now I have no friends but it’s okay, it’s a little lonely but I’ve learnt and am still learning to appreciate the things I can do, capable of doing things on my own and learning how to love myself cuz no one will love you more than yourself. I at least feel a little less lonely knowing that I’m not the only one feeling that way.
What where some of the things you did after finding out you could have social anxiety? im interested in learning from others, so any tips would be appreciated
Most of us do mask, and as one commented said, it's OK to appropriately separate certain parts of you. Like, you're not going to scream in the middle of a work meeting. But at that sports game? At a bar with friends? In the woods on a hike? Sure! The problem is when the mask BECOMES you, and you don't know how to take it off. You might not even remember what you looked like before. You've worn it every day; it's like a second skin. Finding that inner child, accepting them, and LOVING them is huge.
I recently just came across this channel and I can’t tell anyone enough how this has helped me a lot. As a kid I remembered the first time I was told to be quiet by a teacher and told myself that I hated that feeling and promised myself that I would never speak unless told so. I never realized until now how much of a mistake that would be. Growing up I didn’t have many friends cause of it and I even saw that I got scared to play online games because I was scared of being judged by random people. This has taken so much out of me and just recently I decided to finally forgive myself and just accept the real me. I am weird and me. Just today I was playing Mortal Kombat and finally after years decided to play online and I was having a blast. I have been doing more social things like at work complimenting peoples outfits and just starting random convos. Even just starting to sing at random times. Slowly I am bringing back that child within me that used to be upbeat and not scared of being myself and seeking validation to do something. I’m starting college again in two weeks and I know that I am going to be a different person. This really goes to show how we can change who we are and that there is nothing to be afraid of
One thing I noticed about myself is when I approached a stranger....say a cashier in Publix or the pharmacy or whatever. They would talk to me completely different than they did the person right there in front of me. Like not being talkative. Not smiling. So I started paying attention to exactly how I would normally approach a stranger and what I figured out was I was greeting them stone faced and not smiling and just glancing at them. So I tried an experiment. I started greeting people with a big GOOOOOOOOD! Morning! and a smile and looking directly at them. The stranger encounters completely changed. Now they smile and talk and chat like the person in line before me. Yes I have social anxiety but it is controlled. I think because of my job; as I must deal with a lot of engineers and construction people all day I have slowly learned how to mask it. Like other commenters have stated you CAN get better with practice.
That's great! And its true, the best way to get through that anxiety is to take account of the things you might be doing that puts people off. The more comfortable you make it for others to talk to you, the easier it will be to speak with them in return, because they will be far more receptive. I went through my whole teens staring emotionlessly, dressing in all black, showing little emotion, all because I thought it would make me look "cool" like one of the guys in the matrix, or in the action moveis at the time like equilibrium. And I figured girls would be attracted to a guy who looked that way. Sadly, no! They all thought I was a columbine shooter XD It wasn't until I just acted normal and smile and laugh that people actually wanted to talk to me. All too often the most akward people blame those around them, not realizing their own mannerisms are putting out a feeling that scares people off or puts them on edge. Especially if you come off as desperate or way too needy.
@@BattleBladeWarrior Yes thats good advice and really true. I worked with a guy like that for a few years. He always complained and acted so needy all the time. Alwys wanting validation. Nobody talked to him.
To add onto what you said, I used to speak in a flat voice when I am feeling threatened or yelled at. I would become so tense and clamp down so tightly on my emotions that I was both protected from feeling hurt, but also unable to let any emotions out. Now I smile and I smile bigger when I’m nervous and embarrassed. I might look that way, with widened eyes and vulnerable expression, but people will respond much more positively to this honest expression-than they would if they were to observe me, stone faced, eyes narrowed and closed off to them.
@@lmperfection Exxxxaaacctly. I don't think it is so much changing your personality or complying with social norms but more like learning and adapting. I get it some people have really bad social anxiety and they cannot overcome their stage fright. But for most people with milder cases it can be accomplished. Have you tried propanalol.? I had a a doctor prescribe that to me. It's a beta blocker and it works wonders for tense situations like presentations or huge crowds. Golfers and athletes use it to get rid of their jitters in front of crowds.
Wow, this gentleman hit it right on the nail. I remember vividly my first sense of being self-conscious as a child. It then went on to manifest itself into a crippling life-long beast!
It's amazing how simple and liberating it feels just to allow yourself to shout out freely, i was always feeling that urge to just go on a top of a mountain and shout out with all my soul, releasing all the control and the tension social condition has built in me, yet so little opportunities to do so like temporary army service or a closed record studio.
There is a warning, too. We can go to the other extreme, where we become hysterical - which is not better. IT is simply the same stuff as being quiet - being loud does not mean normal. In our society, being loud obnoxious, aggressive is perceived as being confident and intelligent and better. Then such person who is unable to listen to others and screams at critics and feedback - ends up imploded in ocean near Titanic with innocent people alongside him.
@@jaykay3512 Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full. Carl Jung
@@fbiagent3998 We need to accept our "negative" feelings, rather than avoid or repress them. Suffering and sadness are natural and essential parts of life, and important-they lead to psychological growth. ROLLO MAY (1909-1994) DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
I actually got teary eyed when he got angry and screamed. Knowing how tough and how I'm nearly 30 and am invisible because of fear of judgement. People can't even see the good in me I can't shine because my mind just won't let me. Alcohol abuse just makes me become that confident guy I always want to be, but I'm slowly drowning.
I have social anxiety and it’s all because I don’t know how to keep the conversation rolling and just bail with “oh okay” or “ahhhhhh” lol. Sometimes it’s just I can’t be bothered or it drains my energy to just talk. I prefer avoiding any conversations and just keep to myself.
Dude same! I am exactly like that to.. Its really annoying at work and other social places.. I tend to always get quiet instead and keep to myself.. Ive started thinking maybe i should have a job where i am totally alone all the time.. Dont know what tho.. Maybe it would just make me even more introverted i dont know, but the energy-cost every day from being social is so hard.. I feel like a hopeless cause sometimes.
I really needed to see this. My fears of the outer world and to make sound has taken over my life. Thank you for speaking for the people who forgot how to ❤
THIS is what we need to be showing in schools, especially with how common social anxiety seems to be nowadays. I think the reasons why these younger generations feel so lonely is because we have all been socially conditioned like no other generation, we cannot be our authentic selves and sadly this is probably on purpose. The less we speak the less we control. Worst of all even though all humans should listen to what this amazing speech has to say, it goes against what the school system is truly trying to do to us.
Yeah man, and that shit makes me so angry!! Why the F are we learning about pythagoras and so many other bullshit things, when stuff like Charisma, being social, depressions and anxieties is never been mentioned in all the 20 years i went to school. I think its also programmed by the matrix to keep us in their system. But we gonna make it out guys! Trust in yourself 💯💯
Social media has a lot to do with these mind games we have with ourselves. You cant make mistakes without being put on blast on social media. Cameras every where, Peoples' gossip, and all that. When we see people make mistakes online we think it could potentially be us so we put up social walls
I didn't even know I have social anxiety until now. "Nobody wants you to be cool. They want you to be real." hit me the most. Thank you for these very important 38 minutes of my life and special thanks to Jan (I hope this is correct). 😮
It's easy to "beat" anxiety in such situation, it's similar to group therapy. But once you are surrounded by hostile (to your perspective) people, suddenly, it's not as easy anymore.
@@dayelu2679i think your comment was a bit harsh. This person is offering an insight which I feel is valid and you are trying to disqualify it. I think this person is trying to point out that after you leave an easy situation you still have to deal with the jump to a hostile one. So how do we resolve this cognitive dissonance? How does one go into social situations where the people are potentially hostile and navigate it without feeling a need to flee?
@@dayelu2679 anxiety can be monitored and fixed through personal training, but never on shows like these. My comment is about how I'm sceptical of the gurus that do these, the energy and confidence they give you is an illusion, it will fade away fast. Yes, you gotta do your own steps towards bettering your mental health, but this man is the same as man that rambles about how he lost 50kg on keto diet and cardio workouts (like it's gonna work for everyone that simply listen to him), and you are the one that continues with "just hit the gym bro". Sorry, but life and people are a bit more complex than that.
This. I can't just yell as loud as I want at the office. We all--to varying degrees--do in fact need to differentiate between our public and private selves, the concept of "behind the curtain" that has existed since before psychology was regularly categorized as a separate (but related) entity from philosophy. To deny this is to deny reality. That's not to discount the concepts in the video, which are helpful. But look at dating alone: If we were all just our fully real selves (assuming same current social norms, expectations, etc.), our species likely wouldn't exist in a few generations.
I have social anxiety and people can’t understand me when I speak. But i also found out that I’m insanely “ charismatic” when it comes to one on one interactions. I have a dry sense od humor. All of them say that they get refreshed after talking with me and I also inspire a lot of people. But I am lonely af and got no one to talk to, where do I find friends ??
Much respect and love for the man that went on stage, each and every second i just felt so many things that i somewhat forgot that i was watching a video, also for all the people that where there all together as one, and everyone that reads this comment i hope that all life has to bring, be what makes any individual have a healthy and stable experience!
Being lonely without having anyone is A LOT worse than being lonely while having friends, partner, etc. I hate it when people say you can still feel lonely even after you have all that. It doesn't compare to how the first group feels.
I wouldn't say one is worse than the other, they are both horrible. I've experienced both, and I never want to again. I had so many friends throughout my younger years, I had family to talk to, and still I felt like I couldn't talk to them. I thought, *oh they must hate me, I haven't been feeling too well and I could really use some comfort, but none of them want to hear from me. I suck, I'm too loud, I'm too annoying, I'm too stupid. I don't deserve to be their friend. See how every time I come around they look uncomfortable.* I took every little thing they ever said, everything they did, every face they made and it became personal. If they don't want to tell me one thing, they don't want to tell me anything, they are not actually my friend, they're just lying because they feel bad for me. I'm a charity case, they hate me. At that point you feel the most alone in the world, because despite having all these people, no one likes you. No one actually wanted to be your friend. Your parents hate when you talk to them, you're an annoyance to everyone you meet. That's when you stop talking, that's when you hover next to them, and hope they will say something to you. That's when you leave and become actually alone. Then you sit alone for years, not one person talks to you, you don't talk to anyone else, because if you do, you'll just be another charity case. You'll leave because you annoy them just as much as you annoyed your other friends. Being alone when you have friends and being alone without having anyone are both horrible experiences, and I hate that anyone has to deal with either. ❤😅 I'm sorry you had to go through it, hope things are getting better.
@@Nolan-bc9qiThat's exactly where I feel I am at. I've created distance between myself and people who truly care about me. It becomes a cycle where you feel alone, you reach out, things might not go as planned, and you retreat into yourself. You begin attracting those who seek to take advantage of you. And you feel more alone, because the people who ARE around are toxic. Meanwhile the people who DO love you may have no idea how disconnected you feel. And you find that you no longer know who to trust. I've been hurt by a lot of people, but the worst is everything I've done to myself.
I always felt it wasnt okay to be quiet. To be okay being comfortable not constantly engaging in conversation and just enjoying the moment. My entire family had the gift of gab and ive always felt that feeling that i just wasnt good enough to hold conversations and speak up and join the conversation. I feel growing up i never quite learned how to do that because instead of trying to join and be myself in doing so, i kept telling myself thats who i was, i was just quiet and who cares right? Well that stopped my growth. I never took those social chances that i needed to find my voice. So growing up i just latched on to other personalities and kind of champflauged myself... I think up until i started to get sober did i realize all of this stuff and now im not sure where to go from here-- other than take more chances and try to learn from them, but now after all these years that anxiety just overcomes me, physically manifesting like a wall i cant get over. I was taking xanax and klonopin for years alongside Adderall.. and holy shit did i think i figured out life lolol but when i decided to get sober... Im back to square one. Just me and my "shy" self. Its been a journey and i feel like ive come full circle. Thanks for the video julien it was really interesting.
I felt that way growing up too! I think it's because, personally speaking, I'd try and always just get talked over! Which made me think all those similar things as you.
I can relate with what you said as well. Best wishes. Dilution was a great word he used to illustrate difference. In terms of talking with ppl, I refrained from doing so because it felt like I would be forcing it. However if I were to be diluted, relaxed, free I could talk to ppl for real.
The irony is that i am afraid to be myself because I am afraid of people.. But once (rare) I feel comfortable and I am inside my state of mind.. I just become myself.. and it's so easy.. I always say this: I wish I will be able to be outside the way that I am in my room.
I was bullied at middle school, nothing too serious from my current perspective. But in reality it took me until I was 22 to be at least somewhat comfortable with myself in any social situations. I had to stop caring, I had to learn how to own my awkwardness and I'm yet to learn how to make relationships properly and how to not always be alone by my own volition. As Julien said, I picked up many bad things in my secret life that have made all this even worse as a coping mechanism. It wasn't all just because of bullying, but it was a big part of why I closed up and why I cope inapropriately. Fascinating how much can get messed up like this.
This is probably obvious, but you are not alone. I feel the same. Having an alcoholic father, growing up with a single mom working two jobs and having to care for myself a lot, not knowing how to make or keep friends, getting bullied (sometimes by those calling me "friend"), social rejection, and poor habit choices have led me here. Alone (physically), with few true friends, wondering where I went wrong, where do I go from here, and if there is really a point to it all. "Jaded" is what comes to mind. "Traumatized" is likely more accurate. I started this as a supportive comment, but I'm not sure it came out that way.😅 I needed to say all that though. I hope you are well and healing.
I started tearing up a bit and smiled when Yun reached that point where i could feel he was screaming from his heart, even though he didn't really put his body into it because of another social conditioning regarding movement. I think this channel will do me good in the long run, so i'm subscribing.
social anxiety is a thing that i struggle with, and i try to act more confident than i actually am and tell myself the right things but it never works to keep me calm in social situations, this video gave me a massive insight into myself and i am definitely gonna binge all ur content to try and better myself
"When being you threatens your survival, that's what leads to creating a split within, and that's where the performing starts." This is the very first video I watched from this channel and I already felt so understood. Everything you said made so much sense to whatever I was feeling for a while now, and it felt so good that I just had to comment and express my thanks even just a little. I happen to be in the process of getting professional help, and this 30+ minute video definitely made me feel at peace for actually taking the first step to ask for the necessary help I need. Will probably binge watch more of your videos and wish you all the best so you can help more people with your knowledge and wisdom.
Hey Julien, I wish all middle schoolers could receive this exact seminar at their school. I wish I would have. Right in the middle of when you've had enough time to experience enough trauma to understand these concepts, and early enough for it to help with the trauma to come.
Thank you Julien. I have been going through my own journey, paying close attention to my own triggers and my own internal dialogue. Content like this is what I appreciate, and I hope I can help people in the way you do in the future. The gift is only a small amount, but I know you will appreciate the message. Thanks again (y).
love the addition of the extra cameras/perspectives, it feels like the audience is no longer just a faceless mass but now a collective of individuals that want to better themselves. knowing that you edit these personally too is just great. im looking to start my YT channel too and seeing other creators' production growths just inspires me too. good job julien! have a good day : )
I will admit, I cried at the end! He was able to overcome his fears, and realized that the people around him were supportive (not his enemies) and that there's nothing to be afraid of! I know he is walking away from this enriched. The rest of his life will never be the same 😊 I never heard of this person before, but I'm soo glad this video showed up in my "recommended" list! Thank you so much for doing this! I hope you realize how many thousands of lives you are changing! ❤
I just love that drawing he made! The visualization makes the fear and feeling of "inferiority" make that much more sense. I always wondered why my childhood affected my anxiety so much when my brothers and sisters possibly had it worse. My dad would get angry a lot and occasionally hit all my siblings, but I myself don't remember being hit a lot. Still, I've had severe social anxiety for my entire life that no doubt came from home. When he started mentioning the split circle, where we put things that we deem unacceptable on the private side, it literally just hit me. I consider myself to be very observational, even as a kid. I did a lot to avoid getting in trouble. I would refuse to throw random trash away because, "what if I'm not supposed to throw it away," or not to touch anything in case I mess something up. It makes me realize that even if I wasn't personally hit or yelled at, watching my siblings have that happened to them basically taught me what NOT to do. They got yelled at for making too much noise? Can't do that. They got hit for not sharing? I better hide what I have. There was even a time I accidentally burnt something on the toaster because I didn't realize leaving something on the toaster while I toasted bread would burn it. When my dad brought me to the side and asked me if I burnt it, I just started bawling. He was caught completely off-guard because he didn't know why I started crying for no reason. I realize now that I probably thought he was going to do to me what I saw him do to others. You don't have to be hit to experience the "trauma," watching it alone is traumatic itself. When I mention my experiences to my brother, he always tells me, "I wish I had it like that," simply because he had it WAY worse. I don't mind half the time, but there's a point when it's completely dismissing my own experiences. There's a lot of things I will bypass, but after recent self-reflection and self-work, I HATE comparison. The notion that you had it worse, so people should deal is always so selfish to me. I found myself doing it to others in a very low point of my life and recognizing how terrible it feels to be on the other side has helped my anxiety, surpringly! It's recognizing that it's okay to be hurt and I find that very necessary to accepting yourself. Thank you for the video, I almost started crying, haha! Good for Yun, I hope he takes this in stride!
Had stayed in a dorm for a year. Moved into this room with three other girls who’s previous roommate I replaced after she moved out. The moment I moved in and took that girl’s place, those three roommates of mine started praising me because “you’re so quiet! It’s honestly an answered prayer. Our last roommate was terribly loud, so you’re a relief.” Because of that, I did my best to be very quiet. It stressed me out so much I got sick often I couldn’t go to school. I was afraid that by the time I became louder than I normally was, they’d complain about me just like they did the other girl.
That’s the problem, we grow up worrying about what others think and try to please everyone but it’s damaging for us, so trying to stop worrying so much of what others think of us and not feeling the need to please everyone all the time is a challenge but it’s needs to be done so we aren’t living in fear anymore, anything is possible but we first need to learn to be our true selfs and put yourself first for once and be a loud as you want and carefree, im trying to do the same, so far so good ❤
This was awesome! I've been extremely quiet ever since I entered middle school and I'm well into being an adult now. I've been quiet for so long that people will walk right past me and ask someone else where I am. So long that just talking is exhausting and it's become difficult to string my thoughts into actual words when trying to talk to other people. I can't even have anything electronic be too loud for fear of the noise being heard in the next room and bothering someone. Same with laughing too loud in the next room. The only time I'm ever actually loud is when I'm unbelievably frustrated with someone. Weird thing is, a lot of the time when people know you are a relatively quiet person, as soon as you start screaming it let's everyone know to "Shut the hell up, I'm speaking and you better listen to me." Of course, sometimes even if I'm loud I still get ignored or talked over because also with being a quiet person, people don't expect you to have anything important to say. It makes being a quiet person with social anxiety even more frustrating and entrapping.
Wow.. This was full of validations I hadn't ever heard. I just thought of myself as strange for the ways I felt.. Seeing singing as intimate, not knowing if anyone else as a child felt like they had to perform in case they would lose the support they needed to survive (even though my mom wouldn't have ever abandoned me), charisma. Since I went through some traumas there's been a major split and I've spent the last decade healing and figuring out how to dissolve the split. This all puts so many things into words for me.. This is so much of what I needed as a reminder to be myself again! So proud of the person brought on stage, his nervousness was through the roof and once he got to yell fully, the way he looked at the crowd was different than before. He relaxed so much. His participation helped inspire me so much alongside the amazing talk.
I really resonated with the "class laughing at you" part. When I was really young, I was always very extroverted in class and engaged with lessons, but one time we were going over senses and I said "I smell" and took a pause to think what to say, and the teacher said "you do?" Then the whole class laughed at me and looking back on it I remember so vividly how I felt in that moment and how it clearly affected me for years, fear of embarrassment and in the process shut myself off. She's dead now, so I won.
I have such a big fear of being perceived and being judged negatively that I (used to) rarely express myself to people as some sort of defense mechanism, but now that i want to express myself, I struggle. I keep a poker face for almost every emotion I feel especially in school, I'm not exactly sure why but whenever im in a place with a lot of people im not really close with or when im in a place where I feel small, I get too hyper aware myself, what im doing, what im saying, or even every little movement i do and what people might be thinking of me (basically saying I don't go with the flow). Like if I feel happy, I struggle with expressing myself even If i genuinely feel happy because I'm afraid ill get too excited that people would think im weird or would think of me negatively. I really want to improve myself by expressing myself more, not just with my emotions but with my thoughts and ideas to people. I need to tell myself that it doesn't matter if people reject or think of me negatively as long as im happy!!!
I think TH-cam has targeted me with this video. I’m only a few minutes in and you’ve already hit every nail on the head in most aspects of my life. Especially with the front and the side the public sees, the close friends, and the family. And I thought it was just me who had that. I have never heard that from another human being before. Never in my ENTIRE life have I ever heard anyone as accurately describe social anxiety as good as you. Thank you, I wish I could explain how social anxiety effects me in the incredibly easy way to understand like you have.
Always have been this way. Avoid crowds unless forced to go. Then I find a way to be invisible. I know that others can literally feel the tension I bring in a room. It’s like a boulder on my shoulders. I feel this when thinking of getting something accomplished also. Happens when I play music live. I lose half my playing abilities.
I usually never comment on videos, but this is the first YT video that has ever made me cry. I loved watching every moment of it, I forgot I was watching a video. I feel really proud of Yun for sticking by up there and making it through the end!
The dude on stage standing there awkwardly to be included for so long just waiting holding the microphone for an incredible amount of time silently tears me apart
the speaking of trauma segment really made me feel understood. I’ve never experienced a “big” or “serious” traumatic event (from an adult perspective) but I can relate to trauma symptoms such as fawning or being afraid to set boundaries. Thank you very much for this video!
I see a lot of myself in this gentleman. I have social anxiety and when it strikes, it is tremendous. However, I do have spells where I can lessen its grasp on me, and I'm regularly told by peers that when I do, it's night and day. They describe me as funny, charismatic, and fun to be around. But when I stifle, I think my 2/10 is a 9/10 and it's almost indiscernable to me when I'm in that stifledness. I'm pushing so hard for change because I've spent enough years stifled, and I want to regularly be that charismatic guy others describe much more often. Thanks for your work Julien, your content has been some of the few that actually inspires me!
I also used to struggle with social anxiety, but realizing bit by bit that nothing bad happens when you put yourself out there and "open the closet" was freeing. Oh and when it comes to references how screaming at the top of your lungs sounds like, watch DBZ. Goku going Super Saiyan 3 is a GREAT reference. 😅
the “trauma” part really helped me put things into perspective. i thought i had no reason to feel the way i do because i never experienced what i considered a ‘major event’, totally downplaying the fact that i was often singled out as a child for having undiagnosed autism and that after my parents’ divorce, my dad took a liking to starting arguments with me so he could talk over me and feel like he had some power over something in his life. i guess i never realized just how much that made me push my feelings and needs aside in fear that someone would blow up like my dad does
This was really inspiring, man. Hearing you call out my insecurities really rustled up something inside like hot flushes and sweat. Being shown and told that no harm comes of you when you "overstep the boundary" is really a powerful image to work with. You could even see the fight inside the man like "My experiences/society taught me otherwise. Is that really okay?". Thank you kindly for the video.
Wow, our dude here is really stiff as a board haha, but mad respect to him for going through it and trying again and again. Amazing! I applauded you here alone in my room and loudly said YES! YES! (Saturday early morning, neighbors in the house are just about to wake up haha)… Keep on doing this work, it'll become more and more powerful and you will feel so f***ing great!
I have SOCIAL ANXIETY and it is a very limiting problem in all areas. I feel that I have wasted a lot of time. I see my friends with girlfriends or already married, social pressure I think that social anxiety developed at school since in various exhibitions I would get very nervous, the teachers scolded me for being too noisy, they didn't let me be authentic, they took the scolding to my parents and they punished me for being noisy, I remember an exhibition that I had afterwards I felt very nervous, I blushed, because I felt I had forgotten everything, I stuttered, suffocated when speaking, etc. Now it's hard for me to socialize, I don't practice much and I feel that I've lost some social skills too, my acquaintances have labeled me that I'm very shy and that makes me believe that those who know me think that of me
I'm on the same boat too. But far far worse. I've never had any relationships and I'm in my late 30s and everyone I met online say I'm unlucky and would have to die single. I fear the real world. I fear people. I am supremely lonely and closed to all my relatives, friends, etc. since forever. I cried several days just thinking about my purpose in this world. Feeling suicidal every passing day as I'm ageing faster and faster and I just cannot speak. Literally everyone in my friends and relatives circles are supremely extrovert and well settled in life. I avoided having a life partner or marrying just because of this fear of how people would judge me. I know I'm devastated. I worry I was born without a purpose and would've been better off never born or killed when I was a baby... But still, there's this 1% hope even after 99% hope is lost permanently. It'll take a rebirth for me to change. I mean I have to just escape to a place where I know nobody... Still, there's this fear that's difficult to wipe off at my age.
@@gods-best-friend-gbf This is Complex Trauma. Our only weapon is detailed education about trauma and understanding what is going on. When we do not have deep education in psychology - we will tend to compare ourselves to others (as seeing others as being "successful" and better) and we will tend to self blame - because exposure to narcissistic abuse will make us doubt ourselves. The truth is that "successful" others have neurotypical brain - which makes them achieve certain goal posts easily and without effort in life - which are approved by conformism and ableist society as norm. The truth is also that such people have a lot of fallbacks and shortcomings which they learned how to cover up and hide really well. Think of instagram influencers who appear perfect and amazing online - while behind camera it is far from perfect.
Me need more coaches like this around the world, people need this kind of coach specially those who started to have social barriers ever since they were young. You’re doing a great job sir! Just keep doing what you’re doing right now, the world needs you
This video was soo good! Idk why I cried but I thought this was very moving lol. I feel like the older I get, the more I’m pulling away from society and that is something I’ve been trying to work on. But this video was definitely well needed for me to see, so thank you for sharing! And also kudos to you too for working so hard on yourself for these 17+ years 🥳
So happy to have stumbled upon this! TH-cam rarely knocks it put of the park but it did today! Amazing speaker and most glorifying message! Already planning on attending the conference in Philly on Sept 28th. This day will mark 5 years to the day that I lost my then 18 year old son. I believe in signs. Can’t wait to meet you Julien! 👏 🤗 🗣️
This was an awesome speech! The part that you talk about quiet talkers, I suddenly realized that I was one of them. I've almost never spoken loudly in public. I'll work on this from now on. Thank you!
I have NEVER teared up for a self help video. But some how at the last scene of the screaming, I couldn't stop them from Rolling... This is just GOLD. ♥
I actually began to cry because I can imagine him just breaking free and being liberated from himself. I think our own minds are our strongest prisons and breaking out of our own chains is the hardest and most rewarding experience.
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- Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this: th-cam.com/video/DDmqrbSdzPo/w-d-xo.html
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Having autism makes me so different, thats why I cant fit in, I like being different in fact I have been braging about it
The fuel analogy for taking actions was beautiful, and could use a video in its own right on how to tap into those different sources.
The texture of your volunteers voice was also primo 👌
"Let it land". I have no issue speaking before people or being loud, but I don't tend to properly receive praise.
Hey I tried to watch this video but watching the guy on stage made me so uncomfortable at times I had to click away, what can I do
@@theextremeloader1 Notice the uncomfort, feel it as a sensation in your body, don’t act on it.
“Nobody wants you to be cool. They want you to be real.” I love that!
Powerful!
34:45
Umm, some people actually want other people to be cool, and "cool" isn't considered bad or something, but yeah it's demanding...
i was about to write the same comment down!!
@@some_developerthat mindset is like the parent who wants their child to do a certain job because their friends at work will accept and approve of it. Anyone who would want that is just a person to be avoided at all costs
Funny how social anxiety is, I could totally picture myself screaming as loud as I could if I were in his shoes, even though I 100% know I would've made less noise than he actually did.
Big props to this man for going on stage and not running away, this alone already takes big balls.
I would've died 🪦̼⚘
Kudos!
lmao same but i woulda been loud as hell…
“AAAAAAAAAAAAA”
then followed by acute embarrassment
yoo same
if i was him i couldn't run away too, because i didn't have speaker's permission to leave and also it could be rude lol
@@charlottekerr4312sounds like a cute embrrassament
”When being you, threatens your survival, that’s what leads to creating a split within; and that’s where the performing starts”. That is life advice!
Glad that part was impactful! 🔥👊
🎉🎉🎉 finally someone verbalized this!!
Read your bible! (KJV, preferably) ❤️🎉😮
No
@@abel6298I see you everywhere
“most of us aren’t actually truly living. you’re not expressing yourself, you’re performing.” wow that was deep
Yes,
My heart was pounding for him. Can’t imagine how I would’ve been up there.
My heart was pounding too I could feel the nerves aaa. He did great
Read your bible! (KJV, preferably) ❤️😊❤
@@abel6298 Douay Rheims
From the moment he got up I stopped paying attention, because I was just thinking the hole time when he will let him sit down. I bet that poor guy couldn’t even sleep that night from all the anxiety 😂
@@melanietellez12 yeah that awkward moment when he's just standing there as the speaker talks alot lol I wouldn't know what to do with myself I fidget alot I would have been swaying back n forth not even catching what he was saying.
I had social anxiety for as long as I can remember but feel so proud of that guy for doing that on stage, brought a tear to my own inner child. Well done man!
just dont have it lol
Yea, i felt that as well. Brave bro
@@stwong2000are u a child?
@@stwong2000exactly
Its ony fixed by raw primal diet and its gone
Shout out to the dude on stage. Social anxiety’s tough but it can be worked on. Self help and therapy have really changed my life for the better.
Yeah but he wasn't any louder when he told him it was. Lol some of it seems for show.
@@DyingBreed8 maybe so, but the guy still went up there.
@@DyingBreed8 that is what therapists do though. positive reinforcement helps build confidence so the smallest change needs to be reinforced and if that happens often enough you will see a change.
@NoiZze_ yeah I recognize that, which makes it less effective on people with awareness.
@@DyingBreed8 which is why different techniques exist for different people. This works for him. It doesn't for you. That's just a difference. Not evidence of its ineffectiveness.
Seeing not only him but the audience slowly become more and more comfortable being active in the talk was a joy to see you did a great job motivating that room. I especially liked the part where you had him bask in the moment, it is very easy to undervalue our accomplishments.
Right but the comfort fades away unless he's constantly in front of people, it's not permanent. Have him do it again in 6-12 months after abstaining from being on stage.
@@sightline4004 thats literally one of the main points that the speaker is making throughout the talk
@@sightline4004So what? I have social anxiety and I’ve been put in situations like that too. While I do never want to be in those situations again, I don’t necessarily hate the fact that they happened. In fact, I’m glad. It’s better to have experiences like that than none.
his mannerisms remind me of Saul Goodman so now I can’t trust him😭💀
the further the video goes the more engaged everyone became, its like a miracle happening in front of them
Social anxiety is ultimately based on negative attention.
As a person with social anxiety, we're coded to associate attention with something bad, because we've experienced sufficient negative attention to make us conclude, not believe, but conclude as a fact for ourselves, that *any* attention has, can have, or most likely *will* have a negative result.
It may have developed through continuous bullying, but it doesn't need to be a result of years of trauma. Even a single impactful event, just a single traumatic experience is enough for some.
So. If you shout, you get attention; if you wear funky clothes, you get attention; if you sneeze too loud or cough too much, then you get attention. Are you walking funny? Can they see how tense I am? Are people noticing? Can they see that I feel uncomfortable? Do they think I am weird? Am I breathing funny? Can they see?
Most people who then pays you attention in that moment, will most likely forget about you in a few seconds, minutes or hours. But in *our* heads, we will think about the attention that that stranger gave us, and see it as a negative, because we've been taught and concluded that 9 times out of 10, attention *is* unpleasant.
So can we stay silent and unnoticeable, then we will be fine. Or at least, that's what our brain tells us.
But we ultimately have to retrain our brain to not associate attention with a negative if we want to overcome the anxiety. We have to accept and appreciate good attention and remember it and let it in.
👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Insane, thank you so much!
Will u be my friend ? I need to hear that words of knowledge more often
this might be the very first time where a youtube comment actually resulted with me changing my perspective a little bit. really appreciate you sharing that
Thank for your words of wisdom I truly related to this message and will try to work on myself from now on
I could see that he was really nervous, and I would be too. MASSIVE respect to him getting out of his comfort zone and doing that! 🎉
I can't explain the immense joy it gave me to hear him scream as loud as he good. It was amazing to see someone feel comfortable and accepted.
I got a little to excited at such hours xd
And he started to get lauder when aucience cheered him, that was so beutifull, I started to get emotional... We trully would not be who we are without support
And I can't explain how amazing it feels when you help someone get out of comfort-zone.
SAMEE, i was smiling sm watching this. I DONT KNOW HIM BUT I FELT SO PROUD
at least you didn’t nearly cry, I know I sure did 😂
I am freaking sweating watching this guy screaming on top of his lungs.
Here's another great example you may resonate with: th-cam.com/video/JEZXtcOIr0E/w-d-xo.html 👌
@@JulienHimself thanks man, appreciate everything what you’re doing! I wish I could come to one of your seminars.
@@kotokrabsI like your vids bro
This was one of the most vivid and physical expression of trauma relief, you can see the trauma on his body, how stiff he was, from the chest to the arms. Relaxation is so important to find your true potential, being vulnerable and leaving the need of being strictly tough all the time. I hope he catch this. Great work Julien, keep tuning and sharpening. Love u.
Yes!! Thank you!
The problem is though that women don’t like certain personalities (specifically weak and passive types), so for some people, being vulnerable isn’t a good look. If you are a naturally strong personality or you have a strong presence then yes, being vulnerable can be an asset. But if you’re not a Chad type of guy, then being vulnerable is just gonna make you seem weak. And if you want to attract women, you can’t seem weak.
@@nickp3949 what are you waffling about
@@nickp3949never be vulnerable too women wish i was gay so I wouldn't have too deal with fee mails childish games
@@nickp3949That’s what this whole thing is about. Are you worried that women won’t like you if you’re vulnerable? Wrong. Women won’t like you if you’re FALSE confident. The mask referred to in the video is your fake, incomplete self. Of course they don’t like that. You don’t, either. Your challenge is to… BE. Somehow. Find the thing to work on, and, as you get to know yourself, you’ll begin to accept and love yourself, which will lead to being genuine, and having genuine relationships.
as a kid growing up with undiagnosed autism and raging social anxiety, it's always felt like the moment i wake up till the moment i fall asleep that i can't be myself. i've been working on myself lately, pushing myself a little more, and it's been very rewarding, but the fear lingers and i always regress. what keeps me going is knowing i've made those steps before, and i can do it again. i'm much happier than the suicidal middle schooler i once was, and even though things aren't perfect, it's only getting better, and i will keep moving forward. to anyone feeling different, it's okay to be who you are, keep going. i don't usually write cheesy stuff like this, but who gives a fuck, right?
I relate so much to that, thank you for sharing !
Second guessing and analizing of my responeses are so ingrained in me that I became people pleaser. I am currently working on it since it started to negatively impact my opportunities in work enviroment and my income. I feel like Im at war with myself currently. I was bullied since middle school and growing up with my grandparents whose favourite phrase was "what will neighbours say??!" did not help. I was always angry at myself when someone wronged me and I did not react or gave them their rudeness in return rather I would always automatically say "you stupid, thats what you deserve" and it was very big obstacle but Im working on it. Lately I came across of new phrase: "Every day in every way I become better and better!" and honestly, that phrase just clicked for me and replaced that annoying "you are stupid and deserve nothing else". And this anger of being belitteled at work, in my home and by my closest people is just growing and its comming out, Im not holding anything in, im returning what you give me. When someone says that im stupid at work, with fear still but firmly say: "I dont know what to say to you but that line speaks a lot about you. Did you also got called stupid alot so it became natural to you?" And happily watch as they get salent, Small victories every day, but its progress nonetheless.
Thanks for sharing this, you can do it.
As a fellow autistic, I'd just say don't push too hard, too fast. You want to avoid autistic burnout as much as you can.
Fellow autist and yeah. I needed to watch this
I just know his heart is beating a million times an hour.
I agree with you ,
This speaks to my heart. I was the loudest kid in elementary school, I grew quieter and quieter in front of strangers, but as loud in front of close friends. All because of me being picked out and scolded often when I was young. I was conditioned to think that I shouldn’t be loud, and now people tell me I’m soft spoken sometimes
I haven’t ever related to a comment so much
@@drago9606ong shits crazy
This is exactly my life, word for word 😭
Same. No one heard what I say in high school but then I started theater hobby. It took me 3 years but I started to get confidence back. Now I have been doing it 11 years and I am million times more social nowadays.
Same, went from a loud, happy kid to a quiet, mumbling and depressy teenager. Started working on it at 18-19 years of age, now in my late 20's and people no longer ask me to repeat anything because they didn't hear the first time. It was a lot of tension and fear and it has taken years to get rid of, just like it took years to internalise. The guy in this video gives good advice, can confirm it works.
This is my first time ever hearing of this guy. Fascinating stuff.
I now have understanding as to why my social anxiety is so severe - like he said, as a kid, in my mind, it was literally a life-or-death experience whether or not I got along with others.
This guy is *good.* It’s obvious he really knows what he’s talking about.
Thank you! And welcome to the channel!
You trained yourself (unknowingly of course) into a phobia of social attention and you can definitely train yourself out of it. Even seasoned actors have some measure of anxiety being the center of attention in front of a large crowd that's completely normal for a majority of people. The more you do it the less threatening it becomes, the more you train yourself to not care if someone might think you're being weird, silly or whatever the less it'll occupy your mind in those situations later and at some point it will simply not be an issue.
This can be a real struggle for some but even if you don't get rid of all anxiety you'll definitely be more able to manage it and push it aside.
@@mugogrogthanks.
Give that guy all the credit for sticking up on the stage the whole time I’m sure there’s a good chance it wouldn’t have worked out with someone else. Great stuff
Yeah, if I was in that position I probs would've just started violently shaking or just before that awkwardly would've left the scene before the adrenaline rush kicks in, even tho if he called me to go on the stage I would've already had fight or flight response and refused at any cost.
But let's be realistic... due to social anxiety I wouldn't even be there in first place, same reason why I am not going to therapy of any kind unless I would get drunk slightly to get rid of my anxiety temporary then I would've also been standing there all stiff like that guy trying to appear as cool as possible, maybe just not overdoing it as much as he was almost like paralyzed all the time especially with his hands.
yeah i would started to sweat so much from embarassment
@@ExacoMvm y'all just watched the video and are already putting excuses, people are not really that different with each other . With that kind of mentality someone with social anxiety would NEVER improve his situation . if the dude on the stage could do that in 30 mins, SO CAN YOU 🤲
@@defte1989 Positivity is good, but there are various mental conditions and phobias and the severity of it varies, even the same social anxiety might manifest differently for everyone so one will be more sensitive to "A" situation while other person to "B", etc so saying "if the dude on the stage could do that in 30 mins, SO CAN YOU" is like saying to a severely crazy person "if he can be normal then you can too" or like saying "don't be so depressed" to a depressed person expecting it would help him, ofc technically it's possible for a short time but the goal imo is to recognize the problem, educate yourself about it both medically and psychologically, find the root of the problem and work on it.
Yeah I'd be shitting brick if I was him lol. Hopefully he can improve.
when he did the big REAL and raw actual scream- no supressions, no tenseness, no limitations-
i literally cried a bit.
i felt the RELEASE.
the audience cheering, supporting and congratulating him afterwards of overcoming the FEAR, made me actually cry.
god, i wanted to scream alongside them.
amazing
I thought I was the only one I clapped and even got teary eyed.ಥ‿ಥ
Teary? I out and out cried because what an accomplishment. 🥲🥲
I used to have social anxiety, I fixed it on my own. I am now getting to the stage where I want to become even more socially fluid! I'm only 17 and I believe that it's important for me to make connections with people while I'm still meeting people. Thank you so much for this talk because it's taught me that I need to drop these fronts about myself and realize that nothing will happen if I try to say "Good Morning!" to the guy at the shop and they don't reply
When you will be able to tell him not for his reaction but for the sake of it, he will answer 100% of times
Good for you, but you are making social anxiety seem like a thing you can get rid off from just changing the way you think or just have that «i dont care» attitude. Im turning 17 soon and ive done everything to try to get less anxiety in social situations, the only thing people tell me is to practice talking infront of people and stuff. And It has only made it worse, panick attacks happens every time. Social anxiety is not just a little excuse for being nervous, its a disorder
@@thea9153 It's a personal journey I suppose. For me, when I changed my perspective it really helped me, for others maybe that doesn't work so well. But then again I've never been diagnosed with any anxiety disorder so I can only assume it is harder for those in a situation like yourself. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming social anxiety, you'll come out stronger on the other end I promise
@thea9153 I think it depends on severity.
Like when I was 2 I was basically mute (they later found out I could talk but I just didn't really until my mom had my brother when I was 2 and he learned to talk. He talked A LOT so it encouraged me to talk more).
Then when I was little, I couldn't even say hello to people or other kids. I only became friends with very few kids who I felt comfortable around.
In high school, I learned how to make light conversation and how to talk more professionally because of the career I was going for required it.
Since then I kinda stagnated and in some ways regressed. I can work with people and have polite and generic small talk but I can't go past skin-deep. I don't really go out besides work and when I do, half the time I have a headache from the stress and feel like I'm gonna have a panic attack. It's not great.
So I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this guy didn't have anxiety as severe and/or got early help and intervention...which I did not.
@@kpoppy9635 This is a really good way of putting it. I used to not want to go outside my house because I'd be worried about what people thought of me, but that probably came from a body image POV rather than an social anxiety one.
The main problem with social anxiety and loneliness is seeing it as a negative, like youre less than "normal"; that you punish yourself for your loniness.
Also true, yes... Something to let go of! 🙏
This is called Toxic shame.
@@ranc1977 yeah, it really affected me. I couldn't fit in with people and then I was desperate to be liked by anyone to have a friend, but people sense that and I got caught in a guilt spiral of being ashamed of my lack of friends. Took a long while to understand that I'm not o e of those that can easily join friendship groups.
This is so true. The only reason I, as an introvert, feel the need to have friends. I actually like being by myself. But the fact people see firendless people as "unwanted" and "poor", it makes me feel the need to have friends.
@@CKatze-tx9wf yes, so true. I reached the point when I had to ask myself why I wanted to be friends with people who I didnt want to share time with.
It was like some form of pokemon hunting, trying to capture a friend just coz everyone else was playing the same game.
As a person who's overcome most of my social anxiety, taking improvisation classes and going on stage has been EXTREMELY helpful in letting me be my true self - everyone says it's scary, and it is! But it's so worth it. The more effort you put in to just removing that filter, the more people are gonna follow you too, so it becomes a collaborative effort.
Sending love to everyone ❤
This sounds terrifying. I have always had crippling social anxiety since being bullied as a kid. This sounds almost impossible to find the courage for me. I will force myself to say a few words or sentences I front of more and more people sometimes and that does seem to help some.
I took an online Improv class and had the opposite experience unfortunately. TwwwT
Everyone was so kind, and really patient, but I was pretty brain dead when it came to doing Improv correctly minus the game 'What Are You Doing?' That was the only one I had confidence in. xD
YES you are absolutely right!! I agree because I know this from experience as well - taking high school drama over three years was probably the best thing that happened to me. Improv and acting forces you to be collaborative, and you're basically forced to be friends with these randos- and it works!! It is basically exposure therapy but repackaged and more fun
Theater and improvisation has helped me A LOT too.
very nice man, im proud of you. Im like on the half way of getting rid of my social anxiety. when i was 17 i coudnt even talk to the cashier. Right now im 26 and i can approach and talk to every person i want to and i do this very often, its not scary anymore. But some parts are still there. it gets triggered when someone takes a picture of me or even phonecalls can be scary sometimes. Especially making romantic intentions clear is the most terrifying thing i can imagine. The video and youre comment were very inspirational, i will try to work on that again intentionally. thank you
Imagine going to a social anxiety lecture, and the speaker chooses YOU to come up on stage lmao
BIG props to the yelling dude!
It happened to me once. I thought I was going to die 😂. I texted my sister and said call me with a fake emergency and I left 🙈🥺
lmaaao
Watching this video I felt so proud of this man. This was incredible and I couldn't stop smiling the whole video. It was incredible seeing how much more confident he appeared just from this one exercise. I found myself pondering what he might have been thinking to himself while standing on that stage doing that by putting myself in the same situation, but I found no reason for him to be concerned. Props to this man for being able to do this instead of trying to run away despite his anxiety. For one reason or another, I was thinking about not even writing this comment, but seeing how Julien worked with this man motivated me to send this anyways, no matter how messy or unconcise these thoughts might come off, because even if I could've written this out way better, these are my real immediate thoughts after watching the video, and in terms of trying to be less anxious, I don't think there's anything better I could comment on this video than my pure unfiltered immediate thoughts. This was a great watch and I'll definitely be watching more of your videos, thank you Julien.
beautifully said.
@@dastro377 This CBT neurotypical wrong idea that social anxiety is cowardness and fear is making social anxiety stick longer.
Social anxiety is trauma. It is not fear. It has nothing to do with confidence issues. IT is Quiet BPD - deep core self love deficit. Total rejection of core self. That comes up at the surface as "fear" and "not being brave".
the power of good vibes 💓💓
@@vortexfx420 Glib charm is first sign of a psychopath
I am technically an extrovert. But trauma has built up a damn hard wall. One of the things I can't do, is take the win. I was crying when people were cheering at the end. It really is necessary to learn to take in your success and not just run because that creates in you mind a series of losses, because you ignored the times you were successful.
I totally feel that. I don't KNOW if I'm introverted or it's all just a response to my trauma but yeah, whenever I actually manage to get even a little win I just shove it away quickly because in retrospect my brain always manages to make it seem embarrassing. No wins.
sometimes we NEED to cry. crying releases the chemicals that make us upset and help us to regulate.
crying is okay- and i hope you’re able to overcome that trauma in the future. it’s not easy, but i promise you, it’s possible.
@@ot7biasedmashups i do the same thing, every single thing i get complimented for, all of my successes, i somehow always have an excuse to make it all meaningless in my head, "oh it was just luck" or "oh its not really that good" that sort of thing
Always thought i was introvert.
Turned out im actually loud. Not extro.
Yeah years of trauma can do that
I've found just learning to simply say thank you in response to a compliment (rather than brushing it off by being self-deprecating) has been really hard but it feels so much better.
Watching the young man doing this exercise has me all choked up holding back the tears. Because the past 38 years I've been so soft spoken or kept my voice level low because of the reasons Julien speaks on. Just imagining me up there, I'd react the same way or similar to what the 23 yr old would. I feel almost angry and hurt at the same time watching and learning. I know it's good this is happening but man this is hitting.
What's most personal is most universal... Most people would react the same way he did. Fortunately there's a way to LET GO of this! 🙏
me too and i never realized it until seeing this , i get so sweaty and shaky when eyes are on me or i feel like eyes are on me. 32 here and if there's more than like 2-3 people around i can barely talk ..
Same am a 27 year old dude that learned to speak softly because dad was a raging alcaholic and we sort of trained ourselves to not be seen as to not be hit. Yeah, shit like this really changes your personality over the long run.
@@mitchz2191im 31 and i feel the same way man
wtf is that emoji lmfao 😭😭
Learning martial arts helped me with this. I really overcame an anxiety of talking to people and it was because I didn't want to hurt anyone. I was always afraid of "going too far". But I showed up to class 3 days a week for two years. Was punched in the face and tapped out many times, only to grow an even bigger bond with the people I sparred. I learned to be peaceful in high stress situations. I Think a lot of people could benefit from similar training. My theory: every time someone raises their voice, the implication is that "this could lead to a physical altercation, which could be dangerous". Except 9 times out of 10, that just doesn't happen. Being confident in your ability to defend yourself completely erases that fear, allowing you to enjoy more conversations with more diverse company.
100% agree. I had exactly the same experience, I used to play Soccer and everyone screaming and being hyper-aggressive over a game somehow scared me.
After 3 years of Martial Arts this was completely gone.
It‘s about self-confidence.
Huh, thanks for sharing. I’ll give martial arts a try sometime.
@jtaimelaon4735
I genuinely think everyone should go through three mandatory (not about force, just that it's good experience) classes in school that are martial arts, improv and theater (theater can be acting, singing, dancing, anything that forces the person to be exposed, make mistakes, laugh at them and share that vulnerability with other people) Marital arts for protection, tempered control of the body and the power it can exert, rough housing for bonding experiences (Humans are animals, we bond by pushing boundaries, by teetering on the edge of causing an actual problem and always respecting the others boundary of never actually crossing that line, one which is different for different people. An acknowledgement that the other person is to be respected and get everyone outside of their comfort zones.) and improv to intentionally make everyone make a fool out of themselves, to at first force that to be a common experience and find power through it, doesn't matter if it's good or if you can think on your feet, what matters is that you try, that you put yourself out there. And then theater with singing, dancing and acting to drive the idea of sharing an artistic expression in a way that you can only do with your body, be it facial expressions, voice or movement of limbs.
I think not only would this physically be healthier as well as foster social bonds and better communication, because you have to have that in all of these, you need to tell people when they're doing too much, too little or just right, but also mentally, because you are challenging that locking away of your inner-self, but also not thinking that extreme freedom and hedonism is the answer. In all mediums it's give and take, it's working with others, it's intentionally having every single person involved find space to be and to exist, both physically and mentally. You're allowed to be in the same measure as all others around you and each challenge that in a different way.
@@vixxcelacea2778 Lots of great reasons for all of these. Our society has a lot of catch-up to do when it comes to learning and owning our humanship.
Funnily enough what julian is doing here is very similar to what you learn in drama school and theatre. The idea of tapping into your inner child and letting go of any irrational belief that will stifle your performance.
I've recently learn a different way to tap into it and is by "feeling it."
Its hard to explain but I'll use many examples. Imagine your trying to create a melody on a keyboard but every note you worry about what someone my say. Vs you focused on feeling the right notes and letting the melody create itself, you dont have the time to think of others people judgement.
Other examples you can try:
Often when we eat food or listen to music it becomes a passive event where we dont notice how amazing the food or music. We eat while watching a movie or listen to music while in the shower or going for a walk. So next time you eat focus on your food and you'll notice how delicious it actually is. Or actively listen to music while not doing anything else and you'll fall in love with music again.
That focus on the experience can be felt in all aspects of life. Its a little bit like a 7th sense, you have to work on it but once you get the feel for it its very hard to forget.
second paragraph is very true, i figured that one out a while ago. now im hooked on classic rock.
and it makes sense, because you can only appreciate so many things at the same time (insert sex joke here)
and yes i agree with the last paragraph aswell. LMAO YOU FAT-FINGERD THE 7
this is very good. The first example is actually my frequent first hand experience as a music performance major. I've had near nervous breakdowns in some performances (an entire concerto with an accompanist pianist) before that snowballed into noticeably worse playing. But I've also had times when I stopped expecting to win competitions or wrangled with every note that I played, and those times were when I did my best, had the most fun, and showed my truest self-expression. It's funny because both situations I've come extremely prepared with dozens of hours and months of practice beforehand, so it was not that. Mindset is everything.
As soon as I read the second paragraph I could feel bugs in my mouth. I often see my food crawling with bugs, if I can't distract myself from it. A shame, but my food gotta stay away from my main focus most of the time 😅
Worrying about every note is basically what classical music conservatory instills in you lmfao. It’s so counterproductive
@@punmasterS-277Interesting fact: we actually have at least 7 senses, depending on definitions - the 5 basic ones plus interoception (sensing how your body feels, like hunger, thirst, fullness) and proprioception (sensing where we are in space, how we're moving, how much force we're exerting). Some would actually subdivide the sense of touch into things like temperature and pain sensing, in addition to actual touch. So that would be...err...9??
I was a shy kid, definitely relating to what Julien mentioned about being "quiet out of obligation". I had EXTREME social anxiety from 14-17 years old; panic attacks almost every day. I got counseling to overcome it, which did help, but after getting my first job when I was almost 18, I was told by my boss to speak louder and interact more. I did that for a couple years. It definitely felt uncomfortable at first, but it was either that or dealing with the fact that I could lose my job. I had realised that it was actually okay to be louder for the first time.
Now, a few years on, going on my third year of university/college, I've become extroverted, not afraid to share my opinion, even if I'm wrong, and far less critical of myself. Now, after it all, from one extreme to the other, I've realised that I don't need to over-talk for validation. I can find that happy medium, and just be myself, quiet when I want to be, louder when I want to be, not because I'm being obligated to do anything. I still need to work on things but it's interesting seeing the reactions of friends' faces after saying I was the complete opposite, very pessimistic, extremely shy, etc. Thank you for this video Julien!
I can relate with this as well. It makes all the difference when you do something out of choice rather than obligation.
Never thought watching a fully grown man yell could be so beautiful
👏👏👏
That guy’s smile after he finally got 10/10 loud just made my whole day better. I knew he could do it.
Julien you have so much love for us trapped people. You understand our misery and set aside any amount of cringe in order to help. It’s sad that this is not a common training that people can reach out for
I know what it's like from personal experience... Glad my content resonates with you!
Also, why is it always Germans? 😂 Seems like stifling people is part of our culture. In german hospitals they have a condescending term for the ladies from other countries because they scream so loud during childbirth. Germans mostly don’t.
@@JulienHimselfwhere do you get your ideas? I don't mean the ones you think up but rather who philosophically do you listen to? As I've heard these ideas expressed similarly as personas but never gone further into it even though it always interested me.
I don't think society would actually do well with everyone expressing their deepest inner secret selves at all moments of the day to everyone at every moment. But we most all could certainly do better to integrate part of that secret selves into the personas we extend to those close to us as well as strangers.
@@walterroux291 I've been reading a bit about philosophers the past days and my guess would be Kierkegaard's existentialism because it's about acting out of your own existential needs (like having to scream because the life of a loved one is on the line) rather than acting for any other reason (like societal influence or out of your idea of what society wants from you).
@@ValleyOfWillows I need to get further into Kierkegaard, his "Marry, and you will regret it; don’t marry, you will also regret it..." quote was a favourite of mine the moment as I heard it. I've just picked up some books by Dostoyevsky for some beach reading, but once I'm through with him (in a few hundred hours that is) I'll check Kierkegaard and his existentialism out, thanks.
I almost had tears dropping when i saw Yun finally had the courage to scream fully out of his lung. That is all what we need. A little help like Julian gave him. That is all i want, and i wish i was Yun on the stage.
You are Yun on the stage. We all are
Go and do things you have been scared of for years. I mean obviously don’t scream as loud as you can on a street (or DO if you want!), that might get you into some places with the white and soft walls (joking)
Screaming on the stage can be anything. Meeting new people, singing your songs, dancin - whatever you want dude.
You’ve already got a permission. And it’s been there all the time
Now go, fucking scream
@@sashkagrey12 True i easily went to park alone today to do some exercise with a bunch of other people there. Before i could never.
@@sashkagrey12"You've already got permission. It's been there the whole time."
That is SO powerful! We HAVE to give ourselves permission. The world isn't going to come up and say, "Is that all you got? Give me more!"
That permission felt like itwas "taken" from us, but we are the only ones who can allow ourselves to regain it.
I will never forget the work this man on stage did as he stayed with being vulnerable in front of so many people (and in a video). So much love and respect for his realness and his ability to stay with it. This is a courageous man!
“Nobody wants you to be cool. They want you to be real.” I've been needing to hear that for years.
This guy is a fucking warrior for these newer generations
🙏
The underlying, loving intention of taking him through the resistance is really beautiful, Thank you Julian for doing what you do 😊❤
You're so welcome! Glad you enjoyed it!
Lol, poor guy, he would have never expected to be included in the workshop and stand there for almost 30 minutes. But I do respect him for it.
Massive respect to him, yes! 👊
i didn't realize it was quite so bad. but one day i sat at a meeting of certain people and we did a round of introducing ourselves. and i immediately thought "oh no, i REALLY hate these" and anxiety kicked in. i didn't freak out. i tried to focus on what the others said and i thought "it will be ok". but then it was my turn and i just completely froze up for a second, stared at the ground and it was like i couldn't even see anything else. complete tunnel vision. absolute panic. i caught myself and managed to sqeeze out a few words. but it was horrible and that was the exact moment i realized there is something deeply wrong with me.
i was always quiet and withdrawn. i hated large collections of people and i wasn't good at speaking to them either. but i didn't really want to. i felt like people don't like me but i didn't know why. i think they didn't understand me and i didn't understand them as well so i did the sensible thing and stayed away from them.
i kind of talked to people every once in a while. i had friends and family. or should i say i had ONE friend. most of the time there was ONE person i could talk to. better than nothing i guess. but the rest of the world seemed to just reject me and i just couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
i think i was just extremely bad at that mask thing you talked about at the beginning. i didn't have much of a mask and i didn't want one. i wanted people to accept me the way i am. not a fake version of me. i felt that very strongly, even when i was still a kid. but they kept chastising me for my thoughts and views. they laughed at me sometimes. but i didn't mask up. i just decided not to speak my honest mind anymore. and i even began to (verbally) act like i believe a thing that i didn't really believe but i always hated myself for it afterwards and i tried not to do that.
so i guess i brought this on myself. i refused the mask and i was cast out. i didn't die. by some miracle because i didn't really want to live at any point in my life.
anyway so since i realized i had this problem, in my thirties already, i thought about it constantly. (it was almost exactly a year ago, incidentally. feels like ages.) and i tried some things. i did improve many aspects of my life dramatically, although i didn't actively work on my social anxiety because i don't like those situations for many other reasons. i'm always the only one without a mask.
this video touched me. i really felt for the guy, standing up there all awkwardly, not knowing what to do with his hands. and when he came through and the people cheered him on, that brought me to tears. i probably would've collabsed and cried right then and there. luckily the guy wore his mask. otherwise the presentation could've become pretty awkward xD
Oh God the "let's go around the room and Introduce ourselves" moment is the absolute worst. I'll think I'm improving in life and not being as anxious around people/caring what they think of me but then that happens, where you feel like there is this massive spotlight on you and you and your mind goes blank and you feel like you can't function like a normal person in that moment. It's the worst feeling and it always makes me feel like I've taken 5 steps back. It's especially worse if you're in a room full of people who are or at least seem to be completely comfortable and can speak articulately on the spot in front of others :(
@@Alice45894 when i was younger such moments would stick around in my head for a long time, thinking things like "now everyone thinks i'm an idiot". but at least that's gone. grown-up are usually much more understanding of these things. and after this described incident i thought they probably felt sorry for me.
OMG. I am the same. Literally. I’m in my late 20s and I always feeI like I didn’t belong in this world. I always felt like I gave off a vibe off “don’t bother me” or like I’m scary or something. I grew being one of the most loudest and craziest kid to a quiet and shy kid. I believed this happened because I realized that no one seemed to like me and I was really awkward as a person. I tried too hard to fit in to the point that one day I decided to not talk and try my best anymore to be someone I can’t. I decided to just let it be. Just be me. Even if people judge me for being quiet and introverted and see me as not sociable, who cares. These people don’t even know me and if they truly appreciated me as who I am, they wouldn’t make fun of me for being quiet, not talking so much and just loving my solitude.
Till now I have no friends but it’s okay, it’s a little lonely but I’ve learnt and am still learning to appreciate the things I can do, capable of doing things on my own and learning how to love myself cuz no one will love you more than yourself.
I at least feel a little less lonely knowing that I’m not the only one feeling that way.
What where some of the things you did after finding out you could have social anxiety?
im interested in learning from others, so any tips would be appreciated
Most of us do mask, and as one commented said, it's OK to appropriately separate certain parts of you. Like, you're not going to scream in the middle of a work meeting. But at that sports game? At a bar with friends? In the woods on a hike? Sure!
The problem is when the mask BECOMES you, and you don't know how to take it off. You might not even remember what you looked like before. You've worn it every day; it's like a second skin.
Finding that inner child, accepting them, and LOVING them is huge.
I recently just came across this channel and I can’t tell anyone enough how this has helped me a lot. As a kid I remembered the first time I was told to be quiet by a teacher and told myself that I hated that feeling and promised myself that I would never speak unless told so. I never realized until now how much of a mistake that would be. Growing up I didn’t have many friends cause of it and I even saw that I got scared to play online games because I was scared of being judged by random people. This has taken so much out of me and just recently I decided to finally forgive myself and just accept the real me. I am weird and me. Just today I was playing Mortal Kombat and finally after years decided to play online and I was having a blast. I have been doing more social things like at work complimenting peoples outfits and just starting random convos. Even just starting to sing at random times. Slowly I am bringing back that child within me that used to be upbeat and not scared of being myself and seeking validation to do something. I’m starting college again in two weeks and I know that I am going to be a different person. This really goes to show how we can change who we are and that there is nothing to be afraid of
👏👏❤❤
One thing I noticed about myself is when I approached a stranger....say a cashier in Publix or the pharmacy or whatever. They would talk to me completely different than they did the person right there in front of me. Like not being talkative. Not smiling. So I started paying attention to exactly how I would normally approach a stranger and what I figured out was I was greeting them stone faced and not smiling and just glancing at them. So I tried an experiment. I started greeting people with a big GOOOOOOOOD! Morning! and a smile and looking directly at them. The stranger encounters completely changed. Now they smile and talk and chat like the person in line before me. Yes I have social anxiety but it is controlled. I think because of my job; as I must deal with a lot of engineers and construction people all day I have slowly learned how to mask it. Like other commenters have stated you CAN get better with practice.
That's great! And its true, the best way to get through that anxiety is to take account of the things you might be doing that puts people off. The more comfortable you make it for others to talk to you, the easier it will be to speak with them in return, because they will be far more receptive.
I went through my whole teens staring emotionlessly, dressing in all black, showing little emotion, all because I thought it would make me look "cool" like one of the guys in the matrix, or in the action moveis at the time like equilibrium. And I figured girls would be attracted to a guy who looked that way. Sadly, no! They all thought I was a columbine shooter XD It wasn't until I just acted normal and smile and laugh that people actually wanted to talk to me. All too often the most akward people blame those around them, not realizing their own mannerisms are putting out a feeling that scares people off or puts them on edge. Especially if you come off as desperate or way too needy.
@@BattleBladeWarrior Yes thats good advice and really true. I worked with a guy like that for a few years. He always complained and acted so needy all the time. Alwys wanting validation. Nobody talked to him.
To add onto what you said, I used to speak in a flat voice when I am feeling threatened or yelled at. I would become so tense and clamp down so tightly on my emotions that I was both protected from feeling hurt, but also unable to let any emotions out.
Now I smile and I smile bigger when I’m nervous and embarrassed. I might look that way, with widened eyes and vulnerable expression, but people will respond much more positively to this honest expression-than they would if they were to observe me, stone faced, eyes narrowed and closed off to them.
@@lmperfection Exxxxaaacctly. I don't think it is so much changing your personality or complying with social norms but more like learning and adapting. I get it some people have really bad social anxiety and they cannot overcome their stage fright. But for most people with milder cases it can be accomplished. Have you tried propanalol.? I had a a doctor prescribe that to me. It's a beta blocker and it works wonders for tense situations like presentations or huge crowds. Golfers and athletes use it to get rid of their jitters in front of crowds.
Wow, this gentleman hit it right on the nail. I remember vividly my first sense of being self-conscious as a child. It then went on to manifest itself into a crippling life-long beast!
It's amazing how simple and liberating it feels just to allow yourself to shout out freely, i was always feeling that urge to just go on a top of a mountain and shout out with all my soul, releasing all the control and the tension social condition has built in me, yet so little opportunities to do so like temporary army service or a closed record studio.
There is a warning, too.
We can go to the other extreme, where we become hysterical -
which is not better. IT is simply the same stuff as being quiet - being loud does not mean normal.
In our society, being loud obnoxious, aggressive is perceived as being confident and intelligent and better.
Then such person who is unable to listen to others and screams at critics and feedback - ends up imploded in ocean near Titanic with innocent people alongside him.
Because it's true freedom. It's what we all desire at our core.
@@jaykay3512 Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full.
Carl Jung
Right I want to hear what i sound like screaming strangely enough
@@fbiagent3998 We need to accept our "negative" feelings, rather than avoid or repress them. Suffering and sadness are natural and essential parts of life, and important-they lead to psychological growth.
ROLLO MAY (1909-1994)
DK THE PSYCHOLOGY BOOK
I actually got teary eyed when he got angry and screamed. Knowing how tough and how I'm nearly 30 and am invisible because of fear of judgement. People can't even see the good in me I can't shine because my mind just won't let me. Alcohol abuse just makes me become that confident guy I always want to be, but I'm slowly drowning.
I have social anxiety and it’s all because I don’t know how to keep the conversation rolling and just bail with “oh okay” or “ahhhhhh” lol. Sometimes it’s just I can’t be bothered or it drains my energy to just talk. I prefer avoiding any conversations and just keep to myself.
Dude same! I am exactly like that to.. Its really annoying at work and other social places.. I tend to always get quiet instead and keep to myself.. Ive started thinking maybe i should have a job where i am totally alone all the time.. Dont know what tho.. Maybe it would just make me even more introverted i dont know, but the energy-cost every day from being social is so hard.. I feel like a hopeless cause sometimes.
I really needed to see this. My fears of the outer world and to make sound has taken over my life. Thank you for speaking for the people who forgot how to ❤
Yes screaming loudly really can be the best stress buster and anxiety reliever
Except in church.
THIS is what we need to be showing in schools, especially with how common social anxiety seems to be nowadays. I think the reasons why these younger generations feel so lonely is because we have all been socially conditioned like no other generation, we cannot be our authentic selves and sadly this is probably on purpose. The less we speak the less we control. Worst of all even though all humans should listen to what this amazing speech has to say, it goes against what the school system is truly trying to do to us.
Yeah man, and that shit makes me so angry!!
Why the F are we learning about pythagoras and so many other bullshit things, when stuff like Charisma, being social, depressions and anxieties is never been mentioned in all the 20 years i went to school.
I think its also programmed by the matrix to keep us in their system.
But we gonna make it out guys!
Trust in yourself
💯💯
Social media has a lot to do with these mind games we have with ourselves. You cant make mistakes without being put on blast on social media. Cameras every where, Peoples' gossip, and all that. When we see people make mistakes online we think it could potentially be us so we put up social walls
I didn't even know I have social anxiety until now. "Nobody wants you to be cool. They want you to be real." hit me the most. Thank you for these very important 38 minutes of my life and special thanks to Jan (I hope this is correct). 😮
Then you probably don’t
It's easy to "beat" anxiety in such situation, it's similar to group therapy. But once you are surrounded by hostile (to your perspective) people, suddenly, it's not as easy anymore.
No shit, everybody knows calculus is hard, but if you don't start from 1 plus 1, I don't care how genius you are you would never understand calculus
@@dayelu2679i think your comment was a bit harsh. This person is offering an insight which I feel is valid and you are trying to disqualify it. I think this person is trying to point out that after you leave an easy situation you still have to deal with the jump to a hostile one. So how do we resolve this cognitive dissonance? How does one go into social situations where the people are potentially hostile and navigate it without feeling a need to flee?
@@dayelu2679 anxiety can be monitored and fixed through personal training, but never on shows like these. My comment is about how I'm sceptical of the gurus that do these, the energy and confidence they give you is an illusion, it will fade away fast. Yes, you gotta do your own steps towards bettering your mental health, but this man is the same as man that rambles about how he lost 50kg on keto diet and cardio workouts (like it's gonna work for everyone that simply listen to him), and you are the one that continues with "just hit the gym bro". Sorry, but life and people are a bit more complex than that.
Correct, it's different at a social anxiety convention than it would be in a McDonalds.
This. I can't just yell as loud as I want at the office. We all--to varying degrees--do in fact need to differentiate between our public and private selves, the concept of "behind the curtain" that has existed since before psychology was regularly categorized as a separate (but related) entity from philosophy. To deny this is to deny reality.
That's not to discount the concepts in the video, which are helpful. But look at dating alone: If we were all just our fully real selves (assuming same current social norms, expectations, etc.), our species likely wouldn't exist in a few generations.
I have social anxiety and people can’t understand me when I speak. But i also found out that I’m insanely “ charismatic” when it comes to one on one interactions. I have a dry sense od humor. All of them say that they get refreshed after talking with me and I also inspire a lot of people. But I am lonely af and got no one to talk to, where do I find friends ??
Here's a good place to start when it comes to social skills: www.highvibecommunication.com/hvc
Thanks Julien will check that out !
Nice! 👊
@@JulienHimselfis there somebody managing comments in your channel or is this always YOU replying?
hey you beautiful soul! I appreciate you! 🥰🥰😇
Much respect and love for the man that went on stage, each and every second i just felt so many things that i somewhat forgot that i was watching a video, also for all the people that where there all together as one, and everyone that reads this comment i hope that all life has to bring, be what makes any individual have a healthy and stable experience!
You can truly see how his mannerisms and expression changes. If I was him I would feel so many emotions…. Keep goin man..
You could just feel his tension in his body when he walked up on stage. Once he started letting his body flow.. BOOM! Magic 🙏🏼🌠💓
Being lonely without having anyone is A LOT worse than being lonely while having friends, partner, etc. I hate it when people say you can still feel lonely even after you have all that. It doesn't compare to how the first group feels.
I wouldn't say one is worse than the other, they are both horrible. I've experienced both, and I never want to again. I had so many friends throughout my younger years, I had family to talk to, and still I felt like I couldn't talk to them. I thought, *oh they must hate me, I haven't been feeling too well and I could really use some comfort, but none of them want to hear from me. I suck, I'm too loud, I'm too annoying, I'm too stupid. I don't deserve to be their friend. See how every time I come around they look uncomfortable.* I took every little thing they ever said, everything they did, every face they made and it became personal. If they don't want to tell me one thing, they don't want to tell me anything, they are not actually my friend, they're just lying because they feel bad for me. I'm a charity case, they hate me.
At that point you feel the most alone in the world, because despite having all these people, no one likes you. No one actually wanted to be your friend. Your parents hate when you talk to them, you're an annoyance to everyone you meet. That's when you stop talking, that's when you hover next to them, and hope they will say something to you. That's when you leave and become actually alone. Then you sit alone for years, not one person talks to you, you don't talk to anyone else, because if you do, you'll just be another charity case. You'll leave because you annoy them just as much as you annoyed your other friends.
Being alone when you have friends and being alone without having anyone are both horrible experiences, and I hate that anyone has to deal with either. ❤😅
I'm sorry you had to go through it, hope things are getting better.
@@Nolan-bc9qiThat's exactly where I feel I am at. I've created distance between myself and people who truly care about me. It becomes a cycle where you feel alone, you reach out, things might not go as planned, and you retreat into yourself. You begin attracting those who seek to take advantage of you. And you feel more alone, because the people who ARE around are toxic. Meanwhile the people who DO love you may have no idea how disconnected you feel. And you find that you no longer know who to trust.
I've been hurt by a lot of people, but the worst is everything I've done to myself.
I wish I knew this back then, I feel like I lost so many years worrying about what others say instead of working on myself
Better late than never! 🙏
Reminds me at the time in my life where I went into the forest every week and screamed as loud as I can for 10 - 20 minutes. Helped me a lot.
When i play sports im usually screaming as loud as possible to cheer on my teammates it helps a lot too
So that’s what I’ve been hearing
@@cxvzfthat’s what I though too 😂😂
I always felt it wasnt okay to be quiet. To be okay being comfortable not constantly engaging in conversation and just enjoying the moment. My entire family had the gift of gab and ive always felt that feeling that i just wasnt good enough to hold conversations and speak up and join the conversation. I feel growing up i never quite learned how to do that because instead of trying to join and be myself in doing so, i kept telling myself thats who i was, i was just quiet and who cares right? Well that stopped my growth. I never took those social chances that i needed to find my voice. So growing up i just latched on to other personalities and kind of champflauged myself... I think up until i started to get sober did i realize all of this stuff and now im not sure where to go from here-- other than take more chances and try to learn from them, but now after all these years that anxiety just overcomes me, physically manifesting like a wall i cant get over. I was taking xanax and klonopin for years alongside Adderall.. and holy shit did i think i figured out life lolol but when i decided to get sober... Im back to square one. Just me and my "shy" self. Its been a journey and i feel like ive come full circle. Thanks for the video julien it was really interesting.
I felt that way growing up too! I think it's because, personally speaking, I'd try and always just get talked over! Which made me think all those similar things as you.
I can relate with what you said as well. Best wishes. Dilution was a great word he used to illustrate difference. In terms of talking with ppl, I refrained from doing so because it felt like I would be forcing it. However if I were to be diluted, relaxed, free I could talk to ppl for real.
The irony is that i am afraid to be myself because I am afraid of people..
But once (rare) I feel comfortable and I am inside my state of mind.. I just become myself.. and it's so easy..
I always say this:
I wish I will be able to be outside the way that I am in my room.
"I don't mind being lonely
what I do mind is not being loved"
I was bullied at middle school, nothing too serious from my current perspective. But in reality it took me until I was 22 to be at least somewhat comfortable with myself in any social situations. I had to stop caring, I had to learn how to own my awkwardness and I'm yet to learn how to make relationships properly and how to not always be alone by my own volition. As Julien said, I picked up many bad things in my secret life that have made all this even worse as a coping mechanism. It wasn't all just because of bullying, but it was a big part of why I closed up and why I cope inapropriately. Fascinating how much can get messed up like this.
This is probably obvious, but you are not alone. I feel the same. Having an alcoholic father, growing up with a single mom working two jobs and having to care for myself a lot, not knowing how to make or keep friends, getting bullied (sometimes by those calling me "friend"), social rejection, and poor habit choices have led me here. Alone (physically), with few true friends, wondering where I went wrong, where do I go from here, and if there is really a point to it all. "Jaded" is what comes to mind. "Traumatized" is likely more accurate.
I started this as a supportive comment, but I'm not sure it came out that way.😅 I needed to say all that though. I hope you are well and healing.
@@nathanfish9137 I hope that for you too.
I started tearing up a bit and smiled when Yun reached that point where i could feel he was screaming from his heart, even though he didn't really put his body into it because of another social conditioning regarding movement. I think this channel will do me good in the long run, so i'm subscribing.
social anxiety is a thing that i struggle with, and i try to act more confident than i actually am and tell myself the right things but it never works to keep me calm in social situations, this video gave me a massive insight into myself and i am definitely gonna binge all ur content to try and better myself
"When being you threatens your survival, that's what leads to creating a split within, and that's where the performing starts."
This is the very first video I watched from this channel and I already felt so understood. Everything you said made so much sense to whatever I was feeling for a while now, and it felt so good that I just had to comment and express my thanks even just a little. I happen to be in the process of getting professional help, and this 30+ minute video definitely made me feel at peace for actually taking the first step to ask for the necessary help I need. Will probably binge watch more of your videos and wish you all the best so you can help more people with your knowledge and wisdom.
wishing you the best! 😊❤
Hey Julien, I wish all middle schoolers could receive this exact seminar at their school. I wish I would have. Right in the middle of when you've had enough time to experience enough trauma to understand these concepts, and early enough for it to help with the trauma to come.
I was so happy when I saw the real scream ginally climb out of him. He looked so happy and confident. Friggin' awesome!
Thank you Julien. I have been going through my own journey, paying close attention to my own triggers and my own internal dialogue.
Content like this is what I appreciate, and I hope I can help people in the way you do in the future. The gift is only a small amount, but I know you will appreciate the message. Thanks again (y).
love the addition of the extra cameras/perspectives, it feels like the audience is no longer just a faceless mass but now a collective of individuals that want to better themselves.
knowing that you edit these personally too is just great. im looking to start my YT channel too and seeing other creators' production growths just inspires me too.
good job julien! have a good day : )
Thank you!! Good luck with your channel! 🔥👊
I will admit, I cried at the end! He was able to overcome his fears, and realized that the people around him were supportive (not his enemies) and that there's nothing to be afraid of! I know he is walking away from this enriched. The rest of his life will never be the same 😊
I never heard of this person before, but I'm soo glad this video showed up in my "recommended" list! Thank you so much for doing this! I hope you realize how many thousands of lives you are changing! ❤
I just love that drawing he made! The visualization makes the fear and feeling of "inferiority" make that much more sense.
I always wondered why my childhood affected my anxiety so much when my brothers and sisters possibly had it worse. My dad would get angry a lot and occasionally hit all my siblings, but I myself don't remember being hit a lot. Still, I've had severe social anxiety for my entire life that no doubt came from home. When he started mentioning the split circle, where we put things that we deem unacceptable on the private side, it literally just hit me. I consider myself to be very observational, even as a kid. I did a lot to avoid getting in trouble. I would refuse to throw random trash away because, "what if I'm not supposed to throw it away," or not to touch anything in case I mess something up. It makes me realize that even if I wasn't personally hit or yelled at, watching my siblings have that happened to them basically taught me what NOT to do. They got yelled at for making too much noise? Can't do that. They got hit for not sharing? I better hide what I have.
There was even a time I accidentally burnt something on the toaster because I didn't realize leaving something on the toaster while I toasted bread would burn it. When my dad brought me to the side and asked me if I burnt it, I just started bawling. He was caught completely off-guard because he didn't know why I started crying for no reason. I realize now that I probably thought he was going to do to me what I saw him do to others. You don't have to be hit to experience the "trauma," watching it alone is traumatic itself.
When I mention my experiences to my brother, he always tells me, "I wish I had it like that," simply because he had it WAY worse. I don't mind half the time, but there's a point when it's completely dismissing my own experiences. There's a lot of things I will bypass, but after recent self-reflection and self-work, I HATE comparison. The notion that you had it worse, so people should deal is always so selfish to me. I found myself doing it to others in a very low point of my life and recognizing how terrible it feels to be on the other side has helped my anxiety, surpringly! It's recognizing that it's okay to be hurt and I find that very necessary to accepting yourself.
Thank you for the video, I almost started crying, haha! Good for Yun, I hope he takes this in stride!
I really loved this talk man. I was on the edge of my seat the entire time watching it unfold. You have mastered this!
Glad this resonated with you so deeply! I also offer online coaching if you'd like direct access to me: application.julienhimself.com 🙏
"The currency of this world is approval". Damn. How true this is.
Had stayed in a dorm for a year. Moved into this room with three other girls who’s previous roommate I replaced after she moved out. The moment I moved in and took that girl’s place, those three roommates of mine started praising me because “you’re so quiet! It’s honestly an answered prayer. Our last roommate was terribly loud, so you’re a relief.” Because of that, I did my best to be very quiet. It stressed me out so much I got sick often I couldn’t go to school. I was afraid that by the time I became louder than I normally was, they’d complain about me just like they did the other girl.
That’s the problem, we grow up worrying about what others think and try to please everyone but it’s damaging for us, so trying to stop worrying so much of what others think of us and not feeling the need to please everyone all the time is a challenge but it’s needs to be done so we aren’t living in fear anymore, anything is possible but we first need to learn to be our true selfs and put yourself first for once and be a loud as you want and carefree, im trying to do the same, so far so good ❤
I come from a long line of loud and proud people, yet I can't open my mouth for the life of me. To better my social skills is my goal
the last exercise with the shake off was so beautiful & almost made me tear up, you can literally see the relief of that “stick” leaving him
This was awesome! I've been extremely quiet ever since I entered middle school and I'm well into being an adult now. I've been quiet for so long that people will walk right past me and ask someone else where I am. So long that just talking is exhausting and it's become difficult to string my thoughts into actual words when trying to talk to other people. I can't even have anything electronic be too loud for fear of the noise being heard in the next room and bothering someone. Same with laughing too loud in the next room.
The only time I'm ever actually loud is when I'm unbelievably frustrated with someone. Weird thing is, a lot of the time when people know you are a relatively quiet person, as soon as you start screaming it let's everyone know to "Shut the hell up, I'm speaking and you better listen to me." Of course, sometimes even if I'm loud I still get ignored or talked over because also with being a quiet person, people don't expect you to have anything important to say. It makes being a quiet person with social anxiety even more frustrating and entrapping.
Wow.. This was full of validations I hadn't ever heard. I just thought of myself as strange for the ways I felt..
Seeing singing as intimate, not knowing if anyone else as a child felt like they had to perform in case they would lose the support they needed to survive (even though my mom wouldn't have ever abandoned me), charisma.
Since I went through some traumas there's been a major split and I've spent the last decade healing and figuring out how to dissolve the split. This all puts so many things into words for me..
This is so much of what I needed as a reminder to be myself again!
So proud of the person brought on stage, his nervousness was through the roof and once he got to yell fully, the way he looked at the crowd was different than before. He relaxed so much. His participation helped inspire me so much alongside the amazing talk.
I really resonated with the "class laughing at you" part. When I was really young, I was always very extroverted in class and engaged with lessons, but one time we were going over senses and I said "I smell" and took a pause to think what to say, and the teacher said "you do?" Then the whole class laughed at me and looking back on it I remember so vividly how I felt in that moment and how it clearly affected me for years, fear of embarrassment and in the process shut myself off. She's dead now, so I won.
I have such a big fear of being perceived and being judged negatively that I (used to) rarely express myself to people as some sort of defense mechanism, but now that i want to express myself, I struggle. I keep a poker face for almost every emotion I feel especially in school, I'm not exactly sure why but whenever im in a place with a lot of people im not really close with or when im in a place where I feel small, I get too hyper aware myself, what im doing, what im saying, or even every little movement i do and what people might be thinking of me (basically saying I don't go with the flow). Like if I feel happy, I struggle with expressing myself even If i genuinely feel happy because I'm afraid ill get too excited that people would think im weird or would think of me negatively. I really want to improve myself by expressing myself more, not just with my emotions but with my thoughts and ideas to people. I need to tell myself that it doesn't matter if people reject or think of me negatively as long as im happy!!!
I think TH-cam has targeted me with this video. I’m only a few minutes in and you’ve already hit every nail on the head in most aspects of my life. Especially with the front and the side the public sees, the close friends, and the family.
And I thought it was just me who had that. I have never heard that from another human being before.
Never in my ENTIRE life have I ever heard anyone as accurately describe social anxiety as good as you.
Thank you, I wish I could explain how social anxiety effects me in the incredibly easy way to understand like you have.
I actually feel you I need to also be my self more
I think that applies to everyone to some degree, but yeah it's probably more pronounced in people with social anxiety
Always have been this way. Avoid crowds unless forced to go. Then I find a way to be invisible. I know that others can literally feel the tension I bring in a room. It’s like a boulder on my shoulders. I feel this when thinking of getting something accomplished also. Happens when I play music live. I lose half my playing abilities.
100% truth on others feeling your tension, and anxiety when in the room, people avoid me like the plaque when i am out solo and anxious.
feel this way too. to the point i dont even try to interact with others. i just feel like a weirdo for existing next to them at this point
@@sk8legendzyou’re not alone. I don’t even want to work solely because of this
I usually never comment on videos, but this is the first YT video that has ever made me cry. I loved watching every moment of it, I forgot I was watching a video. I feel really proud of Yun for sticking by up there and making it through the end!
The dude on stage standing there awkwardly to be included for so long just waiting holding the microphone for an incredible amount of time silently tears me apart
I felt that loll
the speaking of trauma segment really made me feel understood. I’ve never experienced a “big” or “serious” traumatic event (from an adult perspective) but I can relate to trauma symptoms such as fawning or being afraid to set boundaries. Thank you very much for this video!
After 41 years of life, I've learned to have a relationship with myself. I'm never alone as long as I have me.
I see a lot of myself in this gentleman. I have social anxiety and when it strikes, it is tremendous. However, I do have spells where I can lessen its grasp on me, and I'm regularly told by peers that when I do, it's night and day. They describe me as funny, charismatic, and fun to be around. But when I stifle, I think my 2/10 is a 9/10 and it's almost indiscernable to me when I'm in that stifledness. I'm pushing so hard for change because I've spent enough years stifled, and I want to regularly be that charismatic guy others describe much more often. Thanks for your work Julien, your content has been some of the few that actually inspires me!
I also used to struggle with social anxiety, but realizing bit by bit that nothing bad happens when you put yourself out there and "open the closet" was freeing. Oh and when it comes to references how screaming at the top of your lungs sounds like, watch DBZ. Goku going Super Saiyan 3 is a GREAT reference. 😅
the “trauma” part really helped me put things into perspective. i thought i had no reason to feel the way i do because i never experienced what i considered a ‘major event’, totally downplaying the fact that i was often singled out as a child for having undiagnosed autism and that after my parents’ divorce, my dad took a liking to starting arguments with me so he could talk over me and feel like he had some power over something in his life. i guess i never realized just how much that made me push my feelings and needs aside in fear that someone would blow up like my dad does
This was really inspiring, man. Hearing you call out my insecurities really rustled up something inside like hot flushes and sweat.
Being shown and told that no harm comes of you when you "overstep the boundary" is really a powerful image to work with.
You could even see the fight inside the man like "My experiences/society taught me otherwise. Is that really okay?".
Thank you kindly for the video.
Wow, our dude here is really stiff as a board haha, but mad respect to him for going through it and trying again and again. Amazing! I applauded you here alone in my room and loudly said YES! YES! (Saturday early morning, neighbors in the house are just about to wake up haha)…
Keep on doing this work, it'll become more and more powerful and you will feel so f***ing great!
I have SOCIAL ANXIETY and it is a very limiting problem in all areas. I feel that I have wasted a lot of time. I see my friends with girlfriends or already married, social pressure I think that social anxiety developed at school since in various exhibitions I would get very nervous, the teachers scolded me for being too noisy, they didn't let me be authentic, they took the scolding to my parents and they punished me for being noisy, I remember an exhibition that I had afterwards I felt very nervous, I blushed, because I felt I had forgotten everything, I stuttered, suffocated when speaking, etc. Now it's hard for me to socialize, I don't practice much and I feel that I've lost some social skills too, my acquaintances have labeled me that I'm very shy and that makes me believe that those who know me think that of me
If we don't heal trauma, it will run on auto-pilot and limit us.
Great comment
I'm on the same boat too. But far far worse. I've never had any relationships and I'm in my late 30s and everyone I met online say I'm unlucky and would have to die single. I fear the real world. I fear people. I am supremely lonely and closed to all my relatives, friends, etc. since forever. I cried several days just thinking about my purpose in this world. Feeling suicidal every passing day as I'm ageing faster and faster and I just cannot speak. Literally everyone in my friends and relatives circles are supremely extrovert and well settled in life. I avoided having a life partner or marrying just because of this fear of how people would judge me. I know I'm devastated. I worry I was born without a purpose and would've been better off never born or killed when I was a baby... But still, there's this 1% hope even after 99% hope is lost permanently. It'll take a rebirth for me to change. I mean I have to just escape to a place where I know nobody... Still, there's this fear that's difficult to wipe off at my age.
@@gods-best-friend-gbf This is Complex Trauma. Our only weapon is detailed education about trauma and understanding what is going on.
When we do not have deep education in psychology - we will tend to compare ourselves to others (as seeing others as being "successful" and better) and we will tend to self blame - because exposure to narcissistic abuse will make us doubt ourselves. The truth is that "successful" others have neurotypical brain - which makes them achieve certain goal posts easily and without effort in life - which are approved by conformism and ableist society as norm. The truth is also that such people have a lot of fallbacks and shortcomings which they learned how to cover up and hide really well.
Think of instagram influencers who appear perfect and amazing online - while behind camera it is far from perfect.
@@ranc1977thank you
Me need more coaches like this around the world, people need this kind of coach specially those who started to have social barriers ever since they were young. You’re doing a great job sir! Just keep doing what you’re doing right now, the world needs you
That ending was the cutest most beautiful cheerful humanity moment I’ve had the chance to see
This video was soo good! Idk why I cried but I thought this was very moving lol. I feel like the older I get, the more I’m pulling away from society and that is something I’ve been trying to work on. But this video was definitely well needed for me to see, so thank you for sharing! And also kudos to you too for working so hard on yourself for these 17+ years 🥳
This hits home... Jan is such a cool nice guy! Good for him. Man if you are reading this - well done and don't let anyone tell you anything else.
So happy to have stumbled upon this! TH-cam rarely knocks it put of the park but it did today! Amazing speaker and most glorifying message! Already planning on attending the conference in Philly on Sept 28th. This day will mark 5 years to the day that I lost my then 18 year old son. I believe in signs. Can’t wait to meet you Julien! 👏 🤗 🗣️
This was an awesome speech! The part that you talk about quiet talkers, I suddenly realized that I was one of them. I've almost never spoken loudly in public. I'll work on this from now on. Thank you!
I have NEVER teared up for a self help video. But some how at the last scene of the screaming, I couldn't stop them from Rolling... This is just GOLD. ♥
I actually began to cry because I can imagine him just breaking free and being liberated from himself. I think our own minds are our strongest prisons and breaking out of our own chains is the hardest and most rewarding experience.