DISAPPOINTMENT - Healing Diaries (Ep2)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 25 ก.ย. 2024
- healing from depression, documented.
Ep2: POV- Being a disappointment to your family & yourself while going through a period of self-destruction with emotional eating
Heal & Grow with me mentally and physically.
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Sub count at upload: 728k
The first episode was so raw and honest that I’m already in love with this series. It’s so relatable and transparent and I really appreciate you for having the courage to make something like this. Always rooting for you Zoe 💜
I'm here for you 💕
Everywhere
We literally have the same taste in youtubers apparently because I see you all the time 😂
I know what it feels to not fulfill your parents expectations. “Parents would make everything for their children except letting them be themselves”. Send you a hug!
I can only imagine the anxiety she had before and while this was being uploaded. Even now. If her family sees this content, they may have an issue with how they were 'represented'. She said something really important that we are ourselves with some people and we just want to be accepted. Sure, we want honesty of where we could improve because somethings you won't know unless someone points it out, but just to be accepted is all we desire. And it's hard not having that. I moved to a new city and experienced the cut throat nature of a corporate office where people talk about you in front of your face and laugh and talk with you like everythings fine, which messes with your psych on another level. Because who can you really trust? Where someone you thought you were close with didn't come to you over a small thing and reported it to your seniors. Where you can't afford your expenses. Where you have to depend on people. Where mistreatment leads to anxiety and trust issues and paranoia. Where everything seems horrible. Utter horrible. With no one to talk to about it. I've felt this type of loneliness that I've never experienced before and it broke me. The raging disappointment of reality meeting expectations. Where leaving my toxic household and having my own place, and being financial stable and wise isn't as simple as I thought.
I hate when people say it's going to be okay, because I can't think of a future where I'm okay with everything around me is falling apart now and I can't do anything about.
Take it one day at a time Zoe.
Thank you, for being vulnerable. I needed this.
Speaking to a mental health care professional can really help
You are right , having your own place , chasing your dreams and disappoint is not as easy as we thought . It's really tough . I hope evey person should have a person who actually supports when you need them .
oh gosh, dear, I'm so sorry to read this! Sending you lots of strength and I genuinely hope that you can leave this toxic situation soon! don't give up!!
Wish you all the best🙏!!! Keep going
my friend is in a similar situation as you and a phase 'just keep swimming' (from finding dory, i know silly) helps them. when something is hard they try to calm down and this phase helps them. then they can think of how they can change the situation. maybe this will help you ;)
I love how this series is so realistic, and goes through things that every girl has once gone through. It makes me feel like I’m not the only one who is not having a good day.
Frankly, I feel they're human situations both men and women go through, at least some of them. Men have to deal with shame from not looking like Thor, Odin's son, or Logan at least, but without the blades coming out of my knuckles and being unable to die.
I know right what she explained happened to me a few days ago... I was so confused and sad at the same time
zoe's channel is such a breath of fresh air. love how real her videos are.
I don't know how cringey I am sounding but Zoe's videos are like home that I came whenever I want and my feelings and emotions are paths that led them to you . This journey is really realistic that makes realise we are not alone . Great love and SUPPORT dear💕
This hit home. I spent 20 years (I'm 21 now) of my life living for everyone but me. And I regret it. My only motto in life was to please my parents and everyone else but me. I threw away my teenage years and spent most of my time in highschool staying awake till 3 am studying, all because my parents wanted high grades.
I'm very grateful that my parents now allow me to do what I want (to some extent) and support me in everything, and as much as I am grateful and blessed to have parents who try to understand what I go through (I suffer with social anxiety and depression) I feel completely lost and stuck. Living my life with the only motive being to please my family, I have absolutely no idea who I am.
My entire life and personality revolved around pleasing others, getting good grades for my parents etc. and now that the chain broke, I have no idea who I am and what I want to do.
To this day I still feel the need to ask my parents permission to do stuff. The idea of living for myself is so scary and foreign to me, I have no idea where to start.
The fear of being a failure and disappointment to my parents, even though the have said that no matter what happens they will still be there for me, scares me beyond anything because that was what I was so used to. They have tried their best to change their bad ways from the past, and I am wholeheartedly grateful for it, even though I feel it's a little late, I still love them and appreciate them for it.
but it's terrifying that something I was so used to doing, feeling, and finding some sort of comfort in doesn't really matter anymore - their opinion on my decisions, and now I don't know how to live for myself.
You perfectly described things that i didn't even know i was feeling. I'm 20 and I'm in your same situation. I'm so dependent of my parents, not only from a economic point of view, but especially form an emotional one. I've always been dependent on their approval and I've always done whatever they told me to do. But this dependency got to a point that it started hurting. It was obviously good when i was a teenager, but now, although i feel the need to, i don't know how to exist without it. And my parents definitely do not help the situation, since they still treat me like a child to this day. And even tough i have my own ideas/plans, they are quickly demolished by the absence of their approval. I know that they are people like everyone else, that they can be wrong, that they cannot understand the motives behind my actions, but i still feel like i cannot live without their approval. My home and my family are growing small on me and I know that it would be good for me to step back, in order to establish my self-esteem and my independence, but at the moment I'm unemployed and even if i was working, i wouldn't be making enough to fully support myself. Sometimes I like to dream about what my life would be like if i had more independence, all the things I could do and the person i would be. And although it makes me feel good for the first 10 minutes, after that i feel more emptied than ever because I realize that it's all just an illusion, a projection of my mind. I wonder if I'll ever gain the courage to claim my independence.
You described it so well, I may have had different circumstances than you where no one ever expected anything from me but at the same time had no independence and guidance whatsoever. It led me to be on a more destructed side and now even I don't know who I am and what I want. I have been trying to deal with life in the hardest way possible.
Thank you
You sum up all my life and I'm very grateful to find someone who struggle just like. Just an advice, take baby steps where u experience the consequences of ur decisions and if there's things u still need help for let it be, it's okay.
But how do you expect things to change if you let your fears and anxiety control you of your true potential. Change is always gonna be scary. But it ALL comes down to how YOU choose to handle it since the little steps come. Second of yall, none of y’all a failure or a disappointment. News flash, it’s only your brain that’ll make you feel like shit or make you feel like a disappointment. BESTIES wake up. Go after your dreams. Work hard. Since crying and sulking won’t get u anywhere to ur dream state. No matter how burnt out, scared, terrified or hurt y’all are. The ones you love will always be there for u no matter what. If not, make sure to make changes to the environment you’re currently in. It all starts with u babes. Remember that. Y’all only have one life. And u could die tomorrow so make every second worth it. I love u. And I’m with y’all. Ok I’ll shut up now 😂
I'm in the very same situation. I thought I didn't have the ability to cry but now I'm crying for the first time in a while. I understand where you are coming from.
5:35 made my day gosh she's so talented pretty and inspiring thank you beautiful person for existing
As someone who just started to get over her emotional eating and binge eating disorder, this is the ONLY thing i was waiting for. My entire August went on where I ate small homemade portions for lunch and dinner and ordered unhealthy food, ice creams and chocolates for snacks, to cater to my appetite. I want to fall back into a good relationship with food even if it means eating bigger portions for lunch and dinner. Trying to starve myself has actually made me gain weight.
Please don't stop uploading content because ur family is telling u to do so.I mean ya their opinion matters but uploading content is the thing that u love the most. I don't know what I am gonna do without ya if u stop.
I'm suffering Mentally and physically because of the society. They always be there in your downs. Not to support you but to make hate ourselves and be insecure. All I have to say to the people who is going though these conditions is don't ever listen to what the society says. It'll ruin your life.
Zoe, this is so relatable!
I am a girl. I am from the Middle East. And this is how my family is too. They never believe in me as a person and as a female.
When I decided to major in English, my mom said that I won’t make it. I graduated and she never congratulate me.
I craved their validation for years. And because I never had their approval (I mean my family) I would always feel less than everyone.
I see some friends around me having things I can never have just because their parents believe in them.
I didn’t mention how much repression I get as a girl. I cannot move to a different city or country even for work opportunities because I am a woman.
I graduated last year and found no work opportunities here were I live. I wanted to move to a city were there’re Job opportunities but I can’t because my parents don’t want that.
I feel you.
Thank you for sharing. You are creative and you have a lot of potential.
Don’t let rejection put you down. I can’t tell how many job offers I applied for and got rejected. I got the last rejection email today.
I love you💛💛.
Your story hit me in my stomach, its relatable and hard, regardless even i cant speak from your Perspective because im a middle easten woman in a european Country...may i ask where you from?
Zoe being so honest about emotional eating and family issues. 🥺 We'll always be here to support you, Zoe! *sending hugsss*
I am hoping to heal alongside your healing diaries. I'm in a similar situation and right now not having the approval of my family really hurts. I'll never be enough for them, but I have to learn to be enough for myself.
We just have to accept that we'll never be enough for everyone ....it's being enough for ourselves that matter and I'm glad we're pursuing that. Let's heel together 💜
Okay, I relate a lot to this. I am even scared to pursue my dreams because of not wanting to be a disappointment to my family. I really hate the life I am living right now, confined and not really getting out of my house. I feel like I am not living my life but studying a course I totally hate. Before someone tells me its better to switch I don't support myself. I dont even earn 1 dollar a year being a full time student, I feel like a brat even wanting to pursue my dream. I feel like now I am just wasting away my life with procrastination, I want to make changes. I am too scared to, I am scared of confrontation. I am scared of not having valid points to convince people. I can never win a conversation with anyone. I feel like a failure.
I want to change that. I have to pursue my dreams. I should make time for it. I dont want to disappoint myself. My heart keeps telling me to pursue what I want, may I should just listen to myself.
hey, I totally understand you. it feels so scary to dare telling the world the real passions and dream you have especially with your family. whatever your dream job or career is, I can only encourage you to go for it and try to go easy on yourself because your dream is valuable, it should never be a shame to want to do what makes you feel safe and that has meaning. I really hope you will reach out your goals. :)
I just took a screenshot of your comment. Don't know why.....
@@lustforlife291 thats so nice of you to say!! :)
Heyy I would encourage you to start doing small steps that can lead to your dream job. On the side of course, no one needs to know about it besides you! Keep your dreams alive, it’s your life to live! I wish you the best luck in life!
i want to make more money so that i can actually escape this very cycle of life
Thank you so much for being so candid. People like to demonise showing emotions on the internet, but it's so important, to show people that they're not alone, and that it's okay.
You are right , having your own place , chasing your dreams and disappoint is not as easy as we thought . It's really tough . I hope evey person should have a person who actually supports when you need them .
You definitely aren't just lucky, and you will not fail. You've built this channel up to where it is by hard-work and talent, and have a loyal fan base that'll stick with you no matter what ❤you're only going to grow from here
Thank you for being vulnerable, its definitely encouraging for others in a similar place
I really appreciate Zoe’s transparency, its really rare and hard to find it in social media nowadays , to show us the best and worst of her story . Go on bestie YOU GOT THIS ❤️
I was planning on writing a whole long paragraph about my situation, how you made me feel so relaxed with these diaries,, but I just couldn't write anything bc I cannot express my feelings. but once again I remembered that rolling in the deep and healing after that is one of the progress of living. there are gonna be ups and downs but healing will always exist. just remember that. there is always power and hope. life goes on, let's live on.
first
Zoe thanks so much for making this series! I'm a girl from China too and I can relate a lot to your videos, especially with the toxic bueaty standards and self love journey. You are so strong for doing this! I love you :)
I am just watching the video now and... watching it, pausing, taking time to reflect on my own, similiar experiences, gives me a feeling deep in my chest that I haven't felt in a very very long time. A warmth and a sense of self, painful but almost happiness. Thank you for reminding me how important it is that we stay ourselves, no matter how anybody else thinks about it.
To be honest this is the episode that has related to me the most... The fear of never succeeding never accomplishing your goals, seen how everyone else it's doing "something" with their life's and you just want to create content it starts to feel meaningless. But I enjoy every single bit of it yes I take like 4 hours to edit 2:21 m of video and 8 persons watch my vids and so what...
Girl thank you for sharing! You're the best please don't listen to others 🙏🏼 Keep going! 🔥🤍
oh zoe, this series came at a great time personally, makes me feel less alone. we appreciate you, you are so young and this is only the begging for you to keep creating amazing things, will be looking forward to the next vid!
I wish I could give you a big warm hug ❤️. My family doesn’t support me emotionally either. I was so sick with an ED going to community college I had to be put on bed rest for almost a month and drink liquid potassium everyday. My heart was at risk of giving out. Instead of trying to help me heal my family decided to kick me out and stopped helping pay for my college. I’ve been struggling ever since and I’m 26 now. I hope you blossom even more and find better support because love and support doesn’t need to come from family (it’s preferable but not necessary).
this editing of this video is so beautiful. thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you so much… It’s really important to me to hear this now
I'm finishing school and I'm worried about the future…
Thank you for sharing this experience ❤️
honestly as a somewhat a young teenager I just wanna say your videos were honestly my therapy they gave me the confidence and this one just hits a lot different cause knowing you struggle to be strong is giving me the strength to also keep trying I love the series and I feel like it’s so inspirational thx Zoe and I hope that your journey ends with happiness ☺️
God! I'm going thru it rn. Feels so good to know that I am not alone, you're really brave I hope you get better soon:)
I love your videos Zoe!! I was struggling with an eating disorder lower my calories way too much but you helped me realize many things and now I feel better!!! Thank you smm
I think you are successful because you are real and not superficial! Keep up the good work 😃 lovely greetings from Germany
your own family (esp parents) can be your supportive system, but also your hater. this video describes a lot of things that have been going on in my life :) ty for being honest!! you’re doing well.
This is the most relatable channel in all of TH-cam. So real and so raw. Thank you Zoe! 😊
Craving validation from family and being looked down on etc..., this is so relatable
Your story made me cry. You’re so intelligent and beautiful, inside and out. You don’t deserve to be treated like that.
so good you never gave up to those harsh judgments, you are one of the best content creators, I love your channel
So relatable literally in this situation rn
😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 u doing so great already and rest is yet to come ... Stay strong our lil avocado 😿😿😿 lots of love ❤️
I hope you get the views and subscribers you deserve! Which is a lot!! I will keep watching and following your journey because it also gives me motivation to fix my mental health.
please don't give up!!! you are amazing
you caught me with E1 already but this one I felt on a new level due to my personal situation w my family. you have such a validating and explanatory way of talking and choosing your words, I really like that about you and your videos!
This actually hurts so much to see. We really do put too much of their self worth on things that can change so easily. Your finances, your appearance, your family and even your feelings do not define you!
You’re strong Zoe... I’m really sorry you had to go through this, thank you so much for showing this, being vulnerable like this is not an easy thing to do
Love you ❤️🌟
This series is good, raw, emotional and true. Whenever you try something that is out of your comfort zone like a dream career, your support system aka family gets jealous or envious and show their true colors when things don’t go right. You have to keep going because it’s worth fighting for. Good luck. Keep up the content, it’s interesting and informative.
These healing diaries are the hardest videos to watch, because they are so raw and I relate so heavily. You don't know me, but I hope you are proud of yourself, because you deserve to be!
You're so talented, so amazing. Your videos are helping me a lot. Don't belive it if anyone tells you that what you do is worthless or whatever. You're such an inspiration! Thank you for existing!
Don't cry zoe . Seeing my inspection crying makes me cry too. Hope you will be okay ❤️. I love you 👑
I just want to say im really proud of you girl keep up the good work. You're getting there!
Zoe I love how your videos are real and honest and that we support your passion on TH-cam ❤️❤️
Zoe!!! You still have us for support!! Fighting! It’s okay to be a glow stick, sometimes we need to break before we shine
You are so strong... I subscribed your channel seeing your sassy shorts, but this side of yours is really different and I am so happy that I am in this journey with you 😊
thank you for sharing with us this vulnerable, truly real side of you and taking us along your healing journey. i can relate in a very deep level to some of the things you're going through, and honestly the way you put everything into words is just... idk how to say it, but it makes me feel less lonely
love you zoe ❤
People around me and myself just accepted my illness as a personally traits but I understood I'm the one who should be there for myself and health and everything changed for better.😊
we are always here to support you zoe. there is no such thing as "im not for__" you can be anything you want and only you can limit yourself. we all know you are a strong and smart girl and we all love you for who you are❤️❤️
I am so sorry about the things you have been going through and are going through. Don't worry anymore. You are and will be succesfull!!
this video made my past flash infront of me with all harsh give up thoughts and my worst self until few days back i had a best news. even though i am still struggling with stress eating and emotional unwanted baggage i try to wake up to new motivation to be a greater version of my self.
Zoe, thank you so much for what you're doing. Your videos and your story help me so much. So many people feel lost these days, it's so important to share the pain. I wish you all the joy and luck, please always remember that there are your subscribers who support you and sincerely care for you. You are very strong.
I'm dying for this to blow up and be the best one yet, for every person that said she couldn't do it! F that, you are stunning and are going to do amazing things, thank you for inspiring all of us to follow our hearts ❤
So beautiful to see people getting better after a moment of darkness and sadness... I hope you all be alright, whoever is struggling with pain.
Your videos it's a scape for me. I feel so refresh and inspired after watching your videos. Love u and fighting💕💕
I don't know how I can support you.But your videos are beautiful it looks even like a documentary or something.And in some point helps mw a lot to dels with my problems too.Thank you Zoe for all your work and words.Wish you all the best🤍
Aw I had no idea it was so hard!! I’m sorry you lack their support. I know it’ll hurt even if you’re strong, it’s a human desire to want their family to be proud.
This makes me so emotional and feels so relatable. I love it, thank you for this series
I honestly agree with what you said🌸 I also struggle with things my family say and do relating to my decisions. It feels like I've been controlled for so long and only recently I've managed to open my eyes👁👁 I really love your videos and how you're not afraid to show what you've been through. Its why I anticipate a new video each and every week.💓💓💓 Your content does mean a lot me🌸 Love you🌸
Such a strong content, Zoe!!!
Thank you🌸🌺🍀
Never let things, spoken words, or actions of others control you.
Keep being strong everyone.🌟
The truth about this world is here everybody is insecure whether it's body, friendship, relationship, career ,study and a hell lot of things. And just we overthink to know i m the only one who is depressed had to go through severe anxiety. but yeah being strong at the other side believing and loving myself . "I am fine".
Zoe thank you for not giving up on making videos your videos are the reason why we all are confident,positive and don’t care about people anymore... thank you Zoe we are proud of you
Zoe I know it's hard and my words may not comfort you but you will make it because you didn't give up on yourself.I wish you find your happiness 💜💜💜
I can’t believe your family went against you. Im so sorry.☹️
you are so loved by all of your followers! we support you ❤️
Keep going, you are very brave for sharing your story and choosing something that is true to you. I hope everything is falling into place for you.
Zoe you are literally one of my favorite TH-camrs! Your content is amazing and you are so realistic about everything. Everything you say just makes sense and you have helped me a lot and others 💜 We love you!
You are a exceptional human. Dont forget that. 🌺
Thank you for sharing this with us💜 it was very real, honest, and came from within, which is something that not many creators do, which is refreshing. Im so sorry fir all of the hardships youve been through. And it's true, sometimes the most hurtful things can come from the people closest to you. The best thing to do is to keep moving forward 💜 we are all here and are rooting for you Zoe!
Thank you for always being vulnerable and open. I really aspire to be that honest with myself daily. Your videos inspire me to improve. Always rooting for you💕
usually I don't comment on any yt videos bt this video made me do it... you are just so strong to start this series Zoe jie n I love you so much... we all love you so much... and yh ofc you do hv potential to be a full time content creator... if not you thn who?... do whatever your heart wants to do and we are always with you... I am always with you n ily❤️... Thank you for being you❤️
I'm so glad that you share this!
I have been struggling with my mental health for a long time and to see that other people who struggle as well keep moving forward helps me a lot.
Thanks for being so brave I can't imagine how hard things must be right now.
I hope things get easier and you feel better soon!!
Zoe i don't like to see you cry. All you need now is love and break...i know that your exhausted but in a while things are going to be okay! Please be always happy and we will always support you!
I think my mom is just happy with me being alive and on meds for BPD and healthy physically and mentally. I have no idea what it feels like to have that pressure for "success" from family. And the extended family in China too?? Damn. That's too much for anybody. I'm glad you're ok now. ♥️
This series really hit home with me. I have been struggling with mental health for 3 or 4 years now and I'm not sure ots getting better. I may have different reasons to Zoe, but I can clearly see that feeling I get in Zoe. My support system is also..... well, not very supportive. My father's side of the family is fully absent, my mother's side of the family lives far away from me, and my mum is struggling herself, with her physical and mental health. Sometimes I feel rlly alone, which is terrifying for a 15 Yr old. I go to boarding school now because of several factors, including my mum having life threatening surgeries she needs to improve her health. Being the only kid I know with a scholarship is extremely isolating and I miss my friends from my previous school a lot. This just leads to me feeling lonely, and it's the most horrific feeling. I can't wait to see where this series will go. Who knows, maybe it might even help me.
I hope you know that the people that show up care and love you. you deserve love and friendship, anyone who is friends with you are very lucky. I hope that if you see this you will realize that you are worth so much more than you think. love you and support you forever!
you are such a fighter im so proud of you and I love your channel so much
This was one of your most honest and stunning self revealing videos. It hurts so much when your family starts to turn against you, is destructive and the most hurtful out of all people you know... When they stop following you down the road just because that's not how they were built. Somehow I think, pursuing your dreams and slightly alternative ways of happiness, we have to leave our families expectations behind some times in life. Get space. And allow them to come back only and as soon as they stop hurting you. I experienced members of my family to be judgemental and disrespectful. It takes years of open communication and showing: I don't care for bloodlines. I'm choosing those as my surrounding who respect, support me and make my life happier and easier.
Then, if they can do that, they're welcome. Otherwise: no thanks. No more.
Yoir progress and self healing story is so powerful and amazing... Your success is amazing. Your inspirational for me and I'm sending you my love. From survivor to survivor of destructive eating and self image
You are a very courageous girl. Your family doesn't support you but you have the support of people from around the world. I love your channel, you always have great subject and you are not afraid to show your vulnerability. What I also like is that your channel does not glorify materialism and superficiality. (I also like your hairstyle 😉).
thank you so much for sharing this, you are so brave! im in a similar situation and its eating me up from the inside out... i wish i could get help but i cant afford it and everything feels impossible. its like a cycle of feeling on top of the world and then back to crying all day and i cant escape.
Ur an insperation thank u so much
I’m so happy to find your TH-cam channel, it’s really interesting and motivating. YOU ARE CREATOR, thank you for your hard work 🥺
I just want to thank you for these videos and this series you're doing. Just like so many other commenters here, your struggles speak to a part of me that's on my own emotional journey, very specifically with my mother for me. Letting go of my own obligations to please her and be the daughter she envisioned and prioritizing my dreams and goals, and being okay with the change in our relationship because of my choice to make these changes. You articulate your points so well and so clearly, and I truly think this series will help so many people. I'm so glad I found your channel, and thank you for trusting us as your viewers with your vulnerability.
Thank you so much for sharing this, going through something similar. Motivating self to push through to survive these hard times.
Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. I would never have the courage for this.
Thank you for your transparency, I see so much of myself in you
finally someone showing how life rly is, YOU GOT THIS HUN WE HERE 4 YOU IEHRUIHER
I love your channel you have helped me with my journey with food and fitness and I love how your genuinely yourself. It’s hard I’m not gonna sugar coat it but I belief that we grow from our pains. Never give me and trust in God.
I love you!♥️You are amazing, don’t listen to others! Keep going!💪🏻
I can’t imagine how you feel, but just know that I’m rooting for you! I know things are difficult right now, but I have confidence in you. Just know you are NOT alone! It’s okay to not feel okay. You matter so so much to all of us. The road to recovery won’t be easy, but you’ve got what it takes to get through it! You’ve got this Zoe! We all love you soooo much! ♥️
Ive never been this early and i love this video ❤️❤️❤️
And im so sorry that you had to argue with your parents about content creating.
I love the raw emotion Zoe always give us most youtubers hide the real truth it's nice to see someone being real