i was depresed af at 25, started my 4th attempt at a degree the same year. thought nothing will ever work out or make me happy. now 3,5 years later I have my degree and I love my job. Life is great, greater than it's ever been, even better than childhood. Not giving up is worth it.
How do you get the job ? I'm 20 and struggle how to find a job in the future because i have zero training and probably will clumsy in my job. And i imagine i will got fired in my early job.
@@B__SYAHRULMUBAROK Everybody gets nervous at a new job. It's normal. Everybody is clumsy at a new job, this is also normal. Honestly as long as you show a good work attitude and actually try your best, people will generally like you. Getting fired isn't the end of the world, just try again. You are worrying so much that you are turning a small possibility into a big problem that is preventing you from having a job. The only solution is to try. The more you practice the better you will feel. If you get fired, try again.
After I finished my music degree, I didn't know wtf to do, so I studied and worked in accounting. Oof. Everyone told me it was a good idea, but it was so dry and I missed doing music. I was going to end up miserable after 10, 15 years doing accounting, mourning my wasted potential in music. I’m so glad I eventually got fired from my finance role, re-evaluated my life and started this channel with my best friend at the age of 24. I wish I’d gone straight into a PhD in music after undergrad like him, but I guess we got here in the end. I couldn’t be happier in my career than I am right now. That switch back to music was a bit like restarting my life. It was an absolute risk to jump into freelance music with no guarantee of success, but I put 100% effort in and by some miracle, it worked. Sometimes it’s worth listening to your heart.
Studied X --do--> work in X Studied music --do--> work in the music industry I don't know why you didn't start working in music market right away after your graduation.
As someone who quit, quitting isn't the solution to all your mental health issues honestly. It's a relief but you still have to realise things arent easy just because it's something you love, you'll face troubles and hardships, especially if you already have shame, guilt, low self worth. Those don't disappear, you have to work with yourself and get help. Also let me just quote Min Yoongi: Giving up decisively also counts as courage.
I appreciate the foresight you’re giving through your lived experience, but it comes across as discouraging to me. Something about it makes it seem like it won’t get better on the other side either, which I don’t think is true. It’s certainly not a solution to all mental health problems someone may be facing, but it’s a step in the right direction of self discovery and growth which is imperative for moving forward and living a fulfilling life. I think that’s the more important message that Dr K is trying to convey to the audience.
@@DropIt56 It's not a discouragement on my part, it's more of a forewarning, like look you will face issues and it doesn't mean you made a mistake or chose the wrong path, be prepared for it, work on yourself.. All the doubts, regrets, feelings of failure, depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome they need work, they will definitely show up. I personally had to face issues with admission, parents, money, opinions of people.. It does get better in the end, it feels like you conquered something big
This is a post I would have wrote a year ago. I chose a major for stability. Four years in and it was clear that I was going to dropout after wasting parents money and time. At some point I was praying that a drunk driver would hit me as I crossed the street to class. Then my teacher gave us all a lesson on sunk costs. Changed my perspective and major and never been happier. I’ll tell you what he told me “one day your parents will be gone, and you’ll only have yourself to please.” Edit: LMAO my most liked comment ever is when I talk about playing in traffic.
@@raresmocanu1743 you are not the only one. Around 2 years ago I was returning home after a hard day at college, the subway station was closed because a student killed himself about 5min before I arrived. I saw that two times that year. (sorry, as you can see, my english is not very good). This was in Mexico and it is very common to see people killing themselves every day by jumping onto the train tracks or infront of the train while it is going. Nearly every day I think about doing the same thing since I feel the same as the anon.
Dude, what the fuck, are you me? You've described my experience precisely, down to the drunken driver fantasy and a sunk cost fallacy lesson. This is creepy. Except I also had an epiphany while high on acid that helped me with letting go.
After going to college, you see this everywhere and in so many people. I’d say the majority of people in college feel exactly like this guy. A genuine societal problem that is pushed on people across the world. So frustrating, so sad.
@@kevinclass2010 Easier said than done. I'm 29 and I don't like the industry where I work (supply chain), but I don't want to start from scratch. Making less than 50% of my current salary and no benefits. Age 24 isn't that late.
@@kevinclass2010 Boot camps are a scam. I'd say that if you are the self taught learner, you'd know -- otherwise a foundation and security of a degree helps your mental state. I've worked in industry as an security engineer with a masters degree in info sec...It's a weird thing because I want to give people the right advice, but that's the best way to describe it. If you were that person, you'd know. If you can find what you need, execute it properly, grind hard, maybe you will find yourself in a good job...but you will get beat out by people (unfortunately) with degrees, sometimes HR reasons otherwise technical reasons. I sort of equate it to people who know how something works versus people who can make something work. Can you succeed with the second option? of course, can you laterally move to other positions, rank up quickly, or find a job after a job-loss as easy? I'd argue no, but that's just what I've seen. As it relates to the video, my advice would be, finish out the degree.. you hate it, but you have it. Transition into a tech job if you fit into the self learner title I explained, if you cannot do that, a 2 year degree at a community college while you work an entry level tech job will help. These jobs pay a livable wage, at least where I am from. Then you can see if you can pull it off with an associates degree to get you in the door there. They'll see you completed a bachelors and accomplished that in an unrelated field, and you obtained 'something' in the field and hire you. Thats the best route in my opinion. Not a 10,000$ bootcamp rushing concepts in like 2 weeks.
@@zeliph 29 isn't late either. Frankly, at any age (considering that one is of able-body/mind), recognizing that you aren't happy is the catalyst to a potential better life. Our brain naturally gravitates toward the path of least resistance, and each passing day re-enforces the same comfortable sequences we originally created ourselves and became accustomed to. Whenever we tell ourselves 'it's too late', 'I'm too old for', we are using nonsensical dogma to enforce our false perceptions leading to us to resume the path of least resistance. However, our rational side will claw at us knowing we CAN do what we want. It's just that we need to educate ourselves on the correct steps we need to get to that position. The first step is to start with ourselves, and how we think.
People have to understand that being forced into university isn't a choice. When living under a parent's/guardian's roof, constantly having to listen to depreciating thoughts about your lack of self-worth and future careers really destroys you mentally and emotionally. Most people have to endure this abuse for a good decade or two and it can destroy any dreams and motivations. Be kind to those who seem "lazy" and "under-achieving" on the outside. You don't know what kind of mental torture they go through with their "families."
Good that I live in a country, or at least a region of, where university isn't a must-do. It's just something someone can do, but doesn't has to do. Though, I would like to. Either languages or Video Game Design and Development. Or writing.
Yeah. My mom just told me how worthless I am for not getting a job and I'm 25. Just a month ago I did get an offer for a job but my parents kept refusing me from joining because that's lower than what they deem worthy of my Masters. I feel like a puppet. I'm so tired of living.
@@aneevrian6557 Take offers, even if they say no. They aren't you, you are 25! You are your own adult person. You don't need their allowance. And even if it is a low paying job, better than no job. And it's not like you can switch jobs or that you may earn more after a while.
@@aneevrian6557 The only solution is to save up for a place of your own. If they also own the car you use or any other possessions (Computer, furniture, etc) just keep working and save up. You'll feel much more free. I'm sure your parents are decent people who mean well but that sort of parent child dynamic is just toxic past a certain age. Sometimes our own parents are the biggest obstacles in realizing our true potential.
I think we as a society lack a lot of maturity. We pressure ourselves to get a degree for the sake of appearances when it may not even make us happy. There's a certain level of accountability that's needed here.
@Jake Klar Too often do people shut out the avenue of the trades, whether its working for a company or being a journeyman sole-proprietor. Its hard work but it can be rewarding, and the education to get there is either incredibly cheap or hands-on training with pay. I also disagree with the notion that people dont go and get a degree for appearances sake, plenty of PhDs out there that would be better off financially if they didnt go the whole nine yards.
@Jake Klar People would rather make 50k in a suit by a desk than a 100k in a blue collar or high vis vest. Nothing wrong with neither but the debt on the one end. And that is an argument of status/looks, even at the lower levels of higher academic achievement, if I've worded my point correctly. It can be uncomfortable depending on what you're doing but you'd be surprised how worth it can be, plumbing and electrical work especially. Passion is a barrier to a lot of things and oddly enough Jane Eyre taught me that one. You think people in plumbing/electrical work are "passionate" about what they do? For most its a job that they excel at. Sometimes in life you have to shift the window; your job should give you the money and time to spend the rest of your time doing what your passionate at. People trying to find love in work will only find pain. The love/passion people have in their craft is like a late-stage marriage kind of love: youve been with them a long time, you got into it kind of lost, but the work has grown on you and become a second language. Trying to find that when you dont have a career or in the early phases of one aint it. I apologize if the wording is messed up its late here
Honestly shocked to see that people exactly my age are going through the same thing. I've been suffering in silence for the longest time, currently age 24. I feel like I am on the turning point of continuing down a destructive path or actually doing something about my problems, I just don't think I have the strength for it.
Hi, same here (age 23, but that's the only difference). I've been struggling for so long, but I think it's never gonna be too late. You can do something today, tomorrow, next year. Just keep feeling this and don't let go of it, even when it hurts so bad you can't even function. One day we'll find the strength. We just need to keep reminding ourselves that we are not happy and that we can do something about it. Maybe today we won't, but we can.
It's tough, but your suffering is your mind telling you something is wrong. Don't be afraid to face your fears. You still have so much life to live, don't be afraid of deciding now where you want to be in 5 or 10 years. Trust yourself if you feel something is wrong. Waiting to act on it, or at least understand what is wrong, will only build that problem over time.
@@Vargrad I think it's ok if you only cry when talking to someone. Maybe try journaling? It's like talking to someone but you can be even more crude and sincere. You can burn the pages after writing them, or hide them somewhere no one can see. It's also a fantastic way to see how far you've come, once some time passes and you read them again.
I was at the EXACT same spot at 24. I decided to do something about it. Its been a year in and I am happy to share that things can get better. Its sound like a cheap truism, but it is not. Its just the simple hard truth that life can be better and there is always opportunity to heal. Doctor K made an important point in this video and it might have been lost amognst all the other wisdom drops he has just made. Being happy and healthy is the baseline for your body and mind. Its the default point it wants to return to and it will, if we just remove the things standing in its way. I can wholeheartedly atest to the truth of this statement. You will be amazed at your opportunity to heal and get better. It far transcends your (or mine) depressed, anxious little mind.
I thought I'd wasted 5 years in community college. I nearly flunked out from failing a remedial math course (which I eventually passed), and nothing interested me academically except for a geology elective I took. I thought I wanted to pursue a trade instead, until I tried out the geology program at a public university, and it turned out to be the best decision I've made as an adult. I graduate this december and if things work out I'll graduate with honors. Don't be afraid to try a new direction in life if the current one sucks. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy and remain miserable.
The only class that intrigued me was geology at community college. I withdrew 3 years ago with 60 credits that would have transferred to the state university, so halfway to a Bachelor's. I have never felt more lost. I am terrified to go back. I have had to actively avoid the subject with family due to scrutiny and their high expectations. I considered returning to pursue geology/oceanography. I am behind all of my peers and they are ahead of me in every category and now have full time jobs and families. I miss high school, I had structure and was successful generally even if I wasn't that social. My mental health is deteriorating and I've never been to a therapist out of fear. I also have never had more than a summer job, I am ashamed of myself and don't drive. I have no confidence or goals. I play games and watch shows all day.
@@dawn-blade I feel ya. Everything you described here pretty much sums me up to a T. Although you have more credits than me I come to this YT channel seeking guidance or at the very least reassurance to help rationalize my early life crisis that I'm just figuring more out about. Although I will say I think I am also in need of a therapist but am apprehensive about which one and mulling over in my head, "what if it's the wrong one." For me and my demons i just know I need to start somewhere. And soon. Winter is coming and like many others my health suffers in the winter. For my own sake and mental health stuff even if on my good days I don't think I need to talk to a therapist today. Winter also means more holiday encounters with the family and more bobbing and weaving in the fight to avoid the dreaded, "what have you been up to lately" convos. Although, as someone who isn't doing the greatest, I do appreciate more growing up seeing my family when I can. I think I watch shows and YT more (aside from game stuff) is to uplift myself a bit knowing others; content creators like Dr K. and the like are doing alright now helping others. I like to see my family more often now. If anything to know that they're doing okay even I, myself am not. And that's alright for now at least.
Sadly I felt for it and continued to pursue a worthless english degree (before I had even known what a sunk cost fallacy was) despite feeling it was a complete waste of time. I wish I had had the courage to give up and switched to another field before it was too late.
@@leonas9843 true. Worse yet my excuse for keeping on to continue was to make the family gatherings less awkward for my introverted ass lol. Everyone had something to talk about in their growth into becoming more of an adult. I finally had something too with school. But for the wrong reasons in fear of my pride being fractured even moreso. I always found some of the best conversations I've had were from doing a group activity together anyway. With family or with friends. At that point, the facade fades away. And then I'm actually more enjoying my time with whoever as a person. As an individual. Hope that helps in some way. Makes the family stuff less tedious. Though nothing worse feeling more lonely and confused in a crowded place than by oneself alone, I suppose. A joyful soul heals quicker than a pill. But an unhappy or sad soul can kill quicker than a germ.
I dropped out of college my senior year with about 30 credits remaining. Didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Ended up returning a year later and finishing my degree (Psychology) but did not want to pursue Grad school and there weren't many career options with just a BA. Worked odd jobs for the next 5 years and eventually decided on going back to school at age 28 for a CS associate's degree. Now a couple years later I'm a software engineer and happier than I ever have been. Never too late to do what you want to do folks. Nothing is a waste if you end up happy anyway.
I dropped out senior year with 20 credits left for Psychology. Now, 7 years later I'm returning for a CS degree. Our paths are similar but I'm taking way longer than you to figure it out lmao. I battle with "too late" feelings every single day at the ripe old age of 34.
@@philj8205 I'm only 19 and your comment genuinely inspires me! I'm still indecisive about my future and sometimes I fear it's all getting set in stone with getting a degree now and to work in that one field till death. Seeing you more experienced folks get on new opportunities in your life makes my soul spark with hope that adult life doesn't have to become one routine for the rest of life. I want to believe it's never late for changes in life, and your words seriously encourage me! Stay strong and awesome, Phil J! :)
Thanks for your lil' experience. Im just 27 right now and I guess I'm where you were at that age. To be honest I wanted to wait to start my new path once the pandemic situation improved and that time is now :)
I’m 27 now. I’m SO glad I didn’t go to university when all my friends did. I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. I ended up starting my own business kind of on accident and I work for myself, with a flexible schedule and I love it. I felt like a failure at the time but things turned out so much better.
@@NinTheLost her lack of response is telling. she isnt saying the whole story here - as do most people who "work for themselves." i actually did work for myself - but i was a contractor in iraq and still answered to a boss.
@@alexanderredhorse1297 I mean, of course you still have clients when you are self-employed. It's also a lot more difficult than working regular hours. However, that doesn't mean it can't be the right thing for her. I wouldn't assume she's hiding something just because she doesn't care to reply to comments. It makes sense to shut off notifications for a busy person.
I was the same as this guy. Spent 6 years in college, changing majors, trying to find one I like. I would fail my classes over and over again because I wasn't interested in the major to study it. My grades would just make me less motivated to study, creating a vicious cycle. I developed depression and a massive guilt in my stomach that lasted for a year, until I finally started taking mood stabilizers, so I would stop crying every week in my room. Eventually I accepted I wasn't going to finish college and get my degree. But I still didn't have the courage to quit. How was I going to explain to my dad that I wasted so much of his money on tuition for years ? I wanted to quit, but I had no plan B. I had no job, no career prospects, nothing. So I continued on for another year. Until the pandemic hit and we moved to online classes. I used this as an excuse to take a semester off (at the time, we thought it wouldn't last long) until classes in person were back. And I've never came back. I'm so much happier today. I even found a job as a video editor. And now I'm studying computer programming at home so I can become a software developer. I actually decided to study something for once, instead of being told what to do, or being pressured by society or my family. I still have a long way to go and I'm improving everyday. But god, it felt so good to quit college.
The last 3 videos, excluding the “why we don’t pick your redit posts” one, have literally felt tailor made for me. I’m asking myself all these questions and dr K is really helping set my focus on how best to get the answers from myself. So thanks.
he realized that people have been saying this over and over again, thus he wanted to make the Dr.K guide, because we as a generation have so many problems in common
I wasted five years of my life trying to get over a girl that never reciprocated. I tried suicide, dealt with depression, read multiple articles about self-confidence, relationships and nature. None of them helped. Only when I started hiking, taking care of myself and being a little bit selfish did I start to turn things around.
I’m often afraid to be selfish. The only thing making me want to push for that at this point is seeing my ex of two years get pregnant with the guy she literally just met 4 months ago. It took 8 months for us to even have sex, she got pregnant with this new guy in 4 months. Brahhh that’s insane to me. I dodged a bullet, but if she’s comfortable with this guy enough for that maybe I wasn’t good enough. This is me bullshitting myself. Comparing. “Oh he must have it all if she feels comfortable to abandon her life for herself and she wants him to take care of her and her kid and I never could, I was broke and homeless blah blah blah”. So I’ll take her selfishness as inspiration to be selfish for myself. I’ve always been afraid to be selfish but I no longer will. I WILL RUN MY LIFE. Keep forging on, bro, I’ll follow your example. Ski trip this year is going to mark that as my christening moment, I’ve yet to have one, and I feel I deserve it. I’ll do what I deserve for myself
Dude, being selfish, or self focused, was the key to me getting rid of depression too. It stopped me from thinking about what everybody else was thinking about me, or doing "better" with their life.
I think so many guys are in a position where they don't realise a gf isn't going to fix their mental problems nor do the emotional labour for them. I'm really sorry you felt so bad for many years and very happy you managed to find selfcare and things that worked for you and then actually put in the work, you earned it man
God damn. At 24, trying to switch majors and i've been feeling like crap thinking I'm not done with college yet while everyone seems to already have their careers set in place. This hits too hard.
It's a common thing, but it doesn't feel like it - I can relate. Additionally, there are those that get a degree, discover that the jobs aren't what they thought they were, but they do them anyway because they think it's too late to revise and start again and feel like they need to keep up with the pack. The societal cookie cutter one sized fits all model of life causes so many distress and leads to bad decisions. I'm in a similar situation at around your age, and it does suck. Regardless of how long and hard I search for what could be a good fit for me, I just can't find "it". I don't have massive expectations, I just want a job that I at least don't mind doing where the pay isn't shit. My expectations have become gradually lower and lower the more futile my efforts seem to appear. But, logically I know they aren't futile and it's easy to catastrophize. I like to think that everyone has their own process that they follow, and some get to certain stages earlier than others, but each at their *own* time.
It's posts like these that make me so glad I didn't go back to college until my early 20s, because I found an interest and passion for programming and decided to get a degree in it. Thank fuck I did at least one thing right.
Same here. I started college at 23, will be 26 in a few months. So glad it took me some years to decide, I would probably be very suicidal right now if I rushed into things if I was younger.
Huge fan of a gap years after high school.. this gives you time to be out in the world and actually figure out what you want to study, rather than picking a major/career path out of ‘logic’
Yeah, I had really good physics and math scores in my high school final exams but university is so tough and even if I understand some things I learn, I just forget them after maximum 1 month.
I also had an early life crisis, and it ended up putting me on a path that I'm extremely thankful for. It's good to question these things, and to kindly let yourself explore what you need from life. The societal standards about having to know what you wanna do at 18 is ridiculous--I've met people living inspirational lives that they didn't start until they were almost 30, 40, and sometimes 50. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to be patient, kind, and in-tune with what makes us the most fulfilled.
There should really be a program after highschool to let you taste all kinds of life and after a year or 2 you are way closer than this forced shit the system is right now, would love to help set that up
That’s what i did no need for a program you can do it on your own you just gotta take that initiative and possibly piss some people off that have expectations they shouldn’t have. :)
It used to be like that. My parents and grandparents talked about it when I was in high school. I’ve just started learning things in college my mom learned in grade six, too, apparently.
Its called taking a few years off before college. Literally anyone can do this, they just have to be willing to be 'behind' their high school friends for a bit. There is no 'system' forcing people to do anything.
Got a degree in animation. Took an extra semester to graduate. Had a child during my final year. Life sucked for 3 years afterward, until I went back to community college for an associates in programming. Tried out for a competitive undergrad position at a company, and was somehow the most wanted candidate for 3 different offices. Surprised Pikachu. My life completely turned around after 3 years of absolute misery and depression. I realized I valued stability and my friends and family, and that's what I switched my focus to instead of having a "cool" degree.
@@angelicamarianne3453 Yup, turns out it's a toxic cesspit at best, down right dangerous at worst. There's only so many times you can watch your "dream job" turn out to be a bunch of fratboy rapist before you just give up entirely. Throw in the expected crunch, 0 job security, and the "5 years of experience required for starting position!" and it just isn't worth it lol.
May I ask what went wrong because i quit engineering school after first year and the last 2 years i've been building up my skills to apply to an animation college. I know about the crunch and job insecurity but i dont know much else.
@@khantnyarhtun2387 The industry is so competitive that most entry levels are looking for 5+ years of experience. Not to mention studios have been collapsing (Blue Sky, for example) and so you're competing with people that have 10+ years of experience. Throw all that together, and if you somehow DO get in, you're looking at minimum wage for an expensive degree that expects you to work yourself to death until the project is complete and then kick you to the curb. If you somehow survive that and land a stable job, you're looking at a coinflip on toxic coworkers. And I mean drunk fratboy idiots sexually harassing coworkers level of toxic workplace. Overall, I just found that the cost of pursuing the art wasn't worth it anymore.
I have already had these conversations with my mom. The issue we are running into is that we have yet to find an alternative that would make me less miserable than college and also allow me to support myself financially. Every viable alternative we have tried is more miserable than college.
My parents told me growing up “You either go to school, or you work, if you don’t you’re going to starve”. This scared the shit outta me, and so did picking a major. So I didn’t. Everything teachers brought up, I could not see me doing any of them, even the ones I thought I’d like, I STILL DIDN’T like, and haven’t pursued. I felt I wasted 5 years of my life saving money at a retail job, blew all my money saved for two of those years, $25,000; and then went homeless. Dumped her, she met a new dude a month later, got pregnant with him 4 months later, felt shitty about that. All my life feels like shit. Only way I have left, and the only way I’ll be going in life is out of the shit. Upward. Out of the shits and my life is going to be covered in shit until one day I won’t be. Same goes for all of us. Life is a race to climb out of the shit, and we’ll all be covered in it when we come out of it. Life never stops shovelling shit on us, ever, it’s life. So we’ll just have to get used to being “plumbers”
@@flavourruling2162 that is literally life, work and plan your future career path, go straight to college and go in debt, or stay at that low paying job and end the rest of your life with low to medium pay. This is for the Lower - Middle class options. It’s just life for us, we aren’t as fortunate to be able to take leap years and stuff like that.
I’m 24 and quite a large number of people in my peer group are going through this quarter life crisis thing, including me to a certain extent. What’s interesting is that we’re all at different places: working full-time, post-grad, teaching overseas, still in uni, NEET or working in an unrelated field. And yet a majority of us feel the same need to make a change. In fact, some of us already have. I don’t think the time we spent at university or at our jobs was a waste. I think we needed to go through it all to get to this point of realising that this “conventional” path isn’t for us.
I’m 14 and watching this makes me feel like I’m ahead of everyone else my age because this is such valuable information, that I don’t need to waste time on a degree early in life and rather I should do what I love, because I have time and I don’t need to rush. There’s time to be able to do the things you want to do in the future, but sometimes you’re the one that has to pave the way and make time if you want to achieve something.
Hey man, let me remind you to re watch these videos when you get older, a lot of what you’re hearing won’t hit right now because you’re less mature than you will be in 6 years. It’s like when you read a book or play a game or watch a movie when you’re 12, vs consuming that same media when you’re 18. You just understand it better when you’re older. I never cried in a movie until I was 20. I didn’t have the emotional maturity or life experience to feel the movies I’d watch before then. I used to think my parents were weird for crying at movies, but it hits me now too, although not as much. I think as I get older and more mature and experience more, that those moments in the movies will hit harder. So come back to these videos every so often. This is life changing stuff and it can change your life more than just once. Good luck mate, have fun.
@@Nadia-nt8gb also I’m sorry to have assumed your gender, I just saw your username. Also I’m only on this video because I’m experiencing this right now. Don’t make the same mistakes myself and all these other people in the comments made!
very grateful that OP wrote that post and Dr. K decided to talk about it. I was that person who did well in high school, forced herself to finish the major (which she also picked bc of parents' recommendation + it was what came easiest to her), worked hard in a job she hated, then went to health professional school and actually flunked out because of her mental health and self esteem (because all the difficult feelings and thoughts I held inside for YEARS would come to the forefront of my mind every time I tried to study, since I was afraid to acknowledge them and share them with my loved ones for a long time). the surprising thing is, my parents actually took my failures well. it's moreso about letting yourself embrace your truth and act upon it, especially if it's different than what you've been told or are expected. thanks for validating the early life crises of the youth. ❤️ best wishes to us all. may we stay courageous, compassionate, and contemplative.
Yeah same. I'm doing a masters now but basically I've been lying to myself for 5 years convincing myself I wanted to do CS but really, it was what my parents wanted. My life has been on autopilot so long, I don't know how to take control back. Wasn't gifted but I was one of those goody two shoes, did what the teachers asked, got good grades type of students. And now i'm struggling to meet deadlines, getting yelled out by supervisors for wasting their time in meetings and falling behind on material. I feel like an utter failure and its the shittiest feeling imaginable. And I was fucking suicidial in high school.
@@TG47GRG sorry for the 2 month wait, didn't see this comment until now. It was a bit of everything, software development, front end, back end, databases, statistics, machine learning etc.
2:30 3:40 4:40 life crisis 5:40 'u'll be happy in the future' & keep going until u realise ur unhappy 6:40 7:40 a lotta soul-searching 8:35 early life crisis is a voice within u trying to guidee u 8:46 !! *you're not wasting ur life by giving up ___, you are starting to LIVE ur life* 9:109:20 underestimating the value of educating yourself, finding what u love, if u cant find satisfaction in any major, u can look for satisfaction in other ways > learning ur major wont give u fulfilment; letting go of that expectation 11:40 there's no time in our life for detours, figuring things out, we just expect ourselves to choose our careers so early, but society asks u to commit, raised awareness, realising its ok to be unhappy 13:00 early life crisis helps u realise ur unhappy, & the fact there's 5+ viewers suggests its a societal problem 13:30 😂😂 wouldve been rich & miserable, but instead streaming in a hoodie 13:52 take the time to figure things out, talking to ur parents 14:20 trying to figure out how to honour ur sacrifice, to repay all uve done, but it isnt in __, js wish for the time to explore (fail, learn, keep trying) 15:20 but every fibre of ur being is telling u to do smth else recognise internally ur not willing to grieve/give up/mourn the price of what u've done, & thus year 7, 8, 9 goes by w/ ur head in the sand pretending it's okay if u keep ploughing forward, avoiding conflict & not accepting what's actually wrong in ur life, don't try to change/do anything abt it, pretend its ok-> age 40: mid-life crisis, even later realisation it's challenging to confront ur fears, but u need to recognise you are *not* happy 16:40 path of knowledge: think ur way to enlightenment 😂 if u dont want to admit to urself life is on autopilot meditation: when waiter asks how ur food is 17:15 🕴 be true: complain & compliment in a respectful, compassionate way 17:32 'its not the best tbh', answering the Q they ask 18:58 *Recognise: when u hold smth in for the sake of ❌ disrupting peace'* so conflict avoidant, ur not happy 19:15 & so practice! notice, what: happens within u, makes it hard to do, how is it received by other ppl, can u vocalise what u feel internally? even if it makes ppl feel a little bad 20:00 u can be a good person: appreciating them trying to fix food for u be honest & authentic w/ yourself & others, & do so in a compassionate way difficulty: mega 😰 it's the path of contemplation, not information gained by the application of what u read >into experiments on the self
this is why I believe people should be in the job market for about two years after high school before they enter College, even if those are odd jobs- simply because they offer different metrics for people to evaluate themselves, their skills and worth- outside of grades. people continue school all the way from elementary to college, nonestop. and grades are the only metric in their most formative years that they pursue. this can be extremely dehumanizing, and gives people either an inflated view of themselves as quantifiable member of society or people completely undervalue themselves because of grades.
You've not wasted time, you've just spent time learning what you don't like. This is excellent. It falls in line with another mode of thinking I have when it comes to learning skills. If I'm learning a skill, I can be sure of my failures, for every failure will teach me what not to do. And if I keep learning what not to do, that will eventually be tantamount to knowing what to do.
I chose computer science out of a hat, even after totally bombing AP comp sci in high school. Ended up doing well in college and really liking it. Just recently graduated and got an ok job in web development. Working on a game in my spare time with the hopes to eventually end up in a game development career. Feel like I definitely got lucky that I actually liked comp sci tho. Choosing what you're gonna do with your life at 18 after being given almost no decent idea of subjects in high school is absurd
Your last point is absolutely right, I was pushed up a year at an early age and ended up having to apply for University courses at 16, when all I wanted to do was go out with friends and play video games. Luckily it was a subject I always enjoyed and I'm now away to begin a Master's next month in the same course. It's ended up pretty good for me but I still feel it's a complete dice roll for people who not only may not enjoy their chosen subject, but enjoy uni whatsoever.
@@kaniza1465 As it is now I'm still learning new stuff every day so that might be part of it. I'm working in a completely new stack than what I learned in college, including language. Otherwise I just enjoy the "puzzle solving aspect" that comes with it. I know some devs completely miss out on that considering someone else designs the software and tells them exactly how to implement it, and that may be the case for me too soon as I've been contracted to a big company. At that point I think personal projects will largely keep me interested in programming, and my job will kinda just be my job
@@kaniza1465 lmao god damn. Never felt like I'm just whittling away on a keyboard. If you're not excited about the project, or don't get any sense of accomplishment from seeing it get built it out, I'm not sure what you should do. Trying to get a designer/architect role might get you away from actually having to code so much, but sounds like you really hate the software field in general if the term "full stack" annoys you lol
@@kaniza1465 If you look for the worst in something that's usually what you'll find. You don't gotta be best friends with your co workers, but if you tell yourself everyone around you is a man child, you're not doing your happiness any favors either. Most people I've met in the field have been fine, a few trying very hard to prove they're smarter than everyone, which gets old quick. I imagine that's universal in all stem fields, but idk. I myself love video games so I enjoy meeting other "addicts"
people need to stop pursing things and making decisions purely out of societal expectations. take time to figure yourself out first then figure out a plan of action. too many adults pursing broken dreams and lack of passion purely out of societal standards. really sad to see
I'd like to say that even though I dropped from the good for ego, bad for feelings college, I'm stuck in the similar situation with my girlfriend. It's our 11 month together, but I can't tell if I was fulfilled even once through that time. There were ups and downs, with amazing highs as that's what love does to you, but I think I got into a relationship with a wrong mindset. I just wanted to experience what it means to have a girlfriend and society pushed that onto me since I was little and having enough emotional problems I just couldn't find anybody, but most importantly I didn't want to. I dreamed of perfect love and getting laid, but not about finding compromises and being ok about somebody else. Also I don't want to commit, it feels forced as fuck. I need somebody who I look at like I do with my friends - lost so many of them in the past that I just know that current ones are The Ones, and if they leave that won't be on me. It's just the momentary love that makes me stay, I crave her like a drug addict craves cocaine. So yeah. that thing is not only about the college - and I finally realize that 11 months thought me that she isn't meant to be. Or at least not now. I could've wasted my 20s committing to a wrong thing. If it feels wrong - go do something else. Much love.
@@mylegispotato so well said. choosing to do something for all the wrong reasons, no matter how good it feels, will always end up backfiring. although, they do serve as good lessons on our journey through life
When I was 24, I realized I didn’t want to be an athletic trainer a year into my career after going through a 4 year bachelors degree and licensure exam for athletic training. During this time, I worked for Senior Helpers and helped elderly people in their homes while trying to get into PT school. It was during this time that I found my love for nursing and ended up going through an accelerated BSN program at 27. By 29 I became a registered nurse and now I work on a trauma floor where I truly feel like I’m living my purpose. I also met my now serious gf at the hospital where I work at. Embrace the journey of self discovery and don’t regret anything. Everything happens for a purpose and nothing is wasted as long as you’re learning along the way.
I can't tell if the internet is a blessing or a curse. So much entertainment, yet no fulfillment. So much information, yet so much disinformation. More productivity, thus bringing human demise exponentially closer. So many things to do, so much life wasted. The internet connects us, yet I feel so alone.
I was EXACTLY in that guy’s position at the same age. Sometimes, the bravest and best thing you can do for yourself is starting over. You’ve only got one life, and no one is watching you as closely as you think. Do what you gotta do.
This one really hits close to home. I turned 27 this year and for the past 4 years, I've been stuck on my master's thesis (computer science). I just couldn't get into it, and it went terrible the whole time. I've been "depressed" about it a bunch of times, especially early on. But I decided to push through because I wanted to finish it. More than thinking that I needed to do it to get a job (I already had my bachelor's, I could easily get a job just with it alone), I wanted to finish it because I'm extremely stubborn. Even though I wanted to quit every day for the past 4 years, if I had, I would have that "defeat" looming over me for the rest of my life. And ultimately, I think that would be worse than the 4 years wasted. I still feel bad and I question my decision every day, but hopefully, I'll have it finished by the end of this year
@@likesc00b59 Thanks, I know I will. But I've been in the final stretch so many times, but something always comes up and I end up having to change things and it just never seems to end... Hopefully, this is the final final stretch!
Have you heard about bullet journalling? I've been trying to get into it for the last 8 months but kept forgetting or not having time for it; I've finally started doing it recently and I feel like I'm slowly taking more control over my life! To each their own of course, but perhaps this or similar methods of journalling/organizing could help you out? I like your attitude, gotta stay hopeful. 'Believe in yourself who believes in you!' Show the thesis of yours who's the boss. ;)
We're having an early life crisis instead of a mid-life crisis because instead of being given a corporate job after graduation we're given the Great Financial Crisis and unemployment.
That's where everyone in your life did fail you. No one is guaranteed the corporate #1 job right out of school. That paradigm shifted ages ago. Get the foot in a door, network.
Lemme tell you (every person who's face this kind of sht), even if you finish the degree you still feel that's such a waste 6 years. Yeah I've been there. Not just bachelor but master degree too. All the seemingly right choices turn out wasn't right for me. My hormones also put me in depression, anxiety and medical leave for 1 semester due to that mental health. That's in the past. Now I'm 31, rediscover myself and still have no idea what to do with my life. Plus the feeling like I failed everyone still stick around. But all that being said, only thing I'm getting better is I know how to deal with myself. Those depression bring me to awaken stage. It forced me to focus on myself, mentally and spiritually. (It might sound cringe but it's true) Nothing get better but you'll be better at dealing with them. You are not alone. These fking things take a lot of time. I wish you all the best.
@@Palidor Unfortunately no. I found out that I don't have to have the actual answer and that's ok. Not everyone finds the exact answer. I only roughly plan life and live with the flow now. However I do find out that money makes me happier so I tend to do whatever job that paid me ok with good colleagues. Then I can live however I please after work. That's kinda plain but I find it peaceful. Thank you for the reply I read my old comment and wow I have so much anger and sadness back then. Things get better but not the way I expect. ☺️ Sending all the light to you too. If you struggle, may this light guide you.
@@lilithwarbringer Thanks for getting back to me, glad to hear you're at least doing better these days :) There's nothing wrong with plain and peaceful, as long as there's stability. That's what I'm looking for too, I'm also struggling in life at 34 with social anxiety, depression and more of that fun stuff so I hope I can somehow find my way out.
This is me right now with a career I'm a bad fit for and have zero interest in but I have to go through this since it's extremely common and necessary. After 2020 reminded everyone that life is short (and can suddenly be cut short) I'm also asking myself: 'Why am I doing this?" "It's terrifying the place we put people in - this is a societal problem." So true. Dr. Gabor Mate speaks a lot about this also and it's very important to note. Pressure from parents, society's version of "success", etc... pushes us into jobs, careers that make us miserable. Plowing ahead is not only bad for mental health, it's also probably bad for your physical health (heart attacks, cancer, etc...) If you don't soul search and confront your fears you will be forced to do so later.
This literally showed up as I have been trying the last three days to get advice from mentors as I’m at the last year of my degree and keep getting opportunities that would require me to forego my degree for a bit to get into a good paying career potential thanks to friends I’ve made connections with. I appreciate all the work you do for the community and world.
The biggest thing that has turned me away from professional mental health treatment in the past has been the emphasis on generality. I would tell a therapist about depressive symptoms and they advise things like mindfulness, writing down what I'm grateful for, living more in the present, not judging myself so harshly for failures, and so on. To be sure, these techniques are generally useful. But I found myself quickly becoming complacent, framing my situation in terms of "if I keep going to therapy and doing as my therapist says, then eventually I'll be able to deal with my actual problems". To be sure, this is a better mentality than hoping that your therapist can advise you on what to actually do in your life. It is also better than rejecting therapy outright because you believe that your entire problem is external (even though you're not making any progress on it, so it can't really just be external). But it is still not an effective strategy, because at least depression and anxiety (I can't say much about other conditions) are too deeply entwined with the actual circumstances of life. I would argue that many people cannot just fix these conditions and then fix their lives in that order. I felt like this video really acknowledged this aspect of the "early life crisis" issue. I appreciated that.
You have two options: quick temporary fixes (all those techniques therapists recommend) or facing your demons, which I did and it is a living hell but it’s a permanent solution
@@di3486 It's not an "exclusive or" kind of thing. As I mentioned, if you're actually not progressing on your problems for an extended period of time, then most likely something internal is in fact going wrong with you, and that might be helped by psychiatry*. But if you have a meaningful external problem that is bothering you, I feel that psychiatry will at best help you focus on tackling that problem. Your psychiatrist will not tackle your problems for you, nor will they give you perfectly detailed instructions that will reliably solve your problem. You also probably won't really feel right until the problem has been resolved. * I am sloppily using "psychiatry" and "psychiatrist" to briefly refer to various types of mental health professionals providing various types of mental health treatment.
I’m 21, college junior, studying what I want and with good grades, but holy damn do I relate to this guy. Although the academics at my school are fine to above average, the student life is absolutely dreadful and it’s been hard for me to establish quality connections. All the adults in my life kept going on and on about how college was the best time of their lives, and there I was suffering from extreme social isolation even before covid hit. I can’t help but feel I would be much happier had I taken a year off to explore my options instead of rushing out the application process.
I was so overwhelmed with being forced to specialize at 18 that I just dropped out of society for 6 years instead. No job or education and 24 years old. Lmao.
I am so glad I dropped out of my PhD 2 years in, I shudder when I look at my colleagues still in that degree 5-6 years later struggling to finish. Best decision I ever made, deciding to cut something that was killing me but I was obsessed with in a stupid way. Means nothing to me now. The 2 years I spent there felt like forever and a huge stain on my life, but now I can barely remember it.
Oh boi, same with me, dropped down from a PhD to Master and made a career change. I knew some people in my school who are still trying to finish it after 7-8 years. I cannot fathom doing that.
May I ask what field was your PhD in, if you don’t mind? What did you end up doing instead, do you enjoy it more? I’ve been in a similar position, though in psychology (ironic lol)
Always anxious about what people think. God forbid someone takes time as a teenager to figure out what they want. And then when they want to do something you don't understand tell them it's unrealistic and that's not a job. I mean we dare not take time out of our schedule to help discover and support something at least in the vein of what the kid wants. Just shove options down their throat till they lock up and don't even make a decision because you invalidated anything they were interested in.
I’m 19 and am dropping out during my second year of college. I was so miserable every single day that I ended up in a mental hospital. I didn’t realize it was school making me unhappy till then so I’m dropping out. I feel so much satisfaction from this decision and I truly feel that I’m about to hit the highest peak of happiness in my life.
I dropped out of university to do a trade. I was never happy on my degree so by the end of the first semester i dropped out and now i am going into a multi trade apprenticeship, hopefully to follow my childhood dream of being an electrician. Good luck to you for the future!
I had the same problem dropped out year one of IT collage. Even tried a coding job to see if I like the job aspect of it hated it. Then taught myself how to do art(started at 20 years old) and am now happy with my fulltime art career. Took about 8-9 years to build an art career with a part time job until it was time to go fulltime.
hello! that's really cool, I'm happy for you :) I wonder if you could share your art with us, really curious of what kind of stuff you're making nowadays!
That's awesome. Art has always been sort of my main "hobby" since I was a kid. I'm also 24 now and completing a masters in CS with a specialization in AI/ML, but I haven't even completed an internship yet, and honestly I can hardly imagine myself programming stuff in an office for a job... But I have gotten good enough at art to get commission requests from friends and acquaintances, at around 60 euro per piece, and I have been wondering if perhaps I should consider the other career path, at least on the side or something.
The depressing part is that, even getting straight A's doesn't matter at all. It's just an letter grade system to pass your classes, it doesn't mean you're good at it if you have an A. In my life time I've seen a lot of people copying or classes that didn't even required trying at all. In reality, it just depends how actually skilled the person is thus self study is more successful, even getting an mentor who knows what the hell to do can work. It was an few years ago but I've seen jobs that required countless degrees like an Master's Degree for an example, the pay for the job was $15 an hour. I dropped out of College because I thought it was an waste of time, well it really is. Now degrees are starting to be in decline.
Wow... I had that early life crisis, I pursued my passion (art/graphic design) and got burned out before I hit 30... I knew it wasn't for me 2 years in, but I kept going because I thought it was my passion. I left graphic designing after 6 years, got into business, then it eventually led me to the medical field. Where I needed something stable, so I can keep my sanity if my businesses fail. Well I actually love the medical field and my path is clear. I couldn't be happier and it's amazing. I was a depressed fuck, suicidal, hated every bit of myself for years. I didn't want to live anymore... But the keyword is "was" and I had to target all my issues and work on myself. It's hard, there will be a lot of tears, there will be a lot of pain, but it's necessary for you to keep fighting until you accept yourself for who you are. Get rid of bad habits and strengthen your mind. If you need it, seek a good therapist that will help you organize your mind. It can be hectic up there. lol Keep going, keep learning and growing, keep improving yourself, keep moving forward, be okay with making mistakes, keep fighting for yourself, listen to yourself, and see where you take yourself. It can be an amazing ride, once you realize that you are an amazing person. :)
i dropped out of med school at 22 and got into electrical engineering program. i'm halfway there and i've never been more fulfilled and hopeful as well as proud of myself for making such a huge decision to start from 0 after being an overachiever my whole life. trust your guts when you feel like you made a wrong turn. the more you wait the worse it will get. i'm sending strength and courage to anyone who's in a similar situation to change their life for the better and to live their truth. this is your sign. it will be tough and dark at times but trust me the beginning is the hardest part. it does get easier and better. good luck.
Did any of you graduate high school in June 2016? Now you see that your old classmates graduated from college and have cushy, well paid full time jobs? The only class I truly loved was biology and geology, but mathematics defeated me and I can't handle it. I am afraid of therapists. My mental health is crumbling and I am crippled by depression and social anxiety. I don't have a single friend. I left all social media. I have never had a real job beyond summer work. I am pathetic and a shell of who I thought I would be after graduating high school. I withdrew from community college 3 years ago with 60 credits and feel such intense shame. I am TOO WEAK AND AFRAID to get a part time job at the grocery store. I am too afraid to get a license. I am empty and soulless. 😭💔
@@dawn-blade I graduated 2013. I just got my Bachelor's degree this year. I was aiming for a PhD and I still don't have a better idea. Long time before I am ever going to see a cushy job.
Also remember that you don’t need to get a job that matches your major. I work as an environmental planner/transportation planner for a state DOT and my coworkers have varying types of degrees (business, English, pharmacy). Your major doesn’t have to define your future.
Yup, I’m in the same boat. I flipped a coin to pick my major and struggled with it every year. I am 25 now and I’m finally finishing up my bachelors after 5 years in college and 2 years lost to the pandemic. I hope everyone here is able to find their way. Feeling lost in life is no way to live at all, with the shame and guilt and low self worth. It took a long time for me to even begin to feel capable of making a change. What helped me was finally taking the time to introspect and to figure out my wants and needs in life, and then looking at my interests from that frame of reference. After that, just keep moving.
Midlife crisis is the worst. Fail when young, fail when you are healthy, fail when you still can, fail when you still have time, fail and to learn. You don't want to fail, you can't fail when you mustn't fail, when you have nowhere to fall, when you stuck in a job, when you are just a rat in a cage doing the rat race.
This relates to me so much that it feels like as if I was the one who posted this. I spent 4 ~ 5 years of my life pursuing a course that I had zero interest in as well. Coming from an Asian family, my father really wished for one of his children to become a lawyer, and as the youngest and the last one to take college, I was pressured to the point that I pursued a major in Political Science after graduating in high school. Long story short, after 4 years of grueling college life and I was in my final year before I graduate, I kept thinking about my future, a future where I don't enjoy the job I am doing. I thought about it so much that I became so depressed that I stopped going to school for months, I cut off all of my college friends and family and just locked myself inside my room. I basically became a hikikomori. After a few months I further went down the depression hole and almost became suicidal as I felt left out and I was wasting my life when I saw my classmates posted pictures of themselves wearing togas and preparing for graduation. After a year of being a hikikomori, I finally had the courage to talk to my parents and told them about basically everything. We sorted it out, and I dropped out my course in Political Science and switched to another major that I can definitely relate much more than the previous one. I'm currently a first year in my new course and I basically started from zeron again. I do hope that this person or anyone who is going through the same dillema will find what they are looking for. That's all and thanks for coming to my TED talk.
I felt like there was a lack of direction for me in my teens. Going to college seemed like the natural evolution to secondary school, but depression hit and I was suffering from burn out. Suddenly I was overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle things. Suddenly university didn't sound like the natural progression. I didn't want a really low end job because I felt I'd be too miserable at a time when I couldn't afford to, yet I had no path to actually go on. This was a decade ago, and in some ways I'm privileged to be in a position that I could end up doing nothing, but at the same time I feel like my whole of my 20s was wasted with no enjoyment, no career gain, and no education. Moral of the story, try not to just give up on life. If things get too much you can take a break, but it can also be way too easy to just not do anything ever.
@@frishter I'm sorry to possibly dig into your wounds, so no pressure here, just genuinely wondering: are you still in college? I'm about to enter my twenties and I too feel lost; I am a freshman in college, majoring in what I thought would be my passion, but I've grown to be pretty cold about it. Still want to study it this academic year, but planning on re-discovering what I want to do in life simultaneously so the next year I can finally get into something I'm passionate about. I'll remember what you said to not to give up on life! Could you give any other advice so as to not to get stuck? I sensed from your comment that you had quite a lot of experience and I'd want to hear more of what you think about finding one's own direction. By the way, I so get you about the feeling of lack of direction during teenage years. My parents are not bad people, I just wish they could provide me with more emotional support when I needed it. Communication between me and them was basically nonexistent. Oh well, I'm not mad at them, not that it would change things for the better anyway. I just wish no teens out there would have to experience that sensation of void in their hearts. If I ever become a parent, I will not let myself leave a kid feeling stranded in such alien adult reality. It's depressing, but in a way relieving to know we're not alone in that (just look at this video's comments). So many people, all dumped to learn by themselves through suffering that could have been avoided. Many of them so wise and mindful because of hardships they went through (such as yourself). I want to believe younger generations will make better parents seeing how more mentally and emotionally aware they are. ^^
@@AHeroWith1000Names When I say college this is ages 16-18 in my country, I never went to university. Unfortunately I don't really have much advice in finding direction. I imagine most people just end up finding it so long as they just keep going. Hesitancy seems to be a significant factor in holding us back, so for people that are more hesitant, I recommend pushing yourself for stuff you see value in whether it be relationships, education, work or hobbies. Communication between me and my family also isn't high. Mostly because I didn't want to burden anyone with my feelings. Thinking about it, it's kind of silly because so long as they care, then they should want to help out and we should also value ourselves more to let others help. Though when it comes to my siblings, I'm not sure we actually know how to really communicate after they originally went their own way. One piece of advice I have (especially if you're American) is to be careful attitudes from the media and social media. There's a lot of people that seem to try and push feelings onto others and it's easy to get demoralised or feel anger. While there are pushes for tolerance, I feel like a lot of people are actually getting more intolerant to people that hold different values. Value your own opinions and don't let people pressure you to feel shame if you didn't intend harm, but also accept that others will have different values themselves. Personal insight is good for handling your emotions and understanding if you need to take action with stuff that is bothering you. Communication is vital for forming strong bonds with others and understanding each other. I think when Dr K said another time that it's beneficial to flip their introspection and extrospection around is great advice. Those that blame the world would do well to consider their impact on others and how their actions have an impact on their life. While on the other hand, those that blame themselves need to understand that not everything is on them, external factors impact us too and it's not on us to make sure everyone and everything goes smoothly and happily. I hope you got some value out of that. Basically don't be like me and constantly distract yourself away from progressing or even just enjoying life. Not everything will be smooth sailing, but generally we should still move forward. Life goes quickly when you're not expecting it, so it's best not to let pain or fear hold us back. At the same time, it's also worth making sure we don't burn out from putting too much pressure on ourselves.
This is the first time I resonate with something almost 100%. Even the people in the comments seem to be speaking as if they were narrating what I have felt/am feeling. I just want to thank you Dr. K, and everyone who leaves wonderful comments. They give me some hope that this torturous 5 year cycle will be over soon. I am actively looking for what it is I want in life, and how I am going to come to terms with dealing with my parents’ disappointment, as well as my own feeling of failure. I now know it’s something that has to happen in order to break free, but I am so so scared. I know this fear is the reason i am where I am, but it is so difficult to overcome. Wishing all the best for anyone that is in a similar situation 🙏🏽
Im 30 and been dragging out being an accountant for way too long. Have my MBA and been studying for the CPA exam knowing I will hate being a staff accountant but being stuck in the sunk cost fallacy hard. Having ADD just makes having an office job in general very difficult but I'm very invested in my identity as an accountant which makes me look smart. This was very relatable even though I feel like I'm closer to midlife crisis than early life lol
I'm 21 and I feel the same. My parents forcefully nudged me into accounting and me not knowing wtf to major in decided to do what they say. Now I'm in my 4th year with a low GPA and stuck with the same mentality as you. I just haven't been paying attention in any of my courses and feel like such a burden on my parents.
I know high school teacher who voluntarily became carpenter, and an accountant who's plumber. I say they are happier and likely making even more money.
I worked retail until 25. It was shit pay and I knew I didn't want to be a manager which would have been more money but I would hate my life. I felt similar to this guy at one point. Life is a complete trip. At 26 I worked nights and did a year of prerequisite biochemistry, psychology and Biology. I really enjoyed Nutrition Science so I did an undergraduate and achieved a first class degree. Unfortunately unless you go into research there isn't a job in the nutrition field. I stumbled across clinical nutrition and dietetics (to be a registered dietitian). I'm now 31, in a pre reg masters program and completed the first year. One year away from being a health care professional (registered dietitian) and earning an okay living and a good pension. I know it's not the highest paid job but it requires a good level of scientific understanding and critical thinking along with helping individuals. My advice to anyone wanting to do anything else is go for it! It's never too late.
In the end, no one's really going to care what age you went to college. Let's say someone finished college at 21 and I finished 10 years later. When we're both 40 years old, shit like that seems so distant and pointless. If people still hold on to that fact, they probably have some mental issues that need to be worked out.
Yeah, I'm sort of in a gray area. I love the field that I'm in but it's school in general is just... annoying and demotivating. I have one class that I enjoy where I feel like I really enjoy but then the rest of the days I'm bleh about it. Just like the OP in that post, I'm 25, nearly straight A's in high school, I actually flunked college the first time, passed community college with nearly straight A's again and now back trying to get a Bachelor's. It doesn't help as well that I might have ADHD but no way of actually knowing until I get diagnosed which my family doesn't even believe in. I'm just bleh and trying to pass at this point.
Im in a similar boat. LOVE programming class, but i have failed the required math every single semester i tried to take it since high school. DEFINITELY talk to a doctor and get a diagnosis, even without medication (yet), my adult life has gotten so much better after thinking consciously about my adhd and reading about strategies to deal with it. I recommend the channel “how to adhd”, it helped me personally.
@@PokeNebula yeah, I don't mind programming. I just lose interest on classes very quickly ever since I went to college. I'm almost forcing myself to go
Haven't even watched the video but the title hit home a lot. I've been in college for the last 5 years trying to get my bachelor's in computer science and it's been a struggle. Loss of friends, grades dropping because of simple mistakes on my part, lost my love of programming and game developing, messy periods where my medications messed me up more than anything, it's been so demoralizing. Just wish I could go back and fix my mistakes
I can relate to this guy, i was talented at math so picking an engineering major was a no brainer for me, while i did manage to bring myself to tolerate physics, math on the other hand i fucking despised to the point where showing me a mathematical problem or equation triggers some sort of depression mood inside of me, i ended up graduating but it took an extreme toll on my physical and mental health i also lost all of my friends in the process and the worst part is that im not even sure that i even want to work in engineering anymore, im not going to say follow your passion but dont ever try to force yourself to do what you hate no matter how good it is, nothing is easy but you also should chose challenges that you can tolerate.
I'm 33. Graduated despite a burnout at the age of 31. It was chemical/ process engineering. I loved the subject, yet I happily work now back in retail because I've done it since 17yo. That being said, I've had to work through the burnout by myself but these videos have helped me tremendously as well as my density in my head. Yes, I'm really dense. But from that I've found that no one really gives a fuck about what you do, unless you're happy. At 21 I started a degree in media engineering but quit that, tried retail, got alcoholic and homeless, driveled back home to pay off my debts, re-learned my high school faves and got back to college under process engineering. But I'm so much a people person that lab work and factory design and such as a work don't entice me, and due to having no experience in the field, I haven't had a single opportunity or even a interview for any kind of engineering job.
I relate to this so much. I got severely burnt out and depressed in my fifth semester studying sociology. Instead of taking the time to think carefully about what I want to do instead, I switched to psychology, tried that for a year, and then switched back to sociology at a different university because I thought it might be easier for me there. I really should have taken the time to try out some other things and take care of my mental health instead of making panicked decisions, but I was too socially anxious to apply to internships and all of this happened during the Corona crisis, which made everything even more difficult. I am suffering from depression now and will focus on recovering my health first, but I am incredibly afraid of the time after that. I have very low confidence and feel like a failure. I really hope I can get out of this situation and come out stronger on the other side.
Finish the degree and then go for computer science. I left college the first time with a Degree in journalism, a minor in writing, AND NO JOB SKILLS. I then went on to get a technical degree (which is much easier when you have a bunch of electives already banked from your first degree) and finished in 2.5 years. Had a job before graduation and ended up with a 3.8 GPA (my first degree my GPA was below 2.5). Don't give up... grow up.
I had an early life crisis where I was stuck working a dead end job (that I DID actually like, at the time), skipped college because I hated school, and hit a point where I decided I wanted to figure out what to do with myself. I drove long haul truck for a bit, went through the police academy, and eventually ended up going to school for programming, but ended up as an IT Security professional (which I LOVE! It's so much fun) And I cherish ALL of the false starts. The police academy provided a ton of value in giving my confidence and helping round out my character. Long haul trucking was even a good experience to have. I had a very brief and failed marriage that taught me a TON about relationships, and helped shape me to be the kind of man I needed to be to be with my current amazing and smokin' hot wife. My early life crisis helped shape the awesome life I am now currently living =)
k, this changes lives. For years in mmo games I'd create a guild. Each time the name was Honesty. I though it sounded right, powerful, that I carried a message. You're helping me undestand why I resonate that strongly with the word. And realize that I need to practise it more in my own life.
I had a similar experience at 23, but I ended up spending the next 3 years trying to finish my accounting degree because I didn't gravitate towards anything else. I ended up spending 2 years looking for work in my field; once I actually got a job, I was about 5 years behind most people in my class that were seniors and had their CPA. Going through CPA now, I'm definitely feeling miserable about things, and I'm worried that if I quit, I'll be let go in the near future and distance myself from other students in the program. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others or try to follow the crowd. OP is very fortunate to be in this position, it's not healthy to suppress your genuine feelings if things aren't working out.
i wasted my 18-19, being depresed, locked myself in the room since pandemic, literally doing nothing, just smoking weed all day, every single day, no job, no studying. Now I'm 20 feel very regret and can't stop thinking about the past
Just got out of high school already in the middle of an "early life crisis ", lol. I was studying not because I wanted to but because I was told to, it's been the most awful, mind numbing, soulless and drab experience I've ever had over the course of a few years. And I believe that is changing, least I hope so, hopefully the reason I see now see now about what I want to do will guide me.
Unfortunately for me, and I would imagine many others, the pressure of the student loans that I took on to go down the path I took limits my ability to explore other career options. I can't exactly just jump ship and expect to be able to pay the bills at the end of the month.
To be fair, he is arguing to mind your feelings and goals as to not continue down a path you dislike for too long. If more people could realize this, they could maybe get out before they have a lot of debt. Honestly its never too late to get out of something you hate, but of course its going to be work to get out of the financial burden of loans.
I went from nursing to IT to now studying how to make immersive experiences in VR and AR. I finally found something I like and something I can actually be good at and i'm 30 now. I did have to go through a burnout, but it's turning out fine now :D
I remeber having this exact conversation with my sister. She just started uni in a finance major and wants to switch immediately to a mathematics degree. And I *know* that if she does that she'll end up wanting to switch after a year right after trying that. I'll definately send her this video it's really practical.
the best advice dr. K has given me is that with ADHD, we need a dynamic life and to be juggling as many tasks at once while dropping none of them i started failing my last semester of school after basically finishing every class in my astrophysics major but had to take dumb classes like social sciences, i thought it was just the pandemic making me really messed up mentally and i have to go easy on myself and take like 3; then 1, then 0. the less i took, the more my mind went on tangential trajectories through thought loops and worsening adhd overall. the less i did, the more energy it would take to be able to accomplish any task. if i worked 8 hours straight on homework, i'd find out that i did the same problem 20 times and it wasn't even my hw problem it was just something i wanted to figure out and was relevent, like obsessively re-constructing the raising and lowering of the levi civita tensors index operations because i came up with a way thats more elegant BECAUSE the problem i was working on had a cross product in it. also it wasn't even the problem i was supposed to be working on to begin with, and i wasn't even able to do that without ending up doing the levi civita thing. i'd be convinced that i need to work on the actual problem but cant stop, then realize that if i were to go to that problem id see the cross product and end up back in that loop, because doing the problem with a cross product was itself a loop i was stuck inbecause it was a problem from a class i actually completed. if i conquered the ocd from doing the dumb levi civita thing and actually worked on the cross product thing, i'd have put all of this effort in ending up still stuck in a loop that puts me in another nested loop i'd scream at myself to not do that but within a minute i'm already doing it again and cant figure out how to win against it, because no matter what i would start working on, i'd just fall into this stable equillibrium thats somehow working on the same problem from years ago after finding dr. K, i realized that trying to fix my declining cognitive functions in order to be capable of completing a task was a itself one thought loop using the analogy, I was putting all of my effort into fixing myself with the army that i would normally use executive function with and actively work on a task, to fight the irrational army that obsesses and invents thought loops and has to derive the levi civita tensor because it will sate some irrational compulsion but i can make it pretty - none of it was ever going into actually doing the task but fighting to do the task. eventually logic and reason gets exhausted and theres no fuel to fight the irrational army and its the last one standing so i'd become exhausted and work so hard, OCD caused me to spend literally every moment of the day, preparing to study but not being able to stop cleaning and organize my house - by the time i was down to 1 class, i would be under my bed with a flashlight sweeping dust that just collected because it's been a few minutes then by the time i was down to 0, it was because i was unable to stop cleaning to turn in a hw assignment that i had already done and gotten a 100 on in the previous semester; the case being that i had to drop the same classes over and over again ). along with not even being able to hold a pencil well anymore - so i couldn't even draw anymore. i couldnt stop dropping things, i'd drop my pencil and try to pick it up to drop it on the way up, 4 times in a row and just question how these things could be happening. and i would just laugh at the ridiculousness of how i'm going to somehow be able to get a job or finish school when i cant even pick up or hold an object it took 4 months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist; after 15 minutes of asking me about my gpa in highschool and crap, he didn't tell me anything, i was just questioned and never even got a chance to explain whats happening to me. it was my last hope and it ended up being 15 minutes that made me cry for days ive overcome suicidal depression and anxiety which debilitated me until i was 23. i wanted to die so badly, that my panic attacks (which were so bad that when they came on would feel like im about to have a seizure) that made me feel like i was dying made me feel so happy because the intensity of it made me believe it had to be a serious neurological illness, i would become excited and lay down and hope it just doesn't stop getting worse. my panic attacks actually became forced meditation because there would be a point during the peak where the intensity became such that it canceled any ability to have a thought , so i would have to lay there paralyzed as i felt like every cell in my body was going to explode and implode at the same time, and i'd be at peace and feel happy, but if i actually feel happy while im feeling crushed to death, then theres someone in me that can be happy during anything. i was forced to experience peace, i started to not really want to die anymore because it was no longer the only possible way i could be at peace. my anxiety went away when it stopped scaring me, then i knew it was anxiety and i realized the power of my mind. I just learned this by reflection after the additional tools dr. K has given me, up until i typed this i thought it was just that my anxiety stopped scaring me and went away, and took my depression with it but now i understand during every one of those panic attacks, my anxiety and depression were being killed because i was in a state without thought and only conscience, i just learned that i solved a problem with meditation before, i just never knew it
for me to have been able to overcome that but be standing absolutely no chance against whatever was happening to me now and losing at such an accelerating rate, even my autoimmune problems were becoming physically debilitating. i couldnt even walk, i started school when i was 26, i have to take care of my mom and she just had heart surgery; we dont have any financial security, we have no money and during all of this, im not even going to get either of the 2 degrees i majored in (phyiscs+astrophysics) that just need a few classes left. the debt that i gained taking loans out to live during the pandemic and having to drop and retake the same classes that costed thousands of dollars each. now i cant possibly imagine my future not being on the streets, now i was scared i started to believe it was my tolerance to adderall and i felt hopeless because i cant even sleep without having to rock myself back and forth without adderall (since i was a child), or even sit in a chair, i thought i was becoming allergic to it because i broke out in rashes but if i dont take it i'm going to be homeless, i actually didn't even suppress it, i grieved the loss of myself, but i wasn't sad. i think something i learned from my panic attacks and meditation they induced has kept me somehow happy throughout all of this but i have been suffering, but not anymore after a week of just no-longer fighting my ocd and trying to fix myself yet continuing to take adderall, i already started to feel better. at first, everything i tried to do would end up in a loop, and to not do anything, and i didn't. i couldn't anyway so there wasnt any loss, infact it became peaceful i realized it wasn't giving up, it was the solution the whole time after like 3 weeks i suddenly realized when i was eating a banana that it was the best thing ive ever tasted, i havent tasted food in such a long time that i couldn't remember it was that enjoyable. then I was able to sleep as well as draw and play games for like 30 minutes at a time instead of 0. it slowly became better and better and i could play a game for like hours and it wouldn't feel awful. eventually i started to have to take less and less adderall and it started to actually work again and i experienced tranquility in my mind for the first time in years. if i just knew what a vata mind was, i would have realized i didn't need a single tool to solve this problem yet i brought my entire arsenal and caused massive devastation. though somewhere in that rubble are the mental barriers that society has forced me to believe apply to me even though it felt so wrong and unnatural. now I don't even know why im doing astrophysics. i just like to understand how things work but the last place someone like me would want to do that is in our academic system, i want to do so many things but out of the pool of possibilities, there were so few that remained that i felt like were actually possible careers, i only picked astrophysics because astronomy was the only class ive taken where my teacher loved teaching and studying felt like playing, not like work; so ive limited the pool for possible ways to spend the rest of my life based on a selection of which experience of school i hated the least - believing this will be my best chance at happiness. why would i ever accept spending my life doing one thing in the one setting that can make understanding the universe feel like bureaucracy. i think i just wanted to be a teacher so i could help everyone who thinks they are too dumb to understand something like math and physics by teaching them how simple it really is if its just explained differently, and not textbook
im realizing what i what i really want to do is help people because its not fair how many people believe they are stupid and cant do difficult things, when im witness to myself being able to do it after my dark beginning. when i reflect on my time at school, i realized i spent most of it trying to help students who were struggling and believed they were stupid, and actually only spent a small fraction of that time actually studying. i was burning myself out because i was fighting against the academic system as it was actively causing duress to my friends as they began to feel dumber and dumber as we got to more advanced mathematics. i would burn myself out trying to figure out how to make it easier for my friends to understand and convince them that im not smart. the only reason im good at it is because i have as much fun doing math as i had playing my favorite games (sc2/wow), and the reason i like it is because my desire to understand those games made me teach myself math, and when i came up with it on my own it felt like it belonged to me, and it wasn't a part of academia. if i have no problems figuring it out on my own but am not smart enough to learn it from class, then there's something wrong with class - im starting to think im finding an actual calling
this is the wildest story. im so happy ur doing better through all of this. u should copy this long post somewhere and print it so u can see it every now and then, if u think it contains the roots of ur calling
I can second the major-switching mistake. I was majoring in a science because it was something my parents had done and I went to a stem-heavy school and took tons of science classes. Even though I didn't care for it, I pushed through and did well. That is until last semester (start of my sophmore year in college), I was hit with a super difficult class that completely exposed my lack of motivation for the subject. I was extremely miserable the whole time, and barely made it through. This semester I decided maybe I should try economics since I enjoyed watching videos about microeconomics and reading books, but the classes are not at all what I had expected and are really boring for me.
My problem is I finished university doing philosophy, and now I have no idea where to go, and I’m worried I’ll never enjoy any occupation as much as I enjoyed that. I’m back stuck in my small hometown and I don’t know how to progress from here, working a minimum wage job
I don't know how helpful this will be to you, but there's a site from a university I found that explains some career paths a philosophy major can try such as: - A lawyer - A philosophy professor - Non-profit professional - Business professional - Public policy professional - Marketing professional - Financial services professional - Health Care Professional - Journalist - Paralegal
I spent 6 years in a science degree too (started out in chem, switched to bio just to finish). Fast forward 10 years, now I'm a web developer doing Shopify development. Just power through the degree and get outta there. Then you can really do what you wanna do. Don't let a degree hold you back.
What you mentioned at 5:50 about people telling you it’ll get better is so true, and absolutely infuriating. I had a solid case against my school to the extent that now a year later most of my former classmates have dropped out, when I visited school a friend of mine still remaining told me I made the right call, that they don’t even have a designated teacher. Faulty or missing equipment, staff and teachers that don’t reply for months. And yet whilst detailing all these same things to everyone my opinion was dismissed. The only person who wholeheartedly supported me was my father. This school was my childhood dream that dragged me through 4 years of depression, anxiety eating disorders and etc. The prospect of being able to enjoy my lifestyle at that school someday was my primary motivation for pulling through, the only other being the crippling pressure and me genuinely fearing that too much pressure would make me want to off myself. I’ve noticed this on topics of childbirth as well. I don’t know why it’s so prevalent, my guess is that people internally label the things they’ve either done or set their sights on doing as unequivocally good. Or perhaps it’s a conformist bias or etc, either way it’s horrible that genuine concerns are rarely met with genuine reception
An astonishingly relatable post… Happens even if you DO pursue your dream. Spent a good part of my highschool trying to be a musician with no real defined work plan… graduated from a music conservatoire with nothing but prospects for teaching because I hadn’t found my ‘drive’ or never managed to fall in love with the process and there were way too many musicians with better work ethic and connections… Ended up coasting by working at the family business instead of trying to make it as a music teacher. I complain daily, but am finally coming around to the fact that I’m putting myself in this position by not quitting. Thankfully, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel and if I play my cards right I may at least move to a job that I have some interest in… Hopefully, the change in boss and environment will help shift my perspective and build better habits and mindsets…
I'm 37 and even though the situation that brought up this conversation isn't the same as mine, I feel better about about not being accomplished because those points were brought up.. Long story short, I struggled for a period of 10 years being unemployed and having failed my first go at education because I didn't have a stable life nor did I now what I was doing. In the end though, even though I had a period of failure, things worked out for the better because where I wanted to go (Game Designer) turned into microtransaction land. I would have been miserable in the craft if I had succeeded and became a company man. Now I have a new one I love (Tech Support AA Degree) and hope when the time comes I can succeed in my passion while pursuing work I love.
To expand on Dr. K’s point even more-you can’t know how your initial ‘wrong’ choice might actually bring value to your ‘right’ choice when you eventually make it. Studying music/sound design initially has made me much more creative in every other walk of life going forward. By specializing too early, you actually lose the flexibility and versatility you gain by engaging deeply in completely disparate pursuits and skill sets. It keeps your brain young to keep challenging it in new ways and you find ways to take your ‘old’ craft and apply to your new one.
I changed careers at 32 because I felt my chosen vocation was not a good fit for me. I just turned 36 and graduated with a BS in Computer Science, I have a job in CS making twice what I did before. It's never too late.
This is honestly my favorite video of Dr. K ever. The early life crisis literally resonates with me as I am approaching 22 years of age within the next four days. This couldn’t come at a better time to really ask myself what is it that I really want to do and what decisions I have to make at this moment to start making the life I want to make. Basically I graduated from college and I have been struggling to get a single ounce of motivation to start attempting to get a job related to my degree. It has been emotionally draining to get that one job considering the numerous stories I hear from people struggling to find work and also due to finding other goals I can start pursuing that will make me more fulfilled. It took until just now to come to terms with myself that I don’t think I will be using my degree, at least not any time soon, and that it is totally okay. If what I will be doing from here on out can make me more fulfilled and alive now, why should I postpone that for the next several months to really grind it out in getting that unfulfilling job even with the help of a mentor?
To have the courage to be honest despite your opposing thoughts, that’s some hard shit. But it do feel good to get that weight off your chest and feels like you open up more to people because of it.
This is amazing, I've been dealing with the exact same thing. Had panic and anxiety attacks after I picked a CS major but never liked programming nor math. I suffered severely but told myself it'll get better once I get the degree, but I just couldnt and quit it, felt depressed for a long time and didnt know what to do with my life... Now Im trying to pursue graphic design and Im trying to aim for Visual Communications degree, I just hope things will turn for the better for me now that I pick a zone Im comfortable with and know that I've always liked. I just hope the degree's pressure wont crush me again and I'd actually stay motivated to keep going and find my balance.
Hey, this comment really stuck out to me. I have a degree in CS and have been in the field for over 2 years now. I mostly chose this for the money but have since realized I also don’t like programming or math. How has your switch panned out for you? Are you happier and more fulfilled than you were before?
Seven years in university before I finally found the courage to drop off. I found something I liked (bartending), tried to pursue it (short course and began working), decided it wasn't for me. I found something else I liked (personal training and fitness), tried to pursue it (short course and began working), decided it wasn't for me. I found something else I liked (Data Science), began studying it, decided it was worth more time, invested in a bootcamp, got a job, have been working in it for the last year. Life isn't a straight path. I may go back for a degree in the future, if I think it's worth the time and effort and I'm interested and it'll help my career. I've never regretted leaving. Sometimes you know the right thing to do, you just need the courage to do it.
One of the reasons I like the universities/colleges in most of european countries, it is almost free. Parents and students are not tied to the cost of tuition here and can try out different paths after 0,5-1years of going for one path.
I live in Europe and disagree. Sometimes people don't realize the things they like well after 2-4 years. And after that mark, it becomes seriously difficult. It was the case for me. Some school/universities here have limited places and harsh requirements making it hard to get in. People here, also can't go in blindly without having an exact idea of what they want to do or they might end up quickly unemployed.
@@JaB9999 I guess that applies to some/most jobs, but from my experience it is doable with the time you have. Sure it is not easy and you need to apply to universities in different cities but I believe that is fine. If you want something quick then apply for private institutions
@@Chris3s I disagree again. Even if it was one of my interest I can't ever apply for biology. I'm about to finish a bachelor in business with possibility to do a masters. If I go back to bio from scratch, I slowly will pave the way for unemployment. Here, an undergraduate in bio doesn't have a lot of job prospects. The rule of the thumb is to do a masters and if possible PhD. And those are intensively competitive so even if you have an undergraduate, you're not going to be accepted if you're not top of the bracket in terms of grades/references. Motivation is not going to be enough. A lot of people in France with undergraduates ended up without the possibility to do a masters because they didn't met the required criteria and are now either working jobs with low-prospects or changing careers. Last but not least, private institutions in Europe are not always state-recognized or demand too much money. Which is a huge obstacle for some.
@@hq4290 Not really, because the thing I'm doing atm isn't what I wanted to do. The only positive is that I don't have loans or debts but that's not what Dr.K's video is about
I went to college later in life, got a Chem Tech diploma, hated it, covid hit and no jobs, ended up working in Long Term Care as a screener/recreation worker, discovered I want to be a nurse, now pursuing it. Never in my life I thought I would enjoy this field. I avoided the idea because I didn't see it as me. I didn't see myself in the same career field as my own mother. I never thought I'd go back to school at 28, and school sucks, but I am always excited for the end goal now. I know school is dull, I have done it before already now. My chem also helps remove classes and gives me opportunities. Never used chem to work, but it still ended up benefiting me.
Man I was depressed about this very same shit when I was still in high-school. Life isn't about being happy all the time though, find something you're good at and use it to your advantage. It may not be fun or fulfilling but it will support you better than a parent can, as they will not always be around.
I don't know if anyone else had the same thought but material in college is distributed in such a way that it is easy to got through first 2-3 years even if you are not interest in the subject and then hits you with hard stuff. It helps build up this sunk cost fallacy of "I wasted time if I quit now".
I went through this entire same dilemma, but I did 8.5 years towards an undergrad in computer science. I really don't think its gonna get any better putting yourself into this environment and career of ego. I wouldn't really say I regret anything, things just never really turned out for the better. I think soul searching in solo travel will put your life into perspective and help you figure out what matters to you. In a way I find that going to Japan became a gift and a curse since it has become such a part of my life now.
Damm i had the same i went to a semester abroad to korea and enjoyed it but still had to study, went on a solo trip to japan at the end and it felt as such as a relief.
i was depresed af at 25, started my 4th attempt at a degree the same year. thought nothing will ever work out or make me happy. now 3,5 years later I have my degree and I love my job. Life is great, greater than it's ever been, even better than childhood. Not giving up is worth it.
Leaving this here as a reminder :)
How do you get the job ? I'm 20 and struggle how to find a job in the future because i have zero training and probably will clumsy in my job. And i imagine i will got fired in my early job.
@@B__SYAHRULMUBAROK Everybody gets nervous at a new job. It's normal. Everybody is clumsy at a new job, this is also normal. Honestly as long as you show a good work attitude and actually try your best, people will generally like you. Getting fired isn't the end of the world, just try again. You are worrying so much that you are turning a small possibility into a big problem that is preventing you from having a job. The only solution is to try. The more you practice the better you will feel. If you get fired, try again.
@@fangirl7914 thank you, i will try to work on it. This worry is hard to get rid of but i want to get better
inspirational :D
After I finished my music degree, I didn't know wtf to do, so I studied and worked in accounting. Oof. Everyone told me it was a good idea, but it was so dry and I missed doing music.
I was going to end up miserable after 10, 15 years doing accounting, mourning my wasted potential in music. I’m so glad I eventually got fired from my finance role, re-evaluated my life and started this channel with my best friend at the age of 24. I wish I’d gone straight into a PhD in music after undergrad like him, but I guess we got here in the end. I couldn’t be happier in my career than I am right now. That switch back to music was a bit like restarting my life.
It was an absolute risk to jump into freelance music with no guarantee of success, but I put 100% effort in and by some miracle, it worked.
Sometimes it’s worth listening to your heart.
You're a legend, sir.
So cool to see you here and your take on it. It's very insightful coming from a very successful musician here on youtube. Thanks!
Studied X --do--> work in X
Studied music --do--> work in the music industry
I don't know why you didn't start working in music market right away after your graduation.
this is so inspiring to me, im a musician too and i want to make sure i do something with it
At least you can do something with your passion boss
As someone who quit, quitting isn't the solution to all your mental health issues honestly. It's a relief but you still have to realise things arent easy just because it's something you love, you'll face troubles and hardships, especially if you already have shame, guilt, low self worth. Those don't disappear, you have to work with yourself and get help.
Also let me just quote Min Yoongi: Giving up decisively also counts as courage.
I appreciate the foresight you’re giving through your lived experience, but it comes across as discouraging to me. Something about it makes it seem like it won’t get better on the other side either, which I don’t think is true. It’s certainly not a solution to all mental health problems someone may be facing, but it’s a step in the right direction of self discovery and growth which is imperative for moving forward and living a fulfilling life. I think that’s the more important message that Dr K is trying to convey to the audience.
@@DropIt56 exactly
@@DropIt56 It's not a discouragement on my part, it's more of a forewarning, like look you will face issues and it doesn't mean you made a mistake or chose the wrong path, be prepared for it, work on yourself..
All the doubts, regrets, feelings of failure, depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome they need work, they will definitely show up. I personally had to face issues with admission, parents, money, opinions of people.. It does get better in the end, it feels like you conquered something big
The Min yoongi quote💯💯💯
@@DropIt56 The key to conquer depression is to come to terms with the unfairness, absurdity of life. It’s so comforting.
This is a post I would have wrote a year ago. I chose a major for stability. Four years in and it was clear that I was going to dropout after wasting parents money and time. At some point I was praying that a drunk driver would hit me as I crossed the street to class. Then my teacher gave us all a lesson on sunk costs. Changed my perspective and major and never been happier. I’ll tell you what he told me “one day your parents will be gone, and you’ll only have yourself to please.”
Edit: LMAO my most liked comment ever is when I talk about playing in traffic.
Lmao that's a dark perspective but true
Wow, I thought I was the only one thinking that thing on crosswalks.
@@raresmocanu1743 you are not the only one. Around 2 years ago I was returning home after a hard day at college, the subway station was closed because a student killed himself about 5min before I arrived. I saw that two times that year. (sorry, as you can see, my english is not very good). This was in Mexico and it is very common to see people killing themselves every day by jumping onto the train tracks or infront of the train while it is going. Nearly every day I think about doing the same thing since I feel the same as the anon.
Dude, what the fuck, are you me? You've described my experience precisely, down to the drunken driver fantasy and a sunk cost fallacy lesson. This is creepy.
Except I also had an epiphany while high on acid that helped me with letting go.
Jesus, I have that same accident ideation....
After going to college, you see this everywhere and in so many people. I’d say the majority of people in college feel exactly like this guy. A genuine societal problem that is pushed on people across the world. So frustrating, so sad.
He doesn't need to change majors to work in software. He can either go to a Coding bootcamp or internship.
@@kevinclass2010 Easier said than done. I'm 29 and I don't like the industry where I work (supply chain), but I don't want to start from scratch. Making less than 50% of my current salary and no benefits.
Age 24 isn't that late.
@@kevinclass2010 Boot camps are a scam. I'd say that if you are the self taught learner, you'd know -- otherwise a foundation and security of a degree helps your mental state. I've worked in industry as an security engineer with a masters degree in info sec...It's a weird thing because I want to give people the right advice, but that's the best way to describe it. If you were that person, you'd know. If you can find what you need, execute it properly, grind hard, maybe you will find yourself in a good job...but you will get beat out by people (unfortunately) with degrees, sometimes HR reasons otherwise technical reasons. I sort of equate it to people who know how something works versus people who can make something work. Can you succeed with the second option? of course, can you laterally move to other positions, rank up quickly, or find a job after a job-loss as easy? I'd argue no, but that's just what I've seen.
As it relates to the video, my advice would be, finish out the degree.. you hate it, but you have it. Transition into a tech job if you fit into the self learner title I explained, if you cannot do that, a 2 year degree at a community college while you work an entry level tech job will help. These jobs pay a livable wage, at least where I am from. Then you can see if you can pull it off with an associates degree to get you in the door there. They'll see you completed a bachelors and accomplished that in an unrelated field, and you obtained 'something' in the field and hire you. Thats the best route in my opinion. Not a 10,000$ bootcamp rushing concepts in like 2 weeks.
@@zeliph 29 isn't late either. Frankly, at any age (considering that one is of able-body/mind), recognizing that you aren't happy is the catalyst to a potential better life.
Our brain naturally gravitates toward the path of least resistance, and each passing day re-enforces the same comfortable sequences we originally created ourselves and became accustomed to.
Whenever we tell ourselves 'it's too late', 'I'm too old for', we are using nonsensical dogma to enforce our false perceptions leading to us to resume the path of least resistance.
However, our rational side will claw at us knowing we CAN do what we want. It's just that we need to educate ourselves on the correct steps we need to get to that position.
The first step is to start with ourselves, and how we think.
@@Uedukai I am 43 starting grad school, 29 is really young.
People have to understand that being forced into university isn't a choice. When living under a parent's/guardian's roof, constantly having to listen to depreciating thoughts about your lack of self-worth and future careers really destroys you mentally and emotionally. Most people have to endure this abuse for a good decade or two and it can destroy any dreams and motivations.
Be kind to those who seem "lazy" and "under-achieving" on the outside. You don't know what kind of mental torture they go through with their "families."
Good that I live in a country, or at least a region of, where university isn't a must-do. It's just something someone can do, but doesn't has to do.
Though, I would like to. Either languages or Video Game Design and Development.
Or writing.
Yeah. My mom just told me how worthless I am for not getting a job and I'm 25.
Just a month ago I did get an offer for a job but my parents kept refusing me from joining because that's lower than what they deem worthy of my Masters.
I feel like a puppet. I'm so tired of living.
@@aneevrian6557 Take offers, even if they say no. They aren't you, you are 25! You are your own adult person. You don't need their allowance.
And even if it is a low paying job, better than no job. And it's not like you can switch jobs or that you may earn more after a while.
Then you have my Asian dad who said that he would kill himself if I didn't go to college 🤣
@@aneevrian6557 The only solution is to save up for a place of your own. If they also own the car you use or any other possessions (Computer, furniture, etc) just keep working and save up. You'll feel much more free. I'm sure your parents are decent people who mean well but that sort of parent child dynamic is just toxic past a certain age. Sometimes our own parents are the biggest obstacles in realizing our true potential.
What a horrible system if someone can not only waste years of their life but also tens of thousands of dollars just from a mistake/uncertainty. Yikes.
I think we as a society lack a lot of maturity. We pressure ourselves to get a degree for the sake of appearances when it may not even make us happy. There's a certain level of accountability that's needed here.
@Jake Klar I absolutely disagree
@Jake Klar Too often do people shut out the avenue of the trades, whether its working for a company or being a journeyman sole-proprietor. Its hard work but it can be rewarding, and the education to get there is either incredibly cheap or hands-on training with pay. I also disagree with the notion that people dont go and get a degree for appearances sake, plenty of PhDs out there that would be better off financially if they didnt go the whole nine yards.
@Jake Klar People would rather make 50k in a suit by a desk than a 100k in a blue collar or high vis vest. Nothing wrong with neither but the debt on the one end. And that is an argument of status/looks, even at the lower levels of higher academic achievement, if I've worded my point correctly. It can be uncomfortable depending on what you're doing but you'd be surprised how worth it can be, plumbing and electrical work especially. Passion is a barrier to a lot of things and oddly enough Jane Eyre taught me that one. You think people in plumbing/electrical work are "passionate" about what they do? For most its a job that they excel at. Sometimes in life you have to shift the window; your job should give you the money and time to spend the rest of your time doing what your passionate at. People trying to find love in work will only find pain. The love/passion people have in their craft is like a late-stage marriage kind of love: youve been with them a long time, you got into it kind of lost, but the work has grown on you and become a second language. Trying to find that when you dont have a career or in the early phases of one aint it. I apologize if the wording is messed up its late here
@Jake Klar You shut the door too quickly amigo. Was the same way and electrician shit is good living
Honestly shocked to see that people exactly my age are going through the same thing. I've been suffering in silence for the longest time, currently age 24. I feel like I am on the turning point of continuing down a destructive path or actually doing something about my problems, I just don't think I have the strength for it.
Hi, same here (age 23, but that's the only difference). I've been struggling for so long, but I think it's never gonna be too late. You can do something today, tomorrow, next year. Just keep feeling this and don't let go of it, even when it hurts so bad you can't even function. One day we'll find the strength. We just need to keep reminding ourselves that we are not happy and that we can do something about it. Maybe today we won't, but we can.
It's tough, but your suffering is your mind telling you something is wrong. Don't be afraid to face your fears. You still have so much life to live, don't be afraid of deciding now where you want to be in 5 or 10 years.
Trust yourself if you feel something is wrong. Waiting to act on it, or at least understand what is wrong, will only build that problem over time.
I hope this helps. Writing it helped me
@@Vargrad I think it's ok if you only cry when talking to someone. Maybe try journaling? It's like talking to someone but you can be even more crude and sincere. You can burn the pages after writing them, or hide them somewhere no one can see. It's also a fantastic way to see how far you've come, once some time passes and you read them again.
I was at the EXACT same spot at 24. I decided to do something about it. Its been a year in and I am happy to share that things can get better. Its sound like a cheap truism, but it is not. Its just the simple hard truth that life can be better and there is always opportunity to heal.
Doctor K made an important point in this video and it might have been lost amognst all the other wisdom drops he has just made. Being happy and healthy is the baseline for your body and mind. Its the default point it wants to return to and it will, if we just remove the things standing in its way.
I can wholeheartedly atest to the truth of this statement. You will be amazed at your opportunity to heal and get better. It far transcends your (or mine) depressed, anxious little mind.
I thought I'd wasted 5 years in community college. I nearly flunked out from failing a remedial math course (which I eventually passed), and nothing interested me academically except for a geology elective I took. I thought I wanted to pursue a trade instead, until I tried out the geology program at a public university, and it turned out to be the best decision I've made as an adult. I graduate this december and if things work out I'll graduate with honors. Don't be afraid to try a new direction in life if the current one sucks. Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy and remain miserable.
The only class that intrigued me was geology at community college. I withdrew 3 years ago with 60 credits that would have transferred to the state university, so halfway to a Bachelor's. I have never felt more lost. I am terrified to go back. I have had to actively avoid the subject with family due to scrutiny and their high expectations. I considered returning to pursue geology/oceanography.
I am behind all of my peers and they are ahead of me in every category and now have full time jobs and families. I miss high school, I had structure and was successful generally even if I wasn't that social. My mental health is deteriorating and I've never been to a therapist out of fear. I also have never had more than a summer job, I am ashamed of myself and don't drive. I have no confidence or goals. I play games and watch shows all day.
@@dawn-blade I feel ya. Everything you described here pretty much sums me up to a T. Although you have more credits than me I come to this YT channel seeking guidance or at the very least reassurance to help rationalize my early life crisis that I'm just figuring more out about.
Although I will say I think I am also in need of a therapist but am apprehensive about which one and mulling over in my head, "what if it's the wrong one." For me and my demons i just know I need to start somewhere. And soon. Winter is coming and like many others my health suffers in the winter. For my own sake and mental health stuff even if on my good days I don't think I need to talk to a therapist today.
Winter also means more holiday encounters with the family and more bobbing and weaving in the fight to avoid the dreaded, "what have you been up to lately" convos. Although, as someone who isn't doing the greatest, I do appreciate more growing up seeing my family when I can. I think I watch shows and YT more (aside from game stuff) is to uplift myself a bit knowing others; content creators like Dr K. and the like are doing alright now helping others.
I like to see my family more often now. If anything to know that they're doing okay even I, myself am not. And that's alright for now at least.
Sadly I felt for it and continued to pursue a worthless english degree (before I had even known what a sunk cost fallacy was) despite feeling it was a complete waste of time. I wish I had had the courage to give up and switched to another field before it was too late.
@@leonas9843 true. Worse yet my excuse for keeping on to continue was to make the family gatherings less awkward for my introverted ass lol. Everyone had something to talk about in their growth into becoming more of an adult. I finally had something too with school. But for the wrong reasons in fear of my pride being fractured even moreso.
I always found some of the best conversations I've had were from doing a group activity together anyway. With family or with friends. At that point, the facade fades away. And then I'm actually more enjoying my time with whoever as a person. As an individual.
Hope that helps in some way. Makes the family stuff less tedious. Though nothing worse feeling more lonely and confused in a crowded place than by oneself alone, I suppose.
A joyful soul heals quicker than a pill. But an unhappy or sad soul can kill quicker than a germ.
@@dawn-blade dude. it is exactly the same for me right now, but we are gonna go through that stage. well, at least that's what I am hoping for.
I dropped out of college my senior year with about 30 credits remaining. Didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. Ended up returning a year later and finishing my degree (Psychology) but did not want to pursue Grad school and there weren't many career options with just a BA. Worked odd jobs for the next 5 years and eventually decided on going back to school at age 28 for a CS associate's degree. Now a couple years later I'm a software engineer and happier than I ever have been. Never too late to do what you want to do folks. Nothing is a waste if you end up happy anyway.
I dropped out senior year with 20 credits left for Psychology. Now, 7 years later I'm returning for a CS degree. Our paths are similar but I'm taking way longer than you to figure it out lmao. I battle with "too late" feelings every single day at the ripe old age of 34.
@@philj8205 I'm only 19 and your comment genuinely inspires me! I'm still indecisive about my future and sometimes I fear it's all getting set in stone with getting a degree now and to work in that one field
till death.
Seeing you more experienced folks get on new opportunities in your life makes my soul spark with hope that adult life doesn't have to become one routine for the rest of life.
I want to believe it's never late for changes in life, and your words seriously encourage me!
Stay strong and awesome, Phil J! :)
Are you doing remote jobs?
Thanks for your lil' experience. Im just 27 right now and I guess I'm where you were at that age. To be honest I wanted to wait to start my new path once the pandemic situation improved and that time is now :)
How did you figure out what you wanted?
I’m 27 now. I’m SO glad I didn’t go to university when all my friends did. I didn’t have a clue what I wanted to do. I ended up starting my own business kind of on accident and I work for myself, with a flexible schedule and I love it. I felt like a failure at the time but things turned out so much better.
I ended up dropping out in the firet term of university this year to go into a trade. I hope to work for myself one day too!
Hey, how did you go about starting a business?
You smashed it
@@NinTheLost her lack of response is telling. she isnt saying the whole story here - as do most people who "work for themselves." i actually did work for myself - but i was a contractor in iraq and still answered to a boss.
@@alexanderredhorse1297 I mean, of course you still have clients when you are self-employed. It's also a lot more difficult than working regular hours. However, that doesn't mean it can't be the right thing for her. I wouldn't assume she's hiding something just because she doesn't care to reply to comments. It makes sense to shut off notifications for a busy person.
I was the same as this guy. Spent 6 years in college, changing majors, trying to find one I like. I would fail my classes over and over again because I wasn't interested in the major to study it. My grades would just make me less motivated to study, creating a vicious cycle. I developed depression and a massive guilt in my stomach that lasted for a year, until I finally started taking mood stabilizers, so I would stop crying every week in my room. Eventually I accepted I wasn't going to finish college and get my degree. But I still didn't have the courage to quit. How was I going to explain to my dad that I wasted so much of his money on tuition for years ? I wanted to quit, but I had no plan B. I had no job, no career prospects, nothing. So I continued on for another year. Until the pandemic hit and we moved to online classes. I used this as an excuse to take a semester off (at the time, we thought it wouldn't last long) until classes in person were back. And I've never came back. I'm so much happier today. I even found a job as a video editor. And now I'm studying computer programming at home so I can become a software developer. I actually decided to study something for once, instead of being told what to do, or being pressured by society or my family. I still have a long way to go and I'm improving everyday. But god, it felt so good to quit college.
Thank you for your story! I hope you are still enjoying life! Did you continue your path in programming or are you settling on video editing for now?
The last 3 videos, excluding the “why we don’t pick your redit posts” one, have literally felt tailor made for me. I’m asking myself all these questions and dr K is really helping set my focus on how best to get the answers from myself. So thanks.
Yeah, this channel is truly a godsend
he realized that people have been saying this over and over again, thus he wanted to make the Dr.K guide, because we as a generation have so many problems in common
I agree. These last videos were of great interest.
Found this channel a month ago and my mental health is improving since. Its sooo better than the bs therapy i got before.
I wasted five years of my life trying to get over a girl that never reciprocated. I tried suicide, dealt with depression, read multiple articles about self-confidence, relationships and nature. None of them helped.
Only when I started hiking, taking care of myself and being a little bit selfish did I start to turn things around.
I’m often afraid to be selfish. The only thing making me want to push for that at this point is seeing my ex of two years get pregnant with the guy she literally just met 4 months ago. It took 8 months for us to even have sex, she got pregnant with this new guy in 4 months. Brahhh that’s insane to me. I dodged a bullet, but if she’s comfortable with this guy enough for that maybe I wasn’t good enough.
This is me bullshitting myself. Comparing. “Oh he must have it all if she feels comfortable to abandon her life for herself and she wants him to take care of her and her kid and I never could, I was broke and homeless blah blah blah”.
So I’ll take her selfishness as inspiration to be selfish for myself. I’ve always been afraid to be selfish but I no longer will. I WILL RUN MY LIFE.
Keep forging on, bro, I’ll follow your example. Ski trip this year is going to mark that as my christening moment, I’ve yet to have one, and I feel I deserve it. I’ll do what I deserve for myself
Being selfish sometimes is underrated. It's great to think about yourself first.
Dude, being selfish, or self focused, was the key to me getting rid of depression too. It stopped me from thinking about what everybody else was thinking about me, or doing "better" with their life.
That selfish part is REALLY hard to do
I think so many guys are in a position where they don't realise a gf isn't going to fix their mental problems nor do the emotional labour for them. I'm really sorry you felt so bad for many years and very happy you managed to find selfcare and things that worked for you and then actually put in the work, you earned it man
God damn. At 24, trying to switch majors and i've been feeling like crap thinking I'm not done with college yet while everyone seems to already have their careers set in place. This hits too hard.
It's a common thing, but it doesn't feel like it - I can relate. Additionally, there are those that get a degree, discover that the jobs aren't what they thought they were, but they do them anyway because they think it's too late to revise and start again and feel like they need to keep up with the pack. The societal cookie cutter one sized fits all model of life causes so many distress and leads to bad decisions. I'm in a similar situation at around your age, and it does suck. Regardless of how long and hard I search for what could be a good fit for me, I just can't find "it". I don't have massive expectations, I just want a job that I at least don't mind doing where the pay isn't shit. My expectations have become gradually lower and lower the more futile my efforts seem to appear. But, logically I know they aren't futile and it's easy to catastrophize. I like to think that everyone has their own process that they follow, and some get to certain stages earlier than others, but each at their *own* time.
Learn at your pace
Same boat
I’m in the exact same boat myself. This video hit really close to home. Best of luck and hopefully things’ll work out for us.
"Carreers" are overrated anyway. Relax
It's posts like these that make me so glad I didn't go back to college until my early 20s, because I found an interest and passion for programming and decided to get a degree in it.
Thank fuck I did at least one thing right.
Same here. I started college at 23, will be 26 in a few months. So glad it took me some years to decide, I would probably be very suicidal right now if I rushed into things if I was younger.
I am here, at 43 starting graduate school and I couldn’t be happier. You have your WHOLE life ahead of you.
what do you mean? 24 is basically on the door of death dont you know
@@Crimson34533 😂😂
at least someone is happy
@@duck761 Finally, after a life of chronic depression. There are ways to overcome it!
Happy to hear that you're doing good! Take care!
Huge fan of a gap years after high school.. this gives you time to be out in the world and actually figure out what you want to study, rather than picking a major/career path out of ‘logic’
I audibly cringed with ouch, that’s way too real this time, Dr K
Fr I was just thinking about the past 5 years of my life too. Dr. K has become spiritually attuned to the thoughts of gamers.
Yeah. This physically hurt to hear.
Yeah, I had really good physics and math scores in my high school final exams but university is so tough and even if I understand some things I learn, I just forget them after maximum 1 month.
@@rattled4806 did you seriously think university was about learning this stuff? By the time you’re done you know more than you think
@@classicpinball9873 what?
I also had an early life crisis, and it ended up putting me on a path that I'm extremely thankful for. It's good to question these things, and to kindly let yourself explore what you need from life. The societal standards about having to know what you wanna do at 18 is ridiculous--I've met people living inspirational lives that they didn't start until they were almost 30, 40, and sometimes 50. The best thing we can do for ourselves is to be patient, kind, and in-tune with what makes us the most fulfilled.
Preach
There should really be a program after highschool to let you taste all kinds of life and after a year or 2 you are way closer than this forced shit the system is right now, would love to help set that up
That’s what i did no need for a program you can do it on your own you just gotta take that initiative and possibly piss some people off that have expectations they shouldn’t have. :)
It used to be like that. My parents and grandparents talked about it when I was in high school. I’ve just started learning things in college my mom learned in grade six, too, apparently.
There should be, but that doesn't generate $$$ for the man
Its called taking a few years off before college. Literally anyone can do this, they just have to be willing to be 'behind' their high school friends for a bit. There is no 'system' forcing people to do anything.
@@fangirl7914 you know how many people’s parents would actually let their kids do that?
Got a degree in animation. Took an extra semester to graduate. Had a child during my final year. Life sucked for 3 years afterward, until I went back to community college for an associates in programming. Tried out for a competitive undergrad position at a company, and was somehow the most wanted candidate for 3 different offices.
Surprised Pikachu. My life completely turned around after 3 years of absolute misery and depression. I realized I valued stability and my friends and family, and that's what I switched my focus to instead of having a "cool" degree.
Yesss, I wanted to be an animator too but I don't think it'll support the life I want! (enough time w friends, family, alone, other activities)
@@angelicamarianne3453 Yup, turns out it's a toxic cesspit at best, down right dangerous at worst. There's only so many times you can watch your "dream job" turn out to be a bunch of fratboy rapist before you just give up entirely.
Throw in the expected crunch, 0 job security, and the "5 years of experience required for starting position!" and it just isn't worth it lol.
May I ask what went wrong because i quit engineering school after first year and the last 2 years i've been building up my skills to apply to an animation college. I know about the crunch and job insecurity but i dont know much else.
@@khantnyarhtun2387 The industry is so competitive that most entry levels are looking for 5+ years of experience. Not to mention studios have been collapsing (Blue Sky, for example) and so you're competing with people that have 10+ years of experience.
Throw all that together, and if you somehow DO get in, you're looking at minimum wage for an expensive degree that expects you to work yourself to death until the project is complete and then kick you to the curb.
If you somehow survive that and land a stable job, you're looking at a coinflip on toxic coworkers. And I mean drunk fratboy idiots sexually harassing coworkers level of toxic workplace.
Overall, I just found that the cost of pursuing the art wasn't worth it anymore.
So basically my dream of doing animation for a living isn't worth it?
Well fuck.
I have already had these conversations with my mom. The issue we are running into is that we have yet to find an alternative that would make me less miserable than college and also allow me to support myself financially. Every viable alternative we have tried is more miserable than college.
My parents told me growing up “You either go to school, or you work, if you don’t you’re going to starve”. This scared the shit outta me, and so did picking a major. So I didn’t. Everything teachers brought up, I could not see me doing any of them, even the ones I thought I’d like, I STILL DIDN’T like, and haven’t pursued. I felt I wasted 5 years of my life saving money at a retail job, blew all my money saved for two of those years, $25,000; and then went homeless. Dumped her, she met a new dude a month later, got pregnant with him 4 months later, felt shitty about that.
All my life feels like shit. Only way I have left, and the only way I’ll be going in life is out of the shit. Upward. Out of the shits and my life is going to be covered in shit until one day I won’t be. Same goes for all of us. Life is a race to climb out of the shit, and we’ll all be covered in it when we come out of it. Life never stops shovelling shit on us, ever, it’s life. So we’ll just have to get used to being “plumbers”
@@flavourruling2162 plumbers make good money.
Plumbers make good money
Work as a driver for FedEx or UPS?
@@flavourruling2162 that is literally life, work and plan your future career path, go straight to college and go in debt, or stay at that low paying job and end the rest of your life with low to medium pay. This is for the Lower - Middle class options. It’s just life for us, we aren’t as fortunate to be able to take leap years and stuff like that.
I’m 24 and quite a large number of people in my peer group are going through this quarter life crisis thing, including me to a certain extent. What’s interesting is that we’re all at different places: working full-time, post-grad, teaching overseas, still in uni, NEET or working in an unrelated field. And yet a majority of us feel the same need to make a change. In fact, some of us already have. I don’t think the time we spent at university or at our jobs was a waste. I think we needed to go through it all to get to this point of realising that this “conventional” path isn’t for us.
Yes, definitely. Get the "conventional" out of your system. Its a good argument against the sunk cost fallacy
This isn't me.
This isn't me.
My degree is called differently.
I read that as an Haiku and I love it
😭😭 stop
@@jean-sebastiendulong-grego2023 How though? Its 4 4 9? Are there different kinds of haiku?
@@pokehano9614 it be a joke
I’m 14 and watching this makes me feel like I’m ahead of everyone else my age because this is such valuable information, that I don’t need to waste time on a degree early in life and rather I should do what I love, because I have time and I don’t need to rush. There’s time to be able to do the things you want to do in the future, but sometimes you’re the one that has to pave the way and make time if you want to achieve something.
You are ahead of everyone now. Enjoy your life to the fullest while you’re young homie
Hey man, let me remind you to re watch these videos when you get older, a lot of what you’re hearing won’t hit right now because you’re less mature than you will be in 6 years.
It’s like when you read a book or play a game or watch a movie when you’re 12, vs consuming that same media when you’re 18. You just understand it better when you’re older.
I never cried in a movie until I was 20. I didn’t have the emotional maturity or life experience to feel the movies I’d watch before then. I used to think my parents were weird for crying at movies, but it hits me now too, although not as much. I think as I get older and more mature and experience more, that those moments in the movies will hit harder.
So come back to these videos every so often. This is life changing stuff and it can change your life more than just once.
Good luck mate, have fun.
@@usainvanrudisha1649 Okay thanks :D
@@Nadia-nt8gb also I’m sorry to have assumed your gender, I just saw your username.
Also I’m only on this video because I’m experiencing this right now. Don’t make the same mistakes myself and all these other people in the comments made!
@@usainvanrudisha1649 Lol its ok I use man and mate with my friends regardless of gender all the time so I'm fine with it c:
very grateful that OP wrote that post and Dr. K decided to talk about it. I was that person who did well in high school, forced herself to finish the major (which she also picked bc of parents' recommendation + it was what came easiest to her), worked hard in a job she hated, then went to health professional school and actually flunked out because of her mental health and self esteem (because all the difficult feelings and thoughts I held inside for YEARS would come to the forefront of my mind every time I tried to study, since I was afraid to acknowledge them and share them with my loved ones for a long time). the surprising thing is, my parents actually took my failures well. it's moreso about letting yourself embrace your truth and act upon it, especially if it's different than what you've been told or are expected. thanks for validating the early life crises of the youth. ❤️ best wishes to us all. may we stay courageous, compassionate, and contemplative.
Yeah same. I'm doing a masters now but basically I've been lying to myself for 5 years convincing myself I wanted to do CS but really, it was what my parents wanted.
My life has been on autopilot so long, I don't know how to take control back.
Wasn't gifted but I was one of those goody two shoes, did what the teachers asked, got good grades type of students. And now i'm struggling to meet deadlines, getting yelled out by supervisors for wasting their time in meetings and falling behind on material. I feel like an utter failure and its the shittiest feeling imaginable. And I was fucking suicidial in high school.
@@shermk7955 what are you focusing on in cs ?
@@TG47GRG sorry for the 2 month wait, didn't see this comment until now. It was a bit of everything, software development, front end, back end, databases, statistics, machine learning etc.
2:30
3:40
4:40 life crisis
5:40 'u'll be happy in the future' & keep going until u realise ur unhappy
6:40
7:40 a lotta soul-searching
8:35 early life crisis is a voice within u trying to guidee u
8:46 !! *you're not wasting ur life by giving up ___, you are starting to LIVE ur life*
9:10 9:20 underestimating the value of educating yourself, finding what u love,
if u cant find satisfaction in any major, u can look for satisfaction in other ways
> learning ur major wont give u fulfilment; letting go of that expectation
11:40 there's no time in our life for detours, figuring things out, we just expect ourselves to choose our careers so early, but society asks u to commit, raised awareness, realising its ok to be unhappy
13:00 early life crisis helps u realise ur unhappy, & the fact there's 5+ viewers suggests its a societal problem
13:30 😂😂 wouldve been rich & miserable,
but instead streaming in a hoodie
13:52 take the time to figure things out,
talking to ur parents
14:20 trying to figure out how to honour ur sacrifice, to repay all uve done, but it isnt in __, js wish for the time to explore (fail, learn, keep trying)
15:20 but every fibre of ur being is telling u to do smth else
recognise internally ur not willing to grieve/give up/mourn the price of what u've done,
& thus year 7, 8, 9 goes by w/ ur head in the sand pretending it's okay
if u keep ploughing forward, avoiding conflict & not accepting what's actually wrong in ur life, don't try to change/do anything abt it, pretend its ok->
age 40: mid-life crisis, even later realisation
it's challenging to confront ur fears, but u need to recognise you are *not* happy
16:40 path of knowledge: think ur way to enlightenment 😂
if u dont want to admit to urself life is on autopilot
meditation: when waiter asks how ur food is
17:15 🕴 be true: complain & compliment
in a respectful, compassionate way
17:32 'its not the best tbh', answering the Q they ask
18:58 *Recognise: when u hold smth in for the sake of ❌ disrupting peace'* so conflict avoidant, ur not happy
19:15 & so practice!
notice, what: happens within u, makes it hard to do, how is it received by other ppl,
can u vocalise what u feel internally? even if it makes ppl feel a little bad
20:00 u can be a good person: appreciating them trying to fix food for u
be honest & authentic w/ yourself & others,
& do so in a compassionate way
difficulty: mega 😰
it's the path of contemplation, not information
gained by the application of what u read
>into experiments on the self
these time stamps are a life saver thank u - someone with adhd
@@yves7746 aw no prob! wrote these so i can come back to important points myself since theres a lot going on
this is why I believe people should be in the job market for about two years after high school before they enter College, even if those are odd jobs- simply because they offer different metrics for people to evaluate themselves, their skills and worth- outside of grades.
people continue school all the way from elementary to college, nonestop. and grades are the only metric in their most formative years that they pursue. this can be extremely dehumanizing, and gives people either an inflated view of themselves as quantifiable member of society or people completely undervalue themselves because of grades.
You've not wasted time, you've just spent time learning what you don't like. This is excellent. It falls in line with another mode of thinking I have when it comes to learning skills. If I'm learning a skill, I can be sure of my failures, for every failure will teach me what not to do. And if I keep learning what not to do, that will eventually be tantamount to knowing what to do.
I chose computer science out of a hat, even after totally bombing AP comp sci in high school. Ended up doing well in college and really liking it. Just recently graduated and got an ok job in web development. Working on a game in my spare time with the hopes to eventually end up in a game development career. Feel like I definitely got lucky that I actually liked comp sci tho. Choosing what you're gonna do with your life at 18 after being given almost no decent idea of subjects in high school is absurd
Your last point is absolutely right, I was pushed up a year at an early age and ended up having to apply for University courses at 16, when all I wanted to do was go out with friends and play video games. Luckily it was a subject I always enjoyed and I'm now away to begin a Master's next month in the same course. It's ended up pretty good for me but I still feel it's a complete dice roll for people who not only may not enjoy their chosen subject, but enjoy uni whatsoever.
@@kaniza1465 As it is now I'm still learning new stuff every day so that might be part of it. I'm working in a completely new stack than what I learned in college, including language. Otherwise I just enjoy the "puzzle solving aspect" that comes with it. I know some devs completely miss out on that considering someone else designs the software and tells them exactly how to implement it, and that may be the case for me too soon as I've been contracted to a big company. At that point I think personal projects will largely keep me interested in programming, and my job will kinda just be my job
@@kaniza1465 lmao god damn. Never felt like I'm just whittling away on a keyboard. If you're not excited about the project, or don't get any sense of accomplishment from seeing it get built it out, I'm not sure what you should do. Trying to get a designer/architect role might get you away from actually having to code so much, but sounds like you really hate the software field in general if the term "full stack" annoys you lol
@@kaniza1465 If you look for the worst in something that's usually what you'll find. You don't gotta be best friends with your co workers, but if you tell yourself everyone around you is a man child, you're not doing your happiness any favors either. Most people I've met in the field have been fine, a few trying very hard to prove they're smarter than everyone, which gets old quick. I imagine that's universal in all stem fields, but idk. I myself love video games so I enjoy meeting other "addicts"
Everyone is going for Computer Science smh
people need to stop pursing things and making decisions purely out of societal expectations. take time to figure yourself out first then figure out a plan of action. too many adults pursing broken dreams and lack of passion purely out of societal standards. really sad to see
You'll be surprised to see how many people are not even aware about the concept of self discovery.
there isn't always a choice
I'd like to say that even though I dropped from the good for ego, bad for feelings college, I'm stuck in the similar situation with my girlfriend. It's our 11 month together, but I can't tell if I was fulfilled even once through that time. There were ups and downs, with amazing highs as that's what love does to you, but I think I got into a relationship with a wrong mindset. I just wanted to experience what it means to have a girlfriend and society pushed that onto me since I was little and having enough emotional problems I just couldn't find anybody, but most importantly I didn't want to. I dreamed of perfect love and getting laid, but not about finding compromises and being ok about somebody else. Also I don't want to commit, it feels forced as fuck. I need somebody who I look at like I do with my friends - lost so many of them in the past that I just know that current ones are The Ones, and if they leave that won't be on me. It's just the momentary love that makes me stay, I crave her like a drug addict craves cocaine.
So yeah. that thing is not only about the college - and I finally realize that 11 months thought me that she isn't meant to be. Or at least not now. I could've wasted my 20s committing to a wrong thing. If it feels wrong - go do something else. Much love.
@@mylegispotato so well said. choosing to do something for all the wrong reasons, no matter how good it feels, will always end up backfiring. although, they do serve as good lessons on our journey through life
When I was 24, I realized I didn’t want to be an athletic trainer a year into my career after going through a 4 year bachelors degree and licensure exam for athletic training. During this time, I worked for Senior Helpers and helped elderly people in their homes while trying to get into PT school. It was during this time that I found my love for nursing and ended up going through an accelerated BSN program at 27. By 29 I became a registered nurse and now I work on a trauma floor where I truly feel like I’m living my purpose. I also met my now serious gf at the hospital where I work at. Embrace the journey of self discovery and don’t regret anything. Everything happens for a purpose and nothing is wasted as long as you’re learning along the way.
I can't tell if the internet is a blessing or a curse. So much entertainment, yet no fulfillment. So much information, yet so much disinformation. More productivity, thus bringing human demise exponentially closer. So many things to do, so much life wasted. The internet connects us, yet I feel so alone.
I was EXACTLY in that guy’s position at the same age. Sometimes, the bravest and best thing you can do for yourself is starting over. You’ve only got one life, and no one is watching you as closely as you think. Do what you gotta do.
2016 Really did break some people huh
Oh yeah
oh lol ı dropped out then as well
I feel at home reading other people's life experience. How you homies fails and got through it all. It gave me comfort and hope. Thank you.
This one really hits close to home. I turned 27 this year and for the past 4 years, I've been stuck on my master's thesis (computer science). I just couldn't get into it, and it went terrible the whole time. I've been "depressed" about it a bunch of times, especially early on. But I decided to push through because I wanted to finish it. More than thinking that I needed to do it to get a job (I already had my bachelor's, I could easily get a job just with it alone), I wanted to finish it because I'm extremely stubborn. Even though I wanted to quit every day for the past 4 years, if I had, I would have that "defeat" looming over me for the rest of my life. And ultimately, I think that would be worse than the 4 years wasted. I still feel bad and I question my decision every day, but hopefully, I'll have it finished by the end of this year
You’ll get it done! You can do it
@@likesc00b59 Thanks, I know I will. But I've been in the final stretch so many times, but something always comes up and I end up having to change things and it just never seems to end... Hopefully, this is the final final stretch!
@@tomaspeixinho4447 I do too, man!
Have you heard about bullet journalling? I've been trying to get into it for the last 8 months but kept forgetting or not having time for it; I've finally started doing it recently and I feel like I'm slowly taking more control over my life! To each their own of course, but perhaps this or similar methods of journalling/organizing could help you out?
I like your attitude, gotta stay hopeful. 'Believe in yourself who believes in you!' Show the thesis of yours who's the boss. ;)
@@AHeroWith1000Namesyea! - mico
We're having an early life crisis instead of a mid-life crisis because instead of being given a corporate job after graduation we're given the Great Financial Crisis and unemployment.
That's where everyone in your life did fail you. No one is guaranteed the corporate #1 job right out of school. That paradigm shifted ages ago. Get the foot in a door, network.
Lemme tell you (every person who's face this kind of sht), even if you finish the degree you still feel that's such a waste 6 years. Yeah I've been there. Not just bachelor but master degree too. All the seemingly right choices turn out wasn't right for me. My hormones also put me in depression, anxiety and medical leave for 1 semester due to that mental health. That's in the past. Now I'm 31, rediscover myself and still have no idea what to do with my life. Plus the feeling like I failed everyone still stick around. But all that being said, only thing I'm getting better is I know how to deal with myself. Those depression bring me to awaken stage. It forced me to focus on myself, mentally and spiritually. (It might sound cringe but it's true)
Nothing get better but you'll be better at dealing with them. You are not alone. These fking things take a lot of time. I wish you all the best.
I know it's been 2 years but did you ever find out what you wanted to do?
@@Palidor Unfortunately no. I found out that I don't have to have the actual answer and that's ok. Not everyone finds the exact answer. I only roughly plan life and live with the flow now. However I do find out that money makes me happier so I tend to do whatever job that paid me ok with good colleagues. Then I can live however I please after work. That's kinda plain but I find it peaceful.
Thank you for the reply
I read my old comment and wow I have so much anger and sadness back then. Things get better but not the way I expect. ☺️
Sending all the light to you too. If you struggle, may this light guide you.
@@lilithwarbringer Thanks for getting back to me, glad to hear you're at least doing better these days :) There's nothing wrong with plain and peaceful, as long as there's stability.
That's what I'm looking for too, I'm also struggling in life at 34 with social anxiety, depression and more of that fun stuff so I hope I can somehow find my way out.
This is me right now with a career I'm a bad fit for and have zero interest in but I have to go through this since it's extremely common and necessary. After 2020 reminded everyone that life is short (and can suddenly be cut short) I'm also asking myself: 'Why am I doing this?"
"It's terrifying the place we put people in - this is a societal problem." So true. Dr. Gabor Mate speaks a lot about this also and it's very important to note. Pressure from parents, society's version of "success", etc... pushes us into jobs, careers that make us miserable. Plowing ahead is not only bad for mental health, it's also probably bad for your physical health (heart attacks, cancer, etc...) If you don't soul search and confront your fears you will be forced to do so later.
I’m curious what’s your career?
This literally showed up as I have been trying the last three days to get advice from mentors as I’m at the last year of my degree and keep getting opportunities that would require me to forego my degree for a bit to get into a good paying career potential thanks to friends I’ve made connections with. I appreciate all the work you do for the community and world.
I have wasted my past 8 years without accomplishing anything... I dont know if i can ever recover
Decade here
Currently in a similar boat at 21. How are you doing right now?
@@denoir12 how you are coping with this? I am depressed af because of this
@@fardeen_0047 Keep coping, I would say it sucks but I still have no idea what to do I cant focus feels kind of doomed, I should of just done a trade
Dr. K: *Stares into twitch chat's soul*
Twitch Chat: "How does Dr. K look 25 and 35 at the same time?"
Dr. K: * is 40 *
I legit thought he was in his early 30s and just did his schooling early
Because he is a gamer: No sunlight => great skin.
It's the fact that he has good hair at his age. Many at his age are balding so it makes him look younger in comparison.
maybe its the hoodie and the hair
One chatter thought he was 45. What the fuck is wrong with their perception? He looks ~29 to me
The biggest thing that has turned me away from professional mental health treatment in the past has been the emphasis on generality. I would tell a therapist about depressive symptoms and they advise things like mindfulness, writing down what I'm grateful for, living more in the present, not judging myself so harshly for failures, and so on. To be sure, these techniques are generally useful. But I found myself quickly becoming complacent, framing my situation in terms of "if I keep going to therapy and doing as my therapist says, then eventually I'll be able to deal with my actual problems".
To be sure, this is a better mentality than hoping that your therapist can advise you on what to actually do in your life. It is also better than rejecting therapy outright because you believe that your entire problem is external (even though you're not making any progress on it, so it can't really just be external). But it is still not an effective strategy, because at least depression and anxiety (I can't say much about other conditions) are too deeply entwined with the actual circumstances of life. I would argue that many people cannot just fix these conditions and then fix their lives in that order.
I felt like this video really acknowledged this aspect of the "early life crisis" issue. I appreciated that.
You have two options: quick temporary fixes (all those techniques therapists recommend) or facing your demons, which I did and it is a living hell but it’s a permanent solution
@@di3486 It's not an "exclusive or" kind of thing. As I mentioned, if you're actually not progressing on your problems for an extended period of time, then most likely something internal is in fact going wrong with you, and that might be helped by psychiatry*. But if you have a meaningful external problem that is bothering you, I feel that psychiatry will at best help you focus on tackling that problem. Your psychiatrist will not tackle your problems for you, nor will they give you perfectly detailed instructions that will reliably solve your problem. You also probably won't really feel right until the problem has been resolved.
* I am sloppily using "psychiatry" and "psychiatrist" to briefly refer to various types of mental health professionals providing various types of mental health treatment.
@@Latronibus That is basically what I meant. At the end, the mental health professional needs to help you confront yourself.
I'm realising that now and I'm going to talk w the therapist about this..
I’m 21, college junior, studying what I want and with good grades, but holy damn do I relate to this guy. Although the academics at my school are fine to above average, the student life is absolutely dreadful and it’s been hard for me to establish quality connections. All the adults in my life kept going on and on about how college was the best time of their lives, and there I was suffering from extreme social isolation even before covid hit. I can’t help but feel I would be much happier had I taken a year off to explore my options instead of rushing out the application process.
I was so overwhelmed with being forced to specialize at 18 that I just dropped out of society for 6 years instead. No job or education and 24 years old. Lmao.
It's ok man
Im turning 24 in a week and in the same position as you. Idk what the hell to do
28 here
I'm thinking off grid community idk how to start it tho
I’m 22 about to be 23 this here bro I’m in the same boat
I am so glad I dropped out of my PhD 2 years in, I shudder when I look at my colleagues still in that degree 5-6 years later struggling to finish. Best decision I ever made, deciding to cut something that was killing me but I was obsessed with in a stupid way. Means nothing to me now. The 2 years I spent there felt like forever and a huge stain on my life, but now I can barely remember it.
Oh boi, same with me, dropped down from a PhD to Master and made a career change. I knew some people in my school who are still trying to finish it after 7-8 years. I cannot fathom doing that.
May I ask what field was your PhD in, if you don’t mind? What did you end up doing instead, do you enjoy it more? I’ve been in a similar position, though in psychology (ironic lol)
“I don’t fail; I succeed at finding what doesn’t work!”
- Christopher Titus
Amen!
Always anxious about what people think. God forbid someone takes time as a teenager to figure out what they want. And then when they want to do something you don't understand tell them it's unrealistic and that's not a job. I mean we dare not take time out of our schedule to help discover and support something at least in the vein of what the kid wants. Just shove options down their throat till they lock up and don't even make a decision because you invalidated anything they were interested in.
I’m 19 and am dropping out during my second year of college. I was so miserable every single day that I ended up in a mental hospital. I didn’t realize it was school making me unhappy till then so I’m dropping out. I feel so much satisfaction from this decision and I truly feel that I’m about to hit the highest peak of happiness in my life.
I dropped out of university to do a trade. I was never happy on my degree so by the end of the first semester i dropped out and now i am going into a multi trade apprenticeship, hopefully to follow my childhood dream of being an electrician. Good luck to you for the future!
Heck I go through this type of crisis every 10 years. Now 70 and still looking for the next version of myself. Maybe that is simply growth.
This is literally me. sadge
Same bro
We'll get there 🤞🏻
I had the same problem dropped out year one of IT collage. Even tried a coding job to see if I like the job aspect of it hated it.
Then taught myself how to do art(started at 20 years old) and am now happy with my fulltime art career. Took about 8-9 years to build an art career with a part time job until it was time to go fulltime.
That's cool to hear! What art do you do? Can you link something you have created?
Yes I’m quite interested in what you make
Did you go to art school after dropping out or did you just learn by yourself?
hello! that's really cool, I'm happy for you :) I wonder if you could share your art with us, really curious of what kind of stuff you're making nowadays!
That's awesome. Art has always been sort of my main "hobby" since I was a kid. I'm also 24 now and completing a masters in CS with a specialization in AI/ML, but I haven't even completed an internship yet, and honestly I can hardly imagine myself programming stuff in an office for a job... But I have gotten good enough at art to get commission requests from friends and acquaintances, at around 60 euro per piece, and I have been wondering if perhaps I should consider the other career path, at least on the side or something.
The depressing part is that, even getting straight A's doesn't matter at all. It's just an letter grade system to pass your classes, it doesn't mean you're good at it if you have an A. In my life time I've seen a lot of people copying or classes that didn't even required trying at all. In reality, it just depends how actually skilled the person is thus self study is more successful, even getting an mentor who knows what the hell to do can work.
It was an few years ago but I've seen jobs that required countless degrees like an Master's Degree for an example, the pay for the job was $15 an hour. I dropped out of College because I thought it was an waste of time, well it really is. Now degrees are starting to be in decline.
All except in STEM
Wow... I had that early life crisis, I pursued my passion (art/graphic design) and got burned out before I hit 30... I knew it wasn't for me 2 years in, but I kept going because I thought it was my passion. I left graphic designing after 6 years, got into business, then it eventually led me to the medical field. Where I needed something stable, so I can keep my sanity if my businesses fail. Well I actually love the medical field and my path is clear. I couldn't be happier and it's amazing.
I was a depressed fuck, suicidal, hated every bit of myself for years. I didn't want to live anymore... But the keyword is "was" and I had to target all my issues and work on myself. It's hard, there will be a lot of tears, there will be a lot of pain, but it's necessary for you to keep fighting until you accept yourself for who you are. Get rid of bad habits and strengthen your mind. If you need it, seek a good therapist that will help you organize your mind. It can be hectic up there. lol
Keep going, keep learning and growing, keep improving yourself, keep moving forward, be okay with making mistakes, keep fighting for yourself, listen to yourself, and see where you take yourself. It can be an amazing ride, once you realize that you are an amazing person. :)
i dropped out of med school at 22 and got into electrical engineering program. i'm halfway there and i've never been more fulfilled and hopeful as well as proud of myself for making such a huge decision to start from 0 after being an overachiever my whole life. trust your guts when you feel like you made a wrong turn. the more you wait the worse it will get. i'm sending strength and courage to anyone who's in a similar situation to change their life for the better and to live their truth. this is your sign. it will be tough and dark at times but trust me the beginning is the hardest part. it does get easier and better. good luck.
Title drew my attention because its been exactly 5 years sonce my life started crashing XD.
9 for me 😅 hopefully I'll get something out of this video
Same man ...
I mean, I got a degree this year. But it's only really a half-way point, so same for me, essentially.
Did any of you graduate high school in June 2016? Now you see that your old classmates graduated from college and have cushy, well paid full time jobs? The only class I truly loved was biology and geology, but mathematics defeated me and I can't handle it. I am afraid of therapists.
My mental health is crumbling and I am crippled by depression and social anxiety. I don't have a single friend. I left all social media. I have never had a real job beyond summer work. I am pathetic and a shell of who I thought I would be after graduating high school.
I withdrew from community college 3 years ago with 60 credits and feel such intense shame. I am TOO WEAK AND AFRAID to get a part time job at the grocery store. I am too afraid to get a license. I am empty and soulless. 😭💔
@@dawn-blade I graduated 2013. I just got my Bachelor's degree this year. I was aiming for a PhD and I still don't have a better idea. Long time before I am ever going to see a cushy job.
Also remember that you don’t need to get a job that matches your major. I work as an environmental planner/transportation planner for a state DOT and my coworkers have varying types of degrees (business, English, pharmacy). Your major doesn’t have to define your future.
Yup, I’m in the same boat. I flipped a coin to pick my major and struggled with it every year. I am 25 now and I’m finally finishing up my bachelors after 5 years in college and 2 years lost to the pandemic.
I hope everyone here is able to find their way. Feeling lost in life is no way to live at all, with the shame and guilt and low self worth. It took a long time for me to even begin to feel capable of making a change.
What helped me was finally taking the time to introspect and to figure out my wants and needs in life, and then looking at my interests from that frame of reference. After that, just keep moving.
Midlife crisis is the worst. Fail when young, fail when you are healthy, fail when you still can, fail when you still have time, fail and to learn. You don't want to fail, you can't fail when you mustn't fail, when you have nowhere to fall, when you stuck in a job, when you are just a rat in a cage doing the rat race.
This relates to me so much that it feels like as if I was the one who posted this.
I spent 4 ~ 5 years of my life pursuing a course that I had zero interest in as well. Coming from an Asian family, my father really wished for one of his children to become a lawyer, and as the youngest and the last one to take college, I was pressured to the point that I pursued a major in Political Science after graduating in high school. Long story short, after 4 years of grueling college life and I was in my final year before I graduate, I kept thinking about my future, a future where I don't enjoy the job I am doing. I thought about it so much that I became so depressed that I stopped going to school for months, I cut off all of my college friends and family and just locked myself inside my room. I basically became a hikikomori. After a few months I further went down the depression hole and almost became suicidal as I felt left out and I was wasting my life when I saw my classmates posted pictures of themselves wearing togas and preparing for graduation.
After a year of being a hikikomori, I finally had the courage to talk to my parents and told them about basically everything. We sorted it out, and I dropped out my course in Political Science and switched to another major that I can definitely relate much more than the previous one. I'm currently a first year in my new course and I basically started from zeron again.
I do hope that this person or anyone who is going through the same dillema will find what they are looking for. That's all and thanks for coming to my TED talk.
I felt like there was a lack of direction for me in my teens. Going to college seemed like the natural evolution to secondary school, but depression hit and I was suffering from burn out. Suddenly I was overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle things. Suddenly university didn't sound like the natural progression. I didn't want a really low end job because I felt I'd be too miserable at a time when I couldn't afford to, yet I had no path to actually go on. This was a decade ago, and in some ways I'm privileged to be in a position that I could end up doing nothing, but at the same time I feel like my whole of my 20s was wasted with no enjoyment, no career gain, and no education.
Moral of the story, try not to just give up on life. If things get too much you can take a break, but it can also be way too easy to just not do anything ever.
What did you end up doing?
@@funkopapa8223 Nothing, I'm still "stuck". I really should've done something about it.
@@frishter I'm sorry to possibly dig into your wounds, so no pressure here, just genuinely wondering: are you still in college? I'm about to enter my twenties and I too feel lost; I am a freshman in college, majoring in what I thought would be my passion, but I've grown to be pretty cold about it. Still want to study it this academic year, but planning on re-discovering what I want to do in life simultaneously so the next year I can finally get into something I'm passionate about.
I'll remember what you said to not to give up on life! Could you give any other advice so as to not to get stuck? I sensed from your comment that you had quite a lot of experience and I'd want to hear more of what you think about finding one's own direction.
By the way, I so get you about the feeling of lack of direction during teenage years. My parents are not bad people, I just wish they could provide me with more emotional support when I needed it. Communication between me and them was basically nonexistent. Oh well, I'm not mad at them, not that it would change things for the better anyway.
I just wish no teens out there would have to experience that sensation of void in their hearts. If I ever become a parent, I will not let myself leave a kid feeling stranded in such alien adult reality. It's depressing, but in a way relieving to know we're not alone in that (just look at this video's comments).
So many people, all dumped to learn by themselves through suffering that could have been avoided. Many of them so wise and mindful because of hardships they went through (such as yourself). I want to believe younger generations will make better parents seeing how more mentally and emotionally aware they are. ^^
@@AHeroWith1000Names When I say college this is ages 16-18 in my country, I never went to university. Unfortunately I don't really have much advice in finding direction. I imagine most people just end up finding it so long as they just keep going. Hesitancy seems to be a significant factor in holding us back, so for people that are more hesitant, I recommend pushing yourself for stuff you see value in whether it be relationships, education, work or hobbies.
Communication between me and my family also isn't high. Mostly because I didn't want to burden anyone with my feelings. Thinking about it, it's kind of silly because so long as they care, then they should want to help out and we should also value ourselves more to let others help. Though when it comes to my siblings, I'm not sure we actually know how to really communicate after they originally went their own way.
One piece of advice I have (especially if you're American) is to be careful attitudes from the media and social media. There's a lot of people that seem to try and push feelings onto others and it's easy to get demoralised or feel anger. While there are pushes for tolerance, I feel like a lot of people are actually getting more intolerant to people that hold different values. Value your own opinions and don't let people pressure you to feel shame if you didn't intend harm, but also accept that others will have different values themselves.
Personal insight is good for handling your emotions and understanding if you need to take action with stuff that is bothering you. Communication is vital for forming strong bonds with others and understanding each other. I think when Dr K said another time that it's beneficial to flip their introspection and extrospection around is great advice. Those that blame the world would do well to consider their impact on others and how their actions have an impact on their life. While on the other hand, those that blame themselves need to understand that not everything is on them, external factors impact us too and it's not on us to make sure everyone and everything goes smoothly and happily.
I hope you got some value out of that. Basically don't be like me and constantly distract yourself away from progressing or even just enjoying life. Not everything will be smooth sailing, but generally we should still move forward. Life goes quickly when you're not expecting it, so it's best not to let pain or fear hold us back. At the same time, it's also worth making sure we don't burn out from putting too much pressure on ourselves.
@@frishter it’s been a year later since this post. Have you figured out what your gonna do now?
I am starting to feel old and having an early life crisis at 24, so this feels nice to hear. 😊🌺
Wait for mid life crisis🤣
24? The adventure is only beginning if you're willing to put yourself out there. Literally anything can happen.
Ffs you're just starting life.
This is the first time I resonate with something almost 100%. Even the people in the comments seem to be speaking as if they were narrating what I have felt/am feeling. I just want to thank you Dr. K, and everyone who leaves wonderful comments. They give me some hope that this torturous 5 year cycle will be over soon. I am actively looking for what it is I want in life, and how I am going to come to terms with dealing with my parents’ disappointment, as well as my own feeling of failure. I now know it’s something that has to happen in order to break free, but I am so so scared. I know this fear is the reason i am where I am, but it is so difficult to overcome. Wishing all the best for anyone that is in a similar situation 🙏🏽
Im 30 and been dragging out being an accountant for way too long. Have my MBA and been studying for the CPA exam knowing I will hate being a staff accountant but being stuck in the sunk cost fallacy hard.
Having ADD just makes having an office job in general very difficult but I'm very invested in my identity as an accountant which makes me look smart.
This was very relatable even though I feel like I'm closer to midlife crisis than early life lol
I'm 21 and I feel the same. My parents forcefully nudged me into accounting and me not knowing wtf to major in decided to do what they say. Now I'm in my 4th year with a low GPA and stuck with the same mentality as you. I just haven't been paying attention in any of my courses and feel like such a burden on my parents.
I know high school teacher who voluntarily became carpenter, and an accountant who's plumber. I say they are happier and likely making even more money.
You are and do whatever you want man
Right there with you. Feeling the pressure of golden handcuffs and disposing of a ten year audit career.
it has been a year now since your comment, what did you end up doing?
I worked retail until 25. It was shit pay and I knew I didn't want to be a manager which would have been more money but I would hate my life. I felt similar to this guy at one point. Life is a complete trip.
At 26 I worked nights and did a year of prerequisite biochemistry, psychology and Biology. I really enjoyed Nutrition Science so I did an undergraduate and achieved a first class degree. Unfortunately unless you go into research there isn't a job in the nutrition field. I stumbled across clinical nutrition and dietetics (to be a registered dietitian).
I'm now 31, in a pre reg masters program and completed the first year. One year away from being a health care professional (registered dietitian) and earning an okay living and a good pension. I know it's not the highest paid job but it requires a good level of scientific understanding and critical thinking along with helping individuals.
My advice to anyone wanting to do anything else is go for it! It's never too late.
In the end, no one's really going to care what age you went to college. Let's say someone finished college at 21 and I finished 10 years later. When we're both 40 years old, shit like that seems so distant and pointless. If people still hold on to that fact, they probably have some mental issues that need to be worked out.
@@moreshamemeow7469 100%
Yeah, I'm sort of in a gray area. I love the field that I'm in but it's school in general is just... annoying and demotivating. I have one class that I enjoy where I feel like I really enjoy but then the rest of the days I'm bleh about it. Just like the OP in that post, I'm 25, nearly straight A's in high school, I actually flunked college the first time, passed community college with nearly straight A's again and now back trying to get a Bachelor's. It doesn't help as well that I might have ADHD but no way of actually knowing until I get diagnosed which my family doesn't even believe in. I'm just bleh and trying to pass at this point.
Im in a similar boat. LOVE programming class, but i have failed the required math every single semester i tried to take it since high school.
DEFINITELY talk to a doctor and get a diagnosis, even without medication (yet), my adult life has gotten so much better after thinking consciously about my adhd and reading about strategies to deal with it. I recommend the channel “how to adhd”, it helped me personally.
@@PokeNebula yeah, I don't mind programming. I just lose interest on classes very quickly ever since I went to college. I'm almost forcing myself to go
Haven't even watched the video but the title hit home a lot. I've been in college for the last 5 years trying to get my bachelor's in computer science and it's been a struggle. Loss of friends, grades dropping because of simple mistakes on my part, lost my love of programming and game developing, messy periods where my medications messed me up more than anything, it's been so demoralizing. Just wish I could go back and fix my mistakes
I can relate to this guy, i was talented at math so picking an engineering major was a no brainer for me, while i did manage to bring myself to tolerate physics, math on the other hand i fucking despised to the point where showing me a mathematical problem or equation triggers some sort of depression mood inside of me, i ended up graduating but it took an extreme toll on my physical and mental health i also lost all of my friends in the process and the worst part is that im not even sure that i even want to work in engineering anymore, im not going to say follow your passion but dont ever try to force yourself to do what you hate no matter how good it is, nothing is easy but you also should chose challenges that you can tolerate.
what's your plan my friend?
I'm 33. Graduated despite a burnout at the age of 31. It was chemical/ process engineering. I loved the subject, yet I happily work now back in retail because I've done it since 17yo. That being said, I've had to work through the burnout by myself but these videos have helped me tremendously as well as my density in my head. Yes, I'm really dense. But from that I've found that no one really gives a fuck about what you do, unless you're happy. At 21 I started a degree in media engineering but quit that, tried retail, got alcoholic and homeless, driveled back home to pay off my debts, re-learned my high school faves and got back to college under process engineering. But I'm so much a people person that lab work and factory design and such as a work don't entice me, and due to having no experience in the field, I haven't had a single opportunity or even a interview for any kind of engineering job.
Holy shit I was just thinking about this recently how I literally didn't do anything for the past 5 years in college. This hits home way too closely
I relate to this so much. I got severely burnt out and depressed in my fifth semester studying sociology. Instead of taking the time to think carefully about what I want to do instead, I switched to psychology, tried that for a year, and then switched back to sociology at a different university because I thought it might be easier for me there. I really should have taken the time to try out some other things and take care of my mental health instead of making panicked decisions, but I was too socially anxious to apply to internships and all of this happened during the Corona crisis, which made everything even more difficult. I am suffering from depression now and will focus on recovering my health first, but I am incredibly afraid of the time after that. I have very low confidence and feel like a failure. I really hope I can get out of this situation and come out stronger on the other side.
I can definitely relate. I have mental problems, and no job. Right now I'm seeing a psychologist and trying to work on my health.
Finish the degree and then go for computer science. I left college the first time with a Degree in journalism, a minor in writing, AND NO JOB SKILLS. I then went on to get a technical degree (which is much easier when you have a bunch of electives already banked from your first degree) and finished in 2.5 years. Had a job before graduation and ended up with a 3.8 GPA (my first degree my GPA was below 2.5). Don't give up... grow up.
I had an early life crisis where I was stuck working a dead end job (that I DID actually like, at the time), skipped college because I hated school, and hit a point where I decided I wanted to figure out what to do with myself. I drove long haul truck for a bit, went through the police academy, and eventually ended up going to school for programming, but ended up as an IT Security professional (which I LOVE! It's so much fun) And I cherish ALL of the false starts. The police academy provided a ton of value in giving my confidence and helping round out my character. Long haul trucking was even a good experience to have. I had a very brief and failed marriage that taught me a TON about relationships, and helped shape me to be the kind of man I needed to be to be with my current amazing and smokin' hot wife. My early life crisis helped shape the awesome life I am now currently living =)
k, this changes lives. For years in mmo games I'd create a guild. Each time the name was Honesty. I though it sounded right, powerful, that I carried a message. You're helping me undestand why I resonate that strongly with the word. And realize that I need to practise it more in my own life.
I had a similar experience at 23, but I ended up spending the next 3 years trying to finish my accounting degree because I didn't gravitate towards anything else. I ended up spending 2 years looking for work in my field; once I actually got a job, I was about 5 years behind most people in my class that were seniors and had their CPA. Going through CPA now, I'm definitely feeling miserable about things, and I'm worried that if I quit, I'll be let go in the near future and distance myself from other students in the program. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others or try to follow the crowd. OP is very fortunate to be in this position, it's not healthy to suppress your genuine feelings if things aren't working out.
i wasted my 18-19, being depresed, locked myself in the room since pandemic, literally doing nothing, just smoking weed all day, every single day, no job, no studying. Now I'm 20 feel very regret and can't stop thinking about the past
Just got out of high school already in the middle of an "early life crisis ", lol. I was studying not because I wanted to but because I was told to, it's been the most awful, mind numbing, soulless and drab experience I've ever had over the course of a few years. And I believe that is changing, least I hope so, hopefully the reason I see now see now about what I want to do will guide me.
just got out of high school as well. not really excited for the future
Unfortunately for me, and I would imagine many others, the pressure of the student loans that I took on to go down the path I took limits my ability to explore other career options. I can't exactly just jump ship and expect to be able to pay the bills at the end of the month.
To be fair, he is arguing to mind your feelings and goals as to not continue down a path you dislike for too long. If more people could realize this, they could maybe get out before they have a lot of debt. Honestly its never too late to get out of something you hate, but of course its going to be work to get out of the financial burden of loans.
I went from nursing to IT to now studying how to make immersive experiences in VR and AR. I finally found something I like and something I can actually be good at and i'm 30 now. I did have to go through a burnout, but it's turning out fine now :D
I remeber having this exact conversation with my sister. She just started uni in a finance major and wants to switch immediately to a mathematics degree. And I *know* that if she does that she'll end up wanting to switch after a year right after trying that. I'll definately send her this video it's really practical.
I am studying for mathematic degree and it’s painful
@@alip9195 I commend you honestly I'm not a math person.
Get a degree that lands you a career. Your sister is just playing at school.
the best advice dr. K has given me is that with ADHD, we need a dynamic life and to be juggling as many tasks at once while dropping none of them
i started failing my last semester of school after basically finishing every class in my astrophysics major but had to take dumb classes like social sciences, i thought it was just the pandemic making me really messed up mentally and i have to go easy on myself and take like 3; then 1, then 0. the less i took, the more my mind went on tangential trajectories through thought loops and worsening adhd overall.
the less i did, the more energy it would take to be able to accomplish any task. if i worked 8 hours straight on homework, i'd find out that i did the same problem 20 times and it wasn't even my hw problem it was just something i wanted to figure out and was relevent, like obsessively re-constructing the raising and lowering of the levi civita tensors index operations because i came up with a way thats more elegant BECAUSE the problem i was working on had a cross product in it.
also it wasn't even the problem i was supposed to be working on to begin with, and i wasn't even able to do that without ending up doing the levi civita thing. i'd be convinced that i need to work on the actual problem but cant stop, then realize that if i were to go to that problem id see the cross product and end up back in that loop, because doing the problem with a cross product was itself a loop i was stuck inbecause it was a problem from a class i actually completed.
if i conquered the ocd from doing the dumb levi civita thing and actually worked on the cross product thing, i'd have put all of this effort in ending up still stuck in a loop that puts me in another nested loop
i'd scream at myself to not do that but within a minute i'm already doing it again and cant figure out how to win against it, because no matter what i would start working on, i'd just fall into this stable equillibrium thats somehow working on the same problem from years ago
after finding dr. K, i realized that trying to fix my declining cognitive functions in order to be capable of completing a task was a itself one thought loop
using the analogy, I was putting all of my effort into fixing myself with the army that i would normally use executive function with and actively work on a task, to fight the irrational army that obsesses and invents thought loops and has to derive the levi civita tensor because it will sate some irrational compulsion but i can make it pretty - none of it was ever going into actually doing the task but fighting to do the task. eventually logic and reason gets exhausted and theres no fuel to fight the irrational army and its the last one standing
so i'd become exhausted and work so hard, OCD caused me to spend literally every moment of the day, preparing to study but not being able to stop cleaning and organize my house - by the time i was down to 1 class, i would be under my bed with a flashlight sweeping dust that just collected because it's been a few minutes
then by the time i was down to 0, it was because i was unable to stop cleaning to turn in a hw assignment that i had already done and gotten a 100 on in the previous semester; the case being that i had to drop the same classes over and over again ). along with not even being able to hold a pencil well anymore - so i couldn't even draw anymore. i couldnt stop dropping things, i'd drop my pencil and try to pick it up to drop it on the way up, 4 times in a row and just question how these things could be happening. and i would just laugh at the ridiculousness of how i'm going to somehow be able to get a job or finish school when i cant even pick up or hold an object
it took 4 months to get an appointment with a psychiatrist; after 15 minutes of asking me about my gpa in highschool and crap, he didn't tell me anything, i was just questioned and never even got a chance to explain whats happening to me. it was my last hope and it ended up being 15 minutes that made me cry for days
ive overcome suicidal depression and anxiety which debilitated me until i was 23. i wanted to die so badly, that my panic attacks (which were so bad that when they came on would feel like im about to have a seizure) that made me feel like i was dying made me feel so happy because the intensity of it made me believe it had to be a serious neurological illness, i would become excited and lay down and hope it just doesn't stop getting worse.
my panic attacks actually became forced meditation because there would be a point during the peak where the intensity became such that it canceled any ability to have a thought , so i would have to lay there paralyzed as i felt like every cell in my body was going to explode and implode at the same time, and i'd be at peace and feel happy, but if i actually feel happy while im feeling crushed to death, then theres someone in me that can be happy during anything. i was forced to experience peace, i started to not really want to die anymore because it was no longer the only possible way i could be at peace. my anxiety went away when it stopped
scaring me, then i knew it was anxiety and i realized the power of my mind. I just learned this by reflection after the additional tools dr. K has given me, up until i typed this i thought it was just that my anxiety stopped scaring me and went away, and took my depression with it but now i understand during every one of those panic attacks, my anxiety and depression were being killed because i was in a state without thought and only conscience, i just learned that i solved a problem with meditation before, i just never knew it
for me to have been able to overcome that but be standing absolutely no chance against whatever was happening to me now and losing at such an accelerating rate, even my autoimmune problems were becoming physically debilitating. i couldnt even walk, i started school when i was 26, i have to take care of my mom and she just had heart surgery; we dont have any financial security, we have no money and during all of this, im not even going to get either of the 2 degrees i majored in (phyiscs+astrophysics) that just need a few classes left. the debt that i gained taking loans out to live during the pandemic and having to drop and retake the same classes that costed thousands of dollars each. now i cant possibly imagine my future not being on the streets, now i was scared
i started to believe it was my tolerance to adderall and i felt hopeless because i cant even sleep without having to rock myself back and forth without adderall (since i was a child), or even sit in a chair, i thought i was becoming allergic to it because i broke out in rashes but if i dont take it i'm going to be homeless, i actually didn't even suppress it, i grieved the loss of myself, but i wasn't sad. i think something i learned from my panic attacks and meditation they induced has kept me somehow happy throughout all of this but i have been suffering, but not anymore
after a week of just no-longer fighting my ocd and trying to fix myself yet continuing to take adderall, i already started to feel better.
at first, everything i tried to do would end up in a loop, and to not do anything, and i didn't. i couldn't anyway so there wasnt any loss, infact it became peaceful i realized it wasn't giving up, it was the solution the whole time
after like 3 weeks i suddenly realized when i was eating a banana that it was the best thing ive ever tasted, i havent tasted food in such a long time that i couldn't remember it was that enjoyable. then I was able to sleep as well as draw and play games for like 30 minutes at a time instead of 0. it slowly became better and better and i could play a game for like hours and it wouldn't feel awful. eventually i started to have to take less and less adderall and it started to actually work again and i experienced tranquility in my mind for the first time in years.
if i just knew what a vata mind was, i would have realized i didn't need a single tool to solve this problem yet i brought my entire arsenal and caused massive devastation. though somewhere in that rubble are the mental barriers that society has forced me to believe apply to me even though it felt so wrong and unnatural. now I don't even know why im doing astrophysics. i just like to understand how things work but the last place someone like me would want to do that is in our academic system, i want to do so many things but out of the pool of possibilities, there were so few that remained that i felt like were actually possible careers, i only picked astrophysics because astronomy was the only class ive taken where my teacher loved teaching and studying felt like playing, not like work; so ive limited the pool for possible ways to spend the rest of my life based on a selection of which experience of school i hated the least - believing this will be my best chance at happiness. why would i ever accept spending my life doing one thing in the one setting that can make understanding the universe feel like bureaucracy. i think i just wanted to be a teacher so i could help everyone who thinks they are too dumb to understand something like math and physics by teaching them how simple it really is if its just explained differently, and not textbook
im realizing what i what i really want to do is help people because its not fair how many people believe they are stupid and cant do difficult things, when im witness to myself being able to do it after my dark beginning. when i reflect on my time at school, i realized i spent most of it trying to help students who were struggling and believed they were stupid, and actually only spent a small fraction of that time actually studying. i was burning myself out because i was fighting against the academic system as it was actively causing duress to my friends as they began to feel dumber and dumber as we got to more advanced mathematics. i would burn myself out trying to figure out how to make it easier for my friends to understand and convince them that im not smart. the only reason im good at it is because i have as much fun doing math as i had playing my favorite games (sc2/wow), and the reason i like it is because my desire to understand those games made me teach myself math, and when i came up with it on my own it felt like it belonged to me, and it wasn't a part of academia. if i have no problems figuring it out on my own but am not smart enough to learn it from class, then there's something wrong with class - im starting to think im finding an actual calling
That sounds like PTSD.
this is the wildest story. im so happy ur doing better through all of this. u should copy this long post somewhere and print it so u can see it every now and then, if u think it contains the roots of ur calling
@Nick F ... i ithink i just found the root of my PTSD
i was just watching
/watch?v=lUxU6KnjNNs&t=285s
and that i have ptsdlll
I can second the major-switching mistake. I was majoring in a science because it was something my parents had done and I went to a stem-heavy school and took tons of science classes. Even though I didn't care for it, I pushed through and did well. That is until last semester (start of my sophmore year in college), I was hit with a super difficult class that completely exposed my lack of motivation for the subject. I was extremely miserable the whole time, and barely made it through. This semester I decided maybe I should try economics since I enjoyed watching videos about microeconomics and reading books, but the classes are not at all what I had expected and are really boring for me.
My problem is I finished university doing philosophy, and now I have no idea where to go, and I’m worried I’ll never enjoy any occupation as much as I enjoyed that.
I’m back stuck in my small hometown and I don’t know how to progress from here, working a minimum wage job
I don't know how helpful this will be to you, but there's a site from a university I found that explains some career paths a philosophy major can try such as:
- A lawyer
- A philosophy professor
- Non-profit professional
- Business professional
- Public policy professional
- Marketing professional
- Financial services professional
- Health Care Professional
- Journalist
- Paralegal
I spent 6 years in a science degree too (started out in chem, switched to bio just to finish). Fast forward 10 years, now I'm a web developer doing Shopify development. Just power through the degree and get outta there. Then you can really do what you wanna do. Don't let a degree hold you back.
What you mentioned at 5:50 about people telling you it’ll get better is so true, and absolutely infuriating. I had a solid case against my school to the extent that now a year later most of my former classmates have dropped out, when I visited school a friend of mine still remaining told me I made the right call, that they don’t even have a designated teacher. Faulty or missing equipment, staff and teachers that don’t reply for months. And yet whilst detailing all these same things to everyone my opinion was dismissed. The only person who wholeheartedly supported me was my father.
This school was my childhood dream that dragged me through 4 years of depression, anxiety eating disorders and etc. The prospect of being able to enjoy my lifestyle at that school someday was my primary motivation for pulling through, the only other being the crippling pressure and me genuinely fearing that too much pressure would make me want to off myself.
I’ve noticed this on topics of childbirth as well. I don’t know why it’s so prevalent, my guess is that people internally label the things they’ve either done or set their sights on doing as unequivocally good. Or perhaps it’s a conformist bias or etc, either way it’s horrible that genuine concerns are rarely met with genuine reception
You are overthinking.
An astonishingly relatable post… Happens even if you DO pursue your dream. Spent a good part of my highschool trying to be a musician with no real defined work plan… graduated from a music conservatoire with nothing but prospects for teaching because I hadn’t found my ‘drive’ or never managed to fall in love with the process and there were way too many musicians with better work ethic and connections… Ended up coasting by working at the family business instead of trying to make it as a music teacher. I complain daily, but am finally coming around to the fact that I’m putting myself in this position by not quitting. Thankfully, there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel and if I play my cards right I may at least move to a job that I have some interest in… Hopefully, the change in boss and environment will help shift my perspective and build better habits and mindsets…
I'm 37 and even though the situation that brought up this conversation isn't the same as mine, I feel better about about not being accomplished because those points were brought up.. Long story short, I struggled for a period of 10 years being unemployed and having failed my first go at education because I didn't have a stable life nor did I now what I was doing. In the end though, even though I had a period of failure, things worked out for the better because where I wanted to go (Game Designer) turned into microtransaction land. I would have been miserable in the craft if I had succeeded and became a company man. Now I have a new one I love (Tech Support AA Degree) and hope when the time comes I can succeed in my passion while pursuing work I love.
To expand on Dr. K’s point even more-you can’t know how your initial ‘wrong’ choice might actually bring value to your ‘right’ choice when you eventually make it. Studying music/sound design initially has made me much more creative in every other walk of life going forward. By specializing too early, you actually lose the flexibility and versatility you gain by engaging deeply in completely disparate pursuits and skill sets. It keeps your brain young to keep challenging it in new ways and you find ways to take your ‘old’ craft and apply to your new one.
I changed careers at 32 because I felt my chosen vocation was not a good fit for me. I just turned 36 and graduated with a BS in Computer Science, I have a job in CS making twice what I did before. It's never too late.
This is honestly my favorite video of Dr. K ever. The early life crisis literally resonates with me as I am approaching 22 years of age within the next four days. This couldn’t come at a better time to really ask myself what is it that I really want to do and what decisions I have to make at this moment to start making the life I want to make.
Basically I graduated from college and I have been struggling to get a single ounce of motivation to start attempting to get a job related to my degree. It has been emotionally draining to get that one job considering the numerous stories I hear from people struggling to find work and also due to finding other goals I can start pursuing that will make me more fulfilled. It took until just now to come to terms with myself that I don’t think I will be using my degree, at least not any time soon, and that it is totally okay. If what I will be doing from here on out can make me more fulfilled and alive now, why should I postpone that for the next several months to really grind it out in getting that unfulfilling job even with the help of a mentor?
To have the courage to be honest despite your opposing thoughts, that’s some hard shit. But it do feel good to get that weight off your chest and feels like you open up more to people because of it.
This is amazing, I've been dealing with the exact same thing. Had panic and anxiety attacks after I picked a CS major but never liked programming nor math. I suffered severely but told myself it'll get better once I get the degree, but I just couldnt and quit it, felt depressed for a long time and didnt know what to do with my life... Now Im trying to pursue graphic design and Im trying to aim for Visual Communications degree, I just hope things will turn for the better for me now that I pick a zone Im comfortable with and know that I've always liked. I just hope the degree's pressure wont crush me again and I'd actually stay motivated to keep going and find my balance.
Best of luck to you friend!
Hey, this comment really stuck out to me. I have a degree in CS and have been in the field for over 2 years now. I mostly chose this for the money but have since realized I also don’t like programming or math. How has your switch panned out for you? Are you happier and more fulfilled than you were before?
Yes keep going cause you still need to support yourself eventually.
Seven years in university before I finally found the courage to drop off. I found something I liked (bartending), tried to pursue it (short course and began working), decided it wasn't for me. I found something else I liked (personal training and fitness), tried to pursue it (short course and began working), decided it wasn't for me. I found something else I liked (Data Science), began studying it, decided it was worth more time, invested in a bootcamp, got a job, have been working in it for the last year.
Life isn't a straight path. I may go back for a degree in the future, if I think it's worth the time and effort and I'm interested and it'll help my career.
I've never regretted leaving.
Sometimes you know the right thing to do, you just need the courage to do it.
One of the reasons I like the universities/colleges in most of european countries, it is almost free. Parents and students are not tied to the cost of tuition here and can try out different paths after 0,5-1years of going for one path.
I live in Europe and disagree. Sometimes people don't realize the things they like well after 2-4 years. And after that mark, it becomes seriously difficult. It was the case for me. Some school/universities here have limited places and harsh requirements making it hard to get in. People here, also can't go in blindly without having an exact idea of what they want to do or they might end up quickly unemployed.
@@JaB9999 I guess that applies to some/most jobs, but from my experience it is doable with the time you have. Sure it is not easy and you need to apply to universities in different cities but I believe that is fine. If you want something quick then apply for private institutions
@@Chris3s I disagree again. Even if it was one of my interest I can't ever apply for biology.
I'm about to finish a bachelor in business with possibility to do a masters. If I go back to bio from scratch, I slowly will pave the way for unemployment.
Here, an undergraduate in bio doesn't have a lot of job prospects. The rule of the thumb is to do a masters and if possible PhD.
And those are intensively competitive so even if you have an undergraduate, you're not going to be accepted if you're not top of the bracket in terms of grades/references. Motivation is not going to be enough. A lot of people in France with undergraduates ended up without the possibility to do a masters because they didn't met the required criteria and are now either working jobs with low-prospects or changing careers.
Last but not least, private institutions in Europe are not always state-recognized or demand too much money. Which is a huge obstacle for some.
@@JaB9999 idk man it sounds like you benefited from your education having been free.
@@hq4290 Not really, because the thing I'm doing atm isn't what I wanted to do. The only positive is that I don't have loans or debts but that's not what Dr.K's video is about
I went to college later in life, got a Chem Tech diploma, hated it, covid hit and no jobs, ended up working in Long Term Care as a screener/recreation worker, discovered I want to be a nurse, now pursuing it. Never in my life I thought I would enjoy this field. I avoided the idea because I didn't see it as me. I didn't see myself in the same career field as my own mother.
I never thought I'd go back to school at 28, and school sucks, but I am always excited for the end goal now. I know school is dull, I have done it before already now. My chem also helps remove classes and gives me opportunities. Never used chem to work, but it still ended up benefiting me.
Man I was depressed about this very same shit when I was still in high-school.
Life isn't about being happy all the time though, find something you're good at and use it to your advantage. It may not be fun or fulfilling but it will support you better than a parent can, as they will not always be around.
I don't know if anyone else had the same thought but material in college is distributed in such a way that it is easy to got through first 2-3 years even if you are not interest in the subject and then hits you with hard stuff. It helps build up this sunk cost fallacy of "I wasted time if I quit now".
Having that exact problem in my current degree. I thought I was fine with it but the later years approach the topic in a completely different way.
I went through this entire same dilemma, but I did 8.5 years towards an undergrad in computer science. I really don't think its gonna get any better putting yourself into this environment and career of ego. I wouldn't really say I regret anything, things just never really turned out for the better. I think soul searching in solo travel will put your life into perspective and help you figure out what matters to you. In a way I find that going to Japan became a gift and a curse since it has become such a part of my life now.
Damm i had the same i went to a semester abroad to korea and enjoyed it but still had to study, went on a solo trip to japan at the end and it felt as such as a relief.