I’ve Fallen Too Far Behind
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ค. 2024
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▼ Timestamps ▼
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00:00 - Preview
00:09 - Discord post
04:35 - Expected to catch up
07:00 - Life is not a race, but it IS a competition
16:50 - The advantage of gaming
19:41 - It's okay to feel this way
27:19 - Coping mechanisms
32:03 - Questions
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I am 25 and I laugh at 19 year olds who think they have squandered their life, just the same way a 60 year old dude laughed at me when I told him I squandered my life. Perhaps that 60 year old guy is laughed at by 80 year old dudes for thinking the same thing.
Tbf 19 is the first time one can feel behind in life since its the first time they will be transitioning to a new age group that is into adulthood, I felt the same at 18/19 now at 25 still the same bs, wish i was 14-17 again, wish I had grabbed every opportunity in front of me
@@daimsaeed
I'm 18 and im 100% behind in life bruh :(
I’m 25 too I’ve barely found out anything in terms of economic success I have fun hobbies but haven’t started making money from them yet
I'm a 36 year old, squandered my life really badly and I'm laughing at y'all xd Honestly waiting for that 60 yr old to show up and console me :)
I am 28 and feel that way. So yeah, you have time :)
Maaan, story of my life. 25yo male, no car, never had a gf, still live with mom, no real career, the whole package. But I’m ok, I’m a late bloomer but I’m still blooming. Studying for programming, getting a car in October, everyday I’m getting out of my shell, I’m all good. Once you stop worrying about what others think you lose a lot of that shame. I’ll start dating when I’m 27, but I’ll focus on myself first.
Im 24 and just barely got a car. trying to get back into college next year with the money i saved up. Its never too late man
You don’t have to wait to start dating
Epic thought process brah! Stay positive and keep that chin up! I wouldn’t necessarily cut out meeting/dating other people when you can, however I understand the lifestyle and it sounds like you have the right idea.
@@OMAR-vk9pi don’t have to, yes. But I want to.
@@mikelevels1 focusing on myself first. I want to have an established career and my own place and car first👍🏾
"Society expects you to be perfect, and fast" Dr. K, in an older video.
what's the title of the video where it came from?
@@chasechase24 Can't remember from the top of my head, can see if I can find it based on my watch history. If it helps you it wasn't an interview but rather Dr.K. discussing a topic. He also mentioned grades extensively and why they existed and how they weren't a perfect system but we still used them. Probably an education and/or expectations video, but might've been under "perfectionism" as well.
@@destroyerinazuma96 ohh I see! I'll try to find it. Thanks so much!
@@chasechase24 Might be "Why You Can't Make Any Important Decision In Your Life", there's a chapter titled "Society conditions perfection".
@@destroyerinazuma96 oh wow this is the perfect video for me right now. I'll watch it asap. Thanks again!
22 starting college over again. I don't mind myself being behind, I can take all the time I need. But it's painful not being able to support my parents who are visibly aging
thats pretty much the main concern for falling behind, not being able to support yourself because of it
i rarely comment but this hit so close to home. im in the same boat as you dude. we'll get through it, for us and our parents
you sure you just arent having trouble cleaning up after yourself ? lol
changed career at 39
23 here. Working hard to help my parents too. I wasted my last 3 years and I'm really trying to change things around.
this kid is lucky he's realizing it so early
Born at a wrong time, damn it! :)
@@gamerdweebentertainment1616 The world is just getting better and better. There are all of these movies and etc., that discuss real life issues that you can't hear anywhere else. Or maybe you felt it, but you had nobody to discuss it with and go to for advice or insight. Theory without guidance can only go so far.
lol he's literally 19, but sounds so confused and lost, but if he keeps being like this too long it could be unhealthy, I was at the exact same place when I was 19, now I'm 23 and still lost, isn't that the reason why I'm here lol
Your lucky too! Not early but not late 👍
was this a joke?
I am in a PhD program (I am in my 40s) and sometimes younger applicants to our program that have really high GPA and are very competitive are not accepted because of their attitude. My strength when I applied was my work experience and the fact that I came to it as a blank canvas, ready to learn, assuming I know nothing. Because I have more life experience and have worked on myself, I made myself more competitive than my younger counterparts and by the way, I am thriving!
SAME. that's how I got through my Masters, and now everything! (39F)
Good job man
I'm younger but very similar to you (except work experience), I'm the behind person with basically an empty CV (for competitiveness standards) with a lot of attitude but I kept getting rejected from every PhD program. I tried to show my work ethic and personality and it wasn't enough, period. Thats what eventually broke me now I'm dealing with an identity crisis and basically doubting myself in every corner so much that I don't want to do nor create absolutely anything anymore. That's what led me to end up in HGG.
I wish I could be like you. Wish you the best.
I can´t agree more on that brother. i have two educations, a bachelor in project management and now starting a second bachelor as a health psychologist to finally pursue my dream in life and not the stupid money anymore. The interviews are always super funny because I can shine with external work and present it, usually employers feel like you give me way too little money for the job. (Reverse psychology but to the advantage to the employee haha) A video from HealthyGamer really "saved" me. When he was talking to a client he said you have to look at life like a game of chess, you position your knight in such a way that you might gain a big advantage and that's exactly where I am right now. Today's life is so variation rich that no one works anywhere for 10 years in a company anymore. Learn, improve your skills, and ideally build an exposure where you don't even have to come in for introductions but get hired immediately. And the most important thing: Don´t compare yourself to others but your former self from yesterday! Btw. I turned 33 this month.
Thanks for writing this. I'm in the process of improving myself, as a 29M who was mediocre at academics in my master's and wants to go into research in their mid to late 30s. I save myself multiple times every day reminding myself that it's the process that counts, the journey, and not necessarily how quick and how successful I am. Best of luck!
"ya I feel behind" and it turns out it's a question asked by a 19 year old.
me being 30 "oh...."
Me at 31
I'm at this stage at 39, divorced (with a kid) and recently laid off
37, have a crappy retail job, no relationship and terrified to go near one, don't have enough money and don't like myself even though everyone says I'm plenty nice and kind and what not. Live at home even though I inherited a house that I share ownership with my mom.
I became a professor even though I wanted to write stories, have spent the last 8 years dealing with my father divorcing my mom because we found out he'd been cheating for nearly a decade prior and possibly more, most of my experience in teaching has been as an adjunct because the colleges are broken as fuck and no one wants to admit it.
Dunno what to do these days, just trying to deal with myself first.
Clarification, been in therapy for nearly 30 years. Was adhd and manic, then got bipolar diagnosis around 21.
I'm just tired.
If a 19 year old is THAT worried about this sort of stuff, then me at 31 am probably doomed and didn't even notice that I'm basically drifting in life
IKR lol. Bruh this shit ("I have been addicted to video games and social media for my entire YOUTH") really isn't for a 19 y/o to write.
Lol I'm going through the same at 22. Sitting at home living with my parents broke, socially inept, single and virgin doing nothing except gym to improve myself. I get depressed at times. How I could have worked hard in my teens and early 20's to become an attractive, confident and disciplined man but wasted my time on pron and social media. And it got me nowhere instead just destroyed me as a human being. I hope I could become a good and successful human being and be an example for men and women all around the world.
Its all bullshit, i am 31 too, i have no legit skills, i have no real education degree, i can not do any job in this universe actually, but i would not want to do all these things anyway, i decided to take my own path, i can make more money than 95% of the population of my country through Poker and sports betting, i do whatever i like on my free time, no accountability to anyone, this is freedom.
Haha I am glad I didn’t think that in my early 40s or I wouldn’t be in a PhD program and happier than ever.
I’m fucked at 33
I'm nearly 24 yo male, had a stroke around 2 years ago, still have a hemiplegia on my dominant side and still can't use my hand and arm and leg fully functionally, university dropout, never had any relationship in my life, heard this got my hopes up a bit because during this time, I mostly spending my time on learning about myself, my values, what I want from life and philosophies.
Good luck with that
daaaamn son. stay strong. i imagine we'll be making alot of strides in long term stroke recovery in the coming decade. hope, from that perspective, is very real imo
You got this bro 🤝
Is your pfp Yotsuba?
i love yotsuba!
@@TheRealbboysplash yes
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
I'm a video game and anime nerd with ADHD, almost 40, and by no means in the societal success category. I've made a lot of mistakes and had a lot of jobs (over 100). It is extremely easy to tell myself that time has been wasted. The problem with this line of thinking is that it creates a mindset that being "behind" is bad. The most recent job I've gotten, the experience I have in several fields is actually an asset. The real lesson here is that drawing from experience is an asset.
The full quote “a jack of all trades is a master of none, but oftentimes better than a master of one." is meant to convey this.
Nobody is born knowing what to do, and everyone, everywhere, is trying to figure out what to do with their life and how to do it well. Some people have situations or environments that are more conducive to their goals. If there is anything you can change, change what, where, and who you spend time with. Having a goal is helpful. Small steps are easier than larger ones. A mountain was moved by carrying small stones.
If I can give any advice, it's that giving yourself a goal to focus on can carry you through a lot of shit. If we are lucky, we find something we are passionate about. I suggest doing something you know you can do to put money on the table, to afford something you enjoy first---find your passion second. It's not as difficult as you might think to have the two overlap, but it is not necessary to "be successful", which is easily subjective on a personal level. When you play a video game you have objectives that can be clearly ticked off. It works in real life to. Be specific. Keep yourself busy, every step you take is one step further than the version of yourself that did nothing.
I've spent a lot of time with trivial things, people and places that may not get me anywhere. To spend the rest of my life regretting those choices is to hate who I am for just as long. I think it is better to forgive and forget. To grow from where I am.
I am not perfect. We are all human. I am now making a living wage for the first time in my life and it feels great. I didn't get here without a lot of work related to specific, measurable and attainable goals. It's not the same map for everyone, but I believe as long as you can breathe you can change. The parts of life that build progress are boring. Greatness (as a label best given by others) is often built when no one is looking, and often applied without knowing. Be yourself, take care of yourself, and pursue your goals. May they all come true.
Godspeed.
(Channels like this are a blessing. Thank you for your time and expertise, Dr. K and the folks at HealthyGamerGG.)
yeah, tbh i respect people who has a lot of experience like you. More often than not, life is really about 'just do it'
Sorry, if following text is too messy, so feel free to ask questions or that I rephrase.
Agree. Your comment is inspirational. We each has our map due to being VERY different, which makes giving universal advices difficult. Moreover, change is so hard. Watching self-help videos usually do not help, because do not address the underlying problems and widespread errors like Dr.K does. Inspired by him I even made a YT video "7 life hacks to achieve any goal". Often in my videos I acknowledge limitations of my advices, that they are guidelines, showing direction and share what works FOR ME just as example. I am always eager to see additional insights to things I discuss in my video.
I'm 28, adhd, and have had 13 different jobs lol . . . Getting ready to start another one in October, hopefully I'll figure it out one day :) Thanks for the encouragement. In my experience, it is definitely true that the skills learned at diverse jobs are applicable in many settings.
@randomguy9777 If you judge a fish for its ability to claim trees, all life it will think that it is dumb. If you associate fullfilling life with being extrovert, while being introvert, then it is no different. There might be things, where you are level 100, but do not see it, because it feels as natural as breathing. Such as shut in, have you mastered art of minimalism? But if you wish to improve yourself, hope my videos will help you (behind the scenes I am going through my own trainig arc).
I'm 26, recently disovered I have ADHD (less than a year ago and just got a definitive diagnosis a few weeks ago) and I just executive dysfunctioned my whole life so to say. I have to say, each sentence you wrote has so much weight behind it. Like, reading each single sentence I just feel the weight. I hope many younger people reading it screenshot it, print it and hang it on their wall. And as they go through life read it every now and again and ponder on it through the lense of their life experiences. Because Idk how to explain how much value and how much weight there is in those words. I'm not nearly as mentally stable and strong as you appear to be to me but I'm already on this journey and I've made some progress, I've made some realizations and even allowed some of them to sink in and get somewhat internalized. I hope I can one day teach others too. I wish to help people like I wish I could help past me.
Thank you very much for your comment. It's hard for me not to spiral into daydreaming about the past or just feel shitty that people so much younger and better off are resonating with each other about how far behind they are and how bad they feel about it lol. (I don't at all mean to demean anyone's struggles or brag about being worse off, just the comparison was genuinely surprising to me.) When I started reading your comment I hoped that I will be encouraged by it. I hoped that it will resonate, make sense, be positive and ignite hope. And it did all that. Thank you very much for taking the time to write this.
Also, if you don't mind connecting on Discord, I'd love to hear more about your journey with ADHD and how your mindset has shifted through the years. If that's ok. Please reply so I tell you my discord ID bcs I don't want to get many notifications and not know which one is you.
Best wishes!
I was forced into a career I hated by my parents. I bailed for good at 40, spent 10+ years or so in relative poverty trying to dig the real me out from under the disfunction, and am now in a new career that has nothing to do with anything else I'd ever done, but is the first job I actually love. I lucked out with some things, and depended on friendships I made for others, and I'm finally doing work that makes me happy. One thing that kept me going was all the stories I've read/watched/played. We always love the underdog, we feel for the guy who's down. I tried to have that attitude for myself, and it kept the depression and stress down just enough to keep going. Having these videos back when I was fresh out of school would have made things a LOT easier; I had to find out a lot of these therapy techniques through experimentation and random searching and various "healers". I'm really glad this channel is here, and that this knowledge is out in the world now where so many more people can access it and not have to struggle quite as much as I did. Keep going guys, it gets better but sometimes you gotta battle through some tough levels!
Currently 24, very unhappy with the education I did and my current work. I've always been fascinated by people that could draw well but I kept saying "I dont have the talent" or "I didnt draw as a child like they did" or that it is too late. I started drawing little over a month ago, staying consistent in the hope I can make something out of it. It's never too late lads, you can do it!
a little artists' secret: talent doesn't exist. It's consistency and analytical skills (seeing your mistakes, seeing a random thing like unusual color combo in someones outfit) which are applied to your work.
I had the same thoughts in my 20s. I kept thinking that it's "too late" for me to try some new things, or to get really good at things that I was already doing. The thought of "falling behind" kept me from even trying, and looking back now at 31, if I had started doing something in my 20s I would have had 10 years of experience by now. But I also understand that I was dealing with a lot more anxiety and depression back then, and I needed to get to a better mindset to do things without a massive brain fog and emotional drain. I literally moved my life to a different country 3 years ago and just finished a degree to change my career (many of my classmates are like 7-8 years younger than me). EDIT: The problem I had with catching up in my late-teens and early-20s was that everyone kept telling me "you're young, you have time to figure it out", but no one taught me how to figure it out, so I kept "falling behind" for years.
It sound like you are figuring it out! Nobody can teach you how to but yourself :)
I think it's awesome that you've made progress towards being a happier human. 31 really isn't that old man. Think about how you'll look back at this time in your life once you're 40, 50, 60 and beyond. Age is all relative and I think the best thing we can do is just learn to enjoy the time we have right now instead of sweating about "wasted" time and the unknown that is the future. I think it can still be said: "you're young, you have time to figure it out"
The pandemic was especially painful for those of us who feel like we've fallen behind.
So how did you learn how to figure it out?
Holy crap!
"The person who's fallen behind is the person who's gotta catch up"
That really hit hard in a good way! I never thought of it in that way. I'm currently working in transitioning careers but I'm struggling with my phone, gaming and anime addiction to the point that is incredibly difficult to stay focus.
I got my first real full time job at 27yo. I'm glad I'm on the right path and doing what I need to do, despite all the problems. Everyone has their own paths, and comparing makes no sense. I don't have depression and focusing on what matters.
I'm currently 28. For the first 27 years of my life I spent the majority of my time gaming - I still did my basic duties like school and eventually work but my life was very centered around games. It wasn't until I moved out where I realized wow I prolly shouldnt have done that, and often I do lament about all the time lost (I even made a video about it).
Still, I fully embraced the "life is not a race" mentality and started working on myself. Today I am happier than I've ever been knowing that I still have so much to experience and learn. I've learned the only thing that can get in your way is comparing yourself to others - "Comparison is the thief of joy" as they say. If life is indeed a competition, let it be against your former self.
I gamed so much and still game too much ad I try to fixself haha gamer for life
Maybe become a professional gamer? That sounds like your jam
I was gonna be like 19? imagine the same feeling amplified a few years later.... than i remembered i have been feeling like this since around that age too, it just never went away xD
When someone tells me "life is not a race", i just think "yeah but it would probably be better if i had reached my goal sooner"
In your late 30s…I do not recommend it (but I secretly do)
Dam 24 in this boat, lol
@@di3486 would not recommend wasting your only life for 30 years.
@@Name.......... There is no such thing as a wasted life if you grow as consequence
I really resonated with the line, "You can tell someone who got an F on the test to dedicate to studying in the library everyday to get an A. What you need to remember though is that the person who got the F is the one who needs to execute that plan" Its empathetic statement that stresses the importance of taking on other perspectives. If you can't look through your own lens or another's, then you can't give advice or make plans to improve which will work no matter how good they seem. For instance, if you are trying to follow a workout plan your friend, who naturally gains muscle quickly, uses vs you who doesn't, chances are, you won't have as much success. If you make a plan that incorporates the fact that you ARE you, then you'll find more success.
Excellent vid. My opinion; it is only too late/one is too far behind when they r ded, so no1 here has to worry about that. Take pride in each step u take, just surviving sometimes deserves the highest level of praise and accolade ❤❤❤❤
i am 32 years old and i have just started my career a year ago. I grew up in an extremely disfunctional family and i finally had to cut contact. Summed up, i have lost 7 years in comparison to other people. i am trying to get a car in the next year.
Damn I was scrolling through this comment section wondering when I'd see a woman who's dealing with this stuff
I really needed to hear this as a 26 year old who has dropped out of University and am about to give it another try starting next week.
Good luck!!!!!!
@@ScatterBrainedYouBetterFollow Thank you, I appreciate it
Good luck man 👍
Best of luck, dude. Went into university at 25 y/o and didn't make it out with a degree.
Good luck. I went back to college late as well and graduated with my Bachelors in Electrical Engineering at 30. My strategy has been to try to do better than yesterday and only compete against myself for most of the life stuff. I may not be able to catch up to others, but I can always do better than I did yesterday.
I wish that people my age (28) made a post so I could relate.
I am too far behind, the diffrence is. i'm 28. Not 19.
Ego issue.
You're not man. When I went to college when I was younger I met a lot of people who were going back as an older adult. I met this one guy, his name was Gregory. He was this Haitian dude who was a cook for most of his working life. One day, in his late 30s he got fed up with coming home smelling like cooking oil and feeling exhausted. He was with my through a lot of my math and computer science classes as he pursued a degree in Electrical Engineering. I ran into him years later and he had gotten his bachelors, gotten a nice job and was living an amazing and secure life. It's never too late
I'm 25 and I'm just at the beginning dude just focus on the present and accept the past you can't change it anyway
I'm 25 with 1 year work experience still not finished university. Pretty bad socially with people that i don't know(in group dynamics).
I'm the same age. Recently I've noticed that my own mindset is the biggest thing that has been holding me back. Same as you, I felt behind in life due to not finishing college and other things. I imagined myself at 38 if I continued this same path and realized it's really not too late to change. The next 10 years for us will be even more critical to the structure of our lifes than the previous. Don't stay stuck in negativity. Imagine how much more painful it will be at 38 if you dont get it together. Let that motivate you to find the energy you need to make the changes!
When I was 37 I decided I had to try and do something with my life. With my wife's support I went back to college to finish a 2 year program in comp science. That program was transferable to a local university where I continued my education to get a BSc in Comp Science. I was then asked by the university if I wanted a position studying for a master's in comp science. I eventually graduated with a master's degree. All this took 12 years as I was still working full time while going to school. So at age 49 when I had finished my MSc I had a choice of quitting my dead end job and going out into the world, or sticking it out for 6 more years and taking a full pension and early retirement. I chose early retirement, and have not regretted it.
You can start over at any age but by the time you finish you might have changed as a person and your initial reason for starting over will also have changed. The journey to me was far more enriching than the final goal.
Interesting perspective!
This is a sage observation. As the old saying goes, "A man can't step in the same river twice." If you wait long enough, you'll change, even if the river doesn't.
Oftentimes, the things you think you want when you're young don't even wind up being the things you'll actually have wanted by the time you're older.
@@StochasticUniverse Such a wise saying, geez. Thanks for sharing!
Ight ight im saving this for when i need it, thank you, im 29, i suffered for depression and totally numbeness towards life for all my life. Your story is a story of BALLS, that final decision Is mindblowin expecially after all the hard work you did, respect, will read this comment a lot of time
36yo, started to try to fix my life at 30, not doing well but at least is better than when I started
Only thing you can do is try your best and let the chips fall where they may.
Hey sorry to ask but what do you mean " fix at 30" like what it was like pre 30nfor you?
Just turned 29 man, depression for YEARS, self isolation, videogames addiction and all i have to show off is my engineering degree I'm about to end in few months, that's all. That's all I did in 3 decades of life. Sure i learned about a lot of stuff (socialism, psicology finance philosophy) when i was trying to heal "on my own", but you don't put that on a resume 😂😂😂
Where you a bigger mess? Or same mess? Because of you where same than I'm scared af for my next 7 years, sorry again to ask.
After graduating university in 2020 I was job hunting for 2 years when others were already working for a years in my field at that point. Also, I was just entering my 8th year of being single at the age of 24. With every rejection you might get angrier at life and feel like it's no way to catch up, but let me tell you something, don't mess with the passive experience, because for me it showed up when it mattered the most
Literally how I've felt the past 3--5 years of my life. Funny thing is that i HAD a fulltime job making decent money, was in decent shape, had a lot of friends (I THOUGHT. Turned out they weren't really my friends), even had a leadership position at the mere age of 19. Then it all came crashing down on me when I was around 23 roughly. I literally ran face first into a wall and just bounced so far back it feels like I'm back to 0. Anxiety, I got overweight. Discovered I have a funky neck from an injury i suffered playing ball back in the day.
With all this I just lost absolutely ALL of my confidence in anything.
Haven't dated for years, had 3 years without doing jack shit but waking up to browse the internet for useless things to kill time along with gaming. Gained some severe weight from bad diet, snacking to cope with it all.
Recently had a turn around and in the past 3-4 months I've come over the worst anxiety. Found a 50% job. Lost about 36 pounds since last summer and recently got a gym membership where I go 3-4 times a week. Still struggling on the dating front (not that I've even given it a try) and I've yet to get a fulltime job but I've found the path. Just need to take the steps now. Not sure if I'll "catch up" but I'm more into making a life that's worthwhile for myself now.
King
Fucking cool
For some perspective - I’m 25, lived out home since I was 19 years old, I've had a successful IT career for the past 5-6 years working for a few big companies which included an engineering and law firm. Now I've realised that I actually don’t care about IT at all and feel apathy going to work everyday, however I almost feel “forced” to stay in the industry because I have a family to support. We all take different roads to get where we want, I tried to min/max to get to end game and "get ahead" but now it’s “too late” to change my build. In retrospect, I wish I took more time and still lived with my parents and could go to university now rather than having to decide if I want to stay in something I actively dislike for the money and flexibility, or dig deep and struggle to study while working full-time and make sacrifices for something I "might" like more.
Your situation is obviously not perfect but it still seems a lot better to me than the alternative. You might not enjoy your job, but at least you have something that keeps you stable while you're still figuring things out. Hell, a lot of people die before they ever figure shit out. You may as well secure your life in the meantime.
I just took a semester of IT after declaring myself a CS major a year ago. Hating it. 23 now. Switching to biology. I'll graduate in however long it takes. I've changed majors so many times but I must not get impatient. My therapist helped me realize that I was only motivated by fear and greed, not passion.
I have always had negative experiences with social interactions (bullying, loneliness, feeling misunderstood) to the point when I was crippled by anxiety and depression in university. Right before the pandemic hit I talked with my doctor and a psychologist. A year later I got tested for autism and got an official diagnosis. Now I’m 25 and I have zero social skills. However, for the first time in my life I am able to ‘unmask’ and explore my identity. I started journaling and meditating. I decided to write an autobiographical book about my late diagnosis. I also decided I wanted to become an illustrator, even though I have two Master degrees. I am well aware that I have a huge disadvantage compared to people who’ve been drawing since they’re a kid or people who went to art school, but that’s not the point. I learned to not compare myself to others, only to my past self. Even though I have a long way to go, I am able to see the huge progress I’ve made. It’s never too late, whatever you want to do with your life.
Idk if that counts, but to me being able to work on not comparing yourself to others too much kinds sounds like you already do have some social skills:) (some social skills are visible outwards and some are just what happens inside your brain when interacting with / thinking about other people so to me at least it counts )
Hi!
Thanks for sharing your story, for some reason it resonated with me a lot.
I think that after getting 2 degrees learning drawing/writing would be easier, you don't have the muscle memory yet, but at least you know *how* to study.
Good luck with your goals.
Fellow adulthood-diagnosed autistic here, and I understand how you feel. I'm almost twenty-two and it feels like I have zero social skills-even though I'm working on understanding emotions and empathy, and I have the ability to be superficially polite or talk engagingly/in-depth/intellectually about a subject I'm passionate on (eg. Oral presentations in high school), I can't hold a proper two-way conversation with anyone without disengaging from myself, doubting my social ability, suffering from severe anxiety/panic or resorting back to the old mask. I suppressed how I already just was for so long in order to learn how to "behave properly" (emulate what adults wanted/told me to do) in school as a kid that idea of "just being myself/me as I already am" in adult conversation/socialising just doesn't compute in my head-it's like my brain gets confused and crashes. I always assume socialising has a catch/requires me to do something extremely complicated that involves putting my entire self/voice/wants/needs/feelings aside, like there's no way I can just BE good enough on my own-there always has to be something for someone else that I'm missing, something inauthentic required of me to do on top of just being/showing myself that I HAVE to do or people will always reject me. God, it sucks.
I also started art as an adult (digital art) after I graduated high school, though I don't think it'll be any more than a hobby, but it was entirely self-studied and I always feared the headstart that people who could draw better than me at fourteen or sixteen had. Eventually, I was at least able to accept that art wasn't a race and it's never too late to learn something new, but it sure as hell took a while.
@@pokelolmc6826 i habe adhd and not autism so it's not rlly the same but a lot of the social struggles you have sound very very familiar, especially the disengaging from yourself while talking to other people
Your name sounds Dutch so I just wondered if that was the case. Other than that good luck with your goals! 23 myself and feeling like I'm in a rough spot and wasted most of my teens and early twenties up to now, partly due to constantly comparing myself so it's inspiring to say the least.
32 and I'm way behind but I've felt that way since I was a teenager. I saw others doing the things you're "supposed to do" but it didn't appeal to me. I don't really care much for comparing myself with others since they have lives I don't really want. However, the thing that's bothering me the most right now is not having a gf. It's difficult to get one when you're an introvert who don't really enjoy the company of people.
The Myth we cant do Anything is hurting us. Us all.
Lets do something against this:
Even if we ignore the Existence of Conspiracy-Debunk-TH-camrs, who we should
support to no end, theres things we can do:
Using the long-forgotten report-option of YT
to make the plattform healthier and less hateful or less se-ual or less clickbaity?
I genuinly wanna propose we go out of our way and searh for problem-content
like p-rn and so-called kissing-praks and pseudoscience and maybe climate-change-denial
and ask YT calm and civil to delete it. I think this is a number-thing and too many
let Doomerism stop them from even trying.
That level 1 run idea eased my perspective. 30 years old no education and just recently have distanced my self from my crabs in a pot family. I did beat dark souls level 0 though. I got this. Thanks Dr. K.
Rooting for you, bud. Really hoping the best for you in life. Yet to get out of my own crabs in a pot family myself.
@@diezelfunkAppreciated. The hope is mutual fam. Babysteps.
I'm irritated that a 19 year old thinks they are behind in life when they haven't started it yet. People are really expected to pick a life path when they're still in highschool
Thx Dr. K & team. Another great video and subject. This one completely up my alley. I studied engineering, graduated during the birth of facebook and youtube. Pursued the dream to work in animation, mexican working conditions led me to find alternative roads to develop independent content. It's easy to feel behind when you function in a DIFFERENT DIRECTION than the entire industry.
I see your videos from time to time and they're incredibly insightful. I have moments where I fall into this mindset where I feel behind, but my friends, family and even my wife let me know that I should go at my own pace. My grandparents used to say that I'll figure it out as I go along, don't sweat it too much. My mom would say that It'll come, be your best self. And work hard.
Now, I'm 26, halfway to 27 and been married for 3 years and been together for almost 5. Not at lot of people get married at that age now a-days. We've been through quite a bit more than the average couple and I'm not saying that to disparage or something to be proud of, just I don't hear a lot about this stuff with peers around my age.
she's had to go into surgery twice due to bowel issues, and in 2020, I fell terribly ill, slowly withered over a year and a half and, finally recovered and got into remission earlier this year.
Although things are looking up and are improving, nothing is guaranteed, and so we try to tell each other how much we mean to each other even though we still have our issues to work on. 'Rome wasn't built in a day' after all. We're a work in progress, and that's okay. We're using the hand that we've been given to the best of our abilities.
Thanks for your videos Dr. K they're always a joy and insightful to watch.
Shit im 33 and still feel like I have time.
You have a chance guys!
That's encouraging to hear.
I'm turning 30 in two months and I'm feeling despair and hopelessness about my situation in life.
If other people can have hope and positivity at a similar age to mine it tells me that not all is lost and there is still hope to improve.
I've felt like this ever since I was old enough to realize I was an introvert and everyone else seemed confident and calm. I'm 34 and live with my parents. I'm bipolar and on disability. I tried the IT industry grind but it was exhausting. I lost so much sleep from stress and mania that I was probably at risk of serious health issues if I kept going at that pace. I was drinking multiple 300mg caffeine energy drinks per day just to stay awake during calls.
But now my life is much simpler. I'm okay with being single. I don't have many friends but they're there for me when I need them. I always told myself I'd never break out of my shell but I'm starting to organize events and volunteer at nonprofits and get the chance to meet and work with people who seemed way out of my league. Especially after quitting alcohol, I feel like I can finally see my life's purpose...to help other people. I don't need sex and drugs and parties to be happy. I just need to feel I'm making some impact on my community and making the world a slightly better place.
I didn't take my studies seriously until I started going to university at 24. Don't compare yourself to others.
I relate to this, I'm 23yo and spend last 10 years depressed (diagnosed at 13). I spent my teenage years lost, anxious, wanting to die, thinking I won't live past 18, but I did and I don't know what to do next 😅 If I was a little braver I'd just end it but can't bring myself to do it, so I have to live. I don't really have goals or dream, just don't want to be a burden to my parents and become independent
literally stressed out of my mind because I failed my first year of college and I need to tell my mom about it (fortunately I'm in Europe so not that costly but failing make you lose the ability to be funded)
I'm scared of how she's gonna react but atleast I feel a bit better now
That’s rough. Just know that it doesn’t have to be a defining moment of your whole life.
Failed my first semester and dropped, don't feel ashamed. College is not necessary to live a happy life... you will find your way whether that's coming back when you feel the time is right or taking up jobs near you and seeing where life takes you.
If the reason you failed was because you weren't psychologically prepared to commit to the workload, then it may actually be better for you to spend some time working outside of college. It will allow you to gain experience and may condition you to better handle the environment for when you return.
This is pretty much what happened to me. I was too immature to deal with the workload at my college and dropped out about a month after I started my first year. I knew immediately that it wasn't a fit. I returned to college 4 years later, re-enrolled, and went on to graduate. Dropping out was absolutely a necessary stepping stone for me and I never would have graduated without having dropped out, first.
30:00 ish.. Your "level 1 runs" metaphor reminds me of my experience in Dark Souls 2.
The idea and comparison you made makes sense and actually feels encouraging 🙂
Started to do what Dr K says in this video 2015. I've been 24, workless for more than 4 years.
Back then I didn't know him, had to figure it out myself. Wish I had input/help like this.
However, things turned out well, took me like 2-4 years to catch up. Finished University, found a wife, etc.
As he said, beeing behind gave me some skills that are really liked by others, even if I'm still awkward.
So keep on doing. 'too late' doesn't make that much sense actually.
so glad dr. k put out this video. I needed to hear this a long time ago, really good to know that someone like me out there will hear it too.
the journey of my adult life has been learning to accept that almost anything can be good work - especially working on yourself.
In my opinion, it's true that life is a competition but maybe not the competition you thought it would be. When compared with my peers, I seemed to always have less experience in the typical things people my age have but at the same time I made other experiences they didn't make and collected other types of skills throughout my life. It's funny because I ended up getting jobs in all kinds of places exactly because of my odd combination of skills. It seemed at first that I was far behind but it turned out that I just took another route and ended up in the same place or better than my peers. I would always choose the non-mainstream route again but I know it would always feel like I am far behind again, because I can't directly compare myself to others. I guess, I just didn't like the way everybody was doing things, so I wasn't motivated to jump into the same rat race. I did the bare minimum and often did things that you can't put on your resume. Strangely enough, these things were what potential employers appreciated about me. People often said I have what others don't have or I seem to know what I am talking about but internally, it didn't feel like that at all. I don't regret the way I did things and now I see I might have been far ahead in different aspects, I just didn't see it because I was expected to do a certain set of things and I just came up with something else. I hope I make some sense, if not, please ignore what I wrote. XD
I have a wife, son and live on our own, but I'm disabled and don't have a career. I lose sleep wishing I could do better for them, but I thank God for what I have
Spinal injury?
@@Toochilledtocare-_- heart
@@victuss1413 do you have any hobbies you like?
You have to remember that men “provide for their families” in many more ways than just earning money. Sometimes it feels like that’s all that’s expected of us but it’s not true. Just think of the TV trope of a rich dad who works 24/7 and never actually spends time with his kids - obviously it’s a caricature but you get the point. You have much more to offer to your family than just your time spent away at a job. Lean into your strengths and try to work on the skills you’re lacking, but remember that if you’re actually trying your best that’s all anyone can ask of you.
You can be disabled and a good father and husband - obviously. The two have nothing to do with each other. There are plenty of able bodied men who are shit fathers and bad husbands. Having a career doesn’t make you a better father, nor is it a requirement to be a good one. Being a good father and husband is mostly about your relationships with your son and wife, how you interact with them, what you’re willing to do for them, what your values are, are you there when they need you. Not how many Xmas gifts you can buy.
I know this is an old post Victuss but your comment made me stop scrolling and respond. I’m rooting for you man, I hope you’re doing well.
I'm a 27 yo industrial Design Student, I just failed an annual class, twice, and I have to do it all over again, I feel much better watching this, I'm really greatful for this channel. Thank you Dr. K.
Y’all youngins are lucky you have dr K. I didn’t have dr. k when I was 19. I’m almost 30 and super far behind
Thats ego Bro, im your age and same situation.
It's so soothing and tender just to listen to Dr.K talking about things, he's so considerate and empathetic that I can always relate to what he says
Typical Mindset of a 19 year old. I used to be the same. I was falling behind due to Mental health reasons. I had to take time off to recover. I recently got my first Job this year at age 23. I'm doing well at the Job. I'm not too concerned about "Friends & Relationships". Just need the money to go out on my own and have my own fun.
I mean, I will say that maybe there's a certain generational bias at work here, but I definitely remember a time when "typical 19-year-olds" never really publicly professed a lot of worries like this. Times have changed. It didn't used to be the case that mental health issues were such a besetting affliction among teenagers.
I was a teenager in the 1990s, and people absolutely seemed more carefree back then -- not just kids, but adults, too. I don't know if the times are actually worse now or if people have just grown soft and pussified, but regardless of the cause, people definitely seem way more overwhelmed by things now. And it's not just teenagers. Actual Baby Boomers seem more emotionally overwhelmed now, too.
@@StochasticUniverse it's the same, there's just more communication because of the internet so if you want to find people that are struggling and feel like they're falling behind, you can now see thousands of them at once. And some people can whinge much more and are addicted to this unnatural amount of attention (Karens). You'll be glad to know, there's still people who, for the most part, aren't struggling too hard and are just chilling in life. I'm 21 and about to do my final year of mathematics at uni. I'll get a decent paying entry level job from a company I'm emailing now (hopefully, it's a very graduate-friendly company and I'm on track for a 1st) and I'll keep living with my parents until I've saved for my first mortgage in 2-4 years. Life for me and many others is swell.
I find it hard to imagine how one would go about professing their worries without the internet. The only medium I can think of that would be suitable would be music and the 90s saw the whole grunge era and the 80s saw emo and entire demographics based around their sadness. It's only really the 60s that didn't see a new wave of sad music but the blues were still extremely prominent and hippies were certainly professing their worries.
Nice job man I’m on the same route literally. I wish you good fortune and consistency
I'm 28 and i am in the same situation. Trust me, you're not too old, it is never too late to change.
Gonna be 24 in a few days, dropped out because I was just cheating my way thru college, lost my group of childhood friends, isolated myself with weed and video games, got further isolated when covid hit and developed a alcohol problem during lockdown. Worked as a food courier for the following 2 years. Got a decent paying gig job and now from late 2023 to now have been trying to clean my mess up. Im behind compared to my colleagues but F it, I need to take it one step at a time and drown out the noise.
Thank you so much for this video! As a 19-year-old, I could relate a lot to the OP and listening to you, Dr. K. helped me gain perspective. It's never to late to change your life for the better guys 😁
I love these videos but half-way through I just lose focus and interest because I realize how stupid and fixable all my problems are but then it comes back full circle and I'm here again
Hearing 19 and 25 year olds complain about this is quaint, especially when you are nearing 35.
Its like people asking if its too late and they are behind to start playing wow new oatch/expac 1 week in.
I messed my life up bad and am very behind. I am not sure its salvageable at this point.
I got addicted to heroin at 16 and did not get clean until I was 33. Now I might be sober, but I am so far behind my peers in so many aspects of life that I am not sure if I can end up in a happy situation. I have no degree, no network of friends, no significant other, no career, no kids.... nothing. I recently turned 40 and about all I have going for me is that I am sober and debt free.
I plan to try and do my best to position myself to get a significant other, make friends, and at least be heading towards a better job. If I cannot accomplish these things (or at least be well on my way towards them) in the next 2 or 3 years I am going to throw in the towel.
Hopefully I can salvage a little bit of happiness out of my life, but I guess if not that is the price that I have to pay for my mistakes... Fingers crossed though.
Anyway, do not do drugs people. Even if you do not die or go to jail, you will waste precious time that you will never get back. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
I wish you luck with your journey, my friend. I hope you can accomplish those goals of yours to a point where you won’t give in, and can enjoy your life.
@@SUPERLAME4 Thanks man.
Doing any better nowadays?
well if it was 5 years ago I'd also be panicked because most of my friends and people around my generation already have job and progressing their lives while I'm a freaking neet without a proper skill or direction in life. I'm 30 this year, I was at loss since I was around 19-20 and was depressed like "I don't wanna do anything anymore" or something along that line. After intense self-improving and never giveup even after several burnouts. At first few years I went by doing nothing for like 18 months...well actually streamroll weeb stuffs like anime, manga, or web novels. In short a lot of time I lived in denial and just doing nothing.
Now be like why be rush? is it life threathening situation? I believe there are organizations that would happily help anyone without jobs or place to live. Please don't look down on homeless people, some people actually enjoy the freedom of being homeless and I understand that point of view....well please neve look down to anyone, or even look up, because you'll lose the opportunity to learn the truth about that person.
If I have any advice to give to my younger self, it would be "take your time, learn more about yourself". This might be weird but I'm so glad that I failed miserably a lot of time, I learned a lot and now I know where I should go. Even if I'd fail again, I'll just learn from the faliures and do better. Just like games, you failed, you try again. Working smart, never smash your head to the walls. There is always room to relax, enjoy life.
Well even if I give myself some advices or not I'd still be here, I'm smart enough to take myself to a better position.
Most people would struggle because you comparing yourselves with someone else right? For me I'm struggle because my family tried to control my life as if I'm just a mere puppet....and trust me it's much worse than how people imagine it is. Well I think Asian people understand my point of view though.
To use the same analogy:
My father had the fastest racing car... until it broke down and couldn't get fixed. Now others may slowly catch up to him.
In his 30 years he achieved more than some people in their whole lifetime. Then he started drinking to relieve stress and everything fell apart.
Whenever I start comparing myself to others I try to think about things that the other person didn't do, but I did or can. I try to see everything I do as a small step towards improving myself. Besides the obvious disadvantages maybe I have more advantages than I realize.
Well today it’s a lot harder to do things early. All the distractions that didn’t exist years ago. The need for discipline is so much higher imo today than it was decades ago when there wasn’t as many distractions. Like GAH DAMN we have some awesome entertainment in recent years. I’m sure Leonardo d Vinci woulda probably been struggling too 😂
🤣
lmao indeed! imagine how many artistic and creative geniuses are out there that can't create anything because they're preoccupied with TikTok
@@kyleh6173 you broke my hypnosis from TH-cam shorts.. I’m going to draw now! thank you! XD
So many distractions, but opportunities too...
Went back to school at 24 and finished Masters degree a few months before 30. I always felt behind in my 20s but feel ahead at 33 now. Its never too late unless you don’t try.
I'm at a stage of my life where most of my friends are already well established in their college whereas I'm only in my first year at 21yo because I failed a lot due to personal problems, video games addiction, lack of motivation...
And it feels really bad, it's hard to find self value then
The best job I had, during the interview, there was little job related topics, and after I was taken to lunch with the team I would be working with.
I got the job because I was told it's easier to train your job related skills but having a team that gets along is extremely difficult.
A lot of interviewers are primarily looking for soft sills and intelligence. With sufficient intelligence, you can just learn anything you need to know. But soft skills tend not really to be learned; they're more innate. If you nail the soft skills, the rest will often be able to take care of itself. Conversely, if you flub the soft skills, they might decide you're too difficult to work with, no matter how brilliant your resume is.
So in this large competition, the only way to find a place is to compete well, but every competition is made out of it's competitors; I shouldn't have to be punished for doing well because others are held back by their own lives, and this limitation can ultimately corrupt the competition.
Now if I'm making self awareness and self acceptance an entry pass into the competition, than I can only assume that the act of competing itself would undermine whatever edge I may have over others, and then the best strategy becomes not to compete with my own competency, but others ability to hide their own.
Simpler terms, I can stop competing with myself to learn about who I am or whatever, but everyone else in the competition already knows who you are by account of the entry pass, so then the competent competitor won't be accounted for and instead are suppressed.
It's like we're living in a cycle of competitors remorse where the next man has to be ready to commit and regret more than the next guy for less and less every year and we're the ones doing it to ourselves through our market expectations of human behavior. What kind of competition values positioning in the game over the means to compete in the first place?
I refuse to play a game that doesn't give every player an equal beginning stage for that fact alone, and so much of the gaming industry is based around balancing gameplay features for this sake alone; it just feels disingenuous to make that player go and sit out of the competition because the other competitors wanted to force competition out of the pool to make it easier for themselves and other people.
It doesn't matter where you end up in that competition because we're all just trying to live out life the best way we know how to, so it just doesn't make sense to me why me and the rest of my generation are pitted against each other for economic power.
It's so funny that this comes from a 19 year old. Someone who's basically JUST getting life started and has plenty of time to figure it out. It doesn't seem to matter what age, everyone always feels too old or too behind to do XYZ
No you don't have time
You have time if someone else is funding your lifestyle if your parents cut you off you have to figure out everything all at once
I'm turning 21 tomorrow and have related to this issue for the past several years. As someone with autism and ADHD, I look back and struggle to understand why I simply didn't do much: I didn't have any lifelong friends, rules at my house got stricter over the years, I didn't try enough new things when I had the chance, I didn't visit people or have people over as often as I had wished, and so on.
I want to spend my 20s doing what I should've done and making up for what I shouldn't have done in my teens, despite already being very focused on my career and becoming a normal adult. I dream of things I want to try and get back into, but to what extent?
Success-Shame is hard,
but i will not give-up.
INSTEAD i will ask-around in this comment-section here if someone would like
to help me with a Project of mine: Using the long-forgotten report-option of YT
to make the plattform healthier and less hateful or less se-ual or less clickbaity?
I genuinly wanna propose we go out o our way and searh for problem-content
like p-rn and so-called kissing-praks and pseudoscience and maybe climate-change-denial
and ask YT calm and civil to delete it. I think this is a number-thing and too many
let Doomerism stop them from even trying.
I am 24 and I got severe chronic skin disease about the time I graduated. I suffer from intense symptom, got multiple times of infections, can't sleep properly, jobless, don't dare to meet my friends, got social-phobia from staying at home too long. For me, to have a job to work to is a luxury. I am now trying my best to survive where Dr.K's video helps a lot. If you have an ideal form of yourself, I would say by all means be what you want to be, train yourself for it when you are able to.
The fact so many of the comments are in their early 20s and thinking this is depressing.
Imagine being in your late 30s...
I kind of have the opposite issues that the person on Reddit posted because in my entire life I had done extracurriculars in addition to school from roughly when I was 6 all the way into my high school graduation at the age of 18. I was able to graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in Accounting in August 2019 and I was in the process of becoming a Certified Public Accountant (CPA) after getting 150 credits in school. I just need to get at least 2 years of Accounting experience and to pass the CPA exam, the problem is that I haven't been able to get a job in the accounting field to gain accounting experience in 4 years since I graduated. I felt like I was behind because all I did was study and take Summer classes because I had to retake classes in order to get enough credits to qualify for the CPA license. I've had a plan since I was in middle school and in high school I have a plan on how to spend said money on the job, but I'd have to get a job in order to spend money. So I feel behind even though I've been doing everything right if I want to be able to help my family financially and pay off bills.
(39,F: BA, MS in PM) I'm 100% using video games to resolve a boatload of my own psyche roadblocks (ADHD, fear of failure, rejection sensitivity, social development, emotional regulation, executive dysfunction, and many other C-PTSD related root causes). It's working SO WELL!
If you’re racing a race car, sometimes the answer is putting on some off road tires and circumventing the turns
These recent videos by Dr. K could change the society for the better, and stop the mental things which have been going on for centuries. What others think has shaped our society in which we live today, hope it reduces from now on and people in the next decade have a better life.
Just wanted to shout out Dr. K's capacity to come up with almost perfect analogies every time. Brings a smile to my face while at the same time making me feel hopeful about my future.
Bruh if only I saw this video when it came out because this idea was literally the reason why I got so depressed during the first half of my high school senior year last year. I felt how that discord member felt as well
I've never heard anyone put into words so well how personal growth can give a competitive edge in the professional world too. I'm an older guy (probably one of the few here old enough to catch that "make your time" reference judging by the other comments) and this is basically what I learned first hand but over a looooong time.
I developed and pursued a lot of interests after graduating from uni 3 years late. I flew planes, did stand-up, travelled, re-took up martial arts, got into history and culture, cooking, baking, etc etc. Then I went back to college at 35. Just this morning, the guy who was my manager for 2 internships texted me about a 1-month contract he wants me to do for him in February. I've also booked my second trip to Italy for the end of January. I've been learning Italian for the last 7 months, so I hope I can converse with the locals some before they painfully switch to English on me.
If you feel who you are and your lack of experience are a big part of the problem, stop lamenting about it. Put that lamenting energy into learning and doing new things. Before long, you'll be unrecognizable. And growth begets more growth.
I am in my early 50s and I have a good job that I like, wife, kids, house, etc but I also have a bunch of other things that I wanted to also do (be a successful youtuber/streamer, artist, musician and voice actor) and they require quite a lot of extra work that is hard to find with family, work and gaming. I am currently working on the first one (streamer/youtuber) part time but it is slow going and not really feeling successful due to how hard it is to break in and at this rate, this or any of the other things will never replace my current job as a career that can pay the bills. I feel like I am running out of time for any of these things because I'm not going to live forever but I don't want to keep being a hobbiest. Is there anything that can be done for someone like me? I pretty much have my life and my mental self together but these goals seem to need more that I have access to.
wow. at 19 they already felt this way. at 19 i thought "i have time to waste in this abusive relationshíp" and i regret it since. but i also regret not getting more into cooking sooner, or into crochet sooner or singing or sketching or everything xD so yeah i fell with them in a lot of ways
As a 19y who thought it was too late and is now 26.... Don't let this feeling eat you up. As someone bright said to me "time will pass anyway". In 6 years you will be 6 years older, but chosing to work on yourself will always pay off
im 30 , overweight , starting a buisiness , in the next 6 months i plan to transform my body and work on fostering better friendships and getting myself to a place where im ready for a relationship , took the last few years for it to settle in that its ok to be where i am , life is a marathon , not a race
@@dagerry weight is staying the same , need to redouble my efforts on diet , however i am making gains in the gym so i assume im losing fat if im gaining muscle and not getting heavier ,aside from that im meeting new people of a better quality and getting my home in better order , moved my pc out of my bedroom for better sleep , and still learning every day , thanks for asking , hope your having a good day
@@dagerry indeed , muscle is much more dense than fat , and absolutely in the long run its about building a sustainable workout and diet routine that still fits in with your life ,wich has been interesting in itself , when i learned i need about 250 g of protein a day that was a bit of a shock ,way more than i thought , its a good job i like cooking lol , and thanks :)
slow going so far , but wins compound in time @@dagerry
This talk was chock full of insights! Thanks so much!
Takeaways:
→ Life isn’t a race but it is a competition that includes a variety of factors.
→ Acknowledge that you have to drive the same car with which you lost.
→ Gaming has its advantages and should not make you hopeless.
→ It’s valid to feel your late in life but it also gives you hidden advantages.
→ Be careful of the coping mechanisms during this stage.
→ It’s possible to complete the game with handicaps and even excel at it.
→ “I’m different” can also be an excuse. → Play the hand that you’re dealt and don’t compare or copy it from others.
Granted, I’m still fairly young (25). But… I remember at 19, I was trying EVERYTHING to “catch up” (socially, especially). And all it really did was cause me more problems in my present life. I became burnt out and it knocked me down pretty far, admittedly.
These past couple of years, especially these last few months, I’ve been meditating A LOT. Reflecting on my past and who I’ve become as a result. There are still a couple things I did at 19/20 that I regret, but I’m mostly proud of who I’ve become. Ultimately. And, anymore, I’m just excited for what the future holds. Like… I have had, simultaneously, the best and worst years of my life between ages 19-24. Got into some trouble, sure. But I also got to visit NYC. Something I never thought was possible. But something I dreamt of since I was 5 years old, about. Not only did I visit it once, but I was actually able to visit it twice in one year.
Like Dr. K says in the video… It’s important to have a plan. And to know who exactly is executing on that plan. I know this video is old. But yeah… Been watching Dr. K before bed a lot lately and he has been a big help in me understanding myself better. But I also have had to put a decent chunk of work in myself.
My advice to anyone feeling behind is to try and remember to take it a bit slow. Remember, “it’s a marathon, not a sprint” - as they say! And they are right. It is better to maintain your momentum than to try and rush into something you’re not entirely ready for.
I'm feeling this at 17yo. It sucks, man. Not only does my social life feel worse than those of my friends and loved ones, but I'm struggling academically (3.4 GPA I believe) and extracurricularly (don't have much extracurricular experience). I really feel lost, and at 17, the most important year of your life, that's not a feeling I should be having, and despite crying to myself in bed and pondering why, I'm still not fully sure what it is. All I know is that it's a vicious something of a vicious cycle: I have an impossible dream, but mess up or not do something, causing my self esteeem to tank, causing the cycle to repeat itself, and I don't know where to f*cking start in fixing myself. I really need help.
How does one strive to improve without comparison. How do ppl get ahead? You said the concept of catching up only applies to those who feel like they’ve fallen behind. Do those who are ahead also feel like they’ve fallen behind in comparison to someone who is even further ahead? How does self motivation, curiosity, willingness to learn, even discipline play into all of this? Thanks.
I think one issue his presentation has it that is assumes all comparison is bad. If you're in a pack of animals running from a predator and you don't compare where you are to the pack - you're the straggler and you die. Comparison is essential, but should not be an emotional judgement. Consider this, getting money is important, but you shouldn't love money itself or how much more or less of it you have.
Instead of "Where Should I be?"
Think "Where Could I be?" If you notice your peers are starting families it doesn't mean you have to do one now - but you know that if you do your peers can all help you out. Maybe your peers will accept your help as they lead the way.
The Doctor here advocates for being Aware of ourselves. Comparison is part of being Aware of our surroundings. Maybe instead of worry about how far behind you are, help someone else out so they're less behind and maybe the favor will come back to you.
it‘s important to spend time alone, doing things, working on out skills, apart from others and also apart from a challenge. we are constantly inside a challenge, but we do not have to keep focusing only on this 😊
I'm 33 and have basically zero faith in my future. I'm not even comparing myself that much to others (because I have basically no close contacts left); I'm just being real about the state of things. The country I live in lives and dies by the idea of "medication fits all and cures all", and medication is one of the things that actually makes my problems worse. Failing that, there's always the booze, but that's a downwards trend I don't want to repeat.
Kind of interesting because I just had the opposite problem recently. I wanted to use the time I had to improve myself and find a long term solution to my procrastination/digital addiction problem, however, my parents pressured me heavily to study professional exams. Sure I ended up passing the thing but now that the exam is over I'm still lacking the self discipline needed to continue with the rest of my journey as I didn't get the time to meet with a counselor. It's even more frustrating when my parents expect me to do nothing but study when this is the path they forced me on and they scratch their head when doing x is so nature to them and always ask "why is it so hard?" in the most malicious manner possible.
The Myth we cant do Anything is hurting us. Us all.
Lets do something against this:
Even if we ignore the Existence of Conspiracy-Debunk-TH-camrs, who we should
support to no end, theres things we can do:
Using the long-forgotten report-option of YT
to make the plattform healthier and less hateful or less se-ual or less clickbaity?
I genuinly wanna propose we go out of our way and searh for problem-content
and ask YT calm and civil to delete it. I think this is a number-thing and too many
let Doomerism stop them from even trying.
@@loturzelrestaurant um...
Why are you using my comment as a platform for your own agenda? When in my comment did I mention the topic in yours? Like you can do what you want but I don't care to pursue something that will take so much mentality energy when I could be doing a million things I like better and have a lot on my plate already.
@@duelme1234 Agenda? Plattform?
@@duelme1234 Yeah, its just that you dont have anything better to do than help People. You just think you do.
@@loturzelrestaurant
1. Whether I have something better to do or not is none of your business
2. even if I don't have something more productive for society to do during my spare time I LIKE (read my wording)/derive more joy from doing the things I like than whatever you are suggesting
3. My comment is unrelated to your call to action, so for all practical sake you barged in trying to push something nobody asked for
4. Going out of my way to subject myself to negative energy is mentally draining, I have enough on my plate already.
5. I think what you're doing it helpful to anyone or anything. I personally dislike clickbaity thumbnails and titles, however, I understand that people reserve the right to do what they please with their video (barring straight up violations ofc). Many content creators in communities that I paid attention to use exaggerated personalities to entertain people. I mostly don't watch them but I understand that they have a certain appeal and there are plenty of people that find it entertaining. I have high morals standards for stuff like this but I also recognize that it would painfully unfair for me to force these standards on everyone else.
Now please, buzz off.
I have never suceeded in anything in my life. I tried many things and failed every single time. I have no hope of catching up. The only way I can see is lowering my standards so much that I just trick myself into being happy with having nothing to offer. I just hope all this bullshit of a life ends sooner rather than later.
Well, you suceeded at not dying so far. 😄
Spot on timing... currently feeling like 10 years wasted on a customer service job :)
could be doing something better with my time and last 2 years commuting 4h workday, was the pay worth it?`was it? Feel like still at same spot as 5 years ago...
Of course huge mistakes were also made.
Feeling this... I have a Masters degree, but very few friends, transferable skills or financial security. Found out am autistic and have ADHD last year and things are starting to improve now that I'm medicated, but at 31 it's going to be a slog to get to where my friends and colleagues are
Having a masters is no small feat. Pat yourself on the back once in a while.
It's not about catching up, it's about to change the path of your life... You are not behind you are following just a different path and as you can do in a haiway you can change lines and if you miss a exit you can always come back, it might take time but you can go back. But if you go back you might find another path to your destination...
thoses analogies are so funny lmao i just love it when dr k does them
that poster is 19 and already feeling like this, i'm 30 years old now and switching careers because my previous one failed completely, try to imagine how depressed and anxious i was during this transition, i'm doing way better now, but i went through some very, very dark times and was this close to ending it all.
Glad you got through it and good luck on the new career
Almost 24, started practicing art about 6 months ago. Right when dall-e came out. :) There is a high likelihood I'm wasting the best years of my life learning a skill that will become completely obsolete.
except animation films and advertisement illustrations, a big part of the art consumers is other artists and no artist wants to consume ai pictures. so i don't think you need to worry too much about it.
im 17 and i have absolutely no idea where to start. i want to learn spanish and get my body in shape but after that i dont even know what i want my career choice to be yet and my mom wants me to go to college but college is so damn expensive and i dont even know what i want to do in college
if you’re reading this and younger, try to limit the downtime you spend on social media, video games, porn etc. very basic advice but you may be surprised at how much time you spend on these 3 things when you could be learning an instrument or becoming an EMT or some shit
Feels like the things I did to improve my life have set me back further.
It's never too late to do well, and a little well is better than none.
Sometimes those videos seems like a precision strike
i had a meeting with my coach like 30 min ago talking about almost these exact same issues.
I'd love if these were on spotify
I needed to hear this today, thank you
A 19 year old male with him being the one to expect the highest from himself. This is a recurring pattern that i suffer one myself. Chances are you're average and will continue to be one instead of getting left behind. The fact that you feel left behind means you would at one point be better as long as you're patient with yourself. The key is to forgive yourself and try to learn.
I'm 32 and I had no ambition to do anything for most of life because I was just waiting to die, well still kicking and now I feel like I'm really behind becuase I wasn't expecting to live this long but it's just so hard to discipline myself into making a future for myself.