Ty.. my best freind is crying over call saying he is so scared of this world and his gender dyphoria and everything and I'm trying to comfort him. We are making characters together and I'm talking to him
For everyone saying they feel bad for having to look this up: don't. You're taking the initiative to be a better person! That's pretty fuckin awesome, in my opinion.
@@ijustthrewouttheloveofmydreams yeah absolutely I agree with you becoz whole world says that the term" I'M SORRY" on that situation and we do not know how to deal that situation and we tend to say the same cliche word without any EMOTION. And Just stand like a mute object.!!
You were a ship in stormy seas. I am an island just in touch. You found yourself to me that night and shared each others warm embrace. I am an island just in touch. The time it came, to let you go, to sail away and a happy tear. I am an island just in touch. And if you find yourself in stormy seas spread your sails and think of me. I am an island just in touch.
This video is really underrated, for everyone blaming themselves for having to look this up, don't be, please, just the fact that you are looking for a way to help a significant one is amazing and I am proud of you. Since the pandemic started I had a lot of friends, including myself going through a very dark moment, being the listener of the group wasn't a easy task lol, but it is amazing to see a professional talk about something so important and so well explained! Thanks!
I recently had a bad situation happen to me and my mom doesn't know how to comfort me, this video is everything I wanted to hear. I will show her this. Thank you.❤
@@ellanies Thank you, I think having open communication is best. I still have my good and bad days with my mom but reminding her to self reflect on the situation before reacting with emotions first has helped a lot. Good communication is a challenge and requires a lot of patience and understanding, but in the end there are moments that make all that effort worth it.
I never wanted to see these type of videoes. But the time always shows me that I control nothing. And made me realise that these are part of life you can never escape.😖☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭😭😭
Our son has been dealing with depression for a few years now. It has been very difficult to get him to open up with us about how he is feeling but it mostly seems to be due to the death of all 4 of his grandparents within a 5 year time period. Most recently another very close elderly "grandparent" figure passed unexpectedly in her sleep and since he is away in college, we had to tell him over the phone. It seemed like he was making improvements until this happened and now he is worse than ever. It didnt' help when one of the university's counselors invalidated his feelings. He met once with him and never went back because he made him feel worse. We have recently found a councilor that he is comfortable with so we are praying that things get better for him. Thanks for sharing this video, I will try to incorporate some of these suggestions into our conversations.
I am watching this video to comfort a friend of mine who is not really in a good situation.. And most of the things were similar to what i really did till now.. so i think it's a relevant video!! N the best thing to do is to say i m here for u.. by this the person feels really touched n gets to know that people love him...
As a person who has a hard time even understanding myself these videos can really help I’ve always had a hard time knowing what to say in any situation
I feel bad I have to look this up, but I really just want to help my brother. Today I was going down stairs to get some milk, I was surprise my brother didn’t say anything because normally he knows I’m there, I walk over to the refrigerator that had milk and I saw my brother sitting at his desk with his computer in front of him, I started hearing noises that sounded like crying and so I walked out not even grabbing the milk because I thought he needed alone time. When someone is upset I know someone coming up and trying to talk to them about as if they know what your going through is annoying, because that’s what my parents try to do when I’m upset, they think their doing the right thing but sometimes people just want to be alone and listen to their self. I try putting myself in my brother’s shoes, my younger sister is annoying and when I’m frustrated and she’s their all sitting in happy it makes me lash out. I just know this by documenting myself, I tend to think back on when I’m upset out of habit.
Hey friend. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with that and don't feel bad to look these things up. These are uncomfortable moments and it's normal not to know what to do or feel helpless sometimes. It's important to just be there to make your presence known so they feel their emotions are acknowledged. It doesn't need comfort by words all the time like you said, or asking "are you ok?" because we know they're not. I do that for my partner who is very introverted and stoic person who doesn't recognize his emotions much, but is experiences pain. I ask about other indirect needs, or do stuff for them anyway. Make them a cucumber or ham sandwich, a cup of water or a warm pot of tea if that's what they usually do every day. If it's been a long day, draw a bath or put out clean towels and let them know to have a shower. Sometimes just pulling out of their sitting/lying position to shower and breathe the hot steam helps them process their thoughts and emotions. It's a release valve. Maybe offer to go for a quiet, wordless walk together. Or a drive around the neighborhood until they want to stop. Just being beside someone I think is just as powerful as talking emotions out like in this video.
I'm seeing a lot of comments talking about how people feel bad that they had to look this video up to comfort people and their loved ones. I hope that these people can realise that there's nothing to feel bad or guilty about. You're going out of your way to research how to comfort someone in the right way to not hurt them or make their pain worse. Thats just kindness. Why would you feel bad for being kind? And feeling guilty because you can't comfort peoing is no excusable reason to feel guilty as well. Everyone has something they cant do well. Wether that be drawing or talking. But thats not the point here. What we need to focus on is that you went out of your way to improve your skills after admitting that you cant do something well (some people dont want to accept they cant do something, so im already proud of you for accepting yourself) Hope yall arent too hard on yourselves! You're a kind and amazing human being! Believe it!
The availability one is really true, I know from personal experience. I stayed on call alone really late one night that my friend was sad in case he wanted to join so that he had someone to talk with. It really helped and now we are even better friends
My friend has been in and out of the hospital. One stay was for 25 days. This video is awesome. I’m going to watch it again and again. I’m going to take notes and practice this in the mirror. If you knew my friend you would love him. He is so kind and sweet. I want to help him. Thank you so much for teaching me these ways of relating. My family didn’t know how to do this so I never learned. Now I also have more insight into my own challenges and the need to open feel my feelings and emotions. Self compassion and compassion in action. 💎💎💎
Last night when i was talking to one of my friend who is really frustrated & psychologically ill, i was really feeling sorry for him but i couldn’t get any fine words to Console him thats why today I'm here..thanks
My friend told me something she never told anyone else before and it seemed to be hurting her or had hurt her before. I felt stupid trying to comfort her because I kept repeating things I had already said and just kind of standing there like🧍🏻♀️. I got home and decided immediately I need to find out how to comfort people better. Because I have always felt sympathy but never knew what to say. This helped so much thank you for this video!
The biggest thing about being present is truly being present physically and emotionally. Not through a text or a quick message, but to truly show up, offer yourself to serve your friend.
People need to understand they aren't born knowing things. YOU need to understand you're not born knowing how to do things, every single things we do we learn, we get r from those around us and we learn and educated ourselves. And to become better we need to LEARN. You need to put in the effort just as you learn English and maths, you need to learn how to be a good friend too because for.many of us it didn't come naturally and maybe didn't have the best surroundings when growing up. If you're learning that's amazing. That's genuinely such a human thing to do and shows mercy to those around you.
Not to toot my horn but I’ve been told I’m really nice to talk to during difficult times. I still learned a lot from this and I think even a skilled, practicing therapist or psychologist could benefit from watching this video. I don’t think anyone should condemn themselves for being socially inept just for trying to learn better ways to be there for someone who needs it.
Watching this so I can comfort others properly and not say anything too hurtful this year. I suppose my aspiration is to be the kid who always lends an ear to anyone who needs it/provides comfort. Right now I'm a mess at it, though (neurodivergent introvert) but I want to be someone that others can rely on.
This is a very admirable goal you have. The great thing about empathy and comforting is that these are learnable skills. As a neurodivergent person, it might be a little bit harder to recognize feelings and make all the inferences, but it’s still quite possible to be good at this. People love to be listened to.
@7:25 "Reassure the other person that it's okay to express any feelings that they have" I'm often surprised that they might not have the feeling that you expect them to in that situation. And it feels important not to assume or push the feelings you would have in their position, on to them. Our assumptions reveal so much about our own thoughts/feelings and might feel like judging.
These are challenging times. I find most people are facing new difficulties and they are often hurting in ways they hadn't seen coming. It's really helpful to know how to support people during crisis, or when they are experiencing fears and pressure. Thank you. This was helpful.
I just love this person so much and it hurts me that I just froze when she was so down and sad and did literally nothing and I try to convince myself that isn’t my fault and I’m not the emotional type but I still let her down when she need me and I hate myself for that so I’m here to learn how to comfort her cus she means the world to me. Thanks for letting me share
My friends keep distancing themselves from me because I can’t console or comfort them without sounding like an asshole and I feel bad so this video helps
My friend is going through a hard time, he almost cried but I had no words to say. All I did was to listen and hug him. I'm so upset at myself, so tomorrow I will see him again to check how he is doing. Hopefully I can comfort him better this time. Thank you
Thank you for this excellent guide on how to talk to someone who is suffering. It helps me immensely when someone lets me vent and they affirm my feelings, but when I am trying to help someone else I worry that I will say the wrong thing and unintentionally hurt them more.
This video is so simple and excellently structured that even I, a socially deaf autistic person, can follow along and tell when I should say different things. This video has been very helpful for me, thank you.
Thank you so much for this, I was called by a close friend a few hours ago and i didn't know what to say, i just listened the whole time and at the end of the conversation it was this silence that i think was my cue to say something comforting, fear not my friend, i will call him and try again, this time with this approach, thanks again!
thank you for laying out these steps. just had a scary emotional call with an inconsolable friend and unsure if i did them right. i managed to do most steps
the fact i searched this up because my friend told me my crush was crying when i wasnt at school and i was the only one who usually comforts him even though he hurts my feelings he sometimes has a kind heart when i feel down. I searched this up because i realized how bad i am at comforting someone. recently he found out i have covid. He gave me so much advice its so sweet. 😭🤍 Thank you for this video! It helped me comfort all my friends :) Besides my friend suggested this video when I was crying uncontrollably in the bathroom and asked her how is she so good at comforting..😅
None of my friends are doing these things you listed, even after asking many of them for prayer and support. I've come to the place of realizing that I am truly alone with my crap and that people only like being around others who are consistently happy and forging on 'normally' like they are. It's an extremely difficult place to be in.
I'm really glad I found this. I've never been good at any Conversations and since yesterday I make a lot of notes to hang on my wall just to kind of get these Tipps in my Head. I'm really thankful that there are people like you helping in such situations and share it with the world
Thannnkkkkkk u!!! I got this whole social communication disorder and I didn’t know people educate on how to help with that and I thought I would struggle with is for my whole life 💖
Thank you for helping in this way. This society is so obsessed with rugged individualism that we only hear versions of "how to heal yourself". We keep forgetting that we're all in this together and need to learn how to be there for each other. With more compassion we will reduce the use of pills and also the urge to self- medicate. Please continue with more of this. It's so badly needed!
On 2 separate occasions my friends have been ill iv always said to them I’m always here for you no matter what I’m doing or no matter how I feel and I came here to see if I’m doing the Right thing
Saying “I’m always here for you” is nice but actually showing up is better. People won’t often ask for help. We have to find out what they need and try to give it to them.
Thank you For giving examples and how to respond. I would love to see more examples of reflective response. I have a hard time with that. I am really thankful that you made this video. Great job.
I don’t know why I struggle so much at comforting people, I just never say the right things and feel awkward and cringe when I’m trying to ‘comfort’ them, I don’t really know what to do, so I took the initiative of looking this up, wish I could just be a natural at this kind of stuff …
My friend is going through a rough time and most of the time I have trouble comforting him, because I feel like the way I'm used to comforting people doesn't always seem to work with him. I think this video gave me the right tools on what to do or say to him
I really wanted to tell my friend that I loved him, because he is depressed and shows signs of hating himself, but I didn't because I wasn't sure how to. He has a crush on me, and I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, but I really wanted him to know that I cared and loved him but HOW can I tell him???? Can anyone give me advice?
my friends aunt is in the hospital and has a very low chance to live, i dont know what to say to her but i made her some oragami of her favourite things, i am going to give it to her when i next see her at school! so thanks for posting this because i want to comfort my friend but not sure how
I wish I got to this video sooner. I tried to comfort someone but my words are just so shallow and uncertain. Now I feel like they're mad at me and I can't look at their account without crying.
Even saying “I’m afraid that I wasn’t able to be there in the way that would’ve been helpful” “I’m unsure of what to say in situations like that”…that’s what true, vulnerable communication is all about. If we don’t face our uncertainties and avoid others due to them…we actually drive the thing we fear, disconnection. I would absolutely respect a person who said things like what I said above. We don’t have to all have it figured out. We are all learning. To be real about it, compassionate to yourself for not knowing…and reaching out, is the only way to really develop the deeper aspects of yourself and relationships.
Thank you so much, I really needed this...I just meet someone recently he's now going through a tough time his mom is in hospital I'll trying to support texting n checking on him but I don't wanna be too much because we still trying to get to know each other so this video really helps my Appreciated ❤❤
Thank you so much for this. This is excellent information. I've been scouring the internet for this. I'm a doctor; just relocated to the UK and I do experience difficulty communicating empathy to people especially my patients, because of difference in culture. Where I come from, sorry is usually enough to convey empathy no matter how many times you say it in a single conversation, especially with the right voice tone and facial expressions. However here in UK, it is considered mostly an apology so when you say sorry to someone in pain they immediately tell you it's not your fault. I believe this teaching will help me be better at it. If you've got similar videos on this subject kindly direct me to them. Thanks.
Oh new channel. So that's why I never came across you before. Really liking your content. Very helpful and practical info and advice. I'm always looking for social skills, communication, relationship development. I've always been more shy and quiet.
Thank you for this, because of your video I was able to talk to and have my friend open up about their problems to me, in the end making their night a little bit better.
Thank you for the knowledge. This weekend i plan to make a 700 mile trip to check on a friend thats been having a hard time for over 6 year's. This video has given me the tools and the confidence to proceed in the correct process to help find the underlying problem they are experiencing. Than you again!
@theobserver8 it went well. We hung out and reminisced on old times. Spirits seemed good! Now we chat every couple days. While he still may be depressed and a little down at least he knows im here. Plan on going back to hang out in a couple weeks! Thank you for asking and actually caring!!!!! ❤️ Need many more like you!!
My guy...im not saying this doesn't work but like I did this and they've been told that their whole life so idk what to do to help. Edit: I tried it again but I worded it out differently and maturely it worked. Thanks so much I'm so glad I reached his heart to where no one has ever has.
This isn’t as common sense for many people as it should be. I wish kids got lessons on this in elementary school, because many of us didn’t learn it from our parents.
I’m here because when I try to open up to people a lot of the time I end up feeling bad about it and wish they were more comforting afterwards. I don’t want people to feel like that after they open up to me
I am thoroughly enjoying your videos! I even sent one of your videos to my husband to explain/reinforce how much I need him to acknowledge me when I speak. Thank you. 🙂
Thank you so much! I've gotten a better at socializing as an introvert for others sake also to not be so unapproachable lol. Now I'm getting to work on my comforting skills, because I've been in so many situations where I didn't know how I should react...😭
the fact that i had to look this up
NDNDNDNSN FRR ME ME HEHEHEHEHHAHAHEEIKEJRHR
You're not alone my friend
Stan red velvet, am i right?
You're not alone my friend. The fact that you're looking this up means you have people in your life you consider important. ❤️
BAHAHAH same 😭😭
I'm proud of everyone here who cares enough for their friends 👏
Thank you ☺️
Ty.. my best freind is crying over call saying he is so scared of this world and his gender dyphoria and everything and I'm trying to comfort him. We are making characters together and I'm talking to him
Thank you and I'm also proud of you being here too
Thank u:)
My malefriend is facing breakup.Hes totally hurt .Idk what should i do😔😔
For everyone saying they feel bad for having to look this up: don't. You're taking the initiative to be a better person! That's pretty fuckin awesome, in my opinion.
Amen.
Agreed!
I Needed this
I just sat there like a fucking idiot, don't what to say or do.
thanks bro.
I needed this every time someone cries or is upset I just stand here like 🧍♀️
Fr😭
Lmaooo yeah and its just so awkward like tf do I do 💀
I say I’m sorry. and I’m tired of saying that
it makes me feel so awkward
@@ijustthrewouttheloveofmydreams yeah absolutely I agree with you becoz whole world says that the term" I'M SORRY" on that situation and we do not know how to deal that situation and we tend to say the same cliche word without any EMOTION. And Just stand like a mute object.!!
ONLY SAY THESE THINGS IF YOU REALLY MEAN THEM!!!
I’m not proud that I had to look this up um
Be proud. You’re trying to help someone as much as you can.
@@matthewreese7710 agree
Same:(
Be proud
At least you did look this up. It's better than nothing
"I can't control the seas, the seas might be very stormy. But you are not in that boat alone." holy fakkkk :')
This always worked with my kids.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Last night its worked with my fav person. Thanks!
Great! Happy to hear it.
You were a ship in stormy seas. I am an island just in touch. You found yourself to me that night and shared each others warm embrace. I am an island just in touch. The time it came, to let you go, to sail away and a happy tear. I am an island just in touch. And if you find yourself in stormy seas spread your sails and think of me.
I am an island just in touch.
Song lyrics?
Just a reminder: If you are watching this video You are really a nice person and a good friend.
Loads of love and respect. ❤
I’m the thearapist of the group yet I’m looking at this lol
Your informing yourself, which is an okay thing to do :)
I-
same
Same.
fr
Hey bro, you and me both but that’s ok
Thanks! My friends dog was run over and I want to give her some support but Im super introverted so Im terrible at speaking
I feel u im also introverted so it makes everything so hard
@DaBucci I'm glad that you acknowledged it. I respect you
This video is really underrated, for everyone blaming themselves for having to look this up, don't be, please, just the fact that you are looking for a way to help a significant one is amazing and I am proud of you. Since the pandemic started I had a lot of friends, including myself going through a very dark moment, being the listener of the group wasn't a easy task lol, but it is amazing to see a professional talk about something so important and so well explained! Thanks!
I recently had a bad situation happen to me and my mom doesn't know how to comfort me, this video is everything I wanted to hear. I will show her this. Thank you.❤
Did it help your mom?
@@HowCommunicationWorks I would say so. She is more responsive and understanding.
I really do hope everything has gotten better for u!
@@ellanies Thank you, I think having open communication is best. I still have my good and bad days with my mom but reminding her to self reflect on the situation before reacting with emotions first has helped a lot. Good communication is a challenge and requires a lot of patience and understanding, but in the end there are moments that make all that effort worth it.
I hope you’re feeling better now :)
I never wanted to see these type of videoes.
But the time always shows me that I control nothing.
And made me realise that these are part of life you can never escape.😖☹️☹️☹️😭😭😭😭😭😭
Our son has been dealing with depression for a few years now. It has been very difficult to get him to open up with us about how he is feeling but it mostly seems to be due to the death of all 4 of his grandparents within a 5 year time period. Most recently another very close elderly "grandparent" figure passed unexpectedly in her sleep and since he is away in college, we had to tell him over the phone. It seemed like he was making improvements until this happened and now he is worse than ever. It didnt' help when one of the university's counselors invalidated his feelings. He met once with him and never went back because he made him feel worse. We have recently found a councilor that he is comfortable with so we are praying that things get better for him. Thanks for sharing this video, I will try to incorporate some of these suggestions into our conversations.
if you don't mind this question, how is he now? about to pray for him and your family now ❤
The fact that I had to look this up to comfort my friend because I don’t know how to deal with emotions at all.
I am watching this video to comfort a friend of mine who is not really in a good situation..
And most of the things were similar to what i really did till now.. so i think it's a relevant video!!
N the best thing to do is to say i m here for u.. by this the person feels really touched n gets to know that people love him...
Glad to hear that
As a person who has a hard time even understanding myself these videos can really help I’ve always had a hard time knowing what to say in any situation
I feel bad I have to look this up, but I really just want to help my brother. Today I was going down stairs to get some milk, I was surprise my brother didn’t say anything because normally he knows I’m there, I walk over to the refrigerator that had milk and I saw my brother sitting at his desk with his computer in front of him, I started hearing noises that sounded like crying and so I walked out not even grabbing the milk because I thought he needed alone time. When someone is upset I know someone coming up and trying to talk to them about as if they know what your going through is annoying, because that’s what my parents try to do when I’m upset, they think their doing the right thing but sometimes people just want to be alone and listen to their self. I try putting myself in my brother’s shoes, my younger sister is annoying and when I’m frustrated and she’s their all sitting in happy it makes me lash out. I just know this by documenting myself, I tend to think back on when I’m upset out of habit.
Hey friend. That's okay, there's nothing wrong with that and don't feel bad to look these things up. These are uncomfortable moments and it's normal not to know what to do or feel helpless sometimes. It's important to just be there to make your presence known so they feel their emotions are acknowledged. It doesn't need comfort by words all the time like you said, or asking "are you ok?" because we know they're not. I do that for my partner who is very introverted and stoic person who doesn't recognize his emotions much, but is experiences pain. I ask about other indirect needs, or do stuff for them anyway. Make them a cucumber or ham sandwich, a cup of water or a warm pot of tea if that's what they usually do every day. If it's been a long day, draw a bath or put out clean towels and let them know to have a shower. Sometimes just pulling out of their sitting/lying position to shower and breathe the hot steam helps them process their thoughts and emotions. It's a release valve. Maybe offer to go for a quiet, wordless walk together. Or a drive around the neighborhood until they want to stop. Just being beside someone I think is just as powerful as talking emotions out like in this video.
I'm seeing a lot of comments talking about how people feel bad that they had to look this video up to comfort people and their loved ones. I hope that these people can realise that there's nothing to feel bad or guilty about. You're going out of your way to research how to comfort someone in the right way to not hurt them or make their pain worse. Thats just kindness. Why would you feel bad for being kind?
And feeling guilty because you can't comfort peoing is no excusable reason to feel guilty as well. Everyone has something they cant do well. Wether that be drawing or talking. But thats not the point here. What we need to focus on is that you went out of your way to improve your skills after admitting that you cant do something well (some people dont want to accept they cant do something, so im already proud of you for accepting yourself)
Hope yall arent too hard on yourselves! You're a kind and amazing human being! Believe it!
So true!! This is what a good friend would do
The availability one is really true, I know from personal experience. I stayed on call alone really late one night that my friend was sad in case he wanted to join so that he had someone to talk with. It really helped and now we are even better friends
My friend has been in and out of the hospital. One stay was for 25 days. This video is awesome. I’m going to watch it again and again. I’m going to take notes and practice this in the mirror. If you knew my friend you would love him. He is so kind and sweet. I want to help him. Thank you so much for teaching me these ways of relating. My family didn’t know how to do this so I never learned. Now I also have more insight into my own challenges and the need to open feel my feelings and emotions. Self compassion and compassion in action. 💎💎💎
youre truly a great friend. i love you, have a good day random stranger
"I can't control the seas, the seas might be very stormy, but ur not alone on the boat"
Daaaannngg!!! That's so powerful!!!!!!
It works, too.
@@HowCommunicationWorks yep, I'll try it, as the one I am seeing this is not well now, I'll definitely try it thanks for so much knowledge!
You all show true empathy, love and maturity coming here. This person really means a lot to you!!!
Last night when i was talking to one of my friend who is really frustrated & psychologically ill, i was really feeling sorry for him but i couldn’t get any fine words to Console him thats why today I'm here..thanks
it really helped me comfort my friend, thank you
So happy to hear that. That’s why I’m here.
My friend told me something she never told anyone else before and it seemed to be hurting her or had hurt her before. I felt stupid trying to comfort her because I kept repeating things I had already said and just kind of standing there like🧍🏻♀️. I got home and decided immediately I need to find out how to comfort people better. Because I have always felt sympathy but never knew what to say. This helped so much thank you for this video!
met someone online with suicidal thoughts and am trying to help them. this video really helped. thank you
Thank you so much man. I will use these tips to help comfort my friend who just got her heart broken by her bf.
How did it go ?
@@kurapika5314 it went well ig
The biggest thing about being present is truly being present physically and emotionally. Not through a text or a quick message, but to truly show up, offer yourself to serve your friend.
People need to understand they aren't born knowing things.
YOU need to understand you're not born knowing how to do things, every single things we do we learn, we get r from those around us and we learn and educated ourselves. And to become better we need to LEARN. You need to put in the effort just as you learn English and maths, you need to learn how to be a good friend too because for.many of us it didn't come naturally and maybe didn't have the best surroundings when growing up.
If you're learning that's amazing. That's genuinely such a human thing to do and shows mercy to those around you.
Not to toot my horn but I’ve been told I’m really nice to talk to during difficult times. I still learned a lot from this and I think even a skilled, practicing therapist or psychologist could benefit from watching this video. I don’t think anyone should condemn themselves for being socially inept just for trying to learn better ways to be there for someone who needs it.
I’m glad this came on my recommend even if I’m struggling I still want to comfort other people I love
After texting these lines to a friend, i myself feel a lil more lighter. I hope he does too when he sees it. Lpve & light always ✨
youre doing great, don't feel bad youre looking this up, youre helping someone and yourself.
Watching this so I can comfort others properly and not say anything too hurtful this year. I suppose my aspiration is to be the kid who always lends an ear to anyone who needs it/provides comfort. Right now I'm a mess at it, though (neurodivergent introvert) but I want to be someone that others can rely on.
This is a very admirable goal you have. The great thing about empathy and comforting is that these are learnable skills. As a neurodivergent person, it might be a little bit harder to recognize feelings and make all the inferences, but it’s still quite possible to be good at this. People love to be listened to.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Thank you ❤️
Thank you! Im really bad at expressing sympathy and making people feel better, this helped a lot 😁!
@7:25 "Reassure the other person that it's okay to express any feelings that they have" I'm often surprised that they might not have the feeling that you expect them to in that situation. And it feels important not to assume or push the feelings you would have in their position, on to them. Our assumptions reveal so much about our own thoughts/feelings and might feel like judging.
Excellent point.
Such a gem. I am binge watching your channel. Your way of talking, teaching and even advising really clicks with me, as well as the actual content.
I’m just really bad at socializing and showing emotion, I have a really hard time with it so here we are.
These are challenging times. I find most people are facing new difficulties and they are often hurting in ways they hadn't seen coming. It's really helpful to know how to support people during crisis, or when they are experiencing fears and pressure. Thank you. This was helpful.
I just love this person so much and it hurts me that I just froze when she was so down and sad and did literally nothing and I try to convince myself that isn’t my fault and I’m not the emotional type but I still let her down when she need me and I hate myself for that so I’m here to learn how to comfort her cus she means the world to me. Thanks for letting me share
My friends keep distancing themselves from me because I can’t console or comfort them without sounding like an asshole and I feel bad so this video helps
I hope it does help. That sounds awful.
Same but with my girlfriend, I really need to memorise these tips cause I want to be with her forever
My friend is going through a hard time, he almost cried but I had no words to say. All I did was to listen and hug him.
I'm so upset at myself, so tomorrow I will see him again to check how he is doing. Hopefully I can comfort him better this time. Thank you
You did great. Listening and giving him a hug or two of the best things you could possibly do.
More people need to see this.
Thank you my friend is freaking out because something bad happened and this is amazing advice thank you for helping me help my friend
Sometimes not saying anything is also some of the best thing you can do....people need their space.
Absolutely.
Thank you for this excellent guide on how to talk to someone who is suffering. It helps me immensely when someone lets me vent and they affirm my feelings, but when I am trying to help someone else I worry that I will say the wrong thing and unintentionally hurt them more.
Imagine someone watching this for you.
Didn't know ever in my life i would have to search something like this. I do i comfort her!!!!
This video is so simple and excellently structured that even I, a socially deaf autistic person, can follow along and tell when I should say different things. This video has been very helpful for me, thank you.
Thank you so much for this, I was called by a close friend a few hours ago and i didn't know what to say, i just listened the whole time and at the end of the conversation it was this silence that i think was my cue to say something comforting, fear not my friend, i will call him and try again, this time with this approach, thanks again!
thank you for laying out these steps. just had a scary emotional call with an inconsolable friend and unsure if i did them right. i managed to do most steps
the fact i searched this up because my friend told me my crush was crying when i wasnt at school and i was the only one who usually comforts him even though he hurts my feelings he sometimes has a kind heart when i feel down. I searched this up because i realized how bad i am at comforting someone.
recently he found out i have covid. He gave me so much advice its so sweet. 😭🤍
Thank you for this video! It helped me comfort all my friends :) Besides my friend suggested this video when I was crying uncontrollably in the bathroom and asked her how is she so good at comforting..😅
None of my friends are doing these things you listed, even after asking many of them for prayer and support. I've come to the place of realizing that I am truly alone with my crap and that people only like being around others who are consistently happy and forging on 'normally' like they are. It's an extremely difficult place to be in.
This is actually so helpful because I never know what to say win like someone’s crying but I really want To help them
I'm really glad I found this. I've never been good at any Conversations and since yesterday I make a lot of notes to hang on my wall just to kind of get these Tipps in my Head. I'm really thankful that there are people like you helping in such situations and share it with the world
Thank you so much.
My friend is passing through a very difficult time..... That's why im watching this.... And i think i have done all this....
Thannnkkkkkk u!!! I got this whole social communication disorder and I didn’t know people educate on how to help with that and I thought I would struggle with is for my whole life 💖
Thank you for helping in this way. This society is so obsessed with rugged individualism that we only hear versions of "how to heal yourself". We keep forgetting that we're all in this together and need to learn how to be there for each other.
With more compassion we will reduce the use of pills and also the urge to self- medicate.
Please continue with more of this. It's so badly needed!
Just watching this guy's stream of thought you can tell he is a master of his craft.
You’re too kind.
This video has helped me a lot in what to say to people that are in need of help and how to go about understanding their situation. Very good!
On 2 separate occasions my friends have been ill iv always said to them I’m always here for you no matter what I’m doing or no matter how I feel and I came here to see if I’m doing the Right thing
Saying “I’m always here for you” is nice but actually showing up is better. People won’t often ask for help. We have to find out what they need and try to give it to them.
Thank you For giving examples and how to respond. I would love to see more examples of reflective response. I have a hard time with that. I am really thankful that you made this video. Great job.
I don’t know why I struggle so much at comforting people, I just never say the right things and feel awkward and cringe when I’m trying to ‘comfort’ them, I don’t really know what to do, so I took the initiative of looking this up, wish I could just be a natural at this kind of stuff …
Omg, you (yes you) should be proud bcs im doing this effort to learn on how to cheer you up
Thanks helped getting a friend out of depression 👍🏻
My friend is going through a rough time and most of the time I have trouble comforting him, because I feel like the way I'm used to comforting people doesn't always seem to work with him. I think this video gave me the right tools on what to do or say to him
Please give it a try and tell me how it works out.
@@HowCommunicationWorks it worked for a bit, but he went into a bigger pit of despair
@@HowCommunicationWorks never mind! It worked once they vented more and I was able to help! Thank you for the tips, I'll use them again for next time
Thank yo I’m arguing with my brother over our child trauma and this helped a lot.
I really wanted to tell my friend that I loved him, because he is depressed and shows signs of hating himself, but I didn't because I wasn't sure how to. He has a crush on me, and I didn't want to give him the wrong idea, but I really wanted him to know that I cared and loved him but HOW can I tell him???? Can anyone give me advice?
“You’re so important to me. I value our friendship so much. I care about what happens to you. I’m concerned about you. I want to help you if I can.”
@@HowCommunicationWorks That helps a lot. Thank you!
my friends aunt is in the hospital and has a very low chance to live, i dont know what to say to her but i made her some oragami of her favourite things, i am going to give it to her when i next see her at school! so thanks for posting this because i want to comfort my friend but not sure how
I wish I got to this video sooner. I tried to comfort someone but my words are just so shallow and uncertain. Now I feel like they're mad at me and I can't look at their account without crying.
I’m sorry. Is it possible to go back and try again?
@@HowCommunicationWorks I'm not sure I'm still scared
It’s okay to be scared. People normally appreciate kindness.
Same
Even saying “I’m afraid that I wasn’t able to be there in the way that would’ve been helpful” “I’m unsure of what to say in situations like that”…that’s what true, vulnerable communication is all about. If we don’t face our uncertainties and avoid others due to them…we actually drive the thing we fear, disconnection.
I would absolutely respect a person who said things like what I said above. We don’t have to all have it figured out. We are all learning. To be real about it, compassionate to yourself for not knowing…and reaching out, is the only way to really develop the deeper aspects of yourself and relationships.
Thank you so much, I really needed this...I just meet someone recently he's now going through a tough time his mom is in hospital I'll trying to support texting n checking on him but I don't wanna be too much because we still trying to get to know each other so this video really helps my Appreciated ❤❤
I feel bad, that I had to look this up. I hope, I can help more when those around me are in need, instead of being a deer in headlights.
Thank you so much for making this im sure it helps many people struggling with comforting others
You're so welcome!
Only true friends are here😊❤️
I'm pretty good at comforting people and am called the therapist friend but even i sometimes am at a loss for words so this video is very useful
Thank you so much for this. This is excellent information. I've been scouring the internet for this. I'm a doctor; just relocated to the UK and I do experience difficulty communicating empathy to people especially my patients, because of difference in culture. Where I come from, sorry is usually enough to convey empathy no matter how many times you say it in a single conversation, especially with the right voice tone and facial expressions. However here in UK, it is considered mostly an apology so when you say sorry to someone in pain they immediately tell you it's not your fault. I believe this teaching will help me be better at it. If you've got similar videos on this subject kindly direct me to them. Thanks.
thank you❤ this really helped a lot because I have many friends that are upset and depressed and I wanted to cheer them up
Oh new channel. So that's why I never came across you before. Really liking your content. Very helpful and practical info and advice. I'm always looking for social skills, communication, relationship development. I've always been more shy and quiet.
I started this channel in 2017.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Oh, of course there are so many YT channels. I only just recently saw your videos recommended.
This is so excellent thank you so very very very MUCH!!!!! Thank you!
You're very welcome!
This guy is the best very empathic and super straight-to-the-point love his public speaking❤❤❤
Thank you for this, because of your video I was able to talk to and have my friend open up about their problems to me, in the end making their night a little bit better.
It really works, doesn’t it? I’m very happy for you and your friend.
Thank you for the knowledge. This weekend i plan to make a 700 mile trip to check on a friend thats been having a hard time for over 6 year's. This video has given me the tools and the confidence to proceed in the correct process to help find the underlying problem they are experiencing. Than you again!
You can do it!
@HowCommunicationWorks THANK YOU! 💙 Im going to give it everything i have!!!
@@Hoppysjunkyardrally Its been two months. How did it go?
@theobserver8 it went well. We hung out and reminisced on old times. Spirits seemed good! Now we chat every couple days. While he still may be depressed and a little down at least he knows im here. Plan on going back to hang out in a couple weeks! Thank you for asking and actually caring!!!!! ❤️
Need many more like you!!
Great video. I'm part of a recovery group and I'm going to share this with them. Thank you
Lets all be honest. We all searched this up.
thanks a lot. I have learned many word, pronunciation and expression.
My guy...im not saying this doesn't work but like I did this and they've been told that their whole life so idk what to do to help.
Edit: I tried it again but I worded it out differently and maturely it worked. Thanks so much I'm so glad I reached his heart to where no one has ever has.
I'm watching this to comfort myself
This isn’t as common sense for many people as it should be. I wish kids got lessons on this in elementary school, because many of us didn’t learn it from our parents.
Really useful information. Maybe do a video on “what not to say” for example “I know exactly how you feel “
I’m here because when I try to open up to people a lot of the time I end up feeling bad about it and wish they were more comforting afterwards. I don’t want people to feel like that after they open up to me
Thank you I maybe can comfort my friend
That landline under the light switches goes crazy.
Yeah I’ve never bothered to remove that jack!
I am thoroughly enjoying your videos! I even sent one of your videos to my husband to explain/reinforce how much I need him to acknowledge me when I speak. Thank you. 🙂
Bruce, just found your video, and it's amazing! many people don't know those techniques!
When i want to comfort someone i feel its so dramatic so its really hard for me to comfort anyone.
yeh
I feel fake when I say these things. I don't really know why. It's not like I say things I don't mean.
The fact that this video only have 71k views shows no one wants comfort anyone just themselves
you guys are good people c: you guys are trying and that is a very nice thing to do
Thank you so much! I've gotten a better at socializing as an introvert for others sake also to not be so unapproachable lol. Now I'm getting to work on my comforting skills, because I've been in so many situations where I didn't know how I should react...😭
I care about my friend it can be hard for me to articulate that to him, thank you for this helpful video!