How to COMMUNICATE With Your Estranged Adult Child When They've Said You're Toxic
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 4 ส.ค. 2024
- Has your adult child told you that you're TOXIC and they're not speaking to you? In this video, you will learn 3 COMMUNICATION skills for when you get the opportunity to talk with them.
○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/stra...
SHOW NOTES / RESOURCES:
○ Website → morinholistictherapy.com/
○ How To Communicate With Your Adult Child (If You’re Told You Are Toxic) → morinholistictherapy.com/estr...
00:00 - How to Communicate with Your Estranged Adult Child
01:46 - Validate Their Feelings
03:37 - Watch Your Body Language
04:26 - Watch Your Tone
06:05 - Keep Watching - • How to Cope with Famil...
RECOMMENDED READING:
○ Fault Lines: Fractured Families and How to Mend Them by Karl A. Pillmer → amzn.to/3AVWttQ
○ Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict by Joshua Coleman → amzn.to/3uRh4OH
○ Family Estrangement: A matter of perspective by Kylies Agllias → amzn.to/3gkBwz0
○ Feeling Heartbroken and Alone? How to Pick up the Pieces When You are Estranged:
I'm giving away a copy of my eBook on the topic here → morinholistictherapy.com/find...
WATCH NEXT:
○ How to Cope with Family Estrangement (video series) → • How to Cope with Famil...
○ Gratitude Journal Benefits + 5 Tips to Help you Start → • GRATITUDE JOURNAL Bene...
MORE WAYS TO CONNECT:
○ facebook → / morinholistictherapy
○ Subscribe on TH-cam → / @youtubemariemorinestr...
○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/stra...
#estrangement #morinholistictherapy #estranged
ABOUT THIS VIDEO:
If you’re told you are toxic, chances are your relationship with your adult child has had a great deal of conflict. More to the point, your adult child has experienced distress and it is unlikely they want to be in your company. Adult children explain that they will not consider resuming a relationship with their parents unless they change their behaviors.
Adult children state their parents dismiss their concerns and comments when they attempt to confront their parent’s behaviors. They are defensive. They think parents do not take responsibility and own their part of the conflict.
If a parent hopes to resume a new relationship with their adult child, it is essential to master communication skills.
LINK TO VIDEO: • How to COMMUNICATE Wit...
DISCLAIMERS:
ESTRANGEMENT AND ABUSE: When considering the possibility of reconciling with an emotionally and or physically abusive great care is required. Reconciling may only be possible if the abuser is willing to work with a family therapist. When there is abuse, individuals estrange out of necessity and self-preservation. Consider if it is safe to resume a relationship with an abusive family member without evidence that the abuser has changed or takes responsibility for their harmful actions.
RESOURCES BY STATE ON VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN:
www.womenshealth.gov/relation...
ncadv.org/resources
National Domestic Violence Hotline - www.thehotline.org/
AFFILIATE: You should assume that I have an affiliate relationship and/or another material connection to any suppliers of goods and services that may be discussed here, and may be compensated for showing ads or recommending products or services, or linking to the supplier's website.
Morin Holistic Therapy is also a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. *Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc., or its affiliates.
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○ Need someone to talk to? → morinholistictherapy.com/strategy/
Hair's looking marvelous 👌🏽
Thank you ❤❤❤ iike❤❤
You are so welcome!
Sorry, this doesn't work bad divorce parent alienation tried it all.
I was & am a very good & loving Mother. However, my only living daughter has gotten with an individual who has convinced her to alienate me. Now Im ignored & told horrific things about myself & the girl really believes this crap! Im outed & all they do is things with his enormous family while I am out by myself with no family. My granddaughters dont really know me either. Ive tried all yr saying & it jst does not wrk....😞
I am 65 with a 32 year old son and have recently had the same problem. His wife has BPD and I believe with narcissistic traits.
If she hurts your feelings she says she didn't do anything she doesn't care.
He used to be one of the kindest in loving persons Anderson light on the worst mother in the world.
I guess it doesn't matter that I have always been there for him, either physically or financially.
I listened for hours to him talk about his wife when they lived in another state.
But when I returned to living in my state is when the problems began after we took them on all paid vacation.
Same story with me. Her partner has driven a massive wedge between me and my daughter. We were so close (not in an unhealthy way) until two years ago. I’m a solo mom. She is 42 years old. He has a big family around me. Apart from my 4 good friends I’m alone in the world. I don’t know who I am not being a mom. My heart is in shreds. I’m sorry for your loss 🌺
I don’t feel you have experienced with what has become way to acceptable in our world. I just watched one of your videos…. The advice you give does not go along with when parents have NO control over communication because we have been cut off.
What if there is mental illness or willful disobedience?
My estranged adult child won’t get a job.
Dropped out of college and has a huge tuition bill that she won’t pay. I support her dropping out since college didn’t work out for her. However, it’s not right that she won’t pay the bill. I offered to help with the bill if she started payments but I feel she should contribute.
She doesn’t keep her medical and dental appointments.
She won’t go to a vocational school. She is very talented and has excelled onstage. She stopped going out on auditions.
She started dating a toxic person who raped her.
She ran away from home and told my husband and I about the rape after the fact. We felt betrayed.
She sought comfort in the arms of my covert narcissistic mother and former deadbeat absentee philandering father who are grasping at another shot at parenthood.
Because!
My parents allow her to do whatever she wants. My father gives her $150 a week that she uses to feed a shopping addiction. I have tried to reason with my parents in a loving way but they gaslight, use word salad, and deflect.
My eldest daughter has been diagnosed with mental illnesses by a psychiatrist and neuropsychologist (that I got for her). She rarely takes her meds. She only goes to her weekly therapist (that I got for her) and tells her part of the story.
I took such care in how I speak to her and gave her a lot of freedom. But I have basic rules.
She doesn’t want to follow them. So according to this video, I’m to respect and acknowledge her feelings at the expense of her well-being?
Not mine? And while she is a young adult living in our household (she has left), I’m not supposed to gently encourage her to be productive?
This is very confusing.
Also, I have three other children that I have a loving nurturing healthy relationship with. They are hurt, confused, frustrated and angry by my eldest daughter’s behavior. If I was toxic, they would have left too. The other three are close to my husband and I. They are flourishing.
Teleprompter interactions... I'm so over it.
Its instructions for mimicking empathy.
If I'm undersanding your comment, you consider sincere teaching of well known communication skills mimicking? Are you saying that using these skills is not a genuine attempt to improve communication?
Hmm. What do you suggest?
What do you do when one parent planted horrible untruths about the other parent during divorce and traumatized both children. That child is 3 yrs estranged.
Hi Muller-Peterson Family, thank you for writing. When children are alienated resulting from what one parent says about the other parent, there are a few things one can do. It's incredibly important to take care of yourself, get support, and keep learning about estrangement and parental alienation. I suggest finding a therapist in your area to help you process the grief this has caused you. I'm sorry you are going through this. Sometimes kids remain alienated and estranged for a very long time. I hope this helps. Warmly,
In other words, make sure you walk on the eggshells and hope that you are forgiven for any perceived injury you might have caused cluelessly to your child. God forbid that your child's feelings get hurt and that the child is responsible for own actions. This is how generation Z was created, generation of snowflakes. Well, I've got news for those hurt kids. One day, their own children will call them toxic, cut them off, and these parents will be clueless how that could have happened since they cared so much about their kids'feelings. Here is the harsh truth (axiom). Even if you are the most perfect parent in the world, your child will always decide that you did things you should not have done. Your job as a parent is not to cator to the feelings, like therapists do here, but to raise a responsible, respectable and empathetic human being that can deal with the harsh really of the world. If you did your job diligently and honestly but still find you have a need to walk on the eggshells as described here, the failure is not on you. Your grandkids will prove you right when they label your kids toxic.
Curious, how do you expect an individual to have empathy when even the closest people to them, their protectors and supposedly biggest fans, actively dismiss them and never connect?
Hi I enjoy your videos
I never get a chance to communicate with my adult children they simply won't talk to me ( for the past 6 years ) in the case of my son he's blocked me on phone and Facebook etc
Very tough for me
Keep up your great work
Hi Ron: Thank you for writing. It's just awful that so much time has gone by without a word from him. I'm so sorry. Keep moving forward, stay informed, do life with good friends, and wake up each day knowing you matter. Warmly, Marie
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement
Blessings to you too 🙏
You may be interested to know that I live in New Zealand 🇳🇿! You are reaching a global audience!
@@rongriffiths3801 Thank you for letting me know. How cool! New Zealand is on my bucket list!!
In the case of my Daughter. She hadn't spoken to me for 5 and a half years ...when on boxing day last I spotted her in a crowd at stockcar racing ...I took a deep breath and walked up to her ..I said "HI Anna I'm your Dad " She said " I know " I said " if you want to talk to me I'm sitting over there " ( 5 rows back ) She just carried on talking to her friends all night ...didn't even look around
I left quietly 🤫
Now it's April
No real contact for 6 years also
I m currently in a situation wheee my adult children need some space away from me because they feel I need to make some changes and work on myself . They say they love me very much and they are happy to know that I m in therapy but they need to see me out in the work . I m a victim of childhood abuse and that affects my decisions at times that’s why it brought us to this point . My questions is what do I do now ? Do I go no contact? Do I wait for them to reach out to me ? And how will they know that I may putting in the work if they are not around to see . I really really want to fix this and I told them that and I sincerely apologized to them for all the things I did wrong to bring us to this point . I just don’t know what’s next ? What am I supposed to do now ? I m a little confused and unsure . And also in a week my daughter is having a procedure done . Do I reach out to tell her I m thinning of her and wishing her well ? Can I send her a get well basket ? Is that a wrong move ? I m scared to make a mistake . Please help . Thank you
Hi Eftychia,
Thank you for your comment. I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I suggest finding support from a therapist to help you navigate your situation. It can be tricky to know which move to make next. By practicing self-care and learning about estrangement, you can gain insight into your condition and find relief. Get my free ebook linked in the caption and let me know after you've downloaded.
Warmly,
Marie
Hello, Thank you for writing. Occasionally, send her an SMS message or a card in the mail simply stating that you are thinking of your adult child and hope they are well. Keep moving forward, get stronger, learn how to better communicate, and be around those who love and value you. I am glad you are seeking help. Most importantly, treat yourself as you would a good friend. warmly, Marie
As a son that completely cut a parent off, I have to say you're spot on. Had they behaved as you suggest here, they wouldn't have been cut off.
If you’re at. Point in your relationship with your children where there’s a blueprint take it from ty
Why is it always the parent's fault when an adult child doesn't succeed at whatever they're trying to do Why isn't it their fault And why do the parents have to suffer If they didn't abuse or neglect?
Hi GenXwarrior: thanks for writing. I hear you and often toil over this same question. Why isn’t it fair? Well in a nutshell the adult child is probably a millennial. The generational shift has is pronounced with the abandonment of respect and obligation simply because one is a parent. Also, the terms used are, parents need to earn respect. To top it off, the research suggests that it’s all about perception. If the adult child perceives the parent was or is something, then they go with that assumption. There’s a lot more to this check out Dr. Coleman’s book in the description box. He outlines contributors often cited by parents.
To get a better understanding of the adult child’s perspective, check out the book by Kylie Agilias.
My thoughts are as parents if we can apologize and take responsibility why not?
Plus, it is every adult’s responsibility to be responsible for themselves.
I hope this helps.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangementthank you
My daughter doesn't contact me unless I contact her which isn't too often. So, if she would decide to not contact me when I contact her I would let her go. We are not to get attached to our children. The only person we should attached to is God.
I can't imagine a narcissistic parent having any ability to do any of this.
@Irishajw2 Yes, it is very unlikely that anyone with narcissistic traits would take responsibility, validate, or be respectful.
There is absolutely nothing natural about a child estranging from a parent.
This does not place any responsibility on the adult child. Adult relationships are two way. Therapist who encourages adult children to divorce their parents are part of the problem
See how complaining about that works out for repairing that relationship
I think your approach is patronizing.
How's your approach working out?
No she’s trying to give you the approach that’s gonna have the highest rate of reconciliation.
You really don’t have a clue. One has to experience the pain to know how helpless it feels when your adult child has cut off contact. Your videos are as if there is still contact! And the worst part for a parent… is having no clue why
My daughter now 28, has been brainwashed since 7 years of age. Respectfully, no advice, instruction, can help my situation.
I have given this problem to someone much bigger than myself.