OMG thank you Susan!! I was told for YEARS that I had anxious-avoidant attachment "issues". I've been watching your videos for the past two years and realizing my own rights in a relationship and what to look for in a partner. Now I am in a secure relationship where I never feel anxious-- because he wants to be with me! We all need to stop wasting time on people who can't give us the kindness and security we want and DESERVE!
Hi Katie, Thank you for your support and I’m so happy to hear that you have found my videos helpful! And how great that you have found a wonderful partner! I’m very happy for you! 💕
Love you Susan, you do seem like the type of person one could meet up for lunch in a really nice place and just talk for hours. Just like that one wise friend we all wish we had. Love the advice and the stories 💖
Miss Susan is absolutely the bomdigity!! Only wish had found her before the hell that was 2020. So very relevant and never stumped for an answer. I admire her as a person so very much and agree should would be an outstanding person to legit 'know.
Love the warning to not do psychological assessment just because they aren't the way we want them to be. Susan you are so wise and have so much integrity
Exactly. It's lost all meaning. I have read about true narcissism and some people do not fit the description. We just have many self-absorbed singles who want to take and not give much. No wonder they are still single.
I think the dating market has become this way due to a few factors. People are intent on getting their needs met which is understandable. They've had bad experiences with takers, have been burned, have unhealed traumas, and also are guarded and gun shy, with the way the dating market has become due to technology, date sites, and hookup culture. Most people are self centric in one way or another. Unfortunately casual relationships have become common. Quality is in short supply.
Susan, I have to trust and love a man before I sleep with him. And I make no apologies for it. I refuse to let a casual jerk break my heart. I thank God that I was raised with respect for myself and my body and my mother taught me that you make love when you love a man. Anything less is meaningless and hurtful to me. I don't judge others for randomly having sex with guys but I just cannot do it myself.
I really enjoyed this topic, something never covered here. Your advice is so helpful, direct and honest. My favorite sound bites : “ with every swipe is a dream”, “ get lots of wigs” , “ next - next - next! “
I completely agree with Carla Casimiro's comment below: You are that one wise friend and the best educational platform for relationships. I wish my mum taught me the stuff you talk about, would have saved me a lot of nerves LOL xxx
I am glad I found your Channel, I believed many people too. To be honest, I never binged on “love advice” video before. Your videos give me sense of calmness and make me becoming emotionally-stronger-person. Everytime I’m having a hard time with my thoughts, I will rewatch your videos. Thank God, I am stronger now! Though the pain comes sometimes, but my mental and motivations greatly outweigh the emotions. To all of you who are reading this, remember; We are worthy of being happy!
Hi Susan, great video. You give great advice. I can't separate my emotions from the physicality either. It doesn't work for me. I did a lot of damage to myself in my late teens/early 20s having sex with people I cared about and it was just sex to the guy. Believe it or not, it took me a long time to figure out they just wanted to have sex. Now, I'm a lot more cautious and I get to know people over time. "Be courageous and discerning" ~ exactly.
@@hollythornell5262 Yes. It's unfortunate, but if you're a person who values an emotional commitment, don't sleep with a guy right off the bat. I'm writing a book and this theme is in the book. It's not because of any type of rule, but guys can easily separate sex from actually caring about a woman. (Some women can do this too, but in my opinion, a lot of women fool themselves into thinking they can have sex with a guy without caring about them...just my opinion) It's very sad to me that sex without emotional commitment happens so frequently, but it does. I think the key is to control your own sex drive and to hold back a little with your heart. All the best to you.
@@hollythornell5262 I have some men that just wait for years and I don’t think their intent changes over time . Sex is sex . Connection is possibly the only way to make the change .
I seem to run into guys who must be avoidant because they seem to be looking for reasons to reject a woman rather than get to know her. Of course, I don't waste time with them...but I think it's sad because they are on a dating app and yet have closed minds and hearts. What a waste.
So well said! Avoidant is really a term for someone who’s just not that into you sadly. And when you feel anxious it’s a red flag 🚩it’s not you it’s them,hot and cold inconsistent behaviour is enough to drive any sane stable person crazy
@@angelaknoxWhat fear do you have of people? From what I understand, in fact, the fear is not of the other, but of your family history (or relationships) repeating itself -- being rejected and, finally, abandoned. When we interact with a DA it's so strange, because when you open up to people and just for them to hear the story is crazy. It seems like you're crazy for liking someone with such painful behavior. It's difficult to explain too, especially Attachment Theory.
“I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.” - Brené Brown This resonated so much with my relationship with an avoidant person. I feel they're so scared building walls by the minute.Also, people with the avoidant attachment I've seen tend to ruminate over the idea of "the one that got away".I donno if it's a thing. But if you try to give them a second chance, it's back to square one.
Wonderful and interesting quote! Thank you for sharing. I’m very happy to hear that this has resonated with you and you’ve found this helpful! I think you are spot on with people getting caught up on the concept of “the one that got away”! I appreciate your insightful words!
I believe my attachment to an avoidant..stems from a shared tragedy. We both lost a parent in the same week. I think I deflected the pain I wasn't prepared to feel..at that time...by attaching myself to him. He became my safety net. He has expressed he did not want a relationship. It's been several years.. n I still haven't been able to detach myself. I'm afraid I don't know how. Great topic Miss Susan. ❤️
Just by realizing that you need to detach is the first step to disconnecting to an unhealthy partner. The second step is to take the time to work on yourself and appreciate what you have to offer. Once you realize that, you’ll be able to slowly take steps toward disconnecting from him and be on the right path!
I find myself swapping between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles depending on the person I'm seeing. Its quite annoying actually. I think I've missed out on some great potential relationships due to this. Working on this ❤
Susan , I like what you said about finding someone that makes you feel at home, grounded and moving in the same direction . Going back to the book, Getting The Love You Want, doesn't chemistry sometimes relate to trying to correct a relationship with a caregiver and looking for what we see as familiar? I know some attraction is important. Chemistry, sometimes seems misleading, as opposed to compatibility and disposition. Attracting the same type, person over and over.
Hello Susan, your videos are fantastic. Would you please do a video telling us what the difference between a mentally ill person and a bad person is? I can't realise whether my father has been always been so cruel with me. Thanks a lot and take care of yourself.
Don't give up on life and the universe.... I know of a great man who helped me fix my broken heartbeat relationship and everything was restored to normal in days without delay..
Hi Susan, I love your channel ❤ could you do a video on whether passion is important in a relationship or can it work without that spark Thanks, Katie from the UK
Don't give up on life and the universe.... I know of a great man who helped me fix my broken heartbeat relationship and everything was restored to normal in days without delay..
Don't give up on life and the universe.... I know of a great man who helped me fix my broken heartbeat relationship and everything was restored to normal in days without delay..
I have an avoidant attachment but I don't feel I fit the characteristics go with it. Like lack of empathy. If anything I have too much empathy. My big thing is I fear people.
Your own fear is what needs to be acknowledged and understood. This is essential in order to move on from avoidant attachment. You have a huge heart and people that are natural nurturers can take on the pain of another. Over time this can lead to a person shutting down because they need emotional protection. Boundaries are essential along with taking the time to focus on your own being-both physically and mentally!
Susan I am currently dating a Latina girl who is new to the country and English is her second language. I get her English is only going to get better with time, however its hard to develop a deep connection and some cultural humour goes over the head. Her English is not terrible and we can talk about most things, just not at a deep level. I’d like to know your opinion on communication issues with language barriers. I really care for her but I need more of a deeper connection
How can you have a REAL relationship if you can't even know what's going on in her head, discuss deep or serious issue? You don't even know each other truly just the "refined" dating version of each other
I never knew about twin flames. But its everything in my relationship. I feel like I'm dying without him. I get a sharp constant pain in my chest around my heart and on my left lady part. I know he has the feelings. I see it in his eyes. Can I have such strong feeling in the magic moments and he doesn't. Or does he. I have to get it from him too right? (Him feeling the same but he's terified) also is twin flames real)
FOBO is not new and not just a result of swiping tech. Way back when I was young, we called this "greener grass syndrome". It was usually people who have many choices, mostly alpha and sigma males and beautiful females, who want the ideal person they hold in their minds. They never seem to realize that they are human too and are also not ideal, and that ideal person they just met only seems that way because they do not know them yet.
I don't know what got me into these feelings whenever it appears that sometimes you might be talking to me but you couldn't be talking to me cuz I'm not been in a relationship but it wants to play buying games and make me think that but I'm ready for the one that's going to be truly one that will speak to you and me I will always speak to each other at the same time and know that we're talking to each other then I believe it
Hello ma’am Huge respect and love Love and appreciate your videos I’m 22 and I’m in love with a woman 25 yrs older than me.Pls give me some advice .Kindly let me know your opinion.
Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Could you please help me to understand my behavior and if case there is a chance to correct it, how to make it? I’m very intelligent and beautiful (Ukrainian) woman and I have a lot of attention from men. Especially in Instagram or dating app - men are very actively offering me to go out and a lot of them would like to have relationships with me. But I feel there is a problem with me …. I don’t like to be alone and have feeling I’m also very actively chat at Instagram or Dating App - as I like mens attention. And I want it. And I kind of want and don’t want relationships at the same time … strange … I really hate dating process. And before I go to date … I would crate 100 reasons why it’s better do not date …. And very often cancel dates ….. but even when I finally date, I never feel like “wow that’s my type of man!!!” …. Opposite the moment man shows me desire to spend more time and move into relationships - I want to run away! I tell myself: “What’s problem! Just enjoy being single” but another side of me says: “that’s scary to be alone” or “what if a free some time I will settle for the less and chose someone who is not good enough for me
MollyMoe I was grown up in the same situation he was, maybe he doesn't know how to do it. Or he might even not notice it, that happened to me. I am 42 and didn't know until some months ago that I deserve to be taken cared of, to be respected. It is not from one day to the other, it is a process. I started to suspect that I deserve a glass of water when I am feeling bad, I deserve not to be insulted and dismissed as I am since I was borned. I was told to whatch "This is us" and the way that family is never happened to me, there would always be violence, shouts, insults, screaming terrible things. He may not know how to do it. Take your distance, examine the situation, then take your decision.
OMG thank you Susan!! I was told for YEARS that I had anxious-avoidant attachment "issues". I've been watching your videos for the past two years and realizing my own rights in a relationship and what to look for in a partner. Now I am in a secure relationship where I never feel anxious-- because he wants to be with me!
We all need to stop wasting time on people who can't give us the kindness and security we want and DESERVE!
Hi Katie,
Thank you for your support and I’m so happy to hear that you have found my videos helpful! And how great that you have found a wonderful partner! I’m very happy for you! 💕
Love you Susan, you do seem like the type of person one could meet up for lunch in a really nice place and just talk for hours. Just like that one wise friend we all wish we had. Love the advice and the stories 💖
I was thinking exactly the same thing today 😂
Hi Carla,
That’s so very nice of you to say! Please let me know if there are any particular topics you want me to cover!
Miss Susan is absolutely the bomdigity!! Only wish had found her before the hell that was 2020. So very relevant and never stumped for an answer. I admire her as a person so very much and agree should would be an outstanding person to legit 'know.
I feel the same about her. The Gem 💎
Love the warning to not do psychological assessment just because they aren't the way we want them to be. Susan you are so wise and have so much integrity
It’s so important not too!!
Agreed. Narcissist gets thrown around too much. No one even knows what that means anymore.
Exactly. It's lost all meaning. I have read about true narcissism and some people do not fit the description. We just have many self-absorbed singles who want to take and not give much. No wonder they are still single.
I think the dating market has become this way due to a few factors. People are intent on getting their needs met which is understandable. They've had bad experiences with takers, have been burned, have unhealed traumas, and also are guarded and gun shy, with the way the dating market has become due to technology, date sites, and hookup culture. Most people are self centric in one way or another.
Unfortunately casual relationships have become common. Quality is in short supply.
Susan, I have to trust and love a man before I sleep with him. And I make no apologies for it. I refuse to let a casual jerk break my heart. I thank God that I was raised with respect for myself and my body and my mother taught me that you make love when you love a man. Anything less is meaningless and hurtful to me. I don't judge others for randomly having sex with guys but I just cannot do it myself.
I really enjoyed this topic, something never covered here. Your advice is so helpful, direct and honest. My favorite sound bites : “ with every swipe is a dream”, “ get lots of wigs” , “ next - next - next! “
Thank you, Reyna!
I completely agree with Carla Casimiro's comment below: You are that one wise friend and the best educational platform for relationships. I wish my mum taught me the stuff you talk about, would have saved me a lot of nerves LOL xxx
How sweet are you!! Thank you so much. The above means so much to me! 💕
You’re so wise Susan! Love listening to you.
u are helping the world susan. thank you, thank you for these resources! sending much love from Malaysia.
I am glad I found your Channel, I believed many people too. To be honest, I never binged on “love advice” video before. Your videos give me sense of calmness and make me becoming emotionally-stronger-person. Everytime I’m having a hard time with my thoughts, I will rewatch your videos. Thank God, I am stronger now! Though the pain comes sometimes, but my mental and motivations greatly outweigh the emotions. To all of you who are reading this, remember; We are worthy of being happy!
Hi Susan, great video. You give great advice. I can't separate my emotions from the physicality either. It doesn't work for me. I did a lot of damage to myself in my late teens/early 20s having sex with people I cared about and it was just sex to the guy. Believe it or not, it took me a long time to figure out they just wanted to have sex. Now, I'm a lot more cautious and I get to know people over time. "Be courageous and discerning" ~ exactly.
I’m so glad to hear that you’ve focused on your self growth and are more aware of your worth!
I always thought the guy would like me, I’m just now realizing that it’s just sex to them. I have to make them wait
@@hollythornell5262 Yes. It's unfortunate, but if you're a person who values an emotional commitment, don't sleep with a guy right off the bat. I'm writing a book and this theme is in the book. It's not because of any type of rule, but guys can easily separate sex from actually caring about a woman. (Some women can do this too, but in my opinion, a lot of women fool themselves into thinking they can have sex with a guy without caring about them...just my opinion) It's very sad to me that sex without emotional commitment happens so frequently, but it does. I think the key is to control your own sex drive and to hold back a little with your heart. All the best to you.
@@hollythornell5262 I have some men that just wait for years and I don’t think their intent changes over time . Sex is sex . Connection is possibly the only way to make the change .
“Emotions is a kick “ true that !!🙌🏻
I seem to run into guys who must be avoidant because they seem to be looking for reasons to reject a woman rather than get to know her. Of course, I don't waste time with them...but I think it's sad because they are on a dating app and yet have closed minds and hearts. What a waste.
So well said! Avoidant is really a term for someone who’s just not that into you sadly. And when you feel anxious it’s a red flag 🚩it’s not you it’s them,hot and cold inconsistent behaviour is enough to drive any sane stable person crazy
“When you feel anxious, it’s a red flag” is spot on! Thank you for your comment!
Not always. I have an avoidant attachment and really it's about fear. I fear people and how they could hurt me.
Yes avoidant people are so selfish and really hurt people around them unfortunately.
@@bunniewood Yes group millions of people together, not ignorant at all.
@@angelaknoxWhat fear do you have of people? From what I understand, in fact, the fear is not of the other, but of your family history (or relationships) repeating itself -- being rejected and, finally, abandoned.
When we interact with a DA it's so strange, because when you open up to people and just for them to hear the story is crazy. It seems like you're crazy for liking someone with such painful behavior. It's difficult to explain too, especially Attachment Theory.
You have helped us alot. GOD bless you so much
So glad to hear that! Thank you!
So incredibly interesting and informative 🥰🌹
So glad you think so!!
“I want to experience your vulnerability but I don’t want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I’m drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine.”
- Brené Brown
This resonated so much with my relationship with an avoidant person. I feel they're so scared building walls by the minute.Also, people with the avoidant attachment I've seen tend to ruminate over the idea of "the one that got away".I donno if it's a thing. But if you try to give them a second chance, it's back to square one.
Wonderful and interesting quote! Thank you for sharing. I’m very happy to hear that this has resonated with you and you’ve found this helpful! I think you are spot on with people getting caught up on the concept of “the one that got away”! I appreciate your insightful words!
1:00:57 “you have to put the kids with grandma, you’ve gotta do HELLO NIKA!” 😂 perfect timing Nika!
I believe my attachment to an avoidant..stems from a shared tragedy. We both lost a parent in the same week. I think I deflected the pain I wasn't prepared to feel..at that time...by attaching myself to him.
He became my safety net.
He has expressed he did not want a relationship. It's been several years.. n I still haven't been able to detach myself. I'm afraid I don't know how.
Great topic Miss Susan. ❤️
Just by realizing that you need to detach is the first step to disconnecting to an unhealthy partner. The second step is to take the time to work on yourself and appreciate what you have to offer. Once you realize that, you’ll be able to slowly take steps toward disconnecting from him and be on the right path!
@@SusanWinter Thank you for the reply Beautiful. It is much appreciated ❤️
I find myself swapping between anxious attachment and avoidant attachment styles depending on the person I'm seeing. Its quite annoying actually. I think I've missed out on some great potential relationships due to this. Working on this ❤
Most people have a default attachment style.
very good video material, like everything u explain to us , to me make sense....thank u so much Susan!
I like the brown paper bag analogy
I’m so glad! 🤗
I do fear of a better offer and avoidment attachment
Then it’s important for you to get to the core of why you do!
Susan ,
I like what you said about finding someone that makes you feel at home, grounded and moving in the same direction .
Going back to the book, Getting The Love You Want, doesn't chemistry sometimes relate to trying to correct a relationship with a caregiver and looking for what we see as familiar?
I know some attraction is important.
Chemistry, sometimes seems misleading, as opposed to compatibility and disposition. Attracting the same type, person over and over.
Hello Susan, your videos are fantastic. Would you please do a video telling us what the difference between a mentally ill person and a bad person is? I can't realise whether my father has been always been so cruel with me. Thanks a lot and take care of yourself.
Don't give up on life and the universe.... I know of a great man who helped me fix my broken heartbeat relationship and everything was restored to normal in days without delay..
+1 ( 3 2 3 ) 9 1 6 9 1 6 9
+2348136936671⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
How was he raised Vanessa? Children frequently learn from modelling. ACE assessment.
Hi Susan, I love your channel ❤ could you do a video on whether passion is important in a relationship or can it work without that spark
Thanks, Katie from the UK
Don't give up on life and the universe.... I know of a great man who helped me fix my broken heartbeat relationship and everything was restored to normal in days without delay..
+1 ( 3 2 3 ) 9 1 6 9 1 6 9
+2348136936671⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
Please do more videos on avoidants
I agree there’s too much emphasis in trying to categorize and label people. I think your messages are more Balanced.
Don't give up on life and the universe.... I know of a great man who helped me fix my broken heartbeat relationship and everything was restored to normal in days without delay..
+1 ( 3 2 3 ) 9 1 6 9 1 6 9
Yep… I’m the avoidant. 🥲 But I’m glad I know now. Sigh.
I have an avoidant attachment but I don't feel I fit the characteristics go with it. Like lack of empathy. If anything I have too much empathy. My big thing is I fear people.
Your own fear is what needs to be acknowledged and understood. This is essential in order to move on from avoidant attachment. You have a huge heart and people that are natural nurturers can take on the pain of another. Over time this can lead to a person shutting down because they need emotional protection. Boundaries are essential along with taking the time to focus on your own being-both physically and mentally!
Great topic. Thx
Thank you!!
Susan I am currently dating a Latina girl who is new to the country and English is her second language. I get her English is only going to get better with time, however its hard to develop a deep connection and some cultural humour goes over the head. Her English is not terrible and we can talk about most things, just not at a deep level. I’d like to know your opinion on communication issues with language barriers. I really care for her but I need more of a deeper connection
How can you have a REAL relationship if you can't even know what's going on in her head, discuss deep or serious issue? You don't even know each other truly just the "refined" dating version of each other
Why don’t you put effort to learn her language if you care about her so deeply?
Emotional intimacy and commitment is pretty important for most women. Perhaps understand her love language and attachment style.
We jam it in the cup, then the resentment makes it spill out in a projectile vomit type of way
You are amazing, thank you!
Hi Susan. I'm in the Dallas, Texas area. You always look pretty. :)
Are u creater of angeloasis?
I watch her all the time.
Love her. Just love her.
I never knew about twin flames. But its everything in my relationship. I feel like I'm dying without him. I get a sharp constant pain in my chest around my heart and on my left lady part. I know he has the feelings. I see it in his eyes. Can I have such strong feeling in the magic moments and he doesn't. Or does he. I have to get it from him too right? (Him feeling the same but he's terified) also is twin flames real)
Sorry for double comments. I have so much on my mind. I'm overwhelmed right noe
What’s FOBO?
Fear of a better offer.
FOBO is not new and not just a result of swiping tech. Way back when I was young, we called this "greener grass syndrome". It was usually people who have many choices, mostly alpha and sigma males and beautiful females, who want the ideal person they hold in their minds. They never seem to realize that they are human too and are also not ideal, and that ideal person they just met only seems that way because they do not know them yet.
I’ve heard of this with online dating as FOMO ....fear of missing out....as well. They can’t seem to stop and explore with one person.
Thank you 🙏❤️
You’re welcome!
I don't know what got me into these feelings whenever it appears that sometimes you might be talking to me but you couldn't be talking to me cuz I'm not been in a relationship but it wants to play buying games and make me think that but I'm ready for the one that's going to be truly one that will speak to you and me I will always speak to each other at the same time and know that we're talking to each other then I believe it
Some people's comments are nice but they just say him and I don't know how to find him
I missed this today.
FOBO means?
Hello ma’am
Huge respect and love
Love and appreciate your videos
I’m 22 and I’m in love with a woman 25 yrs older than me.Pls give me some advice .Kindly let me know your opinion.
@@terminemuradyan104 whose number’s this ?
Hi Susan. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Could you please help me to understand my behavior and if case there is a chance to correct it, how to make it?
I’m very intelligent and beautiful (Ukrainian) woman and I have a lot of attention from men. Especially in Instagram or dating app - men are very actively offering me to go out and a lot of them would like to have relationships with me.
But I feel there is a problem with me ….
I don’t like to be alone and have feeling I’m also very actively chat at Instagram or Dating App - as I like mens attention. And I want it. And I kind of want and don’t want relationships at the same time … strange …
I really hate dating process. And before I go to date … I would crate 100 reasons why it’s better do not date …. And very often cancel dates ….. but even when I finally date, I never feel like “wow that’s my type of man!!!” …. Opposite the moment man shows me desire to spend more time and move into relationships - I want to run away!
I tell myself: “What’s problem! Just enjoy being single” but another side of me says: “that’s scary to be alone” or “what if a free some time I will settle for the less and chose someone who is not good enough for me
+2348136936671⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
the first four minutes fits of one my past boyfriends
1:05:20 ❤
I kinda feel like after my first relestionship (which was online) I become phobic
+2348136936671⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
@@masaudhashimu8624 I am happy for you... I dont know if the same will happen with me
MollyMoe I was grown up in the same situation he was, maybe he doesn't know how to do it. Or he might even not notice it, that happened to me. I am 42 and didn't know until some months ago that I deserve to be taken cared of, to be respected. It is not from one day to the other, it is a process. I started to suspect that I deserve a glass of water when I am feeling bad, I deserve not to be insulted and dismissed as I am since I was borned. I was told to whatch "This is us" and the way that family is never happened to me, there would always be violence, shouts, insults, screaming terrible things. He may not know how to do it. Take your distance, examine the situation, then take your decision.
Hi sister susan
+2348136936671⏯️⏯️⏯️⏯️ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of breakup.,
@@masaudhashimu8624 amen
@@masaudhashimu8624 may god bless her ....amen