Nobody in the world is as busy to call their patner 5 mins in the morning and 5 mins in the evening.. if you don't have 10 mins a day for your girlfriend then its a great indicatior that you shouldn't b in a relationship.
A woman I was dating was too busy, eventually couldn't be bothered. Said I'd be a super husband to a lucky lady. She was right, but it wasn't going to be her.
They are usually using you to deal w loneliness or boredom until someone better/newer comes along. You don’t need people like this in your lives. THEY LIE AND CANT EVEN HONESTLY TELL YOU THEY ARE NO LONGER INTERESTED. It’s passive aggressive people and/or cowards who do this. GOOD RIDDANCE. Always believe their behavior, their words are not to be trusted. Dishonesty is still dishonesty, however “nice” they seem.
One thing I used to do during the slow fade was give, give, give to make the other person happy but it was exhausting and it drives you mad. If you recognise someone pulling away, let them go. The more you annoy them, beg and plead, the worse it’ll make you look and feel.
He used the slow fade on me. I called him out on it and he denied it. I then decided to bite the bullet and ask him if he still have feelings for me... THEN that is when he told me it’s not going to work. Fun stuff. Susan you’re amazing! You are building me into a stronger, more independent woman so thank you very much.
I really think people are their own worst enemies. The effort it takes to avoid attachment, ghost, slow fade, all of those tactics- all that negative energy! If they could just lay their cards on the table and have a little honesty, the possibilities could be endless!
You probably dont care but does anybody know a way to get back into an instagram account?? I was stupid lost the login password. I would appreciate any assistance you can offer me!
@Abdullah Chris I really appreciate your reply. I got to the site thru google and im in the hacking process atm. Takes a while so I will get back to you later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
Thé ‘’How they were’’ is the worst trick ever. When you know what he is capable of, and he’s suddenly not doing it anymore... it’s so confusing. You hope and hope that the better man will return... and it hurts.
"We need to learn not to romanticize bad behavior"... 👌That was the power sentence of the whole session for me! That's what many of us do, as a coping mechanism to survive blows to our ego. It's soothing in the short term but totally destructive in the long run!
Thank you for this, Susan! This confirms that the 4 month committed relationship I left in Feb was exactly that. Slow fade, and he was cruel, telling me I was over thinking when I told him how it was making me feel. I appreciate you so much! I did break it off. Between the slow fade and wishy washy behavior, I was miserable.
My ex husband did this to me. Just ignored me after I broke my neck and jaw until I was forced to leave. I asked him so many times if he wanted me to leave, and that it’s okay, but just tell me the truth. And he never owned up to what he was doing-f*cking my mind and gaslighting me. They ARE evil people. They’re trying to hurt you, because they don’t want to man up and be responsible in the relationship. They hurt you far more than a simple breakup would ever do. Then they get to claim victim status to the next person they’re with, because you left them. They’re such cowards that I can’t imagine how they can look at themselves in the mirror or sleep at night. I hope in the deep recesses of their mind, they hear me whispering, “Coward” to them for all eternity.
After 7 months and he could not vocalize that he even "cared" about me, I left him stranded in another state while on a trip that was supposed to be to build the relationship. I continued on with my vacation.
Man it really hurts, especially when it hits you in the face and you recognise it for what it is. I just left a guy I was seeing for two months. I'm really heartbroken but I saw it coming. He slowly stopped replying to me and took his sweet time to reply back. We would make plans and he wouldn't pull through, he wouldn't turn up or he would make excuses as to why we shouldn't go ahead with the plans. Yet when I asked him if everything was okay, he would tell me what I wanted to hear. I feel like these are the types of guys I've been attracting and it's frustrating. I think I've accepted the fact I might be single forever 😭
@@mariana4095 I found out he got into a relationship soon after we broke up... I'm okay, I'm single but I'm just focusing on myself until I find the right one!
Started as slow fade for like 3 weeks ,then ghosted me, it's been 5 weeks I haven't heard anything from him, last week he started viewing my Snapchat and instagram stories .Today it's the worst for me because ,this time last year was when we met, I wish I can go back and un-meet him. I can't understand why it happened,but I will move on , I must move on.
I know your situation happened 3 years ago but I'm sorry you had to deal with. I'm going through it now. I was doing better before I reconnected with my avoidant and now I'm knocked 3 steps backwards.
I was a victim of a slow fade. He got married 3 months (to the day) after I finally confronted him and we broke up. I never knew a body could produce so many tears. But I have to say in the end, I'm a much happier person and have forgiven him completely. The pain is gone and I truly wish him a lifetime of love with his new bride. All this to say, let him/her go ppl! Keep your chin up and know life has something g better in store for you!
Thanks for these words of wisdom.I was supposed to be getting married,yet my cheap ex wouldn't get a ring.Finally he got the ring,tried to tease me with it.Then he used the slow fade.Then he tried to get back with me and said he returned the ring.Sometimes I feel like maybe he gave the ring to another woman while he was fading me out,which is heart breaking to think about.But I won't know and either way,if he he does get married to someone else I don't care anymore. Guys try to act like they don't know what they did wrong or how to fix things.But they do.They just don't want to.
You can forgive him...I'll hate him for you and everyone like him! 😁 People like that are worthless on this planet and deserve to burn in hell. Letting these types off the hook does none of us any good in the long run.
I liked him so much and then he started to slow fade and I called him out. I did it nicely...tried to give him a way out. He called me and he said no I’m just busy...I’m not going any where. Let’s go to dinner sometime. Then he texted once and disappeared completely. I never texted him or acknowledged his disappearance. I wasn’t about to give him that satisfaction. Ugh...it hurts!!
It truly is heartbreaking 😞 , texts continuously to be limited as weeks go by in my case. Hope she cuts it clean which would make things less difficult.
I love how you put it in one of you’re shorter videos...”Just enough air to breath but not enough oxygen to survive”. I wrote this just before you read it again in this video, Susan. It’s exactly how it feels.
Loved your advice that if they are a Dismissive Avoidant to basically drop them. Also that 'if they are pulling away, open the door and push them out.' Lol. That cracked me up.
I think people need to know themselves & stop living in denial. Do your internal work with yourself & a therapist if you need guidance. We all have issues, no matter who you are. No one can have a relationship that's healthy, if we can't accept that we are all imperfect. Being your true self takes work. When you know yourself & your own self concept, it's easier to be honest & kind, but also firm in what you want, need & what you will not accept to meet those needs in a relationship.
I don't understand why you have to break up with them though... I would just fade myself as well, do my own thing and see if they come after me, let them work for it a bit. If they don't, then its over. If they do, the relationship will be even stronger then before. Sometimes people need a little distance from time to time, or they need to sort out what they feel or want. Asking and bugging them about it doesn't help.
Works if only this silence time is relatively short. When it's months, is there any point to wait for them, coming back or not? I would not have liked to be with someone, who "needs" to shun me for a few months, without even any explanation. Just because.
This just happened to me a bit over a week ago with a 3.5 year relationship. I’ve been struggling to understand how this could happen, but this video really crystallizes everything perfectly. Thank you for giving me this understanding and unlocking the door to acceptance, healing, and truly moving on. I almost feel human again and will grow from this. Cheers.
Wow! I had instant- flashbacks! You described my last relationship to a T!! I wish I had all of the knowledge back then had a "Take of leave it" attitude: Stand up for myself, and just leave! Unfortunately though, for me.. it was much more hurtful. They actually had ill-intent, and was quite a bad person to me. There was constant lying, tearing at my self-esteem, all the while pretending to be the "good guy", telling me I was simply "crazy" or "dramatic" every time I simply felt this bad feeling in my gut and questioned him about it. He didn't want my pain to come and go out of cowardice, my pain was there the whole time, and he wanted to prolong that as much as he could. The most hurtful thing, was that I believed him over myself, because I simply did not love myself. I accepted all the excuses and avoided the lies, and what I saw with my own eyes. I suppose we wish all bad experiences never happened in the first place, but they open our eyes, and teach us lessons for us not to fall for it and hurt again. In that lesson, I learned what Narcissism was and is. It eats at your mind and self-esteem. Follow the logic of what their actions tell you over their words, follow your gut over excuses that someone tells you. Believe in yourself. Actions speak louder than words!
Thank you for this post. I hope you are on the road to healing and to know that you never needed him to be yourself. Lessons are quite painful. Wish you the best.
Hi Susan, thank you for this yet another great video. Like many guys (in my generation!), I rather take a honest rejection than a lie with a fake smile.
I don't usually comment on TH-cam, but I wanted to say: This was such wonderful information, Susan. I was (non maliciously) slow-faded during a big breakup, and have been the person to slow-fade others (being non-confrontational as well, I always thought slow-fading was kinder). Now I know why this is untrue, why being slow-faded hurt so much at the time, and why I should in future be braver and avoid slow-fading others in my relationships. It's something I shall correct and add to my ever-expanding 'relationship skill-set', of which there is always so much to learn. For people like me (former 'game-players' who, to start with, had little clue how to act in relationships) your advice sessions are immensely important, because I and others can now rationalise situations to act with empathy, compassion and good behavior, and have learned that we also deserve empathy, compassion and good behavior from others. It's definitely a wonderful booster of self-esteem! I'm sure as a result of your guidance on youtube, many people the world over are approaching relationships more thoughtfully and compassionately. Thank you again for all your wisdom (from Australia
I don’t believe for one minute that they “don’t want to hurt you”. What they are doing is all about THEM and their insecurities and attempting to be a good person and liked!
Well think about it from their perspective. They are preoccupied with satisfying their own needs and wants and their To-do list probably lists things like e.g. focus on career, home, family, dating etc etc. There probably isn't an item that reads *******Don't forget to torment boyfriend and destroy their self worth, set off their central nervous system blah blah blah. I'm on the receiving end of a 9 month slow fade and it's painful and confusing. I'm so angry at her (not that I've shown it) but mostly I'm angry at myself for my denial and overanalysing her actions recently, and also for not showing up for myself in response to her avoidant behaviours over the years that created so much distrust and uncertainty. If this was a short term relationship I wouldn't mind so much, but it's long term and we 've known each other for most of our lives and my early adulthood was marred by a distant on/off relationship with her years before we reconnected. I was secure and had no illusions by then, but she pursued me and wore down my defences and once I was in the bag they started to reveal their avoidance once more. Because of the shame and the pain that's largely due to my handling of her behaviour, it feels logical that she must have masterminded this and is laughing hysterically up in her ivory tower. It's hard to accept that she may just be thinking about herself and not aware of the pain she's causing. Choosing to believe that they are inflicting pain intentionally because they want you to suffer is not beneficial because it gives them credit for a job well done and devalues yourself even more, and you will have even more resentment. Furthermore if you're the type to generalise then you're more likely to attribute this type of behaviour to all men or women in general, which is a very bad belief to hold and is detrimental to future relationships. I may have been naive and unaware about attachment styles and spotting avoidant behaviour. But I'm not going to weaken myself further by believing that there was a malicious intention here. I do think she tried to create unease and uncertainty as a deliberate act of self sabotage earlier on in the relationship, but only as a way to defend and deflect. There is a very big difference.
@@roberttruman8444No. He is an immature coward. It’s my fault for allowing him into my life. I closed the door to his lies, patterns and unhealthy, abusive behavior. There are no excuses for slow fade, lack of communication, and undeserved disrespect. Being “nice” or “busy” is really insecurity and avoidance. Intentional dismissiveness is cruel torture and inhumane.
Why break up when you too can just fade away and make them go through what they wanted to make you go through, if they come back and ask why you’re being distant just tell them you’re just busy with life and not emotionally available right now, and if they say they want to break up with you tell them that it works for you too, make them taste their own medicine
Susan--Your last couple of videos have been more blunt, and more to the point. Strong advice about leaving the past behind, and not hoping/ wishing/dreaming about that ex who was probably toxic for us anyway. This is exactly the kind of advice I've needed to hear. Thank you : )
Thank you so much Susan for your generosity in sharing your wisdom and your time, I have just been slow faded for months after a 5 year relationship years of breadcrumbing, grey washing and future faking. Wow! My capacity for putting up with bad behaviour has shocked me, your videos are so helpful and now I feel educated, excited and empowered to move on...and correct my own bad behaviour🙈. You are Awesome!
“The way you got them is the way you’ll loose them”, so true... patterns... Many thanks for the great session! Excellent points! 💚 thank you again and again for drying my tears and making me smile confidently for some time already!
Some of the red flags are They stop saying that they love you They don't appreciate or complement anymore They don't give you an insight of what's happening in their lives They ignore you They don't wanna call you or meet you They say that they are busy and don't have time for you They stop future planning When you ask them why they treat you this way... They drop the classic "is that what love is?" Type question.
Love this video! Susan, I admire your transparency and insights❤️ I am single and pretty optimistic about my future relationship - well, I’ve deleted all dating apps, which probably helps😊 Listening to you is really encouraging!
I wanted that honesty always.ive never left anyone.i made it impossible for them to hand me the blame. But still they won't say the words .it pisses me off that they want you to be the bad guy.
Yes, but try to remember that oftentimes it's not coming from direct cruelty. Doesn't' mean it's acceptable, but not everyone doing it is hateful. They may be trying to let you down easily.
This is solid straight talk. Wish I understood this a lot earlier in life. I’ve flailed around trying to crack these mysteries … a LOT 😂😭 The end of one relationship was just a whole year of this BS. Ugh Smdh.
Just went through this. So awful. But I knew it, just always giving benefit of the doubt, until I confronted it. Then I got the old, "I'm just not into the partner thing." She could of done this months ago. She tried to break up with hints, probably hoping I'd fade away.
Very spot on Susan. Also people, familiarise yourselves with the terms "shelving" and "hoovering". People will come back, even ages later, to use you when they're stumped for options.
You are absolutely fab! You are the best at helping ppl who get it... self love is a never ending journey. So grateful to have found your channel. You found your purpose regardless of the Certification needed as a psychologist, you have the best certification! School of hard Knox. Your channel I’ve shared with many. You make a difference so thank you beautiful lady inside and out 🥰
Susan, you are a very intelligent , bright woman ! Your videos are all so interesting, insightful, and full of wise, sound advices. I love watching your video. I do it for self-development and to understand more about relationship, after years of waiting and wasting time on someone. Right now i am just learning and you are the excellent teacher !
Thank you Susan for your wise, sharp and useful advises and comments. What you are saying sounds so right about slow fade and more specifically about self love which is the basis. I really appreciate your personality and way of discussing directly and genuinely with a lot of love for the ones listening.Please keep helping us and bringing so much value :). Hi from France ;)!
A sensed a slow fade happening at around month 1. Watched his behaviour and gave chances. Thankfully I did not invest much time and energy. Just the way my body reacted to him. confronted him about his bad behaviour and the BS excuses so told him at 3 months bye and good luck. Best decision made
Incredible Susan! 3:30 what a great explanation 6:20 - 9:45 & 14:50, 25:40 this is almost hard to hear because of how closely it resonates with my experiences! Thank you for supporting healthier perspectives, sometimes in these situations we can feel trapped in malignant perspectives and moribund relationships because we have no support system.
My ex was going to his duty station across the country and said we’ll see what happens! We were married and he refused to go to counseling! Months before I said I needed us to go to counseling or I wouldn’t go! He is was about to leave and no counseling! He said he would go and we’ll see what happened! I got separation papers and had him sign it before he left! Marriage is not we’ll see what happens or yes, come cross country but we’re not communicating! Makes no sense!
Anytime my partner with an APD started to slow fade me, I faded completely at once. I disappearrd in the thin air. It happened 3 times. The last time I asked him to stay away because I really had to leave. Hope this time he won't try to win me back.
In a relationship for 1 year. Has never mentioned me to his family or older children. (As I've done) A week ago I asked him outright why. Apparently they never asked???.. Had a phone discussion which ended amicably, but I have been the one in contact wishing him happy birthday, a good day..and so on... Responds with one word. I guess I'm being slow faded. He had a toxic second marriage. I have made arrangements to meet and discuss. If he can't call me his girlfriend nor define the relationship. Then I don't see a way forward.
My former....has pretty much pulled a quick fade & gone silent too via social media...some of her friends followed suit...sad... Crimes of the heart are ghe hardest because they will come back to haunt you & do other damage to "friends"....later on in life... I have left the line of communication open but, not waited. I have cutiously ( in ways thanks to you ) begun to move forward again. . . possibs ! So, again Susan( beautiful,btw ) ...much luv !
Just went through this...a narcissist. I broke up w him last night and haven't heard from him. He said he promised he didn't have anyone else and that we would see each other soon.
Hi Susan my ex boyfriend was initiating the break up after 10 years then when I finally got the Strength to leave him. He was really upset and didn't want to break up. But I decided to ended. Why he was so upset when he was initiating the break up. Thank you I watched Videos and they're very helpful.
HI Teodora. YOu need to ask him those questions. Sometimes people 'bluff'. They do this because they want to know you care about them. But if he really wanted the breakup (and to have you do it for him)...then, he got his wish.
Please answer a question for me.... Why did he play this game for a whole year? That's what threw me off I was put in a position to be the supportive girlfriend. My eyes were never blind because I was too busy being supportive and I had a full life. I didn't realize until I asked him to hang out several times and he very nicely agreed BUT never planned it out or followed up. When in the pass he did the asking and planning. I confronted him he denied so apologetic hugs kisses and sex... I caught on and dismissed him. He had a nerve to say "Ok, I was feeling the same way. Not spending time together isn't working for me" 🤦🏾♀️ Really he put it all on me 😄 more games. I simply said I agree don't contact me anymore ✌🏾
I have used slow fade with friends and if I look more into it, these were the reasons: - I thought they had a lot of expectations of me, that I was not willing to fulfill. There was not much space for good communication and I felt they always wanted to have things their way - clearly to avoid conflict - the relationship was not good for a long time. I had a hard time understanding and formulating why I did not feel good and how I wanted things to change. I came to the conclusion that I just did not want to see the person anymore - I am often very interested in people when we first meet, but this declines quickly when the relationship becomes repetitive - I felt we were not compatible, I did not meet their needs in friendship and they did not meet mine - if someone contacts me all the time, when I barely contact them, I feel they should understand that I need more space. Do I need to be more explicit? I would be very interested in an example of a clear cut to end a relationship. I aim to improve my skills
Don't do that. Friends have done that to me and it's so painful. You are not doing them any favor by avoiding them the conflict, just communicate that you are no longer interested in the relationship and let go. It's momentarily painful for them, but an honest answer is always the best. How many times I had wished people were honest with me and just told me they didn't want me on their lives instead of having me keep trying to be good with them, that said I don't mean it so I could be bad with them, but simply be released of it and move on, I know not all relationships are meant to be and it's fine. If you cant love a person (whatever the relationship is) is fine, but don't let them exhaust themselves trying to love you and keep your love. Free them honestly, you can still be kind
@@silvershadow7655 Thank you Silver for your answer. I will look into it. Since childhood I have always quickly felt invaded by people. I like them, but often need less social interactions than they do, and I love to be alone (this is what fills me up with energy). Maybe it is just about communicating more upfront about it
@@ducere0 Thank you for your answer. Yes I understand an honest answer seems to be the kindest approach. However sometimes I feel I still like these people, I don't want to cut them off completely, but I don't want to see them as much as they want. I'm not sure how to state that without being rude: "I like you, but I feel we have very different expectations and interests, and for me it is fine if we see each other less"
@@marienibelle2087 The issue is, nobody will want to be half-liked by you. There won't be anybody that will be okay with that, which is why addressing your possible avoidant attachment style would give you a better chance of getting what you want without hurting others.
Having dated both of these types of men, I tend to believe the malignant narcissists are more likely to ghost, and the people pleasers are more likely to do the slow fade. That's just my experience.
"Slow killers" aren't good for us, they're doing it for themselves. They fight with the breakup too. My ex hoovered me by 9 months after breakup. She had someone, I had someone in this time too... Yes, she breakup with me and after week I was in no contact. Last time she did it a few days ago. It's their weakness, sometimes a personality disorder, sometimes both.
🌈🦋🦉 THANKS. SUSAN! Was curious about what ** slow fade** meant! Unbelievable some of the situation we can &/ or others put u through but its up to us to shovel our way out!! Loool I'm not in this situation, I feel I'm in a good place now, happy just to be alive, get up & see the sunshine, make plans & look forward to the many things Id like to experience & goals Ive set for myself !!! 💞💘 xo. 🦉🐬 I'll lways wish u the best & I'm happy to see the great changes UVE made to improve your services! 👍 Super!!
Thank God for you, Susan Winter. You have helped me to understand what happened to me with a previous partner. Now that I know this was the case, I did not react to this slow-fade kindly (in fact I cussed him out and blocked him). Do you think it is best to apologize for this reaction or continue to move on?
After going through narcissistic abuse, videos like these seem like preschool-level advice. This stuff is even more juvenile than the 90' self-help Mars-Venus books. I stumbled upon this channel while looking for more content on NPD. Never expected to find such a triggering throwback to the times when I was naive and trusting like a puppy, in my 20s, and thought I was at the time dealing with "regular" relationship issues. But in fact, I was dealing with a narcissist, an entity which can't be fixed, or loved out of their disorder.
Felt like a guy was doing this to me long distance (sporadic communication and inconsistency), so I pulled back. Then all of a sudden he tried to come visit me for a weekend. I was conflicted cuz he was being very nonchalant so I said no and cut off communication
I said msged him I noticed our conversations are getting shorter so that tells me there getting longer somewhere else.. his response was a wow emoji.. i am 53 he’s 35 ..
I find that it's not because they failed being attentive. It was always about the "catch". Normally, these were the same people that were desperately trying to get you to give them attention, go out with them for the 1st meet, etc. Now they have yoy,, and they don't know what to do.
Nobody in the world is as busy to call their patner 5 mins in the morning and 5 mins in the evening.. if you don't have 10 mins a day for your girlfriend then its a great indicatior that you shouldn't b in a relationship.
Exactly what i said about my ex who did the slow fade
Ugh, YES. My ex would vanish for DAYS and lambaste me and say "Why can't you understand I'm busy with university? You're so clingy.".
Pl!+--
Absolutely
A woman I was dating was too busy, eventually couldn't be bothered. Said I'd be a super husband to a lucky lady. She was right, but it wasn't going to be her.
They are usually using you to deal w loneliness or boredom until someone better/newer comes along. You don’t need people like this in your lives. THEY LIE AND CANT EVEN HONESTLY TELL YOU THEY ARE NO LONGER INTERESTED. It’s passive aggressive people and/or cowards who do this. GOOD RIDDANCE. Always believe their behavior, their words are not to be trusted. Dishonesty is still dishonesty, however “nice” they seem.
Oh my word! Don't say this
You too?
Yes!
One thing I used to do during the slow fade was give, give, give to make the other person happy but it was exhausting and it drives you mad. If you recognise someone pulling away, let them go. The more you annoy them, beg and plead, the worse it’ll make you look and feel.
He used the slow fade on me. I called him out on it and he denied it. I then decided to bite the bullet and ask him if he still have feelings for me... THEN that is when he told me it’s not going to work. Fun stuff. Susan you’re amazing! You are building me into a stronger, more independent woman so thank you very much.
Same exact experience here. He denied, I had to ask if he still had feelings, and that's when it ended. Unfortunate but oh well, we deserve better
I really think people are their own worst enemies. The effort it takes to avoid attachment, ghost, slow fade, all of those tactics- all that negative energy! If they could just lay their cards on the table and have a little honesty, the possibilities could be endless!
You probably dont care but does anybody know a way to get back into an instagram account??
I was stupid lost the login password. I would appreciate any assistance you can offer me!
@Uriel Levi instablaster :)
@Abdullah Chris I really appreciate your reply. I got to the site thru google and im in the hacking process atm.
Takes a while so I will get back to you later when my account password hopefully is recovered.
@Abdullah Chris it did the trick and I now got access to my account again. Im so happy!
Thank you so much, you saved my ass :D
@Uriel Levi glad I could help :D
Thé ‘’How they were’’ is the worst trick ever. When you know what he is capable of, and he’s suddenly not doing it anymore... it’s so confusing. You hope and hope that the better man will return... and it hurts.
"We need to learn not to romanticize bad behavior"... 👌That was the power sentence of the whole session for me! That's what many of us do, as a coping mechanism to survive blows to our ego. It's soothing in the short term but totally destructive in the long run!
thank you Danai!
Thank you for this, Susan! This confirms that the 4 month committed relationship I left in Feb was exactly that. Slow fade, and he was cruel, telling me I was over thinking when I told him how it was making me feel. I appreciate you so much! I did break it off. Between the slow fade and wishy washy behavior, I was miserable.
My ex husband did this to me. Just ignored me after I broke my neck and jaw until I was forced to leave. I asked him so many times if he wanted me to leave, and that it’s okay, but just tell me the truth. And he never owned up to what he was doing-f*cking my mind and gaslighting me. They ARE evil people. They’re trying to hurt you, because they don’t want to man up and be responsible in the relationship. They hurt you far more than a simple breakup would ever do. Then they get to claim victim status to the next person they’re with, because you left them. They’re such cowards that I can’t imagine how they can look at themselves in the mirror or sleep at night. I hope in the deep recesses of their mind, they hear me whispering, “Coward” to them for all eternity.
I crackled when you said, in the deep recesses of their mind 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
After 7 months and he could not vocalize that he even "cared" about me, I left him stranded in another state while on a trip that was supposed to be to build the relationship. I continued on with my vacation.
👏🏾 well done!
Man it really hurts, especially when it hits you in the face and you recognise it for what it is. I just left a guy I was seeing for two months. I'm really heartbroken but I saw it coming. He slowly stopped replying to me and took his sweet time to reply back. We would make plans and he wouldn't pull through, he wouldn't turn up or he would make excuses as to why we shouldn't go ahead with the plans. Yet when I asked him if everything was okay, he would tell me what I wanted to hear. I feel like these are the types of guys I've been attracting and it's frustrating. I think I've accepted the fact I might be single forever 😭
How are you doing now?
@@mariana4095 x2
@@mariana4095 I found out he got into a relationship soon after we broke up... I'm okay, I'm single but I'm just focusing on myself until I find the right one!
Started as slow fade for like 3 weeks ,then ghosted me, it's been 5 weeks I haven't heard anything from him, last week he started viewing my Snapchat and instagram stories .Today it's the worst for me because ,this time last year was when we met, I wish I can go back and un-meet him. I can't understand why it happened,but I will move on , I must move on.
Sometimes it is better to leave social media alone altogether, or at least block and delete that person.
Ladenna Young great advice!
@@bellasue884 That's a good point. Thanks for the share
I know your situation happened 3 years ago but I'm sorry you had to deal with. I'm going through it now. I was doing better before I reconnected with my avoidant and now I'm knocked 3 steps backwards.
I was a victim of a slow fade. He got married 3 months (to the day) after I finally confronted him and we broke up. I never knew a body could produce so many tears. But I have to say in the end, I'm a much happier person and have forgiven him completely. The pain is gone and I truly wish him a lifetime of love with his new bride. All this to say, let him/her go ppl! Keep your chin up and know life has something g better in store for you!
It won't last
You dodged a huge bullet !!
Thanks for these words of wisdom.I was supposed to be getting married,yet my cheap ex wouldn't get a ring.Finally he got the ring,tried to tease me with it.Then he used the slow fade.Then he tried to get back with me and said he returned the ring.Sometimes I feel like maybe he gave the ring to another woman while he was fading me out,which is heart breaking to think about.But I won't know and either way,if he he does get married to someone else I don't care anymore. Guys try to act like they don't know what they did wrong or how to fix things.But they do.They just don't want to.
You can forgive him...I'll hate him for you and everyone like him! 😁 People like that are worthless on this planet and deserve to burn in hell. Letting these types off the hook does none of us any good in the long run.
@@thomasgallegos2832 😅
I liked him so much and then he started to slow fade and I called him out. I did it nicely...tried to give him a way out. He called me and he said no I’m just busy...I’m not going any where. Let’s go to dinner sometime.
Then he texted once and disappeared completely.
I never texted him or acknowledged his disappearance. I wasn’t about to give him that satisfaction.
Ugh...it hurts!!
It truly is heartbreaking 😞 , texts continuously to be limited as weeks go by in my case. Hope she cuts it clean which would make things less difficult.
Stay strong.
Sounds like his other chick came through..
I love how you put it in one of you’re shorter videos...”Just enough air to breath but not enough oxygen to survive”.
I wrote this just before you read it again in this video, Susan. It’s exactly how it feels.
Thank you for your support. The whole group is here to help you as well!!
Narcs are fickle on a dime, they swing back and forth so fast 💨 you’re in a constant whirlwind
Loved your advice that if they are a Dismissive Avoidant to basically drop them. Also that 'if they are pulling away, open the door and push them out.' Lol. That cracked me up.
Thanks Bella!
I think people need to know themselves & stop living in denial. Do your internal work with yourself & a therapist if you need guidance. We all have issues, no matter who you are. No one can have a relationship that's healthy, if we can't accept that we are all imperfect. Being your true self takes work. When you know yourself & your own self concept, it's easier to be honest & kind, but also firm in what you want, need & what you will not accept to meet those needs in a relationship.
THANK YOU ALL FOR A TERRIFIC LIVE SHOW!! And massive thanks to the generous participants that used Super Chat and Stickers to share their support.
Loved it but please take up my topic
Just told a slow fader I’m looking for something else, wished him good luck, and sent him on his way. Glad I didn’t invest too much time or energy.
I don't understand why you have to break up with them though... I would just fade myself as well, do my own thing and see if they come after me, let them work for it a bit. If they don't, then its over. If they do, the relationship will be even stronger then before. Sometimes people need a little distance from time to time, or they need to sort out what they feel or want. Asking and bugging them about it doesn't help.
Self respect maybe...
You’re childish
Works if only this silence time is relatively short. When it's months, is there any point to wait for them, coming back or not? I would not have liked to be with someone, who "needs" to shun me for a few months, without even any explanation. Just because.
It’s the silences without explanation that is infuriating
“The way you got them is the way you’ll loose them”, so true... patterns...
Many thanks for the great session!
Hi Ralu. Thanks
This just happened to me a bit over a week ago with a 3.5 year relationship. I’ve been struggling to understand how this could happen, but this video really crystallizes everything perfectly. Thank you for giving me this understanding and unlocking the door to acceptance, healing, and truly moving on. I almost feel human again and will grow from this. Cheers.
Wow! I had instant- flashbacks! You described my last relationship to a T!! I wish I had all of the knowledge back then had a "Take of leave it" attitude: Stand up for myself, and just leave!
Unfortunately though, for me.. it was much more hurtful. They actually had ill-intent, and was quite a bad person to me. There was constant lying, tearing at my self-esteem, all the while pretending to be the "good guy", telling me I was simply "crazy" or "dramatic" every time I simply felt this bad feeling in my gut and questioned him about it. He didn't want my pain to come and go out of cowardice, my pain was there the whole time, and he wanted to prolong that as much as he could.
The most hurtful thing, was that I believed him over myself, because I simply did not love myself. I accepted all the excuses and avoided the lies, and what I saw with my own eyes. I suppose we wish all bad experiences never happened in the first place, but they open our eyes, and teach us lessons for us not to fall for it and hurt again. In that lesson, I learned what Narcissism was and is. It eats at your mind and self-esteem.
Follow the logic of what their actions tell you over their words, follow your gut over excuses that someone tells you. Believe in yourself.
Actions speak louder than words!
Been there too Ashley- twice in fact. Like you, I didn't know what I was dealing with but thankfully now I do.
Best wishes to you x
Thank you for this post. I hope you are on the road to healing and to know that you never needed him to be yourself. Lessons are quite painful. Wish you the best.
Hi Susan, thank you for this yet another great video. Like many guys (in my generation!), I rather take a honest rejection than a lie with a fake smile.
So happy to read this, because that has been the consensus I've gotten from men. thanks for the confirmation
I don't usually comment on TH-cam, but I wanted to say: This was such wonderful information, Susan. I was (non maliciously) slow-faded during a big breakup, and have been the person to slow-fade others (being non-confrontational as well, I always thought slow-fading was kinder). Now I know why this is untrue, why being slow-faded hurt so much at the time, and why I should in future be braver and avoid slow-fading others in my relationships. It's something I shall correct and add to my ever-expanding 'relationship skill-set', of which there is always so much to learn. For people like me (former 'game-players' who, to start with, had little clue how to act in relationships) your advice sessions are immensely important, because I and others can now rationalise situations to act with empathy, compassion and good behavior, and have learned that we also deserve empathy, compassion and good behavior from others. It's definitely a wonderful booster of self-esteem! I'm sure as a result of your guidance on youtube, many people the world over are approaching relationships more thoughtfully and compassionately. Thank you again for all your wisdom (from Australia
Sending you electronic hugs, Lucie!!!!!
I don’t believe for one minute that they “don’t want to hurt you”. What they are doing is all about THEM and their insecurities and attempting to be a good person and liked!
Well think about it from their perspective. They are preoccupied with satisfying their own needs and wants and their To-do list probably lists things like e.g. focus on career, home, family, dating etc etc. There probably isn't an item that reads
*******Don't forget to torment boyfriend and destroy their self worth, set off their central nervous system blah blah blah.
I'm on the receiving end of a 9 month slow fade and it's painful and confusing. I'm so angry at her (not that I've shown it) but mostly I'm angry at myself for my denial and overanalysing her actions recently, and also for not showing up for myself in response to her avoidant behaviours over the years that created so much distrust and uncertainty. If this was a short term relationship I wouldn't mind so much, but it's long term and we 've known each other for most of our lives and my early adulthood was marred by a distant on/off relationship with her years before we reconnected. I was secure and had no illusions by then, but she pursued me and wore down my defences and once I was in the bag they started to reveal their avoidance once more.
Because of the shame and the pain that's largely due to my handling of her behaviour, it feels logical that she must have masterminded this and is laughing hysterically up in her ivory tower. It's hard to accept that she may just be thinking about herself and not aware of the pain she's causing. Choosing to believe that they are inflicting pain intentionally because they want you to suffer is not beneficial because it gives them credit for a job well done and devalues yourself even more, and you will have even more resentment. Furthermore if you're the type to generalise then you're more likely to attribute this type of behaviour to all men or women in general, which is a very bad belief to hold and is detrimental to future relationships. I may have been naive and unaware about attachment styles and spotting avoidant behaviour. But I'm not going to weaken myself further by believing that there was a malicious intention here. I do think she tried to create unease and uncertainty as a deliberate act of self sabotage earlier on in the relationship, but only as a way to defend and deflect. There is a very big difference.
@@roberttruman8444No. He is an immature coward. It’s my fault for allowing him into my life. I closed the door to his lies, patterns and unhealthy, abusive behavior. There are no excuses for slow fade, lack of communication, and undeserved disrespect. Being “nice” or “busy” is really insecurity and avoidance. Intentional dismissiveness is cruel torture and inhumane.
i’ve been with one of these jerks! it’s the slow cruel fade!
Why break up when you too can just fade away and make them go through what they wanted to make you go through, if they come back and ask why you’re being distant just tell them you’re just busy with life and not emotionally available right now, and if they say they want to break up with you tell them that it works for you too, make them taste their own medicine
Why do WE value someone who does not value us ?!
We seek approval. It's natural. It's also harmful if not balanced witho ur own self-worth
I agree,,,, but, I think because we are so into them!
Susan--Your last couple of videos have been more blunt, and more to the point. Strong advice about leaving the past behind, and not hoping/ wishing/dreaming about that ex who was probably toxic for us anyway. This is exactly the kind of advice I've needed to hear. Thank you : )
Hi Jill. Wow, I hadn't noticed. But great to get this feedback. Glad yo like the direct approach!
Went through this. Finally had enough and walked away. It was the best choice I ever made.
I had a 2 months slow fade situation, starting with the work...Thank you, Susan!
Thank you so much Susan for your generosity in sharing your wisdom and your time, I have just been slow faded for months after a 5 year relationship years of breadcrumbing, grey washing and future faking. Wow! My capacity for putting up with bad behaviour has shocked me, your videos are so helpful and now I feel educated, excited and empowered to move on...and correct my own bad behaviour🙈. You are Awesome!
Big hugs to you, Victoria!!
“The way you got them is the way you’ll loose them”, so true... patterns...
Many thanks for the great session! Excellent points! 💚 thank you again and again for drying my tears and making me smile confidently for some time already!
Awww. So sweet, Ralu. Thaks for your note!
I am blessed to have found your website; you are very enlightening
thank you, thank you
Love your TH-cam videos Susan😍 Thank you for taking time out from your life to help people around the world😊 Your an amazing woman.
Awww, Shauna. Thank you!!
Some of the red flags are
They stop saying that they love you
They don't appreciate or complement anymore
They don't give you an insight of what's happening in their lives
They ignore you
They don't wanna call you or meet you
They say that they are busy and don't have time for you
They stop future planning
When you ask them why they treat you this way... They drop the classic "is that what love is?" Type question.
Omg, this is absolutely my experience. Would love to chat
Love this video! Susan, I admire your transparency and insights❤️ I am single and pretty optimistic about my future relationship - well, I’ve deleted all dating apps, which probably helps😊 Listening to you is really encouraging!
Right with you! Her videos are so grounding and securing. I feel more bulletproof to date with a full heart 😂❤ good luck to you!
I wanted that honesty always.ive never left anyone.i made it impossible for them to hand me the blame. But still they won't say the words .it pisses me off that they want you to be the bad guy.
Okay I am stupid. But I'm broken now.ive got health issues and life or death stuff .happening now. I need help. Zero
Yes, but try to remember that oftentimes it's not coming from direct cruelty. Doesn't' mean it's acceptable, but not everyone doing it is hateful. They may be trying to let you down easily.
This is solid straight talk. Wish I understood this a lot earlier in life. I’ve flailed around trying to crack these mysteries … a LOT 😂😭 The end of one relationship was just a whole year of this BS. Ugh Smdh.
Just went through this. So awful. But I knew it, just always giving benefit of the doubt, until I confronted it. Then I got the old, "I'm just not into the partner thing." She could of done this months ago. She tried to break up with hints, probably hoping I'd fade away.
How do these people even live with themselves Knowing that they have emotionally destroyed someone!
How on earth!!
Very spot on Susan.
Also people, familiarise yourselves with the terms "shelving" and "hoovering". People will come back, even ages later, to use you when they're stumped for options.
OMG! This is what was going on 🤦🏾♀️ to the point!!!
You are absolutely fab! You are the best at helping ppl who get it... self love is a never ending journey. So grateful to have found your channel. You found your purpose regardless of the Certification needed as a psychologist, you have the best certification! School of hard Knox. Your channel I’ve shared with many. You make a difference so thank you beautiful lady inside and out 🥰
THANK YOU Essentially Me!!!!!
Susan, you are a very intelligent , bright woman ! Your videos are all so interesting, insightful, and full of wise, sound advices. I love watching your video. I do it for self-development and to understand more about relationship, after years of waiting and wasting time on someone. Right now i am just learning and you are the excellent teacher !
Thank you so much!!
Thank you Susan for your wise, sharp and useful advises and comments. What you are saying sounds so right about slow fade and more specifically about self love which is the basis. I really appreciate your personality and way of discussing directly and genuinely with a lot of love for the ones listening.Please keep helping us and bringing so much value :). Hi from France ;)!
THIS IS PROBABLY SOME OF THE BEST ADVICE IVE EVEEERRRRRRRRRRR HAD!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!!!!!!!
Thank you soo much love you 😘❤️❤️ please make a video on how to get rid of Hope after a break up and not keep waiting 🙏
Ja Susan dropping some gems here
A sensed a slow fade happening at around month 1. Watched his behaviour and gave chances. Thankfully I did not invest much time and energy. Just the way my body reacted to him. confronted him about his bad behaviour and the BS excuses so told him at 3 months bye and good luck. Best decision made
Incredible Susan! 3:30 what a great explanation
6:20 - 9:45 & 14:50, 25:40 this is almost hard to hear because of how closely it resonates with my experiences! Thank you for supporting healthier perspectives, sometimes in these situations we can feel trapped in malignant perspectives and moribund relationships because we have no support system.
I've just lived through this and it's been really hard. I would have needed this a month ago, but it helps even afterwards. Love your content.
Happy for that!
My ex was going to his duty station across the country and said we’ll see what happens! We were married and he refused to go to counseling! Months before I said I needed us to go to counseling or I wouldn’t go! He is was about to leave and no counseling! He said he would go and we’ll see what happened! I got separation papers and had him sign it before he left!
Marriage is not we’ll see what happens or yes, come cross country but we’re not communicating! Makes no sense!
I've been with my guy for 4 years, he is doing the slow fade, I'm wondering if there is someone else...stood me up this weekend
I felt a fade happening. I stone cold stopped answering another message. Done.
Any update? I did the same thing
@@FM-zg5hz yeah that was the end of it. We never spoke another word. When they're fading they're gone.
You are a wise and glamorous woman! Inspiring combo.
Anytime my partner with an APD started to slow fade me, I faded completely at once. I disappearrd in the thin air. It happened 3 times. The last time I asked him to stay away because I really had to leave. Hope this time he won't try to win me back.
Any update?
@@FM-zg5hz We became friends and he learned to respect me as a person. Win-win
You’re given Just enough air to breathe but not to thrive, deprived of oxygen
In a relationship for 1 year. Has never mentioned me to his family or older children. (As I've done) A week ago I asked him outright why. Apparently they never asked???..
Had a phone discussion which ended amicably, but I have been the one in contact wishing him happy birthday, a good day..and so on... Responds with one word. I guess I'm being slow faded.
He had a toxic second marriage. I have made arrangements to meet and discuss. If he can't call me his girlfriend nor define the relationship. Then I don't see a way forward.
He was a waste of space
Why is it that men over 50 are so immature and so commitment phobic? I may need to go younger to find the right man?? Lol
Sounds good to me...
We are not all like that, immature or commitment adverse. But there's a sea of bad apples making the good apples harder to find.
Emotional velcro is an awesome metaphore 😉😉
Excellent content. I have learnt a lot. Thank you Susan! 💞
thank you
LOVE YOU, SUSAN...& Keep up the great efforts !
thank you Sean!
Thank YOU...!
My former....has pretty much pulled a quick fade & gone silent too via social media...some of her friends followed suit...sad... Crimes of the heart are ghe hardest because they will come back to haunt you & do other damage to "friends"....later on in life... I have left the line of communication open but, not waited. I have cutiously ( in ways thanks to you ) begun to move forward again. . . possibs ! So, again Susan( beautiful,btw ) ...much luv !
Just went through this...a narcissist. I broke up w him last night and haven't heard from him. He said he promised he didn't have anyone else and that we would see each other soon.
I'm so sorry. Glad you found yor way to this discussion and video
Such a good session Susan. I’ll have to take notes. ❤️
I told him if he wasnt going to call to not call at all I'm good either way!
I guess God is trying to tell me something as usual. I pray that I listen in Jesus name. I pray that I let go and let God in Jesus name. Amen.
Your preaching a word.‼️⚡️💫✨
Hi Susan my ex boyfriend was initiating the break up after 10 years then when I finally got the Strength to leave him. He was really upset and didn't want to break up. But I decided to ended. Why he was so upset when he was initiating the break up. Thank you I watched Videos and they're very helpful.
HI Teodora. YOu need to ask him those questions. Sometimes people 'bluff'. They do this because they want to know you care about them. But if he really wanted the breakup (and to have you do it for him)...then, he got his wish.
Maybe he didn't have his replacement ready
@@SusanWinter Thank you So Much For The Respond To My Questions You're Amazing. 😍
He was upset because he couldn't use you anymore.
@@ladennayoung2939 Narcissist behavior
Please answer a question for me....
Why did he play this game for a whole year? That's what threw me off I was put in a position to be the supportive girlfriend. My eyes were never blind because I was too busy being supportive and I had a full life. I didn't realize until I asked him to hang out several times and he very nicely agreed BUT never planned it out or followed up. When in the pass he did the asking and planning. I confronted him he denied so apologetic hugs kisses and sex... I caught on and dismissed him. He had a nerve to say "Ok, I was feeling the same way. Not spending time together isn't working for me" 🤦🏾♀️ Really he put it all on me 😄 more games. I simply said I agree don't contact me anymore ✌🏾
I have used slow fade with friends and if I look more into it, these were the reasons:
- I thought they had a lot of expectations of me, that I was not willing to fulfill. There was not much space for good communication and I felt they always wanted to have things their way
- clearly to avoid conflict
- the relationship was not good for a long time. I had a hard time understanding and formulating why I did not feel good and how I wanted things to change. I came to the conclusion that I just did not want to see the person anymore
- I am often very interested in people when we first meet, but this declines quickly when the relationship becomes repetitive
- I felt we were not compatible, I did not meet their needs in friendship and they did not meet mine
- if someone contacts me all the time, when I barely contact them, I feel they should understand that I need more space. Do I need to be more explicit?
I would be very interested in an example of a clear cut to end a relationship. I aim to improve my skills
Don't do that. Friends have done that to me and it's so painful. You are not doing them any favor by avoiding them the conflict, just communicate that you are no longer interested in the relationship and let go. It's momentarily painful for them, but an honest answer is always the best. How many times I had wished people were honest with me and just told me they didn't want me on their lives instead of having me keep trying to be good with them, that said I don't mean it so I could be bad with them, but simply be released of it and move on, I know not all relationships are meant to be and it's fine. If you cant love a person (whatever the relationship is) is fine, but don't let them exhaust themselves trying to love you and keep your love. Free them honestly, you can still be kind
@@silvershadow7655 Thank you Silver for your answer. I will look into it. Since childhood I have always quickly felt invaded by people. I like them, but often need less social interactions than they do, and I love to be alone (this is what fills me up with energy). Maybe it is just about communicating more upfront about it
@@ducere0 Thank you for your answer. Yes I understand an honest answer seems to be the kindest approach. However sometimes I feel I still like these people, I don't want to cut them off completely, but I don't want to see them as much as they want. I'm not sure how to state that without being rude: "I like you, but I feel we have very different expectations and interests, and for me it is fine if we see each other less"
@@marienibelle2087 The issue is, nobody will want to be half-liked by you. There won't be anybody that will be okay with that, which is why addressing your possible avoidant attachment style would give you a better chance of getting what you want without hurting others.
@@silvershadow7655 Thank you Silver. I take your advice
Thank you Susan. This is very educational. ♥️
Having dated both of these types of men, I tend to believe the malignant narcissists are more likely to ghost, and the people pleasers are more likely to do the slow fade. That's just my experience.
Just brilliant. Thank you so much Susan!
long story short. they are gas lighting cowards
"Slow killers" aren't good for us, they're doing it for themselves. They fight with the breakup too. My ex hoovered me by 9 months after breakup. She had someone, I had someone in this time too... Yes, she breakup with me and after week I was in no contact. Last time she did it a few days ago. It's their weakness, sometimes a personality disorder, sometimes both.
Not a weakness, but a personality disorder.
Hi Susan I'm subscribed from the UK, been watching you since late last year. You're GREAT.
Hello Susan! Great to see you!
I believe in not to get over excited rather test the waters first before jumping in. You might end up hurting yourself.
🌈🦋🦉
THANKS. SUSAN!
Was curious about what ** slow fade** meant!
Unbelievable some of the situation we can &/ or others put u through but its up to us to shovel our way out!! Loool
I'm not in this situation, I feel I'm in a good place now, happy just to be alive, get up & see the sunshine, make
plans & look forward to the many things Id like to experience & goals Ive set for myself !!! 💞💘 xo. 🦉🐬
I'll lways wish u the best & I'm happy to see the great changes UVE made to improve your services! 👍 Super!!
Hi susan. Hello from New Hampshire. I Love your videos.
Thank God for you, Susan Winter. You have helped me to understand what happened to me with a previous partner. Now that I know this was the case, I did not react to this slow-fade kindly (in fact I cussed him out and blocked him). Do you think it is best to apologize for this reaction or continue to move on?
Hell no don’t do that!
Susan, your attitude rocks! You are an inspiration!❤️🥰 Thank you for the New Year Present ( of letting go).
This was a video with lots of content that I can take with me thank you again
Thank you Susan from Edinburgh .
I really was informed and enjoyed excellent words!
Yes, totally!! Awesome 💜💜🙏🙏
Great information. Paul.
You are truly blessed! Thank you!
After going through narcissistic abuse, videos like these seem like preschool-level advice. This stuff is even more juvenile than the 90' self-help Mars-Venus books. I stumbled upon this channel while looking for more content on NPD. Never expected to find such a triggering throwback to the times when I was naive and trusting like a puppy, in my 20s, and thought I was at the time dealing with "regular" relationship issues. But in fact, I was dealing with a narcissist, an entity which can't be fixed, or loved out of their disorder.
Felt like a guy was doing this to me long distance (sporadic communication and inconsistency), so I pulled back. Then all of a sudden he tried to come visit me for a weekend. I was conflicted cuz he was being very nonchalant so I said no and cut off communication
Thank you, merçi, gracias Susan. ~Paula
I said msged him I noticed our conversations are getting shorter so that tells me there getting longer somewhere else.. his response was a wow emoji.. i am 53 he’s 35 ..
Same.
Our conversations are short unless it's sexting.
🙄
I find that it's not because they failed being attentive. It was always about the "catch". Normally, these were the same people that were desperately trying to get you to give them attention, go out with them for the 1st meet, etc. Now they have yoy,, and they don't know what to do.
9:26 Can "Just enough air to breathe" be translated to breadcrumbing?
They do it for “the thrill of the kill”.
They want to look like the” nice” guy.🖕🏻 Not meant for you , the middle appendage, the “nice” guy.
Just dealt with someone who did the slow fade.