Bill Engvall - Jury Duty
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ม.ค. 2023
- "Just send them to jail."
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About Bill Engvall
Comedian Bill Engvall was part of the enormously successful Blue Collar Comedy Tour and has starred in a number of films, TV shows and sitcoms, including Blue Collar TV, Comedy Central, A Pair of Jokers, Evening at the Improv , The Jeff Foxworthy Show, The Tonight Show and the Late Show with David Letterman. Some of Engvall's specials and albums include:
- Just Sell Him For Parts (2016)
- Them Idiots Whirled Tour (2012)
- Aged and Confused (2009)
- 15° Off Cool (2007)
- Dorkfish (1998)
- Here’s Your Sign (1996)
Engvall's work has earned his numerous awards, including American Comedy Award for “Best Male Stand-up Comedian," #1 position on the Billboard Comedy Chart for Here's Your Sign, “Best Selling Comedy album," and a Grammy Award nomination for Blue Collar Comedy Tour: One For The Road.
#BillEngvall
Bill Engvall Comedy
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Judge : "What do you do for a living ?"
Engvall should have said : "Ask the bailiff.. He wants my autograph."
😄
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Oooo.... That one hurt!
Bailiff: he said he’ll sign one for my whole family he i got him off the trial
@@rickraber1249, Are you a bailiff? 😉
@@jeffersonrundell7540 Nope. Not a bailiff. Don't wanna be a bailiff. Too many idiots in the courtroom, most of them criminals.
Last week I received a summons for jury duty. It said to report at 8:30 AM. I called the clerk telling her “I don’t do 8:30. She laughed then I said “ I am 84 years old”. She excused me!
Now I know a surefire way to get out of jury duty.
Thanks, Bill.
better way answer every question about the system that it's corrupt judges perjury themselves for better jobs lawyers never tell the truth and cops all are fascists and belong to insurrectionists movements trying to over throw the government 100 you get excused and they never call you again
I was thinking the exact same thing! You beat me to it.
@@vectorm4
Sorry about that, chief.
Sebastian Maniscalco has a hilarious take on jury duty. "Have you seen these people?"
Or i believe in gun carrying, death penalty and cops can do no wrong. Works every time
@@michellekinder3051
Really? That's hilarious!
I did the same thing telling a judge I’d lend more credence to a cop than a civilian giving testimony. She asked me why… I said most cops actually want to serve their communities which is more than can be said for the average citizen… she didn’t like that either..😆
That's one way to get out
My friend did the exact opposite: She told the judge she doesn't trust cops. She wasn't trying to get out of it, just telling how she truly felt. She told me they excused her, and haven't asked her again since.
Congrats on your retirement sir. And thanks to you for decades of laughs.
Wish I could have seen a show of his. 😔
I miss Bills comedy 😢😢 such a shame he retired I love ❤️ the blue collar comedians third name Engvall here’s your sign 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
It's not a shame. Yes, it's sad that he's retired, but I do not blame him for wanting to be with his family now that grand kids are born
I'm pretty sure he will do a few times per year friendship guest spots with the Blue Collar Members tours. He just retired from hard touring, and rightfully so.
He put his plans to retire first with his family, wife, and grandkids. I admire that.
A friend of ours told the interviewers that she could "spot a liar immediately." They dismissed her !! She's a professional poker player, and she CAN spot a liar immediately.
it's hard to believe how long ago it was that this was recorded... We've lost quite a few of the best comedians in the last decade... not only to death but retirement... You are missed....
Dork Fish is still my favorite! You rock Bill love ya!😊
Still makes me laugh, thanks for the many years. Enjoy being retire just remember to enjoy your famliy and life.
😂😂Bill Engval is the best
I've been called for jury duty 4 times and gotten excused every time. When asked if I can be impartial, I tell them no and no one can, (especially after they read the charges) not even the judge. Besides, the cops wouldn't have arrested the guilty sob if there wasn't evidence. The look on their faces. Works every time.
Yep done that twice
I’ll have to remember that my summons is in two weeks
I tried that had to go in front of the judge an explain why I couldn't
It's a given that anyone possessing over a 90 IQ is incapable of being "impartial.".
I can get out of jury duty easier than that; I’m a convicted felon (I have my rights restored) but I haven’t had the conviction expunged yet, so when I fill out the paperwork I have to check YES to any felony convictions not expunged. I never even have to show up at that point!
I would have loved to have been there for jury duty, I would have known him right away and busted out laughing!🤣
I just told a Judge that, since we were in a Sanctuary City, I couldn't Enforce any Laws as written since he doesn't
In the last 12 year I have been called for jury duty a total of SIXTEEN times by the Federal Court, the District Court, the Circuit Court, and two different Municipal Courts (one of which I don't even live in their jurisdiction)... that is FIVE different Courts! I am definitely going to use Engvall's last statement the next time I get called !
Holy mother of god.
Who'd you piss off? Lol
You're a professional.
@jeffreyhanna9538 YES! It is crazy, considering there are 53,000 people who live in my area.
@@davecrupel2817 I guess I'm just in the right place at the right (?) time!
I've been a registered voter for 40+ years, and I've only been called twice - but didn't get seated either time. Thing is, I'd actually be willing to do it!
Let’s give the homeless the job of jury duty is what I thought Bill was gonna say…
That would be an accurate interpretation of "a jury of their peers." How many people who have never been homeless, nor even at risk of it, can identify with a homeless person?
👍 yup
Great idea!
@@mandytrouten3296 😅]
Bill Engval
I was lucky enough to see bill engvall just before covid smacked us. I have to say that was the best night of my night.
My dad came up with a guaranteed way to get off any jury...when asked to make a comment he would say; "Well the way I look at it, the defendant was charged by the grand jury he's got to be GUILTY, Right?" DISMISSED!
Actually I think that is guaranteed to get you a contempt of court.
Bill rocks all the time.
Your a great comedian. Whenever I'm down I look for you on TH-cam and it perks me up.
Only once so far have I been summoned for jury duty, and it actually happened just this past fall. Through some miracle, the case actually got called off like two days before I was supposed to report in, so I ended up just sitting at home with three paid days off of work. 👍
😊😊you are lucky. I was on a jury panel for 6 months. Got called in for 3 different trials. Each time, they settled the morning just before trial so I still had to report for work by 10 am. 😢😢
Love this Guy
Need more full videos. Love Bill Engvall! Always recommend him to people.
even jessa the bearded lady says ....." here's your sign" enjoy your retirement Bill. You and the guys are always welcome to come have a beer with the bearded lady on Route 66
I had jury duty once. while waiting I was reading a book. After 1 hour a court officer came in and told all are dismissed because they pleaded out. I was happy the rest of the day because work paid me for jury duty.
The bigger question is, how does Bill know how much an 8 ball of coke costs. Oh wait I forgot, he toured with Ron White for a while.
Where did he ever mention a price?
@@kerrymack75 He didn't, but he wondered how a homeless guy got the money for it.
😅 when the cop question WAS asked, I pleated the 5th 😊 ➡️ got a big 👋
Ah the things we do to get out of jury duty 😂😂
You mean telling the truth?
Always enjoy your bits Bill; may you find peace, joy, contentment, and fun in your retirement!
With retirement,,,,,, doesn't that allow more time for jury trials?
@@kenhurley4441 😂😂😂 You think? 😂😂😂
LITERALLY just got summoned and did my first jury duty and this pops up?!
HE KNOWS! Love you Bill
Hilarious as always! 😂 Love you Bill! ♥️
Why don't I remember ever seeing this??? He is definitely the best comedian ever.
I was called to jury duty. They asked me if I knew the arresting officer. I said I play golf with him at least once a week: only honest golfer I know. Judge: "dismissed."
I’ve been on several juries. I was glad to serve. I hate to think of juries just being composed of 4Fs.
I've been called several times but never got on a jury. Went to the pickin' room once, but they filed us back out just as soon as we sat down saying "plea deal". I wouldn't mind being on one (privileges should be balanced by responsibilities, and all that), though I'm afraid I'd fall asleep.
I got busted for a closet cannabis grow in 2003. Caught a felony. My lawyer went on to write the bill that legalized it here in WA. Recently had a renter stiff me so I sued him in small claims here in town. Had a hearing last month. Courthouse smelled fresh meat so they sent me a jury duty notice last week. Haven't seen one of those in ages. I just checked the little box that said "I've been convicted of a felony and my civil rights have not been restored." and that's it. I'm off their list. Nobody really gives a crap I had a closet cannabis grow in 2003. I have one now too. But I have a lifetime pass from jury duty, because they are never going to return my rights, because America is a failed state.
Better joke:
Engvall: "I don't think the cops would ever tell a lie"
Judge: "You ARE a comedian. Excused."
Judge: “Mr Engvall what do you do for a living?
Engvall: “Well your honor I’m an entertainer.”
Judge: “Oh Really? What kind of entertaining do you do?”
Engvall: “Your Honor, here’s your sign!” 🤣😂
Love Ya Bill Engvall! I’ve volunteered for jury duty and still can’t get it.
WOW! I have been called up six times, and sat on all four juries. Though I was for sure going to be struck for a trial on an accident involving a semi. One lawyer asked what I did for a living, and responded that I drove a truck for a living. Didn't get me off at all!
They don't want volunteers. They want people that know nothing about the law and are easily swayed.
I’ve been summoned for jury three times in 2 different states and I’ve only had to show up to court once. It lasted 2 days. Now, I can scratch that item off the bucket list!!!
I've only served on one jury, and that was for a minor case. I tried out for jury duty for a murder trial here in Dallas, then I was asked if I believed in the death penalty, which I do, and I told the lawyers and the judge yes, and they told me that they didn't need me.
Fortunately, every time I have been called for jury duty, sooner or later, the defense attorney will ask a variation of "Is there anyone here who is, or ever has been, a law enforcement officer?". Answering "yes' (which is true, I was a police officer way back in the '80s for several years) pretty much always did the trick.
For me too! Half my family was in law enforcement!
I sat on a federal jury where Juror #12 was a retired NY state trooper. I was #11. The defense went beserk in the courtroom trying to get him off, but they never succeeded. The cop told me he was staying because they paid us $50/day. lol
Apparently some people go to extremes to not do jury duty. The one and only time I got summoned to jury duty I was just in a serious motorcycle accident a few months prior and my jaws were still wired shut from a broken jaw and I was still wearing a neck brace and had a cast on my right wrist and hand and the judge still gave me grief about it. I had ear surgery scheduled and he didn't care asking if I could reschedule to have my ear canal reconstructed.
Thanks to other people faking extreme injuries, you got absolutely no compassion from the court. I'm sorry you were hurt in such a horrific way! I hope you're better now.
@@R.Oates7902 Thank you, I healed pretty well but I do have a traumatic brain injury and I can't open my mouth very wide now. The only way to possibly fix the jaw opening thing is to break my jaw again and reset it and I don't want to go through that again especially since they can't guarantee that will fix it.
Yep. I have talked my way out of jury duty the 5 or 6 times I've been called.
I asked to be excused from jury duty because I have a mental illness. I told them, "I'm crazy and I have the papers to prove it." which I submitted evidence that I had been in mental wards several times. I then said, "Any defence attorney who has a client convicted that I sat on would have a good argument for a mistrial.". I was never summoned for jury duty after that.
@@Cartier_specialist Ouch! Can't say as I blame you. Sometimes the cure is worse than the problem. Praying you get better soon.
Why do I keep forgetting that last part? On a positive note I have only one more time to worry about serving on a jury because I'll be too old. The other time I fell asleep in the courtroom in 2009.
I got kicked off a jury for stating I couldn't send a rapist to prison without a single shred of physical evidence.
Good
Man you are my spirit animal because I had the most funny experience in jury duty I actually got picked on a murder trial and I'm not going to say nothing but all I'm going to say is I have never felt how hard it is not to cough or sneeze in my entire life especially when an attorney is laying down some heavy facts and getting very heated an argument and all you hear is coughing and me adjusting and trying to and I'm sweating like a pig and I'm having you in my head going is your sign or a country boy that don't belong in here
I have jury duty coming up in 2 weeks. This is very useful! 😀🤪🤫
I like this guy.
Love it. I never had to go to Jury Duty when I lived in Harris County (Houston, if you need to know) as I had just refused based on my deafness and they quit calling on me. In the last 5 years since I moved to a smaller county, I've been called 3 times. Never even got past "chairs." The morning would be people that had excuses, then they'd either call a group and let the rest off for lunch, or let us all off for lunch (at 9am!!) because the lawyers/client/judge needed a discussion. Every single time so far, I've come back and been dismissed because there was a plea deal, or the first group got chosen.
Eh, my work gives me a full day off. So, I'm happy to "serve"
I got jury duty only once, in my senior year of college. I got excused because of my class schedule. Never been called to jury duty since.
And now that I've said that, I'll get called to jury duty again.
The last time I was on Jury Duty I was picked first and ended up the foreman for the Grand Jury which was once a week for months. I kind of liked it...and I would do it again.
Hey, lawyer man! I'm a housekeeper. That means I not only clean up trash, but, I also clean toilets for a living. Does that mean my job is demeaning... CNAs clean _______ for a living, does that make their jobs demeaning...
I was getting 2- 4 jury summonses a year. Finally had enough. I exclaimed to the court that I was claustrophobic since the new courthouse jury chamber had no windows and the doors were locked during trial that it was unlawful to expect me to attend due to my medical condition. Paid a shrink $100 to write a letter saying that indeed I was claustrophobic (actually I am, cannot ride elevators, fly in planes, or be around crowds.) That was 30 years ago and haven't had s jury summons since.
Thank you Bill!!!! Perfect ❣️❣️
good one i was called for jury duty several years ago. the judge looked at me and said sir have you ever been up before me before? i said i do not know your honor, what time do you get up? i was excused so fast ,,,, havent been called back since was federal grand jury at that
I got called in once for jury duty, luckily wasn't chosen, but me and another family member was there, and all I can think was, I kid you not, was "why in the blazes are there creepy black handprints up the wall by the ceiling?" behind the judges podium...
Retired for 4.5 years and a lifelong bachelor. Ahhh, the peace and quiet.
I was recently summoned for 2 days in Philadelphia but luckily for me I was not needed 😅
I was barely out of college when I got called for jury duty for the first time. Fortunately, there were no cases on the docket that day, so we all got sent home after a couple of hours.
However, I couldn’t leave, because I rode with my father, who works at the courthouse as security (at least until February 16, 2024-less than a week from now-before he retires for good after a long career in law enforcement), so I had to wait for him to get off his shift.
😂😂😂 You didn't say YES! at the end of that bit, but your hands did 😂😂😂
Just remember that jury duty is the only thing that keeps people free.
When you let the government decide it ain't good for anyone.
And don't forget about jury nullification, if you don't know look it up.
95% of convictions are through plea deals, if somebody has made it to trial it generally means that the prosecution is looking for a slam dunk in the media, or the defendant is refusing the deal, (Generally against the advice of counsel). Prosecutors don't like to lose, so they generally only play with a stacked deck where the circumstances are overwhelmingly against the defense.
The moment you hint you know about jury nullification, both lawyers want you off the jury. It means you have a brain and are willing to use it; they want robots they can manipulate into doing what they want.
Yes, even the defense. A jury's condemnation is nearly as unassailable as its absolution. It's just a lot harder to get a unanimous vote of "we don't care that the evidence is weak, we want that jerk to go to jail anyway" than it is "I don't care what the law says, this guy doesn't deserve this punishment."
I got summoned once a year for over 10 years, got excused because not needed until one day got called first morning in jury lounge, bailiff called my name first, passed both lawyers, wound up on a murder trial jury. The evidence was overwhelming against 2, non-existent against a 3rd defendant, convicted 2, acquitted 1 who was just an innocent bystander scooped up by the police. Last year got called in, never made it out of the gallery, listened to the prosecutor questions which pegged my bullshit meter, drug DUI, can you convict with no tox in the blood work? I’m thinking come on man. They had 5 CHP officers on the witness list, I could tell their case was try to flood us with bullshit. Got excused before I ever had a chance to get questioned.
Please do your civic duty, don’t let the police and prosecutors run roughshod over our rights and freedom. Sure some people deserve to be convicted but sometimes their case is shaky at best. I hate that smart, critical thinking people are the ones that manage to get out of it.
Ironically (considering the first sentence of your comment) mentioning "jury nullification" during voir dire will get you excused in a hurry...
Prosecutors don't want anyone who even thinks about that term anywhere near their jury.
Glad I'm not the only one on this thread who is aware of Jury Nullification.
That's pretty much what got me off a drug case. Defense Attorney asked me if I thought it was fair that the Police could set up a sting operation to catch a drug dealer, looked him straight in the face and said yes, whatever it takes to get them off the streets is acceptable to me.
❤
The judge knew him
When I was younger I wanted to be called for Jury Duty.
I wanted to experience it. I wanted to be a part of something greater then myself.
I believe we all should do it at least once in our lives.
It is a DUTY in my opinion. However, I never was called until a few years ago and they never used me.
I was never questioned I never got to that point.
Now that I am retired I never get called for Jury Duty.
Even if I was called today I could not perform my Duty.
Due to my health. I could not sit there all day.
We should never complain about our Justice System if we are always trying to get out of Jury Duty.
I know it is inconvenient. I know it costs us money and time in the long run.
This is why they call it Jury DUTY. It is Our Duty to our country and fellow citizens.
Freedom is not Free and we all need to Pay Up at some point.
Well said. Most everyone posting here would claim to care about America, Democracy, and Justice. But they don't.
I agree 100%. It is our duty as Americans to provide a jury of peers to those accused of a crime because it is a Constitutional right. The due process that we are all entitled to can't happen if competent people refuse to serve as jurors.
@@ghotifish118 Same folks who will do anything to get out our jury duty would expect a competent jury of their peers if they were ever accused of a crime. They expect everyone else to make the sacrifice to ensure that our Constitutional rights are upheld, but they consider themselves too important to serve.
I live in Ohio. I was sent a paper to fill out for jury duty about 20 years ago. I was pastoring a church at that time. One of the questions was about my job. I wrote on there that I was a pastor of a Baptist church. Never been asked since!!
Pull a stunt like that in Iowa and you'll be sitting in a holding cell on a contempt charge.
Been called several times; never picked. BA degree + some grad nearly guarantees dismissal
I have been called to jury duty twice. Nine years ago on a big murder trial in our county, I was dismissed by both prosecution and defense. I was supposed to be on this week but I called the previous Friday to check on status but was told I was not needed, which was a great relief.
Jury duty: a waste of perfectly good nap time.
You work with the public😂
Everyone is entitled to a fair trial. In fact, "JURY NULLIFICATION" is a very real concept. If the law is a stupid law, or not appropriate to the case in the jury's opinion; that jury can vote "NOT GUILTY."
Bill, your Texan is showing. The one time I was selected for jury duty I, too, was made foreman. I think it was because when asked about being impartial my answe was, "Getta rope" ala Pace picante sauce. I should have realized that being in Bandera, Texas that THIS was an acceptable answer. 🙄
He wasn't born rich. He's worked hard and earned it. Not all homeless are innocent. He's not talking about the good ones. The habitual druggies and criminals annoy him. He helps the rest.
I love Bill Engvil he is a riot
I wish they bring back Blue collar comday they are a riot
I am 71 and have never been called. My sister, on the other hand, got called every year for about five years. When she'd walk in and the judge realized who she was, (secretly to another judge) , she was quickly dismissed. And btwI'd love to serve. It's democracy in action. And I figure I'm smarter than a lot of those folks.
Jury duty is like polling. I've been a registered voter since 1980, but I've never been on a jury (called twice, but dismissed both times) and I've never been polled. When I hear all the polls during the presidential elections I figure they are meaningless because I've never been polled and literally NO one I know has ever been polled. Ever.
Taking notes here!!! 😂
OMG years ago I said the same thing LOL It definitely works!
I've been called several times and it gets canceled every time lol
I love the way the court system touts being neutral and non biased if you're a jury member. Hell's bells, if you have a biography you have biases. But they insist you soar above it all. I can't.
I'm waiting to get on jury duty as I will be an attorney's strike as I have post-graduate education
So good
keep the clips coming
And everyone are making a mental note on your last answer 😆
I plan to do the complete opposite if called to for Jury duty, 'your honor I won't believe a word a police officer says. I know they lie all the time."
I got called up for jury duty once, and the way it works where I live is that I had to show up at the courthouse once a month for whatever case they whatever case they were hearing. 30 people would show up, they'd call 12 names, ask us questions, call six names out of that 12 and those six were the jury for that case. I was on every single jury that year.
I called when I had no way to jury duty once. They excused me. 🤷🏻♀️
Geez, you don't live in my state. I went in with a newborn nursing baby and the female bailiff threatened me with jail. They did NOT excuse me.
Yes, in San Bernardino CA
Now he knows how to get out of it lol
I saw a woman get out of jury duty without saying a word. She showed up in white skintight pants with black thong underware that you could see right through the pants. She wore acrylic stripper heels, and a halter top so tiny it barely covered anything. She spoke to me, she sounded educated and was well spoken, so I'm guessing that attire always got her excused from jury duty. I don't have the guts to do what she did.
The 1 day, 1 trial format is same here in Massachusetts. I did serve one time in 2007 but didn't get picked and after about 3 hours I was dismissed as is all my jury duty people.
3:18 & 3:30 -- Sad puppy dog face
3:41 -- "Really! Now?!" face
3:56 -- Thumbnail
A friend of mine got chosen for jury duty three times in about two years. His reaction was simple: "Random chance my ass."
I just make it a point to be very chatty and make sure the lawyers see it.
Got called for jury duty once. I actually got picked, and I was willing to do my duty (hated it because I had LITTLE kids at the time so had to arrange something while I was there)
The case had to do with someone who was suing someone else because they were in an automobile accident. Now, it's not what you think. See, the feller who was suing the other feller had WILLINGLY GOTTEN INTO THIS DUDE'S CAR, knowing they'd both been drinking, and then said Nothing Against what caused them to get into the accidnet and get hurt.
The question that got me excused was basically: do you think that a person who causes another person to be injured in an accident is guilty.
My answer was pretty much: "Well, yes Judge, unless they knew they were putting themselves in a situation with activity that would get them hurt and instead of trying to stop the activity, they spurred it on. Then it was their own stupid fault."
Judge: You're dismissed
Very BEST post so far !!
Got called 3 or 4 times, went to a panel once. I couldn't answer one question the way I wanted to, but what got me dismissed, was the arresting officer's brother was a fire captain that I had worked with.
I was called for jury duty. I went to the courthouse on Monday and the judge asked me if I felt well as my face was severly swollen. Answer: no, I had a stroke on Saturday (true). He dismissed me.
Even while admitting it was kinda funny; it is getting harder and harder to remain calm while people disparage one of the two most important duties of a citizen.
... but it was kinda funny.
The last time I was called I was asked about Cops. I explained I have multiple Uncles and Cousins who are Law Enforcement Officers and one of my Cousins was the arresting Officer. The Judge automatically dismissed me from the jury. Now I have a pacemaker and am exempt from jury duty anymore.
Best way to avoid jury duty is don't go. They very rarely round up the no-shows.
I'm a black republican American patriot....I can barely make it through the door before the judge tells me to leave😂😂😂
I found a sure fire way to get out of jury duty. Mention to them I have an MBA. As soon as I got those three little letters, they stopped calling me for some reason