Signs Of A Superficial Relationship

My definition of a superficial relationship is a relationship that lacks depth and connection between the two partners.
***If you want to know if your relationship is healthy or needs work, click on my quiz link below now:
kristincoachin...
Sometimes relationships that are superficial has to do with not spending enough time together, or not wanting to connect with each other on a deeper level.
Superficial relationships are not necessarily a bad thing, if that's what you want. But if you are looking to connect with your partner deeply and have that a truly intimate and long-lasting connection, a superficial relationship is probably not something you want.
And if your relationship was once deep and connected, but has turned superficial, that is a sign something is not going right.
If you are someone who wants to connect, but your partner doesn't, often times a relationship will stay on a superficial level. But it's important to know where your relationship stands so you can take action and start doing something about it now.
Here are some signs of a superficial relationship:
1. You don't understand each others values
2. You don’t' factor in the other person when you're making decisions
3. Your partner doesn't know your needs
4. You argue about "small" things that aren't even a big deal
5. Lying is common in your relationship
6. You don’t spend quality time together
7. Sex is not passionate
8. Affection does not happen
9. There is not a lot of depth in your conversations
10. You don't see each others point of view

[@PiscesSun_Capricornrising]

Just got out of a 6 month superficial relationship.
1. Very little quality time (always some excuse).
2. Conversations lacked depth. Was always about fun stuff and less about emotions and vulnerabilities and confiding in each other. He was more invested in gossip or going somewhere fun than "us".
3. He was obsessed with my appearance. Curves and weight and outfits. My guy actually wanted me to hide my curves sometimes or show me off in front of other men. Swung to both extremes.
4. Cared more of what his family, friends, and strangers thought of me than his own feelings about us. Its when I knew the relationship wasnt going to last.
5. Physical Intimacy felt a bit disconnected as if he was trying to remain detached fron the passion. Lots of silence and very robotic.
6. Avoided conflict like the plague. (can also be the opposite, super nagging) The couple times I expressed my concerns he deflected or immediately took offense to it.
7. No accountability for his behavior. Super defensive and this victim mindset.
8. Excessive bragging about himself, his accomplishments, and how "perfect" he was. He reminded me of this maybe twice a day. And never failed to tell a stranger how "cool" he is and how much respect he deserves. Lots of awkward faces/silence from people.
9. Didnt try to understand me at all. Especially since he felt his interests were superior, it was almost like I was a source of competition rather than his lover. (we rarely argued since he avoided conflict) but the excessive need for approval involved him trying to "win" all the time. It was weird.

[@chrislim7976]

Yup.
Very weird.
You were probably seen as an accessory to his image while at the same time a threat this "perfection"
It's very weird, void of any authenticity and frankly sad.

[@pingupungo3365]

I know this video might be for older people, but I'm soon seventeen and I found this really helpful. Thank you for this video.

[@KristinCoaching]

You are very welcome and I am so happy you found this helpful.

[@ok8887]

for months i’ve been feeling everything described in this video and i’ve never gone thru it before so i couldn’t put my finger on what it was. it always just felt like something big was missing, thank you so much this video was extremely helpful, i feel like i found the missing piece to a complicated mental puzzle.

[@KristinCoaching]

Thank you for sharing.

[@Lee-mq8dq]

Okay every single point you made pertains to me and has pertained to me since the beginning. It’s going on 8 years now. I strive so much for a deeper connection. There have been years that went by where I felt no connection at all. And only now, his friend who he always spent all his time with has gotten a girlfriend so he has no choice but to be around now, he’s only now learning about my deep dark past. He said that is so shocking that he didn’t know when there were telltale signs that I was going through something. Even though me explaining what I have been though explained my emotional reactions to certain things, he says he needs time to “process” that I’m not the person he believed he was with. But the only reason why this is the case is because he never took the time to understand what I was going through all these years and now even though I’m in pain and struggling, I need to give him the time to process that I’ve had a rough childhood before he could even begin dealing with it with me. So yeah. Thank you for this video. It’s really helped me understand the type of relationship I am in. The problem is that we live together and I have invested my whole life with him and his family. I really don’t have anywhere to go now and it’s extremely frustrating to see other people connect deeply know that is what I want but knowing I can’t get it.
I have told him what I needed, that my love language is words of affirmation. Just to be told I am beautiful or what he likes about me and he says he isn’t capable of doing those things because of his past and that it will take time for him to get there. I want to resolve the unresolved issues that we went through in the past and he keeps saying he needs time. When I try to bring up what’s bothering me in the relationship he just says he needs time to process the childhood experiences I have faced and he can’t talk about those things now or that, I always bring up things when he’s not in the mental headspace because he’s also going through things as well. When I try to understand why he needs time he gets really upset and says that time to process SHOULD be enough for me. That I SHOULD just accept that and move on.
When I beg him to understand that I’m asking to talk about these things to get closer to him, he said that will come with time and he’s been telling me for years that he needs time and I keep pushing yo talk about things when he’s not in the headspace for it or he doesn’t have the energy for it.
When I get sad he says I’m martyring myself and he just can’t deal with it because i create the distance between us. That I pressure him to talk about things and I don’t let it come naturally. That he just wants normal nights and not these “heavy” conversations. Like he wants to just talk about the day etc.
So I said that I would have to suppress my feelings to give him that and he got so mad and told me that what I said is shit. So I said my feelings are shit? And he said no your reaction is. He said that it’s not suppressing it’s me needing to manage my feelings.
I feel as though I need to tame my tongue and that I can’t let out my true feelings with him. My heart is aching so badly on the inside. But I have to pretend to be okay and that is the only way we can go without arguing.
Anyway just vented a few things here because after I looked at your video things just seem to make so much sense now. And It’s interesting because if I were to bring the contents of this video up with him he will get mad because I’m taking advice from the internet. Sigh

[@kandicedansby1088]

I Can 💯 Relate To You And Everything You Have Expressed . I Literally Go Thur The Same Exact Thing. Down To Having No Where Else To Go. The Distance. The Emotionally Unavailable . The Frustration Of Dealing With It On Your Own. Question: Do You Have Friends Or A Friend To Vent To??

Superficial I mean lacking depth .... Fucking genius

[@KristinCoaching]

:)

[@ChauniB]

My ex had narc traits. Super superficial! I wanted connection but became so closed off in that relationship

[@Heather25430]

What if you've tried to have those conversations, and he kept it superficial? (It wasn't a commitment connection) But I asked the questions...

[@sjgeorge3831]

Isn't this a narcissist sort of relationship?

[@reallove5116]

@ SJ George, more than likely it is, but not always. Whether it's narcissism, Autism, or any other disorder this type of relationship can be very damaging to the one who is capable and desires a deeper connection.

[@danavest]

Sexless marriage for over ten years and after she moved into another bedroom I bought a life like sex doll and now she’s accusing me of cheating on her

[@kirtigupta8802]

Mam please in hindi bhasa