What Forgiveness has become for me is: 1. Recognition that I’ve been hurt 2. Letting the person know they’ve hurt me. 3. Deciding if I can carry on with the relationship. Once someone has shown me their true colors and it becomes clear that they will not, can not change, I have every right to stop contact with them or alter the amount of contact with them. 4. Each time the hurt of the person that has wronged me haunts me, I pray for them. I also pray for forgiveness of any wrong I’ve done towards anyone, ever. Some people (like family members) I practice cordial contact with. I keep them at arms length, I’m kind, I’m cordial but I don’t keep close relations with them as I’m very aware of what they are capable of should I allow them back into my life on a closer level.
It really highlights just how difficult it is to, love & bless your enemies. It's so hard...I'm 'practicing'...lol... But, if we really really think on Jesus asking and demonstrating this radical way of life....well I think some of us don't like thinking too much. The cost of this is so big.. How many actually pray for our enemies? Yikes!
@@Alex-rl6ww @MrsS Many of us have family members we struggle to forgive but need to forgive. Wow, that's especially tough when it's a spouse or child (especially adult children). We must always aim to act with love (charity). Sometimes loving someone means to cut that relationship for some time or indefinitely because to continue the relationship is not good for you nor the other person repeatedly hurting you. (And love is willing goodness for the other. ) Sometimes justice means your perpetrator must face the fact that you're ending this relationshp for good. And justice is an act of love because it gives the person who did wrong the opportunity to learn and get better. We pray all acts of justice bear fruit.
While I initially thought that this came at the exact wrong time, as I'm in a process of hoping and trusting God to reconcile and restore a broken relationship, this came at just the right time. The exact, right time. His timing is perfect and he is so good.
Ditto - this video and message came at the exact time I needed it. This has been a challenging week. I’m on the other end and had to ask for forgiveness. I hope one day that restoration of a friendship will come to fruition. In the meantime reconciliation for me and lots and lots of prayer. God is so so good! His mercy endures forever! Viva Christo Rey!
Here is a prayer to start the process of forgiveness: “Dear Lord, I know I need to forgive this person, but I don’t want to. Please help me.” Believe me, he WILL help!
I can see why Jesus tells us to pray for others - It’s so hard to hold resentment towards someone while praying for them. Sometimes, like you, I need to pray to get in the right mindset to be able to pray for them. It really helps
Good one! I thought being Catholic meant I had to keep turning the other cheek and be a doormat. Always forgiving and getting walked on. This is the first time I heard about reconciliation and not exactly trusting another who has deeply offended until they earn it back.
I did as well until I was 44 years old. Then I heard a wonderful homily at mass that essentially sent the same message as what Fr. Mike is saying. I was raised by a wonderful and loving mom. However, she demonstrated that we must turn the other cheek and continue allowing people to abuse us. She finally did stand up after 30 years of marriage and divorce my abusive father. However, she left him but continued to encourage me to care for him and have a relationship with him as he was my father. I did the best I could but at one point, I realized it was inappropriate for her to have removed herself from his abuse but encouraged her children to continue having a relationship with him. She was only human as we all are but her encouragement to maintain a relationship that was abusive was wrong and misguided.
@@BlindFaith777 Funny you should say that about your mom because I’m in the same boat. How long does one stay in an abusive relationship and suffer for the sake of religion? Being Catholic often meant the lines for boundaries was blurred because we are supposed to be kind and forgiving. After a while, I realized that while we are to forgive, I don’t think God intends us to repeatedly suffer at the hand of someone else who doesn’t want to do their part. And what does it say about those who keep turning the other cheek and not standing up for themselves?
@Gangari TheWanderer True. Hard to deal with when the person who offends doesn’t want to repent but live life selfishly despite knowing they hurt people. Then it’s really painful.
I pray my Mom sees this video and understands that I forgive my brother for what he did. I also forgive my siblings for not being supportive. This does not mean I have to be around those who have hurt me. Thank you so much for this video
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. May God shower you with blessings and help you and all those you love and care for heal. Even those who’ve failed you. May we always be led by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We humbly pray and wish all of this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
Wow I really needed to hear this. For so long I struggled because I wanted to forgive those who hurt me (family members) but I also felt guilty for wanting to stay away from them. I thought to forgive means I should be able to let go and just ignore the hurt they caused. Now I'm relieved to know that I don't have to keep trusting them if all they do is ruin that trust and take advantage of my kindness. I'll pray for them though, and for us to possibly have restoration in the future.
I needed this. It’s the first time I’ve heard that forgiveness doesn’t get rid of the hurt and the pain. I’ve always felt like in order to forgive I needed to ignore the pain that others have caused me. I can forgive, but they no longer have my trust.
@Catherine O Forgiveness is purely based on the fact that we should forgive (70x7) and it’s not felling based. Trust or don’t trust forgiveness in not dependant of trust they are separate
It’s ok to forgive someone but not want to reconcile with them. Especially if they continue doing the wrong things to you over and over again. To me forgiveness is when you’re no longer concerned or feeling hatred toward that person. Letting go is part of forgiving.
I have done as you said, and slowly let them back into my life. Only to have the same things happen again. I'm not mad...I forgive them completely. But unless I want to be hurt over and over...never being able to measure up, to what they expect of me. I have had to say enough. I'm sorry but you can no longer be a part of my life. I'm just done. There is so much more I would like to spill out, but talking to others about how I feel....about what has happened. Is not good to share. So I have slowly learned to let it go.
Jesus' restoration of us after we do confession is absolutely worthy of Fr. Mike's praise, but it is also very convicting. This whole video I was thinking about how tragic it is whenever you've injured a relationship to the point that restoration takes years and trust is severed. Then he hit me with what Jesus does for us every time we go to reconciliation. We are truly not worthy for Him to enter under our roof.
Don't be afraid, as Christ said to Peter! The very reason we are supposed to forgive is out of love (and because He forgives us,) which means we consider the other person worth forgiving - gifts are by definition undeserved yet we give them because we value the other person and consider him worth gifting! Though we certainly don't deserve God's forgiveness, He considers us worth forgiving and even reconciling with Him, so we are certainly valuable to Him! Our undeservingness and lack of merit shows how much we're loved!
Thank you, Father Mike...been suffering with my past child abuse. Parents have twisted my reality ....God is the only way, He is so loving and wise, Jesus died for our Salvation,Jesus is King, Amen🤍🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
May God bless you and heal you and all who deal with similar circumstances, prayers out for all. I’m so sorry that all this unfortunate pain has occurred against you, there’s so much brokenness in the world and I pray for your healing and for all people’s healing and that we may all grow closer to Jesus Christ because He is the Only Way to Peace. We humbly pray and wish all of this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
For me, forgiveness is not letting a wrong cause you to wish any harm to the person at all. Aside from that, leaving , letting go and walking away are all ok and Does not negate forgiving a person of their wrong. So, always wish the best, and be ok with any blessings a person gets who does you wrong, but feel free to remove them from your life and sometimes, you should.
Matthew Kelly: "...the more you love someone and the more that person hurts you, the harder it is to forgive." "...it is my need to forgive not the others person's need to be forgiven." Also, thanks Fr. Mike this video taught me I had reconciliation backwards.
Such an important topic. I have really battled with this since I have an unloving and simply toxic mother. Yes, my Christian heart wants to forgive, but I also realise that I don’t have to necessarily reconcile and forget the pain and hurt this person (hard when it’s your own mother) has caused me.
Good and wise video from Fr. Mike. I've also found that a huge part of the process of reconciling is that the person who hurt or wronged you MUST be repenting as well. It is impossible to reconcile without repentance.
I just got done with an awful 2 year relationship she lied ,cheated , psychologically abused and used me. Father I have so much rage and hate in my heart how do I get over it.
Go to confession. Keep going to confession as often as it takes. I once was in situation where I went everyday for three days---the priest said maybe I should move. I told him, the Lord wanted me there and I wasn't leaving but it wasn't easy. The Lord eventually helped to work it out. Several months later the person I'd had the trouble with died--we were at peace with each other. God is good!
This where it gets tricky for me as well. You don’t have to forgive or forget this person, if you do they will abuse again. Maybe in time you will heal and forgiveness will come but don’t assume they have changed.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. The pain you felt was an injustice and I’m sorry that you went through that. May God bless you and prayers out for you all, especially for those you love and even those who hurt you. May we be always led by Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior even when times like this are tough and forgiveness is hard to give. May we follow Jesus’ teachings to the best of our abilities and trust that His Way is best because it truly is best. I pray for you friend. We humbly pray and wish all of this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
This has come at the right time. I am finding it hard to forgive a situation and it constantly plays on my mind, even when it's been months now. It's hard not to think about it when they live right next door. I don't plan to talk to my neighbour, as that is my boundary - we do not need to be friends. I hope this is okay. I hope to one day reach forgiveness and not to be so angry about it, for my own wellbeing
@KAP_GIRL Oh no, it sounds like we're going through very similar things. I know I will never receive an apology from my neighbour as they think they're always right, so I feel like it's on me to try to move on which I'm finding hard to. I hope you can get the fresh start you deserve, with moving houses. I'd love to move but we just bought this house less than a year now, so I feel stuck. I love this house but not the situation. I will pray for you :) hope to hear back some day about hear how you are feeling.
Thank you Fr. Mike for this message.This came right on time!! Forgiveness-Reconciliation-Restoration. I loved the reconciliation analogy with the car it helped me understand the concept a lot deeper. I will continue to pray for healing with my family. If Jesus can forgive me and trust me so openly. I have to extend the grace to others. God Bless and Peace be with you Father.
Just read this in my Holy Hour today! Thank you Fr. Mike for bringing more clarity and wisdom to the topic of forgiveness. It is truly one of the toughest things to do. I want Our Father to forgive me, so I keep trying.
Thanks for this. Excellent and wonderful explanation of this triad! I appreciate the aspect of understanding the actual debt and in essence, "adsorbing it into yourself" in forgiving someone, exactly as the ruler did with the indebted servant. Understanding that a few years ago utterly altered my approach to explaining forgiveness. The acknowledgement of the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation is absolutely needed. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, let alone, restoration. All three take time for us humans. And it might only be forgiveness that gets accomplished in this lifetime. However, with God all three take place, more or less, simultaneously, because he has fully understood the debt we owe and dealt with it through Jesus so that all of this can be extended to us to bring us back to himself. Again, thanks for all of this!
I had to do this New Year's Eve night. I had a friend who I was fairly close to for 8 years. She has broken so many promises to me and I have forgiven her but I had to let her go. It was (and sometimes still is) very painful.
I've had to do this with my son in law. Being able to trust again is imperative. I'm not at that point yet but I pray for God to continue to guide me. This is so helpful. God bless you Father Mike.
Thank you for this video. I am in a hurtful relationship. I have forgiven over and over and over. I also have given back trust over and over and over. But the person continues to abuse our relationship. I kept thinking Jesus wants me to “forgive” meaning let the hurt go and let the person free from any consequences, even saying no I don’t allow you to hurt me anymore. I feel like God is telling me it’s ok to say no I don’t allow you to hurt me anymore.
Thank you Padre Mike for feeding the sheep! I feel so blessed on this Mexican Mother’s Day that Jesus, through Nuestra Señora Virgen de Guadalupe in Mexico, gave us His Mother as well as Himself, and the Blessed Holy Family❤️💕❤️💐. Tender words!
I forgave...and then learned something that needed forgiveness all over again...then another aspect came up and this requires forgiveness all over again. I'm struggling with the deep hurt this has caused, the deceitfulness, but I do recognize the value for all in forgiveness. It really helped to hear you say that reconciliation can happen or it need not. Initially, I thought I could work toward that but now I realize I need to protect myself more than I need to reconcile. Thank you, Fr. Mike.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. I always thought forgiving someone meant that I caved, gave it, allowed the other person to "win". I found out through personal experience it is none of that. When I did forgive the two people who wronged me I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. I could breath better. I was an awesome moment. It took me a couple of years before I could forgive them but I have to thank the Readers Digest for that. They had a wonderful article about forgiveness and how to go about doing it, how it doesn't mean defeat. This happened in the mid 90's, when I had stopped going to church, but it was such a profound experience that I share it with people who are struggling like I did. Fast forward many years and I see a Facebook post with Fr. Mike's forgiveness video. I always share the video when I see someone struggling. Thank you!
@@goodone5590 You can forgive them but not let them off the hook for their wrong doing. I think when you get tired of carrying around the anger you will forgive them. That could take a month or several years. Step out of your comfort zone (I did) and forgive.
@@MinnowCreekGirl mam you are a more bigger person than i am, i used to be forgiving, but people take granted of it, sometimes you got to set your foot down, its angers me how they just wont take accountability as if its above them.
@@goodone5590 I hear you. I was the same way, still am to some degree. I always put my foot down when I turn and walk away from the people who wronged me, sadly I had to do that to some family members. Fr. Mikes video pretty much sums up the article I read years ago. I read that article until it made sense. I wish I had the article to give you. Someday this will all fall into place and you will be able to forgive. Enjoy your day.
Wow...I came across this randomly ..it definitely has made an impact on me...thank you Father for that simple yet thought provoking talk on forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration....its indeed very inspiring and empowering..
I'm struggling with this very thing right now but I never thought about it the way he just broke it down, like a process. I feel better about letting that relationship go now. Will we ever reconcile? I don't know. Maybe it's a fault of mine but I typically don't give people a second bite at the apple. I did see a path here based on what Father Mike said where I can be cordial with this person. Maybe that is as far as I want to take it anyway. The car analogy was great by the way. Thank you.
I have recently gone through an episode where my fiancé asked for forgiveness for wrong doing to me. I was never comfortable with the act of forgiveness by a human. So I searched the internet for possible examples and not finding anything that really suited my situation or supported what I thought is the best alternative. The video of Fr. Mike on what to do if someone does not accept the forgiveness request helped me tremendously. My response to my fiancé was: "I have no authority to offer you forgiveness. I am only human. I did not write and give you a rule book so that I can measure you against it to determine if you have sinned or not. What you have done was by your free will. The pain you caused will always be there in memory. If I were able to forgive you, I would absolve you from your wrong doing while I still personally have to manage the consequences of your behaviour. The best I can say is: If you are truly sorry for what you did, I want you to take responsibility for your actions and manage the consequences the same way I have to manage the consequences on the way forward. We can try and put the hurt behind us in due process. And if there is still hope for us to mend, to rebuild trust and respect, I am willing to do my part. " We are starting week three tomorrow.
Thank you so much! This really helped me out today. Sometimes it’s hard to know how special the sacrament of Reconciliation is! So it’s Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Restoration! The last part is my favorite 😁
what a thoughtful video! you've really highlighted some important distinctions. personally, i think many people often confuse forgiveness with reconciliation and this can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. in my opinion, sometimes it's healthier to forgive someone and keep your distance rather than trying to restore a relationship that might not be good for you. would love to hear what others think!
Thank youuu!! This was on my mind this week. Fr Mike you have clearly explained that it is OK to let go of certain individuals in your life but still forgiving them!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Fr. Mike! I was really hurt by my close friends just yesterday and was struggling so much because it was also on my birthday...but then your video pops up. It's so consoling to be reminded of how loving God is, how much of His grace we need though we don't deserve and how small our hearts are compared to His. I'm learning...daily, to forgive and hopefully grow in my ability to wisely reconcile with those who've hurt me, also learning from St. Theresé's model of humility (enduring others' offenses with love and forgiveness) in the ordinary. God bless you always!
So, you posted this a week ago. Today when I was getting into the car to play Day 12 of Bible in a year, Spotify wouldn't play. I couldn't get it to load. So I went to another podcast, THIS ONE and what a message, and right when I needed it. I just had an issue with a loved one and bam, God gives me this. God works through everything and knows what we need and when. It is actually "Bananas" to quote my favorite podcaster to realize how much he loves and cares for us.
These have been bothering for such a long time. Thank you Fr. Mike for explaining these processes. I don't have to be so hard on myself now that I understand.
Very insightful. I struggle to explain to my family, how I see forgiveness! In my view you must at all times forgive! Any Human will a 100% of the time take the best decision they can based on the knowledge, they have available, at the time they make their act. Seen in that perspektive I believe one have to seperate the individual and the deed, and by doing so making it a less complicated task to forgive 🤷♂️ Thank you for the inspiration😘
Thank you Fr.Mike for the wonderful explanation! Forgiveness, Reconciliation &Restoration May you keep on spreading the gospel of our Saviour Jesus Christ! May God continue to bless you
Dear De Schmitz I want to thank you very much from the bottom of my heart. Your video's have helped me alot with what's been laying very heavy on my heart.
Thank you, Father! This video is a godsend in this moment. 2 years ago one of my longest standing friends refused to come to my wedding after I asked him to be a groomsman, because he said I hadn't been a very good friend to him since I joined the Navy. He told me he wasn't coming while I was on deployment 2 months before the wedding. I told him "please come to my wedding, don't cross this line," but he still refused to come. Last night he tried to reconnect casually via text like nothing happened. I pray for him, I forgive him (even though he hasn't asked for it), I wish for reconciliation, and I don't want to hurt him like he did me, but I also am not ready to have him be as big a part of my life as he once was.
Another good video. Thank You. I know your not doing the Bible in a Year again but I have started it this year. Excited to get to it in the morning. Praying for you too Fr Mike
I was gang stalked and dilberately kept awake for 6 months where I when mad then went astray from God - My relationship with God has never been the same and I am always reading Hebrews 6 4 KJV BIBLE - I have been wounded I have done everything in my power to forgive I have said I forgive them to God over a thousand times - I don' t think I am exagerating. They cost me everything maybe even my salvation. I have remained broken for 7 years and not been restored since but I still feel the holy spirit but he keeps me at arms length.
I found this video after searching why pastors don’t understand no contact and insist on reconciliation. I’ve been no contact with parents and other family members 3 years. That was a necessary act due to failing health because of toxic family scapegoating abuse. Going on almost 4 years, I felt nudged by God to email my parents and tell them I love them, thanked them for all they’ve done for me, told them I have no ill will to them and last said I know it must be hard to accept I’ve left the family. I have no intentions of returning to the family. Please be careful who you tell your story to. Do what you need to do without guilt. Shalom.
This is so important, everyone should learn this. And knowing this keeps us safe from danger as well. At least that is my experience. Thank you so much for this video! ❤
Thank you for clarifying this. I have had someone that has continually hurt me and I'm in the spot where I have had enough. I will be friendly but I've lost my trust as you say .
A really helpful video! Thank you so much! It helps to have someone acknowledge that you can forgive but also sometimes need to protect yourself. I hope you will one day make a video about dealing with Narcisists. Thank you!!!
I really struggle with this. From the childhood bully who tormented me for years to the corporate bully who stabbed me in the back decades later, how do you make peace with that? Neither is in my life and I make every effort to never see either one again. I still carry that weight of the hurt, and I don’t know how to put it down. I hope to find peace with this.
Happened to me at church recently, i told a leader i just wanted to reconcile with this person, they made excuses for this person instead. When i tried going back i went from being at peace to being greived and depressed...
Please God, grant me the privilege of reconciliation in my broken relationship. I’ve apologized, I’ve done all of the hard work on myself, I’m back on the right track, the ball is in your court now and I need you desperately.
Father Mike, it never ceases to amaze me how your videos seem to have just the perfect timing. I know you said in mass last week that if we're not getting something that it's not necessarily bad, but I have to say that God has given you such a powerful yet gentle voice and I thank Him for causing the algorithms to bring your videos into my life. I've lost two of the closest friends I've ever had over the last two years, and was just this week considering initiating conversation with one of them. Suffice it to say, long story short, THANK YOU for all you do here and for the Virtual Front Pew, and as I continue my Journey to Rome know that you are an integral part of it.
i should probably note, that by 'lost' I don't mean that they died and by contact I'm not talking about seances...i reread my comment and realized there could be some potential confusion there.
I just get the "I" out of me. I give it all to Jesus. Because I don't know like initially when I would say " I forgive" the active voice in me would be like "who are you to forgive?" Detachment is important. Reconciliate with Jesus first, then, who he sees fit, he'll reconcile you with them. I guess surrender novena is really working on me. It's the best novena I've read so far.
This was so relevant for me, just what I needed, thank you dear Lord. Fr Mike, you are so helpful and clearly filled with the Holy Spirit (though I wish you didn't speak so fast!). God Bless Us All.
Great Response! Just want to point another important component of the initial steps of the reconciliation process is the act of repentance on the offender's part. Yes God does offer forgiveness through Jesus on the cross so that we may be reconciled with Him but with out repentance you will remain separated from God. (Acts 17:30, Acts 2:38, 2 Peter 3:9, Romans 2:4. . . )
One time a Priest told me "Loving someone doesn't always mean you have to like them." Changed my life.
I know! So true!!! 😀
Beautifully said 🙏
My Mom told me-Love many trust few, always paddle your own canoe, and I add on with God's help .
YES! Changed my life too. Some people are just not nice and are hurtful. God still loves them.
What Forgiveness has become for me is:
1. Recognition that I’ve been hurt
2. Letting the person know they’ve hurt me.
3. Deciding if I can carry on with the relationship. Once someone has shown me their true colors and it becomes clear that they will not, can not change, I have every right to stop contact with them or alter the amount of contact with them.
4. Each time the hurt of the person that has wronged me haunts me, I pray for them. I also pray for forgiveness of any wrong I’ve done towards anyone, ever.
Some people (like family members) I practice cordial contact with. I keep them at arms length, I’m kind, I’m cordial but I don’t keep close relations with them as I’m very aware of what they are capable of should I allow them back into my life on a closer level.
How does this work with a spouse and/adult children?
It really highlights just how difficult it is to, love & bless your enemies. It's so hard...I'm 'practicing'...lol...
But, if we really really think on Jesus asking and demonstrating this radical way of life....well I think some of us don't like thinking too much. The cost of this is so big..
How many actually pray for our enemies? Yikes!
What happens if that person is a family member
@@Alex-rl6ww @MrsS Many of us have family members we struggle to forgive but need to forgive. Wow, that's especially tough when it's a spouse or child (especially adult children). We must always aim to act with love (charity). Sometimes loving someone means to cut that relationship for some time or indefinitely because to continue the relationship is not good for you nor the other person repeatedly hurting you. (And love is willing goodness for the other. ) Sometimes justice means your perpetrator must face the fact that you're ending this relationshp for good. And justice is an act of love because it gives the person who did wrong the opportunity to learn and get better. We pray all acts of justice bear fruit.
Be careful with your last paragraph. For me seems like judgment. Who are we to judge??
While I initially thought that this came at the exact wrong time, as I'm in a process of hoping and trusting God to reconcile and restore a broken relationship, this came at just the right time. The exact, right time. His timing is perfect and he is so good.
The just same just happened to me now...this came exactly when I needed it 💛
Me too
Isn’t Gods timing amazing? 🤩🙏🏻
Me too
Ditto - this video and message came at the exact time I needed it. This has been a challenging week. I’m on the other end and had to ask for forgiveness. I hope one day that restoration of a friendship will come to fruition. In the meantime reconciliation for me and lots and lots of prayer. God is so so good! His mercy endures forever! Viva Christo Rey!
Here is a prayer to start the process of forgiveness: “Dear Lord, I know I need to forgive this person, but I don’t want to. Please help me.” Believe me, he WILL help!
Thank you, I needed to hear that. ❤
I can see why Jesus tells us to pray for others - It’s so hard to hold resentment towards someone while praying for them. Sometimes, like you, I need to pray to get in the right mindset to be able to pray for them. It really helps
What a simple yet powerful, direct and honest prayer. I love it.
Good one! I thought being Catholic meant I had to keep turning the other cheek and be a doormat. Always forgiving and getting walked on. This is the first time I heard about reconciliation and not exactly trusting another who has deeply offended until they earn it back.
I did as well until I was 44 years old. Then I heard a wonderful homily at mass that essentially sent the same message as what Fr. Mike is saying.
I was raised by a wonderful and loving mom. However, she demonstrated that we must turn the other cheek and continue allowing people to abuse us.
She finally did stand up after 30 years of marriage and divorce my abusive father. However, she left him but continued to encourage me to care for him and have a relationship with him as he was my father.
I did the best I could but at one point, I realized it was inappropriate for her to have removed herself from his abuse but encouraged her children to continue having a relationship with him. She was only human as we all are but her encouragement to maintain a relationship that was abusive was wrong and misguided.
So did I! It actually stopped me from evangelizing someone, because I didn't want to see him "turn the other cheek."
@@BlindFaith777 Something must happen during that decade because I’m learning all this in my 40’s too.
@@BlindFaith777 Funny you should say that about your mom because I’m in the same boat. How long does one stay in an abusive relationship and suffer for the sake of religion? Being Catholic often meant the lines for boundaries was blurred because we are supposed to be kind and forgiving. After a while, I realized that while we are to forgive, I don’t think God intends us to repeatedly suffer at the hand of someone else who doesn’t want to do their part. And what does it say about those who keep turning the other cheek and not standing up for themselves?
@Gangari TheWanderer True. Hard to deal with when the person who offends doesn’t want to repent but live life selfishly despite knowing they hurt people. Then it’s really painful.
Forgiveness is one of the hardest things someone can do.
Yes it is and it's also very healing once you forgive.
@Gabo H true
Not if love is involved.
*"Forgiveness is the fragrance that the Violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."*
- MARK TWAIN
Beautiful, I’ve never heard that.
@@BlindFaith777
Thanks for your beautiful Presence☆
Stay blessed as always☆☆☆☆☆
🥰
Wow, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing
@@docpyc
Just to say you are sincerely appreciated for your valuable presence☆
I pray my Mom sees this video and understands that I forgive my brother for what he did. I also forgive my siblings for not being supportive. This does not mean I have to be around those who have hurt me. Thank you so much for this video
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. May God shower you with blessings and help you and all those you love and care for heal. Even those who’ve failed you. May we always be led by our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. We humbly pray and wish all of this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
Wow I really needed to hear this. For so long I struggled because I wanted to forgive those who hurt me (family members) but I also felt guilty for wanting to stay away from them. I thought to forgive means I should be able to let go and just ignore the hurt they caused. Now I'm relieved to know that I don't have to keep trusting them if all they do is ruin that trust and take advantage of my kindness. I'll pray for them though, and for us to possibly have restoration in the future.
Same for me❤
I needed this. It’s the first time I’ve heard that forgiveness doesn’t get rid of the hurt and the pain. I’ve always felt like in order to forgive I needed to ignore the pain that others have caused me. I can forgive, but they no longer have my trust.
@Catherine O Forgiveness is purely based on the fact that we should forgive (70x7) and it’s not felling based. Trust or don’t trust forgiveness in not dependant of trust they are separate
It’s ok to forgive someone but not want to reconcile with them. Especially if they continue doing the wrong things to you over and over again. To me forgiveness is when you’re no longer concerned or feeling hatred toward that person. Letting go is part of forgiving.
I Agree
I have done as you said, and slowly let them back into my life. Only to have the same things happen again. I'm not mad...I forgive them completely. But unless I want to be hurt over and over...never being able to measure up, to what they expect of me. I have had to say enough. I'm sorry but you can no longer be a part of my life. I'm just done. There is so much more I would like to spill out, but talking to others about how I feel....about what has happened. Is not good to share. So I have slowly learned to let it go.
Jesus' restoration of us after we do confession is absolutely worthy of Fr. Mike's praise, but it is also very convicting. This whole video I was thinking about how tragic it is whenever you've injured a relationship to the point that restoration takes years and trust is severed. Then he hit me with what Jesus does for us every time we go to reconciliation. We are truly not worthy for Him to enter under our roof.
Don't be afraid, as Christ said to Peter! The very reason we are supposed to forgive is out of love (and because He forgives us,) which means we consider the other person worth forgiving - gifts are by definition undeserved yet we give them because we value the other person and consider him worth gifting! Though we certainly don't deserve God's forgiveness, He considers us worth forgiving and even reconciling with Him, so we are certainly valuable to Him! Our undeservingness and lack of merit shows how much we're loved!
"Always Forgive but Never, Ever Forget"
Thank you, Father Mike. I never tought about counting the debt first. Forgiveness rooted in justice, that's wise.
Thank you, Father Mike...been suffering with my past child abuse. Parents have twisted my reality ....God is the only way, He is so loving and wise, Jesus died for our Salvation,Jesus is King, Amen🤍🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
May God bless you and heal you and all who deal with similar circumstances, prayers out for all. I’m so sorry that all this unfortunate pain has occurred against you, there’s so much brokenness in the world and I pray for your healing and for all people’s healing and that we may all grow closer to Jesus Christ because He is the Only Way to Peace. We humbly pray and wish all of this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
@FollowerofChrist2002 thank you...for your kind words and prayers 🤍 May God bless you too
For me, forgiveness is not letting a wrong cause you to wish any harm to the person at all. Aside from that, leaving , letting go and walking away are all ok and Does not negate forgiving a person of their wrong. So, always wish the best, and be ok with any blessings a person gets who does you wrong, but feel free to remove them from your life and sometimes, you should.
Matthew Kelly: "...the more you love someone and the more that person hurts you, the harder it is to forgive."
"...it is my need to forgive not the others person's need to be forgiven."
Also, thanks Fr. Mike this video taught me I had reconciliation backwards.
Blessings from Colombia Fr. Mike 🇨🇴
Such an important topic.
I have really battled with this since I have an unloving and simply toxic mother. Yes, my Christian heart wants to forgive, but I also realise that I don’t have to necessarily reconcile and forget the pain and hurt this person (hard when it’s your own mother) has caused me.
Good and wise video from Fr. Mike. I've also found that a huge part of the process of reconciling is that the person who hurt or wronged you MUST be repenting as well. It is impossible to reconcile without repentance.
I just got done with an awful 2 year relationship she lied ,cheated , psychologically abused and used me. Father I have so much rage and hate in my heart how do I get over it.
Go to confession. Keep going to confession as often as it takes. I once was in situation where I went everyday for three days---the priest said maybe I should move. I told him, the Lord wanted me there and I wasn't leaving but it wasn't easy. The Lord eventually helped to work it out. Several months later the person I'd had the trouble with died--we were at peace with each other. God is good!
Love yourself
Sorry buddy
This where it gets tricky for me as well. You don’t have to forgive or forget this person, if you do they will abuse again. Maybe in time you will heal and forgiveness will come but don’t assume they have changed.
I’m so sorry for what you’ve gone through. The pain you felt was an injustice and I’m sorry that you went through that. May God bless you and prayers out for you all, especially for those you love and even those who hurt you. May we be always led by Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior even when times like this are tough and forgiveness is hard to give. May we follow Jesus’ teachings to the best of our abilities and trust that His Way is best because it truly is best. I pray for you friend. We humbly pray and wish all of this through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior’s Holy Name, Amen.
I see this at the most providential time possible. Thank you, my Lord.
This has come at the right time. I am finding it hard to forgive a situation and it constantly plays on my mind, even when it's been months now. It's hard not to think about it when they live right next door. I don't plan to talk to my neighbour, as that is my boundary - we do not need to be friends. I hope this is okay. I hope to one day reach forgiveness and not to be so angry about it, for my own wellbeing
@KAP_GIRL Oh no, it sounds like we're going through very similar things. I know I will never receive an apology from my neighbour as they think they're always right, so I feel like it's on me to try to move on which I'm finding hard to. I hope you can get the fresh start you deserve, with moving houses. I'd love to move but we just bought this house less than a year now, so I feel stuck. I love this house but not the situation. I will pray for you :) hope to hear back some day about hear how you are feeling.
@@LPLVOwhen my neighbor tries to bully i scare him with my voice cause its loud and i warn him, it works . you just got to stand up for oneself
I struggle with a core belief that forgiveness means forgetting and allowing the person back in and acting like nothing happened
Thank you Father very helpful
Thank you Fr. Mike for this message.This came right on time!! Forgiveness-Reconciliation-Restoration. I loved the reconciliation analogy with the car it helped me understand the concept a lot deeper. I will continue to pray for healing with my family. If Jesus can forgive me and trust me so openly. I have to extend the grace to others. God Bless and Peace be with you Father.
Just read this in my Holy Hour today! Thank you Fr. Mike for bringing more clarity and wisdom to the topic of forgiveness. It is truly one of the toughest things to do. I want Our Father to forgive me, so I keep trying.
Thanks for this. Excellent and wonderful explanation of this triad! I appreciate the aspect of understanding the actual debt and in essence, "adsorbing it into yourself" in forgiving someone, exactly as the ruler did with the indebted servant. Understanding that a few years ago utterly altered my approach to explaining forgiveness. The acknowledgement of the difference between forgiveness and reconciliation is absolutely needed. Forgiveness is not the same as reconciliation, let alone, restoration. All three take time for us humans. And it might only be forgiveness that gets accomplished in this lifetime. However, with God all three take place, more or less, simultaneously, because he has fully understood the debt we owe and dealt with it through Jesus so that all of this can be extended to us to bring us back to himself. Again, thanks for all of this!
I had to do this New Year's Eve night. I had a friend who I was fairly close to for 8 years. She has broken so many promises to me and I have forgiven her but I had to let her go. It was (and sometimes still is) very painful.
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Good stuff. Clearly goes beyond; "fool me once, shame on you, and fool me twice, shame on me" thinking. Thank you.
Father Mike ❤🙌
Thank you, Father Mike!
Fr. Mike, Thank you and God Bless!
I've had to do this with my son in law. Being able to trust again is imperative. I'm not at that point yet but I pray for God to continue to guide me. This is so helpful. God bless you Father Mike.
Thank you for this video. I am in a hurtful relationship. I have forgiven over and over and over. I also have given back trust over and over and over. But the person continues to abuse our relationship. I kept thinking Jesus wants me to “forgive” meaning let the hurt go and let the person free from any consequences, even saying no I don’t allow you to hurt me anymore. I feel like God is telling me it’s ok to say no I don’t allow you to hurt me anymore.
Me too
Thank you Padre Mike for feeding the sheep! I feel so blessed on this Mexican Mother’s Day that Jesus, through Nuestra Señora Virgen de Guadalupe in Mexico, gave us His Mother as well as Himself, and the Blessed Holy Family❤️💕❤️💐.
Tender words!
Wow! What a powerful message. I needed this.
I forgave...and then learned something that needed forgiveness all over again...then another aspect came up and this requires forgiveness all over again. I'm struggling with the deep hurt this has caused, the deceitfulness, but I do recognize the value for all in forgiveness. It really helped to hear you say that reconciliation can happen or it need not. Initially, I thought I could work toward that but now I realize I need to protect myself more than I need to reconcile. Thank you, Fr. Mike.
I'm getting it. Thank you, Father.
Thank you Fr Mike 🌟
Reconciliation heals the soul.
Watching this again on Day 18 of Lent 2024.
Forgiveness is a powerful tool. I always thought forgiving someone meant that I caved, gave it, allowed the other person to "win". I found out through personal experience it is none of that. When I did forgive the two people who wronged me I felt this weight lifted off my shoulders. I could breath better. I was an awesome moment. It took me a couple of years before I could forgive them but I have to thank the Readers Digest for that. They had a wonderful article about forgiveness and how to go about doing it, how it doesn't mean defeat. This happened in the mid 90's, when I had stopped going to church, but it was such a profound experience that I share it with people who are struggling like I did. Fast forward many years and I see a Facebook post with Fr. Mike's forgiveness video. I always share the video when I see someone struggling. Thank you!
I dont know man, when someone wrongs me i bite back, they hate it
@@goodone5590 You can forgive them but not let them off the hook for their wrong doing. I think when you get tired of carrying around the anger you will forgive them. That could take a month or several years.
Step out of your comfort zone (I did) and forgive.
@@MinnowCreekGirl mam you are a more bigger person than i am, i used to be forgiving, but people take granted of it, sometimes you got to set your foot down, its angers me how they just wont take accountability as if its above them.
@@goodone5590 I hear you. I was the same way, still am to some degree. I always put my foot down when I turn and walk away from the people who wronged me, sadly I had to do that to some family members.
Fr. Mikes video pretty much sums up the article I read years ago. I read that article until it made sense. I wish I had the article to give you. Someday this will all fall into place and you will be able to forgive. Enjoy your day.
Fr Mike thank you so much. God bless you.
Wow...I came across this randomly ..it definitely has made an impact on me...thank you Father for that simple yet thought provoking talk on forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration....its indeed very inspiring and empowering..
I'm struggling with this very thing right now but I never thought about it the way he just broke it down, like a process. I feel better about letting that relationship go now. Will we ever reconcile? I don't know. Maybe it's a fault of mine but I typically don't give people a second bite at the apple. I did see a path here based on what Father Mike said where I can be cordial with this person. Maybe that is as far as I want to take it anyway. The car analogy was great by the way. Thank you.
I have recently gone through an episode where my fiancé asked for forgiveness for wrong doing to me. I was never comfortable with the act of forgiveness by a human. So I searched the internet for possible examples and not finding anything that really suited my situation or supported what I thought is the best alternative. The video of Fr. Mike on what to do if someone does not accept the forgiveness request helped me tremendously. My response to my fiancé was: "I have no authority to offer you forgiveness. I am only human. I did not write and give you a rule book so that I can measure you against it to determine if you have sinned or not. What you have done was by your free will. The pain you caused will always be there in memory. If I were able to forgive you, I would absolve you from your wrong doing while I still personally have to manage the consequences of your behaviour. The best I can say is: If you are truly sorry for what you did, I want you to take responsibility for your actions and manage the consequences the same way I have to manage the consequences on the way forward. We can try and put the hurt behind us in due process. And if there is still hope for us to mend, to rebuild trust and respect, I am willing to do my part. " We are starting week three tomorrow.
Wow Father Mike,
I never looked at forgiveness that way!! This really helps!
Thank you!
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Wow! This should be taught in Catachism! Powerful!❤
I have been searching for an explanation, this covers it beautifully. Thank You.
Thank you.🙏🏼❤️
This has really blessed me at the right time. Thank you Lord for speaking through Father Mike to draw us closer to you.
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@@josephzammit8483 thank you for sharing this message
@@jesuslovesyou2024 You're welcome.
@@jesuslovesyou2024 You're welcome.
Thank you so much! This really helped me out today. Sometimes it’s hard to know how special the sacrament of Reconciliation is! So it’s Forgiveness, Reconciliation, and Restoration! The last part is my favorite 😁
what a thoughtful video! you've really highlighted some important distinctions. personally, i think many people often confuse forgiveness with reconciliation and this can lead to a lot of misunderstandings. in my opinion, sometimes it's healthier to forgive someone and keep your distance rather than trying to restore a relationship that might not be good for you. would love to hear what others think!
Thank youuu!! This was on my mind this week. Fr Mike you have clearly explained that it is OK to let go of certain individuals in your life but still forgiving them!
Thank you, thank you, thank you, Fr. Mike! I was really hurt by my close friends just yesterday and was struggling so much because it was also on my birthday...but then your video pops up. It's so consoling to be reminded of how loving God is, how much of His grace we need though we don't deserve and how small our hearts are compared to His. I'm learning...daily, to forgive and hopefully grow in my ability to wisely reconcile with those who've hurt me, also learning from St. Theresé's model of humility (enduring others' offenses with love and forgiveness) in the ordinary. God bless you always!
It’s so beautiful how much God loves and trusts us. It makes me comfortable. Thank you for this video! 🙏🏼
Reconciliation thru trust & forgiveness.
This is absolutely rich, Fr Mike! God bless you!!!
So, you posted this a week ago. Today when I was getting into the car to play Day 12 of Bible in a year, Spotify wouldn't play. I couldn't get it to load. So I went to another podcast, THIS ONE and what a message, and right when I needed it. I just had an issue with a loved one and bam, God gives me this. God works through everything and knows what we need and when. It is actually "Bananas" to quote my favorite podcaster to realize how much he loves and cares for us.
Oh my goodness, this was so beautiful. God bless you Father Mike! Greetings from St. Bernard’s Parish in CA!
Thank you, Fr Mike, ✌💕
Thanks!
Thanks for the reminder of what is forgiveness, Fr. Mike.
Thank you Fr. Mike for so clearly explaining the process of forgiveness, reconciliation and restoration. It was very affirming.
Thank you Father, your message has given me so much peace. Blessings 💙🙏
Bless you❤
These have been bothering for such a long time. Thank you Fr. Mike for explaining these processes. I don't have to be so hard on myself now that I understand.
Very insightful. I struggle to explain to my family, how I see forgiveness!
In my view you must at all times forgive!
Any Human will a 100% of the time take the best decision they can based on the knowledge, they have available, at the time they make their act.
Seen in that perspektive I believe one have to seperate the individual and the deed, and by doing so making it a less complicated task to forgive 🤷♂️
Thank you for the inspiration😘
Thank you Fr.Mike for the wonderful explanation! Forgiveness, Reconciliation &Restoration
May you keep on spreading the gospel of our Saviour Jesus Christ!
May God continue to bless you
Healing and wise words Brother Mike. 💖
Thank you father for sharing
Dear De Schmitz I want to thank you very much from the bottom of my heart.
Your video's have helped me alot with what's been laying very heavy on my heart.
Once again, blown away.
Thank you, Father! This video is a godsend in this moment. 2 years ago one of my longest standing friends refused to come to my wedding after I asked him to be a groomsman, because he said I hadn't been a very good friend to him since I joined the Navy. He told me he wasn't coming while I was on deployment 2 months before the wedding. I told him "please come to my wedding, don't cross this line," but he still refused to come. Last night he tried to reconnect casually via text like nothing happened. I pray for him, I forgive him (even though he hasn't asked for it), I wish for reconciliation, and I don't want to hurt him like he did me, but I also am not ready to have him be as big a part of my life as he once was.
Another good video. Thank You. I know your not doing the Bible in a Year again but I have started it this year. Excited to get to it in the morning. Praying for you too Fr Mike
I was gang stalked and dilberately kept awake for 6 months where I when mad then went astray from God - My relationship with God has never been the same and I am always reading Hebrews 6 4 KJV BIBLE - I have been wounded I have done everything in my power to forgive I have said I forgive them to God over a thousand times - I don' t think I am exagerating. They cost me everything maybe even my salvation. I have remained broken for 7 years and not been restored since but I still feel the holy spirit but he keeps me at arms length.
I found this video after searching why pastors don’t understand no contact and insist on reconciliation. I’ve been no contact with parents and other family members 3 years. That was a necessary act due to failing health because of toxic family scapegoating abuse.
Going on almost 4 years, I felt nudged by God to email my parents and tell them I love them, thanked them for all they’ve done for me, told them I have no ill will to them and last said I know it must be hard to accept I’ve left the family.
I have no intentions of returning to the family.
Please be careful who you tell your story to. Do what you need to do without guilt.
Shalom.
As always wonderful words of wisdom.
This is so important, everyone should learn this. And knowing this keeps us safe from danger as well. At least that is my experience. Thank you so much for this video! ❤
Thank you Fr. Mike!
Thank you for clarifying this :)
Thank you for clarifying this. I have had someone that has continually hurt me and I'm in the spot where I have had enough. I will be friendly but I've lost my trust as you say .
A really helpful video! Thank you so much! It helps to have someone acknowledge that you can forgive but also sometimes need to protect yourself. I hope you will one day make a video about dealing with Narcisists. Thank you!!!
gracias... padre
This helps me a lot. It brings clarity to what I am going through. Thank you Fr. Mike. Thank God.😘🙏
I really struggle with this. From the childhood bully who tormented me for years to the corporate bully who stabbed me in the back decades later, how do you make peace with that? Neither is in my life and I make every effort to never see either one again. I still carry that weight of the hurt, and I don’t know how to put it down. I hope to find peace with this.
Thank you! Huge source of confusion in my life. This video showed up in my feed at the perfect time. If I hurry I can make it to confession today.
Happened to me at church recently, i told a leader i just wanted to reconcile with this person, they made excuses for this person instead. When i tried going back i went from being at peace to being greived and depressed...
Please God, grant me the privilege of reconciliation in my broken relationship. I’ve apologized, I’ve done all of the hard work on myself, I’m back on the right track, the ball is in your court now and I need you desperately.
Father Mike, it never ceases to amaze me how your videos seem to have just the perfect timing. I know you said in mass last week that if we're not getting something that it's not necessarily bad, but I have to say that God has given you such a powerful yet gentle voice and I thank Him for causing the algorithms to bring your videos into my life. I've lost two of the closest friends I've ever had over the last two years, and was just this week considering initiating conversation with one of them. Suffice it to say, long story short, THANK YOU for all you do here and for the Virtual Front Pew, and as I continue my Journey to Rome know that you are an integral part of it.
i should probably note, that by 'lost' I don't mean that they died and by contact I'm not talking about seances...i reread my comment and realized there could be some potential confusion there.
I have listened to this a few times and I will listen again I find it difficult 😣 to forgive
Thank you Father Mike as always, learning to be a Catholic as people like myself we often misinterpret the word. This makes sense, God bless.
I definitely needed this. Thanks Father Mike
Thank you Father Mike. God Bless you! Looking forward a lot to the Catechism in a Year in 2023.
I just get the "I" out of me. I give it all to Jesus. Because I don't know like initially when I would say " I forgive" the active voice in me would be like "who are you to forgive?" Detachment is important. Reconciliate with Jesus first, then, who he sees fit, he'll reconcile you with them. I guess surrender novena is really working on me. It's the best novena I've read so far.
Love the surrender novena .....whatever it is that's worrying me I surrender it to Jesus while saying that novena .
When it comes to pain/ trauma you can be a mirror and reflect the same thing. Or a sponge that absorbs it and become bigger because of it
This was so relevant for me, just what I needed, thank you dear Lord. Fr Mike, you are so helpful and clearly filled with the Holy Spirit (though I wish you didn't speak so fast!). God Bless Us All.
Great Response! Just want to point another important component of the initial steps of the reconciliation process is the act of repentance on the offender's part. Yes God does offer forgiveness through Jesus on the cross so that we may be reconciled with Him but with out repentance you will remain separated from God. (Acts 17:30, Acts 2:38, 2 Peter 3:9, Romans 2:4. . . )
Gracias Padre! Muy claro y liberador! Gracias!