Covert Triangulation Manipulation in Relationships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 6 ก.ค. 2024
- #narcissism #codependency #lifecoach #micheleleenieves
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Michelle. you're a GOD,, your ability to articulate all this shit in a language that's creating so much clarity,,, ,I LOVE YOU,,, THANK YOU.
I love your style Michele.
@@wallacecogburn8274 she’s definitely not a god but I see what you’re saying. She’s really good at what she does.❤️🙏🏽👌🏽
CORRECT
That's my realization! Through personal efforts + Discipline but not without GOD'S All-seeing watchful EYE, I've waded through many many snares. It's time to Share how invincible Ppu can be, if only we can learn to be WHO n WHAT we are ie SOUL, the invisible and invincible Being of God. We NEED nothing more to be FREE from frailties and traps of these dual worlds. Just BE.
🙏🤣💥🙏
The scapegoat is the truth teller and often seen as a threat by the narc. The narc can be very jealous of the scapegoat. The narc usually has to shut the scapegoat down because they have been found out.
This
I am the scapegoat in my family. Because all of a sudden one day 3 years ago the narcissist (my sister) decided to cut me out of her life and doesn't want to have any regular contact with me anymore.... But at the same time she will not admit anything is wrong. She is doing massive covert manipulation... And honestly she is I believe truly jealous and feels better without me around at all. 😢
YEP!!!! 100%!!!!
This just happened to me
The scapegoat is the one who will speak out iv done this all my life,I always new something wasn't right by their reactions to the truth,I didn't no what narcissism was until lately,now iv cut my hole family out my life I don't need all this crazy making in my life anymore,
The pain comes when you suddenly realize they actually and purposely want to destroy you from the inside out For no good reason This leaves you only one choice If you still feel the need to live Move on Just like this beautiful coach did
It makes me understand why someone would at least think of matricide.
My mother is a horrible soul.
They actually don't want to destroy you but what they want to do is manipulate and control your emotions. They are so clueless about the damage they are causing to you because of their inability to empathize. This was something that was very important for me to understand so I could let go of the anger I was holding thinking they were trying to hurt me on purpose. The pain of hurting others comes from their coldness and entitlement that they justify in their head that they deserve to be all knowing and all powerful over everyone. They can't understand that they are hurting you because they don't view you as a living being, they view you as an object that allows them to gain narcissistic supply. They are incapable of having their own emotions so they must extract emotions from others so they can reflect as if those emotions are their own. When they are able to do that to others then that gives them a sense of self. The false self that they have created is a farce, concoction, a made up story they tell themselves. It's all a big lie so they can fend away the pain that is inside of them. The false self is God like, all knowing and all perfect, if you dare try to penetrate their false self you will see the mask fall and see the lost soul inside the dead dark empty eyes of nothingness. If they can't manipulate or control others they will get frustrated and go into rages of anger. They can't allow all the negative thoughts that are constantly going through their heads to penetrate into their false sense of self. If they can't find someone to manipulate they will have a narcissistic injury. This has taken me almost 3 years to fully understand. When I read most of the comments on these blogs I notice that many people have a lot of anger towards their narcissist and rightfully so, I use to be in that same boat. Once I came to terms that the narcissists that fooled me in the begging was not the true person I thought they were and I understood every aspect of NPD I was able to come full circle and understand they are fragile and broken little children on the inside. This allowed me to grieve the relationship and accept it for what it was. If you want to move forward in your life then you MUST understand that they will not and can not change. If you still hold onto the hopes that what you had in the beginning is going to come back then you will be filled with disappointment and resentment.
Amen. Proof we can eventually heal and move on. God bless and take care..
@@nickbargas7352 how did you let the anger go towards your narc? What was defining moment that led you to let go of all expectation that he/she would change?
Nick Bargas Yes, they do not empathize.
I was recently discarded by a covert narcissist friend who acknowledged this much in her email, “... I caused you pain, I left you in it, and I’m still doing so.”
I never had said to her she caused me pain. But she new it. Her words almost sounded as if she was proud of the pain she inflicted on me.
There was no explanation as to why.
They are well aware they cause you pain. Simple truth is They enjoy your pain. Our pain is their narcissistic “supply”. We
When you want to talk it out, they run away (discard) and they enjoy the thought of you leaving you in pain... That’s their triumph. They feel victorious, elated, powerful... that that were able to cause you pain for so long.
They don’t understand love, joy or happiness... They don’t like to see others happy. They are miserable, sad, broken inside. They want you to feel the same. Their goal is to destroy happiness, wherever they can... That is what gives them pleasure... That’s called supply to them
Thing is, those of us working on ourselves. we will heal. Our joy and happiness in life will eventually return. We’re a little wiser now. We are better equipped to spot those who enter our lives, that try to steal our joy...
Our pain is their pleasure.
Your pain is their supply.
Never forget that.
In my 30 year marriage, my spouse treated me as the scapegoat, and my daughter as the golden child. Now, several years after our divorce, I finally see clearly what he did to my daughters attitude towards me - we have been estranged for years. Narcs are pathetic souls.
With healthy friends, if they mention something about their other friends or friendships, there's no weird feelings. When narcissists or other toxic people talk about their other friends they seem to try to stir up insecurities or jealousy or other weird or negative feelings. So helpful to finalize realize this!
Yes..Narcs always make everything feel icky. You just know that there is an ulterior motive to everything..like even simple conversations feel like a door towards evil and beckoning you to step through into their evil world.
Yes! We all have to pay attention to how we are feeling. Narcissistic triangulation always leaves us feeling weird or icky.
Thank you 🙏
However, if someone is “nice” to me but abuses others and I choose the abusers company, I AM BETRAYING the abused one.
Yes, this is what my 17 year old daughter has just recently done to me, she has betrayed me. Even though she witnessed a lot of the disrespect and abuse I suffered from my narc husband, she has chosen to go with him, he has been manipulating her all her life. It’s sad.
@@launabanauna8958 Stand up for yourself. Your daughter probably feels physically safer with the father than you. Show her you can stand and protect her. God bless, take care..
So your making a bad choice and you know it. What that persons doing, will eventually be done to you. Run before its to late... take care
Launa Banauna I’m so sorry.
After 8 years of my son being manipulated by my narcopathic mother and siblings he’s beginning to come around.
It’s been so very difficult a trial but I’ve focused on my other children and my recovery and I hope and pray for the best but it’s on him.
My priorities are protecting my other children from any narc influences including possibly my eldest. Time will tell
Thank you very much!
I feel like the narc is always trying to trianglate me with other people .
My narcissist husband is doing the same for the past 18 years. I’m left with no family or friends.
@@1230aaish then get out. 18 yrs? Seek the Lord Jesus Christ, he'll help you. Your eventually gonna do things against your marriage vows if you haven't already. If so, repent and get out. God bless you take care..
@dinosaur rex huh? Look it up. She's explaining it from a NPD perspective. Take care..
@@1230aaish I'm sorry, he does not deserve your time. I hope you can find the trust and energy for living your life instead of living in his box. Bless you.
@ash M I understand what you mean.whats the point of having family and friends if you can't be yourself, you have forget that this has nothing to do with you it's not your fault but as long as you keep seeing yourself as a victim what I'm referring is in the eyes of the law yes your can be call victim, but you yourself are identify as that why your writing tells me that. What they took is your trust. You can gain that back by believing in yourself by moving on because you have value.
They want to bring you down. They get great satisfaction from this and laugh about it. It's so painful and pathetic.
Beware of those who step on you to raise themselves up
My narc wife was brainwashing and lying to our children that I was 100% the source of our marriage problems. After we got divorced and moved into 2 separate homes - the kids all noticed their mom's house was still chaotic, stressful, and full of conflict while my home was peaceful. It was day-vs-night. The kids now know that mom lied to them and has most of the problems while I'm the more stable one (I'm not perfect). A tale of two homes blows up the triangulation that can take place under one roof by the manipulative, lying narc.
Good that you are providing stability for your children This will help them throughout their lives- stability and maturity is what they experience with you in a consistent way. This will really help them know what it is like as adults when someone is not treating them properly and it will protect them.
Literally my ex, I could see it around me for the sake of others but sadly not in my own case.
The isolation they put upon you is unreel...
Covert abuse is so damaging as it becomes a YOUR voice in your head once that person is done.
Yes, that is a helpful description and sadly something else to berate oneself for.
Ok, my problem is, I am waking up to the fact that a few people in my family are triangulating, and the behavior of a few members of my family has me to the point of not wanting to be bothered with any of them. It makes me feel like I’m going crazy. My whole life, I have felt like something is “off” and like there is something other people know that I don’t know. It’s just really weird.
Triangulation is the worst! 😔 Knowing they are intentions are cruel Thank you for your help ❤️
Most of the time focusing on my own life feels so dangerous, because it's what made me the target for contempt and triangulation growing up and with my ex. I think triangulation is often used to make you feel like an outsider to others, so that they can reel you in when they want control. When I started to enjoy myself in my family either my dad would critisize me or my mom would get silent. When I started to have fun at a party my ex would start pouting and we would have to leave. I was safer and less of a target if I stayed small and quiet.
Goldie H.
Sad but True
safer with who - only with narcs. Do not sacrifice yourself for stupid narcs. LEave them for themselves and find normal pp who will appreciate you. Life is about living not avoiding abuse.
Goldie i I agree . I try be invisible so I'm not target . I'm on noone sides . I try just unresponsive .
Yes, exactly right, my family has said “you’ve changed” lately simply because I do not stay quiet now that I’m an adult (and been one for over a decade) they don’t like it
@@annparker4903 The old "you've changed" ploy to bring you back to compliance. My parents also liked to use the "we don't like the type of person you are becoming" tactic. Now, I wish I had thought of responding with " well, I like the person I'm becoming"
Focus on the relationships you have and let go the people who have decided to go behind your back, grieving is painful but it ends .
Your videos are so helpful. Thank you! I had a covert narcissist friend of 14 years. Along with her comments off and on, that belittled me, and acting as if she was being supportive... she made it sound like constructive criticism. She was friends with another person, whom she held in high regard. (We had never met). This video just made me understand, my ex-friend was triangulating us, and devaluing me at the same time. (Idk, was this she wanting me to be jealous? 🤷♀️, Idk it just made me feel looked down on by her ). Then the discard came, after 6 months of the devaluation stage... . I told her I was upset and wanted to talk out our differences. (not understanding she’s a covert narcissist)
I got a reply email from 2days later, after I expressed I was upset, and wanted to talk.
She replied, “After very deep reflection for the last two days, I’ve come to the conclusion I cannot give to you, the commitment that a friendship requires.”
😳 I was stunned. After 14 years of being a close friends, she now decides to tell me she cannot commit to being my friend?!?
Wow... that was an eye opener. I’m still sad about it, sometimes angry about it..and that was crazy making! I’m grieving the loss, of someone who I thought honestly cared about me, whom was very dear to me. I guess, in a weird way, she finally admitted she wasn’t ever my friend. I’m just thankful for knowing the truth. Thanks again, for these helpful videos.
This is what i been dealing with for several years now. Such a deep vid.
It's been my whole life. I just started learning about it a few years ago long after the damage has been done.
My family destroyed my life.
Same....smh had in idea esp with family
I luv what Michelle says
Shifting your focus
Off of the narc
And onto yourself
What do YOU want?
If you want to dance 💃
dance
Do what makes you happy
Shine and the world shines with you
Dim and the world dims with you
Awesome advice
Holliroll
Cheers
I feel the best way to deal with covert triangulation is to stop providing the narcissist with any information about yourself and the third party. So when they give those "baited questions", don't fall for them and don't reveal too much of what's going on in your life. Even the smallest things tend to get twisted and thrown back in your face at some point later. This way you cut their gossip material real short, forcing them to find other people to bash about.
Thanks
My narc mom did this with my golden child older sister. They brutally physically abused me and gaslighted me about it. I nearly did not survive. Now I live across the Atlantic from them. But the memories and the pain will never fully dissipate. I'll always carry some part of that with me, no matter how much therapy I do. I have to be okay with that.
You've described what I've seen perfectly!...The only difference is that it was my older sister who was the one triangulating. Our mom was and is ,sadly, very easily manipulated. She just sees it as her job to "love all of her children", which is not a bad thing in itself, but couple it with denial and the inabililty for her to see when SHE was being triangulated has been very difficult ...and my sister is "expertly" covert. It took me years to believe what I had been seeing and not recognizing for most of my life.
I could listen to this chick’s calming, soothing voice all day.
Gotta love that chick🤗
And she’s HOTTTT!
Yeh, it’s refreshing to see a very feminine lady, yet, as gentle as she is, she has lots of self confidence.
Not to be an ass but
The golden rule is to remember this always
No matter how hot she is
Someone somewhere is sick of her shit
Yes, “chick”, Michele.
Thank you kindly for changing my life for the best!
i told my mom's gc that he always sides with her and he gaslighted me. my dad told his gc i went no contact and she tried to guilt trip me and wouldn't even listen to my side. the triangulation, lies, and manipulation are so bad in my family i cannot have a relationship with anyone in my immediate or extended family including my nieces and nephews. i need to have a relationship with my siblings in order to have a relationship with them.
Before I even watch the video it hit home. My husband flirted slightly but obviously with my "friend" in front of me and of course he denied everything and I was the crazy-suspicious one again. He would say hi to her in the street when my son was with him outside and he would even deny the kid and say that he didn't say hi to her but to her son which was a lie and my son had no reason to tell me differently from the reality and is very observing. He sent friend request to an ex friend while I told him previously to block her and of course he denies it again and was giving me bullshit excuses that he might have pressed the button accidentally while he was trying to block her. Note that he's an expert in computers so that could be impossible such a silly "mistake".
One of the favorite tricks of the Narc!
@@BBB-rd2qi 😢
Yes. I see this clearly. It’s good to have all these months to step away and breathe.
Everything you're saying is so true! I have watched so many of your videos to get over dealing with the narcissist in my life and you've always guided and directed in such a way that made it so much easier to deal with! I have no way to repay you other than praise and recommendations to others watching your videos. Blessings!
I have an aunt that is a covert narcissist. She used to always put me down because I was not blonde like my other cousins and like her self. She would literally say in front of people when I was little that I was barely her niece. She was ashamed of me..
wow... brilliant explanation... never before heard the term but you are describing my mother and i am the scapegoat child while my brother is golden... damage irrepairable... ashamed to say that I have also triangulated a partner in the way you describe with intent to hurt... thus I can see that I was once a victim as a child but became a perpetrator as a woman... I am working hard to get out of the cycle as it has caused so much harm to me and so many close to me... so far as the hurt little girl inside me, caring for her is really difficult but I am willing to learn... never knew there was an actual terminology but now I know it's called triangulation and yes it is a wicked tool which can devastate the victim. Sincere thanks to you, Michelle.
Triangulation makes me want to give up on them. Works to their detriment. Don’t let it worry me too much. I think she thinks triangulation will make me try harder, treat her like a princess, spend money on her.
No thanks, she showed me her true self. Not to be trusted.
Run away, no contact. Run quick. There are high-quality women out there. Do not settle.
Omg, that's why my husband says he's fond of every one,
He is fond of every one, even people that have deliberately hurt me,
🤔😷😊
Describes my life with our kids, I believe my wifes mom was one because she treated her kids the same way as my wife does with ours, very sad!
My mother did this as well . Me & my sister is not close at all. Her & my mother want to use me. I so done with them.
A mother doing that, doesn't give your wife in excuse. I used to make the same justification for my boyfriend
And yes, he has done the third scenario as well. His family seem almost like scared of me for no apparent reason and they don't contact me and if I contact them they are so typical and short spoken. Who knows what lies he has told them about me.. 😢
The other time I was trying to express my problems to his mother and she was only repeating "but I believe my son".. 😐🤷♀️
My Covert Narc Fiancé would do that with any one from an attractive waitress to a neighbor to a complete stranger standing near us.. I had no idea that's what was going on .. Until a few months ago. It feels like a stab in the gut! When you call them out on it .. Omg ! Your Petty or Lack self esteem!! Its Never validated either.. Denied every time ! Sad ..
First!! I love your videos! I appreciate you sharing such intimate parts of your life and being raw and real! You are such an amazing woman! Thank you from the bottome of my heart! ❤️❤️❤️💕💕💕💋💋🇨🇦🇨🇦🇨🇦😘😘😘
Thank you for this advice, Michelle. Yes, there is grieving. A lot of grieving.
It’s so cruel when they do this to us ‼️
My mother's lust for my harm at all costs is her way to harmony
please remember that narcissist is a clinical term for a personality disorder. a lot of neurotypical people have the dark triad trait of manipulation, and it's not necessarily a narcissist who is abusing you.
Gotcha
Actually, there is a debate in the mental health community about whether or not to even keep it in the DSM as a personality disorder but rather a personality or character style.
I know mine was a narc abusing me.
Covert triangulation is also overt and can be done with more than triangulation. Try a double triangulation and triple triangulating is a piece of cake by a toxic middle person. All done by 1 person who has practiced very well.
Write more about this please
Yes, I agree. I would like to know more how this is done.
What's it?
I am curious too. 😊
Patrice Halterman Idk, That didn’t really sense to me. But I can only guess, that you had an experience that it makes sense to you. 🤷♀️ Hopefully you’re out of the confusing situation now.
Thank you for this video! 💛
Thank you for your videos!
Thank you for this knowledge! Thank you for presenting it the way you did! You are changing lives! I am saving my own life. I am an ACOA codependent empathic people pleaser!! I need deep healing so bad❤️❤️❤️❤️
Thank you for those insightful lessons & solutions; letting go.
Sharp as a rack and spot on! Thanks Michelle
Great explanations Michele. VERY eye opening as usual.
You're amazing Michele, thank you sooooooo much for your videos!
Everything you said is Spot on. Thank you Michele❤
You are amazing and awesome as a teacher. Keep up the great work!😇. Thanks Again
I just subscribed because of this deep and simple advice, THANK You
Thanks for the video Michele.
You have described my family dynamic to a tee. All I ever wanted was a healthy, loving family and this narcissist has destroyed my dreams and happiness. As the wife, he has estranged me from my children with this for of manipulation which he continues for now 30 years. All for his own enjoyment...... to create pain.
I've always wanted a sibling, but now I think being an only child is a blessing in disguise.
Dear Michele, I follow your channel and find it extermly useful and it helps me a lot dealing with narc father and enabling mother, or better said with all the guilt and shame for going no conatct with them and healing myself. I just want to thank u for your work and tell u that u are not just breathtakingly beautiful but super smart and clever, it gives me so much hope, that coming out of abuse makes it possible for us, to glow and bloom as we deserve :) with Love Timi from Hungary
My own SIBLING can't even look at me man to man, face to face bc our "NOT'her" has spent DECADES convincing others that im the problem child of whom her elderly old ass did her best for.
My son made me the scape goat for years. He said he needs a break from me and hus siblings after doing so much damage to us. Because he can not have me confront him.
My covert narc accused me of "emotional abuse" after me responding to her bullying and controlling. It happened to be her hypersensitivity topic. She then triangulated with a series of counselors, the pastor who married us, and her parents to make me out as the abuser. I'm almost content with her believing that in order for her to not be in the picture. Soo sad and confusing. Praying for her to change but it will be a miracle.
A miracle, yea sort of...😮
DEVINE INTERVENTION is more LIKELY & for that miracle to occur requires the Narcopathetic individual to pursue it ALSO. It took me 13 months to come to this understanding.😢
Thank you!
Reactive abuse.
Hey Michele, Thank you again for u content! My family court circumstances were beyond what I could possibly comprehend! And I just want to show you appreciate for ur content!
Btw Michele, I only just saw ur advert re “life coaching” if you want my email address let me know, because I think you’d get me and my circumstances
My mother didn't invite me to any family functions once I got divorced but my ex and his new wife were in all the family pictures ...holidays, birthdays...smh
Men, do not hesitate for one moment to put a restraining order against your female partner if you feel your safety and health is in jeopardy. Placing a permanent restraining order on my female partner was absolutely the wisest protective move of my adult lifetime. My only regret is not doing it years earlier. Be safe.
My mom likes to tell me how my cousins are so concerned about me, even mentioning Facebook and how I didn't respond back to my cousin's. I called her out and said they reached out once and I actually did respond back and asked her what they specifically said. She said they just were saying that they wanted to know how I was doing and quickly changed the subject.
She'll also tell me how important family is, but always is putting them down by talking about how concerned they are about my cousins, or about how one hurt their feelings. Those are their main tactics of triangulation, concern trolling and people hurting their feelings.
Where there are narcissists we are under manipulation and they make us work by having to defending ourself.
@@peaceofmindofpeace1650 Yep, I find myself constantly defending myself in my head out of habit.
I had to walk away. Narc sibling triangulated abusively with my children and grands plus great grand. This was done to hurt by older sibling. It took awhile to get it. I had to walk away and let that narc have them. I could not go through anymore. Healed. Let it go. Been a scape goat all my life. Narc triangulated as many as possible. I quit. Grieved for sometime. But feel strong now. I survived it.
Have been dealing with this for years with manipulative adult stepdaughters and sister in laws. 🙄
My ex wife has triangulated our only kid to hate me. The kid hasn’t spoken to me in more than four years, and I am being ghosted by my ex wife so 100% of the kid’s (she is now an adult) thoughts are controlled by her mother (they live in the same household). This is all being done to hurt me and, now more than FIVE years after the divorce. My ex wife lied to me, lied to the kid, lied to her brother, her parents, our friends, her lawyer, and anyone else who would listen. The kid has also cut off her cousins, her aunt and uncle, and everyone else on my side of the family. Only a pathological narcissist would do this. There is a LOT more that I could write here.
Sounds exactly like my ex wife
Wow. You nailed it on the triangle
Sometimes it's best to go no contact, and cut off all forms of contact with this individual, which won't be easy but it's possible to break free from Narcissistic individuals.
HOLY WOW!! You fabulously described😮 my mother😮 !!!!!!! She probably helped write😂 the book on his type of parenting. her oldest daughter is the golden and just like her.
🎯same experience!
Enjoyed watching!
Michelle, I watch your videos all the time. You have helped me tremendously! Thank you. I remember when you told your story of your life and leaving and all the hard knocks you had, time after time. Women need to hear more of this. I could relate to every single thing you said. I cried listening to you. Thank you for what you do. Xoxo
Some of this advice is easier said than done.
Awesome breakdown 👍
My ex mother in law did this all the time in her family. She was always the informer on all other family members. So no need to talk to them personally. 🙄 also after I divorced my ex Narc, his family just act like I and my kids never existed after 27 years. OMG. Michelle you spelled out the family dynamic of my ex. I now understand why they forgot about us.
Love your neighbor as yourself is it seems a difficult thing for some people to understand and practice until it is done to them by a person who is as sick and immature and selfish as they are and of cause they still don’t change!!!!!!! Empathy is no relative of theirs!!!!!!! I love the way you exposed this dynamic Michele so well done 👍 thank you so very much!!!!!!!!
Thank you so much for this. I was trying to think of a Bible verse for my mom because I think there is still hope for her. I’m going to try to appeal to her empathy if there is anything left. If not then I am done with the relationship. But if there is, then saying, “Love you neighbor as yourself” is the best idea. Thank you for reminding me of this verse.
I am a Christian. You need to make sure that you actually do love yourself also. As a scapegoat I had a lot of self loathing. We need to let go of that so we can truly love our neighbours as ourself. That verse was written with the assumption that most people already love themselves to a healthy degree. Some of us loathe ourselves through abuse and the Narcissistic bullying and the hateful self talk it gives us. Make sure you love yourself as you are made in God's image too! Amen!
I was well into my 30s when I saw that mother of mine do this right before my eyes with another sibling. That sibling had told her he was going to help me with a particular item (costly but needful) for a house I had recently bought. She confidentially told me about it and seemed very excited. But about an hour later when I was defending her in an argument that was started by another sibling who had just returned home (years later I realized the second sibling was angry because he found out our mother had been speaking ill about me to neighbours), as she and I reached the door of the room where the first sibling was, she suddenly said with meaning, "That is why sometimes people do not help others!" - words that had nothing to do with what was being said at the moment or even at all and I immediately realised she was trying to create a negative impression in the mind of the first sibling, and would no doubt have told him a lie as to the cause of the argument, all in an effort to dissuade him from giving me his substantial gift. He did give me the gift because I believe he knew her motives more than I ever did. This would have been her conduct during all my life but that occasion was the time when I saw the magnitude of her triangulation and manipulation.
Thank you. Your video made clear for me that the person, my older sister, who tells me intimate details about her daughters life, is probably doing the same with her daughter against me...For some reason, the daughter says I betrayed her and she wants nothing to do with me.
Wow, your giving such advise when you say,
learn from what is done to you,
and change how you react towards the criticism
Amazing video thank you. I’ve been a scapegoat since age 3. Realized at 33.
Healthy women here. She knows that there is no easy way to the truth. Some suffering is to be expected. Then freedom and understanding comes. Bigger question: why do people expect everything, including life’s answer to important riddles, to show up so easily?
Why do we have to deal with these toxic people? Imagine if they go extinc and we live in peaceful world.
My partner ignores me and focus on his adult children from time to time, drop the relationship and put them on a pedestal to make me feel this way. When I explained to hom this situation he do not even validate my feelings 😒 and keeps doing it, until something happens and he plays victimary about his behavior.
It is such a sick, twisted, demented way of living. So sad.
I have been living this way for 57 years
And she is so right-- it has gotten so much more painful as we have gotten older
My brother is her GC snd I am the scapegoat 😞
OH my God!! My mother does this to me with my siblings.
You are great
It's really hard to just let it go. Not only did he triangulate me from a friend, but he sought out and got together with a horrible unattractive woman with money who launched a vicious but unsuccessful smear campaign against me about a year ago. Why? Why her? They are both my neighbors. I want to grieve and get over it but it has already been like eight months since I was even with him. I recently found out (had verification) about the two of them. It just doesn't seem to be getting any better for me and I can't fathom why he's with someone gross. Right now they think it's a secret, but it's pretty hard to keep secrets around here so maybe they're just trying to make it appear that it's a secret. I knew he wasn't the one, but I was thrilled to be with him for the time I was and unbelievable me, I didn't have a clue he was a narcissist. My parents were both NPD, covert and overt, so there I go again, being attracted to another one. From what I've seen, he's vulnerable borderline covert. This has destroyed most of my year. I want my obsession to end!
Thank you
What about triangulation at work? Curious if you have any examples. I'm recognizing a lot of abuse at my new job.
So true Michele
What if the other person they involve in triangulation is also a narcissist?
Yeahhh omg what then?
His dad
Yes or even more than two. There are so many of these manipulators.
The narcissists peergroup.
Peace of mind of peace a lot of doctors or assistant to doctors are actually narcs and real psychopaths
if it’s partner they get weirdly territorial like I was in a situation where I was at my narcs narc friends house I felt like I was gonna be punished just being there in the same room as other narc because my ex wanted to go home and I wanted to just stay longer and longer because I knew I was gonna be punished when we got home 😓 and he did punish me by almost raping me but they play mind games with each other ? Or try to but they covertly just fight with each other over control of the victim
perfect michele
My mom and sister are covert manipulators. They fought all the time. Then tried to suck me into it. I finailly refused to get involved. Both are depressed.
My sister abuses me, belittles it, or blames my mom. She wanted me to gang up on her with anger. I refused.
I tried to get them want better and get help for the depression. They won't. I stood up to my sister who abused me and then I became the villain.
Backed away and will be staying distant. She has since been influencing me niece against me.
Thank you, my mother in law is a malignant narcissist. My husband is the escape goat child. He broke ties with her.
Parental Alienation is the Hallmark of narcissists.
I agree with most of that, BUT when I go dance with someone else or try to do something that makes me happy, they attack me. So I'm trapped, terrified to even move.
Thank you!! Well put together.
I was hoping to hear about triangulation in a community setting, say in a school setting with teachers, staff, principal... Or a Dr.s Office, dentist...etc.
I'm pretty traumatized and I'm sure its nothing compared to what deceptively imprisoned daughter is big through. My God!
I'm literally at the precipice of extinction!
I've endured two failed pregnancies at high peak attack times. I was dx with arthritis in my neck, & sciatica, the 1st pregnancy.
The 2nd one was really bad.😥I had already started nesting.
6 mos later attacked again and what's said to be hereditary but when looking at the last 3 generations finding none....My entire body was riddled with psoriatic arthritis!
And.... I can no longer eat anything I want to and my duet consists of primarily salad due to anything else blocking for 3+ days at a time & or being fetal position on a floor in agony. (Feels kinda like labor contractions).
Its been pretty insidious & incomprehensible to any other person not having any exposure or expertise and it's been long-standing (obviously) & aggressive for 9 years!!!
I am absolutely the healthier protective parent and with the corrupt judicial system opening up an arsenal to weapons of mass destruction at deceptions hand as well as multiple absurd sanctions....it's been a tormenting & torturous 90+ days now since I've even spoken to my Lil girl let alone since I've laid eyes on her.
Disgusted because we did everything according to a said process that brought NO resolution! Only more Trauma & left me & daughter abandoned.
My daughter was a colic baby and at 8 she was still attached to me at the hip. With Covid, we hadn't been away from one another in over 400+ days yet hearsay lies severs us and supports erasing ME?!?!
I'm definitely suffering....
I was being triangulated with my sister from our mother. I gave up on both of them
Michele, I know you touched on the reasons for triangulating but wonder if you could elaborate on this part of it. Perhaps you have already done so. I find you approach and presentation to be refreshing and enlightening among all of the many informative sites we can choose from. The practices used by manipulators seem so evil and even with all I know and have experienced, I have a hard time understanding this. I’ve studied narcissistic relationships and dynamics for several years and though I consider myself very aware and knowledgeable on the subject, I still have a hard time grasping that people must do these things to survive. I continue in counseling and address these issues but sometimes become discouraged and thinking will never heal from the abuse and continued abuse.
Perfect example of the malignant parent using the baited question to gain info on adult child A to use with Adult child B and drive a wedge bt the children. This and breaking confidentiality, sharing negative information and comparing, has destroyed our adult sibling relationships. When I understood what had been done to us, I tried to share this with the other siblings and there is no realization. Actually realized that my male sibling has adapted triangulation tactics in order to shut me out. I finally released this and there was a grief process that really surprised me. I’m can’t say that I am not still bothered and/or triggered but I do understand that continue to change it is a waste of time. The recollection of what can never be will always hurt.
Re the romantic example, I agree that the plutonic person is not aware. Yes, the N cleverly inserts their charming side and effectively creates that wall, shutting you out, effectively ignoring you, diminishing you. It’s hard to watch this process take place and know the plutonic individual is essentially being used. It’s good to realize that if you object, you will be seen as the bad guy.
You will be seen as a dead PERSON in the morning paper for stupidity
And she will too for being with you
thank you
Thanks Michelle you are a great hope for me and life coach ❤️ I know this scenario very true but sad ....diff note how do u feel about partners having locks on phones while engaged?
My narcissist triangulated me with his own sister!! She was the little one (32years old) worth being protected. And I was treated like rubbish...
Truth! My mother always asks questions to get information. She would stir the pot between me and my brother. About 8 years ago I told her something, I barely remember what it was, but I remember I told her not to tell my brother (who is the golden child). Not even 10 minutes later, she told him and he called me telling he was upset at me for saying that. I had to apologize months later so we could be on speaking terms again. I don't tell her anything anymore. If she asks questions I give her either generic or positive answers. My brother and I work things out much more smoothly now without her involvement.
Or they'll try to be sneaky and squirm out of accountability somehow. I can forgive Ted Bundy, but he has to stop trying to kill me first. That's the issue, they recognize and they choose to continue in the sinister behavior. Its all spiritual in my opinion. Who is smart enough to keep track of all that manipulation and lies? The ones pulling their puppet strings. I would drive away without my car keys if it was possible.
Sounds like my narc father inlaw
He is part of my marriage ending
My husband had bpd with autism .
Picked up his dads traits